Doug Loves Movies - Sean Jordan, Jordan Brady and Megan Neuringer guest
Episode Date: March 29, 2017Live from the Nerdmelt Showroom in Hollywood, Doug welcomes Sean Jordan, Jordan Brady and Megan Neuringer to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy ...Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name, as you know. I hope there's nobody here that bought tickets to just let's see whatever's happening behind the back of this comic book store.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Yeah, I sprung it on you, but you guys are Hollywood, where the timing is always impeccable.
And I'm trying to take the label off of my water.
Just because I do it every time I'm going to be on camera,
there's no cameras here today,
but I still, just out of respect
for all the companies out there making great water,
I don't want to push a specific water agenda,
so I have a blank water bottle.
And also, if I leave it sitting here with the lid off,
this is kind of interesting.
If you leave it like that,
the crickets will come over and drink from it
and shut the fuck up.
But that's just one cricket though, right?
Or multiple. How does that
work? Are there crickets
fucking in this room right now?
Or trying to get... Is that how
they tell each other, hey, it's time, let's do
this? Is that what that noise is?
It's a let's fuck noise?
Alright.
Oh shit, Where's my...
There it is.
What day is it, you guys?
It's Tuesday, March 28th, 2017.
We're coming to you once again from the NerdMelt showroom
at the back of Meltdown Comics in Hollywood.
And I have a feeling like there's some pretty good name tags
in the situation,
if I may be so bold.
See, I was right.
There's some good ones.
I saw Point Blake on Twitter today.
This lady's upset because this guy's got a giant poster that's blocking her little one.
So let's make sure.
What's your name? Kayla?
Kayla? Kayla? and you went Kay Lars
and the real girl
yeah that's a clever one that's good
now hold yours up sir so we'll never
see her again
it's
yeah it's not better it's just bigger
but you know
in Trump's America
what about Ben?
Yeah, you cleverly changed Bob to Ben.
And what do you got next to you there, Kayla?
Dan Poole?
All right, good job, dude.
Here in the front row, we got Riedel Juice.
Reed, your last name?
No, it's your first name?
We went through this before but many times but the what the pun was different different poster okay at least I was right about that thanks read Clark Clark Gable, Nicole of the Wild okay get it
Call of the Wild
it's an oldie
oh and what's
there's an ex machina but what did you change it to
no this guy
ex machina
ex machinic okay
and then you've got ghost in the shell and what did you change it to
ghost in the mid shell Ghost in the Shell, and what'd you change it to? Ghost in the Mitchell.
Mitchell, Ghost in the Mitchell.
And you put some Skittles and some M&Ms
and two little bottles of Maker's Mark on there.
Yeah.
See, that's how, my eyesight is so shitty,
I couldn't have read his name tag,
but all of those shapes on those candies
and those liquor bottles are easy for me
to figure out what they are.
Well, thank you to everybody who brought name tags.
Even you in the back, you've got a chance.
It could happen.
Weirder things have happened.
It's time for Doug Plugs.
Doug Loves Movies is back at the Gramercy Theater
in New York City this Sunday and Monday,
April 2nd and 3rd.
And then we're back here at
Meltdown Comics on Sunday, April
9th at 420.
And I'm doing
stand-up at the Improv in San Jose on April
12th, Wednesday, April 12th.
So if you bring name tags, we're
going to play Last Man Stanton.
Stand-up comedy audiences are always surprised
by that. All my dates
and deets and links are at DouglasMovies.com.
That's DouglasMovies.com.
There's like one guy who sort of led the charge on that one.
Just sounded like an echo.
From the corrections department, Glenn Close.
This is a rough one.
She is not in 13 Conversations About One Thing,
which Jason didn't even ever get the title right anyway,
but maybe he was thinking of Nine Lives?
Not the Kevin Spacey talking cat Nine Lives,
but some other fucking Nine Lives movie from 2005.
And Glenn Close was not in Little Women.
I just let that one slide because it sounded good.
And I can't believe that I didn't remember Hook
for Glenn Close.
So memorable as a man who gets forced into a torture box.
All right.
The prize bag has got some fun stuff in there.
I got to make sure I get the title right.
Correct titles only.
Earbuds, the podcast documentary T-shirt is in the bag.
Also, some dentine ice yeah I'm off gum so if
anybody gives me gum it's yours now turn around and give it to you a couple of
peacemaker maker pipes another thing called grav that's like a glass pipe
that somebody gave me.
Oh, this stuff, I don't know what this is about.
It feels like an empty bottle, but it's 10th Avenue Tea.
So I guess since there's tea in there, that's why it feels empty.
Promotional tool, CD.
All of that, plus the cool stuff that my guests guests brought because these are guests that bring good stuff.
Please give
a nice warm
Buddy Holly and the Crickets welcome
to
Jordan Brady,
Megan Neuringer, and Sean
Jordan.
Woo is right. Yes. Wow. God damn right. Okay.
We're cooking. Great stuff. We've got
everybody out here. Everybody's
got prizes. Let's meet
them individually. starting with the lady
that just went oh oh my creaky bone it's Megan orager everybody you guys I am
wearing false eyelashes tonight which is not the usual and I am being treated
like a woman for the first time in my life I'm gonna do this
all the freaking time
you think it's the eyelashes
you think there were
no other clues
that you were a lady
this is truly
and they curled my hair
and now I'm being treated
like a decent human being
I gotta do this
all the time
it's no
no no no
I think you're still alright
without the curled hair
and the eyelashes
yeah I think I would've known
constant abuse
no
abuse as if I'm
walking around with a mustache.
I know. Well, that was
nice of them to shave that as well.
I know.
I was like, do it close. Oh my god.
You're way ahead of yourself here. Did I
ask you about the prize bag yet?
That's not the prize bag. They're all so
excited. That's not the prize bag.
That's just what she's going to drink. Yeah, that's just how I handle myself. That's just's not the prize that's just what she's gonna drink
yeah this is how
I handle myself
that's just your
personal stash
that you enjoy
during a show
it's in your rider
yeah oops
yeah
no that's okay
they got excited
I'm excited that
they're excited about it
but I wanted to talk
to you for a second first
oh go for it
yeah I'll still
hold the bag
you're a lady
oh thank you
yeah and if you notice
he was treated like a woman
until he grew that beard.
True story. It works both. It's a two-way
street. So,
you've written some stuff for
Portlandia? Yeah, I
worked on it last season, season seven
that just finished airing, and
it was the coolest ever. That's amazing.
Yeah, it was the best. Super fun.
Yeah. I just got back from ever. That's amazing. Yeah, it was the best. Super fun. Yeah. I just got back from Portland.
It's raining.
But other than that, I love it.
It's a fantastic place.
Yeah, it's real.
I really enjoy it.
So you got to go there for a bit?
I got to go there for a month and do some on-set writing while we were shooting.
And live there and eat the food.
And see all of the wigs that Carrie and Fred wear.
It's true, yes.
It is such a wig show.
They never have their normal hair in a sketch.
Unless they're playing themselves, Fred and Carrie.
It is a wig show.
Yeah, I mean, they have an Emmy award winning wig person.
The hair and makeup person.
Oh, they've won for that show?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
That's a category.
I didn't know people won for that.
Oh, yeah.
No, there's a shit ton of categories.
I've been nominated for lashes.
The ones I'm wearing today.
That is it.
In the male or female category?
In the female, and now you look like a female because of your lashes category.
That's a good category.
That's a deep category. A deep cut.
Alright. I'm just going to take this gum out of my mouth.
Okay. Because you guys can't smell my breath and I
feel like it's weird. Oh, you're so kind. No, no, no,
no, no. No. Don't take
your gum, dude. Do not my mother. I can't spit it out.
And he's going to put it in his mouth. I was just going to put it under the
chair. You can totally see that coming.
Oh, no. I was going to put it behind my ear for later.
Just kidding. I'm going to put
it. Put it in the prize pack.
Portlandia gum.
I'm going to put it on this receipt.
Oh, this is great.
And give it to my accountant.
I love that you're one of my guests
that really talks the listeners through every step
of every behavior.
Well, I want them to have a visual party
for the ones on the podcast who aren't here.
Like, you know, it's, have you heard about radio?
It's storytelling.
No, you gotta, you gotta paint the scene.
You do.
Speaking of painted scenes, there's a bunch of artwork on the walls and I think it's,
is it all Power Rangers related?
Yeah, that's interesting.
It's morphin' time.
Is that your safe phrase?
Just say it sometimes?
Yeah.
Jordan Brady is here, everybody.
Hey!
These are all return guests to the program.
You just want to hold that?
Jordan has directed many things,
but of late you've been directing movies
about stand-up comedy,
starting with I Am Comic.
I Am Comic.
Then I Am Road Comic.
Starring Doug Benson.
I'm in it briefly,
talking about my love of roller coasters.
And then,
and then what's the latest one?
I Am Battle Comic.
It's not about roast comics.
No. It's not about roast comics.
No.
It's not about roast battles.
The troops.
Yeah.
Doing shows for the military. Which is the most noble thing a comedian could do.
Yeah, I mean, the comedians who do it, I really admire them.
I got to go to Kuwait, Afghanistan, and some other places I can't talk about.
Performing for the troops. And I suck at stand-up,
like I'm really rusty, but I went with other guys.
And the one thing I learned,
crickets, food of the future.
There's more protein in crickets.
Oh, no.
Yes.
So you're suggesting I should eat the crickets
to solve this problem once and for all?
I'm saying you made me look
in a gift horse in the mouth.
The trouble is you can't find a fucking cricket.
They make all that noise.
You think it like when you're looking for your phone and you call it.
You think that you'd be able to notice where the noise is coming from.
But they send a very vague sound all around the place.
Right?
The crickets or the phone?
I kind of got lost on that.
The crickets.
They don't want... The crickets. Unless you want to have lost the crickets they don't want crickets unless
you want to have sex with them they don't want you to they don't want you to find them because
that's like the mate you were just like listen to all this noise we're making and fucking live with
it when that somebody comes don't find us and try to go in their own place evict us they've had
exterminators come here and then horrible ones it could be hollywood crickets hollywood crickets
like you know the homeless, kind of cocky.
