Doug Loves Movies - Steve Agee, Zach Galifianakis, Marc Maron, Dave Anthony, and Todd Glass Guest

Episode Date: October 13, 2012

Live from the L.A. Podcast Festival, Doug welcomes Steve Agee, Zach Galifianakis, Marc Maron, Dave Anthony, and Todd Glass to the train wreck, er, show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com.../privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies. This isifianakis and Steve Agee are here in my room. And they didn't say much. We spoke less than anybody. Yeah, you guys spoke a little less than Todd Glass, Mark Maron, and Dave Anthony. Shocking. And so I'm just, we're recording this to just sort of say,
Starting point is 00:00:47 you know, this is an episode that you have to listen to and just, you really have to use your imagination and just assume, just assume that
Starting point is 00:00:56 what we're doing on stage is funny. Use your imagination. Really, this is more like, this week's episode is like a radio play. It's a lot of sound effects
Starting point is 00:01:07 and you just, but we don't always explain what's happening. There's a remote control helicopter, a live baby named Farron, I think. Yeah. Yeah, that was the baby's name. Yeah. And
Starting point is 00:01:22 a lot of things got thrown around, and so it was weird. So let's just record a... And we couldn't hear each other. Oh, that was... Because there were no monitors on the stage. People in the audience could hear us just fine, but just the setup, you know. I've played a lot of high schools, you guys, and I was disappointed that this high school... It was a pretty nice auditorium for a high school.
Starting point is 00:01:48 It's really nice. High school attended by Sean Penn and Nicholas Cage. Santa Monica High School. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we were in their theater doing that. That thing that we just did. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:02:06 It's kind of weird. Might be a step back from podcasting. Like is the... We're so excited about podcasting moving forward with this festival. And we just set it back. Yeah. It's like an episode of the Gong Show. But with the visuals off.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Yes. episode of the gong show but with the visuals off yes just listen to the gong show you guys just give it a try yeah just listen to it just one test of a wonder what's going on always oh yeah we could just add a gong whenever somebody's long winded like Todd Glass now Steve you just shot a movie worked on a movie yeah I just finished at 6 6am this morning wow when did I text you about doing the show
Starting point is 00:02:59 around 9 or 10 no I think well I got your text at like 2 oh right and what's the movie it's really Around 9 or 10? No. Well, I got your text at like 2. Oh, great. And what's the movie? It's a really ultra-low-budget horror comedy called The Many Lives of Jovan Cornejo. Okay, that's going to be changed.
Starting point is 00:03:17 It was the lowest-budget thing I've ever worked on, but it was really kind of fun, and it's a funny script. Are you the titular role character? The what? The guy in the title. No. I'm not Jovan Corneo. But I was covered in blood.
Starting point is 00:03:37 What do you play in it? Guy covered in blood. I play a guy. Zombie or something? No, it's a bunch of guys go camping. Then they run into John Cornhole. Cornholio.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Was the last podcast part of the horror film? Yes. It was an interactive horror film that ended at Santa Monica High. With a baby. So that movie's not coming out for a long time. Long time. We'll have you back on the podcast two or three times before then.
Starting point is 00:04:15 We'll have the same conversation about it every time, too. I've done that a few times. It takes so long for somebody's movie to come out that they come back on and we just talk about the same thing yeah who's in that movie Steve? oh yeah who's in it? it was written by and directed by a couple of my friends
Starting point is 00:04:35 who I know through like the channel 101 you know world but there was a guy who worked on it who was in John Carpenter's The Thing he was his name is Dave Clennon, character actor
Starting point is 00:04:50 and he was fucking amazing that guy is an awesome actor really fucking good, he's one of those guys that when you're in a scene with him you're like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this because this guy is so fucking good I can't think of his character name now, but he was like the boss. He was like a kind of a mean boss on 30-something.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Yes. But yeah, and he's... 30 Rock? 30 Rock, yes. I thought you were trying to think of the show's name. It's a show called 30-something. By the way, when that was on, remember, we were like teenagers and how old they seemed when they were in their 30s.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Yeah, that they announced that the show is about people in their 30s. It's like, what? There's a show about old people? And now. Ridiculous. No, I'm in my 40s. It's a show about. But just also you're doing a podcast
Starting point is 00:05:45 in a motel room let's pitch a show called 40 something yeah have you been in the movies lately Zach I haven't been to a movie since the last time I asked you that question
Starting point is 00:06:09 a few weeks back yeah but I rented a movie we talked about that straight talk we talked about that on that one what have you got for this one the last time I saw a movie I haven't seen a movie since we talked
Starting point is 00:06:23 did you see any when you were flipping around on the TV I saw a documentary but but it's probably... It's a bummer. What's it called? It's about GMOs, which are genetically modified organisms in our food. And I can't remember the name of it. That's probably the name of it.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Something roulette. Oh. It's very good. Taste bud roulette oh it's very good taste bud roulette it's good don't watch something roulette watch it if you eat if you eat anything ever yeah when i a couple years ago when i was in north carolina i saw that documentary um food inc yeah and I was working on something and for three days I didn't
Starting point is 00:07:08 want to eat anything. I didn't know what to eat. I was like, I don't think I should be eating this. If people knew where our food came from, it would be a new cigarette. Why don't you tell them? Dried up dairy cows I'm going the willful
Starting point is 00:07:26 ignorance route I don't want to know I like food I don't want to mess with it I like animals but I'm at the point where there's no reason for me to stop eating meat well it's not even so much that
Starting point is 00:07:43 not to bring it down but it's like the corn and the pesticides and what the pesticides are doing with food. The corn has been in some backwards farmer's ass, right? That's what you were talking about. How they put the corn in their ass
Starting point is 00:07:58 and then they sell it? Then they sell it, yeah. What? I hope that's not a thing. Oh, no way. That was a movie that I saw. Children of the Corn. Yeah. That's what they do in Children of the Corn. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:09 Is they all put corn in their butt. I gotta re-watch that. I don't remember that. I don't even know how many they're up to now, but Children of the Corn had a bunch of sequels. I don't know what's... I haven't got my Children of the Corn newsletter. Children of the Corn. Lately. Tweens of sequels. I don't know what's... I haven't got my Children of the Corn newsletter lately. Children of the Corn.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Tweens of the Corn. Oh, they grow up in the title? Twenty-somethings of the Corn. The Bancorn. Twenty-eight up of the Corn. Twenty-eight up. Thirty-something of the Corn. Thirty-something of the Corn.
Starting point is 00:08:43 I want to see... There's a lot of movies out I want to see. I want to see that Ben Affleck movie. Argo. Yeah, that looks good. Yeah, I want to go up to the window of the box office and say, give me one for aggro. See what happens.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Brody Stevens had a joke. One adult, one child for... Capturing the fragments. Positive energy. Yes. catching the fragments oh positive energy yes um did I ask you if you've seen any movies Steve you didn't but I saw Looper yesterday
Starting point is 00:09:18 oh I really liked it and that through a large part of that episode we just taped you were confusing Todd Glass about the name of that episode we just taped you were confusing todd glass about the name of that todd glass kept whispering to me he's like what's the name of the movie that that i should have watched because he was gonna say he watched it and the first time i said looper he's like okay then halfway through the podcast you remember that podcast halfway through he's
Starting point is 00:09:39 like what was the name of it again and i go scooper he's like no really and i'm like yeah and then at the end of the podcast he's like i'm sorry what was it again and i go scooper he's like no you're fucking with me it was bomber he goes it was bomber right and i'm like yeah it was bomber he's like okay so that's one of the many things that you that were happening on stage tonight while other shows were happening on stage. I almost walked out before Looper. There was half an hour of previews, but there was also a ten minute
Starting point is 00:10:15 basically, I guess, an ad, like a behind the scenes thing for Les Mis. The Les Mis movie. And then at the end they go, you've been watching and we caught you up on the behind the scenes. All that stuff is nonsense. I wanted to leave. I wanted to fucking leave.
