Doug Loves Movies - The 12 Guests of Xmas with Zach Galifianakis, Justin Long, Amy Miller and 10 more guests
Episode Date: December 13, 2019Live from Largo in LA, Doug welcomes Billy Wayne Davis, Eric Edelstein, Zach Galifianakis, Adam Green and Arwen, Samm Levine, Justin Long, Kate Micucci, Amy Miller, Jesse Pasternack, Se...an Sakimae, Frankie Shaw, Daniel Van Kirk and Clarke Wolfe to the second 12 Guests of Xmas episode of the season.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Good Things
Candy Rapper screaming, baby, sit, he sits
With 50 Adam Harker journals in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause God loves movies They gave me a music stand
Like I'm gonna do some sort of musical thing
That's adorable
Hey, I mean,
ho!
Turn it off, Jeff.
It's not time yet. Turn your light bright
off. Yeah, or put it between your legs.
Ho, ho, ho, everybody!
My name is Doug, and I
love movies!
This is God Lost Movies!
Coming to you
once again
for the 12 Guests of Christmas West Coast Edition at Largo in Los Angeles.
Oh boy, we had so much fun with the 12 guest show in New York City.
So much fun.
One of the guests from that show is back here tonight
trying to conquer the West Coast
because he failed on the East.
Second place is pretty good, though.
Let's see.
What does it say here?
It's Thursday, December 12, 2019.
And I want to see at least 13 name tags.
Oh, we got this.
Perfect.
Perfect.
What does that say instead of Alita Battle?
Aviva.
Aviva. Someone's named Aviva. Aviva.
Someone's named Aviva?
My wife.
My wife.
My wife, Aviva.
Well, that's a great name tag you got there.
School of Rourke.
Your last name is Rourke. First name. Your first name is Rourke? Your last name is Rourke?
Your first name is Rourke?
What's your last name?
Rourke Adeline.
All right.
It's nice to see you looking for something to do
outside the adult film industry.
Or, like, it totally sounds like a romance novel name.
O'Rourke.
The things you do to me.
Somebody's really counting on Sam Levine
being a total narcissist and picking that name tag.
What does it say on it?
Rocket Manthony.
Rocket Manthony?
But instead of Elton John or Taron Egerton,
you made it Sam Levine?
Of course.
Okay.
Interesting strategy.
This one here's got a marquee
that says Doug Loves Movies
and then lots of Christmas lights
and then something about Spider-Man?
Spider Dan. Oh, hey, Dan. This is Doug Loves Movies, and then lots of Christmas lights, and then something about Spider-Man? Spider-Dan.
Oh, hey, Dan.
I know Dan.
All right, great job, everybody.
Good luck to all of you.
Only lucky 13 will be chosen.
Doug plugs.
Doug Loves Movies is back at the Neptune Theater in Seattle
this Monday, December 16th.
The American Comedy Company in San Monday, December 16th. The American Comedy
Company in San Diego on December
21st. Austin, Texas
December 29th. And Brea,
California, if you guys want
a road trip,
that's on January 4th,
2020.
Can you believe it?
For all my dates and deets, go to
Douglovesmovies.com. Go to Douglovesmovies.com
That's Douglovesmovies.com
Yeah
Come on
Wallet
You guys really sell that
Ted Danson thing at the end
There's a real tentative nature to it
That I enjoy very much.
Dugouts!
Dugout to John Lithgow
who wishes he could be here tonight
but he's at an
event promoting Bombshell.
Yeah, I'm sure Margot Robbie,
Charlize Theron, and Nicole
Kidman wish they could be here too.
Damn you, bombshell.
I knew that waving my hand like that
would really sell it.
Really sell my anger.
Dug out to Graham Elwood
and Chris Mancini,
who couldn't be here tonight
because they are taping the final episode
of their podcast this very night.
Rest in peace, comedy film
nerds. And a dugout to
Sarah Silverman, who can't make it tonight because
she's sick
of your bullshit.
She's
tired of you people.
Just wants to live her life.
Well,
she's acting in something
and the days are long and she's sick.
Get better, Sarah.
She won't hear this.
Prize bag.
Let's talk prize bag, you guys.
I brought this adorable bag
with a little Christmas doggy on it
and it says, fuck.
Because I wrote that on there we got a
Doug Loves Scary Movies poster
that I signed
we got, speaking of Chris Mancini
he wrote a comic
or graphic novel
with a fellow named
Fernando Pinto
called Long Ago and Far Away.
So you get a copy of that
and a
Doug Loves Movies t-shirt
and a Doug Benson pin from
Rockin' Pins. Plus
the stuff brought by
my 13 guests
this evening.
Does anybody have to get up early tomorrow? my 13 guests this evening.
Does anybody have to get up early tomorrow?
Also, Chelsea, you could turn off that
marquee so it doesn't light up the whole
your whole face.
You don't know how to turn it off?
No, that's cool.
Just flip it
upside down. You'll be cool.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, you too with the other thing lit up.
Turn off your light up shit.
She's working on it.
Can you believe the whole show's waiting?
For you to turn that shit off.
Oh, no, now it goes to blinking.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Let's get my guests out here.
What do you say? Please give it up for Eric Edelstein,
Zach Galifianakis, Adam Green, and Arwen,
Sam Levine, Justin Long, Kate Micucci,
Amy Miller, Sean Sacamay,
Frankie Shaw, Jesse Pasternak,
Daniel Van Kirk, Billy Wayne Davis, and Clark Wolf.
Hi.
Hi guys Oh my goodness
They're all here
All 13 of them
And we've got
Three microphones
And a dog
Yeah there's Arwen with Adam Green microphones and a dog.
Yeah,
there's Arwen with Adam Green. We'll talk to
them in a second.
I thought that would be a great
distraction to have a cute little
Yorkie out here on stage
for the entire show
or until they get
eliminated.
Yeah, because you're playing as a team tonight.
I might be sending you home.
Let's get a microphone to this gentleman right here,
because I'm going to introduce everybody individually,
ask you some questions and stuff, and then, you know what?
Before we do that,
let's go ahead and get the name tag selection
out of the way.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please select a name tag.
Just go grab it.
Whoever you want to play for
on behalf of.
And while you do that,
we're going to go to a brief commercial message.
No more commercials for the rest of the show.
We'll be right back.
Yes, Zach, this is a podcast.
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Back to the show.
Okay, we're back. That was
relatively civilized.
Now let's meet everybody
and talk to them about
all the things that we like to talk about
on this show.
Sam Levine is here!
Hello!
Hello, Largo.
Hello, Dargo.
I love people that say hello to the buildings that they're inside.
Mm-hmm.
I wish they had ghosts here that talked back.
Hello, Sam.
I don't know who that was supposed to be.
Some ghost of Largo.
Who are you playing for, Sam?
I am playing for Rocket Manthony.
Wow.
No one saw that coming, that you would pick the recasting of Rocket Man to be Sam Levine.
Elton John is one of my favorite performers of all time.
So this is...
Sunglasses are one of your favorite eyewear of all time.
Yep.
They really nailed it.
Yep.
It's real easy to spot my own face from the stage.
All right, Sam.
Yep.
Thank you for being here.
Do you have anything to plug?
Yeah.
DC Daily on the DC...
Oh, yes.
Oh, good.
Nerds.
Yeah, on the DC Universe streaming platform.
Even if you're afraid, good news.
Our show is in front of the paywall.
You do not need a credit card or anything to watch our show five days a week.
It drops at 3 p.m. Pacific.
And it's all things D.C.
Interesting.
Okay.
We cover everything related to D.C.
But no A.C., just D.C.
Just D.C.?
Fuck that Tesla guy.
Old ass reference.
What do you got for the prize bag, Sam?
Oh, I am very excited to have brought this tonight
because I know the people in this room have discerning tastes.
So I have brought not one season or two seasons
or even three, four, or five seasons,
but ladies and gentlemen, all six seasons of Sex and the City.
Wow!
DVD.
You are welcome in advance.
Thank you for ruining Christmas,
Sam. Hey, that's what I'm
here for. Also, I'm going to include these
Pop-Tart bites.
Oh, I want those. Oh, never mind.
I'm going to hang on to those. All right. Oh, I want those. Never mind.
I'm going to hang on to those.
All right.
That's it?
Okay.
Nature Valley Granola Bar.
Oh, those are good.
Give me that.
All right.
There you go. And that really is it.
No, I really don't want that.
There's a lot of DVDs in here.
Well, let me think.
Do I want a packet of dust?
No, I'm good.
Okay.
Thank you, Sam.
You're very welcome.
One more question, Sam.
Yes, sir. Do you want to do an impression?
Sure.
Do you have something in mind?
No, just anybody you want to do.
Any impression that you have in your
repertoire of
impressions? Sure, I'll do
a Daniel Plainview from...
I love it.
I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. This do Daniel Plainview from... I love it. You know, I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
This is Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood.
Now, if you have a milkshake,
and I have a straw,
and my straw goes all the way over here.
Then I drink your milkshake.
I drink it up.
There you go, Doug.
All right.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
16 years at Juilliard, guys.
16 years at Juilliard.
