Doug Loves Movies - Tournament of Championships Continued 2
Episode Date: February 21, 2015Recorded live at the NerdMelt Showroom in Los Angeles, California on February 22, 2015. Chris Cubas, Samm Levine, and "Mark Wahlberg" compete.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy ...and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, he hates candy, he hates candy, he has a job for a journal, he has kids, he has kids, he does not want that, he won't see, because Doug loves to read.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody.
My name's Doug, and I love movies.
This is Doug Loves Movies.
That's what I call professional.
That's professionals on their day off. Thank you for coming out once again
to the Nerd Melt showroom at Meltdown Comics in Hollywood.
once again, to the Nerd Melt showroom at Meltdown Comics in Hollywood.
We're in the year 2015 on Sunday, February 20.
Too fast, too furious.
At 1 o'clock.
And it's Oscar Sunday.
Yeah.
I figured people that are excited about the Oscars
probably wouldn't come out this afternoon. But maybe... Is anybody excited about the Oscars probably wouldn't come out this afternoon.
But maybe...
Is anybody excited about the Oscars?
Okay.
Nah.
A few of you are into it.
And I'm into it just because of tradition
and, you know, because it's a party or whatever.
I get high and watch it, you know.
But it's funny how angry some people are
about the Oscars on Twitter.
Like it's ruined their day
that they have to read Oscar tweets.
I just put it down for the day,
if I were them.
That's what I do during.
I don't even have an example.
Because if it's live and everybody's tweeting it, I want to be involved.
All right.
Today's episode is another tournament of championships round.
Yes, the winner of which will compete in the third super tourney against Scott Ackerman
and a third player to be determined.
against Scott Aukerman and a third player to be determined.
And the winner of that showdown will go up against Matt Myra and Jon Hamm in the Super Duper Tournament of Champs.
Yeah, so let's get to it.
But quickly, from the corrections department,
it's I'm still here, not I'm not there, or I'm not here.
That sounds like a line from the new Dr. Seuss
book that they just dug up.
Did you hear that? They're putting out a new
Dr. Seuss. They found some old drawings in a
drawer. Yeah.
I don't know if that's
so great as a dead
person. I don't know if you'd appreciate that.
But Jeff Tate was very
confidently wrong in the episode
where we discussed that
movie.
It's kind of a weird place
to do that correction too because I've been getting
a lot of people on Twitter correcting me
and telling the corrections department
and this episode
is not going to be available for a week
because it's going to be a premium episode for two bucks.
So it's still going to be another week of me getting tweets from people saying,
why isn't the corrections department?
Oh, that's a weird...
There's some weird gifts in the prize bag, you guys.
We'll get into that in a second.
So after this show's over, I'm going to race over to CineFamily,
and we're going to do a dining with Doug and Karen potluck,
hopefully out on the patio.
I think they're putting up some tents
to keep the rain off of us.
Isn't it weird that the severe drought that this state is in,
and then for six or seven hours,
one afternoon, it decides to rain.
I think God doesn't like some of those movies that got snubbed this year.
I think he's mad about Lego Movie getting snubbed.
Then David Olielio getting snubbed.
So those were the two big ones, right?
I thought Jake Gyllenhaal got super snubbed.
And he's white.
So what do you do about that?
He was great, too, and also didn't get nominated.
Joaquin Phoenix, Ralph Fiennes.
It was a good year for lead actor performances, I think.
So, yeah, I'll dump into the prize bag once we get these guys out here.
Please welcome Tournament of Championship Qualifiers
Chris Cubis, Mark Wahlberg, and Sam the Ma'am Levine,
a.k.a. Lil Wolverine. Very polite panel so far.
I was told you were all wearing suits.
You all just won the
Zach Galifianakis Award for not speaking.
But who was speaking there?
Sam Levine is here, everybody.
Thank you.
I was told everyone would be dressed up, Doug.
You are a liar.
You're going to some sort of fancy event right after this,
and you had to dress up for it.
No time to go home and change.
Am I right?
That is accurate.
Yeah, there you go.
Can you tell us what the fancy event is?
I'm going to be dancing with a bunch of corpses.
He was very excited that for the first time he went to this party,
Ernest Borgnine was there.
Oh, you're going to an old person affair.
Yep. Yep.
Old school Hollywood is going to be there.
Old school Hollywood is where I go on Oscar night.
I want to hang out with Buzz Aldrin and Richard Dreyfuss.
Why?
Who have both been at my table. That is not a joke.
Buzz Aldrin punched me once,
but the point is...
Oh, Doug!
Why do you go to this thing?
You just like it?
I love it. I love old Hollywood.
Plus, everybody's asleep
by the time the red carpet's over,
so the party ends early and you can go home and get some sleep.
Damn right.
When you have the full beard like that going,
does that discourage the old people
from pinching your cheeks?
Funny you should ask.
Because I think that's what it's there for.
Yes, it does.
That is exactly why I grow it.
Shaving it off tomorrow.
Wow, okay.
Served its purpose.
If we still had one of those shaving club things as a sponsor,
I'd drop their name right now, but we don't,
because I don't believe in it.
I don't believe in God or shaving.
So Chris Cubis is here, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, buddy.
Came in from Austin, Texas to be with us today.
I did.
And will be joining us this afternoon over at the CineFamily.
Yeah, I'm excited.
I'm going to make jokes for four hours.
It's going to be very easy.
Yeah, well, you can also have your device out and tweet stuff,
because you don't want to leave everybody out.
But it's really fun to have a microphone during the Oscars
and an audience sitting behind you.
I think you'll enjoy it.
Yeah, yeah, it's going to be good. I'm excited.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your...
Do you have a snub this year that you
didn't care for?
I mean...
I mean, Selma a little bit
but more so...
I feel like Transformers 4 was like
just the worst snubbing.
Fucking tell me, bro.
Mark Wahlberg is here everybody
how you guys doing
you doing good
somebody tweeted at me
yesterday they were curious
like how much in touch you are with
the funky bunch
not much like do you speak
to any of them and they had one particular one
in mind.
I had to write it down because I had no idea there was a guy
who had this name in the Funky Bunch.
But do you keep up with
Hector the Booty Inspector?
No, but he's
really fucking good at it.
No, you know, I've said this before.
People don't want to listen to me.
I don't know why.
Due to their parole violations, none of them can leave the
fucking state. So when we went
on the road, I was like, I'm just going to fucking do this
by myself. And I left them
there. But whenever I'm back, I see them and
give them like a ham or something.
Their parole
violations? Didn't you blind a Vietnamese
man when you were 15? No, that's not true
actually. That guy lost his eye in Vietnam and if you
want to Google it...
Yeah, but didn't you go most of your life
thinking that you had in fact blinded that guy?
No, I took credit for it for a long time.
Okay.
The fact, I was trying to rob a place,
he thought I shouldn't do that,
I disagreed, I won the argument.
And you brought for the prize bag today...
Greatest fucking gift of all time.
It looks, holding it, it's like a book
But it's not
But you don't have to read it
It's the opposite of a book
It's the Wahlburgers TV series
Season one
All of fucking season one
Now, if I'm not mistaken
That's not just any old copy of the DVD
That is an Emmy screener
For your consideration
So A&E spent their own money
sending out the entire first season
of the Wahlburgers
in the hopes that the Television Academy
would say...
I think you made them do that, didn't you, Mark?
I asked one time, they said yes.
Yeah, that's how that works.
What did you bring for the prize bag,
Chris Cubis? I brought,
well, you can start with Laverne
Tripp from Death Into Life.
It's a very made-up
story about how Satan made him do drugs
and then Jesus
got him off of drugs. There's a couple
good ones. This one I like a lot.
It's called On Our Own. I brought it
for this reason. The tagline is
a little
movie every family should
see just for the fun of it. The first
line of the description. Doug, read the first line
of the description on the back.
In a world
where Terry... Down here.
The description. Jesus Christ, you read it.
I'll read it. Alright. It's so dark up here.
Tells the moving tale of four children abandoned by their father
and left to fend for themselves when their mother dies.