Starting point is 00:10:31 But that means you got there early though, doesn't it? No, the movie started at 1.05 and I sat down at 1.05 and the movie didn't start until after 1.30. They were just running a little behind. Because there was already some nonsense playing when you walked in, right? Because that's what bothers me, is, like, sometimes I just want to, you know, chat with a person sitting next to me,
Starting point is 00:10:50 like, you know, a complete stranger or something. But they, you know, they keep the lights halfway down and then they show you these really long behind-the-scenes. Okay, wait a minute. If I'm, if, if, alright, I'm in the movie theater, we don't know each other. You sit down and there's no ads playing. What do you say to the person striking a I was joking about that.
Starting point is 00:11:12 I was joking about that. We believed you. Yeah. I like to get in there and sit down right, one time I was at the Arclight, or when I was at the Cinerama Dome, and and it was empty and I was sitting like up in the balcony area and uh these two women came in and lots of seats but they sat down like right next to me like same arm seat you know
Starting point is 00:11:36 and i and i just went really and then the lady one of the ladies went it is a movie theater and i sat there through the entire movie thinking how do you even respond, it is a movie theater. And I sat there through the entire movie thinking, how do you even respond to it is a movie theater? Like, how is that the answer to why did you just sit right next to me? Wow.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Like, if that's like if somebody climbed into your car at a stoplight and was sitting in your lap. It is a car. Well, that actually makes more sense I was I went to the first movie I ever went to
Starting point is 00:12:10 in California was it was a Mike Lee movie Life is Sweet nope about it's about
Starting point is 00:12:22 it's about a it's about a it's a it's about a it's like a... It's about a... It's about a... It's a... It's about a... It's like a racial movie. It's a great... Secrets and Lies. Yes.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Great movie. That's a great movie, yeah. So it kind of has this biracial tone to the movie, okay? So I go to see, I take my friend... I've already seen this movie, but I wanted to take my friend
Starting point is 00:12:41 who's probably never seen a movie that didn't have the words and the bandit in it. So, we go to... It didn't have a hand in it. And we go, and we're the only ones in the theater. And this couple comes in, and they sit right behind us. And I kind of look behind, not to be us. And I kind of look
Starting point is 00:13:05 behind just to, not to be rude, I just kind of look to it was a black guy and a white woman who had black shoe polish all over her face. No. Yep. She was in blackface. And I
Starting point is 00:13:20 I have. What the fuck? Exactly. So we get up to like... Just because they were behind us, we get up and move to watch the movie. And then after, I told my friend, I was like, let's wait out in the lobby. I want to make sure I saw what I saw.
Starting point is 00:13:39 And sure enough, this woman, it looked like a J.Crew model, as Caucasian as you can be,ucasian as you can be as new hampshire as you could be yeah fair skin but black shoe polish all over her face with a black guy and a black child like she just says i have no she's waiting to get the surgery done i have no she's putting it on herself. What, like a race change? It was the weirdest thing.
Starting point is 00:14:09 So if a black guy and a white woman in blackface have a baby, it's black. The child... The child is naturally black. Yes. So either... It was like his child. And that was his date. And he happened to have black shoe polish on her face.
Starting point is 00:14:29 And imagine that poor kid, what he was going through. Why did you... Did you ask? And plus, you don't take a kid to see Secrets and Lies. It's like a... You don't... No, did I ask? No, what would I say?
Starting point is 00:14:40 I don't know, but that really... Part of Vegas is Secrets and Lies. Pardon me. Is that shoe polish on your face? That's exactly what it was. It was either that or a sharpie. But I wonder why... Did she lose a bet?
Starting point is 00:14:54 I bet she lost a bet. And he's like, alright, if... Come find out what it's like to be me or something? One of those kind of things? See how badly we all get treated? or maybe the guy has a really funny sense of humor he's like all right if if i heard people i heard people with sharpie on their face get treated really badly let's find out if it's true let's do it that's bizarre that's
Starting point is 00:15:19 a good one i was when i the first time i saw dawn of the dead in a movie theater there was a guy sitting like two rows behind me and I was young and seeing this it was a pretty scary movie intense and creepy and there was a guy behind me just total blind spot where you'd have to really turn around
Starting point is 00:15:39 and look right at him to turn around and give him a good look and figure out what the fuck he's doing because just every 40 seconds almost like hiccups or something but like you know at the weirdest intervals like 15 to 40 seconds would go by and then suddenly just it would happen again and then the noise you'd make is you just go that's fuck up yeah really bummer that really bummed me out
Starting point is 00:16:15 made the movie scarier I was in a movie theater in Florida I was on the road I think it was with Arj Barker and Daniel Tosh years ago I was killing time I went to the road I think it was with Arch Barker and like Daniel Tosh years ago and there was some college anyway I was killing time
Starting point is 00:16:27 I went to go see that movie the Jim Carrey movie that's scary 23 or something like that oh yeah that number 23 yeah because my friend was in it
Starting point is 00:16:34 and I wanted to go see it she's like the lead actress in it and uh so I went and watched it and it's you know 7 people in the theater at 2 o'clock in the afternoon
Starting point is 00:16:42 in Florida and I'm watching it and this kid seven people in the theater at two o'clock in the afternoon in Florida. And I'm watching it and this kid waited until the most suspenseful part of the movie and he jumped out of the curtains. No!
Starting point is 00:16:56 No! And it scared the shit out of me. But it was so funny. That's fucking amazing isn't that a great idea I have some friends I have a friend who
Starting point is 00:17:09 the first time he did mushrooms was him and his friends decided to try mushrooms and go to the movies it was when they had re-released Fantasia the Disney animated movie and so they took mushrooms in the parking lot and waited East Fantasia, you know, the Disney animated movie. And, uh, so they took mushrooms
Starting point is 00:17:27 in the parking lot and waited, you know, like an hour before the movie started. And then, you know, it started coming on and they go in and they buy their tickets to Fantasia and they go in and they sit in the theater and the movie starts playing and they don't realize that they had gone into the wrong
Starting point is 00:17:44 theater and they had sat down to watch misery on fucking mushrooms oh my god they didn't leave either once once they i don't think they watched the whole thing they watched all the misery on mushrooms he said he was crying his eyes out that would be a freaky one i don't know what mushrooms do yeah when is that mouse in the uh apprentice hat gonna get the sorcer hat... when's he gonna get his leg hobbled? Yeah. I could see like for ten minutes of it thinking, oh there's a cartoon before the movie, because that still happens sometimes. It's usually you're watching a cartoon movie, like you're there to see a Pixar movie and they show a short.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Or like in front of Disney movies. My cousin told me he'd go to see Rocky. It was like Rocky 1 or 2. And he would wait until there was a scene where Rocky and Adrian get into a fight. And there's like a silence. And he would yell, hit her, Rocky! Oh, no. That probably got a huge laugh.
Starting point is 00:18:55 It did. Back then, I guess people thought that was... Rocky II? It was one of the Rockys. I don't know. Hit her, Rocky. Because she gets pretty... You know, the storyline in Rocky II just has to be more of her just going, don't know. Hit her, Rocky. Because she gets pretty... You know, the storyline in Rocky 2
Starting point is 00:19:05 just has to be more of her just going, you've got to stop fighting, Rocky. Yeah. You're going to get killed, Rocky. She had to play that note until they killed her off. She died off? Yeah, she got killed in one. Great actress.
Starting point is 00:19:18 I think she died in four, maybe. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. Everybody write to me and let me know which one she died in. She's definitely not around in five. It's all about how he has a son.
Starting point is 00:19:35 It's a bare knuckle. How many have they made? Six, and the last one was called Rocky Balboa. Have you seen them? Uh-huh. Have you seen them all? I've seen every single one of them. God, you go to every movie. In a motion picture house.
Starting point is 00:19:51 You go to every movie, right? No, no, not anymore. No, that was more like just growing up, and then you've got to complete the set, you know? Like, every kind of movie like that where there's a bunch of them. Like, I didn't like the last two Indiana Jones movies, but I saw them just because it's another Indiana Jones movie. Of course.
Starting point is 00:20:10 And so that's sort of what the Rocky movies are like. He can keep making them and I'll keep watching them. Is there a big movie that you haven't seen? You know, just like a kind of typical like a young person listening wouldn't even give a shit that I've never really seen like Gone with the Wind from beginning to end.
