Doug Loves Movies - Sean Cullen, Graham Elwood, and Christa Martin Guest
Episode Date: May 29, 2012Live from Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville, TN, Doug welcomes comedians Sean Cullen and Graham Elwood and audience winner Christa Martin....See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and ...California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid popper kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody, my name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies, Good News, Bad News Edition. The bad news, the ep we taped last Monday was intended
to be a premium ep that would plop next week, but there was a computer crash during the taping,
so the first 20 minutes or so got lost. I blame one of my guests, Sean Cullen, for being cursed.
He is a cursed man, because he was a guest in the last show that we lost up in Toronto last September.
He is bad news, that guy.
Hilarious bad news.
But the good news is that this is now a free ep.
With a recap at the top by me that will last about 6-8 minutes.
Marc Maron style. Also,
the crowd wasn't mic'd to my, as much as I would like it to be, because it was a great crowd and they were on fire, and so keep that in mind while you're listening to it. We're
trying to fix the audio to get them louder and more like how they really were on the day, because it
was a really great crowd. I'm complaining, so you don't have to. So, I started the show,
my name's Doug, blah, blah, blah, from Zany's Comedy Club in Nashville, Tennessee, on Monday,
May 28th, to Ocean 12, Memorial Day observed, thank you to everyone who paid to be here.
Since last I spoke, you listened.
I saw Men in Black 3,
or as I like to call it,
M-I-B-3-No-D-Ghost Protocol.
More on that later.
Now it's time for Tweet Relief,
tweets about movies.
At JP underscore Aaron, A-A-R-O-N tweeted,
Prometheus might be the greatest prequel since Super High Me.
Big laughs, big laughs.
Good job, JP.
Underscore Aaron.
This has been Tweet Relief, tweets about movies featuring me.
Are any of you guys going to Bonnaroo this year?
Look for my very special movie interruptions in the Cinema Tent
on Thursday and Friday at 420 with awesome guests
that you can figure out who might be there
by just looking at which comedians and musicians and filmmakers
are at the festival that I might know.
All of them have been on my podcast before.
I think. Now it's time have been on my podcast before. I think.
Now it's time for Watch This, Not That.
And in this particular edition,
I asked two women in the crowd to each name a movie.
The first one said Pulp Fiction.
The second one said Gone with the Wind.
I said I don't give a damn about Gone with the Wind.
I've never even seen it.
And so then I said,
Watch Pulp Fiction, Not Gone with the Wind. This has never even seen it. And so then I said, watch Pulp Fiction, Not Gone with the Wind.
This has been Watch This, Not That.
Then I dug into the prize bag. There's lots of fun stuff in there.
A pig with a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey on it from Sean.
One of his books. One of his several young adult books that sound very fun
if you're into books that are for people that are younger than you.
Some Skittles were in there
from the green room at Zany's
because they always have nice candy in the green room there.
Appreciate that.
A Doug Loves Movies t-shirt
which are always available at DougLovesMovies.com
and at ASTRecords.com
and Graham Elwood's
stuff. A Palm Strike shirt
and a Palm Strike Dance Party CD
that you can get at ComedyFilmNerds.com.
Krista, who was the audience winner, was the third person to be introduced on stage that day,
Sean, Colin, Graham Elwood, and Krista Martin.
And she told us that she drove from Florence, Alabama about two and a half hours away.
So she did that drive with her husband twice, there and back.
And she also told us that she works at the Helen Keller Hospital in marketing.
She actually brought some stuff from there,
like a tote bag and some keep-a-breast lanyards and bracelets.
I assume that was some sort of charity event.
And a fish sticker. Fish is also always a charity event.
Very popular.
And, yeah.
Oh, and she brought a Walking Dead 3 comic book.
Hardcover comic.
Still in the plastic wrap.
So that was a cool thing for her to bring.
And she was a great guest and we had a lot of fun with her
working at the Helen Keller Hospital
as you can imagine
that she was working in marketing
I asked her if she listens to podcasts at work
and she admitted that she did
and then somehow that became
I'm glad she's not a surgeon
and then jokes about her doing surgery
at her desk while listening to podcasts.
So it's definitely had to be there
but it also will help you
in understanding some of the references
later in the show.
We talked about Graham's book
that's coming out soon.
We talked about Men in Black 3
about how we all thought
that it played a little fast and loose
with the rules,
depending on the circumstances.
I said it felt like they were writing the movie as they were making it,
which I think I heard something about that in the press,
so it's not that an astute observation,
but I still feel that that's the result.
You know, it's got fun parts.
We mentioned that Will Smith hadn't been in a movie since Seven Pounds,
which seems crazy. That was like four years ago. And there were several references to
Bryce in the balcony, because he was a dude that took his shirt off the day before on
stage and freaked everybody out with his crazy man boobs, and we made fun of him on this particular day
because he was sitting in the balcony wearing a hat
that made him look like a newsie.
At the part where I say, does anyone hunger for games,
I actually said, does anyone patriot for games,
because that was suggested by Slabbery on Twitter,
and I gave it a try, but I'm going to go back to Hunger for
Games in the next episode for sure. And then I explained how ABCD's Nuts works to Graham and
Krista and Sean, and then we began the game. Thank you for listening to this six minute and thirty second recap
enjoy the show
got it?
yeah
okay
I don't believe you
we'll start with Graham
then we'll go to Krista
and then we'll go to Sean
Graham
all the president's men
your letter is L
I'm just kidding I'm just kidding president's men. Your letter is L.
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
So B to Krista.
Big. Big. Like it.
Now don't yell out in the audience, you guys. It's just between these folks. Cast away.
Nice. Graham gets D.
Dog fight.
Who what? Dog fight.
Okay.
I believe you.
It's a Lily Taylor.
Yeah, yeah. Joe lies when he cries.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, Krista, you get...
Event Horizon.
What?
Event Horizon.
Nicely done.
Firestorm.
Okay. G for Graham. Firestorm. Okay.
G for Graham.
Goldeneye?
Mm-hmm.
You don't have to say them as a question.
Hope Floats.
Hope Floats?
Yeah, it does.
I've seen it.
Look at that floating seven-pounder right there.
You named it Hope?
I name all of mine.
Yeah, I took a shit later that day and I called it Change.
These are my shits, Hope and Change.
And then I gave my shit to another guy and called it Charity.
In Bruges.
Oh, sweet charity.
So what's it to me?
J?
Jury duty.
You guys are good at this.
We might be here a while.
K to Krista.
King Kong.
L?
Live and let die.
M?
Misery.
N? No country for old men. Mm-hmm. M Misery N
No country for old men
Do I even need to participate?
You guys are great at this
On the waterfront
So is it P to me?
Prometheus
Prometheus coming out this summer
Oh
It's gotta be movies that have already opened You're out Prometheus coming out this summer.
It's got to be movies that have already opened.
You're out.
I'm just kidding.