Just for the fun of it.
You know, like, a good afternoon with the family.
I know a lot of people like that in South Boston.
And this part of the cover, that's where they got the sign,
the border down by the border of the family running across the road.
It's directly from On Our Own.
You haven't watched this film?
I have not.
I did watch the last one I brought, which is Dennis the Swan Swanberg's Back to Back Laughter.
He is a comedian slash Christian minister.
Some of his bits include thumping
and pinching and
hug your mother. That's another good
one that he's very excited about. Rat raid.
Yeah.
He does Barney Fife
six times across the
course of that special.
After we finished it, I was like, oh, I gotta go to the website
and see what he's doing about. And as soon as you
bring up his website, it goes, hi, I'm Dennis Swamberg.
Or as Barney Fife might
say, it's the very first thing on his website.
It's the only thing he's proud of.
Alright. All that could
be somebody's.
All that is gonna be
someone's burden.
Some stuff to get rid of.
And Sam always brings a dazzling array of DVDs.
In this case, we have a copy of Funhaus.
Yep, it's the horror triple feature.
Oh, I see.
The Funhaus.
The Funhaus.
And then which three movies is it?
Well, no, no, no.
I'm saying all three of those are a good triple feature.
Oh, I see. Yeah. triple feature. Oh, I see.
Yeah.
The Burning?
Oh, The Burning.
You want to talk about Weinstein,
Weinstein,
Harvey and the other guy,
Bob,
before the Weinsteins,
before they were Miramax.
Made this, The Burning?
Oh, yeah.
And the catchphrase on this one,
the slogan is, gather around the burning? Oh yeah. And the catchphrase on this one, the slogan is,
gather around the campfire to die.
And they do.
And have fun.
In order.
Starring a young...
Spoiler alert, bro.
It's starring a young but still bald
George Costanza,
which is very interesting.
Jason Alexander's in that movie
and he's bald and he's 19 years old.
1981.
And the
Fog. Poorly remade recently, but
John Carpenter version of the Fog.
Which I like that movie.
I guess it probably doesn't really hold up by today's
standards, but if you're going to remake it, do
something interesting, not
what they did.
DouglovesMovies t-shirt, of course.
A copy of one of my CDs.
Oh,
this whole bag is from the
nice folks at the Traverse City Film
Festival.
One of the things is a slice of cherry
pie. Like, it's a whole
pie, but it's small.
It's like a pie for one.
Or two, if you
have someone that you're like that with. That you can sit down and have half a pie for one Or two If you have someone that you're like that with
That you can sit down
And have half a pie each
And not feel shame
And lighter from Chameleon
Glass
And some koozies for some reason
Lots of stuff in there
Somebody's going to win all of that
Today
As we play
a Tournament of Championships
round of the
Leonard Maltin game.
Gentlemen. Yes, sir.
Pick your name tags.
Ooh, early.
Hold that thought.
What do you mean early? We've got to play to five
points. We've got to get into this shit.
There are some great ones.
Where have you guys been on Tuesdays?
Not just that he's sitting up front.
Sam always picks one that his short legs can get to.
You look good, though, Sam.
I do look good
All those old people are going to love you
Oh, thanks, buddy
One of them is going to put you in their pocket and take you home
Chris got a big one
Yeah, he does
Mark went all that way
And just picked the lady in the front row
On his way back to the stage
Sometimes you just gotta make people feel like they're looked at
Did everybody feel looked at?
No, they didn't really
They're not feeling it
Bullshit, I fucking looked at you and you'll never forget it
It really is a special, special day
I guess really quickly
Before we start the games
Sam, what's going to win best picture today?
I fear it's going to be
Boyhood, but I want it to be Birdman
Okay
Boyhood fucking sucks
I wonder if there's a name for that fear yet
It seems very specific, but maybe
It's called the fear of crash
Oh god for that fear yet. It seems very specific, but maybe... It's called the fear of crash.
Oh, God.
That first crash by Cronenberg
does have the best picture
more than the second one.
Damn right it did.
Mark, what do you think?
Who's going to win?
Best picture?
Yeah, don't give me
this either-or stuff.
You're Mark Wahlberg.
Right.
Just name it.
I think they're going to
make up for their mistake
last year.
Oh, no.
They're going to go
with American Sniper.
Because they didn't...
Lone Survivor.
They know they should have fucking made Lone Survivor win Best Picture last year.
They're making up for it.
It's like when that black dude from Trainee Day finally won a fucking Oscar.
You mean the guy from Two Guns?
Yeah, your co-star in Two Guns?
No.
First of all, people think we were
in that fucking movie.
It was like 10.
They did everything
in fucking post.
I never saw that guy once
and I was looking forward
to it too.
I was like,
were you in Glory?
Did they really fucking hit you?
And he never fucking
showed up to set.
But was there at least
a guy in a bear suit?
Oh yeah,
there's always a guy
in a fucking bear suit.
That's not my fucking writer.
Half the time
it's fucking Donnie
just sweating his ass off.
What movie did you say?
Oh yeah Chris?
I mean it's gonna be Boyhood
I wanna say Selma
You should be proud of Austin
Austin made
No it's good
Boyhood's obviously very good
But my genetics make me wanna say Selma for some reason.
It's not, I mean, whatever.
Selma's fucking perfect.
You liked it?
Was it?
I didn't, I mean, I didn't see it.
You didn't see it?
It doesn't make any sense.
Did something change?
Like, it's the same.
He's not a robot.
They're not going to turn out that he's a robot or something, right?
He's not chappy.
You think that's why people aren't going?
It's because there's not an extra twist?
Yeah. I feel like everyone thought it was going to be
M. Night Shyamalan's Selma, and there would be
a nice twist at the end where he
turned out to be an alien. Just as long as it's not fucking Boyhood.
Really? You know, Boyhood is the
best fucking mockumentary since Spinal Tap.
Why are you so angry about Boyhood?
It's fucking boring
It's fucking
I kept
Like every scene
I'm like
Is this the scene
Where this kid's gonna fucking die?
Nobody else fucking thought that
Continuously throughout this movie?
It's like he's getting uglier
And closer to death
Well that's just mean
I know I'm sorry
No I'm not
I don't think anyone
I don't think anyone's gonna root for you
Here today after that kind of...
Are you kidding me?
Are you guys Americans?
You're going to fucking root for me.
I think what this crowd likes
is excellent gameplay.
Like, when you do well,
they're going to enjoy that a great deal.
You guys have all had some amazing pulls to be here.
You've had to answer in negative names
at least once
recently. Do you remember what yours was,
Chris?
I want to say it was either Die Hard 2.
I think it was Die Hard 2.
Or maybe...
I think it was Die Hard 2. And all you did is negative 1?
You just had to say Bruce Willis? Yeah, because I was
easy with it. I almost said negative
2, but then I was like, why stretch?
Who's in the two slot on that?
John Amos?
I don't know.
I hope it's John Amos, but I doubt it.
Who are you playing for, Chris?
I am playing for, I'm guessing, Ashley?
No?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay, Ashley.
Ashley, and it's thank you for talking, and it's Mark Wahlberg and John Hamm and Sam Levine
and you.
You're toking.
Toking?
I'm toking. The head is blocking the letter. I can't see. talking, and it's Mark Wahlberg and Jon Hamm and Sam Levine and you. Toking?
The head is blocking the letter. I can't see.
I would think you picked that because it had the word toking in it.
I picked it because it was big.
I got tired walking halfway to the back of the
room, so I just grabbed this one.
I mean, I'm not on it, but whatever. It's involved.
I like it. Yeah, they fucking traced it.
It's great. What about...
It does look just like you.
There's a good drawing of your...
Perfect?
Yeah.
Who are you playing for, Mark?
I'm playing for...
Lone...
Sarah Vior.
Wow, that is really...
She really got that in there, but...
She had no choice.
She might have guessed that you were going to be here today
and wanted to make sure that your favorite movie was on her name tag.
She put a scar on my face that looks like her.
Why are you...
