Doug Loves Movies - Shane Mauss, Dale Dudley, Bob Fonseca, and Deb O'Keefe Guest
Episode Date: November 28, 2011For his second DLM at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, Doug welcomes Shane Mauss, Dale Dudley, Bob Fonseca, and Deb O'Keefe to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/priva...cy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50-as-a-pop or kernels in his teeth.
They're still not more than he won't see, because Doug loves movies!
Hey everybody!
Hey!
Hey everybody!
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is Doug.
See, I can do it without the piece of paper.
I totally know it.
I don't get sidetracked or anything.
It's all good.
This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas.
Yeah.
I came up with a new slogan for Texas
and it's, or for Austin specifically.
Austin, Texas, it's the bestest.
Has anyone tried that one before?
I hope Rick Perry steals it.
There's some awesome things in this bag, including what else I wanted to say here at the top of the show.
One of my crazy psychopath piece of paper that I write out to remind myself of all the things that you need to remember.
It's Sunday, November 27th at Two Oceans 11
at, of course, 420-ish.
430-something.
We got any name tags up in here today?
Oh my goodness.
There's some cake.
People are really getting on this food thing.
And the thing to keep in mind is it's not me that's making the decision here.
So that my panelists might not be as into food as I am.
But that cake does look amazing. Is that like tiramisu or something?
Whatever.
What is it? It's Oreo cake. Oh, Jesus.
That sounds amazing. All I can think about the entire
show is Oreo cake, Oreo cake, Oreo cake. Oh, this show should be sponsored by Oreo cake.
Yeah, you were holding that up. You finally gave up because you were like, he's just going
to sit there and say Oreo cake for the rest of the show. I'm going to put my name tag
down. I think it said Scott on it. Yeah, there you go, Scott. And then something's lighting up over there, and then
Kermit the Frog's face popped up over there. It just reminded me once again how shatteringly,
heartbreakingly disappointed I was in the Muppets movie. Why are there so many? It's alright.
Go ahead and enjoy it.
Don't let me stop you from enjoying it.
Yesterday we had a very exciting Leonard Maltin game right here at Cap City Comedy Club when I inadvertently switched categories from Walking Dead to movies on a train mid-stream.
to movies on a train mid-stream.
But seriously,
Polar Express is like
a movie about the Walking Dead
on a train.
So you can understand my confusion.
So thank you to Cap City
for providing stools today
after the chair debacle
we had at the top of yesterday's show.
It's a great club.
Be sure to check it out when you're in Austin, Texas.
Cap City Comedy Club. It's in a mall that used to have a restaurant called
Dracula.
I'm terrible
with directions.
The cab driver's like,
where am I taking you? You know that mall that used to have
a restaurant called Dracula?
Go!
Now you ask me questions. This is a cash cab, isn't it?
Every cab I get into.
When are you going to start asking me the questions?
I need a stoplight shout-out.
Last night I tried to watch My Week with Marilyn,
but only lasted through four days.
I fell asleep right there in my seat
at the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz.
I just slept through the fucking back end
of My Week with Marilyn.
Michelle Williams is great, though.
And Kenneth Branagh really gets
Laurence Olivier's voice.
He really nails that.
But Laurence Olivier, spoiler alert,
never nails Marilyn in the movie.
Today, someone tweeted me
a Craigslist entry that read,
My birthday is coming up and I want to meet a little person and buy that little person alcohol.
It would be all over Austin.
My birthday is Monday the 28th, but I'm starting the 27th
at Cap City for Doug Benson's
podcast
it will continue
into Tuesday and Wednesday
I also promise it won't suck
and it will be a good time
to condense and repeat
I think basically his Craigslist
thing says I want an Oompa Loompa now.
So did that guy, is he here?
Yeah!
Oh my god.
And you
did you get to find a little person?
Maybe.
Maybe?
You got a potential little person on the hook?
Yeah.
Because I also got a bunch of tweets telling me
that they were like, well, what was it?
Because I was subtle about it when I retweeted it or whatever.
People were like, well, what was it?
The link was, they cut you off,
or what do they call it, shut you down?
I don't know yet.
But you can't access
your thing. That's all I'm trying to say.
Wow.
This is the first he's learning of it.
This guy
is better at being on the internet than me
because I didn't understand any of that.
And yet he doesn't get it.
I bet we have something in common.
Today's prize bag includes two tickets
to tonight's
master pancake show
at the Alamo
Alamo Drafthouse
South Lamar location
8 o'clock tonight
I hope you participate again
it's going to be name your own pancake
where the entire audience brings in movies they want us tonight, I'll be participating in, it's going to be Name Your Own Pancake, where
the entire audience brings in movies
they want us to, I'll be
joining in on, sitting with some other dudes
and just, maybe some ladies
I don't know
I haven't met them yet
but we'll be, you know, during
whatever movie the audience chooses
and I am bringing a movie
that I'm going to try to persuade
the audience to choose
because it is a classic motion picture
called Lifeguard
starring
a young Sam Elliott
yeah this is like
20 years before he started
talking shit about the dude
and
he plays a lifeguard.
And you've already imagined
the entire movie in your head.
You're like, Sam, Elliot, lifeguard, got it.
You know?
You think there might be a scene
where he gets in a fight or something
and there's going to be some sex
and it's on a beach and boom, we're good.
But it's a hilarious, hilarious movie. And I hope, I'm going to try to convince the audience
to pick that. And two people
or one person is going to win two tickets to go to that tonight.
It's sold out already. They didn't even say how it was going to be there. These guys are just popular.
And yeah, the shows are a lot of fun. I went to their
Thanksgiving show on uh friday night
and with all the clips of tom hanks and it made me go it made me reassess tom hanks it made me go
that guy i always loved he's been he's just been doing a bunch of movies that just are stupid to
watch forrest gump come on it is like, just, it feels so stupid now.
Like, aren't you a little mad at yourself when you see Forrest Gump? Like, every time
you see it, like, really? I was that into Forrest Gump? And I remember when Castaway
came out, I was like, oh, enough with the fucking Wilson. And people loved Castaway,
and I didn't get it and I think it's just
because Tom Hanks is so lovable that he's been like he's just been skating
around on a pond of shit his entire career but god damn it I love him I love him
what did you say ma'am? The terminal that's right terminal, that's right. Terminal is a great description
of watching that film.
I kind of liked it, it was alright.
He lived in an airport.
Figure out a way to shave every day.
Alright, so let's see here. The prize package.
There's a bunch of crazy shit
here that we'll figure out when the
guests get out here. We'll figure it out.
I love the headset that
our fantastic
sound designer for the evening
brought along with him. I never
get to wear a headset when doing anything
in my life ever.
I feel like when I was walking around like
in the lobby in the bar and stuff I was just like I need to be fucking taking people's orders or
watching out for the make sure the president's okay or this thing just makes me feel too official
and like I'm supposed to be doing something. So yeah so I brought wokeys, and the heads-free headset makes it a really nice transition into shooting some Wootmonkeys into the crowd.
Hopefully, the low ceiling kind of makes it hard.
I'm better at it when I'm trying to talk into a microphone at the same time.
That's hilarious.
Just get out there,
little guy.
Don't be afraid. Oh, I forgot to do this, too.
Alright, here we go.
I just can't believe that I really
screwed up on this one.
It's going to
happen again. I can feel it. It's not going to go far.
Get ready. Get ready, front row. There's going to be monkey in your face.
Oh, not bad. Not bad.
All right. All right.
Let me try one the other direction here.
And by the way, this is like so fascinating
for the listeners.
I'm happy to say this will be a free episode.
You won't have to pay to hear me doing this
for five minutes.
Here we go. Oh, no. I don't have to pay to hear me doing this for five minutes. Here we go.
Oh, no.
I don't feel good about this. Watch your faces, Front Rose.
Front Rose people.
Oh, okay.
Not too bad.
It's going to make
that noise from now on.
So, I don't know
if you feel happy or sad right now.
Also in the prize bag,
it's...
Oh yeah, I already talked about the two tickets for the
thing. So that's tonight.
There's a special code in there
on a piece of paper that you have to go up and say at the
box office. It's two words.
And if you can't make it,
share those words with a friend
so somebody will get to go.
Because I know it's the last minute.
You guys probably have stuff to do.
Like, oh, shit, I DVR'd 60 minutes.
So we'll figure out what's in there when the guests get out here.
And then these are also prize bags from a local, very popular radio station.
And my first CD,
Doug Batson's Professional Humor Idiot,
is in the prize pack.
So let's get the guests out here.
What do you say? Let's do it.
It's a very, very long wind-up.
Coming to the stage, please welcome
Deb O'Keefe, Dale Dudley, Bob Fonseca, and Shane Mars.
Applause
Welcome them.
Here they come into the arena.
Applause Here they come into the arena. We'll be back after these.
Oh, here we go.
They would have been here sooner.
It's hilarious, though.
You can start talking way back there.
You have a headset microphone.
You didn't have to wait until you hit the light and threw your crutches down. I hate those things.
Yeah, I like those. Very dramatic
entrance.
Yeah, who's the heavy
breather? That's me. Okay.
We have to work
on that, Dale. I love
Forrest Gump and I love
the movie where he's stranded with a
volleyball.
Cast away.
For the record. Hey, is this how it started last time?
Because I heard some good things about last time.
I'm indifferent about Forrest Gump.
Well, okay, I'll jump right to it.
I was on the Tate and Teabag podcast taped in this very facility.
Some of the same nice folks were here for that show as well.
And basically, I was pretty hammered. facility. Some of the same nice folks were here for that show as well. Basically,
I was pretty hammered.
I had a little
reefer as well, so I was pretty
incapacitated.
Dale Dudley,
I think you took the crown that day.
World class, man.
I quit drinking for 40 days.
I got up the next morning and I thought
that was fucking great
I remember people laughing a lot
Doug it was 40 days but not in a row
so I got up the next morning
and I was running it through the sound program
to put it on the web
and I kept going
who's that mumbling
who's that slurring
and then I realized it was me
and I got a friend
in and said, is this as bad as it sounds?
And he went, yeah, it's worse.
You're drunk while you're listening to it as well.
Huh?
I was...
He's not sober right now either, so...
Much more sober than the...
Fingers crossed it'll go the same way as last time.
Look at this.
Look at this. Did you know there would be so much plaid on stage tonight?
I'm fucking humiliated.
Why didn't we call?
I would change, but I have a bra on under here.
Can someone take something off
so we don't look so twatty?
Thank you.
That's really what I was going for.
I've been trying to bone this guy for years.
Oh, you're married.
I didn't mean that. I don't know what's happening.
So, let me introduce you all individually
so that the people listening can match up your voices
to who exactly you are and what your deal is.
I write a little question for each person, you know.
It's like a talk show.
But like if I hosted it.
Deb O'Keefe
from Austin's 101X Morning Show.
Your partner on that program,
Jason Dick, was here yesterday.
You're a very competitive person, I think,
from how I know you.
How do you think this happened?
Yeah, and you got a busted...
Competitive slip and sliding.
Shit you not.
Did you win?
Hello?
Who's been on crutches for two months?
I'm the big winner.
No, I think I lost horribly,
but at that point,
I thought I was being the big winner by jumping backwards
and going four at a time,
and it sounds like an awesome sex orgy,
but it ended up like this.
Regardless, I'm just excited that,
because when you said hello,
I thought that you might have
early stage Alzheimer's,
and I was like, oh shit, she's been here for a while and she just said hello
just out of nowhere, we've been talking
next thing you know she's like
hello, I'm like, oh shit, she thinks that she
just got here and we haven't
been talking
so that's
Deb O'Keefe's voice everybody
and then next
to her is the infamous Dale Dudley of the Dudley and Bob Morning Express.
Is that what it's called?
Yeah.
Morning Express.
Yeah, yeah.
The express train to honesty.
To low ratingsville.
Just this month.
We'll take you right up to Bleak and then jump right in.
Something like that.
You get heavy on that show.
We get heavy?
I think, for morning radio.
Yeah, we get a little obnoxious, but what else are you going to do?
You're going to talk about your boyfriend.
And me broken leg.
That's exactly what I don't do right now, actually, Dale.
Yes, he did it.
Oh, it's frecky time.
Good morning, everyone.
Want some water?
Not yet.
I didn't get to thank you for...
I didn't finish.
I was sober for 40 days.
Thank you.
I got a 30-day chip and a 10-day chip.
Does that count if you're now drinking?
Don't clap him.
He's fucking drinking.
Are you kidding?
He should be beaten.
Anyone in AA right now should come up here and beat him for bragging about his goddamn chip.
Please, don't come up here and beat him, anyone that's in AA.
I still haven't taken the Xanax, so we're okay.
Oh, my God.
Questions? But seriously, who's in AA so we're okay. Oh my God. Questions?
But seriously, who's in AA?
Just yell out, let us know.
If you're in AA or not.
We need to identify you.
There are definitely some people who should be in AA right now.
Yeah, it's called Texas.
You guys are fucking good at it.
Driving all the way over here You were like texting like crazy
I'm a good driver
She did it great
But she was like yeah there's a fine or whatever
And
Pretty accurate imitation
And
I don't know what point that story had
Oh I just imagined That you probably are also a pretty good
drinking driver
Not to put a
Not to put a target on your back
Yeah exactly that's just how you guys are
good at it
I shouldn't say that for all the
I got a lot of moms against drunk driving
that listen to this podcast
Well they're you know jerking a dude off for a little side money.
So Dale and Bob Fonseca is also here from the Bob and Dale and Dudley show.
I think we're sitting in the wrong order or something.
I don't know.
No, no, I jump around.
But I just want to acknowledge the two of you together.
You're sitting with somebody in between you, but I want to
acknowledge that you have a show together
and that you are... 20 years, man.
20 years in, so
today's going to get, it's going to be pretty
competitive today when we play the Leonard Moulton game.
The two of you won't really
want to beat each other
in this game. Yeah, absolutely.
Do you have a chip
for 20 years?
No, I haven't
started drinking yet.
Like a gold medallion
like this big
for 20 years with Dale.