I'm like Men in Black 3.
I make it up as I go.
New rules.
Q goes to... Quicksilver.
Bicycling movie with Kevin Bacon.
R.
Red Dawn.
Red Dawn.
Very nice.
Wolverines.
Little Wolverines.
Wolverines.
Silver Streak.
T.
Three Kings.
You didn't use a D one. That's nice.
I'm saving those.
Unbreakable.
V for vendetta.
Really?
You guys got excited by that?
Because I was kind of finger-banging the audience.
Yeah, what were you doing with the fucking scissor move?
Happy Memorial Day!
W to Krista.
Who framed Roger Rabbit
Yellow beard
Z-Gram
Yellow submarine
What? What happened?
Who got X?
What?
You should be X there, Sean
What did you say?
W
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I was out of line.
Zardoz.
Wow.
Sean Connery.
All right.
So, yeah, like I said, Yellow Submarine.
X's are exhausted now.
Zardoz.
No, I know some more X's.
Oh, shit.
But Xylophone fuckers.
Shh.
Don't say them.
Xylophone fucker.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah bugger. Yeah.
So Graham said Yellow Submarine.
Zoolander.
Back to A.
Appaloosa.
Boys Don't Cry.
Carrie.
Dog Day Afternoon.
Three.
Elvis. Elvis.
I've known Grant for a long time,
and that's what he blurts out whenever he's panicked about something.
He's kind of a what would Elvis do kind of guy.
I want my last word on earth to be Elvis.
That's the weirdest thing he said when he died.
But yes, there's a documentary about Elvis called Elvis.
Yep.
So, good for you.
Take that shit to Memphis.
Boom.
Far and away.
Great expectations.
All right, let me just stop you guys for a second.
No dugouts.
All right.
Yeah.
We're going to go hard now.
It's going to get crazy.
So H is to...
You can only do foreign films.
Here we go.
You can only do foreign films.
Here we go.
I hope they hire me to write Men in Black 4, because I can really
make it up as we go.
What is it to me?
I think, wouldn't it have been neat?
Sidebar.
Wouldn't it have been neat?
Wouldn't it have been cool if you're sitting there watching Men in Black 3
and then suddenly they have to go back in time
and then while you're watching it, that's when you find out
that what's-his-name Brolin is playing young Tommy Lee Jones?
And that's where you...
Because then you get that discovery there
would cover the fact that then there's a lot of him sitting around talking
and it's not really that
amazing. He's doing a great impression.
He does a good job.
But it's like, that to me is like
something, no one's going to that movie thinking like,
oh, thank God they got a younger Tommy Lee
Jones. Oh my God,
they got a guy that's 14 years younger than
him. He even says in the movie that he's
29.
It looks like, wow, he's 29. It looks like. Yeah. And Will Smith
is like, rough road
for you, buddy. 29
city years.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've taken a few
seven pounders to the face.
Oh, thank God that went somewhere.
What was I talking about?
Jesus.
You got good weed in Nashville.
So, we'll go...
We'll go faster and harder.
What did you say?
I think you're H.
I'm H?
You're H.
Highlander.
Okay, that's the Highlander.
So you're out.
What?
It's probably just Highlander, isn't it?
It's just Highlander.
Okay, you're good, you're good.
It is.
In the name of the Father.
Jesus Christ Superstar.
Also, try not to swear during this game.
Yeah, Chris's son is listening, so...
What happened?
Killing Fields.
That's the Killing Fields for sure.
You're out.
Oh, fuck.
So you're on a K?
So you still have...
K?
You still have K, yes.
I'm really out for the...
She got Kill Bill.
I know, right?
It's part of the fun.
You got Kill Bill?
This would last all day if you could do that.
So, L.
Three. Love. Two.
Actually.
Oh!
I thought you might go as a many-splendored thing.
Alright, M
to Kristen. Monsters, Inc.
N. Neverland.
Finding.
Yeah.
We've got a challenge.
There's a remake of Peter Pan called Neverland
that was just shown on cable TV.
Can you guys confirm that?
If I find out later this is some straight-to-cable bullshit,
if I find out this was a play that was performed at a high school
and shown on public access,
if I find out that your daughter is by a plane that has no wheels
and so can never land.
Oh, Krista.
Hi.
Oh. Oh. Open water. Hi. Oh.
Oh.
Open water.
Porkies.
Cute.
Quick change.
Mm-hmm.
R.
Run.
Three, two, run away.
What?
Run away with Tom Selleck, you son of a bitch.
Stop or my mom will shoot.
Telephone booth.
Good move.
No! It's called phone booth.
It's called phone booth.
You're out.
You're out.
She won!
Unbelievable!
Wow.
Is Helen Keller really like a video store?
Is that what it is?
It's not a hospital?
Helen Keller's video and books?
I worked at a video store all through college.
Ah, okay.
Several videos.
They got some really nice Braille DVDs.
Yeah, it's really good.
They're just coming out with Braille Blu-ray.
Blu-ray Braille.
Braille described video.
Yeah, it's so good.
For the deaf.
High deaf Braille.
She walks into a...
Anyway.
Well, that only Julie Jones looks on quizzically.
In Braille.
But it's going on inside your head.
You can't speak the words.
That's the inner monologue.
What's happening?
I'm just doing Braille described video for the deaf
who cannot speak,
and they're running their fingers along the side of the DVD
as it's playing, receiving the described video,
but they can only hear it within their mind
because they cannot speak it themselves.
Okay, that guy's high.
Just keep talking.
I'm going to figure out who's high here right now.
Sean Cullen, you are the Sebastian Cabot of comedy.
People who are fans of him.
It ain't me, babe.
No, no.
Graham, you're the Dennis Miller of references nobody knows.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I take great pride in that.
There's one All in the Family fan out there listening,
and I just fucking exploded their head.
It's a family affair.
It's called Family Affair.
Family Affair.
Right, but they're fans of all those shows.
So I'm telling you what I'm saying.
Buffy, Judy, don't kill yourselves.
Buffy.
Oh, too late.
Okay, Krista gets to go first and build a title.
Jesus.
Who does?
Krista.
Oh, build a title. She rocked that shit that was that was amazing she just
she's on a hot streak I want to rock that shit
it's infectious isn't it it is Magical. I have Michael Jackson's Braille albums for the deaf as well.
Where you can feel the moonwalk as you imagine the music within your mind.
You can feel the wine he's giving children before he rapes them.
Don't moan the truth, motherfuckers!
Helen, are you okay?
Are you okay, Helen?
You've been hit by
a smooth braille page.
Okay.
We'll start with Kristen.
At Conan the Barber suggested for a starter title and build a title.
Most of the pictures are called Inner Space.
So what can you do with that, Krista?
Inner Space.
You've got to add a title to the beginning or the end that makes sense
and a movie people know, have heard of.
I'm looking at you, Graham.
What's that?
Nothing.
What do you got, anything?
