Doug Loves Movies - Tim Dillon, Geoff Tate and Brian Malow guest
Episode Date: August 26, 2019Live from Goodnights Comedy Club in Raleigh, Doug welcomes Tim Dillon, Geoff Tate and Brian Malow to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a f...ree month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
Coming to you once again
from a great place to spend the afternoon.
Good night, San Raleigh, North Carolina!
Good night, San Raleigh, North Carolina!
Oh, we're doing it once again. People say to me things like
Doug, it's too soon.
You were just
there in February and I say, damn
it, my agent.
I want to go this weekend because I have a
strong feeling that
it will be not as warm as it
should be and occasional
violent
showers.
If I can go
where there's going to be a convection shower,
I learned that word
which means a fast shower it's the strangest thing I love to sit in the
bathtub forever but I want a fast shower
it's Saturday August 24th 2019 and as you may have guessed, the weed is pretty good here.
And if I'm a betting man,
which I am,
I would put a lot of money
on the fact that you guys
brought some awesome name tags.
Let me just get a quick taste.
Yeah, look at these things.
They light up.
This guy's put his in plastic.
Lady, pardon me.
things they light up this guy's put his in plastic like lady pardon me i just thought usually guys put stuff in plastic i don't uh
oh there's another laminated one over there wow it's a real lamb off
and the lit up peter jenna butter falcon you know how to reach me because i love the peanut butter falcon in
theaters now all over the country but um you know i don't know how my guests feel about it i think
that none of them have seen it it's so fresh have you seen it no you haven't seen it
it's a good name tag if i chose a name tag yeah that's the one i would pick
um doug plugs blah blah blah blah blah blah hey um tag if I chose a name tag yeah that's the one I would pick Doug plug said blah
blah blah blah blah blah hey let's talk about the prize bag it gives me the
strange joy to skip the part where everybody yells out all that you know
the cacao and all that I don't you know, the cacaw and all that.
I don't know why I like skipping that part and making everybody go, is he going to do
that part?
We know our part. Why isn't he doing his part?
The prize bag includes
I just acquired this beautiful item.
I can't believe I'm not going
directly to sell it on the internet.
It's a sippy cup. I forget the name of the beverage I enjoyed, but they make up funny beverage names based on the show you're seeing. It's a Broadway musical called Moulin Rouge, the musical. And this is my sippy cup from that, from viewing a performance of that show. What, oh, what this sippy cup has seen. Here's a t-shirt. I'm not
even somebody, people give me t-shirts. They go, put that in the prize bag. I go, no problem. Then
I don't give them any credit whatsoever. I just say, here's a t-shirt. I was in Austin, Texas
recently, so I got Austin Magazine. Yeah, the idea is to put stuff in here that's really not that much of a price
just might be stuff that's kind of interesting and then i'll try to leave some behind in the
bag but i also brought a lovely lady keeps making me faux nuts or throw nuts which are donuts that
are just made out of paper that you can throw safely.
Because, right, we want to have a safe show today. You guys have cocktails in front of you. So yeah,
I'm going to throw some of these at you as hard as I can. They're very soft. So it's, you know,
it's not going to be a problem. Plus, I also have, forgot to put one in the bag,
but I brought some rocking pins of me.
It's a pin of me.
And they're also available after the show.
I'll be by the door near the Step and Repeat,
because this place is fancy and uses show business terms that nobody knows.
And I'll be over by that thing for photographs and autographs.
All that shit's free.
It's just,
you just have to pay for the pin
and I'm not going to say the price
on the podcast.
I'm going to whisper it in your ear
when you walk up to me
based on what I think you can afford.
$15.
That kind of thing.
Plus, all the stuff brought by my guests are going to go into, I think, various bags.
In fact, there's one really big item,
so I'm very curious to hear about that
as soon as possible.
Please give it up for Tim Dillon, Brian Mallow, and Jeff Tate!
Thank you!
Apologies to Tim and brian um we should have probably warned you about that before uh
before bringing you out here in front of everybody that's not that's the last thing a comedian wants it's the chanting of someone else's name i found it inspiring inspiring. Okay, good. Yeah, you know.
I enjoyed it.
You know that you've got
a formidable foe there
on the other end
because people are already
chanting his name.
But let's meet them individually
one at a time.
To my right,
headlining here all weekend
at Good Nights in Raleigh,
it's Tim Dillon!
Tim Dillon.
Thank you.
I have a great prize.
Do you want to get right to it?
I mean, it's so big, I think you should whip it out.
I have great prize.
Yeah, I give good prize. I give great prize. Yeah, I give good prize.
So this is the Coleman camping compact table.
Yeah, okay. So it's a camping table, and depending what happens with the economy,
it may just be a table.
So prepare, you know.
But I believe it's metal.
And it's tough.
This is a tough beast.
It's heavy?
Heavy.
Like whoever wins this, this is going to be really fun to transport.
I hope you came here on a bus.
Yeah.
That would be extra cool. Yeah, Often when you're extra cool. Yeah.
Often when you're camping, the lack of furniture is upsetting and it ruins the experience, you know?
So is there a story about how you came into possession of this item? I stole it
from somebody. I took it and I'm now giving it to someone else. And that's the way this American economy works at the present moment.
So, you know, that's the way it is.
But no, it's a good table.
I'm excited.
And whoever gets it's fucking lucky.
You could play cards on it.
Oh, yeah.
You could put food on it. You could negotiate a divorce.
Whatever you want to do.
You go camping and your marriage still fails.
Yeah.
You all have the option of not showing us your name tags at that point
if you don't want to get saddled with this thing.
Or I guess you could just drop it out in the street somewhere.
It could be the new table that sits outside of Good Nights.
I hope it doesn't get used to murder somebody.
I'd hate to have Tim's fingerprints and our winner today.
I would certainly go to jail.
I would certainly be arrested for that.
Oh my God, I think this guy was murdered by a table.
That's my impression of the cop later also joining us today he's been on the show a few times because he is based here in raleigh and he
is known on twitter as science comedian yeahian. Yeah, it's our friend
Brian Mallow, everybody!
Brian Mallow!
Tape, tape, tape, tape!
Don't worry,
they'll get to it.
Hey, I came up with a good slogan
for you. There's only one
L in Mallow, but I'm still
pretty mellow.
I'm using it
already.
And you are the science comedian.
What's the latest
in comedy and science?
The latest?
What's breaking news
in science and comedy?
I just don't get it.
Oh, that's never mind. Well, I don't know. Science and comedy. Stupid hippies don't get it.
That's never happened.
Well, I don't know.
Science and comedy,
the biggest thing this lately,
everyone knows,
we've been talking about the moon landing, I guess,
50 years ago in July.
First time landing on the moon.
So you're one of those
moon landing believers?
Yeah, I'm one of those
freaky conspiracy people
who think we actually
probably did it.
You're being reasonable.
You just said probably.
So you're leaving room for all those people that believe otherwise.
I'm seeding disinformation, yes.
You know, tying it to movies, there's been this video blogger.
Somebody's dial tone was like a funeral dirge.
blogger somebody's dial tone was like a funeral dirge pointed out that in 1969 we had the technology to go to the moon we did not really have the technology to
fake the video footage that well or the movie footage to tie it into the show
good point science I don't know it was directed by kubrick so the guy uh
right managed to pull off 2001 so i don't know why he couldn't fake a moon landing it would
have been way weirder if it was the little boy danny and the shining in a sweatshirt that has
a space rocket that says usa on it just to fuck with us further.
That's one small step. That is what happened.
That is what happened.
There's lots of crazy theories
in the film Room 237.
Have you seen that?
Right.
Yeah.
