Doug Loves Movies - Tim Dillon, Geoff Tate and Brian Malow guest

Episode Date: August 26, 2019

Live from Goodnights Comedy Club in Raleigh, Doug welcomes Tim Dillon, Geoff Tate and Brian Malow to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a f...ree month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you once again
Starting point is 00:00:36 from a great place to spend the afternoon. Good night, San Raleigh, North Carolina! Good night, San Raleigh, North Carolina! Oh, we're doing it once again. People say to me things like Doug, it's too soon. You were just there in February and I say, damn it, my agent.
Starting point is 00:01:05 I want to go this weekend because I have a strong feeling that it will be not as warm as it should be and occasional violent showers. If I can go where there's going to be a convection shower,
Starting point is 00:01:23 I learned that word which means a fast shower it's the strangest thing I love to sit in the bathtub forever but I want a fast shower it's Saturday August 24th 2019 and as you may have guessed, the weed is pretty good here. And if I'm a betting man, which I am, I would put a lot of money on the fact that you guys
Starting point is 00:01:53 brought some awesome name tags. Let me just get a quick taste. Yeah, look at these things. They light up. This guy's put his in plastic. Lady, pardon me. things they light up this guy's put his in plastic like lady pardon me i just thought usually guys put stuff in plastic i don't uh oh there's another laminated one over there wow it's a real lamb off
Starting point is 00:02:17 and the lit up peter jenna butter falcon you know how to reach me because i love the peanut butter falcon in theaters now all over the country but um you know i don't know how my guests feel about it i think that none of them have seen it it's so fresh have you seen it no you haven't seen it it's a good name tag if i chose a name tag yeah that's the one i would pick um doug plugs blah blah blah blah blah blah hey um tag if I chose a name tag yeah that's the one I would pick Doug plug said blah blah blah blah blah blah hey let's talk about the prize bag it gives me the strange joy to skip the part where everybody yells out all that you know the cacao and all that I don't you know, the cacaw and all that.
Starting point is 00:03:08 I don't know why I like skipping that part and making everybody go, is he going to do that part? We know our part. Why isn't he doing his part? The prize bag includes I just acquired this beautiful item. I can't believe I'm not going directly to sell it on the internet. It's a sippy cup. I forget the name of the beverage I enjoyed, but they make up funny beverage names based on the show you're seeing. It's a Broadway musical called Moulin Rouge, the musical. And this is my sippy cup from that, from viewing a performance of that show. What, oh, what this sippy cup has seen. Here's a t-shirt. I'm not
Starting point is 00:03:46 even somebody, people give me t-shirts. They go, put that in the prize bag. I go, no problem. Then I don't give them any credit whatsoever. I just say, here's a t-shirt. I was in Austin, Texas recently, so I got Austin Magazine. Yeah, the idea is to put stuff in here that's really not that much of a price just might be stuff that's kind of interesting and then i'll try to leave some behind in the bag but i also brought a lovely lady keeps making me faux nuts or throw nuts which are donuts that are just made out of paper that you can throw safely. Because, right, we want to have a safe show today. You guys have cocktails in front of you. So yeah, I'm going to throw some of these at you as hard as I can. They're very soft. So it's, you know,
Starting point is 00:04:40 it's not going to be a problem. Plus, I also have, forgot to put one in the bag, but I brought some rocking pins of me. It's a pin of me. And they're also available after the show. I'll be by the door near the Step and Repeat, because this place is fancy and uses show business terms that nobody knows. And I'll be over by that thing for photographs and autographs. All that shit's free.
Starting point is 00:05:07 It's just, you just have to pay for the pin and I'm not going to say the price on the podcast. I'm going to whisper it in your ear when you walk up to me based on what I think you can afford. $15.
Starting point is 00:05:29 That kind of thing. Plus, all the stuff brought by my guests are going to go into, I think, various bags. In fact, there's one really big item, so I'm very curious to hear about that as soon as possible. Please give it up for Tim Dillon, Brian Mallow, and Jeff Tate! Thank you! Apologies to Tim and brian um we should have probably warned you about that before uh
Starting point is 00:06:18 before bringing you out here in front of everybody that's not that's the last thing a comedian wants it's the chanting of someone else's name i found it inspiring inspiring. Okay, good. Yeah, you know. I enjoyed it. You know that you've got a formidable foe there on the other end because people are already chanting his name. But let's meet them individually
Starting point is 00:06:34 one at a time. To my right, headlining here all weekend at Good Nights in Raleigh, it's Tim Dillon! Tim Dillon. Thank you. I have a great prize.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Do you want to get right to it? I mean, it's so big, I think you should whip it out. I have great prize. Yeah, I give good prize. I give great prize. Yeah, I give good prize. So this is the Coleman camping compact table. Yeah, okay. So it's a camping table, and depending what happens with the economy, it may just be a table. So prepare, you know.
Starting point is 00:07:27 But I believe it's metal. And it's tough. This is a tough beast. It's heavy? Heavy. Like whoever wins this, this is going to be really fun to transport. I hope you came here on a bus. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:44 That would be extra cool. Yeah, Often when you're extra cool. Yeah. Often when you're camping, the lack of furniture is upsetting and it ruins the experience, you know? So is there a story about how you came into possession of this item? I stole it from somebody. I took it and I'm now giving it to someone else. And that's the way this American economy works at the present moment. So, you know, that's the way it is. But no, it's a good table. I'm excited. And whoever gets it's fucking lucky.
Starting point is 00:08:20 You could play cards on it. Oh, yeah. You could put food on it. You could negotiate a divorce. Whatever you want to do. You go camping and your marriage still fails. Yeah. You all have the option of not showing us your name tags at that point if you don't want to get saddled with this thing.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Or I guess you could just drop it out in the street somewhere. It could be the new table that sits outside of Good Nights. I hope it doesn't get used to murder somebody. I'd hate to have Tim's fingerprints and our winner today. I would certainly go to jail. I would certainly be arrested for that. Oh my God, I think this guy was murdered by a table. That's my impression of the cop later also joining us today he's been on the show a few times because he is based here in raleigh and he
Starting point is 00:09:20 is known on twitter as science comedian yeahian. Yeah, it's our friend Brian Mallow, everybody! Brian Mallow! Tape, tape, tape, tape! Don't worry, they'll get to it. Hey, I came up with a good slogan for you. There's only one
Starting point is 00:09:42 L in Mallow, but I'm still pretty mellow. I'm using it already. And you are the science comedian. What's the latest in comedy and science? The latest?
Starting point is 00:09:58 What's breaking news in science and comedy? I just don't get it. Oh, that's never mind. Well, I don't know. Science and comedy. Stupid hippies don't get it. That's never happened. Well, I don't know. Science and comedy, the biggest thing this lately,
Starting point is 00:10:09 everyone knows, we've been talking about the moon landing, I guess, 50 years ago in July. First time landing on the moon. So you're one of those moon landing believers? Yeah, I'm one of those freaky conspiracy people
Starting point is 00:10:22 who think we actually probably did it. You're being reasonable. You just said probably. So you're leaving room for all those people that believe otherwise. I'm seeding disinformation, yes. You know, tying it to movies, there's been this video blogger. Somebody's dial tone was like a funeral dirge.
Starting point is 00:10:48 blogger somebody's dial tone was like a funeral dirge pointed out that in 1969 we had the technology to go to the moon we did not really have the technology to fake the video footage that well or the movie footage to tie it into the show good point science I don't know it was directed by kubrick so the guy uh right managed to pull off 2001 so i don't know why he couldn't fake a moon landing it would have been way weirder if it was the little boy danny and the shining in a sweatshirt that has a space rocket that says usa on it just to fuck with us further. That's one small step. That is what happened. That is what happened.