An inner space Ventura pet detective.
Yeah.
Could have just busted out some jam,
but space Ventura pet Detective is, again,
from your lips to Jim Carrey's ears.
How great would that be?
Put Ace Ventura out in space.
He's on some sort of space ark with a bunch of animals.
Is it my turn?
It could be the cast of Madagascar.
Yeah, it's your turn, John.
It's definitely your turn.
Okay.
Thinner Space Ventura Pet Detective.
I was thinking about going Win Winner Space, but that thinner is good.
Thinner Space Ventura Pet Detective.
This could be an actual movie.
This could be a real project.
It's in development.
What do you think, Grant?
Anything that ends in thin or begins with...
Ends in thin.
Detective.
You know, one of our favorite TV shows, of Of course it's not on the air anymore
But it's called Detective Sleepy
It was on right after
Boat and Ouch
On Friday nights on CBS
Yeah
Crime gets a wake up call
Detective Sleepy right
That's the one
You got nothing
What are you thinking over there Krista?
I don't know
Nothing? You got nothing?
No
Okay so Sean wins that round
Good for you Sean
That was brutal
We're just aware of the time That we've eaten up with the first game That was brutal.
We're just aware of the time that we've eaten up with the first game,
so we're just shitting this one out.
No, we're doing great on time.
Yeah, buddy.
Everything's good.
I totally got this.
It's great.
There's something great going on with the time.
What voices are you even doing now?
You're both doing silly voices that are just random.
I'm just trying to come up with a game.
It's a game show.
I'm not talking in the kind of weird voice.
I'm just trying to play the game correctly.
Can I take you out to the well and teach you how to say water?
I saw Helen Keller
actually didn't see it. It was in
described video.
On Braille.
On the Braille
network? Yeah.
It's hard to imagine that word if you've never
heard words before.
Alright, Graham,
we'll start with you, and then we'll go to
we'll cruise around the other way.
We'll go to Sean, and then
let's start with Krista, and then
go to Graham, and then Sean.
Didn't she start last time?
It's fun.
You got the point.
Oh, you're right. I'm sorry.
You do it. Do it hard.
I have a weird system, but
you know. It's all about fate. It have a weird system, but, you know.
It's all about fate.
It's all about fate and how high I am.
So you get your title is suggested by Drew Holsey on Twitter.
Is he here, really?
His father is an admiral.
Blade Runner.
Blade Runner. Blade Runner.
So you gotta end with Blade, begin
with Runner. And I know
titles that exist that could
accomplish that feat,
but this is a tough one.
Mmm. Mmm.
Anything,
Krista?
Is there something called Switchblade?
No, me.
No, but could you frisk that gentleman up there that just clapped?
Security?
He's got a pound of weed.
Zany, security, could you?
I don't think there is
probably not
it's definitely made for video
or something
but I don't think that applies here
I'll be told I'm wrong
so which way we're going
I'll go Sling Blade
Sling Blade Runner
I thought you'd say Blade. Sling Blade Runner. Who let the dogs out?
I thought you'd say Zorro the Gay Blade.
But Sling Blade is good too.
Then Sean has to end in sling or begin with runner.
Oh, well, can I use part of the word?
Which part?
Sling Blade Rununearagon.
What?
That'd be Uragon.
Spelled the same way.
It's a matter of pronunciation.
It's not a spelling game, though.
It is a spelling game.
Though.
If Space Ventura Pet Detective gets in...
Let me throw it...
That was brilliant.
But Sling Blade Run Aragon is not brilliant?
Are you listening to yourself?
Yes.
Inner Space Ventura.
Aragon. No, noura. Eragon.
No, no, wait a minute.
She said it's Ace Ventura.
Eragon.
Ace Ventura.
It's pronunciation.
Inner Space, what am I saying?
Blades.
Sling Blade.
Run Eragon.
Runner. Well, no Aragon, runner.
Well, no, that's insane.
Now you can just go run Star Trek.
But that's not true because it's spelled correctly.
I don't understand why that is not allowed.
It is a spelling situation.
I think we had this problem on the lost episode from Toronto.
Yeah, well here's my thing.
I was so happy that one got lost.
Are we going to start getting into inflection?
Because
Blade Runner, it should be
Sling Blade, right?
If you're saying it that way,
Sling Blade Runner.
It's not Sling Blade,
it's Sling Blade. Sling Blade Runner. I's not Sling Blade. It's Sling Blade.
Sling Blade Runner.
I'm just excited to say that
you're out.
That is totally unfair and upsetting.
You already have a point.
Relax.
So who is still in it?
Graham. So Graham got the point that time.
Great.
Oh shit. Bing, bang, bang. So Graham got the point that time. Great. Yeah. Oh, shit.
Bing, bang, bang.
Bing, bang, bang.
Yes.
There should be more of that on Jeopardy
when people get the right answer.
Oh, shit.
Bing, bang, bang.
Ding, ding, ding.
Dong, dong, dong.
Bing, bang, bang.
What is your losing?
Bip, bip, doodle-doodle-dip.
Back to you, Alex.
Just fucking...
Oh, no, not the whistling.
Winner.
Anything but the whistling.
I'll take Runaragon any time over the whistling.
I don't think that was wrong.
I thought of,
there's a motion picture
called The Runner Stumbles
that you could have said
and then on Sling,
it could have gone,
there's a movie called
The Gosling.
Oh, fuck.
Or no, I'm sorry,
Geesling.
They should make a movie about,
like a nature movie
about Ryan Gosling.
Yes.
And him just,
it's just him running
through a forest and
Without his shirt on. Eating, all he eats is squirrels. Gosling. It's just him running through a forest and eating.
All he eats is squirrels.
Stops and finds a branch that's perfect
for pull-ups and he just...
It's for a pull-up spot.
Then there's a fucking waterfall and he just
Yeah, you ladies
would love it. You could watch that for fucking
five hours.
You'd be watching it all just going...
Right? That's how women masturbate.
They just hold their titties and lick them.
Is there...
Is there a man in here
that is excited about going
and going to go and watch and enjoy
Magic Mike.
The story of a male stripper.
For reals, you guys.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought.
That was so great.
Like, Doug, you're an asshole.
We're gay
they could totally be straight
so awesome
he's got the baggy shorts on
the cut offs so I'm getting like a
ball festival over here
they're gay Alex
but you guys are great on Modern Family and thanks for coming out The Gay Alex.
But you guys are great on Modern Family and thanks for coming out.
It's so great.
That is so great.
So brave.
It was brave.
That's what it was.
Already have our tickets to the midnight showing.
What the fuck are you talking about?
That's your gay voice?
We already have tickets.
They're like gay pirates.
We're the center square on Hollywood Square.
Yes, yeah.
Because chiffon wrinkles.
It's a ball festival.
A ball festival. Storm up. It's a ball festival. A ball festival.
Storm up.
Winter's coming.
Winter's coming.
So awesome.