She's doing this weird cheerleading thing or pose
where she's holding one foot up way
up high in the air, but it's on his face.
I mean, I don't...
At first, I really thought it was a wound.
Well, it also says based on true acts of courage.
Right.
Like putting herself in this picture.
I'll be honest with you guys.
I saw my own face, and then I saw a girl who could spread her legs like that, and I'm like,
I'm in.
All right, I got to try to make a vine of this.
Because people are going to want to see this.
Who you got down there, Sam?
I got Andy Glorious Bastards.
And Andy did some fine Photoshop work here
and put my head on Brad Pitt's body,
which I think we can all agree is a win-win situation.
I don't know, I don we can all agree is a win-win situation. I don't know.
I don't want to agree to that.
We've all agreed on it.
No.
I want out.
All right.
Here we go.
I'm going to try to find this.
Hi, Chris.
Hold that up, Mark.
Yeah, that's good.
Sam, glorious bastard.
All right.
I think that worked.
All right. That's who you guys are playing for.
Is your name alone?
Sarah.
Got it.
And Chris is playing for Toking, you're playing for Sarah,
and Sam's playing for some bastard.
Yep.
To determine who goes first
in today's game,
we've got pre-recorded lines
that were sent to us by Mark Wahlberg.
And we're going to play one of those right now.
Doug, I've got to say,
this seems a little unfair.
All right, let's change it up.
I've got a different idea for a game.
Let's play...
Damn it.
Let's play... He was so excited.
I was pretty sure I knew which one it was.
Let's play Cluster Flicks
or the Don't Yell Amy Adams game.
Here's what's going to happen, you guys.
I'm going to name three movies
that share an actor or actress
that I thought of.
Other movies might share. It's unlikely, that I thought of, other movies might share,
it's unlikely,
but there may be
other answers
that are correct,
but it has to be
the one I'm thinking of.
I'm going to say
three movies
and then each of you
has a chance
right there
to jump in
and after the third name
and say
actor's name
that you think it is.
Then I'll start adding names
while you guys
are guessing
until
somebody gets it.
Okay.
Have you played this before, Sam?
I think once, and it was really much harder because, well, I'll save that till the end.
Oh.
I'm also saving things till the end.
All right. Here's your first three movies Don't answer until you hear all three
If you're that quick and that good
Who was in Autumn in New York
The Mexican and Hidalgo
Who was in all three of those films
Just saying
Any guesses?
Viggo Mortensen?
No I'm sure he was in Hidalgo three of those films? Just saying. Any guesses? Viggo Mortensen? No.
I'm sure he was in Hidalgo.
Oh, fuck, yeah, he was.
J.K. Simmons? That is correct!
It's her Oscar round.
I've already told people, if he doesn't win tonight,
I'm leaving.
What? I'm fucking leaving. If he doesn't win, I'm leaving. What? I'm fucking leaving.
If he doesn't win, I'm leaving.
And I'm going to make a big fucking scene about it, too.
If J.K. Simmons doesn't win the Oscars, he's leaving.
I thought he was going to say, if Sam Levine doesn't win the game, he's going to be mad.
Aren't you going to leave eventually?
Oh, yeah.
Donnie's taking me to the fucking red carpet.
So you're going to the awards?
Yeah, I'm going straight from fucking there.
I don't even... Look.
Donnie loves to be waved through barricades.
So when I get out, I'm just going around the corner and taking an Uber home.
But he will love people, cops in white gloves, being like,
Yeah, you can go through here with your fucking Chevy 88. Come on through.
So I'm doing it for him.
All right, well,
thank you for coming by here.
Such a busy day.
That's a great fucking primer.
You got to go home and change, right?
You're not going to wear that to the...
No.
They told me they'll...
You're going to do something
with your hair, aren't you?
I did already.
It looks fucking great.
I took a second whack at that, maybe.
What?
Nothing.
Okay.
Chris, do you have anything to add?
Sam, you're going to your part.
Do you also like getting waved through barricades?
They never wave me through.
No, I have to tip people to get through.
Really? No. No, I have to tip people to get through. Really?
No.
No.
I think you'd be very popular
at those places.
You're talking to the star of Pulse.
He can go anywhere
in the sky he wants.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much,
both of you.
I wasn't mean.
I was just referencing a thing he did.
Just a very popular movie.
Sam, we should do a movie together.
We've been in three already.
Which ones?
I was in most of the Transformer movie,
and I was in some of...
Yeah.
No, you weren't.
Were you a fucking man?
No, dude.
Fuck with me like that, dude.
I'm sorry, Mark.
I'm sorry.
Wait, Sam wasn't the voice of Optimus Prime?
What?
No, Optimus Prime was the voice
of fucking Optimus Prime.
Yeah, that's right.
They don't tell Mark what's going on with that stuff at all.
Mark, I would be honored to do a movie with you.
Oh, man, we should do a movie like we're robbers,
like we just rob arcades or something.
Call it One Quarter of Time.
You in?
100%.
Okay.
Start on Tuesday.
Tuesday is not good for me.
No, I just fucking greenlit it.
We're starting on Tuesday. All right. Sorry for me. I just fucking greenlit it. We're starting on Tuesday.
All right.
Sorry.
Drop everything, Sam.
Okay.
And do this movie.
All right.
Sam gets to go first.
Gets to pick a category.
We're playing to five points.
If by some miracle we get to a three-way tie where each of these gentlemen has four points apiece,
we will play the asparagus pea category to settle this thing.
I'm excited.
I couldn't even tell you.
I couldn't even pick who I think is going to win.
Can I?
It's Sam Levine.
No.
But I think Boyhood's going to win Best Picture.
Yep.
That's my prediction.
Sorry, Mark Wahlberg.
Sorry.
He's sort of a lone survivor.
He makes it...
I'm also used to people who deserve Oscars not getting them.
Talk about me.
Like Gloria Swanson?
What's that?
Like Gloria Swanson?
Is that the lady who sells ice cream trucks to suburban wives
and stuff like that?
Sure.
Okay.
You ever had Swanson's?
Yeah.
Dude, that's fucking quality meals right there.
Yeah.
They got preheated tortellini and chicken,
and then you get some Neapolitan ice cream
and eat it with your grandma,
you're fucking good to go.
I mean, if she deserves an Oscar, give it to her,
but her food's fucking great.
That's all I'm saying.
You're always so serious in interviews and stuff.
Like, when you come on my show,
you really cut loose and have fun.
Yeah, I feel like this is a safe place.
Yeah.
Okay, so you'll get to go second
after Sam picks a category here
and starts the bidding.
Got it.
Sam, would you like...
It's Oscar Sunday, so I have to do an Oscar category.
So the category is called Oscar,
and it's Sylvester Stallone movies that got nominated for an Oscar.
One or more.
Okay.
This is going to come out about a week from now,
so hopefully on the day that people start listening to it
is the birthday of the great Javier Bardem.
So the films of Javier Bardem.
And your third option, at Top Men Pod suggested Weezer, and that's movies where someone has asthma.
Which one of those would you like to play?
Let's go with the Oscar category.
All right.
This is a movie that Sylvester Stallone is involved with in some way
that is also a recipient of Oscars.
Three and a half stars from Leonard for this movie.
The year is
1976.
He says
What can I say about this?
He says
it's an old
B movie brought up to
date.
And he also says that...
Yeah, that's tough to pick anything else
out that doesn't give it away if I haven't
already. So that's all I'm going to say.
Alright. And there's six names.
Negative two.
What am I searching for another clue so hard for? All right. And there's six names. Negative two.
What am I searching for another clue so hard for?
Sam knew which movie it was when he picked the category, probably.
Mark, what are you going to do with that?
Let's see here.
You went to on that.
It's 1976.
It's a B-movie.
And it's not actually the movie B-movie.
Because that came out
later.
I felt like you almost gave it away
when you said that until I realized it was 76.
Alright.
What is that human's name?
I'm just going to put my pen on the paper near Sam's name.
Yeah, I feel like you're probably going to,
which sucks because it's less time that people will get to look at me.
Let's go name it, bro.