It's just like Hollywood actors.
They're very persistent.
They're like, I don't care how much you kick me and spray pesticide in my face.
I'm going to stay with it.
I'm going to stick around this town just like the cast of La La Land.
That's how it goes.
Yeah.
So how can people see Battle Comic?
I am Battle Comic.
I'm going to say for the people in Los Angeles,
you people in front of me,
May 2nd at the landmark on Pico.
Oh, a big benefit screening, right?
If you go to JordanBrady.com, which is my website,
I've listed seven.
We just added Phoenix today.
There's seven cities.
This is a blatant plug.
I'm really sorry.
I was going to say it'd be weird if it wasn't your
website. It'd be really weird. You know what?
It's also my website. JordanBrady.com
What?
I've listed all these cities and we're
giving all the money to charity.
Oh, okay. That's cool. All the ticket sales and everything.
What's the charity called? Jordan Brady?
No, it's National Military Family Association
and Operation Gratitude.
They make care packages for the troops.
In Phoenix, it's Semper Fi Fund.
And listeners, in your city, Portland, wherever,
I'll show the movie.
I'll make it happen for free
if we can give the money to a local charity
that helps military families.
Love it. Wow, you're
a good guy. You're a good guy.
I'm extremely wealthy.
I don't need the money.
That's right. You've directed
Billy Bob Thornton.
So that's, your bucket list is
completely full.
Sad.
That's not bad. That's a good... Was he alright
to be around or is he cranky like you'd imagine?
He's a bit of a nut job.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Actor being cuckoo?
Yeah, no, he's really cuckoo.
But he's so good, though.
He's worth it.
Right?
I don't see him as cranky.
He doesn't come across as cranky to me.
No, no, I asked him if he's cranky
and he said, no, he's nutty.
Stay with us, Sean.
Yeah, he was never cranky.
I'm sorry, everybody.
I'll pay closer attention.
I'm going to stare at your mouth and not your eyes from here on out.
No, please.
And that way I'll understand what you're saying.
Continue about Billy Bob Thornton.
No, I want to say hi to you real quick,
since you're in the mix anyway,
so people aren't sitting at home wondering,
who is this interloper?
Sure. Sean Jordan is here! Yeah! anyway so people aren't sitting at home wondering, who is this interloper?
Sean Jordan is here!
And together, they are Sean Jordan Brady. There it is.
Megan.
That's my website.
Sean Jordan Brady, Megan.
How's it going, dude? A lot of frisbees on there. It's good, man.
I just want to say, you are
putting out some major pheromones
on this stage.
I mean,
fucking oozing sexuality.
And I mean that
in a complimentary way.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks.
I was in a hot tub
like two hours ago.
No, it's good.
Can I blow your mind
for a second, Sean?
Please do.
And Megan, yours too,
if you feel like it.
If you would.
You know how when people
like in a movie or TV show,
they're talking about porn
and someone will go
bow chicka bow wow.
Mm-hmm.
Fucking,
he invented that.
He is the first person
to sing it that way
about porn
and everybody does it since
like it's just what it is.
Like that's what
porn music sounds like.
It's so true.
How long is this story
that I'm going to ask you
to tell me?
No,
I'm just going to say
I think I told the whole thing.
It was a bit in his act. That's the whole thing. It was a whole bit in his act about
porn and how that music comes on.
And that's how people do it now.
It's such a hack bit now that if you
told someone that, they'd be going...
I said I was going to blow his mind,
you guys. So you were doing stand-up.
You were doing stand-up. And you're like, you know,
when you see porn, you're like, bow and chicka bow on.
Everybody laughed because that was the first time
they'd heard anybody say that.
Yes, yes.
That's fucking bananas.
Pop the cherry of the comedy audience.
I would not be able to not remind people
every new fucking person I met.
I'd be like, do you know what I did?
I invented bow chicka wow.
I'd be like, what?
Nobody would ever talk to me again.
I'd be like, hey, how's it going, postman?
Or mailman? you might have noticed
my doorbell
is the
I don't think
yeah
no I'd ask
I'd ask somebody
I'd go
what's the
sound
what's the music like
in porn
how does that go
and then when they go
I'd go
I'm the person who
well they probably
wouldn't believe it
at that point
I'm still gonna try it
it'll be a fun thing to say to people.
I'd be like, you owe me residuals every time you do it.
This is a strange blend of homage and mockery.
No, no.
None of this is...
Really weird.
I'm not mocking one second of this.
I'm being sincere.
You know, Billy Bob.
Leave your phone on the table when you eat lunch and that's your ringtone.
Why is your phone on the table?
Wait until somebody calls and then we'll have something to talk about
for the rest of lunch. This is calling the tennis pro.
Bounchicka-bounchicka.
Billy Bob Portman. I gotta get home.
Billy Bob said to me, you know,
I've won some awards and I said, oh yeah?
I invented Bounchicka-bounchicka
motherfucker.
Are you serious? How'd that go over?
We see like
some folks call it a sling blade.
Is that Billy Bob Thornton in Tombstone?
Because if it is,
I just found out like a week ago.
Oh my gosh.
He's the poker dealer.
The guy that's like,
fat Billy Bob.
You gonna do something
or just stand there and bleed?
When you just...
That's what I say when we play the game.
When you just did slling Blade voice, Doug,
I couldn't help
but merge Sling Blade,
Billy Bob,
with Monsters Ball,
Billy Bob,
and then I imagined
Sling Blade having sex
with Halle Berry.
Oh.
Not again for the...
Bow wow.
Yeah, again for the listener
you're describing that.
how did Sling Blade
fuck Halle Berry?
It's a different movie.
It's a fictional world we're living in, in all those movies.
We could make a movie where they fuck each other and they play those characters.
Yeah, Sling Blade came a long way before he got to have sex with Halle Berry.
There's a lot of movies in between.
What do you got for the prize bag, my friend, Sean Jordan?
I went to the Glendale Galleria and I found a copy
of Lucky Number Slevin
for a dollar.
I love this movie.
I think it's a great movie.
It's one of my favorite movies.
I don't know why
I told you how much it was.
That was a rookie move.
And then
I have some
Sour Patch Kids
with Bunny ears.
Huh?
How cute.
What are we?
Easter time?
And then a couple
carrots
with Reese's peanut butter
in them
so they're
fun
that's not
you didn't win the game Doug
you can't have that yet
they're Reese's Pieces
Reese's Pieces
what did I say
but they're orange ones
and they're put
into the packaging
in the shape of a carrot
it's amazing
so there's two of those
and then you get
an Easter basket
that you can pour
all this stuff into
I recommend that you
mix the Sour Patch Kids
and the Reese's Pieces
and then watch the movie you put them in your mouth at, I recommend that you mix the Sour Patch Kids and the Reese's Pieces and watch the movie.
Oh, you put them in your mouth at the same time?
If you want to live life.
If you're not living on the edge,
you're taking up too much room, my friend.
I don't think that seems good.
Well, have you tried that before?
I'd put the Reese's Pieces in the popcorn.
Sure, that's another good move,
but I don't have any popcorn,
so I couldn't recommend that.
Okay. Yeah, oh, so whatever two things you have have they just have to eat them at the same time that's where
we're at yeah that's what Jordan Brady well what do you got I didn't bring a container so I applaud
you you can put it in mine okay cool I brought some gifts. First of all, there was some foil backstage.
Oh, my God.
I really thought you were bringing leftovers.
He was at a barbecue earlier.
First of all, look at this.
Starring Doug Benson on the cover, an autographed I Am Road comic DVD.
Doug actually signed the DVD inside.
Will you hold that for me?
I will.
Okay.
Next, I brought a double, it's a triple CD, comedy CD by Wayne Fetterman called The Chronicles
of Fetterman.
Yes.
Autographed by Doug Benson.
Yeah, I signed it.
He's at Fetterman on Twitter
if you want to say hi to him.
This is Criminals Gone Wild.
This guy made this movie where he...
I just had it.
I never watched it.
I thought, okay, I'll throw that in.
Why did you never watch it?
Well, I saw clips on YouTube.
Is it a documentary?
No, it's like fake.
It's the original fake news
and autographed by Doug Benson on the inside.
And then this is for the young comedian. This is, back in the day we called it a gag gift.
Instant audience. Applause. Look at that one. What's that one? What's number two?
It's crickets.
Crickets.
You don't even need them if you're here rimshot boo and then on the back
there's a little button
you push it
and it goes
bounce
chicka wow
what's rimshot
and I'll never do that again
wait you don't know
what a rimshot is
I mean I know
what a rimshot is
in West Hollywood
no in comedy
what's a rimshot
you really don't know
I was thinking rim job
no
that's totally different
oh no I didn't know it was called a rim shot.
I didn't know that.
Now let's move on to rim job.
Rim job sounds like this.
It's when you look around someone's asshole.
That's what a rim job is.
I know what that is.
My mom, real quick.
My mom saw Buck Cherry.
My mom saw Buck Cherry one time, and he was yelling.
He goes, who out there wants to toss my salad? My mom had no
idea what that meant. She told me this story
and she goes, yeah, I don't even know what he was talking about.
And I looked at her and I was like, you have no idea what that means?
And she goes, no, I don't know what that means to toss
someone's salad. So I told her in detail what it meant.
And she goes, that pig.
Now she
hates Buck Cherry.
So,
just like everybody else.
Now she hates Buck Cherry, so.
Just like everybody else.
Woo-hoo!
That was through the cellophane packaging, too.
No, they got a little opening for the thing so you can test it in the store.
Oh, gotcha.
That was just like a can you turn over,
and it goes...
All right, so I'll be going to those throughout the show.
That's going to come in handy.
That'll be a lot of fun.
Let's see how...
Let's see, let's go cricket versus cricket.
Oh, sure.
Now they all think there's other crickets here, though,
that want to fuck.
You're really teasing them.
Wait, you hold this. I don't want to get fucked by a cricket teasing him. Wait, now you hold this.