We've lost a newsie.
He's fallen out of the balcony.
Who's going to tell us about it in the morning?
Hi, hi.
Very hi.
How you doing?
All right.
Let's try to settle up this tie because we've got to move on
to the main attraction.
This is just the undercard
of this very exciting
out. An aperitif.
That's what it is.
So Graham just got the point.
That's right, bitches.
Alright.
We'll start with the P.F. Chang's
lettuce wrap of the P.F. Chang's lettuce wrap
of the day.
We're building up to a full
on dumpling feast.
I wish, I would love it if I'd be like
now it's time for Build a Title brought to you by
P.F. Chang's lettuce wrap.
Let us wrap you
in deliciousness.
in deliciousness.
We're gay!
Chang, you can believe in. Oh!
Chang's for coming in.
I'm sorry.
Chang's for coming in.
That killed me. coming home sorry Chang's for coming in
that probably didn't need to go on any further why when Jackie Chan flies in gives the lady the v8 he's like that's a veggie breakfast and then he disappears
when he's leaving why does a gong go off like why isn't anyone from a watchdog
group going why is a fucking gong going off when Like, why isn't anyone from a watchdog group going,
why is a fucking gong going off
when an Asian man leaves the scene?
Every Chinese home has a gong.
Everyone.
Everyone needs to be warned
when a Chinese man leaves the building.
His gong.
He takes off gong.
It's a crazy shit
happens while he's gone.
I'm going to open the restaurant, honey. Gong. It's a crazy shit happens while he's gone. I'm going to open the restaurant, honey.
Gong.
Let's go watch Jeremy Lin play basketball.
Gong.
Seriously, homework assignment.
Somebody get clips of Jackie Chan movies, a series of clips,
and in every clip have the part where he leaves the scene
and then hit a gong and go on to the next clip.
YouTube sensation right there.
Yeah, right there.
You'll get at least 2,800 hits on that one.
After working for five days in a sweaty room
next to a woman operating on somebody at a desk.
Just going, Channing Tatum.
Keep it physical all the time Always physical
Alright so we're going to start with Sean
Go to Krista
And this is hopefully going to settle it
But maybe Krista will pull it
Pull it into a three way tie with these guys
Oof
I know
Anything can happen
Pull it
YCKMD underscore
One of the catchier Twitter names I've seen YuckMD underscore one of the catchier Twitter names I've seen
YuckMD underscore
he suggests, or she, I don't know what it is
Air America
Air America for
and you can't say Americaragon
I don't see why not
Kara Karagon.
I don't see why not.
But now, you know what?
I've got one, and I'm afraid to say it,
because you people will pull the fucking rule machine out and run over my heart.
Run over it.
Yeah, just say it.
Not so sweet, you guys. We'll be cool. Not great for me. just say it Not so sweet you guys
Not great for me
Just say it
I feel good about it
You're an American gangster
Yeah that's right
Yeah that's how it's done
There's lots of movies that start with American
And that's the way to go
And all of them end with tears
Okay American Gangster
And so that leaves
We go to Krista
And she gets to deal with Air American
Con Air American Gangster
Con
Classic
Con Air American President American gangster. Con-era American gangster. Con. Classic.
Con-era American president gangster.
No, that's what I thought it was going to be, American president.
But it's the American president.
You're right.
Good catch.
I'm not even playing.
So what is it?
It's con- American Gangster.
I would have been disqualified for that.
Someone else would have been let go.
It would have been okay for them.
But me, no.
I'd be out.
I'd be out.
Got some high people over here.
I'm out.
People are going to be listening to this going,
does Doug just leave for periods of time?
Does he just... Baconhead.
Okay.
Who's it on?
What's happening?
Con, Air America, and Gangster.
Anything?
The big con.
You have to do this every time.
Not in front of the guests.
I don't believe the big con Is a movie
Who's in it?
It was with
Um
Mm-mm
Cary Grant
A young Cary Grant was in it
It is a film noir movie
No
From 1943
That's all incorrect
I just looked it up
No
Oh and I have
And I got something in my eye
I looked it up
Got something in my eye And you it up, got something in my eye
And you are out
Oh, that's so real
That's bullshit, man
So whose turn is it now?
Okay, Sean, now you have to go back at it
You gotta end with con
Or begin with gangster
The Necronomicon Air American Gangster.
Really?
That's a movie?
Yes, a crappy H.P. Lovecraft movie.
Okay.
Aren't they all?
But the artwork in that is like that inspired Alien, right?
Yes
Some of it
No, that was Skyger
Or Necronomicon
But it's a book wrapped in human flesh
Filled with horrible danger
Wasn't Necronomicon the name of the ship
In Titanic?
Yes
Yes, that's right
That is right I'm having such a great time here in the state of in Titanic. Yes. Yes, that's right.
That is right.
I'm having such a great time here in the state of Nashville.
Yeah, Nashville.
Yeah.
I had to think for a second
to say it wrong.
I had to stop myself and go,
I hope I'm saying this wrong right.
Okay, so...
What's happening? are we economic con air
american gangster so then we go to krista krista I've got nothing you don't have anything that
ends in neck neck no neck uh oh the uh The hot neck.
Hot neck.
Oh, yeah, that was that movie where Rob Schneider was an ugly guy,
but he had a magic potion that gave him a really hot neck.
Yeah, he had a really hot neck. And all the women were just really attracted to his neck.
And these two gay guys were like, hot neck, we're in.
No sense.
Oh, I don't know.
You can hotneck it.
Okay, so
I think I have one. Sean won.
Am I done? I believe, yeah.
I believe Sean is our winner of the whole
thing. Wow.
Holy shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's only appropriate to celebrate
at this time.
Yay!
For those listening at home, we just killed somebody.
So that's what you missed out.
Yeah, we popped a man's balls to death.
It was Bryce.
Just took the one crack.
Oh my God, UFC Just took the one crack.
Oh my god, UFC was brutal the other night.
It was like blood squirting out of a dude's
face.
The ref is just standing there like,
this is sweet.
Why break this up?
That guy wasn't even in the fight though.
He was one of the concession guys.
He just gigged himself like an old school wrestler.
Popcorn.
Candy floss.
Candy floss.
Who wants a tall boy?
You guys want to hear something crazy?
We're exactly on time at this point.
What has happened is happening exactly
as I'd hoped it would.
Because now
it is time.
Sean's going to get to go first.
And that will be in
the Leonard Maltin game.
Oh, shit!
So let's see those name tags.
The Leonard M Walden game, the game you have to...
Oh, my God.
These are amazing name tags.
...send through the other games to get to.
Oh, my God.
You guys are amazing.
These are amazing.
This is really pretty sweet.
Oh, my God.
Can you take a picture, Graham?
Yeah, I'll take a picture of all these names.
Yeah, take a pictogram, and we'll Instagram that shit.
That's... Dude, I just thought of your next album title
What?
