Doug Loves Movies - Seth Herzog, Samm Levine, Greg Wyshynski and 9 others guest
Episode Date: November 28, 2017Live from the Gramercy Theatre in New York City, Doug ushers in the second 12 Guests of Christmas episode of the season with Desmin Borges, Rich Dimirinis, Luis J. Gomez, Josh Gondelman, Seth... Herzog, Ian Kinney, Samm Levine, Julia Mattison, Sam Pasternack, George Salazar, Tom Thakkar and Greg Wyshynski.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers screaming,
Lady's sticky seats with 50-add-in popcorn kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see,
Cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
You don't respond yet, lady.
My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you once again from the Gramercy Theater in New York City.
We are doing it.
It's Monday, November 27th, I think.
Okay, we've got confirmation 2017, night two of the 12 Guests of Christmas East Coast Edition
We had a lot of great name tags last night
How are you guys doing tonight?
We got Mystic Brian, which is basically his face is a slice of pizza.
Stand up and show everybody, Mystic Brian.
Look at this weirdo.
Look at that pizza face.
Our old friend Paul brought back Spuds McKenzie.
Show everybody what a Spuds McKenzie looks like.
That's not really Spuds McKenzie, though, is it?
It's kind of a knockoff. It's real? It's really him? Okay.
Why does he have a copy of Fletch attached to his body?
Because he likes Fletch?
He likes the classics?
Les Miserables! You're back!
I've seen that one before.
Who's that big head over there? It's Greg. Hey, Mizza, Rob, you're back. I've seen that one before.
Who's that big head over there?
It's Greg?
Wyshynski?
All right.
I think he's going to be forced to pick that.
Are you friends with him or something?
No.
No, okay.
Because Greg was one of the three top, he was one of the top four last night. No. Your name's Nick? Oh, Nick Yost.
So lost in Nick Yost.
So it's about a little Macaulay Culkin trapped inside Nick's nervous system.
And what's that one next to you?
How the Trent stole Christmas?
Trentmas.
Okay, Trent.
You really only have to get your name
in there once.
Like Big Trouble and Little Richard.
That's hilarious.
Show everybody it's got Little Richard on there.
And he's in Big Trouble.
Alright, well good job everybody.
Thank you for bringing
such resplendent name tags and um
good luck to everybody doug plugs doug loves movies is back at ucb franklin in los angeles
this tuesday not this tuesday the following tuesday december 5th uh 12 guests of christmas
la edition is on december 12th and 13th at Largo in Los Angeles
and December 13th through
20th Tate Crazy Nights
8 Douglas Movies with Jeff
Tate in 8 cities
over 8 nights
crazy
indeed all of my
dates and deets and links are
at DouglasMovies.com
that's DouglasMvies.com That's Douglovesmovies.com
Yeah!
That was such a timid
fwa-fwa-fwa
fwa-fwa-fwa
Alright you guys
I brought a prize bag
somebody's walking out of here with a ton
of shit cause all of my
guests brought something as well
as far as I know.
I brought in this beautiful Target bag
a sippy cup that I
got at a Broadway show,
a
edible shot glass.
It's a candy, Christmas
candy shot glass.
I saw it. I had to get it for you guys.
Also had to get this for you guys.
It's a DVD of flags for our fathers.
Flags of our fathers.
Apologies to everyone involved.
And I gave away one of these last night and it's my final one that I own
that I'm giving away tonight
it's a beautiful Christmas bong
a rubber Christmas water pipe
thanks for the correction state of New York
from our friends at Peacemaker
so that's what I brought for the bag, but whoever wins tonight is going to get plenty
of stuff.
Are you guys ready to meet our guests?
We have 13 chairs tonight because we might need that 13th chair.
I'm still not sure if we will or not.
But in the meantime, there's at least 12 people backstage.
So please give a warm welcome
to Desmond Borges, Rich DeMarini,
Louis J. Gomez, Josh Gondelman,
Seth Herzog, Ian Kinney, Sam Levine, Julia Madison, Sam Pasternak,
George Salazar, Tom Takar, Greg Wyshynski.
Look at this great group.
And one more to possibly be named later.
I predicted...
Yeah, sit up front there.
There you go.
Yeah, we'll leave that seat next to me open
just in case it happens.
Someone reached out to me today.
We had a lovely exchange.
And then I thought, he might not show up.
So I'm not going to say who it is.
We'll call him Elijah for now.
And we're going to save a seat for Elijah.
Four Jews got that joke.
Because that joke is for Jews.
Let's meet my guests individually.
We got three returning players from last night.
Let's talk to them first.
Let's say hi to Sam the Ma'am Levine.
Oh, hello.
Hello, little Logan.
Hello, Douglas.
Lucky Logan. Yeah, little Logan. Hello, Douglas. Lucky Logan.
Yeah.
Logan Lucky.
I forget which way it goes.
You can go any way you want.
Okay.
I don't think Soderbergh's picky.
How you doing?
You won last night.
I did.
I did.
Thank you.
You must have been walking on air all day.
It really was the highlight of my trip to New York.
Isn't it? It's why you came to New York.
It's specifically why I came to New York.
Yeah, you came here to win.
That's right.
And now you're going to try to take on 11 more, possibly 12 competitors tonight.
God, why did I say yes?
Do you think you can make it all the way to the end again?
Probably not.
All right.
I like that attitude. You know, I make it all the way to the end again? Probably not. All right. I like that attitude.
You know, I like to set the bar real low.
That way I'm constantly surprising myself.
Well, you're a humble player because you're constantly winning.
Ah.
And thank you for coming back again tonight.
My pleasure.
Happy to be here, Doug.
How long are you in town for?
I leave tomorrow.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Who came in second last night?
That would be me, Doug.
It's Greg Wyshynski!
Hi, everybody.
This is where I ask,
are there hockey fans in the audience tonight?
My condolences.
But thank you also.
That was a lot of people. I know, right?
You feel threatened, Doug?
Gladiators of ice will come up here and pummel you?
I don't know why you're bringing your damn
hockey crowd to my
trivia show.
But, you know, paid
admission's a paid admission.
So I just hope they're not expecting us to fight.
No.
Because that's the best part of hockey, right?
Well, I mean, there's debate about that with the advent of CTE, but yeah, generally.
Yeah.
It's everybody's favorite part.
Except for people that don't like that part.
Then they probably don't like hockey at all.
What do you think your chances are here tonight, Greg?
I feel it will be dependent on the performer that may or may not be part of a game that
we may or may not play.
I'm trying to keep, no spoilers, I'm trying to keep you all in suspense.
You know this is all scripted, right?
Why are you doing this to me?
Thanks for being here, dude.
Also, in third place last night, or fourth place, but he got
bumped up to third because somebody
has something better to do tonight.
It's Seth Herzog!
Thank you.
Thank you. Slightly better
applause than last night.
You know what I want to say?
I've noticed.
Who here was here last night?
A lot of people?
Look at that.
Of those people,
who here is sitting in the exact same seat
you were sitting in?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
That's what I thought.
It's a lot of the same faces
in the exact same seats.
It's a little weird.
It's a little weird.
It's a little creepy. It's like they didn't leave. They spent the night here in the Gramercy
Theater. They're phantoms of the theater.
I think I saw it empty last night when I left.
Oh, thank you. Oh, so they did actually leave?
I think I can verify that they all went at least out of the building, maybe not home.
Maybe they just hung out across the street.
I don't know.
I mean, Paul, to get in that front row seat like that,
how early do you have to get here?
Five o'clock.
Five o'clock.
Did you camp out earlier?
All right.
Five o'clock camp out?
Yeah.
Bring a cooler.
Sun's going down.
Let's camp.
Yeah.
Maybe bring a tent.
A chaise lounge.
All right.
Let's meet everybody else.
Let's meet the people that came here today to try to take down these guys.
And we're going to start with the gentleman directly to my left who is here by uh i feel an interesting circumstance i have a uh
internet program called getting dug with high and thank you and on that show we have uh we ask
people to join the 420 club at patreon.com where for four dollars and 20 a month, you can get involved in various things,
including drawings for tickets to my shows
when I come to your town.
But in the case of this gentleman,
I pulled his name out of the bucket,
and I said, if he's in New York,
let's fucking have him as a guest on Doug Loves Movies.
It's Rich DeMarinis.
Am I
pronouncing it right?
DeMarinis. DeMarinis.
Rich DeMarinis, everybody.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
Great job having your name pulled out
of a bucket randomly.
Yeah, yeah.
You're so good at that.
You know it.
And you told me backstage that you fear the trivia portion of the show today.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah, but you know, you'll be here for a little while.
Yeah.
Takes a while to get to that part.
I'm having a great time.
I hope so.
Front row right next to me,
so I hope you're not
going to have a bad time.
Yeah, no one took that chair.
You slipped right in there.
I like it.
We got this empty seat behind you.
And you know what?
I know who it is,
and you're probably better off
that he hasn't shown up.
All right, let's say hi hi pass the microphone behind you there to a gentleman we met on the show in Buffalo I think last fall maybe
ish yeah late summer fall yeah last August I want to say it It's Ian Kinney, everybody.
Hello, New York City.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
How's it going?
It's going great, man.
I actually kind of have a bone to pick with you.
Uh-oh.
As you said, I was on the show last year.
Sure.
And I don't know if you've realized this or not, but a lot of your past guests have gone on to become Avengers.
And I haven't gotten that call yet, bro.
Wait a second.
A lot of my guests are Avengers?
I can only think of one, and he was already an Avenger when I met him.
No, you know, I've told you I'm a fan of the show.
I think you had, well, you had Chris Evans.
You had Chris Pratt once
with the cast of Parks and Rec.
You're right.
He has become one.
You had Brie Larson.
She's about to be one, yeah.
And you had Paul Rudd.
I did my research.
So I want to be number five here,
you know,
make a call or something.
Sounds like you're getting
some revenge right now, dude.
Thank you for being here, Ian.
Thanks for having me.
Fly in the ointment.
No, but that's interesting
that you brought that up and I didn't believe you.
They've always all felt like Avengers
to me.
To your left, Ian, pass your
mic, please.
Oh, he's got two mics.
He's going to do a press conference.
It's Desmond Borges, everybody.
What up, Doug?
Hey, dude.
How you doing, bro?
I'm doing all right.
I'm excited that You're the Worst is coming back for a fifth season.
Me too.
How do you feel about the final part of it, that they're saying it's the final season?
You know.
It was a surprise to me,
but I'm excited that we get to do it one last time, you know?
Yeah, and, you know, theoretically,
storylines and whatnot will be wrapped up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Maybe the character of Edgar
will murder the character of Doug Benson.
Well, I've already asked for that, yeah.
Twice in writing, actually.
That'd be neat.
FX said no.
Oh, FX wants to keep me alive.
I like that.
They love Doug.
I'm excited.
Well, we'll see what happens next season.
I mean, you'll definitely be there next season.
We'll see if I show up again or not.
But I feel like there's some loose ends there.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, first of all, we've got to talk about how many, like, We'll see if I show up again or not. But I feel like there's some loose ends there. Yeah, yeah.
First of all, we got to talk about how many half-naked chicks do you usually have in your pool at your house, man?
Oh, I don't have a house.