Starting point is 00:20:28 I've never seen Dr. Zhivago. Like stuff like that. But everything else that's like movies that everybody feels are like, you know, the ones everybody should or has seen. I think I've seen them all. What's your favorite movie? I don't have one. I look forward to the next one that's good. Which is Few and Far Between
Starting point is 00:20:51 these days. That's another thing. I like TV more than movies. It's kind of sad. I think Breaking Bad is a better movie than most movies. Yeah, of course. Why is that?
Starting point is 00:21:06 It's one person's vision. There's less... Because movies have become like... It's too important that it does well overseas where they don't even speak the same language. There's no like... It's franchises or it's monster movies or comic things. I don't watch any of that stuff.
Starting point is 00:21:23 No comic movies. Everything that's kind of small or unique becomes a big hit. The whole industry is surprised by it and then they go back to just trying to make sure fire hits. It's weird. Why not just let people... The Breaking Bad guy, I'm sure,
Starting point is 00:21:40 Vince Gilligan, I'm sure he can just get a deal to make a movie now. Like David Chase has got a movie coming out. I look forward to seeing that. That's the guy who did... Sopranos.
Starting point is 00:21:54 You know what I mean? Mad Men, Matthew, what's it, Weiner? He's probably got... I just did a movie with him. Yeah, there you go. That's how it should work. When a guy has an amazing TV series, I just did a movie with him. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. That's how it should work. Just give...
Starting point is 00:22:06 When a guy has an amazing TV series, go ahead and give him a movie. Yeah. But Argo... Argo's looking really good. The fact that it's a real story, it's so intriguing that that went on. Yeah, and it was, you know,
Starting point is 00:22:25 it was recently declassified and they wrote a book about it and that's what the movie's based on. Plus, what was that, the early 80s? The late 70s? I find watching the movie now when there's no cell phones or any of that technology
Starting point is 00:22:39 is more interesting. Yeah. Because now all people do is cut to this. Because you can't solve everything with a stupid phone. That's right. I think Indiana Jones could have because you can't solve everything with a stupid phone that's right I think Indiana Jones could have gotten out
Starting point is 00:22:48 of some scrapes with a phone is that it? listen to three guys stare at each other let's have a staring contest podcast Listen to three guys stare at each other. Let's have a staring contest podcast. Yeah, we can wrap it up if you want.
Starting point is 00:23:16 No. That was a real conversation on movies. That was a real thing. That's what we were supposed to do on stage in front of those nice people. Did they pay? It flew in from all over the place. Well, they all either have a festival badge or they bought a ticket to see Douglass movies followed by the stand-up comedy show that's going on right now with lots of comics from the festival.
Starting point is 00:23:37 I think everybody had a good time. I think our show is enjoyable to watch. I should just worry about the. Because it's all physical. Do you have a lot of movie buffs that listen to your show? I mean... Well, not real hardcore ones, because they probably get aggravated by how we get off topic a lot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:55 But people who like movies... Some guy just tweeted to me that part of the fun for listening... For him listening, he's like a big movie nerd. So, like, whenever one of us tosses up some obscure movie reference that he gets, it makes him, you know, it makes him feel good that, you know,
Starting point is 00:24:11 there's other people that have such arcane, weird knowledge and like to reference it. So, in that sense, there are, but I think it's more, I think you have to be kind of a little bit more casual about it, because if you're a hardcore movie fan, there's a lot about
Starting point is 00:24:28 this show that would probably be irritating. Have you ever had, like, a professor on that? Professor Leonard Baldwin's been on a few times, but no, I've never really, this is one of the closest I've ever come to having a serious conversation on the podcast.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Did you just say this is the closest I've ever come to having a professor on. Well, yeah, you do dress like a professor. That's right. Where does the word buff come from? Like, movie buff. What is that? Is it short for something? Uh, Buffalo? Yeah, people in Buffalo are very
Starting point is 00:25:00 committed to this. Oh, they're really into stuff. Buff. Buff is just, yeah, it's just a word for somebody that is super into something. A fan. I'm a big pussy buff. I'm a gym rat, but... I make myself buff.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Gym rat. I gotta go to the gym tonight. Really? Yeah. I gotta go to the gym tonight really yeah I go to 24 hour fitness and then I usually go down to Gold's after that Equinox I hit Equinox around 3 in the morning
Starting point is 00:25:37 that's a good one and then so you're in Fest a lot of places well you just want to you want to get at the peak hours so cause I like for people to look at me work out
Starting point is 00:25:49 that's why they call it peak is that where peak came from peak hours cause it's a good time to look yeah peak peak at your pecs
Starting point is 00:25:58 peak at me I'm getting my plugs in at the end of the show I want to say those I'm going to get my plugs in at the end of the show I want to say those there's a new Zanies out by the airport in O'Hare in Rosemont I'm going to be there on October 21st and then there's also another
Starting point is 00:26:17 new club in Phoenix, Arizona it's not that new but new-ish called Stand Up Live and I'll be there October 27th at 420. And I encourage people to wear costumes. Was anybody wearing a costume tonight, or they all just had signs that had their names on it? I saw a lot of people dressed as nerds.
Starting point is 00:26:42 I think that's a good place to go out on. And apologies for the rest of what you're about to hear. And there's also going to be a follow-up podcast after this. Oh, even more? Maybe not. Yeah. Like, I just, I love the idea that people are going to see this episode in their inbox or whatever, and it's going to say that it's over two hours long.
Starting point is 00:27:07 And you're not going to edit? You don't do the editing? It won't be over two hours long. It'll be about 90 minutes, which I've had longer episodes. No, nothing gets edited. It's just so people can just hear what happened and be sure to let me know if you listen to all of this
Starting point is 00:27:23 because I'd be surprised. Yeah, you should have a code word. Someone can email you the code word that they listen to at the end of it. You know the trouble with that is that later when they send me the word, I have no idea what they're talking about. I think they're just speaking it like I say. The word is cunt. Then I get a bunch of people saying cunt,
Starting point is 00:27:40 and I'm like, oh, why did I say something bad about Mitt Romney or something? You should sell T-shirts and say I survived episode whatever episode number this is. Yeah I don't even know what episode number this is. I just know that people are pumped for the rest of it. Like we've really sold it. We've really
Starting point is 00:27:59 convinced people this is going to be worth their time. So for Zach Galifianakis and Steve Agee, enjoy this very special episode after the fart. You're going to put a fart noise in? You're going to remember to do that?
Starting point is 00:28:19 Yes. Hey guys, producer Matt here. One more thing wrong with this episode. For the first seven minutes or so, there's a weird echo on Doug's voice. It does end after seven minutes, so hang in there and enjoy the show. in his teeth, there's still not one that he won't see, but the movies! Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies I really do This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from Santa Monica High School Don't worry listeners, there are no high school students here in the Barnum Hall tonight. Are there? Who's under 18? Right there? How old are you? 15. Fucking A! Welcome 15 year old. Get your ears ready, because we're going to stuff some shit in there.
Starting point is 00:29:49 And this is happening during the first annual L.A. Podcast Festival in Santa Monica, California on Saturday, October 13th, to Ocean's 12. Since last I spoke and you guys listened, I flew back from New York City on Thursday on the plane, Susan Sarandon and Tom Selick. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:09 I definitely would have gotten third billing in the news story of that crash. This has been a new segment called Plane Droppers. Which reminds me, who flew in for this festival? How many fly-ins do we have? Let's take it, I'm going to walk into the audience because, oh lord! Come for the movie talk, stay for the pratfalls. Alright, who flew in?
Starting point is 00:30:47 Who's my flying up-skate star? A 15-year-old flew in. So we got... These are some terrible parents. They've gone out of their way to bring her to this... To listen to this. And where are you guys from? Seattle.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Wow, you don't sound like a 15-year-old girl. I'm terrible at winking. Is this registering as winking? And what's your name, sir? Will. Will and Fiona and Rachel. Nice. Thank you for coming. What an amazing family. And who thinks they flew from further away than Seattle? Oh, wow, this gentleman right here. Where'd you fly in from? I actually drove from Calgary, Canada. You drove, what's that, 20 hours? 24.
Starting point is 00:31:35 24 hours. So did you watch Keeper Sutherland on that show Touch? Yeah. Excellent. So anybody further than Calgary? What the shit? I'm not buying it.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Where are you from, sir? Atlanta. That's pretty far. No. Did you drive? No. Get out of my face, you lazy piece of shit. No. Did you drive? No. Okay, so... Get out of my face, you lazy piece of shit. Oh, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:32:12 Your name ever? Lance. Hey, Lance. Just for the listeners. Hi, how are you guys doing? Where did you come from? Edmonton. They're from Edmonton. They were for Edmonton.