Instagram
You could have like a superhero costume on
You could be a guy that swoops in
And takes decent pictures of people
That's what a kind of Instagram is. Then tags them.
Instagram
Parsons band.
There's a huge box of nerds. I'm very
excited about that. I want to jerk off
into that huge box of nerds.
We got somebody
with a, is that a Ghostbusters license plate?
Ecto-1. Horse? What is it good for?
We got War Horse. What is that creature in the back
by the bar?
Yeah you lady That's a predator helmet
What is that?
A predator helmet?
Predator head
Predator head
It's holding
You killed a predator man
For like a dollar bill
This is amazing
Way to go
You guys
This is like really impressive
It's pretty incredible
Did you get good pictures?
Yes I did.
Okay, good.
Oh, shit.
Okay, so everybody, Krista and Sean and Graham,
go pick the name tag you want to play for.
And remember, people with name tags,
it's cute that you drew it on your keyboard,
but now he's going to get to keep that.
So keep that in mind.
Yeah, I'm going to smash it.
Oh, look at Howard the Duck
I love Howard the Duck
This is great
And Lego One says wit
I apologize to the balcony
You're probably not gonna get picked
Even though that's a sweet pair of tits
Nice titties in the balcony
Nice man boobs
There's a serial killer in the balcony
Who cut off a woman's breasts
And mounted them
So now he can titty fuck 24-7
You got one of them neuralizers, don't you, buddy?
I know, I know
These are amazing
These are amazing
I don't know who to pick
Krista, you go first, sweetie
Yeah, just go get it
Yeah, you can put your mic down.
Go grab one.
Chris is going to go out there
Helen Keller style
and just...
Just feel the one you want.
Feel your way through it.
That's a little puppet there.
There's a little puppet.
Oh, look at that thing.
I know.
Oh, that's the beaver
from Caddyshack.
What does that say?
What does that one say?
It's actually a gopher, I think.
I know.
I said it on another show.
I called it a beaver.
All right.
Well, I'll take yours.
Right here.
Let's go.
Walk it up.
Yeah, okay.
You walk it up here?
Thank you, sir.
I just want...
I'm sorry, sir.
I appreciate it,
but I think the nerds
have got your name on them.
So...
Well, actually,
Jill's name on them.
Mac and Kimmy.
Jilly.
Out of this world and into your heart.
Give all these name tags a round of applause.
You guys, that's really impressive.
Give it, give it.
Clap it up.
Fucking give it.
You guys are just sitting there like, ooh.
Sorry.
There's a shithead on the back of your thing,
so don't say that out loud.
Don't say it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nerds.
Ooh, candy?
You got candy?
I just have nerds.
Sorry, shithead.
Who are you playing for, Krista?
I'm playing for Swan.
Swan.
Oh, and it's got free candy.
It has free candy, and it's a zombie mini pearl.
Yeah.
Oh, very appropriate for Nashville.
Yeah.
I'm very proud to be here.
They didn't know Sebastian Cabot, but they knew mini pearl.
She is a legend of this town.
And this is...
Sean has a box that says Jilly Wonka.
Jilly Wonka.
When I was younger and slimmer, I looked like Gene Wilder.
The Gene Wilder version.
Yeah.
And it's also a huge box of Nerds?
Yeah, it's a big box of Nerds.
It's really full of Nerds, my friends.
Oh, wow.
Are they chunky Nerds?
They're boxes of Nerds.
Oh, they're boxes of them.
Oh, bust those bitches out.
Let's do this.
So you don't have to eat them all in one sitting.
You can eat a little box at a time.
Hang on, hang on.
We're busting those bitches out.
Who talks that way
about candy? Oh, that's a lovely
bitch!
Oh!
Toss them bitches!
This bitch is not part of my
99 problems.
Not in that equation
at all. Sorry, I just hit someone in the head with nerds.
And my nerds ain't one.
Here, if you guys want a nerd.
I got 99 problems and a bitch is some.
There's a few things.
Definitely a few things.
There's a couple things that are on the list of my problems.
You were talking about that.
No relationship is perfect, I think is what we're saying.
Oh, Howard the Duck.
Did you want one?
Okay, she didn't want one anyway.
Gay guys!
Gay nerds!
They caught it.
Oh, man.
It sounds like you're hitting them in the face
with these little boxes.
Well, some of these people have very brittle bones.
And if they're hit with anything, they just turn to tiny pellets.
They have avian bird flu.
I've got brittle bones.
Is that all of it?
No, there's some in there still.
Oh, keep doing it.
Let's get rid of all of it.
Open the other side, bitch.
This is so much fun to listen to.
This is so much fun to listen to.
This is a foolish form of candy distribution.
All right, balcony.
What are you going to do now?
Kick them into the audience?
Oh, hit those tits.
Hold those tits up.
Try to hit the tits with the nerds. I'm going to hit those titties with some nerds.
Put your shirt on, Bryce.
Oh, yeah.
Some guy's got a shirt on.
Yeah, here are your beads, you whore.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry.
Did I hit someone in the face up there? I'm sorry. Are you okay? I'm sorry. People who like beads, you whore. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Did I hit someone in the face up there?
I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
People who like beads are not whores.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Are you okay?
Let me try again, then.
Who doesn't want some beads?
I mean, it's a trick question.
All right.
Well, that was...
I chucked him really hard.
I hope I didn't hurt someone's face.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
Yeah, he's really sorry.
Sometimes, sometimes...
Sorry about your face.
I just want...
I would actually like this.
That was...
I didn't get any.
That was Revenge of the Nerds. Oh!
Bitches Oh joke of the night
Ladies and gentlemen
So
Krista's 11 year old
Listens to this
Very bad examples gentlemen
What do you expect
From a woman who does surgery on a desk
Holy shit Well precision for one thing What do you expect from a woman who does surgery on a desk?
Holy shit.
Well, precision, for one thing.
I guess so.
And she's been showing it so far.
And Graham, who are you playing for?
I am playing for Mac and Kimmy.
Let's do it.
I saw, I think you tweeted earlier, I think I saw it. It was something about, like, if I don't get my wheelchair in there,
there's going to be fucking hell to pay, bitches.
You were really foul-mouthed and determined.
The challenge is getting out of here with that wheelchair, all right?
Because I'm taking it.
Who's going to play you in the movie?
Who's going to play the plucky girl in the wheelchair
that calls ahead and says,
you better fucking have shit ready?
Mila Kunis.
Mila Kunis.
She's a very good actress.
She's very talented.
Oh, I'm so excited about these nerds.
I got the grape ones That was so awesome
Only we will know about it
I am tired from jumping around in my sleep
Are we still on time now?
It's a good thing you were stretching backstage
You get ready for a performance
You never know You never know when It's a good thing you were stretching backstage. You really, you get ready for a performance. You never know.
Because you know that that shit's going to happen.
You never know when there's going to be some nerd dancing.
