Doug Loves Movies - Todd Glass, Kevin Kraft and Dan Van Kirk guest
Episode Date: November 18, 2018Live from the American Comedy Company in Sweet Home San Diego, Doug welcomes Todd Glass, Kevin Kraft and Dan Van Kirk to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitc...her Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in filmography Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
That's not where you respond.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is Four Plus Movies.
Coming to you once again from the American Comedy Company,
underground, in downtown San Diego.
All right, we're doing it, you guys.
This is awesome.
This is a great turnout.
Normally, I do a show on the night before Thanksgiving every year.
But this year, we're changing it up.
It's Saturday, November 17th, 2018.
And I can always count on a lot of good name tags here in Sweet Home San Diego.
So let's see what we've got.
We've got Vanilla Sal?
Cy.
Your name is Cy?
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry that I said Sal, because that's a name and Cy is not.
What about, what's this planeains Trains and Automobiles?
What does it say?
It's Payne's Gains and Donnie Mobiles.
What?
Payne's Gains and Donnie Mobiles.
This is a full-on Wahlberg thing.
Wahlberg jokes.
You know, that guy retired from the show a long time ago.
Wahlberg jokes.
You know, that guy retired from the show a long time ago.
I know it's sad, but you know,
new things rise from the things that go away.
What's this one say?
Nicole's?
Oh, because of the movie Holes.
Nicole's.
Come on, you guys.
That's a good name tag, and she's in the front row.
There's a bunch more back there that I can't possibly see,
but I'm sure my guests will give you all equal consideration.
Thank you for your efforts.
Doug plugs.
New York and Los Angeleseles the tradition continues two nights of 12 guests of christmas on two coasts 12 guests east coast edition is at the grammese theater new york
city november 25 and 26th at 8 p.m and then the 12 guests West Coast is at Largo
in Los Angeles
December 2nd and 3rd
at 8pm. For deets
on these shows and more
go to
Douglovesmovies.com
That's Douglovesmovies.com
Yeah!
Caw caw!
Caw caw!
Oh no! We've awoken Eddie. Oh, no.
We've awoken Eddie.
With your heart and your belief, I come to life.
What?
It's true.
You guys believe in Eddie, so he comes to life every time.
What other comedy shows do they do here at American Comedy Company, Eddie,
where you come to life?
Is there any other comedians that really bring in a crowd that conjures you?
No.
I'm the only one?
You're the only one.
I'm the only one.
Because people probably don't refer to you.
They probably don't look to you and respect you
and call you by your actual name.
Nope.
They just act like I'm not even here.
Now, Eddie, let me ask you this.
How do you feel about the fact that, I mean, I called you.
I just guessed that your name was Eddie, and I guess I was right
because you respond to it.
But how do you feel about the fact that the NRA
has a friendly
gun eagle called Eddie?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm sorry if this is the first time
you're hearing about it. It is the first time!
Oh my god, I can't believe I'm breaking
this news to you. Wait, the NRA
has an eagle
named Ed?
Eddie? Full on Eddie?
Yeah, Eddie.
The only thing that can stop
a bad eagle with a gun
is a good eagle named me!
Let's find an eagle named me
because your name is Eddie.
Damn it.
But thanks for coming to life once again.
You got it.
You know, if you have anything to say at all,
you know, during the show,
feel free to jump in.
Be nice to each other.
Do you have...
Oh, that's just...
That's something I wanted to say.
That sounds like something you should say at the end.
And also, I should look in the direction of where you are.
It helps.
How about Thanksgiving?
You got big Thanksgiving plans, Eddie?
Oh, no, you know what?
I don't tend to partake in holidays
where animals are killed, specifically birds.
Although I hate fucking turkeys.
So what?
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and that's it, right?
Yeah, pretty much.
None of the rest of them are bird killers.
I don't like hot wing contests.
I don't like them either.
Alright,
so we'll check in with you again
later, Eddie.
Let me show you guys what i brought for the prize bag this is pretty exciting i'm gonna bring the first the
biggest item out oh shit it fell down uh yeah i was i had i had to bring this uh oh by the way
this bag that i brought it in is from a place called Raw Sushi R.A. in Austin, Texas.
And it's really good.
But I brought, you know, I stay at the hotel that I stay at here in San Diego quite a bit.
So they gave me a bottle of Callaway Cellar Selections Vintage 2016.
Cabernet Sauvignon.
So, yeah, so, you know, if you're into wine or getting drunk,
that should do the job.
And then this is a fanny pack I got in Tempe, Arizona at Spinelli's Pizza.
If you're at Spinelli's Pizza, try the pepperoni knots and thank me later.
I brought some magazines from different places I've been to.
Because they have them in the hotel room.
Phoenix Magazine.
Spinelli's is in Tem tempe but that's close by and then uh oh shit here's another magazine i'm more excited about this one for reasons you'll figure out in a second
austin magazine i was just in austin doing shows with kill tony Master Pancake. And I'm excited to say they'll be back in Austin
on December 29th,
doing a Doug Loves Movies at 420 at Cap City Comedy Club.
And then on New Year's Eve,
I'm doing two stand-up shows
with lots of great stand-ups from the Austin area, also at Cap City.
And also in the prize bag, some stickers that say Doug Loves Movies,
plus all the stuff brought by my three guests today, who are all regulars on the program.
And we're going to have a very nice time again
it's all men you know that's how
I like it
please give a big warm welcome to
Todd Glass, Kevin Craft
and Dan Van Kirk Kirk!
Wow!
Look at us!
Where do you want me?
Where do you want me?
Doug?
Sit wherever you want, Todd.
You sit right next to Doug.
No offense.
Yeah, that worked out great.
I'm glad we worked out the seating. Wow.
And we're ready to get going.
Let's meet these dudes individually,
starting with the man directly to my left.
You know from the Jason Ellis program
on Faction Talk 103 on SiriusXM,
to the listeners, I'm not reading that off a piece of paper.
My trying-to-remember- it voice sounds like I'm reading it.
It's Kevin Kraft, everybody!
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for having me, Doug.
It's an honor to be back.
You're a great American.
Oh, well, thank you for...
Oh, speaking of great Americans,
Eddie is
Eddie's on hand
so don't be scared when he comes in like that
I'm very excited to
finally meet Eddie for the first time
I didn't realize
wow he's got a shockingly
large penis
good for you Eddie
we don't need to point it out but I'm blessed
it's even more alarming that it's like a human man penis you, Eddie. We don't need to point it out, but I'm blessed.
It's even more alarming that it's a human man penis.
It's not like a bird penis. It's a man penis.
Very shocking to see.
I can't be entirely perfect.
All right. Well, I'm glad we've
established
that Eddie is part bird and part man, because he can't be perfect.
Thank you, Kevin, for that.
Songs about hot dogs.
And thank you for being here.
And let's also say hello to headlining this weekend here at the American Comedy Co., The ACC as some of my hipster comedy
friends refer to it. It's
Todd Glass!
What? Shut the
fuck up. Wow.
Sorry to interrupt
your part of the show, Todd, but
I forgot to mention that I'm
also putting in the prize bag
a button that says Stitcher on it.
Wow.
Yeah, that was pretty important.
That's why I jumped in right there,
because it's a pretty special, unique item going in the bag.
Eddie getting pictures over there.
How you doing, Eddie?
That's a different Eddie.
Wait, what are you talking about?
That's a different Eddie.
What do you mean? what's the other Eddie?
The one you're talking to.
I'm not taking pictures.
I just want the listener at home to know I'm not a picture taker.
I'm not a creep.
Oh, your name's Eddie, too?
I don't take pictures without asking.
That's a creep move.
Are you Eddie, too?
Yeah, I'm Eddie.
So why don't we call him E1 or you E1 and him E2?
I'm definitely E1.
Alright.
Thanks for being here Todd. We also have
You told me
play along with the crow bit.
It's not a crow
bit. Hawk. You
motherfucker!
Call me a crow? Hawk.
Evil. There's evil.
Okay. Todd I'm sorry to yell at your
prop comic friend.
How dare you?
How dare you?
How dare you?
How dare you?
Name one prop I am.
Oh, he's got a whole band on stage.
That's a prop.
That's not a prop.
He gets propped up by that brand every night.
You're a shitty pigeon.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
Yeah, you're dirty.
You're not even a pigeon.
Come over here.
Rub your face against my talons that can't move!
Yeah, Todd, you're just brave because he can't attack you.
