Doug Loves Movies - Tom Segura, Matt Fulchiron, and Aaron Kleiber Guest
Episode Date: August 10, 2014Live from the Pittsburgh Improv, Doug welcomes comics Tom Segura, Matt Fulchiron, and Aaron Kleiber to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice a...t https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats
With 50 as in 5 more kernels in his teeth
There's still not one that he won't see
Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody.
Alright, that wasn't the part where you're supposed to jump in, sir.
My name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies!
All right.
Coming to you once again from the Improv Comedy Club in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,
on Sunday, August
10th, let's call it.
2014
Wolf of Wall Street fight, Terminator 2
Judgment Day of the Dead, Men Walking Tall
The President's Men in Blackfisher, King
Ralph at Dog Day, Afternoon
Delight, Sleep Perfect, Murder by
Death Wish, Three Amigos
Worlds End of Watchmen
Don't Leaving Las Vegas,
Food, La Jingle,
All the Way,
World.
Fastest Indian.
That's right, sir.
You are the fastest Indian.
At 420!
Yay!
That's right.
It's a beautiful day outside.
And you guys are here with your home-crafted name tags.
Can I see them?
Can you show them to me, Pittsburgh?
I remember Mr. Josh Fire from yesterday.
Sean loves Brazil.
It's a little poster of the movie Brazil.
There's a Doug Loves Movies sticker on a...
What is that?
It's a papaya.
It's a papaya.
Oh, Maya.
Oh, a Guardians of the Galaxy situation right there.
That's cool.
And yeah, I predicted there'd be lots of signs.
I was right.
A few of them are lit up and everything.
So Kung Fu, Russell, and Flo.
Just written on a big piece of cardboard.
I love it.
All right, you guys, put them down.
Put your weapons down.
And we will look at those again a little later on in the show, as you know.
Here's some business I gotta take care of Minneapolis
Doug Loves Movies is coming next Friday
August 15th at the
Women's Club of Minneapolis
that's where we're doing that show
hashtag
yes all women's club
laughter
San Francisco Saturday August 16th
at 420 I'm interrupting Twilight Eclipse,
the third and perhaps worstest installment
of the Twilight films at the Castro Theater
with special guests,
including one of your favorite Douglas Marie's regulars
and an actor-comedian who's never done this show before.
So that's exciting.
Sunday, August 17th, I'm doing stand-up
at Liquid Laughs in Boise Idaho. From the corrections department Ewan McGregor
plays dual roles in Down with Love Not Down by Law. Tempe Arizona what we're
back into plugs so quickly Tempe Arizona I'm doing stand-up at the Improv on
Wednesday August 20.
In Seattle, Washington. I'll be there Friday,
August 22. Neptune Theater.
All of my dates and dinks
and do's and dabs
are at Douglovesmovies.com.
Let's look in the
prize bag, you guys. You all came
out on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.
Is there some sort of
pre-season
football on right now or something?
That was yesterday.
You lucked
out that you're here
today.
This is an interesting thing in the
prize bag, and maybe this
gentleman up front. Oh, I saw you at the
movie theater today too, didn't I?
What did you see today?
Oh, that Philip Seymour Hoffman,
rest in peace.
What's it called?
A Most Wanted Man.
Your review made me go, oh great, I don't
have to see that.
But I do love Philip Seymour Hoffman, so I do
kind of want to see his last starring role.
But somebody gave me
these yesterday.
There's stickers that say Pittsburgh Hearts Doug,
and it's got my face on there, in 2014.
So, of course, I've got to keep one of those.
But here, could you help me out, Josh,
and take one and then pass these around
so as many people I was just going to put them all
in the prize bag and just burden one person
with a hundred stickers with my
face on it.
This is a fun game.
Put it somewhere really interesting or disgusting
and then take a picture of it
and tweet it to me and I'll retweet it.
Or like on Pittsburgh, not on the landmarks,
but like near the landmarks.
Don't fuck up a landmark with my stupid face.
Gateway Duck 2 Forced Fun is in the prize bag.
It didn't fit in the prize bag,
so some of you, you've seen it sitting here the whole time.
A board game that was given to me, and I'll probably never play it.
It was just sitting there. I feel bad for it, because board games are made to be played.
It's called Schmovie, and I also wanted to give them another plug.
Schmovie, it's a board game where you make up plots of movies, I think is how it works.
So that's in the prize bag today.
It flew all the way to Pittsburgh with me.
I just dropped my CD on the ground.
That's how much respect I have for it.
I think it's $4.99 on iTunes.
Let's get these guests out here.
There happen to be three very funny comedians and friends of mine
that are here in town
and ready to
experience this.
I know you guys are going to
treat them nicely. Please give a
big warm welcome to Aaron Kleiber,
Matt Fulgeron, and Tom Segura. Oh yeah.
Let's start with Aaron Kleiber is back, everybody.
Second appearance.
Pittsburgh comedy phenom, Aaron Kleiber.
Oh, that sounds good.
Tearing it up here at the Improv Monthly on a Wednesday.
I'm starting to sound like Brody Stevens.
Kleiber, Wednesday.
Positive energy.
Yes.
818.
Till I die.
But Aaron, tell us more about yourself.
What do you got going on lately, buddy?
I do
comedy all over the place.
You do a thing where you, if you don't mind me
interrupting to talk about you some more,
you do a thing where you, if you don't mind me interrupting to talk about you some more, you do a thing where you can do like a movie, you can improvise an entire movie in like
five minutes?
Yeah, I did this thing on YouTube for a little while, and there's a ton of them on there
where I just would go see a movie, a new movie or an old movie, and for instance, like Iron
Man 3.
Okay, do that one for us right now.
I don't remember Iron Man 3.
Do you really remember some of them?
No.
I was going to say, it seemed like putting you on the spot
that's why I did it.
A five minute movie review would be hard to remember.
Jurassic Park, I did Independence Day,
Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and I just do it in five minutes.
As fast as I can.
And they're fun. They're on YouTube. They're fun.
I love it. I think it's a great concept.
And then you have, for the prize bag,
you included a
live recording, a DVD called
Grown Man Business. Yeah, it's all about
growing up life. Yeah, Grown Man Business.
Part of my abstinence program.
I'm glad this has a
rapper on it then. Is this some sort of...
Thank you for being here and for being back.
And also last year we had some sound difficulties
that we had to work our way through.
And also to the audience, thank you for coming back.
Because there was a lot of loud booming noises
and it was kind of crazy.
We're doing it.
We're doing it.
We're doing it.
We're doing it well.
And Tom Segura is here, everybody.
Hello.
Thank you.
First time guests, co-host of your Mom's House podcast, which yes, people love it.
Headlining here all weekend at the Pittsburgh Improv.
And made a very special new friend the other day, didn't you, Tom?
Iron Mike Tyson.
Yeah.
Good things happen to people who fly to Pittsburgh.
Tom has Iron Mike's phone number in his phone now.
It was the best because I was so not wanting to get on
that flight because it was that I was like what press do we they make you do
press when you do stand-up you know like the next morning and I was like what's
the press for Thursday and they're like oh there's none and I was like then why
am I fucking flying there a day early and they're like just get there just get
there and just enjoy it and then just enjoy Pittsburgh yeah and
then I was so pissed about it and then I met Mike Tyson everything's cool now
yeah it's almost like they didn't know that they were pushing you towards your
fate yes they just had to go sorry we just gotta we didn't get you any media
yeah there's got to be a reason. But now... God, probably.
Now, intervening.
Every week now, I'm going to request to go, like, four days early to every show.
See if I can meet...
I don't think Mike Tyson or people like him would be flying everywhere you go.
Really?
But good luck with that.
And also, please let me know if you ever
decide to call Mike Tyson
like let's say
somebody's bullying you.
That'd be pretty awesome
to call him up and say, hey man, can you just
come around to this one drugstore
guy gives me a hard time.
Yeah, don't be a problem. I'll come by.
I think
I watch a lot of Netflix
he'd be like
you're your own man Tom
you gotta figure it out
Matt Fulcheron is here everybody
thank you
thank you very much
thank you
also here for the whole weekend
in Pittsburgh but not on the same flight with Tom and Iron Mike?
No, I wish, because I'm actually being bullied
by somebody in New York City right now.
