Doug Loves Movies - Taylor Rizzo, Mark Smalls and Dan Soder guest
Episode Date: August 16, 2021Live from the Punch Line in Sacramento, Doug welcomes Taylor Rizzo, Mark Smalls and Dan Soder to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free ...month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies!
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies!
You guys did that perfectly.
Sorry, I didn't mean to say that word.
I meant to say y'all did that perfectly.
I've got lots of stuff here,
including the script for today's show,
so I should probably take that out,
because I am, as one tends to be in Sacramento,
very high right now.
I mean, when in Rome.
Where are my reading glasses?
Uh-oh, sunglasses.
Check the other pocket.
There they are.
I carry four pairs of glasses with me at all times
for all the situations.
We're coming to you once again
from the How About Arden Mall.
That's right.
We are back at the Punchline in Sacramento, California!
Woo, woo, woo, indeed.
Woo, woo.
So great to be back.
It's Saturday, August 14th, 2021.
And who hasn't missed these words?
Doug plugs!
Doug Loves Movies is coming to a comedy club
or drive-in movie theater or comedy festival near you.
For all my dates and deets and links, go to DougLovesMovies.com.
That's DougLovesMovies.com!
Yeah!
Woo-hoo!
Holy!
You were kind of working at different speeds there, but...
I feel like that's what Broadway shows are going to be like
when they first come back.
Everyone in Hamilton's going to be a little off.
But you guys didn't have it.
Y'all didn't have a chance to practice.
Let's get today's guests out here.
What do you say?
Please give that sacramental welcome
to Taylor Rizzo, Mark Smalls, and Dan Soder!
Dan Soder!
Come on up, fellas.
Taylor.
Hey, Doug.
Hey.
Hi.
What's up, everyone?
Hey.
What's up, afternoon crowd?
It is an afternoon crowd,
and we're going to meet my guests alphabetically and individually at this point.
Did you sit?
You kind of sat down.
You sat down from left to right in alphabetical order,
and I admire that about you guys.
Let's start with, on the other end, returning champion Taylor Rizzo is here.
Brought in a ringer.
Returning champion really makes me seem like I'm a better player than I am.
Yeah.
I don't trust your modesty.
He won against
some guys that weren't too good.
And
it was also, there was a
recording that was funky, so
it's what we call a lost episode.
Oh no. That's a dark match.
So there's no real proof that Taylor won.
One of the best
moments of my life.
Yeah, it's gone.
But thank you for coming up
to Sacramento to
defend your title.
And first time in the area, I take it.
Yeah, first time here.
Yeah, how do you like it so far?
It's all right.
Taylor, I don't know.
We've hung out a lot.
I don't know if I've told you how to win over a crowd.
Seems like something we might have gone over.
Oh, it was great.
The Chipotle across the street.
In his defense, that is the slogan on the magazine in my hotel.
It says Sacramento.
That's all right.
It's all right.
It's where governing happens.
Want to see the biggest DMV in the state?
It's massive.
It's fucking giant.
It looks like it was built in Gotham.
It's the cowboy stadium of DMV.
It really is.
Huge screen.
There's blares. A64. It really is. Huge screen. Three levels.
A64.
All the processing you can handle.
There really should be a better marketing team for Sacramento.
There's so many pluses.
Hey, have you ever tried meth?
You want to walk on the sun in the summer?
We've got outdoor activities
in August for no goddamn reason.
Here is a river, kind of.
I gotta say, though, the rest of the
country and the world is like kind
of on fire, so it's pretty temperate
here right now. You guys were like
Williamsburg. You were the first to
do fires, and now everyone's doing
them, and you're like,
that was so paradise.
Fuck you, my grandma lives in Lake County.
Fuck you, my grandma lives in Lake County.
She got evacuated. I get to fucking make those
jokes. I'm not being mean.
I'm understanding your pain.
I was trying to make it cool.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for anyone that lost anything.
It's fucking tragic.
She's still alive, though, right?
Yeah, my grandma's good.
You said she used to live there.
No, she's in Lower Lake.
Go find her.
Go find her at Clear Lake.
I did a show in Paradise shortly before that horrible, horrible fire.
And the facility that I did the show in was practically the only building that didn't burn down.
Really?
Yeah.
And I think it's because I smoked it up so much.
The fire was just like, oh, it's already smoky over there.
You did what Arnold did in Predator
and covered yourself in mud?
The fire didn't see that?
It was like...
We try not to bring up
Arnold in Sacramento.
I don't know. I'm a big fan.
Fuck you, Conan rules.
Conan and Conan.
His name comes up every time. He's a movie star and his Douglas Conan, fuck you, Conan rules. Conan and Conan. Yeah. I think I lost the game.
His name comes up every time.
He's a movie star, and it's Douglas Movies,
and we're sitting in front of where he used to live.
Yeah, it's his office.
It's his office right there, the Capitol building.
There's a mattress store right behind here, too.
Next to the Chapina.
For some reason, this is the city that mattress stores built.
This is the city that mattress stores but this is the city that always sleeps the sun and the moon is the same thing like
Sacramento you get it this is actually the Paradise Fire actually okay all
right all right it's all right I could say that she's horrid. Jesus Christ. You don't have a grandma. His grandma lived in Lake County.
I can say that.
My nana said it's okay.
Take it up with her.
I mean, there is a movie.
Ron Howard made a documentary about the Paradise Family.
It was riveting.
It was riveting.
Yeah.
So just throw that out there.
I haven't seen it.
Plug.
But immediately what would take me out is if he's narrating it.
Is he narrating it?
No, the Fonz was.
The fire came.
You know that kind of voice where you're like, no.
It was like, you guys remember Loose Change, that Inside 9-11 video?
Oh, yeah.
The voiceover for that killed me, watching that, because he's like, that's a plane.
You're like, I'm not.
You don't know government secrets.
Yeah.
The voice is more suited to Arrested Development, I guess.
And then the fire started to spread.
And then it spread more.
Or whatever.
That wasn't a great Arrested Development line.
Or a good Ron Howard impression.
That was a double strike.
Have we introduced everybody?
Nope.
Joining us.
Joining us for the first time Performing here this weekend
At the Sack Punch
Give it up everybody for Mark Smalls
What's up y'all
Happy to be here
Thank you for the warm welcome
That's so cool
That you agree to participate in this
And seem familiar with what it is.
Yeah, absolutely. I've had
a lot of friends that's done it. I've watched
many episodes
and I got a Twitter request
message from you and I thought it was fake.
100%.
I don't even go on there anymore.
Usually I just get promoted to porn.
Either way, it's a win.
I'm glad you looked at your DMs.
Because, yeah, sometimes people do miss them on Twitter.
They're like, I'll get a message like two years later.
I never checked this.
Doug Benson slid into my DMs, guys.
Yeah.
That was an exciting night for me.
So, so sexy.
Just sliding in there.
Just sensually, though.
Not sexually.
Sensually.
Oh, I see.
This is the most erotically booked show out there.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He said, that's why the guests are mostly men.
Yeah.
Because I probably shouldn't take that approach
when calling up people and asking them to do the show.
That's how he comes with the guys.
Real sensual.
Yeah, yeah.
You free Saturday night?
Also, what are you wearing?
Here's my favorite bear rug.
Also joining us, star of the show Billions.
He always denies it, but there's no other reason to watch it.
Paul Giamatti and those other...
That's great.