He's just a drawing.
Yeah, well, of course.
What?!
What?!
You can't attack anybody because then he'll drop that sign
that says the American comedy company.
What are you implying?
That if it was a real eagle talking to me,
I would run away?
I swear to God, my head's melting right now.
What are you saying?
I'm not real.
Eddie's real, Todd.
Motherfucker calls me a crow.
Jeremy Hunts.
Also joining us today.
Hello.
Not you anymore.
Moving on to Dan Van Kirk!
Hello.
Hello.
Sorry about that, Dan.
All that back and forth with Eddie
really cut into your time.
I'll wait.
Eddie should apologize to you.
Eddie, I would have accepted an apology.
You don't deserve one.
See, you're hopped up.
What's wrong with you, Eddie?
Tim, I thought it was me.
I thought I was being argumentative.
He's got that big dick energy.
All day, every day.
Well, nonetheless, I'm glad to be here.
Thank you, Dan.
Thank you, buddy.
Thank you for coming down and leaving dumb people town to be here.
Happy to do it.
And a very extremely popular podcast.
And you're doing live episodes of it in front of audiences? Yes, we
are. On December 10th,
Monday, we'll be doing the 100th
Dumb People Town at the Largo Theater
in Los Angeles, California.
Heard of it. Yeah. Will Forte
will be our guest and it'll be a lot of fun.
And then we're doing Sketch Fest too on January
11th. We'll be doing that
on that Friday. Yeah, I'm there on the
12th and the 13th.
Obviously now might not be a good time,
but I think it's good to throw some love.
Obviously, sorry to hear about the Sklar brothers
both dying.
Whoa, what?
Oh yeah, you didn't hear?
Oh shit.
I'm the king of dumb people town.
I thought that would be funny.
Both of you, Todd was weird saying that
and Dan's response was weird.
Because I just want to...
I don't want it to be real.
I just think it's...
You know what?
Because you thought I was serious.
I apologize.
You don't know.
It's so absurd.
I think, would I really bring it up now?
But yeah, maybe.
You're thinking, yeah, you would,
but I wouldn't.
I wouldn't bring it up.
Well, I might,
but you would have to know
they were dead for me to bring it up
and they're not dead.
They're fine.
They're fine and alive
and I hope they stay that way.
Aren't you in a better mood now?
Yep.
You're like, oh, they're alive.
You don't even give a shit.
You were just fucking with me.
You don't care.
I did hear that they're in a small plane right now with some musicians.
Oh, shit.
We're going to have to keep checking in and finding out whether or not the Sklars are alive or not.
Because anything could happen at this point.
There's a storm in the northeast.
Their mom has their phone.
So tweet at her and tell her you loved her kids.
Sorry, they're dead.
If you do that, the Sklar brothers are going to fucking love it.
I'm not doing this because I don't like them.
If you were them and people started tweeting you,
sorry to hear you're dead, you wouldn't be going, well, who the fuck did something?
That's what happens
in the comedy community. I always tell people,
Rory Scoville's dead and I go tweet at his mom
she has his phone
and then the next morning
he wakes up
why are all these people
saying sorry your son's dead
you do the same shit
and you know it
the weird shit you do
oh how about if I found out
you tell people
to tweet at their parents
different version
you know it
you get the joke
or you just say,
hey, their family
has the phone
so if you want to tweet
some love at them.
Oh my God.
I don't know.
What the fuck?
Why don't I shut the fuck up?
Thank you to all my guests
for being here.
Sorry about the scars dying
They're not
They're probably not dead
Chances are really good they're not dead
But we will look into it
Dan what did you bring for the prize bag?
I brought something that
I can only do
Well I guess I can do it somewhere else
But nobody would be as happy
I brought a $25 gift certificate to Coin Op
Yeah I love that place So I want a $25 gift certificate to Coin Op.
Yeah.
I love that place.
I want other people to be able to love it as well.
It's Caddy Corner.
You step out of here, and there's the double deuce.
Just don't even look twice.
No, that's the only look twice.
I think they have good food, too.
Just double the deuce, and then go Caddy Corner.
It's not one of those lights where you can go through the diagonally.
So wait.
You know what I mean?
Take a scooter.
Do it properly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get on a lime. It's going to be hard to find one in San Diego.
Get on a lime or a bird or a razor.
Or a wind.
There's wind ones.
Wind?
Yes.
Now there's ones with seats that are doing some launch promotion.
That's just nature wind that pushes you around town.
They make cars now.
No.
You get them, you just check them out.
What do you have for the prize bag, Dan Van Kirk?
You know what?
I've got something that you can only bring here.
I guess I could bring it somewhere else, too,
but people wouldn't be able to use it as well.
I love this place.
I forgot you said all that shit.
Just pass it down.
It's a coin-op.
Just pass it down.
I love it.
I hope that somebody else can love it too.
I wanted to give coin-op another mention.
Now, when you go there, it's catty corner from here.
All right, all right.
I heard the food's good.
Don't look twice at the double deuce.
You know what?
Take a scooter there.
All right.
You know they have cars now.
They have cars.
They have cars.
Wait, take the car.
I get it.
I get it.
There are three people listening to this show that think they're losing their minds.
You did the whole thing.
Yeah, we're good.
I brought a gift certificate.
You can't say there wasn't more gift certificate. You can't say...
There wasn't more last time.
You can't make it go longer.
So, Dan, what did you bring for the prize money?
I brought a place that I love.
You can only do this here.
I guess you could do it somewhere else,
but other places they wouldn't be able to use it.
I brought a $25 gift certificate.
That's your hosting ability.
Todd! Todd, your hosting ability. Todd!
Todd, please stop it.
This is a free download for a song about hot dogs.
It's a new podcast.
It's the first official spin-off from the Todd Glass Show.
It's called Songs About Hot Dogs with John Byrne Wagner,
so that's free.
So I just thought, who's coming to the show tonight?
I really did think of something like they would get home.
I imagine a lot of you smoke pop,
but it would be good for you to have.
Mostly, it's all food. So Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I was going would get home. I imagine a lot of you smoke pop, but you would like, it would be good for you to have. Mostly, it's all food.
So cinnamon toast crunch.
I was going to get vanilla.
I was going to get vanilla ice cream.
Just do me a favor.
If you win this, get vanilla ice cream,
go home, fill it up a little,
you know, in a bowl of this
and then put the vanilla ice cream on top.
And it's fucking, it's stupid.
It's really good.
It's fucking better than you think it's going to be.
Oh, I think it's going to be
pretty good.
It better
murder me. Also...
Because I'm thinking it's going to be close to that.
It is. It's really good. Any cereal
is good. So,
vanilla Oreos. Now, you might have never had them and you might not
think... I think you'll be like, I actually like them.
The other ones are too chocolatey. Crack them open.
Let me try one. You serious?
Yeah.
I'm not saying the others are too chocolatey for real, by the way.
Just give me one of those motherfuckers.
I'm going to fucking eat it.
Oh, wait.
It's theirs, though.
What do you mean?
They'll be fine.
Yeah, and while you're at it, lick every one.
Yeah, just pull one out.
I thought these were double stuff.
Fuck.
They're regular stuff?
Yeah.
No thank you.
All right, there you go.
I think I had one of these once before.
I don't think they're great.
That's good.
That's a fucking church cookie right there.
What is that even?
Like a church cookie?
Just clean?
Yeah, it's very bland, Todd.
No, the cookies they give after church.
Super bland.
Yeah, like little kids and grandmas love this shit.
How about in church?
In the Catholic church, they had told all the little kids,
don't play with their penises, but they're basically going,
oh, we'll take care of that for you.
Yeah.
little kids don't play with their penises and then but they're basically going oh we'll take care of that for you
okay so this after I told that joke I purposely looked into my bag I knew it
would make it funny like oh that that didn't know anyway you can't even blame
the crowd cuz you're so perfect so every time it goes bad I hate my I hate my hey
can't get over my overly overly criticize myself, so you'll
forgive me. These are chocolate chip, just add
water, not even an egg
or anything. You can figure it
out, so.
No, I'm, it's hard. I made
pancakes three weeks
ago. I was like, everybody's made such a big deal
about it my whole life. Oh, you want,
it's easy. Anyway.
It's like, what the fuck?
My parents, oh, you want pancakes.
I added water to this shit and I fucking fried it.
Hot cocoa, of course.
By the way, if you want to show up at anybody's house
and it's not expensive, bring two of these
or two boxes of apple cider and a sleeve of cups.