So many people you could have done that to in this room.
Had to be delivered at me.
Yeah.
Well, you're the closest.
You're welcome, man.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity.
Let's meet the gentleman to your left.
And I do mean a gentleman.
This is one of the nicest fellas you'll ever run into.
It's Eric Edelstein, everybody.
Hi, everyone.
Hello.
Yeah.
Let me ask you, Eric, did you just get back from the links,
or do you have some papers to deliver in the morning?
A little bit of both. I'm multitasking.
I'm 300 par today, and I have the San Francisco Chronicle
for anybody who wants it in the lobby.
He's a yes-ender if ever there was one.
Yeah. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for the Second City classes.
Okay, let's run it down, Eric.
What do you got to plug?
What's going on in your life right now?
I have an amazing movie out called Three Days with Dad,
directed by a wonderful writer-director
that played my brother on Twin Peaks, Larry Clark,
who I think is here tonight.
And it's all about Brian Dennehy plays our dad,
and it's three days of him passing away,
and hilarity ensues.
And powerhouse performances from J.K. Simmons
and Leslie Ann Warren.
And if you want to relive a loved one dying,
I cannot recommend this movie enough, everybody.
Is that good, Larry?
I love you.
I love the scene where you try to carry Brian Dennehy
around Bernie's style
but he's too heavy.
That was a tough one, man. I got very method for that.
He's truly heavy. I made that part
up, you guys. I haven't seen the film.
So, Eric, what do you
got? Who are you playing on behalf of?
Right in the front row there. And I gotta
say I love Largo because as a large man
I come to these shows and they give me
front row seats for large people, for
tall people, which is amazing empathy.
And I am playing for Lorraine
and singing to Lorraine.
Look at that. You nailed it.
We all love the classics. This movie
radiates a high energy. Fantastic.
Yeah, we've
seen that one before. Oh.
Friend. I feel betrayed.
Yeah.
No, that one's a good one to pick.
Look at me on there instead of Gene Kelly.
Yeah, pretty good.
Talk about how things should be.
No.
Yeah, Chris Evans made the cut somehow.
He's never going to be on the show again.
He looks too good in a sweater.
Eric,
what else do I have
to ask you? Oh,
what'd you bring for the
prize bank? Well,
we have a
eye mask from Wonderly that Justin
Long gave me.
And I firmly support it. They did
the Dirty John podcast. I can't recommend
enough. I've got some fake doo-doo.
And then I want to send a message, guys.
We all do the Secret Santa stuff.
We all give these gifts.
What do we all really want?
Cash.
So I have $35 cash.
You're going to go home with $35 cash from a mid-level character actor.
Give yourselves a round of applause.
Yeah!
It's real.
It's real.
Just give us a quick,
what would David Lynch say about this?
Well, I'm going to tell you right now, Douglas,
is what they're going to do is this poo-doo.
You want to get rid of this.
Get rid of the poo-doo from your consciousness and psyche.
And the way to do that is 20 minutes of pure consciousness twice a day.
You're going to go into unbounded joy, unbounded love.
And you're going to take off the negative clown suit of despair
because you don't need to walk around in that anymore, friends.
Thank you, Eric.
Our next guest, and the one with the cutest thing in his lap
it's Adam Green everybody
hello
and that's Arwen
the doggy named after
a Star Trek character
and Lord of the Rings Logi named after a Star Trek character.
And... Lord of the Rings, but just historically.
Lord of the Rings, close enough.
And how you doing, dude?
I'm tired.
Tired?
You're going to start a fucking marathon tomorrow
where you and our friend Joe Lynch
are going to stay up for how many hours?
48 hours.
48 straight hours just watching horror movies
and commentating and hanging out with people,
all to raise money to save the lives of Yorkies.
Yes, it's called the Yorkie-thon.
This is our fourth year, so this is Yorkie-thon 4.
It's a charity event we do with our podcast, The Movie
Crypt. It's a 48-hour live marathon.
We're staying awake so they don't
get put to sleep.
We have 70
guests this weekend.
70. There's live comedy,
live music, film commentaries.
We're doing a live script reading
of John Sayles' script
for Night Skies, which was supposed to be the sequel
to Close Encounters that never got made
and he was cool enough to give us that
so yeah
that sounds super cool
so listen and watch
it's just listening or watching too?
listening and watching on periscope.com
yeah listen and watch this weekend
and also they have
Arwen has an auction page
that includes,
you can win a seat
on Doug Loves Movies.
And the last I checked,
that was up to like 600 bucks.
So that's...
Last year, it went for like 2,100,
which is awesome.
Yeah, let's not,
let's just concentrate on this year.
And try to get more
than the current $600 bid.
Let's not get greedy.
What did you bring for the prize bag, Adam?
For the prize bag...
Can you help me up?
Yeah, Arwen, who wants the dog?
Oh, that would be the best prize ever.
This is a high-quality Star Wars board game.
Look at that.
It came with an action figure, but I kept that. But you can have board game. Look at that. It came with an action figure,
but I kept that.
But you can have the game.
And I hear it's really fun.
Yeah, and you held it together
with a rubber band
and put it in a hotel laundry bag.
So it's a perfect gift.
What's that other?
You also have some candy in your hand?
What's that? Oh, that's attached candy in your hand? What's that?
Yep.
Oh, that's attached to the name tag you picked?
Yes, it's attached, which is why we picked it.
She thought this was a bag of dog treats.
But she'll eat Sour Patch Kids, too.
She will?
Oh, yeah.
Can we watch her eat one?
Sure.
If we can get it open.
Some people are sad in the audience.
Like, how dare you give that to a dog?
Sometimes I save dogs. Sometimes I abuse sad in the audience. Like, how dare you give that to a dog? Sometimes I save
dogs, sometimes I abuse them. It depends.
No, she won't really eat a
Sour Patch Kit. She'll lick it.
Oh, okay. Let's watch that. Those are really bad for her.
Oh, that's a good one.
I want to see her do something with that thing.
Every year, so many
Yorkies are lost because of Sour Patch
Kids.
Yeah, that dog
did not want that at all.
No interest.
That dog's just interested in being cute.
Sam
thinks dogs can't taste sweet things.
Sam, stop putting parts of you
in the dogs.
Sam thinks dogs can't taste sweet things.
Sam, stop putting parts of you in the dogs.
You say they prefer salty over sweet, Sam?
Okay.
Adam, do you do any impressions?
No.
Not after that David Lynch one, especially.
There's no way.
Eric is actually going to be on the podcast,
and we're trying to get the real David Lynch.
Oh, cool.
Hand the mic back to Eric.
And Eric, tell us a little bit about David Lynch.
Talk about that dog.
Well, the thing is, you should not give that dog any kind of candy.
You give a dog candy, it can trigger some kind of psychosis.
I'll tell you what.
You give a marmot candy, that fucker will run right at you.
And then I just found out that you guys busted me.
His partner, they pitched David Lynch to come on, and I didn't hear this when Joe told me the story.
Joe's like, oh yeah, we got Eric on and he does an impression of you.
Where's the discretion? You guys are the kids in school yapping.
You don't tell my boss I do a powerhouse impression of him that's well received on podcasts.
He was flattered.
From what I heard.
Okay, Eric, do David Lynch how flattered he is of the impression you do
of him? Well, I was
upset at first that Detective Fusco
is apparently doing this impression of me,
but then I found out he's talking about
the joy of transcendental meditation,
which if you go
to the DLM offices, we can do
for you on a sliding scale, and
pay what you can, and you can begin to remove
some of this toxic negativity
from your life, friends. Get off
the Instagram and Facebook
and face your real fear.
It's out here.
Thank you, Adam.
It's Jesse Pasternak, everybody.
Hi, Doug.
Hey, Jesse. How many years now do you think you've been on the show?
I believe it's been, I want to say,
eight, if you include the first time we met.
Yeah, that would count, I guess.
Yeah.
Was it on the show?
It was, I met you, and I knew a question
that wasn't answered,
and then you had me on the next year,
so really seven years.
Okay.
Seven years.
So what are you now, 42?
58 later in December.
I don't get it, but anyway.
Who are you playing for today?
I am playing for Star Wars.
Sorry.
Star Wars The Last Jess.
It features Carrie Fisher lookalike Jon Hamm as Princess Leia.
And it features Kate Micucci as Rey.
And you can see that right there.
And Sam Levine as Kylo Ren.
If they were to remake it and have those fans who hated Star Wars The Last Jedi pay for it,
this would be the cast I would want them to use.
Okay. Yeah, that's cool.
I'll be in that.
You'd be the emperor.
That's who you are right here. Yeah. And then what did you bring for the prize bag?
So today is Frank Sinatra's
birthday, so I wanted to bring an album
that represented who he was
and an album that you could clearly tell is a
Sinatra album. You could tell this is a Sinatra album
because it's called This Is Sinatra!
Exclamation point.
And today is also...
I just said
who else would it be then?
Of course, can't be Dean Martin.
It's also Jennifer Connelly's birthday
so I brought a DVD of Labyrinth, which is one of my favorite movies.
Wow, wow, really?
You really love the birthday tie-in.