Starting point is 00:11:30 There's lots of crazy theories in the film Room 237. Have you seen that? Right. Yeah. Okay, so tell us what you brought. You're so excited about what you brought. So I brought a copy,
Starting point is 00:11:40 a DVD copy of the director's cut of Blade Runner. If you don't know the movie, that's ridiculous, but if you do, it's the director's cut. The main difference lacking
Starting point is 00:11:57 that voiceover from Harrison Ford. Ridley Scott didn't want it on there. They just kept tweaking it over the years, and now I guess there's a final, final version that I saw recently where they fixed effects, they fixed a bad stunt double, they took the wires out of that one shot
Starting point is 00:12:18 where you could see wires lifting the flying car up. But anyway. And Rutger Hauer just died. Blade Runner. Yeah, and Rutger Hauer played runner yeah and Rutger Howard just died so thanks for bringing this real bummer of a gift yeah did you guys know Rutger Howard was murdered by a camp table on the moon yeah why are you still holding on to that do you want to just let it drop I mean I do but I don't know what I'm scared like an animal will run out of the bag.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Oh, you haven't even looked inside. I have no idea what's in here. I'm hoping it's not a gun. I'm praying it's not a gun. It looked like this looks like a rifle, but we'll just kind of let it. Yeah, just there you go. There you go. That's a table. That's a table.
Starting point is 00:13:05 That's a table. I can tell. Yeah, I got a good ear. I got perfect pitch. That's a table. Wait, if I drop something on the ground, you know what it was? Anybody can drop anything on anything.
Starting point is 00:13:17 I said, if I drop something on the ground. Specifically you. Yeah, I can tell. Are you ready? Yeah. What was that? That sounded like you picked something up. That's what I heard. I heard you pick something up. Imperfect pitch. I mean, didn't you just hear him
Starting point is 00:13:34 give... The only thing I had in my hands was a Blade Runner DVD. Would have been amazing if you just said, that's a Blade Runner DVD. Director's cut. Like, if you'd have known all that information based on hearing it hit the floor, that would have been some real podcast gold, Jeff. I can't hear out of my left ear.
Starting point is 00:13:53 What did you bring for the prize? What did you bring for the prize, Ben? I brought a burnout mug. Check it out. It's for when... You sure you don't want to keep that? Yeah, I got some more. They didn't send me just one.
Starting point is 00:14:09 It'll make your coffee immediately not too hot to drink, and it'll keep it there all day. So when you live in the woods with this. With my table. Right? If you plan on living in the woods after today's show, I got you covered coffee-wise. Yeah, and you got a magazine to read and a sippy cup that's empty.
Starting point is 00:14:32 You'll be set for a life in the wilderness. Speaking of the moon landing, this was made by rocket scientists. It says so on the box. A rocket scientist thought it up. Like how a teacher came up with airborne. A rocket scientist was like, what if my coffee keeps getting cold? Burnoutmugs.com, promo code Tate.
Starting point is 00:14:59 All of that is in the prize bag today. Yeah. It's consolidated, so it's only two bags, and together it only weighs about 200 pounds. Jeff, I know you're busy laughing right now, but I would like to start with you on a question that you know is coming, and I just want a direct, specific answer.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Lately, everyone wants to tell me about two or three movies, reasons why they saw this or that. I just want to know. And I'll decide what the follow-up question is. What was the last movie you saw? Good Boys. All right, uh good boys all right all right all right i saw yeah some people like him i've got a question yeah why why do they need a movie where children say and do inappropriate things oh did you say why do we
Starting point is 00:16:02 need one um i don't know the answer to that i i didn't know why did you like it why do i like it they made jokes that i understood i got a lot of the jokes i laughed at it i always think it's funny when a kid says fuck like you guys ever see role models that kid in role models is hilarious wait but, but that was just one or two usages. Just having kids swear a lot, doesn't it get old after a while? No, that dumb Role Models movie was too much about those adults and not enough about that kid who says fuck. That's what I thought. And then when I saw a trailer for that, I was like, three of those Role Model kids for the whole movie? I'm in.
Starting point is 00:16:47 I learned a lot about friendship and how to uh be friends with other people it's a great movie i say it's probably the best it's the best movie i've seen all week no hang on he does see a lot of movies each week no it's not the only one but we do not need to hear about the others remember right i'll be outside with the oh i'm gonna open this table and sell all the rest of the prize bag you can come talk to me then brian mallow same question i saw no the question is why Good Boys? Oh my God, I'm going to do that.
Starting point is 00:17:31 I'm going to do that on every episode from now on. You guys were here for the beginning of a thing that's going to fuck with guest number two every episode. Because nobody listens to the show before coming on it. Alright, Brian. What was your answer though you were answering so i saw the documentary apollo 11 actually oh look at the brains on brian
Starting point is 00:17:58 i don't always see documentaries but when i do, but maybe more interesting than the movie itself, I saw it at a really interesting event with a lot of geeky people and scientists, and I watched it standing next to Neil Armstrong's son. As we watched his father go to the moon and come back, I was standing next to his son. Neil Legstrong. Now let's try to guess, everybody, between Brian and Neil Legstrong's son, which one
Starting point is 00:18:30 was jerking off? Oh, I call both. I call both. It's like the double zero on the roulette table. It's an exciting moment. It's exciting. But like, how much of your periphery did you like watch? Like, how much did you see his reaction to it?
Starting point is 00:18:46 So the thing is, I had already seen the movie, and it was at a big event. And that's why I chose to be in the back. And I was with the filmmakers, and he was next to me. And the part that I remember best, at the very end, when he comes, Neil Armstrong. Oh, Neil Armstrong. He was the one jerking off. I've never seen Apollo 11. When they came back from the uh
Starting point is 00:19:06 when they came back from the moon they were quarantined so they were in this weird car and his his and so there's his dad who must be like in his 30s neil um waving to people through this window and standing next to me was his like 60 year old son with his hand on his chest just watching with footage which he must have seen a lot of times before, but it was pretty chilling. That was, like, amazing. What if the kid goes, oh, fuck, you never told me that. My dad went to the moon?
Starting point is 00:19:34 Exactly. Wow, that is awesome. I mean, I feel like everyone in this room doesn't even care what movie Tim saw. That's the most amazing movie-watching experience. Or why good boys even right listen jacob trembley is a fantastic actor i like him he's good that movie where his face was all fucked up
Starting point is 00:19:57 the man without a face i saw it no it was called Fucked Up Face Kid. I saw it. I was in the back. I was standing next to that guy's kid. He had a fucked up... His face was fucked up, too. Sorry, Tim, but I do have to ask. Yeah. I'm waiting. What do you got?
Starting point is 00:20:25 Okay. Movie. Last movie I saw. Okay. Assuming we're not talking about the YouTube documentary, Jeffrey Epstein alive, question mark, uh,
Starting point is 00:20:33 which, which was somewhat disorganized, but spirited, spirited. Um, I heard they pushed his body off the same boat they pushed off osama bin laden yeah i saw the movie mid summer or if you have a meeting with a24 they will correct you and say mid somar and then you tell them oh i don't give a fuck uh so mid som, the horror film. So you met with the company that made the movie.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Yes. They feel like you mispronounced a word that was made up. Yes. I said, oh, I saw Midsommar. And they said, it's Midsommar. And I was like, OK. Yeah, well, you have no idea what time of year I went to that movie.
Starting point is 00:21:22 Yeah. I saw it in late July, early August. August! It's August! And it was, you know, it was fine. It was fun. Horror, fun, good. You know. So you saw it and then had the meeting. Yeah. I saw it and I had the meeting. Made that foul
Starting point is 00:21:40 pull. Nobody knew why I was there. They didn't know why I was there. I didn't know why I was there. didn't they didn't know why I was there I didn't know why I was there fun meeting you know uh water they give you a water they gave me water and we sat there and uh we discussed I said hereditary not really and uh it's hereditary and you know we parted as friends. One hopes. It was mutual. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:11 What is your feeling about the Midsommar movie? Did you like it? I thought it was very good. I thought it was, you know... You like being that upset. I thought it was long. For a long time. It was very drawn out. It was very bright.