You basically show up and go, yeah, I got 20 things of hot chocolate.
People like it. Okay.
And it's easy and it's cheap. You just show up.
Be appropriate. Don't show up to a fancy
dinner with it. But if you're going to a party,
people go, hey, there's some hot chocolate in the
kitchen. 20 cups. You know what I mean?
Very fancy. Okay.
Mac and cheese. Okay, now we're talking.
Now we're talking. Okay, it's done.
Are they spirals? I did think
of two last things. I really thought of this.
I pictured someone going back to
someone's house and they're all eating it, but one
person's just trying to be sort of healthy. Everyone else
is alright, but someone's like, fuck.
So I got almonds.
Not even any salt.
Just if you're like, fuck. Almonds.
Almonds. Almonds.
Did I say it wrong? sorry my father died
right after he had me
just people are like
wait why does that have to do
he said almonds wrong and I always did it to honor him
and I swear
I thought then
maybe tic tacs
and that's it
oh and another song is about hot dogs use your microphone voice I thought maybe Tic Tacs if you need them. And that's it.
Oh, and another song is about hot dogs.
Use your microphone voice.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry about the microphone.
Sorry in the back.
The back?
The listeners?
In the back of the room.
Oh, well, they're not here.
Sorry in the back and the listeners.
The listeners hear you.
All right. Thank you for helping me, by the way.
Oh, you got it.
All that stuff, Todd, I mean,
maybe the best contribution
to the prize bank this
year.
Thank you.
He paused like I was
being sarcastic.
I know, I don't know. I think you're
up to something. No, it's really good.
Don't you think it's really good, you guys?
I tried to put thought into it.
Yeah, I mean, if you're going to just go out and buy a bunch of shit,
you did the best of that genre.
How dare you?
Kevin, what do you got?
Yeah, that's a tough act to follow.
Yeah, that's why I made a big deal out of it,
so that you could just basically come up with anything,
and everyone will be fine.
I've got this bottle of water.
A bottle of Fiji water?
Yeah.
That way you can make Todd's mac and cheese,
hot cocoa, and cookies.
So that completes that.
I could say he's part of the mac and cheese
and part of the cookies, because without this water, you don't
want to put your fucking shitty spigot water in there.
You put some clean water in there.
It's going to taste so fancy. So fucking good.
Yeah. I do not like the expression
shitty spigot water.
It feels problematic.
It's got a weird twang to it.
Seriously, it was my grandmother's
nickname in college and they wouldn't tell me why.
None of my family would tell me why.
I just called her SSW.
You could find her in every room,
and it was easy to turn her on.
And that is how you get it done!
No, no, no.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Wow.
Shit.
I love all of you.
Oh, man.
How do you feel about Get It Done, Eddie?
I like it.
Any time where people cheer together, it makes me happy.
All right.
I thought you'd be behind.
I thought you'd be all right with it.
I'm trying to calm down.
What else do you have, Kevin?
I don't know if we have any gamers in the house tonight.
All right, cool.
We got a couple.
I got this Amiibo Charizard.
He's a Pokemon.
So that's in there.
It's getting a little cold, so I've got this World of Warcraft knit cap.
Oh, nice.
And Nightmare Before Christmas socks.
Oh, I think I might hang on to those.
I've got some Pumanati stickers for my podcast, Mad Scientist Party Hour.
And then this comic.
It's a big trade.
Ultimate Galactus Trilogy.
I don't really care for that, so you guys can have it.
That's about it.
All right.
That's what I got.
Nice plug for Ultimate Galactus.
Yeah.
They're going to probably move a few units.
But yeah, give me all that stuff.
Oh, did I get all Todd's stuff too?
Here's Todd's food.
Yeah.
But great job, everybody, bringing all...
Oh, don't forget the water.
What did you get?
I brought a... This is a place I love here in San Diego. I guess you get? I brought a...
This is a place I love here in San Diego.
I guess you can get it at other places too,
but they wouldn't be able to use it.
It's a $25 gift certificate to Coin-Op.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I love that place and I want other people
to be able to love it too.
I heard they have good food.
They do have good food. It's actually catty corner.
I thought
it was called Quan OP.
So should they just
go ahead and double stuff Pop-Tarts
or are they going to fucking, like, how long are they going to
wait to do that? It's going to work.
They've never double stuffed one thing on the fucking planet
that people didn't like.
Double icing, double shit inside.
Fucking do it, right?
I'm right. If you think I'm wrong, you know nothing.
You should know that.
Anyone that's gone, he's fucking right.
If you think, hey, it wouldn't work, you shouldn't be in marketing.
End of story.
Let's go, Pop-Tarts.
Double stuff it. At least double ice it. I need to, Pop-Tarts. Double stuff it.
At least double ice it.
I need to...
Oh, yeah.
Ah.
That's right.
How about double ice it and less crust it?
Thank you.
Double icing, no crust.
I always meant double icing from the beginning,
but I said double stuffed, and that's not what I meant.
Either way. It could have double stuff in there, too.
Double icing, double the stuff.
Kellogg's, Pop-Tarts.
I said all the words wrong to cover up the first time I said it.
You people are great.
I really have a...
Do you want to sleep over?
Dan.
Yep.
Van.
Kirk.
Yes. What was the last movie you saw?
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
I know right
How'd that happen?
What's that?
How'd that happen?
HBO
By yourself?
Yup
You know what though
It's a little
It's a little problematic.
It is?
Yeah.
Why?
There's multiple times in the movie where someone is offended that Val Kilmer's character is gay.
They keep saying things like, what's wrong with you?
You hang around with gay men?
And you're like, I don't remember this being there, and I'm not totally okay totally okay with it yeah it happens like three or four times in the movie yeah but how old is
that movie 2005 yeah that's a while ago it's doesn't feel still doesn't feel good well it
was rough even at the time because i think that was part of the idea was that they were unnecessarily
rough on okay because doesn't the gay character end up being pretty awesome gay perry yeah oh yeah he's phenomenal yeah yeah i know yeah so he turns out to be great
just didn't feel great you know all right jesus something else you want to tell us dan
i think that covers it okay todd well yeah no what no i wasn't asking you to just agree with what Dan just said.
I was trying to get along.
Same question for you.
Did you see a movie recently?
Yes, I did.
I know this is a tough question.
No, I did.
And I thought on the way here, every time I think,
remember, you're going to do the show, so just go see a movie.
And I think, how many times can you say that before
people go, no, you per...
So I saw the Mr. Rogers movie, and I
was, because I knew, so it was
great. It was, everything you
think it is, go get,
go realize how good we can be as a species.
It's fucking amazing. If you think you're
going to love it, you're really going to love it.
Maybe documentaries are your thing.
Oh, was that a documentary?
Oh, it was. It was. It're really going to love it. Maybe documentaries are your thing. Oh, was that a documentary? Oh, it was.
It was.
It was.
But they called it a movie.
I sold it to movies, so I guess that's technically a movie.
That's what a friend of mine said.
He's a lawyer.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying is that it seems like you might be more.
I can follow it a little easier.
Like have more of a patience for it because it's a lot of, it's kind of constant
information and it's not made up
by somebody. Right. And I do like
movies too, by the way. I'm just saying, you know, I don't want to
look like I'm just going to go see documentaries.
Okay.
Alright, we'll see how much
you love movies when we get to the trivia questions.
All I can do is my
best. Yeah, that's
not good enough. No, I know.
But All I can do is my best Yeah, that's not good enough No, I know But we'll still have a good time That's the important thing
Kevin, what's the last movie you saw?
I saw Mune
Guardian of the Moon
You ever hear of that shit?
Nope
What is that shit?
It's like some weird CG movie.
Really?
Yeah, I think it's like a French movie that got ported over into English.
You watched it beginning to end?
Yes.
Mune, Guardian of the Moon?
Yes, it streams on Netflix.
It's really weird, but Weed makes it awesome.
Has anybody here seen that?
Not yet.
It's in his queue.
Well, I did watch it after I got home from seeing Widows, which was dope.
You liked Widows?
Awesome.
Because that's not out yet, right?
No, it's out.
Or it just came out?
It just came out.
Okay.
But it was sick.
Yeah, people were saying that like at the Toronto Film Festival or some shit, people were blown
away by it.
Because it looks melodramatic.
It doesn't look like it should be taken seriously, but apparently everybody really commits to
it.
