Doug Loves Movies - The 12 Guests of Xmas 3 with Zach Galifianakis, Jon Hamm and 10 more guests
Episode Date: December 3, 2018Live from Largo at the Coronet in Los Angeles, Doug welcomes Emma Arnold, Chip Chantry, Billy Wayne Davis, Zach Galifianakis, Jon Hamm, Sean S. Jordan, Samm Levine, Amy Miller, Geoff Tate, Al...ison Rosen, Clark Wolfe and Sarah Silverman to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats,
quick 50-a-day hard-work journals in his key.
There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies. Put away your light-up name tag.
It's not time yet.
Ho, ho, ho, everybody.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
This is God Loves Movies.
That's not the right time for that.
Coming to you.
Oh, it's fucking night one
of the 12 Guests of Christmas
West Coast Edition at Largo
on La Cienega at the Coronet!
In Los Angeles.
People in Los Angeles don't clap for themselves that much.
That's why you guys started clapping
before I even said Los Angeles.
Because you're into this theater
more than you're into this town.
The traffic isn't that bad in this theater.
They keep most of the smog out.
It's Sunday, December 2.
It's the tooth, 2018.
New York sure was cold. It's good to be back here in LA where it's just tooth. 2018. New York sure was cold.
It's good to be back here in LA
where it's just kinda cold.
And I'm surrounded by hot nametags.
Yeah, let me see those babies.
Oh, we got a lot of interesting shapes and sizes
rising up in the dark.
We got a light on the nightmare before Christmas.
The night-merissa before Christmas.
Good job, Marissa.
Outlaw Geordie Whales.
And that's a drawing, you guys.
That's all of these are...
Hey, stand up, drawing club,
and show everybody in the audience
all the great work you did.
They drew their name tags.
Yeah, they didn't just
put a bunch of lights on a
piece of wood.
Like, that'd be easy
to do. But there's Jake's on a
plane and who
apocalypse now?
Apolacalypse now.
Great job, you guys.
And seriously, like, that one with the lights all around it,
I can't read it at all.
It just looks like a square of lights.
And turning it off didn't help.
Oh!
But putting a flashlight on it worked.
Titanic?
Tyler Tanic.
Good job.
It's sink or swim for you tonight
Tyler Tannick
oh and there's that great
what's that snake over there
anaconda
and she put a
fucking snake on sticks
and has a sparkly head
looks like it should be in a Chinese parade
I told her today on Twitter,
if that one doesn't get picked,
I will be surprised.
But you never know.
Good luck to everybody.
What's this big sack?
It's Mira Kyle on 34th Street,
and it's representing
the bag of letters
that Santa gets
at the end of that movie.
Spoiler alert. That's how they prove that he's Santa bag of letters that Santa gets at the end of that movie spoiler alert that's
how they prove that he sent us because the post office goes well this is the
guy we bring all the Santa mail to that movie that doesn't hold up, right? Did the John Hughes version
fix that problem?
I don't think so.
Doug plugs,
tomorrow's night two
of the West Coast 12 guests
here at Largo.
I'll be at the Emerald Cup
in Santa Rosa, California
in Sonoma County.
Fairgrounds,
it's on the fairgrounds
in Santa Rosa.
That's December 15th and 16th.
And I'm returning to Austin, Texas on
December 29th at Cap City Comedy
at 420. Oh, and just to
add it, Doug Loves Movies at
Helium in Portland on Saturday,
January 5th at 420.
It will be
gassy.
And so there's a huge difference
between 12 guests in New York
and 12 guests in L.A.
12 guests in New York,
the green room is downstairs,
so I can't hear them all talking amongst themselves
before I introduce them.
But tonight, they're just like,
they're just like greyhounds waiting at the gate
for it to open up in that electric
bunny that they want to fuck so bad.
Do they want
to eat it or do they want to fuck it?
Whatever it is, I agree with Peeta.
It's not
humane because the dogs never get to
eat or fuck that rabbit.
What an
existence.
They should all be named Sisyphus.
Yeah, that was pretty solid.
That was a big solid rock of a joke.
Sorry, boulder.
It was more of a boulder.
For all my dates and deets and links,
go to DougLovesMovies.com.
That's DougLovesMovies.com That's Douglovesmovies.com
Yeah!
Hoorah!
We did it you guys.
You're all in show business.
Most of you know a cue when you hear it.
Shout out to
Sean Sacamay who
am I, excuse me, Sacamay, who, my, excuse me,
Sacamay, my buddy,
who he's been on a lot of the 12 guest shows,
but the lineups are so powerful
that he's just here
standing by
in case somebody needs to tap out.
If somebody needs to tap out,
we're going to call on Sean,
and he's going to jump in.
But in the meantime,
he's getting high and drunk
and having a pleasant experience.
The prize bag, I don't know if you guys saw me on Instagram.
We've got something very special I'm giving away tonight.
But first, let me tell you about the rest of this garbage.
There's a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt,
a sippy cup from who knows what Broadway show
that I saw on Broadway
and this is what I drank my vodka out of
so it's probably got some of my DNA on it
if you're into that.
A copy of the New York magazine
that's in the hotel.
I really like to pay it forward
and let you guys know about
under-known cities
like New York.
A Douglas movie sticker,
but then also
from my friends at Peacemaker,
a giant
rubber glow-in-the-dark
bong.
Let's bring all the lights down.
Thank you.
I'm not going to say anything further about that.
That was the perfect reaction.
You guys are already one of the top ten crowds of this year.
And it's about time.
The clock is ticking.
Good luck, Austin, Texas.
Because you get me on the very last night.
But all of that is in the prize bag.
Plus, I mean, it's going to be multiple bags, let's face it.
Good luck to the winner carrying all of this stuff home.
My 12 guests are all bringing something.
I nailed it.
Have exactly 12 guests.
They're all here.
I'd say hold your applause to the end, but I know how
excitable you are.
And it's in alphabetical
order. Please give
it up for Emma Arnold,
Chip Chantry, Billy Wayne Davis,
Zach Galifianakis,
John Hamm, Sean S. Jordan,
Sam Levine,
Amy Miller,
Jeff Tate,
Allison Rosen, Clark Wolf, and Sarah Silverman. Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate! Tate!
Tate! Tate! Tate!
It never ceases to embarrass me
that I go
to all this trouble to get all these amazing
guests and you guys already have a
favorite.
Super uncool.
People are gonna be like,
I'd do your show again,
but people chant Tate.
They chant it, it shows he's not even at.
Emma! Emma!
Yeah, yeah, that was good.
Get that Emma chant going.
I mean, you see the cult that's developed here.
They'll chant for anybody,
almost anybody here.
I made eye contact with somebody right before I said,
almost anybody, and now I feel bad.
All right, let's meet them individually.
It should take about 90 minutes.
Not a joke.
Yeah, sorry, Sam Levine.
We'll see you in a little while.
Cool.
But first, let's say hello to Amy Miller!
Hello!
Hi, Doug.
Amy.
Amy.
Amy.
Amy.
Amy.
Amy.
That's how everybody should get a chant.
I don't need it.
Thank you, though.
I did the same thing on one of the New York shows.
I started to talk to you before doing something that we need to do first.
So I'll see.
I feel like that Mr. Microphone commercial.
I'll be back.
I'll be back later.
What did he say?
Nobody remembers.
What year was that from?
It was from the 1920s, I believe.
Oh, good.
It was an anti-drinking ad.
You were down in a speakeasy watching a commercial.
I need each and every one of you,
ladies and gentlemen on this stage, to pick your name tags. There's so many good ones to choose from. Just, you know, you could
take these steps over here to go out into the crowd and really investigate. Or you could
just stand in the front row and take Outlaw Geordie Wales. Yeah. And while my guests do that,
it might take a second,
so we're going to go to a brief commercial break.
We're back. We did it.
Very polite crowd.
There wasn't any yelling or anything.
And what did you pick up
there, Amy?
Well, I spotted a peewee doll, so it was the thing
that I picked, because I love peewee
and I'm playing for Phillip.
Phillip's Playhouse Christmas
special.
Yeah, and it's a peewee doll
with
just a sign on it that says that.
Let's see what he has to say.
It's been a long time.
Hell yeah, his voice is really high.
Yeah.
So it doesn't work, you think?
No, it doesn't work.
Hang on, do it real tight.
Wow.
I think it said, fuck you, Doug.
Somebody should just slow down
The speed of the podcast
When they're listening to it
Let us know what he said later
Yeah somebody Zabruder that shit
Oh if you hold it right you can do it
Oh if you hold it right up to your ear
Yeah
It's hard to also put the mic up to it
Alright who brought that piece of garbage Thanks Philip Yeah. It's hard to also put the mic up to it. All right.
Who brought that piece of garbage?
Thanks, Philip.
Thanks for ruining Christmas.
Pee-wee loves the theater.
Yeah, Philip's leading the charge on the war against Christmas.
Okay, so you're playing for Philip, and what'd you bring for the prize bag?
Oh, okay.
I actually have a prize box.
Wow.
Thinking outside of it, guys.
Well, this one's a little uncomfortable now,
because he had no memory of ever meeting me,
but it's a portrait of me and Jon Hamm.
And... Maybe it can be signed?
Signed.
I mean, I don't know.
I know we all meet a lot of people, but... I thought we had something special.
Thank you, Doug.
I also have a copy of Christmas with the Cranks.
Thank you, Doug.
I also have a copy of Christmas with the Cranks.
This sparkly gold T-shirt from my boyfriend's band,
Scenes from a Movie.
He's going to be really mad about that,
but it's a great shirt and a great band.
And I have a boyfriend, John.
And my comedy album, Solid Gold, great Christmas present.
I'll be selling these.
I'll be selling these outside after the show.
If you want to come say hi there, pay what you want.
Nice. Did he sign it?
Yeah, he did.
What does it say?
Now you might want to keep it because it's Jon Hamm,
hard save me is what he wrote on there.
Fucking liar.
He's smooth.
I'll sign it, too.
He's smooth.
Watch out for that guy.
All right.
That's an amazing, amazing prize box.
Definitely watch out really hard.
Thank you so much.
There it is.
He'll tear it for my Christmas romper.
Yeah.
So much.
There it is.
He'll tear it for my Christmas romper.
Yeah.
And what do you got to plug, Amy Miller?
I will be in Portland on December 15th at the Siren Theater.
So, yeah, get tickets for that, a holiday show,
a special holiday comedy show,
and listen to my podcast, Who's Your God? And say hi to me outside later.
Yeah.
Pay what you want for anything in Amy's possession.
That's true, yes.
That's the system.
Yeah, you want that cute ribbon from her hair?
Bidding starts at $20.
I mean, it is rent week, so we'll see what we can do.
And what was the last movie you saw, Amy?
That's the last of the four questions.
I saw Bohemian Rhapsody last night.
Yeah?
Oh!
People are loving it?
I had mixed feelings.
I haven't seen it yet?
Well, you know, people are saying that the Freddie Mercury guy does a great job.
He did a great job, yeah.
But the movie's not as good as he is.
I will say I had a lot of fun.
I was very excited to see Mike Myers in it,
because he's my favorite actor.
And, um...
I don't know why that was funny.
He's brought a lot of joy to my life.
Yeah, he's terrific.
But it was a little weird when Mike Myers was like,
no one's ever gonna listen to this song in a car.
Like, what? Come on, man.
Of all the people who say that,
fucking Wayne's World guy... Yes, that's why it was embarrassing.
...is supposed to be ironic or something?
I guess.
Boo.
I don't know, but...