I don't want to get into it,
but it would be cool if Iron Mike would stop by Cabin on Thursday
and just fucking flex a little bit in the East Village.
It would be kind of nice.
Can I borrow him?
Absolutely.
Also, don't think that's how that's going to work.
I think
there's a flaw in that plan.
Have you
been to the movies at all since you
hit the pit? Me and Tom
went on a date yesterday to see
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.
People love it.
I still haven't seen it.
I don't know why I'm holding off on it, but I will see it.
What did you think?
I thought it was a lot of fun. Whoever trained those monkeys.
No, I'm definitely not seeing it then.
It's a real drag.
I want a bleak monkeys film.
It's very existential.
But it really is fun? You thought it was fun?
Because I thought it was
kind of intense
It's intense
but it's fun to see monkeys talk
ride horses
draw
you know, do human shit
I really enjoyed that part
Shoot guns while riding horses
Fight
It's like, why even be
a big angry ape
if you got all that
at your disposal
Yeah
You know what I mean?
Could have been chimps
or something.
Right.
The monkeys cry.
That would be awesome.
The monkeys cry.
That's pretty great.
And we're putting your CD in the prize bag.
It's called This is the Part of the Job I Hate.
Yeah, the stand-up.
I hate the stand-up part.
Everything else is fucking easy as shit.
I love it.
And Tom Segura's album, what's it called, Tom?
It's called Completely Normal.
Yeah, that's it.
Completely Normal, that's going in the prize bag.
And again, that wonderful schmovie.
What did you think of the movie, you guys, the Apes movie?
I thought it was really well made,
but really I thought that I was hoping for more like uh graphic violence
like i thought that like i mean if you know it's not real no monkeys are getting hurt or anything
so like i would like to have seen like if you know apes are incredibly strong why not in a movie like
that see them like tear someone's arm right out of its socket and like well that's the thing if
it's a person and there's bloodshed,
the apes in this movie probably push people around a lot.
They did.
But there's no bloodshed.
That's how you get the PG-13, unfortunately.
Fuck the PG-13.
I'd love to see an R-rated extended cut
where it's just like,
holy shit, that ape
ripped that guy's jaw out of his face. That's what I want to see. Because it's just like, holy shit, that ape ripped that guy's jaw out of his face.
Like, that's what I want to see.
Because it's not, I mean, you know, it's not really,
that's what, that's, I'd be like.
I'm with you on that.
I just, I doubt that footage exists,
but I hope, I hope they put it back in there
for the, you know, but that's the thing is,
it's like, hasn't really happened that way.
Like, they put out those bonus editions of PG-13 and R-rated comedies
that are supposedly dirtier on DVD.
Supposedly have more nudity and stuff.
But they don't really put out stuff and say,
it's more violent than the original.
It would be such a waste.
There may be an example of that that I'm not thinking of.
It would be a huge waste of money if they made this movie
and then they filmed incredibly graphic violent scenes
and then were like, we're saving it, though.
Like, we're going to save it for the team
because it would just be, you know.
But that's a trick, too, though, to make it really graphic
and then they'll make you cut it back a little bit
and you still get away with something.
I've been pretty amazed by, like, Gardens of Galaxy.
It's pretty violent.
Yeah.
Yeah, at one point,
several men get impaled at the same time
by something, and then thrown back and
forth, like, basically until they're
dead. And
then people laugh about it.
It's a great movie.
Aaron, what have you
seen lately?
I saw Lucy last weekend.
Yeah, I saw that too.
I saw that yesterday.
And I saw Turtles.
I saw the screening of Ninja Turtles.
I don't know why he's clapping.
I have no idea.
Have you seen it already?
He's in it.
He's in it.
He liked it.
Him and his cousin are in it.
That's why he's clapping.
It was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.
It's the worst.
Turtles 3 is better.
Shanghai Turtles is better.
Yeah, it was.
I see genuine anger in your face right now.
He's, yeah.
You're alone in this room right now. He's, yeah. You're alone in this
room right now.
Sorry, follow your heart, bro. You're alone
amongst hundreds.
Let's face it, you can't go into
that movie with very high expectations.
Were you high when you saw it?
No. No? Okay.
Do you ever get high? Yes.
Yes. Okay, well that's another curious thing
about you.
But that's the one time.
I gotta keep my wits about me.
I'm watching the new Turtles movie.
You should have got high.
You should have, like...
Yeah, then you would have hated it if you'd gotten high.
Fucking Turtles.
I know reality when I don't see it.
Yeah, I, you know I don't see it. Yeah, I
see everything high, so
when I get around to
seeing Boyhead, I'm going to be high out of my mind.
Just like
watching a kid grow up.
Wait, Doug. Yes, sir.
Did you like Lucy? You saw it too, right?
I did like Lucy. It's nuts,
but they get it over with in a reasonable
amount of time.
Scarlett Johansson rarely leaves
the frame. If she does, it's so you can see
various animals shitting out
babies in one
delightfully disgusting sequence.
It's just Luc Besson.
It doesn't make any fucking sense.
It's going to sell millions of
tickets all over the world because you don't have to
be able to speak any language to understand
that it is complete stupidity.
But it is
non-stop action and
just crazy situations
and cool actors. You know that
the Asian dude is from Old Boy.
He's the bad guy.
The main bad guy? The main Asian bad guy, yeah.
He was my favorite part of it.
He was fucking awesome.
And you know that cop also must be famous
in whatever country he's from.
This movie's just built for an international audience.
That country?
That's what we're talking about?
That dude was French?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's in the French progressive commercials or something.
I don't know.
But his name on the credits didn't have many consonants in it it didn't seem french to me oh but i don't know uh but yeah you liked it too tom i thought it was really cool i
i was definitely like what is happening in the last 15 minutes or i was like i don't follow
and then but i was still like it looks cool, I don't follow. But I was still like, it looks cool.
While I don't understand this,
it looks really cool.
And I'm enjoying not following what's going on.
But I totally, yeah.
And that guy's definitely French.
Still fun to watch.
And in the last line of the movie,
he's kind of like, okay.
If you say so.
Yeah.
But Aaron, you did not care for it at all?
It just, you know, it was...
Better than Turtles?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lucy's better than Turtles.
How much better?
Eh, a smidge.
Like a smidge, well, okay, wait.
With God as my witness, I'm going to find a movie that you dislike more than Turtles.
Yeah, Turtles was bad.
This man in front deserves better.
What's your name, sir?
I don't give a shit.
I'm such an asshole.
Kevin?
Devin, okay.
Thanks, Devin.
Thanks for playing along.
You didn't have to do anything.
You just be ridiculed.
Are you allowed to give spoilers? Are you allowed to talk spoilers?
We try not to. What do you want to spoil?
Nothing. The end of the movie. Forget it.
The end of the Turtles movie?
I mean, like, no, no, Lucy.
Like, if you want to experience God, look no further than the flash drive in your backpack.
That's all I'll say.
That sums up the movie?
Yeah, pretty much.
Oh, okay.
See, I didn't even bring God into it, really,
but that's probably...
Everybody sees it differently.
Yeah.
I saw it as a hot girl causing a lot of car accidents
and shooting a lot of people in the face.
I accepted Scarlett as my lord and savior that night, so...
What else did I see?
I saw something else, didn't I, recently?
Oh, I was watching on the HBO comedy channel,
because the hotel has like 15 HBOs,
and it's amazing how sometimes you can look at all 15 options
and go, I don't want to watch any of this.
And maybe there's too many choices.
But I guess I'll go with The Leftovers.
There's no way anybody's getting me to watch The Leftovers.
There's too many movies I haven't seen to watch that show about a few people disappeared.
Nobody knows why, and they never plan on explaining it.
But I saw on HBO Comedy a movie called The Last Kiss
with Zach Braff and a bunch of other people.
And it's, like, not funny at all.
Like, it's a drama about infidelity
and, like, maybe has one or two sort of humorous lines
in the entire thing.
So they're asleep at the wheel there at HBO Comedy.
They just see Braff's involved
and they assume it's a laugh riot.
They'll probably also show that latest Wizard of Oz movie on there
because he was the voice of the monkey.
Hey, everybody.
I want to play a quick game that's not really a game.
There's nothing at stake, but I enjoy doing it.
Let's do a little love-like, hate-like.
