Doug Loves Movies - Steve Agee, Zach Galifianakis, Marc Maron, Dave Anthony, and Todd Glass Guest
Episode Date: October 13, 2012Live from the L.A. Podcast Festival, Doug welcomes Steve Agee, Zach Galifianakis, Marc Maron, Dave Anthony, and Todd Glass to the train wreck, er, show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com.../privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies. This isifianakis and Steve Agee are here in my room.
And they didn't say much.
We spoke less than anybody.
Yeah, you guys spoke a little less than Todd Glass, Mark Maron, and Dave Anthony.
Shocking.
And so I'm just,
we're recording this
to just sort of say,
you know,
this is an episode
that you have to listen to
and just,
you really have to use
your imagination
and just assume,
just assume that
what we're doing on stage
is funny.
Use your imagination.
Really,
this is more like,
this week's episode
is like a radio play.
It's a lot of sound effects
and you just, but we don't always
explain what's happening. There's a
remote control helicopter,
a live baby
named Farron,
I think. Yeah.
Yeah, that was the baby's name. Yeah.
And
a lot of things got thrown around, and so it was weird.
So let's just record a...
And we couldn't hear each other.
Oh, that was...
Because there were no monitors on the stage.
People in the audience could hear us just fine, but just the setup, you know.
I've played a lot of high schools, you guys, and I was disappointed that this high school...
It was a pretty nice auditorium for a high school.
It's really nice.
High school attended by Sean Penn and Nicholas Cage.
Santa Monica High School.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, we were in their theater doing that.
That thing that we just did.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's kind of weird.
Might be a step back from podcasting.
Like is the...
We're so excited about podcasting moving forward with this festival.
And we just set it back.
Yeah.
It's like an episode of the Gong Show.
But with the visuals off.
Yes. episode of the gong show but with the visuals off yes just listen to the gong show you guys just give it a try yeah just listen to it
just one test of a wonder what's going on always
oh yeah we could just add a gong whenever somebody's long winded like Todd Glass
now Steve you just shot a movie
worked on a movie
yeah I just finished at 6
6am this morning
wow when did I text you about doing the show
around 9 or 10
no I think well I got
your text at like 2
oh right and what's the movie it's really Around 9 or 10? No. Well, I got your text at like 2. Oh, great.
And what's the movie?
It's a really ultra-low-budget horror comedy
called The Many Lives of Jovan Cornejo.
Okay, that's going to be changed.
It was the lowest-budget thing I've ever worked on,
but it was really kind of fun,
and it's a funny script.
Are you the titular role character?
The what?
The guy in the title. No.
I'm not Jovan Corneo.
But I was covered in blood.
What do you play in it? Guy covered in blood.
I play a
guy. Zombie or something?
No, it's a
bunch of guys
go camping.
Then they run into John Cornhole.
Cornholio.
Was the last podcast part of the horror film?
Yes.
It was an interactive
horror film that ended at Santa Monica High.
With a baby.
So that movie's not coming out for a long time.
Long time.
We'll have you back on the podcast two or three times before then.
We'll have the same conversation about it every time, too.
I've done that a few times.
It takes so long for somebody's movie to come out that they come back on and we just talk about the same thing
yeah
who's in that movie Steve?
oh yeah who's in it?
it was written by and directed by
a couple of my friends
who I know through like the channel 101
you know world
but there was a guy
who worked on it who was in
John Carpenter's The Thing
he was
his name is Dave
Clennon, character actor
and he was fucking amazing
that guy is an awesome actor
really fucking good, he's one of those guys
that when you're in a scene with him
you're like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this
because this guy is so fucking good
I can't think of his character name now, but he was like the boss.
He was like a kind of a mean boss on 30-something.
Yes.
But yeah, and he's...
30 Rock?
30 Rock, yes.
I thought you were trying to think of the show's name.
It's a show called 30-something.
By the way, when that was on, remember, we were like teenagers
and how old they seemed when they were in their 30s.
Yeah, that they announced that the show is about people in their 30s.
It's like, what?
There's a show about old people?
And now.
Ridiculous.
No, I'm in my 40s.
It's a show about.
But just also you're doing a podcast
in a motel room
let's pitch a show called
40 something
yeah
have you been in the movies
lately Zach
I haven't been to a movie
since the last time I asked you that question
a few weeks back
yeah but I rented a movie
we talked about that
straight talk
we talked about that on that one
what have you got for this one
the last time I saw a movie
I haven't seen a movie since we talked
did you see any when you were flipping around on the TV
I saw a documentary but but it's probably...
It's a bummer.
What's it called?
It's about GMOs,
which are genetically modified organisms in our food.
And I can't remember the name of it.
That's probably the name of it.
Something roulette.
Oh.
It's very good.
Taste bud roulette oh it's very good taste bud roulette
it's good don't watch something roulette watch it if you eat if you eat anything ever yeah
when i a couple years ago when i was in north carolina i saw that documentary um
food inc yeah and I was working on something
and for three days I didn't
want to eat anything. I didn't know
what to eat. I was like, I don't think
I should be eating this. If people knew
where our food came from, it would be
a new cigarette.
Why don't you tell them?
Dried up dairy cows
I'm going the willful
ignorance route
I don't want to know
I like food
I don't want to mess with it
I like animals
but I'm at the point where
there's no reason for me to stop eating meat
well it's not even so much that
not to bring it down
but it's like the corn and
the pesticides
and what the pesticides are doing with food.
The corn has been
in some backwards farmer's ass,
right? That's what you were talking about.
How they put the corn in their ass
and then they sell it? Then they sell it, yeah.
What?
I hope that's not a thing.
Oh, no way. That was a movie that I saw.
Children of the Corn.
Yeah.
That's what they do in Children of the Corn.
Yeah.
Is they all put corn in their butt.
I gotta re-watch that.
I don't remember that.
I don't even know how many they're up to now,
but Children of the Corn had a bunch of sequels.
I don't know what's...
I haven't got my Children of the Corn newsletter. Children of the Corn. Lately. Tweens of sequels. I don't know what's... I haven't got my Children of the Corn newsletter
lately. Children of the Corn.
Tweens of the Corn.
Oh, they grow up in the title?
Twenty-somethings of the Corn.
The Bancorn.
Twenty-eight up of the Corn.
Twenty-eight up.
Thirty-something of the Corn.
Thirty-something of the Corn.
I want to see...
There's a lot of movies out I want to see.
I want to see that Ben Affleck movie.
Argo.
Yeah, that looks good.
Yeah, I want to go up to the window of the box office and say,
give me one for aggro.
See what happens.
Brody Stevens had a joke.
One adult, one child for...
Capturing the fragments.
Positive energy. Yes. catching the fragments oh positive energy yes
um
did I ask you if you've seen any
movies Steve
you didn't but I saw Looper yesterday
oh
I really liked it
and that through a large part of that episode
we just taped you were
confusing Todd Glass about the name of that episode we just taped you were confusing todd glass about
the name of that todd glass kept whispering to me he's like what's the name of the movie that
that i should have watched because he was gonna say he watched it and the first time i said looper
he's like okay then halfway through the podcast you remember that podcast halfway through he's
like what was the name of it again and i go scooper he's like no really and i'm like yeah and then at the end of the
podcast he's like i'm sorry what was it again and i go scooper he's like no you're fucking with me
it was bomber he goes it was bomber right and i'm like yeah it was bomber he's like okay
so that's one of the many things that you that were happening on stage tonight while other shows were happening on stage.
I almost walked out before Looper.
There was half an hour of
previews, but there was also
a ten minute
basically, I guess,
an ad, like a behind the scenes
thing for Les Mis.
The Les Mis movie.
And then at the end they go,
you've been watching and we caught you up on the behind the scenes.
All that stuff is nonsense.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to fucking leave.
But that means you got there early though, doesn't it?
No, the movie started at 1.05
and I
sat down at 1.05 and the movie didn't start
until after 1.30.