It was so weird, like, when they cast Danny DeVito
to play Andy Kaufman's manager,
when Danny DeVito was Andy Kaufman's co-star,
he could have played
that part
alright well thank you
Amy those are all
great answers
and you're the winner
so far
but now let's say
hello to everybody's
new best friend
it's Allison Rosen
same four questions go Allison Rosen.
Same four questions.
Go.
Starting with who are you playing for?
Oh, I'm playing
for the wonderful woman
who made this
Little Women poster
that has pictures
of four of us
on stage on it.
Although I'm Beth
and is she the one
who dies?
Oh, I'm not sure.
I don't,
all of us don't know how to take that but what is
your name Teresa Teresa you know little women
it makes perfect sense there's two T's and little one T and Teresa oh but she
says she's playing the role of Marmy. And I don't remember
Marmy. I don't remember her. She's the one who
kills Beth.
You know...
Well, this is now uncomfortable.
Yeah, my least favorite of the little women
was the one called Smarmy.
Yeah. She was...
She had an attitude. Yeah, weird attitude.
But yeah, that's a beautiful poster and great job selecting it.
What'd you bring for the prize bag?
I brought two t-shirts.
And a microphone?
I brought two t-shirts.
I didn't know, this one has a little bit of special dog hair on it.
Okay.
And I didn't know what size or what
style the person would want so they get to write both most of the best friend
t-shirts because I get a good deal on those and also she's a Cavalier King
Charles Spaniel and also And also Thank you I have a new pair of glasses
They're progressives
And I can't get used to them
So I'm willing to throw those in as well
I didn't bring them on stage
What's the prescription?
How do they know that it'll match them?
Or the winner?
Oh no, they're for me.
But you're going to give them away?
I just don't want them.
I didn't bring them out here.
I'm just saying.
But you're hoping that the winner's prescription will match
because you can't just wear somebody else's glasses.
No, you can't.
But I'm just saying.
I mean, if they want to really Mr. Magoo that shit.
They're readers in the bottom, a tiny bit of distance, and they'll make you dizzy.
Who wants them?
Who wants in?
Who wants them?
Yeah, it's like really cheap marijuana.
It's like a free trip.
Right.
And what do you got to plug, Allison?
Oh, well, okay, so I have my regular podcast, Allison Rosen is Your New Best Friend, which I hope everyone will listen to.
And then I have a new podcast
that I'm doing with Greg Fitzsimmons,
who's a delightful person.
Sure.
It's called Childish.
Greg was the 13th guest on this show,
just didn't make the cut quite.
I want my unborn baby to be the 14th guest.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah.
So it's an irreverent parenting podcast,
but you can listen to it even if you don't have kids.
We mostly talk about butt stuff.
Like there's not a thing you have to click on
to say, yes, I have kids.
No, we want everyone to listen.
Okay.
So yeah, please go check that out.
So everyone listen.
And the last movie I saw,
that's the next one, right?
Yeah, you're good.
Thank you.
I'm sharp.
Professional broadcaster there.
I saw Mary Shelley on a plane.
Wait.
Not the Mary Shelley.
Oh, I was going to say,
this isn't who have you run into
from the world of famous people.
There's a movie called Mary Shelley?
Yes, it's with Elle Fanning.
And she plays the title role?
She does.
So it's a young Mary Shelley, like before she thinks of Frankenstein?
She wrote Frankenstein when she was only 18.
What?
Doesn't that make you feel bad about yourself?
Makes me feel great about her, though.
Yeah.
An 18-year-old came up with that.
That's pretty cool.
I thought it was really good
and then I read
a bunch of reviews
that didn't think it was good
but I enjoyed it.
On a plane.
On a plane.
That's all you gotta say.
That's right.
Everything's better
on a plane.
I think it would've
I think it could've
survived
terra firma.
Okay.
It's just me.
Yeah, alright.
I'm not a top critic.
I don't know.
Thank you, Allison.
Thank you.
Well, look who broke the internet.
Ralph gets all the credit, but you drove him to it.
Sarah Silverman, everybody.
Thanks.
Real Reese's Cup fan, clearly.
I'm hungry.
Everyone had Reese's.
I thought maybe it was some inside joke of this show.
I think they know that everybody likes Reese's.
These are the ones that the kids sell for $5 and then they get none of it
and they give it to different Fagans they work for. You can also buy like a box of tea.
I'm playing for Tom. I remember you said, forget it. So you're playing for who? Tom. Get it?
The elephant Tom.
Tom.
Yeah.
He could have done Mr. Tom, like Mr. Mom.
He could have done just Tom, the movie Mom.
Oh, and that was called Mother.
Tom Gunn?
Is that what you said, Sean?
All right, it's not your turn to talk.
But he went a different way with it.
He went with the elephant Tom.
It feels like everybody in the back row
called each other and said,
let's go blue tonight, guys.
Let's give Jon Hamm a break.
Let him stand out for once.
Okay, so Tom's who you're playing for.
And what'd you bring for the bag?
Oh, I brought just nothing comedic.
That's okay. This is wrapped because this is what I gave
out for, I'm not usually good at
Christmas and stuff, but I give it to the people
I have to, like agents
and stuff like that.
And then with my real friends, we go like, we don't
have to get a present, right? Right, okay.
So I over
counted, and this is another one, but it's a
good gift. It's an at-home
allergy test.
How complicated is it to take?
You have to prick your finger and you send it into a place.
Really?
Yeah.
All right, let's do it right now.
And then this is the top of the line
Bebo vape
with a sativa blend of drug.
Yeah, that's very nice.
I feel like an at-home allergy test
is the most Jewish gift to give for Christmas.
I think I'm sick.
I could be sick.
Are you Jewish?
That's not cool. How many of us that?
Two or three?
What do you, what?
Oh.
What do you got to plug?
Nothing, really, nothing.
Can people watch I Love America?
Can they still see episodes?
Yeah, yeah.
We just did our last I Love You America
until we get picked up, I hope.
It's on Hulu.
It's just an ad.
And they're all 21 episodes are there.
And I know it seems, well, it's topical.
So, like, if I have, like, five Rachel Maddow stack up, I delete them.
Even though I love her, I delete them.
These, I wouldn't delete them.
I think they still, they become more relevant.
I feel like I'm doing a hard sell, but it doesn't become irrelevant, I feel.
Yeah, I mean, if you think you love America, you should watch this show, right?
I mean, it might not be your cup of tea, but it might.
Give it a chance.
And last movie you saw?
On a plane.
I saw the movie.
Mission Impossible Fallout.
Okay.
I don't know.
I mean, you got to watch it just to see how committed Tom Cruise is.
Like, he really gets out there and throws himself on planes and shit.
I like the crazy things where you go, whoa!
It's another person.
You know, like, I can't believe it.
Oh, I know.
It's like, no matter how many of those they make, when someone pulls their face off, I'd fall for it every time.
Like, oh, wait, that happened in every other one of these
i love like they didn't have any like born movies or any like thrillers i hadn't seen so i went with
that but i liked three that was the other one i saw of those i liked part three oh three yeah yeah
this one wasn't as good but it was alright with Philip Seymour
Hoffman
Philip Seymour
Thomas
yes
that was just on TV
yeah
yeah he's good
speaking of good
thank you Sarah
speaking of good
I will skip him if you don't shut up Thank you, Dave.
I will skip him if you don't shut up.
It's Jeff Tate, everybody!
Hello. Hey, everybody.
This is a real letdown, huh?
Hulu's pretty cool. I don't know why you guys
fucking shivved her on it
Hulu's a good platform
Jeff are you chewing gum
yeah very
yeah
please
please get rid of it
this is a sports podcast
also I happen to know
you were literally
sitting next to the person
who despises gum chewing more than any other living person.
I'm not going to say anything, but I think that's it.
You've been issued some tissue.
Use it.
There's some ambient noise that it's not killing.
It's not like you're eating an apple in a quiet car.
Hey, Sarah, when you've got gold, reach for the pan.
Get a microphone so everybody listening can hear it.
Oh.
Yeah, but that was awesome.
Wait, some of this is just between us.
What is this, a podcast this is just between us. Is this a podcast?
It's a podcast!
I didn't know how-
I mean, I'm sure these 200 people want to hear about all of our dates outside of this city.
Jeff, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
Gum chewing.
No, but I've never seen you chew gum on stage before.
What's that?
I've never seen you chew gum on stage before.
I mean, so I guess it's not gonna be my thing.
He's trying a new affectation.
Hey!
Holy shit, Vanellope just showed up.
He's trying a new
affectation.
I love how she takes front and center
of the second movie, to be honest with you. But anyway, Jeff. Yeah, I love how she takes front and center of the second movie, to be honest with you.
But anyway, Jeff.
Yeah, I love it.
She's my favorite character in the first one.
Sorry, Ralph.
Sorry, guy with a hammer.
Felix.
Fix it.
His name is Fix-It Felix.
The amazing John C. Reilly.
Will he do it, you think?
Yes, he would do it.
All right.
He's great at it.
He's been in the best movies.
All right, we'll talk to you about it later.
I think I have one spot open tomorrow night.
What does he do on the first night of Hanukkah?
I hope he doesn't chew gum, Jesus.
Because it's killing ticket sales.
All right, Jeff, where were we?
The first night at Hanukkah
is a weird night to crucify somebody.
Are you still chewing that gum?
Just spit it the fuck out.
I feel like this was the first.
Is it life-saving gum?
Do you need it for-saving gum? I mean, do you
need it for your heart
or something?
No, my dad gave me
this gum right before
he died.
And was like,
chew it on a good night, son.
Don't waste it.
It wasn't even good,
but I was doing it for him,
but okay, right?
Whatever.
I mean, he's been dead
for like seven months. So. I mean, he's been dead for like seven months.
So, I mean, whatever.
He should've
told me to do it before the show.
He should've been more specific.
Who are you playing for, Jeff?
I'm playing for Rick.
That's an amazing poster.
Did a great job.
Bad times at the El Rick.
That part's not so great, but...
But the visuals are quite good.
Doug's in it.
A lot of good guesses about who's going to be here.
That must be Rick.
This is...
That's Rick, right?
That's Zach?
Oh, shit, it is.
You don't have to show it to everybody upside down.
I see it now.
I was looking at it upside down.
I had it upside down.
I didn't know.
All right, good job, Rick.
It's a cool poster.
It was a cool movie.
What'd you bring for the prize money?
That guy was on here.
Hey, would you... I brought a few things for John to sign.
A copy of my album. A copy of my album, it's called Led Zeppelin. I just found out.
I got a book written by... You're a time to shine
and I'm so sorry
I'm at the beep
Whoa that's cool
don't beep
I got a book written
by Razzle Dangerously
called
Don't Be a Dick
It's short
I know you guys don't
like it's hard to read
when you're driving
John if you'll sign that
it's gonna be a run on
things signed by John Hamm
on eBay tomorrow
I think I got your lighter
from earlier sorry about that it's not mine I got your lighter from earlier.
Sorry about that.
It's not mine.
I got a pair of sunglasses.
For Nelly's Caribbean Ale.
It's a Taft's Brewing Company.
It's a thing in Cincinnati.
But you can wear these to a concert,
and then when the sun goes down,
and you don't want to anymore,
you throw them away.
And then they go to the ocean
or whatever.
It's fine.
It's not a problem at all.
And I brought a whistle.
Don't be a dick.
You can read it
and if you don't want it anymore,
throw it away.
It's true of everything you brought.
Yeah, I'm going to take it to the ocean.
Yeah.