Okay, so tell us what you brought.
You're so excited about what you brought.
So I brought a copy,
a DVD copy of the director's cut
of Blade Runner.
If you don't know the movie,
that's ridiculous, but
if you do, it's the director's
cut.
The main difference
lacking
that voiceover
from Harrison Ford.
Ridley Scott didn't want it on there.
They just kept tweaking it over the years,
and now I guess there's a final, final version
that I saw recently where they fixed effects,
they fixed a bad stunt double,
they took the wires out of that one shot
where you could see wires lifting the flying car up.
But anyway.
And Rutger Hauer just died.
Blade Runner.
Yeah, and Rutger Hauer played runner yeah and Rutger Howard just
died so thanks for bringing this real bummer of a gift yeah did you guys know Rutger Howard was
murdered by a camp table on the moon yeah why are you still holding on to that do you want to just
let it drop I mean I do but I don't know what I'm scared like an animal will run out of the bag.
Oh, you haven't even looked inside.
I have no idea what's in here.
I'm hoping it's not a gun.
I'm praying it's not a gun.
It looked like this looks like a rifle, but we'll just kind of let it.
Yeah, just there you go.
There you go.
That's a table. That's a table.
That's a table.
I can tell.
Yeah, I got a good ear.
I got perfect pitch.
That's a table.
Wait, if I drop something on the ground,
you know what it was?
Anybody can drop anything on anything.
I said, if I drop something on the ground.
Specifically you.
Yeah, I can tell.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
What was that? That sounded like you picked something up.
That's what I heard. I heard you pick something up.
Imperfect pitch. I mean, didn't you just hear him
give... The only thing I had in my hands
was a Blade Runner DVD.
Would have been amazing if you just said, that's a Blade Runner
DVD. Director's cut.
Like, if you'd have known all that information
based on hearing it hit the floor,
that would have been some real podcast gold, Jeff.
I can't hear out of my left ear.
What did you bring for the prize?
What did you bring for the prize, Ben?
I brought a burnout mug.
Check it out.
It's for when...
You sure you don't want to keep that?
Yeah, I got some more.
They didn't send me just one.
It'll make your coffee immediately not too hot to drink,
and it'll keep it there all day.
So when you live in the woods with this.
With my table.
Right?
If you plan on living in the woods after today's show,
I got you covered coffee-wise.
Yeah, and you got a magazine to read and a sippy cup that's empty.
You'll be set for a life in the wilderness.
Speaking of the moon landing, this was made by rocket scientists.
It says so on the box.
A rocket scientist thought it up.
Like how a teacher came up with airborne.
A rocket scientist was like,
what if my coffee keeps getting cold?
Burnoutmugs.com, promo code Tate.
All of that is in the prize bag today.
Yeah.
It's consolidated, so it's only two bags,
and together it only weighs about 200 pounds.
Jeff, I know you're busy laughing right now,
but I would like to start with you
on a question that you know is coming,
and I just want a direct, specific answer.
Lately, everyone wants to tell me about two or three movies,
reasons why they saw this or that.
I just want to know.
And I'll decide what the follow-up question is.
What was the last movie you saw?
Good Boys. All right, uh good boys all right all right all right i saw
yeah some people like him i've got a question yeah why
why do they need a movie where children say and do inappropriate things oh did you say why do we
need one um i don't know the answer to that i i didn't
know why did you like it why do i like it they made jokes that i understood i got a lot of the
jokes i laughed at it i always think it's funny when a kid says fuck like you guys ever see role
models that kid in role models is hilarious wait but, but that was just one or two usages. Just having
kids swear a lot, doesn't it get old after a while? No, that dumb Role Models movie was
too much about those adults and not enough about that kid who says fuck.
That's what I thought. And then when I saw a trailer for that, I was like, three of those Role
Model kids for the whole movie? I'm in.
I learned a lot about friendship and how to uh be friends with other people
it's a great movie i say it's probably the best it's the best movie i've seen all week
no hang on he does see a lot of movies each week
no it's not the only one but we do not need to hear about the others remember
right i'll be outside with the oh i'm gonna open this table and sell all the
rest of the prize bag you can come talk to me then brian mallow same question
i saw no the question is why Good Boys?
Oh my God, I'm going to do that.
I'm going to do that on every episode
from now on.
You guys were here for the beginning of a thing
that's going to fuck with guest number
two every episode.
Because nobody listens to the show
before coming on it.
Alright, Brian. What was your answer though you were answering so i saw the documentary apollo 11 actually oh look at the brains on brian
i don't always see documentaries but when i do, but maybe more interesting than the movie itself,
I saw it at a really interesting event with a lot of geeky people and scientists,
and I watched it standing next to Neil Armstrong's son.
As we watched his father go to the moon and come back,
I was standing next to his son.
Neil Legstrong.
Now let's try to guess, everybody, between Brian
and Neil Legstrong's son, which one
was jerking off?
Oh, I call both.
I call both. It's like the double zero
on the roulette table. It's an exciting moment.
It's exciting. But like,
how much of your periphery did you like watch?
Like, how much did you see
his reaction to it?
So the thing is, I had already seen the movie, and it was at a big event.
And that's why I chose to be in the back.
And I was with the filmmakers, and he was next to me.
And the part that I remember best, at the very end, when he comes, Neil Armstrong.
Oh, Neil Armstrong.
He was the one jerking off.
I've never seen Apollo 11.
When they came back from the uh
when they came back from the moon they were quarantined so they were in this weird car and
his his and so there's his dad who must be like in his 30s neil um waving to people through this
window and standing next to me was his like 60 year old son with his hand on his chest just
watching with footage which he must have seen a lot of times before, but it was pretty chilling.
That was, like, amazing.
What if the kid goes,
oh, fuck, you never told me that.
My dad went to the moon?
Exactly.
Wow, that is awesome.
I mean, I feel like everyone in this room
doesn't even care what movie Tim saw.
That's the most amazing movie-watching experience.
Or why good boys even
right listen jacob trembley is a fantastic actor
i like him he's good that movie where his face was all fucked up
the man without a face i saw it no it was called Fucked Up Face Kid.
I saw it. I was in the back.
I was standing next to that guy's kid.
He had a fucked up... His face was fucked up, too.
Sorry, Tim,
but I do have to ask. Yeah.
I'm waiting.
What do you got?
Okay.
Movie.
Last movie I saw.
Okay.
Assuming we're not talking about the YouTube documentary,
Jeffrey Epstein alive,
question mark,
uh,
which,
which was somewhat disorganized,
but spirited,
spirited. Um, I heard they pushed his body off
the same boat they pushed off osama bin laden yeah i saw the movie mid summer or if you have
a meeting with a24 they will correct you and say mid somar and then you tell them oh i don't give a
fuck uh so mid som, the horror film.
So you met with the company that made the movie.
Yes.
They feel like you mispronounced a word that was made up.
Yes.
I said, oh, I saw Midsommar.
And they said, it's Midsommar.
And I was like, OK.
Yeah, well, you have no idea what time of year
I went to that movie.
Yeah.
I saw it in late July, early August.
August! It's August!
And it was, you know, it was fine.
It was fun. Horror, fun, good.
You know. So you saw it and then
had the meeting. Yeah.
I saw it and I had the meeting. Made that foul
pull. Nobody knew why I was there.
They didn't know why I was there. I didn't know
why I was there. didn't they didn't know why I was there I didn't know why I was there fun meeting you know uh water they give you a water they gave me water and we sat
there and uh we discussed I said hereditary not really and uh it's hereditary
and you know we parted as friends.
One hopes.
It was mutual.
Yeah.
What is your feeling about the Midsommar movie?