Hacks!
Stop it.
I will not let you say that.
No, it's a terrific cast, and you're in there, too.
I am.
Dan Soder, and you're headlining two shows tonight.
Who's coming back to see Dan later tonight?
I knew it! I knew it! Everyone else, and you're headlining two shows tonight. Who's coming back to see Dan later tonight? I knew it.
I knew it.
Everyone else, fuck you.
Sold out for show.
Come on.
That's what they say.
That's just the expression they use.
Sorry, I go angry, then modest.
That's just what they say when they sell 20 tickets.
Yeah.
We're sold out whoa low ticket alert
all of them are available
just every night there's just been one empty two top in the front you're like all right i got it
it's uh scary to sit up front because, you know, we spit. Yeah.
God, and nothing made me realize that more than this past year.
I was like, I have a real slobber mouth.
You guys will see later.
I'm up here like hooch.
Yeah, you ever watch it?
You ever watch it leave your mouth and then in air watch it land on someone?
Yeah.
The most respect I've ever had for someone was the front row at St. Louis Helium.
I spit on a guy and he just shook it off and kept laughing at the joke.
I was like...
I like the splash zone.
I like this.
Like a dog?
More.
I mean, I hope we have a shared fan
that I could spit on when I'm there in October.
Well, do your thing, St. Louis.
Oh, you guys all good on beverages?
I'm drinking a can of Liquid Death Mountain Water.
So hardcore.
Yeah, I question the water in a can.
Never trust it.
Yeah, it seems like it's for people who want the feel
of a can of beer, but the taste of a Budweiser.
That's what I use.
Liquid death.
We're just doing lots of ads
up here today.
Plug away.
I also like, in the corner now, they've got the big
HBA, hashtag HBA,
how about Arden Mall? They've got the big hba hashtag hba how about arden mall they got a big
fancy sign there now advertising all the places but it's interesting that that sign pretends that
the punchline doesn't exist like that is nowhere to be found on that sign you got to be like i'm
gonna go over and buy a mattress oh there's the punchline. Wow, one-stop shopping. Yeah, you have to find it. You're like, hey,
honey, come here. There's a comedy
club around the corner.
Maybe after we get a Sealy
Posturepedic.
I swear it used to be
called Mattress Train, but now it's
Mattress Firm. Is that true?
Oh, I went to law school. What do you want, dog?
What did the firm family
brought it from the train family?
The firm family
of Ukiah came down and purchased
up all the...
Local reference? Nothing?
Yeah, you gotta...
That was a pander laugh.
Whoa!
This guy's been on the 101!
I heard pander
laughs are almost extinct.
What's one movie that you would recommend?
I've been doing a lot of hate watching
in the pandemic.
A lot of B movies.
And I cannot recommend enough
the Rudy Giuliani story
starring James Woods.
It's fucking insane.
That's a real thing?
Yeah, it was on USA.
It is fucking wild.
The fact there is,
do you know for a fact
that Rudy Giuliani
was there the whole time
like, yeah, yeah.
I like that scene too.
Check it out.
It's on Amazon.
Well, he doesn't get in the way on the set
because he hangs from the ceiling.
You're triggered to sonar.
It's wild, dude.
James Woods is fucking crazy.
How old is this movie?
I want to say it's like,
it was when we were still like,
thank you, Rudy.
Right.
Thank you for everything you did for New York City.
Oh, no.
So it's just a dick suck for 90 minutes.
It's like fucking greatest mayor ever, bro.
Honestly, bro, he took care of the city.
He took care of the world.
Yeah, you got us through 9-11.
The whole thing happened, and then you were around.
And then, thank you very much.
It is straight up American propaganda.
It's awesome.
Can't recommend it enough.
I might go do a rewatch tomorrow.
I don't even, yeah, I don't remember,
I don't know about this at all and I'm so excited.
Dude, the way that they jump cut,
none of this shit makes sense.
The aging is crazy.
Fuck off.
Yeah, I'm excited to watch it again.
Okay.
Mark, your first time on the show.
Your first time recommending a film.
You're clearly feeling the weight of the situation.
Stressed out, Doug.
What would you like to recommend?
Let's go ahead and recommend a little film called Airborne.
Oh, that is good. What is up with this table groaning? Y'all have seen it? Go watch Airborne. Oh, that is classic. That is good.
What is up with this table groaning?
Y'all have seen it?
Go watch Airborne.
Sorry, does inline skating in the mid-90s
not do it for you?
How about a very young Jack Black and Seth Green?
Get on board.
Thank you, Dan.
Appreciate it.
You ever tried surfing on your bed?
Not easy.
It's pretty sweet, dude. dude yeah it's a film that
just changed my childhood it's so good like because i always wanted to rollerblade downstairs
backwards and i still haven't achieved it but i feel like one day i will i will prevail
dan dan do you want to change yours to a sports film to level the playing field?
I mean, I'm glad I just got...
I'm just here to spread the gospel
of the movie of the Rudy Giuliani story,
but I will change my answer to keep it sports-themed
and say fuck Stick It or Bring It On.
Watch The Cutting Edge.
Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
About love and figure skating.
Toe pick.
Doug, I'd like to change my movie.
You can't.
I want to recommend a little-known movie.
It's called The Rudy Giuliani Story.
Son of a...
Bitch.
Fantastic film.
No old Mark Small's bait and switch.
He's been doing this grift in the Bay Area for years.
As his plane flies out of sight, Small!
I lost my beloved Rudy Giuliani story.
I want to really make sure this city's safe.
There's lines like that.
That's sick.
It's like a Steven Seagal film.
Dude, it makes Seagal look like Citizen Kane.
Holy shit.
I got to...
It was a USA movie.
Do they have a streaming service?
No.
That's why it's on Amazon.
Oh, I would love to catch some episodes of Pacific Blue.
That would be...
I'll tell you what, you go back to back with Silk Stockings.
You got me for at least
two hours.
I got to have a party.
Silk stockings.
Well, thanks, you guys,
for...
And there are three men,
so I could say you guys
in that context.
Thank you for visiting
Recommendation Nation.
I'll pit all of these excellent movies
up against each other.
I remember Cutting Edge when that was out.
David Spade called it a love skate story.
It's so bad.
But yeah, I'm excited.
I might watch all three of those again
and vote myself on this one
because that is an interesting set of films
that are all fun movies, I think.
That's the important thing.
Although there's a part in Stick It
where it gets a little heavy.
Is there a neck injury?
No, one of the girls is just beefing real hard
with another coach.
Okay.
Sounds heavy.
All right.
That's tough, too.
She's doing what?
Beefing?
What is that?
What's beefing?
It's kind of a problem.
It sounds like she's farting on him.
You beefed in your balancing beam routine.
No, she had a problem with him.
You don't know static?
You mean boffing?
You mean bopping?
Boofing?
I've never heard of beefing.
You've never heard of beefing?
Nuh-uh.
It's just sex, beefing?
No.
Quite the opposite. Yeah. It's conflict sex, beefing? No. Quite the opposite.
Yeah.
It's conflict.
What?
Which could lead to sex?
Oh, it's when you're not getting along, you're beefing?
Yes.
Beefing could definitely lead to boofing.
That's for sure.
Wrong place, wrong time.
Absolutely.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Sacramento.
Find a mattress.
They're everywhere.
They're everywhere in this town.
Shit. Old Town Sack?
God damn, you ever
get down on a railroad or whatever?