It's kind of my thing,
so I've got to stick to it.
I'm in too deep to get out.
And what do you want to plug?
So over the seven years
that I've been hanging out with you,
I've really come to love podcasts as a medium.
So next year I'm starting one with my older brother, Sam,
who's also been a guest on this show.
It's called The Podcaster Knack.
It's going to feature me talking to people about their favorite pieces of culture.
And you can follow us on Twitter, just The Podcaster Knack.
It's also Podcasternack.
It's also podcasternack on Instagram.
And I got an Instagram today, so you can follow me there, jesse.pasternack.
And you can also follow me on Twitter.
That's just jesse.pasternack.
Normal spelling.
Yeah.
For Instagram, I changed it for show business.
I can't believe we were all here the day he got an Instagram.
Real big milestone.
I'm glad I could share it with people. Really beautiful.
It's really, really, really sweet.
Aw, thank you, Dave.
And did you do any impressions, Jesse?
Oh, sure.
This one is...
Okay.
This one is Bernie Sanders auditioning
to play the title role in Sweeney Todd.
There's a hole in the world
like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world
inhabit it
and its morals are worth
what a pig could spit
and it goes by the name
of Wall Street.
We should probably wrap it up here.
So I could get any better than that.
Thank you, Jesse.
You're welcome, Doug.
Thank you for having me.
To Jesse's left, a hard act to follow,
but he can do it.
It's Billy Wayne Davis, everybody.
That was good.
Thank you so much.
Which one do I do first?
You could do the, uh, who you're playing for.
The green mic.
What's that sticking out of his face there?
It's two joints.
And that's not why I picked, I didn't notice that.
He had a big bag of Starbursts.
He looks like a walrus.
He looks like Justin Long in that movie.
I think that's him.
That's our dude.
He looks like Justin Long in that movie Dodgeball.
And what'd you bring for the bag, Billy?
Oh, okay.
I got it.
It is a French press.
Whoa, that is nice. I've had it in my garage for a while
And I was like
I can get rid of that motherfucker tonight
And then just like one of my t-shirts
And there's like a weed candy
And then, oh hell yeah, check this out
Those are numchucks Dan's gonna hang on to those
And then this cool tote
It's rare, it's from CISO
A CISO tote
Yeah, you should have got sad
If you see so, say so
There you go That's the expression Yeah, you should have. It got sad. If you see so, say so.
There you go.
That's the expression.
That's it.
And what do you got to plug, Billy?
The new season of Squidbillies.
I helped write it, and then I've said all the nonsense words that no one else would say.
Yeah, so watch that.
It's great.
And have you prepared an impression for us today?
Not after what he did.
Like, I can kind of do Hank Hill,
but I kind of already sound like him,
so it doesn't...
That doesn't count.
You know what I mean?
That's it.
What would Hank Hill bring for the prize bag?
Propane.
Yeah.
I knew it. I knew it. He's very predictable.
And propane.
Thank you, Billy.
Oh, look at this beautiful name tag.
Joining us is Sean Sacamai.
Hi.
Longtime friend of the show.
When do you think the first time you were on was?
At least eight years ago.
Yeah, and you were an auction winner.
You put down some money to be on.
Accidentally won a second auction.
You brought me back for 12 years. Oh, you didn't mean to win another auction.
You were just helping
to drive it up. Yeah.
Whoops.
Yeah, but after those two times,
you just become a regular.
Yeah, you had me on 12 guests. We always love
to have you. It's good to see you.
Who are you playing for? I'm playing
for the Mason Christmas Carol.
So I'm... Mason?
It's a good guess.
It's a reasonable guess.
It's got a bunch of faces on there and a bunch of treats if anybody wants anything.
It's very light up. Oh, what kind of treats?
I got some goldfish.
I'll fuck up those goldfish.
Jelly beans, some Trader Joe's dark chocolate.
Jelly beans? What kind of jelly beans?
Fruit by the foot.
Anybody?
Anybody?
You put it right in my hand, too.
So if anybody wants anything, help yourself.
Yeah, no, I want those beans also.
Plugs will be easy.
I have nothing to plug. Get out and vote.
That's my plug.
And then as far as the prize bag
goes, I have a laptop case I'm trying to get rid of.
Wait, it's just no laptop, just a case for a laptop.
No laptop, just a case.
So if someone's got a caseless laptop lying around...
You need something.
They're going to be sad.
I have a reusable bag from Matt Walsh's
Turkey Bird Classic Golf Tournament.
And then
this is actually
I think this is pretty cool. I don't know. We'll see.
It is a movie use prop
from the movie
Anomalisa
complete with a stand.
So this was actually in the movie.
Whoa. Yeah.
It's like a doll from the animated Anomalisa.
Yeah.
Wow.
Thank you for bringing that.
For sure.
It's worth thousands of dollars.
Yeah, yeah.
At least 1,000.
Impression.
Oh, impression?
Jesus.
Yeah, who's your impression?
I can do a micro impression of Sean Connery, maybe? Sean Connery? Jesus. Yeah, who's your impression? I can do a micro-impression of Sean Connery, maybe?
Sean Connery? Okay.
Of course you are.
Oh, that was good.
Thank you.
Is that okay?
That was good, dog.
Guess what, everybody?
Dan Van Kirk is here!
Hello!
Hello, my friend.
Hi, buddy.
You call the shots, Dan.
What would you like to do first?
I am playing for
Why Jim?
All the guys
his daughter could have chosen,
Why Jim?
And then it's you and Sam, and I imagine Jim.
Yeah.
Jim lied to me and said his Reese's were in pieces, and they were not.
It is Holiday Lights peanut butter cups.
I hate these.
I only take pieces in my Reese's.
So if anybody wants them, you're more than welcome to it.
What's the deal?
They're just like...
They're like Cadbury eggs,
but they're supposed to look like Christmas lights.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to get in the habit of eating Christmas lights.
No.
Even if they are made of Reese's.
But I would like to try one, though.
Can you throw one down here this way, Billy?
Yep.
I got you, Doug.
And then for the prize
bag,
I brought a Dumb People Town shirt,
which is a podcast I do with the Sklar Brothers.
And it says
6 p.m. is the 3 a.m.
of day drinking.
And that was a phrase that was coined
on the show.
And then I brought something I really
love. It is a
Funko Pop doll of
Britney Spears.
Yeah.
This means a lot to me. Yeah, it is.
This means a lot to me.
I gave you that.
Yeah, I stole it from you on a previous Doug Loves Movies.
And now it's going back.
It served its purpose.
It sat and I looked at it.
And now somebody else will get to do that.
Yeah, it is slave for you, Britney.
So it's canon.
You said you really wanted it.
I really did.
But then... I wanted it.
You want it back? No. Let's just keep
giving it to each other on Doug's show.
This is it.
Uh...
Do you want it back, Amy? No.
You sure? It's the season
of giving, no. Okay.
Sometimes give to yourself.
What else was
there? Plugs?
Yes, please.
My album, my first comedy
album just came out a few weeks ago. It's called
Thanks, Diane. You can pick it up
wherever you listen to music.
And I forgot to bring it out here,
but I think the merch that comes with it,
if you want to buy a hard copy,
the hard copy is a deck of cards with my face on them.
It's the cover art of the album.
I think I have one in the car,
so whoever wins, I will get it to you.
If I don't have it with me, buy it.
But it's fun, and people seem to like it.
Other than that,
the Sklars and I are taking Dumb People Town
on the road. And in March, we're
going to be in St. Louis, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis.
And then all the way in June, you've got time to
plan, we're going to be in
Portland, Vancouver, and Seattle.
But before all that, we'll be at Sketchfest on January
17th doing a live Dumb People
Town.
Yeah.
And I do a podcast
with a boy named Rory.
And people like that and it's a fun show too.
What's it called?
Pen Pals with Daniel
Van Kirk and Rory Scovel.
Yeah. Yes.
What impression
would you like to do?
What impression would you like to do?
It is Christmas.
Don't do it.
Why?
Don't do it, Dan.
I will, for Doug.
How you guys doing? You doing good?
How you been, Doc?
I've missed you.
Dude, I'm in your heart all the time.
I'm pumping it.
So yeah, that's an impression I used to do.
Thank you, Dan.
You're welcome, buddy.
Hey, you guys.
Clark Wolf is here.
Hey, hi.
Hi, everyone.
I didn't know that you did Mark Wahlberg.
And this is true.
When I play golf sometimes and I need to focus,
in my head, it is you as Mark Wahlberg going,
look good, feel good.
That's not my impression, though.
I do another one, but I'll save it.
Okay.
That's so cool.
He does a great work Wolberg guess you had to find out somehow who are you playing for
I am playing okay
this is maybe the greatest
name tag I've ever seen
I'm playing for Schindler's Liss
Doug you are the girl in the red jacket no I've ever seen. I'm playing for Schindler's Liss.
Doug, you are the girl in the red jacket.
No.
No.
No, no, no.
There's more.
Wait.
It came with a bottle
of Manischewitz.
I saw this and immediately
was like, yes.
This is my name tag.
It's very clever.
Merry Chris-mica.