Did you like it?
I thought it was very good.
I thought it was, you know...
You like being that upset.
I thought it was long.
For a long time. It was very drawn out.
It was very bright.
A lot of dread.
Very bright.
I was assaulted with,. It was very bright. A lot of dread. Very bright. I was assaulted
with the Swedish sun.
It was a lot
for me as an Irish man from the East.
I felt like I was getting burned
in the theater. Just hear my
Aunt Sue be like, you're going to get melanoma!
Cover up. The Swedes are known
for their olive skin. Yes.
It's one of the more
brightly lit horror-ish movies.
Yeah.
If something terrible happens,
you get to really see it.
But it was good.
It was enjoyable.
Yeah, there's nothing
where you're like,
what's happening?
Usually horror movies
are in the woods,
so the effects
don't have to be that good.
But somebody's got
some fucked up shit in there.
I had a friend
that I went with,
and he was like,
what's great about this
is that it's really about relationships.
And it's like, all right, we're no longer friends.
Just enjoy the horror movie.
Just enjoy it, okay?
Just depicts the normal ups and downs
in the relationship between any two people.
Me and you could be like these characters.
Sounds like you guys are talking about good boys.
Do you guys talk about good boys?
I felt there weren't enough scenes in Midsommar
where they tossed around a dildo like it was a baked potato.
I mean, come on, but imagine if they were 12.
Right, right.
Wait, I heard it. I heard it.
I mean, it's kind of my dream to see a 12-year-old
burn to death inside of an animal.
But enough spoilers for Good Boys.
That doesn't happen in Good Boys.
I saw the whole thing.
Is there like an end credit scene
where they burn someone alive?
That does happen in Jeffrey Epstein Alive, question mark.
So if you are into that content...
Well, thank you guys for your honest
answers to that
question. I know it
takes people off guard.
They're not ready to open up like that usually.
I didn't get to say who I saw it with.
Was that an important piece of information?
No, you just said don't do it, and then they both did it immediately.
I saw it with Neil Armstrong's son.
Oh, I was at the studio with the studio head watching Midsommar.
So who did you see it with?
I saw it by myself.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought.
That's why I don't ask you who you saw it with.
Because you go to movies by yourself.
I do too. I mean, I'm not
making fun of that. I had a nice soda.
I had a nice activity.
I was at the Alamo Drafthouse here in Raleigh today
and yeah, and it is delightful
and I recommend the Brussels Sprouts bacon, and goat cheese pizza.
Yeah, hold all three of those ingredients.
No, no, they're all really good.
They really come together nicely.
And it's available at most of the Alamo Drafthouses.
But they have a new Alamo Drafthouse in Los Angeles that does not have that pizza.
So I'm not boycotting them, but I'm also like,
come on, don't make me, you know.
I went all the way to Raleigh for this pizza.
I bet if you told them that,
they'd let you at least bring in your own Brussels sprouts.
Great job, Jeff, nailing the best ingredient on that pizza.
That bacon and goat cheese can fuck off.
If I could have a dry Brussels sprouts pizza, then I'd be in business.
I imagine they got bacon for other menu items.
turn it off burt let the games begin oh guys i do not envy you in your decision making situation at hand because there's so
many good name tags some of which light up.
Is there anything attached to any of them?
Oh, that guy's got some stuff.
Oh, lots of stuff glued onto that one.
So yeah, Godspeed and go select the name tag.
Just grab it and bring it back to your seat.
I feel like I'm going to lose, so I want to pick somebody who didn't work hard on this
side.
Oh, that's a good approach.
I want to pick somebody who really just phoned it in
and doesn't deserve to
win, because I definitely won't win.
There's somebody waving around back there.
There's a poster of Jacob
Searoff back there. That person doesn't
care. This lady, she just
wrote her name down. Yeah, this lady doesn't give a shit about anything.
This is an Eternal Sunshine
DVD with a little airplane Tito's bottle.
Well, normally we save the reveal for after the break.
Oh, sorry.
Tell us about it now.
This does not deserve to win.
Okay.
We'll be right back.
Doug plugs.
Doug Loves Movies is back at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles
this Tuesday at 8 o'clock
new time
and I'll be doing stand up in Phoenix
at CB Live
on Saturday August 31st
at 420
and in Denver
at Comedy Works
on Saturday September 1st
at 7 o'clock.
Bring name tags if you want to try your hand at playing Last Man Stanton.
At all of my stand-up dates, for all of my dates and deets and links,
oh my, go to douglosmovies.com.
That's douglosmovies.com.
Yakka, Ka, Wallet.
Shh.
Back to the show.
We're back!
Alright, that was a very
intense name tag
selection process. We already know who
Tim picked. Who do you have, Jeff?
I picked Matt,
Mattatooey.
He's got all kinds of shit taped to it.
I thought this thing was gonna have
weed in it, but it doesn't.
But this thing on the back
has candy that's shaped like real food,
like gummy hamburgers and stuff.
I can't wait.
Hey, I can't
either. Can you open that up and show us
what candy shaped like food
looks like?
I can. This candy's shaped
like food, you guys.
It's revolutionary. Most candy is inedible.
Use your microphone, boys.
I mean, gummy candy is shaped like worms a lot.
I don't eat a lot of worms.
I eat some.
I'm not saying I don't eat none.
You eat a lot of licorice.
It's shaped like nothing.
It's just a stick.
Oh, god damn it.
What?
It's like fucking wrapped up.
It's big.
Oh, each one is an individual wrapper?
Yeah.
You can still see through the wrapper, though.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, let me see this.
So this one is a...
They look like bottles of Coke.
What's it supposed to be?
Bottles of Coke.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're little Coke bottles. Yeah. like bottles of Coke. What's it supposed to be? Bottles of Coke. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they're little Coke bottles.
Shit ton of them.
Ooh, the hamburger looks good.
I don't usually like pickles,
but I'll give it a shot.
All right, I'm sorry I brought it up.
Yeah, me too.
I wish I would have picked a different name tag.
What's the name on the name tag again, Jeff?
Matt Tatooine.
Okay, Matt.
So I just want to remember the Matt part.
Next time you could do Matt, a gas car.
Brian?
Well, Doug, I picked one that almost requires Tim's table to hold up.
Yeah.
And John Ayer.
And you know, I recognize not you, but also my friend Jacob Searoff.
Yeah, Jacob's on there.
And they were all the way in the back of the room.
I felt they needed something.
No, it's a big name tag.
It's got a big Jeff Tate on there.
Really big Doug Benson face.
And what's the quote on there?
It says, I said it's time for a year off.
Oh, that's in reference to sometimes we do hashtag year off of Sear Off.
But the people speak and they always vote for them.
It's a tradition.
There you go.
Con Air.
There you go, Con Air. There you go, Con Air.
There you go.
John.
Yeah, the guy's name is John.
John Air.
Good job, John.
Yeah.
You put a lot of history of the show into that name tag.
That's the one I wish I picked.
Brian didn't even understand it, and yet he appreciated it.
He connected to it.
Jeff, what do you got?
Tim, what is your name tag?
What? I already did my name tag what i already did my name tag we already did tim's too yeah we did mine too so we'll just do
yours again for anyone that has alzheimer's all you had to say jeff was we've done all the name
tags back to you doug yeah okay okay everybody back to one we've done all the name tags. Back to you, Doug. Okay, everybody, back to one.
We've done all the name tags. Back to you, Doug.
You got that.
We'll edit that part out.
Oh, yeah, Manitoui.
I was so focused on knowing that we already knew that Tim was playing for...
I mean, it's
Eternal Sunshine DVD with...
What's their name though? Leslie.