I'll name a person who's in motion pictures,
and then we each have to name, we take turns.
We'll start with love.
You have to name a movie that person's in that you love,
then one that you like,
and then the next round will do hate,
and the final round will be hate-like.
That's movies that you hate yourself for liking.
Jeez, I have so much anxiety right now.
And you can pass once.
And there's no winners or losers.
So don't worry about that.
And in honor of Guardians of the Galaxy being out and doing so well,
I would like to go with the films of Mr. John C. Reilly.
Yes.
Consistently amazing actor,
but, you know, he still has to pay the bills,
and you can't be in charge of everything,
so he can't be in all perfect movies.
But let's start with Aaron.
What's a John C. Reilly movie that you love?
I love Boogie you love? I love
Boogie Nights.
I love it.
That's one of the funniest performances ever
that he gives in that movie. The way that he
like especially when he's
the scenes where he's acting
in porn. So he's like
a guy who's like he's
this brilliant John C. Reilly actor
pretending to be a guy who can't act at all in pornography,
but he still has a slightly different personality than he does
when the cameras aren't rolling.
And then he's also, is a magician.
So the scenes where you see him doing magic
and the stupid poses he's doing,
that's what the, that Steve Carell,
Burt Wonderstone movie should have been like
that should have been that those kind of magicians they kind of did that but then
they backed off of it and it was it was weird what do you love Tom from the John
C Reilly I was election love stepbrothers step Step Brothers very funny but
I love
I love
in
in Boogie Nights
when
they have the
the bench press
he's like
what do you bench
and he's like
why don't you say it first
and he's like
no just go ahead
he's like
oh I used to bench that
I bench more now
that's the
when they talk about squats
yeah
the funniest thing
I've ever seen in a movie.
I'm just glaring at you
because you don't seem
to understand the concept
of this.
It's not,
don't talk about
what the last guy did.
I already know,
but I'm still focused
on fucking Boogie Nights.
All right?
Give me a break.
But you picked
a different movie though
because you love...
I did pick Step Brothers,
yes.
Yeah, you want to get
the word out on Step Brothers.
It's a good movie.
You should check it out.
There's another actor in it.
I don't know his name, but they work well together.
And they have a lot of fun.
Matt, what do you got for love of John C. Reilly?
I love Boogie Nights and Step Brothers.
I can't think of any other.
If that's how you're going to play this game, I will show you the door, sir.
He gets it. I love those movies.
And I can't think of any others.
I don't even know one that I hate.
Spoiler alert.
So you're just...
What kind of a movie fan are you?
Do you...
Why don't you know John C. Reilly movies?
Just because I'm on stage right now
and I can't really think of anything.
Really?
You're just drawing, it's a panic blank?
No, it's just kind of like...
Because there's no game here.
Later I'm going to ask you things
where you are going to have to worry
about knowing the right answer.
I'm going to have to tag in Devin.
Oh my God, if Devin helps you,
these guys are in trouble.
Maybe that's what we'll do. Maybe we'll give
an audience partner for each
of you during the Leonard
Malden game.
Because that's what I tell the guests backstage
in the green room.
I like to say
everyone
out there in the audience knows how to play this game better than you.
Have a good show.
All right, so we're going to give, Matt gets a four-time pass.
Yeah, I don't give those out very often.
Only to people who have amnesia.
Like when Charlie Baltimore was on the show, I didn't make her answer it.
Okay,
one person got that.
I would have, for love for me,
I gotta go with, especially because of his
performance in it, I love him in
the motion picture Magnolia.
Yeah.
He is so good.
The scene in the beginning where there's a lady that's had some sort of altercation in the home,
and he comes in, and she's screaming at him, and he's, like, trying to calm her down.
It's like an acting class, how good he is in that scene,
and how he sets up that character that early in the movie.
So, anyway, I love Magnolia unreasonably
because a lot of people don't like it
when characters in a drama start singing the same song
or when frogs start to fall from the sky.
But those are two of the reasons I love it.
And I wish that, what's his name,
Paul Thomas Anderson would go back to making movies like that
where just crazy shit happens.
And maybe he will.
Maybe he will.
You got something you like from John C. Reilly, Aaron?
You said like?
Like, yeah.
I, uh, what?
Uh, yeah.
I like...
Do we need to get you partners at this point in the game?
Nope.
Nope.
I like Talladega Nights. Yes, you did. Yay! Do we need to get you partners at this point in the game? Nope. Nope.
I like Talladega Nights.
Yes, you did.
Totally likable.
I'm more of a Blades of Glory guy when it comes to Will Ferrell's sports comedies.
And I like how dirty the basketball one was.
What's that one called?
High Five?
Semi-Pro.
Semi-Pro?
High Five's in production right now.
Yes, yes.
It should be.
It should be the sequel to Borat's first movie.
It should be.
High Five!
Tom, do you have one that you like?
Walk fucking whatever, that one.
Walk hard?
Yeah, walk hard.
The Dewey Cox story?
What?
Walk hard, colon, the Dewey Cox story?
Yeah, yeah, the Dewey Cox story.
I think that might be what it's called.
That's right, yeah.
And I let him go on Talladega Nights,
colon, the legend of Ricky Bobby,
or whatever it's called.
The ballad.
You guys are more sticklerier than me.
I like it, but again, I like his choice more.
I just wanted to say that.
You can take the same choice.
I'm just trying to get it out there that John C. Reilly does a lot of great work.
And if you haven't seen any of his films, check them out.
And here's the ones to avoid.
Oh, wait, I've got to do my like. My like is... Do I get to do one?
I thought of one. Oh, you did.
That you liked or loved.
Hard Eight. You know this Hard Eight movie?
Yeah, Hard Eight. That's what you
pull out. Yeah, I like that. He's been in
some of the biggest movies. You pull out
this tiny, amazing movie. That's exactly
right. That's what I pulled out. A four-hander.
That's all I found in my pocket. We call it a four-hander in the business
because there's only
like four main characters.
Gwyneth Paltrow's in it
though, right?
Paltrow plays
what was supposed
to be the title role.
The movie was supposed
to be called Sydney
and the studio wanted
something to sound edgier
so they went with Heartache.
Right.
Or not studio,
financiers.
What men from Seinfeld?
That's a great movie.
That's a great movie. That's a great movie.
Yeah.
I put that in your love column.
Sorry.
Maybe by the time it comes around again,
you can think of one that you like.
I'm one question behind at all times.
My like is a movie called Cedar Rapids
that I thought was an underrated movie
because it's got lots of funny people in it,
but I campaigned for him to get me campaigning,
my idea campaigning.
My idea campaigning. I just talked about it a lot.
He should have got a Best Supporting Actor nomination for that movie. John C. Reilly's
amazing in that movie. Is that with Ed Helms?
Yes, that one is fucking amazing.
Especially fun for comedians that are in
fucking hotels all the time.
We see those conventions. We're in the same hotel
with people who are at a convention.
We know what that's all about.
He's amazing in that movie. So good.
When he's swimming around in the fucking pool with the top of the
garbage thing on his head.
God damn it.
And Anne Heche, her body is amazing
for, I think she's 72 years old.
Or one of her
lives or personalities.
You got a John C. Reilly movie you hate?
Or just one that he was in, you know?
He could have popped in there.
It's not his fault that it's terrible.
Aaron?
Yeah.
Yeah, I hate watching him in Chicago.
Shut up.
Wow, I gave you an opening to just be nice to John C. Reilly,
and you fucking torpedoed him directly.
Musical theater majors here in Pittsburgh.
Jeez.
He's certainly not what I would picture for the role,
but I thought he did a good job in that movie.
He's only got one song.
I know, but I love him so much.
He did the finger thing that everybody does in every production of it.
Yeah.
God, I hate it.
Okay.
Tom?
Nothing.
I got nothing.
Pass.
Tom passes.
Pass.
And we're back to Matt with his like.
Yeah.
Part eight.
I wasn't crazy about the walk hard one.
I really wasn't.
Okay. So you passed on like, and you have hate for walk hard one. I really wasn't. Okay, so you passed on like
and you have hate for walk hard.
Hatred in your heart.
And then I love that gag
in that movie though
where every time he tries
a harder drug.
Yeah, I do like that part.
Tim Meadows really gives
a hard speech about not doing it
and then does it with him.
Okay, I do like that movie.
That is my line.
Okay, that's in your line columns. Now my line. Okay, that's a different column.
So now you've got to come up
with a hate for later.
My hate is past
because I looked at his filmography
and even something like
Vampire's Assistant
or whatever that was called.
Even something like that,
I can't hate him for it.
And he always shows up and does something like that, I can't hate him for it, you know, and he
always shows up and does a good job, I think.
So that's my pass
on this one. And
is there something that you hate yourself for liking, Aaron?
You haven't passed at all,
so you can still pass.
I should have passed on hate.
Shit.
That's sort of the message of my show and my entire life, is pass on hate because... Shit. That's sort of the message of my show
and my entire life
is pass on hate.
I thought I had to pick a hate.
By that I mean
pass it on to someone else
because it's what makes us feel alive.
Well, I
hate for liking other parts of
Chicago, so...
Yeah. Alright. Yeah. Do you have one? I hate for liking other parts of Chicago. So yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Um,
do you have one Tom?
Yeah.
I mean,
I kind of hate like a billion dollar movie.
Is it because their shit is just so weird.
It just fucking creeps you out.
No,
it's just like,
it's not at, you can't watch and be like,
this is a well-constructed movie.
It's not like...
If you don't go to somebody who's not into them,
go, you should check out this movie.
It's a good movie.
You're going to enjoy it.
It's fucking bananas.
But he is hilarious as Takedo.
I think.
Lucy makes perfect sense
by comparison.
Fuck yeah.
And is very pleasant to watch.
Lucy is spelled out
like a fucking children's show
compared to a billion dollar movie.
Yeah.
I gotta say,
John C. Reilly,
Steve Brule thing
creeps me out too.
It's hilarious.
It's so,
it's so weirdly hilarious though.
It's weird.
I don't,
I can only have so much of that in my life, you know. For your health. It's amazing. It's so weirdly hilarious, though. I can only have so much of that in my life.
For your health.
It's amazing.
He's so good.
His improv skill...
Can you imagine if he had been
an SNL cast member
or something? It would have been just...
Everything he would have been in.
He would be perfect for that, but
fortunately, he's gone the
pretty distinguished actor route. been in. Yeah, he'd be perfect for that, but, you know, fortunately he's gone the pretty
distinguished actor route. Yeah, no, yeah.
I didn't mean
that to be funny. I'm just saying that, like,
either path would have been pretty awesome.
He's so talented. I'm not suggesting he
quit what's going on and try to be on
a fucking sketch show.
Like, I don't like these movies, man. I want to do this
sketch stuff, but he has, like, the
you can just see he would be a natural at it.
Did you ever see Wreck-It Ralph, Matt?
No, I never saw it.
Not even on a plane?
Wreck-It Ralph?
Yeah, Wreck-It Ralph.
No, I never even heard of that.
Oh.
You know what?
When I asked you to be on the show, that would have been a good thing to bring up.
I've never heard of Wreck-It Ralph.
You should have asked me that first.
Because that's really all I really want to talk about.
All right.
All the time.
Do you know about it?
We'll get this motherfucker up here.
He knows about Wreck-It Ralph.
Wreck-It Ralph is good.
I was just bringing it up because it was interesting.
It didn't come up for anybody's.
And my hate myself for liking
is Never Been Kissed.
That Drew Barrymore rom-com where she's
like 50 trying to pretend to be
22 or whatever.
I don't know what's going on there.
She's back in high school. It's like the
21 Jump Street
lady style.
She falls in love with her teacher
and shit. It's fucking crazy.
But I think
John C. Reilly's like her editor and he just yells at her
all the time.
When it's on cable though, I watch it.
That's one
that I'll watch.
That's a fun game right now. Aaron,
rom-com that you'll watch.
You're embarrassed to say it in front
of men.
Rom-com I would...
Yeah, I'll give you another one. Ghosts of
Girlfriends Past.
I'll watch the shit out of that movie.
Ten Things I Hate About You.
Oh!
I totally redeemed
myself.
Tom, do you have one?
All of them.
I don't know.
You son of a bitch.
I love love, you guys.
I don't fucking know.
I'm hungover, man.
You don't have to come up on...
No, I do. I watch them all the time.
And I would actually be like,
no, I don't watch that shit.
Yeah, I watch it all the time.
I can't think of one.
Are we the worst guests ever?
Yes.
Well, I mean, you know, you're fun to talk to,
but this part is like we're watching a science fiction movie
about adult males that just had their brains removed.
Like, just any rom-com, there must be one that you, you know...
Sleepless in Seattle.
It's good, it's good it's good
hey Matt
you have
and tell us
your thought process
alright
there's a
wait wait wait
you have
until I get back
cause I have to
go get my phone
you have until
I get back
to tell me
the name of the movie
but just start
describing it
to everyone
alright so
Keanu Reeves
lives in one time,
and Sandra Bullock lives in the future or something.
But then there's this mailbox,
and they keep getting mail to each other.
It's like a time machine.
Like, they got the mailbox up to 88 miles per hour
or some shit.
And they start falling in love, time machine. Like they got the mailbox up to 88 miles per hour or some shit. And
they start
falling in love. And they never think that they're crazy
or anything. They're just like, you know,
this shit's actually happening.
And Speed 2.
Let the games begin!
That's when I realized I didn't have my phone was when I was checking to see if we were good for time.
Or I wanted to check, and then it wasn't there.
You son of a bitch
in the front row.
This guy brought a Summer of Blood
poster.
The less said about
that, the better.
I haven't heard from Owner since
the festival. I hope he's okay.
So, gentlemen, please go into the audience and select from this dazzling array of
name tags who you'd like to play for. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be
right back. All right, we're back. Who are you guys playing for?
Wow.
Let's start with Matt.
You've got a very large
name tag.
I'm just playing for Devin
because I know he's going to have to come up here anyways.
So I've got this
thing with tons of movies on it.
Yeah, the Guardians of the Galaxy quest for Camelot-like love, actually.
A Devin D. Decker build-a-title.
It was big. It was bigger than the rest.
Yeah, good choice, good choice.
And like you said, he's going to be your partner later.
That came out weird
he's gonna be your lover
is what I meant to say
it's like a romcom
you love
you know
you're scared to tell
your friends about
Tom
who you playing for
I forgot to get his name
is it on his name tag
is it Dave
what is it is it a poster for the movie Dave yes Is it Dave?
What is it?
Is it a poster for the movie Dave?
Yes.
Oh, yeah, that's probably what he was going for then.
Also a movie that I'll sit and watch and enjoy.
That's a rom-com, sort of, right?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
And looks like Aaron got himself a new toy.
Dude, I had to grab the light bright.
Look at you as a Polly Pocket figure.
Look at you.
You're adorable.
Doug loves movies.
Look at that.
That is nice.
Playing for Laura.
Laura.
I got a tutorial on how to,
their cell phones are in here.
Their cell phones are inside of this lighting,
lighting it up.
For reals?
Yeah, and I was like, peace, thanks.
You're just going to run off with their phones?
But I just plugged it in, and I'll take calls.
Don't worry.
You really did plug that in.
That's awesome. I plugged this mother in.
But listeners, don't bring shit that needs to be plugged in.
There's not a lot of comedy clubs like the Improv
that have six sockets on the stage.
They tell you when you get here,
hey, during your headliner set,
if you want to get on the internet,
you can just set up your laptop and any other devices.
We've got plenty of plugs on the stage.
I guess if a band plays or something,
they need more of them.
All right.
So let's see how we're doing on time.
Make some important decisions.
Let's start with a game that I like to call,
How Much Did This Shit Make?
I like to localize it.
And this one, you guys, how are you with numbers?
Do you know what numbers are and can say them out loud?
I know numbers, yeah.
Then you're all going to have an answer on this one.
Nobody is going to need to pass.
But I would fall off my chair laughing if someone did.
I'll admit that I do struggle with numbers.
In this game, we're going to guess you guys are going to guess how much
money a movie made at the North American
box office during its entire run
according to boxofficemojo.com
and I always
like to pick movies that are
relevant to an area and
supposedly this film was made here
in Pittsburgh,
and I don't hold that against you guys.
