Doug Loves Movies - Sean Jordan, Bri Pruett and Louis Katz guest
Episode Date: September 17, 2019Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Doug welcomes Sean Jordan, Bri Pruett and Louis Katz to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a ...free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds
With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Because Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
I just did some dabs.
And my name is Doug, and I love movies!
This is Love, and I love movies! This is Love Loves Movies!
I get it. The cue wasn't that great.
I kind of slipped it in there quickly,
so it was hard for you all to be in unison,
but it was still nice and loud, and I appreciate that.
It's great to be back here at one of my favorite clubs in the country,
if not number one, Helium in Portland, Oregon!
Yee-haw!
I don't know if that noise made any sense at all.
It's Saturday,
September 14th, 2019,
and I smell some great name tags.
Oh, look at that.
Lauren and the Lost City of Gold.
Your name is Lauren.
I'm good at this.
Oh, and you got a paper version as well?
It's on her phone.
It's on paper.
The phone one is illuminated.
You guys, the technology is getting out of hand.
I want old-fashioned sides, god damn it.
Like these folks in the front row
that clearly made their own art.
We've got Roe v. Mary.
That's interesting.
There's plenty of other podcasts to talk about that subject.
And there's something about Wade.
Wade?
Okay, I get it.
Wade's a tough one.
Just throw it in over any other word.
Mary, Wade, It makes sense.
And it's on a doggie.
It's a nice drawing.
Show everybody your doggie drawing.
Turn it around for everybody to see.
Look at that.
They like it.
There's no way that's getting picked.
I don't like Trevor been kissed.
Show everybody Trevor been kissed, and they'll see why I don't like Trevor Ben Kiss show everybody Trevor Ben Kiss
and they'll see why I don't like it
poor Drew Barrymore
has to see what my hair would look like
her hair would look like
on my head
this How High poster is really huge
what's your name?
How High is Doug
it says? What's your name? How High is Doug. How High is Doug, it says?
What's your name?
Maddie.
What?
What's your name?
Maddie.
Vaddie?
Maddie.
Maddie.
Okay, Maddie.
Sorry.
Sorry, Maddie.
All right, so there's no movies that have a word that rhymes with Maddie?
I just couldn't find the poster.
Sounds like Maddie.
You got a How High poster.
You put my face on there real big.
Yeah, that's called cultural appropriation.
Appreciate it if you wouldn't do that.
Podcast aren't safe.
All right, so what else do we have? Oh, I like that the lights went down right there. Podcasts aren't safe Alright so
What else do we have
Oh I like that the lights went down right there
That was perfect thank you
You're right I was tired of looking at name tags
But
Not because they're not all beautiful
But because you know
Really staring at things makes me sleepy
When I'm dabbed out
Did I mention
Does that come up at all Doug plugs staring at things makes me sleepy when I'm dabbed out. Did I mention?
Does that come up at all?
Dog plugs, if I can read them in this light.
I'm trying these new Tony Stark glasses,
and they're not great.
The only thing they do great is if you press the side of them when a robot's coming at you, it will make its battery die.
of them when a robot's coming at you,
it will make its battery die.
That was kind of a movie joke.
I'm trying to stay on theme. Tomorrow,
more of that,
because I'll probably get dabbed out before tomorrow's show. I'll be right here.
Same gassy place, same
gassy time.
420.
So if you want to come back and see me and some of my friends
doing stand-up and goofing around,
please do.
And if you get enough today,
then fine.
You're the only people that are going to hear this in time
to come tomorrow.
Because this episode won't come out
until Monday, probably.
So yeah, take advantage.
I'm just happy you're here now.
Doug Loves Movies returns
to the Comedy Zone in Charlotte,
North Carolina on Saturday, September
28th at 4.20.
And the next day I'm doing stand-up
at the Dead Crow Comedy Club.
That sounds very friendly.
Good thing I'm not a crow
in Wilmington.
See you soon, Wilmington.
First time ever.
And that's going to be at 420.
I like doing 420 shows
in non-legal states.
Because it really doesn't put
a target on my back at all.
And Doug loves movies.
It'll be happening.
People write to me all the time on Twitter.
They're like, you won't come to my city
because it's not legal here.
And I'm like, goddammit.
I go to illegal cities all the time.
If I just wanted to go to legal cities
where they had a great club and great audiences,
I would never leave Portland.
But I could get another round of applause
probably saying I'm not going to move here.
I do love it though.
And Doug Loves Movies will be
happening twice in Los Angeles
in October at the UCB Franklin.
At that new time slot at 8 o'clock that's lots of fun.
For deets, go to UCBtheater.com.
That's UCBtheater.com.
Dugouts. I've got to do some dugouts.
I've got to do a dugout to AM Northwest for having me on, as they always do on the Friday before my shows.
I got to meet Lou Ferrigno this time.
Yeah.
I think the clip will be on the internet.
Maybe I'll try to figure out how to share it.
But Lou Ferrigno brought up an old story about how David Banner became...
He became David Banner on the TV version of The Hulk
instead of Bruce Banner
because executives thought Bruce sounded too gay.
They didn't want the character to seem like he might be gay,
so they changed his name to David.
Somebody should take account of how many gay Davids there are and how
many gay Bruce's there are. Probably wasn't even a great fix. I bet I mean I
think David probably wins.
David wins that race and he runs that race in purple shorts.
All right, all this is just between us, by the way.
I think when you're dabbed out, the only people that can complain are the ones that hear it immediately.
That's just right out of the etiquette book.
Also a dugout to Feast Portland for all the deliciousness this weekend.
It's my first time attending any food festival,
but I had to start with this one because all people say about it is great things,
and so I'm having a very good time.
And I'll let you know how much weight I gained.
Hey, who dipped out of Comic-Con?
This is Comic-Con weekend here in Portland.
Who dipped out to come to this today?
You did? A few of you did?
Well, thank you for doing that. I appreciate that.
You know you're missing Comic-Con right now.
You can listen to this on Monday.
I talk people out of, like, I'm like, do you know, this is not a
smart move.
But it actually means
all of that is out of appreciation
for the fact that you did do that,
because there's a good chance that I would say, you know,
who dipped out the, you know, crickets. But I'm glad some people said that you did do that because there's a good chance that I would say who dipped out the crickets.
But I'm glad some people said that they did.
So let me just say thank you.
Or as they say in Klingon,
moi vous bravo.
It's like, find the people who skipped out of Comic-Con and then be condescending to them.
That's the plan, Doug.
Let's do that for fun.
So thank you again.
Let's look in the prize bag.
I brought some stuff that I've gathered
from hither and tither.
This bag says something on it about Oregon.
Probably about how great the bags are here.
Bag capital of the world.
Oh, I just bought this bag
and they put it in a bag.
This is some fun stuff.
I got a Glebe in 2020 T-shirt.
Yep, the excitement is building.
Comedian Ben Glebe is a legitimate candidate.
He smoked weed on Getting Doug with High the other day
and declared
that there's never been a
legitimate candidate that's ever
smoked weed on the internet
during their campaign before.
So, good for him.
I hope he's happy with that
accolade and doesn't expect it to
grow anything more than that.
Oh, this is really nice.
This is a hand sanitizing wipe.
French lavender.
So yeah, that sounds like that's good for any surface.
I got a big feast cup that I walked around with all day filled with different delicious beverages
and a pin that I got from, you guys like Burgerville?
Burgerville is always coming up with crazy new treats
for their restaurants, I guess.
And they're only in two states, Washington and Oregon.
And anyway, they gave me some pins.
So I'm going to share one with you.
It's a pin of the Burgerville shake, which I hear are quite good.
Yeah, I don't know if I want to get into that crack.
Oh, a little book from, you know,
Patreon is where you can go to sponsor
Getting Doug with High.
And this is a little notebook,
nice little vinyl notebook thingy from Patreon.
And somebody, I got to read the card on this one,
but it's a big glittery pillow donut.
Yeah, you heard me.
Looking right at it.
And it says on here, this is so odd that I have to take off my glasses to read.
My Benjamin Button.
Doug.
Doug, it took 27 times before a staff member at the bowling alley saw me struggling to get this.
Okay, that's, thank you.
Apparently, Christine is also a fan of the show
and just gave it to me.
So he's trying to win this thing.
Someone named Christine goes,
hey, why are you trying to win that stupid pillow so bad?
What do you got?
Are you a tiny man with hemorrhoids?
Are you a tiny man with hemorrhoids?
Want a little glamour in your hemorrhoid-filled life?
Oh, I'm going to wear this to the Kentucky Derby.
So, anyway, he says positive energy, and it's Tony Swank.
So is Tony here?
Yeah.
All right, thank you, Tony.
Yeah.
And he writes, finally, on here, something that makes me feel bad about how I'm holding this donut right now.
It says, warning, not edible, but possibly fuckable.
All right, so let's just get that off of there.
Why am I touching my face?
I'm just going to ask, Tony, did you fuck this donut?
Okay.
Just thought about it a lot, apparently.
All that is going to be someone here.
It's going to belong to someone here today.
And also, this is interesting.
One of the guests thought the show was tomorrow.
I know, right?
I can't believe it.
So close to getting President Obama.
So I'm going to introduce the three names anyway and see what happens.
Because I've been out here talking to you guys,
so I haven't gotten any updates.
Please, everybody, give it up
for
Brie Pruitt,ie Katz and Shawn Jordan
Good to see you guys.
Of course, Bree isn't here yet.
She's in transit, I was told.
She's coming, which is pretty fucking cool.
She just found out this was happening today. She's like, shit, I'm going to come.
A half hour ago.
Yeah, I guess some people don't look at their Twitter messages.
I keep forgetting that.
I should just send her a direct
text. Yeah.
Couldn't have said it better.
Because then she might be sitting right over there.
I mean, I asked her if she wanted to do it on Twitter, because if it's
the middle of the night or something, I don't want to
text people.
But you DM them, you know.
So I did that on Twitter, and
she wrote back, yes, I would like to do it.
And then I wrote back yesterday,
see you tomorrow.