Cut out the middleman
and throw it right in the ocean.
What else, Jeff?
I brought a whistle.
I got this whistle yesterday.
I went to see National High Point's
Christmas Vacation yesterday
in the theater.
I was home for one day.
I thought it would be fun.
And then it was one of those
talk-alongs.
Mm-mm.
Oh, it was horrible.
Because everyone thinks
they know all the words,
but they just kind of mutter along in the back.
So it's just a bunch of people muttering along to a movie.
It's real bad.
It's like being at a homeless matinee.
Oh, it's the fucking worst, man.
And people that love Christmas Vacation that much
think they're funny because they like Christmas Vacation.
Shooter's pull!
Oh, man, people were yelling that the whole time.
Not even when he said it.
Just when it fit, when it didn't,
when other people were talking.
Before the movie started.
In the parking lot.
Hey, so we already know what the last movie you saw was.
No, the last movie I saw was Quicksilver.
Oh, Jesus.
I like bike movies.
What can I say?
I'm a sucker for a bike messenger.
There's only two movies I'm aware of.
There's more, but let's not get into it.
What,
okay, that was the last movie you saw. Oh, plugs.
Let's do some plugs.
Hang on.
I'm going to be on
Doug Loves Movies whenever John C.
Reilly is.
Lock it in.
Yeah, we'll see about that. December 20th, I'm at that place in Knoxville with Trey Gallion. Knoxville, Tennessee. It's a place called that place? I don't know
what it's called. Oh, okay. It's probably on Trey's website.
I mean if it's Knoxville, come on, what are you gonna be fucking busy? You'll probably hear about it.
Just listen up, Knoxville. It's probably gonna happen in whatever bar you go to.
Just go to that bar every night
and then there'll be a show.
One of them might be us.
Is that it, Jeff?
Oh, yeah.
I make a podcast called Altered Tates with my brother.
You can listen to it.
Yes, permission.
Permission to listen to it
for everybody listening.
Thank you, Jeff.
And sitting next to Jeff.
It's me, Doug.
Emma Arnold.
Emma Arnold, everybody!
Thank you!
Hello!
It's good to be here.
I weaseled my way on to this show.
It was, you know, a Twitter miracle.
It was a Twitter miracle.
Because I was tweeting about how Amy was going to be here tonight
and you were jealous.
I was.
And you mentioned it.
And then I said, well, just come be on the show.
A miracle is what it was.
That's what happened.
Yeah.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you.
Who'd you pick to play for tonight?
Oh, well, listen.
When I went out,
I always get a little overwhelmed
by the poster pick
because everybody put so much time into it.
But I did think that this was
a polar bear with a hat on.
And it is in fact...
Turns out it's a regular bear with a heart on?
Oh, no, a hat!
No, no, a hat!
A hat on.
It turns out it's Pimp Daddy
Santa. It's not a polar bear.
So.
It's a Pimp Santa. I thought
it was a bear. Yeah, she turned it,
she changed it to Pimp Daddy Kristen.
Yeah, so I'm playing for,
I can't, Kristen,
I kind of want to change.
I do.
Let's see what Pimp Daddy has to say,
because he says he's drunk.
Oh, he does.
If you poke his tummy.
He said,
What up, honky?
No, I don't.
What up, honky?
Okay.
I feel like this is going to come back to haunt me.
I'll get almost a late night job,
and then it'll be like,
somebody will be like,
yeah, but then she picked that.
Hey,
where did Tiny Bladder go?
Oh.
All right,
so.
Okay,
we.
Are you,
you want to stick with her
or are you going to trade it in?
I think I've,
Kristen,
I'm sorry.
I'm going to,
no,
you,
you had chocolates
and I'm so sorry,
but I am going to switch
to the chocolate.
All right.
Sorry, Kristen.
Oops.
Let's see if Pimp has final words.
Kristen's is off that heezy for sheezy.
Nope.
Made the right choice there.
Made the right choice.
Glad I stuck with my gut.
Okay.
Now I'm playing for Apocalypse.
The horror.
The horror.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's beautiful.
Beautifully drawn.
And it's got Lindor dark chocolates on it.
Yeah.
Congratulations, Emma.
Have you heard of Apocalypse Now?
Oh, that is...
Okay.
Yeah. Now I get it.
Okay.
No, I didn't.
All right.
Okay.
Apocalypse Now.
Okay, okay, yeah.
All right, I got it.
Excuse me, Emma, we've got a question on the floor.
Yes, the congressperson from Idaho would like to speak.
Why does...
How come a Christmas pimp doesn't say ho, ho, ho?
Yeah, yeah.
It's so obvious.
Well, because he's got a team of writers
that came up with some pretty good shit.
To be fair, it is on the back of the box.
It does say ho, ho-ho on the back.
Does it have a punching motion of any kind?
I'm a feminist.
All right.
Well, that pimps out of place.
Let's not worry about it.
Emma, what'd you bring for the prize bag?
Some Lindor chocolates?
No, yes.
No, those are mine.
I got a t-shirt here.
What's it say on it?
It says,
Emma Arnold, yes please,
which is the name of my comedy special.
Okay.
And it's also very soft.
Feel it, Doug.
It's a very soft,
very high quality cotton.
You're gonna...
It's that good.
It's that good.
I don't make any money on this.
I love it.
Just like butter on your skin.
I love it.
I put it in my pants.
Okay, okay.
Doug.
Sorry, ladies.
I feel like that Pimp Santa is setting a poor tone for this show, and I don't.
Did you bring that much honey from your own bees?
I did bring that much honey from my own bees.
Yes!
Oh my gosh.
And I have to stand up to tell you this, and I'm sorry,
but this is how excited I am.
You guys.
Yulee's gold!
Yes, it is.
You guys, this honey.
You hand me the whip, I'll hand you the gold.
I don't know what that's from,
but I'm super excited about it it
sounds great it sounds so good i'm gonna check it out um no please whoever gets this honey i want
you to know and i'm sorry to be boastful but this is the year we won the idaho state fair blue ribbon
the Idaho State Fair Blue Ribbon.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
That is award-winning, honey.
Impressive.
Thank you.
And so much of it.
It's a lot of it, yeah.
Yeah.
But you're... No, thank you.
It stands on its own.
It does.
It doesn't...
Oh, Amy, that wasn't a dig. That was not a dig. Your picture is beautiful, too. It stands on its own. It does. It doesn't... Oh, Amy, that wasn't a dick.
That was not a dick.
Your picture is beautiful, too.
It's horrifying.
It's the best part of it.
It's a hideous photo.
This is John Hamm.
Let me recap real quick.
John Hamm is hideous.
Emma. What do you got to plug?
What's coming up?
I'm touring a bunch in the spring.
I have an album coming out in January.
And you can check my website for dates and stuff.
But people have been coming from DLM, too.
I do two festivals.
I co-run two festivals in Boise, Idaho,
Comedy Festival,
and then I do the comedy part of Tree Fort Festival,
and people from DLM have been coming to our festivals,
which is bananas from all over,
from Chicago and New York,
and it's been so cool.
So I'm going to plug my festivals,
208 Comedy Festival and Comedy Fort,
part of Tree Fort.
Right on.
Plugging that.
Thanks, Emma.
And then, oh, do I get to say a movie?
What's that?
Do I get to say a movie?
No, we ran out of time.
But I feel very passionate about movies.
What was the last movie you saw?
It better be Of the Christ if you're so passionate.
I saw Mandy.
Oh.
I loved it so much.
Oh, my gosh.
You guys, I want to start a club
just where we watch Mandy
and then we talk about it over and over.
I loved it so much.
Well, I apologize. Every time Mandy comes up,
I have to do this joke
from Mandy.
Nicolas Cage says
to his wife,
knock, knock.
She says, who's there?
And then he says,
Eric Estrada.
And then she says,
Eric Estrada who?
And he says,
Eric Estrada from Chips.
So good.
Best joke you'll hear.
Yeah.
I loved it.
I thought it was...
Especially in this administration.
I love watching...
I feel like I love watching Nicolas Cage act
in any movie, good or bad.
It's just, I, like...
He was on something.
We were watching something tonight,
and he was on something.
Treasure Nationals.
National.
National.
I'm just gonna pass the mic. I'm just going to pass the mic.
National Treasure, and it's got South Dakota in it,
so let's go ahead and get it right.
National Treasure.
National Treasures.
Remember that scene where they were running through the rotunda
of a building in Washington, D.C., and the music was like...
And there's not a piano in the music was like.
And there's not a piano in the room. No.
Thank you, Emma.
Thank you.
Choosing the name tag that I was most excited about tonight
is Clark Wolf, everybody.
It is a snake eating a tree.
It's so good.
It's so good. I saw it from afar, and I thought it was a sandworm from Beetlejuice.
But when I got up close, it was a snake eating a tree.
So that's also good.
Yeah, close enough. Yeah. But I'm playing. So that's also good. Yeah, close enough.
Yeah.
But I'm playing for Anna.
Anna, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Does that happen in Nightmare Before Christmas?
Is that where that came from?
Yeah.
Yeah, there you go.
There we go, so close.
Also, Rick, I've never been on a poster before.
And I didn't see that I was on a poster.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Now I kind of hope that you, well, Jeff picked it, so you probably will win.
But I want good things for you.
And it's, yeah, that snake is like on sticks like a puppet.
Oh, this is so cool.
Anna did such a great job.
Yeah, great job.
And what did you bring for the old bag?
All right, so I brought a box that I had been...
I also brought a box, a gift in a box,
and that I had been saving for a little while.
Before we go any further, we should probably...
That's an anaconda, correct?
Yeah.
An anaconda.
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
It was an anaconda.
Most of my comedy is observation.
Thank you, John.
Do you want to tell us a little bit about the new Mercedes?
The best in nothing.
Oh, sorry, Amy.
I took your seat.
Oh, gosh.
No, please. That was... It says, nothing in my box is took your seat. Oh, gosh. No, please.
That says nothing in my box is as funny as what you just said.
What's in the box?
What's in the box?
This is...
So, I know this is Doug Loves Movies, but it's not TV.
It's HBO.
It is Game of Thrones.
Ooh.
A Game of Thrones box?
So, it actually plays the theme, which is fun.
So Blu-ray of season six is in here.
Also a Jon Snow holiday ornament,
because it is the first night of Hanukkah,
so you can put it on your Hanukkah bush if you want.
Why does that seem
dirty to me?
Ten years old.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
What else is in here is
the lovely Sam Levine and I
are on a show for
DC. It's called DC Daily
and it is on... Thank you.
One guy. That sounds about right.
That's great though.
That's why we're excited.
So DC Universe is the streaming platform for DC Comics,
so there's all sorts of movies.
You know, Tim Burton's Batman movies just went back on there,
and some of the Nolan movies, TV, comics, all that.
So there is a one-year subscription
from the folks over at DC Universe in here.
And finally, there's a photo of Sam and I
when we went to the WB's Halloween horror extravaganza.
This thing cost $30 fucking dollars.
And Jon Hamm's signature is going to look so good on it.
Jon Hamm is going to sign it, baby.
Thank you, Jon. Thank you very much. I'm just gonna sign it, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you, John. Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Yeah, you just hang on to that.
Yeah, John, hang on to that, Sharpe.
Hang on to that.
Here you are, my friend.
I got a snake I want you to sign.
All right.
It's going on the pile.
And what do you got to plug, Clark?
Oh, you just did some plugs.
Yeah, DC Universe.
You can see Sam and I on there.