Maybe you'll be mad at me for choosing this movie,
but I went with a film called
Bringing Down the House
with Steve Martin and Queen Latifah,
which, in success, I blame on
having to sit through a lot of other white honky meets awesome black lady movies.
And so I'm not a particularly big fan of that movie.
So let's start with Aaron.
Closest to the total in millions of dollars without going over.
How much do you think bringing down
the house made
with the great Eugene Levy?
Use your computer, man.
I'm typing it in my light bright.
40 million.
Okay, Aerith says 40 million. The guy Eric says 40 million.
The guy over there says yeah
and then does some fast clapping.
Like he's watching the opening of Friends.
Tom, what do you think?
33.
33? Interesting.
That's not helpful to either of you guys did I see it?
did you ask me that?
no no no
did you?
no
I've seen moments of it
flipping through the channels
it looks awful
it's really bad
it has the go to
I'm wearing my hat to the side
I'm wearing my hat to the side scene.
I'm down, too.
You know, like that.
It's horrible.
Matt?
$65 million.
People are blown away by that.
They're going to really lose it when they hear the actual answer.
Because Tom says 33, he's out.
Aaron says 40, he's out.
Matt says 65, and he wins.
Because bringing down the house made $132.7 million dollars. That's the thing about Price is Right is that the amounts
never vary that wildly. You said 600. It's 132 million dollars. Yeah, so Matt won our first game. See how easy it's done?
Wow.
Sorry, Dave.
Oh, boy.
You guys did so great.
You did so great in that game that I feel confident in your ability to play a round of Last Man Stanton.
I don't really.
I feel like Matt's going to be terrible at it.
Thank you.
Here's the idea of this game, Matt.
Let me just talk to you for a second.
We're going to name films by a particular
director or actor
and so the idea is to have to be able to come up with
a lot of them
and in your life
of apparently not paying too much attention
to the cinema
is there an actor
or director whose work you admire that you could say name five movies that that person was involved in?
I think I could name five from Richard Linklater.
From who?
Richard Linklater?
Richard Linklater? You could name five of his films?
You can?
Yeah, sure.
I was hoping he'd say James Bond.
Do you live in a prison in Austin, Texas?
Yeah.
I love that guy.
I love that guy.
But how many movies do you think he's made?
Maybe 15?
Maybe a little less.
Yeah.
So in this game, that would be a tough one.
Yeah, so I'd be good at it.
All right.
I'll take that challenge.
All right.
So that means we'll start with you and then we'll go to Tom and then to Aaron and then to me.
And yeah, you have to name a Richard Linklater movie.
Just one at a time.
One at a time.
I forgot he was a person.
Pick a good one.
You want me to start?
Do you know who that is?
You know who it is, Aaron.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead, Matt.
Name one.
Slacker.
Slacker, that's correct.
Which has always amused me
because the movie's about
a bunch of different people
that you meet
and why isn't it called Slackers?
Because that was another movie.
Later.
Tom?
Withdrawal? I don't know. What do you say at this point
when you don't know?
I was worried
about Aaron not knowing
and I totally missed
but like
I don't even
know who we're talking about.
Well, we can't tell you without naming
movies, so it's kind of hard. He used to host
Match Game, Tom, remember?
I don't know. That was Gene, remember? I don't know.
That was Gene Rayburn.
I don't know.
Don't say any answers, you guys.
But that's
pretty funny. So
let's just say Matt won that
game. Thank you.
Thank you.
The cunning strategy of picking a director who
only he knows all of his work.
I'm like a Doug Loves Movies shark.
Can I try that first? You know, there's Bad News Bears
and Days of Confused.
Yeah, okay, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The before trilogy, Sunset.
Yeah, before and after Sunset and
Beyond Midnight.
And then, of course, in the
multiplex right across the street,
we've discussed it since I arrived.
That's true.
Boyhood is playing over there.
I had a couple.
Good.
I'm not like an idiot.
Okay, good.
Wow, I'm glad you're relieved that you're not an absolute idiot
because you knew two of them
and you said it out loud next to a man who didn't know any.
Well, then, you get
what I was saying?
I'm a fucking idiot? That's what we're doing right now?
New voice.
Alright, I think this is going to
be very interesting to try to accomplish
this game because
I think that no matter what one person
we pick, there's going to be someone on this
panel
who might not be familiar with any of their work.
Like, let's think of somebody that's really big.
Wait, hang on, hang on, you guys.
Let's throw the first one out here.
What do you guys think of Michael J. Fox?
Could you name some movies that he's in?
Sure.
Tom, think about it for a second.
I think I could name, like, a trilogy.
Tom, think about it for a second.
I think I could name like a trilogy.
So you have three answers right there.
Yeah, well, we'll do them one at a time.
So when it's your turn,
when it's your turn, go for it.
Matt gets to go first.
Any Michael J. Fox movie?
The Secret to My Success. Tom? Back to my success.
Tom?
Back to the Future.
Eric?
Back to the Future Part II.
I know how this game is played, Tom.
I'm not going to do a hard one.
I'm going to say Doc Hollywood.
Matt.
Teen Wolf.
Is he in this?
Thanks for reminding me of a movie that he is in.
Alright.
Back to the Future Part 3.
Good at this.
Aaron.
The Frighteners.
I love it.
I'm going to go with...
Midnight Madness.
I hated to use that one so early, but, you know.
Oh, I just thought of another one.
Matt.
Poison Ivy.
You might have to look it up. It was a TV movie, but it counts.
I don't know.
She gave you the matumba.
I did like the way you said it.
But you very confidently said it's a TV movie, but it counts.
Because the opposite turns out to be true.
Can I go again? I didn't know.
I will totally let you go again.
Out of the Blue?
What's that?
It's like the sequel to Up and...
No, that's the Cheech and Chong movie.
Can we look this shit up? I know I've seen
him in some art movie, and I think it's called
Out of the Bloom.
I don't think so.
But thank you for playing.
Tom?
Was he in Teen Wolf 2 at all? Nope.
Maybe a flashback.
Or a picture.
You get residuals on a flashback. Was he at all, you guys?
I don't think so.
Whatever, guys.
It's like a nerd alarm.
No, no, no, no, no.
You played hard and long.
Yeah, I mean, I really...
I think you did a good job.
I feel good about what I did.
Sorry.
That's okay.
Aaron, don't say them out loud, you guys.
It's not your turn yet.
I just went brain dead.
Light bright can't help you?
It's emitting this fume.
Do you smell that?
Yeah.
Yes, I do.
How about, oh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Mars Attacks.
Mars Attacks.
Nice.
And now let me ask the audience,
what was the one he was in with Joan Jett?
That's what I was going to say.
Light of Day.
Yeah, I couldn't think of the name of it, Light of Day.
And there's probably not too many more, but yell them out.
American President.
Yeah, that's what I thought of when he showed the Dave poster, but I couldn't remember what it was called.
American President.
Bright Lights.
Greed?
Greedy.
Greedy.
Casualties of War.
That's a good one.
Life with Mikey Bright Lights Big City
there's always so many more that we can think of
I fucking love it
but I won that game
The Hard Way, yes
I thought a Chris Hardwick fan
was in the audience
Hardwick!
Hardwick points.
All right, you guys.
Are you ready?
You've gone through these brutal exercises.
I think you're doing great.
The audience loves you.
They love all of you.
Somebody's going to win
Schmovie, the board game.
Woo!
Is your name tag in contention?
No.
Nope, and you were still excited for whoever's going to win Schmoovie the board game.
Let's play the Leonard Moulton game.
Matt, I guess you're still sort of the champion of what we've done so far.
No, I'm champion.
So we'll let you pick the first category.
What are we playing?
We're playing the Leonard Maltin game.
The what?
Leonard Maltin's a film critic.
Okay.
I think what happened was
to kind of research for this show,
you listened to the episode that Joey Diaz was on.
I did.
And that was an interesting episode
because, you know, you don't tell Joey
he's wrong about anything.
So the games were a little...
I was a little less strict with Joey
than I am with some of the other players
so today is going to be a bloodbath for you my friend
but we'll talk you through it
the whole audience knows how it works
so
they'll be gentle
you get to pick a category
would you like
as suggested by Armo15 on Twitter
in honor of where we are
this particular day
the category is called
Pit Stains
and it's movies that took place
in Pittsburgh that Leonard Maltin
gave two stars or less.