Leslie is not getting a table.
Not with that effort.
Not a Manitoui effort.
I don't think she's disappointed.
Well, it's true. We don't know her
lifestyle. We'll see.
When you come up for your first show tonight,
a Saturday night headliner show,
I mean, I guess the emcee will be the first to notice.
Right.
This table might still be right here on the stage.
Careful.
I'll tell you right now, we'll set that table fucking up
and we'll get another fucking happy couple from Raleigh in here.
I sit and watch game shows on TV with a calculator
and I figure out the tax on everything that everybody wins
and then I decide in my head
whether or not that person's going to pay the tax
or just say, fuck it, I don't want that price.
It gets especially tricky when it's a cash prize.
Because it depends which state they're in.
I do all the, I figure it all out.
All right.
This first game we're going to play today,
I've been playing it a lot lately because it's mortifying to me
how bad my guests are at it.
But it's also a game where you could just guess and be right.
It's called Characters Welcome.
I'm going to name
the characters, like the silly things that they name characters in the end credits of a movie,
you know, next to an actor's name, it'll say something like, here's a great example. There
was a movie where someone was called Bruce the bartender. You know, just silly things like that.
Coyote Ugly. No, no no no no that was just an example okay okay of a credit that tim dylan has yeah by the way in a movie called boston
psychiatric here's the thing i am not in that movie what this is true i there's an imdb page
to say i was in a movie called boston psychiatric
and they say i play a guy named bruce the bartender if you go to bruce the bartender
it's another fat guy it's not me at all and i don't know who at imdb like what lazy person's
like well i guess tim dillon will do it's like a crazy thing but i was never in that film i was a bartender in a movie that i can't
remember the name of and i'm fat maybe it's me it's great i wish i was anyway it was a good
part bring up such as such a sore spot i'm sorry i thought you had this amazing credit in Boston Psychiatric. Who doesn't love that movie?
It's not good.
I watched it. It is really not strong.
Did you watch it just to make sure you weren't the part?
I was like, because I used to be an alcoholic.
I was like, how drunk did I get?
Was I in a film?
And I was not. Sadly, I was not.
But am I good?
Am I an amazing actor?
But yeah. All right. so you get the idea though
i love when jeff has an audience member help him take his jacket off
um thank you it was uh i like doing it too
it's good to you know involve the audience as much as you can and the gentleman who took your
coat off is wearing a hot dogs and gatorade t-shirt yeah that he purchased from you online
or in person probably in person i don't think uh i know how to do that online sales
in person online online oh you bought it from a dude okay what i get it that was me from a scalper
different thing different
thing all together either anyway that's why i picked his name tag i love how jeff has such
control of every facet of his career all right here we go test test can you hear me, Jeff? Yeah. Okay, good.
Do you need to see my lips?
Does that help?
Here we go.
This movie has a character in it named Sweet Woman.
Not very helpful.
Home Alone.
Yep, there could be a woman in there that's sweet.
I'm sure his mother had an actual name, though.
Maybe it's Home Alone 2, lost in New York.
I don't know how you're spelling sweet.
It's not sweat.
Yeah, it's not like a hotel suite.
Jimmy Choo,
Jimmy Choo Wearer. That's a credit somebody has in this movie
That they're a Jimmy Chew
Wearer
There's also someone
Called
What the fuck
Lingerie
Saleswoman
Okay
Can we guess?
Yeah, as often as you like.
I'm sorry I didn't say that at the beginning.
Jimmy Choo, Crazy Rich Asians.
Oh, that's a very good guess.
That's another good guess, Jeff.
That movie had a sequel, of course.
Sex and the City 2.
Is this all the same movie?
Lingerie saleswoman?
That's the idea.
Maybe I didn't explain it well enough at the beginning. These are all characters from the same movie? Lingerie saleswoman? That's the idea. Maybe I didn't explain it well enough
at the beginning.
They're all characters from the same movie.
Lingerie saleswoman?
Pretty woman?
No. The Devil Wears Prada.
Jimmy Choo might be a lingerie saleswoman
in it though. Jimmy Choo's got to be recent.
I love how much you guys are guessing.
I feel pretty.
The Devil Wears Prada?
Rocky Balboa.
Sleepless in Seattle?
Matatoui.
Chinatown.
Made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez?
Okay.
The remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum.
If you get the title right, I don't care who's in it.
It's just the title we're looking for.
Manhattan.
There's another character.
I don't know why that guy said something.
I guess maybe Jurassic Park was supposed to be
a funny answer. Yeah, it was not.
I bombed.
He meant
Jurassic World
where she wears the heels. That's
probably what he meant. Let's give him some credit.
Return of the Jedi.
Give us another character.
Alex Fisher.
Edie Cohen.
Crystal Allen.
Okay, now here's what I want to ask you guys.
Ocean's 8.
I want you to start thinking about everything I've said so far.
eight. I want you to start thinking about everything I've said so far.
There's also
Mary
Haynes and a Sylvie
Fowler.
Is it a pretzel portrait?
No.
Beast of the Southern Wild? No.
The player. What does every
person that I named,
every character, what do they have in common?
They're all women. Little common? They're all women.
They're all women.
Yes. They're all women.
Which women are they?
First Wives Club.
They are hidden figures.
No.
Which women?
You had to say specifically.
It's not a woman.
Oh, which women? It's not just woman. A witch women?
It's not just one woman,
obviously. The witches of Eastwood.
There's several women, so they wouldn't call it
a woman. Designing women?
They'd probably call it something like
a
fashionable woman.
I don't think they'd use a.
I think my point was it's not just one
person.
It's women.
The women.
The women is correct!
The women!
Tim Dillon with the women!
Oh, I hope this lady doesn't win.
I'm so upset.
Is this going to be like Trump where it's a joke and then I actually win and then we get a shitty thing?
Yeah, I'm going to trick you into saying the right answer every time.
No, The Women was a film starring Meg Ryan and Ed Benning
and it was directed and written by Diane English.
And the entire cast was all women.
And it was from 2008, I believe.
And so I thought that would be fun for that game.
And I was, you know, kind of right.
I especially liked the clue at the end.
Clue.
What do they all have in common?
Jimmy Choo wearer was a real game changer.
That threw us.
But all you won, Tim.
So you still have a great chance of losing.
Yes.
All you won is the opportunity to go first in this next game it's a new game and it's called China I do not want to
go first in China before you. I just think it's important
everybody knows that climate change is a hoax
that China started.
And so this game is going to
everything involves movies
with the word China in the title
specifically three movies.
Interesting. I'll go to you first,
Tim. We go to you one at a time. Yes.
I'll name an actor or actress
and you tell me if they were in Chinatown,
the China Syndrome,
or Big Trouble in Little China.
Of course.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
So no matter what your answer,
it's going to include China.
Gotcha.
That's why the game is called China.
Okay.
No other reason.
Start with you okay you know the three options town syndrome a big trouble gotcha okay Alan chin Alan
chin which one was he in Alan chin Chen was in The China Syndrome.
I don't know why Jeff's laughing.
That is correct.
Yeah!
Woo!
Oh, man.
Yeah, this...
Jeff, I don't know what you're laughing at.
This isn't your father's China.
This is serious. It's a great film the choice game all right Brian
you're next
which one featured Wilford Brimley.
Ah.
I'm going to say the China Syndrome.
That is correct.
He was in.
The China Syndrome. The China Syndrome.
All right, Jeff.
You love him as Pauly in the Rocky films.
But Burt Young was only in one of those three films.
Yeah, he's in Chinatown.
I like your confidence.
That is correct.
We have a three-way tie.
This is unheard of.