I rest my case.
Why don't you want to text someone?
You think they're going to have, like,
a witch screaming as their notification?
I should have.
I should have texted her.
It's just once the thread's going somewhere,
I sort of keep it going in the same spot.
Like, she was responding on Twitter,
so I thought that made her a Twitter
responderer. Sure.
A person who responds on Twitter.
Of which you know them. You know
them, right? Some people, you don't have
to say shit, and they're right up there
telling you stuff. Yeah.
Hey, let's meet the two guests that are here
so far.
He is...
What are you doing here
this weekend?
I'm here,
I'm doing shows.
I'm doing my own show
on Sunday, yeah.
Oh yeah?
What's Sunday night?
Tomorrow night?
Sunday night, yeah.
Tomorrow night?
Yeah, yeah.
Here at Helium?
Yeah, here at Helium.
What time?
7 p.m.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
I mean.
I wasn't originally doing that.
I'm strangely excited about that.
I think you're going up against something, though.
There's something going on tomorrow night.
No, no, it's the best thing to do.
It's the Alec Baldwin roast, but you'll be done in time for that.
Because that starts at 10.
Yeah, or maybe it's not even that day, I don't think.
So don't worry about it.
Or maybe it already happened.
Didn't it already happen?
Oh, so you don't know which day your show is in.
My show is Sunday, but I think it's probably the only thing to do at that time.
Okay.
I'm probably going to feel the same way, because I'll be coming off a hot 420 show tomorrow afternoon.
And the excitement of that will get me through to your show.
I'll be out there cheering for you.
Good.
You seem to have pretty high energy energy So I think it should work out
I should have done a couple dabs too
Get right in there
As it turns out, I'm just awake and stoked
So I don't know what to do
I'm just sitting here twitching
What do you prefer?
Do you prefer Louis or Louis?
Which one's your name?
No, no, no, no.
It's...
I prefer Alexander,
but my name is Sean.
But you know...
It is confusing.
Sean, you do know
that the S could be
pronounced either way.
Yes.
There's only one spelling
that's only pronounced one way.
Yeah.
It's...
He...
It's my parents' fault.
It's not Doug's fault.
It is spelled with an S.
It is confusing. But it is... And it is Louis,'s fault It is spelled with an S It is confusing
And it is Louis
Even though it's spelled with an S
So I appreciate the question
That's like French
It is like French
Except I'm not French
That's why it's like French
Louis
But you also just answer to both, right?
You just don't really stress on it
I've gotten to the point
Where I won't correct someone
If they call me Louis
But in my heart I feel I don't like them.
You put them on a list.
Yeah.
Like, yeah.
Louis Katz, everybody.
I kind of like that intro style.
Kind of just fish around about what I should say about them
or how I should pronounce their name and then introduce the person.
That's unprecedented in
this business. I like it. Isn't that right?
Well, it's precedented now.
Why are you in town? I'm seeing my
queen. My girlfriend lives up here.
So you're up here quite a bit and I just got lucky
that I said, how about this date? And you're like, that works
for me. I got lucky that she is
in love with me and that she lives up here.
Sean Jordan,
ladies and gentlemen.
See what I mean?
This is going to be good.
I can't wait to try it out on Brie.
She should Brie here
pretty quick.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
You.
That was pretty rad how that worked
Thank you so much for
Getting over here so quickly
I appreciate it
I'm really sorry
I thought we were at the helium comedy club in Buffalo
There you go
Brie Pruitt everybody
I love you
yeah we really just changed the format
of the show right there on the spot
that was fun
I'm very excited about it we'll see if I remember
to do that next time
but let's do meet
we met them individually
god damn it
I got through it
we sure did
it was so good
up until there
but
it was good
we've got editors
standing by
and
it's all gonna come out
all needs to be on wax
super smooth
Sean
what do you have
for the prize bag
well I'm happy
that you asked there's you kind of have a standard Doug do you pronounce the the prize bag? Well, I'm happy that you asked.
You kind of have a standard
Doug, do you pronounce the G at the end of your name
or do you not?
Or do you change it up?
I do. No, so for the prize bag,
so I'm part of a podcast called
All Fantasy Everything. It's a fun one.
Hell yeah.
Are there bugs up here?
Why do you keep attacking the air with your hat?
There's a bunch of bucks up here.
Oh, now I get it.
There's a buck on my hat.
You see what I'm doing.
It's excitement.
Anyway, so I brought a couple T-shirts,
a couple All Fantasy Everything T-shirts.
They're large.
Not so in charge, but they are large. And here's a baseball one, if you fancy the everything t-shirts They're large Not so in charge but they are large
And here's a baseball one if you fancy the baseball t-shirts
And then some Sour Patch Kids
Because if you're not eating Sour Patch Kids
You're blowing it
So that is what I brought for the prize bag
I'll wrap them all up for you Dougie
That's fantastic
I love it
Everybody be quiet while I do that
Thank you
I like to hear the Sour Patch Kids crinkling.
Speaking of, I just said that's fantastic
because that's the phrase they use at the end of the bumpers
in the Fantastic Fest in Austin, Texas,
which is coming up next week.
And I'm going to do a Doug Loves Movies from there
on the Friday afternoon of Fantastic Fest
at 2 o'clock at the Highball
right next to the Alamo Drafthouse Lamar.
So if you're in Austin, come by and cruise in.
Anyone's welcome.
I'm glad I remembered to mention that.
Me too.
Holy buckets.
Sounds fantastic.
You know, we'll record it and put it out on the Internet.
I'll try to get a Leonard Maltin or something.
It's a film festival, so you should be able to get a cool guest or two.
I'll buy that for a dollar, sure.
Yeah.
I'm in.
Louis.
Yes.
Louis.
What?
Louis.
Louis.
Just keep repeating it to yourself, and you'll get it right.
I really have waffled, and I've known you for a while, Louis. That's all right. I appreciate the question. What is it? What and you'll get it right because i i really have waffled and i've known you for a while louis that's all right it's i appreciate what is it what do you got i got um i got this uh
download card for my last album it's called cat skills it came out last year it was uh rated one
of the top five albums by uh vulture.com top five comedy albums not just any god damn right it was
and uh it comes with this cool poster that I signed,
so you get the poster and the album.
And then I got two passes for the show this Sunday here at Helium.
And you might see on it valid any day, but it's not true.
They will only take it.
It's only the one.
Only the one day.
So only a Sunday at 7.
So, you know, you can either come see me
or you throw them right in the garbage.
It's up to you.
Should I roll it up? I'll take it. Yeah, you can roll it up. I'll throw them right in the garbage. It's up to you. Should I roll it up?
I'll take it. You can roll it up.
I'll roll it up. Here, there's the cards.
Yeah, thank you.
Oh, wow. Doug got so scared.
You guys couldn't hear it, but he's like, just give me the cards.
Just get them into my hand.
My whole job right now
is to get these damn cards.
Get them in the bag.
And then I think they're probably good
for the afternoon show
tomorrow as well
no no I checked
they're not
I mean come to
you know just come to both
there you go
we're trying to say
one will be free
if you're the winner today
I'm lost
she wasn't lost she didn't know If you're the winner today. I'm lost.
She wasn't lost.
She didn't know there was a show.
Oh, Brie you're talking about.
So Brie, what do you have for the prize bag?
Like I said, I wasn't aware of the Bumble show.
I just knew it was in Buffalo, New York.
And so I've brought with me some souvenirs from Buffalo, New York.
Nice.
This makeup bag,
which couldn't possibly have come from an estate sale in Portland, Oregon.
It is obviously a product
of the good people of upstate New York
where I think Buffalo is.
So you can enjoy for, you know, it's a really good size for a full gram of weed.
And if you are 21, maybe that is legal to put in the prize bag.
21?
I don't know how that works in a establishment that sells alcohol.
Oh, yeah, no.
You know what I mean? Well, it just could fit a weed gram,
but it also might not.
And one never knows when, after a show,
one might find a gram of weed.
Especially at this show.
If you know who to talk to.
Now, pardon my ignorance,
and I don't really smoke weed all that much
because I can't handle it, doesn't agree with my constitution.
Is that not plenty large enough to handle a bunch of grams of weed?
What?
I would say eight.
We're dancing around the fence.
In her defense, she said big enough too, which would mean that or things also much larger, but big enough to have that ground.
The Rose Garden could fit a couch, is kind
of what you're saying.
If we tried.
And also, to break the fourth wall here,
since we all know that you weren't actually in
Buffalo, you were at an estate sale
earlier today? Yeah, I was at an estate sale earlier
today. Hell yeah.
Live in, dog. She's making some stops
on her way to Buffalo.
I mean, it's a long drive.
So, picked up some provisions.
This lovely item will go into
the prize bag today.
Sparkly and pretty. Yes, please.
Pass that purse.
And also, if you
stop by the merch table on your
way out, I will hook you up with a...
Easy, Steven Tyler. I will hook you up with a... Easy, Steven Tyler.
I'll hook you up with a...
Is this like the Temptations
where we should all do that?
We gotta lean back and say do-up or something.
Also, for the listeners,
Doug E. Fresh just put his shades on,
so it's that kind of show.
Oh my God.
So I don't have to do that again.
Can you hand me that bag that says Tito's on it?
I don't approve of the people just putting items up on the stage.
It's just sort of weird.
You know, now look what's happening.
We're wasting time on it.
But holy shit, this thing is so full of hats.
So many goddamn hats.
Sean, catch the hats.
Like there's a Samuel Adams hat or two.
Oh, there's three of them?
Let me grab this pair of shades real quick and throw those on.
Some t-shirts.
There's some white shades in here.
Some koozies.
I got to find somebody who uses koozies because I don't know who does.
You got some koozie users?
All right, I'm going to try to toss these to you.
Hold on.
We were in.
Here we go.
Watch your faces.
Right to her.
Koozie's coming through.
Look out for them koozies.
Never seen so much koozie enthusiasm.
I think there's a Tito's bandana coming over there.
Koozie enthusiasm.