Yep, a town that's even proud of their stains.
Or Penny Dreadful,
that's Penny Marshall movies that
Leonard gave two stars or less.
And then your third
option is from Yousonic.
Someone named Yousonic on Twitter, E-U-sonic,
suggested evacuate your vowels.
And that's movies with titles with no vowels in them.
Yeah, they're out there.
And just to give you an example, Jim Cotta has several vowels in it. Yeah, they're out there.
And just to give you an example,
Jim Cotta has several vowels in it.
Thank you for that example.
Which ones of those do you like?
Pittsburgh, Penny Marshall, or no vowels in the title?
Obviously, we've got to go with Pit Stance.
Yes, we do.
Play into the crowd. I like it.
This movie is from 2003. I'm going to give you a bunch
of clues and I'm going to tell you how many actors
Leonard lists that are in this movie
and then you're going to tell me how many
names you think it'll take you to discern
the title of the movie reading from the
bottom of the list
going up. so when you
bid lower you're taking away those top names
Leonard gave this movie two stars from 2003 he says the lead performer this
movie is wasted in this crude film he also says it's like a big-screen sitcom
and he says
one of the lead actors in the movie
co-executive produced
now you may be saying to yourself right now
these clues are of no help to me
and that's exactly how it's supposed to go
everything's going
according to plan
and then
Leonard Maltin lists
11 names in the cast of this film.
So how many do you think it would take you to figure it out?
I think I'd need...
Matt.
I think I'd need...
Full Charon.
I think it's... Sorry.
It's okay.
Just want to get your name out there.
I think I would need eight names.
Eight names.
Strong opening bid for a confused player.
I'm winning.
Tom, what do you think about that?
Can I challenge him to name it?
You could say name it, and he'll get the eight names,
or you could bid seven names and be thought of as more of a man.
Seven.
All right.
Fucking Christ.
I didn't know.
All right.
God damn it.
Is it always this hostile to do these things?
Not to Joey Diaz.
It's amazing to think about how many movies,
like I feel like all I've done is watch movies
and then I feel like just sense of paralysis up here on stage.
All right.
Fuck it.
Seven.
Aaron. up here on stage. All right, fuck it, seven. Aaron?
Six, six.
See, that's how the game is played.
It's back around to you, Matt.
I would probably only need five names
to name this game.
Tom, now he's just being dumb.
Go ahead and drop the hammer.
Name it.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not going to get it.
All right.
Remember, audience, once again,
that just because these guys don't know the answer
doesn't mean you need to say it out loud.
As I poke myself in the eye
with my tiny straws.
Your five names.
Let me give you the clues again.
I think you're going to like these.
2003.
Two stars from Leonard.
The lead character is just wasted
in this crude movie.
Yeah.
And one of the leads
co-executive produced
and a third thing that I can't
find. It's like a sitcom.
Jesus. It's Devin.
He's like my
Newman.
Thanks for your help Devin
and your five names are
Steve Harris, Betty White
Michael Rosenbaum
Missy Pyle
and Angus T. Jones
the great Angus T. Jones was in this.
From 2003.
What do you think it is, Matt?
I can't even think of one movie that came out in 2003.
Not one.
Let me think about where I was.
Think about something that took place in Pittsburgh.
Oh, there you go.
Pitstain?
I don't think you're going to come up with this,
and it's going to be a shame.
Okay.
Well, I'm just going to say
the only movie I'm thinking of in 2003 was in Hawaii.
That one with Owen Wilson.
Okay.
Give it a shot.
You never know.
Sometimes your first instincts are right even though you know it takes place in Hawaii
the second Star Wars
I can't fuck I don't know
that wouldn't be right
if that were right
I wouldn't accept that answer
unfortunately the film is the already previously discussed right if that were right? I wouldn't accept that answer.
Unfortunately, the film is the already previously discussed
Bringing Down the House.
Y'all didn't know it.
That's cold as ice, man.
That's not that.
You cold, Doug. You cold, Doug.
You cold, Doug.
Tom Segura's on the board
with one point, you guys.
See?
Thinking about changing
the name of this game
to Anyone Can Win.
Wait, wait. Can I ask you something? Sure. Do I get a point for that cuz I challenged him I do that's what you're on the board man on
the board you're on the board with one point all right fucking Jesus I on the
board can also I'm sorry I did have not previously stated that we're playing to
two points okay I thought you're halfway home.
Alright, I'll just suffer through this.
Alright, go ahead. Let's do this.
Don't suffer.
Just tell us what you need.
No, no. I thought you needed another drink or something.
I'm drinking coffee.
Who's coming to see these guys at...
What time is the show tonight?
Seven? Eight?
Yeah, come to is the show tonight seven eight seven yeah come to our
midnight show tonight dom what time is the show tonight seven yes i just don't thank you not tom
they do sound awful close uh but who's coming back to see tom tonight anybody coming i bet
you there's a few yeah see i knew there'd knew there'd be some. Alright, thank you.
I've seen your sets this
weekend, both you guys. Very funny.
Aaron did a set on my show yesterday.
Very funny. Yeah. You guys
are like TBS.
Very funny.
Very funny.
And my show, Douglas Movies, is like
TNT. Characters welcome.
USA. Fuck, I always fuck that up.
I always get the wrong fucking network with those slogans.
And now TNT, TNT now goes, what's it say?
It knows drama, boom.
They just threw a boom in there with no sound,
just in big letters.
TNT knows drama, boom.
Damn.
Those are horrible slogans.
All of them are horrible.
Like what?
We're going to be watching SVU?
Where did she touch you?
Boom.
All right.
Aaron gets to go first
in this next round.
And then we're coming back
at you, Tom.
So be ready. Aaron gets to pick the category, though. He gets to go first in this next round, and then we're coming back at you, Tom, so be ready.
Aaron gets to pick the category, though. He gets to steer this ship
for a second.
Last birthday, he celebrated
a Sunday, so I wanted
to...
That sentence
didn't come out that bad
when I flipped two of the words.
He's an older guy. Maybe he did celebrate with a sundae.
Because it was his birthday.
Martin Sheen celebrated a birthday one week ago today.
And, yeah.
So, the films of Martin Sheen.
Or, laser with a Z on Twitter.
And laser is spelled, in fact, with an S.
So, I do not understand that handle
at all.
Laser with a Z suggested
Into the Storm, and that
of course is movies where Halle Berry
has sex.
I thought that one would go over
pretty good.
And a category that's always hated, never picked.
I should just delete it.
Who's Your Daddy?
And it's movies that have incest in them.
It should at least be like incest in Indiana.
It's Who's Your Daddy?
But anyway, it's all incest movies,
so it's probably European.
Which one...
Which one do you like?
I think we should go with...
Cliber.
What's the Halle Berry getting naked one?
Halle Berry has sex.
We should do that, right?
Into the Storm.
We should totally do Into the Storm.
Okay.
We should totally, yeah.
Okay.
Let's do it.
The year is 2001.
Three and a half stars from Leonard for this movie.
He says that it's a challenging film.
He also says that it won an Oscar.
This movie provides meaningful and plausible catharsis.
Yeah, that's a fantastic clue if you've seen this movie.
Eight names, Aaron. How many can you get it in? Yeah, that's a fantastic clue if you've seen this movie.
Eight names, Aaron.
How many can you get it in?
We'll do...
Five.
He says five, Tom.
Four.
Alright, now, we forgot to do this.
I was going to let you guys have partners.
Oh, fuck.
So, yeah.
But, Matt.
One name.
Consult with Devin.
Oh, he's just saying it.
He just wants one name.
This is crazy.
Call me maybe.
Aaron,
what are you going to do with that? He says he can name it in one name.
Zero names.
Oh, boy.
I got to do something.
All right, Tom, I wish it wouldn't come to this.
But you can challenge him and hope he gets it wrong.
Or, if you think you know what the movie is,
you can say a negative one name.
And that means you have to name the movie and the top billed person, performance, performer,
in the movie.
Yeah, I remember the movie.
So do you think you know what the movie is?
Yeah, but I think I don't remember the title.
Oh, that's a bad place to be.
That's a bad position to be in.
So you're probably just going to have to ask Aaron to name it.
Hope he's thinking of the wrong movie.
And if he's not, he gets a point.