Yeah, it kicks ass.
It's got its funny parts.
It's not like a straight up action movie.
The trailer makes it look a little action-y.
Right.
But it's very enjoyable. It starts
with a very jarring scene.
A lot of strong actors.
Yeah. It starts with Liam Neeson in bed
with Viola Davis. Spoiler alert.
And he...
I'm in.
I used to play the
Viola and drive a Nissan. Tell us more.
Liam Neeson
eats her face. What?
They're married and he goes in for
a kiss and his mouth goes
nose to chin.
Okay, but
she survives. Yes.
Alright.
I do that to dogs.
Sound like a zombie
movie or something.
It's unsettling.
Eats her face.
Everybody in the theater was laughing,
and it was not meant as a comedic moment.
It starts strong, is what I'm saying.
He doesn't, you know,
Liam doesn't get a lot of love scenes, so, you know.
That might have been his first time making out.
Probably was a little overzealous.
He looked very excited.
All right.
Lately, I've been trying to write down what the last movie I saw was
so I can play along, but I didn't.
I did see the first episode of The Marvelous Ms. Maisel.
And, yeah, people love it, and I did enjoy it.
So I'm going to watch episode two,
and I'll get back to you guys on Doug Loves TV.
But now it's time to say,
turn it off, Bert, and let the games begin!
We got some name tags.
People made some name tags.
You guys have to pick who you'd like to play for
on behalf of
by physically grabbing a name tag.
There's so many. And bringing it back to your seat.
Can we get the house lights
up a little bit? And oh, Todd's
fumbling around. No, he's
good. I take it back. He's not
fumbling.
We'll be right back after these messages.
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All right, we're back.
It's catty quarter.
We just got back, Todd. That All right, we're back. It's catty quarter.
We just got back, Todd.
That was all during a commercial break.
Oh, was that really?
Yeah.
That's a good way.
Yeah.
I just wanted to warn you that all that great comedy you did during there won't be in the show.
Dan?
Yeah.
Who'd you get?
Sueta, Hot American Summer.
Right?
Sueta?
And it's got a whole bunch of people on it,
including you,
Jen Kirkman, Jeff Tate.
There's tons of great people on it.
Mr. Todd Glass is on this poster.
Really? Oh, shit.
You know what? Give me that one, sir.
Come get it.
This is horrible.
You're lucky I'm lazy.
You're not on that one, Todd? There's so many better ones behind you.
You have no idea.
I felt bad.
They knew it, too.
They're like, he picks that one?
I did.
So always remember.
So you're not on that one, Todd?
No, but he seemed like a nice guy.
I said pick one that you're on.
I know, but I walked by that guy after you said that,
and he went, look, look, look.
And I went, I'm not on it. But I didn't want to go, I'm not on it, because I look like a dick.
I'm not on it.
Who the fuck am I?
Oh, I'm not on it.
I don't want it.
So I took it.
And then the people behind me go, I fucking took the time to put you on it.
But that guy was like, oh, I have a disease.
That's what he told me.
He whispered it to me.
He said that?
Who was it?
He goes, I have a disease.
He said that to you?
Yeah. So I felt bad. I'm like a disease He said that to you? Let me
Yeah
So I felt bad
I'm like oh let me have it
Let me have it
I got you
I said I got you champ
You tried to do one thing nice
Right
Well he
Do we know that he doesn't?
No I hope so
I hope you're fine though
So you pick somebody
Because you have a strong feeling
That you're going to win for them
Oh right Yeah you're Sorry you're going to win for them?
Oh, right.
Sorry, you're not winning, but thanks for the poster.
You're right.
Every time I think that person's getting it, but they're not.
But this is his poster.
Is this yours?
Is there meaning behind this?
It's the movie Get Out.
He changes to Brett Out.
Oh, okay. Because his name is Brett.
I like it.
You know what?
I'm glad I picked you.
Fuck.
It looks like it's the Korean poster.
That might be what's throwing you off.
Who's sitting in the chair?
That's the guy from the movie Get Out.
And what's his name?
Yeah, Dubu Dubu Dabe.
Dubu Dubu Dabe?
That's racist, Todd.
I'm sure that's racist.
You just said it.
What are you, fuck, I didn't.
No, you repeated it wrong.
All right, so Todd's playing for Brett.
Who are you playing for, Kevin?
Is it Daniel Aluoglio?
Is that close?
No?
Damn it.
I'm playing for Nicole's.
Oh yeah, we talked about that.
Instead of holes, it's Nicole's.
The Shia LaBeouf joint.
Yeah.
He was just at the show in LA
a couple nights ago or last week.
Somebody
in the audience did a selfie to prove that he was there.
Was he well behaved?
Yeah, he was great.
I didn't find out until later.
I heard he enjoyed it.
I heard he thought it was,
he didn't understand what was happening.
I hear he says that a lot.
He thought it was,
yeah, I didn't understand what was happening,
but I thought it was fun.
It's probably what he says about most things.
But that's, you know,
we don't get celebrity reviews very often, so I'm going to run
with it. So where's Nicole
at?
She's right in the front. I'm very lazy.
Congratulations, Nicole, because
it's going to be a tight competition,
but Kevin's my choice
to win today.
No pressure.
Mine too. I think he might win too.
Yeah, I think we're all if we could put money on it.
His grandmother's here and it would be a nice thing for her to be able to see.
I wonder, who does Eddie back in this race?
Well, right now I'm currently backing everybody.
That's a good eagle.
Get it? Yeah, but he's behind us. Literally backing all of you. That's a good eagle. Get it?
Yeah, but he's behind us.
Literally backing all of you.
He's backing all of us.
But which one would you pick in this competition?
Probably go Todd.
I like an underdog.
Oh.
All right, good luck with that.
Because here we go.
This first game we're going to play.
What's the matter, Todd?
I saw another movie and I can't remember what it is, but it doesn't matter.
That's so funny.
The first game is name another movie you've seen.
I'd like to back Todd as well.
I think Todd's going to win.
No, Todd, we're going to play a game.
I think Todd's going to win.
No, Todd, we're going to play a game.
I'm doing Douglas movies in Austin, Texas at Cap City Comedy on Saturday, December 29th at 420.
So I want to play a game that came out of Austin, Texas. It's called Alex's, Jason and Deb's IMDb game, a.k.a. Talking Talkies.
Alexis, Jason, and Deb's IMDb game,
aka Talking Talkies, I am going to start listing off
the things at the top of someone's IMDb page
under best known for.
Usually there's four titles.
Sometimes they're not movies,
but it's just projects that an entertainer is known for when you think
you know who it is buzz in with your own name and then I will go to you and you
will answer it if you get it right you can get bonus points Todd are you losing
interest in these rules you get bonus points for naming additional movies or rules.
You get bonus points for naming additional movies or TV projects
or whatever that person
was in.
Negative one
if you jump in and get it wrong.
So be cautious
in your play.
Alright, so you're buzzing in with your own
name, Todd.
I don't know why I'm telling you that.
You'll probably just hang out.
Dan and Kevin, you know who you are.
Here we go.
The first title, and this person's best known for
is a film called Rebound.
known for is a film called Rebound.
Anybody think they know who that might be?
Is there a dog in that movie?
No questions.
No questions.
Didn't the dog play basketball?
Todd, use your microphone voice.
And no questions.
It was not about a basketball playing time.
All right, you guys ready for the second?
Second credit this person's best known for?
It was something called Todd Glass Talks About Stuff.
Okay, Kevin? Kevin, who is it? Todd Glass Talks About Stuff. Okay, Kevin?
Kevin, who is it?
Todd Glass?
That is correct.
I knew I heard of the movie.
It was a horrible experience.
I had a little, little, well, it ended up a little part
because I played a coach
and I didn't,
oh, the whole,
I'm sick every day.
Every day I had to.
Wait, you played a coach
and had a little part
in Todd Glass,
Todd Glass talks about stuff.
No, that's when I knew it was me.
I'm not,
but the other one,
oh, I was a referee
and I had to throw a basketball.
I was nervous. They acted like it wasn't a big deal. They don't tell you, like they go, oh, I was a referee, and I had to throw a basketball. I was nervous.
They acted like it wasn't a big deal.
They don't tell you.
They go, oh, yeah, just throw the ball up in the air and hit it with the bat.
I was like, what the fuck?
They think I can't do that.
So the guy's like, it doesn't matter if you're bad.
I go, I won't even be bad.
You're going to eat up the time of the day.