Koozie enthusiasm.
Oh my god, you guys are such koozie
soozies.
Koozie enthusiasts.
I'm at work right now. Does anybody else want this other pair
of white sunglasses?
Don't throw those, though.
Are you going to throw them?
Oh, shit.
Can I throw them?
I guess so.
White sunglasses.
Well, it's not like they're cinder blocks.
You don't want people diving around for shit over candles and pint-sized glasses.
If you're diving around for white sunglasses, then
re-evaluate some things.
Also, these things look like they
break down. Hold on.
Hey, look, if a bullet
is going to penetrate your body and do damage,
then just don't get in the way of my bullet,
is what you basically just said.
What sunglasses, officer?
Of course I can
take these across state lines. This is just, I don't know what it is.
Something.
Anyway.
Why did you just fold up those sunglasses?
Because they fold up.
He's demonstrating.
And there's a couple Mountie hats in here, too.
Some Sam Adams Mountie hats.
Yeah, thank you to whoever brought this.
Yeah, who did bring that?
Are you a Tito's rep?
No.
No.
It is because I like Tito's,
but I'm going to turn around and give it to somebody else.
I apologize for being a...
I can't even say the expression for it.
Somebody who just took a dab is what he apologized for.
I did, and I got one more koozie,
and I'm putting it into the koozie rocket,
and it's going to come flying out when you least expect it.
Stay on your toes, koozie-soozies.
Yeah.
Okay, so that's all the stuff
that's going in the prize bag.
But before we play the games,
I want to say
kudos to
Sean Socks.
And
it just caught my eye
because for a second I thought I was driving and you were a pedestrian.
They're toy machine socks.
Any skateboarders out there?
Toy machine socks.
They got the toy machine eyeball right on the top and they're dope.
So they're like five bucks.
Go to Skate Warehouse and get some.
Just a heads up if you want a good deal.
Yes.
You know, let's talk about a good deal.
Talk sponsorship with them.
You just gave you gave them a great commercial.
I wouldn't call it great.
I gave them a commercial for sure.
What was the last movie you saw?
I went and saw It, chapter two last night.
Tap it, tap it.
So let's focus on the movie I saw before that.
I rewatched.
Oh, we're going to do that, aren't we?
Yeah, we are.
Why do you not want to talk about It?
I don't really give a care.
I want to talk about the movie
I watched on the plane on the way here.
Is that okay?
Because you prefer to promote this other movie?
I'm just a bigger fan.
Yeah, you liked it better.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, The Bodyguard.
It's a perfect, but who awed?
Did you awe and like,
oh my God, I love true love kind of way? Because then, yeah, sure, I get it. It's a perfect movie. awed? Did you awe in like Oh my god I love true love
Kind of way?
Cause then yeah
Sure I get it
It's a perfect movie
The Bodyguard
Killer soundtrack
Kevin Costner owns
A restaurant in South Dakota
So can't go wrong
Whoa
And Whitney Houston
Whitney Houston gives you
Both barrels right down
Main Street
Singing, acting
Go fuck yourself
It's so dope
That movie's phenomenal
top to bottom.
Cried on the plane
for a couple reasons.
That was one of them.
So scary.
The bodyguard?
Yeah, when she's
being stalked fully.
Yeah.
It's terrifying.
Two different people.
One of them gnarlier
than the other.
So yeah, it is scary.
I agree with you.
I never saw it.
I just remember the rules.
Never fall in love.
Louis, that wasn't for you, dude.
No. Hang it up.
Oh, sorry. I'd say fall in love
because it makes a great movie.
Movie rules.
And I...
Jesus. I thought...
Now here I thought Whitney Houston was dead.
Oh yeah, she is.
And then I hear to my right,
Whitney Houston, and then I look over
and I'm like, no, it's just some dude with shades on inside.
That's all it is.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know the movie.
I'm not going to argue with you about its perfection levels.
Really?
You agree?
No, I'm just not going to argue with you about it.
Do you not agree?
No, I do not agree.
Perfect is a strong word, but it's a really good movie.
Like, you know, like cocktail perfect?
Haven't we talked about this?
Like Roadhouse Perfect?
Cocktail and Roadhouse are different.
They are?
I think Kelly Lynch
is in both, though, so
I win that argument. Really?
Which part?
Anyone got a dab?
I need to get on the level.
Cocktail is good, but it's not a good movie.
Roadhouse is a good movie.
Okay.
Like I said, no time to argue.
So anyway, the bodyguard.
Fucking rules.
I'll hear nothing else. It's all right. Wow. It's allguard. Fucking rules. I'll hear nothing else.
That's all right.
Wow.
True definition. So anyway, the bodyguard sounds like your last sentence at the end of a terrible date.
What was the last thing I said?
So anyway, the bodyguard.
No, you don't want to kiss?
All right, well, the bodyguard fucking rules.
I'm glad I spent all dinner
talking about that.
Being ushered out
by her dad.
Yeah, but the bodyguard rules, right?
Cool.
I'll hit you up on AOL, yeah?
Yeah, I'll see you when I see you.
You know what I mean?
Louis? Yeah. Yeah. I'll see you when I see you. You know what I mean? Louis. Yeah.
Still here. What was the last movie you saw? I saw Brittany runs a marathon. Okay. And then what was your second? I don't want to talk about that. No, I do want to talk about
it. Brittany runs a marathon. Yeah, I liked it. Very fun
movie. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good. Uplifting.
I was lifted up. Yeah.
Kind of a sports
movie. Really?
I mean, there's
a marathon. Jogging and marathons.
Alright, I didn't think of it that way. They're kind of a
sport. I didn't think of it
that way. Yeah, yeah, they're a little bit of a sport.
I like it. It took some nice
twists and turns and I liked all the actors
and it was, it just like didn't, it surprised
me more than I thought it would. It wasn't,
didn't go exactly how I thought it would, so it was
good. Yeah, I mean, when they lay it out for
you like that, Britney runs a marathon, you're like
okay, what else? I think I
think I know what's going to happen here.
What else is going to happen in this movie?
She does some other stuff first.
It was a four-hour movie, and Brittany ran a marathon.
It was a pretty good time, I think.
She threw up, shit her pants, and ran a marathon.
It was good.
The twist and the turn.
Yeah, I liked it.
Anyway.
Okay.
Check it out everybody
what
Britney Runs the Marathon
oh
is it super funny
it looks super funny
I don't think
it's super funny
okay
I've seen funnier this year
well they just lost my money
sorry
it's good
it's a good movie though
check it out
okay
yeah
Regal Theater over here
our great
great movie house
the Regal Theater yeah over, our great movie house, the Regal Theater.
Yeah.
Over at Lloyd Center.
Yeah.
They, you know, sometimes they kind of break up the titles to fit on the marquee,
and then they're on top of each other, so the combos are always fun to check out.
And yesterday I saw, what was it?
Oh, oh, oh.
The Bodyguard.
No, it was The Goldfin, oh, oh. The Bodyguard. No, it was
The Goldfinch Brittany Runs.
It's a movie about a woman
who has some sort of old car
that's called, nicknamed the Goldfinch
or something.
But anyway, there's two separate movies
and they couldn't be more different from what I
hear.
I'm going to wait on Britney Runs a Marathon until rental so that I can watch it in reverse,
because I like it when people stay fat in movies.
It's infuriating.
I want her to be fat and keep the guy, you know,
I'm making my own movie.
And I'm not running at all.
You might like it, though, because in this case,
she's got a personality thing that she needs to work out.
Oh, she's running for the inside.
That's good.
That's good.
Exactly.
Anyway.
Oh, so
Bree, what was your most recent
movie experience?
On a plane to Portland, I had the option to watch Us, but guess what?
Too spooky for your girl.
Off immediately.
So then, went back to something safe and familiar.
The Bodyguard.
City Slickers.
Oh!
That's good.
Whoa!
Bruno Kirby.
Bruno Kirby.
Yeah.
Bruno Kirby is fucking dumb.
Jake Gyllenhaal plays Billy Crystal's son.
Oh, wow.
He was a child.
Yeah, adorable.
Probably why he's playing the son.
You see it.
You see it in his little flickering eyes.
He's going to be hot.
Yeah.
Eventually.
Eventually.
Hot take.
It's a very good movie.
It's a very good movie.
Yeah. They ate that bowl at the wrap party. It's a very good movie. Yeah.
They ate that bull at the wrap party.
Another fun fact.
They did?
No.
Such a sucker.
I even guessed at that bull.
There's a bull in that movie, right?
Like Chevy Chase.
Chevy Chase.
Chevy Chase by bull.
That other guy, Billy Crystal Crystal Has to run from a bull
At some point right
Like the bulls
There's a running of the bulls
At the beginning
At the top yeah
And there's a birthing
Of a calf at the end
To really you know
The calf yes
Full circle
I should have made a calf Jim
What are you gonna do
But so
Thumbs up for that movie
Absolutely
Every single time
You know what
I watched a lot
When I was a child
and then you get older adult jokes
later, right?
Homie is fucking his
employee.
What do you use for protection? Paper or plastic?
What a good joke. I didn't even know
what it was about. I was like, protection?
What part of sex is that?
And now as a grown up you're like, well, paper
obviously.
Yeah, I want to see the wet spot to make sure it's there.
What am I made of money all of a sudden?
And I recycle Pacific Northwest.
That's my blood you know.
It's in my blood yo.
These are very environmental fuckers In the house tonight
They're like we turn it inside out
And reduce, reuse, recycle baby
That's why they brought the same signs
That was pretty funny
Dear Helium Comedy Club
May I please have,
maybe,
is Amber around?
It is Amber.
May I please get
another Tito's and soda?
Mention it.
Since we mentioned
my love.
A pitter and a patter.
There was,
yeah,
you know,
I'm just ordering a drink.
It's not that exciting.
Yeah,
we know.
Yeah, so it's a couple people applauded.
Don't shame them for it.
Could I please have a water in a Tito's branded hat?
Oh, we got those over here.
Don't bother the staff here at Helium for that.