Rocky starring Sylvester Stallone and Talia Shire.
That is correct, of course.
I was pretty shocked to discover,
because I got excited about this category,
and then I was shocked to discover
that Rocky is the only film Sylvester Stallone's ever been in
that's ever gotten nominated for any Oscars at all.
Really? Not even Copland?
Copland didn't get nominated for anything.
Demolition Man? No Demolition Man nods?
Okay, I didn't go that deep.
Maybe Demolition Man. Something might
have gotten a Best Song nomination, because there's always
weird movies, you know, end up being
Oscar nominated because of a song.
Is that okay to ask? Burt Young?
Third Build? It could go either of those two that okay to ask? Burt Young? Third build? Or Burgess?
It could go either of those two gentlemen.
And it was Burt Young.
Then Carl Weathers.
Then Burgess Meredith. Son of a bitch!
That's low for Burgess. And then someone named
Thayer David, who I could not tell you
what character he plays in the film.
With his...
With that billing. Does Joe Spinell make the list?
Nuh-uh. Oh, man.
Yeah.
Weird, huh?
Is Joe Spinell going to be at your party later?
Who the fuck?
Joe Spinell is very deceased, I'm afraid.
So, yes, he will be there.
You heard it here, you guys.
Joe Spinell is very diseased.
He's one of the more diseased actors out there.
In fact, he's a maniac.
And was the inspiration for the
song in Flashdance.
And he's in the... There you go. You got it.
He's a movie maniac.
Alright, so Sam's
got a point. Sam's on the board with one point.
And we get to go to
Chris and then
to Mark. And Chris
gets to pick between...
You're at a slight disadvantage with this one,
so it's probably good that it came up when it was your turn.
The category is called Cocktail,
because it's movies that have drinks named after them
at the bar at the Arclight Movie Theaters here in Hollywood.
Well, as I live in Texas, that's a helpful category for me.
Right?
So you're not going to pick that.
Or the Babadookie.
And that, of course,
is horror movies that Leonard did not care for
that he gave two stars or less.
And we know that he's kind of notorious
for not liking horror in general.
And then your third option,
HB4H on Twitter suggested Valentine's Dre,
and that's romantic movies that have hip-hop artists in them.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Which one of those two categories would you like to play?
Because I qualify for that third one, right?
What do you mean? What was your romantic movie?
Two Guns? Departed?
Right? I qualify for that.
I think Fear is probably your most romantic
movie.
Or The Happening.
Oh, The Happening. Fuck yeah.
The Happening is a struggle of one man who loves another woman who plays
a ukulele. it's fucking great.
I'm going to go
Babadooki.
Would you like
a horror film that Leonard did not
care for from 2006
or 2010?
2006.
2006.
Two stars
from Leonard
for this movie.
He says there's an unrated version
that runs 113 minutes.
But the theatrical is just a mere 108.
He says one of the bleak performances
in this movie is horrid.
And then, in parentheses, and not in the good sense.
And he also says it has a weak story.
I told you he didn't like horror movies very much.
And he lists seven, ten, twelve names.
I'm going to say eight names.
He's saying eight names, Mark Wahlberg.
Two stars from Leonard for this
horror movie.
That's a big pile of Babadooki.
Came out in 2006,
so that's early entourage.
That's an interesting way
of keeping track.
I'm going to go name it.
What?
How many names?
Eight
You're giving him eight names
It's a fucking horror movie
It's got like somebody's niece in it
Alright here's your eight names
Ashley Bacon
Is it this movie?
Oh because of Kevin
Fucking I got that
The 12th bill name
Person in this movie
Is Donnie Wahlberg
So you're right about the somebody's niece thing
And
It's fucking scary.
Alan von Sprang
is in this movie.
Costas
Mandalore.
Jay, just the first initial.
This guy didn't want to be too
known for this. Jay
LaRose.
Lyric Bent?
That's got to be a rapper or something, right?
Or just something he does.
Lyric Bent?
Barry...
I want to say Flatman?
Let's just not worry about that name.
And then, how many was that?
That's six.
Dina Meyer.
And, uh...
These names are ridiculous.
It's fine. It's not going to matter.
It's not?
I mean, I don't think I have...
It's one of the Saw movies.
It's a question of what sequel in 2006.
I am going to say
Saw 3.
There's a person whose name is M-P-H-O
Mepho
and their last name is
K-O-A-H-O
K-O-A-H-O
and it really is Barry Flatman.
And lyric.
And Alan Von Sprang
and Donnie Wahlberg
is 12th build
in
Saw 3.
There you go, dude.
I'm going to be
totally fucking honest here.
One, would not have got it.
Two, did not know Donnie did anything in 2006.
Sarah, I'm going to tell you right now,
if this doesn't fucking work out,
and it's looking like it might not,
you can still stretch your leg like that
and that makes you a fucking winner.
Seriously, there's money in that move.
Alright, we're going to start with
Sam
and then go to Mark again.
Yeah.
Always a bridesmaid.
Always a bride.
That's the expression That is the expression
That's how it is in my fucking life
You're always everything?
I am fucking everything
Okay
Sam, would you like
Someone named Crev Alex on Twitter
Suggested Wanna Do Some Nines?
And that category is films from 1999.
Pardon the interruption is a category of movies
that I'm going to be interrupting soon.
And then your third option is we're going to need a bigger goat,
which, of course, is film set on a farm.
I will take film set on a farm.
We're going to need a bigger goat.
Sorry, we're going to need a bigger goat.
Films that take place on a farm.
Two stars from Leonard
for this movie
from 1993.
He says about this movie
that
takes place over
Thanksgiving break.
That's a sweet clue.
Says the lead actress in this movie has an infectious cackle.
She should get that checked out.
Obamacare covers cackles now, it's fine.
What was happening earlier when Sam said something like
you were going to tell us afterwards what you were thinking?
Oh, for the first game, the cluster
flicks. Yeah. I didn't want to,
the first time we played it, I didn't know
that when you were like, oh, there's an actor in these, and
common in all three movies, it was going to be like a
small part actor.
And so that's why I didn't want to say that.
I could have
waited until later.
Again, more later.
Glad you brought it up, Doug.
Glad you brought it up. Doug. Glad you brought it up.
I just noticed some people were sitting around going,
when are they going to talk about that?
Oh, yeah, burning question.
So I'm glad we found out that it wasn't worth the trouble.
All the home listeners are wondering, too.
Okay.
All right.
So what was happening?
Where were we?
Thanksgiving weekend, 93.
Infected cackle. someone has an infectious cackle.
And he lists eight names. How many names can you get it in?
Takes place on a farm.
Eight names.
Okay, Mark.
Lives on a farm.
Infectious cackle.
Did you give a year? I apologize.
93?
93.
Let's see.
Can I make a recommendation?
Yeah, for sure, bro.
Seven names.
You know what?
I don't want to take advice.
Eight names.
How many did he say?
Seven names.
He says seven, Chris.
God.
Twisted his arm.
That's too many.
Five names.
He says five, Sam.
Well, you're impressed with Saw III.
Right?
Bet you can do it again.
Name that movie.
That's a little more in my wheelhouse than farm Thanksgiving movies is.
You're telling him to name it, Sam?
Yes, name that movie, Chris.
All right, five names.
Here's your five names.
Dan Gauthier.
That's someone I used to know.
Dennis Berkley.
Enjoy it. Enjoy it.
Enjoy it.
You're right.
You're right to enjoy that.
Dennis Berkley, who I believe is the grandson of Busby.
And Patrick Renna.
Mason Adams.
And Cindy Pickett.
I don't know a single one of those people.
That was a rough pull.
But maybe you know a movie that took place on a farm around that time.
Thanksgiving.
I feel like maybe Reese Witherspoon saw her family over a break or something and there was a dude.
I don't know.
I'm just going to say.
It's not Sweet Home Alabama.
That's where I was going.
And that's not it.
I really don't know
I'm going to say
Home for the Holidays
That was a movie that existed
That is what I thought it was
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, it's Jodie Foster directed
Yeah, but I think that's later
Yeah, yeah
This is
The actress in question
Was Carla Gugino
And the motion picture Is Son-in-Law starring Pauly Shore.
