Doug Loves Movies - W. Kamau Bell, Gabe Dylan, Brad Williams, and Ngaio Bealum Guest
Episode Date: October 30, 2014Live from Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on All Hallow's Eve Eve, Doug welcomes W. Kamau Bell, Gabe Dylan, Brad Williams, and Ngaio Bealum to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19....com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everybody.
My name is Doug and I love movies.
And I love movies.
Oh, I meant, I love scary movies.
One person tried the second time. Gave up at loves. Oh, I meant, I love scary movies.
One person tried the second time.
Gave up at loves.
Doug loves scary movies.
Thank you to Cynthia Barlow for providing the spooky theme song
that you just heard.
Because it's Thursday, October 30th, 2014.
Wolf of Wall Street fight.
Terminator 2.
Judgment Day of the Dead Men,
Day of the Dead Men,
Walking Tall, The President's Men in Blackula.
Show me your scary name tag, San Frans Freaky.
Holy crap.
Wow.
That's a really impressive name tag situation.
I might just move the show here permanently
because you guys are nuts.
There's too many.
Even cite any particular ones,
but there's one over there
with stuffed animals hanging off of it.
And the lady who's holding it is dressed up
as like a sexy cop or something.
So that's a lot of fun.
There's even a couple of people in the balcony.
They're like, dare you dream
that one of the guests is going to come all the way up there
and pick what, from where I'm sitting,
looks like you're just holding up like a nightlight.
Now it's bouncing up and down.
Instead of Halloween, we have Matoween.
That's pretty fun.
The Nightmare Before Chris.
That must be someone named Chris.
Somebody brought their leftovers Or something from somewhere
Julie brought some
Born on the 4th of the Julie
Written on the side of a bag
Like a doggy bag
From Outback or some place like that
Lucy, is your name Lucy?
Okay
You also have a stormtrooper helmet on
Remember when they
When Luke Skywalker And Han Solo Pretend to be dressed up as stormtrooper helmet on. Remember when Luke Skywalker
and Han Solo
pretend to be dressed up as stormtroopers?
The first time I saw that movie,
up until that point, I thought that's what stormtroopers,
I thought that was like their skin.
I thought that's what those guys
look like. I didn't know
it was a costume.
So I thought
that they were wearing their skin.
Right now, it's just kind of funny seeing, like,
who's going to put their sign down last.
Because people just keep going,
oh, Doug's just going off about this fucking Stormtrooper thing.
I'm not going to hold this up anymore.
But is your name Natalie?
And you wrote The Natrix Reloaded?
And you are holding that thing up proudly.
If this were a pageant, you'd be the winner
for the longest amount of poise.
And that guy behind her is holding up a box of cereal.
What's the cereal say on it?
It's Frankenbenson.
Frankenbenson?
All right, well, you know, my guests really
generally aren't looking for name tags with my
name on it, but
I appreciate that you're sucking up to me with
some sugary cereal that I
no longer eat.
I'm off the sugar, you guys, so
Halloween's particularly rough.
But let's proceed
with the rest of the show, shall we?
Nice name tags, you guys.
Good job.
I'm very excited to announce
that I will be doing stand-up
right here on this very stage
on New Year's Eve
with, yeah,
with past and future
Douglas Movies guests
Fortune Feimster,
Tommy Johnigan,
John Doerr
And more
Tickets go on sale
Tomorrow
And also don't forget
If you're in the
Sacramento area
This Saturday
I'll be at the punchline
Doing stand up
At 420
Come on out
For a sack punch
Wait that didn't
Come out right
Oh and by the way
I'm wearing all black tonight
in honor of World Series champs, the Giants.
And because I don't own a single item of clothing
that is orange.
Like, who has orange shit lying around?
You really have to just throw on
a Giants jersey or something.
Like, I can see it. Nobody's
wearing orange except for this scary
clown in the front row.
You two,
the stormtrooper and the clown next to each other,
you're really committed to, I wouldn't want to
watch a whole show from inside those masks.
I'd be like, fuck this.
Why am I doing this?
But you guys are committed.
I like that.
Prize bag.
It's so heavy, you guys.
But the thing I'm most proud about
is that,
and the name of the person who made it
is on the back,
but I got to show you this thing somebody made for me that is to promote my special Duck Dynasty. Somebody
gave me the big beard and the general look of a Duck Dynasty person. I don't watch the show,
but that's from Willie,
at Big Uncle Willie.
Oh, that's creepy.
At Big Uncle Willie on Twitter.
Write to him, you guys,
if you want him to do something like this for you, I guess.
I don't know.
But I can't keep it.
I can't look at that ever again.
I don't need that in my life.
Also inside the bag, we've got, just dropped in out of nowhere,
contributed by somebody from the audience tonight,
a Roku.
Yeah. That's a Roku. Yeah.
That's a nice item.