They just have delicious beverages and wonderful food.
True.
All true.
I agree with all that.
This is the part where I say, turn it off, Bert.
Let the games begin!
Oh, my goodness.
Look at all these name tags, you guys.
I know.
It's crazy.
What?
Lady and gentlemen, you've got to pick a name tag.
Sean's already being lured by a guy yelling about skateboarding.
This guy knows what he's doing.
Sean's on his way.
Everybody's looking.
Just grab one you like, Louie,
and bring it back to your seat.
While they do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
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That's the Jeselnik and Rosenthal Vanity Project podcast.
Back to the show.
I want to extend you an invitation right now, Sean,
to Doug Loves Shows.
Nice.
And now I'd like to talk about movies.
But no, specifically your name tag that you selected.
Well, so...
I think it's movie related.
Yeah.
And honestly, I didn't even get your name, dude.
Alex, all right.
Totale Recall.
Totale. Okay, there we go. So, alright. I was wondering.
So, Crookshank, but Total.
So, Al, that's why it has two L's.
Al, for Alex. I get it. So, Total
Recall. And, yeah, it's a Total Recall
poster with vodka shooters on it.
And he had a skateboard tattooed on his arm.
So, I don't, I didn't have a choice. I had to.
I had to. I'm sorry.
I just had to. You gotta to show love to the game.
It has to happen.
It's all I've ever cared about my whole life.
And also, Total Recall is an amazing movie.
When was the last time everybody in here watched Total Recall?
Everybody at once.
Yeah.
All right, so you're playing for Cruikshank,
and you're going to get all that delicious vodka.
Yeah.
All right, just slap it down there.
In a second.
Oh, look at you. This is going to be very gentle. Are you going to sit like that the whole show? I might. I it down there. In a second. Oh, look at you.
This is going to be very gentle.
Are you going to sit like that the whole show?
I might.
I don't know, for a minute.
Okay.
Louie?
All right, I'm done.
Way to go.
You got the name.
I went with this one.
This is Mad Doug Beyond Tina Dome.
So I guess it's Tina's, right?
Yeah.
And it's got, you know, it drew me to it.
It's got lights and candy like a trap set by a pedophile, so I like that.
And I'm just a big fan of Mad Max movies, even though that's, it's, this is the one I thought was so awesome when I was a kid and I watched it recently.
And it's clearly the worst, clearly the worst one.
Clearly the worst one.
Tina strongly disagrees.
Look, I love a good Master Blaster reference.
You know, I love a two men enter, one man leave kind of reference.
But that part at the end where he goes hang out with kids for the last half hour?
Fuck that.
Sorry.
But excellent poster.
Good work.
Hell yeah.
Or name tag, whatever you call it.
It's gorgeous.
It's like a shadow box that you'd sell on Alberta Street.
On First Friday.
Local.
I'm a local.
As soon as they send Max to Gulag, that movie's over.
Yeah.
That is it.
Because you've got to watch him just go through the desert for forever.
Yeah.
Then he finds those dumb kids.
The dumb kids.
They're like the Ewoks of that movie, kind of.
At least one of the Ewoks had the courtesy to die.
Damn.
Cold-blooded.
I thought you were leaving.
I thought you were like,
man, you don't talk about the Ewoks like that.
Sean does not tolerate Ewok shit talk.
I have a giant back tattoo.
I'm not going to say it's an Ewok,
but it's also not not an Ewok.
Not an Ewok.
You can just shave your back hair like that, you know?
No room for... Which Ewok would you get
if you got a back tattoo of an Ewok?
I don't know them well enough.
There's different Ewoks?
Yeah, they have names
and everything,
but I couldn't tell.
I mean, I could guess at them,
but they'd probably be off.
Steven.
I'd get Steven tattooed.
Steven.
Steven the Ewok.
The Ewok named Steven.
Steven!
Get the fuck over here, dude.
I told you we're being cute.
We're going to be cute
over here today.
Put your staff down.
Steven, words with the growling already.
Use the words, bud.
I don't like their little mouths with teeth and tongues that look like ours.
It's like raccoons having little people hands.
I don't know when puppeteers thought,
oh, they want the weird thing to look like us, you know?
That's not good.
Star Wars was pretty successful. It's like Sonic
the Hedgehog's mouth, you know?
New Sonic. That's a movie,
right? There's a new Sonic coming out, yeah.
The people mouth.
Yeah,
they retracted the look of Sonic
when people didn't like the trailer.
They were like, oh yeah, he does look really weird.
It's like on that new
on that Cats trailer kind of vibe, like that.
That looks crazy.
But is that what we're talking about?
Kind of like too animal and human, too much
not right.
The uncanny valley.
I mean, as I adjust my head,
I don't want to be
The one to say
But I think Cats
Is a little right
Like I'm kind of in
I can handle it
If they're walking around
Like that I'm in
You're saying it's hot
Yeah yeah
I didn't say hot
You said that
I'm just saying
I'm interpreting
From your eyes
I can see it in your eyes
I didn't disagree
I got a pretty tight
Cross going on
What do you think about This trend now Of making older actors I got a pretty tight cross going on.
What do you think about this trend now of making older actors look young?
Like, you know, these movies that take place earlier.
Like in all the Avengers movies.
Like young Sam Jackson, young...
Kurt Russell, young Mike Douglas.
Mike Douglas.
Robert Downey.
Mike Douglas, Michael Douglas, yeah.
I call him Mike.
Yeah, I guess he didn't go to the dinner parties.
There was an old talk show host called Mike Douglas.
That's why I laugh.
I called him Michael, which is a weird thing.
Yeah, see?
You always turn it.
I love it.
Anytime you're coming at me,
I don't know if the bill's going to be up front or in the back.
Rob Downey Jr.?
You're the same way with conversation.
Yeah.
I don't know, but let's move on to Bree.
What's your, who are you playing on band?
I'm playing for Lee.
He made a Lee Somar name tag,
and it's got some Sour Patch Kids on it.
It's beautiful, right?
Mid-Somar, a movie that will also be too terrifying for me to see,
but I'm excited to see it represented in two-dimensional form.
Okay.
Maybe somebody could make a cut of like,
cause that movie there's maybe five minutes.
If you took it out,
it would be,
I think it would be tense and,
and ultimately,
you know,
maybe a little upsetting,
but it's just,
there's some stuff in there that you're forced to see if you watch the whole
thing that,
uh,
I don't approve of just foisting that on people,
but, uh, but you know, the guy's a really skilled filmmaker and he says, watched the whole thing that I don't approve of just foisting that on people.
But, you know, the guy's a really skilled filmmaker.
He says his next movie is not going to do that.
So he's probably going to trick me into watching another movie that does that.
Sounds like you already did.
Yeah, he really did.
I mean, I'll see anything he makes because he really does.
What are the other movies? did. I mean, I'll see anything he makes, because he really does.
Hereditary and Midsommar
are both like, really
fuck with your, you know, if you need stuff
for your nightmares,
go ahead and go load up.
It'll fill the canteen.
You can really gather up some shit.
Because even the most innocent shots are like,
it's reminiscent
of Kubrick's The Shining.
The most innocent moments of his movies is Ari Aster guy.
His movies, the most quiet, serene moments are some of the creepiest.
Super unnerving.
Yeah.
Really beautiful photography in this movie where some shit's about to happen.
Well, if somebody's got a lot of time on their hands and they want to cut out five minutes of every spooky movie, I will pay you
one dollar each.
My
ex-girlfriend, she would read the whole Wikipedia
of the movie, read the whole plot,
and then watch it, and that would make her less
scared. Ex-girlfriend.
I get it.
I get it.
I hear you
clucking big chicken. I understand.
So yeah, Lee, Lee Somar, give it up.
It's beautiful.
Yeah, that was fun.
I forgot that we should probably play these games.
Nobody asks you ever.
What was the last movie you saw?
Oh, they do ask me sometimes, but you're so sweet to join them.
The last movie I saw was...
See, this is a tough one for me.
Talk quieter.
Because I don't think about it.
I just see as many movies as I can, and then...
Have you seen The Bodyguard?
It's perfect.
I fell asleep watching something called The Forest on HBO yesterday.
And I can tell you almost nothing about it.
Oh, I do remember the lady's name
who plays the lead.
She's out in a forest with this dude
and she's like,
I gotta get out of this fucking forest.
I don't know this dude.
You're paraphrasing.
That's the whole,
that's the plot right there.
It sounds like Homeward Bound.
Yeah, it's Homeward Bound
with people
and the lady, the actress, her name is Natalie Dormer.
Oh, from Game of Thrones.
She's quite good on that, I'm told.
What's her name in Game of Thrones?
She played Flarfney Benarnia.
Help me out.
Joffrey's second.
Marjorie, there we go.
Marjorie, all right go. Marjorie.
All right.
Let's not get in the yelling out answers habit.
And she was in the Hunger Games, too.
And she had the side of her head shaved.
I'm just warming up.
We're about to play some games.
I feel it.
I feel it.
Just warming up.
Just warming the fuck up, bro.
This is going to be a lively one.
Louie, you've been on the show before.
How do you do with the games part? How do you do with
this stuff? I've won. I won once.
There you go. But usually I'm bad.
But I did win.
Bree, did you win when you were on before? Fuck no, dude.
I was, it was rough.
Lee, my sincere apologies. It will be
fine and
maybe I got a little backup joint
if I lose really badly. To share. I like the hand over the mouth and then I got a little backup joint if I lose really badly.
To share.
I like the hand over the mouth and then he got louder.
If I lose really badly?
If I lose really badly
I'll meet you outside with a backup joint.
I got kickbacks is what I'm
saying. Got kickbacks for my name tag
bro. I'll tell you this.
I'm having a lot of fun right now.
This is super cool.
It really is.
This is dope.
This is a nice time.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm happy about this.
I'm happy that everyone's here.
It's a beautiful backdrop.
Nice day out.
There's a nice breeze.
Doesn't hurt my eyes, this backdrop.
I'll tell you that.
Doesn't make them not look really good.