We actually have Chris-mica this year.
It's great.
And what do you got to plug?
Oh, so I am on DC Daily with Sam Levine.
As he said, five days a week in front of the paywall.
Satanic Panic from Fangoria and Sin Estate, directed by Chelsea Stardust.
I am in that.
Yeah.
And bad news, Deathcember, the horror anthology I'm in with Barbara Crampton.
Well, it's December and it's not out.
So I'm thinking it's next December.
So stay tuned.
Yeah.
And prize bag?
Prize bag.
Okay, so the Manischewitz is mine.
Okay, so I brought a light-up Shazam long-sleeve T-shirt.
So you just have to put batteries in that,
and it legit lights up.
It's kind of awesome.
And then another t-shirt that is a long-sleeved
Game of Thrones t-shirt, but kind of looks like candy.
And then this little movie called
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood on Blu-ray.
And this was cool. They sent out a little Blu-ray. And this was cool.
They sent out a little Blu-ray package.
So this is actually a flask autographed by Rick Dalton.
Yeah.
So I thought someone...
Yeah.
Weird.
Mark Wahlberg wants it.
I can't say no to Mark Wahlberg.
And then also, I've had this for a while,
but this is my second 12 guests of Christmas,
and I know that there's a lot of loot for whoever wins.
So somebody sent me, on Amazon,
you can choose to gift wrap things when you send them,
and somebody sent me a record player, which was awesome.
This is the bag it came in.
Amazon is not joking. me a record player, which was awesome. This is the bag it came in. Amazon
is not joking.
Like, I could fit in that.
So I brought that to hold
all of your presents so you can literally
walk out like Santa
with all of your
treats.
Treats.
Who sent you a record player?
An ex-boyfriend.
Oh. Oh.
I had to, okay, actually,
I had to rip the tag off of that chip
before I brought it in.
The tag that was printed from Amazon
was still on there, and I was like, nope, don't
do that. That's weird. Because it had his address
on it? No. It had a
personalized message. What's his full name?
Where does he live? What?
What?
What?
And I do do a little impression.
Please. Alright.
So this is
Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs.
But it is a Douglas movies impression.
I only say two words, okay?
So here we go.
Dr. Lecter.
And I can also say, thank you.
I can also say, the lambs.
The lambs. They were screaming. The lambs. The lambs.
They were screaming.
The lambs.
He flung G's at me.
She stole it.
She didn't say that.
She didn't say I flung G's at me.
He flung G's at me.
Great job, Clark.
And joining us to Clark's right,
for the first time,
I think our only first-time guest on the show,
so make her feel welcome and workum.
Make her feel warm-cum.
Make her feel warm-cum.
Yeah, see, that's...
See, I knew...
That's what he said.
I knew that that was gonna be...
That didn't work out right.
It's Frankie Shaw, everybody.
Thank you.
So Justin Long texted me a couple hours ago asking what I was doing tonight.
And here I am.
And do you know what you're doing yet?
I mean, I'm figuring it out.
Yeah, does any of this make sense?
I mean, it's starting to.
Okay.
So, what's the number one thing?
What are we doing first?
We can do it in any order you want.
Well, I have this lovely Brian and the Beast thing.
Oh, that's a nice name tag.
Which I chose because it seemed like it belonged to someone's child
that they stole from their lunchbox
and slapped a sign on top that's Brian.
Definitely true.
Really? See? There you go.
Yeah, Brian's messing with his kid's stuff.
Yeah.
I can give it back to you at the end of this, whatever this is, if you go. Brian's messing with his kid's stuff. Yeah. I can give it back to you
at the end of this, whatever this is,
if you want.
But you know,
if he wins tonight, his kid could probably
get tied up real good in his bag and probably
have a nice
rest in a river somewhere.
Okay.
We're going to win this for
Brian.
Okay. We're going to win this for Brian Okay Doug
I need your help here
What's next?
It's a gift?
Yeah sure what did you bring?
Well so I was
This is just what's in my bag
I told you the last minute, too.
Yeah, no, no, but this is an expensive brush.
No, it's from Italy.
Covered with hair, by the way.
What kind of hair?
You know, it says...
Do not give away your DNA like that.
Oh, it's made in Spain.
But then, surprise, surprise, wait.
I have this Richard Jewell screener.
That's illegal.
They're all dying.
I'm going to put it back.
And then...
This...
I set the tag off.
This is a See's Candies.
Also, this brush is like $65.
I'm so... Yeah.
It's used, but I'll take the hair out.
No, probably like $45 used. Yeah. It's used, but I'll take the hair out.
No, probably like 45 used.
You take all that hair out of that brush,
you got yourself a second gift. Yeah.
To plug...
Yeah, what do you got to plug?
What's going on?
I'm writing and directing
The Bell Jar
Which is about a woman
Who doesn't kill herself
For Showtime
And then also a movie
About a prostitute
Who blows up banks
Called Ultra Luminous
Starring Zach
Yeah
Wow
I had no idea I brought people together
who were going to do a project.
Oh, and then,
like I promised if I come back,
I mean, I love Dale from Baskets.
I love him so much.
Do you have any impressions you want to do?
No.
I'll just so much. Do you have any impressions you want to do? No. I'll just pass this on.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you.
Yeah, just pass that stuff down here.
We'll get it.
We'll put it into the green bag.
The big green bag.
And let's say hello to Kate
Micucci!
Hey everybody!
Hi!
Hey Doug!
How you doing?
I'm doing well. How are you doing?
I'm doing pretty good. This is fun.
This is fun!
When's the baby due? I'm doing like early January, so a couple weeks. The dog started barking. He
got so excited. How sweet. The dog didn't even. It's the first word he said. He loves
babies. Well, in that case, I'll try to get these intros done by the end of the year.
Yeah, that'd be great.
We're hanging in.
It's all good.
Okay, cool.
Who are you playing on behalf of tonight?
I am playing for Jonner, and he doesn't have like a movie.
It's just his Comic-Con pass, it looks like.
Or no, some kind of pass.
Is it for Comic-Con?
No, it's a board gaming convention.
Oh, a board gaming convention.
It was a board gaming convention.
You won longest snore.
Advance two spaces.
I've never tried to do a long one like that.
That was fun.
That was really good.
Really went to my head, though.
I'm going to fall over.
Sorry, Kate.
So no movie So anyway
He's just brought a badge
From a thing
That he went to one time
He also just
Very creative
Brought a board
Board gaming bag
But it looks like
You know
You could probably
Just put it in the green bag
He brought a giant
Board gaming bag
Or just add more
Presents to it
That's very thoughtful
Thank you Johnner
That'll come in handy
if you start to go into labor.
That's true. We can just put it in the bag. We'll pop them right
in there.
I got this.
Give it.
Give it to me. Thank you.
I'm going to try to get this green
bag into this blue bag.
That counts as a board game.
Have you guys ever played that game
Bags and Bags?
Kids love it, especially
if you're near a river.
And what do you got to plug?
What's going on?
Well, I have a Christmas song called You Got a Bike.
Oh, thanks.
You can check it out.
It's a holiday song for everybody, and it's about a bike.
That sounds fun.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You got a baby coming up. You got a baby coming up.
I have a baby coming up.
Baby boy.
And a baby and a song about a bike.
That baby's going to drop sometime in the first quarter.
Like I dropped the song about the bike.
Does that work?
No.
I love it.
You think you're going to stick to the original release date?
I guess you never really know.
I always loved it.
Not in this town.
That's true.
That's very true.
Is it named Deathstember?
Because I've heard some things.
It's a boy and they're naming it Manuary.
What?
Did you bring for the...
I know you always like to bring some artwork.
Oh, I did.
I made a little cartoon.
It's just a sad lady looking at a plant saying,
Dearest Stanley, I love you as much as Doug loves movies.
Love, your girlfriend.
Oh.
And then I also I brought
for your CD player
some Garfunkel Notes
signed CDs.
Yes.
And a neon pink
Garfunkel Notes toothbrush
for when you need
to brush your teeth.
And then just a bag
of cuties
because nothing says Christmas
like cuties.
Look at those cuties.
That's all I got.
That's beautiful.
Yeah, what's your impression?
Sam wants to know.
I didn't know that we were supposed to prepare an impression.
Well, you do.
Well, okay.
I'm just a lady like you know
i just that's like if i that's all i got i'm a lady who shops at talbot's
just a general lady
all right good job. Thanks.
Yeah.
Amy Miller is here.
Hello, Doug.
What's up?
Merry Christmas.
Or whatever you're into.
You've got like a light-up name tag. Yes, I'm playing
for Jeff. Just Jeff.
Christmas Jeff.
It has nothing to do with the movie,
right, Jeff?
It just was bright and I couldn't find
anyone with joints, so
this is what I picked.
Jeff's definitely got some joints somewhere.
Right, Jeff?
It's great.
Yeah, sure, he says.
What is that, like a shitty Light Bright?
Yeah, it's not for sure named brand Light Bright.
So Light Bright knockoff?
And it keeps turning off.
Yeah, it pretty much sucks.
He kind of put tinsel on it. I don't know, Jeff.
What did you bring for the bag?