Starting point is 00:22:23 A lot of dread. Very bright. I was assaulted with,. It was very bright. A lot of dread. Very bright. I was assaulted with the Swedish sun. It was a lot for me as an Irish man from the East. I felt like I was getting burned in the theater. Just hear my
Starting point is 00:22:35 Aunt Sue be like, you're going to get melanoma! Cover up. The Swedes are known for their olive skin. Yes. It's one of the more brightly lit horror-ish movies. Yeah. If something terrible happens, you get to really see it.
Starting point is 00:22:50 But it was good. It was enjoyable. Yeah, there's nothing where you're like, what's happening? Usually horror movies are in the woods, so the effects
Starting point is 00:22:57 don't have to be that good. But somebody's got some fucked up shit in there. I had a friend that I went with, and he was like, what's great about this is that it's really about relationships.
Starting point is 00:23:06 And it's like, all right, we're no longer friends. Just enjoy the horror movie. Just enjoy it, okay? Just depicts the normal ups and downs in the relationship between any two people. Me and you could be like these characters. Sounds like you guys are talking about good boys. Do you guys talk about good boys?
Starting point is 00:23:26 I felt there weren't enough scenes in Midsommar where they tossed around a dildo like it was a baked potato. I mean, come on, but imagine if they were 12. Right, right. Wait, I heard it. I heard it. I mean, it's kind of my dream to see a 12-year-old burn to death inside of an animal. But enough spoilers for Good Boys.
Starting point is 00:23:54 That doesn't happen in Good Boys. I saw the whole thing. Is there like an end credit scene where they burn someone alive? That does happen in Jeffrey Epstein Alive, question mark. So if you are into that content... Well, thank you guys for your honest answers to that
Starting point is 00:24:17 question. I know it takes people off guard. They're not ready to open up like that usually. I didn't get to say who I saw it with. Was that an important piece of information? No, you just said don't do it, and then they both did it immediately. I saw it with Neil Armstrong's son. Oh, I was at the studio with the studio head watching Midsommar.
Starting point is 00:24:51 So who did you see it with? I saw it by myself. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. That's why I don't ask you who you saw it with. Because you go to movies by yourself. I do too. I mean, I'm not making fun of that. I had a nice soda.
Starting point is 00:25:09 I had a nice activity. I was at the Alamo Drafthouse here in Raleigh today and yeah, and it is delightful and I recommend the Brussels Sprouts bacon, and goat cheese pizza. Yeah, hold all three of those ingredients. No, no, they're all really good. They really come together nicely. And it's available at most of the Alamo Drafthouses.
Starting point is 00:25:41 But they have a new Alamo Drafthouse in Los Angeles that does not have that pizza. So I'm not boycotting them, but I'm also like, come on, don't make me, you know. I went all the way to Raleigh for this pizza. I bet if you told them that, they'd let you at least bring in your own Brussels sprouts. Great job, Jeff, nailing the best ingredient on that pizza. That bacon and goat cheese can fuck off.
Starting point is 00:26:08 If I could have a dry Brussels sprouts pizza, then I'd be in business. I imagine they got bacon for other menu items. turn it off burt let the games begin oh guys i do not envy you in your decision making situation at hand because there's so many good name tags some of which light up. Is there anything attached to any of them? Oh, that guy's got some stuff. Oh, lots of stuff glued onto that one. So yeah, Godspeed and go select the name tag.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Just grab it and bring it back to your seat. I feel like I'm going to lose, so I want to pick somebody who didn't work hard on this side. Oh, that's a good approach. I want to pick somebody who really just phoned it in and doesn't deserve to win, because I definitely won't win. There's somebody waving around back there.
Starting point is 00:27:14 There's a poster of Jacob Searoff back there. That person doesn't care. This lady, she just wrote her name down. Yeah, this lady doesn't give a shit about anything. This is an Eternal Sunshine DVD with a little airplane Tito's bottle. Well, normally we save the reveal for after the break. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:32 Tell us about it now. This does not deserve to win. Okay. We'll be right back. Doug plugs. Doug Loves Movies is back at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles this Tuesday at 8 o'clock new time
Starting point is 00:27:49 and I'll be doing stand up in Phoenix at CB Live on Saturday August 31st at 420 and in Denver at Comedy Works on Saturday September 1st at 7 o'clock.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Bring name tags if you want to try your hand at playing Last Man Stanton. At all of my stand-up dates, for all of my dates and deets and links, oh my, go to douglosmovies.com. That's douglosmovies.com. Yakka, Ka, Wallet. Shh. Back to the show. We're back!
Starting point is 00:28:26 Alright, that was a very intense name tag selection process. We already know who Tim picked. Who do you have, Jeff? I picked Matt, Mattatooey. He's got all kinds of shit taped to it. I thought this thing was gonna have
Starting point is 00:28:42 weed in it, but it doesn't. But this thing on the back has candy that's shaped like real food, like gummy hamburgers and stuff. I can't wait. Hey, I can't either. Can you open that up and show us what candy shaped like food
Starting point is 00:28:58 looks like? I can. This candy's shaped like food, you guys. It's revolutionary. Most candy is inedible. Use your microphone, boys. I mean, gummy candy is shaped like worms a lot. I don't eat a lot of worms. I eat some.
Starting point is 00:29:19 I'm not saying I don't eat none. You eat a lot of licorice. It's shaped like nothing. It's just a stick. Oh, god damn it. What? It's like fucking wrapped up. It's big.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Oh, each one is an individual wrapper? Yeah. You can still see through the wrapper, though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let me see this. So this one is a... They look like bottles of Coke. What's it supposed to be?
Starting point is 00:29:43 Bottles of Coke. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're little Coke bottles. Yeah. like bottles of Coke. What's it supposed to be? Bottles of Coke. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're little Coke bottles. Shit ton of them. Ooh, the hamburger looks good. I don't usually like pickles, but I'll give it a shot. All right, I'm sorry I brought it up.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Yeah, me too. I wish I would have picked a different name tag. What's the name on the name tag again, Jeff? Matt Tatooine. Okay, Matt. So I just want to remember the Matt part. Next time you could do Matt, a gas car. Brian?
Starting point is 00:30:20 Well, Doug, I picked one that almost requires Tim's table to hold up. Yeah. And John Ayer. And you know, I recognize not you, but also my friend Jacob Searoff. Yeah, Jacob's on there. And they were all the way in the back of the room. I felt they needed something. No, it's a big name tag.
Starting point is 00:30:41 It's got a big Jeff Tate on there. Really big Doug Benson face. And what's the quote on there? It says, I said it's time for a year off. Oh, that's in reference to sometimes we do hashtag year off of Sear Off. But the people speak and they always vote for them. It's a tradition. There you go.
Starting point is 00:31:04 Con Air. There you go, Con Air. There you go, Con Air. There you go. John. Yeah, the guy's name is John. John Air. Good job, John. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:11 You put a lot of history of the show into that name tag. That's the one I wish I picked. Brian didn't even understand it, and yet he appreciated it. He connected to it. Jeff, what do you got? Tim, what is your name tag? What? I already did my name tag what i already did my name tag we already did tim's too yeah we did mine too so we'll just do yours again for anyone that has alzheimer's all you had to say jeff was we've done all the name
Starting point is 00:31:41 tags back to you doug yeah okay okay everybody back to one we've done all the name tags. Back to you, Doug. Okay, everybody, back to one. We've done all the name tags. Back to you, Doug. You got that. We'll edit that part out. Oh, yeah, Manitoui. I was so focused on knowing that we already knew that Tim was playing for... I mean, it's Eternal Sunshine DVD with...
Starting point is 00:32:10 What's their name though? Leslie. Leslie is not getting a table. Not with that effort. Not a Manitoui effort. I don't think she's disappointed. Well, it's true. We don't know her lifestyle. We'll see. When you come up for your first show tonight,
Starting point is 00:32:28 a Saturday night headliner show, I mean, I guess the emcee will be the first to notice. Right. This table might still be right here on the stage. Careful. I'll tell you right now, we'll set that table fucking up and we'll get another fucking happy couple from Raleigh in here. I sit and watch game shows on TV with a calculator
Starting point is 00:32:47 and I figure out the tax on everything that everybody wins and then I decide in my head whether or not that person's going to pay the tax or just say, fuck it, I don't want that price. It gets especially tricky when it's a cash prize. Because it depends which state they're in. I do all the, I figure it all out. All right.
Starting point is 00:33:12 This first game we're going to play today, I've been playing it a lot lately because it's mortifying to me how bad my guests are at it. But it's also a game where you could just guess and be right. It's called Characters Welcome. I'm going to name the characters, like the silly things that they name characters in the end credits of a movie, you know, next to an actor's name, it'll say something like, here's a great example. There
Starting point is 00:33:36 was a movie where someone was called Bruce the bartender. You know, just silly things like that. Coyote Ugly. No, no no no no that was just an example okay okay of a credit that tim dylan has yeah by the way in a movie called boston psychiatric here's the thing i am not in that movie what this is true i there's an imdb page to say i was in a movie called boston psychiatric and they say i play a guy named bruce the bartender if you go to bruce the bartender it's another fat guy it's not me at all and i don't know who at imdb like what lazy person's like well i guess tim dillon will do it's like a crazy thing but i was never in that film i was a bartender in a movie that i can't remember the name of and i'm fat maybe it's me it's great i wish i was anyway it was a good
Starting point is 00:34:36 part bring up such as such a sore spot i'm sorry i thought you had this amazing credit in Boston Psychiatric. Who doesn't love that movie? It's not good. I watched it. It is really not strong. Did you watch it just to make sure you weren't the part? I was like, because I used to be an alcoholic. I was like, how drunk did I get? Was I in a film? And I was not. Sadly, I was not.
Starting point is 00:35:00 But am I good? Am I an amazing actor? But yeah. All right. so you get the idea though i love when jeff has an audience member help him take his jacket off um thank you it was uh i like doing it too it's good to you know involve the audience as much as you can and the gentleman who took your coat off is wearing a hot dogs and gatorade t-shirt yeah that he purchased from you online or in person probably in person i don't think uh i know how to do that online sales
Starting point is 00:35:35 in person online online oh you bought it from a dude okay what i get it that was me from a scalper different thing different thing all together either anyway that's why i picked his name tag i love how jeff has such control of every facet of his career all right here we go test test can you hear me, Jeff? Yeah. Okay, good. Do you need to see my lips? Does that help? Here we go. This movie has a character in it named Sweet Woman.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Not very helpful. Home Alone. Yep, there could be a woman in there that's sweet. I'm sure his mother had an actual name, though. Maybe it's Home Alone 2, lost in New York. I don't know how you're spelling sweet. It's not sweat. Yeah, it's not like a hotel suite.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo Wearer. That's a credit somebody has in this movie That they're a Jimmy Chew Wearer There's also someone Called What the fuck Lingerie
Starting point is 00:37:00 Saleswoman Okay Can we guess? Yeah, as often as you like. I'm sorry I didn't say that at the beginning. Jimmy Choo, Crazy Rich Asians. Oh, that's a very good guess. That's another good guess, Jeff.
Starting point is 00:37:16 That movie had a sequel, of course. Sex and the City 2. Is this all the same movie? Lingerie saleswoman? That's the idea. Maybe I didn't explain it well enough at the beginning. These are all characters from the same movie? Lingerie saleswoman? That's the idea. Maybe I didn't explain it well enough at the beginning. They're all characters from the same movie.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Lingerie saleswoman? Pretty woman? No. The Devil Wears Prada. Jimmy Choo might be a lingerie saleswoman in it though. Jimmy Choo's got to be recent. I love how much you guys are guessing. I feel pretty. The Devil Wears Prada?
Starting point is 00:37:46 Rocky Balboa. Sleepless in Seattle? Matatoui. Chinatown. Made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez? Okay. The remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum. If you get the title right, I don't care who's in it.
Starting point is 00:38:01 It's just the title we're looking for. Manhattan. There's another character. I don't know why that guy said something. I guess maybe Jurassic Park was supposed to be a funny answer. Yeah, it was not. I bombed. He meant
Starting point is 00:38:17 Jurassic World where she wears the heels. That's probably what he meant. Let's give him some credit. Return of the Jedi. Give us another character. Alex Fisher. Edie Cohen. Crystal Allen.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Okay, now here's what I want to ask you guys. Ocean's 8. I want you to start thinking about everything I've said so far. eight. I want you to start thinking about everything I've said so far. There's also Mary Haynes and a Sylvie Fowler.
Starting point is 00:38:51 Is it a pretzel portrait? No. Beast of the Southern Wild? No. The player. What does every person that I named, every character, what do they have in common? They're all women. Little common? They're all women. They're all women.
Starting point is 00:39:07 Yes. They're all women. Which women are they? First Wives Club. They are hidden figures. No. Which women? You had to say specifically. It's not a woman.
Starting point is 00:39:24 Oh, which women? It's not just woman. A witch women? It's not just one woman, obviously. The witches of Eastwood. There's several women, so they wouldn't call it a woman. Designing women? They'd probably call it something like a fashionable woman.
Starting point is 00:39:40 I don't think they'd use a. I think my point was it's not just one person. It's women. The women. The women is correct! The women! Tim Dillon with the women!
Starting point is 00:39:53 Oh, I hope this lady doesn't win. I'm so upset. Is this going to be like Trump where it's a joke and then I actually win and then we get a shitty thing? Yeah, I'm going to trick you into saying the right answer every time. No, The Women was a film starring Meg Ryan and Ed Benning and it was directed and written by Diane English. And the entire cast was all women. And it was from 2008, I believe.
Starting point is 00:40:20 And so I thought that would be fun for that game. And I was, you know, kind of right. I especially liked the clue at the end. Clue. What do they all have in common? Jimmy Choo wearer was a real game changer. That threw us. But all you won, Tim.
Starting point is 00:40:39 So you still have a great chance of losing. Yes. All you won is the opportunity to go first in this next game it's a new game and it's called China I do not want to go first in China before you. I just think it's important everybody knows that climate change is a hoax that China started. And so this game is going to everything involves movies
Starting point is 00:41:14 with the word China in the title specifically three movies. Interesting. I'll go to you first, Tim. We go to you one at a time. Yes. I'll name an actor or actress and you tell me if they were in Chinatown, the China Syndrome, or Big Trouble in Little China.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Of course. Okay. All right. All right. So no matter what your answer, it's going to include China. Gotcha. That's why the game is called China.
Starting point is 00:41:41 Okay. No other reason. Start with you okay you know the three options town syndrome a big trouble gotcha okay Alan chin Alan chin which one was he in Alan chin Chen was in The China Syndrome. I don't know why Jeff's laughing. That is correct. Yeah! Woo!
Starting point is 00:42:13 Oh, man. Yeah, this... Jeff, I don't know what you're laughing at. This isn't your father's China. This is serious. It's a great film the choice game all right Brian you're next which one featured Wilford Brimley. Ah.
Starting point is 00:42:52 I'm going to say the China Syndrome. That is correct. He was in. The China Syndrome. The China Syndrome. All right, Jeff. You love him as Pauly in the Rocky films. But Burt Young was only in one of those three films. Yeah, he's in Chinatown.
Starting point is 00:43:19 I like your confidence. That is correct. We have a three-way tie. This is unheard of. This kind of correct answers in a row. Three correct answers.
Starting point is 00:43:37 I got to throw some curveballs now. It probably won't happen again. All right, we'll see what you do with this, Tim. Are we still playing China? No, we've never played China. We're playing China. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:53 China's for, I don't know who plays that. Some weak sauce bullshit podcast. Yeah. It's time for more China. Yeah. Jerry Fujikawa. Jerry Fujikawa great jerry fuji kawa jerry fuji was in he was in and i really enjoyed him in this big trouble in little china oh that was a great guess because it was one of the three
Starting point is 00:44:21 now it moves to brian you only have two to choose from, Brian. Which one do you think it is? It's exciting. Jerry Fujikawa. Chinatown. That is correct. All right, Jeff, we're coming at you. Chinatown? Or do I get a new name?
Starting point is 00:44:51 Is that what you want to pre-guess? Oh, no, no, no. I don't want to pre-guess. I thought I was doing Jerry Fujikama. No. Diane Ladd mother of what's her name yeah you're right
Starting point is 00:45:14 Laura Dern Alan Ladd oh I'm Laura Dern Diane Ladd was in Bruce Dern was in Diane Ladd Diane Ladd was in Bruce Stern was in Diane Ladd Hence Laura Dern We were in front of a brick wall
Starting point is 00:45:39 I'm obligated to try to do some jokes Don't you mean the Great Wall? Of China! It's okay Hang on, that's not one of mean the Great Wall? Of China! It's okay. Hang on, that's not one of the guesses. Alright, back to China! Okay, Diane Ladd was in The China Syndrome.
Starting point is 00:45:53 No. The Chinatown Syndrome. Big Trouble in Little Chinatown Syndrome. That's a great we should, you know, talk about that. That's a great title for a movie., talk about that. That's a great title for a movie. Finally, a parody of these three films. It's what everybody needs but doesn't
Starting point is 00:46:14 want. Tim, what do you think? About which one was Diane Ladd in? Jeff said the wrong one. Diane Ladd did? Jeff said the wrong one. Yeah, Diane Ladd did a great job. And, uh...
Starting point is 00:46:29 Jeff said... I'm sorry, we're not allowed to recap. Okay. But he said all three. That's what I mean. It got confusing there. Well, but that's okay. That's the idea. I'm going to say that Diane...
Starting point is 00:46:43 I get you high before the show and then ask you complicated questions and then this whole group of people gets to laugh at you. Fair enough. Was it Big Trouble in Little China? What did you say, Jeff? I said Big Trouble in Little China. Yeah, so that's not it. No, I said...
Starting point is 00:46:59 No, you said China Syndrome. Yeah, you said China Syndrome and then I said Big Trouble or Chinatown. Yeah, I'm saying Big Trouble. Incorrect. Damn it, Brian. You're running away with this thing, Brian. Murder on the Orient Express. That was a terrible Brian impression.
Starting point is 00:47:27 What do you think, Brian? Oh, wait. Are we moving on to somebody else? No, no. It's the same person. You just have to name the third movie that we haven't said yet. Because he said China Syndrome. I forget that.
Starting point is 00:47:38 And he said Big Trouble in Little China. I'm not sure. Maybe. And that leaves Chinatown. That is correct. Chinatown. That was more of a test than it should have been to pick that third one. No, that's what's fun about it.
Starting point is 00:47:53 All right, we're back to you, Jeff. Cool. Victor Wong. Nope. I abstain from voting. I have a conflict of interest.or wong is my godfather i'm a my parents were friends with the wongs um which one do you think he was in i think he's in chinatown nope tim big trouble in little china that's correct that's right baby all right back to you brian Big Trouble in Little China. That's correct. That's right, baby!
Starting point is 00:48:28 All right, back to you, Brian. James Hong. Wow. Now, Well Hong is in the parking lot. You should go meet him. Big Trouble. So just for the listeners and everybody else on the other side of the room, a guy, they always said, well hung, you know,
Starting point is 00:48:49 because that's the guy that's been over there making jokes. And then Jeff said what he said. That he's out in the parking lot, that he should go there. I have a feeling that man is still in the room. Big trouble in Little China? Yes.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Because he's also in Chinatown. Oh, two correct answers. Yeah, I don't know how James Hong didn't end up in China Syndrome. Probably because it was mostly about just white people in a nuclear power plant. But that means that Brian wins this game. Woo! this game yeah I was very excited when I found a somebody who's in two out of three of those movies was super cool you really do your research oh yeah it takes five to ten minutes I mean before the internet this show was hard to pull off
Starting point is 00:49:41 the internet, this show was hard to pull off. Doing this podcast, you mean? Yeah, before the internet. I couldn't figure out a way to make it happen. I wanted to ask my friends trivia questions in front of people and get paid for it, and everyone was like, podcasts don't exist yet, bro.
Starting point is 00:50:01 I remember buying Douglas Movies cassettes in the 80s. We passed them around. we were really into it the internet has really made it you know who wants a phone nut also known as a throw nut
Starting point is 00:50:15 here it comes good luck everybody sorry lady but they are pretty light though that didn't hurt, did it? Okay, good. This guy's getting one really hard. Somebody make sure he gets that at least
Starting point is 00:50:39 and hit him right in the face. Don't leave it on the floor. There you go. Sorry about that. Holy shit. I hate when things go perfectly. I was like, said that's what I was going to do, throw it in your face.
Starting point is 00:51:01 And I hit you right in the face. Can I say your name on the podcast? Do you want? Yeah, what is it? Chad. Okay, thank you, Chad. Tell all your friends. Give me the face with a paper donut.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Let's play Last Man Stanton! Holy shit, we're way ahead of time here. Let me just hit a few more people in the face. This game, of course, for those of you... Ooh, sorry about that. Am I going to apologize every time? Defend your faces!
Starting point is 00:51:43 That guy didn't flinch at all. Went right in his lap. He's like, here you go. every time and then your faces. That guy didn't flinch at all. I write his lab. He's like, there you go. It's pretty romantic, isn't it? Oh, no. It's on the stage. Here goes Jeff. Ooh, nice. Hey, Jeff, while you're up, open up that box of Dunkin' Donuts that somebody mysteriously put on the stage. Are there donuts in it?
Starting point is 00:52:13 Yeah. Usually. We'll see. Whoa. It's dog shit! Yeah, it's so bad. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Stick around. We'll let you spin the wheel. It really was dog shit.
Starting point is 00:52:31 No, but could you leave them open? Oh, yeah. It's like the shittiest donut. You didn't want any of them? They're shitty? They went out of their way to get the worst donut. Oh, my God. The worst donut.
Starting point is 00:52:40 What are those dry things? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Both of you guys need to calm down. These donuts aren't for eating. They're for throwing. They got the best donuts. Oh, okay. I still like hitting somebody with a I think a jelly is good.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Taking charge of the situation. Calm down, guys! These are for throwing. Not for eating, just like these paper ones. Jeff is always the voice of reason. They do get the most plain ones. Because even those chocolate ones, those are the kind of chocolate where it doesn't come off, right? It's not icing. It's chocolate to the core.
Starting point is 00:53:12 If you hit somebody with a jelly, the sugar gets in their eye. And that's what I like. Disorient them. It is kind of fun when it's more messy. But I do like, I appreciate the... This is respectful. I appreciate these choices. So, does anybody want to throw one before we start this game?
Starting point is 00:53:31 Nah, no thank you. It doesn't feel organic now. Well, I'm asking you to do it. That's organic enough, isn't it? This one is even moldy or something. Oh, what the... Are these... Wait, are these edible? This one is even moldy or something. Oh, what the... Are these...
Starting point is 00:53:45 Wait, are these edible? Who put these up here? That one has a green spot on it, and none of the other ones do. Are these explosives? Maybe that one's got a little jalapeno in it. Maybe Duncan got fancy on one donut. Oh, there he goes again.
Starting point is 00:54:01 That was into the darkness. It's scary when you just toss one in the darkness you don't know what's happening but there's one big crawler that's got probably a little bit more I mean that's that looks like it probably spins better yeah give that a mess see if you can get that into the balcony yeah just we'll just do that you know yeah just whip it out there but watch your faces every now you don't do that don't hit me Frisbee. Oh, look at that. Yeah, that's nice. Don't you feel like you're out on the golf course, Jeff? Yes.