Look at my eyes.
They're beautiful.
Oh, they are nice.
Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that.
The backdrop told me so.
Has anybody, yeah,
definitely positive energy, but has anybody
done a...
Mushrooms lately? No.
Has anyone done
a
stand-up comedy special in
this club
for television? No.
They haven't ever? I don't believe so. Well, there's been a lot
of albums recorded here. Nick, if he's in the back, would
know. I swear somebody
recorded it. My album was recorded here. Catskills, top five
comedy albums of 2018. Really? You recorded it here?
Yes, that's right. Oh! Fuck yeah!
That's right.
But it was
not filmed. I don't know
if anyone's ever filmed it and put it out here.
I was just wondering, because it seems like if you did do one here,
you'd want to leave this backdrop up, because it seems very photogenic.
Oh, I filmed it here.
I filmed one here.
I filmed it here.
When it was being...
Come on.
I didn't release it.
I feel like you drew that out.
It was my going away show. You knew what you were you drew that out. It was my going away show.
You knew what you were doing the whole time.
It was my going away show, but it wasn't finished.
None of the lights were on it.
It was just like a bridge.
You taped a show or you filmed a special?
I filmed a special and I didn't release it.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Did you lose a lot of money or did someone else lose a lot of money?
No, it was not expensive.
Oh, cool.
I should do that.
I had no idea.
Well, thank you for bringing it up
because you didn't have to.
Yeah, right.
If you DM me, I'll send it to you.
The jokes are like three years old,
but that's still good.
I was around. They were really good. Thank you, buddy. Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah, you send it to you. The jokes are like three years old, but that's still good. I was around.
They were really good.
Thank you, buddy.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Yeah, you're timeless to me.
Brita's fucking rule.
Sean, bless you.
That's a beautiful blue-eyed bastard.
I love him.
It's almost like I brought that up
a couple minutes ago.
Thank you.
Thank you for reassuring me.
This first game we're going to play.
Uh-oh.
No more jokes, dog.
Fun stops
here.
This first
game is,
it can get a little tricky with my guests,
but I still like to try to do it
and see what happens.
It's called Purple Rain Man.
The audience likes it.
Purple Rain Man is what it's called because Purple Rain Man is two movie titles smushed together,
and they fit together as one.
You don't have to change any of the words
or even the pronunciation of the words.
Sometimes the spelling...
This is so complicated now.
Smush is a really funny word.
Yeah, but anyway.
So like if Purple Rain Man,
if I said the third build people in the movie Purple Rain Man
were Apollonia from Purple Rain
and Valeria from...
You saying words?
Yeah.
Sounds like someone poured applesauce
all over the microphone.
It's the lady who...
Oh, I just almost bit into the microphone.
It's the lady who played
Tom Cruise's girlfriend, Valeria Galeno.
Purple Rainforest.
Purple Rain Man. I got it right. You got it wrong.
Purple Rainforest. You were talking about Forest.
That's just the example
of how that works.
Lewis, don't worry about it. You can play the next game.
Alright.
Bree and I got some shit to figure out real quick.
What?
What did you just say your name?
What?
It's like before and after.
All right.
Unreal of Fortune.
It's like before and after.
I wish I just said that.
That doesn't cover it.
What movie title, if you smushed the titles together...
Stop saying smushed.
I'm going to laugh.
I'm trying to be serious.
If you made them into a mashup instead of a mushup.
Mushup's funny.
The third billed performers in this movie would be George Harrison.
He's in the first title title and Peter Sarsgaard
is in the second the two titles work together beautifully as a team Peter
Sarsgaard George Harrison Peter Sarsgaard second build would be Paul McCartney And Cameron Diaz
People in the audience
Know the answer
People on stage
Do not
Whispering politely
To each other
So none of us on stage can hear
Maybe they're ordering drinks
I don't know
They're probably bummed. I don't know.
They're probably bummed because I don't know a movie that had the Beatles in it.
Yellow Mask? Oh, no. Hold on. Hold on.
Oh, you've
got this, Sean. A Hard Day's Night and Day?
Yes!
You
did it!
I feel like
every joke up to this point
should have gotten a bigger round of applause.
That was just me guessing.
I knew two movies, but yeah, that was fun.
That was really exhilarating.
I appreciate that.
That's what success feels like, Sean.
Damn.
He ripped my face off.
Everyone thinks he's so nice.
Wow.
He really is.
You have no idea.
I'm an emotional powder keg the last month and a half.
I'll get real serious if I need to.
But yeah, Doug's amazing.
Okay, you know, let's keep it fun.
But Sean, that means you get to go first in this next game.
That's why I said don't worry about it, Lewis.
You don't really win much of anything
until the big game
at the end. But Sean,
we got one more
build-up game
and you get to go first
in something called
ABCD's
Nuts!
I gotta put my drink down
for this one Big fan
Alright this is a spelling game of sorts
I'm gonna tell you
Something that we're attempting to spell
Tonight
And with each letter
Starting with Sean
You have to name any movie that begins
With that letter but if you match the one
That I've written down ahead of time
And it's on theme,
because there is a theme,
if you match it, you win automatically.
I hope this movie doesn't have the word tomorrow
in the title.
But you can guess any.
I'm bad at spelling that.
It's one of those sleepers man you don't know two r's two o's two t's i think the spelling is not our part that's not a bit i'm not the one that did a dab earlier i'm just
looking out for everyone you know what i mean okay let's move this along because i've got to get back to feast portland
i would like to i would like to spell tonight in honor of feast portland the words feast portland
so the first letter in that we'll just go through all the letters but sean gets the f so what in
in feast portland so name any movie that begins with F and try to...
I know you're going first, so it's not the great...
It's not really an advantage.
But maybe you've got a theme in mind
that it might be.
Maybe you just have an F
word that you'd like to say.
I'm going to say Fast and the Furious
and it's going to be because Feast and the Furious
would be funny to me if that was the whole thing.
That's a great answer and reason for that great answer.
I went with a documentary called Food, Inc.
Ooh!
Oh, somebody in the audience just said...
Ah, the whole thing's about food.
Hmm, okay.
All right, Lewis, what do you think?
What would you do with the letter E?
Are you going to keep calling me Lewis even though we went through that whole thing?
He did the Lewis.
Are we going to?
Are you just going to?
I'm sorry.
That was like 10 minutes of the podcast, right?
It's just, if you hadn't said anything in the beginning, I would have just let it slide.
I thought I was doing so good with that.
You were up until about 10 seconds ago.
I just slipped into it.
This is the third one, actually, and I've been simmering, you know.
Oh, see, Sean, you didn't even catch it yet.
Well, I'm fairly drunk, so.
Yeah.
Pot versus whiskey, here we go.
Louis, what's your, what do you think, Louis?
Elephant Man?
Because...
Okay, I like it.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, it's not Elephant Man, I believe.
So there would be a T there.
But it's still, you know, I think I see where you're going.
I went with a movie called Eat, Drink, Man, Woman.
Okay, all right, all right, all right.
You know, Oscar contention,
early nineties.
I'm kidding.
No one's ever heard of that fucking movie.
No,
it's very popular.
People who like,
uh,
four words that are very,
very clear and specific,
uh,
in their title.
You pretty much know.
Blood,
sugar,
sex,
magic.
You know,
you know,
you know,
two things that are going to happen
and who's going to do it.
Reese focused on the...
It was also, I don't know,
I don't know who to attribute this to,
but Eat, Drink, Man, Woman was nominated
for an Oscar, Sean,
and at the awards that night,
Billy Crystal or whoever it was, so apologies to the
performer for not,
me not remembering who exactly
said a joke that was written by somebody else.
He said,
Eat, Drink, Man, Woman is
the first thing Arnold Schwarzenegger
said to Maria Shriver.
The beginning of the day. I'm pretty sure that was on the Oscars.
I'm pretty sure.
So we'll all have fun looking that up.
And the corrections department will be open on Monday.
Man, I don't care if it needs to be corrected or not.
That's a hilarious joke.
That was fun to say.
That's a really...
That's a really...
I got a good...
All right.
So...
Eat, drink, man, woman.
Just pointing.
Like, you eat, I drink.
Or no, you go eat, drink, man, woman.
There we go. All right. Anyway, I killed it. I ruined it, eat, drink, man, woman. There we go.
All right.
Anyway, I killed it.
I ruined it.
You want to explain the joke a fourth time?
That's my face, Fred.
It's easy to figure out, because all you've got to do is go to the year
Eat, Drink, Man, Woman was nominated for an Oscar and who hosted the show.
I think.
I don't think that would be like an intro at some point in the show.
I think that'd be the host would say that.
Do that Steven Tyler thing with the mic again.
All right.
So it's going to get real obscure.
So let's just get through this.
Uh,
a is the next letter.
A I'm going gonna go library style
andre my dinner with oh my dinner with yep that's common uh in libraries uh comma after whatever the
okay if we're not if that's exclusionary um how about an american tale to Fievel Goes West?
Lots of cooking in that film.
I love it, but I went with something.
Maybe you guys have heard of it.
I'd never heard of it.
Called A Fairy Secret.
Of course we haven't heard of it.
You've heard of this next one, Sean.
S.
Supersize me.
Sausage party.
I was over here camped out like, I got it.
I know this motherfucker.
I know what he's doing.
It's going to be a super-hyme-y thing.
We're going to talk about it.
It wasn't.
Anyway.
T is the next letter.
Louis.
It's a movie called Taco Night that I just made up.
Oh, my God.
Dude, you got to fucking write, you know,
whatever you do to get a title, get the rights to it.
Taco Night's a great title for a movie.
Pound a blow and a title,
and that's all you need to make a movie happen.
And like nine people with like a billion dollars each And there it goes
It would be like, it would break records on Tuesdays
Yeah, right
It would do pretty well on Thursdays
You know those dorks, Taco Thursday
Shut the fuck up, it's not a taco
That was so funny I had to touch him.
Because I was like,
Thaco Thursday,
and then Doug did the professional route.
He goes, shut up, it's not a Thaco.