What's Jeff potentially
going to win?
Well, I'm not going to win.
Too much. Fuck you guys.
Okay, I brought this little reindeer
that poops and you eat the shit.
The shit's in and you eat it.
Signed by Sam Levine.
Copy of my album.
I brought this official Harry and David's pair.
Thanks, Mom.
Okay, Boomer.
That's signed by Sam Levine, and he did sign the food part.
I don't know why he didn't sign the foil.
Little bottle of champagne I stole from backstage.
And this is a Christmas card to the winner from my family,
signed by me and Sam Levine.
Last year,
Amy got Jon Hamm to sign all her stuff,
which made it really cool.
And then she asked me backstage
what I signed,
and I was like,
you know Justin Long,
Zach Kalibinakis,
Frankie Stewart,
they're all here.
Why are you telling this story?
And she was like,
no, no, no, I want you.
So, bad choice.
Yeah, I said I love you the most,
but I don't know them, really.
They seem nice.
They're lovely.
I'm sure they'd sign it, too.
I wanted you to sign it.
I just wanted you to sign it, Sam.
Okay. All right. I'm sorry.
I'll sign them again.
That's what Sam does every time he gets a part.
There's somebody better out there.
Why me?
You're not making this up.
What are you doing?
You're beloved.
See?
No, no, no.
There's no way that that's true.
Even though you don't celebrate Christmas,
you can still be my friend.
Yeah, Sam leads the war on Christmas.
We all know that.
Goddamn right.
Yeah.
How about some new songs?
Every fucking year.
What do I do now?
Plugs?
Oh.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, okay.
Listen to my podcast, Who's Your God? Plugs? Oh. Yeah, sure. Oh, okay.
Listen to my podcast, Who's Your God?
Oh, thank you.
If you like comedy and religion, Sam was on it.
He was great.
Very popular episode.
Dan's done it.
That one did okay.
No, he crushed it.
It's super fun.
You can get it on everything.
And then I'm going to be in, I don't know,
I'm going to be in San Francisco for New Year's Eve with Greg Proops.
I'm going to be in Seattle, Cincinnati, Detroit.
I've got all kinds of dates coming up.
Spokane, Washington with Nicole Byer.
So go to my website, amymillercomedy.com.
That's amymillercomedy.com. And what are you going to do for us impressions wise?
I, well, I don't think I have one anymore
I was going to do Dan doing Mark Wahlberg
I'm not doing it anymore because you already did it
Oh, really?
No
So when he doesn't do it, you can do it?
I was like sending signals, but then it's fine
Maybe another time I'll do it.
Okay. That's how you get a
rebooking on this show.
I'll do it for 50 bucks.
A little tease for a future episode.
I'll hook you up.
I'll pay 50 bucks for that.
Right now? For that impression.
No, we're going to do it on a future episode.
Oh, okay, cool. We've already teased it.
So one time in the future, I'll get 50 bucks.
You have 35, right?
Yeah.
His money's in the big green bag.
No, I don't have any impression.
Good luck finding it.
All right, well, if you think of one later, just let us know.
Nope.
Could you do your impression of passing the microphone?
Oh, he got one.
What?
It's Justin Long, everybody!
Thank you.
I want to do my impression of you
not doing your impression of Dan doing Mark Wahlberg.
Yes, please.
No?
No?
Maybe next time.
That's pretty good.
Thank you.
You really can absorb
people's personalities.
Thanks, Tony.
How you doing, buddy?
Good.
Thanks for waiting.
It took a long time to get to your intro.
It was worth it.
You're the final person on the dais.
Very, very happy to have you here.
Your patience is remarkable.
I can't believe that you've waited all this time.
Thanks, Doug.
That's what I do.
I'm known for my patience.
Now, would you like to begin with an impression and then also end with an impression?
Yeah, you know, I thought it'd be fun, Kate, if you pass the microphone to your left.
And I love the scene in Silence of the Lambs where Jodie Foster comes to the door.
Yes.
And just wants to borrow a phone.
She doesn't know that Buffalo Bill is in the house.
And she just asks for a phone.
I know it, right?
Okay, that'd be great.
You guys, so you're going to do this scene?
All right, here we go.
Ready?
Yes.
Excuse me, sir.
May I use your phone, please?
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure
I got a phone you can use
Yeah, yeah, it's a rubbery dial
Is that right?
Oh, wait, was she a great big fan?
Was she a great, yeah
So let me ask you, is the FBI any closer to finding anything?
Help, I'm down here
Help me
Help
Please, get me out
Put your hands on your head
I have a TV downstairs
It's not really loud
It's my moth collection
That's probably making those noises
Thank you
That was great
Thank you Justin
Thank you
Dan why did you have to move a couple feet
from where you're sitting
to do that part?
I wanted to really feel like I was out of the scene.
Oh, my God.
Catherine Marksman.
And usurp the impression.
I could do the whole movie later.
I know it's a long show.
Let's do it now.
Yeah, that'd be fun.
Okay, Justin, what are you playing for?
I'm playing for Spider Dan,
and it's a very elaborate picture of Spider Man
playing Spider Man into the, I imagine, right?
Spider Man into the universe.
I'm not familiar with that movie,
but I think it's Spider Man into the universe,
and there are all sorts of different snacks attached to it.
There's some socks with menorahs on it.
Oh, there's so many things.
And there's a whole...
Doug is ripping off a mini loudspeaker.
What do you call that?
And there's tons of...
It's very generous.
A lot of booze in this ice box.
A little pail and more.
Move along.
Sorry, and that's it. Move it. That's it. That's very
generous. Move along.
Oh, and I brought stuff from Wondery, which is a company
I do a podcast called Life is Short.
It's called Wondery and there's a t-shirt that I'm
wearing, but an extra large.
Oh, that's beautiful. That's nice.
And a mug and, yeah.
I'm going to tell everybody about this.
Doug, for those of you listening at home, Doug is using the...
This is terrible for announcements.
What would you call that?
It's better for answering the door when Joey Foster comes on.
A megaphone.
Yeah, thank you.
It's a mini megaphone.
It's a mini megaphone.
It's a mini megaphone that Doug is using for those of you at home.
Into the microphone.
It's a mini megaphone that Doug is using for those of you at home.
Into the microphone.
Are you delivering the beauty products I ordered?
It's a little Tom Hardy from... I ordered a lot of lotion.
Put the lotion in the basket.
If you don't put it from Hershey's...
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm so happy right now.
This is such a weird little toy.
Silence of the Lambs is secretly my favorite comedy, you guys.
What is this one?
Oh, they're in their cups.
Sorry, what is your name?
That's Chelsea.
Chelsea's telling me there are a bunch of cups in here, right?
There's so many things that Chelsea was kind enough to gift us.
All right, put them in the big green bag.
Oh, there's a full bag of ice inside.
Yes, put them in the green bag bag. Oh, there's a full bag of ice inside. Yes, put them in the green bag.
Kate, do you want a cocktail?
Cocktail or?
Put everything in the green bag.
I want it all in the green bag.
This does have beef jerky on it.
Can the dog have beef jerky?
Hell yeah.
What is that?
Who brought a bucket of ice?
Someone's going to win a bucket of ice?
What a challenge they're going to have.
What if they accidentally spill it on themselves on the way home and no one's there to put
it on the internet?
I love it.
That's a great sound.
It's like you should become a Foley artist.
Those kind of noises.
What else do we have to ask Justin?
Do we ask him everything?
Did you plug anything?
I got to plug the shit. After class, your movie is on demand right now.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I want to plug the mustache I'm trying to grow for 2020.
And it's coming in really nice.
And I have a podcast called Life is Short.
I do it with my brother as well, Jesse.
Yeah, Life is Short it's called.
From Wondery.
I'm on brand.
We should cross over, the four of us.
Do a crossover episode.
Yeah, I like that.
All right.
Cool.
Sexually. You meant that sexually, right?
But we'll get in the room and see what happens.
Shut up, Jesse.
Thank you, Justin Long.
And we're back from the edit.
Zach Galifianakis is here!
We did it, Zach.
What'd you bring?
Is that something you brought?
Yeah, I brought a magazine.
I was at the dentist today and I thought, well, I'll just bring this.
I was getting my teeth darkened.
I'm playing for
Los Andrea
Oh that's the name tag
Very nice
Good job Andrea
I don't understand Andrea
Is the title fish
Faked or fucked
Because they are fucked
But is it supposed to be
Fucked or faked
I think faked
They screwed it up They should put a Yeah it looks be fucked or faked? I think faked. Well, they screwed it up.
They should put a...
Yeah, it looks like he's faked.
It doesn't make sense.
What do you have for the bag?
Oh, I...
I have a...
A Kindle that I'm going to give away.
Whatever they're called.
Well, I'm just...
Actually, now that I think of it,
probably just the USB port.
No, I have this.
These are called Kindles, right?
Kindles.
Kindles.
Oh, Kindles.
And it's low on battery.
You have to charge it.
But other than that, it's never been used.
And it says Zach on it.
It says Zach.
I did not do that.
I don't usually put my name on.
Do you have any kids, Andrea?
No.