Starting point is 00:32:25 They apologized for Edmonton to me at the bar last night. Because these are the two people from Edmonton that have a sense of humor. And they just go around apologizing. You guys apologize more than Obama. But thank you for that. I think everything's good with me in Canada. I think we're alright. I don't think we need to get into that now.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Did I miss anybody over on this side that thinks they came from super far? Where'd you guys come from? That's a good one. I'll be in Orlando on January 3rd at the improv if you want to drive 30 minutes. Did you raise your hand? No. What's your name? My name's Kyle.
Starting point is 00:33:19 All right, Kyle. That's what they did to me at the TSA the other day. They're like, what's your name? And I'm like, are you kidding me? You really think people are going to fuck that one up? It's not a teenage girl with a fake ID Where are you from, man? Wyoming Oh, that's a good one
Starting point is 00:33:38 It's not quite as far as most of these other ones But thanks for playing I appreciate it I was joking around with him at the bar last night with that hat on. It seems like, oh, they let him make a wish kid come to the podcast festival. That was his dying wish.
Starting point is 00:33:56 But that's not true at all, correct? Maybe. Oh, no. He might be dying, you guys. We better get the show started because we don't want to make a wish that he died during it. He died doing what he loves. Let's see, what else do I have to cover on here?
Starting point is 00:34:17 Oh, last night I was a guest on the Allison Rosen is Your New Best Friend program right here at the festival. That was a crazy-ass crowd there. I was also on with Greg, the smartest man in the world, Proops. And that episode will be available for your ears on iTunes soon or now, depending on when you hear this. And L.A. friends, sorry, Tampa. I'm doing a Benson movie inter interruption it's in a family uh a movie that i'm actually in returning part two on october 17th at eight o'clock with special
Starting point is 00:34:57 guests so come to that uh cinefamily.org and minneapolis any minneapolisians in the house? Twin Cities, for reals? I'm going to be at Acme Comedy Club October 20th at 4.20 in the afternoon to stand up with some Leonard Maltin game at the end You guys can see I have a bulging prize bag Do you want to know what's going on with the prize bag? Let's give a look
Starting point is 00:35:22 We got a t-shirt that probably says something on it that will give away who this person is. Does it mean? Oh, maybe not. What? I don't know what that's about. And a $20 bill signed by one of our guests. And the second is Sean and Daryl. I forget which one is the cook. Is it Daryl? Yeah, Daryl made chocolate chip cookies with bacon in them. And they're so good that I got to give them away because it's a huge bag of cookies. I'll eat every goddamn one of them if given the opportunity. I've got a copy of my CD, Smug Life, which you can also buy and then come find me
Starting point is 00:36:06 and get me to sign if you want. They'll be selling some in the lobby after and in the merch store tomorrow. I'm hanging out tomorrow at the LA Podcast Festival because I'm having so much fun here. I'm finally giving this away. I've been hanging on to it for a special night. They're not here,
Starting point is 00:36:22 but this is a vinyl version bonus four LP set of Weezer's Pinkerton. So that's a pretty cool thing. And then Allison's not here, but she gave me an
Starting point is 00:36:40 Allison Rosen is your new best friend sticker. Oh, and from my room service that I got is a small Heinz tomato ketchup and a small Tabasco. It's really small. And
Starting point is 00:36:55 from Doug Diggs It is a movie that I really like that I hope the winner of the prize bag will watch and enjoy called Moneyball with Brad Pitt. Not to be confused with Murderball but I think he should be in the fiction version of that. Right? Murderball, let's watch him run around in a wheelchair. And two scripts from a popular television show that one of my guests was on. So let's get them the hell
Starting point is 00:37:23 out here, everybody. Last week was a clam bake. This week we're back to another sausage fest. Please welcome my friends, Dave Anthony, Zach Galifianakis, Steve Agee, Mark Maron, and Todd Glass. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I told them to leave all your mics off and just have mine on so we can have a decent show for once. Everybody interrupting me constantly.
Starting point is 00:38:26 Just sit there and let me talk. I don't know why the mics aren't working. Whose is working? Anybody? Mine is working. Hello? Hello? Check, check, check. One, two.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Testing, testing. Thank you for that applause. I appreciate it more than... Mine's not working. It's working on those guys. Much more. We should probably turn them off again. So far, I'm disappointed.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Well, I don't know if you'd say comedian's comedian, but if I've been called that, yeah. Take it as a compliment. And I'm known as a podcaster's podcaster. Okay, let's go. That's Dave Anthony, everybody, from Walking the Room podcast. A lot of sad people. When people say to me, do you enjoy Walking the Room?
Starting point is 00:39:25 I say, nope. It's special code that we have. Yep, yep. To build it up while keeping it down at the same time. That's right. If you guys want to get in on the secret, you can listen to Walking in the Room. I think it's a great show. I do. I enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:39:41 What does that mean? Why are you defensive already? I don't know, but why are you saying that? I just... Unsolicited. I think it's a unique celebration of sadness. So, at the end, you are going to be mean. At the very end.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Why am I the only guy that I say things to you and you're like... But everyone else is just like, fuck you. Why don't you just say, fuck you, like you do, but everyone else is just like, fuck you. Why don't you just say fuck you like you do everybody else? No, I like to, with you, I like to let it draw out and get really weird. And then at the end, I go, go fuck yourself. But there's a journey. It's like
Starting point is 00:40:16 the movie The Master. See what I did? I brought it around. Subject. Focus. I don't know why you just podcast in the closet. You really are good out amongst people. I can't hear one thing. What's the matter, Todd?
Starting point is 00:40:34 I don't think you heard me. I can't hear anything. He said the same thing. I mean, we hear it, but in case we look like we're... Should we put our chairs in a circle and just talk to each other? We can do that game where you whisper something and the person sitting next to you is here and they'll pass it on. It's strange acoustics, but Mark Maron is here, everybody. He's the one
Starting point is 00:40:57 that was just doing that marvelous bit with Dave Anthony. Yeah, it's a bit we always do. It starts out where people are anticipating something exciting is going to happen. Then it gets weird. And then it just trickles off. Have you been working out?
Starting point is 00:41:14 No, I haven't been. What the fuck is that? Have you been working out? It's just a basic observation about your physical situation. What does that mean, though? What are you saying? I look like I'm working out?
Starting point is 00:41:23 I don't know. Have you been? No, I haven't. Have you, fucker? It's weird. I can understand Mark, but I can't understand Dave. What? I speak. Here's what I hear. Here is what I hear. But I hear it enough. Don't worry. I know you worry. But here's what I hear. I'll try to do impersonation of what I hear. but here's what I hear. I'll try to do impersonation what I hear.
Starting point is 00:41:43 Well, you see, I mean, what was that? I know, well, you walk down there, but, well, you take that back to think about it,
Starting point is 00:41:52 but you're not going to, well, yeah. And then sometimes I hear, like, she was late. Oh, someone was late. Hold on. Someone's late.
Starting point is 00:42:01 That's all I know. Is that what it sounds like to you guys? That's why I'm happy. I don't have, we don't have monitors. We stay we don't have monitors I just is that all the time or just right now now I hear you perfectly but we might be the only I understand I hear you perfectly too I understood everything you just said I think everything's fixed whatever they did thank you it was great actually yeah I
Starting point is 00:42:20 can't I still can't hear mark I don't even I don't even see Steve Agee oh I think when I see your mouth, I can... He's hard to miss. I would skip the guy in the middle and then go to the other two. What did he say? Did he say something? He seems very uninterested. What did you say?
Starting point is 00:42:37 Maybe like he's on Halcyon. Yeah. I said skip the man and go to the other two. He looks like he's on Halcyon, like he shouldn't be here, like there's something. Not you, you're great. But this guy is just quiet and odd. That's the genius of Zach. What's happening right now.
Starting point is 00:43:01 I would love it if he went the whole time without saying a word. You think you can do it? Fuck you, listeners. You'll get big laughs, too. He's already killing with Todd. Todd Glass, everybody. Seriously. I pay him to do that.