And my podcast, Sending the Wolf, which is a movie podcast, which Sam has been on, came back for season two.
So what'd you say?
I said, stop talking about me.
There's like 12 other people up here.
You're getting jealous.
Anyone on this stage is welcome to come on my podcast anytime.
Yes.
Shit, no takers,
but thank you.
Anyway.
So,
and I just shot a movie
called Satanic Panic, which will be out in the spring called Satanic Panic,
which will be out in the spring.
Satanic Panic.
I like that.
And what was the last movie you saw?
Last movie I saw was Scrooged.
Ooh.
Scrooged, which we were talking about backstage.
It's probably my favorite Christmas movie.
So you watch it every year?
I do.
All right.
I do.
And I showed my boyfriend who had, he said he had seen it before, but he's year? I do. I do. And I showed my
boyfriend who had, he said he had seen it before but he's like I don't remember it.
And he liked it but he was confused by the end. He was like the tone is really
weird in that movie and I was like what are you talking about? It's excellent. He's like why isn't this in
black and white like all the other? Or where's Jim Carrey? All right, well, thank you, Clark. Thank you. Let's...
It's like a spread and play girl.
It's the gentleman of the back row.
Starting with Zach Galifianakis!
Hey, buddy.
Zach! I don't know who to talk to.
There might be an audience host.
No, my goddamn Aunt Louise.
She's everywhere.
It's my goddamn Aunt Louise.
Who are you playing for?
On behalf of?
I, you know what?
I went in the audience, and I'm not even,
I think I pulled something out of somebody's purse by accident.
I should ask her.
I'm playing for Hallmark.
There's no name, and ma'am,
did I grab something out of your hand that I wasn't supposed to?
Was that the right thing?
I didn't have a name tag, so I took it out of my purse.
She didn't have a name tag,
so she just grabbed a random item out of her purse.
So you're playing for tampons?
I originally grabbed a diva cup.
Did Mariah Carey win that again this year?
Did you want to play?
Or did I grab?
I want to play it if Jon Hamm could sign the card.
Yeah.
Oh, if Jon's got a Sharpie.
So if he could throw his name on there.
So I'm playing for Jon Hamm. on him.
I feel like my photo has lost a lot of value since
we started this.
Sign off.
Sign off seven.
Sign off seven.
And do you have stamps you can meller?
sign off seven and do you have stamps you can
meller
but it's a pug
licking a
what is that movie
it says
withing you a very merry
it's a
pug with a
if a pug could talk he would definitely have a speech impediment
he would definitely with a speech impediment.
He would definitely with you a Merry Christmas.
The tongue is frozen to the thing,
like in a Christmas story.
It's frozen to the flagpole.
So that's why.
Pugs can talk fine.
Zach, do you have something for the prize bag?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, he's got to go offstage for it.
This is impressive.
Oh, John's hand delivering that.
Oh, look at this.
Yeah, walk up and down on the catwalk.
I'm too sexy for this coat.
So, uh,
you're giving away that coat?
Yeah, I was in Washington, D.C., and I had a tank top on,
which is always a bad idea.
It's not a tank top city,
and this ain't a tank top body.
And it started snowing, and I just I want to do the nearest door
and you were like what would an Apache I look like Steven Seagal when I put it on
I mean kind of kind of do so it's warm that's a lovely item. Yeah, here, give that to me.
Yeah.
I'll take it.
And, uh... Wow, it's heavy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Doug, you specifically said nothing fancy.
I know, I did.
I said, don't bring anything fancy,
and Zach does not listen.
What, uh... and Zach does not listen. What?
I know you always have a lot of plugs, Zach.
Go ahead.
Oh, yes.
I'm going to Six Flags on February 14th
with my wife.
My wife.
That's all I got going on
She's real excited
And what was the last movie you saw?
Last movie I saw
I heard they're doing a remake
But it's Satanic Panic
The original.
No, the last movie I saw was
My Sizzle Reel.
No, um...
Uh, I watched Elf today
with my sons before.
You taught your son that anyone could be an elf I'm sorry say that again I couldn't hear you
oh it's a podcast I keep forgetting wait where did you where do you keep your
coffee is this is gonna be released okay where do you keep your copy? Is this going to be released? Yes. Okay. Where do you keep your copy of Elf?
On a shelf?
Did I say Elf?
I meant Alf.
Alf!
We watched Alf, me and my boys.
Are you going to be the reboot of Racerhead?
Look at that hair.
It's beautiful. It's beautiful.
Speaking of beautiful.
Say hello to my beautiful friend, John Hamm.
Hi.
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Land of sky blue water Yeah
How you doing buddy?
Good
Thanks for waiting around
It's fine
Thanks for still being here
What
Who are you playing for?
Nate
Nate
Who did not choose a pun
But chose to put the last seven winners.
Ooh.
Or the faces thereof in a line.
And there's a creepy shadow.
Let me check this for accuracy.
For 18.
Oh, because that's who's going to win next?
So this is the 10th.
How many times?
Probably 8th.
9th?
6, 7, 8, 9, 10?
Well, it's from 10 to 18.
2 from 17
because we did two shows last year.
There'll be two...
What?
It goes in order.
So like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
Yeah, 9.
There's nine things on goes in order. So like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Yeah, nine. There's nine things on there in order.
And then there's space for a tenth.
It's like, you know, when you're in a hotel and they have two 17th floors.
That's not a thing.
It's a little confusing, but you're like, well, it's a good thing they don't have a 13th
because that one above 12, that's not really 13.
So, Nate. What? Thanks, Nate. Yeah,. So, Nate.
What?
Thanks, Nate.
Yeah, good job, Nate.
Nate went to my college,
University of Missouri.
M-I-Z.
Yeah, you're correct.
What's the next question?
What did I bring?
How did I...
I've been out here for an hour.
How did I get higher?
Something's kicking in.
Yes, Sarah's going to have a look at all the winners.
Get juiced, psyched to win tonight.
I brought some stuff.
Oh, wow.
I brought a backpack.
It's a backpack full of things.
There's something in the backpack.
Okay.
Yeah. Will you hold this? Here we go. Will's a backpack full of things. There's something in the backpack. Okay. Yeah.
Will you hold this?
Here we go.
Will you sign?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, make sure you sign that shit.
Knock, knock.
There's a guy in the audience who's very concerned.
I can't remember the rest of it.
Okay.
So this is a backpack that I got for free from BlizzCon,
which I don't really know what that is,
but it says BlizzCon on it.
It's got Velcro on the front.
But in the backpack is another backpack.
Whoa, double backpack.
That one's from the St. Louis Cardinals,
which is my hometown, where I'm from.
It's got like a thing.
Got some Cards fans.
And then in that backpack...
Oh my God, there better be another backpack.
Is it Ozzie Smith?
We got another backpack.
Another backpack.
This one's from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
This is like the...
That was on.
Starring one of my former students, Ellie Kemper.
So in this backpack, there is, of course, a robe.
Who doesn't like a robe?
Also, I think from BlizzCon, it's a World of Warcraft robe. Who doesn't like a robe? Also, I think from BlizzCon,
it's a World of Warcraft robe.
So...
I might hang on to that.
It says Alliance.
I might not put that in the back.
Alliance chair.
So, yeah.
So, yeah.
Three backpacks and a robe.
You're going to be in good shape
heading into 2019.
Hey, buddy.
Could you put those backpacks back inside each other?
I won't.
There you go.
John, we forbid you from signing those backpacks.
Fair enough, fair enough.
Can't do it.
Some of those backpacks might have the wrap gift tags still on them.
So consider that a bonus, I guess.
You're absconding with the robe?
Fair enough.
I think I like that robe.
It's a good robe.
It's very soft, I think.
I didn't wear it.
Maybe I did.
Oh, thank you.
Okay, and so plugs.
I know you got a lot of things to plug.
Do I?
No.
Sorry?
Watch Tag on an airplane.
Watch Tag on an airplane.
All my movies are great on airplanes, you guys.
Fire Mercedes.
It's kind of the only place people see them.
No, I don't have anything going on.
I'm working on a movie right now, though.
I want to know what it is.
It's a little independent film called Top Gun 2.
Wow.
Yeah.
I'm on the on-ramp to the highway
to the danger zone.
I mean, here's the deal.
My guy is like...
I mean, he likes Maverick,
but God, he just...
He can't get it through his thick head.
You know, he needs him,
but damn it if he doesn't make it hard on him.
Yeah.
Why are you doing it?
Yo.
Mav?
Why can't you be a team player, Mav?
By the way, I'm going to get sued by Paramount for this.
Because there is no Tom Gunn 2?
No.
I made it all up.
I made it all up.
It's Tom Gunn 2.
Starring the elephant Tom.
It's a remake of Nickel and Dime.
Operation Dumbo Drop 4.
Tom.
Elephant Tom. I was in the trailer for Nickel and Ded. Operation Dumbo drop for Tom, Elephant Tom.
I was in the trailer for Nickel and Dimed.
It was one of my first jobs
in LA. I was an extra. Oh yeah? You played
the ampersand? I played
an onlooker at an airport when an elephant
ran through the airport.
For real.
Jeff's backing you up on that. He believes you.
He was there.
Used to be my agent.
If you guys play a card,
I'm going to let you watch it.
I love it.
All right.
Since you asked us.
What last movie you saw?
The Favorite.
Right?
With a U.
Yes.
And it was good. I've never spelled the with a U before, but now. Favorite. Right? With a U. Yes. Yeah, I've never spelled the with a U before, but now.
Favorite.
Favorite.
Favorite.
Crazy movie, right?
Yeah, it was a crazy movie.
Yeah.
But I liked it.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, anyways, that's what I saw.
Yeah.
Moving on.
Moving on.
It's Billy Wayne Davis!
Is this on?
Okay.
Jeff.
He got a light bright or something?
Yeah, I just went to the shiniest one.
It says Jeff.
A freaking light bright.
Yeah.
Yeah, and it says Jeff, and it's got a Christmas tree.
Yep.
Great job, Jeff.
There's stuff on the back.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Okay, sorry.
That's a consolation prize if you lose, but I'm feeling good about you tonight.
What do you got for the prize bag?
Oh, shit. I got it. John Haynes'm feeling good about you tonight. What do you got for the prize bag? Oh, shit.
I got it. John Haynes.
John will help you out.
Oh. Will you sign that?
I don't know if he wants to hold that.
This is coffee that someone brought back
from Hawaii a long time ago
when I watched Little Dog.
It's good.
They just brought a lot.
And I don't want to keep drinking it
and that's weed I grew
yeah you got a jar
signed by John Hamm
full of weed
grown by Billy Ray Jameis
it's
it's Jack Herrera
it's not John Hamm
but the initials
are the fucking same
that's insane
that's insane.
Great job, man.
There you go.
I think, you know, it's funny.
I thought I really wanted that robe, but...
This is looking pretty good.
That's a lot of weed.
I got so much.
What do you got to plug, dude?
I'm going to be at Six Flags on February 14th.
Just watching Zach on a date.
Well, you stand behind Zach, and he stands on your feet,
and then he can get on the rides?
Please don't.
I hope that works in the podcast.
I mean, that was all right,
but why do they keep laughing?
All right.
You really don't have any plugs?
I'm going to be... Yeah, Squidbillies is coming out.
I'm a voice on Squidbillies.
Squidbillies.
And what was the last movie you saw, dude?
It's the documentary. Is that okay?
Uh-huh.
Just don't bore us to death.
Operation Odessa.
It's about...
Alright, our next guest.
So good.
It's so good.