This kind of
correct answers
in a row.
Three correct answers.
I got to throw some curveballs now.
It probably won't happen again.
All right, we'll see what you do with this,
Tim.
Are we still playing China?
No, we've never played China.
We're playing China.
Yeah.
China's for, I don't know who plays that.
Some weak sauce bullshit podcast.
Yeah.
It's time for more China.
Yeah.
Jerry Fujikawa. Jerry Fujikawa great jerry fuji kawa jerry
fuji was in he was in and i really enjoyed him in this big trouble in little china oh
that was a great guess because it was one of the three
now it moves to brian you only have two to choose from, Brian. Which one do you think it is?
It's exciting.
Jerry Fujikawa.
Chinatown.
That is correct.
All right, Jeff, we're coming at you.
Chinatown?
Or do I get a new name?
Is that what you want to pre-guess?
Oh, no, no, no.
I don't want to pre-guess.
I thought I was doing Jerry Fujikama.
No.
Diane Ladd
mother of what's her name
yeah you're right
Laura Dern
Alan Ladd
oh I'm Laura Dern
Diane Ladd was in
Bruce Dern was in
Diane Ladd
Diane Ladd was in Bruce Stern was in Diane Ladd Hence Laura Dern
We were in front of a brick wall
I'm obligated to try to do some jokes
Don't you mean
the Great Wall?
Of China! It's okay Hang on, that's not one of mean the Great Wall? Of China!
It's okay. Hang on, that's not one of the
guesses. Alright, back to China!
Okay, Diane Ladd was in
The China Syndrome.
No. The Chinatown Syndrome.
Big Trouble in Little Chinatown
Syndrome. That's a great
we should, you know, talk about that.
That's a great title for a movie., talk about that. That's a great title
for a movie. Finally, a parody
of these three films.
It's what everybody needs but doesn't
want.
Tim, what do you think?
About which one
was Diane Ladd in?
Jeff said the wrong one.
Diane Ladd did? Jeff said the wrong one. Yeah, Diane Ladd
did a great job.
And, uh...
Jeff said...
I'm sorry, we're not allowed to recap.
Okay.
But he said all three. That's what I mean.
It got confusing there.
Well, but that's okay.
That's the idea.
I'm going to say that Diane...
I get you high before the show and then ask you complicated
questions and then this whole group
of people gets to laugh at you.
Fair enough. Was it Big Trouble
in Little China? What did you
say, Jeff? I said Big
Trouble in Little China. Yeah, so that's not it.
No, I said...
No, you said China Syndrome.
Yeah, you said China Syndrome and then I said Big Trouble
or Chinatown. Yeah, I'm saying Big Trouble.
Incorrect.
Damn it, Brian.
You're running away with this thing, Brian.
Murder on the Orient Express.
That was a terrible Brian impression.
What do you think, Brian?
Oh, wait.
Are we moving on to somebody else?
No, no.
It's the same person.
You just have to name the third movie that we haven't said yet.
Because he said China Syndrome.
I forget that.
And he said Big Trouble in Little China.
I'm not sure.
Maybe.
And that leaves Chinatown.
That is correct.
Chinatown.
That was more of a test than it should have been to pick that third one.
No, that's what's fun about it.
All right, we're back to you, Jeff.
Cool.
Victor Wong.
Nope.
I abstain from voting.
I have a conflict of interest.or wong is my godfather i'm a my parents were friends with the wongs um which one do you think he was in i think he's in
chinatown nope tim big trouble in little china that's correct that's right baby
all right back to you brian Big Trouble in Little China. That's correct. That's right, baby!
All right, back to you, Brian.
James Hong.
Wow.
Now, Well Hong is in the parking lot.
You should go meet him.
Big Trouble. So just for the listeners
and everybody else on the other side of the room,
a guy, they always said, well hung, you know,
because that's the guy that's been over there making
jokes. And then Jeff said
what he said.
That he's out in the parking lot, that he should
go there.
I have a feeling that man is still in the room.
Big trouble in Little China?
Yes.
Because he's also in Chinatown.
Oh, two correct answers.
Yeah, I don't know how James Hong didn't end up in China Syndrome.
Probably because it was mostly about just white people in a nuclear power plant.
But that means that Brian wins this game.
Woo!
this game yeah I was very excited when I found a somebody who's in two out of three of those movies was super cool you really do your research oh yeah it takes
five to ten minutes I mean before the internet this show was hard to pull off
the internet, this show was hard to pull off.
Doing this podcast,
you mean?
Yeah, before the internet.
I couldn't figure out a way to make it happen.
I wanted to ask my friends trivia questions in front of people and get
paid for it, and everyone was like,
podcasts don't exist yet, bro.
I remember
buying Douglas Movies cassettes
in the 80s.
We passed them around. we were really into it
the internet has really made it
you know
who wants a phone nut
also known as a throw nut
here it comes
good luck everybody
sorry lady
but they are pretty light though
that didn't hurt, did it?
Okay, good.
This guy's getting one really hard.
Somebody make sure he gets that at least
and hit him right in the face.
Don't leave it on the floor.
There you go.
Sorry about that.
Holy shit.
I hate when things go perfectly.
I was like, said that's
what I was going to do, throw it in your face.
And I hit you right in the face.
Can I say your name on the podcast?
Do you want?
Yeah, what is it? Chad.
Okay, thank you, Chad.
Tell all your friends.
Give me the face
with a paper donut.
Let's play Last Man Stanton!
Holy shit, we're way ahead of time here.
Let me just hit a few more people in the face.
This game, of course,
for those of you...
Ooh, sorry about that.
Am I going to apologize every time?
Defend your faces!
That guy didn't flinch at all. Went right in his lap. He's like, here you go. every time and then your faces.
That guy didn't flinch at all. I write his lab. He's like, there you go.
It's pretty romantic, isn't it?
Oh, no.
It's on the stage. Here goes Jeff.
Ooh, nice. Hey, Jeff, while you're up, open up that box of Dunkin'
Donuts that somebody mysteriously put
on the stage. Are there donuts in it?
Yeah. Usually.
We'll see. Whoa.
It's dog shit!
Yeah, it's so bad.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
Stick around.
We'll let you spin the wheel.
It really was dog shit.
No, but could you leave them open?
Oh, yeah.
It's like the shittiest donut.
You didn't want any of them?
They're shitty?
They went out of their way to get the worst donut.
Oh, my God.
The worst donut.
What are those dry things?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Both of you guys need to calm down.
These donuts aren't for eating. They're for throwing.
They got the best donuts.
Oh, okay.
I still like hitting somebody with a
I think a jelly is good.
Taking charge of the situation. Calm down, guys!
These are for throwing.
Not for eating, just like these paper ones.
Jeff is always the voice of reason.
They do get the most plain ones.
Because even those chocolate ones, those are the kind of chocolate where it doesn't come off, right?
It's not icing.
It's chocolate to the core.
If you hit somebody with a jelly, the sugar gets in their eye.
And that's what I like.
Disorient them.
It is kind of fun when it's more messy.
But I do like, I appreciate the...
This is respectful. I appreciate these choices.
So, does anybody want to throw one
before we start this game?
Nah, no thank you.
It doesn't feel organic now.
Well, I'm asking you to do it.
That's organic
enough, isn't it? This one is even moldy
or something.
Oh, what the... Are these... Wait, are these edible? This one is even moldy or something. Oh, what the...
Are these...
Wait, are these edible?
Who put these up here?
That one has a green spot on it,
and none of the other ones do.
Are these explosives?
Maybe that one's got a little jalapeno in it.
Maybe Duncan got fancy on one donut.
Oh, there he goes again.