I don't want to get fucked by a cricket.
It's like a turf war now.
The bloods in the crickets.
I'm telling you,
there's more protein in a cricket.
No, I'm serious.
And it takes so little energy.
I've eaten them with Doug
on your food podcast
like two years ago.
We ate crickets?
That's right.
We ate crickets, Mexican crickets.
Dining with Doug and Karen
with crickets.
And I was like
off a breakup
and feeling very adventurous
and I was like,
I'll put anything in my mouth
and I...
You really felt like a lady.
And I ate them crickets
and it was delicious.
How were they cooked?
Did I eat them too?
I don't remember. Okay. Were they covered in chocolate or something? They were like fried. I might have just pocketed it was delicious. How were they cooked? Did I eat them too? I don't remember.
Okay.
Were they covered in chocolate or something?
They were like fried.
I might have just pocketed it and pretended.
Look, if you're going to eat like a shrimp or a lobster or some kind of like sea insect,
then don't be a snob.
Eat a land insect.
What are you?
What are you?
You think you're better than garbage?
Eat a fucking land insect, say do it uh all right
so the audience went uh was very excited about megan's uh contribution so i got a special belvedere vodka 007 specter promotional bottle of vodka
and this outside this outside plastic rim it was a shaker it had a top and you would put the
vodka in the shaker and make yourself a 007 James Bond martini.
I somehow lost the top and bottom.
It is no longer a shaker, but it's a brand.
It's an unopened Belvedere top shelf vodka.
So hopefully you're...
Is everyone with a name tag over 21?
Yeah.
Okay, I trust you.
You guys all checked.
Yeah, we're good good and not in recovery i don't want to i don't i don't need that baggage if you're in recovery don't do it but um it's like a sheath
like a 007 it moves like it moves like a cheap re-gift
but the vodka is still good it doesn't go bad i can't bad. I can't think of a better prize for the prize bag
than, A, it's just a bottle of vodka.
That's great.
But then there's this weird 007 sheath on it.
So it makes it a movie thing.
It's perfect.
I was thoughtful.
Pass it down here,
and I'll think about putting it in the bag.
I might just hang on to it.
Although, you know Tito's is my vodka. It's it's mine too which is why I'm giving that one away it's such a pretty
bottle the Belvedere if they puts that much effort on the inside like Tito's
does Tito's is handmade and gluten-free I like Old English a lot myself Old
English malt liquor that's what gets me there. Well, we might as well ask
Jordan what he likes to drink.
I like Cazadores.
It's a tequila. I drink it neat.
Have you ever had Ron White's
tequila? Ron White has his
own tequila? Yeah, it's called
Juan and a Million.
Yeah, it is.
That was a movie, right?
It's a guy named Juan that made it,
so I guess it's okay.
You drink it and eat some, like,
Jeff Foxworthy beef jerky or something?
Jeff Fox jerky?
This kid is quick.
Jeff Beef Jerky?
I mean, at least points for the rapid-fire connection
of the two.
It's all those pheromones I'm putting out.
Yes!
I'm so horny.
I just thought of the worst person alive.
Larry the Cable Guy Fieri.
I'm picturing that, dude.
He's got some weird tattoos.
He's got a kick to it.
He's got Guy Fieri, sense of humor,
and the Cable Guy's ability to cook.
You just take the bad things.
I'm in.
All right.
Sign me up.
Let's go down the line
and ask you guys a question
I like to ask every panel,
and that's,
last movie you saw.
In fact,
whoever can think of theirs
the quickest,
go first. Get out.
Alright, I still
have a lot more show to go, but if you insist.
Huh? Where's that rim shot?
It's fun to... Oh, yeah.
The rim shot, right? That's when a rim shot would work.
Not a rim job. That's when you lick someone's asshole.
You're so excited that you learned about rim shots.
Yeah, I'm pretty stoked.
Huh?
I'll try this.
I'll try to remember that
next time I'm going to
say something stupid.
You like the Get Out?
I love the Get Out.
Yeah?
Yeah, that was good.
Yeah.
Planted lots of seeds,
paid them off at the end.
Because you mean movie,
like in a movie house,
in a picture show?
Yeah.
It could be in any format.
I'd love to hear about a documentary that we we all know about get out but like what's
the documentary people should check out it was like uh syria it was like syria 101 on hbo very
depressing i should probably not have brought it up but it's good though it's really good yeah it's
riveting all right a lot of people die yeah well i love
the i i've never like i've never flipped on an uh hbo documentary and not and not been found it
interesting like they're they do good work there it is well done and if you start to kind of drift
they have the graphics that bring you back or you have your own cell phone yeah the internet on it
you know you're not watching without that
twitter you just hop on the gram hop on the book just see what's going on oh yeah it sounds like
a fun movie to live tweet it's all the funny things that come into my head still dying hashtag
syria yeah all right uh megan do you know what the last movie you saw was? In the theater, I saw Kong. Kong.
Kong, colon, Skull Island.
Yeah.
I was, you know, I was pretty stoned.
Seems perfect.
And I was stoned to the degree that the movie was so utterly mortifying to me. Right.
It's scary unstoned, I think.
It wasn't scary.
Not horrifying.
Mortifying.
scary unstoned i think it wasn't scary not horrifying mortifying i was humiliated by the dialogue the actors and everything that was happening that i i truly ruined it for everybody
else in the theater because i was like laughing inappropriately i was like can you believe this
like i quit my my stone brain could not handle i was was like, this is garbage. Why is this guy talking?
I had reached a level where I was like,
John Goodman is phoning it in.
He hates these lines.
I decided that I knew everything that had gone on behind the scenes
as I was watching it.
And I was like, these people are embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed.
But then I realized I was thoroughly entertained.
By the end, I was like, that was a real ride.
Yeah, I was waiting for you to take a breath so I, I was like, that was a real ride. Yeah, I was
waiting for you to take a breath so I could point
out that it's just a fun movie.
I haven't seen it, but I heard
John C. Reilly really gives shades.
He's so great in it.
He's amazing. Yeah, and you never said
I can't believe he has to say that about his lines.
No, because it seemed like everything he said was improvised.
By him? Yes. No, improvised by like everything he said was improvised. By him?
Yes.
No, improvised by the screenwriter.
Written on the page.
And then John said it.
Because that's how good he is.
How's the monkey?
I get it.
How's the monkey?
It's bigger than ever before.
It's as big as I wanted it to.
That's why I want a fucking gigantic Kong is what I want.
Yeah, you don't want something that can hang out on the top of the Empire State Building.
The handprint's like the size of a fucking house.
That's what I'm looking for.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what.
It's massive and very scary.
Kong has a great bod.
Did you take a good look at the Kong dong?
There's no Kong dong, but that tush.
He's got pecs.
I mean, he's homeless.
He's got pecs on his tush.
Kong is strong. He's got a bod. He's, he's homeless. He's got pecs on his tush. Kong is strong.
He's got a bod.
He's running for office?
Paleo diet.
Kong is strong.
Yeah.
That's his platform.
Vote Kong.
I can rip people's arms off.
Elect me.
I think you'd especially have a good time with this movie if you hate helicopters, because
fucking, they get smacked around like there's nobody's business
there's some really good twists
in the action
in the violence
like unexpected things
I really enjoy it
I think the summer blockbusters
I think the summer season
is going to end
when Guardians of the Galaxy opens
like I think everything after that
how can it fucking hold up
to fucking Logan
and Get Out
and Kong
and you know
dare I say, Lego Batman.
But
what about...
He was in Lego Batman.
Yeah, I was totally into it.
Sean, have I asked you yet?
Have you asked me what?
See what I did?
He's going to ask if I've seen a movie. I went and saw
Beauty and the Beast in the movie theater.
Wow.
Who's that?
I loved it.
Except for the new songs.
I didn't remember anything about the old Beauty and the Beast.
So it was kind of like seeing it for the first time.
And I guess those new songs were kind of shitty.
But I didn't notice because I don't remember all the old songs.
How many new songs are in it?
Am I wrecking it?
Should I not say?
Is it a dick move to say?
Sing them all.
I don't think the number of songs that are in it is There's a new song? Am I wrecking it? Should I not say? Is it a dick move to say? No, sing them all. I don't think the number of songs that are in it
is that big of a spoiler.
And if you're really
sitting on,
if you're waiting on
Beauty and the Beast
at this point,
it's been out
for a week and a half.
Yeah, just go to
the fucking movie already.
Fine, I'll wreck it.
There's like three new songs.
Is there like a song
that's like a remix
of the old song?
Huh?
Is there a song
that's the remix
of the old song?
What's,
so like what would be the Beauty and the Beast song? What's, so like what would be
the Beauty and the Beast song?
Oh, okay.
Let's talk it through.
There's,
there's
Beauty and the Beast.
That's like
that's in the title.
The teacup lady
would sing that one.
And then there's
Be Our Guest
which all of the
fucking utensils
and shit
sing that one.
It's perfect.
All the utensils.
You never ate
with a candle before?
You've never had a nice steak and ate it with a candle up?
Yeah.
I like to soak it all up with a clock.
Just take the clock and throw it in a bowl of soup.
And then whatever flies in the air, that's what I eat for the soup.
It's a fun way to eat.
There's new songs.
And I guess...
I keep waiting for a punchline of some sort.
Well, now I can't think of one.
I'm on the spot.
I'm too horny.
What did you think of them putting
an apparently very gay character in there?
I mean, the first go-round, his name was LeFou then,
so he wasn't gay?
Okay, go ahead.
There was a punchline.
Ask me what I think about them putting a gay character.
What do you think about, like, is Emma Watson a good singer?
I didn't queer about that at all.
It's a rim shot.
Well-executed rim shot.
We did it.
We're such a good team. Like, late-night programming. No, I thought it was good. I could have been crying the whole time. We did it. We're such a good team.
Like late night programming.
I thought it was good.
I could have been crying the whole time.
I liked it.
I'm a big softie.
I heard it was a little long compared to the original.
Well, it sounds like if they added songs.