That's funnier.
It's a tag.
You teed it up.
I'll get there.
One of these days.
Speaking of tea, taco's not the answer.
Taco night.
It's a sentence I never should have said.
Taco is always the answer.
But in this case, it's the trip to Italy.
Remember that?
Those two funny dudes Go around and eat
The movie's called The Trip, right?
Yeah, that was the first one
And then they did
So if one of you did happen to say The Trip
I could know, sorry, I wrote down
The Trip to Italy
Which was the second of three
I didn't know that
The next letter is P
Paddington Bear 2.
Wait, is it your turn?
Yeah, isn't it?
No.
I don't know if we're doing the back and forth thing.
Yeah, yeah.
It's back to Louie.
Wait, what?
I said Taco Night.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, yeah, Bria, you're next.
Paddington Bear 1.
Yeah, you were right.
You were right.
You're not right.
Okay.
You're right in one sense, but wrong in the other one.
Paddington Walrus?
Any mention of Paddington is nice.
And he does enjoy his marmalade.
Yes.
And also, he doesn't have any problem with Mondays.
He's a really different talking animal.
Pieces of April.
The classic
Katie Holmes
trying to make
a turkey movie.
I mean,
this next one's
even more obscure.
Who's next?
Who's O?
It's me.
Okay.
What's my letter?
O.
O.
O.
O.
O is always a tough one. so I just wrote down some bullshit
oh brother where art thou
they cook up a lot of mischief in that movie
I wish they sure do
they sure do
probably something
happened to those machine gun cows.
Wasn't that weird?
That's a weird part of that movie.
A lot of weird parts of that movie.
Yeah, you're right.
Fun, fun, weird.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Weirdness, the day is long, my friend.
Yeah, I went with a movie called,
have you ever heard of this?
Probably not.
Let's bring it up.
Our Daily Bread.
Nope. I've said it in prayer back before i would i bet you every expression that prayer has probably been
turned into a movie somewhere like either mainstream or lifetime the first part of that i need to get
what other words are in that our daily bread speech
give us this lord our daily bread yeah so Give us this Lord, our daily bread.
Yeah, so give us this Lord
is probably a movie title.
Give us, give us.
Give us this Lord.
Give it to us, Lord.
I'm picturing a bunch of Romans
just like, give us this Lord.
Or turn the lights out
in that prayer at all.
There's a joke about this, Lord. Or turn the lights out in that prayer at all. There's a joke about
fucking that Lord. Anyway.
So anyway, that's the
you're wrong.
R is the next
letter. Ratatouille
for the motherfucking win. Oh,
it has to be. He did it
and his name is Louie.
Louie.
Louie.
Louie.
Louie.
Louie.
Oh, my gosh.
That was fantastic.
Thank you.
Yep.
How long have you known that you were going to pick Reddit?
I was counting the letters, and I was so excited,
and I was very excited. And I was very excited.
Yeah, yeah.
Had to be it.
We would have had to jump Doug if it wasn't.
If we manage to get past that, I went with The Trip to Spain,
which is the third one in that series.
Can I guess the L?
Yeah.
And then for L, I went, oh, you want to guess it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is it like water for chocolate?
It is.
Damn.
You fucking show off.
Louie.
Louie.
Louie.
Louie.
See, in this case, it's just a memory exercise that I'm doing for myself.
I'm not that excited about it.
And then there's some movie that's supposedly about food that's apparently connected in some way to the other dumb movie I mentioned,
A Fairy Secret.
It's like a sequel to A Fairy Secret, and it's called A Fashion Fairy Tale.
I guess it's got a lot of food eating in it.
And then for N, I went with No Reservations.
And for D, who said it?
Somebody over there said it.
Delicatessen.
Delicatessen, yeah.
So, yeah, that's how that goes.
Louis.
I said one.
Louis.
Louis.
Louis.
Louis.
I'll start the chant every time I start to say it wrong.
I should say I was being modest before.
I did win, and when I won, I
beat Eli Roth. So that's what's up.
Oh,
wow. Come on, Sean
and Bree. You're the underdogs now
now that we know that.
Eli Roth knows a lot of shit. That's awesome.
He didn't know a lot of shit about bad movies.
And I...
He's like knows fancier
movies than I know Yeah
Eli Roth fucking rules
Yeah
Louis are you excited
And Sean never said
another word
other than what he just said
What were you saying?
Oh I was gonna ask you
if you're excited
about the upcoming
release of Cats
I've only heard about it
I haven't seen how it's spelled.
I'll speak for Louis.
I think they look kind of sexy,
so I'm excited about that.
Kind of sexy, yeah.
It's a perfect way to put it.
They look kind of sexy.
Kind of, yeah, I guess so.
It's a shame that the other side of it
is kind of creepy.
Not up here to be judged, I didn't think.
Unreal.
Just strange looking.
Very strange.
The scariest animation since the Polar Express.
Yes.
Absolutely.
You didn't want to fuck everyone in that movie? I did not.
I did not. I wanted them
all to stop looking at me.
Sean wanted to run
a train on everyone in that movie.
It is...
There it is.
Very strange
reaction in the room.
Yeah, a lot of guilt.
I just know Sean's a big fan when they get to
the North Pole and there's this singing
Steven Tyler elf.
Doug, you're making me so horny. Stop.
It's going to be hard to do the rest of this with a boner.
Yeah, it's unpleasant, that movie.
It's very, very disturbing.
And I thought I had moved on.
I thought I got past it, but now this.
You got dragged back into Cats?
Oh, God.
Because I want to see the hell out of it.
I almost said I'm going to see the fuck out of it,
but I honestly also want to be part of the promotion.
And they're not going to be able to use I'll see the fuck out of cats.
Doug is a cats influencer.
He's a cats KOL.
Like the cats PR team's like, let's just take a snippet from a podcast.
Ah, he said fuck.
God damn it.
Can't do it.
Can't do it.
I mean, is this movie for adults?
I don't know who.
I'm an adult and I want to fucking see it.
So yeah, it's for some adults.
So it's no kittens allowed?
Leave the litter at home.
I'm telling you,
we're doing so much marketing for this piece of garbage.
There's going to be such a long feline
for that ticket.
Hey, there's more than one way.
Scratch that.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Aren't we doing something else?
What?
Yeah, there's more.
What time do you think it is?
If you had to guess.
What?
Yeah, we still got 14 minutes of time
and you know, this place is nice
they'll let us go over by a minute or two
May I please have a Jameson on the rocks?
Oh, we're getting more drinks
Okay, I'll have another round
of whatever I'm having
I'll have what I'm having
And then when the server comes up This is working, bring more I'll have what I'm having.
And then when the server comes up... This is working.
Bring more.
I'll have what I'm having.
What's up with your body?
Let's settle this with a round of Last Man Stanton. Stanton.
Here's the thing.
I'm going to get from a predetermined audience member
the name of a
performer in motion pictures.
Sure.
I'm tired of saying actor
or actress. And if you just
say actor, it sounds sexist
even though it's true that both
men and women who act are called
actors. Like on that
show, the Actors Awards.
Screen Actor Guild Awards.
Screen Actor Guild Awards
is what I just said.
The Actor Awards?
Screen Actor Guild Awards.
The thing they give to the...
Doing a Brian Regan impression.
The award they give out
when the people are the best.
The thing that the award they give out when the people are the best, that's the thing that their award show's about.
Enjoy your Oscar, you too.
All right.
Have fun with your Oscar.
You too, take your Oscar.
Moosen.
Moosen.
Anyone listening doesn't know who Brian Regan is.
If anyone listening doesn't know who Brian Regan is, he's the best.
Arnold Schwarzenegger saw E-Drink Man Woman.
That's my marriage proposal.
He can just scream and it's funny when he screams.
That is the best.
Brian Regan, brilliant material but also that goddamn delivery
is so fucking funny every time.
That guy's a monster.
Alright, so
that being said,
actor
or actress,
they were going to bandy
about I Play Along. We're going to bandy about I Play Along.
They were going to name movies that that person was in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
You can go to your lifeline, which is your name tag person.
You can go to them once for help on a title.
They can't quite figure out what it is,
or them to just help you out with one that they thought of.
And if your lifeline fails you, you can phone a celebrity.
And the audience gets to decide
if somebody's a celebrity or not
before you make the call.
I forgot about that one.
Yeah, so keep that in mind.
Oh, shit.
It's been a running gag
that when somebody's going to just call me,
and I'll tell you right now,
I'm not going to answer.
are you going to just call me and I'll tell you right now I'm not going to answer.
But
let's go find out who we're
dealing with here before we get ahead
of ourselves. Where is
Tweedy
Twevor?
Tweedy Twevor. There you are, dude.
Why do you have like a...
Hell yeah, dude. Who's your fan in the back over there
did you get
did we do weird seating here
gentlemen up front ladies in the back
we can't
have you next to each other
it's the new yeah
that would be
like listen you guys are it seems like you're going to be too much
fun for this show. We don't want to be
pricks here at Helium Comedy Club, but
we also want to have a moderate amount of fun.
So we're going to sit your boy James
in the back.
Yeah.
Alright.
I had a big
Johnson shirt that said that exact same thing.
You know, sometimes we can barely get the jokes out up here.
Let's try to leave it on stage.
No need to stare at me when you say that.
Let's keep it on the stage, Sean.
That's what I'll do is when somebody in the audience yells out,
I'll be mean to you.
Everybody will be like, that sucks when Doug's mean to Sean, and then be mean to you. Everybody
will be like, that sucks when Doug's mean to Sean
and then they'll shut up.
You don't love him, fucker.
Yeah, you don't. What?
Hold on.
See what happens, Sean?
That guy wants me to be mean to you, Sean.
He feeds off the energy.
How do you talk to an angel?
It's that kind of thing.
What do you do?
Anyway, weren't we playing a game?
Yes, we are.
What do you think, dude?
What's...
Tweety Twevo.
It's James, right?
Twevo.
Twevo.
Twevo, what...