They were just running a little behind.
Because there was already some nonsense playing when you walked in, right?
Because that's what bothers me, is, like, sometimes I just want to, you know, chat with a person sitting next to me,
like, you know, a complete stranger or something.
But they, you know, they keep the lights halfway down and then they show you these really long behind-the-scenes.
Okay, wait a minute.
If I'm, if, if, alright, I'm in the movie theater, we don't know each other.
You sit down
and there's no ads playing. What do you
say to the person striking a
I was joking about that.
I was joking about that.
We believed you. Yeah. I like to get in there
and sit down right, one time I was at the
Arclight, or when I was at the
Cinerama Dome, and
and it was empty
and I was sitting like up in the balcony area and uh these two
women came in and lots of seats but they sat down like right next to me like same arm seat you know
and i and i just went really and then the lady one of the ladies went it is a movie theater
and i sat there through the entire movie thinking how do you even respond, it is a movie theater. And I sat there through the entire movie
thinking, how do you even respond to
it is a movie theater?
Like,
how is that the answer to
why did you just sit right next to me?
Wow.
Like, if that's like if somebody
climbed into your car at a stoplight
and was sitting in your lap. It is a car.
Well, that actually makes more sense
I was
I went to
the first movie
I ever went to
in California
was
it was a
Mike Lee movie
Life is Sweet
nope
about
it's about
it's about a
it's about a it's a it's about a it's like a... It's about a... It's about a...
It's a...
It's about a...
It's like a racial movie.
It's a great...
Secrets and Lies.
Yes.
Great movie.
That's a great movie, yeah.
So it kind of has this
biracial tone to the movie, okay?
So I go to see,
I take my friend...
I've already seen this movie,
but I wanted to take my friend
who's probably never seen a movie
that didn't have the words and the bandit in it.
So, we go to...
It didn't have a hand in it.
And we go, and we're the only ones in the theater.
And this couple comes in,
and they sit right behind us.
And I kind of look behind, not to be us. And I kind of look
behind just to, not to be rude, I just
kind of look to
it was a black guy
and a white woman who had
black shoe polish all over
her face. No. Yep.
She was in blackface.
And I
I have. What the fuck?
Exactly.
So we get up to like...
Just because they were behind us,
we get up and move to watch the movie.
And then after, I told my friend,
I was like, let's wait out in the lobby.
I want to make sure I saw what I saw.
And sure enough, this woman,
it looked like a J.Crew model,
as Caucasian as you can be,ucasian as you can be as new hampshire as you
could be yeah fair skin but black shoe polish all over her face with a black guy and a black child
like she just says i have no she's waiting to get the surgery done
i have no she's putting it on herself.
What, like a race change?
It was the weirdest thing.
So if a black guy and a white woman in blackface have a baby, it's black.
The child...
The child is naturally black.
Yes.
So either...
It was like his child.
And that was his date.
And he happened to have black shoe polish on her face.
And imagine that poor kid, what he was going through.
Why did you...
Did you ask?
And plus, you don't take a kid to see Secrets and Lies.
It's like a...
You don't...
No, did I ask?
No, what would I say?
I don't know, but that really...
Part of Vegas is Secrets and Lies.
Pardon me.
Is that
shoe polish on your face? That's exactly
what it was. It was either that or a sharpie.
But I wonder
why... Did she lose a bet?
I bet she lost a
bet. And he's like, alright, if...
Come find out what it's like
to be me or something? One of those kind of
things? See how badly
we all get treated? or maybe the guy has a
really funny sense of humor he's like all right if if i heard people i heard people with sharpie
on their face get treated really badly let's find out if it's true let's do it that's bizarre that's
a good one i was when i the first time i saw dawn of the dead in a movie theater there was a guy sitting like two rows behind me
and I was young and seeing this
it was a pretty scary movie
intense and creepy
and there was a guy
behind me
just total blind spot
where you'd have to really turn around
and look right at him
to turn around and give him a good look
and figure out what the fuck he's doing
because just every 40 seconds almost like hiccups or something
but like you know at the weirdest intervals like 15 to 40 seconds would go by and then
suddenly just it would happen again and then the noise you'd make is you just go
that's fuck up yeah really bummer
that really bummed me out
made the movie scarier
I was in a movie theater in Florida
I was on the road
I think it was with Arj Barker and Daniel Tosh
years ago
I was killing time I went to the road I think it was with Arch Barker and like Daniel Tosh years ago and there was some
college
anyway I was killing time
I went to go see that movie
the Jim Carrey movie
that's scary
23 or something like that
oh yeah
that number 23
yeah
because my friend was in it
and I wanted to go see it
she's like the lead actress
in it
and uh
so I went and watched it
and it's you know
7 people in the theater
at 2 o'clock in the afternoon
in Florida
and I'm watching it and this kid seven people in the theater at two o'clock in the afternoon in Florida.
And I'm watching it and this
kid waited
until the most suspenseful
part of the movie
and he jumped out of the curtains.
No!
No!
And it scared
the shit out of me. But it was
so funny.
That's fucking amazing
isn't that a great idea
I have some friends
I have a friend who
the first time he did mushrooms
was him and his friends
decided to try mushrooms and go to the movies
it was when they had
re-released Fantasia
the Disney animated movie
and so they took mushrooms in the parking lot and waited East Fantasia, you know, the Disney animated movie. And, uh, so
they took mushrooms
in the parking lot and waited, you know,
like an hour before the movie started.
And then, you know, it started coming
on and they go in and they buy their tickets
to Fantasia and they go in and they sit
in the theater and the movie starts
playing and they
don't realize that they had gone into the wrong
theater and they had sat down
to watch misery on fucking mushrooms oh my god they didn't leave either once once they
i don't think they watched the whole thing they watched all the misery on mushrooms he said he
was crying his eyes out that would be a freaky one i don't know what mushrooms do yeah when is
that mouse in the uh apprentice hat gonna get the sorcer hat... when's he gonna get his leg hobbled?
Yeah. I could see like for ten minutes of it thinking, oh there's a
cartoon before the movie, because that still happens sometimes. It's usually
you're watching a cartoon movie, like you're there to see a Pixar movie and they show a short.
Or like in front of Disney movies.
My cousin told me he'd go to see Rocky.
It was like Rocky 1 or 2.
And he would wait until there was a scene where Rocky and Adrian get into a fight.
And there's like a silence.
And he would yell, hit her, Rocky!
Oh, no.
That probably got a huge laugh.
It did.
Back then, I guess people thought that was...
Rocky II?
It was one of the Rockys.
I don't know.
Hit her, Rocky.
Because she gets pretty...
You know, the storyline in Rocky II just has to be more of her just going, don't know. Hit her, Rocky. Because she gets pretty... You know, the storyline in Rocky 2
just has to be more of her just going,
you've got to stop fighting, Rocky.
Yeah.
You're going to get killed, Rocky.
She had to play that note until they killed her off.
She died off?
Yeah, she got killed in one.
Great actress.
I think she died in four, maybe.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think so.
Everybody write to me and let me know
which one she died in.
She's definitely not around in five. It's all about
how he has a son.
It's a bare knuckle. How many have they made?
Six, and the last
one was called Rocky Balboa.
Have you seen them?
Uh-huh. Have you seen them all?
I've seen every single one of them.
God, you go to every movie.
In a motion picture house.
You go to every movie, right?
No, no, not anymore.
No, that was more like just growing up,
and then you've got to complete the set, you know?
Like, every kind of movie like that where there's a bunch of them.
Like, I didn't like the last two Indiana Jones
movies, but I saw them just because it's another
Indiana Jones movie. Of course.
And so that's sort of what the
Rocky movies are like. He can keep making them
and I'll keep watching them. Is there a
big movie that you haven't seen?
You know, just like
a kind of typical
like a young person listening wouldn't even
give a shit that I've never really seen like Gone with the Wind from beginning to end.
I've never seen Dr. Zhivago.