I just don't even know what that's about, adding songs.
Two American Hours last time I checked.
It was fun.
And there's a song all about Belle, like when she's walking around at the beginning
where they're all describing her and what a bookworm she is.
Yeah, they hate it.
She's on.
Yeah, for some reason, they're just like,
look at that gorgeous woman over there reading a book.
Does Gaston have a song in the original cartoon?
I can't have it.
Yeah, Gaston has a song where he's like hoisting beers
and having fun.
Yeah, it's great.
I think all the lyrics are the same.
They didn't change anything.
They added like little sounds and shit,
like Josh Gad had some lines, but other than that, all the songs are the exact same, which is
fun.
Okay.
I'm glad you liked it, dude.
I enjoyed it thoroughly.
What time of day did you see it?
Afternoon.
It was a matinee.
Yeah?
Were there lots of kids there?
Not a lot.
A lot of adults.
It was a weekday?
Yeah.
I think it was a Wednesday.
Perhaps.
Perhaps a Thursday. It's weird. It? Yeah, I think it was a Wednesday. Oh, okay. Perhaps a Thursday.
Yeah, it's weird.
It couldn't be either because it opened Thursday night.
Just this last Thursday night it opened?
Yeah.
No.
It was a week before that?
I was in Portland when I saw it.
You're right.
You're right.
Oh, where'd you go in Portland?
Did you see it in IMAX 2D?
Maybe.
I don't know what that means exactly. If I had seen it while I was in Portland, I was going to see it in IMAX 2D? Maybe. I don't know what that means exactly.
If I had seen it while I was in Portland, I was going to see it at the
Lloyd Center. They had IMAX 2D.
And most places you have to put on
the glasses for IMAX.
No, I just went to a shitty theater and saw it.
Okay. There's a theater,
there's a cool thing in Portland,
I think it's Portland, there's a
big wall and they painted
Keep Austin Weird.
Wait, maybe that's
in Austin. It's in Austin.
In Portland they have a big wall. I apologize
for not having the rim shot ready on that one.
I thought that was like a t-ball.
No, I didn't know. I thought you
just had a stroke or something.
He just started crying away.
Maybe that's in Austin, everyone.
I'm dead serious.
I'm dead serious.
I was at the Space Needle in Portland, and...
That's in Seattle, Doug.
I was at the Eiffel Tower in Pisa.
Right next to New York.
The Leaning Tower of Eiffel.
All right, you guys.
This is the part of the show where I say,
let the games begin.
We got lots of nice name tags in the house.
Each of you has to select one that you'd like to play for
and bring it back to your seat.
And keep in mind that the What About Ben guy,
there's people behind him.
Right.
Give everybody a fair shot.
And while you do that, we'll do this.
Go ahead and walk around.
Oh, good. While you do that, we're going this. Go ahead and walk around. Oh, good.
While you do that, we're going to go to a brief commercial message.
We'll be right back.
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all right we're back that was a a very pleasant name tag selection process.
Thank you to everybody for participating.
What did people hear during the break?
Do you know?
They hear commercials, me saying commercial words from our sponsors.
Gotcha.
Cabbage with a K.
K-A-B-B-A-G-E dot com.
Promo code Doug.
It's like a marijuana thing. That sort of thing. Yeah, It's like a marijuana thing.
That sort of thing.
Yeah, it's like a marijuana thing.
Oh, yeah.
I get high before I do it.
All right.
So let's start with Megan.
She went right for the candy and the booze.
Look, I see a tropical Skittles taped over a milk chocolate M&M's with two little Maker's Mark minis.
And then we've got Ghost in the Mitch
shell. Yeah. And I got
a pun and also a
graphic. This has a lot of effort
in it. And you know what? You reach a
certain age and you like
effort. Is that
me on Scarlett Johansson's
body? Oh lord.
Well now
I got that in my head.
Forever.
Oh, man.
I gotta get a picture of that.
This is great effort.
What's that?
Great effort.
Yeah.
It is.
It's a fantastic one.
Half-assed is, you know, pre-2014.
Now it's the time of, like, show up.
Even the face I'm making is amazing.
Am I in place? That looks like a star wars poster to me it's ghost in the show well no i got that i'm just saying is that like
how much that it looks like a star wars poster in real life um it's kind of maybe got a star wars
like the kind of maybe standing here with the gun like that was on the first Star Wars poster, but, you know.
I'll just go fuck myself, though.
Yeah, I think that's probably the best way to go right now.
Jordan, who are you playing for?
First of all, I just want to comment,
you look kind of hot on that poster.
I know, that's why I'm going to get a picture of it.
You know what, Doug?
You should get tits.
You should get breast implants.
It's getting weird.
Pretty weird.
And the crickets now, they're listening.
Jordan, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Kayla,
who came up with K-Lars and the Real Girl.
Yeah.
One of my favorite movies,
where a man pretends that his doll is alive.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
that Ryan Gosling
did a good job
playing that weirdo.
Never tied his boots.
And that doesn't look
like a Star Wars poster
to you.
It looks exactly
like a Star Wars poster.
That doesn't look
exactly like
Darth Vader to you
is what you're gonna
try to sell me.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
All right, Sean.
I picked...
What do you got? It's your favorite movie, isn't it? It's up there. I picked what do you got
it's your favorite movie
isn't it
it's up there
I picked
Lewis actually
and um
it's fantastic
but
so Lewis
you arrogant
motherfucker
all of these names
are Lewis Ramirez
none of them
are different puns
of any other name
they're just
it's every character
and then under each one
it says Lewis Ramirez
Lewis Ramirez
Lewis Ramirez I bet youirez, Luis Ramirez.
I bet you that's Luis Ramirez
clapping all loud in the back.
Were you looking in the mirror when you did this?
This is funny. But yes, it's
damn near my favorite movie, so I picked that. I ran right to it.
And it's laminated, but still
also feels like it might be
kind of dirty or wet or something.
Looks like, yeah, looks like Luis
had it in the, like accidentally put it in the washer
and pulled it out.
It was only in there for a couple seconds.
He was like, fuck, I've got to laminate that.
Is there a shithead on the back?
There's not a shithead on the back.
I don't think writing would stay on this laminated material.
I can go ask him.
Is that self-laminated or is that like a Kinko's?
Lewis, would you care to answer this?
Self-laminated.
I like a self-laminated.
He has his own machine and everything.
You're not going to need a shithead
because we're going to win, dog.
It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Oh, I'm not going to put this in the prize bag.
This is my new toy.
All right, you guys.
My new toy.
I got a few games set up for us to play here,
starting with a semi-new one that you might not be familiar with
because you guys have been on the show but not too recently.
It's called Argo Fac Yourself. And I'm going to
read some frequently asked questions about a movie on its IMDB page. And the first person
to guess what movie it is correctly wins. You can guess as often as you'd like. Just
the people up on stage, of course.
True, true. Do we raise our hand, or do you call on us?
No, you can just guess as often as you'd like.
Shout it out.
We don't have to shout it.
We have microphones.
It's an intimate space.
Kind of casually into the microphone?
Sure.
Love actual.
You don't have to be like, big!
Front row jump.
I saw it.
You got her.
I saw it.
I got eyes on everything Sean
That was hilarious
I got eyes on everything
Especially the inside of my eyelids
I see a lot of them
Those girls are crying now
If I don't make somebody cry
That's why I even bother to show up
Alright here we go
Guess as often as you like Love actually Do you want to do a pre-guess? why even bother to show up. Alright, here we go.
Guess as often as you like.
Love Actually.
Do anybody want to do a pre-guess?
Love Actually.
Nope.
Beauty and the Beast.
Okay, nope.
A question that's come up about this movie
on the Frequently Asked Questions is
is it based on a book?
And to give you an extra clue,
I'll say no.
It is not
based on a book
but somehow
for some reason
people are wondering
if it's based on a book
no
Michael Clayton
no
so you guys are guessing
movies you think
might be
based on a book
but are not
correct
correct
clever
it's clever
clever approach
it's for Kayla
this next one might help you guys some more.
What happened
to Penny
to cause a botched abortion?
Dirty dancing!
That is
correct. Yay!
I mean,
every woman knows a movie with a botched
abortion in it.
It's Dirty Dancing.
Yeah, right?
It really does narrow it down quite a bit.
The second you said the words penny and botched abortion,
I was back to being a little child watching that movie,
having botched abortion fantasies of my own.
One of these days, I'll accidentally be a mom.
It's going to be so fun. It's going to be a mom It's gonna be so fun
It's gonna be a blast
She didn't feel like a lady that day
Did she have a kid?
She felt like the most lady
Yeah
Did she have a kid in that movie?
I haven't seen that
for quite some time
What?
She end up having a kid?
No, no, no
She had a botched abortion
What is in your ears tonight?
Botched abortion
means it didn't take, right?
It was like a double negative.
If it took, then it's an abortion.
It didn't take.
He's got a good point here.
Yeah, no, that would be one way to botch an abortion.
But it's one that causes less death and pain to the baby and the mother.
So that's what that means?
It was just like a gnarlier abortion?
It takes place before abortions are even legal anywhere. Before Roe
v. Wade. Yeah, one of those
you know, amateur
abortions. I haven't seen
Dirty Dancing in 25
years. No, that's okay.
You're not on trial here.
Just don't ask stupid questions.
I was dead serious when I thought she had the kid.
I thought it meant like she messed it up.
Right, yeah.
They fucked up the abortion.
Most...
The doctor comes out of the waiting room.
I'm sorry, we fucked up the abortion.
The baby is still in there and everything's fine.
Just the doctor.
Do you want us to go at it again?
It's all fucked up
I could take another whack at it if you'd like me to
It's head is dented
But you can still have it
No that was hilarious
You guys are wrong that was hilarious
Oh boy
Alright okay let's stop
And they put the baby in the corner?
Ladies and gentlemen, that's our show.
I'm laughing so hard,
my eyelashes are touching my glass lenses.
My eyes are like popping. Yeah, listen, Sean's got his glasses look on tonight.