Oh, my God.
Tiffany Thiessen's in that one, too, isn't she?
If she wants to be.
If she is.
She doesn't.
I don't see her on the list here.
Well, then she's in another Pauly Shore movie.
Yeah, you'd think she'd build better than Dan Godier.
Patrick Renna, by the way, who you named,
was the great Hambino in the Sandlot.
Oh!
Just throw that out there. That's awesome.
Alright, Sam.
You got two points. You're in the lead.
Thank you.
Yeah, for challenging Chris.
So that means we're going to start with Mark
and then go to Sam.
Doesn't anybody knock?
Oh, Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
It is Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
You guys want to do some lines?
Always down for fucking lines.
You guys want to just did some lines?
All right.
You guys glad we did lines?
Yeah.
All right, so you're in the base.
You're in the cellar.
You're out of it so far, Mark.
That's all right.
It's time to rise up.
I will, dude.
Okay.
I came back after that Planet 8 movie that night.
Do you think you'll ever work with Tim Burton again?
No.
You know why?
I was hoping for something
interesting.
Why?
I'm not weird enough.
Like he likes all of his people
to look like they're in recovery.
And I'm like,
no dude,
I'd rather look like
I just fucking worked out.
I think that you get along best with the craziest directors.
How do you figure?
That's my opinion.
What do you mean, like Bay?
Yeah.
You mean Beyonce?
And the guy that yelled at Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman.
What's that?
You know, you've worked with them a couple times.
David O. Russell.
Yeah? He's fucking crazy as shit too
That's the point I'm making
Yeah, but you know who else is fucking crazy?
I'm just putting this out there
Not that I've been asked to be in another one of his fucking movies
It's Paul Thomas Anderson, but who's fucking counting?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying
You're not in another one of his movies
Because he's probably relatively sane
No, he's a fucking wacko
But the best
What about Alright, let's a fucking wacko. But the best. What about...
All right, let's table this for another time.
We got a major championship here going on,
and also they're just starting up
with the tango lessons upstairs.
The listeners won't notice, but for people in the room, it's kind of distracting.
Okay.
Market's pick category, right?
Yep.
We're going to need a bigger coat.
And that, of course, is movies where someone is frozen.
And at not KB Toys, because the guy's initials are KB, so he's saying he's not KB Toys.
He doesn't want to get confused with them.
He's probably had some issues with some children or something.
He suggested Red Light Challenge,
in honor of our friend Ben Bailey and the show Cash Cab.
And that's movies where there's a cab involved in a chase sequence,
where one of the cars is a cab.
And then Hyper Apathy suggested Cherub
and this was suggested
around Valentine's Day, Cherub
and that of course is movies that have a lap
dance in them.
Also known as a Cherub.
Oh, I get it.
Let's see.
Okay, so we can do
like a lap dance
or we can do like a taxi.
What was the first one?
Someone's frozen.
I think we're going
to need a bigger coat.
Yeah.
You know what, dude?
No, what?
Let's go
fucking
Yeah, let's pick go fucking taxi movies.
Okay.
Taxicab is in a chase.
Yes, sir.
Would you like a movie where a taxicab is involved in a chase from 1963, 1972, or 2004?
Let's say 2004.
One and a half stars from Leonard.
Got it.
You mean you have that piece of information?
No, I'm filing what you say right now.
Okay, alright. You don't have to say got it
after everything. I'm going to trust that you're
hearing me. Let me know if you can't
hear a clue. You got it.
He says this movie's about a hot shot
He also says
That this was produced by a French person
He also goes with the extended version
I don't know, he spends a lot of time telling us about extended versions
But it's 112 minutes if you're interested
From the 97 minutes, theatrically.
One and a half stars.
A cab is in a chase.
And he lists eight names.
Mark Wahlberg.
How many?
Zero names. He says zero
We go to Sam
Negative two
I know but
Do you know the order?
We're gonna find out
You don't fucking know the order
Sam Levine
We're gonna fucking find out
Chris
What's Chris gonna do?
It's strategy time
Negative three
Oh
You son of a...
Chris.
What?
You're playing a game, right?
Yeah, we are.
All right.
Shit.
Where's it going, Mark?
Who's the Mark?
Yeah, it's about that time
to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme
You get yours, because I'm going to get mine
Fucking classic song right there
Name it
Well, I have no idea what movie it is
Or who was in that make-believe movie
I just didn't want Sam Levine to get another point
I'm going to say the movie is Taxi
and it stars
Jimmy Fallon,
Queen Latifah
and fuck it, let's say Eugene Levy.
That sounds like he'd be in that movie, right?
I love that fucking thing.
The answer is Taxi.
Queen Latifah
got top billing.
Are you going?
Then Jimmy Fallon.
And who do you think the third person is, Sam?
Any idea?
Tom Lennon.
I think the third person is just the cab.
Ben Kingsley.
It's Henry Simmons.
Not Donnie Wahlberg, no.
But Ann-Margaret was in there.
I was going to lead off with the queen. I was going to lead off with the queen.
I was going to lead off with the queen
because Fallon had only done
fever pitch.
That means Mark is on the board with
one point, you guys. We'll take it.
But that was fun. You threw yourself on it,
but then you almost guessed it anyway.
You almost got it, you crazy.
Alright, so we'll start with Sam, and then we'll go to Mark. Then you almost guessed it anyway. I got close. You almost got it. You're crazy. All right.
So we'll start with Sam, and then we'll go to Mark.
And Sam gets to pick between at chrysifus underscore.
It sounded like there was going to be more to that, but that's it.
Chrysifus underscore.
Lunch at Tiffany's.
And that's romantic sequels.
You don't see a lot of rom-com sequels,
because everyone just wants to murder the first one.
But here's an example.
At Magic Ark suggested Big Hero Six Feet Under,
which is, of course, the fun category where it's films where
T.J. Miller gets killed
Mark's perking up already over that one
and at
Ruroni1029
who even wrote to me on Twitter
and told me how to pronounce Ruroni
and I think I'm still pronouncing it wrong
suggested Four Red Weddings and a Funeral me on Twitter and told me how to pronounce Rurouni and I think I'm still pronouncing it wrong. Suggested four red
weddings and a funeral.
And it's movies with Game of Thrones
actors that have a
wedding or a funeral in them.
Or both, I guess.
I will take
the big
hero six feet under.
Alright.
I have a feeling you're very knowledgeable of T.J.'s film career.
I've seen him in quite a lot of things.
Three stars from Leonard for this one, 2008.
He says this movie is difficult to stomach.
Not T.J.'s performance.
Just the overall movie.
And he says
this movie
runs on pure adrenaline.
Yeah.
And he lists
seven names.
Let's say eight names.
Let's go eight names.
Take it back to seven.
These hyphenated names get me every time.
Negative one.
Negative one, he says, Mark.
Negative one.
Cloverfield starring Lizzie Kaplan?
That's correct.
Yes! That's correct TJ's third build
But you just hear him during most of it
He just operates the camera
But you got good billing
Maybe Leonard met him
Before you reviewed it
Probably not
Sam's got three points, you guys.
Not good.
Did somebody boo?
That's too much.
Maybe that person was booing you.
You and Mark.
For not having three points.
But whatever.
People are excited.
This is a chance for you guys to catch up here because we're going to start with who challenged who there?
Mark challenged me.
Yeah, so we'll start with Chris and go to Mark.
And Chris gets to pick between Trips Zero suggested to have and to have not, K-N-O-T.
Have and to have not, K-N-O-T.
And that, of course, in honor of the movie that opened this past weekend, Spongebob.
We both did it!
In honor of Fifty Shades, this is movies with bondage scenes in them.
Crosscheck, K-R-O-S-S check on Twitter suggested The Other Jeff Tate, and that's
films with the band Queensryche
on the soundtrack.
And
Super Naomi suggested
Puff Puff Pass, and that's
Emily Blunt movies that Leonard
gave two stars or less.