Italians know
how to hold their liquor.
Do you guys remember
if either of you
were the victor
the last time we played
on your
Tate and T-Bag
podcast?
Was there a winner?
We didn't play
the Leonard Maltin game.
We played on the show. When you came on the show we played. We didn't play it during Tate and T-B? Was there a winner? We didn't play the Leonard Maltin game. We played on the show.
When you came on the show, we played.
We didn't play it during Tate and Teabag?
No, we just curse a lot on Tate and Teabag
because we can't on the radio.
We just say fuck a lot.
You said fuck.
Well, it sounds fun.
I think you probably picked up a lot of listeners with that.
Thank you.
It's very creative.
Trust me.
Yeah, yeah.
Because you really have to scour the internet
to find a podcast where they say fuck a lot.
It's quite rare.
And it fucking drives me nuts
because I want to hear
fuck a lot.
So what's your question for me?
Or can I ask you a question?
Please.
Which is the pot
that makes you nervous
and which is the pot
that mellows you out
because I always get
the wrong one?
Oh, no.
That's not the two distinctions.
No pot's supposed to make you nervous.
The last time we spoke, you said...
Because I told you, every time I smoke,
which is very rare,
I get wigged out.
I start climbing the walls.
I'm pacing the floors,
and you said stay away from sativa.
Yeah. Right? Is that right? So what's the other one? What's the the floors, and you said stay away from sativa. Yeah.
Right?
Is that right?
So what's the other one?
What's the good one, and where do you get it?
Indica isn't necessarily the good one.
It's the one where if you're like your situation, and you want to be like, I'm high for a few minutes.
I want to feel like Willie Nelson.
And then drift off to sleep.
If you do it at bedtime, it's going to be great for you.
But for me, it's like I want to be up and doing shit
and it just really
brings me down. It's in a good way.
It feels good when it's happening.
We all love sleep. Sleep feels great.
But if all you wanted was sleep,
that'd be pretty fucked up.
That'd be like a Lars von Trier
movie.
Yeah, I just experienced that. That's awful.
Either way, he's a nice man.
So that is my question to you.
Whatever I just said.
Thank you for being here, Bob.
Thank you for taking your shirt off.
You're welcome. I'm no longer fertile.
You know that.
All right.
Now that
disgusting cat is out of the bag. Dale and I You know that That's fucking shit Alright Well now that Now that
That disgusting cat
Is out of the bag
Dale and I
Had on air
Vasectomies
Three weeks ago
Friday
So wrong
Yeah
And now they're sitting
On the
The pointiest stools
I could find
Have your stitches
Come out yet man
No
I still
Oh
You guys have stitches
In your balls
Yeah you want
As I'm speaking to you?
Just one little one.
That is horrendous.
I tried to
chew it out
this weekend.
I can't reach that.
Yeah, you gotta get some help.
You gotta do some ab work.
You need an assistant.
I got one of my dogs
to lick
because it's supposed to dissolve.
A dissolvable ones?
Yeah.
Anywho.
Shane Moss is a very funny comedian.
And I have no stitches in my balls right now.
Feeling pretty good about that.
Feeling pretty...
It takes balls to have a vasectomy, by the way.
Huh?
Who likes puns?
I need some of that nervous weed.
Are you DTF right now?
I want to take this seriously.
The nervous weed.
I get that nervous stuff.
I want to get my life straightened out.
So I saw you...
Last time I was in Austin
I ran into you here.
Yeah.
And you were like, I live here.
Yeah.
And I was like, cool.
And then some little time went by
and then I was like,
oh, I'm going to be in Austin.
I should get Shane to be on the podcast.
He'll be right there.
And I looked at your tour dates
to make sure you weren't going to be in Dallas last night.
So I was like, oh, that's perfect.
And he'll want to come home and do a show at 4.20 in the afternoon.
4.30, whatever.
And then you get here, and tell me what you announced.
I just up and moved, like two weeks ago, to L.A.
Yeah, he lives out in Los Angeles now.
You know where I do the show every fucking week.
Sorry.
I enjoy Austin a lot.
What did we do to make you move?
How rude.
I had a relationship change recently.
Oh shit.
Why do you have to go all morning radio
on a guy while we're sitting here
trying to do listen to whenever podcasts came?
Well, I don't need that nervous weed anymore, huh?
Yeah.
Well, give us three reasons why it didn't work out with her.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
I don't want to talk about it at all.
Unless you break up during a movie or something.
Then it's relevant. But if you broke up on your own time, movies had nothing to do about it at all. Did you break up during a movie or something? Then it's relevant.
You broke up on your own time.
Movies had nothing to do with it.
It wasn't about a movie.
I don't fucking care.
Let's not even get into it.
Doug loves movies.
You've never seen Back to the Future?
This is bullshit. I'm out of here.
I've seen...
Haven't you seen Seinfeld?
They break up for a lot less't you seen Seinfeld they break up
for a lot less
than that
Seinfeld
it's a really
dark period
in my life
so thanks for
bringing it up
you doing alright
you gonna be okay
yeah
there's a lot of
lovely people
in LA
you brought it up
we just asked
why you moved
and I told you
well that's your fault
don't blame me
for this mess
you could have said
it was the
fucking summer or something.
Oh yeah, I moved because it's summer.
That's what I meant to say.
I moved because it's summer.
It's really hot.
I love Austin.
Do you go to a lot of movies by yourself now?
The Hot Week movie special.
No, I've never
been to a movie by myself.
Ever? Come on.
I feel bad for people that go to movies
by themselves, but some people like it.
Why do you feel bad for them?
I don't know.
I worked with a guy a while back
and he was going to
the new Predator
movie by himself. For some reason, it just made me sad. I was like, the new Predator movie by himself.
And for some reason it just made me sad.
So I was like, ah, I don't want to see that.
That's because he went to see the new Predator.
But he's like, no, I just like going to movies by myself.
But I've never done that so I don't understand it.
It's the best way to go.
This is a great time
to try it.
Having just broken up with the best
woman you'll ever know.
Sorry, it's just the facts.
I can be lonely at home.
I don't need to go out to the theater to be lonely.
Is she here?
No, she's not here.
You sure?
We're pretty positive.
Maybe she's a fan of ours. What's positive. Maybe she's a fan of ours.
What's that?
Maybe she's a fan of ours.
Yeah, she could be a fan of yours.
Cheryl?
I wouldn't bet on it.
Becky?
But, hey, I'm being mean for no reason now.
I'm just projecting on you guys.
Because if she's not here, I'll get you laid tonight.
Oh, I like sex.
DTF, ladies.
Okay, all right.
Doug, take control.
So you're just going to get me laid tonight?
Well, I mean, not personally,
but I could probably aid in the process.
We said we would.
So as a team, we'll get laid.
We're the plaid group.
Sorry, Dale.
All right.
I've never had a team helping
me with my sex before.
Takes a village.
Will you push on me?
Well, I'm doing...
How far does the...
How far does the helping go?
I'll only go a certain way.
Right into the bedroom,
give me some instructions.
Hang out with her and her boyfriend.
All right, so that worked out pretty good.
I let that go for a little while.
Is that going to stay in the
podcast or you cut that?
No, I'll leave it in.
The other ones I've heard are more
professional.
Podcast listeners are very patient,
I find.
Or desperate.
Yeah, yeah.
If people here got easily
impatient, you wouldn't
be here today, right? You'd just be like,
oh, that guy's going to make me impatient.
And it's a bunch of people that go to movies by themselves.
He's going to say something wrong about my favorite movie.
You're going through
my box of goodies?
Here's your box of goodies, that, here's your box of goodies.
That's right.
Go delve in there.
Yeah.
What do you got?
That's the main prize.
You brought some stickers
that say Jason and Deb
and some whatever
these things are.
It took us five years
to get these.
These are like
fucking gold dust.
What do you think
these things are right here?
Well, okay, so listen,
can I explain my box?
You can, but there's a lot.
This will take an hour.
Let me describe my box. It's like, it's very complicated. My box, it is. There's a lot of... This will take an hour. Let me describe my box.
It's very complicated.
My box, it is.
There's a lot of...
It's hard for me to understand.
I don't know if it's just because I'm a man.
My box goes in a lot of directions.
But your box is confusing to me.
It's too complicated.
It's like, how can I sort through all of this?
And what am I supposed to do with all of these things?
Isn't there an easier way for me to just make you feel good about yourself?
My box appeals to everyone.
Go through all this shit and try to figure it out.
Can't you just go, hey, if you just hold that one really hard, I'll be good.
And I'll be like, bam, done.
It's watching HBO.
It's not TV.
You can just shake it.
The box just appeals to everyone.
That's the bottom line.
Anyway, there's a bunch of crap in her box.
And it's
confusing. If anyone at ever point
has given me crap, it's now in my box
and I give it to you. It's confusing and not
worth worrying about.
She takes care of herself.
It's like a mini version of hoarders.
But it's more varied
with less rat shit.
It's hoarders to go.
If you want a bunch of shit
you're not going to need
and kind of regret
having around,
be sure to win
the Leonard Maltin game
when you go to
the Douglas Movies taping
when it comes to your town.
My box is basically
the best white elephant gift
for this Christmas period.
It's like you have kids
you need a gift for,
you have an old lady
in your life,
or a virile young gentleman.
My box will suit all of them.
Just saying. Books. I don't know how
much of that you're getting away with because of the
accent. All of it. Like, if there was
a girl with just an American accent who just kept
saying box over and over again, you'd be like,
just say pussy and get it over
with.
I don't know what you're
talking about. We all know what you're trying to say.
Wait a second.
So I just wanted to use an example.
Bob and Dale brought
basically the same gift bag.
No, I'm going to add to mine.
Oh, okay. But essentially the same gift bag.
But the big difference...
This is some good stuff in there.
There's a book,
the book version of
the Liam Neeson smash,
Unknown.
Because who didn't watch that thinking,
oh, this would be a better read
than a watch.
This nonstop action
would be so much more fascinating
if I could read about it.
So that's available.
There's some movie passes in there.
That's for the highbrow people.
That's to pick up dog shit.
Oh, okay.
No, you pull the bag out.
There's a baggy in it.
That doesn't pick up the dog shit.
But you can wear it on your belt
and just walk around all day
getting all the pussy in the neighborhood.
No, all the box.
All the box.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's a Harold and Kumar Christmas t-shirt.
Oh, okay. Very nice.
A KLBJ t-shirt and two movie passes.
KLBJ.
And a fucking shoe.
And a shoe.
My wife and I had a wonderful weekend
with our five-year-old and a baby in a hotel room.
Fucking sick.
And my son found that under the bed.
What do you bid on this shoe?
Start the bidding on this end.
I was thinking maybe somebody is missing
a tuxedo shoe from Horseshoe Bay.
I have your other shoe.
And now I'm holding it.
But now you're passing it on to someone else, though.
Right.
It's like paying it forward. If But now you're passing it on to someone else, though. Right. And you questioned that.
It's like paying it forward.
Like if the thing you gave to the next person is like a nuisance because now they've got to figure out what they're going to do with it.
I like half of my feet to be really fancy.
Me too.
You're such a great person, the way you're passing along this problem.
Fonseca had a good idea.
If somebody has a silver Sharpie, we would all sign it as a commemorative gift of the night.
Oh, I wonder if anybody has a silver Sharpie.
We signed the shoe.
Yeah, yeah.
It's called hands-free podcasting.
You guys should try it.
Hands-free podcasting.
It totally rocks.
Do you have a utility belt?
You've been smoking some of that organized weed
Alright, I'm signing
I'm signing
Alright, there I go
I signed a shoe
Okay, I feel a bit awkward
Yeah, it's weird, right?
It's probably like the most second sexual
item of apparel.
Make sure you save the heel for Dale.
Wow.
What?
I'm right on the heel.
What is that?
He's a jerk kind of thing from like the 50s?
That's just sexual tension.
Sexual tension.
Between Bob and I?
I hate to mention it.
We've already consummated.
This should take a lot less time.
And again, this gets edited out.
How did this work?
No, no, no.
People love the part where Deb writes a whole long thing.
I got nervous.
I kept thinking, you're mocking my box,
and I'm handing a fucking shoe around.
Did you just say mocking my box?
You mocked my box.
My box, I can tell you exactly where it's been, and this shoe is a fucking mystery to everybody,
and now we're handing it around like it's a child's toy.
I love it.
I was watching the Hollywood True Story of... What's her name?
Oh, goddammit, I can't think of her name.
It was on today.
Oh, you're going to love this story.
Jenny McCarthy.
I was watching the Hollywood true story of Jenny McCarthy,
and I was like, oh, remember how much we all loved
when she'd make those horrible, ugly faces?
No.
We didn't like that at all.
That's all she did in that whole,
I watched 10 minutes of the Hollywood True Story,
and I was like, I've seen enough of that face that she makes.
Oh, the shoe has been signed.
Wow, that was very ceremonial,
how you dealt with the shoe thing.
Look at that.
That is gorgeous
to have a single shoe signed by
all five of us. That's called
recycling.
That's sad. It really is sad.
Are you going to mention Shane Moss brought beer?
Oh, that's right.
I'm sorry. I was going to bring a CD
and I forgot.
Yeah, let me grab those beers.
That's fantastic.
That's the best box all night.
Some N-word Modellos.
I like beer where it makes me uncomfortable when I look at the name.
Are we going to sign every bottle?
I don't have time.
Oh, boy.
I don't have time. Oh, boy. I don't have time for that.
So what was the close second funny, hilarious beer that you could have bought
when you were going through the store today going,
which beer is going to be the funniest to talk about?
Did you have any other options?
So you're accusing me of putting a lot of planning into this.
I'm accusing you of being a professional.
That's what I'm accusing you of.
You can't say there was no planning
when all of us are wearing headsets.
This is like
minority reporting here.
It is not ramshackle when everyone's
just fucking free to roam and talk
at the same time.
No, I didn't
find another. It's actually a beer
that I enjoy, and then on the way over, I was like,
how do you pronounce this correctly?