This crazy Russian dude named Tarzan
tried to buy a submarine
to sell to the Cali cartel.
That's a good fucking documentary.
It's a true story.
Who's Odessa?
I didn't pay attention to that part.
It's just Operation Odessa.
Maybe it's a submarine.
They're just up to that letter in the alphabet when they came up with the operation.
The alliteration.
Yeah.
That's why they did it. Thank billy you're welcome uh next to billy we have the candy man he always
brings some candy it's sean jordan everybody just came down from the hills to be with us. Because I got a lot of hair.
Yeah, you got a beard, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you like Jeff Tate beard.
I'd say Sean Jordan beard, but look at me, Jeff, when I say that.
Look me in the eye when I say that.
It's a Jeff Tate beard.
Yeah, man, I'm just growing my shit up.
My girlfriend lives in Portland, so why not? Oh, yeah, that's exactly why you should can't. Yeah, man, I'm just growing my shit up. Girlfriend lives in Portland, so why not?
Oh, yeah,
that's exactly why
you should do that.
Yeah, yeah.
She hates it.
Perfect explanation.
She doesn't even like it,
according to Amy.
Jon Hamm left the room.
He hates it so much.
He's going to fuck
your girlfriend right now.
Let's all
chill out.
I don't know how that...
I had this whole bit planned
where I was going to ask Doug
for those shades
that Jeff gave you.
Where are those sunglasses at?
Did you not give those?
The shades.
No, he said he might give them.
Well, I'm going to need those.
He's holding back.
Man, this bit's going to die hard.
This is a good bit.
How's it going?
What's happening?
It heavily involves John being here.
Well, do you want to wait?
Do you want to wait until he comes back and then do it?
Yeah, I mean, I got a microphone.
We can keep talking.
We can do the rest of the stuff.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Tyler.
Tyler Tannick. Tyler Tannick.
Tyler Tannick, playboy.
He's got some good candy on it.
Is it a Top Gun bit, or are you going to do a Top Gun bit?
Is that what you're going to do, Sean?
Shut the fuck up.
I was going to get to it, yeah.
So we're playing for Tyler Tannick.
What are you, the SS spoiler?
I don't know.
Being alive.
Tyler Tanic.
Tyler Tanic.
Got it.
And, you know, just, I love Titanic, the movie.
And, you know, good Christmas lights.
It's got some good looking stuff on it.
That's easy.
Easy.
Cheese and rice.
You've seen those.
I know what I like.
They got those at stores stores you sold this motherfucker out
go buy some
what
is the next question
what do you have to plug
we
my friend
Ian Carmel
does a podcast
called All Fantasy Everything
and I'm a very
very regular co-host
on there
so
listen to that
we draft we do a fantasy draft of everything but sports so like the Taco Bell menu All Fantasy Everything and I'm a very, very regular co-host on there. So listen to that.
We draft,
we do a fantasy draft of everything but sports.
So like the Taco Bell menu,
Christmas movies,
stuff like that.
It's fun.
It's a good listen.
So yeah,
that's what I got to plug.
Jon Hamm back out.
Last movie you saw.
He's not quite back out.
Not quite back out.
No,
he's really milking it.
I watched Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid yesterday. At the New Beverly? No, in the living room, milking it. I watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid yesterday.
At the New Beverly?
No, in the living room, they call it.
The New Beverly reopened, and that was one of their first day movies.
We drove by it on the way here, and I thought,
I was like, man, I could have seen it in the theater,
but we watched it in the living room.
It was really good. I've never seen it.
A little longer than I wanted, but, you know, really good.
You could have done without the reindeer officer falling
on my head bicycle scene.
Could have done with that.
Pretty hard. Paul Newman, you just don't think of him as
a guy who likes to have fun with a lady on a bicycle.
But that was kind of
early on in the movie. I was actually... Oh, was it?
Yeah, I wasn't too bummed on that. It was
the, after they go to Bolivia,
that scene.
And then it's like a whole other movie.
You're like, yeah, they're going to die.
Yeah, I like that scene where that... Johnny!
Do me a solid, throw those on,
and say about 25 years ago, we were inverted.
About 25 years ago, we were inverted.
Oh, Ty would have...
That really paid off.
Here's the fun part.
Those glasses have
anthrax on them.
I blew it.
I apologize.
But we get where I was going,
right?
It was a fun, you know.
It's too early for me
to eliminate you.
We haven't started the games.
I'm going to win. So you get to stay you. We haven't started the games.
I'm going to win.
So you get to stay and tell us the last movie you saw.
Or wait, plugs. Do your plugs.
Oh, you did that? Last movie you saw?
You did that too.
You're taking the heat off me.
I see what you're doing for that whack bit that I just tried to do.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Thank you, Sean Jordan.
Let's say hi to,
it's his first appearance on a show
here in Los Angeles. We first met him
out on the road in, I think it was
Raleigh, North Carolina. It's
Chip Chantry, everybody.
Chip Chantry's here.
Chate, Chate, Chate, Chate, Chate.
You've got,
you grabbed one of those amazing artists
from the front row,
Jake's on a Plane.
Jake's on a Plane,
just like the movie Mary Shelley on a Plane.
So yeah, I'm loving it.
It's got some cute little peanut butter cups on there
that are not Reese's.
They look fancy.
Yeah, I don't know.
You can hang on to those.
All right.
And I mean, I'm just a racist man.
Okay.
For my candy,
for my monkeys,
I just about racist
all the time.
By the way,
at the beginning of the show
when Doug was like,
oh,
there might not be some people
who you're too excited to see,
I was the one
he looked directly at.
So,
fuck you, Benson.
That could be
watering the bridge
after all this time.
For people who don't know me, by the way,
I look, for people at home,
I look if Jeff Tate kind of turned his life around.
You know what I mean?
Like just a little bit.
If you can picture that.
I like that you waited until he went to the bathroom.
I'm so mad.
There he is.
Did you shit on him?
There's loser Jeff.
Look at better you in the back row.
I would look pretty good, right?
I know, that's you.
Oh, yeah.
Back and forth.
I mean, you got your own look, Chip.
You're doing great.
Is your microphone working, or are you just that loud?
What?
Yeah, I feel like you're not amplified,
but you're plenty.
All right, Chip.
You see what I got?
Yes, right out of the bag.
Thank you, Sam.
I got some gummy bears.
So we got some Haribo gummy bears.
I got a shot glass that says,
bite me with a shark on it,
and it says Beverly Hills.
Test, test, test.
Okay, that's good.
For all those sharks
that are indigenous says Beverly Hills. Test, test, test. For all those sharks that are indigenous to
Beverly Hills.
Here's a candle with Jesus
on it that I got at Ralph's.
Because it's his birthday.
Good for the first night of Hanukkah.
Oh, and for the first night of Hanukkah, I have some
gold coins right here.
We call them gelt.
Amy's not afraid of sharks. I put it right up
towards her. She didn't even jump.
Wow, that's
pretty good and uh i got some nutmeg because it's christmas time right right you just throw nutmeg
i'm like around the house all day going where the is my nutmeg exactly so now it's christmas
time already and i didn't get any hopefully you win tonight yeah well no i'm definitely gonna just
take it i can take anything i. That shark shot glass is awesome.
Isn't it beautiful?
Yeah.
What do you got to plug, Chip?
Just follow me on at Chip Chantry,
Twitter, Instagram.
My next album's coming out
in January,
so get me and Emma's albums
in January.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I guess we have to now.
You're right, Sarah.
Sarah just pointed out
that Sean didn't talk about what he brought
for the bag. I forgot. I apologize.
A bunch of candy, you know, popcorn,
Sour Patch Kids, Freeze.
Sour Patch Freeze? I don't even know what that means,
but I want one.
I'm just going to try one right now.
You could buy a Taco Bell.
Just pass those down here. I'm going to try one right now.
Go ahead, Billy. You want one?
And then, I don't have an album, but two friends of mine,
Ian Carmel and Nathan Brandon,
recorded an album.
So here's that.
Their album from a couple years ago
at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival.
They're amazing.
So buy that.
Thank you, sir.
Yeah, let's...
I want to try one of these things.
That's it.
Sorry to fuck the whole...
Sorry to stop everything.
I just want to know
what Sour Patch Kids Freeze means.
Like, what's different about it?
There's a... Oh!
Oh, that's good.
Are those the freezes?
You want to try one? Pass them down.
These are delicious. Come in. Alright.
Thank you, Sean.
Sorry about that. That's okay.
Chip, where did we leave off? We got all the questions
out for you? I think... Oh, the last movie I saw.
Yeah.
I saw The Dundee Project,
which is the Mark Bouchard movie
from American Movie.
Oh, okay.
It's amazing.
It's about him going to this town in Wisconsin
to see some UFOs.
The whole movie is 17 minutes long
with an hour of outtakes,
and it's my favorite thing in the world.
Okay, so it's not a movie it's a short it's like an hour and a half a lot of total all right i'll check it out i like that i like american
movie a lot boy what time you got sam we can safely say that the sour Patch Freeze is a terrible experiment. You don't like it? It tastes like sour toothpaste.
Maybe that's why I liked it.
I didn't have any toothpaste growing up.
It's like oddly sophisticated.
Oh.
Tastes like good toothpaste.
Did someone in the audience
just chuck normal Sour Patch Kids
onto this date?
Here's how it's really done.
I got the real shit here.
Alright, what time you got?
It's 9.30.
9.30, so about an hour and 25 minutes.
It's not bad.
I think it's a little under.
Pretty much, might be a little under.
It's Sam Levine!
Hello!
Hello!
A.K.A. Little Logan.
That's right.
And I'm about to eat a regular Sour Patch.
Oh, it's so much better.
Night and day.
I don't know which one of those would be better.
Listen, Sam.
Yeah, buddy.
We ran out of time.
We sure did.
I love that you're here.
Yep.
Now, what do you got?
Well, I'm playing for Bohemian Anthony.
Oh, I like it.
Taking my face, put it on the Bohemian Rhapsody poster,
but kept the Freddie Mercury mustache.
And I think I'm taking this home tonight.
Yeah.
It's pretty good.
You gotta make love to something.
Damn right.
Mm-hmm.
You can already tell this poster board
won't leave in the morning either.
Can I interest you in a jar of honey?
That burns.
You gotta wear a condom.
Gross.
You eat it.
You don't make love to it.
Yep.
As much as you might love it.
Yep.
And what did you bring?
A whole bag of Target, it looks like.
I got a whole thing here.
Did you go on a shopping spree?
Yeah.
So the first thing I brought is...
Thank you so much, guys.
First thing I brought is a book on home decor called...
Congressman, did you do it?
How do you feel about the allegations?
I'm guilty of everything. It's called sophistication is overrated.
So give this to your aunt at Christmas.
If you forgot to get something, you're welcome.
What else you got? I got something you can give your uncle. It's
orange smooth Metamucil.
Yeah, you know that
fucked up uncle?
You're all set.
I've got some Dr. Teal's
Pure Epsom Salt Soaking Solution.
It's eucalyptus and spearmint.
Where'd you go for this stuff?
A Hanukkah store?
This is crap I took
from my mom's basement.
Same thing.
This is crap I took from my mom's basement.
Same thing.
This is real.
I ordered something off of Amazon and they sent me the wrong thing.
And when I called the plane, they were like,
that's fine, you can just keep the wrong thing.
It's five tubes of Pro-X antifungal ointment.
That is the value pack.
You would order the semi-Pro-X?
Oh, damn it.
I was going to say you only ordered...
You don't have any amateur X?
I'm really new to this experience.