So they just took it out.
But that's why.
And the other one, I had to throw a basketball and that was rebound.
I thought there was a dog in there to be honest.
Alright so Todd
you just got, I mean Kevin just got
one point. Yeah wow fuck.
For guessing that it was Todd Glass.
And do you have two more guesses for Todd's top four?
So you can get bonus points now, Todd,
if he can name two more Todd Glass projects.
I'm going to write down just one point.
That's crazy.
Did you guess that I was going to not get that?
Because how?
I had a feeling you might not remember the name of a movie that you were in.
Well, I did remember it.
I did say it sounded familiar, so that's something.
You asked if it had a dog.
There's another movie with a dog, I'm telling you.
Air Bud.
Yes.
It's the same poster.
Okay. It's the same poster Okay so Kevin do you have any other Todd Glass projects
coming to mind
Ready Player One
and The King's Speech
Oh terrific guesses
Todd what do you think
is in your top four?
Maybe
Netflix or Tosh.0
Why would that be funny?
No, seriously
Someone tell me
I don't want to wait
My friends are here
They'll tell me afterwards
They'll be like
Because when you said that
They said that
And then I'll go
Oh
I think just your uncertainty
With your own cattle
I think I was right on the. I think just your uncertainty with your own catalog.
I think I was right on the money.
I love, my friends will tell me.
They're here. Oh, yeah. And they will tell me what you said. That is right.
Whether you tell me or not. He said they're laughing
because I'm uncomfortable with my own catalog. Although I thought,
yeah, up to then, I get it with Rebound. That's weird.
But as soon as you said
name two others, you're trying to not think of two other
things you've done, but there would be in the top four.
So I went, mm, mm, that's why I said it.
So I think, am I right?
If I'm right, I'm going to take a swing at you.
Why?
Because something happened.
I think you'll be fine with the results,
and don't get on Dan's case.
He's got gasoline to pump.
Well, let's start home.
I look like a guy who pumps gasoline.
What are we doing?
What is happening?
What is happening?
Okay, Todd's coma.
Oh, yeah.
That's the thing you did.
And then another thing you did called Comedy Gumbo.
Oh, that I don't remember.
It sounds delicious.
Todd's Coma was a show where I was in a coma,
and I thought that would be good to just be in a show in a coma.
I said it jokingly one day, like 15 years ago.
I just want to have shows in a coma.
I don't want to remember lines.
It's very hard for me.
I can just lay in bed and be in a coma.
I'd be happy.
Then we actually ended up selling the show to Happy Madison,
and we shot a pilot.
But then it was, oh, I had to shoot the dream sequences.
So that was a pain in the ass.
Yeah, he had to be alive in the dream sequences.
Right, because in the dream sequences,
so people would be, oh, you just get to lay in a bed.
I go, that's what I thought, but no.
That story reminds me, I'd like another drink.
Could I please have more...
Liquor.
Citos and soda, a.k.a. liquor.
What would you like, Todd?
That one in that tin cup looks really good.
Mule?
Yeah.
Copper cup?
Copper, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't even know her.
Wow. Wow How
The restraint he had
To not do that until now
Made it worth it
It was pretty fantastic
Fucking awesome
That's what you get if you come to my show
All the guys in the band have them
and it works.
Alright, let's play the next round.
Just say your own name when you think you know.
The first and the best
known for it is
Howard Stern on Demand.
Kevin.
Who is it, Kevin?
Is it Kevin Kraft?
Yes, it's Kevin Kraft.
So now you get three guesses
for more shit that you've...
are best known for.
Well, this is embarrassing.
Do you look at it ever?
I've looked at it
just because I'm shocked that it exists
and it really is quite a bummer i've only done like pa work so i think probably
it's anything you get a credit credit on okay what brody stevens comedy central show full title Full title? Oh, Brody Stevens, Enjoy It.
Or Enjoy It, Brody Stevens.
Okay, two more.
The Burn with Jeff Ross.
One more.
I don't know.
I've only done three things, I think.
Something called A Very Tight Place.
Okay.
That was a student film.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, okay. That was a student film.
I did for a Howard Stern intern when I worked there.
Okay.
All right, but you got those other... I got a credit for that?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
And those other two were right,
so you're up to four points.
I think you're going to run away with this game,
but we got one more round.
One more round. Buzz in with your own name when you think you're going to run away with this game, but we got one more round. One more round.
Buzz in with your own name when you think you know it.
The first best known for is,
and thank you for the cocktail,
American Comedy Company,
tip the waitstaff.
The first title is
DVK starring Daniel Van Kirk.
Daniel, what do you think it is? Who do you think it is? Daniel Van Kirk. Daniel, what do you think it is?
Who do you think it is?
Daniel Van Kirk.
All right, yes.
That's good for one point.
Why didn't I guess that?
Yeah, that's good for one point.
But they don't list any other things
in your best known for.
Perfect.
Trying to keep it that way.
So we're done here.
And Kevin is our winner
I mean that is unfair
In a nutshell
What I just did
I know
That's a very hollow victory
That I sweeped my own
IMDB page
Super hollow
Have you ever done that before?
Done what?
Where you just give
Your own IMDB Oh you never done that before? Done what? Where you just give your own IMDb
Oh you never played that
Have you ever done that before?
Am I going to have to hire an editor for this episode?
I'll pay
Sometimes you're saying
Do I usually do it with people's own credits?
Yes
Sometimes yeah
It's always fun because people don't know
People don't know what they've done
Unless you've done three things
Yeah
Or one
Yeah
If you've done something called Brody Stevens Enjoy It
You're going to remember
Yeah
I got Brody coffee.
Yes.
You got it.
You're just jealous I can take
my mother out to lunch and pay for half.
Tarzana.
Know it. Take bar ham.
Yes.
You guys, if you do Brody Stevens, you'd be losing it right now.
Because we are all nailing it.
All right.
This next game is called, this is a brand new game suggested by somebody on Twitter whose name I forgot.
He'll write to me probably and say hey it was me
it's called Hit the Sack
and
Kevin gets to go first then we'll go
to Daniel
then to Todd and the idea
is
I'm gonna
name a movie and you
tell me if it's got Joan Cusack
John Cusack,
John Cusack,
or both.
Yeah.
And if you don't get it right,
we go to the next person,
and if that third person doesn't get it right,
they're not paying attention.
It's a great way to pick up points by paying attention.
So we'll start
with Kevin.
John, Joan, or both?
Grandview, USA.
I've never
heard of that.
I'll say Joan.
Incorrect.
Dan.
I'm going to go John.
Incorrect. Todd.
Both.
That is correct.
Feels good Or as I like to say it
Shia LaBeouf
Alright here comes the next one
Great job Todd you're on the board
With one point
Can I go last every time or is that unfair
We'll see how it shakes out
The order might change But we're starting with Kevin again,
then Dan, and then you.
Kevin, John, Joan are both class.
I have not heard of that.
There is a movie called Class.
So I will say...
Oh?
Joe and John both.
Joan.
Joan?
Yeah.
Incorrect.
Ah, fuck!
Dan.
I'm gonna go John.
Incorrect.
Todd.
For those that are at home,
Todd dropped the mic before answering.
This isn't the good one.
Yeah, get rid of that goddamn whistle.
Both, both.
God, you could fucking win, buddy.
I'm going to really pay attention.
Both.
All right, Todd's got two points.
Am I winning?
Way to go, dude.
Thank you.
We're back to Kevin.
The only time I ever won anything was a pumpkin guessing contest in fourth grade.
Did you have to say, yes, that's a pumpkin?
Or did you sweep with both is that a bump you know isn't odd it is you win they did it just for me too is that a pumpkin gourd or
both all right Kevin Joan John are both
We're talking Cusacks
If you're just joining us
War Inc
I've not heard of that
That's a movie
That's a movie apparently
Nobody on the panel knows this movie.
Therefore, I will say both.
Both.
Both is correct.
Yeah!
Start with Dan on this next one.
Okay.
The film, classic.
Hold up your boom boxes, everybody.
It's Say Anything, dot, dot, dot.
I'm going to go John.
Incorrect.
Todd.
Now, Todd.
Joan.
Incorrect.
Why, did I fuck up? What did I do? Did I fuck up?
What did I do?
Did you say Joan?
Kevin.
Kevin.
What is it, Kevin?
Say it, Kevin.
I'm going to go with both.
Both is correct.
Yeah!