Old Town Sack.
We have an arcade.
No thanks, Old Sack.
What an appealing name.
I know, right?
Hey, what are you, You gateway to droopy balls?
That was the only time they didn't want
the name shortened.
Sacramento.
Sacramento.
What did you say about my balls?
Alright.
Time to go to a break.
We'll be right back.
We're back
and it's exciting
that the contestants
have been chosen.
Mark is playing for a gentleman
named Frank that's sitting over there.
Brandon was chosen by
Taylor Rizzo
and tell us who you're playing for, Dan Soder. The Nick Book. that's sitting over there. Brandon was chosen by Taylor Rizzo.
And tell us who you're playing for, Dan Soder.
The Nick book.
The Nick book.
Over there, Nick.
Instead of Green Book?
Instead of the Notebook.
Instead of Notebook.
Yeah.
Yeah, Notebook is much closer.
I've seen some weird puns on this show, though. All right, so we got Dan's playing for Nick.
So everybody remember who you're playing for,
and they'll win all the prizes that I showed off already on my Instagram.
So go follow me on Instagram if you want to see what all the prizes were.
And I've got three games planned for today,
and I think we will have a good time,
starting with
So-and-so and the something-something.
You know how there's titles
where it's a person's name
and then more information?
You know, like Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory
and Anna Jones
and the Temple of Doom, etc.
I have taken movies that don't have
that kind of title,
but given them one.
So I've taken the name of a character
and something about the movie
that happens and put them together
and you have to try to figure out
what movie I'm talking about.
It's pretty cool, man.
It's pretty cool you did that It's a fun...
It's pretty cool you did that.
Excited for that, man. Thanks, dude.
I work hard.
Yo, you're chill, man.
You know what's wrong with saying this? Thank you.
Thank you for doing that.
I could have been
out skateboarding,
inline skating, gymnastics, but no, I was sitting
at home writing, so-and-so in the something-something.
It's fucking cool, dude.
Yeah.
Rock on, man.
All right.
We'll start with Taylor, then we'll go to Mark, then we'll go to Mark Then we'll go to Dan
If Taylor gets it
Then we'll do a new one for Mark
If he doesn't
Then Mark gets a stab at it
I really was looking through my pockets
For my glasses
I have them on
That might be the best one
Best reason to come to Sacramento? Yeah Forget your glasses That might be the best one.
Best reason to come to Sacramento?
Yeah.
Forget your glasses. You'll find your glasses in Sacramento.
Yeah.
Oh, they're on your face.
Sacramento.
Old sack.
Get into it.
Grab raging water.
Yeah.
In a parking lot.
Old sack. We've got dirt on the street. Yeah. Yeah. raging waters in a parking lot.
Old sack, we've got dirt on the street.
Yeah.
Is that still true? Is there still like
an old timey street?
No?
They can't even agree?
Not in these old sack.
Yeah.
I just remember a lot of saloons.
Saloons and spittoons.
Okay, Taylor goes first.
Tell me what movie you think this is, Taylor,
and please, no audience guesses.
Dr. Alex Hess and the Unexpected Expectancy.
Knocked up.
Ooh, knocked up is a terrific guess.
That is not the answer I was looking for.
What the fuck?
I'm going to do a wrong answer every time if that's what comes up.
The right answer noise is more fun
if you ask me.
It's more rewarding. Mark, what do
you think it is? Dr. Alex
Hess and the Unexpected
Expectancy.
Is it twins?
Oh, that is a movie.
Dan?
You were so close, Mark. You were so close Mark
You were so close Mark
Yeah he was
The correct answer is Junior
Junior
Ah that's what I
Yeah
Is that with Arnold too?
Yeah
Yeah damn it
Yeah that's why I said you were close
That's what I meant to say
No it's knocked up Arnold
God
Yeah I'm so close dude
God Yeah They made two movies together But both with DeVito to say. No, it's knocked up Arnold. Yeah, I'm so close, dude.
They made two movies together. Both with DeVito.
They're both with DeVito, right? And I knew
it wasn't, but I just knew.
The weirdest movie ever
made. Now they're going to make like a twin sequel,
but they find out that their third
brother's like Eddie Murphy.
That's really the thing
they're doing. Yeah. They're like, what's more opposite? Why yeah. That's really the thing they're doing.
Yeah.
They're like, what's more opposite?
Why didn't they get a woman if they're going to go more opposite?
Yeah, that would be... They want an alien.
Less twin.
Yeah.
Okay.
So Dan got that one.
So we're back to you, Taylor.
Good stuff, Dan.
You start off this next one.
Thanks, guys.
And Dan's supposed to get it right every time?
I feel like that's where we're headed, but we'll start off this next one. And Dan's supposed to get it right every time?
I feel like that's where we're headed, but we'll see. We'll see.
I hope I have some in here
that would stump Dan.
This is Gail Hartman
and the Rushing
Rapids.
River
Wild?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I better get the noise whether I'm right or wrong.
Oh, this is suspenseful.
Oh!
Oh, shit!
Stop.
Good stuff.
The suspense.
Well, that's fun.
Boys, I think I'm fixing to go down hard here.
You get to go first on this one, Mark.
Thank you.
You got this.
Thanks, Dad.
Follow your gut.
I love you, son.
Yeah.
I was just quoting his dad.
I'm not who he was talking to when he said, thanks, Dad.
Sister Aloysius
Bouvier
and the Catholic school scandal
maybe I'm not pronouncing that right
Catholic
Catholic
can you use it in a sentence?
Sister Aloysius Beauvier
and the Catholic school scandal
is hard to fit on a marquee.
That's in a sentence.
I'm going to go
toy soldiers.
Toys.
What's that old?
Never mind.
All right, Dan.
What is it?
Sister act?
Yes.
Oh!
That was the first thing I thought.
I was like, there's no way it's that obvious.
The name, and I was like, no. no way it's that obvious. The name, and I was like, no.
Yeah, it's a funny name.
For sure.
Is that everybody?
No, my turn.
Okay, you're not going to get it.
So the answer is...
It's Doubt.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Good job.
Brought in a ringer.
What a...
Not fair. Brought in a ringer. Not fair.
Brought in a ringer.
Returning champion.
This guy was shipped in from L.A.
I've been here since Thursday.
I am your local champion.
You respect me.
Not this harlot from out of town.
This harlot.
I hated that movie so much, too, by the way.
Never even saw it.
I have doubts.
So what?
We all fucking do.
It had Philip Seymour Hoffman in it.
Yeah, he was good.
He's always good.
Yeah, it's true.
He was cool.
So Taylor got that one.
So Mark, here you go.
This is your chance to get on the board.
I don't like, I don't, okay.
I don't want to,
I don't like to put extra pressure on somebody,
but I think this one is the one for you.
That's definitely what you did there.
This is the easiest one I could think of.
Yeah.
Okay, it goes like this.
Forrest Gump and the...
No.
Hold on, give me a second.
Okay.
Dr. Grace Augustine and the Blue Man and Woman Group.
I mean...
Avatar?
Let's go.
Never seen it.
Never seen it. Let's go.
Never seen it.
That was cool.
Yeah.
Good moves, dude.
Alright, now it's Dan's turn right
Dan gets to go first
You ready Dan
Yeah
Eleanor
Arroway
And the signal from space
I mean
Oh no Oh no Oh give me another one Dan way and the signal from space. I mean, oh no.
