Doug Loves Movies - Tony Hinchcliffe, Tim Brennan, Ken Reid and "Mark Wahlberg" guest
Episode Date: October 9, 2016Live from the Wilbur Theatre in Boston, Doug welcomes Tony Hinchcliffe, Tim Brennan, Ken Reid and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California ...Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds
With 50 acid-fired corn kernels in his teeth
They're still not born, then he won't see
Because Doug loves movies Is that better?
I just want everything to be...
Oh shit, this is going to be bad.
I'm all tangled up.
Hey, everybody, my name is Doug, and I love movies.
This is I Love Movies!
Coming to you, once again,
from the Wilbur Theatre in Boston! Austin!
I'm gonna spill that before the show's over. That's for damn sure.
The old drink of a music stand.
That's not gonna work out.
It's Saturday, October 8th, 2016. Let me see your massive name tags, Massive Achusetts.
I knew you'd have some big ones.
Say any who?
Say Benny thing.
Say Benny thing, because your name is Benny.
Andy and Christy make a porno.
Which one are you?
The girl one?
That's cool.
Kate Riott's day?
I get it. Katriot's day.
Chris
Army Man. I get that one.
Instead of Swiss.
Mad Meg instead of Max.
Somebody with just a big
IMBD sign.
What's your actual name? Ben DeRoche. Ben DeRoche, everybody. with just a big IMBD sign.
What's your actual name?
Ben DeRoche.
Ben DeRoche, everybody.
There's a guy with a box of donuts proudly displayed.
Yeah, and there's some light-up ones, too.
This is great.
Are there any up in the balcony?
All right, well, good luck.
Hopefully my guests have some Sherpas that'll help them scale the heights to the balcony area
and pick a name tag.
Doug plugs.
Doug Loves Movies returns to the Meltdown Comics in L.A.
this Monday night, October 10th.
Getting Doug with High goes live again this Wednesday,
I think at 115 Pacific, which would be
one time here, 415.
Right in the pocket.
That's you guys.
That's on my YouTube channel.
Doug Loves Movies is coming to
Charlotte, North Carolina next Saturday,
October 15th at the Comedy
Zone at 420. And then
Tacoma, Washington,
October 22nd. San Francisco,
October 27th.
Anaheim, October 29th. Minneapolis,
November 5th. And lots more.
Lots more dates to come.
Go to Douglovesmovies.com.
Go!
Go!
I hope
everyone in Georgia and Florida and all the other states in the path of a hurricane,
I guess now it's a tropical storm, Matthew, did they downgrade it?
Is everybody all right?
Their power's out.
You can still listen to podcasts when your power's out, right?
I guess you wouldn't be able to download it in the first place.
I guess you could do it on your phone.
Great story, Doug.
What's in the prize bag?
We've got Phil Bill Volume One.
You've heard about it for weeks.
You're sick of hearing about it.
Somebody's gonna get one.
I got some sausage party stuff still.
This is the Kristen Wiig character.
The bun that looks like a vagina.
I just grabbed this doll by its face.
Donald Trump style.
Don't let Trump stop it.
We got a koozie that says Cool Head Tech on it, whatever that is. Ooh, I saw School of Rock on Broadway again, so this is the sippy cup that I drank from,
and also the cup that I smuggled weed in to come here to Boston.
I was on At Midnight recently. Now I'm tied
for most wins of all time, so I'm
excited about that.
Ron Funches
is going to be on again next week, and he'll
win again, and he'll be in the lead again.
I don't know why I bother.
But I should just go out there and have
fun and not worry about it. But they always
give me this game Linky, so I'm
giving away another copy of that.
I think I got this.
It's kind of a cool
loot crate, DC Comics
Joker painted
wooden figure. It moves
and stuff.
I got that, I think, at the
Bruce Campbell
Horror Film Festival. I might not
have been there. I got this on a flight recently.
It's a little bag they give you with some toothpaste
and a small toothbrush in it.
And a Douglas Movies t-shirt.
Plus,
stuff brought by my guests.
Please give a big, warm welcome
to Ken Reed, Tim Brennan, and Tony Hinchcliffe!
These mic cords are coiled snake-like under the chairs.
Yeah, they're very professional here.
They do a great job with that.
I'm very happy to come back.
Let's say hi to the newbie first.
Never been on the program before,
but pretty known to Boston audiences, I'd imagine, as the lead guitarist of Drop
Kick Murphys.
It's Tim Brennan, everybody.
Hello.
Hello, Boston.
Thank you.
Pleasure to be here.
So psyched to have you on the show.
We've been friends since i met you at a
music concert it was a was it the first time we met was in philadelphia at the uh thing there
yeah that's right yeah wmr had a rock afternoon and uh uh dropkick orifice played and we hung out
it was lovely uh and uh i was lovely. I bet you guys
got stoned at that.
You think? Yeah.
I bet you guys smoked pots.
Actually, we
watched Jurassic Park on the bus
and ate pizza
and Doug might have taken a nap
for a minute.
It's like getting stoned without the actual drugs.
I don't remember any of that.
But yeah, so thank you for being
on the show. You're a movie buff, so you
think you'll be okay in the
game portion of the show? Yeah, I mean
obviously it depends on the category
and, you know, actor
question or whatever, but it's entirely
possible it could go my way.
Today I'm going mostly with Irish boxing films.
Let's just wrap it up right now.
Okay.
Also joining us, headlining here tonight at the Wilbur,
great timing, it's Tony Hinchcliffe, everybody.
Fuck yeah. Yeah. It's Tony Hinchcliffe everybody
Good to be here as always Doug. Yeah, it's a great coinkydink that you have a show later. Is anybody coming back to see Tony's?
Wow, that's a huge crossover. I knew there'd be a big crossover. I I had two shows the rest of you You know, you should think about it. Tickets on sale right after the show, 7pm.
Yeah, did you hear those people outside
of there? You should be too.
Get your shit together,
Boston.
There's stuff on the stage all of a sudden.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know, your poster, you can take that back,
but I got it.
This just looks too fancy to ignore.
I'm going to talk about it after we meet our third guest today
because he's been on the show before.
I just finally did his podcast, TV Guidance Counselor.
Let's hear it for Ken Reed, everybody.
Boston Comedy Phenom.
You're good at the games.
This is going to be a competitive day today.
I'm here to win.
I'm here to win.
Yeah, I think it's going to be exciting.
But look at this.
Somebody made a really nice bag.
It's nicer than this piece of shit CVS bag I brought.
A really nice bag that's got the logo,
but they changed it to Doug Loves Prizes.
Wow.
And it's got a cute little prize at the end.
A prize that spits urine
apparently. There's a little yellow... I don't know what that's supposed to be.
But no, it's just a delightful prize and then the bag has got another bag in it.
That's a prize. I'm gonna keep that one. That's fucking crazy. You don't need a bag in a bag. Oh, wait, and then there's another bag.
Wow.
It's like a clown car for bags.
Merry weapons.
Wow, I wonder what's in those bags.
Well, you guys, this is the show.
They're wound up.
Yeah, it's just an unboxing.
It's an unbagging.
You gave someone who's potentially high bags within bags.
Do you understand how dangerous that is?
I love that you even qualified it with potentially high.
Well I didn't wanna, I didn't wanna intervene.
There's a chance with Doug Walks on stage at 422 that he just came from the hotel.
Well you did drive a school bus here full of children so I had hopes.
This is gonna be just a nightmare transforming everything.
But that's
very nice of you. Does the person who gave me this
stuff, do you want to be acknowledged by name?
I'm good. You're good?
Wow. I'll take my answer off the air.
Just a silent benefactor.
Just making
specialized bags for people.
There better be a Tony
Hinchcliffe bag on the stage when he comes out tonight.
Yeah.
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, bag man.
I like this guy.
Do you own a baggerdashery?
I think that's the term for a bag store.
I don't know why they made me these bags, but they're really nice.
I'll definitely make them future prize bags, but someone's getting one of them tonight,
and I'm getting rid of this CVS bag.
You've gone from bags to riches.
This CVS bag can go audition for American Beauty 2.
I'll never get tired of that reference.