I better not try it.
You can't help but think of a funny way to talk.
If it had been some other beer that was your favorite,
that would have been funny, too.
I wasn't accusing you of anything.
No, I'm just...
I was just saying that if you had another example,
that would have been fun.
No, nobody... I think they make a different Negromodello.
Nobody blew anything, Nakia. What's that?
They make a light Negromodello
too. Why are you saying that?
You said that they're a different beer
that could be as uncomfortable
or awkward to talk about.
The next funniest beer.
I am...
Like another funny one is
rape beer.
See what I'm saying? You had a
backup. Why didn't you just say it?
I don't know why you waited around for it.
You should have just said, well, here's the other
one I was thinking about.
Coming your way.
Ladies love it.
Alright, shall we play a game, you guys? I was thinking about. Six pack of rape. Coming your way. Ladies love it. All right.
Shall we play a game, you guys?
Yes.
I say we play a game.
Get him to do my bag.
Whose bag?
It's the same as mine.
Is it?
Without a shoe.
Yeah.
Is your sack any different than Dale's?
I think it's pretty similar.
Oh, he's putting some cash in it?
Are you kidding? You're swinging the puck. Let me see if it's a different book. Oh, he's putting some cash in it? Are you kidding?
You're swinging the puck.
Let me see if it's a different book.
Oh, no, it's the same book.
The same book, Unknown.
But you know what?
This is coming really handy
because you want to have one for the home
and one for the office.
You want to have two copies of Unknown.
How much cash?
I'm going to put...
You get to the other place
and you're like,
what else can I read in this very...
You guys make so much money out of this. What was your second pick for funny? I'm going to put 30 You're like, what else can I read in this very thin volume?
What was your second pick for funny non-funny?
I'm going to put 30 in mine because I like to make it rain wherever I go.
You know what I'm saying?
Are you hearing this?
I'm also going to put in Dinner for Two to Verde's Restaurant on Hamilton Pool Road.
I'll mail it to the winner, okay?
Okay, Dinner for Two.
That's bribery.
Anybody want to raise me?
No, but Debbie went down the we make more money wormhole.
Oh, did she?
I mean, clearly you're throwing cash around making it rain.
On a red-headed stepchild
at the radio station.
You're like, does anyone want to put more money
into a bag for no reason?
Oh, yeah. I got money.
Sure.
Can I have a scotch and soda, please?
Can I get a drink?
If you're weak.
I've got it.
I need a Xanax I've got to take.
I had a good joke and then I lost it for a second.
Now it's back. I hope it's good
because now there's been too much build up, enjoy your beverage
hey Doug, when do we talk about movies?
check it out
the great thing about reading the book of unknown
is that January Jones
is a better actor in your head
than she is in the movie
she's hot though man that's all I'm doing up here is a better actor in your head than she is in the movie.
She's hot though, man. That's all I'm doing up here
is just trying to get to the next movie joke.
I went and saw a movie just for today.
As did I.
Oh, I totally skipped over the
what have we seen lately portion.
That's a shame because I want to play...
No, I'm just kidding.
What was it that you saw?
I took my little boy to see the Muppets movie.
At the Alamo Draft House.
I don't want to be lame, but that new soundtrack is really good.
Is that totally lame that I just said that?
The new little Muppet.
Anyone heard it?
It's really cute.
I'm sorry I even said that out loud.
You're putting every conversation back to music.
That was in my head.
There's other things. You imagined it, because you're high. I didn't say that at all. He's putting every conversation back to music. That was in my head. There's other things, you know.
You imagined it because you're high.
I didn't say that at all.
He's not high, actually.
What?
I'm high if I just said that.
How dare you impugn me?
I will not sit here and take that.
I will sit here and ask you, what did your child think of the
Muppets?
He drew
he took the pencils and drew pictures of
Mickey Mouse and ignored
the film. Oh, shame.
How old is he? I had a couple
of laugh out loud moments but I fucking
hate puppets and
cartoons.
Wow, you're going to be
the best dad ever.
Listen, kid, I hate
fucking puppets and cartoons.
What do you want to see?
Paranormal Activity 3?
Good, let's go.
You drive.
I took a seven-year-old
to see the new Twilight movie last week.
Is that wrong?
I don't know.
I feel like that was really fucking wrong.
I've lost all perspective.
Was that scary or violent at all?
If you're seven and there is a baby vampire coming out of your vagina
that is eating you from the inside out and not in a good way,
that's not right.
I felt so fucking horrible.
I turned the kid around.
I'm watching the movie
and I'm like this
the whole time
for the birthing scene
do not fucking watch
and she's like
don't worry
I am not
straight back this way
I like that you said
not in a good way
like if a baby
I mean not a baby
but
it just starts
performing
monsters
Shane
I have a good
imagination
okay that's in a great way in my mind Shane, I have a good imagination.
Okay.
That's a great way.
In my mind,
I'm just a positive person.
In a good way.
And there's a good way for everything to be eating you from the inside out.
If you're just positive about it.
Some disgusting bit of conversation.
My favorite part about the
book version of Taken
was
was when it's like
get under the bed, he told her.
That's a prize.
Huh? That's a prize.
And then she got under the bed.
Oh yeah, that's a prize.
And then she said, I'm under the bed.
And then he said, okay, now they're going to take you.
That's the only part I remember, but...
I'm going to read every Liam Neeson movie from now on.
I have a cousin that canceled the trip to France because of that movie.
That really happened.
They're going to go to France, and that movie. That really happened.
They're going to go to France and then they saw Take and they're like,
no, I'm not going anymore.
It worked.
The message is out.
Alright, this first game is called
Build the Title.
That's a relief.
More people today liked it than yesterday.
I don't know what that means.
We have a better crowd than yesterday.
I don't know.
Just saying.
I'm trying to win them over.
You're right.
It totally worked.
They're totally like, yeah, we're better.
I'm English.
Haven't you noticed?
Oh, God, we've noticed. a great device to be able to tell an audience
Oh, you should have
Boy, you could be bombing
Oh, last night, whoo, those people
You guys
You know what you're doing with those people last night
They're terrible
Then you should just tag on.
Now do you love me?
I just need your love.
That's all I'm up here for.
So here's how Build-A-Title works.
I, in this particular case,
got a title from
someone on Twitter named
at Reaction Force.
That's kind of
a weird name to pick. He should be wearing a headset. Yeah, Reaction Force. That's kind of a weird name to pick.
He should be wearing a headset.
Yeah, Reaction Force.
Ready for duty.
All right, Reaction Force.
I'm just going out for a few hours.
Just watch the place.
Will do, says Reaction Force.
So that person suggested
Duck, You Sucker, the classic Sergio Leone movie with James Coburn, I believe.
Duck, You Sucker.
So who thinks they know how to play this game?
Build a title.
All right, we'll start.
Listen to all during the holidays.
Okay.
Scotch and soda.
Because we don't play it.
Scotch and soda Scotch and soda for
one of the panelists
One of the other panelists would like a
Kettle One and tonic
And other panelists looks good
on beer right now
I'll take a Kettle One and tonic as well
Two Kettle One and tonics please
And some heart tape
Did you say heart tape.
What is that?
What happened?
Heart tape?
I just said it. There's something going on over here.
I want it to feel good.
Sorry.
Well, I mean, if it makes you feel better,
I'm not terribly sad about it,
but then I'm just an asshole.
I'd rather be a sad guy
than an asshole. I'd rather be a sad guy than an asshole.
Wow.
Alright, so we'll start
with you there, Dale, and then we'll go
to Deb,
because that's easy for me to remember.
Oh, you want to start with me, because I said I like the game?
Yeah.
Yeah, you started up.
I've not played this one before.
I've played the other one, and I fucking suck every single time.
All right, well, we'll get to that in a second.
Wait, this is different from the Leonard Maltin game?
That's what I thought.
So probably all four of you don't know how to play this game.
No, I don't know.
So I'll just sit here.
Start with me anyway.
I'll play it by myself and you guys hang out for a second.
All right, so duck you sucker.
You could add punch, sucker punch.
So you'd have duck you sucker punch.
Oh, no, I've played this game with you on Twitter.
Okay.
All right, I'm down now.
No, okay.
Come on.
What are you doing?
It's like one person is outraged.
All right, sorry.
Come on!
You guys are peaking!
Wouldn't that be horrible if that was his natural speaking voice?
That's how he speaks.
Totally mocking how he sounds all the time.
Good morning!
Have you read Unknown yet? all the time. Good morning!
Have you read Unknown yet?
All right, Deb,
so you want to try one?
I'll go.
Just for fun.
Okay.
So it's Duck, You, Sucker, Punch.
Drunk Love.
Punch, Drunk Love.
Bam, she nailed it.
Duck, You, Sucker,
Punch, Drunk Love.
And then,
now we go down to...
A movie with... No, now we go to Bob. We go to Bob. Okay Love And then Now we go to A movie
No now we go to Bob
We go to Bob
Okay
And so now you get to
God I want to help so bad
I'm missing it right
Add to punch
Add to drunk
Like a movie that starts with
Love
I mean sorry
Love starts with love
Or a movie that ends
In duck
Drunk
Wait a minute
Love
Duck You Sucker
Punch
Punch Drunk Love Wait a minute. What? Duck, You Sucker. Punch. Punch.
Drunk.
Love.
Story.
Bam. Love Story.
Yes.
Nice.
He did it, ladies and gentlemen.
That's right.
Love Story.
That's the name of a movie?
Yeah, it is.
Where do I begin?
I just saw part of it on TV today, I think, or yesterday.
Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neill.
That's correct. Am I correct?
Give him some old points.
Do I win a Jameson and Coke?
What? What did he say?
I can't hear him.
Old points.
Are we the oldest you've had on?
Oh, no.
I don't discriminate,
but, you know, love story.
Love story.
You've heard of it I don't discriminate, but, you know, love story. Actually, can I change?
You've heard of it if you're over a certain age.
Because it was love story.
It was fucking huge.
Can I change my answer?
Can I change my answer to love actually?
Make it harder for the next person?
No, you can't.
Why not?
Because it's devious, and it's what you should have done in the first place.
Rules are rules. I'm just going to make it half a you should have done in the first place. Rules are rules.
And it's going to make it half a Shane story.
Now we go to Shane.
So it needs to start with story or can it be never ending story?
No, it has to start with story.
Or what's the other option?
Duck.
End in duck.
End in duck.
Duck you sucker.
Pudge truck.
Love story.
End in duck.
Mighty duck.
Someone just gave me a thing.
Awesome.
I'm taking it.
No cheating.
I didn't think you could decide.
They gave you a wrong answer.
It's plural.
You can't do that.
You gotta go with Duck.
I'll go with Mighty Duck then.
Emilio is really sunk to a new low with the Mighty Duck.
That doesn't count.
It's just about the coach and his adventures.
He's completely duckless.
How was the duck?
He starts a foundation.
Why did you have to go with that?
I apologize for not...
I apologize.
That was mine.
I'm sorry I did not pre-admonish the crowd.
Usually I say, please don't yell out the answers,
but I got this vibe today
that no one was going to yell out an answer.
No, I just forgot.
But, you know, as we move forward,
try not to yell out an answer,
or anything for that matter.
Yeah, just from now on,
after I'm done, don't yell out any answers.
Yeah, if we ask you to yell
something out,
then sure.
Am I still winning?
So wait,
where are we now?
So he still has to do
the duck movie
without the two cheats
he was given
by the audience?
Oh,
we're at Love Story.
Love Story.
Howard the Duck.
But no cheats.
Thought of it on my own.
They just said it first.
Oh,
so you're going to take
Howard the Duck?
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh God,
he's going to hit you
with a crutch now.
That would be awesome if I beat him to death like Robert De Niro in Untouchables with a baseball bat.
Who's that?
I take this game seriously, Shane.
Quit fucking around.
No, that's a good answer from the crowd.
So enjoy your hollow victory.
The win with an asterisk.
So Dale's up now with... Yeah, so we've got Howard the Duck. So enjoy your hollow victory. The win with an asterisk. I'm pretty proud of that.
So Dale's up now with...
Yeah, so we've got Howard the Duck.
So it has to end in...
Story.
End in how or start with story?
End in how?
Howard.
And Howard?
Yeah, I broke it down to how for you.
Or start with story?
I don't know any movies that end in Howard.
Yeah, there is.
There's one.
Wait a second.
I got one.
You want it? Wait, the duck. No, that's... This is Yeah, there is. Really? Wait a second. I got one. You want it?
Wait, what the fuck?
No, that's...
This is worse than audience participation.
Why is everyone cheating?
There's a movie that
the title ends in Howard?
I don't know if this would be wrong.
I don't have my part in here.
These two...
I'm baffled by that.
I've got it.
It just came to me.
I feel like one of
Jeff Dunham's puppets.
Melvin and Howard.
Oh, nice!
Nice!
This is a guy who's so competitive
that he forces the lose on himself
just to brag about what he knows.
Like the fact that he had an answer,
he could not contain himself.
They are technically a team.
It's a win for him, just having an answer.
God damn it.
Look at how happy he is.
Smugfuckers.
Alright, what's my choice here?
Alright, so you need...
How many rounds do we go?
Too many.
We go until we hit stoppers.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Cool.
I really am full of swear words right now.
That was supposed to be a stopper.
A movie that ends in Howard.
Very impressive.
Okay.
But again, we've got two hollow victories.
Three hollow victories.
Let's call it three hollow victories.
The only person we really wanted to win is Deb.
But we'll see what happens.
Well, that one changed.
We'll see what happens.
That's nice.
That doesn't always make it so.
Okay.
What are my choices?
It has to end in Melvin.
Or Mel. Maybe. That doesn't always make it so. Okay, what are my choices? It has to end in Melvin, or Mel, maybe, or start with Story, or I'm not going to say it, but maybe you can figure it out.
What's up, Melvin?
Hey, you know what?
You made me mad earlier with your cheating ways.
I really think the staff here is so...
Okay, wait.
Story.
No, I'm giving you another second to think.