Oh no. Oh no.
Oh, give me another one, Dan.
Shut up. Sit down.
Contact?
That is correct.
I want to thank so many people.
I want to thank
my dad for dying and making that movie
hard to watch.
I want to...
Whew, that was...
I hated that movie, too, by the way.
Never saw it. Was it 15 or 45 minutes?
Yeah.
Ah!
McConaughey did a way better
Dad in Space movie.
Yeah.
Dad's in Space. Yeah. Dad's in space.
It's a good animated cartoon, right?
He's going to space to find dad.
Dad's in space.
Who said contact?
I did.
All right, so Taylor, you're up next.
I forget during the riffs. All right, so Taylor, you're up next. I forget during the riffs.
Well, now I'm worried about this whole scoring system.
I don't mean to take a page out of the book of the Rudy Giuliani movie.
Yeah, I look, he could be in the lead.
Taylor has two, Dan has two two and Mark has one
and since Dan named that last one
Taylor gets to go first
this is for the win
if Taylor gets it
Howard Payne
and the pop quiz
yummy Top quiz.
Yummy.
What do you think it is, Taylor?
Max Payne?
The movie about a guy who shoots things?
Max Payne?
You think I would put the word pain?
Why don't you guess major pain while you're at it?
It's not major pain.
That's where I was going.
Yeah, pain again.
It was great.
I have no idea. No, that is incorrect.
Moving to Mark.
Howard Payne
has a pop quiz?
Howard Payne
and the pop quiz.
And the pop quiz.
You may have noticed that, you know, like a lot of titles, I enjoy the alliteration.
What the fuck does alliteration mean?
Rushing Rapids.
Rushing Rapids.
Signal from Schindler's List.
That is quite a quiz.
Just one question.
Are you on the list?
What is the pop quiz?
I have to ask this.
Did you think the pop quiz was let me see your papers?
I'm asking.
It is rather sudden.
Yeah.
And it could not have the right answer.
Dan, what do you think it is?
have the right answer.
Dan, what do you think it is? I am going to
take a shot in the dark and say the
Sandra Bullock classic
Speed.
Wow.
Real shot in the dark
there, huh, Dan? Yeah.
I knew it the second he asked it.
I'm a big
Keanu guy, too.
Howard Payne is
Dennis Hopper and he says
Pop quiz for you
Hot shot
You're good Dan
I was just at a lonely childhood
Well congratulations Dan
Cause you won that game
Doing it all for my Nick
Doing it for you, Nick.
And all you want, of course, is just the opportunity to go first in the next game.
Yeah.
But that, you know, could be a big factor.
I had one more of these that I wrote.
Just tell me what it is when I say it.
Vern Tessio and his buddies and a body.
Stand by me.
That's chubby Jerry
O'Connell. Vern.
It's Vern Tessio.
The new co-host of the talk.
Yeah.
We're firing this woman from the talk.
Who can we replace her with?
Let's finally get a man in here.
Let's have a guy dance to a chair.
Yeah, let's put a man.
Let's turn to the patriarchy when we fire
a woman from an all-women
show. Got a lot to talk
about. Yeah.
He's fun, though. I mean, he does
bring a liveliness to it.
Okay, so Dan
won that game, and he
gets to go first in our next game,
and it's called
Who Has My Pig?
Dan, do you do a good Nicolas Cage impression?
I don't. And I wish I did, but I don't.
Right? I mean, you're kind of there already.
Thanks. I think, you know
what I mean? You have a deep voice.
I'm erratic. But you kind of have
to just do impressions of his individual characters,
right? Because then when he has an accent
That's easier for you to fake it
Yeah yeah
Awful Louisiana
Hehehehe
Where am I
Take your head off that bunny
Take your robot off
I didn't know the airplanes could be filled with criminals
That movie Fucking sucks I love it the airplane's gonna be filled with criminals.
That movie.
Fuck, it sucks.
But I love it.
Filled with a warm breeze all my hair.
That's a better accent than he did.
Ever since I,
yeah, for sure.
But that's, that's part of the fun with him
is that I think he just picks
like what it's gonna be
and then does it, you know.
And now he's in such crazy movies.
And I saw the movie Pig, and it's amazing because he does say over and over again,
Who has my pig?
And so I decided to come up with a game where I have to do a Nick Cage impression,
and I don't do it very well.
So I was hoping Dan could teach me before we get into it.
But that's not an impression he does either
So you're just going to have to suffer through the worst Nick Cage impression
But I'm going to try to sound like he does in Pig
And the base level for that
To just do that impression is to say
Who has my pig?
And then I'm going to say the rest of it like that
Because what I'm going to do
Is I'm going to describe a celebrity
who has stolen my pig.
I'm
Nicolas Cage, a famous person
who's stolen my pig.
You guys just yell out
whoever you think it is until
somebody gets it right.
Let's party.
Are you ready?
Are you ready to talk?
I don't think I like this.
Are you ready to talk?
I think I'm too close to you.
About my pig?
I feel like they're going to enjoy this game much more than I am.
I got to talk about my pig.
Try not to slip into Christian Bale Batman.
Where's my pig?
I can't do that. Where's my pig? I can't do that.
Where's my pig, Harvey?
I feel like you're dressed perfectly for that voice, too, by the way.
I love to bring this up every time that his Batman voice comes up,
is when, in the third one, in Dark Knight Rises,
when Catwoman disappears on him
he says to himself
so that's what that's like.
There's nobody there.
There's no reason to do the voice.
Who are you doing the voice for?
Oh my God.
Who are you doing the voice for Bruce?
Listen up he's a method Batman.
So that's what that's like.
Now I'm just alone.
I guess I'll walk home.
Do-do-do-do-do.
Do-do-do.
Do you think, in that case,
do you think Bruce ever slipped into it unintentionally?
Oh, I'm number four.
Number four.
Number four.
Does he think in Batman voice?
He's like, well, I took the car to the shop.
Maybe I'll change it.
Maybe I'll do Christian Bale Batman has lost his pig.
I like it.
All right, ready?
Yeah, get that microphone ready, Taylor.
Yeah, you put it down there.
That's valuable time.
But I do admire your big soft beard, too, though,
because I hit myself in the chin all the time with my microphone,
and when you do it, it must just feel nice.
It's called a mic pad.
Okay, here we go.
Someone took my pig.
Have fun storming the castle.
Did you have fun stealing my pig?
You green one-eyed monster.
I'd like to throw you from a tree.
Billy Crystal.
Yes!
Have fun storming the castle!
Yes, Princess Bride and Monsters, Inc.
and throw Mama from the train.
Dan is on the board.
Yes!
As you can imagine This isn't
This isn't
A very long game
I already went into it
Knowing how weak
My impression was
Here's the next one
You took my pig
I'm not leaving Las Vegas
Without my pig
Nicolas Cage
No No I'm not leaving Las Vegas without my pig. Nicolas Cage.
No.
No, I don't want a cocktail.
Elizabeth Shue.
That is correct.
She'll always be Allie from Karate Kid to me.
And Adventures in Babysitting.
I would put her as the number one crush of my life.
From a childhood.
Yeah, sorry. Is that too much?
You're really going in on this now.
Fucking love Elizabeth Shue, dude.
Have you seen her now?
Yeah, she's hot. She's beautiful.
She's still beautiful. She's unbelievable.
She was gorgeous in The Boys.
Aged like a fine wine.