All right.
What did you guys bring for the bag?
Let's go down the line.
Ken's got the most bulky bag.
I do get a bulky bag.
Thank you.
First of all, I have the TV guide that Doug and I discussed on my show that comes from Doug's personal collection.
This is the 2000 full preview.
So that's going in there.
Yeah.
We talked about all this shit.
We talked about the Michael Richards show, the Geena Davis show.
Yeah.
John Goodman puts his hand on his face show.
Yeah, that's John Goodman as a grown-up Kevin McAllister.
That was a very short-lived Home Alone show.
There's a show of a shirt from Skeksis from The Dark Crystal.
Oh, that's pretty nice.
That's a good thing.
I have a...
I'm going to hang on to this.
You can keep that. I have a copy of my album.
Jesus, it's Skeksie fur all over the top.
I was about to say, it's covered in dog hair, so you get to take that home with you as well.
My dog's been sleeping on that shirt for about six months.
I forgot to...
He was pissed that I took it on the way out of the house, but you can have that.
Covered in slobber.
Copy of my album and some pins here.
You got to say the name of the album.
It's called The Vanity Project Volumes.
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a...
It's a little bit of a... It's a little bit of a... It's a little bit of a... It's a little bit of a... It's a little bit of a... but you can have that. Covered in slobber. Copy of my album and some pins here.
You gotta say the name of the album.
It's called The Voting Project, Volume 1, Hollywoodland.
Available where all digital music and comedy is sold.
This is a press kit from the movie Hard Bodies
that I think you will enjoy.
I have a set of lobby cards
from the John Ritter movie Hero at Large.
It's pretty exciting.
I have a script from the film Hero at Large starring John Ritter.
If you want to reenact scenes from Hero at Large with John Ritter,
if you're not a fan of that, there's a script from Outside Providence
and one from Doc Hollywood.
Jesus, fancy bags over here.
Why'd you bring everything you own?
Oh God, this is not even...
And then there's some posters from some 80s titty movies, including one with Pamela Adlon in which she turns into a boy, called I Was a Teenage Boy.
So, enjoy that, everybody.
Okay.
Has anybody ever won the show right after exposing their bag?
Because that's an amazing bag.
I'd like to see the process of you standing over that giant pile of shit that you have in your house.
Yeah, cause dude's been to my house.
While you're going through and selecting what's good enough to keep.
I'll tell you how it works.
And what's good enough to give away as a prize?
It's what's on the top layer.
Oh, I forgot.
You forgot the Problem Child 2.
The crown jewel.
Visor.
That's amazing.
I wanted that to be a little Easter egg in there.
It's a Problem Child 2 promotion.
I'm one of Donald Trump's advisors.
I feel like the kid from Problem Child'm one of Donald Trump's advisors. Yes.
I feel like the kid from Problem Child would work for Donald Trump
if he were able to do so.
Yeah, I just take the top layer of stuff in my house
so I can get to my socks.
This is clearly the dog's bed that you brought today.
Yep.
What do you got for the bag there, Tim?
I have a handful of Dropkick Murphy stuff.
I have a...
Thank you.
You don't have to see what it is yet.
It might be their garbage records.
I have a vinyl copy of our latest album,
Signed and Sealed and Blooded.
It has the song Rose Tattoo on it.
The boys are back.
As well as our Christmas
song, The Season's
Upon Us, which is
hilarious.
I also have...
I was listening to the
covers channel on
SiriusXM, and
you guys did a cover of
Bruce Springsteen's song. That's true, we did.
Which one was it?
Probably Badlands.
Yes.
Yeah.
Uh,
that's a perfect lead in.
I have a,
I have,
yeah,
point.
I have a,
uh,
moot as hell these days,
CD copy of,
uh,
going out in style,
which is our record that has Bruce Springsteen on it,
singing out a song.
I have a Christmas ornament that says, Merry Christmas, you bastards, on it.
That'll be nice on the tree.
And then I have a, I got a t-shirt celebrating our 20 years as a band recently. And then I have a hat signed by legendary Boston Bruins player Bobby Orr.
And then the creme de la creme, I have a handful of stickers that say Hanks for President on them.
With a picture of Tom Hanks.
You can have those. Put them up wherever you like.
Well, it seems like...
It's the movie Oddballs.
Everyone remembers that film.
It's the summer camp movie.
Let's see what the tagline was for Oddballs.
The summer camp
where the nuts are on the loose.
Yep.
Oddballs.
Fantastic video store staple
odd balls shot in Canada.
It's hard to pull off testicle humor.
It just doesn't appeal to anyone.
Alright, what do you got for us there, Tony?
Tough to compete with Bobby Orr
autographs, ball caps, and whatnot.
Who likes the Boston Red Sox, huh?
Yeah, me too.
I have a glow stick here.
I never use this.
I went to Joshua Tree a couple weeks ago
with some friends,
some of the best comedians in the world,
and this is an uncracked glow stick
that was with me when I did Mushrooms with some of the best up-and-coming comedians in the world and this is an uncracked glow stick that was with me when I did mushrooms with some of the best up-and-coming comedians on
the planet. I have some really good snacks in here. Lenny and Larry's
complete cookie. Some great fancy LA snacks just flew in today.
This deck of cards here is a real deck of cards. It says Aristocrat on it. This is a deck of cards
that's been played on by
you know, Joe Rogan,
Jeff Ross, Sarah Silverman.
You guys like Bobby Orr?
Huh? I
played with this deck of cards.
So it's a great deck of cards.
Sometimes having fun playing
cards, your mouth can get parched. That's why I always
bring a can of tonic water to every
Doug Loves Movies that I go to. Everybody
loves it. The water's refreshing,
but the tonic makes you feel like there's a little bit of
a party going on there.
And also, automatically,
if you win, you get
seven free tickets to my show
at 7 p.m. tonight.
Seven free tickets. Seven tickets, so
you gotta make some friends.
You gotta loaders come to my show.
Pass that stuff down, dude.
I brought some of the fucking
Oh no!
Austin, where you at?
This isn't true.
I assume he's with you, Tim.
I can't believe it. This is the third show in a row Mark Wahlberg is...
I hate to use the Denzel movie to describe you, but you're unstoppable.
Fuckin' A't a fuckin' idea. I mean, what brings you to Boston seems like a silly question.
You probably just come home every time you get a chance, right?
No. Tommy B's back in town for the Patriots and I'm back too, baby. Let's do this shit.
Sorry, do you think I'm gonna let you have a competition in my town and me not be here to fucking win it?
Whoa, he's throwing it down, gentlemen.
That's actually a law in Boston. It's not him.
You gotta throw it down? If there's a competition, Mark Wahlberg has to participate.
Oh, okay.
Menino passed that.
He died.
Oh, what do you got for the prize pay?
How you guys doing?
You doing good?
Something normal people do?
It's a pumpkin decorating kit.
And if you've had some legal troubles and you can't own a knife,
it's just little stickers you can put on.
I thought you were gonna say it's a disguise you can use if you have legal troubles.
You're trying to get out of town. That works too.
Okay.
It's pretty much just stickers you can put on anything. Doesn't really have to be a pumpkin.
This is like a business dad gift, you know?
Dropped into the airport gift shop and picked it up.
I've touched it so it's worth a lot more money than whatever it's worth.
Well, thank you for being here, man.
You're welcome.
Deep Water Horizon.
Fucking A.
In theaters now.
Fucking, we beat the shit out of the ocean.
I don't think that's the purpose.
That's it. I'll fight the ocean that whole fucking
movie. Okay.
Maybe that's the problem.
You should be helping the ocean.
We helped it too, but it started at first.
Gotta break it down to build it up,
though. Alright, that's
another good point.
So I've been toying with the idea of doing on the show a segment where I just sort of like talk with my guests about movies where
dogs are mistreated. Wait, the movies they're mistreated or dogs are mistreated while you
talk to us about movies? Yeah, we don't bring out a dog. I mean it.
Just wanted to make sure I knew what I was agreeing to.
No, it's anti...
You know how, like, I just have friends
that they just wish they'd have known
about a dog dying or being treated badly in a movie
because they would just not see that movie.