And, you know, I know these people love my screeners.
Also, who the fuck calls Amazon?
This guy.
What is their number?
Bro, do you not know how to get a free month of Prime?
Call them up.
Oh, God.
Siri, don't call Amazon.
I brought the DVD copy of Roots, but not the good one.
It's the one they did two years ago for History Channel.
Oh, I hate that shit, Roots.
I got Mozart in the Jungle, season one from Amazon,
and season one of Glow, which is kicking.
Glow, Glow, Glow.
So, and your folks are like,
what are you watching?
And you're like,
it's on Netflix.
They're like,
I don't know how to use that.
Just give them those DVDs.
There you go.
Great job.
Thanks, buddy.
Whoa, it's so heavy.
What do you got to plug, dude?
Oh,
season seven of Mad Men
is coming up.
Also,
Million Dollar Arm
and The Day the Earth Stood Still
are out in the spring.
Thank you.
Finally, somebody is Jon Hamm's plugs.
I'm really excited.
It's about time.
About all of that.
And you can catch me on DC Universe with Clark.
And what was the last movie you saw?
The last movie I saw was Roma.
Alfonso Cuaron's Roma.
I haven't talked to anybody who's seen that yet.
Does it live up to the hype or whatever?
Let me ask you, do you like art films?
Define art film.
Do you like Basquiat?
I mean, it's black and white.
It is not a fast-paced film.
It is a character study.
There is a lot of symbolism.
It is shot and directed beautifully.
But if you're...
Yep.
Yep.
Look, if your favorite films are the Fast and the Furious movies,
this is probably not for you.
But if you went to film school,
you're going to jizz all over this thing.
How similar to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is it?
It's a direct sequel.
Oh, then I'm in.
Yeah.
Then I'm in. I'm very excited for Roma. Yep. And I'm also very excited to say let the
games begin!
Looks like we're gonna make it out of here before our curfew of 3 a.m.
So I'm very, very excited about that.
I'd like to start with a game to determine who goes first in the second game.
And this game is called Characters Welcome.
I am going to... Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm going to list characters from the credits of a movie,
and the first person to yell out...
Just people on stage, not from the audience.
First people to yell out the correct title wins.
And, you know, so either grab a microphone
or just yell it out.
I don't think it'll come to all of you at the same time.
But you never know with this shit.
These are taglines for the same holiday movie.
I'll just read them until somebody gets it right.
Wait, that's...
You just changed the game.
You just changed games right in the middle.
Listen, you guys, I have a lot of games.
And keeping them straight is your job.
I'm going to list the characters from a film.
Are you paying attention?
I thought I was, and I am now.
I'm sorry.
No, it's true.
I did write down characters welcome,
but this is actually whose tagline is it anyway.
Okay.
So how does that one go, Doug?
I'm gonna name the characters from the film.
You know what, I need more vodka, that's the problem.
Could I please have a new vodka, thank you.
Oh, we get two of those going.
Who are you guys talking to?
We're hoping that- Jon Hamm, talking to? We're hoping that...
John Hamm, can you...
We're hoping...
And sign them on your way out.
I'm afraid he's not going to know
which game we're really playing.
We don't know either.
That's what I'm saying.
We're all in the dark
let's clear things up the game is whose tagline is it anyway i'll say taglines from the same movie
first person wow i didn't i don't know if just pouring a bunch of vodka into a cup is what we
were looking for should probably stay out of the service game, John.
It's not...
It's just a giant shot of vodka.
How long has it been since you bartended?
Good.
He's from St. Louis.
They bartend till you black out.
Thanks.
He's gonna do cocktail next.
Oh, here we go. Here comes the mixer. This is super inefficient.
I didn't get any.
Okay, so...
Oh.
He's like, drink that seven shots of vodka
and put it in one cup.
What's wrong with you?
Yeah, he's really...
Nobody knows this, but the new
Top Gun's all about bartending.
It's a
soda gun.
You know what?
I'm sure this is gonna be fine.
I was gonna do a big
spit take, but I didn't want to get Amy's
pajamas wet.
Somebody said this, and I think it's a good idea,
but drop one of those Sour Patch Kids in there
and see what happens.
Oh.
The freezers.
The freezers.
See, they're coming in.
Coming in hot, Doug.
Coming in cold.
Doug, don't use the freezer ones.
I'll just give him some Colgate I'll walk around with.
I'm going to use them both. Oh, boy. Oh, man. This is history. Maybe your breath will be fresh for once. Well, you said I was wearing pajamas.
You started it.
Is this what First Man was about?
I'm gonna look at your roast.
Usually roast battles don't...
The follow-up isn't why you were hurt by me.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast.
I'm gonna look at your roast. I'm gonna look at your roast. I'm gonna look at your roast. I'm gonna look at your roast. I'm gonna look at your roast. That's what First Man was about? I really like that.
Usually roast battles don't...
The follow-up isn't why you were hurt by me.
Alright, here we go.
I put some of each in there.
I don't know what the point of this is.
Should I put some honey in there too?
Is it fizzing?
Really make a new drink.
It isn't doing shit.
I thought it would explode like I put a Mento in it.
I don't want to interrupt,
but I have a hard time at 915.
Nothing is happening.
That was 20 minutes ago.
They all sink to the bottom,
so they must not be witches.
All right, so here we go.
The game is
whose tag?
I'm going to say some taglines.
Guess what holiday movie
it's from. Here we go.
Seeing is believing.
Elf.
What's it called?
What would you call it if you were accurate?
The Santa Claus.
The Santa Claus 2.
Oh my god, this is amazing.
You guys kind of know what it is, but you're not saying it right.
The Santa Claws.
With an E.
Miracle on 34th Street. The next one is The Legend Comes to Life.
Jack Frost.
A story to stir the imagination
and warm the heart.
Event Horizon.
This year he really is coming
to town.
What?
That was a TV special.
Santa Claus conquers the Martians.
Give him, give him, give him.
Santa Claus the movie.
Santa Claus the movie is correct.
Yes!
Very good, Chip Chantry.
You get to go first.
Yeah, pass him the mic, Sam.
And we're going to go...
that way.
So Sam, then Amy.
You ready, Amy?
I'm picking up my nana at 10
outside the 7-Eleven.
Do you know what time it is now?
Wait, what?
You really have to do that?
No, I got high.
Is that why you left your nana at 7-Eleven?
Because you got high?
Well, it's the first night of Hanukkah, Jeff.
That's what happens.
I was raised Pentecostal.
You get 7-Eleven hot dogs.
Is tomorrow more of a party night
for the Hanukkah?
Why are you asking me?
Because you brought it up.
I'm white trash, you know that.
That's true. I wish there was a Jew here.
Alright, so...
I mean, we can't call him out in this climate.
I know, right?
It's a little chilly for this time of year.
Let's start with Chip.
Like I said, we're going to play Last Man Stanton.
And this, of course, is the game where I tell you some names of some actors
and you have to name movies that they were in.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
This is where the elimination part begins.
I love having you all here.
I'm sorry, but someone's going to have to go.
Sean is...
Are you confident that you're going to do well or poorly?
One person started clapping. Oh, you okay he's getting everybody pumped yeah no he's good he's a good he's a
good hype man look at he could do that he could do that the thing with his
fingers that some people just snap their fingers but he flails them about wildly
probably probably gonna hurt yourself doing that.
You know, once you're 30,
you're not going to be able to do that anymore.
Once I'm 30.
Yeah. You're welcome.
I don't think you've ever said it. You're welcome.
All right.
Tonight, we already brought it up.
I mean, I did.
You're going to be naming the films
of three of the stars of Santa Claus the movie.
That's right.
Dudley Moore, who plays Patch the Elf.
John Lithgow, who plays BZ,
which I guess is a cute abbreviation of Beelzebub, maybe?
He's kind of an evil character.
Maybe he's busy.
Yeah, he's too busy to take the part, but there he is.
And then, Burgess Meredith.
Who essayed, he played the role of Ancient Elf.
And I'll do a quick impression of him for you
a little later on in the show.
Trying to keep people listening.
All right, everybody's in a panic over this.
I mean, we gotta get rid of you guys, that's the idea.
All right, shh, why is everybody talking amongst themselves?
Feels like cheating or...
I don't know.
Is it cheating if we're helping each other?
We were just singing some Christmas songs together.
You're all pissed?
I mean, seriously.
John Lithgow, especially.
That's a hundred movies.
But I can only think of one.
Well, hopefully that one will be the one
that comes in handy when it's your turn.
That's why I told Sam not to say it.
Okay, don't say it, Sam. You even told him
the name of the movie? No. Okay. No, I said
it in my eyes. Just don't say the one she's thinking of.
Alright, here we go. I'm glad we worked that out.
Sam. Chip.
Any film that features Dudley Moore,
John Lithgow, or
Burgess Meredith?
Alright, I gotta go Rocky. Okay. There Meredith all right I gotta go Rocky okay there
you go Rocky so this is my impression of Burgess Meredith when he's sparring with
Rocky and Rocky cuts a terrible smelly fart
Nellie Fart.
Rock!
All right, Sam.
I wanted to be the fart.
The films of Dudley Moore,
John Lithgow,
or BM.
Harry and the Hendersons.
I hate you, Sam.
Very nice.
How did you pick the one movie?
You son of a bitch.
I'm going to start calling you Little Sasquatch.
That's the most vicious way anybody's ever said the words Harry and the Hendersons.
Go back to where you came from, Sam.
Nobody wants you here.
I don't care for your casual anti-Semitic humor, Amy.
How about that?
It is casual, though.
You think she should dress up more when she does anti-Semitic?
That's right.
It's too casual.
I won't wear pajamas next time.
Okay, so Harriet Anderson is out.
You can't think of any other.
We've mentioned Rocky.
Arthur.
Oh, Arthur.
Yes.
Very good. Allison Rosen.
Harry and the Hendersons 2.
Now,
seriously, Allison.
Well, they already named all the ones
I knew. You're terrific. We need you to
stick around. Let me do a I knew. You're terrific. We need you to stick around.
Let me do a quick recap.
Chip said Rocky.
So that's all I'm going to say at this point.
But I don't know if you're into numbers.
Like if Roman numerals are your thing?
Rocky II.
Yes!
You get to hang out for a little while.
Thank you.
Yeah, we'll see what happens when it gets around to you.
Sarah?
Foul Play.
Mm-hmm.
And of course, that ticks off two boxes, because two people,
Burgess Meredith and Dudley Moore,
are both in that. What do you mean,
don't do that?
Someone else could have said, that's why I stopped
it.
What are they going to say? Foul play,
but second time we've said it?
Which one did you mean?
Dudley or Burgess?
I meant Dudley, but Burgess was in there too.
Pet snake.
That's right.
Love that movie.
All right.
All right.
Let's all have a laugh about that off-mic comment. Jeff.
The world according to Garp.
Yes.
Academy Award nomination for our friend Johnny Gogo.
Emma.
Rocky III.
Yes.
It's most people's favorite because of what happens to him
I've seen it
there you go
I've seen all the Rockies
I haven't missed a single Rocky
we've said too much
Clark
Footloose
I've never liked him Too much. Clark? Footloose. Whoa.
I've never liked him because he's so against dancing.
Yeah, it's not just the character.
John Lithgow hates dancing.
Zach?
Zach.
Galifianakis?
Say the actors' names again.
Dudley Moore.
Can you use that in a sentence?
Please give me some Dudley Moore, Stu.
The truth in advertising?
Say what?
The truth in advertising?
Was that...
Who's that?