Starting point is 00:43:33 Where are you going? He's like, yeah, that Todd Glass. I got enough of him last year. Is Steve Agee in a giant chair, or is he... No, he's a really large... I swear I heard my name. He's a really large guy normally I don't drink before shows but I didn't feel
Starting point is 00:43:49 normally I bought that joke to be honest from not even joking around I bought it from Foster Brooks on his deathbed
Starting point is 00:43:57 so I hope he can see how good it went over and he's sad if he you have never mind I can't fucking understand anything I have no idea what anybody's saying like it sounded like just saying like good it went over and he's sad. If you... Never mind.
Starting point is 00:44:07 I can't fucking understand anything. I have no idea what anybody's saying. Like, it sounded like you were mumbling. It's like, down there, there's fish. Norm... Normally, I don't drink before the show, but I didn't feel normally. Eh, try it again. I'm sorry. Wait, how many...
Starting point is 00:44:23 It's not... It wasn't the accent or the character that was ruining that joke Todd but he actually you just did it like Foster Brooks would do it yeah what it was like an Italian guy then what it was selling what I do to people when I walk around the street. I go... Is that Italian? I'm not sure what he's doing. What were you just doing? I go up to people in the street. Alright, enough face humor.
Starting point is 00:44:55 We got the designated face humorist on the panel. You have to talk. We have... Hey Steve, can you do that joke in Italian? What? Like a meatball. Would you talk to Steve?
Starting point is 00:45:09 Steve Agee's here, everybody. Yay! Thank you. He brought two different scripts from the wonderful Silverman program that he was on. Episodes you might remember from their titles,
Starting point is 00:45:28 The Mongolian Beef and Pee Pee. Pee Pee's a classic. And what's this? Who brought the t-shirt? What's the t-shirt supposed to be? It's not supposed to be anything. It is something.
Starting point is 00:45:42 A t-shirt. If it was actually a shirt, what would it be? It wasn't a shirt. I if it was actually a shirt what would it be it is it was it wasn't a shirt I think that would be a vacation house I think it's got high aspirations but I have to say the word right would you would you guys guys consider this going well at this point? I don't have anything to... Oh, that's alright, Mark. You don't have to... There's plenty of stuff in the bag. I have a Dwayne Reed card.
Starting point is 00:46:14 Oh, okay. And there's Andy out here on this coast. He's got like 14 points built up on that motherfucker. It's really, it's like worn out. Like he really went to town on it. I carry it around. I don't know. Where is Dwayne Reed's in New York, right? points built up on that motherfucker. It's really worn out. I carry it around. Where is Dwayne Reeds in New York, right? It's a drugstore.
Starting point is 00:46:31 I don't know what you can even fucking get with that. Alright, it was Zach Galifianakis that signed a 20, so that's exciting. That's the plot of the next Hangover movie. He wakes up and he's like, where's that 20 that I had? To the person that I pick, if I win or if I don't win, I'm going to give some money to...
Starting point is 00:46:53 I'm going to give $100,000 to a charity after tonight's show. Serious, I'm not even joking around, I swear to God. I'm going to give $100,000. Zach's going to give $50,000. Zach's going to give $50,000. I'm going to give $50,000 to a charity. So I think that's a good thing. How's it going, Zach? You're still in for $50,000.
Starting point is 00:47:15 I know you're having fun with him, but you're still in for $50,000. Right? Yeah, we're going to give it, I swear to God. Okay. That's exciting. What did I tell you about the face comedy? You know why I'm laughing, because I got scared. And I didn't even remember you saying anything about face comedy. And then the first thing I could come up with oh you mean like
Starting point is 00:47:46 making facial expressions on a podcast no no what I said was I hope you enjoy my laughter as much as I've enjoyed I can't understand sometimes when they had a the 80s they would have a deaf woman comedian. Is it better out there? Yeah, a little bit. Jesus. It's better right here. Turning into a woman in blood.
Starting point is 00:48:11 So if you walk over here, it's better? Below? A little bit better out here. Yeah. This is better. Yeah. This is better, right? I can hear better right now.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I can hear everybody. Zach. Yeah, this is good. Stay there. I think this everybody. Zach, stay there. I think this is a good layout. If anybody wants to take a picture of me, now's the time.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Now's the time. Someone rocking a baby over there? I might go sit down. I just got a text from one of the organizers of the show saying, when do you want to start? Do you swear to God? Let's do it. Let's start it. No.
Starting point is 00:48:50 Wait, I'm one of the organizers. I'm one of the organizers. Oh my God, I'm caught in a time loop. Wait, Doug, I'm going to text you to start. That's right. Let's have a big thank you
Starting point is 00:49:04 to Dave Anthony for organizing this event And we'll be back with more of Applause Podcast What are you doing? What are you doing? Stop it. Do we plug our... Now we're never having another festival. In all seriousness,
Starting point is 00:49:31 because last time I forgot to, do we plug our dates at the end? You might as well do it now. Okay. Do it now? We might be running out of time at the end. Now that you bring it up, I'll be in Omaha at the Funny Bone
Starting point is 00:49:46 The 1st or the 4th of October I'll be at PJ Ryan's in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania The 27th of October Those are all made up words except for Pennsylvania What's made up? Phoenix, Poindexter, the other one No These Omaha Funny Bone, look it up
Starting point is 00:50:03 It's the real deal What is it? What is it? Oh, you're helping me, look it up. It's the real deal. What is it? Anyway. What is it? October. Oh, you're helping me. I know you're doing like infomercial stuff. What is it? October 1 through 4. Where? Oh, it's in Omaha. Omaha? Nebraska? You know when they try to disguise a commercial as a message
Starting point is 00:50:17 machine? You know, it's always so phony. It's always like, hey, it's Karen. I just called to tell you about Subaru. They're having some crazy deal. Are you going to give the car away? I guess for $199, I just thought I'd call or I'm buying it. Apparently, that includes tax and tag. So whenever you get a chance, give me a call.
Starting point is 00:50:36 I guess they're open all night. They're going to open until midnight on Saturday. So that's got to be a good thing. All right, call me back. Really? And if you enjoyed that, ladies and gentlemen, where are you going to be? I'll be at the...
Starting point is 00:50:51 PJ Ryan's in Phoenixville, the 27th. One night, two shows. Sometimes I do three. One time I did four. What's it called again, Todd? PJ Ryan's in... Are you serious? Oh, you're not joking. You're serious.
Starting point is 00:51:06 You're not serious. PJ Rhinos? Omaha Funny Bone, the first through the fourth. PJ... I'm not even joking. I'm not... Okay, you know.
Starting point is 00:51:14 Netflix. My new special's coming out at the end of the month, so... Where can we see that? Netflix. Where? Your new special's called At the End of the Month?
Starting point is 00:51:25 What? You're going to have a special on Netflix? Netflix. That's terrific. So go to PJ's in Omaha. Let's start. PJ's is in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania. PJ's is not a real place.
Starting point is 00:51:38 It's a small little room. I love it. It holds 650 people. It's just so fucking intimate. At PJ's? It's the way you make other people that aren't draw like that. You make them feel. You just do it casually. It's just so fucking intimate. It's the way you make your, like, other people, like, that aren't draw like that. You make them feel, you just do it casually. You go, I'm going to Philly. I love
Starting point is 00:51:49 that fucking place. It's like an 1100 seat room. It's so fucking small and intimate. I just dig it. Hey, Todd. Like, people are going to go, how big does Todd usually work? This is a great practice run. We'll start the real thing at like 8 o'clock. We'll bump the comedy show
Starting point is 00:52:20 that's coming up after this. I'm doing that. I'm doing that comedy show. Congratulations. I'm doing that comedy show. Congratulations. We're doing a comedy thing. Me, Greg Barron, Al Madrigal, and Will Anderson February 2nd at the Bell House in New York City.