She's married
to an inconvenient truth.
Really?
Al Gore?
No, the other guy.
I think you'd like to make the replacement for Tipper
is Elizabeth's shoes.
Show them the goods.
Talk about a convenient truth.
Yeah, she was... Talk about a convenient truth.
Yeah, she was... Her husband directed that documentary.
Oh, cool, whatever.
That's cool.
I'm in billions.
Her husband is one of the Oscars.
Well, maybe if you had SiriusXM,
you could listen 5 to 7 p.m. Eastern
on Fashion Talk 103 to the bonfire.
I bet you she does.
I bet you she just sits there with her side boob out.
She's been on Douglas movies a couple of times. Really?
Yeah. What's she like? Back in the day.
And she's fun.
I bet she's a cool
nice lady.
Oh, man.
But that was the last line of that clue
is I was going to say it's going to be a real
adventure in pig sitting.
That's good.
All right. Everybody
poison ready to blurt out
the answer? Here we
go. Who stole
my pig?
Why did you steal my pig, Tom Hanks?
Taylor's correct
Damn
Take them when I can get them
I just wanted somebody else to get one
It's unfair, man
Getting this league thinking it's a game
But it's not a game
It's fucking rigged, man Follow Get in this league thinking it's a game, but it's not a game. It's fucking rigged, man.
Follow the money. Where does this come from?
You're winning.
Here's the next one.
Of all
the people,
I didn't expect a pig to take
my pig. Porky pig. That is correct.
I mean, I'm just
kind of not cool with making fun of stutters, but if you guys are,
okay.
Okay.
Sacramento.
Do better.
Mark, I have to ask you to do me a favor.
What's that?
These two guys are tied and there isn't a chance for you to win this game.
Yeah, this is, I'm having a lot of fun here, Doug.
But you will be.
You'll still be in the next game.
Oh, so I am eliminated, is what you're saying from this round?
Just from this one game.
I didn't know it was an elimination round.
You'll be back.
I think maybe be a little more clear with the rules next time.
Be a little bit more right with the answers.
Honestly, I was trying to lay on the ropes like Ali.
Let them tire themselves out.
But no, I'll step back.
That's what's going to happen, I think, because we still have this third game to play.
And these guys are going to get all crazy right now while you just sit there.
Good.
I hope it's skateboarding.
Catch your breath.
That's me. You know I can't, Ollie.
Someone
took my pig.
Why would a young...
Now he's getting kind of southern.
Why would a young
Jewish boy
take my pig?
Oh wait, you're a young Jewish woman
pretending to be a young jewish boy
and you won't stop singing about it what's up with that doc who do you think you are
king of the ocean prince of the tides jeff bridges no prince Prince of... Nick Nolte.
God damn it.
No.
Fuck you.
You're a young Jewish woman pretending to be a young Jewish boy.
Barbra Streisand.
That is correct.
I'm so sorry, Babs.
I'm so sorry.
I wasn't smart enough for that one.
Dan Soder is officially
king of Who Has My Pig.
Let's go, Dan.
Shout out my mom for being
Soder of Prince of Tides.
I was waiting for the
give me back my pig.
I was going to get that one.
That's what turned it for you?
Yeah.
Be sure to holler at me on Twitter
about how much you hated that game.
that'll encourage me
to do it again sometime.
I'll work on my impression a little more.
But now
is the time when we have to take one
last break before we come back
and play the game
that's going to decide
it all today. Someone's going
home with the prizes. Someone might be
going home with some money.
Most of you will be going
home full of apps and booze.
We'll be right back.
We're back.
That was one of the most fun
commercial breaks
we've ever had. I hope everybody
got some OCB rolling papers.
And
you're welcome.
I mean, any gig I have to fly to that I can bring some, I will. and you're welcome.
I mean, any gig I have to fly to that I can bring
some, I will.
Let's play
Last Person Standing.
This game is
Taylor Rizzo's Mortal Enemy.
I fucking won last time.
That's what they're saying.
You was a fluke, but I won.
You won, yeah.
You did win.
And we were at that show
using four different actresses' names.
I hope that we can do it with less today.
What I will do is I will scan the crowd
for people who are politely raising their hands
or waving them crazily, as long as it's quiet.
And then you'll suggest a name of an actress.
Cannot be an actor.
And I've written down in advance
about 18 months ago
I wrote down a name and put it in my
wallet
wallet and it's been there
do you like that scene
Dan in Wall Street where
Martin Sheen says I don't judge a man by the size
of his wallet
so good
he's great so if the name matches Martin Sheen says I don't judge a man by the size of his wallet! So good.
He's great.
So, if the name matches,
oh, I gotta double check to make sure I got the cash.
Someone's gonna win $180. $180.
Yeah.
Hopefully they have some change.
Hopefully I'll get back
a $20. have some change. Hopefully I'll get back a 20.
But that's if somebody matches, and we've done a bunch of shows.
That's why it's $180, because I'm going to raise it up every time somebody
doesn't get it.
So who
should I
choose?
Let's start with a lady.
Oh, I like how some men put their hands down,
but others were like,
I'm going to still stick around for this.
I've been thinking about changing some things in my life.
But this lady right here in front of me.
Yes, very good.
What's your name?
Stephanie.
Stephanie.
And who would you like to suggest today?
Jessica Alba.
Jessica Alba.
That's a good one.
So we're going to,
I play along on this one.
We're going to take turns
naming, oh,
it's not in the wallet.
I'm going to take turns
with you guys
naming Jessica Alba movies. But I feel like we should get at least one to take turns with you guys naming Jessica Alba movies.
But I feel like we should get at least one other name to work with here.
Because Jessica Alba is busy making cosmetics and shit now.
And so she doesn't have a lot of really recent shit on her resume.
Stop it.
She's a mompreneur.
Damn.
How do you say entrepreneur with mom?
Fuck you.
I'm high.
Mompreneur. Fuck. I'm high. Mom, entrepreneur.
Fuck.
I'm bad at social branding.
That's what I say when cops stop me. Fuck you, I'm high.
Fuck you, dude.
I don't believe in turn signals.
Okay, so thank you for that suggestion of Jessica Alba. We will include
her in the game, but let's go to somebody
else. Let's get one more woman right behind Brandon. This lady right here in the game, but let's go to somebody else.
Let's get one more woman right behind Brandon.
This lady right here.
Yes, you.
What's your name?
Yeah.
Me?
Yeah.
Gina?
Gina?
Okay, Gina, what's your suggestion?
Natalie Portman.
Oh, nice. Nat, of course.
I love it.
I love Natalie Portman.
The only...
Going with real late high school crush run here.
That's right in my hand.
What are you doing with your hands?
Did a lot of pillow kissing to all these ladies' names.
Pillow kissing?
Her husband's number one is pillow kissing.
That's what her husband's in her phone has.
Number two, he'll fool around with a sock
It's great positions in that household
Okay guys so this isn't my decision
I'm perfectly comfortable with
Both of these ladies have made a lot of movies
But if you
Would like us to get yet another name
I will do it
Yeah
Taylor always wants
Taylor always wants more names
So it's going to be up to Mark and Dan
They're going to have to shut it down at some point
Let's get a dude this time
A beard right there with the hat
And the insignia
That's some sort of sports team
That's a gang Doug
San Jose Giants.
With respect to the farm system.
With respect to the farm system
of the NL West leading San Francisco Giants.
What's your name?