The staff here is just overwhelmed.
It's a great crowd.
People probably all ordering a lot of drinks.
But I'd still like a Catalan tonic.
That's what I like.
It's like we're not even here.
Well, they're not listening to the show
they're working
so sometimes you have to bring it up again
sometimes you have to be like where's my fucking drink
but I don't do that
because I am polite
I respect the people that work here
the men and women
and the weight service industry are awesome
and I really appreciate all that they do
on with the contest.
But where's my fucking drink?
It's the only point I'm trying to make.
I didn't want to say it because of the last podcast
we did together. I look so bad drinking.
Oh yeah, no, it's good for us.
This is probably for our own good.
This is probably the most amazing...
Are they doing this on purpose?
Yeah, they're probably just back there going,
they've had enough.
They'll forget they even asked.
Let's not even worry about it.
If they bring it up, just give it a while.
They'll just talk about it for too long
and then lose interest
or whatever.
So we're at
Melvin and Howard, the Ducky Sucker
Punch Drunk Love Story
of Us. That's right.
Is that one? That is one. Story of Us. It was The Story of Us. Is that one? That is one.
Story of Us.
It was the story of us.
Listen, Stickler McGee.
Bruce Willis.
Like when you're alphabetizing films,
you don't start,
you take the out of there.
Nice.
Thank you.
You got yours.
I'm sorry to be such a dick about it.
Star of the show.
And those guys wanted stuff too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Should we tell you?
There was another kettle wanted tonic for Shane.
Jameson Coke, Jameson Soda.
If just everybody would order one,
it would be great.
I'll take two of those drinks.
I go through them pretty quickly.
That would be good.
How's your job with the transit system?
Are you still...
What?
With the traffic system?
Transit?
Oh.
I should have just said bus driver.
Okay.
Oh, I get it.
You don't have to drive tonight, do you?
No, I don't.
He's a bus driver.
It was confusing for a while.
You don't have to bus to drive tonight?
Where are we?
I got it now.
You're trying to make a joke about me
driving a bus of children around.
Drunk.
No, more. More specifically,
like handicapped children.
Did you ever see that movie
The Sweet Hereafter?
That thing is brutal.
If you want to
fuck with a friend, tell him, hey, you know
what's really funny?
You gotta give it like
20 minutes and then it gets hilarious.
Okay, so who are we on now Not me Dale
Who did the last
You added story of us
Then we go on to Bob
So Bob has to add to Melvin and Howard the Duck
You sucker punch drunk love story of us
So end with Melvin
Or start with
Us No start with...
Us.
No, start with the.
Us, you silly.
Story of us, comma, the.
Stop it.
Ah, 20 years.
People, put down your tomatoes, people.
This game is irritating, huh, everybody?
What?
You gotta work this.
Before you release the home game,
you have to work this shit out.
I'm telling you, it's been worked out.
Everybody's fine with it.
You're the only one with a problem.
Am I starting with the or us?
It's a game with no stakes, first of all.
Us, right?
Us?
Us.
Us.
Us!
Can I ask a question?
Us! Us? I've never... Us. Can I ask a question? Us.
That's to be the greatest
heckle ever. If you could convince
an entire room to just go,
Us.
Like the comedians just stop thinking about themselves
and just try to entertain.
Us.
So wait, can he change it to...
You can't do shit to it.
You've got to think of a movie that starts with the word Us.
I'm not trying to help this fucker.
He's cheated the whole game, okay?
But could it be a word that starts with U.S.?
Like, could it be U.S.A. or
U.S. Marshall?
It has to be the word
us. Why are you trying to help him?
Us!
You got your wish.
Everyone's yelling us.
Did you just
ask that, dude?
You shouldn't be embarrassed if you can't think of it
just because you're stupid. Us.
I can't think of it just because you're stupid. Us. I can't think of anything that begins with us.
But I'm sure people
if not in this audience tonight
out there in the Twitterverse
someone will write to me and say
he should have said
us versus the vagina monster.
Really, I'm going to Google it right now
as we speak.
Don't look it up.
Can I not look it up?
I'm not playing.
It's not my round.
Yeah, but it's going to come around.
All right.
Oh, okay.
1968.
John Frankenheimer directed film.
Written by, screenplay by Robert Towne.
Behind the lens was Hal Ashby.
It was called Us and Them, 1968.
Motherfucker.
Us and Them is a film.
You forgot he was a film major.
No, Us and Them is a film.
Look what up.
I like the use of the wireless, Bob.
Us and Them is a film.
That's the best way to lie, by the way.
Look what up.
A ton of details on that. That's a real good way to lie, by the way. Look what up! A ton of details on that.
That's a real good way to lie.
Jesus.
I felt like I was being attacked by...
I wonder if I can answer in a more boring way
than what just happened.
Are people really looking it up?
Look that up!
Look it up!
I made that up. Seriously, look it up! I made that up.
Seriously, look it up.
I'm looking up.
I'm going to say us and them.
There has to be an us and them.
Something you said there had to be wrong.
That was like a presidential speech.
I'm going to say us and them.
The film of the us festival.
Do we accept TV series?
I know that.
Is the TV series called Us and Them?
Do we accept TV series?
No.
BBC?
Them and Us is in fact a movie, and Us and Them is not a movie.
Oh.
I smelled bullshit all over that one
Wow
I didn't like it
I hate that smell
Them and Us was in fact a TV show
and Sweden or some bullshit
Yep, was not a film
What's the acronym for more than anybody cares about?
Oh, TMI
Okay, so
I lose, so...
I lose, so I'm out.
You're out. Does anybody else have an answer?
On the stage only.
Us? Oh, um...
Something begins with us,
ends in Melvin.
If none of us can come up with anything,
then Deb is the winner.
Us guys? Should be.
Yeah, that's not right.
Us.
I'm going to see Us guys.
I'm going to go and see that.
Too bad there's a movie called Caramel.
Caramel.
Caramel.
Is there one just called Us?
There's no guessing at this point in your album.
And you can't just say that Us,
even if there was a movie called Us,
you can't just add the word that's already there.
I was going to say us.
What, Shane Moss isn't anymore.
No, I'm out.
I'm out.
Okay, I'm going to call it.
Deb is our winner, you guys.
Deb won that one.
I don't want to take too much credit.
It got fucking hot at the end.
Couldn't have done it.
Yeah, nicely done.
And as the gentleman in the audience coughed into his hand.
Pussies.
Did he say something really mean or was it just like half mean?
What?
What he said when he coughed in his hand.
I don't know what's happening.
I'm a lady.
Very offended.
Who said that?
What'd they say?
I don't know.
Oh my God.
Is anyone up here?
I'm like you.
I'm all paranoid now.
Don't worry about it.
Just drink more.
Okay.
All right.
Is Shane drunk yet?
Yeah, a little bit.
Is anyone else still thinking about a baby coming out and performing?
That's scarred in my mind forever.
Oh, why'd you make me think of that hilarious joke?
Go see the movie.
Terrifying. Don't take a seven-year-old. Oh, why'd you make me think of that hilarious joke? Go see the movie. Damn it.
It's terrifying.
Don't take a seven-year-old.
Why are you dating seven-year-olds?
I'm not dating a seven-year-old.
Single woman taking out people's kids.
Weird.
That's what happened.
When are we playing the Gene Siskel game?
When does that...
It's time for the letter ball game, everybody.
Yeah!
Here we go.
Edit that other game out.
That's why I'm staring at my phone.
That was a fun round of that game.
Yeah, you don't listen to this all the time.
I listen to...
Are you kidding? My wife was screaming at me.
We were listening in the car on the vacation from hell.
Aw.
These guys made such nice songs.
Oh, I didn't know how...
Are they going to bring the house lights up?
I know who I'm picking.
This is like at a Springsteen show where they hold up the signs for the requests.
It's exactly what it's like.
Look at that one back there.
Can we pick now?
Is it possible to get the house lights up and the each down so we can see a little?
Let's go ahead and do that part.
Let's go ahead and pick one.
Can we go out there?
Will you all pick one?
Yeah, everybody just pick whichever one you want to play for.
Should I pick on looks or creativity?
I do like that as cake is the line.
You know, it's all up to your own aesthetic. You know, you make up your own mind. I don't want to have for. Should I pick on looks or creativity? I do like that his cake is alive. It's all up to your own aesthetic.
You make up your own mind.
I don't want to have anything to do with it.
I like the guy with the driver's license.
That's way too much work.
I'm going to go with looks.
I'm going to go with the hot chick in the front.
Does anybody have a
new iPod or something like that?
Is it all just food, Doug?
How does this work?
Whatever you want, man.
Whatever speaks to you, man.
I'm going with that. I like Hawaii.
Do you like...
I like Hawaii.
Christmas cookies?
That's a lot of work
to do such a stupid thing.
Do you like people named...
Do you like anyone named Bruce?
That's nice.
What'd you get?
Oh, that looks delicious.
Is this real hair?
It's the vasectomy cookie, see?
It's the balls and there's the cut.
And there's the stitches.
I have to hop because I'm broken.
I'm going to be an arsicist. You can take the one with my name on it.
And the Funyuns.
I can eat my sign afterwards.
It has Funyuns on it.
Is that human hair?
I just picked it because she's hot.
The sign isn't that great.
It's just like...
That was really fun watching her hop around, wasn't it?
No, I don't want that.
That's people food.
This guy put us real social media.
That's going to sound so weird to me going,
that was fun watching her hop around
and then him immediately going, no, I don't want that.
That's people food.
I chose Bruce because he says love you, Deb.
And it's Bruce.
Is your name Marshall Bruce?
They had a love you Bob up there earlier.
No, this is actually a thing we do on our show.
You don't know because you're doing your shit whenever it is you do.
Oh, let me describe it.
Let me describe it.
Do you like the I love you part?
I love this part, yeah. But it's better if I tell him about it than if you tell me describe it. Let me describe it. Do you like the I love you part? I love this part, yeah.
But it's better if I tell them about it than if you tell them about it.
Because if you tell them, it's like bragging.
Okay.
But me telling it.
It's pretty awesome that you invented it.
Can I try it?
That you went down to your laboratory.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, laboratory.
Thank you.
And she went into a British laboratory
and came up with...
She gets on the phone with somebody
at a business, a place of business,
and she asks them some mundane question.
And then before she gets off the phone,
she has to get that person to say,
I love you.
So the whole conversation is her just like...
Do you want to recreate it?
Closer and closer to say...
Do you want to recreate one?
No, I don't want to recreate one because it's really it's creepy anyone that happens to anyone that happens to you might be changing their lives because when they hang up the phone
they will never stop thinking about that weird phone call they got that one time
that thing that was like a dream but real and that no one else witnessed,
that was awesome.
Yeah, but do you know how many times
they get an I love you?
I don't know.
What's the percentage?
Love you.
No, I wish it was that high.
It's probably about 20 to 30%,
but still that's fucking high.
When you call a business and you say,
hey, what time are you open till?
And they go, six.
You go, okay, thanks.
Love you.
We'll be doing that tomorrow morning
right after a little nickel bag
I don't need to say anything after that do I
if I went to see them and it was free
I would ask for a nickel back
It's so fun to pile on those guys
There's probably a million successful bands
That are that fucking horrible
Why focus on them?
What did they do wrong?
Why is horrible a crime?
Why is Happy Feet 2 not doing that well at the box office?
It's like Happy Feet 1, but it's the next more of that.
Happiest Feet.
The one that likes to tap dance.
He has a baby that can't tap dance.
And then he has to find his own thing.
Wait, you saw this film?
No, I didn't see it.
That's what I'm saying. I'm just like, oh, I feel like you saw this film? No, I didn't see it.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm just like, oh, I feel like I've seen it.
Like, why do I need to see it?
All those poor animators, though.
The company's really having a hard time. That Penguin movie about tap dancing.
Oh, that old trick.
Everyone's seen that movie.
Again and again.
Once and twice.
Why is there
dead hair next to me?
Like from a corpse.
Someone made crafts.
Oh, that's her sign.
Yeah, let's recap the signs, you guys.
Let's talk about...
So Deb picked Bruce and the Funyuns
and a picture of Bruce Willis.
Yeah, because nothing says Funyuns
like Bruce Willis and vice versa.
And then Bruce Willis was yelled out quite a bit last night, so I'm happy that that got brought back.
And what does that say?
Tay.
Tay, okay.
Oh, I keep reading that.
It looks like that's something that would be on the wall of a family living in Whoville.
Or a serial killer.
What's the difference, really?
Wait, hang on.
Did you make this or find this at a garage sale?
She does hair.
You do hair?
Terrifying.
So she finds it.
And beautiful.
This is the best part of the show.
It's from 1975.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to say this is the best part of the show
to try to drag it to a halt.
People are fascinated at home about the name tags.
I think I picked the best one.
I think yours is very nice, Shane.
It's a driver's license.
It's huge, and it has
a square cutout from a face to be in.
And then it says
McLovin on the bottom.
Is that a reference to that
sonar movie? Who was in that?
That was
Mintz Plass.
Fucking Mintz Plass, yo!
That was Mintz Plass! Yeah. Christopher Mintz Plass, yeah. Fucking Mince Plass, yo. That was Mince Plass.
Yeah.
Yeah, Christopher Mince Plass.
Yeah.
And he's been on the podcast.
Oh, really?
Very nice young man.
So, and that's on behalf of Eric, though.
Oh, yeah, Eric.
Eric, not McLovin.
Thanks, Eric.
Have I seen this before, this name tag?
No.
Eric?
No. No? Okay. No. Eric, did you steal this ridiculous name tag? No. Eric? No.
No? Okay.
No.
Eric, did you steal this ridiculous name tag?
No. Impossible.
Greatest name tag ever.
It's never happened before.
I was somewhere where a guy had an ID with his head cut out.
But, oh, it was a weed ID, so I beg your pardon.
His was better.
So, um...
Just joking around with McLovin.
And then you've got some sort of dessert.
Is that real food?
Cox and balls?
What are those?
The vasectomy cookies, because nothing says Christmas like a vasectomy.