That was into the darkness.
It's scary when you just toss one in the
darkness you don't know what's happening but there's one big crawler that's got
probably a little bit more I mean that's that looks like it probably spins better
yeah give that a mess see if you can get that into the balcony yeah just we'll
just do that you know yeah just whip it out there but watch your faces every
now you don't do that don't hit me Frisbee. Oh, look at that. Yeah, that's nice.
Don't you feel like you're out on the golf course, Jeff? Yes.
The Frisbee golf? Oh, I
just eat donuts everywhere, so they kind of remind
me of everywhere I go.
Oh, now you're going to think about that funeral.
I know, man. those were some good donuts i mean whatever so my dad's dead whatever but they were like they had like captain crunch
in the icing oh man those were sounds great uh dear good nights in raleigh north carolina
may i please have another Tito's
and soda? Does anybody
else need anything? I would like a Coca-Cola.
You don't have to. I already have a straw.
Oh, that's good.
That's really
important for the server to know.
Brian, do you want anything? No, I'm good.
Okay. Tim?
Jelly donut. No, I'm good.
Yeah, none of those fuckers have jelly.
I mean, one of them has some green jelly in it.
You know, a few of them do look moldy.
That's fucking weird.
Yeah.
Don't eat these, you guys.
I think they brought these donuts the last time you were in Raleigh.
Yeah, Jeff just pulled out the one that's gross.
Yeah.
Are you performing surgery? Taking out the gross part? Oh, now it'sigh. Yeah, Jeff just pulled out the one that's gross. Yeah. Are you performing surgery?
Taking out the gross part? Oh, now it's
perfect. Yeah. Thanks for putting
it back in the box.
Imagine if the person was
like, when did you get them? They're like, an hour ago.
Yeah, well,
I would not patronize that
Dunkin' Donuts anymore.
I would cross them off the list.
If this is their current offering,
that's an issue.
You know?
Hey, four or five hours is a long time.
Yeah, I guess so.
You know, you gotta eat those donuts quick.
Before they turn green.
We can't even tell what the black donuts are turning.
They're just black.
No offense.
People got real quiet about that.
That was weird.
We live in, you know,
it's very charged times.
Don't yell that.
Oh, thank you.
Finally.
Now I'm going to start making more sense.
This is a game where we use a couple of people from the audience.
We bring them up here and we rub the remaining donuts on their faces.
No, we just used their ideas.
A couple people volunteered on the internet today.
I'm going to get a name from one of them.
We'll see if we like it.
And then we'll all take turns naming movies that person was in.
So who ended up winning that last thing officially?
Brian did.
It was me.
So we'll go Brian, Jeff, me, because I like to play, and Tim.
Of course, I'm not eligible to actually win.
Where is someone who calls themselves, they somehow got just the word brilliant on Twitter?
Brilliant.
How'd you do that?
Did you sign up for Twitter like immediately?
It's my real name.
Your real name, so did you have to fight for it?
No.
It was available
when you signed up. Brilliant.
Your last name is just
the word brilliant. Correct.
I hate your family.
I mean,
it's the worst. Listen, Tim Ding Dong
will be here tonight.
The Brilliance and the Ding Dongs
have never gotten along.
Every other brilliant family has figured out the change is just Brill or something.
But you're stuck with Brilliant.
What's your first name?
Because that's got to be fun.
Jonathan Brilliant.
God damn.
Man, I'd watch that show.
Yeah.
Your middle initial better not be S.
It's D, Jonathan D, brilliant
Do you have brothers or sisters? What are their names?
Stupid and shithead
Right
Mortimer?
Morton, brilliant
Mortimer
That sounds like a fun down to earth guy
Morton, that's the show
Morton, brilliant
I'd watch that for. Morton. That's the show. Morton brilliant. Morton brilliant.
I'd watch that for sure.
I'm out.
Brilliant.
Morton brilliant.
Can I have the night off?
Morton brilliant.
No,
keep counting beans.
You know,
bean counting was a nighttime gig when I hired you.
Morton brilliant is morning. David David Koch something bad right now.
Okay.
Okay.
What?
Oh, he works when you say the other side.
Yeah, okay.
I get it now.
I thought you meant heaven.
The other.
Come on. It's a thinker.
It's a thinker, folks.
His work has moved on to the other side
okay brilliant
because I'm just going to keep calling you brilliant
because that's awesome
is there anyone here named awesome
my name is John Q
awesome
what's your suggestion today
Jonathan Sean Connery what's your suggestion today Jonathan
Sean Connery
the great
beater of women
no wait that was James Bond
but still
rest in peace wait he's dead
shit
that would be a weird way to find out
if you suggest
Gene Hackman I might start crying.
People, our longtime friend Brendan Walsh has a bit where he just tells the audience that Gene Hackman's dead.
And people just, yeah, people get really bummed out by it.
Then he goes on to try to dig out of that hole.
It's crazy.
It's pretty funny.
He's been dead for like six years, too.
And you guys still freak out.
Wait, who?
Brendan Walsh.
I thought he meant Brendan Walsh.
I was like, oh.
I retweeted him earlier.
Because you're alive.
Sean Connery and Gene Hackman have retired
from filmmaking.
Which, I don't know.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Who else likes Sean Connery besides me?
Are you guys comfortable with the films of Sean Connery?
I mean, obviously we can name probably seven Bond films, right?
Maybe eight.
I think eight.
Obviously.
Obviously.
What do you think, Jeff? You like it? Should we get a second name? Yeah, we should get a second name. I think eight. Obviously. Obviously.
What do you think, Jeff?
You like it?
Should we get a second name?
Yeah, we should get a second name. It should be a short game.
Real challenge.
Sean Connery.
It might be a real short.
Sean Connery's too old for all of us.
A real short game.
Okay.
How about, okay, I'll take as a handicap,
no matter who the second name is,
I'll only do Sean Connery movies.
Oh.
Unless the other name is, I'll only do Sean Connery movies. Oh. Unless the
other name is Nicolas Cage, because I learned
a new Nicolas Cage movie today, and I can't wait
to try that.
What is happening?
That really sounded
like
officials
were marching into the room.
I was expected to turn and see
Jed Jackson and Rhythm Nation.
Yeah.
I thought the building was getting a phone call.
I thought it was the overture for Stomp was beginning.
All right.
I don't know what that was.
It's Jonathan doing it with his mind.
Freak.
His brilliant mind.
His brilliant mind.
Oh, hey, I saw that movie.
It was about cigarettes, right?
Did you get a phone, Jonathan?
You might now.
Oh!
I am better at that than I should be.
Okay, let's go to a second person.
Where is beat underscore Smith?
Hey, dude.
What's up?
Are you well hung?
I mean, are you the guy that said that?
Because he'd be disqualified.
What is your full name?
Smith is in your thing.
Is Smith your last name?
Are you super jealous of Brilliant over here?
No.
No.
See, he's all right with Smith.
It probably used to be Smitherson.
Or Smithiest.
Smith Awesome, yes.
Good suggestion.
Now be quiet.
What's your suggestion, dude? man yeah I mean this Gary old
man that probably Sean Connery wasn't stream enough we could not all be sitting more still. Right.
Are rats eating into the sound system?
Oh, if that's... We're not doing anything
and those noises keep happening.
Is this instead of a light?
Am I supposed to wrap it up?
Is this club haunted?
Is this club haunted?
Did somebody, seriously,
can somebody just flip a switch and make that stop happening?
Why was it not happening earlier?
Why only on occasion?
Does this happen with like 15 minutes to go in your show, Tim?
No, it hasn't happened yet, but tonight was fun.