Or at least prepare themselves for the situation.
How many different movies have you covered on this thing?
How many movies have dogs get beat up?
Oh, it's crazy how often dogs get fucked up.
Because since I started thinking about it, I've seen maybe three or four movies where if I were a dog nut, I'd be beside myself.
And I love dogs, so I'm not happy about it.
But I understand why it's used for dramatic purposes.
And that dogs don't really get killed.
But still some people don't want to see it. So a guy named Zombie Studio suggested that I call the
segment K911, which was not part 11 in the Jim Belushi series. All right, maybe K911. But the point is... Starting with you, Ken,
I think you may have just suggested one already,
but what do you think is a movie that
if people haven't seen it, they should be warned
that there's some dog trauma?
Well, Moonrise Kingdom is a great dramatic movie.
Oh, exactly. That's a great example of it.
And I don't know what it is with Wes Anderson
and the fucking dog killing.
Yeah, every movie. And out of nowhere,
you'll get halfway through the movie,
and you're like, the dog's, no, he just killed him.
Yeah, it's weird.
All right, so that's a great example.
Don't watch any Wes Anderson movies.
That's the K-9-1-1.
See, it's a fun segment.
Tim, what's the movie where a dog gets fucked up?
I was watching, I mean, it's pretty quick.
I was watching No Country for Old Men the other day,
and there's the scene where the dog's chasing after him
and he has to shoot the thing.
And the whole time, you're sort of conflicted.
You know, he's getting ready, he's readying the gun
to kill this dog while the thing's running at him.
You don't want to kill the dog,
but you don't want the dog to kill poor, good the thing's running at him. You don't want him to kill the dog, but you don't want the dog to kill
poor, good-looking Josh Brolin
either. Yeah, that's a real
lose-lose. Yeah.
What a choice
between a dog and Josh Brolin. Yeah,
exactly. But I mean, off the top of my head, I can't
think of... I'm one of those people who
changes the channel when the commercials come on.
As soon as I see that first poor dog
sitting in the snow or whatever.
Sarah McLachlan.
I'm out of there.
So I'm one of those people who
has trouble watching that sort of thing.
So you need this segment
so you can be warned.
I do need to be warned, absolutely.
Alright, well give him one, Tony.
What movie should he not watch?
Does the dog have to get killed?
No.
Sometimes the dog will show up later with a cast on its leg
and it's cute.
You know, you feel okay about it,
but I still don't like that.
I'm going to take this opportunity to drop one of my
favorite movies of this year.
I'm not going to go deep at all,
and I'm going to give a shout out to a movie called
Don't Breathe.
Have you seen this fucking thing?
There's lots to spoil in that movie.
One really big thing you could spoil in that movie.
I'm not going to spoil it then, I guess.
Maybe I should have gone with a more historical dog beating.
No, but it's good to know that there's some dog activity in Don't Breathe.
Because that's certainly not how it's being sold.
It's being sold as a lying guy killing a bunch of kids.
Which I'm
fine with. Yeah.
They're trying to rob him.
Kill the fuck out of him. Wait, does the blind
guy have a dog?
Yep.
Is that the twist?
You want to ruin this whole fucking movie?
It's all over now.
The dog was the actual killer the entire time.
The working title was Don't Bark.
It started as a Daredevil sequel and...
Couldn't get...
Speaking of barking...
Barking...
Bark?
Bark! What's the last, uh, or what's a good example of a dog?
Any dogs die in any of your movies?
Yeah, fear.
Oh, that's right, you kill the dog in fear!
I don't fucking kill the dog.
Okay?
The dog, a lot of people don't know this, they cut the scene out, the dog was terminally ill and wanted to go.
It was a make-a-wish for him, right?
I believe that you should choose when you're done.
So, that dog went. But it happens in fear. They just left out the part where we, you know, talk about how great his life has been.
The dog looks at me.
The dog's like, I'm ready to go.
I think I'm ready to go right now.
But you don't see that in the fucking movie,
so it's a little harsh.
Has Donnie chosen when he's going to be done?
I'll tell you this, Donnie.
Every day I look at him and I'm like,
dude, you're like,
you just keep kicking, man.
You're like a kid lost at sea.
You just keep fucking kicking. like you just keep kicking man. You're like a kid lost at sea
You gotta give them that. Is that a Life of Pi reference?
No, just a tiger who eats all the other animals though. Call them jungle dogs. Nice
So yeah, fear's got one in. But I tell you right away, you see that shit coming,
you're like, this fucking asshole dog, it's getting it.
That's the way I saw it.
Okay, yeah, I guess I should do a whole other version
of this, dogs that deserve to die.
Oh, yeah, that's...
Now we're doing
I mean, they all go to heaven, so it's not a big deal.
But...
Chomps. I mean, they all go to heaven, so it's no big deal.
Chomps.
That's a robot dog.
My real dog that I didn't like the way how it was treated is in a movie
that's kind of entertaining,
but then they ruin it with the being mean to the dog,
and it's called the wiener dog.
And they do something to the dog just for shock value,
and I was just
like i actually said i'm not you and i was the only person in the theaters that's why i had
that kind of nerve got your point across though that was i really did you were right i heard
myself loud and clear nobody else could be confused for getting that fuck you. Yeah.
All right, so I'll probably never bring that subject up again.
Oh, man, I had so many in the chamber on that list.
I only needed one.
But there's lots of classic ones, of course.
Yeah.
You know, which you sort of know about. But, yeah, that's tricky.
I don't like when little kids are messed with either, you know.
But for some reason it happens less than the dogs.
Like a lot of times the hero's dog, that's the final straw.
You know what I mean?
You kill my mom, my girlfriend, and then my dog, and that's where they stand.
Because that's the best friend, not those relatives and wives.
Well, you choose your dog. You're stuck with the other people.
Exactly.
We're all in arranged marriages.
Arranged marriages, yes. Okay.
Let's start down there on the other end with Mark.
Have you seen the movie since I last saw you?
What was the last movie you saw?
I mean, I went and saw Deepwater Horizon again.
Do you, like, jump out and, like, you know, give a special surprise to a few of the audience members?
Like, just suddenly say one of the lines right in somebody's ear?
No, usually what I'll do, I'll just come at the end so I can join in for the standing ovation.
Mark, it's people getting up to leave the theater. The film is over.
Well, they're still fucking clapping. Because they think they might turn off if they clap.
I don't want to do that. That movie fucking destroys the ocean. How does it hold up against
Perfect Storm, your other water-based movie? I mean, it's pretty fucking good. This one's better because I didn't have to grow a beard
so you can see more of my face.
And it also doesn't have Clooney
trying to fucking hog the screen.
Yeah, you really like it.
If there's somebody else on the screen with you,
it has to be small or a robot.
Yeah, or they die off.
The original title for one of my other movies
was Everyone Survivor.
And I was like, no, these fuckers gotta go.
It's based on a real thing.
Yeah, dude.
Riggins was supposed to live in that movie.
And I was like, fuck you, Riggins.
You're dead.
Don't you mean John Carter from Mars?
I don't know.
He was in Varsity Blue Nighttime or whatever the fuck it was.
Friday Night Lights. Tony, what was the last movie you saw?
Last movie I saw was a little newbie. I don't want to give anything away. It's called Don't Breathe.
See, that's how often dogs are getting fucked with, is it's the answer to two
questions. Yeah, and that's
why it's the last movie that I've seen, is because
after that dog beating in that movie,
I'm like... You're not going to see anything else again.
Because that's not what I mean by what was the last movie you saw.
I don't think it's going to be the last movie you
see. Not like last week. For life.
I just mean most recent.
We're tired from the movie game now.
But yeah, it was Don't Breathe.
And I absolutely fucking loved it.
I saw a documentary called Tickled.
Which is an absolute fucking must see.
An absolute must see.
What if you don't like being tickled?
Is it about Elmo?
You're gonna love it.
You're gonna fucking love it.
No.
There is a Tickle Me Elmo movie.
But like a documentary. Have you seen Tickle Me Elmo movie, but like a documentary.
Have you seen Tickle, Doug?
I haven't.