He just tried to tell me what happened,
but I really don't know. Did you say it in the intro?
Yes. What?
You said this is the one where John holds the thing up.
He just said, okay. Yeah, well, I didn't know what that meant.
I just was saying it.
No, you're
doing great, Todd. You're tied for first.
Well, there you go.
Where's my applause then?
Wow, you people, I let you down.
Fuck.
Dan gets to go first on this next one.
Okay.
In this game, I'll do this all night.
16 candles.
Joe and John, both.
JCHB. Are you ready?
John
Incorrect
Todd, you got this
You got this, what?
Both
Are you sure?
Yes
Have you been paying attention?
I just have a feeling, both
Final answer
You know how this works
Oh, it's not
You're making me nervous. That is correct.
Hey! Look at that, dude!
Look at that!
That's right.
They love you. I knew it.
You knew it, and they love you for it.
You're gonna be eating some
fucking Oreos.
Half a box.
We got Adam.
Alright, we're back
to Kevin.
Gross point blank.
John, Joan, both.
Shh.
Both?
That's what the audience member said.
And that is correct.
Yeah!
Kevin, it's really nice of Joan to get her big brother all that work.
Really is nice.
Or maybe she's older? I don't know.
Start with you, Dan.
Okay.
Cradle will rock.
Joan.
Incorrect.
Todd.
Wow.
Okay.
Cradle will rock.
I don't know the movie either.
You don't have a lot to go on.
John or both.
You got this.
Hold on.
Don't buzz me out until you tell me you're going to do it.
John or both.
Okay.
What's the movie? Cradle? Cradle going to do it. John or both. Okay.
What's the movie?
Cradle?
Cradle will rock.
You got this, man.
Joan.
I said John or both, and you said Joan.
Oh, I made it.
It was just goofing. I fucked up.
He said Joan.
Yeah, it was just goofing.
It was just goofing.
I know he said Joan.
Joan is already taken.
No, no, come on.
I still have to guess. Please. It was just goofing. It was just goofing. I still have to guess. It was just goofing. He was just goofing. I know he said goofing. No, no, come on. I still have to guess.
Please.
He was just goofing.
I still have to guess.
He was just goofing.
Okay, so it's both or John.
He was just goofing.
He was just goofing.
It's John or both.
John or both.
Give me two seconds.
John or both.
John.
John.
Incorrect.
Kevin.
Put your thinking cap on.
Both.
Both is correct, and Kevin is our winner.
To the people who knew what I was trying to do in that game,
I love you.
You tried.
I did try.
Yeah. No, try. Yeah.
No, it was cool.
I'm surprised Eddie didn't call you out on it.
Caw, caw.
Caw, caw.
What, Eddie?
What?
I just did a little caw, caw.
That's it.
Caw, caw.
Caw, caw.
Just a little one?
Yeah.
Caw, caw.
That's sweet.
I can't help it, Doug.
If somebody's doing it to me, I gotta do it back.
Cuckoo!
Cuckoo!
Cuckoo!
Cuckoo!
How hard could ventriloquism be?
I never did it before and I can do that.
Okay, look how hard it is. Oh, yeah be? I never did it before and I can do that Okay look everybody look how hard it is
Oh yeah I never ever did it before
I know you see my mouth doing a little bit
But that's pretty fucking good you know
And these guys make a big fucking deal about it
I say go fuck yourself
Because this isn't that hard
Oh hold on hold on look at me
I'm ventriloquist
Hey Todd this is your version of playing along
I No Hey, Todd. This is your version of playing along?
I... No.
Sorry about that, Eddie.
That's okay.
Some people don't believe in you.
Well, those people suck.
Hi.
They're mostly gas station attendants.
Fair enough. Let's play gas station attendants.
Fair enough.
Let's play Last Man Stanton. Stanton.
Todd, this is a game we've played before
where we get the name of an actor or actress
and we take turns naming movies that person was in.
I like to play along because I don't
know what the name is going to be.
And
if you can't think of one, you're out.
But you have a lifeline.
Todd, who are you
playing on behalf of today?
Oh.
Brett. Brett. Brett out.
Brett.
Oh, and he's my lifeline?
He's your lifeline.
Cool.
He's your...
He's your teammate.
Great.
For the entire game.
Just to give you a chance.
Don't let me down.
Dan and Kevin are strong competitors.
I'm sure they don't mind.
So, Brett...
Nope.
Brett, could you come up here?
Oh.
Yeah.
Let's hear it for him.
He's got a disease, but he's still trying hard.
Please, folks.
So brave.
Yeah, when I said, could you come up here,
I meant, could you figure out how to?
He is great at mazes.
There you go.
Yeah, go through that door around that corner up here.
Thanks for coming up on stage.
Where does he go?
Brett's going to stand right behind you or next to you.
He's going to whisper in your ear like Jiminy Cricket.
How you doing?
With tremendous advice to get you through this game.
Hand him the mic for a second there, Todd.
Hey, Brett.
How you doing?
Excellent.
Where are you from? San Diego. San Diego which part yeah I thought so
what do you do there what's your job I work in hotels. Motels? Hotels. Okay. Yeah, exactly.
I did want to do that.
Holiday Inn.
All right.
So, but thanks for being here.
Thanks for being selected.
Thanks for helping Todd.
Just whisper in his ear as his turns come up, and hopefully you guys will prevail.
I'll do my best.
I won't ask you unless I need it.
My money's still on Kevin.
But hotel people do watch a lot of movies.
It's free.
They also know the movies you watch.
Yeah.
Where is...
Where is Bredicus130?
God damn it.
He's behind Todd.
We're the listeners at home.
We have taken a hard turn in the plot here.
This happens... Strangely, it happens a lot.
People that end up on stage
or whose name tags are on stage are also the ones that I end up picking for
suggesting a name for Last Man Standing.
So I think this is going to give Todd and Brent
an extra level of advantage
that I'm excited about.
I really want Tom to go home.
Tom, Todd, to go home with the trophy.
He goes home with it. Because also Brent is going to actually win. Tom. Todd. To go home with the trophy. So... He goes home with it.
Because also Brett is going to actually win the prizes.
If he
pulls this off.
So...
So pass the mic
to Brett. Todd.
And Brett, tell us the name of the actor
or actress that we're going to
play today that will give you an extreme advantage.
I'm suddenly feeling really on the spot.
Because you didn't have a name in mind?
You wrote to me on Twitter.
Say your name, bro.
So say that name, or was it a name you thought that'll be tough for you?
No, no, but it's just I'm suddenly here under the lights.
Oh, my God, the lights change everything.
I can't believe I'm suddenly here under the lights Oh my god the lights change everything I can't believe I'm still conscious
I'll make this quick
Did your name you throw out
Isn't the one you want to do
Because it's hard
That'll be a fun one no one knows
No but I'm just saying
What was your suggestion going to be
You had one in mind
Steve Buscemi
That's what you wanted to say And now you kind of want to pull it back What was your suggestion going to be? You had one in mind. Steve Buscemi.
That's what you wanted to say.
Yeah.
And now you kind of want to pull it back because you feel like you and Todd
aren't going to know a lot of Steve Buscemi.
I'm just saying things are looking a little different.
I think he was bullshitting about being nervous under the lights.
He was trying to stall.
Oh, I'm so nervous.
I like Steve Buscemi
not only as an actor and a person
but as a
subject for this game. I think it's going to be exciting.
Daniel and
Kevin still have their lifelines.
Sure. Yeah.
And who did I say is going to start
us off? Who won that last thing?
Kevin. Kevin. Okay last thing? Kevin.
Kevin.
Okay.
Right?
Yeah.
You did.
All right.
So you're going to go first. Steve Buscemi.
Steve Buscemi.
Then we'll go Todd, Dan, then me.
The films of Buscemi.
Big Lebowski.
Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
Todd and Brett.
Todd needs help already.
Go ahead, help.
He goes, go ahead.
He's trying to play it on me.
Do you know any?
If I know what I'd say right away.
He's trying to let you fly and be free, Todd, but you've got nothing.
I'm sure I know a movie he's been in, but not off the top of my head.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You're going to be like, oh, yeah, that guy and that thing.
Yeah, anything?
Absolutely.
Like in Big Lebowski.
I just did try.
I don't mean to yell at you.
I'm such a nice guy, then I yell at you because you're not listening.
But he has to tell you.
Thank you very much.
You know what?
Actually, forget it.
I don't need your help.
Oh, you thought of one?