It feels like they're maybe thinking Tim's mic is a culprit and yours is now off just to fix the problem.
So thanks for being here, Tim.
I'll just yell.
Is it Tim's mic?
Is it my mic?
See?
This is incredibly disrespectful.
I know, man.
We all brought good mics with us, Tim.
I shouldn't have brought this mic
in the parking lot.
Why'd you bring a shitty mic to a gunfight?
Oh, this lady just got back from the restroom.
Oh, maybe it was because of her.
How long have you been gone?
Do you even know what we're talking about?
I just wanted to update her.
We heard what you were doing.
I just wanted to tell her what she missed.
What the heck, man?
I think it's funny that she still doesn't really know what happened.
She looks way more confused than what she got.
All right, so Tim, we'll just share yeah it's great okay
ideal it's not you're right it's not perfect that's why anytime i show up at gig and they
go we don't have a microphones i walk enough microphones what did i say uh okay so we got
sean connery and i'm pretending to write it down.
Gary Oldman.
Good luck to us all.
Start with you, Brian.
Name a film either of those gentlemen was in.
Zardoz.
And you can go to your lifeline once
for help.
Clearly you don't
need it yet. You don't need John yet,
but you will someday
and for the rest of your life.
Zardoz. That's my...
That's a terrific answer. I would have saved
that one if I were you. Jeff. Bad strategy,
but weird movie. Jeff. Oh man have saved that one if I were you. Jeff. Bad strategy but weird movie.
Jeff. Oh man, I was going to say
bad strategy.
The movie. Indiana
Jones and the Last Crusade.
Oh, I like that.
Oldman
was great in that.
I'm your father, Indy.
I will do my impression of a Sean Connery line
from each movie that gets mentioned.
And so I will say, oh wait, whose turn is it?
Your turn or mine?
It's my turn, it's my turn.
I'm going to come see you.
I'll get the mic to you in time.
I'm going to go with the Untouchables.
Yeah.
And he says,
they pull a knife.
It's already terrible.
They pull a knife, you pull
a gun.
That's the Chicago way.
China.
China.
You send one of ours to the hospital,
we'll send one of yours to the space.
Hunt for Red October?
Great one. Excellent answer.
I was waiting for him to do a impression.
You don't have a line from it?
Oh, oh, oh.
The submarine is
underwater.
Right? the submarine is underwater right that's my my russian accent is not exemplary i don't remember agreeing to this i don't is that yeah what's your answer brian the rock oh. Oh my God, one of the worst lines ever
is when Sean Connery says,
that means you're
caught between the rock
and a hard case.
Of course, Finding Forrester,
you're the man now, dog.
You're the man now, dog. You're the man now, dog.
You are a man dog.
Now.
Right?
The island of Dr. Forrester.
Now do your business so we can go back inside.
Okay.
okay um i'm gonna say this one's gonna blow your mind sean connery the avengers yeah he's in an old
ass movie with ray fines and uma thurman called the avengers and he plays the bad guy
and he's like so you're the Avengers.
Tim?
Do you accept James Bond 1?
James Bond Ground Zero.
No.
No, we can't accept that, but you can go to your lifeline.
That might trigger some ideas.
Leslie, what do you got?
She says Batman Begins.
Okay, I'll go with her.
Batman Begins, okay.
Good job. That's the only time I get to use that?
Gary Oldman's in Batman Begins.
Wow.
You could have my line too.
So that might help you out a little bit in the future
if you think about how Gary Oldman
was in Batman Begins.
See what I'm saying?
See, it could prove
helpful in the future.
Probably not now.
Stop saying James Bond to me.
Especially when you don't have a microphone.
Who's next?
So then, The Dark Knight.
Yeah, see? He's going to take it from you.
Jeff? I need everything I can get.
I can only do Sean Connery, so it's up
to Jeff how mean we're going to be about this.
True romance.
There you go.
He plays like a gentleman.
I'm going to say
the man who would be king
and you're going to get Sean Connery
and Michael Caine in this one.
I'm Michael Caine.
Terrible impressions, but I believe that's a real conversation they had all right Tim so we've got Batman
Begins and the Dark Knight and it's your turn
dark no Dark Knight Rises he's, Dark Knight Rises.
He's in for another round.
Somebody else say a movie that has sequels.
Brian?
Gary Oldman is in The Fifth Element.
Yeah, he is. Oh.
It was in Jufk.
Am I saying that right?
Jufk.
It's spelled weird
J-F-K
goodnight
yes he was in Jufk
it's true he was in Jufk
too bad they didn't make any sequels to Jufk
they did but they're all on YouTube
I mean you porn
let's see here
what was the
no
okay
I want to say something that's going to help you
I don't think I'm going to
don't think I'm going to be helpful
I can't think of any other franchises
other than the obvious one
for Sean Connery
but I'm going to try to give you an answer that might
make you think of another
you see what I'm saying
I try to approach this like
a doctor
and when people
kind of suggest
that I cheat, I say no.
But I'm going to go
with, my answer is
from Russia with love.
James Bond
Doctor No.
Is that acceptable?
It's just Doctor No, but
we'll take it. james bond did it right
yeah yeah it's it's the first james bond movie it's called dr no so it'll also be james bond one
yo yeah oh yeah no that's why i helped you with it but now now you're on your own Brian medicine man
yeah he's in that
we're so high up in these trees
how is medicine
man not a sequel to doctor no
hang on we're all about we're all just a bunch of extraordinary gentlemen trying to think of
something right now so i'm gonna say um hang on
I'm going with
hold up
what's that one with
calamari octopussy
is James Bond in that one
yeah but you know James Bond
was portrayed by several different actors
I know I'm thinking of the gary oldman one
speaking of which he'd be a good bond villain anyway yeah what's your answer jeff oh fuck it's
still my turn yeah well i wanted to say the okay train robbery but i guess it was better than that the great
train robbery oh yeah great train robbery got it nice
we're gonna rob this train
and if you're working you can fucking thumb to Poughkeepsie.
Oh, man, you guys don't know, but that was a wild insult back then.
Thumb to Poughkeepsie?
Oh, man, if this were the 1800s, you would have fucking shit.
I said thumb to Poughkeepsie around my grandma once.
I got soap in my mouth. Alright, I'm gonna say
that
did you ever see that
Austin Powers movie, Tim,
the gold member?
I'm going to go with...
Diamonds are forever.
I guess I will say Austin Powers gold member.
I really tried.
You're out.
Brian.
Gold finger.
Yeah, gold finger.
It's a James Bond movie.
Jeff. Did anybody say the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen yet? No. Goldfinger. Yeah, Goldfinger. It's a James Bond movie. Jeff?
Did anybody say the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen yet?
No.
All right, look at all of us.
You guys have shotgun reason.
Yeah, you tried to say it.
From Russia with Love. I said that one already?
okay
Thunderball
I mean if you have a gold finger
you're gonna Thunderball
that's
Brian
so I have that same problem
I'm not clear which bond
is in each of these but how about
he wasn't in Skyfall
okay
that might not be true man
don't believe him
fuck
the spy who loved me
oh shit
do you want to go to your lifeline?
Is my lifeline going to be useful to me?
All right, what do you got?
Yeah, I am.
I'm going to be so fucking useful.
Do you...
Come on, John.
He's ready to go.
He's ready.
The longest day.
The longest day.
Yeah. ready to go he's ready the longest day yeah
that's a british guy
So I can't argue with him about that answer.
He's here representing Sean Connery.
Who was what? What was he?
Scottish, right?
Oh.
I like that.
Who was in The Spy Who Loved Me me that was roger moore yeah yeah oh well oh but he helped you so you're still in yeah you're still in jeff
did you say from russia with love already
okay then i'll go with The Russia House.