Matt.
And what's your suggestion?
Emma Watson.
Fat does not help
these guys at all
You really fucked me there Matt
I mean you know
We're a bunch of adult men up here
We don't know the titles of Harry Potter movies
I honestly didn't even know
That was Emma Watson until right now
I was thinking Hunger Games for a second
But glad we straightened that out
We would have started with this one
It would have been a shit show.
Alright, I'll write it down, but I don't know
how much action she's going to get.
Emma Watts.
I'm going to take one more, but
we've got to draw the line there.
Let's not get crazy.
We get to pick out all four of these while we're doing this?
What's going to happen is we're going to take turns
naming movies by all four
of these actresses.
Four names? Yeah.
Damn, man.
Things really changed around here.
Yeah.
It's called giving
the other players a chance, Dan.
You ever heard of the handicap system?
Thought Doug expected excellence.
I want the guy that got the last rolling papers
because I kept missing throwing them to him during the break.
What's your name?
The guy I was throwing them at?
Yeah.
Colin.
Colin.
J-Lo.
J-Lo.
Shout out.
As my friend Ralph Garman says, there's always room for J-Lo.
And...
Hey, yo.
Hey, yo.
Those are the four names.
Jessica Alba, Jennifer Lopez, Natalie Portman, and Emma Watson.
None of them are in my wallet.
I'm not sitting on any of these ladies.
They are free out in the wild to do their thing.
The wild, huh?
Only one Oscar winner amongst them, I think.
Emma Watson didn't win an Oscar.
That's big ports.
She wasn't even nominated for anything.
But anyway.
Who won the last game?
Dan did.
All right.
So you'll start us off, Dan.
And then it goes to Mark
And then Taylor
And then me
I play along in this one
Alright
And then
Yeah
If you can't think of one
You know
In a reasonable amount of time
You know
A few
Ten seconds
You die
You're out
You die
But also
You each have one lifeline
You can each go to the person
Whose name tag you picked
The person you're playing for You can go to them can each go to the person whose name tag you picked,
the person you're playing for.
You can go to them once.
You go to Frank and Nick and Brandon.
You better get me, Frank.
Sometimes it can be crouch.
Like with Taylor, his lifeline helped him out last time,
and then he managed to think of another movie by the time it got back to him,
and that's how he got the win, I think.
Wait, can we stop talking about how I won after?
Because I'm not going to win this.
We don't know that.
We don't know that.
We don't know.
I mean, we have a pretty good idea.
You're not going to win this, but let's give it a go.
And the next show in Indianapolis,
someone might get $200. Ooh. Let's give it a go. And the next show in Indianapolis,
someone might get $200.
Ooh!
I've got to carry cash to every show.
Maybe I could just Venmo them.
Dan, start us off.
I would like to start with the movie co-starring my radio co-host Big Jay Oakerson
and Jennifer Lopez called Hustlers.
Oh, they were both good in that.
Yeah, Big Jay was the strip club DJ.
Roley was born to play.
It was very method acting.
Yes. He showed up on the set all dressed up Roley was born to play. It was very method acting.
He showed up on the set all dressed up and they were like, can you go put on your regular clothes?
So you're going to need to give that back to wardrobe?
Mark?
I just pick any one of the four?
Any four of the actresses, any of their movies.
Let's go with the obvious ones, whatever you want.
Okay.
Let's go with the slightly problematic film,
co-starring Jessica Alba,
and that is I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.
Good pull.
There you go.
Taylor.
What's up?
The returning champ
This would be amazing if you couldn't come up with one
J-Lo
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
We're gonna do this, huh?
Isn't this the point of the game?
Or did I say the wrong person?
Oh, that's how you're going to play it.
Yeah, but I not play like that.
Winners win.
Do whatever you want.
Do it, dude.
I'm out of here then.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I could make it harder for you to play that way if you'd like.
No, thanks.
Okay.
In that case, I'll say the bling ring.
Oh.
Yeah, I'll go wildly deep on Emma Watson.
That sentence came out bad.
Hey, y'all.
Woo!
I'll stay age appropriate and go Money Train.
Oh, J-Lo.
That's a helpful title.
Ask me.
Taylor.
I mean, Mark.
One of my favorites.
Black Swan, Natalie Portz.
Yes.
One of my favorites.
That's the Oscar winner right there.
Back to you, Taylor.
What's the second one in the series?
That's the Oscar winner right there. Back to you, Taylor.
What's the second one in the series?
No, they're gonna be wildly out of order.
As long as you don't go wildly deep on her.
Yeah, Harry Potter.
Wait, what'd I say the first time? Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Yeah, that is one.
I'll just go ahead and take Beauty and the Beast.
Lovely.
I'll stay with my J-Lo run and say Anaconda.
Hell of a movie.
Don't want none unless he's got
buns.
Also Ice Cube being scared
of a snake.
It's a big snake. He's got his reasons.
Not as big as in Harry Potter.
We get it.
You're gonna win using
that franchise.
There's only eight movies
I know
And I know three of them
Mark?
J-Lo in Geely
Yes
I bet you her and Ben just watch it over and over again
Mm-hmm
Taylor? I bet you her and Ben just watch it over and over again.
Taylor?
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets?
I like how you said it as a question.
Yeah, I'm questioning it. Did they make that one into a movie?
There's my three that I knew.
Well done.
All right, let me see who I can...
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
I like this.
I think this might be my favorite Jessica Alba movie.
Oh, no, it's between two.
I'm gonna go with Never Been Kissed.
Whoa.
Pretty cool.
I'm gonna go Jessica Alba in Idle Hands.
I'm going to go with Natalie Portz in Star Wars.
The Night's...
I said The Night is going to be a good night, guys.
Let me...
Can you feel it? Chill out, dogs. the night is gonna be a good night guys let me chill out dogs tonight's gonna be
in star wars
frank
hey what are you doing?
Oh, he called on him.
I'm sorry.
I thought you changed.
I got your back, Frank.
I thought you switched to a movie about somebody named Frank.
But you're really wasting your lifeline on just that title? I'm fucking dying here, Doug.
All right, which one did you say, Frank?
That's exactly the one I said.
He went Phantom Menace.
That's cool.
Back to you, Taylor.
Tell us more about Harry Potter.
Unfortunately, I can't.
I...
You said J-Lo was one of the girls, right?
She's in The Wedding Planner?
Yes, she is.
That's a fire movie, too.
I love that movie, dude.
That's the biggest applause I've ever gotten.
But this isn't Jeopardy.
You don't have to phrase it as a question.
She's in Wedding Planner?
What's the Wedding Planner?
Okay.
Have you seen this guy that's on Jeopardy now?
He says what's to everything, no matter what it is.
I have it all DVR'd, so I'm not caught up. That's a real thing. I don't know. We DVR Jeopardy now, he says what's to everything no matter what it is. I have it all DVR'd so I'm not caught up.
That's a real thing.
I don't know. DVR Jeopardy.
The season just ended and this guy's won like 17
games. What? And he's going
into, he'll come back when the show
comes back and his name's Matt Amodio
and he's just
he's got his own style
and he's very entertaining. I'm excited to catch up.
Oh, you're going to enjoy it
very much.
I mean,
I guess it'd be a little spoiled
that you know he wins
every time,
but
Yeah,
but you know what?
My girlfriend who watches it
with me doesn't know
so now I can start
making some real money.
I'm like,
this guy goes on a run.