Do you know anyone named Zach with CH?
No.
Okay, I'll take it.
Perfect re-gifting.
Just hang on to it.
So there's a Kindle.
There's no book.
I've never loaded anything in it,
except my autobiography is in there. There's no book. I've never loaded anything in it, except...
My autobiography is in there.
And then I'm... This was a picture in my office that I'm tired of looking at,
but it's just a framed photo of Chris Christie playing baseball.
He's a hero of mine.
And I love him so much.
And I want to share him with the world.
He's a good man.
Yeah, he's, yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
And then what else do I need?
Oh, yes, just to move it along.
Plugs.
Well, I have a children's cologne I'm working on.
And then I'm working on a project
where I'm taking Weird Al Yankovic songs
and turning them back into the originals.
So fat's gonna be bad.
And so on. What are you gonna turn like a surgeon into?
Well, I'll go right back to like a virgin.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
Pretty clever.
Yep.
If I think of any other ones, I'll ask you.
Yeah, I know them all.
I've already thought of them all.
My favorite he did
No after you
What was that?
After you
I was just going to say that
my favorite Weird Al Yankovic song is
We Built These Titties on Cock and Balls.
Don't change it back.
Unfortunately, it's a real song parody
that somebody used to do years ago.
It's probably Mark Cohen.
So anyway,
do you have any impressions, Zach?
Yeah, I can...
It's a non-verbal.
It's just Michael Dukakis.
It's just the eyebrow.
That's it.
Just look at my eyebrow.
All right, let's see it.
Yeah, wow.
That was spot on.
I pictured you in a tank
with a helmet and the whole thing.
It felt like 1988 again.
Did you hear Jesse said it's like 1988 again?
Yes, that's right.
That's when he ran.
That's when he ran.
That's right.
His running mate was Lloyd Benson.
Yes.
Thank you very much.
You do it.
Yeah, it's nonverbal.
Well, that's it.
We met everybody.
We did it.
Oh, hey, Zach, ask me if I've seen the movie Missing Link.
Have you seen Missing Link?
Not yet-y.
But seriously, you guys should see it.
Alright.
Doug, you remember your text to me? What's that?
You remember your text to me a week ago? I did.
Show starts at 8, you'll be out of there around
9. Unless you
play for a long time, maybe 10.
Yeah, so it's
9.30.
Should we do the intro again? Did I win yet?
Did I win?
Do you got somewhere you gotta be, Dan?
Hell no. I just love that we're an hour...
I'm bad at time.
But don't you worry.
I'll get you out of here by 10.
Damn it!
Now this is
the part where I say
let the games begin!
Oh boy,
oh boy, oh boy.
We got to know everybody and now it's time
to start saying goodbye to people.
No, I don't care what movie you watched, Amy.
I mean, you know, after the show, we can talk about it.
Would you rather... Is that why you didn't do an impression?
Because you were upset you didn't get to talk about the last movie you saw?
No.
I appreciate your honesty.
And also doing it off mic.
To determine who goes first tonight,
we're going to play a game
that doesn't have a name.
That's right.
I'm just going to ask one question.
And whichever one of you
answers it correctly first is the winner.
Joan Cusack.
The question is not going to be one where Joan Cusack would be the answer.
So I can't even say good guess.
Here's the question.
You ready, Sam?
Sure.
According to Forbes What is the number one
Grossing Christmas movie of all time?
Frozen
Who said it first?
Die Hard
Who said Home Alone first?
Kate said it first
She got it.
You had to wait for Arwen to whisper it,
and then you repeated it.
She said it right away.
Home Alone, everybody.
Kate.
Hey.
Good job.
Thanks.
You know, there's that show about the movies,
the movies that made us on Netflix?
Yeah.
And it's about the making of Home Alone.
I just watched it at like 2 in the morning last night, and it's so good. Anyway, just movies that made us on Netflix. And it's about the making of Home Alone. I just watched it at like two in the morning last night.
And it's so good! Anyway,
just plugging that.
So you're saying you would have just yelled out
Home Alone no matter what the question was?
No, I just
learned a lot in the documentary
that I watched.
They're going to make a new Home Alone now.
And it's going to be the kid who plays
Yorkie in
Jojo Rabbit.
Yeah. It is true.
The kid's fucking hilarious.
And Ellie Kemper is going to be in it.
Yeah, she's going to be one of the wet bandits.
She's going to get hit in the face with a paint can.
Good.
Yeah.
Doug.
All right. Settle down, Billy. Settle down. Doug, Clark wants good yeah Doug alright settle down Billy
settle down
Clark wants me to tell a very quick story
about Home Alone that I enjoy very much
how did she tell you to do this
telepathically damn
just so you guys remember
when Kevin goes in Buzz's room
and he sees the picture of Buzz's girlfriend
he says Buzz your girlfriend woof
John Hughes felt
so terrible about putting
an actual girl in that frame
and ruining her life, so the
head prop master took a picture of his
son with a wig on.
And that's Buzz's girlfriend.
There you go.
That's not in the episode.
The son is fine.
Alright, Sam.
That's Max von Sydow's son.
It's probably not true.
Yeah, I don't think so.
All right, Kate gets to go first.
I'm terrified that I'm not going to know any movie.
Well, that's the beautiful thing,
that you have the opportunity to get out of here,
beat traffic.
That's true.
Yeah, I don't know.
Because from this point forward,
when someone misses,
when they don't have an answer,
they're eliminated
until we're down to one person
or one person with another person inside them.
or one person with another person inside them.
I asked you not to say anything.
They will be eliminated at the same time.
One will not be able to carry on without the other.
Sorry, that's how it works.
It's not fair, but that's how it's going to go down.
Okay, so I'm going to ask Kate a question.
It's a multiple choice question.
I'll give you options for your answer.
This game is called Box Office MoFo.
And if you get it right, great.
You stay.
If you miss, you're eliminated.
And then the next person sitting next to you, that'd be Frankie,
she gets to guess between the two remaining,
two or three remaining answers, et cetera.
So some people could get a gimme on this
if the two people in front of them fuck it up.
Ready, Kate?
I'm so ready.
I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
Me too.
Sad Christmas movies are a bummer.
Thank you.
Finally.
Had to get that off my chest.
Which one of these movies made the most by making people cry?
Kate, was it Love Actually, The Family Man, or The Family Stone?
Love Actually.
That is a very fierce, immediate answer.
And I'm sad to say that is incorrect.
Well, happy holidays, everybody.
Kate Micucci, ladies and gentlemen.
Yay!
Thank you.
I love that it's right.
Yeah, help her out up here like a gentleman, Justin.
Thank you, Kate, for being here.
Good luck with your birth.
Enjoy the rest of that beer.
What are you drinking?
Looks like a beer.
Bye, Kate.
Bye, Kate.
Looks like a beer.
Bye, Kate.
All right.
As promised, Frankie,
now you have to choose between which one made more.
How did the family stone make more?
The family man or the family stone?
What was the first one?
Love what?
Family what?
Family man or...
What is the Family Man?
It's a movie that's in this question.
And then the other one is called The Family Stone.
I'm just going to say The Family Stone because I don't know what The Family Man is.
Oh, Frankie.
Oh, God.
Why did you do this to me?
Thank you so much for being here.
Frankie Shaw, ladies and gentlemen.
It's with Nicolas Cage and
Taylor Leone. Clark, don't
fuck this up.
Family Man's a Nicolas Cage movie.
It's Theo Vaughn's favorite
movie.
That sounds right.
Yep.
Clark.
For you.
Yes.
What's the correct answer here?
It is The Family Man.
Family Man is correct.
$75.7 million.
That is wild.
That's a lot of money.
Love Actually made 59.6
and Family Stone made 6.
D.
60.
Yeah.
That was a twist, wasn't it?
Dan, get a microphone, friend.
Okay.
Got a new question for you.
Feeling nervous?
You see how people are just dropping?
Yeah.
Well, at least I made it.
I wasn't the first one out.
Yeah. And you might be out of here by
10.
Carson
comes on MeTV in 22
minutes.
Gets Carson Daly, right?
Yeah.
Cool, bro.
Carson Cressley.
Another solid Carson.
Is Carson Daly related to Entertainment Weekly?
All right, so...
They're distant cousins.
Question number two.
Dan?
Yeah?
Which one of these movies made the most money last weekend?
Wow.
Yeah.
If you happen to look at that sort of information, you're going to know this.
Okay.
Was it A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, Queen and Slim, Ford vs. Ferrari, or Knives Out?
Which one made the most money this last weekend?
It's Thursday, so we're talking last Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Right.
What do you think, Dan?
I'm going to guess Knives Out.
That is correct!
I thought you were gone for good.
But yeah, it made $14.2 million.
Of course, Frozen made all the money.
And then Knives Out got a little bit.
All right.
We're over to Sean Sacamai.
Question number three.
question number three the lowest grossing
Marvel movie
is the Incredible Hulk
with Ed Norton
I say that
before asking you
this question
which one of these movies
made the most
the Incredible Hulk
with Ed Norton?
The Departed?
Or Bram Stoker's Dracula?
Yeah, Scorsese and Coppola talk some shit about Marvel.