Wait, what is it?
When I eat something, I like it to look like it has ball stitches on it.
You see the stitches?
Who brought them?
I was thinking about eating one of those.
Where's Chris at?
What does this sign mean?
What does shithead mean?
That's for later.
That's for later.
We'll read that later.
Did I do something wrong?
Yes.
Probably, yeah.
Is this old shit you guys are going to bring up in front of everyone?
No, it's the podcast stuff.
So, Chris, is you?
Okay, cool.
I'm confused.
What are those things?
What are the shapes?
Take this delicious gift I made you, shithead.
What are they?
It's a weird attitude.
They are nutsacks.
About gift giving.
Dale and Bob specifically, they're nutsacks.
Wow, you really are like a
fan, like one of those.
What the fuck's wrong with that?
This might be in the first act
of your E2 Hollywood
story.
Of when he killed him?
Dudley and Bob.
A very long association
is about to begin.
It's probably already been going
if you know them that well.
Have you won anything
from them in the past?
It's that guy.
What do you mean
that's that guy?
He gave us the set
for the last cast, right?
Oh.
I don't know what that means.
Just be quiet.
He's terribly ashamed of you right now. I don't know what that means then. Just be quiet. He's terribly ashamed of you right now.
Don't know what the...
Oh.
Listen, seriously.
He was going to silence
the lambs reference.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Help me get this couch
in the back of this van
or whatever, this chair.
Whatever it was.
Yeah, an upholstered thing.
He said chair.
It was confusing.
It was small enough
for a girl to be able
to help him put it in there
and get pushed in
in the back way.
And I've been telling people, hang on a second.
Yeah.
That makes way more sense in context.
You're right, Leonard Molden.
You're right, Leonard Molden.
I just thought I had zoned out and someone was yelling,
help me with this chair for some reason.
We are getting drunker.
We should play the game.
I get it. Did you take a Valium yet? No. Why are getting drunker. We should play the game. I get it.
Did you take a Valium yet?
No.
Why not?
Valium.
Fuck you, it's Amex.
Same thing?
No, I'm not going to take it.
When are we starting the podcast?
That's it.
What I do is I get everybody together.
We talk a lot.
Then we play games.
I really like to get you guys warmed up
before we really start the podcast.
Yeah, yeah.
It's going to be about another 18 minutes, I'm hoping.
You know, that's what I'm shooting for,
of just, like, just, you know, yeah.
Just really bring it so that when it comes time, when we get there at 6 o'clock tonight, we can start the show.
And it's going to be a great show.
If you give it your all in this last part.
It's called the Leonard Maltin Game.
People have...
Everyone has somebody they're playing for.
Shane's playing for Eric.
And Tay,
of course. I'm playing for Chris.
She's playing for Bruce.
Bam.
Bruce Willis.
Wait.
Don't read that.
See, I listen, Doug.
The learning curve is pretty amazing.
Like, that's not the first time that's happened.
There's just like, you know, I try to give you all the insider tips I can before the show starts,
but there's so many things like that.
Like, don't read the back of your name tags.
It might have a shithead written on it.
I did not say that to you.
But it did happen already once this evening
before it happened to you
yeah but you did tell me that myself
what?
I thought that was somebody in the audience for a second
like you threw your voice
into some guy in the front row
with the loudest shushing heckle of all time
just like
oh my god that's amazing
this is
it would be almost as annoying as if somebody in the crowd did it.
It's an incredible shusher.
But he's right, though.
It's time to play.
I've got some categories for you guys.
Let's start with, who should we start with?
I don't have any real good reason to start with anyone in particular.
So let's start with Deb.
I've been dreading this all week, you guys. Okay, so that's a good reason to start with anyone in particular. So let's start with Deb. I've been dreading this all week, you guys.
Okay, so that's a good reason to start with you
because it makes you very nervous.
I think you've told me every time I play this game
I'm as bad or worse than Sarah Silverman,
who's terrible at this game,
which doesn't make me feel very good
because she's a professional comedian.
She's not terrible at it.
I don't know what she's talking about.
You told me that!
I don't think I said that
I said she's terrible at remembering the rules
But she's great at the game
That's my point
I'm good at movies but I don't
Oh whatever
It'll be alright
It's going to be totally fun
People are going to love it
You get three categories to choose from
You get
What I now call the Walking Dead train,
which is based on a little thing that happened yesterday.
It has nothing to do with trains.
It's just movies with either walking or dead in the title of the film.
Then we've got Hey Friends,
which is movies with someone from
the TV show Friends
in it. And then we have
Christmas movies,
holiday films.
Take your pick.
Deb O'Keefe from 101X Mornings
in Austin.
Let's do...
That is a really bad category.
How do you pick Christmas movies?
Here we go with that terrible category.
I'm an opinionated robot.
Christmas movies would be easier.
Change.
Wait, can I change?
I'm being heckled. You can't change.
I can't change.
This train is going out of the station. Okay, go. Sorry, Ted. This movie. I'm just heckled. You're really working that. You can't change. I can't change. This train is going out of the station.
Okay, go.
Sorry, Ted.
This movie.
I'm just trying to win.
This movie from the category that I can't remember with all this nonsense.
The category was...
Friends.
Okay, friends.
I should have just looked at it and figured it out.
Is this a walking dead in the title?
All right.
Movie with one of the friends in it.
2010.
It's called A Bomb by Mr. Leonard Maltin.
Let me remind you guys, don't yell out if you think you know it.
It's just between the people on stage playing for the people whose name tags they picked.
He calls this movie Relentlessly Charmless.
I mean, really,
what were you expecting? He called it a bomb first.
Pretty good!
It's a bomb that's relentlessly charmless
and
even the fans, even avid
fans of the two leads will be
disappointed,
comma, if not dismayed.
Yeah, this movie dismayed the fans of the people.
Relentlessly charming at Charmless is not a thing that's possible.
Like you can't.
I've seen this movie and I agree.
I agree.
I mean, you know, lovely people involved,
but boy is it relentlessly charmless.
From 2010.
And there are nine names.
So how many names do you think it would take for you to guess?
Reading from the bottom of the cast list going up,
most obscure to most famous,
to those two leads.
What do you think, Deb?
I can name that movie in
eight actors.
Bold. That's bold.
Does that leave any more for us?
Oh yeah, it does.
So then we'll go to Dale.
Are you allowed to say,
are you allowed to pass?
Are you allowed to ask for Christmas movies?
You're allowed to.
Are you allowed to notice you're getting a little tipsy?
Your options are to bid lower or say name that movie.
Oh, name the movie.
Yeah.
Okay, so you're giving her.
Yeah.
What was your bid again?
Eight.
Eight names. Eight names out of how many bid again? Eight? Eight names.
Eight names out of...
How many was it?
Nine.
Nine names?
A lot of names.
All right.
Well, there's interesting things at play here.
Let me give you the breakdown.
Dumb move on Dale's part.
Yeah.
If it was anybody but Deb.
But in the case of Deb...
Yeah.
I think he might have a shot.
I'm calling this like 50-50.
What do you think, Bob?
Do not say the answer.
Or tell either of them the answer.
Can I safely assume it's a rom-com?
Why do you do that?
Why does somebody have to do that?
Can I just say this?
Right now, I know what the movie is.
I know the two lead roles in it.
But for the goddamn life
of me, I can't think of the title. However, once
you've gone down... Why would you say that?
Because you're going to give me the...
Thanks. Oh. Oh, no.
Hang on.
Oh, my God. Lord.
No, I'm kidding. Stop it.
What is going on? Side boob Sunday on stage.
Someone's got a good doctor.
In the middle of trivia, two people just had sex on stage.
How bizarre.
Don't think about that vampire baby.
Do not think about that vampire baby.
Alright, you get eight names.
This movie is a bomb from 2010.
Relentlessly charmless.
And even avid fans of the two leads will be disappointed, if not dismayed.
And your eight names.
So, just hopefully something will jar your memory.
Christine Baranski, Carol Kane, Siobhan Fallon Hogan, Peter Green,
Kathy Moriarty
Jeff Garland
Jason Sudeikis
Jennifer Aniston
Oh, says the audience.
What does Deb say?
Any idea?
Just spit it out.
Just say it.
Those people were in
Shazmataz.
But different words
that are the right answer.
I can see the movie in my brain
and the beer is blocking the connection.
It is...
What happens in the movie?
Don't try to help her.
Like, think about the story of the movie.
I know the story.
She's getting away and he's the bell.
He's what and she's what?
He's the bell.
Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey. There's getting away and he's the bail bondsman. He's what and she's what? He's the bail bondsman. Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey.
There's no reason to whisper it.
Okay.
Why are you whispering?
Tim.
She's the ex-wife of the bail bondsman and he's going out there.
Yeah, and what are they doing and what else could it possibly be called?
But what would you call that When people are doing that stuff
Come on you can do it dog
I've never done the
Bail thing
Come on dog
Time's up dog
Bail bondman
It's called the bounty hunter
Shit Time's up, doll. It's Bale Bonsman. It's called The Bounty Hunter. Oh, shit, bro.
Shit.
Oh, that man is handsome.
She is out.
You weren't supposed to call me on it, dipshit.
You're supposed to go down the line.
Then I would have thought about it.
That film was so awful, I accidentally saw the whole thing once.
What do you think of Dog the Bounty Hunter?
Familiar with that at all?
I'd rather watch that
Than The Bounty Hunter
With Jennifer Aniston
And Gerard Butler
Okay well that's
They're going to put that
On the DVD cover
I'm so ashamed
People flock to it
Alright so
Dale Dudley prevails
And gets the point
For doing that
Oh I get a point
For that mischievous behavior
First person to two points wins
And they win all those fabulous prizes.
Two copies of Unknown the Novel.
Boy, you could get together a table read.
Sit down, and one person's Liam,
and one person is everyone else.
How do I get to be in the tournament of champions.
No, that doesn't...
What you did is not impressive at all.
A little bit. It was ballsy.
I will give you credit for that.
I don't know if you knew how ballsy it was.
It worked out.
That's the important thing.
Let's switch it up here.
We'll start with Shane this time.
Oh yeah.
I'm having the best time. Thanks. We'll go in the direction
of Bob because we've got to get Bob in here.
What are the categories? Bob is
chomping at the bit over there.
So Shane gets to pick a category.
Would you like State of Austin?
That's movies that take place
in one of my favorite states, Austin, Texas.
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
The king of Austin movies.
Take place or are filmed in.
Because sometimes it's a substitute for nearby Texas.
And then today is William Fixner's birthday.
William Fixner.
So great as the guy who runs the bank at the beginning of The Dark Knight and many other things.
Is that a category?
One of my favorite actors.
It's his birthday today.
So the films of William Fichtner.
No one said this was going to be easy, Bob.
Or wait.
Or wait.
Hang on a second.
Requested by Dale Dudley himself.
Because, you know, that's how it works.
You just request categories when you're going to be on this show. Hey, why don't youley himself, because you know that's how it works. You just request categories
when you're going to be on this show. Hey, why don't you
have this category to make it easier on me? Oh,
great idea. I'm not going to do that.
Yes, I am.
So we went with
DJs. Films that feature
or about radio
DJs. These ones are always
very authentic. Yeah, so
it's great that Shane gets to pick because he can
steer clear of the...
I think everyone else on the stage
is more fascinated by DJs
than he might be.
He's fascinated with DJs and he knows more
about Austin than I do, but I don't know
who that one dude is.
This is quite a terrible...
This is like Sophie's choice.
I don't want any of them.
Those three kids,
take them.
That second choice?
Can you just tell me what else he's been in?
I just want to let that one breathe a little bit.
I'm proud of myself.
Is he always credited as William?
What's with all the questions?
I'm going to pick the second one, the guy who I don't know.
Bill Fichter!
See, strategy's
huge in this game.
He was the guy in the beginning.
Are you shushing me again?
It's from the audience.
It's the audience that's shushing you.
He's the guy in the beginning of the...
I look at the people like I'm going to entertain their questions.
Like, what kind of show like this do people just get to ask anything they want about the answer to a trivia question?
Yeah, I was trying to tease them.
Is it animal or mineral?
Just let it play out.
I will tell you what I want you to know, and then you try to discern it from there.
That's why I'm picturing this guy's face, that's all.
Make it easy.
All right.
So we're starting with Shane, who cleverly, smartly,
picked the category that none of you will be good at.
Damn it.
And this movie, Leonard Maltin gave it two stars.
This is one of those times when I disagree with Leonard Maltin,
and I've probably done this movie on the show before
and disagreed that time as well,
because I'm not a flip-flopper.
And Leonard says about this movie,
he calls it frenetic and energized.
Frenetic and energized.
And then he also says that it is well cast.
What's the year again?
This movie from the year is 1999.
Two stars from Leonard.
I disagree.
And he lists about 12 names.
99?
Yeah, 12 names.
That was before you were born, dude.
How many names do you think you get in there, Shane?
It'll go to Bob Fung.
How old were you in 99, Shane?
I would have been 29.
Deb O'Keefe?
Wait, 19?
I forget how old I am.
I mean, I can talk during this part, right?
Nothing important is happening. I would have been 19. What do Dale does that. I mean, I could talk during this part, right? Nothing important is happening.
Yeah, it would have been 19.
What do you think it is?
How many names do you need?
I watched a lot of movies around then.
I'll say, but I can't picture the guy.
You have no clue.
Who the fuck is this guy?
I'll say...
This is like a game show in a fucking dentist chair.
Why is everyone admitting everything about themselves that will help their competitors?
Can you spell Fickner, please?
I was in a blackout during most of this guy's career, so...
No, I actually feel pretty good about it.
I have no idea about him or any movie he's ever been in.
Wow.
I'm going with
10.
Out of 12.
Bob Fonseca.
One of the faster thinkers on the show tonight.
Wow.
I'm going to have to ask him the name now
because I don't know who the fuck Bill Fichtner is either
no offense to the Fichtner family
if they happen to be listening
I really enjoyed that time
he did that interview on your show
you guys were so nice to him
you were both staring at IMDB pages
just asking about shit you'd never heard of
that never happens
I would so love it if he was on your show
I don't know, Did I play it right?