I feel good.
There was one
Final Jeopardy question
that I was just stunned.
We've got to play this game.
So...
The category, Dan,
was movie blockbusters.
Okay.
Right?
Yeah.
And then it says,
what movie blockbuster
took its themes and ideas
by combining Enemy of the People and Moby Dick.
Star Wars.
What's the Jaws?
Jaws, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Totally.
I knew that.
I've seen a few guys.
Guys, I fuck around up here.
It's the easiest question.
This is a headlining comedian.
That was...
He's joking.
Yeah.
Thanks, dude. You're welcome, man. Still sweet action when you get paid tonight. He's joking. Yeah. Thanks, dude.
You're welcome, man.
Get a little sweet action when you get paid tonight.
Wait, I thought he was another comic on the show with you.
I didn't know he was your hype man.
Shut up, dude.
Yeah, don't worry.
We're just friends.
We just met right now.
Met right now.
So.
Dang.
Where are we?
Whose turn is it?
Yours Oh shit
I'm gonna have to go
I'm gonna have to pick off
The ones that got left
Left behind
By Taylor
Oh no
So I'm gonna go
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Ah Jesus
Yeah good job
I'm gonna go
Natalie Portman
In the Garden State.
In Garden State.
That was close.
Technicalities! Why don't you back up?
I just met him.
Garden State.
I've been thinking of one since the whole
Jeopardy thing.
I think I'm bowing out.
You have a vast selection.
Oh, is there?
Thanks so much for letting me know.
Let's go Harry Potter and...
The Chamber of Secrets yet?
Have we said that one?
The Chamber?
Yeah, he said that one, I think.
Yeah, we're going to have to bow out here, Doug.
I get stage fright, yo.
Chill, man.
My brain don't work well. No, there's nothing to worry fright, yo. Chill, man. My brain don't work well.
No, there's nothing to worry about, Mark. It happens all the time on this show,
and you're doing better than a lot of people.
I'm not going to name names.
That's pretty cool.
I'm not going to name names.
I'm not going to name names.
Bert Kreischer.
We love Bert. I'm not going to name names. Bert Kreischer. We love Bert.
I'm just joking.
So anyway, it's Taylor's turn.
And thank you for playing, Mark.
And hopefully we won't make you sit here for too long.
Harry Potter.
Uh-huh.
Order of the Phoenix?
What, is there like a comma in there?
How did you say it?
Harry Potter.
Think about every Harry Potter title
and how there's one word that they do not waver on using.
And?
Harry Potter and Order of the Phoenix? Yeah. potter title and how there's one word that they do not waver on using and harry potter hand order
the phoenix yeah i did it like there was suddenly just one harry potter colon phoenix
i'm so nervous to say the wrong words. Yeah, it does get tricky.
Sometimes you just don't know if you're going to say it right
when you say Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 3.
No, I'm just kidding
I'm joking
They were really
Trying to stop you from doing that
Like you were about to
Just put your face on an oven
Right
I'm not going to get thrown off stage
Monster-in-law
Good one
Jane Fonda
Loved it
I mean with a lot of these actresses
You just have to access
Like rom-coms that you hated
And one of these four
Is probably in it
I said Never Been Kissed earlier
Was my tie for favorite Jessica Alba
My other favorite Jessica Alba
Is Into the Blue.
I like that one for some reason.
I gotta tell you, I don't like
Jessica Alba movies as a general rule.
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.
That's the Broadway show,
dummy.
That doesn't count? Fuck you guys.
The Professional.
Yeah. Sometimes referred to as Leon Oh, dummy. That doesn't count? Fuck you guys. That's a real thing. The Professional.
Yeah.
Sometimes referred to as Leon, colon, The Professional.
Depending on what country you're in or what year it is.
Or if you're concerned about things that are problematic.
Yeah, that movie didn't age well.
It's my turn?
Yeah. You got this. I just had, oh, Jersey Girl. It's my turn? Huh?
You got this.
I just had, oh, Jersey Girl.
Nice.
Look at you go.
I've been doing some practicing.
I don't know how you could practice for this.
Scroll through IMDb.
I was hoping to get to this one.
I'm doing them alphabetically.
I was hoping it would take longer to get to this,
but V for Vendetta.
Star Wars Episode III,
The Revenge of the Sith.
Man, that got real opinions.
That's the only movie I've ever thrown out where people were like, this is my chance.
It's because that's who I'm playing for.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like, no.
No point in leaving.
What could argue that I left the front row empty for COVID,
but it's more just to keep the people that keep saying
answers further away from the stage.
Yeah.
Because the front row people do like to talk to us.
It's nice to have a little moat.
Keep us safe from Brandon.
Whose turn is it?
Did you get that right eventually?
Okay, so we're on Taylor?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did he get that right eventually?
Okay, so we're on Taylor?
Yeah. Yeah.
Avengers.
Fuck, which one do they go back and...
Endgame? Everybody's going crazy.. End game?
Everybody's going crazy.
Avengers Endgame?
I feel like she might pop in there for a second.
When they go back to see her?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm right.
Let's do it.
Let's do Avengers Endgame, but how would it, would it kill you to just say Thor?
Damn.
Oh, oh.
But she's credited
Is the game
Do they appear in it
Or are they in it
Voice overs count
So
And they show a picture
Of her I bet
Yeah
So I'm counting it
And then I moved on
I appreciate it
And then I took my turn
Thor
And now it's Dan's turn
And the three of us
Are going to play
With no further
Even if we're wrong You don't have to tell us.
We'll talk to the corrections department later.
I'll decide who the winner is today.
Doug, I can stand in the moat if you want and beat people away from...
We should have a security guy just standing there with his arm folded
looking at everybody and watching for cameras.
Dan?
I want to think of another one before I use this one, but I'll just use this.
Selena.
Yeah.
Of course.
Very well.
Very good.
This is getting pretty down to the wire.
My turn?
Yeah.
You don't have to rub it in that Mark's not in anymore.
Yes, returning champion, it's your turn.
I like the ring of that.
You like one-time champion?
Yeah.
Sound of that?
I could pull it out today.
Jay and Silent Bob strike back.
Jessica Alba?
Sure.
I like it.
The wedding planner got uproarious applause.
But Jay and Silent Bob, nothing.
You just never know what people are going to applaud.
You just have to keep doing the act and see what happens.
There was a recent J-Lo
that I would love to say
but I can't think of it
so I'm going to fuck that one
so I'm going to go with
Angel Eyes
yum
I can hear people describing the plots of movies
What about the one where she was a lady
And she was walking around going hey
I'm going to take a shot down field
Blue Crush
Oh why would any of them be in that
Wasn't Alba one of the friends in that?
No.
I was kidding.
That was a joke.
Oh, he's joking around, everybody.
I was kidding again, guys.
Shit.
Do you want to use your lifeline?
Yeah, I'm going to use my lifeline.
Where is it?
Where are you?
There he is.
This is the end.
This is the end.
This is the end.
Of course.
Emma Watson.
Emma Watson.
Oh, my favorite actress.
Very good. Old Emma Watts showing up. What Watson. Oh, my favorite actress. Very good.
Old Emma Watts showing up.
What a scene.
She cusses.
Man.
Woo.
Moving on.
What do you think, Taylor?
Have you used your lifeline?
No, not yet.
Okay.
So what's it going to be?
She said I sort of did.
Uh-uh. stickler for rules.