Got my shades on. Yeah. Well, Sean's got his glasses look on tonight. Got my shades on.
Yeah.
Well, they're clear, but yes.
You get a point?
You get a point for that.
Is it a point system?
Yes, I think so.
No, she just gets to go first in the next game.
Okay.
Oh, my word.
Oh, stars.
Heavens to Betsy.
I truly didn't mean to say that.
That's just what happens to a lady
with eyelashes.
It's morphin' time.
I'm a lady.
Alright, this game is called
Last Man Stanton.
And we're playing we're going to play it tournament style.
So the first person that has two points wins,
and will be the winner of all this stuff tonight.
All the stuff in the prize bank is going to go to Kayla or Luis.
Did I say that right?
No.
Or...
Did you say no?
No, he said it was right.
Oh, okay.
I'm telling you, man, you've got to get your ears checked.
And Michelle.
Yeah.
I remembered all the names without being able to see the name tags.
Like, the idea of the name tags is so that I'll remember people's names.
That's how it started.
The weed is making you smarter.
I really think it is.
I gotta make an album called
Performance Enhancing Doug.
Yeah.
Alright.
So, shut up.
That applause goes on
for too long. You ever find
yourself saying that, Sean?
I don't even like applesauce.
I don't know what you mean by that.
I should get my ears cleaned out.
Yes.
Okay, so somebody in the audience tweeted at me today.
A few of you did, and I picked one.
And that person's going to give us the name of an actor or actress.
And I play along in this one, Jordan.
Okay.
Just for fun.
We've got to take turns.
Megan gets to go first.
So we'll go Megan, Jordan, Sean, and then me.
And you've got to name movies that the person was in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
But each round, you get to use a lifeline,
which is the person whose name tag you chose.
You get to use them once.
I recommend you go to them early.
And this is my little pro tip.
And whoever is out first in this first round
gets to pick from any actor or actress
to play in the next round.
And it moves forward like that until someone has two points someone who's not me any questions no that was really good I do have a
question is there a time limit when it becomes our turns like is there yeah
it's like Doug Benson will be like looking at you impatiently and saying
things like,
you gotta answer.
Come on, man. Just fucking say something.
Just do it.
But yeah, it could be argued
that I'm quite lenient sometimes.
Because as long as the audience is laughing,
I don't care.
It's entertaining.
Right?
Yeah.
It's never gonna stop getting me. It's never going to stop getting me.
It's funny every time.
But also,
how many people does that sound like
that are booing?
It just sounds like three or four people.
Yeah.
One is all you need.
That is a good point.
There's just like two assholes in the back.
Boo!
And also,
maybe since you invented
Bao Chicka Bao Bao, you know about this?
I forgot about that.
I already forgot about that.
That's the problem, everybody.
We were having so much fun that I forgot about that.
That's awesome.
All right, never mind. I won't say that.
No, I ruined it. That's just fucking awesome.
I wrecked it. Go ahead.
It is awesome.
You're very kind.
But how come ghosts go boo and hecklers go boo?
Like, why is it the same word?
Because they both haunt you.
No, but the ghost isn't saying that he thinks your act sucks.
Actually, ghosts are hecklers.
And the heckler isn't trying to scare you.
It's just interesting.
There's two different uses for boo.
And adding O's doesn't necessarily mean one or the other.
A bunch of O's could be boo or boo!
Well, and your girlfriend or boyfriend can be your boo,
and you don't want to scare them or hate them, you know?
Just want to love them and think they're funny. You're my boo.
Yeah.
People don't say that.
That's what ghosts say to each other.
We just wrote a Laffy Taffy joke.
We could make...
It's definitely already in there.
You think?
I think so, yeah.
All right.
It's pretty tight.
Well, we're on the right track.
Yeah.
No, this is a great joke writing workshop
we've got going here.
And where is Jay Schwinn, S-H-W-I-N?
Is Jay Schwinn here?
Jay Huffy?
They're pointing in the dark.
Is he a mute person?
Hey, it'd be weird to volunteer to yell out a suggestion if you don't speak.
Hang on a moment.
Have you heard how this goes on the show?
I'm going to try to take a little time, get to know you, find your flaws, exploit them.
No, where are you from?
Local.
That's by Torrance, local California.
Oh, I love hanging out at the local mall.
Local airport's always really crowded, though.
What's your name?
Jay.
Okay, so Jay Schwinn on Schwinn on Twitter.
No relation to the bicycles.
Okay.
And, all right, so what's your suggestion
for Last Man Stanton?
Jeff Daniels.
Jeff Daniels.
That is an
interesting one.
I don't have any predictions
about how long we're going to be able to go
on Jeff Daniels.
You get those gears turning, Lewis. Movies only.
That's correct. Yeah. those gears turning, Lewis. Movies only. That's correct.
Yeah.
No, dinner parties
don't count.
I go first?
Yes, that's right.
The Squid and the Whale.
True, yeah.
True story.
I was expecting
like crickets and applause.
Normally there is. Everybody hates that movie, I guess. I thought it was fun. and applause. Normally there is.
Everybody hates that movie, I guess.
I thought it was really good.
I like these crickets and this thing.
They're much more pleasant.
I could sleep to that.
These ones are like...
Well, these are city crickets.
All about fucking...
They're all about that bass.
Jordan?
I'm going to go Dumb and Dumber 2.
Tight.
All right.
Now, see, that's a lot of fun when you do something like that.
Yeah.
But we want the exact title.
Oh.
So you could change it to something else?
Dumb and Dumber, I'm going to say.
I'm going to go back to the original.
Okay.
Dumb and Dumber.
Because there's probably a byline that I'm forgetting with the scene.
Yeah, there's a lot of stuff after the colon.
I didn't think there was.
Oh, no, I mean in a lot of titles.
But I just know that that movie was not called Dumb and Dumber 2.
Okay.
I'm not going to say it.
Is it me?
Now I think I might be wrong.
Go ahead.
I think that's it, but I'm going to say Arachnophobia.
Arachnophobia.
Very good.
Oh, wow.
Oh.
I'm going to go with
The Martian.
Oh, yeah.
I was confusing that with Newsroom.
Huh?
I was confusing Newsroom with The Martian.
Right? They're pretty similar.
Very similar.
Both hilarious.
I interrupted you. I'm sorry.
No, I wasn't going to say anything worth saying.
Okay. Not at all. I'm sorry. No, I wasn't going to say anything worth saying. Okay.
Not at all.
All right, Megan.
Can I say the Dumb and Dumber 2 one?
Or did he already blow it?
That's what you think that it's called Dumb and Dumber 2?
No, I think it's called Dumb and Dumberer.
Oh.
Yeah, it definitely is.
No, it's so fucking...
No, it's so confusing.
It's not called Dumb and Dumber?
Pick something else.
Oh.
Settle down, audience.
I get to decide.
I'm the judge.
I need to use...
Well, you know what?
You could go to your lifeline.
You know what really sucks?
Big time.
I gotta use my lifeline
because I have this movie
on the edge of my brain
but I can't think of the title
did someone get it wrong a third time no right it's getting mangled as fuck now
does he have to because there's that prequel there's the prequel that doesn't have Jeff Daniels in it true yeah that's what you just said no okay okay I think that's no the prequel
is dumb and dumber right right so
So I'll say speed
That's amazing
Oh my god, yes
That's fucking hilarious
You're going with speed, Megan?
Wait, I just saw speed
And I don't remember him in it
Oh really? All of it?
Or just the second half?
Of speed?
Speed
With the bus and Keanu.
Yes. I go with Speed.
I only remember Sandra
and Keanu.
Well, it's the story of a cop
who loses his partner
and then has to continue
dealing with the bad guy who killed his partner.
It's the inciting incident, basically.
And it's played by
Jeff Daniels. Is the bad guy? And you just
watched it. Yes, Jeff Daniels
has a deformed hand and says,
pop quiz, hotshot.
He's the bad guy?
He's the partner. Oh, he's the partner.
Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Let's put it this way. He's not in Speed 2 when the squid met the whale.
Well, I accept, and I'm still in this.
All right, Speedy.
Good job.
Yeah, you're still in it.
So the Dumb and Dumber sequel is still in play.
It's still in play.
It is.
I might have talked you off of the correct answer,
but I'm not absolutely sure.
And so that's why we've got to be careful here.
I just keep picturing Jeff Daniels being very serious in an office going,
damn it!
Oh, yeah, that sounds like him.
I'm going to go to my lifeline, Kayla.
Okay, Kayla, what do you got for Jeff Daniels?
Like, hopefully you've been Googling.
No, that's not how it works.
It's T-O and not the number two.
There you go.
That's what I'm going with.
It's Dumb and Dumber T-O.
Dumb and Dumber two.
Wait a minute.
How did we get from the way that they were saying two
that they weren't saying that?
We weren't, but I was scared that he was not saying the right thing
because the three Dumb and Dumber movie titles are fucking confusing.
And so I was trying to talk him out of making
a crucial mistake.
Because I thought there might have been a colon something more
in Dumb and Dumber 2, but there is not.
And it's just spelled T-O.
Once I started to figure that out,
I couldn't say it out loud.
Because then that's giving one of you the answer.
Tight. Alright. I get it.
Do you have another one
or do you need to go to your lifeline?
Lewis, what do you got, Doug?
Lewis.
Fly Away Home.
Fly Away Home.
Fly Away Home, of course.
Thank you.
The bird movie with Anna Paquin.
I'll think of another one,
but don't say it
and just kind of project it to me.
Just put it in my brain.
I got a good one.
What is it, Doug?
Steve Jobs.
Damn it.
He was in an office getting mad.
Really?
Shit.
All right, man.
Not the Ashton Kutcher Steve Jobs.
No, that was just called Jobs.
That was okay.
Yeah, because Kutcher never got another one.
It was about plumbing.
Rim shot, please.
Rim shot.
Oh, sorry.
You know, that was Doug's solution
when there were cricket problems at the venue.
More crickets.
Really fixed the problem.
Whose turn is it?
Mine.
Oh, sorry.