Dudley Moore.
He was in a movie called The Truth in Advertising? Yeah's that? Dudley Moore. He was in a movie called The Truth in Advertising?
Do you mean crazy people?
No.
Why did you say that?
I think that's what he meant.
He's not going to last long anyway.
He's in a movie with John Lithgow
and he's not saying that.
Ah, yeah.
Which movie is that?
Oh, yeah. The Campaign. The Campaign!
The Campaign! I was at the table read of that movie.
Unavailable.
Ten.
Ten, yes.
Daddy's Home 2?
Yes.
Yes.
Sean Jordan.
Someone has faith in you
or is excited you're about to go.
Is that like fun
Morris Code that you're going to give me?
Like a rod get-to?
I love it. I love it. I'm gonna disappoint everybody.
We got Rocky, we got Rocky 2, we got Rocky 3.
Dead?
Uh, War of the Planet of the Apes
What?
What is happening?
Why are you so close
And yet so far
Planet of the Apes
So far we got Rocky
Rocky 2
Rocky 3
Rocky 4
No you're out
Thank you, Sean Jordan.
Yeah, that was the cannon sound. Showtime.
Well, it didn't scare everybody like it's supposed to.
Probably go a little louder on the cannon.
Thanks, but thank you, Sean.
Yeah, I'm just gonna leave now.
Well, that just sounds like a dragon belching.
Burn!
Chip.
Did somebody do Arthur 2 on the rocks?
You really think we wouldn't remember
if someone had said
Arthur 2 on the rocks?
Arthur, he does what he pleases.
Sing to me,
Christopher Cross.
What?
Christopher Cross.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
But what's your answer?
Oh, what did
Zach say?
He said the campagna.
Oh, cool.
Crazy people.
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, you took it from Amy twice now.
But pass her the mic.
She should sit next to me.
Let's have her microphone, see what she's got.
Oh, Sam's going to hold on to his.
Okay.
Yeah, give it to Chip.
I mean, Billy.
I mean, John.
Just throw it down.
Amy, you got another one.
Santa Claus the movie.
Yes.
Yes.
That was five words tall.
Very good.
Everyone's very proud.
Allison? Very good. Everyone's very proud. Me especially.
Yeah.
Allison?
I'm taking a risk with this one.
Uh-oh.
Was Burgess Meredith a voice in Frosty the Snowman?
Well, first of all, you mean like that TV cartoon?
That I recall seeing in a theater.
One of my earliest memories.
Oh, shit.
You've been like, you're one of those robots
that got implanted with memories that aren't real.
Sorry to break it to you.
I hear nothing.
Frosty the Snowman with Jimmy Durante?
Yes.
Yeah, it was for TV.
But was he a voice in it?
Jimmy Durante? Yeah, he, it was for TV. But was he a voice in it? Jimmy Durante?
Yeah, he was the...
Burgess Meredith?
Miracle on 34th Street?
What would he do in that?
Was he the postman?
I don't know.
I just feel like
I associate Burgess Meredith
with those titles.
I had a lot of fun here.
Thank you, Alison Rosen.
Sometimes a cannon's a little slow
because you have to reload it.
It's colonial.
Thank you, Alison.
So nice to see you.
Great job.
When are you due?
February 25th.
All right.
Happy holidays.
She was nice.
She might be.
I feel like it's the middle of the night.
Oh, she's still nice.
Sarah Silverman.
I think I know one.
I think you do.
Be Dazzled?
Yes.
The original.
Yes.
Later much improved by the great Brendan Fraser.
It's a fun joke for the older people.
Jeff Tate.
I'm going to get local
with this one. Orange County.
Oh, that's good.
Okay, well, people, those of us
who live here don't consider us part of Orange County,
but... Is Burgess
Meredith in that?
Yeah, that was a BM.
I can't do that. That actress, I think her name is Skylar Fisk,
who's Sissy Spacek's daughter.
There's a scene in that movie where a dog bites her in the face
because that's what really happened.
A dog bit her face while they were filming.
They're like, let's leave that in.
Yeah.
And she was like, cool.
I mean, you know,
it's not going to unbite her
if she takes it out of the movie.
Emma?
Treasures National.
Wait, wait.
No, will you allow it?
National Treasure? I'm going to guess National Treasure because maybe. I don't know. Maybe. No, you definitely don it? National treasure?
I'm going to guess national treasure,
because maybe.
I don't know.
Maybe.
No, you definitely don't know.
No, I for sure don't.
I'm going to go get a coffee.
Does anybody need a coffee?
Does anybody need anything?
It's Emma Arnold.
Thank you.
Doug, I have a question.
Oh, Amy's got a question.
We still get lifelines on the Christmas show?
No lifelines.
Oh.
Yeah.
We gotta get this shit over with.
It's already midnight.
It's already the second night of Hanukkah.
Yeah.
Clark?
Cliffhanger.
Yes.
Here comes Zach.
Yes.
Here comes Zach.
Kiss of the Spider Woman.
Oh yeah, Dudley Moore. John Lithgow and Raul Julia.
What?
John Lithgow and Raul Julia.
No, it was William Hurt.
Oh.
Dudley Moore's in it?
Burgess Meredith?
Oh.
Is anybody in that?
It's like two guys in a cell.
Right.
And a spider woman.
Who's a B-minus John Lithgow.
I think everyone will agree.
Zach is
hanging out
like he might have
got that right
it was William Hurt
it wasn't John Lithgow
alright
alright John
well if we're doing
William Hurt movies now
Terms of Endearment
only ones that he's done
with Dudley Moore
by the way Terms of Endearment. Only ones that he's done with Dudley Moore. By the way, Terms of Endearment.
Okay, yeah.
Oh, Terms of Endearment, yes.
Of course.
Billy Wayne Davis.
Give it to us.
I told Zach that that was correct.
And I was wrong.
It wasn't correct.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
There goes Zach.
Thank you, Zach Galifianakis.
I need another drink, John.
Here you go.
Oh, no.
John's got the magic Indian coat.
Oh, it looks good on him.
Nice.
Of course.
Guess what?
He looks good in it.
Of course.
Oh, you don't look like shit anymore, John.
Oh.
Who wouldn't want to have you back in there, wigwam?
Oh.
John.
Who wouldn't want to have you back in there, wigwam?
Oh, Sam,
you're not going to jump on the negative Native American jokes that Doug is making?
Weird.
Weird.
A, I don't have a microphone,
and B, I stopped that years ago
when I stopped playing at that casino. You know the rules.
He smells very good.
I want you to know that.
I wouldn't think such a huge nerd
would have great cologne, but...
It's definitely not aftershave.
All right, where are we at?
Did you just answer?
No, no.
Oh, we're over there.
Billy did.
Remember?
What did you say?
I was like, yeah, brother.
Everybody's like, he's right.
What was he saying?
That season of Dexter that's so good.
Oh, yeah.
Trinity killer. That's not TV
That's a TV thing isn't it
I gotta go
Billy Wayne Davis thank you
Why did you skip over Sean
He's just coming back from home.
He's out.
Remember?
Wait, you're out already?
Yeah.
Get the fuck out of here.
Thanks, Sean.
I appreciate it.
He's chilling.
Don't you have a beard to grow?
Uh-oh, Billy Wayne's back.
I took the weed.
He's taking some of his weed.
I don't blame you.
I don't blame you, but you need a little of it.
I just thought I was going to do better than that.
Yeah, you should have.
Oh, my God.
It's one piece.
All right.
Okay, good job.
Chip.
I want to say Lithgow in Twilight Zone the movie.
Yes.
It's very sweaty in that.
Sam.
Batman the movie.
Sorry, Clark.
Sorry.
Clark is upset.
AKA Batman 66.
Dudley Moore was so good in that.
As the Joker.
Amy, do you have anything?
I thought of Twilight Zone, but then it was taken.
Batman Returns?
Let's go.
Let me just recap real quick.
Rocky, Rocky 2, Rocky 3, not Rocky 4.
Rocky 5?
That is correct.
Does he appear posthumously on that?
Like a flashback scene or something?
I don't know.
Yes.
Shut up, Sam.
The internet says he's in it
It's like some sort of clip or a picture on a wall
Sarah
This can't be true
But I
I think like one of the Die Hard movies
Two
Thank you, Sarah Silverman.
Billy Wayne Davis is waiting for you with something.
Weed.
Jeff. with something. Weed. Jeff?
Ricochet.
That's right.
That's a good one.
Clark?
You know what?
This is a guess,
but I'm going to say
Burgess Meredith
was in Citizen Kane.
No, seriously. isn't he?
He's been around for a while. He's not in it?
I don't think so. Okay, I'm thinking of another
old movie I like. Anyway, thank you guys.
Park Wolf, thank you.
Oh, this is exciting.
Burgess Meredith was in
Twilight Zone, the television show,
but I'm not going to guess that because it's a television show.
Right. He was a librarian
that only wanted to be alone.
All he wanted was to be alone. So what happens?
Nuclear
war happens.
Guess who's alone and guess what
libraries are famously known for being
nuclear resistant.
In the library you're safe.
But he steps
out of the library
and smashes his
glasses he can never read again.
Time enough at last. Look, I don't want to
quibble with you, John, but he's actually in a nuclear
fallout shelter that he's looking at to buy.
Listen, no one cares about what you think.
Okay.
And I mean, no one.
I know you're handsome
and you can make any jacket look good, but that is
wrong!
This is a total guess.
And I think it's probably wrong.
But I'm going to say 12 angry men
because there are 12 men in them,
often angry,
and he seems like a guy
who might have been angry at one point.
I was juror number six in that.
Oh, in the Showtime remake?
No, at Cincinnati Christian High School,
class of 96.
Yeah!
Go Cardinals! No, never ever say that. We were the Cougars. Go Cardinals!
Anyway, is that wrong or right? Thank you, Jon Hamm.
It's very nice of you to give the coat back
because you can only wear it if you're a member at Augusta.
It won't fit.
Maybe it'll be my gold jacket.
You looking at that sweet gig
as a bouncer at an Indian casino?
Yeah.
Maybe like a valet where I gotta be outside a lot.
Is it your turn, Jeff?
Wait, no, it's Chip's turn?
Yeah.
Here we go, Chip.
Harry and the Hendersons 2 on the rocks.
Someone said that already.
Chip Chantry, thank you.
Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip. this is the part of the show where i say eight naughty nasty little children gone
three good sweet children left eight plus three is only 11.
wait what oh fuck i fuck that up every time.
Welcome to my podcast, Jeff Does Math.
Just does it.
I don't even care for it.
Is your brother on that one, too?
Does he help you out?
My brother's on, yeah.
My brother is my co-pilot.
Don't blame me, I voted for my brother.
Right, I got a whole line of merch.
It's on Etsy.
Thank your brother, it's Friday.
All right.
Just for fun, some of the things we missed.
Of course, Burgess Meredith was in Grumpy Old Men and Grumpier Old Men.
He was seen in archival footage in Rocky Balboa.
He was in three of the creepiest movies ever, Magic, The Sentinel, and Burnt Offerings.
Yeah, and he's not known as a creepy movie guy.
Oh, Hot to Trot with our friend Bobcat.
And then Deadly More, we pretty much nailed all of those.
Like Father, Like Son, we missed.
Yeah, that was laying out there still.
Best Defense, Lovesick.
And then, interesting that no one got into the Shrek movies with John Lithgow,
because he was a voice in the first one.
Murmur rushes through.
And just that one.
So I thought somebody would fall into that trap.
Pitch Perfect 3, Interstellar.