Starting point is 00:52:37 Oh, that's great. That's a wonderful lineup. It's going to be really great, you guys. Is that a camera or a gun? That's a gun. It's a fucking gun. Don't look at it. He has been
Starting point is 00:52:52 told if you look to shoot. Can you imagine if that was a gun and someone else was shooting it and that would be on YouTube? Yeah, that'd be great, Todd. That'd be great. No, if you were you'd live
Starting point is 00:53:05 but they would ah come on you never thought it you thought exactly what I thought how's it going Steve yeah what's up Steve what
Starting point is 00:53:14 I really it's I can't even hear what he's saying well from where I'm sitting you want to try here you want to try sit there
Starting point is 00:53:21 no no no it's good out here no Steve has a nicer chair he has. No, Steve has a nicer chair. He has a taller chair. Steve has a taller chair. Probably the altitude. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:35 Someone in this audience has an airplane and someone else has a baby. It's just where we're at. It's going gonna have to be so good like if you say one thing it's gonna have to be so good you've really set yourself up in a bad place here I have complete faith in you though it's. Have you thought about doing this for some of your movies? I like the really short movies that you do with Travelocity.
Starting point is 00:54:27 No! No! No! No No No No No That is weak No Harry do you want your $20 back? It's in there somewhere
Starting point is 00:54:38 For everybody who's just listening Yeah just take the whole bag No prizes tonight. He's not good at what he does. Just say you're sorry. Maybe you should just say you're sorry. He's very sensitive. Should I say sorry?
Starting point is 00:54:54 Yes. I don't know. It might make him feel better. Hey, Guy. Hey, Guy, I'm sorry. That's America, ladies and gentlemen. USA. USA.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Zach Galvanakis. It's an American dream. If you come back, you come back with a flag. Whoa. Oh. We're in a high school. For everybody who's listening, Zach Galvanakis came out with an American flag. He was very popular.
Starting point is 00:55:24 So far, there's been a lot of physical comedy for a podcast. For those of you who are just tuning in, Zach is here. He's back. Hello, everyone. Yay! Yay! That's so pompous.
Starting point is 00:55:43 It's so pompous. Let's do the thing. I think we are doing the thing. I think this is the thing. Okay, we're ready. We're ready. Let's go. There's people that flew in.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Flewn? Did you just say flew-n-in? Flew-in. Okay. They flew in, and they're probably sitting there going, oh, this is exactly how I imagined it when I listened. This isn't any different than what I thought in my brain.
Starting point is 00:56:11 But does anybody hunger for games? Wow. Wow. I saw way too much of your underwear. What? I saw way too much of your underwear. What? I saw way too much of your underwear. Why were you looking at my ass?
Starting point is 00:56:29 I would say half. Let's get into that. Talk about that stuff. It was big and it was staring at me. It wasn't that big. You were just looking at it. You have a nice ass. Your phone flew across the stage like Gabby Douglas that was amazing
Starting point is 00:56:48 it was doing flips and then it stopped right at the edge of the stage did it break it's like a new iphone thing it's an app it's the bouncing gymnast app yeah i just hold it flip her out and god damn it the way you look at me, it's creepy. Don't. You're staring at us. Him or me? No, he's like a deaf weirdo behind you, but you're...
Starting point is 00:57:11 Me? Like, the way you look, it's like you're trying to figure out what we're saying, but that just makes you have crazy eyes. And it's terrifying. Every time I look over there, yes, it's awful. That end of the panel looks like Larry and his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl are back. I think I could hide my intensity. Yeah, you're the one that talks, and then you have your other brothers named Daryl.
Starting point is 00:57:37 No idea. I did want to say that we are going to be the, they switched our podcast time slot. We're now the lead-in for Mark's show, so I'm very excited about that you mean every monday and thursday you're the lead yeah we're going to lead in for your show our time slot got switched so we're very excited on the todd glass show we're the lead-in for mark maron now so that's very we're very excited maybe you should hit it you know it's a joke right yeah uh some people didn't and that's cute we're not going to make fun of you. Try it again. You don't make fun of people when you trick them.
Starting point is 00:58:07 You don't trick people and go, ah, you go, oh, you people were like, oh, that's good. Todd deserves that.
Starting point is 00:58:13 And then you turn to your friends. You go, what's he fucking talking about? You watch him. You listen to him whenever you want. But then to me, I'm done. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Does anyone hunger for games? I didn't hear what he said. I heard him do this. That's like the scene in the plane at the beginning of the movie. You said that right at me and I have no idea what you said. It's like I'm living in a filter world
Starting point is 00:58:43 where there's just like water between us. Dave Anthony, you have my permission to die. No matter what language people say it in or how garbled it is, I always hear when people tell me to die. Gentlemen, select a name tag that you'd like to play for today or i will kill you
Starting point is 00:59:09 there's a we got some good ones there's a boba fett helmet okay there's a i'm gonna be forrest gump i have a new a new character i'm working on i'm the guy who overly looks like he's really overly judging. She's missing homecoming for this. She came from Seattle. Zach is actually leaving the stage. Just hang on to your name tag that you want to play for. I like that.
Starting point is 00:59:36 I just got to grab one? That's super creepy. I'm not doing it to anybody. What the fuck is that? Oh Whoa It's magic Is that yours? Send me a robot
Starting point is 01:00:00 I thought they were Fly me a robot Nobody else has Okay, done I thought they were fly me a robot okay done yeah Todd wants a cookie every by the way this is probably what I would have grabbed anyway are those regular cookies? Seriously. We've lost Zach. It's the Christmas day he never had. Were you really holding up the baby? Could I really have taken the baby?
Starting point is 01:00:38 Yeah, because I will take the baby if you will let me take the baby. I will give back this Middle Earth shit because this is not real. I'm going me take the baby i will give back this middle earth because this is not real i'm gonna take the baby do it who are you playing for zach the guy in the uh his name is uh shame no sean sean i am proud to be playing for a guy who went very I am proud to be playing for a guy who went very... What happened?
Starting point is 01:01:08 Oh, no. Dave Anthony has somebody's baby. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are you playing for a baby? Oh, my God. How's your bullshit? Awesome pose. How are your bullshit toys?
Starting point is 01:01:26 I got a human. Zach, he's doing exactly what you do, not on purpose. You don't need this then? Nope. Am I better than your dad? Whoa. I wish you guys could have heard that. It says for ages.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Who threw this up here? It's for 8 year olds This child's too young Can the kid eat Cheerios? Here I'm going to throw it over here Can you get to the aisle? I don't want to hit anybody in the head with this thing I do want to get it back to you Oh there's a nice lady
Starting point is 01:02:01 There's a real fucking baby up here She's trying to suck on my tit Totally understandable to you. Oh, there's a nice lady. There's a real fucking baby up here. She's trying to suck on my tit. Totally understandable. I am overweight. You should be able to do that. Are you looking forward to being two someday? I heard that's a terrible time.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Did somebody drug this kid? Seriously. No, it's just a very good child. Yeah, this is a good kid. Did somebody drug this kid? Seriously. No, it's just a very good child. Yeah, this is a good kid. I wish you would shut the fuck up like this once in a while. Are you talking to me? Steve, no bullshit. Call child services.
Starting point is 01:02:34 I'll stall. Okay, thanks. Did you see the campaign? There was a baby in that. Oh, wrinkled their face. What's your favorite movie, baby? Dave is actually handling a baby perfectly and these two idiots are playing with a plane.
Starting point is 01:02:54 He's on the phone with Child Protective Services. Do you want to see something hairy? That's Greek. Rip it, rip it, rip it, rip it. Years ago, that would have been... This is how I broke into comedy. This is how I broke into comedy. Are they getting some good video of this?
Starting point is 01:03:31 Yeah someone is I'm directing the festival now He's like a modern day Belushi That's a really great baby I'm keeping it I'm impressed with this baby He's just doing this here She's just doing this here That's a really great baby. I'm keeping it. I'm impressed with this baby. He's just doing this here. She's just doing this here.
Starting point is 01:03:51 As soon as that kid gets home, hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. I think the best thing that could happen is after this show, the parents are nowhere to be found. We're so worried. What are we going to do with this baby? First of all, dress it up like a girl.
Starting point is 01:04:12 And then, I don't know. Oh my God, this is a movie. Let's go down to the... I wrote it. I swear to God, I thought about it right before you did it. And then you said it. And you know when you fucking do that to me. I thought of this. And then you said it.