I thought of one.
I'm thinking, what am I listening to this fucking guy for? Big Daddy. Yes, Big Daddy. Thank you. much. You know what? Actually, forget it. I don't need your help. Oh, you thought of one? I thought of one. I'm thinking, what am I listening to this fucking guy for?
Big Daddy.
Yes, Big Daddy.
Thank you.
Jesus Christ.
Yes, very good.
Daniel?
Fargo.
Fargo, yes.
Wood Chipper.
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to say...
Wood Chipper.
I'm gonna go
With I was just watching it
On Stars
In my hotel room
Grown Ups
Yeah Steve Buscemi
Ends up in a cast that makes him do this
Pose for the latter part of the movie
Yeah
Grown Ups
Kevin Mr. Deeds this pose for the latter part of the movie. Yeah. Grownups.
Kevin.
Oh.
Mr. Deeds.
He's got silly eyes in that. I got one.
He does have silly eyes.
Todd has another one. You don't need Brett yet?
No, in the last one he did help me, but on this one, I hope I say it right.
Oh, shit. Is it Billy Madison?
Yeah. He was in
Billy Madison. Yeah, okay.
Wasn't he?
He was the guy who...
I think so, sure.
He was crossing out the name of the person who was going to...
He's got silly eyes.
Yeah, I mean, we've established he's in Adam Sandler movies.
He doesn't have to be in...
Is he in everyone?
No, that's part of the fun.
That's why it was still good that I guessed.
You did guess good.
Dan. Conair guess good. Dan.
Con Air.
Watch your mouth.
Funniest pedophile in the history of cinema.
So good.
So good.
That was weird.
I'm going to go Mr. Pink, Reservoir Dogs.
Yeah, you guys are all finished.
Kevin?
I'll go to Nicole.
Use the lifeline early.
I like it.
It's a good strategy to use your lifeline early.
Yeah.
What do you got, Nicole?
He was in Transformers the last night, she says.
The last night.
Last night, sorry.
Sure. Can't believe says. The last night. Last night, sorry. Sure.
Can't believe it.
He totally was.
It sounds legit to me.
Me too.
I'm going to take it.
We'll talk to the corrections department on Monday.
But I feel good about it.
I feel that Kevin deserves to advance.
Thank you, Nicole.
Todd?
Well, I don't know
if he was in this Adam...
Grumpy Holiday?
Wait.
Wait, what's happening?
Are you answering
without consulting
with Brett?
I knew that wasn't...
You should run this shit
by Brett.
Because it's...
Brett's life
is on the line.
I wanted to see
if anyone would be like,
oh, it sounds like a movie.
I wish they both died, but Matthau and Fogg.
Matthau and Lemon in Grumpy Holiday.
I'd watch that.
You're going with Pulp Fiction for Buscemi?
Yeah, final answer.
Who does he play in that, Todd?
Oh, come on.
Everybody knows.
If you had to guess though.
Please I'm trying to think of it.
Buddy Holiday
I think if I remember.
God stop whispering. He plays
a guy dressed up as Buddy Holly
in Jackrabbit Slims.
I think that's what it's called.
Are you telling me?
There's nothing on the line right now.
We're just talking.
Oh, okay.
But Buddy Holiday...
Do you know what they call a Big Mac in France?
No.
You don't?
Big Mac, I think.
No.
Oh, no, double.
I remember it from the movie, but I don't remember.
No, maybe it's a Whopper.
It's a Royale with cheese.
Royale with cheese. cheese oh it sounds fancier
doesn't it whose turn is it mine what do you got dan the wedding singer no thanks to you pop
wedding singer that's good oh here's a film that he was in and directed,
but I'm not going to give myself an extra point.
Trees Lounge.
Ooh.
One person applauding back there
because they are a drunk person that likes movies
about drunk people.
Kevin.
How about Grown Ups 2?
Was he?
Did he break his silly arms again?
I don't know.
I'm not positive he's in.
Is he in Grown Ups 2?
I think he broke his legs.
They say he is.
That's enough.
He broke his legs
and he was stuck like this.
Oh, he broke his legs as well.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh my God.
And he was stuck in a V-leg.
Yeah, they've got to humiliate him further. I get a question and I have a question and an answer. Oh, he broke his legs as well. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. And he was stuck in a V-leg. Yeah, they've got to humiliate him further.
I've got a question and an answer.
Oh, terrific.
Was there a Grown Ups 3?
What?
Was there a Grown Ups 3?
No.
There's going to be.
Okay, he's in that.
I can't.
He's going to be in a head cast?
What more can they do?
I'm going to be just accepted as I'm right,
and then if it's wrong, I'll give whatever I get back.
No, you've got to give us a movie that has
that's already happened
Jesus Christ
Brett's helping you out
he keeps asking me
he goes you think
I can hang out with Doug
after the show
and I'm trying to
the death of Stalin
I think
yeah the death of Stalin
the death of Stalin
good job
yeah
Dan Sueta what do you got Yeah, Death is Tallin. Good job. Dan?
Sueta, what do you got?
Nice call.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
Armageddon.
The other hilarious movie where he played a child molester.
I don't even know her.
Oh, I just thought of one.
Ghost World.
Ghost World.
Kevin? Ghost World. Ghost World. Kevin?
Oh.
Is he in Jackie Brown?
Why?
What?
Tarantino?
Do you already use your lifeline?
I already did.
All right.
Then I'm sorry to say that you're out.
Oh, man.
He's not in Jackie B.
Right?
Yeah.
I have this weird mental block with Steve Buscemi where he's always just Nucky Thompson.
I can't think of anything but Boardwalk Empire.
Right.
And Boardwalk Empire doesn't count as a movie.
I know.
It's a TV series.
Yeah.
But great job getting this far.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Todd.
Oh, wait.
Let's have some applause for Kevin.
I came in last.
Yes.
Have a great San Diego Thanksgiving.
Oh, I will.
Yeah, right.
You got peeps here watching you today?
I do.
My Nana is here.
Your Nana?
She is, yeah.
Where is she?
Raise your hand.
She's a pretty cool Nana.
Stand up on your chair.
She's all right.
She's all right.
Throw a jewel,
throw a diamond off the end of the ship.
Aww. Throw a diamond off the end of the ship. Aw.
She sold me weed before the show.
She has really good weed.
Okay, so it's Todd's turn.
Okay, so it's Todd's turn. Okay, so...
I know you said that, but I'm going to try to guess on my own.
Miller's Crossing.
Oh, yes.
I just thought of that one.
That's a good one.
Yes.
Dan.
Waterboy? Is he in that one?
I don't know
That was Rob Schneider
Did you use your lifeline already?
No I haven't
I also brought a gift certificate for the prize bag
What?
Yeah yeah yeah
Tell us about it
Well it's a place I love here
I guess I could give it somewhere else
But they wouldn't be able to use it there
It's Cornop
I love that place so much I want other people to love it too It's actually catacorn You want to take I could give it somewhere else, but they wouldn't be able to use it there. It's Corn Op. I love that place so much.
I want other people to love it, too.
It's actually Ketter Corner.
You want to take a...
Just don't look twice at the Double Deuce.
I heard they have good food there.
They do have good food there.
You could take a scooter.
You could take a lime or a bird or a...
Wind?
Razor.
Or a wind.
Caddy Corner.
Yeah, they make cars now, too.
They put it in just for...
Oh.
Wait, what was your guess?
It was Waterboy.
Oh, that's right.
You need to go to your lifeline, I think.
Okay.
Suetta, tell me out here.
I don't remember him being in Lifeline.
She says Armageddon.
She does, does she?
Yes.
Does she also say Con Air?
Yeah. Yes, she also say Con Air? Yeah.
Yes, she does say Con Air.
She's naming movies we've already said.
Does she really have nothing else for you besides Armageddon?
What is it?
Big Fish.
He's in Big Fish?
I'm going to say that he is.
I love it.
I'll go with it.
Yeah, he plays the Big Fish.
Oh, okay.
With the silly eyes. I love it. I'll go with it. He plays the big fish. Oh, okay.
With the silly eyes.
Buscemi.
Buscemi and big fish.
Well, I'm going to go obscure on you guys, and you're going to maybe not believe me,
but he was in an indie about making a movie called, he was the director, and it's called Living in Oblivion.
No kidding.
Yeah, it's true. It's a deep cut from Mr. Benson. It's true. I Oblivion. No kidding. Yeah, it's true.