It's the most unbelievable shit.
Who's seen it?
It's just about people that like pay money to get tickled?
It's got twists that you will not believe.
I am the doctor of documentaries, and this is one of the best documentaries I've ever seen in my entire life
Tickle you can take that this what's funny about this one is this has more twists and spoilers than
Don't breathe, but you absolutely have to see it. Let's put it to you this way There's people that offered people money online like on Craigslist like hey well money hundred bucks get tickled people are like
I'm broke as fuck. I need a hundred bucks. I'll do anything. I. Get tickled. People are like, I'm broke as fuck.
I need 100 bucks.
I'll do anything.
I'll get tickled.
I'll go see what this is.
I don't really feel right about it.
Turns out they videotape you getting tickled for the 100 bucks, but you're already there,
so you're like, fuck it.
And then they have you and your information and you on video being tickled.
And what can they do with that video?
Go see the movie.
It's unbelievable.
All right.
Tim?
I want to address this tickling thing real quick.
I'm not a big fan of tickling in general,
but I don't know if there's anybody here
that lives in the Alston
Brighton area.
We've got some college students.
A couple of summers ago,
we had a problem on our
hands.
There was a guy that was
sneaking into people's bedrooms at night.
He wasn't
taking anything.
He would just go up to a sleeping person
tickle their feet
while they were asleep
and then as they woke up
scoot his way out of the bedroom
and out of their lives forever
everyone kept on reporting it
he was dubbed
he was dubbed the bright tickler
oh okay
and he remains
he's not stealing anything he's not a bandit.
And he remains at large to this day.
Mark starred in a movie about that summer.
Is it okay to break that?
Yeah, Mark, you are in a movie
about the Bright Tickler. It's in development,
I heard, at least.
If there's a movie in development, I'm involved.
Especially one set in Boston.
Peter Berg and I are going to fucking make that movie.
The tickler's still out there, though? He never got caught?
Nope, never got caught.
He could be in this room right now.
Smell everybody's fingertips.
I had a plan once I heard about it.
I was waiting for that guy to come and try to tickle me.
There's a very narrow space in between the wall of my bedroom and my bed. He would have had quite the time getting out of there. I would have got him.
He's just sleeping with his feet hanging out the window?
Oh yeah. Come and get me. I got giant feet too.
I don't know if you noticed, I have giant feet too,
so it was like a big payday for that guy.
Is that though, or is that like too easy prey?
Like he wants really tiny feet that are difficult.
I mean, I would have to assume that he would think the bigger the better.
It was a big about his air conditioner.
Not exactly the whale.
Was it like any age group, any sex? I don't think he discriminated, exactly. The white whale. Was it like any age group?
Any sex?
Like he just would...
I don't think he discriminated, Doug.
I guess once you get into a house,
you just find the first feet you can.
If you had feet and you were asleep,
he was tickling them.
Well, he doesn't run from room to room
in a house and get the whole family.
No, I don't think so.
A master bedroom only, I think.
I think it was viral marketing for a new
sock company. Those guys seem to have scruples
at least. You'd probably stay out of
the kid's room, I imagine, but
who's to say, really? That's a whole other
problem on your list. Fuck this, dude. I'm gonna buy a house
today. I'm gonna open
the fucking window. I'm gonna wait. When that son of a bitch
comes in, I'm gonna be like, you're in the jungle now,
motherfucker.
And you know what? Much like today, you will never hear from that guy again I picture when they catch this guy they open the trunk of his car there's just all like feathers in there
and all kinds of like tickling paraphernalia I picture it to be Mark Wahlberg
yeah but the last movie I saw
was
X-Men
Apocalypse
I saw the other night
I tried to see that the last time I was in Boston
really?
it didn't work out for me
oh that's right
yeah
we had just gotten home from tour
So I was half asleep
I have a foggy recollection of it
But then in the theater I saw Sausage Party
But then other than that I haven't been watching
Yeah, Sausage Party
I think it's getting a limited re-release right now
I think I heard
Oh, good for them
I'm hearing things
It's on the street.
It's a word on the street.
Yeah.
Tim.
I'm sorry, I already asked you.
Ken.
I'm in my 31 Halloween movies for 31 days kick.
And so, all right, Halloween.
So last night I rewatched Something Wicked This Way Comes, which is a fantastic movie.
You like that thing?
Love that movie.
And then I also
watched Alex Winter's
documentary Deep Web this week.
Okay, so you got
your one horror movie in. Yeah.
And then you watched a documentary.
By Bill from Bill and Ted Narrative
by Keanu Reeves about the Silk Road.
What?
Yeah.
Let me tell you something.
Do you think this morbid son of a bitch is keeping it just to this time of year to watch these weird horror movies out of your mind?
It's all year round.
I just tell people about it in October.
Just backstage, he was commenting about how a production box would fit a body.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
So, as long as it is October, I guess I might as well start asking that question.
What's a great scary movie people should check out?
They might not be aware of.
Little known movie, although it's getting some more notice these days.
Scariest movie I've ever seen, Tourist Trap.
Yeah.
1980, rated PG, Tonya Roberts, Chuck Connors.
Terrifying movie, better than Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Rated PG? Rated PG. Tonya Roberts, Chuck Connors. Terrifying movie. Better than
Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Rated PG?
Rated PG, yeah.
How did they kill people by
tickling the bottom of their feet today?
What's the murder method?
Chuck Connors is a psychokinetic
murderer who uses
mannequins that he controls to
terrify people.
Yeah, it's scary.
You watch it and then you laugh.
I think I am going to
watch it and laugh from the sound of it.
Alright, it's terrifying.
Alright.
That concludes that round of
harsh questioning. Sorry for all
those hard calls.
You guys did a great job.
Nobody deflected.
Nobody came up with excuses.
I like that.
Have you guys noticed that?
Look at that flashing light over there.
There's like a camera, someone taking pictures.
They're professional, I'm sure.
But they have this big light that flashes several times
that has a kind of a get off the stage vibe to it.
Oh, we're going long?
Yeah, it's been driving me crazy because I keep thinking it's a signal of some kind.
But it turns out you gotta get a lot of pictures of four guys sitting in the same position for...
I know I feel like...
The producers are just taking a picture of one guy, Doug.
Oh, that's true.
It is called Doug Loves Babies.
And this is the part of the show where Bert turns it off
because I say, let the games begin.
We got lots of name tags to choose from.
While you do that, we'll do this.
We'll be right back.
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Hey you guys, there's no ad in this episode.
I just wanted to take a moment while name tags are being chosen to thank you for listening.
Thank you for your continued support.
And be sure to check out my new show pitch off on screen junkies plus i think you
can still see the first episode for free but then uh you gotta buy screen junkies plus to watch the
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I bet you ScreenJunkiesPlus.com will get you there
and get you all the details.
Thanks again.
Back to the show.
All right, we're back.
That was a long one.
I hope you picked good name tags.
We'll start with you, Ken.
I picked this one up on the balcony.
It's Kelly Comes to Frogtown,
which is a parody of, obviously,
Hell Comes to Frogtown,
Roddy Piper's second best role.
And she put, is it a she, Kelly?
Yeah, you put Mark Wahlberg and me on there, but I'm a lady with boobs.
Yes.
Yes.
Like Sandal Berkman in the actual movie.
All right.
What do you got there, Tim?
You know, I was drawn to the Uncle Buck
thing here
but then realized just
doesn't seem like a ton of effort
was put into this one
you should pick another one that's amazing
so this guy's
name is Uncle J.
Bucko apparently
he didn't refute it.
Anybody?
That's that guy over there.
What's your name, sir?
Jay.
Jay Bucko.
Jay Bucko.
Okay, perfect.
Jay Bucko, yeah.
You said it just right.
Here I am, thinking I'm missing something.
Yeah.
Are you an uncle?
Yes, I am.
Okay, so it's accurate.
He's an uncle.
Your name's Bucko?
Jay Bucko. Jay Bucko. Jay Buck. Wow, school it's accurate. He's an uncle. Your name's Bucko? J. Bucko.
J. Buck.
Wow, school shooter.
But so there's Uncle J. Bucko.
Doug, there's you.