For starters.
There is a pool in my building. Oh.
How late does it stay open?
Do they allow floaties?
But there's usually not
dead looking models.
Like I loved on the show,
like when we shot the scene,
I didn't know they were
going to cut to her
just looking like she was
dead in the pool.
I don't even remember
reading about her in the script.
I think she was like
a late addition
that just popped in.
Silver Lake, man.
Yeah, her name's Tova.
Tova? Not in real life.
Not a real name.
I call her Tova in the scene.
But anyway.
We digress.
Yeah, four seasons of You're the Worst
are available for you to catch up on
on Hulu and wherever you watch stuff.
And, uh...
Yeah, we'll see.
We'll see what happens in the final season.
What is happening with, why are you holding those mics that way?
Well, because I figure I'm going to pass them to somebody next.
At least front, side, back.
Look, Seth wants one.
He's nowhere near his turn to talk.
No, pass it to your left there To Mr. Josh Gondelman
Hello
Hi, Doug
Hey, you know, Josh has won an Emmy
Since appearing on my show, Ian
Do you want to
Oh, thank you
Do you want to complain that you haven't got your Emmy yet?
How's it going, dude?
I'm great. How are you?
Oh, you know.
I'm feeling pretty good about this.
Me too.
Last night's 12 guests were pretty docile,
and it seems like we're going down that same road tonight.
I could get more rowdy if you want.
No, no.
No, I'm saying
I... But I guess that's like a docile thing to say,
right?
Would you like me to be more combative?
No! Did I sound like
I was complaining? I said I think
things are going good.
Everyone's docile.
Yeah, it was hard to get you all to take
those drinks backstage, but once I got you
to do it, I've got you just where I need you to be.
I like all of my guests to be sleepy.
It's a post-Thanksgiving themed show.
Right.
Oh, that's what we should do next year,
is have a bunch of turkey back there.
Get everybody real slowed down.
Thank you for being here, dude.
I appreciate it.
Thank you for having me, Doug.
Always a pleasure.
Have you met the young man to your left?
Yes.
This is exciting.
Because, you know, Jesse Pasternak's been a fixture
on this show for a few years now,
but I've known and talked to his older
brother quite a bit over the years, and I can always see him like, you know, he loves
Jesse, but he also wants to fucking get in the game. So please welcome Sam Pasternak.
Thank you for having me, Doug. I'm glad you're expanding your Pasternak horizons.
Right?
And, you know,
Jesse didn't make it
to the top three last night.
I was kind of hoping he would
so that I, you know,
pit the two of you
against each other.
There's always next time, Doug.
Yeah, who do you think
is better at trivia
between the two of you?
Jesse,
I'm like two Jesses
stacked on top of each other
in a trench coat
if both of them were worse at this than Jesse is.
Well, at least you could team up.
Or is it hard to communicate when only one person's head is outside the trench coat?
It's a little muffled.
Yeah, right?
And what are you up to lately?
You're living out in L.A.?
I moved out to L. to LA about a year ago. I was writing for
a show in New York
for a little while and then
for True TV and then moved out to LA about a year ago
and now I'm a producer
well I'm an associate producer on Steve Harvey's
new talk show. What?
I'm sure he doesn't
abuse you one bit.
No, no. I'm a sweet boy, and he is a lovely man.
Oh, shit.
Sweet boy and lovely man.
It sounds like a really good book you're going to write about this experience.
All right, well, good luck with that.
Thanks, Doug.
It's been nice knowing you.
No, it's been fun, and we're on Jack Benny's old stage on the Universal lot, so I try to
commune with his ghost a whole bunch, which Jesse really appreciates.
A bunch of old souls.
I don't know what you just said.
Doug, I'm a pasternak.
That's bound to happen every so often.
I couldn't follow any of that.
Something about ghosts.
Steve Harvey's not even dead.
How does he have a ghost?
It's the ghost of Steve Harvey's mustache.
The mustache, past, present, and future.
Right?
Yeah.
I used to have to work with him a little bit,
and I phrased that exactly how I wanted to.
Have to.
And...
When I worked with him,
he was still trying to convince people
that he had some hair on his head.
It was before he just fucking went,
fuck it, and shaved it all. he would every time i would see him most of the time he'd have
a hat on and one day he was coming in to record some radio promos and we were like are we gonna
see him without his hat because he's got to put headphones on to record the promos, but then he came in like a pro, had his hat on, took the headphones,
put the band in the back,
kept his hat on
and wore headphones at the same time.
That looks
balder than just being bald.
Says the baldest
man or woman on the panel.
Yeah.
Well, she does have a hat on,
so we don't know what's going on over there.
Let's pass the mic down.
Oh, he's already got one.
Hey, you guys.
It's musical singing and dancing sensation
George Salazar.
Thank you.
That's very sweet.
First time on the show, right?
First time, yeah.
Yeah, but you've come by and hung out before sometimes.
Yeah.
And I've seen you in some great musical productions over the years when I come through town.
Yes, you have.
Yeah.
Godspell.
Yeah.
With her.
The Percy Jackson musical.
The Percy Jackson musical. Yeah. With her. The Percy Jackson musical. The Percy Jackson musical.
Yeah.
And, goddammit, what's the one?
What's the David Byrne one?
Tick, tick, boom.
Oh, and you can't be Here Lies Love, too.
And what's the David Byrne one?
Here Lies Love.
Here Lies Love was so good.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
You're great in all of them and also versatile.
If I didn't know you,
I'd be like, those are four different dudes.
Thank you.
I fluctuate.
My weight fluctuates.
Oh, that's what it was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because in Godspell,
you were like the fat guy.
And then in every other show, you haven't been
fat at all.
That's nice. Thank you. I thought I was show you haven't been fat at all. Yeah. Well, yeah. Okay. That's nice.
Thank you. I thought I was really fat in Tick Tick Boom.
I don't think you were that fat in Godspell even,
but you were fatter than all those thin fucks
that were on stage.
Best review of Godspell
ever. One fat
guy and a bunch of thin fucks.
The promo shots would be incredible
for that show.
Thank you for being here.
Do you think you're going to be good
at the movie trivia thing part of it?
Probably not.
All right.
Yeah.
I'm absolutely expecting to be the first one out.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Not to be a pessimist.
I don't see that happening.
But I'm saying that now
so that if I'm not,
I feel really good about it.
All right.
You know?
That's a fair way to do it.
Yeah.
Let's pass the mic.
Let's hit her with the mic.
It's Julia Madison, everybody.
I just, I became very aware that I on the stage stick out like a sore woman thumb really you really worked out that way that you're the the only lady tonight
that's it yeah look at that honored to be here.
I think you're going to do all right.
I'm going to try.
I'm going to try my best.
You were on the episode of the show I did where it was all about musicals, right?
Yes, I did the Doug Loves Musicals.
That was a fun one.
Yeah, that was really fun.
I got to do that again sometime,
but it's hard to work out
because the people that perform on Broadway.
Yes.
I like to pronounce it that way.
Broadway.
The Broadway performers, you only have a few nights off a week generally.
Those Monday nights.
And then on those, you're doing some sort of special fancy concert or something.
Yeah, there's always some gala for fancy people to make you perform in private for them.
I feel like that's a thing people always do.
Yeah, that's all I do.
That's all George does.
Fancy private performances?
Yes.
Yes, it's an amazing thing to watch.
Let's have one right now.
Well, you're not getting paid for this.
That's for damn sure.
There's not even...
The prizes just go to the person you're playing for.
You don't even get a piece of that.
So apologies in advance.
And good luck.
Thank you for being here, Julia.
Hey, thanks for having me.
I'm going to pass this to you.
Hi there, Doug.
It's Tom Takara, everybody!
Hey, everybody!
Thanks so much.
Thank you for having me on the 12 Guests of Happy Holidays.
Is this...
Is it called the 12 Guests of Christmas?
The 12 Guests of Holiday.
Yeah.
Yeah, I have a jihad on the war on Christmas.
I started the war on Christmas several years back
and been very proud about the progress,
and then I set us way back
by having a 12-guest of Christmas show.
Where'd you serve, Doug?
Doug.
Front lines of the war on
Christmas. I don't know, Jerusalem?
I wish they'd make
a Call of Duty war on Christmas.
You just shoot at your sniping Santa.
Get fucked, Santa.
Yeah, this is an anti-Santa podcast.
I don't give a shit. It's good to be here, Doug. Yeah, this is an anti-Santa podcast. I don't give a shit.
It's good to be here, Doug.
How many...
I like this mic situation.
What do we have, three mics over here?
Three mics for 12 people.
It's pretty crazy.
Plus Elijah.
Three mics for 12 people,
and yet Neil Brennan needs three.
That's pretty crazy.
He needs as many as all 12 of us.
I appreciate that one.
I didn't think everybody would enjoy it.
This feels like we're all whittling down
and then we're going to be the Beastie Boys at the end.
That's right.
We're narrowing it down to two tonight.
If that means that one of us is dead, I hope so.
That's the joke I just made.
Oh, did you?
Oh, fuck.
And they were booing mine while you were trying yours.
All right, good.
Wow.
That was like a tag team wrestling finisher.
You're like, we're throwing this motherfucker through the floor.
But that's Louis J. Gomez!
What's up, dog?
Hey How you doing, motherfucker?
Let's do this shit
What's up?
It's New York City
We're ready to rock
I love that you have all that
I feel like everyone's very friendly
We were all just smoking weed backstage
Being friends
Fuck these guys up here
These are my enemies
I'm not your friends, bitches
What the fuck?
They're fucking all
friendly, patting each other on the back, laughing
at each other's jokes. Go fuck yourselves. I hope everybody
up here dies. Let's do this shit.
I thought I was the only Puerto Rican.
You got this dude on the fucking end. I had no idea.
Dog, that was in my fucking rider.
One Puerto Rican on the panel. That's it.
Yo, man, you got another Puerto Rican up here, man.
That's all right.
You realize this is the show where we name the movies
that Sandra Bullock has been in, right?
It's very weird to be so aggressive.
Speed two.
Fuck you.
It's weird to be...
Lewis's favorite part of hockey is the fighting.
But his favorite part of UFC is the hockey,
so it all evens out.
You know, you put me at the end of this fucking line.
I got to listen to everybody's fucking sob story, Doug.
You know?
This is all pent up.
Every fucking person up here, I want to make fun of them.
And I'm just like, I'm supposed to be a nice guy right now.
We're in a game show.
We're friends.
I didn't put you at the end of any line.
I said, sit wherever you want.
You just sat at the end.
There is nobody in the world that would look at this set up and go,
that guy's at the end. The at-home audience
is just your word against his, too.
Sometimes front row
center is the end.
It's just how you look at things.
But thanks for being here, dude.
I am very excited to be on the show.
I'm going to come around to you every 12 people
to get that burst of energy.
You're goddamn right.
That burst boost.
I need that burst boost.
But we've got to find out what everybody brought before we play for all these prizes But we've got to find out what everybody brought
before we play for all these prizes.
We've got to find out what they are.
So let's start with Ian Kinney.
What did you bring for the old prize bag, sir?
Man, I wish you didn't start with me,
because mine's terrible.
Should I end with you?
No, it's terrible.
Okay, I'll end with you.
Start with me.
Or would that be even worse?
Yeah, that'd be worse.
Okay.
I just have a bag of candy.
Gummy bears.
What, were you just
hanging out outside the school when I called you
today?
Well, actually, I was
about seven hours away when you called
me today, and it was about
seven and a half hours ago.
So I jumped in my car
drove here and stopped at that nice little store next door well that's
terrific I think that's probably gonna be amongst the most cherished items
because you led to so much effort the winners give very, very proud to own those.
Desmond.
Yo, what's up?
What's up?
What do you got?
I stole someone's Christmas bag off the street.
His name was Ryan.
Sorry, Ryan.
And then I did like a little theme here, yo. I figured it's cold as shit outside, so maybe a lot of people were just drinking maybe reading some shit you know so i uh i got a couple bottle little bottles of bubbly you know to pop that in and then
um uh red bubble sent me uh two extra mugs and they are prince themed you will see them when
you get them which is dope um we're working on sharing with my son And so he chose me to give you this book
Go the fuck to sleep
And then this is just my personal favorite
Because it's around the holidays
This is my Santa
Bill Murray face
On a coaster
It's a Bill Murray coaster?
Yeah man it's a coaster made of Bill Murray's face
I mean it's coaster made of Bill Murray's face.
So you can drink it. I mean, it's not made of his face.
It's made in the image of his face.
No, this is real Bill Murray skin.
Oh, my God.
It's Bill Murray's dead skin.
Got this shit.
Black market.
Well, that's a lot of stuff you brought.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Load that back in the bag and then pass it over here
while Josh Gondelman tells us about
his gifts.
Hello. I don't know why I greeted you all again.
Hello.
I've got some
books that aren't out yet because they
mail them to my wife and then
they fill up our house and then she sends them
with me to give to strangers so I've got Leslie Jameson's new book of essays
that's not it yet called the recovering she's amazing sure the empathy exams
I've got this book of essays by Ursula Kayla Gwynn that's great and then I've
got Jonathan Abrams wrote this book called All the Pieces Matter.
It's an oral history of the wire, which is dope.
And yeah, so you can't get these anywhere but from me or someone who works in the same
industry as my wife.
Josh, did you give these people homework as a gift?
Yeah, that's all I have to offer.
Statistics and homework.
It's funny that if it were a movie, if you were like, I have the new Avengers,
people would be like,
oh shit,
it's like,
I have early books
and they're like,
who gives a shit?
Thanks Josh.
Sam?
I'm sorry Josh.
So Doug,
I know you love movie musicals,
so I brought two prizes
from two of my favorite movie musicals.
The first is the soundtrack from the hit 2002 film Drumline.
Oh.
Featuring such hit songs as Blowing Me Up, parentheses, With Her Love by the incomparable
J.C. Chazet.
And everyone's favorite anthem, Clubbanger by Petey Pablo.
And so you could play that on your...
Doug, what did he say?
What's that?
I don't know what he just said.
I don't know what that guy yelled out.
All right, never mind.
Sounded like he yelled, Jordan Catalano!
Jordan Catalano!
And then in addition to that,
I also brought the VHS of Muppet Treasure Island.
Oh!
A fantastic movie musical.
So if you have a VCR, let me know,
and I'll play for you if you've brought a name tag and a VCR.
That's great.
Well, first of all, obviously the best
part of the gift would
be the SoulCycle bag.
This shimmery SoulCycle.
We were down to two bags
in our hire. It was either that or one of those grotesque
satchels from Ikea that they give
you when you're getting your...
Those are grotesque. Those are grotesque, Doug.
Alright, first of all,
the winner gets a copy of my book,
Take Your Eye Off the Puck.
Oh, thank you.
The winner also gets
a Pikachu mug.
I know.
And not some bullshit, like, picture
of Pikachu. A mug
fashioned like the beloved Pokemon.
Are you guys familiar with Cuphead?
These are Comic-Con exclusive for Cuphead.
I plead ignorance, I'm sorry,
but I figured someone would appreciate it.
Finally, the best part of the whole shebang,
do you guys remember those little pink wrestlers
called Musclemen back in the day?
Little tiny ones.
Right here in this little thing right here
is Muscle Men,
but themed to the movie Alien.
Little tiny
pink xenomorphs
and facehuggers and such.
There you go.
Prize bag.
Now, I heard there's a rule where guests
can take whatever they want out of the prize bag.
I want that Pikachu mug, baby!
It's true.
Do you want those wrestling alien things?
Yeah, dude.
I'm going to play monkeys with them.
They look like those little monkeys.
No, I want that Pikachu mug.
I'm kidding.
That's not a real rule.
That's not a real rule, right?
I want the mug.
Get the mug.
I'm taking this mug, you piece of shit.
Look, if you're just going to let guests take whatever they want,
there's not going to be any books left for the audience.
It's going to be a real run on books coming up.
I can feel it in my bones.
Where's that poetry short story thing?
There's a lot of time between answers.
Alright.
Sam? Yeah.
So I brought arguably of the original
Star Trek feature films, the two
best. That would be The Wrath of
Khan and The Voyage Home.
Two and four.
No fucking around here.
You could take Star Trek V, The Final Frontier,
and go, fuck yourself.
And then I brought one of these last night.
I found out I had another.
It's a postcard advertising
the Freaks and Geeks original soundtrack,
which I autographed.
It says, call me Lil' Logan.
This is an item I, honest to God, I found in my childhood bedroom.
I cannot believe I was willing to part with it for this show.
It is a large book.
It's the making of the film Congo.
Yeah.
There's stories, photos,
behind the scenes stuff.
Can I tell you something about that movie, Sam?
Yeah.
Amy, ugly.
Gorilla, ugly.
Doug just did sign language.
And this is the real cherry on top.
I don't know how to, there's no proper way to introduce this.
It's a CD called NBC's Celebrity Christmas.
From the year 2000.
It's got Sean Hayes and Dave Coz singing the Christmas song.
Bebe Neuwirth and John Lithgow singing Baby It's Cold Outside.
Jane Leaves from Frasier singing Winter Wonderland.
Alex Kingston from ER singing Coventry
Carol. And this has
to be my favorite, I swear to God.
Martin Sheen, John
Spencer, and Stockard Channing
singing Wonderful Christmas Time.
It appears there's also Chris
Hansen from Dateline NBC
singing Here Comes Santa Claus.
Can you believe all those actors
are dead now?
This is my...
Thanks, Sam.
These are my gifts to you.
So now you don't own anything?
You brought all of your things?
This is everything I had.
Okay.
George?
Hey. What do you got? I have this little guy in a barrel. This is everything I had. Okay. George? Hey.
What do you got?
I have this little guy in a barrel.
This is from the Philippines.
I picked it up a couple of weeks ago.
And you lift the barrel off, and he has a spring-loaded penis and two spring-loaded
arms.
Can I trade in my Pikachu mug for...
That is the tiniest dildo I have ever seen.
But his arms are the same size as his dick.
That's what shocked me.
I'm just concerned about the splinter factor.
Oh, I was talking about Sam Levine.
Oh!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
I'm sorry, Sam. You looked at me, motherfucker.
Welcome, everyone,
to the Louis J. Gomez roast of happiness.
Don't you fucking smile
at me, Sam.
Oh, shit.
So yeah,
that's a spring-loaded penis.
Somebody had to say it.
Thank you, George.
Yeah, thank you.
Julia, what do you have for us?
I unfortunately did not bring a spring-loaded penis from my house,
but I do have beef jerky!
Teriyaki beefsteak, baby.
I've got...
I've got...
I was passing Kmart on my way here.
Oh, really?
I found two beautiful Santa oven mitts,
which are great for the
holiday season if you want to make cookies
and just do a bootleg.
I'd say those
are good year-round.
This is, yeah.
They probably still work
as oven mitts.
They work as maybe
regular mitts
in the good year-round.
It's true.
They just could be
a nice red mitt
during the year.
And to go with that,
you have to have
a Santa hat.
Oh, I love a good Santa hat
yeah
it's
trim a home
I know
I should wear that
is the brand
yeah
um
they're gonna be
beautiful together
they're gonna go
to a lucky person
could you put that
spring loaded pee pee
and all your stuff
in that bag
oh yes
it would be my honor
no one's ever
asked me to do that
that's a very nice
happy holidays hat.
Tom, what do you got?
I have, oh man, I'm so excited about this stuff.
So I brought candy, just as like the bare minimum.
So get fucked, Ian.
And no, I'm just kidding.
Why would I be aggressive?
I'm sitting next to Louis.
I think that's making me aggressive.
I'm just kidding.
Why would I be aggressive?
I'm sitting next to Lewis.
I think that's making me aggressive.
I brought a Jack Skellington dog toy.
This is a dog toy.
So it's for the very niche audience of people who loved the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas and are also a dog.
So enjoy that.
And finally, I brought
Wait, finally?
Finally, I brought a Blu-ray. Your second item
is finally? No, no, my third.
Oh, sorry. I brought three
items, Doug. Sorry, dude. I'm sorry.
I didn't notice the first item. So the third item
is a Blu-ray copy of Jim Carrey's
Yes Man.
And it's special because it has the original tagline on it for Yes Man.
You know the original tagline for Yes Man?
Nuh-uh.
There's a new N-word this guy can't say.
There is no way it says that on there.
No, it says it.
It says it.
You can't look at it.
Does that mean, wait,
does that mean he says the old one?
That was the original premise of the
movie.
That was the original premise of Liar Liar as well.
I actually had Lewis write the N-word on here,
so you're gonna enjoy it.
No, I, No, that's signed
by Jim Carrey.
I am Jim Carrey. Have you guys
seen Jim and Andy? Oh, yeah, I watched
that. I am in very...
I'm in Method right now, so I
am Jim, so
it's signed by Jim. Here's a quick
impression. This is an elf graduating.
That's going to be great for the podcast listeners.
Doug moved
his buff paw from one
side to the other.
Doug moved Hattie's.
Alright.
Louis.
Alright, first of all.
Is what you brought for the bag angry?
Let me.
To be honest with you, kind of.
Yeah, Doug.
First of all, you said bring one fucking gift, okay?
These guys are up here bringing out like 18 gifts.
That's ridiculous.
I do.
I say bring one thing and then people bring a shit ton of stuff.
Yeah, then I look like an asshole.
Like I'm cheap.
Like I don't want to give these people good shit
No, you look like the best person because you followed
instructions
I don't like authority
Did you bring more than one thing?
I don't like authority
So yeah, I only brought one thing, but I thought of other things
in real time that I am also going to give away
Oh, you're going to give away.
Oh, you're going to give away some experiences?
Yes.
First of all, the thing that I brought is an unopened box of like 20 packs of Topps official UFC special
autograph memorabilia relic
cards. There's at
least five autograph memorabilia
or autograph relic cards per
box. So if you're a
UFC fan like I am,
you guys too can look at cards.
That is
literally the opposite of books.
You are going down, Gondelman.
I will personally pay for the buddy movie that you guys are
going to do together. I will personally
pay.
But I've also decided not only will you
get that incredible fucking gift, the best gift
up here already, I will say that.
Without a doubt. Unquestionable.
I'm also going to throw in
three sugar-free edible marijuana
candies.
They're sugar-free because I have to go back into keto right now, so they're made with Werther's original sugar-free edible marijuana candies. They're sugar-free because I have to go back into keto right now.
So they're made with Werther's original sugar-free caramels.
I just got to get somebody to get them out of my jacket in the back.
And a Legion of Skanks keychain.
There's any Legion of Skanks fans in the crowd?
These aren't even on the fucking market, dude.
I'm taking it off my keys.
Wow.
Yeah, that's real fucking deal, dude.
Real deal.
This is my personal shit.
This is going to take me a while, Doug.
Well, you got to say goodbye.
Oh, here.
Oh, my God.
They make sugar-free edibles now? No, no, no. Oh, my God. They make sugar-free edibles now?
No, no, no.
My friend Sam does.
For the stepmom who wants to get high.
Hell yeah.
I love Susan Sarandon.
I'm drinking out of that Pikachu cup now.
It's not a great mug, to be honest.
It is cool looking, but it's not functional.
I'm drinking like off of an ear.
I mean, the more I look at it,
it might actually be for soup.
Yeah, it might be.
Raiju is a more drinkable...
Well, I mean, you know.
For a formal occasion occasion Bellsprout.
Tom, why do you need that?
You don't have other ways to lure children to your home?
Seth Herzog,
what do you got for the prize bet?
Thank you, Josh.
Only person who clapped.
Much like Lewis, I'm not here to make friends.
Because I'm already friends with every single person on this stage.
I made friends before I walked on stage.
I've got a lot of stuff.
I'm not sure what the order should be.
Great new, brand new stainless steel bottle.
Keeps the cold cold and the hot hot.
If you like a McDLT but with water.
For your football friends, a little iPhone cover.
It says NFL Now.
We've been waiting for the NFL for far too long.
If not now, when, NFL?
Yep, now.
The DVDs of
American Horror Story, Roanoke.
Have you guys learned to that show?
Was that a good season?
I don't know.
Apparently no one liked it. People were like, that's the worst one.
This is a
oil
called Saj.
It's peppermint halo.
And if you get really tense,
if you're watching American Horror Story get tense,
you take it off and you put it on your pressure points
and you're supposed to calm down.
That's what I'm told.
And gingerbread cookies.
What?
A whole bunch of gingerbread cookies.
They're very good, supposedly.
I haven't, they're still unopened.
Not keto.
Not keto.
One, a DVD of one episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
It's the Coral Palms Part One episode.
Oh my God, it's a two-parter
and you're just leaving us hanging?
Yeah, you gotta make up what happened in part two.
Just finish it on your own.
I think it's called You Write It.
And of course a book,
but this is Ralphie May's last book.
This might get a little heavy.
Comes out later this month,
but here's the advanced copy for you
if you're into Ralphie May.
He gave that to you as a gift, you piece of shit.
He did. It was his last
dying wish. It was like, you have
first copy of my book. I said, thank you,
trash.
We're the bad boys.
Well, someone's leaving here tonight with too much stuff to carry home.
So good luck.
Doug, I keep thinking about how Josh's poor books
are getting the shit beaten out of them by those UFC cards.
I just want to save them.
All right, we're finally back to you, my friend. What do you got, Rich? I just want to save him.
All right, we're finally back to you, my friend.
What do you got, Rich?
Okay, so for the smokers, I got a glass pipe.
Oh, that's a beauty.
Definitely been used more than once.
I like it.
For the movie fans, I have a Thor Ragnarok poster.
Oh, neato.
And for both, I've got a limited edition Big Lebowski DVD with bonus disc in there.
In a broken bowling ball.
That's why the rubber band's on it.
Yeah.
There you go.
And that's it.
That's it?
Yeah.
What's the rest of the shit in that bag?
This is what the poster was in.
Oh, okay.
That was it.
All right.
I thought you were acting like you were going to hang on to it,
but I need this bag.
Yeah, for sure.
I need it, man.
That's part of it.
Okay, good.
But thank you.
Those are all very thoughtful gifts.
I think we can all agree
Yes Man on Blu-ray
best gift.
I think everyone agrees
that the Pokemon Cup
doesn't add that much anyway.
Just another thing
to have to carry home
that might break.
Okay.
Everyone seems good about it.
If the person who wins desperately wants this Pikachu cup,
you can fight me for it. How about that?
Tough guys!
I'm including myself.
What a lovely offer. If the person
really wants this, you could fight me for it.
Whatever. Whoever wins all this shit, I'm going to mug on the street anyway. They the person really wants this, you could fight me for it. Whatever.
Whoever wins all this shit, I'm going to mug on the street anyway.
They can't carry all this shit.
Oh, shit.
That's right.
I'm going to mug them.
I said it in the microphone, so it counts as my joke.
The bad boys of puns.
Bad boys of puns.
Yeah.
Yeah, later on, we're going to Ragnarok and Roll,
which is when we watch Ecstasy and go see Thor.
Just give me the microphone.
I'm sorry, Doug.
Yeah.
I ditch anybody whose idea of a good plan is to
watch Ecstasy.
Alright, let's go
around. We gotta go around the group
at least one more time, maybe twice,
but we gotta get your
plugs in because when you get eliminated
tonight,
after the cannon fire fire we don't need to hear
what's coming up in your world
we need you to just leave
so we'll start with Ian Kinney
what do you got to plug?
not much
alright
Desmond Porsche
it's tough when you're sitting next to a TV star and an Emmy
winner, but I do
have a book I wrote on Amazon
called Silly Stuff I Wrote that's available.
And other than that,
just follow me on Twitter, at Ian Kinney.
Nice.
Dope.
Thank you.
You know, just chilling, hanging out,
eating some good shit and
watch season 5 of
You're the Worst
next year
and if you got
yes
you know
that's about it
what's gonna happen
in the story of
Edgar and
DB
International
wait and see
yes we will
hey yo real quick can I get those mugs back?
My fucking address is on them.
I gotta scratch it out.
Sorry, couldn't find them.
Thank you.
Do you need a... Here's a Sharpie.
You carry a Sharpie on you?
Yep.
Because people come up to me and say,
hey, sign this, and they hand me a towel
and a golf pencil.
You can't sign a golf pencil with a towel.
But I try.
Josh, what do you got to plug?
I'm going on tour to many cities in America
over the next couple months.
Nice.
Yeah, so I'm across the Midwest next week.
It's called the Team Wolf Tour.
And you can find out the date specifically
on joshgondelman.com.
G-O-N-D-E-L, man.
Like Method Man, but Jewish and not fun and cool.
Sam Pasternak, what do you got to plug?
I'm on Twitter at Sam Pasternak,
and I make these sketches and short films
with this group that they've done a lot of stuff for.
They work at Marvel and Nickelodeon
and do all these really cool visual effects things,
and we make sketches together.
It's Cardboard Couch on YouTube and Facebook.
And then check out Steve.
Check your local listings. It's on YouTube and Facebook. And then check out Steve. Check your local listings.
It's on NBC and most markets.
Carol Burnett's on this Thursday.
Steve who?
The show is called Steve.
And the host is called Steve Harvey.
And his WP show is called The Steve Harvey Show.
And his previous daytime show before this one was called Steve Harvey.
But this one
is just called Steve.
Oh, it's a new one
called Steve.
Just Steve.
I'm called Steve.
Which one has the survey?
That is Family Feud.
Thanks, Sam.
Greg?
Since I last saw you.
Well, not the ones last night.
Since last night.
Do you have any new plugs?
Beyond that one.
No, I now work at ESPN.
This is the last time I was here.
And thank you.
So you can find all my hockey writing on the,
if you go find NHL and you click on it,
then all the hockey stuff there,
because you know when it can be on the front page of ESPN.
Come on. It's a safe room.
So, also, I'm going to have a podcast starting soon with ESPN,
and then also my podcast, Puck Soup, with Dave Lozo,
is available on iTunes.
It's hockey and pop culture and non-hockey people talking about hockey,
so it's a good time.
and non-hockey people talking about hockey,
so it's a good time.
Sam!
I'd like to encourage people to find my two episodes of the Steve Harvey Show.
Circa 2001,
when he was still doing the whole fake hair thing.
They are pretty funny and pretty racist
in both directions, so check those
out.
Also,
Kevin Pollak's chat show on
iTunes and YouTube.
Joe Keery, Steve
from Stranger Things is coming up this Sunday.
And hey, if you like movie trivia,
and it seems to me like you do,
you should check out the movie trivia schmodown on Collider,
which is Collider.com.
They also have a YouTube page, and it's awesome, fun movie trivia,
and you will enjoy it, and I'm on there quite a bit,
and that's all I have to say about that.
Thanks, Sam.
Sure.
George.
Hey.
In the spring, I'll be doing my first solo shows in New York.
At 54 Below, I'm going to be singing a lot of things
with my buddy, Joe Iconis.
And you can,
what's that place called?
Frankenstein's 54 below.
Oh yeah.
It's fine.
Uh,
Feinstein's.
Oh,
Feinstein's 54.
Okay.
I thought it was Frankenstein.
Uh,
there was like a merger that I was excited about.
Big news.
Monsters down below.
There might be a monster song in there.
Uh,
yeah.
Uh,
so 54 below.com,
uh,
for more info. That's neat. Yeah, so 54below.com for more info.
That's neat.
Yeah, man.
Like when spring?
Early spring?
March 24th, March 31st, and April 2nd.
Oh, that is late enough.
I just might be able to work that out.
That would be nice.
Maybe you can come up and sing a song with me.
No way.
Maybe one of those talking songs from My Fair Lady or something.
Great.
I could do a Rex Harrison.
All right, cool.
What if we could talk to the animals?
Learn their languages.
Oh, what a wonderful world it would be.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Cool, so verbal agreement
has been recorded.
And I'll email you
with rehearsal schedules.
Okay.
Rehearsals.
Julia Matteson
George and I are actually also doing a Christmas show together
I just remembered
Where's that?
At Frankenstein's 54 Below
On
December
15th, 16th, and 17th
There's six shows
It's the Joe Iconis Christmas Extravaganza
That sounds fun It's the 10thconis Christmas Extravaganza. That sounds fun.
It's the 10th annual.
The 10th annual.
It's a big variety show of...
What are some things in the show?
Julia plays a character named Felidia Crampington
who is in a neck brace with a pearl necklace around it.
The reason I...
When they emailed me and asked if I wanted to be
the evil villain in the show, the only
thing I emailed back was, can I wear a neck brace?
I just knew whatever
it was, I wanted to wear a neck brace, so
they've really honored my wishes
and five years on,
we're doing neck braces and canes
and it's a whole show.
But yeah, that's coming up and I'm
developing a podcast with
Audible called Is Anyone Alive Out There?
It's like an apocalyptic record podcast of sorts.
And lots of other things coming up, some shows, but I don't have exact dates.
So I'm at Julia Matt with one T on the internet.
And that's it for me, I think, for now.
Tom Takar.
So your show's turning 10 years old?
That's almost old enough for
Roy Moore to hit on. That's pretty sick.
I thought that
Roy Moore joke would hit a little
harder.
Oh, I'm sorry, you repub-tards
don't like my Roy Moore humor.
Get it, Lewis.
I have a podcast called
Stand By Your Band, where
oh, hell yeah, it's where
comics and sometimes actors
like Brian Falduto
from School
of Rock come on to defend
the music they like that society
shits on. I host it with Tommy McNamara
and I have a live show of it
at Caroline's on Broadway
on December 21st at 9 p.m.
Come to that!
It'll be fun.
I'll also be at the Comedy Attic
in Bloomington, Indiana
on December 22nd and 23rd.
And I'll be in L.A.
all this coming week.
Yeah, my mom calls it Bloomy's.
Bloomy's! Bloomy's! Louis J. Gomez. and I'll be in LA all this coming week. Yeah, my mom calls it Bloomies. Bloomies!
Louis J. Gomez.
All right,
I got a few things.
I got three podcasts.
I know,
it seems excessive,
but I fucking talk a lot,
okay?
Legion of Skanks podcast.
Thank you.
I have the Real Ass podcast.
Less.
And then I do a podcast with the former UFC middleweight champion Michael Bisping called Believe You Me.
And it's an MMA show specifically.
All three of my podcasts you can find on my podcast network, gasdigitalnetwork.com.
We live stream everything for free.
I also host
the New York version of the Roast Battle. It's called
Roastmasters. It's right here at the stand,
right around the corner from here.
It's an incredible show. If you guys want tickets,
they're five bucks, I think, if you go online
and grab tickets. But you guys can watch the
live streams as well every Tuesday night,
10.30 p.m. from gasdigitalnetwork.com.
Yeah, it's fucking dope.
It's really a lot of fun, so if you guys can come
and check that out, do that. And that's it, Doug.
That's enough.
I've had enough out of you,
Lewis.
That's great, man.
A lot of plugs, but you did them quickly.
Let's see if Seth can do
his quicker. Nope.
Having Lewis here is like
having Mark Wahlberg here.
Right? Similar
style, voice,
but he's not in
character.
Plugs. Every Tuesday
at the Slip Room, sweet. It's a long-running comedy show.
I've been hosting, producing for a long time. It's a lot of fun.
My mom, who's here tonight.
Mom, did you show up tonight?
There you are.
Almost same seat.
His mom has come to this shit two nights in a row.
She's come two nights in a row.
So you know if you have to throw a donut,
you know where to throw, right?
That face right there.
There she is.
Wave your hands.
There you go.
That's my mom's.
She comes to perform.
Also in a movie, Boy Band coming out in 2018.
A really funny movie that you should look out for and watch when you can.
Okay.
That's it, really.
Yeah.
Rich, what do you got to plug?
I'd like to plug my friend's production company.
She's got a, it's called Gladiolus Productions.
G-L-A-D-I-O-L-U-S
Productions.com
They got their first full feature
coming out soon. They're still in editing.
They could use some money. Go to Kickstarter.
The movie's called The Dog Walker.
It's a thriller. It's fucking awesome.
Check it out.
It's very nice to share your plug like that.
I'm going to cut it out.
We don't have time for that shit!
No, we're good.
That's very nice of you.
And that's where you can see all these guys.
Please support everybody on this stage because they're about to support you
by coming out into the audience
and picking a name tag.
Lady and gentlemen,
choose your name tags.
And while they do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
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Today's episode is also brought to you by Happy.
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Then it's just weird this December horses fly and
sci-fi's twisted new series happy Christopher Maloney stars as a corrupt
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robertson happy premieres december 6th at 10 9 central on sci-fi Back to the show. Alright, we're back. Great job, everyone.
Seriously.
These name tags look incredible.
Let's go through and find out about them.
I'm starting with Ian.
Who are you playing for? Where's the microphone for Ian?
Oh, there comes some donuts.
Is there a mic that we could pass to Ian?
Who are you playing for?
I am playing for Jungle
All The Way.
I assume her name is
Jen.
She's got her face as
Schwarzenegger.
Doug's face as a young
Jake Lloyd, if I'm not
mistaken.
And then she's eliminated Sinbad from the poster altogether.
Yeah, Sinbad didn't make the cut.
Where's Jen at?
Did you get picked last night?
I got a memory like a...
It's not that great of a memory, but...
I remember that you got picked last night,
but you didn't win anything?
Okay.
What was your shithead last night?
Do you have a new one tonight?
Okay.
All right.
Desmond, who are you playing for?
Yo, what's up?
Coral Lynn.
Yeah.
So what's her name?
Coral?
What?
Your whole name is Coral Lynn?
Nice.
We're playing for a whole name.
Yeah.
I've never heard that name before spelled that way.
She got a button for the O.
It's, you know, the movie.
Did you like that movie, Caroline?
Oh, no.
They were just all the way the furthest in the back,
so I just jumped off the stage.
Oh, you went all the way to the back.
I didn't get to go to the gym today. I figured I'd do some steps.
I'll jump. Alright.
Alright, that was bad.
I like it.
Josh?
Doug, I don't want to interrupt, but I need some water or I'm gonna
die.
Oh, yeah. Anytime you want anything to drink, just ask
for it. Yeah, and I need a vodka
soda or I'm going to die.
I mean, I don't know if they'll bring it or not, but maybe.
Well, I'll just die, I guess.
I don't know.
Greg, do you want something?
Yeah, I'll take it.
I'll take a vodka soda as well.
Or you're going to what?
Or I'm going to die.
What do you got, Josh?
I'm playing for Like Mike, which just looks like someone ordered a coffee and was like,
please call my name as Like Mike.
And then they put the label from the coffee on a small bag of weed.
And I'm not even fun enough to know if I can legally hold this.
How did you even see that one?
It's so little.
They yelled my name,
and I'm very suggestible.
Well, Josh can be bought, it turns out.
Yeah, I don't think you can hold it,
but I can.
Sam?
I am playing for Deep Blue Sean,
who fulfilled my prerequisite of having a VCR.
He also gave me this hat,
which I'm going to give to Tom right now.
I was honestly about to ask for the hat.
I know.
I swear to God, I was about to ask for this
The tape holding that
fin on the top of that hat could not be
more subtle
It's really
blended in nicely with the whole look of the
hat
I'm struggling a lot right now
I'm not used to these things
You're wearing like a cardboard shark costume
drinking out of a Pikachu mug
like a divorced dad on his first weekend
with the kids.
And probably his last.
It feels weird using this easy bake oven,
but it does come in handy.
Greg, who are you playing for?
Playing for Joe. Oh, the guy who made the big Greg Wysh you playing for? Playing for Joe.
Oh, the guy who made the big Greg
Wyshynski head? Yes.
This would be Joe, Chicago Blackhawks fan
in the front row. Thank you, sir. You know, there are
certain milestones we all arrive
at in life, and mine is someone
made a giant poster
of what appears to be
me after getting kicked in the balls.
I'm not quite sure where this is from,
but this is clearly a milestone I've passed.
Thank you, sir, for making a giant poster of my fat head.
You made a fat head of your fat head.
Sam?
Well, he suspiciously left his name off it,
but I did find out it's Andrew,
and Andrew has made a wonderfully Photoshopped poster
of X-Men Origins Lil' Wolverine.
And it's got you and me and Greg and Seth and Aya Cash.
That's a nice one.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's really well done.
But this is a beautifully made poster, and I'm going to keep it. Excellent. Yep. Oh, and he's not here. That's a nice one. Yeah. Yeah, that's really well done. This is a beautifully made poster and I'm
going to keep it.
Oh, and he also brought donuts.
Is that...
Okay, I don't get a drink?
Okay, that's cool.
It's all good. Oh, we's cool. It's all good.
Oh, we got donuts.
George?
Yeah, I got
from Rob
his face photoshopped on
the little girl from Les Mis.
And it says
Les Miserables.
It's very good.
Yeah, that's a classic.
The facial hair is really bothering me, though.
Rob also looks like he'd be singing On My Own.
Yeah.
Wow, Louis J. Gomez with the theater reference.
Thank you, sir.
Did not see that coming.
And donuts.
And donuts.
What?
Andy brought donuts.
Oh, okay.
Andy brought donuts.
Julia?
This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
It's like if the human centipede was a Nancy Meyers film.
It's a beautifully knit human centipede of babies.
It's fall.
It's fashion.
It's Meryl Streep.
It's scarf.
It's yes.
I have a comfort blanket here.
But it's the human It's yes. I'm going to have a comfort blanket here. But it's the human Katie peed.
And this note says she spent four months on this.
It says spending four months on a name tag and not getting picked.
True story.
So here we are.
That thing just made me Republican.
I don't know what it is about it.
That thing just made me cum.
and I don't know what it is about it.
That thing just made me cum.
I love how you're holding it like they're real babies.
It's comforting to me on this stage right now.
I'm going to take care of it.
You're really taking care of the human centipede.
You know, I just realized, so I met Josh,
I think when I came to see, I wrote Human Centipede, the musical,
and this all is coming full circle for me.
It's very emotional.
This is where I met Josh.
This is where we've met.
I'm a big fan of Human Centipede.
I just want you guys to know that.
And you have that beautiful totem that would look right at home
in Martha Stewart's annual haunted house.
Yes, exactly.
It's really lovely.
You could say this is Human Centipede full sequence for you. You, exactly. It's really lovely. You could say this is
human centipede full sequence for you.
You really could. That's
beautiful. That's beautiful.
Full title.
I like when you said centi-baby. It's like
centi-baby.
Centi-baby.
said Senta Baby. It's like,
Senta Baby.
Sew my lips to another baby's ass, Senta Baby.
I don't know how everybody complains about
Baby It's Cold Outside and just gives that one a pass
year after year.
Right.
Tom, who are you playing for?
I am playing for Ho Gus
Po Gus. So I'm assuming this man's
name is Po Gus.
Is this Gus?
Are you Gus? Alright, well your name
sucks and no, I'm just kidding.
No, this is good. I'm a fan of the film.
With that hat, you look like
a mentally handicapped fan of that film.
I was about to do an impression.
I realized this isn't the place or time.
I don't think anywhere is.
Somehow you take me to a world where it's okay.
I think you meant this isn't the decade.
Okay.
So, let's go, Gus.
Lewis?
I am playing
for Lauren's Shop of Horrors.
That's a nice one.
Very creative.
That one's sick.
She got the crafts
and she made her own little thingamajigger
and, you know, all that stuff.
You can't say thingamajigger
in this day and age. You have to say thingamajigger and, you know, all that stuff. You can't say thingamajigger in this day and age.
You have to say thingamajigger.
I'm sorry.
Here's the truth.
No black people listen to this podcast.
Or are featured on it.
I'm JFK, just fucking kidding.
Yeah, Jesus Christ, nice job with diversity, Doug.
What did I do?
Nothing, and that's the problem.
Seth?
I loved this bit
because it was
the most elaborate
yet the most ghetto.
I can say that
because there's no black people listening.
So it's just a pizza pillow.
Oh, you're going to put it on?
That's gross.
And it says Mystic Brian,
which doesn't even,
he didn't even make an attempt
to make it say pizza something.
Mystic Brian. Just pretend your name is Pete Brian, which doesn't even he didn't even make an attempt to make it say Pete's or something.
Mystic Brian. Just pretend your name is Pete if you're so married to it.
Honestly, that's my favorite one.
That one's so sick. It's so stupid.
And he just, he didn't even sew it in.
He just safety pinned paper
onto the pillow. You know though that that's
a guy who was like sweating like
three hours ago. Oh yeah.
He went to Target and bought this and just put the paper on it.
He was, like, yelling at his girlfriend,
you think Mystic Brian works?
Joke's on you because he jerked off into it before he gave it to you.
That's the mystery.
That's what makes it Mystic.
That's the mystique.
Yeah, I know what you ate.
It was pineapple!
Oh, that's fucking, dude, that's such a disgusting joke.
Hawaiian pizza?
Ugh.
Was it...
This is a family program.
Seth, was it really mysticky in there?
Oh, my Lord.
And I want to give a shout out to,
this is the first time I've been on a poster ever.
You're going to take a shout out?
I'm going to save a shout out to people
who put me on a poster for the first time ever tonight.
So my man had one right there.
You didn't take it?
Wait, and they...
I didn't take it.
I already nabbed the pillow.
That's what they get for their trouble. You don't didn't take it. I already nabbed the pillow. That's what they get for their trouble.
You don't pick the good thing.
I already nabbed the pillow.
Also, it's your first time on a poster ever.
It's 2017.
I know.
You don't have a friend who can do Photoshop?
Nope.
Just my mom.
Do your mom wants the poster with my name on it?
Yeah, give it to her.
She'll put it on the fridge.
Yeah, give it to his mom. Yeah, give it to her. She'll put it on the fridge. Yeah, give it to his mom.
Yeah.
Give it to his mom.
Oh my god, he's really giving it to her.
He gave it to her. Stop giving it
to his mom. Audio listeners,
he's giving it to her so hard.
He's giving it to her hard.
Get off of her.
Stop giving her your mystic pizza.
Ah, she looks happy.
Oh, man.
Rich, you got one of the coolest ones.
I thought so.
Yeah, Big Trouble and Little Richard.
Big Trouble and Little Richard.
There it is.
It's Doug's face and Little Richard.
I picked it because it was right here
right in front of me
very easy
yeah
it looks great
I want that movie
to exist so badly
like my life's work
is now like
making that poster real
well good luck to you Josh
I hope
I hope that happens
good luck to everyone
whose name tags were chosen
only one of you will win
all of this stuff tonight
and
I'd like to start off with a game
that's gonna
determine who goes first in the next
game
and this game is called live die repeat to determine who goes first in the next game.
And this game is called Live, Die, Repeat.
I'm going to say the title of a motion picture.
The first person who repeats it back wins.
The first person who repeats it back wins.
It's only between people who are on stage. I see some of you look excited in the audience.
You have to say the full, correct title.
And of course, since some of you don't have microphones,
nine of you, just yell
out. Any pre-guesses? Rent and World Trade Center are both wrong. Precious based on the
novel Push My Shop Higher. Trying to do a fun holiday show and you're bringing up 9-11 and AIDS. Thanks.
Doug, is it precious based on the novel Pushed by Sapphire?
No, but that's a great guess.
Still AIDS, though, says Tom.
Still 9-11, in my opinion.
That's very precious.
Of you.
All right, here we go.
Got to make sure I can see all of you.
Santa.
Claus the movie.
Claus. Santa Claus 3. Santa Claus is movie. Claus.
Santa Claus 3.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Santa Claus 2.
Santa Claus
conquers...
The Martians!
Santa Claus conquers the Martians!
What did you say, Greg?
I said Santa Claus conquers the Martians.
That's correct.
What did you say, Greg?
I said Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
That's correct.
Or as it was known in its brief release in New Jersey,
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!
I'm from New Jersey, sorry.
Shout out to Jersey in-house.
I wasn't sure if you said Santa Claus Conquers the Martians or Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!
Lewis just started beating the shit out of you. sure if you said Santa Claus conquers the Martians or Santa Claus conquers the Martians. So I just wanted to be...
Louis just started beating the shit out of you.
That title of that movie is actually based
on a transcription of Bruce Springsteen's
Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
Like, what's he saying?
Santa Claus is coming to the Martians.
Was that the same as your joke
or did I just repeat it? Okay.
I don't know why I thought anyone else would ever think of something that stupid.
I apologize.
I should have called Bruce.
This is night off from his Broadway show.
Could have maybe got him down here.
You know, a young Pia Zadora is in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
Thanks, Sam.
That's what I'm here for.
Yes.
No one gives a...
Yes, we all do.
No one even knows who Piazzadora is.
Couple people.
I think they were sneezing.
I think, yeah.
I think they're just allergic to your trivia.
Mystic Piazzadora, though, would have been a better name.
Yes.
If she was only here to play this game with us,
God rest her soul.
She's alive.
She's just not anybody anybody knows anymore.
Doug, she was the 13th chair, wasn't she?
Yeah, I might as well say it. It was gonna be
Pia Zadora.
Check your
Twitter on the way home and add your own
R.I.P.
Who,
I mean, that's, it's not, it wasn't Piazzadora, but whoever it is,
I hope that they'll be incredibly sad if they're not alive anymore.
But I will accept that as an excuse for not showing up.
I won't be mad.
All right.
It's time to play.
And we have somebody that gets to go first,
and that is Greg Wyshynski.
Yeah.
Last man standing.
Just like last night, we're going to narrow it down to three of you
before playing the final game with those three people.
But we're going to start with Greg,
and then we're going to go to Sam, Josh, Desmond.
Go around that way.
Yeah, we're going to go all the way around.
Wait, what are you...
Tom, am I taking directions from a shark?
He's letting the fin go to his head.
But you're right, that is clockwise, isn't it?
Which Sam?
Which Sam? Great question.
The one with the correct number of M's.
No, I've always said two is the correct amount of M's.
God damn right, Doug.
No, but you guys think we should go to Sam-M-M?
Sam-M-M.
Sam doesn't. Yeah, see, Sam M.M.? Sam M.M. Sam doesn't.
Yeah, see, Sam wants to go the other way, too.
So here we go.
All right.
I get to decide stuff.
Yeah, so it's going to go Greg, then Sam with one M,
Josh with one S. Desmond with one M and one N, Ian also has an N.
The person...
The name we're going to use tonight...
Someone sounded like they had a ham sandwich go down the wrong pipe.
Is that possible?
That person actually might need water or they will die.
Hold on. Is there a doctor
with a vodka soda?
The films
of
Meryl Streep.
Lewis is going to destroy this.
Selected specifically for Lewis.
But we'll start with you, Greg.
A favorite of myself and my lovely wife.
The Devil Wears Prada.
I am not familiar with that one,
but it sounds like it's real.
Sam. Julie and Julia. I am not familiar with that one, but it sounds like it's real. Sam?
Julie and Julia.
Yeah, right?
Bet you Julia's pissed you took that one.
Josh?
Ricky and the Flash.
That's the weirdest reaction.
Edgy.
Yeah.
Did you get struck with sadness
because Jonathan Demme died?
That wasn't why?
You just thought it was a shitty movie?
Okay.
You know Jonathan Demme died.
Desmond!
I'm just going to get this out there.
I know it's on everyone's minds.
It's Doug's personal favorite, Mamma Mia.
Like, they're not even Italian in that movie.
What the fuck?
Ian?
I only have one.
This is going to be tough.
Oh, well, you're going to have a lot of time to think as it goes around.
Florence Foster Jenkins?
Yeah.
That's the only one you know?
That is a very weirdly limited...
I mean, that's one that you shouldn't know
if you don't know Meryl Streep movies,
and yet here we are.
When did you learn of Meryl Streep?
It's brand new news to him.
All right, I can't find it on here, but I know it's one of them.
Oh, there it is.
All right.
Rich?
Death Becomes Her.
Yes.
Rich, you're fucking dead after the show.
No.
So intense.
Seth?
There's so many to choose from.
Right?
It's like my own Sophie's Choice.
Oh, you fucker!
There are only two choices in Sophie's Choice.
No, no, there's a third choice.
She could kill both of them.
Oh, my God. Tom laughs so hard at his own joke.
Because I'm very smart.
Louis.
She-devil.
Yes.
She-Devil. Yes! She-Devil.
It's a good one.
I mean, it's not a good movie, but it's a good answer.
You're right, Doug. It's a great movie.
Lewis is a real Ed Begley Jr. fan.
Ed Head.
Answer it, Shark Head.
Meet the Fockers.
What?
Is that wrong?
Yeah.
Can I do a different one?
Meryl Streep?
Oh, fuck.
Can I do a different one?
No, no, no.
You can't because you're finished.
Shark Head.
Damn.
Roast culture has gone too far.
All right, I'm out.
Did you think we were playing Barbara Streisand?
I must have.
I must have.
I feel like this is anti-Semitic.
I don't know why.
Yeah, it's because Lewis always calls Jewish people shark heads.
I do not do that if there's any industry in the crowd.
People who own the building, I did not say that.
He calls them tuna Christians.
I don't really understand it, but...
Well, thank you, Tom.
Thank you guys for having me.
Tom Takar, everybody.
Hand me your name tag and go.
Thanks, dude.
Don't forget the mug.
He says, leave it.
All right, Julia. Yeah, it's your turn. the mug. He says, leave it! Alright,
Julia, yeah, it's your turn.
In honor of this
nit thing that Meryl Streep would have in this movie, I'm going to
say it's complicated.
I feel like it's that vibe.
Correct.
George?
Into the Woods.
Into the Woods!
Yeah, anyone can sing that one.
Sam? You know what worked so well for me last night? August Osage County. Yeah, anyone can sing that one.
Sam?
You know what worked so well for me last night?
August Osage County.
Yes!
I will... Oh, shit, sorry.
Not until called upon, Doug.
Please don't discipline me.
What happened?
I was about to speak before being spoken to.
Oh, okay.
The golden rule was about to be violated.
Yeah.
Greg?
Out of Africa, Doug.
Mm-hmm.
Sam?
The Iron Lady.
The Iron Lady.
Oh, man.
I'm so glad you said that,
because I was like,
is it the man in the iron mask?
What is that?
Defending your life.
Yes.
Motherfucker!
Fuck you, Kelly Coleman!
The proper response to anyone mentioning an Albert Brooks movie.
Are you kidding me?
You know so many other movies!
It's the weirdest thing anyone's ever said to me at that volume.
You're so smart!
I got nowhere else to go!
Desmond?
Adaptation? Mm-hmm.
Desmond?
Adaptation?
Mm-hmm.
Exciting.
Ian, it went,
you thought Florence Foster Jenkins was the only thing you had,
but you've heard a lot of other titles.
Maybe it triggered something.
I'm picturing her dressed as a nun
in a movie called Proof.
Oh, so close, dude.
Thank you, Ian Kinney.
Thanks, dude.
It's got to do seven hours back now.
Don't you ask me what it is.
It's still in play.
Yeah.
Someone else can say it.
Rich?
I don't know that one.
The Bridges of Madison County?
Mm-hmm.
Madison County.
Saith.
So many to choose from. So little time.
I'm going to go with a little thing called
Prime.
It's legit.
I'm in it.
That's how I know it exists.
Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep, Brian Greenberg.
Seth Herzog, motherfuckers.
Johnny Abrahams.
John Abrahams is in it, too.
Yeah, exactly right.
Yeah.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
Lewis seems like he might
not want to take the microphone
Lewis they might have made a sequel to Defending Your Life
everyone keep on yelling out answers
louder and more clearly please
don't listen to Doug
he has no power here
stop it okay alright alright Clearly, please. Don't listen to Doug. Stop it, you guys. He has no power here. Stop it.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Skank, skank, skank!
Skadoodoo?
I think she's yelling something about being a skank.
All right.
Thank you for being a whore.
For being here?
Is that what you meant to say?
That's what I...
I messed up.
All right.
Fuck.
Oh, that'd be awesome if Meryl Streep was in a movie called Fuck.
Fuck.
Part three.
Come on.
You know she's in that one where she's all like, hey, and everybody's like, what's up?
Is she in? Is she in?
Is she in?
There's so many.
Just shut up.
I don't know.
Fuck.
I'm going to guess any movie.
I don't know why I keep on thinking Driving Miss Daisy.
That's not even that close to the right person.
God, I'm racist.
That is a black man.
I'm racist.
That is a black man.
Actually, that shows how not racist you are.
You should hear what I'm calling him in my head.
Alright, take it back.
Meryl Streep, you dirty.
I literally don't
fucking know.
Oh, Louis J. Gomez, thank you. I literally don't fucking know Oh
Louis J. Gomez
Thank you
Enjoy whatever backstage has to offer
Um Doubt.
Yes.
Was the one.
I think that's what
Ian was thinking of
with the nun thing.
It was so introduced
I knew someone
was going to do it.
I got so nervous
that I got real quiet.
When you play in games
you just pray
that the thing you want to say
doesn't get said
before you say it.
It worked.
George, it worked.
I was just looking at this, making sure I knew the feeding instructions.
Suddenly Seymour!
All right.
George?
I got nothing.
What?
Yeah.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
All of mine were said.
I can't think of anything.
Wow.
I'm sorry, Rob.
All right.
I thought, you know.
I mean,
I mean, no,
there's nothing that I'm like
kind of sure that she was in.
Yeah, take a stab.
Pick a movie that has a really big cast like JFK.
JFK.
No.
Thank you, George Salazar.
Thank you.
Yeah, give me that name tag, sir.
Thank you so much, dude.
Appreciate it.
Rob's got one of these fancy
envelopes on the back.
Good work, Rob.
Thank you.
Alright, Sam, we're back to you.
She was so good, they gave her an Oscar.
Kramer versus Kramer.
Kramer.
Pretty sure she just got nominated for that one, but...
She won?
Yep.
Okay.
Greg.
The River Wild.
Now that one she won an Oscar for. She won all the Oscars.
She cinematographied it.
She was the best boy.
I don't know how.
Sam, with one M.
So this has already done some film festivals,
so I'm going to say The Post.
Oh.
I should have said ahead of time
that movies that aren't out yet don't count.
Oh.
But I'll say it now.
Because you got another one.
Sure.
And I'm going to say that
she was in Mother's Day
by Gary Marshall.
What?
There's a lot of people in that movie.
Yeah.
There's a lot of people in that movie.
There's not enough people in that movie, first of all.
It's one of the smaller casts for one of those long-ass holiday movies.
But I'm sorry, Sam Pasternak.
Thank you. Thank you.
I really
believed, I loved your faith
in Sam, because he didn't
believe in himself as much as you believed in him.
Yeah, that was beautiful. I mean, Sam was right in the end.
Holiday miracle.
Okay.
I'm waiting.
Yeah, sure.
Yes.
Sam wants to stop everything to throw a donut.
There's a gentleman in the audience suggesting you throw all the donuts.
I like that.
Oh, yeah.
That was good.
Thanks, Sam.
Hold up that Home Alone 2 thing again.
Yay! Where are we at?
Desmond?
Oh, Josh.
Sorry, Josh.
No, that's okay.
I'm just going to continue Julia's observation of Nancy Meyers and just guess one.
Was she also in The Intern?
She should have been.
Thank you, Julia.
She totally should have
showed up in the intern,
but she did not.
Thank you, Josh Gondelman.
Oh.
Josh just gave me a gift
for leaving the stage,
so he's my favorite
of all the fallen warriors.
But now we're back over to you, Desmond.
Angels in America Part 2.
It is a movie.
It came out in the movie theaters.
No.
It did not.
HBO. You real? Yeah the movie theaters. No. It did not. HBO.
You real?
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, it's an HBO miniseries.
It's not TV, though.
It's an HBO movie?
Like, it's literally their slogan.
I mean, that's technically...
It's not TV.
I mean...
All right, now, I am on television,
and I do understand marketing,
and they do market it as an HBO film.
Hey!
So, technically... Desmond, I'll go one better, Desmond. understand marketing and they do market it as an HBO film. Hey. So technically.
I'll go one better, Desmond.
It's Home Box Office.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it is just like Kill Bill.
If you think about it.
Are you going to all this trouble to sell this idea that a TV miniseries is a motion picture
because you don't have another Meryl Streep
title? Oh no, I do have another one.
Okay, let's do that. Rendition?
Alright.
Rendition?
I was keeping that shit to the end, yo.
That was like my
queen of clubs.
It's a shame you couldn't save that one till the end.
But I think you'll come up with more.
I don't know.
We'll see.
Maybe if I hold on to this little thing right here,
I'll get some energy, yo.
It's good luck.
I think you should.
It's comfortable.
It's inappropriate to...
Am I in between the face or the ass right now?
Stop molesting those babies that are sewn together.
Rich?
Yeah, I got nothing.
For reals?
Yeah.
That's all I got.
I had a couple back here.
You were sitting there looking so confident.
I know.
Thank you very much.
It's been awesome.
Thank you, Rich.
Dean Marini.
Beninis.
Dean Beninis.
Thank you.
Yeah, do you want to throw a donut, Rich?
Rich.
That was good.
Powerful.
Powerful throw.
We got more.
Oh, Rich.
Seth.
I'm going to go deep.
I'm going to go stuck on you.
Stuck on you.
Meryl Streep makes an uncredited appearance as herself.
As herself.
Good job there, Seth.
Oh, you guys.
The place I've been at
is that maybe she voiced a character of some kind
because I feel like she did that.
Like an animated movie?
She might have, but I think you got this, Julia.
I don't know.
No, no. I don't know.
No, no.
Mama Mia 2.
That's what I was going to say.
Mama Mia 2 hasn't come out yet.
It's played a few festivals.
I don't have anything.
I'm just going to say an animated movie I think she voiced.
Oh, okay.
Maybe she was the voice of a cat in Aristocats.
The titular role of cat in Aristocats.
It's possible.
Fancy cat.
I don't know why a guy just yelled out fancy cat.
Maybe he's hungry.
And some street cat won't do?
I only eat the fanciest of cats.
Thank you,
Julia Madison.
I'm going to throw a donut.
Is there a
shithead on the back of those little shit eaters?
Oh, she said it earlier, didn't she?
Here we go. Julia's going to throw a donut.
Yeah.
Whoa, that was like ladies softball.
You almost hit Seth's mom.
She tried to hit my mom.
She tried to.
Bye.
Somebody just yelled, come on, Sam.
There's only one Sam left, so we know who he's talking about.
Yes.
I just want to never see this thing again.
It's amazing.
I'll never look at ATM ass to mouth the same way again.
How were you looking at it before?
way again.
How were you looking at it before?
Hey, they finally found a way to make two out of three babies shut up.
Oh, this thing's not going to come off.
The fuck?
Oh, boy.
Whose is this?
Yours?
Get this out of my life.
I had trouble with the cord.
It's a very difficult birth.
They just came out of her that
way. It's a medical miracle.
Sam with two
M's. Well, I didn't want to have this
discussion with you before, but I'm glad it made its
way all the way around to me again.
She did win for Kramer vs. Kramer, but
she was nominated for and did not win
for the Deer Hunter.
Fuck you, Sam!
Sorry.
I mean, you know she was nominated
and did not win like 19 times.
That was her first.
It was the Deer Hunter.
Okay, we're going to count them all down, aren't we?
All right.
All right.
She's got a lot of nominations
and a few wins.
Greg?
All right. Greg?
All right.
Who?
Who?
Oh, God.
All right.
It looks like you were just fingered by the ghost of Meryl Streep.
It was more of a Dan Aykroyd
and Ghostbusters situation, Doug.
Yeah, no. Stuck on You was one in my back pocket.
Deer Hunter was another.
So now I'm in the territory of hoping to get the title right
or hoping that she's in the flick.
And I've got some choices,
but I'm going to go with this one.
I'm hoping this is the actual title of the film.
Is it Out of the Darkness?
Oh, no. Ah, shit. I'm not this is the actual title of the film. Is it Out of the Darkness? Oh, no.
Ah, shit.
What is it?
I'm not going to say.
Shit.
Yeah.
Sorry, dude.
All right.
Greg Wyshynski.
Hey.
Good job, Greg.
Oh.
Throw a donut.
Oh, he wants the pink.
Here it comes.
You want pink or chocolate?
Chocolate!
Pink!
Pink!
Pink.
Oh, that was right.
People lost that one in the lights.
Thank you, Greg Wyszynski.
Wow.
Thank you.
Here, Seth and Desmond, can you, like, switch seats so we can still keep the same order?
Oh, word.
All right.
Yeah, right?
I thought we were going to change up the game now that we're the final three.
We will at the end here, but let's...
I just want you in the order that you were originally in.
I'm going to keep this mic.
All right, cool.
I'm going to keep this one, then.
I really like this mic.
Because it was Desmond's turn next,
so he'll start us off in this next game.
Oh, fuck.
Now that we're down to just three...
Are we not doing the Meryl Streep game anymore?
We're out of the Meryl Streep game.
I'm talking.
About how we're not doing the Seth
I mean the Meryl Streep game anymore.
Can I ask about a title that was
bugging me? Hang on a second.
Alright, you might as well ask now
I guess. What was the movie
where her and De Niro
have like an adult relationship and I think
their special needs. Super boring ass movie.
Yeah.
What is it?
Falling in Love.
Falling in Love.
Yeah.
Very basic title.
But yeah, I was going to say, hang on lady or weird dude.
This is the part where I say to the audience,
what did we miss?
A Cry in the Dark, Lions for Lambs, Silkwood, Postcards from the Edge.
I knew I shouldn't have told you before you got here tonight who the name was going to be, Sam.
Just shows up with a fucking list.
See, I didn't know you could write them down.
I would have brought a pen and paper.
Did you say suffragette?
Suffragette?
No, I'm like part Puerto Rican, so I don't pronounce things very well sometimes.
But isn't it S-U-F-F-R-A-G?
Suffragette.
That's what it is.
No, I said Silkwood.
Silkwood's another giant one.
Silkwood Jet.
Silkwood Jet.
And fucking Manhattan.
Manhattan, yeah.
Oh, Manhattan.
I was trying to get Julia.
Why are you guys yelling at us?
We're still up here.
I was trying to get Julia to say Julia, because at us? I was trying to get Julia to say
Julia because that's the name of a movie
she's in
Ironweed, do we do Ironweed?
Heartburn, right?
House of Spirits, French Lieutenant's Woman
Still of the Night
She's not in the hours
No, she's in the hours
Her scenes are with Ed Harris It's very sad How come I didn't write that one down? of the night. She's not in the hours. No, she's in the hours. She is? Yeah. Her
scenes are with Ed Harris. It's very sad.
How come I didn't write that one down?
Hope Springs, Lions
for Lambs, Heartburn,
The Giver.
She's been in a lot of movies. What?
She is not in
Congo.
You sit down.
Mom, sit down, Mom.
Sit down and use your sign language like you were taught.
Holy shit.
There's a lot of donuts left.
I can only think of Nicole Kidman and that fake nose in the hours.
She's got a weird nose.
Is that where she tied the brick
for her?
Minturine candidate.
Uh-oh, there goes the donut.
Throw nut.
Okay, so
that's what we're doing now? We're just going to throw them all?
Yeah, we've got to get rid of them.
Does anyone want a chocolate cream fill one?
Oh, shit.
All right.
See if you can reach the balcony.
Oh.
Still eat that.
That's good.
Yes.
That's the best one.
Look at him go.
Total five second rule.
It only rolled on the edge. Beautiful flaky dough with a nice smooth frosting on top.
Some custard in the middle.
I should have pushed my Dunkin' Donuts voice over.
You guys are a really relaxed final three.
Don't you want to play this game?
Yeah!
I think he said Seth.
He definitely did.
He did not say Des or Min.
Yeah.
Seth and Sam both made it to the final three last night,
so this is a nice rematch.
And to determine our winner tonight,
we're going to play just like last night,
but with a different set of names.
Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation Bureau game.
You know this one, Desmond?
Why don't you just, you know.
Yeah, I'll talk you through it.
You're going to go first in this first round.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, I got that.
Yeah.
Then we go to Sam, then we go to Seth.
I'm going to name an actor or actress,
and Desmond, you have to guess the movie you think
is in that actor's top three box office performers
of all time, according to box office mojo
after adjusting for inflation.
All right, I feel you on this.
I feel you.
Yeah.
I think you'll be good at this.
Kumail kicked my ass at this last time.
Oh, so you have done this one before?
Yeah, well, after you said the rules,
I recalled it. Okay. The problem with this game is going Oh, so you have done this one before. Yeah, well, after you said the rules, I recalled it.
Okay.
The problem with this game
is going third fucks you.
Yeah, but you don't go third every time.
That's why each person
gets to go third once.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
The problem with Seth Herzog
is he blurts things out
without thinking them through.
There need to be more donuts.
Oh, there are.
I got a couple up here if you need one.
All right, Desmond.
Yeah.
The films of Amanda Seyfried.
Who the fuck is that?
Like, she looks just like...
If I told you a movie she was in,
you would know who she is,
but then that would ruin everything.
So you are on your own, my friend.
If you can't think of who she is,
guess a movie that might have a lady in it.
Because I can confirm that she is a lady.
And then, of course, Sam will go next. Well, we're talking about box office hits, right?
So I'm just going through box office hits in my head.
Maybe she'll just turn up in one of the movies.
Yeah, name a movie that made a bunch of money.
Maybe she's in it.
We've mentioned a few of her movies during the last game.
She was in a lot of movies in the 30s.
I was thinking Little Foxes.
Do you have a guess?
That's a no.
Kong?
That shit made a lot of noise.
Kong?
Yeah, the one that Jordan did.
Just Kong?
Yeah, Skull Island.
Yeah.
Skull Island.
Okay, that's your guess.
All right, Sam?
Mama Mia.
Oh, so she's in Meryl Streep movies.
I get it now.
Seth? That's the one I said. I get it now. Seth.
That's the one I said.
I would have said Mamma Mia, but I'm going to go Mean Girls.
All right.
All right, so coming in at number three,
and worth one point.
Skull Island.
To Seth Herzog, is a movie called Mean Girls.
And then coming in at number two,
a motion picture called Les Miserables.
Les Miserables.
I missed that one.
Yeah, and then her number one movie,
Mamma Mia!
Mamma Mia! Mamma Mia!
Can I just tell you before you beat me up
how much I love Freaks and Geeks?
Oh my God, thank you so much.
Make out.
Can I tell you how much I love Hamilton?
Oh, thank you.
I'm fucking this close to a P-Gock.
Can you believe it?
The youngest Puerto Rican ever
that actually has awards with those letters in his name.
Oh.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Sam.
Lights up on Washington Heights up at the break of day.
Yeah.
Do the whole show.
I am Musnavian.
You probably never heard my name.
Reports of my fame are greatly exaggerated.
Exacerbated by the fact that my syntax is highly complicated
because I immigrated from the single greatest little place
in the Caribbean, Dominican Republic.
I love it.
Jesus, I'm jealous of it.
And beyond that, ever since my folks passed on, I haven't gone back.
Goddamn, I gotta get on that.
Seth Herzog was amazing doing that rap.
Wait, why are we shaking hands?
That was great.
Let's agree to that.
Let's all agree that that just happened.
Okay, so...
I'm sorry, Lynn.
I apologize.
Sam gets to go first in this next round.
And Sam?
Yes, sir.
What do you think is in the top three
for an actress who goes by
the name Meryl Streep?
This is actually a tougher question than you would
think it is. Right?
Yeah, it really is.
No, none of those were that big.
I'll roll the dice and say Mamma Mia.
Okay, Seth.
That's a great guess.
You know, you never know what's the biggest box office.
I'm going to say Devil Wears Prada.
Guys, this is very close.
This is very close. This is very close.
Well, we certainly named a lot of our movies earlier.
I'm thinking Kong Skull Island, but I'm going to...
You know, if it's for inflation,
I'm just going to throw Kramer vs. Kramer in there because did that make a lot of money back in the
day and that would translate to a whole bunch of dope-ass
money now? I mean, it won Best Picture.
Yeah, I mean...
That doesn't mean that people really...
Like, I heard it made just as much money as
Rocky, but that's between you and me and everyone
listening on the podcast.
Coming in at number three,
The Deer Hunter.
Wow.
Why?
It was a big movie.
One best picture.
Coming in at number two, Out of Africa.
There you go.
Uh-oh.
It's getting bleak here, guys.
It's very disappointing to everyone involved.
But coming in at number one,
Kramer versus Kramer!
Wow.
It's like game five against the Trailblazers
when Michael Jordan just started hitting three-pointers
and he never fucking did the shrug, you know?
I don't fucking know.
It's magnificent.
Mamma Mia number four.
What are you going to do, guys?
Double where's Prada?
Nowhere, yeah.
I don't know where.
I don't know where the hell that ended up.
I didn't write that down.
70s, 80s streep.
That was the streep to beat.
Yeah.
All right.
This is exciting.
We might have to have a tiebreaker.
Third round. Seth gets to go first.
The films of Colin Firth.
Who the fuck is that? It's Colin Farrell's dad.
Do they both wear beanies in the summer?
Yep.
They both wear wool hats.
I'm going to say
Love Actually.
Okay.
Desmond?
Oh, man. You know what?
Now think of all those guys
that are in Love Actually.
Yeah, yeah. Now do you know who it is? in love actually. Yeah, no. Uh, yeah, yeah.
Now do you know who it is?
No, I know who it is.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
I'm just gonna say Mamma Mia,
because it's probably in there with Meryl Streep.
Like, at this point, it's a game of deduction.
It's just like the fucking SAT.
Can't hustle
a hustler, man.
Look at this fucking cardigan I'm wearing.
That's definitely a hustler's
cardigan.
Not to mention this dope ass
French stash I got going on
Yeah
What are you going to do with that Sam?
Well Doug you know I love nothing more
Than losing because of math
I'm quite certain this did not make more money than Mamma Mia,
but it definitely has to be one of his most successful films,
Kingsman, The Secret Service.
They do a lot of flips in that shit.
Yeah, they did.
Made a lot of money in that movie.
Not as much as Mamma Mia, though.
Coming in at number three,
a Christmas carol from 2009.
Knew it.
Who did he play?
The carol?
He played carol? The Carol. You played Carol.
Coming in at number two.
Shakespeare in Love.
That was a good movie.
Who'd he play in that?
But didn't it be Pulp Fiction?
Jesus Christ.
Saving Private Ryan.
His biggest Oscar robbery in history.
It wasn't that good of a movie.
All right, guys.
I know that war is better than Shakespeare in some people's minds.
But can't we love both?
Nope.
And coming in at number one,
we've got a new champion
because it's
Mamma Mia! Thank you, Sam Levine and Seth Herzog.
Double cannon, please.
Thank you.
cannon, please.
It kind of sounds like just a big door is closing.
But close enough.
Thank you, Sam.
Where's your...
Is there a shithead on the back of the pizza face?
Oh, Sam's gonna throw
a couple more donuts.
How do you know there's a shithead here? How do you know there's a shithead here?
How do you know there's a shithead here?
No go ahead Another cream filled donut
Who wants a custard?
There you go
There you go
Here's half
Half a plane
Hey Carol
Coral Lynn, sorry
Fucked it up
Coral Lynn, come get your prizes
Can you help her with those des?
Just like push them down to her
She brought a friend to help her with those des just like push them down to her and she brought a friend to help her carry him
Nicely done Thank You Sam and Seth
Where's the pizza guy at is this really really your shithead, what you wrote on this?
All right.
I'll even throw a giant piece of pizza.
Desmond Borges, our winner!
Thanks for having me on, brother.
Great job, dude.
Oh, wait.
I'm going to say her name wrong again.
Coral Lynn.
You also get this hat.
Here, pass this back to her, pizza man.
What do you mean in the pipe?
I put the pipe in the bag.
I pretended to put it
in my pocket with my mime skills
and I got a laugh
and then I put it in the prize bag.
Thank you to
everyone for being here.
Some of you were here two nights in a row.
Totally appreciate it
Thank you to the Gramercy Theatre
for letting us do this
and hopefully keep going
for many years to come with regular
episodes of the show
back after it starts to warm up
a little bit
and as always
not winning the prize bag
is a shithead
the noid is a shithead.
The Noid is a shithead.
I got a bigger laugh than I expected it would, pizza man.
Net neutrality is a shithead.
Spending four months on a name tag and not getting picked.
True story.
Is a shithead.
Uh-oh.
The fact that... Oh, this is an old shithead from 2016.
The fact that every famous person I love is dead is a shithead.
Shithead?
Yeah, let's see if this one's a little bit more positive from 2017.
The fact that every famous person I love is dead to me is a shithead.
Oh, my.
That is gnarly.
ESPN and my Trump-loving family are a shithead.
Christmas tourists in Times Square are a shithead.
This one's super meta.
Past me is a shithead.
Yeah, wow is right. And we
got to double two different people with the
same shithead.
So I'm just going to say it once.
The MTA
is a shithead.
Once again,
today's episode is brought to you in part by Happy.
This December, SyFy's new series Happy stars Christopher Bologna as an ex-cop turned hitman
and Patton Oswalt as his new partner, who happens to be an imaginary flying blue horse thing.
Oh, and it's based on the extremely graphic novel by Grant Morrison and Derek Robertson.
Happy premieres December 6th at 10, 9 central on SyFy.
Have the happiest of holiday seasons, everybody.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you.
Cause Doug loves movies.