Starting point is 01:04:23 But this is the movie. I got it. But don't you say that about everything sometimes alright I got a little excited this leads to a movie this leads to a movie
Starting point is 01:04:33 starring Steve Guttenberg yeah are you playing for that baby yeah okay are his arms okay like that
Starting point is 01:04:41 I get to win this right I know maybe his head looks like that? I get to win this, right? I know. Maybe his head looks like it should be the other way. I'm going to... Did you blow smoke in the baby's face? Like weed in the baby's face or something? If I win this, I'm taking it home. I'm going to raise it like a chicken.
Starting point is 01:05:03 And we're going to see how that goes. It's called the social experiment. You gave it to the only comic that actually has one of those. That's why it's going so well. One of these guys
Starting point is 01:05:14 had it. They'd be like, oh God, it's not like my dog. Let me play with it. Put it on my shoulders. I'm also sort of a baby. We're talking to each other
Starting point is 01:05:23 with our eyes. It really is quite a... She just called me a motherfucker. ...connection you've made here. That's not cool. That's not cool, baby. That's not cool at all. What?
Starting point is 01:05:38 I will bite your face. Keep it up, bro. I so want you to hand it to someone else and then it just starts no if I gave it to give it to Zack what happens if you give it to Zack is it okay if I hold the truck you know Zach would never I could never do anything inappropriate with a baby yeah I do that all the time with babies. I hold them and do that. I'm just saying precedent has been set.
Starting point is 01:06:08 Are you reaching out? That one time. What? Oh, God. Oh, God. Slap him. Oh, God. Please don't tear my face off.
Starting point is 01:06:17 How strong are you, baby? How strong are you? Don't make eye contact. How strong are you? You're going to have to release this. Oh, the baby wants the mic. Baby wants the mic. Oh, you're fucked. You made it. It's are you? You're going to have to release this. Oh, the baby wants the mic. Baby wants the mic. Oh, you're fucked.
Starting point is 01:06:27 You made it. It's a comedian. You're so fucked. Say it. Tell me a joke. Tell me a joke. Did you notice? Oh.
Starting point is 01:06:34 What's it saying? What's the baby saying? Help. Help me. I'm more comfortable with my parents. I just want everyone to know that baby just licked the microphone and then gave it back to me.
Starting point is 01:06:50 You're going to have to release this on video, you know, now. My parents, my parents grow pot in the house. Okay, baby, what about this? Fucking help. It's you and me. It's a sequel to Due Date. You and me on a road trip. Hello, my baby.
Starting point is 01:07:06 Hello, my sweetheart. Hello, my ragtime. It's me and you on a road trip just going out and finding breweries. Todd, say your name after each one so you get credit that you deserve. For credit for what? After every bit you do,
Starting point is 01:07:22 throw your name in there so the listeners know it was you. Well, they'll know. Does it taste good? It doesn't taste good. Oh, you're licking that. That's a bad idea. That's bad, yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:34 This is funny. These are pretty clean mics, though. You have a good baby. She just licked the mic and then she smelled it. Like, that's someone who knows how to party i just asked him personally i go are we gonna play the game and he goes yeah you're up and i got nervous that's what he does we've been waiting for you to go this whole fucking time man that's why we're standing up here playing with a fucking baby. I get confused. I start doing the wrong game.
Starting point is 01:08:09 That's not charades. Quit with the visual. What the fuck are you doing to the baby? I'm touching its head. I'm holding its head. I have its head. Get the fuck away from my baby. Can we not do this in front of the child, please? I think the baby's doing all right.
Starting point is 01:08:26 Your father got weird when his podcast got popular. Oh, the baby just wants to mention the show's sponsored by Fleshlight. Todd's going to be at the Funny Bone. Do you have a Fleshlight? Give me that mic. I got something I want to talk about. This is where we are now as comedians. We have a baby on stage
Starting point is 01:08:51 and one guy is talking like the baby. We have gone back to an old Kirstie Alley movie. We've reverted. Do not shit on me. That kid loves the microphone, loves being on stage, loves being held by Dave Anthony. Are you scared? Do you want your baby back? What's the
Starting point is 01:09:13 name? Feral. Did you hear about the baby? His name is Feral. Did you all hear about the baby? Feren. At the film festival when this sort of the same thing happened and there was a, did you hear what happened? is this going to be a sad horrible thing? no I better not say
Starting point is 01:09:28 I'll tell you later backstage the sacrifice yeah baby sacrifice yes baby baby one must die for the podcast to be successful
Starting point is 01:09:50 oh my god no I'm kidding I'm kidding I mean you don't even know what I'm talking about so it's all good have you like in this entire last 20 minutes have you ever did you ever like think once about blowing pot smoke into the baby's face
Starting point is 01:10:04 I even said something about it oh you did already yeah out loud minutes. Did you ever think once about blowing pot smoke into the baby's face? I even said something about it. Oh, you did already? Yeah, out loud. I can't understand anything. I know, it's hard for us to hear each other. But uh-oh, here we go. We're getting some action. You want to go?
Starting point is 01:10:19 Huh? I thought... Say it. Let the people know tell Dave he's not funny it would be so great if she said her first word right now
Starting point is 01:10:31 and it was bullshit do we know the baby's name what is the baby's name do we know the name say bullshit say bullshit it's the baby's name is Thurm
Starting point is 01:10:39 Thurm Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy
Starting point is 01:10:43 Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy Thurmy. Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:46 Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:47 Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:48 Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:49 Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:50 Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:50 Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:50 Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy? Thurmy?
Starting point is 01:10:52 Thurmy? Thurmy? This is a great show. We are going to... I brought it to a screeching halt. This is a special occasion, Farron, because this might be the first episode in the history of the show, oh, the second, where we didn't play the Leonard Maltin game. Let's play the Give the Baby a New Name game.
Starting point is 01:11:17 What do you think about your being so young and ruining everything for a lot of people? You're cool with it. Look, Farron, it's all for you oh no don't jump don't jump finally a movie reference it's about time what about farron buehler's day off look i've been up all night with a fucking baby. You're addicted to holding babies.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Well, you can't just put them down when you pick them up. I mean, I can't just drop them. No, let's see what would happen. Let's see what would happen. Let's have a battle between the baby and the remote control helicopter. That's horrendous. It's a fair fight. That kid's got a good arm Can you do anything with babies at this age?
Starting point is 01:12:08 No, this is what you do And then they shit on you and they throw up Uh oh Okay, we got a Farron problem Really? Yeah, she's making mad faces I ruined your baby It seems like a good baby to me
Starting point is 01:12:25 still seems good no one's claiming the baby there you go mother of the year I think that something happened here similar to a baptism of some kind. Like something, a ceremony just occurred. And I'm not sure if it's positive or...
Starting point is 01:12:54 That's the podcast festival baby. Oh yeah, now it has to come back every year. Every year. Yeah. And it always has to be a baby. So we have to send it to a science lab and just shut all that growing shit down. Are you guys having a...
Starting point is 01:13:10 What the fuck are you doing? There's another podcast down here. Wait a second. I don't know which one I'm on. I swear to God, I thought this was my podcast. I was doing it live. Is this yours? Do you know what you just did? I said, what the fuck are you doing?
Starting point is 01:13:27 And you turned around and grabbed your crotch really quick. Like, that's just your instinctual, what? Nothing. You did, yeah, I felt that inwardly. I had that happen with Doug before. I have this thing when I get yelled at, I revert back to a, that's somebody from the audience. Oh, where's my drop? I should get my toy back.
Starting point is 01:13:43 So, um. Be careful. That guy has tattoos, people. That's right. That's the way you do it, motherfuckers. Throw the baby. Throw the baby. Can I see that for a second?
Starting point is 01:14:01 Yeah, it's awesome. It's a thing that... Where's the nice lady? Give it back to that guy. I want him to do it again. The nice lady. What are you, a puppet act? Are you a puppet act?
Starting point is 01:14:13 Don't be mean to the nice lady. You want him to do it? Okay. Twice. Twice baked potato. Throw everything you have Throw everything I remember they threw it 50 times that night
Starting point is 01:14:36 Okay so Todd Don't say what's on the back of your Seth at the funeral You're playing for Seth and that's his shithead For the end of the show if you lose and Steve's playing for Corey rather than a gremlin on the wing of the plane it's a large it's a rat
Starting point is 01:14:53 a really small rat in our lives but a huge one on that plane and Mark is playing for Charlie who changed Honey Nut Cheerios to Honey Nut Charlie on a nice little box of those. They're pretty tasty. He didn't write his name on here, but the item is Balrog of Kazadum.