So what do you want?
You want some bad blunts?
You want some bondage?
Or do you want the
Queensryche on the soundtrack?
I'm sure you're very familiar with films
that have that.
Let's go bondage.
Alright.
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go? Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
2002. Were you singing that song?
Huh?
It sounded like you were
singing that song from Frozen.
I was, kinda.
2002 is the year.
Three stars from Leonard.
He says this movie
is intriguing.
He says
it's got superb performances
and
he also
calls it bold.
And he lists
nine names.
Let's go negative one.
Negative one
to
Mark.
Can you read that to me again, brother?
I can try.
Superb performances.
Intriguing.
And bold.
And the year was?
2002.
Three stars.
That's how many gets tied up.
That's your opinion.
So you say not.
So like that could be
a perfect storm.
Go negative two, Mark.
Go negative two, Mark.
I'm afraid your own career might hold you back in this game a little bit.
That'd be a first.
You can go negative two.
I know you can.
Name it, brother.
Secretary James Spader.
That's correct.
That's correct.
We're two and three, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jeremy Davies
Oh let me see
Let me check show off
Yeah while we're at it let's all just take our dicks out
What do you think was number four Sam?
Do you have any idea?
I don't know an old lady
No I can't see any old ladies in here.
Oh, Lesanne Warren?
She wasn't old, though.
Patrick Bachow.
But wait, am I right about...
But Jeremy Davis, yeah, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jeremy Davis, correct.
Yeah.
But there's no bonus points.
Oh, no.
This isn't at midnight.
So we're not taking our dicks out?
No, because I was dead fucking serious.
No dick points.
No dick points. No dick points.
All right, Chris has two points.
Sam has three.
Mark, you're still bringing up the rear here with one point.
Or as I like to call it, on the board.
Mark challenged Chris, so we'll start with Sam and then go to Mark.
And Sam gets to pick between Ken Jennings,
and that's the category
where all of the films
are in the form of a question.
Sagan Baggins
suggested on Twitter,
Apollo 86, and that of course
his films were Carl Weathers Dies.
And
Interstellar got her
groove back.
Matthew McConaughey romantic films.
Which one of those?
There's like 90 of them.
And all of his films are romantic
because he's definitely in love with himself.
Let's do the Ken Jennings category.
His car commercials are romantic.
Would you like a movie
that's in the form of a question from 1965, 1987, or 2007?
65.
Whoa.
That's an interesting play.
Two stars from Leonard.
Who's up second now?
Mark?
Yeah.
All right.
Get ready.
Two stars from Leonard. This movie from Leonard. Who's up second now? Mark? Alright, get ready. Two stars from Leonard.
This movie from 1965.
He says it's about a character
who's disturbed.
And he says that
it's got a lot of misfired
gags.
But it gets to a few
undeniable gems.
It's got some gems.
A lot of misfires.
Any names?
Seven people.
Seven names.
Negative one.
Wow, that is
interesting.
He was at an Oscar party with the star of that movie last year.
It's really not even...
Mark, what do you think?
Negative two.
Oh, I see what's happening.
Mark, man.
Team Sam is going to be very angry about that.
Name it, sir.
Janet Leigh, Jack Lemmon, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
Neither one of those people were in that movie.
But it was fun that you committed to a guess,
but now Sam gets to show off, maybe.
No, here's the thing.
I thought it was Guess Who's Coming to Dinner,
but then I just realized that won an Academy Award in 1968.
So it can't
fucking be that movie. I would have gotten it wrong.
Okay, let's just fucking take our dicks out.
Is it
What's New Pussycat?
Wait, Sam still wants to guess.
Is it What's New Pussycat?
And? Peter Sellers.
That's correct. I would have gotten it wrong. That's awesomecat? And? Peter Sellers. That's correct.
I would have gotten it wrong.
That's awesome that you didn't get a point.
I really thought it was that.
I thought it was, too.
That's why I went.
But Jack Lemmon and Janet Leigh?
All right, you guys are gaining on it.
Mark has two.
Chris has two.
I think they're making it.
I'm pretty sure I get a point there.
Just leave it what he said, Doc.
Just go with what Doc fucking said, bro.
I challenged him.
That's right.
Chris and Sam have three.
Mark has one.
Yes, sir.
And Mark doesn't get to start us off this time,
but he does get to go second again.
That seems to be the trend here.
Sam gets to pick...
Wait, yeah, Sam gets to pick between
Superman
and that's movies with soup
or man in the title.
These are so
Probably man, right?
I'm thinking of like one soup movie.
You'd be surprised.
You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised
number of soup movies.
Are you at the point when I can start requesting categories or no?
No, no, no. You've got to take one of these three.
Alright.
I don't think we're going to get to that point.
Because one came up earlier.
Soup or Man.
And this one's an awesome one.
Serpico and Sepulveda.
And that's Al Pacino movies that take place in Los Angeles.
Or at Gregory Peck's P-E-C-S suggested on Twitter,
Box of Chocolate.
And that's any movie ever made.
Because with the Box of chocolate category,
you never know what you're gonna get.
I'll take that one.
Alright, Sam's going box of chocolate.
Would you like a
box of chocolate movie from
1995 or 2009?
95.
Okay.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie that's amongst all movies ever made.
He says about this movie that the main character is dedicated.
And he also says that this movie is well acted.
And he also says that this movie's well-acted.
And he says that... He says, not much violence, per se.
And he lists a whopping...
Wow.
16.
16.
16 people.
Fourteen.
And maybe some animals.
Wait, maybe or?
I'm saying maybe because that does happen.
I can't say that it's just people because sometimes he does list animals.
But Sam's going with 14.
I'll go with 14 people and possible animals.
We go to Mark.
13.
No.
No.
Right?
We go to Chris next, right?
Because Chris challenged last time.
Yeah, Chris challenged Mark, and he didn't get it.
Correct.
Comes to you, Chris.
Comes to me.
Sam says 16 out of 8.
I said 14 out of 16.
Sam says 12 out of 8. I said 14 out of 16. Sam says 12 out of 14.
Let's go 10 names.
10 names.
Mark.
Name it.
All right.
10 names.
Shit.
This is going to be embarrassing when I don't get this.
Let me get ready for this one.
Richard Portnow.
Leland Orser.
Michael Massey.
Hawthorne James.
Peter Crombie.
No Fitch.
Reginald E.
Cathy.
Cathay, maybe.
Oh, that makes all the difference. Thank you.
John Cassini.
Mark Boone Jr.
Julie Arisgog.
I'm giving you too many.
I got ten names.
Oh, John C. McGinley is your tenth name.
Ooh.
Ninety-five.
Not much violence to speak of.
Dedicated lead character.
Well acted.
The usual suspects.
Three stars.
So close.
Yeah.
Sam figured it out?
Yeah, by Leland Orser, it's seven.
And why do you think I put seven in the box of chocolate category?
Little extra weird clue in there.
Nice job, Doug.
I see what you did there. Nice try. Wait, weird clue in there. Nice job, Doug. See what you did there.
Nice try. Wait, hold on a second.
Can we just talk about the fact that Leonard Maltin doesn't consider a dude fucking a woman with a knife much
violence? Well, we don't see that.
We don't see that. Not much
violence per se.
Per se. We don't see it.
Yeah.
I don't know if I like Seven.
Is it gross?
No, I mean, per se.
A guy knife fucks a woman.
You'd never do that.
What's that?
Nothing.
So, who got the point?
Mark got the point.
That's what I thought.
Mark is catching up.
This is a real game.
You're welcome for that.
I just said a completely pointless fucking thing
into the microphone.
No, I liked it.
Because I'm uncomfortable with silence.
I love it.
I'm trying to keep this thing going,
and you filled in the space nicely.
Oh, my God.
Are we getting close?
Sam's worried about the time.
We've got 21 minutes to settle this thing.
Akon Movies suggested...
Who's?
This starts with me and goes to Mark.
As always, it goes to Mark every time.
Akon Movies, Sam, suggested Fifty Shades of Grape.