No, I'm sorry
you don't have another
Jeff Daniels
I don't
oh I thought of another one
cool
that's not gonna help you though
no
and I just adore him
he's great
I just love his
but he did a lot
he's done a lot of work
in TV over the years
so the feature films
aren't that frequent
he's got
great eyes.
Driving Miss Daisy.
Just kidding.
But I don't...
I'm out.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't even remember...
I apologize.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wouldn't apologize to Mitchell.
I'd apologize for saying Driving Miss Daisy just kidding.
Like that was a punch...
Some sort of punchline.
Okay, fair.
I'm sorry
all right so you're you're out but guess what that means you get to pick in the next round
what the uh actor what actor actress we play you could choose yourself if you wanted to play
very viciously that would be, such a trolling of myself
because nobody on this panel would know anything I was in,
and then I'd have to face my irrelevance.
I would never.
I got some answers.
I've never been in a movie, so, you know.
Yeah, so he always says his name,
and then he just wins automatically.
Then we all just, nobody, you know.
All right, so.
I'm in I Am Battle Comic
coming out on VOD
June 2nd.
I am battlecomic.com.
All right.
So Megan,
think about who
you'd like to pick.
A lot of times
the people do not
understand that they
really can pick anybody.
So definitely pick
somebody you know
more about than we do.
Hold please.
Would be what you want to do.
Hold.
Okay.
Okay.
But in the meantime, Jordan,
do you have another Jeff Daniels?
I keep, I picture him,
this is not my answer,
but I picture him in steel.
In a boat on a river.
In like steel magnolias.
With tangerine trees.
You picture him in steel magnolias.
But I don't think he was.
Nope.
I know what he was in,
and they're kind of similar. And then I'm thinking of him in Steel Magnolias but I don't think he was nope I know what he was in and they're kind of similar and then I'm thinking of him
in Radio
where
Kuba
Gooding Jr.
played
oh
and he's his partner
he's his partner
with a weird clubbed hand
there's nothing weird
about a clubbed hand
I didn't say there was
anything weird
I'm just saying
that was a plot device
oh I just thought of another one
Alright so you're out
No no no
Was he in like the farmer in the spaceship
That's definitely not what it was called
But he might have been in
The astronaut
No
Can I go to Kayla again
No only once per round.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Network is just clouding my vision.
That show where he was really angry a lot.
Right.
Newsroom.
Newsroom.
Oh.
Answer.
Because I'm mad as hell.
He was in broadcast news.
No.
Oh.
Sean?
I don't have one, but I
think I get the point, right? Because I had
the last right answer. You lasted the longest
and then, but I'm just going to rub
it in a little bit. Hold on. Was it the astronaut's
wife or did somebody say that already? No.
I was trying for that one. Yeah.
I think what you were thinking
of that's similar to Steel Magnolias
is Terms of Endearment. Yes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then another one I thought of that's similar to Steel Magnolias is Terms of Endearment. Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then another one I thought of
that's just a terrific
movie that introduced him and Melanie Griffith
pretty much to the world. World of Crony. No.
Something wild.
With also, it was the first time we really
got a good look at Ray Liotta and it's fucking
scary. Yeah.
Yeah, he's got a scary ass laugh.
Like a young Ray Liotta?
Yeah.
I didn't know
he was ever young.
He's a nut bar
chasing after
Melanie Griffith
and Jeff Daniels.
It's kind of
a road movie.
You want to do
something kind of funny?
By all means.
If it's kind of funny,
jam it right in.
Ray Liotta's daughter
goes to high school with my daughter.
My daughters.
And they were both in this play.
So Ray Liotta showed up and helped the high school actors with their show.
Oh, what did he do?
Like help them learn their lines?
Yeah, yeah.
He gave them tips and everything.
And the one show that we didn't go see,
my daughter slipped backstage and hit herself on the head.
And they called.
It was during the intermission.
And they called and said, well, you got to come up here and get your daughter.
And I was a little puff puff, right?
And I told my wife, don't worry, Ray Liotta's there.
As if he would just take care of everything.
It wasn't that funny.
I said it was kind of funny.
That's pretty dope. If you were actually
like, no, Ray Liotta's there. I'm good.
Taking that to yourself. Yes, thank you.
That's the fun part. We're like, Ray Liotta's
going to handle this. He seems like a take charge guy.
I've seen good fellas. Guy knew what he was doing.
Fucking handling things. Sure.
He's on that Criminal Minds with J-Lo. How did it end up?
Did he handle anything? He didn't do anything.
And then what's worse is we ended up going, and I'm high, and I'm wearing like shorts
and flip flops because we just get in the car and go.
You sound high.
And I sit right in front of Ray Liotta, who's kind of looking at me like, that's how you
dress for the theater?
So I was really self-conscious the whole time.
I like it.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm in. Not a good story. Sorry the whole time I like it I'm in
not a good story sorry
I'm just trying to think of actors
she's really focused over there
she's got her game face going
so that means Sean won that first round
congratulations
a W is a W you know
hollow victory
well played sir
so Megan gets to pick the next name and then
we'll switch the order around so it goes to me and then sean and then and then jordan and you uh
get to you know your lifeline is back in again on this one so megan it's so hard um i just feel so
stupid all of a sudden no no no no, no, no, no, no.
It's okay.
I never feel this way, so it's fine.
It's like a little vacation.
It's like a vacation.
Well, I could just say the guy I always say,
but everybody's going to know his movies,
but I do think I'm the biggest fan,
but I'm not going to say Arnold Schwarzenegger
because everybody knows his movies.
There's some deep cuts we might not know. Yeah, but... I don't know. And then I was going to say Arnold Schwarzenegger because everybody knows his movies. There's some deep cuts we might not know.
Yeah, but...
I don't know.
And then I was going to say Diane Keaton.
Can I tell you something I like about Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Everything?
Just rifling through them.
There's only a couple of fucking sequels
with long, stupid titles.
There's a few of them,
but he's mostly just...
He's got his own titles every time.
Action stars get the point across.
All right, let's do Arnold.
Tight.
I didn't say that to talk you into it,
because you will lose.
You might be able to beat these two guys on Schwarzenegger.
I might not.
I probably can't.
He's a major movie star.
Oh, yeah.
He's big.
You guys, have you heard of him?
He.
All right, start us us off Schwarzenegger
okay
go
Conan the Barbarian
did you say Conan the Barbarian
Conan
I know it just sounded like Conan
it was funny
Conan
the Barbarian
alright I'm gonna go with
Twins.
Nobody liked that one, huh?
I've never been able to figure out why people applaud for some answers and not for others.
Because sometimes they like the movie, and sometimes they like that a contestant thought of something.
No one's impressed that I thought of twins.
No one likes to think about twins, I don't think.
Doesn't really hold up.
I am going to say
Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck yeah, dog!
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, people like that one.
Terminator.
Alright.
You guys don't like terminator wow i know
i know a lifeline what's the full title though
i believe that one was just terminated there's more to it
don't say anything i don't know you're trying to psych me out now it's working they're all shaking their heads like there is more to it. No, there is more?
I think it's...
Judgment Day?
Terminator?
No, no.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Now you're just giving somebody else a point.
What?
Terminator?
Do you really want...
You want to stick with no the in front?
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
The Terminator.
Yay!
Thank you. Thank you, audience. I'm a dipshit. I had no idea that's what they were talking about. I'm like, what the fuck. The Terminator. Yay! Thank you.
Thank you, audience.
I'm a dipshit.
I had no idea that's what they were talking about.
I'm like, what the fuck is after Terminator?
I thought it was like a colon and some weird thing.
Okay.
I worked with Arnold on a promo.
I directed him on a promo for...
This won't be as long as Ray Liotta.
Was it Nark Ray Liotta or like Heartbreakers Ray Liotta?
Nark.
What kind of Ray Liotta?
Like a gnarly fuck you Ray Liotta?
That's what we're dealing with?
That was in my head.
Okay.
But he did a movie with Johnny Knoxville that I don't even remember the name of.
I just saw you.
Why are you?
What is happening?
Do not.
What?
We're playing the game.
I'll shut up.
I'll shut up.
Don't say names of movies for the rest of the show. The only thing I'll say is I explained to him what a tweet, what a retweet was.
As him to him, I said, so when you do this, maybe you could say like, oh, thank you for these retweets.
And I slipped into a bad Arnold impression.
And he goes, what is a retweet?
You just hit a button.
I go, you just hit a button.
He goes, oh, so there was no skill involved in a retweet. Therefore, hit a button. I go, you just hit a button. He goes, oh, so there was no skill involved
in a retweet,
therefore it's funny.
I will say that.
And he said the joke,
the bit.
He is,
he was with it.
Yeah,
and also doesn't seem to care
when you mock his voice
to his face.
I don't think he was aware.
Right.
Everybody sounds like him
to him.
It doesn't sound like an accent
when you use his accent.
He finally hears clearly for the first time.
Boom.
Up here.
Up here.
You are so eloquent.
I like talking to you.
Finally, she makes sense.
All right, Megan.
Is he up?
Back to you.
T2 Judgment Day?
Yeah, okay.
Did I say that like a bitch?
A T2 Judgment Day?
I just was worried you were going to say T2 train spotting.
Because that's a weird one.
Okay, my turn.
Junior.
The sort of sequel to Twins.
Is he pregnant in Junior?
Oh yeah, he is.
Yeah? Okay. I don't want to have this baby
i changed my mind i want this baby hopefully nobody just did two acts of the movie for you
last action hero the last action here yes
yeah that was a good one.
Thank you.
I almost blew it.
Expendables 2.
I like it.
Cameo.
And still governor at the time.
I don't know.
I just made that up.
I think he might have,
or close.
It might have been close.
Yeah.
Bruce Willis was still an actor at the time.
Megan.
Conan the Destroyer.
Oh, I like it.
I didn't know there were multiple Conans.
You're learning so much shit tonight.
There's two worth seeing.
Basically in school
It's really a learning experience for you
I'm gonna go with pumping iron
I was almost gonna do that one
Right?