Starting point is 01:15:17 And he's a middle-of-birth toy. What's your name? Remember that. What? Rasheed. Rasheed. I'm playing for Rasheed. All right.
Starting point is 01:15:24 You have to remember that, because I'm not going to. And Zach is playing for Sean who you already broke his helicopter. Is it broken? It's okay. Good. Oh really? Will you make it work while we're doing the game? If we gave you the remote? Yeah, because there's not enough distractions.
Starting point is 01:15:40 Do you mind if... And maybe land it on the baby's head? I don't think it works anymore. It does work. Let him do it. Okay. Sir? What do you think you... Sir.
Starting point is 01:15:53 How do you do that? Move your droid off of it. It's an iPhone. Sir, if Zach broke it, I think you should be compensated. Hey, thanks for leaving this out in the sun for a while before you brought it here. Come on, dude. Is it not working? This is embarrassing.
Starting point is 01:16:11 This is like nerdy. Who makes this? We should give him a shout out. Is this the dragon that killed Gandalf? Is it the fire dragon? Oh, good. Oh, God. Don't, don't, don't.
Starting point is 01:16:27 It's the ghost of Sean Pitt. You just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put the baby on it. There's no way that this could end badly. Man, you must get a lot of pussy. Sorry, I didn't mean to say that in front of the baby.
Starting point is 01:16:55 Nothing like helicopter pussy. Mark can do it. Just give it some stick. Give it some stick. Give it some stick, he said. I think you're too attached to this. You can get flying lessons later if you want. Just give it some stick. Give it some stick. Give it some stick, he said. Just give it a little stick. I think you're too attached to this. You can get flying lessons later if you want.
Starting point is 01:17:10 Oh, here we go. That's right. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a fuel leak, but we should be fine. I just imagine Mark outside of Radio Shack going, yeah, I'll take it. Mayday, mayday, we're being dragged down by a name tag. Now we've been captured by a monster. I feel like a baby in his arms. That just is every, that basically sums up
Starting point is 01:17:36 everything I've ever done to you since I've known you. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're going to crash. This is great. No, we This is great No, we're fine I paid a bunch of money to go to a show to watch guys Hold babies and fly helicopters It was awesome This is wrong
Starting point is 01:17:56 Now when exactly Don't touch it No, it's wrong Go ahead, Doug. I was just checking in with Dave because he's the co-founder of the festival and I want to know exactly when I can expect to receive the worst festival
Starting point is 01:18:14 podcast in the history of all festivals. That happened already. I already got that award. We had the award across the street 15 minutes ago, the whole ceremony. Oh, I love those.
Starting point is 01:18:27 Do you know the names of all the food trucks that were outside, Dave? Dogtown. Dogtown. Dogtown Massacre. Hey, by the way, I want to thank Dogtown Massacre. No bullshit. They gave me $50 free food tonight. Or they will now.
Starting point is 01:18:44 Do the right thing. Why would they give it to you? You kept the massacre part, which is not part of their name. It's a terrible promotion. I know one thing. I might say their name wrong, but I know their food is fucking delicious.
Starting point is 01:18:59 That's why I'm their sponsor. Hi. We should, I mean, we have to start the stand-up show soon. Yeah, there's another show. Yeah, yeah. I think we're coming in at, we're a few minutes shy of one hour. Okay. Let's play the game. Let's play the game.
Starting point is 01:19:13 We started a few minutes late. Yeah, that's a great idea. Put down the remote control. The guy walking around with the helicopter. It's not even your name tag. Just eat your fucking Cheerios and shut up.
Starting point is 01:19:29 Todd, put it down. Todd, is that your name tag, Todd? No, it's... It's Zach's name tag. Give it back to Zach. Yeah, that's Zach, you idiot. You're not good at anything. I thought that was preventing us from starting the game So I thought it would help us
Starting point is 01:19:47 Sit down I made a mistake Sit down Do the message machine bit again Hey Kathy, how you doing? Listen, I guess they're opening up a mall down the street from the old one. I guess it's going to be bigger with more restaurants,
Starting point is 01:20:10 so that's good. Let's pretend this is for months for your bit. So I guess they're having a big grand opening. But I guess Nordstrom's is having 50% off. I've got to go take advantage of that. But anyway, call me back when you get a chance. That's all. I'll probably go early since they're having a little jazz down there.
Starting point is 01:20:26 That sounds like lots of fun. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. It's very hard. These jokes, all my ad libs are written for me by a close friend of mine. And that joke, I should chill myself. All right. So, okay. So Todd's out of the game.
Starting point is 01:20:45 Todd's out. I'm ready. Now, does anybody else want to do a bit or do you want to play the game? No, let's do it. Let's do it. I'm good. I'm good to go. Steve, you okay?
Starting point is 01:20:53 Yeah, I'm good. Thanks. Hey, you know what? You've been fucking hilarious tonight. What? Yeah. It's great. Never forget, motherfucker.
Starting point is 01:21:02 No, stop it. Ow. I wish I had more control I've seen that before a lot of people died it's broke but it's not like she actually flew out here on this plane man
Starting point is 01:21:16 look it's no it's not even broke think about the victim Steve thanks for taking care of things alright good oh the rat the rat fell. The rat fell off. The rat fell off the airplane.
Starting point is 01:21:29 Here goes the helicopter again. Go, go. Let's go. There's no distractions at all. I really should be easy to move this along. May pretend from now on that that helicopter has been dispatched to an accident on the highway
Starting point is 01:21:43 and that's how bad the helicopter driver is. He can't get there, but they're waiting for him. You can cut Todd's mic if you want. If you want to just cut it out entirely. What? No, you can't. What? All right. Oh, now something else is happening with the helicopter. We got a mechanic.
Starting point is 01:21:58 We got a mechanic. We change it every three minutes. Don't complain to me, listeners. Got a mechanic coming in. I hope whoever's taking care of this podcast knows how to edit. He's repairing the helicopter. It's only been an hour, but nothing has happened.
Starting point is 01:22:14 It's an hour long. How many batteries do you have on you? I'm just out of curiosity. I said out loud, we're not going to play the game tonight. Then you all, in turn, said, let's play the game. Sit the fuck down and play, let's play the game. Why are you doing this fucking shit? Sit the fuck down and play one round
Starting point is 01:22:28 of my bullshit game. Yeah. Way to take control. This facility doesn't even have alcohol. There's no excuse. I'm tired. You have the best excuse. Stop playing with the helicopter.
Starting point is 01:22:46 Give me the fucking remote. Shut up. You shut up. Oh, shit. Comedy at its best. Just two old guys saying shut up to each other. God damn it. That's what the debates should have been. Shut up saying shut up to each other. God damn it. That's what the debates should have been.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Try to play with my helicopter. A lot of helicopters. Can I plug something? I'm serious.
Starting point is 01:23:22 I might put a video on YouTube in a month or so, so... Don't get jealous. Okay, so Todd's eliminated again. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Graham Elwood, my hero. I'm back in action, motherfuckers.
Starting point is 01:23:57 We could do this all night, or at least for the next three or four minutes. That's bad. Hitman had a heart attack, Graham. Thanks. I had a bad hip and had a heart attack, Graham. Hey, thanks for helping speed up the show. Where's the lady? Where's the people with the baby? You win the fucking prize bag. Barron. Barron.
Starting point is 01:24:45 I also have a T-shirt for you. If you go back and see the merch guy and ask for a nope shirt, there you go. Thank you guys so much for coming. I mean, I'm sorry. One more round of applause for all of my guests. Steve Agee, Todd Glass, Zach Galifianakis, Marc Maron And Dave Anthony
Starting point is 01:25:07 And as always Todd Glass is a shithead Dave Anthony is a shithead Mark Maron is a shithead Zach Galifianakis is a shithead And Steve Agee is a shithead By the way Play the music
Starting point is 01:25:24 No no no, no. This is important. Play the music. It's so important. I didn't want you to think I never see movies, so I purposely went and saw a movie out of respect to this show. I saw Looper. Looper.
Starting point is 01:25:36 Looper. Looper. Looper. Looper. Looper. Looper. Looper. Looper.
Starting point is 01:25:37 Looper. Looper. Looper.

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