Who would you like us to use
in the game today
let's go with Michael Cera
Michael Cera
alright let me write that down
we're going to throw another one
in there too
Cera
well that's a whole different
that's a whole different artist
so the film's of Michael Cera. How's everybody
feeling? Let's see how we're doing on time.
Oh, we've only got a few minutes. This is perfect.
Great.
We'll just bang this out and declare a winner
and talk about our upcoming gigs.
You got it.
Louis don't got it.
Louis don't got it.
Can I use IMDB this whole time
I mean everybody can go
Everyone can last at least one round
Because your lifeline should be able to help
Alright so
We start with Louie
And then we go
Then we go to Sean and then me
And then Bree and around and around.
I don't have a lifeline.
You guys can last long enough to take all the good ones.
All right.
What do you got for us?
The one with the...
No, don't start it that way.
Keep those words up here. don't start it that way. Keep those words up here.
Don't start it that way.
All right.
Do you want to go to your lifeline?
Tina?
Yeah, let's go to the lifeline.
Get a little help.
You don't know what's going to happen.
She's got something.
It's a deep pool, yes.
Let's do...
No, no.
Oh.
Scott Pilgrim versus the world.
Scott Pilgrim versus the world, she says.
Thank you. He takes it. Scott Pilgrim versus the world. I Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, she says.
Thank you.
He takes it.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
Not a deep pool.
Probably his biggest role to date.
No, it wasn't.
I mean, in terms of screen time.
Maybe.
We'll see.
We'll add it up later.
Shh.
All right.
All right.
So, Sean, it's your turn.
Superbad.
Yeah, Superbad.
That was his biggest role to date.
Well, they cut away to Jonah Hill during
huge chunks of it when they're
separated at the party and they both have their
own adventures. Keep talking, bud.
Scott Pilgrim, they never go away
from Scott Pilgrim. He's in the whole goddamn
movie. It's his movie.
I mean, Superbad. There's no scenes
without him. There's no scenes of characters sitting around.
Hey, Scott Pilgrim isn't here.
Wonder what he's up to today.
Oh, he's probably out there
beating his evil exes.
Listen, I know it's your favorite movie.
I really do.
Well, it's your favorite movie.
I was going to ask a dumb question.
Go ahead. It's your turn.
What am I doing?
I'm running the show now.
Oh, it's my turn on Michael Cera
You said Superbad
He said Scott Pilgrim
I'm going to say
The Magic Cactus
You heard me
Blessed be your heart
Brie? Juno
Alright so All right, so you got more of an idea who we're talking about here?
I mean, I know the guy, but there's that other guy that looks like him.
Oh, right.
That's what's fucking with me.
Is it?
Yes, yes, yes.
So I can't remember.
The same dead eyes.
Okay, I'm going to make a ruling here.
and lose the game.
Okay, I'm going to make a ruling here.
I will allow, I'll just shove aside any, just for
because I can't get
his name right.
Any Jesse Eisenberg
movie.
Just for Lewis?
I will.
Okay, for anybody,
for all of for everybody,
if you say an Isenberg movie,
you get another chance.
But, you know,
you still gotta guess.
Stay in. You still gotta name the movie
with Michael Cera.
You keep it alive for a second.
It's kind of a worthless move.
Just keeping the banter alive until you can guess again?
Yeah, but maybe he's confusing them,
but we'll get it right if he just takes a shot.
I'm encouraging him to take a shot.
All right, sure.
Zombieland?
You took a shot?
Okay, that's...
That's Eisenberg, so that's out.
Whoa, hardest brick I've ever seen.
Hard brick, hard brick.
Let me quickly take a few off the table.
Eisenberg is the social network.
30 minutes or less.
Now I'm getting mixed up.
I might have lost if you wouldn't have.
He's Lex Luthor in the DC universe.
Okay, so go from there.
Can I call a celebrity?
Yes. No way. Your I call a celebrity? Yes.
No way.
Your lifeline helped you, though,
so it's only if your lifeline fucks up.
Oh.
Oh.
Come on.
Let him call somebody.
All right, let's see who he's going to call.
Can I call my friend?
And they're not going to answer.
Pedro?
Who's Pedro?
He's sitting over there.
He's fucking, he's famous to me my friend
Holy buckets
Oh you mean
Pedro Pedro?
Oh shit
I'm talking Pedro
Damn dude
Sorry
You know that guy?
I gotta go change
Every pore in my body
Just got wet
I don't know
Pedro was here dude
Yeah Pedro's in the house
You didn't even start
To tell me that back there
Wow
Should I call him
Yeah get my heart
On the phone
Or just call him
Like out loud
Like he's right there
So you want to phone
A friend that's in the room
Alright
Totally subvert the rules
So that you can last
Another round
And probably lose anyway
Both on speaker though
So let's do it
Alright let me call him
Oh he's gonna call him He's me call him Oh he's gonna call him
He's in the room
And he's gonna call him
Oh this is good
Time for me to promote
I'm gonna do
Doug loves scary movies
I'm gonna do
Three installments of that
At different cities
Around Halloween
Is it happening?
Yeah I'm calling him
You getting him?
I hope he stayed
I mean that would be
Embarrassing if he left
Oh yeah you can't use Your phone in the showroom I hope he stayed. That would be embarrassing if he left.
Oh, yeah, you can't use your phone in the showroom.
You're just trying to get an audience member to get thrown out.
Pedro?
Get Pedro the fuck out of here.
Hello?
Yeah, I'm here.
Oh, did you go out to the bar?
You can hear him.
What do you mean, shush?
It's my show.
No, I know.
And he should be able to hear me if he's here.
Pedro?
Yes.
Where are you? The bar?
I'm on the side over here.
Okay.
Well, watch out for employees,
because they will throw you out for being on your phone.
All right, so we got a question for you.
You have 30 seconds.
Pedro, you got an answer for me?
Year one.
Year one.
What is it?
Year one. Very good, year one.
Very good. Thank you, Pedro.
Very, very good.
All right.
Here we go, Sean.
All right.
Huh?
I have...
It's me, yeah?
Yeah.
I have one, but I don't think you're going to say it, Al.
So...
Do you want me to not say the...
Oh, they're trying to communicate.
There's not really a way for me to tell you which one.
Is there a way for me to tell him which one not to say?
No.
How could you do that?
I don't know.
You just got to say, dude, which one do you want to throw out there and hope it works out?
If you want to.
He already just said it.
Nice.
You just got to go with this.
Nice.
That wasn't what I was going to do.
This is the end.
Okay.
He's going, this is the end.
This is the end.
All right.
This is the end.
That's for Al right over there.
Good answer, good answer.
I'm going to go with a motion picture called Molly's Game.
Nice.
God, that's gnarly.
That's great.
Yeah.
Thank you again for doing a deep cut.
Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
I'm going to go with one that I...
Swiss Army Man, because he always
reminds me of that dude, too.
Paul Dano?
Yeah, man.
I can see that.
There's just three skinny fucking nerds.
They're interchangeable.
Any one of them can play any of those roles.
I can see that.
You're going to throw a middle bitch in there, too,
in a second, aren't you?
I can tell. I'm out.. Just sallow. You're gonna throw a middle bitch in there too in a second, aren't you? I can tell.
I'm out.
Yeah, that's right. Only until
Sunday when you have your fucking show here.
That's right.
I'm sorry. But hang out though.
It's cool. Thank you.
Wait, do I get anything from winning the other round or I'm just out of the whole thing?
Well, this is the last thing
anyway. Show's almost over.
Alright, that's sad's sad No you did great
Thanks
That was great
I'm bummed about it too
I've had a really fun time
Super fun
Thank you
There's still chance in your name
That feels good
Thank you
Sean
Youth and Revolt
You son of a bitch
I'm sorry Mr. Weird Movies
I can't believe you did that to me
Doug loves weird movies is what we should call it
that was the one I was gonna say
are you
do you not have any more
I might have one
uh oh he's usually Johnny on the spot
it's called Paper Hearts I might have one. Uh-oh. He's usually Johnny on the spot.
It's called paper hearts. Damn it.
This means I'm going to win.
That was Bree's sleeper.
If Bree doesn't get it, I win.
Uh-oh.
You used your lifeline, right?
No.
Shit.
Okay, let me think about it just for a second.
Well, what's the point?
I don't have any.
Okay, Lee, what do you got?
Don't tell...
Lee, are you here?
Yeah.
Okay.
Are you using your lifeline?
Yeah, yeah, I'm losing my life.
Is it my turn?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, Lee, what do you got?
Squid versus whale.
Squid versus whale.
It's Jesse Eisenberg.
Yeah, not at all.
That's not Michael Cera.
God, these two actors would be so bummed by this.
Jeff Daniels is in that movie.
Is that the one with the troubled kids?
Yeah, it's a really good movie.
Yeah, it's really good.
Yeah, yeah.
Not autistic.
The movie with the troubled kids, I said.
Yeah, they're troubled.
Where are we at?
All right.
So he's out.
Celebrity.
Breaking phone celebrity.
Since I got fucked over.
You could call somebody.
Who are you going to call?
Ghostbusters.
I'm going to call Matt Bronger.
Oh, I like it.
I like it very much.
He's very popular in these parts
because he looks like a woodsman.
Portland comic.
And he's from these parts.
How does it work when you call a celebrity?
Do you have to tell them every movie that's been said?
No, they just have to guess.
And it's really awkward because there's hardly any left.
Okay, that one's straight to voicemail.
With Michael Cera. The greatail. With Michael Cera.
I love Michael Cera.
So second Portland comedian is Ian Carmel.
Is he going to pick up?
He's at the Emmys right now.
He's at the Emmys?
Let's see if he picks up.
We'll just have him pass the phone to Idris Elba.
I'm positive the Emmys aren't today.
Oh, the creative
arts Emmys.
Okay, I have one.
I'm going to take one stab.
Who are you going to stab?
Ghostbusters.
Is he in a film called The Imposter?
Oh,
The Imposter. What's, The Impostor.
What's that?
Somebody's saying yes.
You think so?
No.
Seriously?