But we're still playing because you each will have one point.
Negative one.
Damn it!
You're going to let me stay in it?
Alright
Now we go to Matt
And he gets to say negative two
You have to name the top two billed people
Yeah, negative two
What?
Negative two
So now Aaron
Has to think if he can go negative three on this one.
Seems like there's not a person in the room that doesn't know the answer.
I don't know the answer.
I haven't looked at my screen for a few seconds.
Aaron?
I'm trying to remember.
No matter what happens here, I think the game will still keep going
because Tom can't really jump in on this
at this point.
Maybe he can. We'll see.
I cannot name three.
Do you think he can name the top
two in the right order? I think it's possible.
Wow.
Yeah, he's going to have to.
It's good to have Devin on your side.
He's got that loud clap.
Loud clap down.
I think he's got it because I can't name three.
All right.
So let's hear it.
You're going to name the movie, then the top two people in the correct order.
And I'm not going to say yes or no until I've heard all of it.
And the order goes second person.
No, tell us the top build person, then the
second build. Alright, I think we're
talking about Monsters Ball with
Billy Bob Thornton and Holly Berry.
That is correct.
I've never even seen it. I've never even seen it.
I've never even seen it.
I don't think there's been a wilder swing in ability
in the games on this show than right there,
than you suddenly pulling that out.
Doug, who is third bill?
I can't name a third John C. Reilly movie,
but Monster's Ball stars Billy Bob Thornton
and Oscar winner Halle Berry.
Who's third bill, Doug?
Yeah, who is third bill?
That would be Peter Boyle.
Then Heath Ledger,
Sean Combs,
Most Deaf. Both those guys,
those aren't their names anymore.
Yasin Bey is all lowercase you guys do not fuck it up
alright so that means
that Matt is on the
board as well
that means he has a point
good to be here
you guys aren't going to believe it if we get to a tiebreaker
because you're going to have to learn more confusing shit.
I'm trying. I'm trying.
You guys are doing great, I think.
I'm bummed.
This is terrific.
I knew that one, and I feel like that's definitely the only one that I'm going to know.
Well, it's hard when you don't know the rules
because I didn't know you could do negative.
I didn't know you could do zero.
So I was, you know, it's tough.
Yeah.
Now you know.
Bell, Biv, DeVoe.
Who gets to go first this time?
What happened that last time?
Those guys did beat it out.
Okay, so Tom goes first, and then it goes to Aaron, because he challenged Matt.
Tom, would you like A Prairie Home Companion,
which, of course, is films that have bestiality in them?
Well, then.
Begins with...
I almost said it the wrong way.
The Big C, which is not as scary as you think.
It's just movies that begin with C, the letter C.
Ooh, that's awful.
Or, spoiler alert,
and that's movies where someone is run over by a car.
So there's probably a lack of a spoiler alert
when they got hit.
Three of my favorite things.
It's hard.
You do love C words.
I love C words.
Bestiality and senseless.
People getting hit with cars.
Senseless death.
I'm going to go with the C, the C word.
I want to go with the C the C word I want to go the movies with C
yeah
alright
well you've narrowed it down
considerably
because you know
this movie is
it's like
for instance
it's not Mission Impossible
right
Matt it's not
donors are the worst
at running games
yeah it's not
Mission Impossible 2
let's narrow it down you guys it's not Mission Impossible. Donors are the worst at running games. Yeah, it's not Mission Impossible 2. Let's narrow it down, you guys.
It's not Ghost Protocol.
All right.
Is it The Shining?
Three and a half.
No pre-guessing.
Three and a half stars from Leonard for this movie
that he calls first rate,
which the three and a half stars would indicate also
that he liked it a great deal.
He says it is based on a book,
and...
Wow.
What else can I say?
Oh, it includes a brilliantly nuanced performance,
this movie.
And it begins with the letter C.
What year?
The year is 2005.
Devin, I will murder you.
It's just being helpful.
Okay.
Okay.
So,
and he lists nine names, eight names, let's go with eight names.
How many can you get it in, Tom?
Seven.
Okay.
I should have given the advice before the game, you know, first guy should just take all the names.
Okay, well, that's good to know.
No, I'm sorry.
I'll do that
in the future.
Can I backtrack?
He said seven.
Yeah, he said seven, Aaron.
I have to do six.
What are you going to do with that, Matt?
I'm going to have to go five.
Uh, Tom? What are you going to do with that Matt? I'm going to have to go five Tom Four
Arab
Name it
Oh boy
I do smell a three way tire coming
The three way tire is roaring down the tracks at us I do smell a three-way tire coming.
The three-way tire is roaring down the tracks at us.
Devin, why are you standing up?
Devin's out of control right now.
You lost that bucket of beer, Devin.
Holy hell.
Nothing says I'm an adult more than screaming I'm an adult
still got it Doug
still got it
okay
I think I've been laughing
a lot of this episode I apologize
to the listeners
try not to be that self indulgent
it's so funny
lol oh the checks are coming out Self-indulgent. It's so funny.
LOL. LOL.
Oh, the checks are coming out. That's why Devin
was throwing the shit on the floor.
This shit
is wrong.
Okay, so where the hell are we at?
So who has to name it?
What was the last bid?
You think I remember? I think you said three. He said four. I to name it? Well, what was the last bid? You think I remember?
I think you said three.
It was, he said four, I said name it.
Okay, so Tom gets four names.
Are we sure about where we're at?
Okay, yeah.
Do you like where you're at?
No, yeah.
You get four names.
I'll give you the clues again.
The movie begins with the letter C,
so that's kind of fun when you're trying to think of it,
just start making C sounds.
Right.
And something fun for you to do
Catman
Three and a half stars from Leonard
on a scale of bomb to four stars
he calls it first rate
which is redundant
he also says that
it has a brilliantly nuanced performance
in it and that it's
based on a book.
And out of the eight names, you get four,
and they are Mark Pellegrino.
It's really what it says, you guys.
Jill Avion.
I'm saying the real names.
No, just that first one was real.
Mark Pellegrino.
Then Amy Ryan was in this movie.
I like her.
Bob Balaban, he's always great.
Who?
Bob Balaban.
Oh, yeah, he's good.
And Bruce Greenwood was also in this film.
Oh, now I got it.
Yeah.
So, Just Name a Movie begins with C, and hopefully it'll be the right one. And if it isn't, we'll have it. Yeah. So, just name a movie that begins with C
and hopefully it'll be the right one.
And if it isn't, we'll have a three-way tie,
which will be very exciting.
So the audience actually would prefer
if you get it wrong.
Sorry to disappoint you.
You think you got it?
You think you got it?
I think I do.
Really?
Yep.
Oh, I'm so excited.
You cut the creme de... Wait, I'm sorry. What got it? I think I do. Really? Yep. Oh, I'm so excited.
Wait, I'm sorry.
What was it?
You heard it.
Was that right?
No, no.
What was it?
I can't give it away, so I'm going and This is stupid.
Stupid.
Confessions of
Wait, you can't stumble onto it by just saying a bunch of words,
because those are all not a title.
The motion picture is called Capote.
Capote.
Capote.
I gotta say, that does have a brilliantly nuanced performance.
I agree with that assessment.
It's actually good.
Amazing actor, rest in peace and all that. And we have... brilliantly nuanced performance. I agree with that assessment. It's actually good. No, amazing actor.
Rest in peace and all that.
And we have,
but we, sorry,
we have to move on from our Philip Seymour Hoffman tribute
to We've Got a Three-Way Tie, you guys.
Had to pull the power play, Tom.
That was gangster as shit, man.
Shimmy, shimmy, y'all.
No nerds laughing at that.
Okay, Matt, we're going to start with you.
What are we doing?
You'll find out.
We're starting with you, Matt,
and then we're going to Aaron,
and then to Tom,
and this is, it's time for Asparagus P.
Some dude on Twitter named Asparagus P suggests when I say we, I mean me.
Here we go.
I'm going to read the entire review by Mr. Maltin and the year
and then we start the bidding
everyone should know the title
of the film at that point
yes you should know the title
I'm confident that all three of you will know the title of the film
but then you start bidding
based on how many negative
names you think you'll need
you're already going straight to negative
you can start at zero if you wish
if you want to play that way
I think you do
you don't even get to go first, Matt's going first
you can start at zero if you want to
but it leaps into the negatives
immediately from there.