Let's talk bottom line here.
Damn, this is a good question.
What do you think, Sean?
I think I'm going to be leaving.
Well, you got a one in three chance of getting this thing.
Which one of those do you think made the most?
What was the second choice again?
The Departed.
I'm going to do it for Mark. The Departed? I'm going to do it for Mark.
The Departed.
That is incorrect.
Thank you for having me again.
Thank you.
Sean, second mic.
Thank you.
Boy, the guy on the cannon button's got a real itchy finger.
He really likes to make that cannon noise.
Vice on.
Okay.
Was it the Marvel one?
So he said The Departed.
What do you think, Billy?
The Ed Norton one.
The Incredible Hulk with Ed Norton?
Yeah.
That is correct.
Fuck yeah.
Context clues, motherfuckers.
Yeah, the worst,
the lowest ranking Marvel movie
made more money than those guys,
so there.
We can put that discussion to bed.
Start 2020 fresh Alright
We're over to Jesse Pasternak
Jesse I think this one's right up your alley
Oh boy, oh good
It's just a given
It goes without saying
That we all love
Ernest Saves Christmas.
The question I put to you, Jesse,
is which one of these made more money?
Ernest Scared Stupid?
Ernest Goes to Camp?
Which I don't know why they dragged the Holocaust
into those movies.
Or,
or, yeah, never forget.
Or, um.
The Importance of Being Earnest.
Yes.
The 1940s Technicolor version.
The classiest
of all the Ernest
escapades.
He plays Lady Bracknell.
No, I actually went with
Ernest Goes to Jail.
So it's
Ernest Scared Stupid,
Ernest Goes to Camp,
or Ernest Goes to Jail.
Which one, Jesse,
made the most?
This is indeed
right up my alley.
Ernest Goes to Jail?
That is correct.
Yeah, Sam was over there nodding yes.
He knew.
He saw that movie twice.
I know what that movie was.
Sam contributed to that whopping $25 million take.
But Ernest Saves Christmas is the king of Ernest movies, making $28.2 million.
Which was pretty good for then.
All right, Adam, how's Arwen doing?
She's hanging in?
Yep.
Such a chill dog.
hanging in? Yep. Such a chill dog.
Adam, which of these
Ben Affleck movies made the most
money?
Surviving Christmas,
Reindeer Games,
or Geely?
Made the most?
Which one of those made
the most? Yeah, relatively speaking.
Surviving Christmas.
I'm going to miss Arwen more than anyone.
That's incorrect.
Thank you, Adam.
Thank you, guys.
Adam Green, everybody.
Good night, Arwen.
Is Arwen wearing a Freddy Krueger sweater?
okay
that's tasteful
I like it
oh Freddy
don't let her
claw you with those long knife fingers
yeah thanks dude
good luck with the York-y-thon
if they fall asleep they have to
kill all those dogs.
So, tune in.
All right, Eric.
Which one made more money,
Reindeer Games or Gigli?
Reindeer Games.
That is correct.
Yeah!
I didn't want to go.
Eric does not want to leave.
I do not care for my luck with this placement.
What does that mean?
It means that I now have the hardest job.
Oh, yeah, because you're going to have to answer one where you don't know the answer yet.
It's true. Don't even get it narrowed down. It hasn't been narrow have to answer one where you don't know the answer yet. It's true.
Don't even get it
narrowed down.
It hasn't been
narrowed down at all
for you.
I want the Clark Wolf
treatment.
Well, that's reserved
for people named
Clark Wolf.
Sam.
Yes, Doug.
Which of these films
made the most
at the domestic
box office?
Okay.
Kirk Cameron's
Saving Christmas. Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas,
Tyler Perry's Medea Christmas,
or Baz Luhrmann's Romeo,
Romeo plus Juliet.
I'm going to go with
Tyler Perry's Medea Christmas.
That is correct, Sam Levine.
Oh, God, I did it, guys. I did it.
And for the record,
I knew it was Family Man from
the beginning. I would
have answered Family Man from the beginning. Well done, Clark.
Thank you. Thank you. That's it.
Thank you.
You guys should get a
I told you so room together.
Zach?
Hello.
It's many people's favorite Christmas movie.
Is it multiple choice?
Yeah. I got more words to say.
It's amongst people's favorite Christmas movies,
but It's a Wonderful Life didn't make much money.
Yeah.
At the international box office,
not adjusted for inflation.
How much did it make, Zach?
Did it make $5 million, $12 million,
or $17.5 million?
It's a wonderful life.
No, it's not.
Wait a minute.
Adjust it for the numbers now. I don't understand the question.
Can you repeat the question and use it in a sentence?
It's a wonderful life. Didn't do so
well at the box office,
but it's considered a classic.
Right.
Many people's favorite.
Because it's 3D.
Okay.
So which one do you think?
How much do you think it made?
$5 million, $12 million, or $17.5 million?
$5 million.
Please be wrong.
That is correct.
You're still in it, Zach.
Congratulations.
What a masochist.
It was your chance to go home.
Hi, Justin.
Hey.
Was that Tyler Perry's It's a Wonderful Life?
No, the original.
He better make one.
I would love that.
Justin, argue all you want.
Justin, argue all you want about whether or not these are Christmas movies.
Are you listening, Justin?
Argue all you want
about whether these are Christmas movies or not.
But which one made the most money?
Uh-huh.
Edward Scissorhands,
Lethal Weapon,
or not the one you're in,
the best Die Hard.
So Die Hard 3?
The number one,
no, not with a vengeance,
Die Hard with? The number one. No, not with a vengeance. Die Hard with a regular.
Die Hard with no more words.
Which one of those made the most, Justin?
Ah, shit.
I say Die Hard.
You're going Die Hard?
That is correct.
That was one of the biggest movies in 1988
I bet it made a lot of money Doug
Say what?
I said that was one of the biggest movies of 1988
Yeah it still only made 83.5 million
Well that's worth like 4 billion dollars today
Right
Remember the 80s?
Yeah
Alright you guys
You guys are doing great.
I've run out of questions.
No, that was supposed to happen.
I would have liked for there to be fewer of you at this point.
Well, then Amy wins.
But we're going to get rid of people point. Well, then Amy wins. But we're going to...
Does that mean I win?
We're going to get rid of people now.
Amy, you're next.
Okay.
In Last Woman Stanton.
I am going to name a motion picture actress.
Did you just make it woman just for me today?
Have you done this before?
It is something I'm going to do from now on.
Okay.
I'm tired of it.
People always suggest men's names.
People are always like, how about Arnold Schwarzenegger?
How about Arnold Schwarzenegger?
He's finished.
He's not going to be back.
Okay. he's not going to be back okay so anyway I just picked a woman this time
so proud of you
you're welcome
so I'm going to say the name of this person.
A woman person.
Who identifies as her, she, her.
Do you think Justin's going to come back?
I'm a little concerned.
Maybe.
You said women and he just ran away.
It's weird.
I don't know.
He'll probably like you more from a distance.
Most people do.
Wait, what was that movie called?
Not from a distance.
Anyway, going the distance.
Amy, the actress that I chose,
I think has been in some Christmas movies,
not positive.
Just got a nomination for a Golden Globe.
Or maybe a SAG award, I forget which one.
Nicole Kidman.
The film's a Nicole Kidman.
Jesse looks excited.
Heard of her.
You like her?
He feels like he's going to do good.
She's good.
Go ahead and start us off, Amy.
Any movie.
There's no lifelines.
If you can't think of one, you're out.
Moulin Rouge.
Okay.
You don't have to say it like you're mad at it.
I said it like everyone knew I was going to say it.
I don't know.
It's a good one, yeah. Get it out of the I was going to say it. I don't know. It's a good one.
Yeah, get it out of the way.
Okay, I did.
Clark.
Unofficial Christmas movie.
Eyes Wide Shut.
Yes, that's the one I was looking for.
Oh, so I win?
Unofficial Christmas movie.
Schindler's List wins?
What?
Christmas?
No, you're still in it though
Okay, cool
Dan?
The Others
Billy?
Far and Away
That's where Justin went
Shouldn't he be hearing
what movies are being said
before it's his turn?
Are you all caught up, Justin?
So Amy said...
Did you just have an outfit change?
No, no, but you need to know what everybody said so far.
Yeah, so Amy said Dr. Doolittle,
and then Clark said Willy Wonka.
And then Dan said...
No, Amy said which one?
Moulin Rouge.
Moulin Rouge.
And then Clark said...
Eyes Wide Shut.
Eyes Wide Shut, great Christmas movie.
And Dan said...
The Others.
The Others.
Billy said...
Far and Away.
And Jesse said...
Paddington.
Yes. That's kind of Christmassy isn't it
Yeah the last scene takes place in winter
It's very Christmassy at the end
Thank you for verifying that Jesse
I am a Paddington expert Doug
It's what I do
Now Eric has to hurry up
And he's going to deliver the papers tomorrow
that say who won tonight.
Yeah, it's like 3 a.m.
We got to get through this.
What do you got, Eric?
To die for.
Yes.
Sam is ready.
I'm going to go with Days of Thunder, Doug.