Oh, right.
Good one.
Direct sequel.
To the longest day.
The crazy thing about this game
is, you know,
you can say the wrong answer
and then someone can help you,
but ultimately,
you only live twice.
That's the first time that guy's ever laughed at anything.
That's why it sounded so good. He finally let one rip.
Ah, ah, ah.
Right, man?
Knock the dust off before you go to a comedy show next time.
Do a little practice laughing at home.
Ha, ha, ha.
Hee, hee, hee.
Ah, ah, ah.
It's definitely the first time he's laughed at anything today. At this show, we would have heard it already.
Why did it take so long for you to find something to enjoy?
So is that your answer?
Is that your hint for me?
What happened?
No, I said you'll only live twice as my answer,
which is, I believe now we've said, oh no, we haven't.
There's one more James Bond that he was in,
but I'll say that when it gets back around to me.
No, I got it.
What is it?
Highlander 2.
The Quickening, maybe?
Let me ask you a quick
cue.
Why the fuck wouldn't you
just say Highlander?
Because is he in? a cube. Why the fuck wouldn't you just say Highlander? Because
is he in? Yeah.
I know that he's in Highlander too, but he's in
Highlander the first one?
Yeah. Well, that's the
part I wasn't, I didn't.
He's the old, what is he supposed
to be like? He's Spanish. He's the Spaniard.
Right, but I remember
Highlander too. He's the Spaniard. Right, but I remember him.
He's Egyptian?
Take it easy.
Just because you're British doesn't mean you
know everything. That wasn't the same
guy. Also,
in other news,
wouldn't that have
worked the same? Can you let Spaniards have something?
No, he's Egyptian!
Yeah, I just wasn't sure about the first one.
Well, it sounds like it's my turn.
The Highlander.
I mean, let's ask the expert back there
on all Scottish actors.
Was he in the second Highlander?
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
He stuck around.
That's nice.
That guy's got...
That's nice of him.
He's got a conflict of interest.
But, yeah, I meant the last final James Bond movie.
Yeah, I know.
I was kidding.
I know that wasn't James Bond, technically.
All right, cool.
So, is it my turn or Jeff's? No, I said the Highlander. It's your know. I was kidding. I know that wasn't James Bond, technically. Alright, cool. So, is it my turn or Jeff's?
No, I said the Highlander. It's your turn.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
So, yeah, the other James Bond movie
that's left out there hanging was
such a fun title because
Sean Connery said
he'll never, ever, ever, ever play
James Bond again, and then they showed him
a check, and he starred in
Never Say Never again.
Back to you, Brian.
You would think Gary Oldman probably made some other films.
Oh yeah.
No, he's done quite a lot.
We haven't even mentioned the one he won the Oscar for.
Shit.
That is not what it was called.
Which one was that?
The Longest Day.
Um,
it is,
is Sean Connery in Con Air?
Yes. Sean Connery
Air.
Everybody else is.
You're just put the bun.
Somebody else do it. Say put the bunny in the box
Sean Connery go
oh that's a good idea
put the bunny back in the box
I'm going to make that my ringtone
so no yeah we've established
he wasn't in that
any other guesses
seemed like I could come up with a Gary Oldman guess, but...
Yeah, you'd think so.
Fried green tomatoes?
Oh, damn.
See, that is fun when someone just picks a title
and hopes for the best.
But I'm pretty sure he's not in that.
What did he play in that?
The tomato.
I thought he was the lingerie saleswoman
the tomato sweet woman i think all right brian you're out but good job good job for science
jeff um i'm going to say the darkest hour yeah that's what he won the oscar for
for playing churchill right is it people
love it I still have to stay on Sean Connery so I'm gonna say hmm this is
getting getting gotta get into some old shit here oh yeah yeah yeah Marnie directed by Alfred Hitchcock oh sounds scary
yes
ooh
that's more where that came from Jeff what do you got
I can't believe we've awoken
the laughing spirit of this man
he finally
is enjoying life and I'm so proud
to help to
precipitate that life change
Jeff I'm going to say does it count if his if it's a picture of them a picture
of which one Sean Connery okay I like it in the movie I'll count it right Indiana
Jones in the kingdom of the Crystal Skull they show a picture of him in there yeah and they go he's dead it's
a real cool scene okay do you have any more after that one, you think? I might have one more Gary Oldman.
Okay.
But I also might not.
I guess we'll see.
Well, you know, I'm not here to show off and make you look bad,
but I believe he was in a movie called...
The Anderson Tapes.
I've never heard of that.
All right, then I might be wrong.
Jeff Tate is our winner!
Oh, fuck.
We fucked up.
I missed one really good one for Sean O'Connery.
Darby O'Gill and the Little People.
Oh.
Yeah, that's a classic.
What was that one?
What else did we miss?
What else?
Dragonhawk.
Oh, he's the voice of the dragon in Dragonhunter.
The Professional.
Sid and Nancy.
Tinker Tailor Soldiers.
Sid, what about the goodbye drugs? That was Nancy. Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy. Sid, what about the
Goodbye Drugs?
That was Nancy.
Oh, of course, Harry Potter movies.
We could have cleaned up with those. He's in three of them,
I think.
Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy.
All four of those movies.
Oh, yeah. Bram Stoker's Dracula
is a good Oldman.
Oh, yes.
You guys have lots of answers.
And you're very polite about sharing them.
I appreciate that.
But like I said, Jeff's our winner.
Where's the person that gets these amazing prizes?
He's sitting right up front.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Yeah, that thing's heavy.
Hey, do you want some shitty donuts, too?
And you know, you got a little bottle of Tito's
on your name tag there, Tim.
Do you enjoy Tito's?
You can keep it if you want.
It seems like it's almost empty.
Who's been drinking out of that?
How dare you?
I'll just pour the rest into my drink, then.
I'm going to sleep good tonight, aren't I?
But you want your DVD back.
Is it in there?
Okay, cool.
Oh, here's a fresh one.
You don't want it?
You're good.
Tim's good.
Tim, let me give you a microphone for a sec.
Tell us your plugs.
What do you got coming up?
When can people see you and whatnot?
Tim J. Dillon, D-I-L-L-O-N on Instagram and Twitter.
I put all my dates there. TimDillonComedy.com
podcast. The Tim
Dillon Show. Thank you. Was Sean
Connery in First Night or no?
He was, right?
Can I win? Alright, anyway.
He was also, that reminds
me of, he was in Robin and Marion.
A movie about Robin Hood if he
was old.
Old Hood.
Oh, I got one more phonaut.
Hey, nice catch.
That was sweet.
Brian Mallow, science comedian on Twitter.
What else is, what else you up to?
I'll just say find me on,
I'm science comedian on everything,
Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, sciencecomedian.com.
Find me there.
I don't have anything particular to plug right now.
I'm local.
I'm occasionally here.
Perfect.
Thank you.
Jeff Tate.
Hello, everybody.
Thanks for having me.
I have a podcast called Alter Tate's, and I make it with my brother, and it's fun.
You can check it out on iTunes.
Yeah.
And SoundCloud and justanotherclown.com is my website.
And I just never know when your plugs are done.
Pick one to make it sound like it's the last one.
All right.
I saw good boys with my friend Corey.
One more time for Jeff Tate, Brian Mallow, and Tim Dillon.
Hi.
We'll be doing Doug Lowe's movies
back at the Variety Playhouse in Atlanta on Saturday, September 7th at 420.
And thank you to Good Nights here in Raleigh and all you guys for coming out every time I come through and do this.
I really appreciate it.
I'll see you at the merch area or outside or both.
And as always, positive energy!