He's great.
Raising Cane. Yeah. dream girls is a fun one if you're playing with your friends dream girls is a fun
lithgow because he's in one scene he has a stupid long hair wait isn't he in the accountant also i
think what he is okay i wasn't you know keeping track i didn't i didn't do the math.
Alright, so the three of you get to play.
Go ahead and move into the front row. Amy's going to move
to the middle area. Grab a microphone.
Yeah, sit in the
chair with the lucky coat on it.
Don't sit next to me.
I was already here.
Wow.
This is Jeff in every bar he's ever gone to.
That's not even my jacket.
I don't know where he went.
That's why I quit drinking, honestly.
It was just, it just kind of hurt my feelings.
Oh, shit. I poured a little vodka on the prizes, you guys. Oh shit
I poured a little vodka on the prizes you guys
For all the homies
Don't worry about it
We've all lost some homies
Alright so between these three on stage
Can all of you come back tomorrow night
To compete against nine more competitors
This is like the exit row on the airplane.
Yes.
I think so.
Yes, I can come back on.
You got a verbal yes on all of them.
Yes.
But unlike the exit row, I'm not lying.
I'm telling the truth this time.
I'm going to wear this again.
Oh, I love it.
Not that I'm advancing out of these three, but you get it.
I get it.
I'm going to sleep in it, too, because it's pajamas.
We're going to
pick a winner for tonight, but
that's just for the stats
or whatever, but all three of you
are coming back tomorrow night, and
I got nine great people lined
up to go up against you.
So the person who
wins tomorrow is crowned the
official winner? I mean, you know, probably two different people.
Somebody tonight, somebody tomorrow.
John Hamm is not coming back.
Well, that's rather unfair to everyone who had to compete tonight.
You have to be in the field at 24.
Stop being such a nerd.
Damn it, Sam.
You should have brought it up at the owner's meeting.
This isn't Doug Loves Rules, okay, Sam?
Oh, my God.
That's my favorite podcast.
Can we do that podcast?
Don't you love rules?
Doug Loves Rules.
This is how that show would start.
Sam, it's past your bedtime.
He's 52 years old.
You look great, Sam.
Thanks so much, Amy.
I gotta say, these sour patches in the bottom of this drink,
it feels like the worm in the tequila.
I'm very excited to hallucinate later.
Let's play Bennington.
This is the game where We adjust for inflation
Who did we end up on?
Who was the last person just now?
It would be me next
You were up next when Chip got knocked out?
That's correct
Alright, so we'll go Chip, Amy, Jeff
Wait, Chip's
Chip's not here
My name's Chip
I just wish he was still here
He doesn't fucking
He doesn't
He doesn't fucking spell
Chip with two P's, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
He spells it with three P's.
Alright, so
we're going to play Bennington.
I think, yes.
I'll ask you, I'll name
an actor, actress, and then
Sam will go first and you'll tell me
what movie you think made their top three.
Hopefully number one
because that's worth more points.
We'll play three rounds
and I've got a way to break a tie
if there is one.
And it's called Rasselin.
Sam,
what do you think is in the top three films of Jon Hamm?
Would have been interesting if you made it this far.
That's a good question.
He's been in a lot of good movies.
Johnny Hamams.
Somebody sneezed.
I think they might be allergic to your thinking process.
Oh, there's an allergy test kit.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, who sneezed?
Let's see if you're allergic to Sam's bullshit.
I'm kidding, Sam.
I love you.
That's not how I said it.
You made it.
I'm going to say
Bridesmaids.
Top three after being
adjusted for inflation
by Box Office Mojo.
And you're going
Bridesmaids.
Yeah.
Amy?
Shh.
Don't.
Don't know what that guy
is talking about.
Because I know
he's very talented
and I like to look forward in my life,
Top Gun 2.
How could that be
in his top three
at the box office
when it's not out yet?
Wait and see, Doug.
You fucking wait and see.
I'm going to call her up
a year from now.
I'm really sorry.
No!
Sorry that I said that.
Sam will be mad
because it'll affect
the record books.
I don't know
what movies he's in,
but please don't tell him
because I'm trying to
kiss him on the lips again.
Even though he doesn't
remember the last time.
So you can get him
every year is really
the point.
Is there a mistletoe
backstage?
Is that how you do it?
I don't know.
Are you kidding Annette? She doesn't have to do anything.
John just goes to her.
I'll be in the courtyard selling my album. Please come
see me. Bye.
Don't go. Don't go.
Okay.
I have to pay so bad.
This is a lot to
you still might win this
unzip
I know you're anxious to get to where Jon Hamm is
but stay with us
he's waiting for me in the bathroom
he might be at home
he's gonna unzip it, that's what's weird
a lot of Spanx under here
alright, Jeff
I'm also wearing Spanx
what are we playing? All right. Jeff? I'm also wearing Spanx.
What are we playing?
The films of Jon Hamm.
We've got Bridesmaids and a non-answer.
Okay, I'm going to say Baby Driver.
Okay.
This is interesting.
Coming in at number three, Bridesmaids.
So that's one point for Sam.
Oh, no.
Coming in at number two,
Shrek Forever After.
It's always a Shrek!
But Lithgow wasn't in that one,
so I can't blame him for not mentioning it.
And then his number one,
unfortunately for all of us,
is Minions.
Minions.
Alright, so Sam's got one point going into the next round.
Amy, you get to go first.
The films
of Sarah
Paulson.
Oh, that was...
That was Sarah Paulson?
Yeah, you should have took a better look.
Oh, boy.
Are you familiar with her, Amy?
I think I know who that is.
Okay, so what was she in?
Wait, I don't... I might not know who that is. Is, so what was she in? Wait, I don't...
I might not know who that is.
Is she in The Fault in Our Stars?
I don't think so.
Oh, that's Shailene Blam Blam or something.
Yes.
Shailene Blam Blam.
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
Barney Rubble's granddaughter,
Shailene Blamblam.
All right, Jeff?
Ocean's 8.
Okay, he's going Ocean's 8.
What do you think, Sam?
I'm going to say Minions.
That would be a fun runner, wouldn't it?
It really would.
Her number three was The Post.
Her number two, Ocean's 8.
I mean, Jeff's on the board for two points.
And then her number one was,
she's in What Women Want.
Wow.
With Mel Gibson.
Very small role, apparently.
I don't remember.
All right. So Jeff's got two. I don't remember. Alright, so
Jeff's got two, Sam's got one.
Anybody's game.
Thank you, Doug.
Jeff starts us off.
The films
of Sam
Rockwell.
Iron Man 2. Oh. Sam? Jesus. He'd be dancing. Jesus?
Come on, Sam. I gotta pee.
I'm sorry. I just need a second here.
Let's all reflect on 2018.
Do you mind if I take a knee during this, Sam?
No, you should go ahead, because, you know...
I had bad placement here for me.
I know, right?
It's been so many things.
Someone will have to tell me afterward.
I think that was Sam Rockwell.
Probably was.
He looks really good.
Obviously, it's not out yet,
so it's not an answer,
but he looks pretty amazing in that Vice movie.
He does look amazing in that Vice movie.
I look forward to that.
Yeah.
Okay, time's Yeah. Okay.
Time's up.
Okay.
Damn it.
The Green Mile.
I mean,
if you have to lose
to somebody,
this is true.
At least it's not Amy.
Jesus Christ.
We don't know that yet.
What a disaster
that would be.
I didn't say anything yet.
It hasn't been my turn.
Oh.
Amy?
The Fifth Element.
For Sam Rockwell?
Yeah.
She thinks she's Gary Oldman.
No, I don't.
I mean, who doesn't?
No, she's thinking of Galaxy.
I'm thinking of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Yes.
Is it too late?
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quest.
Is it too late?
You can change it to that.
Okay, I'll change it to the hitchhiker's guide
because I think I have another one coming in at number eight the
hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy seven cowboys and aliens six galaxy quests 5g
force co-starring Zach Galifianakis for Charlie's Angels. Three, The Green Mile.
Two, Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles.
Or something to that effect.
Oh, yeah.
And Jeff nailed it with the number one answer, Iron Man 2.
Thank you, Sam Levine and Amy Miller.
Thank you. Thank you.
Now it's time to go to Washington. What's happening? Thank you. Jeff,
could you pick up a microphone
and give one more?
You get an extra plug.
Do you want to talk about your podcast
with your brother again?
I have a podcast with my brother still.
We're still doing it.
What's it called?
It's called Altered Tates.
Guess what?
We had our first lost episode.
We made one on Friday, but the sound is bad.
Oh.
That happens sometimes.
But then, you know, it's an extra special treat for the people that were there live.
I'm doing my annual holiday taint tour, hitting San Diego, Irvine, and Austin in the week
between Christmas and New Year's.
Hashtag holiday taint.
Jeff, can you help me collect all these name tags?
I should have asked everybody
to hand it to me before they left,
but I didn't.
So let's see.
Someone named Reba
is a shithead?
I don't know if it's McIntyre.
Who was in this one?
Who had, oh, Sam had, oh, yeah, we get to say this one.
Do you want to say one, Jeff?
What's the shithead on the back of that snake?
Oh, here, use the microphone.
Get one.
Oh, pull the tab.
There's a thing you pull out there's a
tab oh yeah yeah yeah yeah don't yeah don't you don't grab its face you grab
its anus see right there you pull that out and what does it say
Cavanaugh is a shit this was old school.
This was old school.
They went Willem Dafoe is a shithead.
So thank you for listening all these years.
This doesn't have...
The pimp doesn't have this.
Oh, it does on the bottom.
You guys are getting so innovative
with where you put the shitheads.
It's a whole thing.
I feel like I'm about to say La La Land and be wrong.
It's a whole thing. I feel like I'm about to say La La Land and be wrong.
Spiteful Lori Edblom in the Duluth township of Minnesota.
Wow. Who's that bitch?
Why are you so mad at her?
Jeff, oh, of course, Neil deGrasse Tyson is allegedly a shithead.
He's accused of being a shithead.
Barbara Stanwyck is the original shithead.
What? This one doesn't have one?
Trump, okay.
Simple enough. Non-alcoholic eggnog is a shithead.
I should have said that one last.
Everyone agrees on that.
Why doesn't this one have one?
The Titanic one.
Tyler Tannick.
What?
Jeff's got it?
Thanks, Jeff, for speaking up.
L.A. drivers when it's raining are a shithead.
Do we think we have all of them? Is this the last one?
There's the elephant, Tom.
Oh, here we go, yeah.
Peel that one off.
And put all these close enough to the edge
so people can just come get their name tags back if they want.
Hope to see you guys back tomorrow night.
Thank you one more time to Jeff Tate.
There's a company called Hire.
H-A-I-E-R.
Hire, how do you say that?
Do you know?
Did no one write this down?
Anyway, H-A-I-E-R, refrigerator company,
and the defective fridge, they sold me.
I swear, I think you'd know who you are
if you wrote that down.
Seems a little wild to you, like,
I don't know.
Don't drag me into it.
Where's the winner?
Are you coming to collect all your prizes?
Where are you at?
Yeah, you got a lot of shit.
Don't take this peewee doll.
I assume they're going to want their peewee doll back.
And I saved this one for last because it was down to two and this one is I sincerely agree with it what's your name dude
which Rick congratulations Rick and good luck getting all that home and hope to
see you guys back here tomorrow night and more shows in the future.
There's another Douglas movies here in LA
on December 11th over at UCB.
It's going to be super fun.
But in all seriousness,
cancer is a shithead.
Happy holidays, everybody.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies.