Doug Loves Movies - T.J. Miller, Geoff Tate, “Mark Wahlberg” and Cash Levy guest
Episode Date: July 8, 2018Live from the Funny Bone in Columbus, OH, Doug welcomes T.J. Miller, Geoff Tate, “Mark Wahlberg” and Cash Levy to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California P...rivacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, sweet and tasty, 50 seats with 50 at the bottom, a colonel in his seat.
There's still not far that he won't see, but God loves movies.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies. Coming to you once again from the funny bone in a mall town in Columbus, Ohio.
Oh boy, this is exciting.
Such an exciting day.
Saturday, July 7th, let's call it.
Sounds about right.
Who's going to see Taylor Swift at the SHU tonight?
For reals?
You guys just humoring me?
Because that's what I'm doing.
And I'm excited that they call the Ohio Stadium the SHU.
It's just fun, because at first it doesn't make any sense.
And then we have it explained to you, you go, okay.
All right, that sounds legit.
All right, here's a question more of you can answer in the affirmative.
Who brought name tags?
Oh, yeah.
You son of a bitch.
You see that piece of shit name tag?
Look at this goddamn...
He just wrote Danimal House.
Not even National Ampoune's Danimal House.
Just to piss me off even more.
But good luck with that.
I got a couple of guests that might pick that.
But it looks like there's lots of good ones.
Mad Mike is back there.
And Call Me By Your Name Tag is pretty hilarious.
Oh, what's this big hero, Nicole?
And that's, what is that character?
Fred.
Huh?
Fred.
Fred?
Okay.
Yeah!
All right.
Yeah, I thought so,
but I wanted to make sure.
Stein is covering up his face.
All right,
Attack of the Six Foot Julie.
Lots of good ones.
I think lots of opportunities
to be chosen today
because I've got four guests.
And yeah,
and I'm excited
to get them out here.
But first, what everybody's more excited for,
Doug plugs.
Tomorrow, we're taking this show to Cincinnati.
I'm going to do a stand-up at 420
and a Douglas Movies taping at 8 o'clock
at Go Bananas.
Yeah, you thought Funny Bone was a silly name.
Go Bananas, everybody.
And then Tuesday night, it's my annual 710 Dabs Day show.
This year it's going to be at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase,
because I think they're into that sort of thing in Ann Arbor.
And then Saturday, July 14th,
Douglas Movies returns to Wise Guys at the Gateway
in Salt Lake City, Utah,
which is, every time I, Utah, which is a...
Every time I go there, I have a blast.
I guess the Mormons just don't come to my show.
And that, of course, is at 420,
which is a Mormon code
for you will ascend to heaven.
It'd be weird to trick Mormons into coming to my show.
Like it's some sort of religious...
Okay.
And also, just assume all of my shows,
like the one today that you're at now,
are at 420, and that won't start right at 420,
because I'm busy at 420.
And, you know what I mean?
If you assume that for any of my shows,
the worst-case scenario,
you'll be there three hours too early.
For all my dates and deets
and links, go to
DougLovesMovies.com
That's DougLovesMovies.com
Yeah!
Yeah!
That was a perfect one.
You guys nailed it. From the corrections department,
Gary Coleman
is not in The Fish That Saved
Pittsburgh.
Apologies to the late Mr. Coleman, Pittsburgh, and fish.
Let's look at what I've brought you guys for the prize bag.
Of course I have to travel by plane to get to you,
so, you know, there's only so much I can bring,
but I try to bring some good items
I got a copy of my CD Smug Life
which is a double CD
it's still available if you want to purchase it
I don't know why people have CDs anymore
a Douglas Movies
t-shirt
a Peacemaker Christmassy
water pipe as we like to call them
in some places
and then and then uh
and then i think maybe the greatest thing in maybe in any prize bag ever a patch that says
taylor swift's reputation stadium tour because i got i have an unboxing video on the internet
if you want to watch it i've uh i got this box of stuff because I bought a VIP ticket
to see Taylor Swift.
So they sent me a bunch of stuff
that will be popping up in
prize bags over the
next few weeks.
I will treasure some of it, but I can give away
some of it as well.
Let's get my guests up here. What do you say?
Columbus!
Columbus!
Please give a big welcome to TJ Miller,
Cash Levy, Mark Wahlberg, and Jeff Tate. All right, I've already got a few things I need to address.
We've got comedy and movie legends on this stage,
and you guys are chanting taint.
That's disgusting.
What's that, Jeff?
I gave you a mic that doesn't work,
because I knew this would happen
and I wanted to take you down a peg.
That's only disgusting that you consider
comedy stars.
Is there an on-off switch?
Oh, is that it? There it is.
You found it. It's your mouth.
You need to use your mouth.
Turn it on with your mouth.
Oh, it's voice activated.
How convenient. Why aren't they all voice activated Oh, it's voice activated. How convenient.
Why aren't they all voice activated?
And he's the one they like the most.
Yeah, let's say hello to you guys individually.
Get everybody their own round of applause.
Cash Levy's here, everybody.
Hi, how you doing?
Cash Levy's here, everybody. Hi, how you doing?
How's it going, dude?
Good.
It's great to be here, Doug.
This is great.
You recorded your podcast, Cashing In, with DJ Miller.
That's right.
Let's not talk about him yet, but you did that show with him here today, this very afternoon.
I did.
A one-er. A one o'clock show.
It was a one o'clock.
It's a common thing.
It was a one-er.
Yeah, it wasn't a noon-er.
It was a fucking one-er.
It's like fucking vaudeville.
We did a one-er.
But that's good, because that still sounds kind of like a weed thing.
Like, oh, you know, I did a one-er in the alley.
Oh, it does.
Yeah, it's like the one-hitter.
It's when people start the day.
That's what we should call it, a one-hitter.
Oh, start it off with a one-er.
Yeah, a one-hitter. I love it. We did day. That's what we should call it. A one hitter. A one hitter.
I love it.
We did a one hitter today.
Yeah, one o'clock.
But that also just sounds like you didn't get on base very often.
We did a one hitter today.
We lost.
We lost the game.
But when can people hear that from the Columbus Funny Bucks?
It was an intimate gathering.
It was fun.
It really was.
It was quite intimate.
There were 12 and a half people.
12 and a half.
We did it inside a van.
Just traveled around Columbus.
It was fantastic.
That'll be out next Tuesday.
Oh, okay, cool.
Yeah, yeah.
So listen to that.
Cashing in with T.J. Miller.
Yeah.
And you headline Thursday
and I'll be here tomorrow.
Yeah, tomorrow night if you want to come back
come see Cash
and I haven't seen you in a while
we did one we actually I did the show
in Kansas City and
that show never aired
and
that was one of the lost episodes
where there were audio issues and you were
great on the show it was great to have you
on the show but it was your first time.
And now finally
you're back and I'm happy that
people are going to hear this one
knock on wood. Right. Cross our fingers.
Thanks for having me, Doug.
Thank you, Cash.
Is this when I give you my
gift? I'll ask
for it in a second. Sitting directly
to Cash's left is the
co-star of Cash's podcast.
It's TJ Miller, everybody.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello, great
people.
How are you doing, TJ?
Are you having a nice weekend?
It's been ages since I've been
on. And yeah, this has been an amazing weekend
at the Columbus Funny Bone, right?
Isn't this a great place?
It's very, very funny.
It's been a very funny weekend.
Wait till we start throwing the donuts
because there's netting up there
underneath the balcony.
It's fun to get it up in there.
And I've been hanging at the lids a lot.
I don't know if you guys have been to the lids. TJ loves lids, you guys.
This is a new lid that I got today.
I'm always down at the lids. I know
those dudes, you know? Scott and Brandon
for real.
So it's been a good weekend.
You know what? We ran out
of interview time. I was going to ask you about Deadpool,
but that was better.
It was more interesting hearing about lids.
Okay.
Well, look.
It's a great lid.
Sorry.
But it is a great lid.
So Deadpool 2, you saw it.
What did you think of it?
I enjoyed it very much.
I wonder, though, what process you go through to have that hair.
How do you have it straight like that?
It's like 45 minutes of flat ironing your hair, which is just a ridiculous thing to do.
But it looks really funny.
And so that's what happens.
Because the character can have your hair.
That would be all right.
But I get up early and I do the whole flat ironing.
And then I put on spectacles.
And then I say stupid things about avocados.
That's kind of it.
But I love Deadpool, too.
Like, I was concerned that it would not be as good as the first one.
Sure.
And what did you guys think?
It's really good, right?
It's really good.
It was really funny.
And it was a different story.
Hangover 2 and Hangover 3, weren't they just the same story, kind of?
I mean, with all those things, that's part of the problem,
is you have to sort of repeat yourself
because people want more of what they liked the first time.
And that's what I loved about Deadpool 2,
is there's enough wrinkles
and shifts in the
story, but still
solid jokes all the way through. Because that's the other
thing is you'd think you'd run out of jokes.
Yeah, and they almost had more.
It is. It's the
Deadpool 2 is the wrinkle in time
of Deadpools.
Yeah, I think it was different enough
because of the plot and the
kid was so funny.
It was different
because of the plot.
It was.
You heard him correctly.
Yeah, but that's how a thing
is different. Not always.
In Hangover, they did it
once in America in Las Vegas and then they did
it somewhere in Asia that's no plot change that's just a location change
where it's cheaper in the second location right they change they didn't
change the plot no not really so when they changed the plot it would be
different yes which is what just happened like why am i on trial no you're not
not at all uh you're just always tj-splaining it's annoying it was different the plot was different
and there i think were so many jokes like it's it's worth seeing twice which is i think the test
of a great movie sure yeah it yeah. It moves really fast.
It's super fun.
I saw the double, Deadpool and Deadpool 2, on the opening night of Deadpool 2.
And, you know, I dare say it's in some ways better than the first one.
I'd say that my biggest disappointment is that you're in it a little less than the first one.
Yeah, but Juggernaut's in it more, which is awesome.
Yeah, there's lots of great stuff. I love Juggernaut's in it more, which is awesome. Yeah, there's lots of great stuff.
I love Juggernaut.
There should have been more of that.
And they had to make room.
They had to make room for so many characters,
but the best thing, the best joke,
has everybody seen Deadpool 2?
I'm going to split it.
You're going to blow out the best joke?
Yeah, I'll split it.
There's a lot of jokes in it.
Yeah.
They recruit the X-Force,
and then they all
jump out of a plane super
like in a super dope
Michael Bay style and
everybody dies. Like it's
so fucking funny that it doesn't
matter. I just told you. You'll see it and be like
no way. And one
of the deaths is a cameo of a very
famous other actor that shouldn't be
in the movie at all. It's very...
Yeah, they came up with kind of newer, more meta jokes.
So I was happy with it, for sure.
And that cameo is so fast
that you kind of sit there for a few minutes going,
was that?
Yep.
You know, they did a really good job
of making it so brief.
It's almost like, you know,
when they used to stick images in between the frames.
Yeah, it's like subliminal.
Subliminal advertising.
Subliminal Brad Pitt.
Yeah, that was the most subliminal Brad Pitt performance ever.
True romance is pretty good.
I mean, I got on the spoiler train too, I'm sorry.
It was leaving the station.
I was like, I got to get on the spoiler train.
We also got to introduce everybody else on the panel.
You were chanting his name at the beginning.
He's a beloved fixture on the show,
even if his hat isn't from Lids.
It's Jeff Tate, everybody.
Cash is looking at me like,
what is happening?
From the corrections department, Doug,
this is from Lids.
Oh!
Strike for the... I'm glad I didn't have to bother
the corrections department.
We settled it right away.
What does it say on your hat?
Denver Nuggets?
Yeah.
Denver, yeah.
TJ, that was your cue.
That's what you came up with.
Oh, sorry.
Denver, yeah!
God.
Good that it were.
Yeah, that's dope.
That's the old logo, too.
It's really sophisticated now.
Denver, yeah.
Yeah.
Mmm, Denver. Taste the Rocky Mountain. It's like a bour. Denver, yeah. Yeah. Mmm, Denver.
Taste the Rocky Mountain.
It's like a bourbon commercial for Denver.
Thanks for coming over to Columbus, Jeff, from Cincinnati.
Yeah, my pleasure.
Yeah, did you have a nice trip?
It was nice.
When you get near Columbus, they got enough road construction.
It feels like they think they're getting the Olympics.
At some point.
They're like, we gotta make all these roads bigger.
Maybe that's why they're getting
Taylor Swift tonight.
It's a big deal.
Local news is all over it.
They went to
a guy that's just some poor guy
that has to just go stand outside the stadium yesterday
and just talk about tomorrow
Taylor Swift's going to be in the stadium.
And he didn't look like a Taylor Swift fan.
And they threw it to him and they're like
and they're like
you can't
get enough Taylor Swift.
And he comes to him and he goes, yeah, I have to
shake it off.
and he comes to him and he goes,
yeah, I have to shake it off.
Oh, God.
This arena may be a blank space tonight,
but tomorrow it will be full.
Isn't that one of those songs?
I totally get what you're doing,
and I appreciate it,
but we have other things to do right now.
Well, the audience did.
That was for sure.
Yeah, I mean, TJ and Cash had a riff today.
What was the one that just kept going and going?
Oh, about reptiles.
Reptiles, take a break.
Mammals, you know what I'm talking about.
Folks, you ever wake up next to your own skin? It's so hot outside.
Mammals, take a break. Rept reptiles you know what I'm talking about I sent one you to you TJ during
the show but you didn't you didn't look at your text what is it reptiles is it
me you're just sitting on a rock feel great Mammals sit this one out He's so funny
He did our podcast better
Than us
Hours ago
It's a fun one
Yeah that was a good time
I don't like eating a club sandwich
You gotta dislocate your jaw before you eat it
What am I a boa constrictor? Reptiles?
You know what I'm talking about
See that's what I'm saying.
The subject would move on and then one of them
would do another one.
And they just kept doing it.
Hey, Milkbag.
Sorry, mammals.
You guys can get out of here for this one.
Reptiles, what are they, fucking filled with milk?
Just a jug of milk for kids for nine months?
Reptiles.
Mammals, come back in.
Get a load of these milky mammals.
You're not finding any of this humorous?
Mark Wahlberg is here! Beer!
How you guys doing, you don't good?
What's up, Columbus? The air tastes funny.
Reptiles, you know what I'm talking about.
Mammals, take a break.
Mammals do what?
Take a break.
Take five, mammals.
How's it going, Mark?
Are you shooting a movie here or something?
No, dude, you know what I'm in town for?
I'd like to know.
This is a fucking surprise.
You guys keep it a fucking secret, okay?
Dropping in Taylor's show tonight.
Oh, shit.
You're going to sing with Tay-Tay?
She's been asking me for two fucking years
to come sing a song with her.
I'm going to walk out on stage
and be like, Tay-Tay,
before we sing, let's do this.
And then I'm gonna screen Four Brothers in its entirety.
Wait.
What can I do?
You're gonna take over her Jumbotron
and show Four Brothers?
Yes, dude.
We got 117 minutes of Four Brothers kicking ass.
And then I'm not even
gonna sing. I'm just gonna leave.
Who are the four brothers?
Fuck. I usually don't look
at the people in my movies.
Okay, so you're one
of the brothers? Yeah, and Andre...
3,000?
I don't know what number he's up to
now.
And then two other dudes.
Probably like Ribisi.
Probably?
You're guessing who was the other brother?
Yeah.
And then...
I don't know.
Probably the...
What's the guy?
Let me give you an easier one.
Two guns.
Who's the other gun?
The dude from Glory.
It's Denzel Washington is his name.
If you say so. The fucking dude from Glory. It's Denzel Washington is his name. If you say so.
The fucking dude from Glory, that's all I know.
You did win an Oscar for that, I think.
Let's bring that shit up.
Oh, sorry.
Who won when you were nominated for The Departed?
Not America.
Well, I'm very excited to see you tonight, Taylor Swift,
and I appreciate you dropping by the show again today.
Thanks, dude. Enjoy Four Brothers.
I take it back. I'm not excited about it.
That'd be the most disappointing purchase of my life.
Are you fucking crazy?
Four Brothers over Taylor Swift?
No, both.
Oh, Schiltz keep doing her show?
I don't fucking care what she does.
I'm just telling you, Four Brothers is screening,
so you're paying for Taylor Swift and you get Wahlberg.
That's the greatest fucking deal ever.
I'd like you to do a duet with her, but that's cool.
I mean, I don't know what I would want to sing with her, though.
I don't know what I would want to sing with her though That loud song from the beginning of The Departed
You guys should sing that one
Going off to Boston
Or the theme song from Contraband
That's just like
That's a good song
Oh you thought you were the only person with a gun
I didn't know it had words.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right, you guys.
Let's talk prize bag.
Let's start with Jeff Tate there on the end.
What do you got for us this time?
I have a copy of my most recent CD called People Are What People Make Them.
It's really funny the whole the whole
way and i got this thing it's a it's your guy from the show uh pop funko pop
right it's a tj miller pop funko pop vinyl yeah i mean when you told me that we were doing it here
and tj might be on i was like practicing at home i was like told me that we were doing it here and TJ might be on, I was, like, practicing at home.
I was, like, doing fans.
Oh, you were doing the show with the doll?
Yeah, I would, like, set him on the next chair over
and be like, I just saw Ant.
Like, I pretended I had seen Ant-Man already.
And I wanted, like, I was like,
I just see how TJ reacts.
And every time he was like, that's hilarious.
So thanks, man.
You know what?
That's hilarious.
I can just picture you at home
just looking at this going,
plots are the reason
movies are different.
Yeah, yeah,
but that was just
a funny way to say
it's different
because of the plot.
No, we got it.
We got it.
But I don't know.
It feels like,
what about that
blank space one?
That one fucking
didn't get got.
If TJ takes out a Jeff Tate doll right now,
I'd be so happy.
Would that I could,
but I spend a lot of my time at Liz.
So what do you have to contribute?
I have a copy of, again, a CD,
and I don't know how one would play this.
Or even get it on your computer but it's the Extended Play EP
which is a fake
music album, it's like pop
folk, hip hop
and it's an EP, it's 41 tracks
some of the tracks
are less than 6 seconds long
but this is
a collector's item,
and I'm selling them after my show's for $40 cash.
For real.
So this is what you would win.
You're giving us one free one.
It's like $40 in their hand.
So I'm out for $35.
I'm out there buying them.
I sell mine for $50.
Cash?
You gotta do cash.
Pass it over here, though, TJ, before we forget.
Oh, sorry, sorry.
That's okay.
Yeah, I just want to get my hands on this $40.
Oh, and it's even, the packaging's off?
Yeah, so I can sign it, and I also took the CD out, so.
Okay.
Fucking A, dude.
That's smart.
Mark Norman was on the show recently
and he brought a gift card from Chipotle
for $20
and then later admitted
that he didn't bother to put any money on the card.
That's hilarious.
And you get your food
before you hand them the card there.
So they're gonna probably...
How about Mark Norman fucking over a stranger?
A winner.
A stranger who walked out of my show
feeling like they were a winner.
But actually also, they get a great story.
That's a great story. And then I went
and I ended up having to pay
for the fucking Chipotle because there was no money
on the card. Everyone's like, god damn it.
I don't even like Chipotle.
I just went because I had a card.
I asked him for five beers.
Hey, you want to grab some lunch at Chipotle?
Actually, I got banned.
Here's why.
Mark Norman gave me a fake.
And I didn't have any money.
I was unable to pay. I asked to to get a blanket. I was unable to pay.
I asked to work for them,
but I was broke completely.
And then, you know,
they wouldn't let me return the food.
It ruined my life.
My wife left me
over the embarrassment.
I've had enough of you going
and spending gift card money
that you don't have out there.
This is exactly how it went with the doll.
Just back and forth.
It's important to practice your craft.
What do you got, Cash?
What do you got for the bag?
Yeah, I picked something up where they're putting me up.
Here, the funny bone there's nice enough to put me up.
It's The Martian.
They're putting me up at a... Fucking hilarious.
Yeah, it's a great book.
They're putting me up at a used bookstore.
I've never seen The Martian.
I read the movie and I watched the book but I'm gonna combine the two at some point but this is a this is who
is this character on the front that's Matt Damon I've seen Matt Damon movie
before I know a lot about movies I saw a Saving Private Ryan I felt very
disappointed at the end felt kind of pissed off when Tom Hanks leaned in and whispered.
Spoiler alert.
The very end of the movie, spoiler alert, he leans in and he whispers, earn this.
And I'm thinking, that's kind of an asshole thing to say to a guy that was offered to leave the war and stayed.
He already did fucking earn it, asshole.
I thought it was a terrible thing to do.
And I think the movie would have been interesting
and a little bit more obvious,
it would have been more interesting
if Tom Hanks had leaned in and said,
you didn't earn this.
That's very straightforward.
Yeah, that'd be a whole different type of movie, right?
But earn it is weird, because at a certain point,
he's like, I'm staying with my platoon, I'm not going with you guys.
Yeah, he already earned it, he already earned it.
No, remember, he was gonna, so that is kind of platoon. I'm not going with your guys. Yeah, he already earned it. He already earned it. No, remember he was gonna,
so that is kind of a dick move.
Don't you think that ruined the movie?
Seriously, Doug, seriously.
Yeah, I think he did ruin it.
I'm just wondering
if you picked this Russian book
so you could gripe about
Saving Private Ryan.
No, and honestly,
I did use it.
There's no Saving Private Ryan book.
I did save it.
I did use it as a segue
to mention that
because it's been pissing me off.
Yeah, he practically jumped up on a segue
and ran it around the room.
That was more of a shoehorn, Cash.
Segues, take a break.
Shoehorns, you know what I'm talking about.
I think it would have been great
if Tom Hanks leaned in and said,
you've got mail.
I want to be big.
Then he dies.
I thought of one,
but I'm not going to say it.
Come on, you've got to tell us now.
All right, I've got AIDS.
Oh, no!
I take it back.
Jenny's got AIDS.
That's on the director's AIDS. That's, uh...
That's on the director's cut.
That's way better than my turn on the job.
No, no, no, I take it back.
Wilson's got AIDS.
All right, that's not fun, you guys.
Mark, you've been waiting patiently.
What's up, Doc?
What did you bring for the prize bag?
I went into Donnie's room.
And I took
three great movies
from three genres.
We have drama,
and it is The Fighter.
What's that say on there?
Right under there?
One of the year's best films.
Fucking A, dude.
Then I brought in
Lone Survives a lot.
Working title for Lone Survivor.
Yeah, it's called Lone Survivor now. And then I brought in
the other guy's fucking comedy.
Okay.
One of the year's four brothers.
Thanks, Mark.
You too.
You're welcome, audience.
That's a lot better than a supposedly gift card
that's empty.
Could you imagine not having money?
Poor Mark Norman.
How much did you pay him to be on here?
Wouldn't it have been cheaper to bring in Michelle Williams?
Oh, I get it.
I don't like it, but I get it.
It probably would have been
cheaper, but it wouldn't have been better.
Everything I do now,
I have to call Michelle and be like, what are you getting?
What are you getting for this?
Okay, well now you're going to get more because I'm getting more.
So Michelle wins.
Don't feel bad for her.
You guys think you're going to work with her a lot?
In dub?
Yeah, that's who we were talking about.
We'll see.
I don't know.
I don't pick the people, nor do I care who they pick.
I just show up.
All right, so it's going to be hard for her to get that salary the same as you
if you're not working together.
Yeah, but if I've...
No, I mean literally anything.
She can just call you,
I got a job, I'm gonna pay this,
and then you'll demand she gets more?
Exactly.
I'll be like, how much would you guys pay me?
And then obviously that's a shit ton of fucking money.
And then I say, that's what you gotta pay Michelle.
And they're like, you're not even in this.
I'm like, I could be if I wanted to.
I bet you you don't even know how much money you make.
Well, last year I made $69 million.
But you read it in a magazine.
I do not read magazines.
You were like on the top of the Forbes list of actors.
Yeah, I got a lot of high fives that day.
And that's what I read.
And I was like, what did The Rock make?
And they were like, less. And I'm like, that's all I was like. And I was like, what did The Rock make? And they were like, less.
And I'm like, that's all that fucking matters.
Or as I like to call The Rock, my employee.
Well, I guess everybody works for you.
You're number what?
Fucking A, dude.
Yeah.
The Rock has his review next month.
I make him do a review for ballers. Okay.
Yeah.
I'm like, what do you think you need to work on, Rock?
Because I think everything.
And I high-five Corddry.
I got a question I like to ask all the panelists
before moving on to the games portion of the show,
and Jeff knows what the question is,
so answer it, please.
I saw Lost in London.
That was the last movie you saw?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's on Hulu now,
but it's this fucking crazy movie Woody Harrelson made
that was shot in one long take.
Ooh.
Yeah, I mean, no, it's great, though.
I don't know how it's good, but it's good.
Like, it shouldn't be.
I watched it thinking it was going to be a fucking nightmare,
and it just seems like a regular movie.
Like, it doesn't even seem like a game.
Like, it's good.
It's surprisingly good.
What's the whole movie?
Just him asking for directions?
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of stuff happens.
I don't want to give it away, but things happen.
There are obstacles overcome.
Plots are different than other plots.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not really like any of the
Hangover movies.
It's like this movie.
Have you seen the movie Victoria?
Yeah. It's a Spanish movie. you seen the movie Victoria yeah it's all
no it's a Spanish movie
it's one take
it's all one take
yeah
that's
yeah it's very impressive
they would have had to
rehearse it right
does it do Birdman
like that or no
Birdman was like
six takes over the
course of the whole film
I think
but this movie was shot
maybe ten
in like 90 minutes
in broadcast live
to some theaters last year
and now it's on Hulu and it's fucking good.
And I saw Uncle Drew and that's in theaters now
and they made it over like a month.
They took like a whole month to make that
and it's really funny.
Okay.
Great recommendations from Jeff.
If you want to be mad at Jeff Tate,
watch either of those things.
Yell at him on Twitter.
Yeah.
I mean, he sings the Cheers theme song.
Of course I love it.
He plays himself in Lost in London.
And he sings the song at one point?
Yeah, he's trying to convince a bouncer that he was on TV.
That's pretty funny.
People have to do that?
Yeah.
I couldn't imagine trying to convince someone who you are.
I just get nodded everywhere.
For the listener at home, I'm doing it.
Oh, you got the same initials as Michelle Williams.
I just figured that out.
You guys are both MW.
That's where my towels went.
Ah!
TJ, what was the last movie you saw?
Well...
I wish there was a movie called that.
The joke one.
That's most Avengers films or whatever.
Ooh, sorry.
I saw Whitney, half of the documentary about Whitney Houston.
And I also saw Deadpool 2.
Same title, both movies.
Were you, okay, all right.
You know what? I'm doing it.
Oh, he dropped the mic, you guys.
He did it.
Oh my god.
I don't even totally understand it,
but I know that it was funny, I guess.
You will when you watch the second half of that documentary. Ooh.
So,
I got a question, Jeff, for TJ.
So you watched half of Whitney when I'd rather be watching me right now
than watch Deadpool 2 again?
No, I mean, I'm not really in
Deadpool 2.
Why did you only watch half of Whitney?
You hate sad endings?
No, because it was good.
Then I was like, I should wait and watch it with Kate,
so we'll watch it next week or something like that.
Yeah, just make a nice romantic evening.
Yeah, absolutely.
Completely switch it up so it's difficult to make fun
of the fact that I'm a good person
and I'm trying to be a great husband.
Yeah.
Yeah, I did the same thing with my wife.
We watched Schindler's List.
And that's it.
It's romantic.
Did you recall the last movie you saw, Cash?
Yeah, you know, it's a movie titled Saving Private Ryan.
And here's the thing that really upsets me
about that movie.
I'm glad to hear you weren't carrying your anger
about it for years.
It just happened.
Earn this?
That is bullshit.
Now, I actually, I don't, you know,
I don't have a lot of time to watch movies.
I've been watching a lot of old trailers,
and that's one of my favorite things.
Because I love how they mash things up in trailers.
I just, my favorite trailer, let's see if you know which one of my favorite things. Because I love how they mash things up in trailers. I just, my favorite trailer,
let's see if you know which one this was.
Okay.
When he says,
rule number one,
how do we know you're not a cop?
Rule number one,
how do I know you're not a cop?
Okay.
Fight Club.
Sean Connery.
I think that's a funny,
yeah, that's not a rule.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah.
You're quibbling again.
Yeah.
I just thought they should mix things up in the trailer.
He couldn't have said that in the trailer.
He couldn't have said that in the movie.
Could he have?
Rule number one.
How do I know you're not a cop?
That's a question.
That's not a rule.
Rule number one
how do I know
this is Mark Wahlberg
because I fucking
said it
and you're looking
at me
yeah there's no
oh but that wouldn't
be a rule
there's no rules
with Mark Wahlberg
that's for sure
but
what movie
is this you're
talking about
it was the one
that was supposed
to be obvious
yeah no I don't
think well I think
you might remember I think you might...
I thought you might remember it,
so I just wanted to stump you on the show
before I get shut out.
I like the trailer for that Wesley Snipes movie
where there's been a murder at the White House.
The movie's called 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,
and he's on the phone with somebody in the trailer.
He goes,
there's been a murder at the White House.
He doesn't laugh, does he?
No, he doesn't.
Which changes
all the rules.
That's what he says.
No, it's still a murder.
Everything isn't changed.
It's unusual it happened at the White House.
That's for damn sure.
You guys are
clearly not constitutional
scholars. It turns
out if there is a murder in the White House,
then stealing things is allowed.
So the rules do
change, you guys. I've studied
the Constitution. It's like a mini purge in the
White House if somebody dies there?
All stealing is legal for one night.
Go steal things!
I saw Sicario.
I did see Day of the Soldado.
Oh, yeah?
You like that?
Yeah, I think it's amazing.
It's really good.
Have you guys seen it or no?
Not really that many people have seen it.
It's great.
I'm worried that not a lot of people are going to see it because there's too much stuff to see.
It doesn't have Emily Blunt, which is a big selling point of the first Sicario.
But those guys are great. Benicio Del Toro and Josh Brolin. It doesn't have Emily Blunt, which is a big selling point of the first Sicario. Yeah.
But those guys are great.
Benicio Del Toro and Josh Brolin.
Your buddy, Josh Brolin.
Yeah, we're the best of friends.
Did you guys get along?
We talk about surfing all the time.
What is weird is, Mark, you don't remember,
but I've been at your house a couple times,
and I basically feel like I'm on your payroll as the jester,
and you are a king.
Do you remember?
What movie were we in?
Mark, I'll figure it out, dude.
We were in...
I don't even...
Fuck, what's that robot movie?
You've done a few of those.
I know, Transformers,
Get Out of My Dark Moon's Dark Side.
Get Out of My...
Yes, Transformers, Get Out of My Dark Moon's Dark Side. Get Out of My... Yes, Transformers,
Get Out of My Dark Moon's Dark Side.
Get Out of My Dark and Into My Moon?
No, I think it...
Solar Systems, you know what I'm talking about.
It was a long title.
Solar Systems.
I've been meaning to ask you guys
how come you didn't just call it Transformers
with the number four and put a number four in the middle.
Transformers. Yeah, it was like the fourth one.
That would have been perfect.
Fuck!
I know. I gotta go make a phone
call.
What are you gonna do? Buy a DeLorean?
No.
Go back and fix this thing?
If you do, I got a couple things I need to revisit.
You guys can borrow my DeLorean. You got a DeLorean? Yeah, do, I got a couple things I need to revisit. You guys can borrow my DeLorean.
You got a DeLorean?
Of course I got a DeLorean.
I bought it for Donnie to look at.
Literally, I put it up too high.
He can't even touch it.
How high does this look?
That's going to hang up there.
If you're a good boy, someday you'll get to touch it.
Oh, look at it. It's like, that's going to hang up there, okay?
And if you're a good boy, someday you'll get to touch it.
What was the last movie you saw, Mark?
I saw the documentary Three Identical Strangers.
Oh.
People in the audience, yes.
Did you see it, Tom?
No.
It's a fucking trip, dude.
Yeah, what happens in it?
Don't give away too much, but.
Yeah, I'll just tell you a little bit.
What's the premise? There's a boy who goes to college because somebody tricked
him into that. And then
he gets there and finds out there's
another boy there that looks exactly
like him. And it's because it's his
twin brother. And then that becomes
a big news story. And then there's a
third little boy in New York.
And then that boy says, I think those are my two brothers.
And they find out there's three of them.
And the idea that there could be two more of me out there,
and then I would have to kill those two people,
fucking blew my mind, man.
It's really fucking good.
You definitely would not let them live?
Lone Survivor, bro. I've been out fucking... I'm like the Highlander of people. it's really fucking good you definitely would not let them live lone survivor bro
I'm like the highlander of people
there's not
but dude that fucking movie
those dudes find that out
and then I'm gonna tell you right now
twists and turns y'all
that fucking movie gets trippy
it's good though check it out
and they went on Phil Donahue
that's how you know it's serious movie gets trippy. It's good, though. Check it out. And they went on Phil Donahue. Oh.
Nice. That's how you know it's serious.
He was very
serious. Human Flow. That's another
documentary. Human Flow.
Yeah, what's that about?
I Way Way? No. I wish it was
about rappers. It's about
human smuggling. That's an interesting one.
Oh, sorry. No, I'm
not a fan either, Doug. No, I'm not a fan either, Doug.
No, I don't...
You say you love movies about human smuggling.
You know, I'm not a fan of it,
and then I watched The Propaganda Machine
about North Korea,
and that is fascinating.
You should see that.
It's on Netflix.
It's fascinating.
Because they make a pretty good case.
Well, I'm going to stop talking immediately.
Is what I've decided to do.
I love it. I love it.
Just see that movie and figure out what TJ thought about it.
You could probably put it together.
Or maybe in some of his tweets.
It's a good one, though.
Okay. Well, that concludes that part of the show.
You guys all did a great job.
You all remembered the last movie you saw You guys all did a great job. Y'all remembered the last
movie you saw. Gave us some great
recommendations. I could hardly remember
any of them. But since we're friends
I'll reach out and get those titles
from you again. What's the Woody Harrelson
thing called? London? Lost in London.
Lost in London. Okay. And
turn it off Bert. Let the games
begin!
We got lots of great name tags.
Lots of them.
Tough choices.
Go grab the one you want to play for.
Anybody but...
Oh, right, that's right.
Jeff doesn't like to choose for himself,
so I'm going to pick for Jeff.
There you go, Jeff.
And while everybody else picks, we're going to go to a brief
commercial message. We'll be right back.
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Alright, we did it. We're back.
We're back. We did it.
Four name tags chosen out of thousands.
And it was tough for everybody.
What do you got there, Jeff?
Who are you going to play on behalf of today?
I'm playing for Dan.
Danimal House is what he wrote.
See, I was trying to tell you, Dan, at the beginning
that, you know,
comics will pick the shittiest name tags just because
they're trying to be funny.
So congratulations on that working.
No, I picked it
for Jeff because Jeff
does not want to pick himself
because it's too hard to make a decision.
And so I picked
for him and I picked that bad one so that, you know,
Jeff, maybe someone will yell at Jeff later.
I spent seven hours putting your face over Brad Pitt's.
You've never looked better, Jeff.
Who are you playing for, TJ?
I want to give honorable mention.
Oh, okay.
Big hero hero Nicole.
That was very sweet of you.
Can I have a kiss on the cheek?
TJ, while
you're doing that, your mother-in-law brought me
the donuts.
That is a full-service mother-in-law.
That's part of life.
You know?
Give it up for Hermia.
Hermia and Gordy.
I picked...
I'm playing for...
Who's...
Yeah, yeah, but what's your name?
Where is it? What?
Oh, I get it.
For Titanic.
So, and this is Anna,
and I'm not going to say what's on the back of here,
but this is a picture of you and I in Titanic
Completing the and you look like you're high and trying to go to sleep, and I look like an insane person
So there it was very nice of you. Thank you
So for probably what it would look like if you and I were on a cruise especially the Titanic today
I just be like we're we hit iceberg all, I'm going to get high and go to sleep.
And I'd be like, yeah!
Yeah, so I'm
playing for Titanic.
Okay. This box of
donuts, the donuts, some of them have letters on them
but I can't figure out what it's supposed to
spell or anything.
Oh, that's the flavor? So like if it's supposed to spell or anything. The flavor.
Oh, that's the flavor?
So, like, if it's got B on top, what flavor is that?
Banana.
Banana?
Blueberry?
Who wants to guess with their mouth?
Yeah.
Sorry.
Sorry, nice lady.
Well, answer. Okay, here's one with the letter C on it.
Creed?
You sure about that?
Who are you playing for, Cash?
Yeah, I couldn't find any posters
with my picture on them.
They're out there, Dad. It seems like most of them had either you or TJ.
But anyway, that's what I found here.
I found, uh...
For the listener at home, we had a donut mishap.
I thought if I just dropped a box flat, they'd stay in there.
That was the mishap. Jeff accidentally ate one.
Who wants a stage donut?
Okay, there's one more stage donut.
It has a V on it.
What is that?
What is inside that one?
It's a vegan one?
All right, I'm gonna throw it way back in there.
Is there some fucking
Columbus donut code test
that you all have taken?
Yeah, I...
Doug, you have...
Doug, you have the most strangest,
most wonderful crowd.
I mean, they just drop donuts on the ground
and then throw them at people and they eat them.
I hope that person eats.
They don't give a shit.
I hope that person bites into that vegan one and is like,
oh, fuck, it's veal.
Oh, man.
That would be a fucking good donut.
This one says PB, so peanut butter? No, dude. That would be a fucking good donut. This one says PB.
So peanut butter?
No, dude.
Peanut butter?
Nice catch.
That's going to taste like Paul Blart.
Delicious.
Maybe it was protein bar.
Give me that fucking donut, dude.
What letter do you think this is supposed to be?
Is that an L?
Yeah, that's an L.
Okay, so this is Lady Bird.
Lasagna.
Lady Bird.
I was going to say Lady Bird.
All right.
11.
Yeah, it probably is fucking right. All right, well, apologies to the listener for so much donut throwing.
But know that
a lot of people were happy.
So what's your name tag?
Mine's the Mike who loved me.
Do do do do
do do
ha ha ha
I thought
my table would sing along with me, but they
completely left me behind.
Do do do do do do my table would sing along with me, but they completely left me behind.
Listen, your falsetto thing, take that to your own podcast.
Dude, we should have got you for the contraband soundtrack.
Alright, Cash, so you're playing for Mike.
Yes. And who's Mark
playing for? I am playing for
Land Before Tim.
Yeah, just throw it down on the ground.
That's cute.
I love this movie.
It's a great workout movie.
It's about a whole bunch of dinosaurs doing cardio,
and then they eat a salad at the end.
It's a perfect fucking workout.
So that movie ends before they become extinct?
I don't know. They eat a salad.
I turned it off at that part.
They're probably going to live a long time if they're eating salad.
They're probably still out there fucking eating salad.
That's not for all we know.
Littlefoot and Sarah.
Talking great, by the way.
All right, let's play some games
and win some prizes for some people.
Let's do this, Tim.
Yeah.
Titanic. Titan. Titanic.
Titan.
Titanic.
It's Titanic.
Like Anna.
Titanic. Titanic.
Welcome to Doug Loves Phonetics.
Oh, that's what the...
Forget it.
No, don't do it.
Don't forget it, dude.
I forgot it already.
Okay.
Let's play.
The first game we're going to play today
is called Characters Welcome.
And in this game,
we have one guy over there,
very excited.
Yeah!
I'm going to list off the characters
in the credits of a motion picture,
the end credits,
kind of building up from the smaller parts to the bigger parts,
and just guess as often as you like,
just the people on stage,
and the first person who gets the correct title wins the game.
Oh, boy.
Any pre-guesses?
Saving Private Ryan.
That's a great, great pre-guess.
Four brothers Dude, what if
They'd both be terrific coincidences
If I put that down
But Jeff, anything?
Deadpool 2
Mark
A river runs through it
I'd ask you why But we're running short on time.
Then I won't tell.
What movie has these characters in it?
Terrifying Cop.
Lethal Weapon.
Straight Outta Compton.
Wow, I didn't mean for this to become a social commentary.
A leak of their own.
No.
Damn it.
This movie's also got someone named Jabba the Slut.
Walruts?
Another character named Helen.
Oh, Helen.
Tommy Boy.
Spaceballs.
There's someone called Pocket Rocket.
Mystery Men.
Is it...
Don't guess from the audience, please.
Mystery Men?
Yogi Bear.
3D.
I wouldn't do that to TJ.
I wouldn't do a movie that he should recognize
because he's in it and probably reads the credits a lot.
Constantly.
This movie's got a character named
Bloody Holly.
The Happening.
Again, Mark, I wouldn't use one of your movies.
Eva Destruction is a character
in this movie. Army of Darkness?
Rosa Sparks.
What the fuck? Whip It.
That is correct. It's Whip It.
Oh, nice.
Whip It.
Hot Tub Johnny Rocket, Iron
Maven, Maggie Mayhem, Smashley Simpson.
Derby attendee.
Whip It from 2009.
Yeah, good job.
Our friend Harmar Superstar is in Whip It.
Let's play.
And Jeff gets to go first.
Whose tagline is it anyway?
All right, let's do this shit.
And great job on these music
cues in the booth. You're killing it.
Whose tagline
is it anyway?
I'll say a tagline from a
motion picture and then you guys
I'll direct it to
each of you individually. So you each get a shot
at it and we'll start with Jeff
and then go to TJ and then Cash and then Mark so be ready for this one if the
person sitting next to you doesn't get it right. Taglines are you know on the
poster trailer or wherever they put taglines. Jeff what movie has the tagline
oh and there's a theme will emerge in this game. Jeff what movie has the tagline, oh, and there's a theme will emerge in this game. Jeff, what movie has the tagline,
a lifetime of fun in just one night?
And then it does not say...
Office Christmas Party.
What?
Office Christmas Party.
Okay, I see what you're doing.
I'm trying real hard.
I'm trying to get you to stop doing it.
I don't think it's working None of the answers are TJ Miller related
I'll just tell all of you that
Alright none of them
Thank you
I thought you were naming movies I turned down
It's true he did turn down
The lead role for Office Christmas Party
And I was like give it to Courtney B. Vance.
So they did.
Did you ever get
hurt riding down the sled
on those steps?
No, they wouldn't let me do it.
Oh, they CGI'd in your face?
No, it had to be a stuntman, yeah.
Oh, wow.
But I did the ending where I
hit the file cabinet
and then fall and then get up.
And I did over and over.
I threw myself against this file cabinet
and then fell against the floor
and got up and did it again and again and again.
And then if you watch the movie,
you never see me hit the file cabinet.
So I was just some fucking asshole
throwing myself against the file cabinet.
And I feel for sure the directors were like,
let's let him keep smashing himself
against the fucking file cabinet.
We're not going to use this, but goddamn,
what a fucking idiot.
I got him to eat a shoe yesterday.
A lifetime of fun in just one night.
TJ, what's your guess? Lifetime of fun in just one night. TJ, what's your guess?
Lifetime of fun in just one night.
I know what it isn't.
I know what it isn't, but Groundhog Day?
Cass?
That wasn't the answer?
No, the laughter was pretty much a sign.
The correct answer rarely gets a laugh.
I guess the
Grinch that stole Christmas.
Lifetime of fun for one man, perhaps.
One Grinch.
Mark Wahlberg.
The best I can do here, Ted. Which Grinch. Mark Wahlberg.
The best I can do here, Jeff.
Which is usually better than everybody else.
Dazed and confused.
Yeah, I think that kind of takes place over one night. No, the answer is Adventures in Babysitting.
Fuck.
That's some bullshit right there.
This next one's not much better.
Jeff. what movie
has the tagline
ready or not?
Anybody else saying
here I come, you can't hide?
There isn't a movie called Here I Come
and you can't hide?
You better run. Everybody was thinking that.
They're gonna find you.
That's the next line.
Yeah.
What do you think, Jeff?
Ready or not?
Fucking Mary J.
Tell us an answer, whether you're ready or not.
I am not ready.
Ready or not.
Fuck.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Just say Uncle Buck.
Ready Player One.
Is it Uncle Buck?
No.
The greatest.
TJ, what do you think?
Say the tagline again.
Ready or not.
Yeah, I know I'm ready.
Are you ready for it?
Yeah.
Is it...
We can't ask if it's recent.
I mean, it should be that movie Tag.
Yeah, that would be...
Ready or not, it would make sense for that.
I think the actual tagline is
John Hamm will touch your butt.
That's actually true.
Wait, in real life or the tagline
for the movie Tag?
What do you think, Cash?
I'm thinking
Weekend at Bernie's 3.
It's a hard one. I don't even know they got to 3.
Mark? The movie Go? Oh, that's good. this is a hard one I didn't even know they got to three Mark
the movie Go
oh that's good
usually yes
no for some reason
this is the Ready or Not's the tagline
for nine months
you have plenty of time to get ready
should be
Ready or Not this is going to happen in about
three quarters of a year.
That should be for knocked up.
That's more
ready or not.
Yeah, here I come.
Alright, let's try another one.
When Jeff finishes giggling, it's his turn
to go first once again
with the
tagline,
She will rock your world.
Her.
Oh, yeah, that's a good one, but no.
I'm lying on the moon.
TJ? Ready or not, what was the moon. TJ?
Ready or not, what was the tagline again?
What is it?
She will rock your world. A moment with her will rock all the land.
Just she will rock your world.
World.
Yeah.
The Spice world.
Oh, that would...
But just with Sport sporty Spice.
Just only sporty is the only one that will rock your world.
The others are more mellow.
We're getting scary Spice.
That shit is terrifying.
I just want to zig-a-zig.
What is that?
Just zigging and zagging through traffic
and you get to where you want to go
and you're like, ah.
Cash? How about the new Queen movie?
Is it just called Queen?
Oh, it's called Bohemian Rhapsody and it looks awesome.
Yeah, is that it?
No.
Did I get it?
I don't think they'd say she about Freddie Mercury.
It's a little rude.
But it's about Queen itself, right?
Sure, sure.
Well, it's more about him.
I think it's more about him, I think.
Mark?
What's love got to do with it?
Yeah, okay.
I think it's more appropriate to be like,
she will stop you from hitting her.
She will get out of a toxic relationship.
I guess that'd be a spoiler.
Yeah.
The answer to that one, it's kind of a trick one,
She Will Rock and Roll.
Kind of.
Mrs. Doubtfire.
Man, fuck that.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, that's not a girl either.
That's problematic. That's a fucking problematic character. Yeah, that's not a girl either. That's problematic.
That's a fucking problematic character.
Yeah, that's not a girl either.
That's a man in an old woman's dressing clothes.
Exactly.
Queen is a better answer.
Not even because that's how he gender identifies.
He's just being a con artist dick.
No, he's trying to violate a judge's orders.
A judge gave specific custody instructions,
and he's violating them by pretending to be a British lady.
It's a classic American tale.
I mean, you can trust a constitutional scholar.
Yeah.
Right?
All right, it's back to you again.
He has a tattoo of the periodic tables on his arm right there.
All right, so far we've had Adventures of Babysitting,
Nine Months, Mrs. Doubtfire,
and now this one, Jeff.
Is this a game where just everybody
is disappointed and loses?
Do people ever win this?
It's not easy to win.
People do sometimes,
but also your answers are fun.
That's true, but there's a lot of very frustrated people
in the audience.
Oh, there's people that know some of them, sure.
Especially people who have caught on to what I'm doing in this game, I think.
But maybe you guys have it.
Jeff?
Yes.
Be there for the joy.
Be there for the tears.
Be there for each other.
I was trying to make a sniffling sound,
not a cocaine sound.
I didn't know it, though.
This movie's a good one to do cocaine and watch.
Jeff?
Be there for the joy.
What the fuck?
Be there for the tears, man.
Is it parenthood?
No.
That was my fucking guess.
That was my fucking guess.
This is as close to being right as I'll ever get.
Yeah, what do you think, TJ?
Do you have another one besides Parenthood?
I mean, I really thought it was
Parenthood
or another funny, completely
antithetical film.
This isn't the tagline for This Is Us?
It's be there for the tears, the what?
The joy, the tears.
I think straight out of Compton.
The fears.
The tears for fears.
For each other.
Be there for each other.
Cash?
Grand Canyon? Cash, that's a place it was no it was a really cheesy
movie I thought maybe had a cheesy tagline mark she's having a baby that is
the tagline for stepmom I'll just I was going to say Four Weddings and Funeral.
Fucking Stepmom.
All right, so we've got Adventures of Baby City, Nine Months,
Mrs. Doubtfire, and Stepmom.
Now this last one's a tiebreaker because you're all tied at zero.
So to determine a winner of this game, I'm just going to say a tagline.
The first one of you that comes up with the right answer,
guess as often as you like.
But between the four of you, whoever comes up with it first answer, guess as often as you like. But between the four of you,
whoever comes up with it first wins the correct title.
I love this game.
And I want to thank you for having me
on your podcast, Doug Vinson.
Three men and a baby.
No pre-guessing.
Although, we can't really take it.
Yeah, I bet he sticks with that, though.
Oh, I'm sticking.
You just might with this tagline.
A family comedy without the family.
Three men and a baby.
Home Alone.
That's correct.
Thanks.
Shit. Jeff, it feels good, doesn't it?
Oh my God, yeah.
Every day of my life it's like that.
Every day?
Every fucking day.
Well, because he thinks every dog is saying his name.
What?
Mark! Mark.
Dude, that would be fucking trippy.
I saw a dog the other day.
I know you did.
It's so good to answer questions.
One, two.
One, two.
One, two.
One, two.
One, two.
One, two.
Yeah, okay.
Dogs, you know what I'm talking about.
Cats, take a break.
I'm going to touch all the bases on that one.
It's a one-hitter.
Let's determine a real winner.
We already have.
Jeff's doing great, but he gets to go first in Last Man
Stanton.
I'm going to get the name
of probably two actors
or actresses from a couple
of audience members.
I'll take turns naming movies that person's been in.
You can't think of one you're out, but you get one
lifeline. You can go to the person whose name tag
you chose one time
and say, please help me.
And then I'll say last
to another round.
Everybody's
going to get real sweaty.
We doing cardio?
TJ's going gonna have to...
No, we're gonna have some wings, though.
That's how I get sweaty.
That counts.
I trapped myself in elevators.
Also, for the listener at home,
there's a sheet cake on stage
that no one has talked about.
I really was about to say,
what do we do with that?
Can we throw the whole cake into the audience?
No, I think we take handfuls of it.
Oh, no.
That's going to make such a mess.
They've got to clean up for your show tonight, TJ.
I'm going to try to sneak it into the movies.
I'm going to put it in my shirt
and just be like,
I go see Ant-Man and eat a fucking cake.
That would be amazing.
I'd like one for Ant-Man
and the Wasp.
What sheet cake?
That is so funny,
the idea of just eating
a whole sheet cake
in a movie.
It's like, fuck it.
I had an entire...
Although it would be
the saddest birthday.
Yep.
I think,
especially if it was
Ant-Man and the Wasp. I mean... especially with Zayn manning the wasp.
I mean...
Guaranteed, Donnie's done it.
I mean, it would be the saddest birthday
if I could only watch the second half
of that Whitney Houston documentary.
Well, we all know how it ends.
All right, let's try to stop making the audience groan.
And let's try to stop making the audience groan and let's talk to the Henry
all
Allen
is the Henry Allen here
yeah
what is up
what do you do Henry Allen
I work here
you work here at the club
oh okay just taking some time off What do you do, Henry Allen? I work here. You work here at the club?
Oh, okay.
Just taking some time off.
I would think you wouldn't be encouraged to try to participate,
yet here we are.
Henry, what's the name you got for us?
What do you suggest we play today?
Idris Elba.
Okay, first of all, it's Idris.
And second of all, fuck you.
That's one and two.
Or maybe it's, is it Idris?
I don't know. That's one of those confusing ones.
I thought it was Idris. That's one of those confusing ones like John Goodman. How do you say that?
Alright, so we've got
John Goodman.
John Goodman. We've got the Gettysburg-y dress of Elba.
We've got to get a second name, right?
We don't want to play just one name.
No.
Where is Chadwick85?
Chadwick, where you at?
Right here.
He's working in the booth.
Fucking Henry again, I think.
What's your actual name?
Chadwick? Chad.
Chad. Okay.
It's Chad, motherfucker.
What, do you think they call me Wick?
Damn.
Wick would be pretty cool.
Yeah, Wick would be a pretty cool name
to walk around with. Not as cool as Cash, but
you know,
as far as words that are things.
Wick is up there, Chad, is what we're saying.
Yeah.
It's above Chad. What's your last name, dude?
Blakeman.
What?
Blakeman.
Blakeman?
Yep.
I'm telling you, change your fucking name to Wick Blakeman.
That is a fucking cool-ass name.
Done and done.
Wait. What's done. Wait.
What's up?
Blake the Wick Chadman.
All right.
What's your suggestion, Chad?
Robin Williams.
Robin Williams.
Now there's one.
Yeah, Wick.
He's got a lot of titles.
Yeah, Wick Blankman and the Motherfucking Place.
Wick it up.
Fucking WB, bro.
Fucking WB. So we're going to switch the order up.
Jeff's going to go first. I'm going to go second.
Then we're going to go to Mark, Akash,
and TJ. And, you know,
the only tip I can give you is use your
lifeline early if you can, because if you wait too long,
you know...
The person won't know. Exactly.
Wick, you can walk into a bar and just be like, let's get lit. I mean, I think you should you know. The person won't know. Exactly. You'll both not know.
Wick, you can walk into a bar
and just be like,
let's get lit.
I mean,
I think you should consider
the nickname
and try to push it.
It's hard to push
your own nickname.
I know,
that's what I was going to say.
It's hard to do.
He just has to tell
all his friends,
I need you to listen
to this specific episode
of Doug Lowe's movies.
I'm not going to get into why,
but after it's over,
I think our lives will both have changed.
I think you go, look, a lot of people listen to this podcast
and they know me as Wick,
so that's what I'm going by right now.
Yeah, that's what everybody's calling me.
So let's get fucking lit, dude.
And smell like lavender.
Wick, do you work here as well?
No.
He's already answering to Wick. I love it.
Wick, do you work here as well?
No.
Okay, he's already answering to Wick.
I love it.
Okay, so... He's already stuck with Wick.
Stick with Wick in 2018.
That's your campaign.
Even though I assume you don't hold office.
What do you do for a living?
Beer line cleaning.
Beer line cleaning. Beer line cleaning.
Thank you.
And do more of it.
What kind of cleaning?
Beer line, dude.
Beer line?
He rolls into a bar before they open up,
cleans their beer lines,
everybody says thanks,
enjoys beer all night,
and nobody thanks the man who made it possible.
Thank you, man.
I don't mean to be crass,
but he's the reason that you don't have diarrhea
after a great night.
So thank him on the way out.
Beer line cleaner!
Beer line cleaner!
Beer line cleaner!
Beer line cleaner!
Beer line cleaner!
Finally, they've been acknowledged.
Yeah, you're going to love that
until the next episode
when they switch out chanting Tate
for beer line cleaner.
Wick, wick, wick.
All right, Sasha.
All right, you guys.
We know Jeff's going to win today,
so just settle down.
It's anybody's game.
But Jeff, you start us off. I'm not going to write settle down. It's anybody's game. But Jeff, you start us off.
I'm not going to write these down.
We're just going to remember which ones you said.
Again, it's just between audience members.
Please don't whisper or shout out any suggestions.
Jeff, a movie with Idris Elba
or a lesser-known film star, Robin Williams?
Good morning, Vietnam.
Okay.
The reason I hesitate is because that's how Jeff usually greets a crowd.
I do.
It's his usual opener.
He says, good morning, Vietnam.
Good morning, Vietnam. I do a lot of small town radio.
Dude, we're changing lives today, dude.
Yeah, we really are.
We got a new fucking name.
Jeff got an opener for the rest of his life.
Finally.
It's been so hard to start my shows.
The Birdcage.
Mark.
I will go with Thor Ragnarok.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Cast, yes. The World according to Garp yes very good that's a good one TJ thinking about this one all night mrs. Doubtfire it just came to me came to me. It came to me in a dream.
In a waking dream.
Alright, I got one.
Will Hunting.
Dude, I knew where you were going
and I fucking loved it.
What?
Our photo.
Our photo.
World's Greatest Dad.
That movie's hilarious.
Is that the World's Greatest Dad?
Is it the World's Greatest Dad?
Probably, yeah.
All right.
Did they make Mork and Mindy into a movie?
Say it.
Find out if you lose.
They really should have.
I'm going to use my lifeline right now. The old Mork They really should have. I'm going to use my lifeline right now.
The old Mark and Mindy movie?
I'm going to use my lifeline right now.
He's going Death to Smoochie.
Death to Smoochie.
You were going with that?
Yeah, that was an Elvis Albra movie.
Is that right?
He is the Elvis of the Elbrus.
TJ?
You got this.
I know.
The Netflix one.
Oh, yeah.
Just kidding.
Seven years of sleep?
11 years of sleep?
No, fuck.
What's that called?
What are we talking about?
How many years was that?
I know what he's thinking of.
Came out two years ago.
Do you want to use your lifeline?
Yeah, I want to use my lifeline.
What is your lifeline? What is it? Ah, shit. That was the one I was thinking of.
Patch Adams. Fantastic.
Thank you, Anna.
Thank you, Anna.
That's exactly what I was... I'm sorry. Thank you.
Okay, Patch Adams.
Jeff.
Miles got on the Hudson.
Okay.
That's interesting. Moscow on the Hudson. Okay.
That's interesting.
I'm afraid of the chant that's going to happen after I say it.
But let's do it anyway.
Hook. Hook.
It's a mix of Rufio and Tate.
Yeah, yeah. That was the original script.
I was 12.
I fucking love that movie.
Spielberg made it because I was having a real down year.
Fifth grade was rough.
Remember that scene where that little kid
gives Robin Williams Botox
so he can see that it was really him?
No.
Is that your answer?
My answer is The Mountain Between Us.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, yeah.
That was a deep cut.
I saw that trailer. I was like, oh, it looks like Kate Winslet
and Idris Elba are trapped on a mountain.
It looks like they're probably going to get down okay.
I assumed one of them was going to have to
eat the other.
Is that not what it's about?
Spoiler alert.
I just thought of another horrible joke.
Who's next?
I'm next.
Can I have a vodka and soda up here?
And another movie?
Answer to this question.
How about Night at the Museum?
Yeah.
Good job.
Dead Poets Society.
What?
Dead
Poets Society.
Right.
Alright, I'm going to say
Cadillac Man.
Wow.
Smooth.
Jack.
Oh, snap.
That movie should have been called Smooth Jack.
Because he's a man in a boy's body.
Boy, that's smooth, Jack.
The 40-year-old virgin.
Mark.
The Fisher King.
Uh-huh.
Cash.
I don't know if I'm about to go out or not.
I feel like for me this show has really felt like one big misunderstanding, really.
I thought I was watching movies.
Apparently I was just eating popcorn all the time.
Or little cakes that I brought with me.
But I'm going to throw it out there.
It's hard to memorize trivia while you're eating popcorn.
That's right.
You went to your lifeline already once, right?
I know, I did.
So I'm just going to have to do this.
Hey, Cash, you can have my lifeline if you think it'll help.
Oh!
That's right, dude.
Fucking A, Jeff.
That's some big dick energy right there, motherfucker.
That's some big dick energy.
Fucking A, dude.
You fucking do that, Tate.
I can't accept your kindness.
I appreciate it, though.
That was so kind of you.
I want you to have it.
Because all I want for you is to beat this fucker right here.
Whoa.
First of all, that's not how you talk to a national icon of world treasure.
Or Mark Wahlberg.
Exactly.
Second of all...
We're running out of time, you guys.
My guess would be
the Black Panther.
There's no guessing. TJ?
I get to try that. Black Panther?
Black Panther, no. TJ?
So close, though.
Can I use your lifeline yeah sure man okay
all right yeah
and second of all i don't lose i just choose to not win and you know what i appreciate it
i accept that kindness i'm not a i'm. I accept that kindness. I'm not a
one of whatever you are.
I'm not a gift horse man.
I don't know the things
you guys know. I know other things.
Okay, so give me an answer.
I mean, it was just
Father's Day. That might help.
Yeah, he's in a movie called
Father's Day. Good job.
Oh, shit, that was sneaky. sneaky night at the museum battle for the Smithsonian
or of the Smithsonian
I might have fucked that up I'm out
Mark
Avengers Infinity War
yeah
Teach
you got one more lifeline you can go to Danimal again
can I?
yeah you got two lifelines cause Jeff gave you his he just got Jumanji from that dude You got one more lifeline. You can go to Danimal again. Can I?
Yeah, you got two lifelines because Jeff gave you his.
He just got Jumanji from that dude.
Yeah, that was his first time you went to him, wasn't it?
All right.
All right, let's get one more.
One more.
You got another one, Dan?
Oh, wait, who's his name tag?
Sorry, sorry.
It'll be his third one. Hey, relax, asshole.
All right?
Jesus. Danimal, sit this one, relax, asshole. All right? Jesus.
Danimal, sit this one out.
The toy.
Who's in the toy?
No, he's not in the toy.
He's not in it.
No, I just lost.
Okay, you're out.
Okay, you're out.
Jeff?
Toys.
Oh, you son of a bitch!
That's how he does, dude.
That's how he fucking does.
T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T.
Okay, Mark, this is very exciting.
Did you go?
I'm out.
Okay, cool.
I said it wrong, I think.
This is just starting to cut into my fucking workout.
Tim, go ahead.
Toy story.
Tim says toy story.
I don't know why he says it,
but that's what Tim is saying.
Does Tim want to say other words?
Flubber. What? Flubber. Flubber. We'll take fl want to say other words? Flubber.
What?
Flubber.
Flubber.
We'll take flubber.
We're going flubber.
Going flubber.
Going full flubs.
That was a close one.
Jeff?
Aladdin.
Yeah.
Fucking lamp rubber.
Is it back to me?
Yeah.
Bicentennial Man.
Oh!
That's what I was... Mark Wahlberg is in that movie.
What?
You kiss.
That's some classic cheating there.
All right.
What else you got, Jeff?
Well, I'm over here
sitting on the survivors.
The survivors.
That's right.
Mark.
Oh, fuck, dude.
That's a great title.
That was that
McConaughey movie.
Fuck, man.
Surfers.
Fuck.
What the fuck was that movie called? Fuck, man. Surfers, fuck.
Um, what the fuck was that movie called?
I'm gonna go with...
Fuck it.
Thor 2, whatever the fuck it's called.
I believe it's just called Thor 2.
Thor 2, then. I bet he's in it right
they don't ever go to
oh you're right there is more words
yeah it's like Thor Elysian Field
yeah there is more words
Jeff do you want to tell us
what those words are
no
not for that second Thor movie
no thank you but sometimes when I have insomnia,
I don't have very many.
Oh, insomnia.
Right?
When I have insomnia,
I don't get very many awakenings.
When I don't have insomnia,
I go to the dark world.
Thor 2, the dark world.
Jeff Tate is our winner!
Let's give the...
How'd that dog get in here?
Let's give the prize back to your...
Where is it? Oh yeah, of course. Danimal.
Sorry.
No wonder he was
keeping track of your life... of TJ's
lifelines. Like, he wanted Jeff to
win, so he's like, he's already done fucking three
of them. Yeah. That was really
cool of you, man.
Super cool.
Jeff Tate,
do your plugs, please.
Plug it out.
We got to get going.
All right.
Next Friday, whatever.
What the fuck day is it?
That'll be the 13th.
Friday the 13th.
It's Friday the 13th, and you're in luck.
I'm playing a place in Milford, Ohio called By Gollies.
Right?
I got to be clean. Really? Yeah. I didn't get booked called By Gollies. Right? I gotta be clean.
Really?
Yeah, I didn't get booked at By Goddammit's yet.
I just got booked at By Gollies.
But I graduated from By Gosh's already.
Shut up.
And then on August 2nd,
I'm doing a place called Central Cinema
in Seattle, Washington
that sounds cool
I hope so
all of that sounds cool, I've just never been
and I'm starting, I got a podcast
at the end of this month, it's at a place called
Bogart's in Cincinnati
in Shoreline
this is a new podcast with my brother
it's me and my brother.
It's called Alter Tates.
It's called
Bombs Away Presents
Alter Tates,
a podcastrophy.
It's got a lot of names.
It's a podcastrophy.
Alter the states
of these tates,
it's a podcastrophy.
And that is on
July the 28th,
a Saturday.
All right,
Jeff Tate, everybody.
All right, Jeff Tate, everybody. All right.
Since we're doing it, doing it, really doing it,
I'm on a national tour.
So Governor's in Levittown, New York,
on the weekend of July 14th.
July 21st is in Cincinnati, Funnybone.
Another Cincy deal.
My uncle's wake is on July 28th.
Yeah.
No, yeah.
What's the drink minimum there?
No drink minimum, but you got it.
It's BYOSW.
Bring your own wafers.
Syracuse Funny Bone August 11th
August 18th is Bananas
Comedy Club in Hasbro
August 25th
Helium Comedy Club in Portland
and the rest of the dates are on
TJMillerDoesNotHaveAWebsite.com
TJMillerDoesNotHaveAWebsite.com
Yeah!
And Cash Again's podcast is excellent
so tune in to Cash Again with TJ Miller Yeah, tune in to Cash Again with TJ Miller.
Yeah, tune in to Cash Again with TJ Miller.
What do you got?
Yeah, real quick.
A bunch of dates on my website.
A lot of updates.
If you need to know more, you can cash them outside.
Cash Levy.
That's right.
CashLevy.com.
Can't believe I thought of that one right at the gun.
We're just done.
Right at the gun.
Finally came up with that one.
But the only one I really care about to really mention for sure,
I'm doing a charitable event that I wanted people to know about
in Modesto, California, if there are listeners out there.
If you have some fans out there,
Alexa's Appeal for Craniofacial Awareness.
I've done it for a few years over the years, and it's a great cause.
And I'm doing it September 22nd, just to get out ahead of it.
And the other dates are on my website.
I've got a bunch of club dates coming up the next three months.
Right on. Thank you, Cash.
And really,
really, really quickly, because we're right up
against it. The show has to be done at 6 o'clock
because the headliner of the next show here at the club
will fly into a rage
if shit's running
behind schedule. They actually said to me,
end right at 6, and I go, well, TJ's
the next show, so if TJ wants
to keep talking, let's run right through.
I'm just going to show
Transformers for Age of Extinction,
or as I now think of it,
Transformers.
Right, that's what they should have done.
Mark Wahlberg,
what do you have to plug?
You got anything coming out?
Yeah, Doug.
Whoa, what's happening?
Dude, we've had a lot of good times on this show, right?
We sure have.
Like, we joked around and we had a lot of fun.
I gotta tell you something, dude.
What do you have to tell me?
Hurry up. That's what I have to tell you., dude. What do you have to tell me? Hurry up.
That's what I have to tell you.
I'm just a comic.
What? What does that mean?
I'm just a comic.
What's happening?
What the fuck?
What the hell?
It started as a bit.
Rory Scovel dared me to do this.
And we just kept going.
And then I tried to quit.
I know you.
Dan Van Kirk from the Farr brothers.
I can't believe after all these years.
I tried to quit a year ago,
and Tate was like,
dude, do it for another year.
Let's see how long it goes.
Doug has no idea.
I'm really sorry.
That could be a new podcast.
Oh, my God. I can't believe it. That felt be a new podcast. Oh my God.
I can't believe it.
That felt like Mission Impossible, didn't it?
It really did.
Yeah, they put the top of their faces off.
I feel so seen right now.
Yeah, you really are a very talented man.
I can't believe I fell for it for all this time.
And I apologize to all the listeners.
I'll talk to the corrections department.
We'll go through and scrub your game
in every episode.
I told you to do it.
I thought you said,
I thought you were like,
I'm not going to do the show anymore.
And I was like, but Mark,
you should keep doing the show.
You're that guy from the...
Yeah, that was me, Dan, the whole time.
That wasn't Mark Wahlberg
You're just finding out now too
Well yeah I thought he was just gonna stop doing the show
You took me to the
Two Guns premiere
Yeah we just went and saw the movie Two Guns
What
Wait you just went back into character
Yeah no it's just in my voice
It's a part of you
Yeah sometimes I yell and whisper at the same time.
All right, well, does Dan Van Kirk have anything to plug?
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Hi, guys, I'm a comedian, Daniel Van Kirk.
Hey.
Daniel.
I love all of you people.
Thanks for joking around with me.
You can see me July 15th at the Bug Theater in Denver, Colorado.
I am co-headlining with John Roy in Denver 15th at the Bug Theater in Denver, Colorado. I am co-headlining
with John Roy
in Denver, Colorado
at the Bug Theater
on July 15th.
Hey, Daniel, Daniel.
Yes?
Earn this.
Okay.
One more time
for all of my guests.
Thank you.
Thank you, Columbus Funnybone.
Always a treat to come here.
And as always,
Rose not
moving over for Jack
is a shithead.
It's on the Titanic one.
There really was enough room on that
fucking thing for both of them
to be on it. My ball sticking
in my leg on a hot day is a shithead.
Yeah.
My ball sticking to Rose on a
hot day is a great thing.
I don't get this,
but you guys will probably respond accordingly.
Anyone who says
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Now it's time for Doug
to watch another talkie.
Eyes of Gold is viewing prowess,
makes him cocky. There's no
room in his heart for you
cause Doug loves movies!