Films where Johnny Depp has sex.
All right.
At G. Johnson Jr. on Twitter suggested Nationwide is by your side.
Because that, of course, is films where a child dies.
because that of course is films where a child dies and at Jables 21
suggested Donnie Darko
and that is
Donnie Wahlberg
horror movies
yeah
I was hoping it was movies where you can't see Donnie
movies where Donnie wears blackface
Movies where Donnie didn't pay the electric bill
I'll take my Donnie Wahlberg horror movies
Really?
Yeah
Okay
I'm excited
2007 is the year
Two and a half stars from Leonard
He says about this movie that
He wrote that?
I love when Leonard gets glib.
He says
the performances are subpar
in this movie.
So no offense to Donnie on that.
He also says that's a weird kind of...
It's almost part of the perverse appeal of this film,
is that the performances are subpar.
That's about all I can say about it, I think.
And he lists lists 13 names.
Zero.
Two and a half stars from 2007.
Zero names.
Sam says zero.
How many points do I have?
Four?
You have two points.
Okay.
But Sam has three and Chris has three, so you're in a bit of a situation here.
What would Mark Wahlberg do?
By now, Mark Wahlberg would work out.
We need you to stay and finish the game.
I'm working out on the stage while I do it.
I could do some plyo.
All right.
I'm going to say name it.
Is that Saw 5?
No, it's not.
It's Saw 4.
Oh, they skipped a year.
Did they skip a year?
I thought it was 2005 for you.
My recall of earlier in the evening was 2005 for you. Son of a bitch.
My recall of earlier in the evening was off, guys.
I'm so sorry.
That's why I was doing my song math.
That's all right, Sam.
Three-way tie.
That's all right, Sam.
We can still have that dick show contest if you want.
Mark Wahlberg has three.
Can I just say, Sam has three.
I would ten times rather be asked to name the movie and get it wrong than get fucking boxed out.
Sure. What's in the boxed out?
Yeah.
I turned that down.
You never know what you're going to get.
Turned down seven? I did turn down seven.
Who were you playing? They wanted me to play the dude
with no fucking tongue, and I'm like, are you kidding me?
They're like, we'll pay
you $7,000 to lay down for an hour.
And I'm like... You could have let Donnie do that, right?
No, Donnie did it
Donnie, that is Donnie
A lot of people don't know that
That is Donnie
Alright, so
Who challenged Sam?
Mark did
So Chris gets to start us off
And then we'll go to Mark
Mark is just a challenging machine
I'm the meat in this sandwich, bro
Is that why you keep trying to pull your dick out?
No My dick's trying itself to get out
Okay Chris
Here are your options
At War Garbler
W-H-A-R Garbler on Twitter suggested first name basis.
And this is an interesting one.
You know, could be any movie at all.
I tried to pick something that's a well-known movie.
But when we read the names, I'm only going to read first names.
Yeah, weird, right?
You can pick the next category, please.
Yeah. I'm throwing it out there pick the next category, please. Yeah.
Throw it out there if you want to, you know.
That sounds like something you might be good at.
It does not.
Maybe this will sound better.
At 420 B Baker Street suggested Dear White People.
All right, now we're talking.
It's the movies of Betty, Jack, or Mike White.
All of whom are not in a ton of movies Do you need a third one?
Yeah
At Hoy Ploy 19 suggested
He's just not that into Hugh
And it's movies
Hugh Grant movies that Leonard Maltin gave
Two stars or less
Let's go Hugh Grant
The year, it's 2009 Hugh Grant movies that Leonard Maltin gave two stars or less. Let's go Hugh Grant.
All right.
The year.
It's 2009.
Leonard gave this movie two stars.
He says about the film that...
Wow. Wow.
There's a murder in this movie.
And it's also mindless.
What year is it?
2009.
Two stars for Leonard.
There's a murder in this film.
It's mindless.
I can't even remember the category. And he also says predictable.
Hugh Grant.
Predictable.
Thank you.
And he lists 11 names.
2009?
Yeah.
And a murder.
11 names.
Hugh Grant.
I'm saying 11 names.
Good, good, smart opening bid.
We got 10.
Mark says 10, Sam.
Mark Wahlberg named that movie We'll see
It's 10 names
Out of 11
Alright, let's do it
I'll throw one of you guys into the lead
Seth Gilliam
Beth Fowler,
Wilford Brimley,
Dana Ivey,
Jesse Liebman,
Elizabeth Moss,
Michael Kelly,
Sam Elliott,
Mary Steenburgen,
and Sarah Jessica Parker
in And Sarah Jessica Parker in...
She's the second-pill person.
Hugh's number one.
I don't think it's two weeks' notice.
I will... I only left out one name in this movie
that has Hugh Grant in it.
I very much like that Wilford Brimflea's name
just got a laugh by itself.
Do people like what they know?
He hasn't been good since The Firm.
All right.
About a boy, too. where's that fucking boy?
You're going to get it wrong.
Get it wrong, great.
Before I tell you the answer, I just want to ask you a quick question.
Can I ask you a question, Mark?
Yeah, for sure, Ralph.
All right, this might help you.
Did you hear about the Morgans?
No.
Is the name of the movie.
Yeah, I don't think anybody fucking heard about the Morgans.
Yeah, it did not go over well, I don't think.
Did you hear about the Morgans movie?
If I had been pressed to come up with the title, I could not have, but I remember the stupid movie.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
That was a real, real, real tough one.
And that means Sam Levine is out in the lead again with four points.
is out in the lead again with four points.
He's also going to miss the early bird special at his party.
Yeah.
Oh, there's coffee's gone.
Doug, if you're not in your seat by 3.15,
I mean, you're not getting into the place.
All the old people.
They're already there early.
They're already in line.
Especially if there was a break in the rain, that's when they're going to go.
Oh my God.
Do you know what I'm busting on you?
But I bet this part,
I swear to God, okay? No Donnie's.
I mean what I'm saying.
I bet your party is
so much fucking fun because the best
Hollywood stories
are old Hollywood fucking stories.
I 100% agree with you.
That's why I go to this thing.
All right, I'll go.
Okay.
Talk to you and do it.
All right, so we're back to Chris again?
Yep.
Okay.
And then over to me.
And then over to Sam.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, stepping right in it, buddy.
At BDM6985 suggested Raging Bull.
And that, of course, is movies where Robert De Niro smokes weed.
At Gilson2, G-I-L-L-S-O-N-2, suggested Droid Rage.
And that's movies with fighting robots.
And at Sebastian Nebel suggested Go Bananas.
Bless you, sneezing person in the back.
Go Bananas, which is movies that have the word apes in the title.
And I'll give you an example.
The Grand Budapest Hotel I'm going to say
Raging Bull and those are what movies are Robert De Niro smokes the reefer
three stars from the why I said it like one of the attendees at Sam's party tonight. Mm-hmm. Oh, smokes the reefer. Jazz cigarette, you say?
Jazz cigarette, that's fucking great.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie from 1997 that he says is leisurely paced.
He says that it's got dynamite performances.
And again, kind of harping on the leisurely pace note,
he ends the review with, it has periodic lulls.
And he lists nine names.
Zero names.
Negative two.
God damn it.
I knew it. I didn't know. Oh. Goddamn it. I knew it.
I didn't know.
Ah, goddamn pity.
Play it smart.
Just fucking say what you're saying.
What are you saying?
I'm trying to tell you to cheat.
Don't tell him what to do.
Don't tell him what to do, but I, you know.
No, I know what he's fucking saying.
That's what I'm saying.
Just say it.
Sorry, I'm not as bold as you.
If I go negative three,
he's going to make you name it.
You won't be able to.
Then they will be in a tie.
Then we'll be connecting.
Also, there's a good chance
I could get the order wrong.
Right, and then either way,
I leave here a fucking movie star.
I love that part.
I love the part about there's a chance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good chance, you guys.
There's always a fucking chance.
You've heard me all day today.
I've not known anything.
It's been tough.
Right, right.
It's just, I'm just cashing checks in life.
It's horrible.