I think you might have.
I don't think he can do it.
With this panel, I think giving up is the best choice.
Every single time.
Wow.
I'm feeling very confident.
Just put all the pressure on someone
that's not you and you'll probably win.
So,
how many names do you get?
He said ten.
Ten out of twelve?
Yeah.
And you said name it.
I think so.
Okay.
No, you thought so, so it's happening.
Here are your clues.
Two stars from Leonard.
Boo, Leonard.
1999, frenetic, energized, and he also said that it was Well cast
And some of that well cast
In fact a majority of it
All the way up to those last
Two names
I hope they're all foreign names
Okay that's funny because you know I'll have a hard time
Pronouncing them but
Here it goes
Schmickle Flingsle Nick
No okay here's your Ten names that I think I can pronounce Every single one of them here it goes Schmickle Flingsle Nick no
okay here's your
here's your ten names
that I think I can pronounce
every single one of them
I make that
I throw down that gauntlet
James Duvall
Scott Wolfe
Timothy Oliphant
Jay Moore
Breckin Meyer
Jane Krakowski
J.E. Freeman
William Fichtner
Taye Diggs
and Desmond Eskew
were 10 people out of 12
in a motion picture that got two stars from Leonard.
I think it deserved more.
1999, frenetic, energized.
I don't know any of those people.
No idea?
I don't know a single one of those people.
Well done again.
The point goes to Bob Fonseca
and the answer is
Go!
Seriously, leave, you guys.
That's a great movie.
I wish I knew names of people that aren't terrible.
I don't want to say the podcast was going poorly,
but at one point the entire audience screamed out Go.
They're smart.
Good crowd.
Good crowd.
Damn it. Yeah crowd. Damn it.
Yeah, everybody knew it.
Listen, what the fuck kind of category was that?
Why only two stars?
It's time.
What happened?
It's a very difficult category with the guy that we didn't know in the movies.
Yeah, but I'm telling you.
Look at you sighed.
Wow.
I really wish you guys, this club should fix the gas leak because it keeps intruding on the show.
Fix it for good, like it's gone now.
Try to keep it turned off henceforth.
No, he played smart play by picking William Fichtner.
It just backfired on him because Bob was smarter in knowing that nobody up here knows anything.
But it's still fun for the audience because they can all feel
superior to all of you guys.
So who has a point? Dale has a point?
I have a point, right? Is that right?
Yeah. It takes two to win? Yeah.
And I hope
because the show's running long
at this point, so I hope that
someone from the Dale and Bob...
Dudley and Bob.
Dudley and Bob.
Morning.
K-L-B-J-F-M.
From the Dale and Fonseca morning team
on K-J-F-K.
No!
Worst plug ever.
www.klbjfm.com
Listen, what if they slip up Worst plug ever www.klbjfm.com Listen
What if they slip up
And forget the www
What's going to happen
You just aged yourself
Hey same categories please
Seriously I'm going to give you new categories
Wait who's going Is he going or am I going Let's see who challenged who You challenged him Hey, same categories, please. Seriously, I'm going to give you new categories.
Wait, who's going?
Is he going or am I going?
Well, let's see.
Who challenged who?
You challenged him, and Deb wasn't involved in that.
So we'll start with Deb, and then we'll go to Dale Dudley.
And then Shane, and then... Taintteabag.com.
Here you go, Deb.
Pick a category.
Would you like...
Here you go, Deb. Pick a category.
Would you like... This category's going to piss you guys off even more than Fickner.
Edgar Wright hasn't seen it.
Yeah.
Movies that esteemed film director Edgar Wright has never seen,
and he's doing a series of them.
He's showing a bunch of movies he's never seen
at the New Beverly Theater in Los Angeles.
If you're in the area, it's December 9th through the 16th,
and I think on the 15th, possibly, check your listings.
On the 15th, I'll be showing the movie that is loaded up in this game right now
is what I'm going to show on December 15th with Edgar Wright at the New Beverly.
Or you could pick In Theatres Now.
That's movies that are in theatres now.
Hopefully more than a thousand of them.
Or Five Years Ago to
Today. The number one movie
exactly five years ago
to this very date. The number one movie
on that very
day. Three great categories
compared to the last three terrible
ones.
Oh, well,
so then it should be super easy to pick
because you could just
start talking
and you'll have said
one of them.
I think I want to go with,
does the audience agree
with the movies
that Edgar Wright
hasn't seen?
You don't have to
placate them.
They have nothing
to do with this. I like Edgar Wright. You have to play to win. them They have nothing to do with this
I like Edgar Wright
He's been on our show, he's a nice dude
Well I'm excited to talk about this movie
Because this is a movie I recommended to Leonard
Not Leonard, to Edgar
I'd recommend it to Leonard too
But he's already reviewed it
And that's what this whole game is about
But
Hey Leonard, have you ever seen
Yes Doug, I've seen everything.
Thank you for calling me Leonard.
He doesn't like it
when I call him Len. Bob has a question.
Who the fuck is Edgar Wright?
Oh,
mother...
Son of a gun.
Now do you shush him now?
I need a reference point.
He's got three kids.
Fuck you.
I don't know either.
You nerd.
Wait a second.
He didn't sit at home and jam off every movie.
Who did I invite to this show today?
I mean, I feel like...
What kind of movie heathens?
No, everybody's got gaps in their film knowledge,
but that's a pretty...
He's kind of giant.
You've probably maybe seen parts of...
Is he a director or an actor?
He's a director.
Okay. And you've probably seen parts of... Is he a director, an actor? He's a director.
You've probably seen parts of... He's made three movies in my opinion, or three
great movies.
He's my favorite director because he hasn't made one that made me
go, why the fuck did you go and make that
stupid movie?
I was hoping I'd get a good example
by the time I got to this sentence, but
I couldn't think of a director whose movies I liked
and then suddenly I disliked one.
You know what I mean?
Eyes Wide Shut?
No, that's Kubrick.
That's an okay movie.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, isn't that weird how,
I kind of feel like I just like it because it's Kubrick.
Like, it's not, I don't think it's a good movie,
but I'm just like sitting there watching it going,
well, this is the last thing he did,
and he spent several years on it,
so I'm going to sit here and nod intelligently
and appreciate a man who, the last thing he did, and he spent several years on it, so I'm going to sit here and nod intelligently and
appreciate a man
who most of his other movies were great.
Yeah, yeah.
It was no Barry Lyndon, but...
Yeah.
Alright, so which...
Edgar Wright hasn't seen it.
Oh, I should tell him. The three movies
that he directed are The Poseidon Adventure,
Towering Inferno,
and The Swarm.
The Swarm was the third one.
Seriously?
Those are the films of Edgar Wright.
That's not true.
Yeah.
Those were produced by Irwin Allen, though, right?
Well, yeah, they were a team.
They worked together.
Okay, I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
All right.
People thought they were dramas, but those were funny... Those movies didn't even seem like they had a director. They worked together. Okay, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. All right. People thought they were dramas, but those were funny.
Those movies didn't even seem like they had a director.
Those were hip, funny comedies that made fun of those kind of movies.
I thought Steve McQueen directed the first one.
Well, you know he did.
All right, Deb, here we go.
Three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie that Edgar Wright has not seen.
I'm going to make him watch it.
He's going to love it, I hope.
It's from 1976.
Leonard Maltin calls this movie bright.
And he says that this movie has a clever use of classical music.
I could name anyone.
Why are you doing this to me?
Shh.
It's on.
Now, seriously, shh is Deb? Shh. It's on.
Now, seriously, shh is Deb's thing.
Let's think of something else for Bob.
Fuck off!
No, Bob, hang on.
This bidding starts with Deb.
You're way on the other end there, so we'll have to wait and see what happens.
Your confidence is scaring everyone on the panel.
Well, no, after that Edgar Wright shout-out from the crowd.
What was that all about? He just runs around like a professional wrestler.
I want the house lights up.
And then has sex with women on stage.
Yeah, we should have just given him a mic that was plugged in somewhere.
Shouldn't have given him a walk-around headset like that.
No, it's too much freedom.
Okay, so here we go.
So, Deb, you get, like I said, Leonard gave it three stars.
I disagree.
It's a classic, 1976.
He calls it bright.
He also says that it's got a clever use of classical music.
And there are only six names listed.
So out of the six names, how many names do you think you get it in?
Then we're going to go to... I'll name it in six. Dale Dudley. Six names listed. So out of the six names, how many names do you think you get it in? Then we're going to go to...
I'll name it in six.
Dale Dudley.
Six names.
Good, strong opening bid.
Smart play.
Smartest play so far of this game.
76.
How many stars?
Repeat the...
Three from Leonard.
Three from Leonard.
From Leonard, yes.
It's Leonard's opinion.
And...
She said six names. You can go five,
four, three, two. Give me the review again.
You can go zero. The review is
Dale Dudley is
a fucking...
No, it's
Bright. Calls it Bright.
He also says that it has
a clever use of classical music.
Oh, yeah.
Wait. You know how to do it, right?
You know how to play the game?
Excuse me.
I'll do it in...
I'll do it in...
I'll do it in four.
Four names, says...
Shane Maas, what do you think?
I'm going to name it.
You can name it
well we'll see won't we
four names
is that what he said
oh no no I think I have the name of the movie
what did you say
did you say the words name it
oh sorry I forgot about the rules
oh you can name it
no no you have to bid lower
now Bob knows what you're up to.
I'll change my bid to zero.
Because Bob went with one.
I'm going to go with zero.
It's going to be a three-way tie then, and I'm going to pee.
Zero names.
Can I try it?
Now we go to Bob.
Bob, you can go to negative names.
Go negative, bro.
I know you know this.
Negative?
Yeah, this is going to blow your mind apart.
Name the movie.
Bob doesn't know it. He doesn't have any
points yet, so...
But you'll win and it'll be over and these people get to go home.
Now, what if I'm wrong?
You're not wrong.
Negative names is, if you say
negative one name, you have to name the movie
and the top-billed actor.
Okay. Top-billed?. Okay. Top-billed?
Or actress. Top-billed.
It goes from the bottom down.
You can go negative two, negative three.
But you get to start the movie.
But what is...
Just go zero.
If I'm wrong,
and I already have one point,
what happens then?
Does she get the point?
She'll get the point.
So I'm going to lose by naming the movie.
You can't
lose a point. Okay. Correct.
Alright, so I'm going to say
1976.
Give your names. Make a bit.
Negative
negative
one. Say one.
Whoa.
A lot of help from a lot of sources.
I hope you did the right thing.
So he says negative one, so then we come back down here to Deb.
Name that movie.
She says name it.
So you have to name the film and the top-billed performer in the film.
And if you get it, you win the game because that's two points.
I know he's got it.
Yeah, this is for the win.
Otherwise, Deb's got a point.
We've got a lot more to go.
I'd like another drink.
Is that possible?
Is it too late?
I don't think it's worth it to ask for one.
Let's kind of hope it ends soon.
What?
A posse over there?
I'm having a blast.
Are you guys doing all right?
Is this fun?
Am I the only one that has to pee really bad? No, I need to go blast. You guys doing all right? Is this fun? Am I the only one that has to pee really bad?
No, I need to go too.
You can.
We'll hear everything you say.
Oh, damn it.
Why?
All right, can I?
All right.
Why did I get a vasectomy?
Name it, Bob.
And by classical music.
Name it.
Oh, my God, You know this movie.
Name it, Bob.
Paul Newman.
No.
All right.
So you're already wrong on half of it.
Do you want to try to guess the other half?
Jesus, man.
No.
That was some ballsy play going negative.
I thought you might have some idea.
Can I?
So Deb gets a point.
I can't lose a point.
Can I?
Everybody has a point? Who's not got a point? Can we guess? Shane doesn't have a point. Shane doesn't have a point I can't lose a point Can I? Everybody has a point?
Who's not got a point?
Can we guess?
Shane doesn't have a point
Shane doesn't have a point
Was it A Clockwork Orange?
No, just for fun
What's that?
No, it wasn't A Clockwork Orange
That was like 74
But that movie was really bright
It wasn't The Sting?
No, sir Is it classical music? Well, it was The Sting? No, sir.
The classical music?
Well, it was...
The Sting was about 72, I think.
I didn't know what Edgar Wright knew about music.
But 1976, it's truly a classic.
It was remade, and I didn't care for the remake that much,
but I'm very excited to show it with Edgar in December,
and it's called Bad News Bears.
Holy fuck!
Bad News Bears? My fuck! Bad News Bears?
My ignorance got me a point.
Wow.
This is the worst cast.
Did you guys love Jodie Foster in that?
Exactly, because she's not in that.
Directed by Michael Ritchie?
You say that to most crowds, they'll be like, yeah!
People think Jodie Foster was in that.
It's the weirdest thing. I've had arguments with people.
Yeah, it's Tatum O'Neil, and I'm just like, no, it's Tatum O'Neil, and they're like, no, it's Jodie Foster was in that. It's the weirdest thing. I've had arguments with people. Yeah, it's Tatum O'Neill.
And I'm just like, no, it's Tatum O'Neill.
And they're like, no, it's Jodie Foster.
It's the weirdest argument to have with a person.
Can I get an extra point for naming the director?
Wait a second.
Michael Ritchie?
Michael Ritchie, yeah.
I don't know what that...
Can I get an extra point for this?
It was the music of Carmen, right?
Can you imagine other people having to play
any board game with you?
Well, can I do it this way?
I know there's rules, but
I've got an idea of how I could
make the rules different to benefit
me.
I'm trying to make it better.
I'm trying to play chutes and ladders with this motherfucker.
Is it because he has children?
The kids are always asking you, can we do this?
And you've sunk into that.
Alright, let's go on.
Who challenged Deb on that last round?
Who said she should name it?
No, I challenged Bob.
So Deb has a point.
Dale has a point. I have a point.
And this guy's got zip.
Where should we start, though, is what I'm trying to figure out.