He smokes a little weed in that
He's great
Doesn't go to his father's funeral
He does not go to his father's funeral
Because he has a competition.
That's focus.
Yeah, you don't turn into a cold-blooded dickhead
by going to your father's funeral, you know?
Commando?
Yes!
Fuck.
Commando.
I had that on my list.
Very good.
Woo-hoo!
Total Recall.
Shit.
Simply the best movie ever.
Ever.
You were a fan.
Oh, my God.
Yes, I am.
Get ready for a surprise.
Fucking bomb blows up.
Two weeks, two weeks.
Guys, watch Total Recall again if you haven't.
It's so of the moment, too.
It's like VR plus Mars.
Blow your mind.
You gotta watch it.
It was great.
And the remake was such a bummer.
Oh, yeah.
Don't remake that movie.
It was such a bummer.
Because the first one's perfect.
It was.
The Running Man.
Fucking.
For Imanese's sake.
She's good.
She's on a roll.
I just love him.
Shit.
I like The Running Man, man. You know what else I like the running man man
you know what else I like man
demolition man man
I didn't know he was in that
demolition man
yeah he's not in that
oh shit
I was so excited about
he says his name's in it
that doesn't count, though, right?
That doesn't count.
I'm not going to take it for that,
but thank you for your help.
Don't break the 40 because of it.
I was just excited about saying man a lot.
There's probably another man movie I wasn't...
Anyway.
Sean, go.
Terminator Salvation.
Did I say it right.
I can't tell from the tempid.
Isn't it The Salvation?
I don't think so.
Terminator.
Jordan.
There was no sequel to Twins.
Junior, don't forget about your lifeline
weird adults was the sequel
no they were adults in the movie
if his image appeared in a movie
oh
wait
Tom Arnold
and
yeah
don't ask the audience questions Tom Arnold and... Yeah, yeah.
Right?
Don't ask the audience questions.
They're nice.
They're going to answer you.
I'm going to go to Kayla.
Red Sonja.
Oh, that's basically the third Conan.
Red Sonja, yeah.
Good job, Kayla.
Thank you, Kayla. I was Red Sonja for Halloween once
because I thought it would be too weird to be Conan.
It's called Red Sonja?
Yeah.
It stars Brigitte Nelson as Conan.
And they have a thing.
It's garbage, but it's great.
He's in it.
Who said that?
You said it?
Oh, no.
Kayla said it.
Kayla.
My lifeline yep we're back to uh
which way are we going me megan megan guys you gotta see it it's old it's good but it has new technology for the time predator nobody's there nope oh yeah that i was at an art show Predator. Nobody said Predator yet? Nope. Oh, shit. Yeah.
That fucking,
I was at an art show and they have,
they had a three-piece painting.
One of them was Arnold's hand.
The other one was the handshake.
And then the other one
was the other dude's hand.
And there were three separate pieces.
And it was fucking,
if I had money,
I would have bought it.
How much was it going for?
Not a lot,
like 80 bucks or something.
Oh.
Any normal adult
could have bought it.
I just,
I couldn't. I couldn't afford it. I wish I would have been there to spot you. What! Any normal adult could have bought it. I just, I couldn't.
I couldn't afford it.
I wish I would have been there to spot you.
What was the other guy's name?
Why am I spacing?
I don't care.
What's your next answer in the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies?
Terminator Genisys with a Y?
For some fucking reason?
Yeah.
Like it's going to be tighter if you spell it with a Y?
It was always going to suck.
And I like stuff.
Jordan, has anything else come to mind
while you were waiting?
Just him in an office screaming.
Ah!
Ah!
My office is a health job.
Let's see.
You think if he did,
like if he was an insurance salesman,
his office would just be
a flying helicopter?
Like that would,
you'd have to meet him
in the Apache?
I don't like it.
Nobody thought that was funny.
Let's stay on point here.
We might have to play
another round of this.
Laser focus.
Arnold's greatest action hero ever
in cinema
absolutely
I was wondering
is Megan looking at me
unbeatable
politician
great governor
nanny fucker
we fucked a nanny
yeah it's too bad there isn't a movie now.
I'm going to have to tap out.
All right, Jordan's out.
I'm sorry, Kayla.
Megan.
The Last Stand.
Yeah, that's the one with Johnny Knoxville.
He was telepathy her.
Is that because you're still my lifeline?
You don't have another one on deck?
You don't need to discuss this with him.
Well, Doug's out. Now we got Jordan. Jordan's out.
I'm out. Sean is thinking.
I'm getting a back
rub right now. And I'm not getting a back
rub anymore. Now I'm getting one
again. Lewis, what do you got?
Hercules in New York.
Whoa.
Okay. Hercules in New York. No. Okay. Hercules in New York.
No. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Oh.
I got it.
He totally set you up. I know.
Got you to pick his name tag. Very confident.
And just fucked with you during the games.
He's probably here with one of these other name tags.
Megan?
Well, before I used
my lifeline,
we didn't say
the Expendables.
That's correct.
We didn't.
We said Expendables 2
and Expendables.
He was in the first one?
Yeah.
Oh.
Fuck, man. It was, you know, now that you mention it, I was in the first one? Yeah. Oh. Fuck, man.
You know, now that you mention it, I never saw the first one,
and there were so many puzzle pieces I couldn't put together
watching Expendables 2.
I was like, I really should have watched the first one.
I didn't see either.
You're just a fan.
I just like the billboards.
I'm like, I got to check that out later.
Sean? You guys can keep talking about Expendables for a fan. I'm just, I just like the billboards. I'm like, I gotta check that out later. Sean?
You guys can keep talking about Expendables for a second.
No, no, no, no.
Expendables 3.
Yeah.
That's it? There's no, tie it.
Yeah, Expendables 3, I need it.
It's called playing the game.
No, take the win.
Don't try to talk Alex Trebek out of giving you the points.
So I need my lifeline.
Oh shit.
Here's Mitchell.
Yeah.
Oh, it's end of days.
There you go.
That's an interesting approach.
Don't think I allow that.
I don't think so either.
I don't think the Lifeline could just name a few movies
and you just get to pick one.
Yeah, nobody reads the rules.
It's called paying attention.
Fuck.
It was like a nanny one.
Was he Mr. Nanny?
Is that a movie?
Mr. Nanny.
Yeah, sure. Why are you asking questions? I'm not. I'm just saying itanny one. Was he Mr. Nanny? Is that a movie? Mr. Nanny? Yeah, sure.
Why are you asking questions?
I'm not.
I'm just saying it in an inquisitive.
Sorry, sorry.
Mr. Nanny?
No.
I didn't think so, but you know.
Got another one, Megan, just to rub it in?
Shit.
I would love to rub it in.
The Villain.
Around the World in 80 Days. Wait, The Villain's the World in 80 Days
Wait the Villain's a movie?
Yep
With Kirk Douglas and Ann-Margret
Oh no I didn't know
Directed by Hal Needham
No
Yeah it's true
Oh yeah but no
Yeah no it's true
I don't know
Yes but no
We miss any like crazy obvious ones
True Lies
True Lies
That's the one I was thinking
With Jamie Lee Curtis
See I
Jingle all the way
Eraser Escape plan Escape plan That's the one I was thinking with Jamie Lee Curtis. Jingle all the way.
Eraser.
Escape plan.
Escape plan.
You guys.
I will freeze you.
Kudos to you guys for being so quiet because I would have been fucking screaming at me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now we're giving out fucking kudos
for behaving the way that you should behave
at a game show presentation.
Isn't Arnold fun, though?
Hasn't he entertained us our entire
lives? And our children's
lives? A little
less so these days. What's he got in the can?
Oh, you should check him out on Twitter
with Trump. Well, that's true.
He's still entertaining.
I believe it. I've just become like a jewish mother about like guys so megan's
on the board with a point congratulations and um jordan do you want to pick somebody for us to play in the next round?
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Okay.
What do you got?
I'm going to go.
Do you go obscure?
Not too obscure because that's not fun, right?
No.
What I want is the best strategically for yourself.
Somebody that you think you know more movies of that person than the rest of this panel.
Val Kilmer.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
And you start us off.
Then we go to Megan, then me, and then Sean.
I'll start with Tombstone.
That's so good.
Doc Holliday.
They could have called it Doc Holliday.
He stole the movie.
They should have.
Billy Bob Thornton as a disgruntled, overweight poker dealer.
You going to do something or just stand there and bleed?
Got a guy in the front row that does not like Val Kilmer.
in the front row that does not like Val Kilmer.
I'm going to save
my little back pocket one
and do the obvious top gun.
That's a good one.
Nice, man.
He does that weird teeth thing
at Tom Cruise.
It hurts.
I had to do it now.
He wasn't 35 when he did it.
Tom Cruise, Maverick
should have been like,
are you threatening to bite me?
Yeah, really.
It's not how we fight.
What is that?
We're not bears.
Okay, Val Kilmer.
Probably one of my favorite Val Kilmers.
Kiss, kiss, bang, bang.
With Iron Man.
Yeah, yeah, it's with Iron Man.
I don't want to use that back pocket one either Wonderland
it's about Johnny
the porn star guy
it's true
is that true?
yeah
Johnny
porn star that's fine
not information we need Is that true? Yeah. Johnny. Porn star, that's fine.
Not information we need.
I'll go.
Gordo.
Top secret.
Yes.
Shit.
Shit.
Strategy, baby.
Real genius.
I'm going to go with MacGruber.
Oh, yeah.
His last name was
Van Cunth
or just Cunth?
Cunth.
Cunth.
Oh, Val Kilmer and MacGruber?
Mm-hmm.
Cunth?
Cunth. Sounds a lot like a dirty word. Who? Kunz. Kunz. Oh, Val Kilmer and MacGruber? Mm-hmm. Kunz? Kunz.
Sounds a lot like a dirty word.
That's why it's fun.
Batman Forever.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I was just trying to figure out which one Kiss from a Rose was in.
That's why I said the dirty word thing.
The Doors.
Oh, yeah.
Fully immersed into the character.
It's on the cusp of my
brain, but I don't have it. I need
my lifeline.
What is it?
Oh, The Saint. The Saint. That's correct.
Good job, lifeline. It wasn't the one
I was thinking of, but I was thinking of two soundtracks,
and that was a soundtrack that I couldn't remember.
I remember the soundtrack, but not the movie.
Pretty interesting story.
Yeah.
Oh, this dude's back.
Is it my turn?
Okay, I'm going to go...
Willow.
Yay!
Yay!
Yeah.
I knew a dude that was in Willow.
This kid who used to rollerblade.
He was at a...
Anyway.
Did he rollerblade in the movie?
Did that help him get the part?
No, they didn't have rollerblades in that universe.
But he rollerbladed in Mankato, Minnesota at the skate park.
Lewis, what do you got?
The Island of Dr. Moreau.
Oh, nice one. Wow, that's a good one.
God, you're good at this, buddy.
An indie
film called Palo Alto
starring his
son Jack, and he
played the teacher. We completely believe you
James Franco
I don't think he directed
He started
He wrote it
He wrote a poem somebody reads in it
God damn it something
James Franco did
He just makes out with a little girl in it
Right?
She's just short Emma Roberts Megan He just makes out with a little girl in it, I think. Right? That's the movie.
She's just short.
She's like 36.
Emma Roberts.
All right.
Megan.
I can't remember the name of this damn movie.
Oh, shit.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I love the soundtrack.
I can't remember the name of the movie.
Oh, okay.
Heat!
Oh, my God.
I was just...
You were almost eliminated.
That was an exciting one. What is it? I was like, you were almost eliminated. That was an exciting one.
I was like, Pacino's in it,
and it's got that really great music, and it's heat.
Well, fucking, that was awesome.
Extremely well done, yes.
All right, so it's back to me again?
That's good podcasting, right?
She says she's out, and she gets back in.
Couldn't be better.
I'm a wild ride.
Paid for the whole seat, but you're only gonna need the edge know what i mean
um he has a part of you he has a part in a motion picture called True Romance.
Oh, yeah.
It's Elvis, isn't he?
Sure is Elvis.
Well, I'm going to act like
that's what I was going to say,
and so I'm out.
Oh.
Nobody gives a fuck, do they?
Fine.
Fine.
Jordan's out, right?
I'm not out.
Oh, sorry.
Only one Jordan out so far. I picked Val. Yeah. Okay, sorry. Now, right? I'm not out. Oh, sorry. Only one Jordan out so far.
I picked Val.
Yeah.
Okay, sorry.
Now I have a really obscure one.
Okay, great.
Tell us as much about it as you can.
It's out now.
It's how new it is.
Okay.
It's called Cinema Twain.
What?
Cinema Twain.
You can Google it. Like with an NG twang? No, yeah, Twain. What? Cinema Twain. You can Google it.
Like with an NG, Twang?
No, yeah, Twain.
He plays Mark Twain.
Twain.
And they filmed it.
They made a movie of it.
Sounds legit, yeah.
Yeah, they made a movie of it.
Yeah, I've heard that he plays Mark Twain.
It's incredible.
I buy it.
Where's it playing?
Okay.
Where's it playing here?
It's playing at the Irvine Improv tomorrow night.
Nice.
What?
Yeah, they're showing it.
He's doing a Q&A.
That's crazy.
It's a comedy theater. That's how I had Val on's doing a Q&A. That's a great comedy theater.
That's how I had Val
on the brain.
Oh, okay.
It's a must see.
All right.
Megan.
Megan out.
Oh.
It feels like a death.
I think it is.
I think I am out too.
At first sight.
Yeah.
Already on the edge.
I'm going to go to Kayla.
You didn't use your lifeline yet?
No, I saved it strategically.
Very smart.
I like to think they borrowed it.
When you go to the lifeline late,
then they're just as fucked as anybody else.
Yeah.
Yeah, she doesn't have anything to do.
We did the Island of Dr. Monroe.
That was done.
We did a lot of them.
We did a lot of them.
Yeah.
You're still going to get the point.
We only have time to recap.
Oh, I still get the point?
Well, you're going to be the winner.
Oh, well, then fuck it.
Yeah.
I don't.
All right.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Thank you.
No applause for winning. All right. congratulations. Thank you, thank you. No applause for winning.
All right, fuck it.
So who was out first that time?
Was it you?
Sean was out first, so you get to pick for the final round.
It's got to be a speed round because we are out of time
if the clock on the wall is correct.
I'm trying to think.
Jason Lee.
Whoa.
All right.
So it starts with you and then it goes to, which way were we going before?
We were going that way before.
So it'll go to you.
This way, me.
Okay, go.
Heartbreakers.
Yeah, the aforementioned Heartbreakers.
I'll just take it out right now. Almost famous.
My lifeline just shook his head at me.
I'm picturing Graham and Leah.
What are you doing?
Me?
Both of you.
Don't have a conversation.
Just answer.
Just say it. Oh, wow.
Okay.
Can I use my lifeline?
Do you have anything?
Yeah.
He doesn't have anything.
Okay, I'm out.
Oh, no.
Can't you yell heat or something last minute?
Is he in heat?
No.
Wow.
He's driving Miss Daisy.
Sorry, you were saying that you were confusing it with Brandon Lee?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It was in considerably less films.
Brandon Lee didn't used to be a professional skateboarder yeah yeah I'm
gonna go to Kayla for life all right Kayla what dogma she's on my yet dogma
yeah I mean you can't you could throw a dead cat at any Kevin Smith movie and
you're trying to it's probably gonna be your right answer. Mallrats.
That's a great example.
Mallrats, Chasing Amy.
He was in it.
Oof.
Was he in that Record Store movie?
Was John Cusack in it?
Guys, really, you really like to
let everyone know your process.
You're up?
I'm out.
Stealing Harvard.
Wow, we got a real Jason Lee fan
over here. He's the only actor who
used to be a professional skateboarder, so I'm like
I'm kind of limited with... He knows his shit, yeah.
The Incredibles.
I wouldn't have got that.
Mumford.
Oh, right.
That's good. You should watch it.
That's a really good one.
I might tap.
Because I don't want to sit here and think for too long.
Willow.
I think he was in Willow.
I knew he used a roller blade at the skate park that I went to.
Professional skateboarder.
There was a point where they were talking about doing Fletch with him,
and I would have loved that.
I know.
I think he would have been a good Fletch.
Kevin Smith was going to direct it, though, and that wouldn't have been that tight, that. I know. I think he would have been a good Fletch. Kevin Smith was going to direct it though and that wouldn't
have been that tight, I don't think.
I think it would have been weird for Fletch.
Okay. No reason to say that
but go ahead.
Not Kevin Smith. I'm just saying that movie would have been odd
with, don't you think?
I didn't really want to discuss it. I just was
saying.
Has he been on the show? Kevin Smith?
Yeah.
There's been a few people on the show? I like Jason Lee. Kevin Smith? Yeah. He's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's been a few people on the show tonight that have been disparaged.
I didn't disparage him.
That's not what I was doing at all.
That's not even close to what I was doing.
I hope that wasn't.
I get what you're doing.
What I was doing.
All right.
So you win, Sean.
Congratulations.
And what Jason Lees did we miss
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alvin and the Chipmunks
he started to say
in a really cartoony voice
and then he pulled back
Alvin
and the Chipmunks
Jay and Silent Bob
strike back
he must have a party
Alvin and the Chipmunks too
chips ahoy
what's the one
Underdog yeah Jack. He must have a party. Chips Ahoy. What's the one?
Underdog.
Yeah.
Wow.
I didn't know he had such a good career.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and not to mention,
this is like five or six seasons of My Name is Earl.
Yeah, I knew about that,
but it's not a movie.
I couldn't say it.
Right, I know.
We all wanted to.
My Name is Earl the movie.
All right, so it turns out we don't need a shithead from Luis because you won.
Do you want to come up and get your prizes?
Sorry, Kayla.
There you go, dude.
Sorry.
You're probably going to feel great walking around with that.
Who's that guy with the Easter basket and the big bottle of Belvedere?
Fits in with everybody else.
There you go, man. Congratulations.
Thank you for playing.
Wow.
He clearly treasures that name tag.
He really wants that back.
Let's do some plugs. Sean Jordan, what do you got to plug?
Sean Jordan, yes. Sean Jordan, what do you got to plug? Sean Jordan, yes.
Sean Jordan, yes.
My roommate started a podcast, but I'm basically a co-host.
It's called All Fantasy Everything.
It's really fun.
It's with Ian Carmel and myself and David Borey most of the time.
So listen to that and go to the Bridgetown Comedy Festival if you're in Portland in May, the first week of May.
I like it.
I like it.
Bridgetown, yes.
Jordan Brady, I am Battle Comic.
Yeah, if you're in Detroit, April 5th,
but May, you're not going to be, right?
May 2nd at the Landmark,
and come out and help raise some money.
That's it.
I am BattleComic.com.
Woo!
I'm just in between projects right now,
but I've been posting on Instagram
pictures of like spaghetti I make
and photos of me as a child.
I also tweet sometimes like bitter reactions
to like the American political system.
I'll like delete very quickly.
So you want to get on my Twitter and follow me so you can like catch some of
like the irate,
you know,
stuff I'm putting out before I delete it.
So you're going to want to follow and just like really monitor.
Oh,
and I'm on at midnight tonight with Doug.
Oh no,
but this is posting tomorrow,
but for you guys,
well,
anyway, that's enough. Thank you for you guys. Well, anyway.
All right, that's enough.
Thank you.
Megan Neuringer, everybody.
Jordan Brady, Sean Jordan. Thank you.
As always, as per his request, this one says before it,
my husband, Jared Adams, is a shithead.
So he's a self-flagellating shithead.
And alarm clocks are shitheads.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Guys, I'm both as few and proud as makes him party.
There's no room in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.
Thanks again to Cabbage for sponsoring today's episode.
Cabbage with a K was created as a simple way for businesses to get flexible access to up
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Visit cabbage.com slash Doug and you'll get a $100 Visa gift card when you qualify.
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