Okay.
Pass the mic to Zach here up front.
What do you think, Zach?
Is this your time to go home?
No. Nicole Kidman, she's been
in those movies that they just said.
Dead Calm.
Yes.
Somebody said The Hours?
No. I said
The Hours.
Okay.
Amy?
I was going to say the hours.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Bye.
Oh, that's it.
Amy Miller, ladies and gentlemen.
Make sure Jeff gets his light bright back Or don't
He'll figure it out
You do want that back, don't you, Jeff?
Yes
I'll get it for you, Jeff
I need my light bright
I don't like to sleep in a dark room.
Clark.
Batman forever.
Uh-huh.
That's what we all say.
Dan.
Oh, look.
Clark's taking that back to Jeff.
That's very sweet of you.
Aquaman.
Whoa.
How do you do it?
Billy?
Step for Wives.
Okay.
Jesse's got a mic already.
Do movies that are going to be released soon come out?
How soon?
Bombshell?
I don't like it.
Okay.
Let's see.
Do when he likes.
Sorry.
Because it's not in any theaters yet, right?
Tonight?
Okay, it counts.
Thank you.
Thursday night previews.
It's in theaters.
Eric?
Summersbee?
What?
You gave him a bullshit movie, man.
It's coming out today?
What is that show?
It's out now.
It's playing as we speak.
Is it?
There's no more.
It's a current movie.
Well, I'm a victim of this.
It exists.
Now I have to go, and I was having fun up here.
What did you say?
What was your answer?
Summersbee with Jodie Foster?
Yeah, I get them confused.
And Richard Gere?
Yeah.
Because I didn't love Jack Summersbee the way I love you.
Thank you.
Hey, Kettlestein, ladies and gentlemen.
He's going to go eat something big and vegan.
I don't know.
I don't know what that was.
What kind of reference that was.
Sam?
A movie called Australia.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
She's made movies about most of the continents.
Zach?
Do you ever work
with Nicole on anything?
Yeah, Nicole, Nick.
No.
I think I'm right.
I think this is
one of our early...
Oh, shit.
I'm dropping things.
It's so exciting.
I think I'm right about this.
All right.
Ernest goes to camp.
Zach Galifianakis, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks, buddy.
Thanks, buddy.
Leaving through a side door.
Straight to the car.
That man knows how to make an exit.
I think he was mad about my missing link joke.
He's been stewing about it, I can tell.
And I've seen it.
Not yet he was a lie.
I've seen it.
Justin, what do you got?
You came in second place in New York.
Cold Mountain? So this is exciting
You're hanging in here
You're trying to best your performance in New York
Sorry
Sorry
Primate response
You don't have to have all the microphones
Yeah, Cold Mountain Thank you You don't have to have all the microphones.
Yeah, Cold Mountain.
Thank you.
Zach whispered that one to me.
Clark. With my girl Sandy B in Practical Magic.
Dan. Missing Link
She's not in that
But you thought about it
That movie's got
Zoe Saldana
Yeah
And Zach and Huge Jackman That movie's got Zoe Saldana. Yeah.
And Zach and Huge Jackman.
I agree.
Thank you, Doug.
Thank you, Dan Van Kirk,
ladies and gentlemen.
Enjoy it.
Stick around for the after party, Dan. I've got jelly beans in my pocket.
Billy?
Mm-hmm?
How are you doing over there?
Rough patch?
I don't know the name of the movie.
I can see it.
Oh, shit.
It's the first time they let...
It's rough when that happens.
...in that room, and they let Sean Penn in.
Fuck.
You guys know what I'm talking about.
I think so. The movie was terrible so they had to
make a big deal. Oh, they let cameras in the
UN. Everybody's like, yeah, we've seen it.
Sam's going to say it when it's his turn.
You know what I'm talking about. He's just waiting
for you to give up.
He's written it down.
It shall be written.
Days of Thunder 2.
Ooh.
Shake and bake?
Yeah.
Talladega days.
Billy Wayne Davis, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you, man.
Happy holidays.
Jesse?
Bewitched.
Uh-huh.
Well done, young man.
Sam?
Thank you, Seth.
The movie he was so desperately searching for
is called The Interpreter.
Yeah.
I'm glad he's not here,
because there's no reason to rub it in.
Justin?
Dogville.
Wait, I'm sorry, what?
Dogville.
Oh, I thought you said dogma.
I did.
No, I didn't.
I said Dogville. Dogville. Dogville I didn't. I said dogma.
Dogville.
Is that the Lars von Trier?
Yep.
Clark?
The Peacemaker.
Yes.
Jesse?
This is quite
I almost predicted this
Vanity Fair
oh that's Reese Witherspoon
Reese Witherspoon
yeah
oh yeah very similar
so does that mean that much like
Paddington she has
seemed to stuff me and I did my chances
laughter laughter that much like Paddington, she has seemed to stuff me and I did my chances.
Jesse Pasternak, ladies and gentlemen.
What an amazing...
What a great exit.
He's grown up before our eyes.
Sam?
One of my all-time favorite Alec Baldwin performances,
Malice.
Malice.
What's his line?
What does he say about God?
You ask me if I have a God complex?
I am God.
Yeah, so he's really avoiding the question.
Justin?
I think I'm tapped out.
For reals?
I think so.
There's an obvious one, right?
There's an obvious one. You have to settle for third place on the West Coast.
There's an obvious one.
You still get to get up on the boxes
and get your medal at the ceremony. That'd be nice.
I want to talk to you a little longer to stall
because I know something about the paper.
Oh, Kevin Spacey, we got the
paper. The paper?
No. Michael Keaton?
No. Okay. No.
Shit.
No. I think I'm out.
Yeah, right?
Thank you, guys guys You did great
Thank you so much
Just too long everybody
So fun
Okay so I got three
Oh okay
How many do you think
You have Sam I got Two written down, okay. How many do you think you have, Sam?
I got two written down,
so it's looking good for Clark here.
Okay.
All right, so Justin is brilliant,
and he was going after Lee Daniels, the paper boy.
Lee Daniels, the paper boy.
Lee Daniels, the paper boy. Yeah, he was trying to get that.
No, no, I had that one.
Because I actually really liked that one.
Please go watch it.
It's real weird, but it's great.
And she's great in it.
I heart Nicole Kidman.
Yeah, John Cusack's really weird in that.
Yes.
Sam?
A really not good movie called Secret in Their Eyes.
Oh, okay.
Back to you, Clark. That's how few people have seen it.
They can't even agree. She's in it, guys.
Trust me. I have seen it. It ain't good.
I believe you, Sam.
You wouldn't make up a title at this level
of competition.
This is
very serious.
The Invasion.
The Invasion. The Invasion.
It's with Daniel Craig and it's
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Yeah, okay.
Sounds good.
Sam?
I have one
written down. I'm trying to see if I can come up with another one.
Clark is so happy, you guys.
No, I,
because you will probably
pull one out
and I will lose.
But I,
I feel,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
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I, I, I, I, I, I, You got this, Sam. Come on, just end it. Remember the one when she walked in and she was all, hey.
What's going on over here?
Is that crudité?
Cole Kidman.
Hey, Justin, a little more noise backstage, please.
Hey, Justin, a little more noise backstage, please.
I'm going to be back on Thursday.
Okay, Justin, we all know your schedule now.
Sam?
All right, it's going to go fast. BMX Bandits.
Oh.
Back to you, Clark.
It's a movie called White Rabbit.
It's a John Cameron Mitchell movie.
Yeah.
You got that right.
Sam.
I knew it would go fast, Doug.
Let's see.
The list is empty.
Oh, you got another one?
I'm not going to waste anyone's time.
I just thought of another one.
Yeah, what do you got?
Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Oh, okay.
What was that one when she first started out?
Flirting.
She's in Flirting.
Yeah, Australian movie.
But that's it.
Sam called it.
Thank you, Sam Levine.
Our winner is Clark Wolf!
Clark Wolf!
Come on down and attempt to get all of your prizes.
Where's the winner? There she is.
Congratulations. That whole big green bag is yours.
Plus whatever other stuff here you can... There's a whole bucket of ice.
I don't know what you're supposed to do with that.
Does Spider Dan
want his name tag back?
Yeah, get Dan's name tag back
for him, Chelsea.
There you go. Good job.
Clark, you get to do extra plugs.
Because you won. That's what you won,
Clark. You can talk to him later.
What
extra plugs would you like to do?
You can, once again,
DC Daily is in front of a paywall,
so watch it. We love making it. We're talking
all things DC. And I have a podcast,
60 episodes,
talking movies with wonderful guests.
It's called Sending the Wolf
S-E-N-D-I-N-G
so you can find that
on all of the platforms
and Doug
thank you for having me
oh thank you for being here
Clark Wolf
it's been a treat
thank you
thank you to Largo
for having us
thank you to all of you
for taking time
out of the holiday season
to be with us.
I'll see you soon, Seattle.
And as always, positive energy!
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.
Do you like Rick and Morty?
How about Robot Chicken?
Aqua Teen Hunger Force?
Maybe Too Many Cooks or Tim and Eric?
If you like any of these shows,
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