Like stuff like that.
But everything else that's like movies that everybody feels are like, you know, the ones everybody should or has seen.
I think I've seen them all.
What's your favorite movie?
I don't have one.
I look forward to the next one that's good.
Which is Few and Far Between
these days.
That's another thing.
I like TV more than movies.
It's kind of sad.
I think Breaking Bad is a better movie
than most movies.
Yeah, of course.
Why is that?
It's one person's vision.
There's less... Because movies have become like...
It's too important that it does well overseas
where they don't even speak the same language.
There's no like...
It's franchises or it's monster movies
or comic things.
I don't watch any of that stuff.
No comic movies.
Everything that's kind of small or unique
becomes a big hit.
The whole industry is surprised by it
and then they go back to just trying to make sure fire hits.
It's weird.
Why not just let people...
The Breaking Bad guy, I'm sure,
Vince Gilligan,
I'm sure he can just get a deal
to make a movie now.
Like David Chase
has got a movie coming out.
I look forward to seeing that.
That's the guy who did...
Sopranos.
You know what I mean?
Mad Men, Matthew,
what's it, Weiner?
He's probably got...
I just did a movie with him.
Yeah, there you go.
That's how it should work.
When a guy has an amazing TV series, I just did a movie with him. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. That's how it should work. Just give...
When a guy has an amazing TV series,
go ahead and give him a movie.
Yeah.
But Argo...
Argo's looking really good.
The fact that it's a real story,
it's so intriguing that that went on.
Yeah, and it was, you know,
it was recently declassified
and they wrote a book about it
and that's what the movie's based on.
Plus, what was that, the early 80s?
The late 70s?
I find watching the movie now
when there's no cell phones
or any of that technology
is more interesting.
Yeah.
Because now all people do is cut to this.
Because you can't solve everything
with a stupid phone.
That's right. I think Indiana Jones could have because you can't solve everything with a stupid phone that's right
I think Indiana Jones
could have gotten out
of some scrapes
with a phone
is that it?
listen to three guys
stare at each other
let's have a staring contest podcast Listen to three guys stare at each other.
Let's have a staring contest podcast.
Yeah, we can wrap it up if you want.
No.
That was a real conversation on movies.
That was a real thing.
That's what we were supposed to do on stage in front of those nice people.
Did they pay?
It flew in from all over the place.
Well, they all either have a festival badge or they bought a ticket to see Douglass movies followed by the stand-up comedy show
that's going on right now with lots of comics from the festival.
I think everybody had a good time.
I think our show is enjoyable to watch.
I should just worry about the. Because it's all physical.
Do you have a lot of movie buffs that listen to your show?
I mean...
Well, not real hardcore ones,
because they probably get aggravated by how we get off topic a lot.
Yeah.
But people who like movies...
Some guy just tweeted to me that
part of the fun for listening...
For him listening, he's like a big movie nerd.
So, like, whenever one of us
tosses up some obscure movie reference
that he gets, it makes him, you know,
it makes him feel good that, you know,
there's other people that have such
arcane, weird knowledge
and like to reference it.
So, in that sense,
there are, but I think it's more,
I think you have to be kind of a little bit
more casual about it, because if you're a hardcore movie
fan, there's a lot about
this show that would probably be irritating.
Have you ever had, like, a professor on
that? Professor Leonard
Baldwin's been on a few times,
but no, I've never
really, this is one of the
closest I've ever come to having a
serious conversation on the podcast.
Did you just say this is the closest I've ever come to having a professor on.
Well, yeah, you do dress like
a professor. That's right. Where does the word
buff come from? Like, movie
buff. What is that?
Is it short for something?
Uh, Buffalo?
Yeah, people in Buffalo are very
committed to this. Oh, they're really into stuff.
Buff. Buff is just, yeah,
it's just a word for somebody
that is super into something.
A fan.
I'm a big pussy buff.
I'm a gym rat, but...
I make myself buff.
Gym rat.
I gotta go to the gym tonight.
Really? Yeah. I gotta go to the gym tonight really yeah
I go to 24 hour fitness
and then I usually go down to Gold's
after that
Equinox
I hit Equinox around 3 in the morning
that's a good one
and then
so you're in Fest a lot of places
well you just want to
you want to get at the peak hours
so cause
I like for people to look at me
work out
that's why they call it peak
is that where peak
came from
peak hours
cause it's a good time to look
yeah
peak
peak at your pecs
peak at me
I'm getting my plugs in at the end of the show I want to say those I'm going to get my plugs in at the end of the show
I want to say those
there's a new Zanies out by the airport
in O'Hare
in Rosemont
I'm going to be there on October 21st
and then there's also another
new club in Phoenix, Arizona
it's not that new but new-ish
called Stand Up Live
and I'll be there October 27th at 420.
And I encourage people to wear costumes.
Was anybody wearing a costume tonight,
or they all just had signs that had their names on it?
I saw a lot of people dressed as nerds.
I think that's a good place to go out on.
And apologies for the rest of what you're about to hear.
And there's also going to be a follow-up podcast after this.
Oh, even more?
Maybe not.
Yeah.
Like, I just, I love the idea that people are going to see this episode in their inbox or whatever,
and it's going to say that it's over two hours long.
And you're not going to edit?
You don't do the editing?
It won't be over two hours long.
It'll be about 90 minutes,
which I've had longer episodes.
No, nothing gets edited.
It's just so people can just hear what happened
and be sure to let me know if you listen to all of this
because I'd be surprised.
Yeah, you should have a code word.
Someone can email you the code word that they listen to at the end of it.
You know the trouble with that is that later when they send me the word,
I have no idea what they're talking about.
I think they're just speaking it like I say.
The word is cunt.
Then I get a bunch of people saying cunt,
and I'm like, oh, why did I say something bad about Mitt Romney or something?
You should sell T-shirts and say I survived episode
whatever episode number this is.
Yeah I don't even know what episode number this is.
I just know that people
are pumped for the rest of it.
Like we've really sold it.
We've really
convinced people this is going to be worth their time.
So for Zach Galifianakis
and Steve Agee,
enjoy this
very special episode
after the fart.
You're going to put a fart noise in?
You're going to remember to do that?
Yes. Hey guys, producer Matt here. One more thing wrong with this episode. For the first seven minutes or so, there's a weird echo on Doug's voice.
It does end after seven minutes, so hang in there and enjoy the show. in his teeth, there's still not one that he won't see, but the
movies!
Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies
I really do
This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from Santa Monica High School
Don't worry listeners, there are no high school students here in the Barnum Hall tonight. Are there? Who's under 18? Right there? How
old are you? 15. Fucking A! Welcome 15 year old. Get your ears ready, because we're going to stuff some shit in there.
And this is happening during the first annual
L.A. Podcast Festival in Santa Monica, California
on Saturday, October 13th, to Ocean's 12.
Since last I spoke and you guys listened,
I flew back from New York City on Thursday
on the plane, Susan
Sarandon and Tom
Selick. Yeah.
I definitely would have gotten third billing
in the news story of that
crash.
This has been a new segment called Plane Droppers.
Which reminds me, who flew in for this festival? How many fly-ins do we have?
Let's take it, I'm going to walk into the audience because, oh lord!
Come for the movie talk, stay for the pratfalls.
Alright, who flew in?
Who's my flying up-skate star?
A 15-year-old flew in.
So we got...
These are some terrible parents.
They've gone out of their way to bring her to this...
To listen to this.
And where are you guys from?
Seattle.
Wow, you don't sound like a 15-year-old girl.
I'm terrible at winking.
Is this registering as winking? And what's your name, sir? Will. Will and Fiona and Rachel. Nice. Thank you for coming. What an amazing family. And who thinks they flew from further away than Seattle?
Oh, wow, this gentleman right here.
Where'd you fly in from?
I actually drove from Calgary, Canada.
You drove, what's that, 20 hours?
24.
24 hours.
So did you watch Keeper Sutherland on that show Touch?
Yeah.
Excellent.
So anybody further
than Calgary?
What the shit?
I'm not buying it.
Where are you from, sir?
Atlanta. That's pretty far.
No.
Did you drive?
No.
Get out of my face, you lazy piece of shit. No. Did you drive? No. Okay, so...
Get out of my face, you lazy piece of shit.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Your name ever?
Lance.
Hey, Lance.
Just for the listeners.
Hi, how are you guys doing?
Where did you come from?
Edmonton.
They're from Edmonton. They were for Edmonton.
They apologized for Edmonton to me at the bar last night.
Because these are the two people from Edmonton that have a sense of humor.
And they just go around apologizing.
You guys apologize more than Obama.
But thank you for that.
I think everything's good with me in Canada.
I think we're alright.
I don't think we need to get into that now.
Did I miss anybody over on this side that thinks they came from
super far? Where'd you guys come from?
That's a good one.
I'll be in Orlando on January 3rd at the improv if you want to drive 30 minutes.
Did you raise your hand?
No.
What's your name?
My name's Kyle.
All right, Kyle.
That's what they did to me at the TSA the other day.
They're like, what's your name?
And I'm like, are you kidding me?
You really think people are going to fuck that one up?
It's not a teenage girl with a fake ID Where are you from, man?
Wyoming
Oh, that's a good one
It's not quite as far as most of these other ones
But thanks for playing
I appreciate it I was joking around with him
at the bar last night with that hat on.
It seems like, oh, they let him make a wish
kid
come to the podcast
festival. That was his dying wish.
But that's not true at all, correct?
Maybe. Oh, no.
He might be dying, you guys.
We better get the show started
because we don't want to make a wish
that he died during it.
He died doing what he loves.
Let's see, what else do I have to cover on here?
Oh, last night I was a guest
on the Allison Rosen is Your New Best Friend program
right here at the festival.
That was a crazy-ass crowd there.
I was also on with Greg, the smartest man in the world, Proops.
And that episode will be available for your ears on iTunes soon or now, depending on when you hear this.
And L.A. friends, sorry, Tampa.
I'm doing a Benson movie inter interruption it's in a family uh a movie that i'm actually in returning part two on october 17th at eight o'clock with special
guests so come to that uh cinefamily.org and minneapolis any minneapolisians in the house? Twin Cities, for reals?
I'm going to be at Acme Comedy Club
October 20th at 4.20 in the afternoon
to stand up with some Leonard Maltin game
at the end
You guys can see I have a bulging prize bag
Do you want to know what's going on with the prize bag?
Let's give a look
We got a t-shirt that probably says something on it that will give
away who this person is. Does it mean? Oh, maybe not. What? I don't know what that's
about. And a $20 bill signed by one of our guests. And the second is Sean and Daryl. I forget which one is the cook.
Is it Daryl?
Yeah, Daryl made chocolate chip cookies with bacon in them.
And they're so good that I got to give them away because it's a huge bag of cookies.
I'll eat every goddamn one of them if given the opportunity.
I've got a copy of my CD, Smug Life, which you can also buy and then come find me
and get me to sign if you want.
They'll be selling some in the lobby after
and in the merch store tomorrow.
I'm hanging out tomorrow at the LA Podcast Festival
because I'm having so much fun here.
I'm finally giving this away.
I've been hanging on to it for a special night.
They're not here,
but this is a
vinyl version
bonus four
LP set of
Weezer's Pinkerton.
So that's a pretty
cool thing. And then
Allison's not here, but she gave me an
Allison Rosen is your new best friend sticker.
Oh, and from my
room service that I got is a
small Heinz tomato
ketchup and
a small Tabasco.
It's
really small. And
from Doug Diggs It is a movie
that I really like that I hope the winner of the prize
bag will watch and enjoy called Moneyball
with Brad Pitt.
Not to be confused with
Murderball but I think he should be in the fiction version of that. Right?
Murderball, let's watch him run around in a wheelchair. And two scripts from a
popular television show that one of my guests was on. So let's get them the hell
out here, everybody.
Last week was a clam bake.
This week we're back to another sausage fest.
Please welcome my friends, Dave Anthony, Zach Galifianakis,
Steve Agee, Mark Maron, and Todd Glass. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.
I told them to leave all your mics off and just have mine on
so we can have a decent show for once.
Everybody interrupting me constantly.
Just sit there and let me talk.
I don't know why the mics aren't working.
Whose is working? Anybody?
Mine is working.
Hello?
Hello?
Check, check, check.
One, two.
Testing, testing.
Thank you for that applause.
I appreciate it more than...
Mine's not working.
It's working on those guys.
Much more.
We should probably turn them off again.
So far, I'm disappointed.
Well, I don't know if you'd say comedian's comedian,
but if I've been called that, yeah.
Take it as a compliment.
And I'm known as a podcaster's podcaster.
Okay, let's go.
That's Dave Anthony, everybody, from Walking the Room podcast.
A lot of sad people.
When people say to me, do you enjoy Walking the Room?
I say, nope.
It's special code that we have. Yep, yep.
To build it up while keeping it down at the same time.
That's right.
If you guys want to get in on the secret, you can listen to Walking in the Room.
I think it's a great show.
I do.
I enjoy it.
What does that mean?
Why are you defensive already?
I don't know, but why are you saying that?
I just...
Unsolicited.
I think it's a unique celebration of sadness.
So, at the end, you are going to be mean.
At the very end.
Why am I the only guy that I say things to you and you're like...
But everyone else is just like, fuck you.
Why don't you just say, fuck you, like you do, but everyone else is just like, fuck you. Why don't you just say fuck you like you do everybody else?
No, I like to, with you,
I like to let it draw out and get really weird.
And then at the end,
I go, go fuck yourself.
But there's a journey. It's like
the movie The Master.
See what I did?
I brought it around. Subject.
Focus.
I don't know why you just podcast in the closet.
You really are good out amongst people.
I can't hear one thing.
What's the matter, Todd?
I don't think you heard me. I can't hear anything.
He said the same thing. I mean, we hear it, but in case we look like we're...
Should we put our chairs in a circle and just talk to each other?
We can do that game where you whisper something and the person sitting next to you
is here and they'll pass it on.
It's strange acoustics,
but Mark Maron is here, everybody.
He's the one
that was just doing that
marvelous bit with Dave Anthony.
Yeah, it's a bit we always do.
It starts out where people are anticipating
something exciting is going to happen.
Then it gets weird.
And then it just trickles off.
Have you been working out?
No, I haven't been.
What the fuck is that?
Have you been working out?
It's just a basic observation
about your physical situation.
What does that mean, though?
What are you saying?
I look like I'm working out?
I don't know.
Have you been?
No, I haven't. Have you, fucker?
It's weird. I can understand Mark, but I can't understand Dave.
What? I speak. Here's what I hear. Here is what I hear. But I hear it enough. Don't worry.
I know you worry. But here's what I hear. I'll try to do impersonation of what I hear.
but here's what I hear.
I'll try to do impersonation what I hear.
Well, you see,
I mean,
what was that?
I know,
well, you walk down there,
but,
well, you take that back
to think about it,
but you're not going to,
well,
yeah.
And then sometimes I hear,
like, she was late.
Oh, someone was late.
Hold on.
Someone's late.
That's all I know.
Is that what it sounds like
to you guys?
That's why I'm happy.
I don't have, we don't have monitors. We stay we don't have monitors I just is that all the time or
just right now now I hear you perfectly but we might be the only I understand I
hear you perfectly too I understood everything you just said I think
everything's fixed whatever they did thank you it was great actually yeah I
can't I still can't hear mark I don't even I don't even see Steve Agee oh I
think when I see your mouth, I can...
He's hard to miss.
I would skip the guy in the middle and then go to the other two.
What did he say?
Did he say something?
He seems very uninterested.
What did you say?
Maybe like he's on Halcyon.
Yeah.
I said skip the man and go to the other two.
He looks like he's on Halcyon, like he shouldn't be here, like there's something.
Not you, you're great.
But this guy is just quiet and odd.
That's the genius of Zach.
What's happening right now.
I would love it if he went the whole time without saying a word.
You think you can do it?
Fuck you, listeners.
You'll get big laughs, too.
He's already killing with Todd.
Todd Glass, everybody.
Seriously.
I pay him to do that.
Where are you going?
He's like, yeah, that Todd Glass.
I got enough of him last year.
Is Steve Agee in a giant chair, or is he... No, he's a really large...
I swear I heard my name.
He's a really large guy normally I don't
drink before shows
but I didn't feel
normally
I bought that joke
to be honest
from
not even joking around
I bought it from
Foster Brooks
on his deathbed
so
I hope he can see
how good it went over
and he's sad
if he
you have
never mind
I can't fucking understand anything I have no idea what anybody's saying like it sounded like just saying like good it went over and he's sad. If you... Never mind.
I can't fucking understand anything. I have no idea what anybody's saying. Like, it sounded like you were
mumbling. It's like, down there, there's fish.
Norm...
Normally, I don't
drink before the show, but
I didn't feel normally.
Eh, try it again.
I'm sorry. Wait, how many...
It's not... It wasn't the accent or the
character that was ruining that joke Todd but he actually you just did it
like Foster Brooks would do it yeah what it was like an Italian guy then what it
was selling what I do to people when I walk around the street. I go... Is that Italian?
I'm not sure what he's doing.
What were you just doing?
I go up to people in the street.
Alright, enough face humor.
We got the designated face humorist
on the panel. You have to talk.
We have...
Hey Steve, can you do that joke
in Italian?
What?
Like a meatball.
Would you talk to Steve?
Steve Agee's here, everybody.
Yay!
Thank you.
He brought two different scripts
from the wonderful Silverman program
that he was on.
Episodes you might remember
from their titles,
The Mongolian Beef
and Pee Pee.
Pee Pee's a classic.
And what's this?
Who brought the t-shirt?
What's the t-shirt supposed to be?
It's not supposed to be anything.
It is something.
A t-shirt.
If it was actually a shirt,
what would it be? It wasn't a shirt. I if it was actually a shirt what would it be it is
it was it wasn't a shirt I think that would be a vacation house I think it's
got high aspirations but I have to say the word right would you would you guys guys consider this going well at this point?
I don't have anything to... Oh, that's alright, Mark. You don't have to...
There's plenty of stuff in the bag.
I have a Dwayne Reed card.
Oh, okay.
And there's Andy out here on this coast.
He's got like 14 points
built up on that motherfucker.
It's really, it's like worn out.
Like he really went to town on it. I carry it around. I don't know. Where is Dwayne Reed's in New York, right? points built up on that motherfucker. It's really worn out.
I carry it around. Where is Dwayne Reeds in New York, right?
It's a drugstore.
I don't know what you can even fucking get with that.
Alright, it was Zach
Galifianakis that signed a 20,
so that's exciting.
That's the plot
of the next Hangover movie. He wakes up and he's like, where's that 20 that I had?
To the person that I pick, if I win or if I don't win,
I'm going to give some money to...
I'm going to give $100,000 to a charity after tonight's show.
Serious, I'm not even joking around, I swear to God.
I'm going to give $100,000.
Zach's going to give $50,000. Zach's going to give $50,000.
I'm going to give $50,000 to a charity.
So I think that's a good thing.
How's it going, Zach?
You're still in for $50,000.
I know you're having fun with him, but you're still in for $50,000.
Right?
Yeah, we're going to give it, I swear to God.
Okay.
That's exciting. What did I tell you about the face comedy?
You know why I'm laughing, because I got scared.
And I didn't even remember you saying anything about face comedy.
And then the first thing I could come up with oh you mean like
making facial expressions on a podcast no no what I said was I hope you enjoy
my laughter as much as I've enjoyed I can't understand sometimes when they had
a the 80s they would have a deaf woman comedian.
Is it better out there?
Yeah, a little bit.
Jesus.
It's better right here.
Turning into a woman in blood.
So if you walk over here, it's better?
Below?
A little bit better out here.
Yeah.
This is better.
Yeah.
This is better, right?
I can hear better right now.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I can hear everybody.
Zach.
Yeah, this is good.
Stay there. I think this everybody. Zach, stay there.
I think this is a good layout.
If anybody wants to take a picture of me,
now's the time.
Now's the time.
Someone rocking a baby over there?
I might go sit down. I just got a text from one of the organizers of the show
saying, when do you want to start?
Do you swear to God?
Let's do it.
Let's start it.
No.
Wait, I'm one of the organizers.
I'm one of the organizers.
Oh my God,
I'm caught in a time loop.
Wait, Doug,
I'm going to text you to start.
That's right.
Let's have a big thank you
to Dave Anthony
for organizing this event
And we'll be back with more of Applause Podcast
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Stop it.
Do we plug our... Now we're never having another festival.
In all seriousness,
because last time I forgot to,
do we plug our dates at the end?
You might as well do it now.
Okay.
Do it now?
We might be running out of time at the end.
Now that you bring it up,
I'll be in Omaha at the Funny Bone
The 1st or the 4th of October
I'll be at PJ Ryan's in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania
The 27th of October
Those are all made up words except for Pennsylvania
What's made up?
Phoenix, Poindexter, the other one
No
These Omaha Funny Bone, look it up
It's the real deal
What is it? What is it? Oh, you're helping me, look it up. It's the real deal. What is it? Anyway.
What is it? October. Oh, you're
helping me. I know you're doing like infomercial stuff.
What is it? October 1 through 4.
Where? Oh, it's in Omaha. Omaha?
Nebraska? You know when they try to disguise
a commercial as a message
machine? You know, it's always so phony.
It's always like, hey, it's Karen.
I just called to tell you about Subaru.
They're having some crazy deal.
Are you going to give the car away?
I guess for $199, I just thought I'd call or I'm buying it.
Apparently, that includes tax and tag.
So whenever you get a chance, give me a call.
I guess they're open all night.
They're going to open until midnight on Saturday.
So that's got to be a good thing.
All right, call me back.
Really?
And if you
enjoyed that, ladies and gentlemen, where are you going to be?
I'll be at the...
PJ Ryan's in Phoenixville,
the 27th. One night, two
shows. Sometimes I do three.
One time I did four.
What's it called again, Todd?
PJ Ryan's in... Are you serious?
Oh, you're not joking.
You're serious.
You're not serious.
PJ Rhinos?
Omaha Funny Bone,
the first through the fourth.
PJ...
I'm not even joking.
I'm not...
Okay, you know.
Netflix.
My new special's coming out
at the end of the month, so...
Where can we see that?
Netflix.
Where?
Your new special's called
At the End of the Month?
What?
You're going to have a special on Netflix?
Netflix.
That's terrific.
So go to PJ's in Omaha.
Let's start.
PJ's is in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania.
PJ's is not a real place.
It's a small little room.
I love it.
It holds 650 people.
It's just so fucking intimate.
At PJ's?
It's the way you make other people that aren't draw like that. You make them feel. You just do it casually. It's just so fucking intimate. It's the way you make your, like, other
people, like, that aren't draw like that. You make them
feel, you just do it casually. You go, I'm going to Philly. I love
that fucking place. It's like an 1100 seat
room. It's so fucking small and intimate. I just
dig it. Hey, Todd.
Like, people are going to go, how big does Todd usually
work? This is a great practice run.
We'll start the real thing
at like 8 o'clock.
We'll bump the comedy show
that's coming up after this.
I'm doing that.
I'm doing that comedy show.
Congratulations. I'm doing that comedy show. Congratulations.
We're doing
a comedy thing.
Me, Greg Barron, Al Madrigal, and Will Anderson
February 2nd at the Bell House in New York City.
Oh, that's great.
That's a
wonderful lineup.
It's going to be really great, you guys.
Is that a camera or a gun? That's a gun.
It's a fucking gun.
Don't look at it.
He has been
told if you look to shoot.
Can you
imagine if that was a gun and
someone else was shooting it and that would be on YouTube?
Yeah, that'd be
great, Todd. That'd be great.
No, if you were
you'd live
but they would
ah come on
you never thought it
you thought exactly
what I thought
how's it going Steve
yeah what's up Steve
what
I really
it's
I can't even hear
what he's saying
well from where I'm sitting
you want to try here
you want to try
sit there
no no no
it's good out here
no Steve has a nicer chair he has. No, Steve has a nicer chair.
He has a taller chair.
Steve has a taller chair.
Probably the altitude.
Okay.
Okay.
Someone in this audience has an airplane
and someone else has a baby.
It's just where we're at.
It's going gonna have to be
so good like if you say one thing it's gonna have to be so good you've really
set yourself up in a bad place here I
have complete faith in you though it's. Have you thought about doing this for some of your movies?
I like the really short movies that you do with Travelocity.
No! No! No! No No
No
No
No
That is weak
No
Harry do you want your $20 back?
It's in there somewhere
For everybody who's just listening
Yeah just take the whole bag
No prizes tonight.
He's not good at what he does.
Just say you're sorry.
Maybe you should just say you're sorry.
He's very sensitive.
Should I say sorry?
Yes.
I don't know.
It might make him feel better.
Hey, Guy.
Hey, Guy, I'm sorry.
That's America, ladies and gentlemen.
USA.
USA.
Zach Galvanakis.
It's an American dream.
If you come back, you come back with a flag.
Whoa.
Oh.
We're in a high school.
For everybody who's listening, Zach Galvanakis came out with an American flag.
He was very popular.
So far, there's been a lot
of physical comedy for a podcast.
For those of you who are just tuning in,
Zach is here.
He's back. Hello, everyone.
Yay!
Yay!
That's so pompous.
It's so pompous.
Let's do the thing.
I think we are doing the thing.
I think this is the thing.
Okay, we're ready.
We're ready.
Let's go.
There's people that flew in.
Flewn?
Did you just say flew-n-in?
Flew-in.
Okay.
They flew in, and they're probably sitting there going,
oh, this is exactly how I imagined it when I listened.
This isn't any different than what I
thought in my brain.
But does anybody hunger for games?
Wow.
Wow.
I saw
way too much of your underwear.
What? I saw way too much of your underwear. What?
I saw way too much of your underwear.
Why were you looking at my ass?
I would say half.
Let's get into that.
Talk about that stuff.
It was big and it was staring at me.
It wasn't that big.
You were just looking at it.
You have a nice ass.
Your phone flew across the stage like Gabby Douglas that was amazing
it was doing flips and then it stopped right at the edge of the stage
did it break it's like a new iphone thing it's an app
it's the bouncing gymnast app yeah i just hold it flip her out and
god damn it the way you look at me, it's creepy.
Don't.
You're staring at us.
Him or me?
No, he's like a deaf weirdo behind you, but you're...
Me?
Like, the way you look, it's like you're trying to figure out what we're saying,
but that just makes you have crazy eyes.
And it's terrifying.
Every time I look over there, yes, it's awful.
That end of the panel looks like Larry and his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl are back.
I think I could hide my intensity.
Yeah, you're the one that talks, and then you have your other brothers named Daryl.
No idea.
I did want to say that we are going to be the, they switched our podcast time slot.
We're now the lead-in for Mark's show, so I'm very excited about that you mean every monday and thursday you're the lead yeah
we're going to lead in for your show our time slot got switched so we're very excited on the
todd glass show we're the lead-in for mark maron now so that's very we're very excited
maybe you should hit it you know it's a joke right yeah uh some people didn't and that's cute we're
not going to make fun of you.
Try it again. You don't make fun of people when you trick them.
You don't trick people and go,
ah,
you go,
oh,
you people were like,
oh,
that's good.
Todd deserves that.
And then you turn to your friends.
You go,
what's he fucking talking about?
You watch him.
You listen to him whenever you want.
But then to me,
I'm done.
I'm sorry.
Does anyone hunger for games?
I didn't hear what he said.
I heard him do this.
That's like the scene in the plane
at the beginning of the movie.
You said that right at me
and I have no idea what you said.
It's like I'm living in a filter world
where there's just like water between us.
Dave Anthony, you have my permission
to die.
No matter what language people say it in
or how garbled it is,
I always hear when people tell me to die.
Gentlemen, select
a name tag that you'd like to play for today or i will kill you
there's a we got some good ones
there's a boba fett helmet okay there's a i'm gonna be forrest gump i have a new a new character
i'm working on i'm the guy who overly looks like he's really overly judging.
She's missing homecoming for this.
She came from Seattle.
Zach is actually leaving the stage.
Just hang on to your name tag that you want to play for.
I like that.
I just got to grab one?
That's super creepy.
I'm not doing it to anybody.
What the fuck is that?
Oh Whoa
It's magic
Is that yours?
Send me a robot
I thought they were
Fly me a robot
Nobody else has Okay, done I thought they were fly me a robot okay done
yeah Todd wants a cookie every by the way this is probably what I would have
grabbed anyway are those regular cookies? Seriously.
We've lost Zach.
It's the Christmas day he never had.
Were you really holding up the baby? Could I really have taken the baby?
Yeah, because I will take the baby
if you will let me take the baby.
I will give back this Middle Earth
shit because this is not real. I'm going me take the baby i will give back this middle earth because this is not real
i'm gonna take the baby do it who are you playing for zach the guy in the uh his name is uh shame
no sean sean i am proud to be playing for a guy who went very
I am proud to be playing for a guy who went very...
What happened?
Oh, no.
Dave Anthony has somebody's baby.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Are you playing for a baby?
Oh, my God.
How's your bullshit? Awesome pose.
How are your bullshit toys?
I got a human.
Zach, he's doing exactly what you do, not on purpose.
You don't need this then?
Nope.
Am I better than your dad?
Whoa.
I wish you guys could have heard that.
It says for ages.
Who threw this up here?
It's for 8 year olds This child's too young
Can the kid eat Cheerios?
Here I'm going to throw it over here
Can you get to the aisle?
I don't want to hit anybody in the head with this thing
I do want to get it back to you
Oh there's a nice lady
There's a real fucking baby up here
She's trying to suck on my tit Totally understandable to you. Oh, there's a nice lady. There's a real fucking baby up here.
She's trying to suck on my tit.
Totally understandable.
I am overweight. You should be able to do that.
Are you looking forward
to being two someday?
I heard that's a terrible time.
Did somebody drug this kid? Seriously. No, it's just a very good child. Yeah, this is a good kid. Did somebody drug this kid?
Seriously.
No, it's just a very good child.
Yeah, this is a good kid.
I wish you would shut the fuck up like this once in a while.
Are you talking to me?
Steve, no bullshit.
Call child services.
I'll stall.
Okay, thanks.
Did you see the campaign?
There was a baby in that.
Oh, wrinkled their face.
What's your favorite movie, baby?
Dave is actually handling a baby perfectly
and these two idiots are playing with a plane.
He's on the phone with Child Protective Services.
Do you want to see something hairy?
That's Greek.
Rip it, rip it, rip it, rip it.
Years ago, that would have been...
This is how I broke into comedy.
This is how I broke into comedy.
Are they getting some good video of this?
Yeah someone is I'm directing the festival now
He's like a modern day Belushi
That's a really great baby
I'm keeping it
I'm impressed with this baby
He's just doing this here She's just doing this here That's a really great baby. I'm keeping it. I'm impressed with this baby.
He's just doing this here.
She's just doing this here.
As soon as that kid gets home,
hello, my baby.
Hello, my honey.
I think the best thing that could happen is after this show,
the parents are nowhere to be found.
We're so worried.
What are we going to do with this baby?
First of all, dress it up like a girl.
And then, I don't know.
Oh my God, this is a movie.
Let's go down to the...
I wrote it. I swear to God, I thought about it right before you did it.
And then you said it.
And you know when you fucking do that to me.
I thought of this.
And then you said it.
But this is the movie.
I got it.
But don't you say that about everything
sometimes
alright I got a little
excited
this leads to a movie
this leads to a movie
starring Steve Guttenberg
yeah
are you playing
for that baby
yeah
okay
are his arms
okay like that
I get to win this right
I know maybe his head looks like that? I get to win this, right?
I know.
Maybe his head looks like it should be the other way.
I'm going to... Did you blow smoke in the baby's face?
Like weed in the baby's face or something?
If I win this, I'm taking it home.
I'm going to raise it like a chicken.
And we're going to see how that goes.
It's called
the social experiment.
You gave it to the only
comic that actually
has one of those.
That's why it's going so well.
One of these guys
had it.
They'd be like,
oh God,
it's not like my dog.
Let me play with it.
Put it on my shoulders.
I'm also sort of a baby.
We're talking to each other
with our eyes.
It really is quite a...
She just called me a motherfucker.
...connection you've made here.
That's not cool.
That's not cool, baby.
That's not cool at all.
What?
I will bite your face.
Keep it up, bro.
I so want you to hand it to someone else and then it just starts no if I
gave it to give it to Zack what happens if you give it to Zack is it okay if I hold the truck
you know Zach would never I could never do anything inappropriate with a baby yeah I do
that all the time with babies.
I hold them and do that.
I'm just saying precedent has been set.
Are you reaching out?
That one time.
What?
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Slap him.
Oh, God.
Please don't tear my face off.
How strong are you, baby?
How strong are you?
Don't make eye contact.
How strong are you?
You're going to have to release this.
Oh, the baby wants the mic. Baby wants the mic. Oh, you're fucked. You made it. It's are you? You're going to have to release this. Oh, the baby wants the mic.
Baby wants the mic.
Oh, you're fucked.
You made it.
It's a comedian.
You're so fucked.
Say it.
Tell me a joke.
Tell me a joke.
Did you notice?
Oh.
What's it saying?
What's the baby saying?
Help.
Help me.
I'm more comfortable with my parents.
I just want everyone to know
that baby just licked the microphone
and then gave it back to me.
You're going to have to release this on video, you know, now.
My parents, my parents grow pot in the house.
Okay, baby, what about this?
Fucking help.
It's you and me.
It's a sequel to Due Date.
You and me on a road trip.
Hello, my baby.
Hello, my sweetheart.
Hello, my ragtime.
It's me and you on a road trip
just going out and finding breweries.
Todd, say your name after each one
so you get credit that you deserve.
For credit for what?
After every bit you do,
throw your name in there
so the listeners know it was you.
Well, they'll know.
Does it taste good?
It doesn't taste good.
Oh, you're licking that.
That's a bad idea.
That's bad, yeah.
This is funny.
These are pretty clean mics, though.
You have a good baby.
She just licked the mic and then she smelled it.
Like, that's someone who knows how to party i just asked him personally i go are we gonna play the game and he goes yeah you're up
and i got nervous that's what he does we've been waiting for you to go this whole fucking time man
that's why we're standing up here playing with a fucking baby.
I get confused. I start doing the wrong game.
That's not charades.
Quit with the visual.
What the fuck are you doing to the baby?
I'm touching its head.
I'm holding its head.
I have its head. Get the fuck away from my baby.
Can we not do this in front of the child, please?
I think the baby's doing all right.
Your father got weird when his podcast got popular.
Oh, the baby just wants to mention the show's sponsored by Fleshlight.
Todd's going to be at the Funny Bone.
Do you have a Fleshlight?
Give me that mic.
I got something I want to talk about.
This is where we are now as comedians.
We have a baby on stage
and one guy is talking like the baby.
We have gone back to an old Kirstie Alley movie.
We've reverted.
Do not shit on me.
That kid loves the microphone, loves being on stage,
loves being held
by Dave Anthony. Are you scared? Do you want your baby
back? What's the
name?
Feral. Did you hear about the baby?
His name is Feral. Did you all hear about the baby?
Feren. At the film festival
when this sort of the same thing happened
and there was a, did you hear what happened?
is this going to be a sad horrible thing?
no I better not say
I'll tell you later backstage
the sacrifice
yeah baby sacrifice
yes
baby
baby
one must die
for the podcast to be successful
oh my god
no I'm kidding
I'm kidding
I mean you don't even know what I'm talking about
so it's all good
have you like in this entire last 20 minutes
have you ever
did you ever like think once about blowing pot smoke into the baby's face
I even said something about it oh you did already yeah out loud minutes. Did you ever think once about blowing pot smoke into the baby's face?
I even said something about it. Oh, you did already?
Yeah, out loud.
I can't understand
anything. I know, it's hard for us to hear each other.
But uh-oh, here we go.
We're getting some action.
You want to go?
Huh?
I thought...
Say it.
Let the people know
tell Dave he's not funny
it would be so great
if she said her first word
right now
and it was bullshit
do we know the baby's name
what is the baby's name
do we know the name
say bullshit
say bullshit
it's the baby's name
is Thurm
Thurm
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy
Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy. Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy?
Thurmy? This is a great show. We are going to... I brought it to a screeching halt.
This is a special occasion, Farron,
because this might be the first episode
in the history of the show,
oh, the second,
where we didn't play the Leonard Maltin game.
Let's play the Give the Baby a New Name game.
What do you think about your being so young
and ruining everything for a lot of people?
You're cool with it.
Look, Farron, it's all for you oh no don't jump don't jump
finally a movie reference
it's about time what about farron buehler's day off
look i've been up all night with a fucking baby.
You're addicted to holding babies.
Well, you can't just put them down when you pick them up.
I mean, I can't just drop them.
No, let's see what would happen.
Let's see what would happen.
Let's have a battle between the baby and the remote control helicopter.
That's horrendous. It's a fair fight.
That kid's got a good arm
Can you do anything with babies at this age?
No, this is what you do
And then they shit on you and they throw up
Uh oh
Okay, we got a Farron problem
Really?
Yeah, she's making mad faces
I ruined your baby
It seems like a good baby to me
still seems good
no one's claiming the baby
there you go mother of the year
I think that
something happened here
similar to a baptism of some kind.
Like something, a ceremony just occurred.
And I'm not sure if it's positive or...
That's the podcast festival baby.
Oh yeah, now it has to come back every year.
Every year.
Yeah.
And it always has to be a baby.
So we have to send it to a science lab
and just shut all that growing shit down.
Are you guys having a...
What the fuck are you doing?
There's another podcast down here.
Wait a second.
I don't know which one I'm on.
I swear to God, I thought this was my podcast.
I was doing it live. Is this yours?
Do you know what you just did?
I said, what the fuck are you doing?
And you turned around and grabbed your crotch really quick.
Like, that's just your instinctual, what?
Nothing.
You did, yeah, I felt that inwardly.
I had that happen with Doug before.
I have this thing when I get yelled at, I revert back to a, that's somebody from the audience.
Oh, where's my drop?
I should get my toy back.
So, um.
Be careful.
That guy has tattoos, people.
That's right.
That's the way you do it, motherfuckers.
Throw the baby.
Throw the baby.
Can I see that for a second?
Yeah, it's awesome.
It's a thing that...
Where's the nice lady?
Give it back to that guy.
I want him to do it again.
The nice lady.
What are you, a puppet act?
Are you a puppet act?
Don't be mean to the nice lady.
You want him to do it?
Okay.
Twice.
Twice baked potato.
Throw everything you have Throw everything
I remember they threw it
50 times that night
Okay so Todd
Don't say what's on the back of your Seth at the funeral
You're playing for Seth and that's his shithead
For the end of the show
if you lose
and Steve's playing for Corey
rather than a gremlin on the wing
of the plane it's a large it's a rat
a really small rat
in our lives but a huge one on that
plane
and Mark is playing for
Charlie who changed
Honey Nut Cheerios to Honey Nut Charlie on a nice little box of those.
They're pretty tasty.
He didn't write his name on here, but the item is Balrog of Kazadum.
And he's a middle-of-birth toy.
What's your name?
Remember that.
What?
Rasheed.
Rasheed.
I'm playing for Rasheed.
All right.
You have to remember that, because I'm not going to.
And Zach is playing for Sean
who you already broke his
helicopter. Is it broken?
It's okay. Good.
Oh really? Will you make it work
while we're doing the game?
If we gave you the remote? Yeah, because there's not enough distractions.
Do you mind if...
And maybe land it on the baby's head?
I don't think it works anymore.
It does work. Let him do it.
Okay.
Sir?
What do you think you...
Sir.
How do you do that?
Move your droid off of it.
It's an iPhone.
Sir, if Zach broke it, I think you should be compensated.
Hey, thanks for leaving this out in the sun for a while before you brought it here.
Come on, dude.
Is it not working?
This is embarrassing.
This is like nerdy.
Who makes this? We should give him a shout out.
Is this the dragon that killed
Gandalf?
Is it the fire dragon?
Oh, good.
Oh, God.
Don't, don't, don't.
It's the ghost of Sean Pitt.
You just...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Put the baby on it.
There's no way that this could end badly.
Man, you must get a lot of pussy.
Sorry, I didn't mean to say
that in front of the baby.
Nothing like helicopter pussy.
Mark can do it.
Just give it some stick.
Give it some stick.
Give it some stick, he said.
I think you're too attached to this. You can get flying lessons later if you want. Just give it some stick. Give it some stick. Give it some stick, he said. Just give it a little stick.
I think you're too attached to this.
You can get flying lessons later if you want.
Oh, here we go.
That's right.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a fuel leak, but we should be fine.
I just imagine Mark outside of Radio Shack going, yeah, I'll take it.
Mayday, mayday, we're being dragged down by a name tag.
Now we've been captured by a monster.
I feel like a baby in his arms.
That just is every, that basically sums up
everything I've ever done to you since I've known you.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
We're going to crash.
This is great. No, we This is great No, we're fine
I paid a bunch of money to go to a show to watch guys
Hold babies and fly helicopters
It was awesome
This is wrong
Now when exactly
Don't touch it
No, it's wrong
Go ahead, Doug.
I was just checking in with Dave
because he's the co-founder of the festival
and I want to know exactly when I can expect
to receive the worst festival
podcast
in the history of all
festivals.
That happened already.
I already got that award.
We had the award across the street
15 minutes ago, the whole ceremony.
Oh, I love those.
Do you know the names of all the food trucks that were outside, Dave?
Dogtown.
Dogtown.
Dogtown Massacre.
Hey, by the way, I want to thank Dogtown Massacre.
No bullshit.
They gave me $50 free food tonight.
Or they will now.
Do the right thing.
Why would they give it to you?
You kept the massacre part,
which is not part of their name.
It's a terrible promotion.
I know one thing.
I might say their name wrong,
but I know their food is fucking delicious.
That's why I'm their sponsor.
Hi.
We should, I mean,
we have to start the stand-up show soon. Yeah, there's another show.
Yeah, yeah.
I think we're coming in at, we're a few minutes shy
of one hour. Okay.
Let's play the game. Let's play the game.
We started a few minutes late. Yeah,
that's a great idea.
Put down the remote control.
The guy
walking around
with the helicopter.
It's not even your name tag.
Just eat your fucking Cheerios and shut up.
Todd, put it down.
Todd, is that your name tag, Todd?
No, it's... It's Zach's name tag.
Give it back to Zach.
Yeah, that's Zach, you idiot.
You're not good at anything.
I thought that was preventing us from starting the game
So I thought it would help us
Sit down
I made a mistake
Sit down
Do the message machine bit again
Hey Kathy, how you doing?
Listen, I guess they're opening up a mall
down the street from the old one.
I guess it's going to be bigger with more restaurants,
so that's good.
Let's pretend this is for months for your bit.
So I guess they're having a big grand opening.
But I guess Nordstrom's is having 50% off.
I've got to go take advantage of that.
But anyway, call me back when you get a chance.
That's all.
I'll probably go early since they're having a little jazz down there.
That sounds like lots of fun.
Anyway, I'll talk to you later.
It's very hard.
These jokes, all my ad libs are written for me by a close friend of mine.
And that joke, I should chill myself.
All right.
So, okay.
So Todd's out of the game.
Todd's out.
I'm ready.
Now, does anybody else want to do a bit or do you want to play the game?
No, let's do it.
Let's do it.
I'm good.
I'm good to go.
Steve, you okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Thanks.
Hey, you know what?
You've been fucking hilarious tonight.
What?
Yeah.
It's great.
Never forget, motherfucker.
No, stop it.
Ow.
I wish I had more control I've seen that before
a lot of people died
it's broke
but it's not like
she actually flew out here
on this plane man
look it's
no it's not even broke
think about the victim Steve
thanks for taking care of
things
alright good
oh the rat the rat fell. The rat fell off.
The rat fell off the airplane.
Here goes the
helicopter again.
Go, go. Let's go.
There's no distractions at all. I really should be
easy to move this along.
May pretend from now on
that that helicopter has been
dispatched to an accident on the highway
and that's how bad the helicopter driver is.
He can't get there, but they're waiting for him.
You can cut Todd's mic if you want.
If you want to just cut it out entirely.
What? No, you can't. What?
All right.
Oh, now something else is happening with the helicopter.
We got a mechanic.
We got a mechanic.
We change it every three minutes.
Don't complain to me, listeners.
Got a mechanic coming in.
I hope whoever's taking care of this podcast
knows how to edit.
He's repairing the helicopter.
It's only been an hour, but nothing has happened.
It's an hour long.
How many batteries do you have on you?
I'm just out of curiosity.
I said out loud, we're not going to play the game tonight.
Then you all, in turn, said,
let's play the game.
Sit the fuck down and play, let's play the game. Why are you doing this fucking shit?
Sit the fuck down and play one round
of my bullshit game.
Yeah.
Way to take control.
This facility doesn't even have alcohol.
There's no excuse.
I'm tired.
You have the best
excuse. Stop playing with the helicopter.
Give me the fucking remote.
Shut up.
You shut up.
Oh, shit.
Comedy at its best.
Just two old guys saying shut up to each other.
God damn it. That's what the debates should have been. Shut up saying shut up to each other. God damn it.
That's what the debates should have been.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Try to play with my helicopter.
A lot of helicopters.
Can I plug something?
I'm serious.
I might put a video on YouTube in a month or so, so...
Don't get jealous.
Okay, so Todd's eliminated again.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Graham Elwood, my hero.
I'm back in action, motherfuckers.
We could do this all night,
or at least for the next three or four minutes. That's bad. Hitman had a heart attack, Graham. Thanks.
I had a bad hip and had a heart attack, Graham.
Hey, thanks for helping speed up the show.
Where's the lady?
Where's the people with the baby?
You win the fucking prize bag.
Barron. Barron.
I also have a T-shirt for you.
If you go back and see the merch guy and ask for a nope shirt, there you go.
Thank you guys so much for coming.
I mean, I'm sorry.
One more round of applause for all of my guests.
Steve Agee, Todd Glass, Zach Galifianakis,
Marc Maron
And Dave Anthony
And as always
Todd Glass is a shithead
Dave Anthony is a shithead
Mark Maron is a shithead
Zach Galifianakis is a shithead
And Steve Agee is a shithead
By the way
Play the music
No no no, no.
This is important.
Play the music.
It's so important.
I didn't want you to think I never see movies,
so I purposely went and saw a movie out of respect to this show.
I saw Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.
Looper.