Starting point is 00:54:32 The Frisbee golf? Oh, I just eat donuts everywhere, so they kind of remind me of everywhere I go. Oh, now you're going to think about that funeral. I know, man. those were some good donuts i mean whatever so my dad's dead whatever but they were like they had like captain crunch in the icing oh man those were sounds great uh dear good nights in raleigh north carolina may i please have another Tito's and soda? Does anybody
Starting point is 00:55:07 else need anything? I would like a Coca-Cola. You don't have to. I already have a straw. Oh, that's good. That's really important for the server to know. Brian, do you want anything? No, I'm good. Okay. Tim? Jelly donut. No, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:55:26 Yeah, none of those fuckers have jelly. I mean, one of them has some green jelly in it. You know, a few of them do look moldy. That's fucking weird. Yeah. Don't eat these, you guys. I think they brought these donuts the last time you were in Raleigh. Yeah, Jeff just pulled out the one that's gross.
Starting point is 00:55:43 Yeah. Are you performing surgery? Taking out the gross part? Oh, now it'sigh. Yeah, Jeff just pulled out the one that's gross. Yeah. Are you performing surgery? Taking out the gross part? Oh, now it's perfect. Yeah. Thanks for putting it back in the box. Imagine if the person was like, when did you get them? They're like, an hour ago. Yeah, well,
Starting point is 00:55:59 I would not patronize that Dunkin' Donuts anymore. I would cross them off the list. If this is their current offering, that's an issue. You know? Hey, four or five hours is a long time. Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:56:16 You know, you gotta eat those donuts quick. Before they turn green. We can't even tell what the black donuts are turning. They're just black. No offense. People got real quiet about that. That was weird. We live in, you know,
Starting point is 00:56:34 it's very charged times. Don't yell that. Oh, thank you. Finally. Now I'm going to start making more sense. This is a game where we use a couple of people from the audience. We bring them up here and we rub the remaining donuts on their faces. No, we just used their ideas.
Starting point is 00:57:06 A couple people volunteered on the internet today. I'm going to get a name from one of them. We'll see if we like it. And then we'll all take turns naming movies that person was in. So who ended up winning that last thing officially? Brian did. It was me. So we'll go Brian, Jeff, me, because I like to play, and Tim.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Of course, I'm not eligible to actually win. Where is someone who calls themselves, they somehow got just the word brilliant on Twitter? Brilliant. How'd you do that? Did you sign up for Twitter like immediately? It's my real name. Your real name, so did you have to fight for it? No.
Starting point is 00:57:44 It was available when you signed up. Brilliant. Your last name is just the word brilliant. Correct. I hate your family. I mean, it's the worst. Listen, Tim Ding Dong will be here tonight.
Starting point is 00:58:00 The Brilliance and the Ding Dongs have never gotten along. Every other brilliant family has figured out the change is just Brill or something. But you're stuck with Brilliant. What's your first name? Because that's got to be fun. Jonathan Brilliant. God damn.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Man, I'd watch that show. Yeah. Your middle initial better not be S. It's D, Jonathan D, brilliant Do you have brothers or sisters? What are their names? Stupid and shithead Right Mortimer?
Starting point is 00:58:37 Morton, brilliant Mortimer That sounds like a fun down to earth guy Morton, that's the show Morton, brilliant I'd watch that for. Morton. That's the show. Morton brilliant. Morton brilliant. I'd watch that for sure. I'm out.
Starting point is 00:58:48 Brilliant. Morton brilliant. Can I have the night off? Morton brilliant. No, keep counting beans. You know, bean counting was a nighttime gig when I hired you.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Morton brilliant is morning. David David Koch something bad right now. Okay. Okay. What? Oh, he works when you say the other side. Yeah, okay. I get it now. I thought you meant heaven.
Starting point is 00:59:22 The other. Come on. It's a thinker. It's a thinker, folks. His work has moved on to the other side okay brilliant because I'm just going to keep calling you brilliant because that's awesome is there anyone here named awesome
Starting point is 00:59:34 my name is John Q awesome what's your suggestion today Jonathan Sean Connery what's your suggestion today Jonathan Sean Connery the great beater of women no wait that was James Bond
Starting point is 00:59:54 but still rest in peace wait he's dead shit that would be a weird way to find out if you suggest Gene Hackman I might start crying. People, our longtime friend Brendan Walsh has a bit where he just tells the audience that Gene Hackman's dead. And people just, yeah, people get really bummed out by it.
Starting point is 01:00:18 Then he goes on to try to dig out of that hole. It's crazy. It's pretty funny. He's been dead for like six years, too. And you guys still freak out. Wait, who? Brendan Walsh. I thought he meant Brendan Walsh.
Starting point is 01:00:36 I was like, oh. I retweeted him earlier. Because you're alive. Sean Connery and Gene Hackman have retired from filmmaking. Which, I don't know. I don't know how I feel about that. Who else likes Sean Connery besides me?
Starting point is 01:00:51 Are you guys comfortable with the films of Sean Connery? I mean, obviously we can name probably seven Bond films, right? Maybe eight. I think eight. Obviously. Obviously. What do you think, Jeff? You like it? Should we get a second name? Yeah, we should get a second name. I think eight. Obviously. Obviously. What do you think, Jeff?
Starting point is 01:01:06 You like it? Should we get a second name? Yeah, we should get a second name. It should be a short game. Real challenge. Sean Connery. It might be a real short. Sean Connery's too old for all of us. A real short game.
Starting point is 01:01:15 Okay. How about, okay, I'll take as a handicap, no matter who the second name is, I'll only do Sean Connery movies. Oh. Unless the other name is, I'll only do Sean Connery movies. Oh. Unless the other name is Nicolas Cage, because I learned a new Nicolas Cage movie today, and I can't wait
Starting point is 01:01:32 to try that. What is happening? That really sounded like officials were marching into the room. I was expected to turn and see Jed Jackson and Rhythm Nation.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Yeah. I thought the building was getting a phone call. I thought it was the overture for Stomp was beginning. All right. I don't know what that was. It's Jonathan doing it with his mind. Freak. His brilliant mind.
Starting point is 01:02:21 His brilliant mind. Oh, hey, I saw that movie. It was about cigarettes, right? Did you get a phone, Jonathan? You might now. Oh! I am better at that than I should be. Okay, let's go to a second person.
Starting point is 01:02:46 Where is beat underscore Smith? Hey, dude. What's up? Are you well hung? I mean, are you the guy that said that? Because he'd be disqualified. What is your full name? Smith is in your thing.
Starting point is 01:03:04 Is Smith your last name? Are you super jealous of Brilliant over here? No. No. See, he's all right with Smith. It probably used to be Smitherson. Or Smithiest. Smith Awesome, yes.
Starting point is 01:03:19 Good suggestion. Now be quiet. What's your suggestion, dude? man yeah I mean this Gary old man that probably Sean Connery wasn't stream enough we could not all be sitting more still. Right. Are rats eating into the sound system? Oh, if that's... We're not doing anything and those noises keep happening. Is this instead of a light?
Starting point is 01:03:55 Am I supposed to wrap it up? Is this club haunted? Is this club haunted? Did somebody, seriously, can somebody just flip a switch and make that stop happening? Why was it not happening earlier? Why only on occasion? Does this happen with like 15 minutes to go in your show, Tim?
Starting point is 01:04:30 No, it hasn't happened yet, but tonight was fun. It feels like they're maybe thinking Tim's mic is a culprit and yours is now off just to fix the problem. So thanks for being here, Tim. I'll just yell. Is it Tim's mic? Is it my mic? See? This is incredibly disrespectful.