It's a deep cut from Mr. Benson.
It's true.
I didn't make that up Graham Elwood style.
If I did, Leif Garrett would be in it.
Todd, what do you and Brett got?
Okay.
I'm going to lose.
Can I use my lifeline?
Yes, the guy standing behind you.
I know.
What?
Barton Fink.
Oh, very good.
Yes.
I thought that was a good one.
Yeah.
That was excellent.
Barton Fink.
Sounds like a guy who's not too smart.
Fink.
Barton what?
Fink.
Barton Fink. Fink. Remember Hugh what? Fink. Barton Fink.
Fink.
Remember Hugh Fink?
Yeah, of course.
Rest in peace.
Yeah.
Oh, it's so sad.
Nobody knows who he is, so they don't know that we're joking about him being dead.
But the Sklar brothers, I just checked in.
They're alive.
Oh, thank God.
I can't believe it.
Yeah.
Dan?
I mean, it's Buscemi.
He's in everything.
Just name a movie.
Fifth Element.
What?
Fifth Element.
He's not in that one.
Damn it.
All right. Let me think of another one.
Maybe. Oh. all right let me think of another one hmm maybe hmm oh was he in uncle uncle uncle
uncle nicky no no there was who was nicky little nick, but he wasn't in that one. Yeah, I think he was.
He was in Little Nicky.
We have a hard yes.
All right, but I got the name wrong.
So Todd Glass is our winner.
Whoa!
He did it all on his own.
We're going to edit out every mention of some guy named Brett.
But hey, Brett, you won the prize bag.
Come get your prize bag.
Congratulations.
That was
a journey. You won all that stuff,
dude. On the back of your poster
it says shit, something, shit happened.
A shithead, yeah. He doesn't
get to read it now, but
Brett, do you want your poster back, too?
It's right there.
Holy shit. Great job, Brett. Hey, Brett, can you want your poster back, too? Look. It's right there. Mine? Holy shit.
Great job, Brett.
Hey, Brett, can I have that poster?
That was some real puppet mastery right there, I got to say.
Let's do some plugs.
Dan Van Kirk, what do you got coming up, dude?
I just wrapped up the second leg of my tour.
It was so great.
I was here like a week and a half ago.
Thank you for everybody who came out.
New dates will be announced soon, so I have three more legs of that tour coming up, so I'll let you for everybody who came out. New dates will be announced soon.
So I have three more legs of that tour coming up.
So I'll let you guys know all those details. Go to DanielVanKirk.com to check all that stuff out.
And like I said, on December 10th, I will be
doing a live Dumb People Town with the also
alive Sklar Brothers at the
Largo Theater. Will Forte is our guest
as the 100th episode of Dumb People Town.
And then for Sketch Fest
on Friday, January 11th at 10.30, we are doing a live Dumb People Town. And then for Sketch Fest on Friday, January 11th at 10.30,
we are doing a live Dumb People Town
and a stand-up show before that
with the Sklar brothers and myself.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
I recommend to people, what day is your Largo show?
It is a Monday.
December 10th?
Yes.
All right.
I'm going to be there December 2nd and 3rd.
Nice.
So come to one of those shows, you guys, and hide in the restrooms.
Yeah.
Until December 10th.
And then check out Dan for free.
Thanks for being here, Dan.
Todd, what do you got coming up?
So not really until after the new year.
I got helium coming up in Philly in January.
And then the Helium in St. Louis.
Is that where they have the Arches?
And then the Comedy Attic.
I don't know.
I forgot all my dates.
But they're on my website.
And there was three of them.
And the Comedy Attic in Bloomington.
If you're listening out there, best club in the world.
Just go to ToddGlass.com. Yeah, Comedy in the world. Just go to ToddGlass.com.
Yeah, comedy at state.
Yeah, go to ToddGlass.com.
And other than that, my Netflix special.
Everything else has been okay.
And this is the first time you've won on the show.
Well, no, I had won once before, I think.
Oh, really?
I thought.
Maybe I didn't.
I don't know.
Probably I'm wrong if I kept in line.
I'm pretty sure you did.
That's crazy that I, I mean, all by myself.
Yeah, it's amazing you did it.
It still feels good to even win just like that.
Like the time with the pumpkins.
I spent, I'm not kidding you.
I was in second grade, second or third grade.
I spent $85 guessing the pumpkins.
So I guessed every single half a pound increment.
And then even in between that, I had to fucking win that big pumpkin in the hallway. It was guessed every single half a pound increment and then even in between that,
I had to fucking win that big pumpkin in the hallway.
It was like a big pumpkin like this.
I was stealing money from my dad's wallet
just so I could...
I would go like a junkie.
I would go in there every day,
give me eight tickets.
I would guess one pound, two pound, three pound.
And I fucking won.
They announced it over the PA system
to the whole school.
They're like, the winner of the pumpkin guess...
I was so fucking happy.
Caw, caw!
That story just pushed
your next show back.
By a few minutes.
Alright, good night. Yeah. And
Kevin Craft, what do you got coming up, dude?
You can hear me on the Jason
Ellis Show on Sirius XM channel 103.
It's weekdays, 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern, 5 to 8 p.m. Eastern.
I'm so bad with fucking time math.
Wait, it's 2 to 5 Pacific, 5 to 8 Eastern.
And then California just voted to get out of daylight savings.
I know, I'm so excited. So to get out of daylight savings. I know.
I'm so excited.
So six months out of the year, I'm going to be even more fucked up on time math.
So just go on 103.
We have a six-hour block.
You'll probably catch it.
And then you can also follow me on Instagram.
Wait, the time is going to stay the same.
It's just going to not get dark so early.
Well, no.
Because the rest of the channel is still Daylight Savings Time.
Okay.
So they're going to have different times.
We have to.
Well, they'll still, okay.
Or maybe you're right.
Maybe nothing changes.
No, things will shift by an hour.
You're right.
I hate time.
As long as it.
It's not on our side.
Do not believe that song.
All right. But thank you for being here.
Is this thing his?
What are you doing, Todd?
Is that his?
You're giving the guy his name tag back?
No, no, I thought he won all the posters.
I'm sorry.
I don't want that one.
Who is that one?
That was Suarez over here.
Oh, but you took the thing off the back, right?
You did.
Okay.
By the way, I didn't throw it down in disrespect.
I just put it right back where it was.
Yeah, yeah, he didn't disrespect it at all.
I looked like I was like...
Who gets that?
Jerry, what do you mean?
Who gets that poster?
I mean, you could keep it if you wanted to.
No, but isn't he supposed to get it?
Well, he doesn't win Sueta's poster.
Yeah.
He did win... He did win.
He did win
a $25 gift certificate
to coin up.
The person who did
make the poster, Todd,
can have it back
if they want.
But sometimes
the guest gets excited.
They're like,
I want to keep that.
Do you want to keep it?
Yeah, I would like to keep this.
Is that okay?
I should ask.
No, you take it.
I have too much stuff. No, ask if it's okay.
I just saw a documentary on minimalism.
I can't keep it. It's a cool poster. Are you
on it? Yeah, that's why I wanted it.
I'll take a picture of it. Oh, that's a good idea.
I'll just remember it.
It's a lazy
guy. You know what? Let me just remember it.
Oh, yeah. I have a little bit of a boner.
There you go.
Whatever you do, just take up as much time as
possible with your
process.
I'm wrapping it up now,
Todd.
Are you ready for that?
Okay.
One more time for all of my guests,
Dan Van Kirk, Todd Glass, and Kevin Kraft.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Songs about hot dogs.
I'm very happy to announce that I'll be doing
stand-up right here at the American Comedy Company
during the holiday taint.
That's on Wednesday night, December 26th at
8 o'clock. We'll see you then,
Eddie.
You got it, buddy!
And as always,
I don't know which one to say first.
Look at these.
That one is
very vulgar
yeah
say the vulgar one
second or first
second
end on a stinger
which one's more likely
to make the audience applaud
right
that's tough
you think that one
yeah
yeah
that one
Ivy Ann
and then in quotes
cunt bag
Abbott
is a shithead.
I mean, I've never even seen the word cunt bag,
and I've never seen it in quotes.
Like the person sees an alleged cunt bag.
I'm glad all the sponsors
in this episode
were in the middle
and not after
all these cunt bags.
But I think this will get
a round of applause.
I really do
in this day and age.
My student loan
is a shithead.
Let's go!
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you
because Doug loves movies.