You're actually Macaulay Culkin.
And Mark Wahlberg is the father.
J. Underwood playing Bug.
Wow, people really counted on Wahlberg showing up today.
That they did.
Yeah.
Just making dreams come true, Doug.
Tony,
who you got? You know, I always like to go out and get deep in with the
people, you know, connect with some of the poorest
people in the audience to see what kind
of sign that perhaps they made.
And I went deep in the gullets.
You know, Sam Locke, we were close, my friend.
You know, with your wrinkly shirt.
I went, I ended up, I gave everybody a shot,
but in the end, I ended up going with the one
that caught my eye very first.
That's, I believe her name must be Carrie.
With Scary Movie 3.
Very, very efficient LED lighting here,
including Doug, if you see these two joints
lit up with a red LED light.
Presidential booth, Dunkin' Donuts.
Who loves Dunkin' Donuts?
I do.
You see that?
That's my one thing that I've gotten since being here in Boston,
that Dunkin' Donuts right there.
They hand that to you at the airport like a lei in Hawaii?
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a guy holding a sign that has a tray next to it,
and then he tickles your feet.
There's a bunch of Doug faces on there.
There's no Tony faces.
Some people made name tags with your face on them.
No, they didn't.
Yeah, they did.
Where?
There's one right here.
Chris Army Man.
Carrie, come get this piece of shit out of my hand.
Can I switch?
That's me in a donut box!
What the fuck?
Just out.
Can I have multiples?
I think you should stick with the first one you pick, but...
Done with his rules, guys.
He's the law and order host.
It seems too mean to switch it out,
but it's a good one
She put a lot of work into it. Yeah
These LED lights go out during the show I'm switching
She put four hours into hers Carrie how much did you put in yours?
Couple hours. Oh that's that she's being bragging
I didn't need four hours. You formed this out. You hadggadocious. A little more less today's goal.
I didn't need four hours.
You formed this out. You had someone do this for you, didn't you?
Yep.
Are you an elementary school teacher?
Kids, we've got a special project.
This man smokes too much drugs.
Billy, your spliffs aren't rolled correctly.
Do it again.
These are his faces on drugs.
Mark, what do you got?
I grabbed two.
Wait, how can you... Well, one is just an honorable mention.
Okay.
This is the best fucking looking poster out there.
Because it's a Mark Wahlberg poster.
Yep.
And he changed three letters from Ted to Tom.
If you don't fuck that, he changed two fucking letters.
Unless it's a different...
It is a different font, so technically he fucking changed it.
Honorable mention.
It's laminated, too, so you can take that anywhere.
My fucking person, they know a good fucking word when they say it,
and it's a Dunkin' Donuts box, and it says, look good, feel good.
And then it has the greatest fortune cookie thing of all time.
Want to do a line?
I don't know what her name is, but I just...
She was too pretty to eat all these fucking donuts.
There's a Reese's one in there, too, and those are...
Well, somebody's going to get that thrown at their face in about five minutes.
Wait, so whose name tag did you choose?
Right here. Look good, feel good. Wanted to align.
I think her name's Duncan.
You know what?
What's her name? What's your name?
Jane?
Kate!
Kate!
I Kate you.
Does your name appear on that box anywhere?
No.
That's not a name tag.
Kate skipped the first day at name tag school.
Yeah, that's where they really lay out the whole part
about putting your name on there somewhere.
Bad news, Kate.
Bad news, Kate.
You cannot win now.
Yeah.
The good news is you just got 14 free donuts
from Dunkin' Donuts.
That's literally the only criteria
for a name tag that you missed.
Alright, fuck it. You want to go with Tom?
Yeah!
I just want you to pick
someone and stay with it.
Like, just bring one
back to the stage with you.
This is why arranged marriages work.
back to the stage with you.
This is why arranged marriages work.
Who are you playing for, Mark?
Wow.
Hey, you want to know something?
Nobody fucking bullies me.
I'm going with Kate.
Yes!
How's that for a twist?
Is that better than tickle?
That's a true New England attitude right there.
Damn.
What are you, from Rhode Island?
Fucking yelling at me like that.
Yeah, no more yelling.
I want it quiet in here.
Oh, that guy wants a donut?
That I'll do.
Oh my god, he caught it in his mouth.
Yeah.
He jumped up like an orca.
Just hurling donuts into the darkness.
Man, that's like throwing a donut in the dark.
Good luck.
That's a new phrase I'm going to use all the time.
Alright, so yeah, anytime you feel like throwing a donut, guys, there's plenty of them.
Ugh, we're in donut country.
More like dunkin' thrownuts.
Will somebody please throw a donut at my face?
No, don't.
Don't do it.
I think you can go on Craigslist and get paid $100 an hour
for people to throw donuts at your face.
It's true. You should see the documentary.
The first game we're going to play today
is a little something called
Characters Welcome.
I'm going to name characters
played by one movie star.
And you can guess as often as you'd like.
First person to name the right person is the winner.
No audience guesses, please.
Who played Holden Spence?
This person also played Jack Feller.
Benedict Cumberbatch.
Just always wanted to say that.
Monty Brogan.
Kevin Smith.
Walter Fane.
Can we guess more than once?
Yeah, as often as you want.
That's why I said guess as often as you want.
Steve Buscemi.
Oh, this person also played
in a motion picture Traffic Cop?
Oh, Kevin James.
Mike Shiner?
Oh, here's a good one.
Sammy Bagel Jr.?
Edward Norton.
What's that?
Edward Norton.
That's correct from Sausage Party!
I didn't think any of that guest would have seen Sausage Party just recently.
You earned a donut throw.
He's also played Lester Murphy, Nelson Rockefeller Sheldon Mopes
Scoutmaster
Randy Ward in that dog killing
movie
Aaron Stampler slash
Ray or Roy
he was a multiple personality guy
in Primal Fear
was that what it was called?
he got nominated for an Oscar for that
and then I was going to say last if it got down to it but you you pulled it off tim brennan i was going to say bruce banner
as the last name because i would really give it away i think and the reason i picked edward
norton is because he was born in boston but raised elsewhere um that's why he's successful
yeah that's wait what oh no i wasn't saying it like a burn. I was saying it more like, you know,
because who knows that?
I don't know.
I didn't know that.
He fucking hightailed it to Maryland.
Let's play Whose Tagline Is It Anyway?
We'll start with Tim because he won that last game.
And then we'll go to Tony.
You know the rest.
Mark and Ken.
I've got some time.
I'm going to eat a donut.
Yeah.
You're going to eat a donut or throw a donut?
He's been eyeing that Reese's donut ever since it showed up.
Oh, the old eat and throw.
I haven't even tried to get one up in the balcony yet.
One for you, one for me.
I gotta try to do a balcony one.
You gonna go up top?
Go fucking yard, Doug.
Go fucking yard.
Go fucking yard, Doug.
Toss that shit like a brick through a window.
Fuck yeah.
It's up there.
Wait, we're in Boston.
Let's deflate these donuts a little bit.
You'll get better.
Boo.
Don't you fucking dare.
Don't you fucking dare.
Boo.
This really isn't that good, this donut.
Does anyone want a donut I took a bite out of?
Because you're getting it.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh.
Some serious
donut throwing liberties. Take a bite out of it and
throw it like it's a grenade. Yeah, I built a
donut throwing yard like in American Ninja
Warrior. My backyard is just a donut field.
Practicing.
We still have so many
donuts. After every
donut assault, there's still more.
You know, there's homeless people
outside starving.
But the thing is, do you just give them a box of
donuts? That doesn't seem...
That seems cruel. I don't think they care
about their health. They're hungry.
Plus, you never know. They might just be drug addicts.
Give them a donut and they throw the donut.
You're like, what the fuck, dude?
Yeah.
Most of them just use the money to buy donuts anyway.
In fact.
Tim,
what movie
has the tagline
a new breed of superhero
will be revealed?
Could be about 50 different movies.
A new breed of superhero will be revealed.
No whispering, no looking at your phones.
A new breed of superhero.
Go get that phone. is about to be revealed.
What?
I was just repeating the tagline.
Okay.
Buying time.