And see how many negative names take you to get it. And everyone in the audience is going
to know it, so bite your tongues, hold on to your butts. Here we go. Three stars from
Leonard for this movie from 1984 that he calls the first multi-million dollar
flaky paranormal investigators
a trio of flaky paranormal investigators
who go into business flushing out ghosts and spirits
in New York City
and find that their business is
booming TNT. Engagingly offbeat, even subdued
at times, with the flippant personality of one person nicely contrasting Richard Edlund's
eye-popping special effects. Great fun all the way. Written by two dudes. Followed by a sequel
and an animated TV series.
Matt Leonard lists
nine names.
How many names do you think
it'll take you? Negative five.
Hold up.
Now, here's something we need to talk about.
I've got something.
I think you have a different problem, Tom.
I'm going to tell you what my problem is right now.
Okay.
Is that if Matt successfully names this movie in negative five names, that will make him an automatic entrant into the
Tournament of Championships I think I can I think I can I don't know I think I
can all right but Tom what's your beef that was my that was I was thinking that
too but then he has what I want to make I want to get clarification. Yes, again, I'm in the order as listed by Leonard Maltin,
who has whims
and flights of fancy.
Name it.
Yeah, it goes to Aaron now, right?
Yeah.
He said name it, right?
No, no, it's your turn.
He says negative five.
Can you go negative six on this movie whose name I shall not say?
Yeah.
You go negative six?
Well, Tom, it looks like
you just
stepped in a
bucket of lucky shit.
Devin, shut the fuck up.
Seriously, Devin.
The adults are trying to play.
Sit at that little table and eat your yams.
Okay, so he says negative six.
Yeah, no, name it.
A hundred percent name it.
How many names did I say?
Nine?
Yes.
All right, he's going negative six on this.
In the order.
Yeah.
In the order?
Yes!
All right, hang on a second.
I like to try to be fair, and I also like a more exciting ending.
I'm not trying.
Aaron?
You want to try or do you want to take it back?
I'll let you take it back if you want.
Because it has to be in the correct order.
And I know when I was describing it earlier,
you were sitting all the way over there.
So sometimes you miss things.
I mean, I feel like if I don't try,
I'm going to go home a loser anyway.
No, if you don't try, Matt might go home a winner.
And if he doesn't go home
a winner, then you do.
It's a win-win for you guys
if you ask him to name it.
So he should name it?
Yeah, I think so.
I'm very excited about this.
I'm naming it?
But know in your head what you would have said.
That'll be interesting to know.
Yeah.
How the fuck did this just happen?
It's a three-player game, so you can get boxed out.
It seems unfair at the time,
but it turns out that you should have bid differently
the first time you had a chance.
All right.
I was trying to be a goddamn man.
No, it's fine. You've seen what's in this bag right
It's just our CDs
And a copy of Schmovie
The movie board game
So there's not really that much pressure
I wanted Laura to win
Tom's CD
You're going to be back on the show right
You had fun
Me? Yeah I had a lot of fun to win Tom's TV. You're going to be back on the show, right? You had fun?
Me?
Yeah.
Yeah, I had a lot of fun.
I just want you to know,
I don't want to be this bad at this.
You know what I mean?
You're just unfortunately a victim of nerd bullying where a nerd finally gets to tell
somebody a thing or two because you're a pretty tough guy growing up weren't you no
i don't think you can become friends with iron mike without uh you being pretty tough looking
i mean i'm not did he punch you a few times like like light light ones but did he
punch you no but he did like he did grab my shoulders and it felt like like he could just
hold you there forever it felt like multiple people were grabbing my shoulders and like
and i was like his raw power i was like oh my god like he's like 48 and i was like you could
absolutely beat the shit out of everybody younger
than you. No question asked.
It was amazing.
Well, speaking of beating the shit out of people,
Matt Fulcher on first appearance on the show
not good at games
is going to attempt to tell us the name of this movie
and the top five
people in the correct order.
And if he does it,
I apologize in advance
to the Pittsburgh Improv
for being turned into an amphitheater.
Because the roof
is going to go.
Try not to gasp
when you think he's getting it wrong.
What's the name of the movie?
the movie's called Ghostbusters if you say so
and who are the top
five Bill people in order?
from number one to number five
is Bill Murray
Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver
possibly
Rick Moranis.
Harold Ramis.
You got the exact
right names, but the order
is wrong. It's not bad.
That's quite good, actually.
It goes Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd,
Harold Ramis, Sigourney Weaver,
because bros before
hoes.
Then Rick Moranis
because he is the key master.
And thank you so much for trying.
You went for it.
And Aaron Kleiber is our winner today.
I answered nothing.
I just played the game.
You know what?
Let the fans say that to you.
You don't have to point it out yourself.
I played.
Somebody's going to tweet mean things to you,
and I apologize.
It's cool.
I apologize in advance,
but that was a very exciting game,
and you guys all did a great job.
How are we doing on time? We got time for plugs?
Oh, let's do plugs real fast. What do you got
coming up, Aaron?
Aaron Kleiber on Twitter, right?
Yeah, just say Aaron Kleiber. K-L-I-E-B-E-R?
K-L-E-I-B-E-R.
Shit! Yeah! I before before you except in German, Doug
Okay
Yeah, I do a lot of shows at the
Arcade Comedy Theater downtown
If you guys know that place
Yeah, yeah, it's a fun little
Black Box Comedy Theater next Friday
I am riffing 80s music videos
With a couple comedians
That's fun
I really thought he said AIDS music videos.
I thought that's in very bad taste.
Just shout.
Just shout.
Yeah, doing that next Friday.
It's called Pop-Up Video Improv.
And we mentioned yesterday,
I do a movie review podcast
with Pittsburgh's movie reviewer, Sean Collier.
I don't know if you ever heard of him.
Yeah, movie review podcast. It Collier. I don't know if you ever heard of him. Yeah, movie review podcast
comes out every week called
You Can't Handle the Truth Movie Podcast.
Check that out. That's it.
Yeah, yeah. Nice plugs.
Tom, what do you got coming up?
Let's see, I do two episodes
of Your Mom's House podcast every week
with Christina Bezitsky,
my wife.
I'm doing stand-up like like, way too many places.
I'm going to Columbus, Philly, Denver, Hong Kong,
Houston, Dallas.
Nice routing.
Oklahoma City.
Matt Fulchron.
I got a podcast called The Full Charge Power Hour
I'm at The Full Charge on Twitter
and I got a CD called This is the Part of the Job I Hate
and fuck yeah
yeah and both of these
gentlemen you gonna do a guest set later
Aaron
Aaron
do you wanna do a guest set on their show
yes sir
okay all three of these gentlemen are performing in the next show here at the Improv.
So show your love and come back and see them.
Can I plug the...
I forgot to say, I have a special on Netflix.
If you have Netflix, please watch it.
Yeah.
I got something on Netflix also.
A couple of things, I think.
But yeah, Greatest Movie Ever Rolled is on Netflix.
And like I said before,
all of my tour dates are at douglosmovies.com.
Thank you, Pittsburgh.
No sound problems.
This one's going international.
People are going to hear it.
Thanks again to Eric Clyburn, Tom Segura,
Matt Fulcheron.
Let's do this again, Pittsburgh.
Oh, I need your shitheads.
Give me your shitheads.
I've ramped into the ending so confidently.
And is there a shithead on the back of your name tag, Tom?
I don't need yours, Aaron, because you won.
Can the person who made the light bright for Aaron
come up and get your schmovie and your bag of prizes?
And as always...
It's a weird
place for a mic drop. You didn't even say
anything before doing it.
You gotta make a bold statement
and then drop it and walk off.
What do you think that says?
This is from
Devin and it's
seeing
a dead body math your sister.
You saw what Sakura did, and that's a shithead?
I imagine that's a shithead, right?
Devin, how many times do we have to tell you that we love you?
And there's no reason for you to lash out?
Yes, I did see a dead body with my sister.
It's the perfect time to bring it up.
Maybe Tom will say something about it in the 7 o'clock show.
Do you do a bit about it?
No.
Way to bring it up, Devin.
And not playing the backyard brawl
is a shithead, whatever that means.
Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you.
Cause Doug loves movies.