I just like he's wearing like a fake mustache.
What is that?
Oh, yeah, right.
Well, no.
Hold on.
Hey, you can't do that.
You can't fish for the answer.
Yeah.
Well, I'm certainly out.
I like that, yeah.
But great job today.
Great job.
Thank you.
Hold on.
Is he not in The Impostor?
No, he's not in The Impostor.
I don't think so.
No one's recognized this film.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what she's talking about.
He had a mustache.
Sean, do you have another one?
Don't need it because I won, but I do not.
No, I know.
But it's just fun to see if you have one more.
No, I don't.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
So then I won.
That's all I want.
I just wanted to be clear about that.
What a dickhead.
But what did we miss?
Fucking Lego Batman.
I'm such a goddamn idiot.
Yep.
He's not Adventureland. He's not Adventureland. That is Eisenberg He's not Adventureland
He's not Adventureland
That's Eisenberg
Any other live action
Live action movies we missed?
What?
What?
He's in Gloria?
Sausage Party
That's a good one
Yeah
Also was said
E! Entertainment Weekly
What does that mean? So we covered We got it Pretty good Yeah. Also was said. E-Entertainment Weekly.
What does that mean?
So we covered.
We got it. Pretty good.
That was wild.
We did a good job.
Yeah.
Let's all pat ourselves on the back.
Congrats, Crookshank.
And never say a word about this to Michael Cera or Jesse Eisenberg.
Or Paul Dano.
They all have a secret. Don't drag him into it.
You know they all just go have
like a triangle. There will be blood.
They just hook different IVs into their arms and have
like a triangle and switch blood.
They do that once a month.
Somebody got what I was saying.
Alright, so
who gets the prizes?
Crookshank! Come get your stuff! Get up here, Al. gets the prizes? Crookshank Come get your stuff
Get up here, Al
Where is he?
Show everyone that skateboard on your arm, by the way
Get up here in the light
Everyone, show them that
There you go, dude
Both of these
Do you guys want the booze?
I do
We'll get it back to you We'll work it out later We'll see you around, dude Do you want me to do both of these? Yeah. Do you guys want the booze? I do. Oh, yeah, he'll take the booze.
I'll take the name tag, too.
We'll get it back to you.
We'll work it out later.
We'll see you around, dude.
Watch your step right there.
That's a treacherous step he went over.
Hell, yeah.
Glad there's no lawsuit pending.
You know, he adds up the value of all that stuff,
and he goes, you know what?
Suing the club would probably be way more rewarding.
If I can get 20 bucks out of the club, yeah, I'm good.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
Get a free return ticket.
Only for tomorrow night's show.
Maybe an app.
Maybe they'll throw in an app.
Oh, he took the bounty hats.
I was going to get one of those Sam Adams bounty hats,
but he took them.
You're going to do what with it?
Put it on?
Don't act like you and Crookshank aren't best friends after this.
You guys are going to shred every day.
Hey, Crooks, can you bring back one of those hats for Sean to put on?
Because they're really dapper.
Yeah, I think he'll look really...
Who said he already sold them?
Oh, shit.
Yeah, look at that.
There you go.
Oh, here.
Which color do you prefer?
There's three here.
So there's one for each of my guests if you all want one.
Uh-oh.
I think it's going to be a great look.
There you go.
Thank you for donating those back to a worthy cause.
Look at that.
You look like ride operators
at the Matterhorn.
Bree hit some angles right there.
You guys didn't see it.
Done a little modeling.
Bree hit some angles.
Just a little modeling.
Okay, that's good.
Done enough modeling to know when to lose the hat.
We got to get going.
We'll start with you, Bree.
What do you have to plug?
What's coming up?
Folks, I run a monthly comedy show in Los Angeles, California
that is tarot, cannabis, and comedy themed.
It's called High Priestess, and it's October 26th,
and we also have an accompanying podcast.
Check it out, High Priestess. and it's October 26th, and we also have an accompanying podcast. Check it out. High Priestess.
I just love it.
Hey, will you do my weed show?
I would love to.
Okay, great.
We'll do that.
Booking just made.
Let's just do it one more time, just for old time's sake.
Louie, Louie, Louie! Louie!
Louie!
Shut up, you S-ers.
You mother S-ers
over there.
A bunch of S-heads out there.
Goddamn, S-heads.
We don't need that. This is a peaceful
breezy feeling.
I got a...
Well, I'm here In Portland
Tomorrow
Sunday
Yes
So you can see me then
I also got a
Every in LA
Every first Thursday
I'm at the Ace Hotel
Got a stand up show
Up there
Up on the roof
Of the Ace there
And then you can see me
I'm doing a little
Midwest tour in November
You can see me in
Indianapolis
Detroit
Cleveland
And Chicago
All November So just check my site For that Louis Katz Spell with an S Pronounce with an E Thank you You can see me in Indianapolis, Detroit, Cleveland, and Chicago all November.
So just check my site for that.
Louis Katz, spelled with an S, pronounced with an E.
Thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
Chant for him when you go to his shows out there on the road and let him know that you're a Doug Loves Movies listener.
They reach out to you, don't they, Sean, the Doug Loves Movies listeners?
Yeah, a ton.
Yeah, and you see them at the shows, and
what do they say?
They say, you're so much
more knowledgeable than Doug.
That's like a big thing.
See, I thought the people were out there thinking that. I've really
got to turn that around. No, they say that's
dank, and that's buck. They say that a lot.
I enjoy the positivity that you bring,
which is fun. They call you Playboy.
Playboy.
Yeah.
I'm into that.
Sean Cougar Melon
joined a lot of those out there.
A lot of those.
Everybody in here,
change your Instagram handle.
So,
I guess if it's your
first and last name,
throw a Cougar Melon
in the middle.
Everybody sit and think about
what your first and last name is.
Louie Cougar Melon Cats.
Works.
Know what I mean? So, just put a Cougar Melon in the middle, and it's fun your first and last name is. Louie Cougar Melon Cats. Works. Know what I mean?
So just put a Cougar Melon in the middle, and it's fun.
We'll start a revolution.
By the way, I met this kid one time because of my Instagram at this show on deck in LA.
So our friend Mike Malloy introduced me to John Cougar Melon Camp's son.
And he comes up, and he's like, hey, you know, he goes, Sean, what's your Instagram handle?
And I told him, it was like Sean Cougar Mellen Jordan.
And this kid was like,
funny.
Turns out later that night, he said so much
problematic shit that Mike had to remove
him from the bar, so his kid's a shitbag.
Seriously.
That shit don't fly if faded, baby.
No.
Oh, yeah. Anyway. Oh, yeah, John if it ain't a baby. No.
Yeah, anyway.
All right, yeah.
John Cougar Melon Bag.
Can I real quick say what I have coming up?
What?
No, you used your time for that shit bag story.
Ten more seconds.
Okay, go.
High Plains Comedy Festival in Denver, September 28th. We're doing a live all fantasy everything.
I keep touching my calf. I don't knowth. We're doing a live all fantasy everything. I keep touching my calf.
I don't know why.
We're doing a live all fantasy everything.
It's going to be me, Ian Carmel, David Borey, and Shane Torres.
So if you live in Denver, grab some tickets.
It's going to be super fun.
And then, yeah, I go to Faded every Friday in Los Angeles.
And then I have an album called The Buck Starts Here on a special thing records.
Pick that up and get a flask with your purchase.
So there that is.
Thank you for the 10 seconds, bud.
And I cry.
You think that was 10 seconds?
Thank you for the heartfelt 20 seconds.
I appreciate it.
No, it's probably in between.
I've been
watching a lot of prices, right?
I've been watching mine. Those people that just
add one after the most recent bid
and then fuck the person over. I hate
that. It's the whole game. It is
not the whole game.
Because you could also go
all the way down to one.
You just bid one dollar. You don't have to just fuck up the bid of the person next to one. You could just bid $1.
You don't have to just fuck up the bid of the person next to you.
Can I have your sunglasses?
I want them.
They're dope.
But everybody's so nice to each other, right?
Even when they fuck each other over, the whole crowd is so happy.
I've never been on TV, and they're all on TV. They're so nice.
Do you want to go see it sometime?
I do.
I can get you in. I'll get you in, too, Bree. Yeah, I want to. I've never been on TV, and they're all on TV. They're so nice. Do you want to go see it sometime? I do. I can get you in.
I'll get you in, too, Bree.
Yeah, I want to.
I get anybody that I know in to watch Price is Right.
I got no connections at JEP.
All right, fine.
Price is Right.
Can you guarantee that I'm going to win?
I can't tell the people at Price is Right.
I got this guy that wants to come see you since he can't come see Jeopardy.
But thank you for being here, dude.
And I wanted to say that I'm going to be at the Santa Ana Star Casino near Albuquerque on Saturday, October.
This is interesting. I wrote Saturday, October... This is interesting.
I wrote Saturday, October, Saturday.
I bet you... Let me see it.
I bet you did.
I did, I did.
But it's at 420.
Saturday, October, Saturday.
It's at 420, so let's just go every Saturday. Just shut up.
Yeah.
Every Saturday in October
Starting with the first one
Which is the 5th
Saturday, October, Saturday
No, it's on the 5th
It's definitely on the 5th
5 at
Look like sat
For all my dates and deets
Go to Douglovesmovies.com
That's Douglovesmovies.com That's douglosmovies.com
Yeah
Doug
What did you try to add on the end?
Ted Danson
Okay but everybody has to say it as a question
So it's
Ted Danson?
I don't know
They just
People just
They just
Come up with these things
And then they happen
Thank you to Helium
Thank you to everyone in the audience
Come see me here tomorrow Come see me out at the merch table Thank you to Helium. Thank you to everyone in the audience.
Come see me here tomorrow.
Come see me out at the merch table.
My guests will probably stick around.
One more time for Brie Pruitt.
Louis Katz.
Sean Cougar Melon Jordan
As always, positive energy!
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Until next time!
Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess
makes him cocky. There's no
room in his heart for you
cause Doug loves
movies!