Is that the tagline for...
If anybody needs to buy time,
just stand up and throw a donut while you're thinking.
Does it transfer to me next?
If he doesn't get it, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, sh...
Oh, Franko!
I wish Congress had to filibuster that way.
As long as you're throwing donuts donuts we can't vote on this.
America's built on Duncan. America runs on Duncan, that's it.
Which just sounds like a diarrhea reference. Yeah. America squirts on Duncan. You got a guess, Tim?
I'm going to say...
Let me narrow it down for you.
It's a superhero movie.
It's based on DC or Marvel Comics?
One of the two?
I'm going to take a stab.
I don't want to narrow it down that far.
I'm going to take a stab and say
The Avengers Age of Ultron.
Incorrect.
Tony? I'm going to take a stab and say The Avengers Age of Ultron. Incorrect. Tony?
I'm going to say it's that new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.
That was a discus technique.
I'm guessing I'm wrong by it.
You're wrong, Mark.
Mark.
Mark.
I'm going to let you say that about three more times Wolverine
Huh?
Wolverine
No
Underdog
That wouldn't be a bad line for that one
A new breed
Should've been
A new breed
Thought you were going for a dog thing
That should've been the line Perfect for that one. A new breed. Thought you were going for a dog thing.
That should have been the line.
It's perfect for it.
Yeah.
That's so stupid.
It's so stupid.
The actual answer is dumb now.
Dumb now?
What the fuck is that?
It's the prequel to Dumber Dumber.
No, the answer to this one is kick ass.
Kick ass, yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Right?
What are you guys, Family Feud?
Show me kick-ass!
All right, so we start again with you, Tim.
Since nobody got it.
No one's going to get this one either.
Just when you think you've found the right guy, someone even worse comes along.
W. Tony
I'm just hot for Josh Brolin today
my favorite Van Halen song
um
wait didn't you already guess?
No.
Can you read it one more time?
Oh!
That's an interesting technique he's using here.
He's mind-tricking you.
You said W.
Oh, okay.
Well, yeah.
Yep, that was my guess.
W.
I thought I was a great fucking guest.
Yeah.
I didn't need to hear another guess.
I'm guessing this is in the
rom-com genre, which is my,
you know, my,
I don't have that much strength in this field.
But,
I'm gonna go with, like, I don't know,
Bridget Jones's
Diary or something like that. I don't know,
one of those weird fucking
creepy Renee Zellweger movies
or something like that. Can I just take creepy Rene Zellweger movies or something like that.
Can I just take all Rene
Zellweger movies? Guess that real quick?
Mark. Okay.
Can you read it one more time, Dan?
Yes. Thank you.
I can read it again too for you, Ken, if you need it.
Fuck, Ken.
I don't need it. too for you, Ken, if you need it. Fuck, Ken. I don't need it.
Just when you
think you've found the right guy,
someone even worse
comes along.
That's an unfair hint.
Mr. Holland's opus.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Nope, nope, nope.
It was something like that.
Okay.
I'm gonna read it again for Ken, but this time I'm gonna do a different voice.
Just when you think you've found the right guy,
somebody that works comes along.
Good luck, Chuck.
That is not a bad guess either.
Those are all terrific. Why doesn't a movie company hire me to write these taglines?
Because clearly I'm coming up with better ones for the movies.
This was from a film called Murphy's Romance.
Murphy's Romance Murphy's Romance
starring Sally Field and James Garner
I've never even heard of that movie
So we'll start with Tim again
So far we have
Kick Ass and Murphy's Romance
This next one
Someone's about to throw a donut at you, Doug
Absolute classics
Tim, what movie has the tagline Donut at you, Doug. Absolute classics.
Tim, what movie has the tagline,
something dangerous is in the air?
Something dangerous is in the air.
Throw a donut if you need a time to think.
Think I will.
Yeah, throw a donut, Doug. Right here!
This guy keeps yelling, throw it in their face!
This guy's a pervert!
For the listener at home, he got what he wanted.
He's been rubbing himself, yelling,
throw it in their face!
Who's looking for a donut? Who's hungry?
I hope everyone made the reaction is the worst because you're just throwing it into the darkness up here.
It's better that way. It's like the box. I don't want to know who gets it.
These fucking people are so worried about getting hit by donuts. This. This isn't a foul ball at Fenway, people.
They might have peanut allergies.
You're welcome.
That person over there actually had a Target on their thing.
Oh yeah, those are always fun.
That's fun when it's a Target. Nice.
Alright, Tim, you've had some time.
Okay, uh, I'm going to say The Fog.
Ooh, The Fog?
Wait, the remake or the original?
I like that.
Something dangerous is in the air.
The Fog.
Obviously wrong.
Yeah, it's not right, but it's good work.
I would have seen that remake if that was the title.
The tagline.
All right, Tony.
All right, I'm going to go with, you know, that remake if that was the title. The tagline. Alright, Tony.
I'm going to go with you know, I'm thinking
zombie-ish
on this one, so
I'm going to go with
I'm going to go with
Let's go with Zombieland.
No.
No.
Alright. Did the air cause the zombies in Zombieland?
I don't know.
Mark?
Sully.
Is that a guess or is that guy here?
I actually looked down to see if he was right.
Sully?
Let me check.
No.
Damn it.
I'm going to go with Drop Zone.
That is correct. You figured it out.
Drop Zone,
Kick-Ass, Murphy's Romance.
Yep.
In honor of
Mighty Mighty Boston. Here we go, Mark.
There's also a band called Zone Kick Romance.
I mean, Zone Ass Romance.
Close enough.
Tony's taking a bite.
That means in a few seconds, it's got to throw it.
Is that a custard?
Oh, you're going to keep that one?
I think I'm going to sit on this one for a little bit.
I'm falling behind in the game.
I'm getting a little sad.
I eat my feelings.
Yeah, well, I think your sugar's different.
What flavor is that one?
Halloween?
It tastes like a Boston airport.
They do good work over there.
Yeah, I think it's a scratch ticket flavored donut.
I think the center's got Loganberry.
That's right.
That was better.
I said it.
It's definitely custardy in the middle.
Uh oh.
The best things are.
Looks like it's the balcony's lucky day, huh?
Wait, is that a sex doll with a...
Stop grabbing its vagina. What is
wrong with you? Where did you purchase that?
Because it's also child-sized.
I'm pretty sure
someone just stuck a cuss word in his face.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like skeet shooting.
Paul!
Dude, you fucking Doc Holliday'd that shit, dude.
You just impregnated that doll with Boston cream.
Oh, man.
None of the things I just said were a euphemism.
That was a literal call. All right, Ken.
You won that game.
Good for you.
Do you want a victory donut?
I'll take a victory donut.
This place is a goddamn war zone.
Well, we know who will survive, then.
Right here!
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ!
Whoa, he drilled it into somebody!
What the hell?
Are you guys alright?
It was a fun show
until this lady lost use of her hands and legs.
For the listener at home...
She threw it back at him!
Nicely played.
For the listener at home, two things happened.
Ken tried to apologize as to not get charged with assault.
Yep.
Then Ken got some of his own fucking medicine.
I told her to, and we're even now.
Except he took it to the chest,
and he threw it directly at her skull.
Yeah.
A little bit of a difference.
As hard as he could.
Oh, shit, we're mic dropping?
Oh, shit, it's a birthday cake.
Who's going to get thrown a birthday cake?
More donuts.
Oh, those are expensive donuts.
Is that from Donut Villa?
I don't know where they're from,
but they're going to go out fast and hot.
That looks like Donut Villa.
Oh. Wow. There's some crawlers in there. I don't know where they're from, but they're gonna go out fast and hot. That looks like Donut Villa. Oh!
Wow.
There's some crawlers in there you're gonna take an eye out.
This lady is just trying to get to her seat.
She has no idea what's going on.
Oh yeah, Munchkins.
Oh no, he's got the buckshot!
Oh, those are nice!
These are nice donuts! Wait, those are nice! These are nice donuts!
Wait, those are like gourmet donuts.
Is this Union Square Donuts?
I'm keeping that one.
Whoa, someone's throwing donuts back.