I'm going to say American Pie.
Why?
No.
Why would you ever say that?
Is Jessica Alba in that?
No.
No.
Am I being racist to 30-year-old white ladies?
Yep.
Come on.
Not all look the same, Taylor.
Can I go to my lifeline?
There's not even one that looks like Jessica Alba in American Pie.
Kind of.
Which one?
Who's the foreign exchange student?
Shannon Elizabeth.
Oh, they're totally different.
They look very similar.
They look like a foot taller for one.
Yeah, they do.
Facial, they look similar.
They both have faces.
Okay, so I'm going to go to my lifeline
if that's okay. Oh, okay. I thought you
gave a wrong answer, but we'll go to your lifeline.
Yeah, I bow out
graciously and then everyone just shoots
for wrong answers and then just gets to keep
going, huh?
Yeah, okay.
I'll say that.
Okay.
Star Wars Episode II, Attack of the Clones.
Okay, all right.
What do you mean no?
They say no over there.
No.
I don't know.
Natalie Portman
is in...
Oh, shit. This is fun when this happens.
She's in...
Oh.
God damn it.
Friends with Benefits.
Damn it. That's what I was trying to think of.
There was the other one, too, that they made at the same
time. Yeah.
That's what I was almost going think of there was the other one too that they made at the same time yeah uh whatever yeah that's what i was almost gonna say but i'm smart um jessica alba in the fantastic four oh taylor taylor hi
Hi.
What?
No Strings Attached was the one with Natalie Portman?
Because the other one was the, right?
Amila Kunis. Hang on a second.
Real quick.
Real quick.
Real quick.
Did you hear the part where I said, you do not get to.
I said, we will worry about it later.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
So you're hearing it now, though?
Yeah. Okay. So I're hearing it now, though?
Okay, so I don't want to hear from you anymore.
Thanks.
I mean, I made a special announcement.
She must have been in the crapper.
Oh, man.
I don't even... Because it's fun that I got away with it.
And then you just...
And then you're wrong sometimes
when people do that from the audience.
I don't get it.
But you're still talking.
Can you just leave
for the rest of the show, please?
Everybody gets so...
Everybody turns when that happens.
But how do I get her
to stop speaking out loud
without asking her to leave?
How do I do it? I don't think it's possible.
You know what I mean?
I feel like my parents are fighting
right now.
I'm just shoving broccoli
into my face. I'm straight up not listening at all and thinking of movies.
Yeah.
That's a pretty good idea. I'm stalling so you guys can think. Taylor's over there all and thinking of movies. That's why I'm trying to stall so that you can...
I'm stalling so you guys can think Taylor's over there
all involved in the drama
instead of figuring out how to win the game.
Stop trying to de-escalate this situation, Taylor.
Sometimes you gotta watch it burn, dude.
Oh, my God.
I don't know, man.
I got nothing.
I think I'm out.
Did you already say...
I said the Fantastic Four.
Did you already say
good luck, Chuck?
Wait, so...
No, but I did say
I now pronounce you
Chuck and Larry,
so that may be why...
That might have been
your confusion
might have come from there,
but...
Is she in that movie?
She's definitely in that movie.
You know what?
We're going to finish this game in the green room
without the audience.
Because we're out of time anyway.
So that'll be a fun way to wrap it up.
If the two people that are eligible to win still,
Frank and who's the other one?
I'm Dan.
You're with Mark. Sorry, Frank.
Oh, it's this guy. Nick. Nick and
Brandon. And Brandon. It's between the
two of them. We'll settle this later.
Because we're out of time. I mean, I guess
I guess, okay, so
you say that. Okay. Yes.
Taylor, say it out loud again. Good luck,
Chuck. Yes, that is correct.
She's in that.
All right.
All right.
So it's my turn.
It's my turn.
Yeah.
Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer.
Son of a bitch.
Let's go, Doug.
Son of a bitch.
Let's go.
Let's go, Doug.
What about the sci-fi classic Annihilation?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Harry Potter and...
No, I'm...
I'm totally out.
Thanks, guys.
Good job, Taylor.
Great job, Taylor.
Let's hear it for Taylor.
Great job, Taylor.
Taylor, I'm, you know, going to hook you up with,
I'll have you back on the show soon.
No strings attached.
Oh, what the fuck?
That was good.
Boo this man.
No, don't do that.
Hilarious.
God damn, he tricked me, Doug.
I'm sorry I got mad at you, lady, but...
It's just, it's just, it's so weird. I've sorry I got mad at you, lady, but it's just
so weird. I've been doing this for
so long, and people
sit up front because they're the most excited,
and then they chip in the entire
time. I don't know how to get it to stop,
even though I always ask it to stop.
But I guess that's part of the fun.
Whose turn is it?
It's yours.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man. Did I just get annihilated?
Ah!
Yeah, we don't have any more time anyway.
Dan is our winner. Dan Soder.
Dan Soder wins.
That would have been a fun way to just go somewhere else and finish the game, but then
tell people the results later.
Follow Twitter to see what happens.
Link in bio.
It's a viral marketing scheme right there.
Alright, so
let's do some plugs real quick. Taylor Rizzo, what do you
got to plug? Hey, follow my Instagram at Rizzo Rizzo
and follow our Patreon for Getting Doug with High
every Tuesday.
We do that on patreon.com slash gettingdoug
with Doug Benson and Alicia Glass.
Thanks, guys.
Thank you, Taylor.
Mark Smalls.
Follow me up on Instagram,
mark underscore smalls,
on twitch.tv slash marksmallslive.
Very fun Twitch channel.
And a golf comedy podcast,
if you're into that,
called Country Club Adjacent.
Come through.
Very throwing a lot of shit at the wall.
Something's going to stick.
Something's going to stick. Something's going to stick.
Well, thank you for being here.
I'd love to have you back on the show sometime if you're willing.
I would love that.
Because the quiz stuff is fun to play the games,
but the bottom line is you're hilarious and you were a fun guest today.
Thank you, Doug. I appreciate it.
Thank you very much, y'all.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you, girls.
I'll take an Adderall next time.
I promise, okay?
Also, you could do one of the Zoom shows, then you're
just sitting at home, just chilling.
It's weird about being on stage in front of people
that are going to tell you you're wrong
the second it comes out of your mouth
by laughing at you.
I don't know if I trust myself with the internet right next to me your mouth by laughing at you.
I don't know if I trust myself with the internet right next to me.
Alright, that's fair.
But I hope to see you.
Would love that.
Dan Soder.
Live dates, dansoder.com.
Please listen to The Bonfire
Monday through Thursday
on Sirius XM 103.
And Billions will be back
September 5th, end of season five.
Let's go
good job
thanks man
I'll see you
Saturday August 28th
Indianapolis at Helium Comedy Club
at 420
it will be a gas
thank you to the
Sacramento Punchline
this is the third live Doug Loves Movies
back in front of an audience, I think.
I think it's the third one.
Third or fourth.
So we appreciate the Sacramento Punchline
for having us and taking care of everybody
and take care of the waitstaff,
because they came in.
They got to sit through two Dan Soder shows tonight.
So they got a lot of stuff they have to deal with.
So please tip them.
And thank you once again, Taylor Rizzo, Mark Smalls, and Dan Soder.
No matters.
As always.
Uh-oh.
They're going gonna do it
Play that theme song
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky
There's no room in his heart for you
Cause Doug loves movies