He's got a moral dilemma on his hands.
Or maybe, do you have any idea what it might be?
No, I have a total fucking idea what it is.
I'm pretty certain I know three people deep.
Oh, well then it's not going to be that much of a throwing yourself on the grenade if you...
No, I'm not that guy.
All right, do what you got to do.
Let's go negative three.
Chris? Name it.
Alright.
This will be really interesting because Mark will
pull into a tie for
first place with Sam if
he can do this.
Give me the name of the movie
and then the top three billed people
in order. The name of the movie first?
Yep
I'm not going to say
If you're right or wrong
Until you say all of it
Jackie Brown
Judy Gerr
Robert De Niro
Jennifer Jason Leigh
That is the dumbest mic drop
In the history
Of everything
Because not a single person here
Thinks Jennifer Jason Leigh
Is in Jackie Brown Sure Not a single person here thinks Jennifer Jason Leigh is in Jackie Brown.
Not a single person?
Not one person here
that's a real person
thinks it's Jennifer Jason Leigh.
The top three are
Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson,
Robert Forster,
Jackie Brown.
That was exciting.
Now, Chris and Sam are tied for the lead Jackie Brown. But that was exciting. And now Chris
and Sam are tied for
the lead with four
apiece.
I just got it wrong.
It fucking happens.
You said to me I really
thought I knew it.
But you led off with Jennifer Jason Leigh.
No, I did not. I said Judy Greer.
Oh, I'm sorry. Who's also not in the movie.
Wait, you didn't say
Jennifer Jason Leigh?
You said Judy Greer instead of Pam Greer?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I get them confused all the time.
Sometimes you're in The Departed,
sometimes you're in The Truth About Charlie.
There's nothing you can fucking do about it.
Which one of those was the bad one?
Oh.
I'm just playing around with you.
I always get one in.
I mean, you let me get one in.
Where are we starting?
Starts with me, goes to Chris.
Here we go. I knew Sam would know,
because he's in a hurry to get to some old people.
The guest might be dying.
He needs to get there.
The great thing is young people would be like, fuck you.
Old people are worried.
Yeah.
Okay, starts with Sam and goes to Chris.
Yep.
Okay.
Sam, please pick between at Benjamin Salas suggested on Twitter,
Wahlberg versus Wahlberg.
And that's Mark Wahlberg movies
that came out in the same year.
So whichever one we do,
there was another Wahlberg movie
that came out that same year.
Got it. Thank you.
Finally.
I have a feeling that's not going to get picked.
Bigger in BCN suggested,
how did this get laid?
And it's movies where a nerd gets a girl.
And at Nick underscore Knack underscore No,
N-O-E suggested,
that's what she said.
And that's movies that have a female narration
at some point.
Oh, at some point.
Yeah.
I'll take the geek gets the girl right on.
The year is 1984.
Two stars from Leonard.
He says about this movie,
not bad,
which is another way of saying two stars.
And he also says about this movie that the two leads are likable.
And he lists a whopping 13 names?
Negative one.
Goes to me, negative two.
Name it.
Oh, shit.
You haven't caught on to this yet?
Have you not caught on? He's got four points.
Yeah, I just want him to win.
Okay, great.
Alright.
Wait, doesn't Mark have three points? Mark definitely has three points. Yeah, Mark has three points. You sure about that?
We're going for a four-way tie right now. Or three-way tie.
You sure about that? I'm pretty sure. I think so.
He doesn't know how many points I have or
how many people are playing this game. I don't know.
I don't trust him. I don't know. I'm pretty sure
three people are playing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Mark has three. I only have three.
And now he just said name it.
Yep. And uh... name it to me.
How many names do you have to do it in?
Negative two. Uh-huh. Okay, so the name
of the movie and then negative two, but
Chris will win the game if he does this
correctly. Right, but I'm not going to.
So,
Weird Science, Anthony
Michael Hall, and I don't know the other
guys, Steve Smith. I don't know.
Oh, yeah. What was that guy's name? Steve Smith. I don't know. Oh, yeah.
What was that guy's name?
Ian something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I'm clearly wrong, but.
Do you want to say what it is, Sam?
Yeah, 16 Candles with Molly Ringwald.
No?
No.
Oh, that's great.
Oh, up yours.
Saved you, my friend.
He was mad when he thought he was right.
That's fucking great. Guys, please don't yell at each other. was right. That's fucking great.
Guys, please don't yell at each other.
Just fight.
That's fucking great.
It's Revenge of the Nerds
with Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards.
Bitch.
There you go.
Sometimes the strategy backfires.
That's true.
For the record here,
no Donnie's.
I knew what the movie was,
but I did not know anything else.
Three-way tie.
It's time for asparagus pee.
This totally goes in Sam's...
Oh, I messed that play up hard.
Because Sam gets to go first now.
Oh, fuck.
And it goes to Chris. No, it goes to
Chris.
No, it goes to Mark.
Didn't Chris just challenge Mark?
No, Mark challenged.
Yeah, you're right.
I don't know why I thought it could change.
It's Mark again.
Sam to Mark. So good luck, Chris.
You might not even get a chance to participate.
Strange feeling. I'm going to read the I don't think I will. I have a strange feeling.
I'm going to read the whole review,
and then Sam will start us off with
what I assume will be zero or less names.
I really want to win, but even if I don't,
my publicist keeps telling me
I need to seem more human.
Like, more like normal people.
And so, if I lose, Sarah, I'm sorry,
but guys, I'm just like you.
people. And so, if I lose,
Sarah, I'm sorry, but guys,
I'm just like you.
I'm not anything fucking like any of you.
You ready, Sam?
Yes. For this movie?
Very ready, Doug. Two and a half stars from Leonard.
This movie from 1992
is a USA production.
Network?
157 minutes long.
Long movie.
Made in the United States, I mean.
He says this movie is the story of a timid prep school student
who earns much-needed money on a long weekend
taking a job as a companion to a crusty, blind, hard-drinking ex-army colonel.
What does that say?
These really came in handy today.
Little Dreaming the Colonel has his own agenda.
Oh, I see.
He's taking a long weekend job as a companion to this colonel
who has his own agenda.
Enjoyable, and then in parentheses, if barely believable.
Oh, really, Leonard?
The scene where he drives a car?
Scene barely believable?
Galvanized by a bravura Oscar-winning performance,
Bo Goldman's script is seriously weakened by a story appendage
that plays like leftover material from Dead Poets Society
based on the 1974 Italian film
Profumo di Donna.
It's like the scent of a specific woman.
And Leonard lists four, five, six, seven, eight, nine names.
Oh, it's going to be big.
No, it's going to be the smart play.
Negative two.
It's pretty smart.
Yeah.
Mark.
You got a real moral dilemma here, Mark.
I have no clue what you mumbled.
I said you have a real moral dilemma.
No, I don't.
Name it.
Oh, all right.
Scent of a Woman,
Al Pacino, Chris O'Donnell. There it is.
Sam Levine has done it again. Thank you, gentlemen.
Who do you think that third name is, Sam?
James Rebhorn.
Who do you think the fourth name is?
Philip Seymour Hoffman. No, Gabriel Anwar. Of course. But was Reb fourth name is? Philip Seymour Hoffman.
No, Gabriel Anwar.
Then Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Richard Venture.
Bradley Whitford.
Roselle Oliver.
And Francis Conroy is in that movie.
I don't even know.
It's 2.30.
We did it, you guys.
Thank you so much for coming.
Look for Sam in the next stage of the tournament.
Coming soon.
You guys got shitheads on these babies?
Oh, yeah.
Let's see.
And you got anything to plug real quick?
Check out Canceled Pod on iTunes.
Canceled Podcast.
It's super fun.
That's my new show.
All right.
And Douglovesmovies.com for all my stuff.
And the Wahlburgers show is a
shithead. Yep.
And Brian Williams is a shithead.
And a week from this Tuesday, Wahlburg
Solution at UCB Sunset. You can come
fucking hang out with me and have your life fucking changed.
Serious. I hope you're
fucking there.
serious I hope you're fucking there