I haven't got to pick a category yet.
Oh, that sounds exciting.
Let's let him pick a category.
He's just mocking me because I don't smoke dope.
You know, with you, ABC doesn't stand for always be closing.
It stands for always be cheating.
All right, here we go. You get to pick a category.
Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. What do I get?
Listen, cheater. Would you like a movie that had
Weezer on the soundtrack?
No. Don't ask him.
Weezercruise.com.
Would you like a movie that
the category is called That Time
of the Movie?
That's period films.
The category is called That Time of the Movie.
So that's period films.
And then Walking Dead,
which is movies with either walking or dead in the title.
Which one would you like?
I would like the movies of Larry the Cable Guy for $100.
I will... What a weird thing to be proud that you know...
I have
three kids. That's all I see.
Like PG movies.
It's too bad there aren't
any good ones.
What was
the first one again?
Weezer.
Weezer.
I don't want that one.
Weezer. Soundtracks. I don't want that one. Oh, that one?
Weezer, Weezer, Weezer, Weezer. Weezer soundtracks?
I'll take Walking or Dead.
All right.
Nineteen...
Let's call it 89.
1989.
Three stars from Leonard.
I think that's fair.
He says about this movie That it's well made
Hence the three stars
Extremely well acted
Hence the three stars
What's wrong with it?
Why didn't he give it four stars?
And then he also says
Dramatically obvious
Dramatically obvious
Even a robot can tell it's dramatically obvious.
And then, yeah, and there are, did I give you the year already?
89.
And there are 11 names?
Yeah, 11 names.
Nine.
Start us off.
Bob says nine.
Let's go to Shane.
Well, I've been wrong a lot.
And in my life in general.
You know what I'm really looking forward to?
Why does that make people sad?
Why does that?
I was just trying to be funny Can't wait for the future to get here
I've got a feeling good things are happening in the future
I'll help him name that movie
What?
Yeah
How many names does he get?
Nine
Nine names.
Oh, dear.
89.
Out of 11.
Three stars.
I think you have a chance, Shane.
1989.
I think he's bad at stuff.
Oh.
This is exciting because if he doesn't get this, then Shane's got a point.
We got a four-way tie.
Oh, God.
But if Bob gets this, yeah, you should go to the bathroom there.
Dale Dudley, ladies and gentlemen.
Going to the bathroom?
Now?
It's the stitches, I think.
Is he all right?
Yeah, he took a really long route.
You know the quickest.
You've been to the rock shows.
The quickest way to the bathroom is the stage dive, man.
All right.
Who?
Nine names for Bob there.
Okay, Bob.
Here's your nine names.
Do you want the clues again?
No.
Okay.
I like the way you play.
Thank you.
No, I feel like the audience is turning on me.
He'll want the clues again at some point.
This is for the win, by the way.
Uh-huh. Or the four-way tie.
I feel like people are rooting for me right now.
Yeah, I'm very likable.
There's a lot of people in this crowd that want to sleep off their drunk right now.
So just keep talking, just keep it down.
Okay. So like just keep talking Just keep it down Okay Laura Flynn Boyle
Was in this movie
This is a good
Eleven people
First one out of the gate
Laura Flynn Boyle
That's pretty good
Then Kurtwood Smith
Who?
Kurtwood Smith
Okay
I can tell you who he is
If you guys are into clues
Norman Lloyd James Waterston Kurt Wood Smith. Okay. I can tell you who he is if you guys are into clues.
Norman Lloyd.
James Waterston.
Abelon Ruggiero.
Dylan Koosman.
Gail Hansen.
Josh Charles.
You're supposed to get nine names, right?
And Ethan Hawke. That's nine names out of 11.
People know what it is, but there's Bob sitting there. Ethan Hawke, bullshit.
Sitting there without his grunge covering.
He's down to his T-shirt.
I do like that you're just wearing the T-shirt now.
You're self-conscious.
I could ask him to take that off.
He's going to freeze to death.
And then he's just shirtless here.
So if you ask him to take his shirt off, he'll do it, do you think?
We'll try it out.
Hey, Bob.
Bob.
1989.
Take his shirt off, Bob.
Come on, Bob.
Sorry, Dale, you walked into it all the time.
I don't know what's happening.
I think I've said that a few times tonight.
Geek the Hawk.
Runaway jury, more like
runaway four guests of Doug Benson.
Just trying to throw movie jokes in.
Keep it about movies.
Are you serious?
What do you think?
You got any idea, Bob?
Before Sunrise?
That is incorrect.
It's got the...
Walking in Dead.
Walking in Dead.
Oh, Walking in Dead.
Walking in the Dead.
Walking in the Dead.
I forgot how the game works.
Take a show.
We offered to recap it. Take a show. We offered to recap it.
He said, oh, no, no, no.
I got it.
I do not want the clues again.
What way could that possibly help me?
You might remind me of some crucial information that I've forgotten.
If I hear the clues again.
No, I got it.
I got it.
What did I miss?
Nothing. Yeah, you left just the right time. You missed it. What did I miss? Nothing.
Yeah, you left just the right time.
You missed us.
We're in a four-way tie.
Yeah, I don't know.
That's what happened. The remaining names are Robert Sean Leonard.
I don't know it.
Robin Williams.
Oh, Captain.
My Captain.
It's called Dead Poets Society.
Oh, shit.
Yes.
Or some people call it Walking Poets Society
Why only three stars?
So that means
Shane Moss has a point
We have a four way tie
This is getting so intense
You guys I gotta make a call
I gotta check and see if it's okay
I gotta check and see if it's okay
For us to keep going
Because the show's gone way over time.
The club might be bad.
The bar is closed.
Let me just check with them really quick.
They're fine with it.
They said we could keep going, so we're good.
I had them on the line.
They heard everything I said, and they just were like, it's good.
It's good.
Here we go.
You got on so quicker than a drink.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, like I said, they're busy.
There's a lot of nice people here.
Why?
Okay, the bar's closed.
That means they can bring us some more drinks.
Bring us some more drinks.
That would be rude.
If the bar's closed for you, the bar's closed for us.
Yeah, that's how it works in democratic society.
Fair is fair.
All right, here we go.
Scotch and soda.
But I could get a drink if I needed one because I'm special.
Who are we starting with?
Read back the Austin category.
Who are we starting with?
Listen, you guys stop trying to tell me what to do,
and then here's what's going to happen.
I'm going to do what I want to do, and then we're going to be done.
Yeah.
Live your own life.
You're like more
contentious than
stand-up comics.
I think it's that
morning radio thing.
Like you're just like
you're if you're up
early you're you're
fucking involved.
You're not just
sitting there like
oh it's early.
No you're like I
I'm a person that
can be up at this
hour.
Let's do this.
Traffic, weather,
sports.
Why why the rape face?
That's what we do every morning Because the traffic in the news is often terrible
We don't do traffic in the news
I know you guys don't do that stuff
It's true
Doug Benson does believe
That every radio DJ in the world
Is a rapist.
Wait, wait, I have to be on record
about that? Yeah.
Alright, let me sign that on the same thing where it says
taxes should never be raised on anyone.
I'll sign the whole thing.
Grover.
Okay.
I like that I'm Grover now.
What's going on, you guys?
Sorry.
Who did the...
One more point.
It's a four-way tie.
One more point.
Yeah.
Who got the last one right?
Shane got the point.
You challenged him.
So we'll go down here to Deb, and then we'll go to Bob from Deb.
I'm scared.
This is exciting.
Oh, I pick?
This is a truly exciting game.
Oh, I do, apparently.
Super long show, but it's an exciting game.
I haven't picked once.
You get to pick from the following.
Yeah, that's right, ma'am.
Thank you.
I have not picked once.
But seriously, guys, you're giving birth.
The head pops out.
And it just starts just gently
licking your clitoris.
That definitely
makes things go smoother
for you.
Was it painful?
It was at first,
and then my own baby
gently licked
my clitoris.
Oh, that's not...
In a good way.
I told you not to think about that too much.
Don't think about it too much.
It's a great strategy in any competitive endeavor
to just beg for pity.
I haven't gotten to choose.
That's not how it works, dude.
That was before Shane's riff on the baby.
Yeah.
It was delightful.
So Deb gets to choose.
I'm excited for Deb.
I rule the show with a fist clenched full of something.
And you get to pick between the following categories.
We haven't done Christmas movies yet, have we?
No.
Christmas movies.
We haven't done State of Austin yet, have we?
No.
State of Austin.
And we also haven't done DJs.
Those should be all very simple.
These are great categories
to finish this off.
It's too much pressure on me.
Someone's going to nail this.
I'm thinking about
Christmas Austin.
DJs.
Christmas Austin.
I never understand why what the audience thinks makes a difference.
Use the thing in your brain.
All right.
Which category does it like?
Dale wants me to do upstairs.
Who cares what they want you to do?
I'm going to do Christmas movie.
That's all you care about is being contrary?
Get your mind in the game.
People don't try to fuck with Alex Trebek. They try to win.
It's fucking Christmas season.
Alright? Apparently after
Thanksgiving it's Christmas.
It is Christmas. You're right.
I hate Christmas, but I like Christmas movies.
Alright, here we go.
This is going to be right up your alley.
I had to live my life through falsities
and happiness that isn't mine.
Christmas movies.
Here comes the shushers.
Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush.
Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush.
Okay.
Two stars from Leonard Maltin for this Christmas movie.
It takes place at Christmas.
It's a Christmas movie.
He says about this movie that it is a it's
violent.
And he also says
that there is
a
walk-on by the person
who owns
a building that the movie takes
place in.
Yeah, that's a crazy clue.
Tal thinks he knows it already.
No, I just know it was...
I just want it to end.
14 names.
14 names, Deb.
How many names do you think you get it in?
Did you get the year?
Did you get the year?
1992, Christmas movie.
Two stars from Leonard.
There's an angry Muppet in the crowd.
Draw me! Through the whole movie, they keep telling Animal, Ah! His angry Muppet in the crowd. Drumming!
Through the whole movie, they keep telling Animal
you can't drum anymore.
Like, what the fuck?
Telling Animal he can't drum.
What else is he good for?
Drumming keeps him away from shit he'd be up to
if he wasn't a drummer.
I can name that movie.
Can I say that?
In how many names?
Zero?
In negative one.
Negative one.
Negative one.
I like it.
Alright.
No wonder you're having sex with this broad over here.
Sorry, Tay.
If I get this wrong,
I'm so humiliated.
But I will name the main actor
as Macaulay Culkin.
Wait a second. What are you doing?
Why are you continuing
to speak?
Who?
You move on to the next bidder.
We're not there yet.
Did he say name it?
Oh, I didn't say name it, did I?
Yeah, he didn't say name it.
Oh, you made a fatal error.
If I was Rolodexing through my head,
what's the worst thing that could happen right now to this game?
What is the single most fucked up,
what do I do now? This is
complete bullshit thing that could happen.
It's blurting out.
What should we do?
I should just leave.
I'll take my crutches and I should just go.
Oh my god, that is so dramatic.
You and your
You knew you were coming on this show.
You broke that on purpose.
That's such bullshit.
You all want the sympathy vote tonight.
No one wants to just earn it.
You all want to beg for their approval.
That's bullshit.
I think she got a really uncomfortable back rub earlier
and it fucked with her head a little bit.
That's what I think.
That's understandable.
Why are we all being punished for her?
He touched my shoulder.
For her?
He did touch my shoulder.
Hermiston.
All right, show off.
What's the name of the movie?
I don't deserve to win.
Wait a minute.
What's the name of the movie?
Hang on.
This one's blown.
We'll play another round.
What's the name of it?
What's the name of it?
What is the name of it?
Is it Home Alone 2?
Yeah!
What's it called?
See, I knew this would happen.
We still had a real fight going on here. What's it called? See I knew this would happen We still had a real fight going on here What's it called?
Home Alone 2 is
I think if you can give more information you win
It's not Judgement Day
It's not The Reckoning
It's not Search for Curly's Gold
It's not
Electric Boogaloo
Wrath of Khan.
We have this argument on the Jason and Deb show on 101X when we play our very similar game.
It's not final anything.
Lost in New York.
It's called...
Yeah, she said it.
She said it.
Home Alone 2, Lost in New York, when Macaulay Culkin is the number one star.
But I'm so sorry.
If you guys don't want to win, I would totally understand it.
I think she fucked up. You didn't win shit. You didn't win, I would totally understand it. I think she fucked up.
You didn't win shit.
You didn't win shit.
You got it right.
Let's fucking move on.
Jesus.
It's the make something out of everything crew.
Just fucking drop one thing for two seconds.
It's so difficult.
I'm not even stoned.
Are you yelling at me right now?
You guys don't know the other three.
Wow, you don't...
All you do is interview musicians,
so they're never going to say anything.
They just say yes or no,
and then you have to do all the talking.
But in this case, you can hang back a little bit.
Just take a breath and be like,
hey, I should try to play this game.
I knew this would be fun, though.
Did she win?
You don't talk to your L.A. panel like that.
What's that?
You don't talk to your L.A. panel like that.
Yeah, you see how that works?
Yeah.
See the difference between them and you?
Why are we all in trouble for...
Sorry.
You know, I'm personally
very satisfied that the shushing
is no longer sexist.
And I wish
there was a boring black guy up here.
Yeah, really
test your moxie.
See where you guys are coming from.
What if the Pope was up here and was
saying something boring?
Quiet, Pope. What if the Pope was up here and was saying something boring? Shh.
Quiet, Pope.
That baby head, it's all covered in goop, right?
So it's like a natural lubricant.
You know?
It's, uh... Real sexy stuff.
Real sexy stuff. Real sexy stuff.
Is the bar closed?
I heard a rumor, yeah.
So this is all...
This is just a road trip to painful sobriety.
Everyone in here is like,
I really want to fuck it up on this Sunday night.
We're going to drink your guys' fries.
They're not twist-up.
Yeah, have a negro modelo.
It's the name of the beverage.
I'll figure it out.
Oh, you got it?
All right.
So we've got to play to that point again, but we're going to penalize Deb.
I'm sorry.
Take my point away.
She loves being penalized.
No, you can keep your point.
You can keep your point, but Dale
Dudley's going to start first, and then we'll
go in the opposite direction of Deb.
Movies I've been in for a hundred. She might not even
get to participate. Alright, so
we've got DJ movies.
We've got...
We've done State of Austin yet?
State of Austin or period
films. Which one of those do you want?
Deal.
Okay, Bob.
Deal.
Let's do the DJs.
Kind of weird.
We will do.
There's only like three movies with DJs in it.
Weirdest teamwork.
You know it's going to be awful.
If you lose movies filmed at Austin, you look bad.
We're going to do movies.
I think if either Bob or Dale wins They both fucking have the most amazing
Jerk off session when they get home
We did it
They just chant we did it the whole time
We did it
They probably jump on their cells
We did it
Why are they fucking now
You said jerk off session but you're not using your hand at all
No what I do is I slam
A cocktail glass into my dick.
Yeah!
Let's do movie sessions.
Try it, you guys.
It's almost as good as a fleshlight.
Fluck those...
Fluck those things.
That's a clean way of saying fleshlight.
Fluck those things.
That's good.
Dudley and Bauer are just like,
oh, let's just get this game over with
so we can go home and smash
cocktail glasses into each other's
necks.
They're not in the same room
together. Movies filmed
in Austin with local DJs
in them.
I do not think
you're in this movie, but it was filmed
completely or partially in Austin.
Two and a half stars from Leonard
Baldwin. 1999 is
the year. 1999?
Yes, sir. 1999.
Okay, good.
We can proceed. I thought he had a whole
thing about remembering 1999
when Martin Landau
Back when people used to party like it was. Remember in 1999 when Martin Landau...
Back when people used to party like it was?
See what I'm saying?
Searing, this movie.
Searing.
Searing.
Searing.
Not Ian Searing, but Searing.
He also calls it well-made in every respect.
And he lists
Seven names
How many names did you get in this movie
From 1999
It was filmed partially or completely
In Austin, Texas
Give me
Give me five
Five names to start it off
We go to Shane
Name it so I can win this bitch.
These good people have homes to get to.
Yeah.
You guys should start a group
called Quitters Anonymous.
Sorry.
I love the way you play.
How many? What? How many? Why do I? Five way you play.
What?
Why do I?
Five.
Five names.
How many stars in this movie?
I'm looking at it.
Two and a half.
You're going to get five names, Dale Dudley.
This is for the win.
Two and a half stars, $19.99.
Searing. The movie is searing, and it's well made in every respect.
Searing. The movie is Searing.
And it's well made in every respect.
And the five names you get out of seven names are Janetta Arnett, Alicia Goranson,
Allison, I know.
She's so great.
Allison Foyland.
Brendan.
This is going to sound like I'm making it up.
Sex toenail.
Sex toenail.
Sex toenil.
Sex toenil.
Sex toenil.
How many is that?
Wait.
And here's another one that sounds made up.
Peter Sarsgaard.
So Peter Sarsgaard, yeah.
So what do you think there, Dale?
Can I get the top two also?
Yes, they are.
Your Jedi
mind tricks don't work on me.
99, it's searing.
It's searing.
What was shot in 99?
Around here, somewhere.
Might have been, you know, somewhere else.
Might have taken place here.
I don't know.
If you guys make eye contact and he knows, do you know?
I like that he's just like, oh, I'm going to go and help you.
And he has nothing but bad information over here.
He's just like, he can't wait to give me bad information.
The only thing I can think of in 99 was Travolta was hanging out
back then.
No, it was earlier than that.
What was the movie
he was working on?
He was working on
a movie called Michael.
Well then,
is that your guess?
I'm not getting anything
from Doug here
but then again,
it's always hard to tell.
Look at him.
How can you tell?
I'll guess Michael.
Yeah, that's incorrect.
That's incorrect.
You know who else was hanging around here?
Maybe you didn't recognize her because she looked like a man.
Hilary Swank was hanging around.
And so was Chloe Sevigny because they were making Boys Don't Cry is the name of the movie.
That was made here?
Who told them the name?
Was it you, Shane?
Shane Boss is our winner.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
I'm very talented.
Holy shit.
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Where is Hawaii guy?
You're playing for that guy.
Eric, where's Eric at?
Come up here, Eric, and get your prizes.
We have a lot of prizes for Eric.
We've got a bag with some stuff in it.
Oh, don't forget your second copy of Unknown.
It's always good to have a backup copy of Unknown.
He was already there.
He was already ready to go.
He believed in me.
You get a shoe that everybody signed.
These are great
for like throwing
out of your car window.
And these beer
you get all these beers.
Sorry, I get four.
Do you have someone
who can help you
with all the shit you want?
Wait, I'll do it in the pot.
I can have my Funyuns.
Oh, you get the Funyuns.
He's a good man.
There's a Harold and Kumar
shirt times two.
Oh, okay.
That's nice.
And then there's
a bunch of stuff in there.
You got everything?
An old dirty shoe.
Box of stuff.
Oh, shit.
A box full of fuzzy animal things.
Eric, take my box.
Dude, I defy you to keep anything that's in there.
I defy you.
Put any of that on your dresser at home,
and you're a terrible person.
He's going to love my box.
Let's hear it for Eric.
So you say you got a shithead written on the back of here?
Yes.
Nicely done.
Is there nothing written on Taz?
Oh, you wrote it on there.
Nicely done.
See, she's smart just in case I got it.
On the night when I can really move around, I didn't need to as much.
This is fantastic.
Oh, we give these back?
I don't know.
Eric, do you want your thing back?
Or do you think he should try to take it to the airport
when he goes back to Los Angeles?
What is this that I just discovered?
I just took his name off to put my name on it.
And what does it say?
I discovered underneath. It says something that's a secret.
I can't quite read the writing.
McLovin.
Yeah, you're like Indiana Jones.
It says McLovin.
That's not good.
With a G.
It said McLovin before because of his Halloween costume,
and then he covered it up with Eric to make it into a name tag for night.
And you fell for it and you won all
the prizes. Everyone
here hates you now.
He is going to get beaten and
pepper sprayed.
It's nobody's business.
He took a piece
of paper and
tacked it on with his name on it and I
fell for that bullshit. I thought he
made it just for today, for me.
I'm not the drunkest.
Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
I don't even know how to pronounce one of these shithead names, so I hope I do it.
Wow, these are interesting.
Very creative in Austin with the shithead names.
Do you guys have anything you want to plug before we take off?
Starting down there with Bob Fonseca from KLBJ Mornings, Dudley and Bob Show.
Anything else?
What did I say?
Fonseca?
Fonseca?
Fonseca.
That's the way you do it.
Yeah.
Why don't you call yourself Fonsexa?
Did I leave anything out?
Do you have something coming up?
Are you guys going to do another cruise ever?
No.
Fuck no.
I love cruises.
Weezercruise.com No.
Nothing to plug.
Monday through Friday, 6 to 10.
Yeah, if you're in the Austin area, give them a listen.
KLBJ FM. Shane Moss, what do you're in the Austin area, give them a listen. KLBJ FM.
Shane Moss, what do you got coming up?
I've been on their show.
They're a lot of fun.
Yeah, I just moved to LA, so you can maybe see me there.
I'd love if you checked out my website or Facebook or Twitter
or one of those sort of things.
Yeah, he's got a very funny Twitter account.
What's your name on Twitter?
Just Shane?
Shane Comedy.
It's not like a nickname.
Like, Shane Danger.
I didn't mean it like that.
It's just that my last name's spelt a little weird.
And people have trouble with it.
It's Moss.
M-A-U-S-S.
So people have trouble with it.
And so it's Shane Comedy at Twitter to make it easy for people.
Yeah.
And I write ridiculous jokes all day long.
I'm probably going to... Those are the people you really
want to ensnare in your Twitter feed is the dumbest
people that can't figure out how to spell your
name through a mere
Google search.
Yeah, get those idiots on
board.
I'm sure they're nice people.
Through a mere Google search.
They're nice people.
People are mean.
Yeah, that's the thing.
It's like I pounce on people too fast probably about how they should use Google.
Get self-conscious about it.
Somebody wrote to me today, I'm putting on mute until Monday, whatever that means.
And I just wrote back, I'm putting you on block until forever.
And then I really blocked her.
What do I care?
Then they create a new account.
Oh, you block people? Man,
I wish I was famous.
Block somebody
anyway. I take all the
insults that
people want to throw at me.
I was like, ah, thanks for
following anyway.
Alright, let's see what he's made of,
everybody. Shane Comedy.
At Shane Comedy.
Throw the worst things you could possibly think of
at him and see
how he deals with it.
There are people calling you right now
to be mean.
Last night, someone wanted me to autograph a CD
with the worst thing that I could possibly say.
It was to the guy's girlfriend,
and I came up with it right on the spot.
You want to hear it?
I really wish we had time, but...
Dale Dudley, what have you got to plug?
What is it? What's the worst thing?
Set it up again.
I'm sorry.
He told me to write the most disgusting,
this happened last night,
the most disgusting, ridiculous, horrible thing
that I could write on someone's CD
and off the top of my head.
So I came up, I'm pretty proud of it.
I wrote, dear Kelly,
Matt just told me that he doesn't know what love me that he didn't know what love was until you queefed his bloody semen back into his mouth.
That's pretty bad, right?
That's pretty bad.
So if you follow me on Twitter, you'll get more of that kind of nonsense.
You guys are going to be
the only people who knew what was said
underneath the bleep.
It's going to be a long bleep when it gets to that.
Except for
wouldn't it be funny to long bleep
but drop back in and you could hear him say
queef?
In a sentence, the only word you couldn't hear
is queef.
Queef.
Whoa, worse than queef?
Better have been blood or cum.
Disgusting.
I'm stuck
coming out my nose right now
But thanks though
We're almost done
I don't need another drink
I'm good
Thank you
Thank you very much
I am
Cap City Comedy Club
Yes
Dale Dudley
What's going on?
Same thing
Mornings
KLBG
743
82769
on your dial.
My website, bloodyqueef.com
You guys are streaming
live at Bloody Queef.
It's
I'm so proud that I'm not the one
at this podcast.
It's klbjfm.com
Every morning live and
podcast. And we have morning live and podcast.
And we have Taint and Teabag, which is just us acting like Shane at our houses.
Just hanging out, eating pizza and talking.
Yeah, and then I'm Dale Dudley on Twitter.
He's Bob Fonseca on Twitter. And then I have a film coming up in the spring.
Are you waiting for us to stop you?
No, I've got to see...
By all means, make this as slow as possible.
This isn't the part...
You know, we still got lots more to go.
We're going to play another game.
The movie Bernie with Richard Linklater.
I got a nice little chunky scene in there
with Jack Black.
Congratulations, cutting room floor.
Oh, no. Under five. Good for you. Good for you. I'll believe it when I see it. with Jack Black. Congratulations, cutting room floor.
Under five.
Good for you.
I'll believe it when I see it.
I've seen it.
Oh, really? It's done?
Yeah, it's done. It's a great little film.
That's the perfect time to talk about how juicy and chunky it is.
That's awesome. Congratulations.
Thank you. Deb O'Keefe from
Mornings 101X. What's your morning show called? I'd like to really fucking apologize. Fucking's awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. Deb O'Keefe from Mornings 101X.
What's your morning show called?
I'd like to really fucking apologize.
Fucking the whole game up.
I don't even want to talk about the show right now.
You're off my Christmas card.
I wonder if the home listeners can't hear that.
I mean, I guess it would be good if they couldn't hear it.
Can they?
It's in my distraction.
Yeah.
My partner Jason was on the podcast last night, and he was mad.
He didn't win.
It's called podcast.
That's what I said.
Oh, podcast.
Sorry.
No, no, no.
The first part.
Say it again.
Thank you for having us.
It's called podcast.
Hang on.
I like podcast.
All right.
Help me out with this.
Podcast?
Yeah.
Is that right?
Yeah.
It's just like dog boat
but with two other words.
Pod.
No,
because dog boat
is dog boat.
Dog boat.
Dog boat.
No joke I say
is meant to be like,
no, but seriously,
what we're really talking about here.
I just need a pee and I want to go home.
You're just constantly correcting a stupid person.
Yeah.
All right.
So yeah, you can listen to this on 101X if you'd like.
That'd be really nice.
But listen, this whole month,
we have a really cool charity event that we do called
12 days of jason and deb where you can give without even knowing it we have um several events
throughout the whole year you just show up you eat and drink you go see a movie you see a band
you're going to do it anyway but a portion of what you spend goes to um help the red cross relief
helping out the bass drop fire victims so you can find details on that at 101x.com it's always fun and a great way to help out again you don't even know you're helping out the Bastrop fire victims. So you can find details on that at 101x.com. It's always fun.
And a great way to help out.
Again, you don't even know you're helping out.
Stuff like this, you go have a night out with your friends
and a portion
of what you spend will go towards...
You could have stopped when they clapped. That was like the perfect time
to be like, oh, the pitch is done.
They're in.
I've got a million more things to say about it.
Let me talk until you clap again. God, America.
I'd like to thank God.
Nice people are kind of showboats,
aren't they? A little bit.
A little braggy, but how nice they are
sometimes.
Alright, you guys. Thank you so much for being
here, all of my guests, and all you guys in the audience for for being here all of my guests and all you guys
all you guys in the audience for coming
for staying super late
we've all got other things to do
I've got to get over to the Alamo Draft House
Lamar
the Lamar edition
so as always I don't even know which ones
of these to do first because it's just
it's a really amazing array
of shitheads
but as always
I really don't know which one's
the funniest one. Okay, I think I know.
Renesmee?
The Twilight Baby?
Is a shithead.
Renesmee.
That's the worst.
That's the thing I was talking about earlier.
Julia Roberts and all 400 of her teeth are a shithead.
And the face-fucked mother-in-law is a shithead.
Now it's time for God to change another talkie. Ace fucked mother-in-law is the shit.