That's unacceptable.
Yeah, I should hang on to that.
Completely unacceptable.
Keep that donut hole right there.
That's good stuff. Keep that donut hole. There's a really special donut in that box. Keep that donut hole right there. Yeah.
That's good stuff.
I almost threw it out into the audience.
So messy, this show.
Let's play Last Man Stanton.
Listen at home, this has become Richard Simmons' nightmare.
Oh, some wet ones.
Thank you very much.
That was really thoughtful.
You threw some wet ones up here.
I was dunking my fingers in my cocktail.
Stop.
That came in a little hot.
Whoever's throwing donuts back.
Whoever threw that.
You want to ruin it?
Do that shit.
You're going to blind an Asian man,
and then we're all in trouble.
Welcome back to Ken Brings Up Shit
Nobody Wants to Talk About.
Was that fun, Ken?
Was that good?
Was that something that was good
for everybody to fucking talk about?
I know that guy.
Okay, cool.
Give me your yearbook.
We'll get deep into you too, buddy.
Well, that guy killed a bunch of kids with his dog and they made a movie about it.
That kid, look, that guy's eye was already fake.
Don't breathe.
I put him right in their hands.
I'm fucking Tom Brady.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not fucking Tom Brady.
I'd believe it.
With those deflated balls.
Whoa!
Boo!
It's the sequel to Oddballs.
When I saw Tony get it, I was like,
oh, that breeze probably feels really nice.
Yeah.
I want some of that booing breeze.
Feels good.
Yeah, I don't like the smell of it, though.
Almost feels as nice and relaxing as a four-game suspension.
Boston. Boston.
I'm an old pro wrestling fan. I like playing the bad guys.
Don't give into this shit, okay?
Earlier, we're fucking Family Feud.
Now you guys are a fucking Maury audience.
Don't give into this shit.
He's back tomorrow, right?
Maury?
Tom Brady's back tomorrow?
Fucking A. Wright he is, dude.
He's done vacationing in Italy with Giselle
and now he's back to playing football.
Dude, he's gonna fucking dominate
those motherfuckers.
You're not allowed to call them the Browns, lady.
I know it's Boston, but you're making us look bad.
This wet wipe is too wet.
My hands are just as wet as they were before I started wiping.
I need something.
I gotta just dry them off on my clothes.
Also, just a side note, if anybody's interested,
I started a petition to have Tom Brady play without a helmet
so we could just see him the whole fucking game.
And if anybody gets within three feet, automatic flag.
All right.
Who won that last thing?
I did.
No, you didn't.
Are we talking about life or just the game?
Ken did, because he figured out Drop Zone.
So Ken gets to go first in Last Man Stanton.
Okay.
Each one of you can use the person whose name tag you chose as a lifeline one time during this game.
I'm going to sit this one out, I think,
because I don't want to run out of time.
Oh, I wrote down somebody's name on Twitter.
Where is the lady stranger?
Right up front.
There she is, right up front, as it often happens.
Would you like a donut?
Okay, good.
Sure, Ken will throw one right at your face. Do you want a donut okay good sure a candle throw one right
at your face you want to go right your fucking face I can I if she's okay I was
gonna kick all these as hard as I could just in her direction all right lady
stranger do you want your real name out on the out in the world okay she's going
low-pro you guys nobody wants the
bad she's keeping it goes protocol and she's gonna suggest the name of an actor
or actress for us to use an exciting finishing game for the show yes topple Diane. Thank you very much. Yes.
Top of the patriarchy.
Was she in a movie called It's My Vest?
I think you shouldn't ask.
No, it's called
It's My Turtleneck, but the point is
that you shouldn't ask
any questions. You gotta do this on your own, guys.
You can use your lifeline once.
We'll start with
Ken as advertised.
Baby boom.
Baby boom.
Tim, what do you got?
Diane Keaton.
The great Diane Keaton.
The Godfather 2.
Oh, okay. That's an interesting
approach. It'll be interesting to see
what Tony Hinchcliffe makes of that.
So far we got Baby Boom
and The Godfather Part 2.
Let's go with...
Fuck.
Alright, I guess I'm...
Let me get your name tags, you're probably not gonna win.
Diane Keaton.
Yeah.
Alright.
So far we have Baby Boom and The Godfather Part 2.
Fuck.
What about Michael Keaton?
Can I do Michael Keaton?
Is that close enough?
All right, I guess I'm going to have to ask...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I kind of like that
Michael or Diane Keaton
Go
We're going to be here all night
Diane Keaton is a tough one
Yeah, I'm not going to give you guys much time
And we're back in it
A lot easier for you
So far we've got Baby Boom and The Godfather Part II.
I'm going to knock this one out easy breezy.
One of my favorite movies since I was a baby boy.
I was in five years old for Halloween.
And I'm going to say it right now.
Beetlejuice.
Just say it the one time, please.
Do not have time for him to show up and tell his dirty stories and fart on us.
Mark.
Birdman.
Full title.
Yes, the correct title or pick something else.
You want the full fucking title?
Fuck that.
I don't know it.
Okay, pick something else.
Okay.
Batman.
Full title.
Son of a bitch.
All right.
Starting over, Diane Keaton.
Starting over?
Starting over?
Yeah, 1980 heard Burt Reynolds shot in Boston.
But it goes to building 19.
That was Jill Klayberg.
No, isn't Diane Keaton the other woman?
The one that sings the disco songs.
No, it was Candice Bergen.
Oh, you're right, it's Candace Bergen.
Candy Bergen.
Ah, look who's...
What you guys don't know is I threw this because I got money on this.
Go ahead and use your lifeline.
Lifeline.
Who's... it's Kelly. Kelly.
He's out on the first one.
I mean, I know a Michael Keaton one, but I kind of felt like I should have gone Diane. Kelly, do you got something?
Yeah, I mean Kelly I kind of could have come up with that one myself but yeah, thank you
I was kind of surprised you went with starting over. I mean I go with mr. Mom and I'm doing my returns
Okay. Well you blew that one too now. Yeah, you guys... Stop blowing out titles.
Alright, Tim?
Diane Keaton is in the First Wives Club.
Yeah!
Where's the first wife at?
The First Wives Club.
There you go, first wife.
You know what I love more than Michael Keaton, Doug?
A bunch of Michael Keatons in the hit movie, Multiplicity.
Yes!
That's a classic.
Mark.
The Godfather.
I hit the waitress, I'm sorry.
What'd you say?
The Godfather.
Yeah, yeah, I was sitting at that forever for you, Tony.
I kept saying Godfather Part 2.
And everybody was laughing, remember that?
Godfather, okay, cool.
Ken?
Oh, I can guess again?
Yeah, you lost your lifeline, so now you're on your own.
Annie Hall.
Annie Hall, okay.
No, wait, was that Woody Allen?
Yeah, he's in it too
Tim?
Mr. Mom
Okay
Tony
Tony
Okay, let's go with
Spill three different words
You know, Boston.
Boston-based movie.
Okay.
And fucking...
You can use your lifeline still.
Son of a bitch.
Full title.
Shh.
Shut up.
Don't say it, you guys.
Do you want to use your lifeline for now and come back to that one?
Circle back?
Yeah, sure.
Where's Skatey at?
Katie?
What?
Spotlight.
Thank you.
You named the one that I was going to think of before my next turn that I already hinted at.
Thank you.
Spotlight.
Way to be there for me, Skatey.
My favorite Diane Keaton movie.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Boston-based Michael Keaton.
Thank you.
Would have had it.
Mark?
Boston-based Michael Keaton. Thank you.
Would have had it.
Mark.
Something's got to give.
Yeah.
Gung Ho.
Yeah.
Automobile manufacturing.
The other guys.
Yes. Very political at the end guys. Yes.
Very political at the end of that movie.
Check it out if you want to know more about the financial crash.
You know those movies that that one guy makes
that has like a shit ton of actors and actresses in it,
but you're never really into it that much?
Yeah.
Diane Keaton
was in one of those.
And I believe the name of that movie
was
Valentine's Day.
No.
Oh, shit.
She's not in that.
New Year's Eve, it was some fucking holiday.