You got to, sometimes a bit's going nowhere.
You got to tap it out.
You got to just go into a dance.
The whistling, I don't, I'm not so crazy about, but.
So, Sean gets to go first.
Yes.
Then we'll go to Krista.
She's been a great, so good at these games.
Very good.
It's been awesome.
Yeah.
And then, I'm sorry, who are you playing for again, Krista?
I am playing for Swan.
Swan.
Oh, shit.
Jesus.
That was fucking crazy.
It doesn't sound like a swan. It sounds like a bird of prey. Oh, shit. Jesus. That was fucking crazy.
It doesn't sound like a swan.
It sounds like a bird of prey.
Our love is an old love, baby.
You know what that's from?
Yes.
So one person in the audience has confirmed it.
The guy, the huge Sebastian Cabot fan.
It's Paul Williams wrote all the music and was the star he played the devil in
Phantom of the Paradise
and his name was Mr. Swan
that's what it was
that's all true
that's all real
and who are you playing for again there?
little baby Jilly
little baby Jilly with the nerd box Little Baby Jilly with the nerd box.
Little Baby Jilly with the nerd box.
Okay, Sean.
Sean gets to pick a category.
He gets to choose between the following.
Is it pronunciation of movies?
Titles?
Yeah, that's the category.
Movies that are difficult to pronounce and win games with.
This is a different game.
This is the one that you've done quite well at.
You went negative four one time
on Star Trek The Voyage Home.
It was impressive.
But it happened in Canada.
So it doesn't count.
No, we didn't record it.
It was just at a live show, stand-up show.
Kind of like what we did yesterday.
But now we're taping them.
It's Carey Mulligan's birthday today.
We saw her in the trailer today for Great Gatsby.
Finally, a movie that her haircut caught up.
It's like, finally, she's had that short hair for a while.
She must have really wanted to be in this kind of movie.
Yes.
Because why have that hair in Money Never Sleeps, Wall Street 2?
Dumb.
Why have...
Why?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Money Never Sleeps, 23 Skidoo.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
You know what?
I'm going to have to...
Never sleeps that money never ever sleeps.
Yeah, I'm going to have to withdraw this category
because that's the actual answer.
Oh.
Yeah, I shouldn't have brought up the movie
that's the answer.
Great.
Just start talking about it.
That's why Alex Trebek doesn't smoke weed, you guys.
Right there.
He doesn't just look at the more great
category. Oh, fuck, that one's goddamn
Burt Reynolds for 500 bucks. You're gonna love that one.
It's nerd poisoning.
There's a whole team behind Alex Trebek and what he does.
This is all me.
You're alone.
Having some nerds mid-show.
Having some nerds, learning about Cuba.
Oh, there's some fucking nerds.
Okay, I've got to give you three categories still.
Sean gets to pick.
Category called, I bet you don't know the full title,
which is a movie where when you guess the answer,
you probably won't say the full title.
That's my challenge to you.
And if you don't say it, you fail won't say the full title. That's my challenge to you. And if you don't say
it, you fail. Yeah, exactly.
At Sunny Prospect on Twitter
suggested what to infect when you're infecting.
Which is movies where there's some sort of
plague.
And then
the King of Pancakes category, the number
one movie ten years ago
to this very day at the box office here in the U.S. of A.
What do you think, Sean?
Which of those categories do you like?
Wow.
Yeah, really?
Think about it.
I'm going to go with What to Infect When You're Infected.
What to Expect When You're Infected.
Okay.
What to Infect When You're Infect when you're infected. What to expect when you're infected. Okay. What to infect when you're infected.
From 1995 is this movie that Leonard gives two and a half stars.
And he says about this film that it is dynamite.
And two and a half stars and it's dynamite.
Maybe he was injured in an explosion.
Yeah, maybe something happened
between the raiding and the riding.
He calls it dynamite
and he says that
oh,
it goes almost
completely awry in the second
half. Just awry.
It goes from dynamite
to awry.
So that's got to be uncomfortable for people.
So thank you, Leonard, for warning us.
And he lists four, five, six, 11 names?
Yeah, 11 names.
How many names do you think you can get it in, Sean Cullen?
Well, I'm going to start light and go with...
I'm going to go with nine.
What did you say?
Nine.
I said nine.
Nine names.
I can't hear him over the crunching of these nerds.
They're so good.
That's how a lot of kids go deaf.
Right, Krista?
Night, Krista? Night Krista
What do you want to do with that Krista?
He says nine names out of eleven
I'll go five
Okay
She came to play
She's got a win for Swan
A little good old Swan-y Four
Whoa
What do you think of that, Sean?
Sean says name it
You want the clues again?
Yes
Something, something, something, something
There's a movie where there's some sort of disease
He thinks it's dynamite and then it sucks
And it's two and a half stars
Dynamite goes to rye
A rye in the second half
That's what cost you that half star was rye
Dynamite to a rye
And your four names are
Lance Kerwin,
Jim, the great Jim Antonio,
Dale Dye,
and Zakes Mokai.
And the movie's from 1995.
What's it called, Graham?
Is that Outbreak?
That is correct!
Well done.
That's for you.
There's a monkey in it I gotta write that down
Graham did something right for once
That was awesome
Okay so that means
Who challenged him?
Sean did?
Yeah
So we'll start with Krista and go to Sean
You can pick from the following categories
Would you like Peggy Sue got Marley'd And me and go to Sean, you can pick from the following categories.
Would you like Peggy Sue Got Marleyed and Me?
That's films where Kathleen Turner dies.
Or
At Fragrant Bleach
suggested Top Build,
and that is movies
that were played
mentioned in tonight's round
of build a title.
That's fucking right.
That thunder after that is so
dramatic.
There's a storm
of brewing. Shit just got serious
and real and real
serious.
They should say funnier things
in Men in Black 3.
I'm just going to say it.
They should say funnier things.
When I agree to disagree
is the catchphrase they keep saying.
No.
No.
Yeah.
No.
I agree to disagree.
Why do you keep saying that?
We are battling each other.
It's like they couldn't get the rights to talk to the hand
or something fucking stupid like that.
It was so dumb.
Yeah, the rights to talk to the hand were...
Someone copywritten talk to the hand.
They're all tied up in that...
What's her name?
The nanny.
The nanny.
Fran Drescher made a talk to the hand movie.
Yeah.
It was about her arguing with the glove from Hamburger Helper
was that Chewbacca as Fran Drescher says Chewie get the engines running
when Chewie gets drunk when he has too much mead or whatever the fuck,
he...
Wookiee mead.
He drinks mead.
Wookiee mead.
Because it was a long time ago.
When he has too much grain.
When he drinks too much grain, he...
He also is...
He does impressions.
He has a gluten intolerance that makes him shit his fur.
Makes him crazy.
Oh, this is great when he's drunk.
Do your...
Chewbacca, do your Fran Drescher.
Do your Fran Drescher. This is great when he's drunk Chewbacca do your Fran Drescher Do your Fran Drescher
That's great
Or
Or Grandma's Cock
The films of Jeff Garlin
I don't know why it never gets picked
Until today
Because I said
It's happening
I said if that's the category
I'm picking grandma's cock
and you're going to stand out loud
and your child is going to listen to it
I'll cover his ears
okay
you'll know exactly
when we're going to say cock
yes
because it'll be right after
and before grandma's
grandma's
yes
let me just
just for fun
like then you take your hands off
and just wait like two beats
cock cock cock yeah that, just for fun, like then you take your hands off and just wait like two beats.
Cock, cock, cock.
Yeah.
That was just for fun.
Jeff Garlin is in this movie, according to Leonard Maltin and his app.
Two and a half stars.
He says about the film that it's, it starts off abysmally, improves as it goes along,
but then there's that formulaic, barely credible finale.
I'd call it an ending if you're slagging on it that hard.
I wouldn't call it a finale.
Am I right, gay dudes?
They just got their bill, so they're doing math.
Shit got real serious because they got to save money for the Channing Tatum account.
They said they're going.
What's a Channing Tatum account?
Well, they use the Dave Ramsey envelope system and they save money every month.
Or maybe do they buy stuff that's on his wish list?
Yeah.
Do they buy him stuff?
I need some new road pants.
Please buy me some.
All right, so those are good clues, right?
Yes.
Did you tell me a year?
I'm about to.
Okay, good.
2008.
Two and a half stars.
And all that other stuff.
And there are...
16 names?
Yeah, oh, Jesus is right.
Okay, let's go with 16 names
Yeah, smart opening bid
Those have to play the game
You had 15?
Yeah, okay
15 says Sean
10
Oof
8
Yeah
7 So 7 names out of 16 Oh, God.
Seven.
So seven names out of 16.
Sean Cullen, I think you need to name that movie, my friend.
Oh, this isn't happening to us.
This is going to be terrible.
So if Chewbacca was... He says gluten.
That's the one English word he knows.
It's gluten.
That's why his coat's so lustrous.
You see other Wookiees walking around like,
what are you fucking doing wrong?
Or right.
Too much gluten. Stupid Wookiee. Gluten will fuck up your... Fucking goddamn Wookiee walking around like, what are you fucking doing wrong? Or right? Too much gluten.
Stupid Wookie.
Gluten will fuck up your...
Fucking goddamn Wookie.
Yeah.
Do you think anybody's
ever been mad at Chewbacca?
Ever?
Yeah.
I think he's nice.
Sure.
In the Clone Wars,
people are very angry at him.
Oh, yeah.
A group of bounty hunters
I meant real people.
I'm talking about real people.
And how they feel about Chewbacca. It doesn't make any sense. He's not a chasing. I meant real people. I'm talking about real people. Well, he's not a real person, though.
It doesn't make any sense.
You're right, he's not a person.
Do you think people were mad at Hamlet?
Yeah.
A lot of people hate that guy.
Yeah, that was fucked up what he did.
What a fucked up asshole.
He was a dick.
Yes, I think that.
Stabbity.
Stabbity, stabbity through the tapestry.
Stabbity, stabbity. Sorryabbity through the tapestry Stabbity, stabbity
Sorry, Polonius
Just an asshole here
Prince of Denmark
Bitter, bitter fucker
Isn't that the song right at the act break
Of the musical Stabbity, Stabbity?
Stabbity, stabbity, stabbity
Tapestry, Polonius
I didn't erroneous stab
Stabbity, Stabity cab.
Get me a cab.
I've got to run
because I stabbed Polonius now.
That's after the third act.
After the third act?
Third act.
Well, there's five acts in Hamlet.
Oh, no.
Yeah, for sure. It's one of Hamlet Oh no Things start to go wrong
And pick up in the fourth act
How many times do people get to go to the lobby
And buy expensive drinks
And stand in long lines to urinate near others
Is this a question about Hamlet
Or is this about
Some play that you're in
I don't know I can't keep up with your schedule.
One minute you're writing a book.
The next minute it's some other book.
Hamlet the Musical.
Funny Boy.
That's Hamlet the Musical, Funny Boy?
That's from the producers.
That's what Max Bialystok puts on a play,
and it's a flop, and it's called Funny Boy.
Hamlet the Musical.
Nanny boy!
It's pretty funny, boy.
That is so funny, funny boy. Hey, can I get another one of the
you know what's? Thank you so much.
She's vile
of heroin. She gets me my heroin.
On stage?
Can you give me another Killah Hooker?
Can you get that for me?
It's fun to use cutesy language when talking about heroin.
Can you get me the whatsy-whosy that I like, that I like-sy?
Can you give me the little brown liquid train?
Choo-choo-choo.
Graham Elwood, your four names are...
What?
Wait, what?
What?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Your one name.
Wait, no. No, I have to do it in seven. I'm sorry. Your one name. Wait, no.
No, I have to do it in seven.
Sean Cullen.
Sean in seven.
Okay, here we go.
And it's 2008 movie.
It's good that you guys are here.
Jesus.
Okay, Krista, you get 12 names.
No?
Okay.
Starting with... Ready, Sean?
And these names are not in the movie.
These are all...
Just random
What I do is I just think of names
Dave Wilson
Yes
Connie Francis
Like this first
Connie Francis
Captain Antoneal
That counts as two names
That's right
No these are legitimate
Legitimate names
There's all these weird names
Of crazy musicians and stuff
And people that don't belong
Here we go.
Pete Best.
Oh, well, wait a minute.
Right?
I saw it and I don't remember
Pete Best being in it.
Jane Krakowski.
Jonathan Glazer.
Lonnie Ross.
Bradley Cooper.
Oh.
Ooh.
Fred Armisen.
Howard Hessman
And this movie was made
Yeah this movie was completed
This is an actual film
Two and a half stars from Leonard
He said all those really nice things about it
What?
Oh my drink thank you so much.
Here comes your heroin.
God, that was so weird.
Hey, Doug.
Psst.
Oh, we're going to need a bent spoon and a sternal can.
We're going to need that up here.
Thank you, sweetie.
Hey, Doug.
Hey, Doug.
Did you hear about the dead newsie?
Fell out of the balcony during your show.
Got hit with a nerd's box.
Went cold.
Oh. Got hit with a nerds box Went cold So what do you think? What do you think Sean?
Any idea?
What was the category?
Jeff Garland
Oh yeah
Jeff Garland is in this
So that's another name
That's a bonus name
Because we didn't get to him yet
Did we?
Yeah
Well I can't believe he made it above seven people
into the title
so that's interesting
yeah how did Howard Hessman
not get billed over
Jeff Garland that's fucking weird
I don't know about that
yeah he was being facetious
you also have to take into account the size of the role
you know
I'm going to go out on a limb and say Hamlet.
Hamlet the movie.
Great guess, great guess.
Let the actual answer, the actual answer, oh, let me get the confetti ready.
That's two points for him.
That's too much fun to not have confetti when I announce this.
I'm not half confetti when I announce this.
The movie is called The Rocker,
and Graham is our winner!
Hey, hey, hey!
How about one thing? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
What?
Just one request.
Learn another song.
Okay.
Name a song and I'll sing it. Why do you always have to do that song from The Exorcist?
Okay, this guy wants me to do Pearl Jam.
Oh, it's a Pearl Jam.
Here we go.
You can't even commit to the dumb joke
that you're going to do the same thing again. No, I can do it. I can do Pearl Jam. Okay, Pearl Jam. Here we go You can't even commit To the dumb joke That you're gonna do
The same thing again
No I can do it
I can do Pearl Jam
Okay Pearl Jam
Here we go
Slim Whitman has covered
Pearl Jam in his new album
It is
It's really good
It's really good
It's really good
Here's
I'm gonna do
Even Flow
Oh Jesus
Nailing it
Oh yeah
That's perfect
That's perfect.
That's great.
Holy shit.
That's great.
Dogs are dying.
Dogs are dying.
Jesus.
Put the mic down.
Take the prizes to our winner.
What's her name again?
Kimmy! Kimmy!
Here, take all this back to her
You got a shithead on the back of your
Nowhere
You got a shithead anywhere on there
I don't see one
Oh here there she'll write it down
We gotta collect the shitheads
Don't put my name
It's always a fun part.
I wanna read Kimmy's shithead anyway.
Kimmy's shithead is very funny.
She wrote,
whoever drew the shitty comedian pictures
on the side wall
is a shithead.
They have Gallagher up there.
Personally, I think they're works of art.
There's this retarded kid named Art who...
And now I'm going to whistle Don't Call Me Daughter.
No!
Ow!
So painful.
Don't whistle, daughter.
All right.
We're going to...
We're running over time. You're a cleaver.
You're running over time.
Oh, here we go.
Clearly I remember throwing nerds at a dude.
Well, the nerds were flying.
Anyway.
And the people crying.
And then I ate a pie.
And that's just your bail on the boom.
Thank you guys so much for coming today.
This was really fun.
Thank you guys.
Thank you.
Super cool.
Proud.
This Graham Elwood freak and I
are going to be tap dancing and whistling
into your hearts at the Funny Bone
in Virginia Beach June 23rd and 24th.
We'll be in Tulsa
at the IDL Ballroom on June 26th.
I think they made that up. That's a practical
joke. We'll get there and they'll be like,
ha ha. It'll just be
some guy's living room with
long water stains everywhere.
We're going to be at the Comedy Works in Denver, June
26th. Denver, yeah!
Denver, yeah!
The oxygen is thin there!
Sean Collin doesn't know that the Denver yeah
is something T.J. Miller and Pete Holmes say.
I don't know that.
And you just kind of jumped in like,
that was normal that people were yelling that.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America.
I don't know America. You're going to yell about fucking anything. It's like you're at a sale for fridges
and by the end of it,
people are milling around yelling USA.
USA.
I got 25% off.
USA.
USA.
We don't do that.
It doesn't happen.
Because we don't use fridges.
That totally happens.
We just leave our food outside
and hope that
wolves don't eat it.
They don't eat canned stuff, but they
do eat meat.
Krista, do you have anything to plug? Any dates
coming up? Any tour dates?
Any surgeries? Any days where
we probably shouldn't have lunch with you at your desk?
We have work tomorrow.
Oh, alright. When's break time?
Everyone can pop in.
Y'all can come any time in the afternoon.
It's fine.
Sweet.
Well, let's have a round of applause for Krista Martin.
Krista, that was so great.
That was so great.
Really cool.
Good, good times.
Oh, the t-shirt that Graham is going to,
it's the last one that was made by foreigners.
I'm looking around for it.
We didn't give her the prize bag already.
It's in the prize bag.
Yeah, yeah, it's in the bag.
But that t-shirt in there,
make sure she gets the size that she wants.
Yeah, if you need to switch the size,
I'll be right here.
Graham will be out on the sidewalk.
It's a fun thing we do.
We have a sidewalk sale after our shows.
Sean will start chanting USA. It's a fun thing we do. We have a sidewalk sale after our shows. Sean will start chanting USA.
It'll be awesome.
If it's a bit big,
Graham will sew
the bottom of it together
a little bit in the middle
and you can make it
into a little pantsuit.
Turns it into a nice onesie.
Yes.
I'll be outside doing tailoring.
I can do any alterations
that you need.
Yep.
Pocket sewer man.
You should have infant size.
Palm strike shirts.
Yeah.
All right.
You people start getting pregnant and we'll fucking do it.
Yeah, it's on you people.
Yeah.
See you in 10 months.
The entire crowd is lined up For a fucking
Alright
Palm strike onesie
Make a baby
Alright
So that was Graham Elwood
Oh you have the plugs
Anything plugs
Yeah yeah
My new CD's out
Palm strike dance party
Available
Many of you have it
You're awesome
Thank you
It is available
Everything My podcast It's all available At Graham Elwood dot com dance party available. Many of you have it. You're awesome. Thank you. It is available,
everything,
my podcast,
it's all available at GrahamElwood.com.
Thank you, Nashville.
Yeah, Denver.
What?
Doug's taking a photo.
We almost fell off the stage.
And Sean Cullen,
anything to plug?
Well, I just finished the first draft of my next novel today.
It's called Dreamland, and hopefully that will be out of the spring.
But you won't read it because you're old.
But I've got a podcast named The Sean Pod.
You can download it for free on iTunes.
It's just really more of the same.
really more of the same.
And I have an album called
I Am a Human Man that you
can get on iTunes as well.
And also you told me backstage that you
had like a special end of show song
that you wanted to sing.
Yeah, okay.
This city is sweaty
The sweat runs down
And the dreams come out
at night
P.F. Chang
are you listening
the stars are
glistening
Nashville city
of dreams
come dance
with some ribs
on your chest
From a guy with a barrel that's filled up with charcoal
And he bakes up the ribs and he smears them on your flesh
And then releases a cougar which chases you down
through the streets of this town
as your flesh is torn from your bones.
Cause you know here in Tennessee,
when you're in Nashville,
you'll never die alone.
Yeah!
Son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch.
You go. Holy shit, I'm glad I talked that guy
into coming down from Canada
and I'm glad that other guy
I'm glad that other guy's alright
and Krista did a great job
that was super awesome.
And thanks again, Nashville. We'll do this again sometime.
That was really great.
I'm trying to guess which order will be funnier to do these in,
and I can't figure out the formula,
so I'm just going to have to take a stab at it
and see if you guys agree with me.
John Travolta is a shithead. As me. John Travolta is a shithead.
As always, John Travolta is a shithead.
And mustard is a shithead.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you,
cause Doug loves movies!