Starting point is 01:04:55 I know, man. We all brought good mics with us, Tim. I shouldn't have brought this mic in the parking lot. Why'd you bring a shitty mic to a gunfight? Oh, this lady just got back from the restroom. Oh, maybe it was because of her. How long have you been gone?
Starting point is 01:05:15 Do you even know what we're talking about? I just wanted to update her. We heard what you were doing. I just wanted to tell her what she missed. What the heck, man? I think it's funny that she still doesn't really know what happened. She looks way more confused than what she got. All right, so Tim, we'll just share yeah it's great okay
Starting point is 01:05:46 ideal it's not you're right it's not perfect that's why anytime i show up at gig and they go we don't have a microphones i walk enough microphones what did i say uh okay so we got sean connery and i'm pretending to write it down. Gary Oldman. Good luck to us all. Start with you, Brian. Name a film either of those gentlemen was in. Zardoz.
Starting point is 01:06:25 And you can go to your lifeline once for help. Clearly you don't need it yet. You don't need John yet, but you will someday and for the rest of your life. Zardoz. That's my... That's a terrific answer. I would have saved
Starting point is 01:06:41 that one if I were you. Jeff. Bad strategy, but weird movie. Jeff. Oh man have saved that one if I were you. Jeff. Bad strategy but weird movie. Jeff. Oh man, I was going to say bad strategy. The movie. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Oh, I like that. Oldman
Starting point is 01:07:00 was great in that. I'm your father, Indy. I will do my impression of a Sean Connery line from each movie that gets mentioned. And so I will say, oh wait, whose turn is it? Your turn or mine? It's my turn, it's my turn. I'm going to come see you.
Starting point is 01:07:19 I'll get the mic to you in time. I'm going to go with the Untouchables. Yeah. And he says, they pull a knife. It's already terrible. They pull a knife, you pull a gun.
Starting point is 01:07:37 That's the Chicago way. China. China. You send one of ours to the hospital, we'll send one of yours to the space. Hunt for Red October? Great one. Excellent answer. I was waiting for him to do a impression.
Starting point is 01:07:57 You don't have a line from it? Oh, oh, oh. The submarine is underwater. Right? the submarine is underwater right that's my my russian accent is not exemplary i don't remember agreeing to this i don't is that yeah what's your answer brian the rock oh. Oh my God, one of the worst lines ever is when Sean Connery says, that means you're caught between the rock
Starting point is 01:08:31 and a hard case. Of course, Finding Forrester, you're the man now, dog. You're the man now, dog. You're the man now, dog. You are a man dog. Now. Right? The island of Dr. Forrester.
Starting point is 01:08:54 Now do your business so we can go back inside. Okay. okay um i'm gonna say this one's gonna blow your mind sean connery the avengers yeah he's in an old ass movie with ray fines and uma thurman called the avengers and he plays the bad guy and he's like so you're the Avengers. Tim? Do you accept James Bond 1? James Bond Ground Zero.
Starting point is 01:09:48 No. No, we can't accept that, but you can go to your lifeline. That might trigger some ideas. Leslie, what do you got? She says Batman Begins. Okay, I'll go with her. Batman Begins, okay. Good job. That's the only time I get to use that?
Starting point is 01:10:02 Gary Oldman's in Batman Begins. Wow. You could have my line too. So that might help you out a little bit in the future if you think about how Gary Oldman was in Batman Begins. See what I'm saying? See, it could prove
Starting point is 01:10:17 helpful in the future. Probably not now. Stop saying James Bond to me. Especially when you don't have a microphone. Who's next? So then, The Dark Knight. Yeah, see? He's going to take it from you. Jeff? I need everything I can get.
Starting point is 01:10:41 I can only do Sean Connery, so it's up to Jeff how mean we're going to be about this. True romance. There you go. He plays like a gentleman. I'm going to say the man who would be king and you're going to get Sean Connery
Starting point is 01:10:59 and Michael Caine in this one. I'm Michael Caine. Terrible impressions, but I believe that's a real conversation they had all right Tim so we've got Batman Begins and the Dark Knight and it's your turn dark no Dark Knight Rises he's, Dark Knight Rises. He's in for another round. Somebody else say a movie that has sequels. Brian?
Starting point is 01:11:32 Gary Oldman is in The Fifth Element. Yeah, he is. Oh. It was in Jufk. Am I saying that right? Jufk. It's spelled weird J-F-K goodnight
Starting point is 01:11:49 yes he was in Jufk it's true he was in Jufk too bad they didn't make any sequels to Jufk they did but they're all on YouTube I mean you porn let's see here what was the no
Starting point is 01:12:11 okay I want to say something that's going to help you I don't think I'm going to don't think I'm going to be helpful I can't think of any other franchises other than the obvious one for Sean Connery but I'm going to try to give you an answer that might
Starting point is 01:12:32 make you think of another you see what I'm saying I try to approach this like a doctor and when people kind of suggest that I cheat, I say no. But I'm going to go
Starting point is 01:12:50 with, my answer is from Russia with love. James Bond Doctor No. Is that acceptable? It's just Doctor No, but we'll take it. james bond did it right yeah yeah it's it's the first james bond movie it's called dr no so it'll also be james bond one
Starting point is 01:13:12 yo yeah oh yeah no that's why i helped you with it but now now you're on your own Brian medicine man yeah he's in that we're so high up in these trees how is medicine man not a sequel to doctor no hang on we're all about we're all just a bunch of extraordinary gentlemen trying to think of something right now so i'm gonna say um hang on I'm going with
Starting point is 01:14:08 hold up what's that one with calamari octopussy is James Bond in that one yeah but you know James Bond was portrayed by several different actors I know I'm thinking of the gary oldman one speaking of which he'd be a good bond villain anyway yeah what's your answer jeff oh fuck it's
Starting point is 01:14:39 still my turn yeah well i wanted to say the okay train robbery but i guess it was better than that the great train robbery oh yeah great train robbery got it nice we're gonna rob this train and if you're working you can fucking thumb to Poughkeepsie. Oh, man, you guys don't know, but that was a wild insult back then. Thumb to Poughkeepsie? Oh, man, if this were the 1800s, you would have fucking shit. I said thumb to Poughkeepsie around my grandma once.
Starting point is 01:15:31 I got soap in my mouth. Alright, I'm gonna say that did you ever see that Austin Powers movie, Tim, the gold member? I'm going to go with... Diamonds are forever. I guess I will say Austin Powers gold member.
Starting point is 01:16:08 I really tried. You're out. Brian. Gold finger. Yeah, gold finger. It's a James Bond movie. Jeff. Did anybody say the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen yet? No. Goldfinger. Yeah, Goldfinger. It's a James Bond movie. Jeff? Did anybody say the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen yet?
Starting point is 01:16:29 No. All right, look at all of us. You guys have shotgun reason. Yeah, you tried to say it. From Russia with Love. I said that one already? okay Thunderball I mean if you have a gold finger
Starting point is 01:16:56 you're gonna Thunderball that's Brian so I have that same problem I'm not clear which bond is in each of these but how about he wasn't in Skyfall okay
Starting point is 01:17:14 that might not be true man don't believe him fuck the spy who loved me oh shit do you want to go to your lifeline? Is my lifeline going to be useful to me? All right, what do you got?
Starting point is 01:17:32 Yeah, I am. I'm going to be so fucking useful. Do you... Come on, John. He's ready to go. He's ready. The longest day. The longest day.
Starting point is 01:17:44 Yeah. ready to go he's ready the longest day yeah that's a british guy So I can't argue with him about that answer. He's here representing Sean Connery. Who was what? What was he? Scottish, right? Oh. I like that.
Starting point is 01:18:29 Who was in The Spy Who Loved Me me that was roger moore yeah yeah oh well oh but he helped you so you're still in yeah you're still in jeff did you say from russia with love already okay then i'll go with The Russia House. Oh, right. Good one. Direct sequel. To the longest day. The crazy thing about this game
Starting point is 01:18:58 is, you know, you can say the wrong answer and then someone can help you, but ultimately, you only live twice. That's the first time that guy's ever laughed at anything. That's why it sounded so good. He finally let one rip. Ah, ah, ah.