Halloween? Fuck.
I'm giving you another donut, because then
maybe you'll stop talking.
She was in
one of those, right? What?
She was in Valentine's Day, right?
I remember seeing it on buses. I don't think she was in that.
I think you're thinking of the other sister.
Isn't Diane Keene,
she has the round glasses and the short hair,
right? Mark?
Fuck.
Great fucking movie.
Dream Team.
Oh, that is a good movie.
Yeah, Michael Keaton.
Night Shift.
Also, a very early Michael Keaton.
That's a good one.
Tim?
I think I'm going to have to go to my lifeline.
Who that is?
Uncle Jay Bucko
Oh Bucko, what do you got for us?
Bucko
Jack Frost
Good one, thank you
Christmas classic
You put that on when you want to fall asleep quickly
Tony
You know what I loved?
Diane Keaton in
The movie
You know you're out of the game, right?
Beethoven.
She's not in Beethoven.
It's Bonnie Hunt!
You really gotta picture it, picture it.
Mark?
I'm gonna use one of my two lifelines.
No, you just have the one and it's Tom
You want to go with Tom?
I picked Kate, but we can go with Tom
Oh, Kate, sorry
I pray to God I get to meet you
after the show
And you know what? Believe it or not
I mean that in the nicest fucking way possible.
I swear to God.
Kate.
What?
Reds.
Reds.
Reds with Warren Beatty. Yeah, that's a Diane Keaton movie.
Reds. Good job.
Thank you, Kate.
Clean and sober.
Yep. Diane Keaton.
Michael Keaton. Clean and sober. Yep. Diane Keaton. No, Michael Keaton.
You're right.
Just testing you.
Tim, are you out?
You know...
With Batman Returns, the one that you... Okay, yeah, okay.
So, you know...
Oh, shit, they just fell off the balcony.
Doug, you got a fucking arm on you, dude.
You're like the rookie.
You know they're just donuts, right?
No, you're like that kid, rookie of the year.
Yeah, did you have, have like a weird tendon thing?
I think I might be out.
There's no shame in that.
You did a great job.
Let's hear it for Tim Brennan, everybody.
Sorry, Uncle Jay Bucko.
Thank you for your help.
Hey, Bucko, you didn't even put a shinhead on the back.
Come on, man.
Get it together. Oh, shit. I got to run out of rope again. Here, can you. Hey, Bucko, you didn't even put a shithead on the back. Come on, man. Get it together.
Oh, shit. I got to run out of rope again.
Here, can you pass that to Bucko?
Bucket brigade that over to Bucko.
Do you need a Sharpie, Bucko?
Right to the hands every time.
Wow. Tom Brady better.
This Tom Brady thing doesn't work out. I'll step in.
Tom Brady's going to be the first person to play in a wheelchair.
He is never leaving the Patriots.
Ever.
Do you have an answer, Mark?
I know you just used your lifeline,
so you're probably out.
Give him a toke.
Is that what you said?
I don't know what she's yelling about.
About number two, because he's got two name tags.
I'm saying he's got two.
For the listener at home,
Tom shouldn't have come here today.
I just, I picture her fighting with Alec Baldwin
in nine different fucking movies.
And I keep wanting to say
that she was in Stepmom,
but that was two other crying women.
Just so you know,
my name's Mark fucking Wahlberg
and I never fucking cheat because I don't have to.
No, he did.
I accidentally rubbed it off, but I'll tell you what it was.
By accident, it was ink. I didn't fucking know.
The way I was grabbing it.
Okay.
That was business. You may not get to hear it.
Okay.
Okay.
Now that other movie was Mary Steamtime.
Mary Steampunk?
Fuck it, dude.
Was she in Parenthood?
No, that's Diane Weiss.
No, she was in other movies with Steve Martin.
Thank you.
He's the lady with the dark sunglasses, right? She's in the...
Oh, go ahead, Ken.
For the win.
Johnny Dangerously.
Yes, Michael Keaton.
Oh, great fucking movie.
Diane Keaton was in Father the Bride,
Father the Bride 2.
Fuck.
I was waiting on that one.
Thank you, HBO, as a kid.
But that means that the person that you were playing for there, Ken, is our winner.
Kelly wins.
Who's Kelly?
Where's Kelly at?
Kelly's up in the balcony.
Oh, Kelly's in the balcony?
Kelly's in the balcony.
How's she going to come get all this shit?
Come over the front.
Can you guys catch her?
She's not big.
No, this stairs.
I'll put it all over here, and we'll just trust that no one's gonna like it.
She'll just come get it in the middle of Tony's show.
No one's gonna fuck with it.
Time she gets down here.
Someone tell Corolla it's fine.
Let's put him right there.
That should be somewhat accessible.
If she's still here. She might have left.
And here's a shoebox that says
Throw Nuts on it. That's a weird left. And here's a shoebox that says throw nuts on it.
Huh.
That's a weird thing to put donuts in a shoebox. Yeah, that's like a clue to a mystery.
Oh, they're knitted.
Oh, who made these?
They're cruelty-free donuts.
Zero calories or carbs.
These are really fun.
Wow.
I'm going to have to commission some pajamas from that person.
Here, throw one of these, Tim.
Wow, these things are really neat.
Yeah, you could just whip that at someone's face as fast as you can.
I'm going to keep a couple of them.
Yeah, Ken, you could throw one of those as hard as you possibly can at a woman's face in the front row and it would be okay.
It would not hurt them at all.
Box!
Holy cow.
You the winner? Congratulations.
Congratulations.
You want the box back?
She's going to return those Converse All-Stars right after the show.
Hey, Doug.
Hey, Doug.
Yes, Mark.
I probably should have told this to you earlier.
That weird little white box of donuts there?
When I grabbed it, the person said,
these have weed in them.
Do they?
I don't know.
This box? This one that I'm keeping?
It does say hand grenades.
I ate one of those.
Wow.
Oh, I got you. Because I ate one of those. Wow. Oh, only the...
Oh, I got you. Because I ate one of those
and I'm on probation.
Our winner
today is Ken
Reid, everybody.
Way to go, Ken. Way to fucking go,
dude.
What do you got to plug, Ken? We got to wrap
this up quick. I got my album out,
Divinity Project Volume 1, Hollywoodland.
I've got TV Guidance Counselor new episodes every Wednesday.
You can go get it.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Tim Brennan, Dropkick Murphys, everybody.
Thank you.
It was a pleasure to be here.
Are you going back out on tour anytime?
You just got back?
In January, yeah, we just got home. We just finished our brand new album, number 9.
That's coming out the first week of January.
And then in the end of the summer next year we'll put out number 10.
So we have two albums coming out next year and we'll be touring all over the place.
Very nice. Thank you for being here, Tim Brennan.
Thank you for having me. Pleasure.
Tony Hinchcliffe
headlining this very
stage, just trying to walk around all
the donut shit. Yeah.
Seven o'clock tonight.
I'm excited. About an hour and a half, actually.
Yeah. Flew in today.
I call it an hour and ten because I'm really
precise. Just had enough time to
shower. I showered here at the
venue before this show. Yeah, that's rock
and roll. And now I have
about an hour before I do my show
so shit's fucked up.
Ha ha ha. Seven o'clock.
Check out the Kill Tony podcast.
Yeah. And
so many other great things.
Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter. Thank you. With an E on the end. That's Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter
with an E on the end
that's Tony Hitchcliffe everybody
and Mark Wahlberg
just running around
following me all over the place
I love it, thank you for your
constant support of this show
I got so much shit going on, you motherfuckers.
Go see Deep Water Horizon. We just wrapped
on Transformers 5. The trailer
just dropped for Patriot's Day. It's gonna be
fuckin' good.
Other than that, Wahlburgers
is coming back because you people fuckin' deserve it.
Go eat there.
And then after the show,
I'm gonna be signing tits and picking fights. Let's do this.
And then after the show, it'll be signing tits and picking fights.
Let's do this.
All right.
One more time for all of my guests.
Ken Reed, Tim Brennan, Tony Hitch cycle is a shithead.
People who use the word legit not legitimately are a shithead.
And pussy grabbers are a shithead.