Starting point is 01:19:25 Right, man? Knock the dust off before you go to a comedy show next time. Do a little practice laughing at home. Ha, ha, ha. Hee, hee, hee. Ah, ah, ah. It's definitely the first time he's laughed at anything today. At this show, we would have heard it already. Why did it take so long for you to find something to enjoy?
Starting point is 01:19:54 So is that your answer? Is that your hint for me? What happened? No, I said you'll only live twice as my answer, which is, I believe now we've said, oh no, we haven't. There's one more James Bond that he was in, but I'll say that when it gets back around to me. No, I got it.
Starting point is 01:20:11 What is it? Highlander 2. The Quickening, maybe? Let me ask you a quick cue. Why the fuck wouldn't you just say Highlander? Because is he in? a cube. Why the fuck wouldn't you just say Highlander? Because
Starting point is 01:20:26 is he in? Yeah. I know that he's in Highlander too, but he's in Highlander the first one? Yeah. Well, that's the part I wasn't, I didn't. He's the old, what is he supposed to be like? He's Spanish. He's the Spaniard. Right, but I remember
Starting point is 01:20:44 Highlander too. He's the Spaniard. Right, but I remember him. He's Egyptian? Take it easy. Just because you're British doesn't mean you know everything. That wasn't the same guy. Also, in other news, wouldn't that have
Starting point is 01:21:01 worked the same? Can you let Spaniards have something? No, he's Egyptian! Yeah, I just wasn't sure about the first one. Well, it sounds like it's my turn. The Highlander. I mean, let's ask the expert back there on all Scottish actors. Was he in the second Highlander?
Starting point is 01:21:27 Yeah. Okay, cool. He stuck around. That's nice. That guy's got... That's nice of him. He's got a conflict of interest. But, yeah, I meant the last final James Bond movie.
Starting point is 01:21:41 Yeah, I know. I was kidding. I know that wasn't James Bond, technically. All right, cool. So, is it my turn or Jeff's? No, I said the Highlander. It's your know. I was kidding. I know that wasn't James Bond, technically. Alright, cool. So, is it my turn or Jeff's? No, I said the Highlander. It's your turn. Oh, yeah. Okay. So, yeah, the other James Bond movie
Starting point is 01:21:51 that's left out there hanging was such a fun title because Sean Connery said he'll never, ever, ever, ever play James Bond again, and then they showed him a check, and he starred in Never Say Never again. Back to you, Brian.
Starting point is 01:22:12 You would think Gary Oldman probably made some other films. Oh yeah. No, he's done quite a lot. We haven't even mentioned the one he won the Oscar for. Shit. That is not what it was called. Which one was that? The Longest Day.
Starting point is 01:22:28 Um, it is, is Sean Connery in Con Air? Yes. Sean Connery Air. Everybody else is. You're just put the bun. Somebody else do it. Say put the bunny in the box
Starting point is 01:22:45 Sean Connery go oh that's a good idea put the bunny back in the box I'm going to make that my ringtone so no yeah we've established he wasn't in that any other guesses seemed like I could come up with a Gary Oldman guess, but...
Starting point is 01:23:07 Yeah, you'd think so. Fried green tomatoes? Oh, damn. See, that is fun when someone just picks a title and hopes for the best. But I'm pretty sure he's not in that. What did he play in that? The tomato.
Starting point is 01:23:23 I thought he was the lingerie saleswoman the tomato sweet woman i think all right brian you're out but good job good job for science jeff um i'm going to say the darkest hour yeah that's what he won the oscar for for playing churchill right is it people love it I still have to stay on Sean Connery so I'm gonna say hmm this is getting getting gotta get into some old shit here oh yeah yeah yeah Marnie directed by Alfred Hitchcock oh sounds scary yes ooh
Starting point is 01:24:09 that's more where that came from Jeff what do you got I can't believe we've awoken the laughing spirit of this man he finally is enjoying life and I'm so proud to help to precipitate that life change Jeff I'm going to say does it count if his if it's a picture of them a picture
Starting point is 01:24:36 of which one Sean Connery okay I like it in the movie I'll count it right Indiana Jones in the kingdom of the Crystal Skull they show a picture of him in there yeah and they go he's dead it's a real cool scene okay do you have any more after that one, you think? I might have one more Gary Oldman. Okay. But I also might not. I guess we'll see. Well, you know, I'm not here to show off and make you look bad, but I believe he was in a movie called...
Starting point is 01:25:21 The Anderson Tapes. I've never heard of that. All right, then I might be wrong. Jeff Tate is our winner! Oh, fuck. We fucked up. I missed one really good one for Sean O'Connery. Darby O'Gill and the Little People.
Starting point is 01:25:48 Oh. Yeah, that's a classic. What was that one? What else did we miss? What else? Dragonhawk. Oh, he's the voice of the dragon in Dragonhunter. The Professional.
Starting point is 01:25:59 Sid and Nancy. Tinker Tailor Soldiers. Sid, what about the goodbye drugs? That was Nancy. Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy. Sid, what about the Goodbye Drugs? That was Nancy. Oh, of course, Harry Potter movies. We could have cleaned up with those. He's in three of them, I think.
Starting point is 01:26:18 Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy. All four of those movies. Oh, yeah. Bram Stoker's Dracula is a good Oldman. Oh, yes. You guys have lots of answers. And you're very polite about sharing them. I appreciate that.
Starting point is 01:26:37 But like I said, Jeff's our winner. Where's the person that gets these amazing prizes? He's sitting right up front. Thank you. Here you go. Yeah, that thing's heavy. Hey, do you want some shitty donuts, too? And you know, you got a little bottle of Tito's
Starting point is 01:26:59 on your name tag there, Tim. Do you enjoy Tito's? You can keep it if you want. It seems like it's almost empty. Who's been drinking out of that? How dare you? I'll just pour the rest into my drink, then. I'm going to sleep good tonight, aren't I?
Starting point is 01:27:28 But you want your DVD back. Is it in there? Okay, cool. Oh, here's a fresh one. You don't want it? You're good. Tim's good. Tim, let me give you a microphone for a sec.
Starting point is 01:27:38 Tell us your plugs. What do you got coming up? When can people see you and whatnot? Tim J. Dillon, D-I-L-L-O-N on Instagram and Twitter. I put all my dates there. TimDillonComedy.com podcast. The Tim Dillon Show. Thank you. Was Sean Connery in First Night or no?
Starting point is 01:27:54 He was, right? Can I win? Alright, anyway. He was also, that reminds me of, he was in Robin and Marion. A movie about Robin Hood if he was old. Old Hood. Oh, I got one more phonaut.
Starting point is 01:28:11 Hey, nice catch. That was sweet. Brian Mallow, science comedian on Twitter. What else is, what else you up to? I'll just say find me on, I'm science comedian on everything, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, sciencecomedian.com. Find me there.
Starting point is 01:28:28 I don't have anything particular to plug right now. I'm local. I'm occasionally here. Perfect. Thank you. Jeff Tate. Hello, everybody. Thanks for having me.
Starting point is 01:28:39 I have a podcast called Alter Tate's, and I make it with my brother, and it's fun. You can check it out on iTunes. Yeah. And SoundCloud and justanotherclown.com is my website. And I just never know when your plugs are done. Pick one to make it sound like it's the last one. All right. I saw good boys with my friend Corey.
Starting point is 01:29:09 One more time for Jeff Tate, Brian Mallow, and Tim Dillon. Hi. We'll be doing Doug Lowe's movies back at the Variety Playhouse in Atlanta on Saturday, September 7th at 420. And thank you to Good Nights here in Raleigh and all you guys for coming out every time I come through and do this. I really appreciate it. I'll see you at the merch area or outside or both. And as always, positive energy!

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