We were joking around backstage
about that might be
like, you know, filled
with poisonous powder or something.
So I was like, well, I'm just going to put it in the bag.
I'm not going to check.
That's on the winner
now.
Oh, I've got a Getting Doug With High mug.
One of the coveted mugs.
And a t-shirt.
And a copy of
Gateway Doug 2 Forced Fun.
And we'll talk about
the other things you'll win.
The winner tonight
is going to get
a lot of great stuff.
Please welcome to the stage
Ngayo Belem,
Brad Williams,
Gabe Dillon,
and W. Kamau Bell! Oh.
Oh.
Welcome to the
diversity isn't just about color panel.
It's about magicians.
What size do you like your man in?
All of them are on stage right now.
Every size.
You just work your way up.
And I didn't say it at the beginning,
but W. Kamau Bell is here, you guys.
He will also be on
the New Year's Eve show
here at Cobbs
that I mentioned.
But bar backing.
Oh, that's what you meant
by you're going to be here?
Yeah, that's what I meant.
You're just going to be
working that night
Looking for some part time jobs
Show business didn't really work out the way I'd hoped
Speaking of bar backing
And getting off of that
Bummer of a note that just happened
Can I get another
Vodka and soda
When you get a chance
Dear Punchline
No no no
FXX don't pay shit and soda when you get a chance dear punchline no no no not
FXX don't pay shit do they yeah they really don't pay when you're not on
there anymore but yeah but you got a big tour coming up correct yes I have a tour
coming up starting in a next week I have a tour coming up starting next week.
Oh, everything.
Yes, I'll be playing everywhere except San Francisco.
Because I live in the area, so I'll just be in the streets.
Just stop me and say, can I have some jokes?
And if you're white, I'll be like, that's racism!
That's racism!
And see, you'll laugh Like this white guy did
See?
I got some for everybody
He can really do it all
But what'd you bring
For the prize bag?
You brought
Oh, here's my drink
But no, the show
Can continue on
Because I got a cordless
What do you got for the prize bag?
You brought a gift certificate.
I brought, because I figured
if we're doing it at Cobb's,
I brought a $30 gift certificate
for Cobb's Comedy Club.
There you go.
Yes.
I feel like basically people know where it is.
They probably like comedy.
And I left home without,
because I forgot shit.
That's like one and a half tickets?
Or a nice hoodie.
A nice hoodie. Get a Cobb's hoodie.
That's N'Gayo Bielum
ladies and gentlemen. Hello!
Hello.
N'Gayo 420
on Twitter. Good luck spelling it.
N-G-A-I-O.
N'Gayo was his name-o.
And you brought some
bud buttons?
Lapel pins, like, you know, for your
jacket. There's Humboldt Honey and Super
Skunk and Movie Blastito from the
weed-themed comic books. I just started writing for those guys,
so I'm going to have a weed-themed comic
book coming out in a couple months. Stoner Ninja.
That's cool. Surprise.
I'm actually more interested
in this clown and this stormtrooper in the front row.
I kind of want to watch him fuck.
Is that weird?
He's like, no.
The clown's like, no, that's not weird at all.
That's kind of the plan.
I think it's weird if you don't want to see them fucking.
Exactly.
It's rule 43.
That was Brad Williams, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi.
Radio giant. Brad Williams, ladies and gentlemen. Hi. Hi. Radio giant.
Brad Williams.
Yeah, I live in your city now.
He is a part of you, San Francisco.
Yeah.
And I'm now the new morning show host at Live 105.
None of you here listen to radio because you listen to podcasts.
But maybe you could tell your parents or some other old
people. But if your iPod
dies on a long
road trip. Everybody needs
a specific little person for
their really weird dreams that they have.
So now
everybody here tonight, Brad's going to be your
dream
little person. Dream
Weaver. My dream little person. Dream weaver.
My dream little person.
I'll be doing stand-up here in two days
on November 1st, so come on back and see me
do stand-up here.
Saturday.
Saturday night, nice.
But Live 105
early in the mornings.
Yeah, I gotta go to bed in like
15 minutes to get up at that time.
Yeah, we were from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m.
We'll wake you up. Pitching. We'll wake you
up for the Leonard Mullen game. Okay, sounds
great. We'll let you take a little nap in between.
Why the nap gotta
be little, motherfucker?
Hey, if you want to say the jokes
instead of us, that's even better.
Because as soon as it came out of my mouth, I was like, here we go.
And let's just introduce everybody.
Gabe Dillon is here for the first time, everybody.
Gabe Dillon, everybody.
First appearance.
He's done magic in the face of a couple
of the other guests tonight on
Getting Doug with High.
And he wasn't on yesterday's
episode because he was traveling to
here to be on this.
Here tonight.
It took you two days to get here?
Did he hitchhike? He comes up by Packmule.
Exactly.
And
sees some interesting parts of the country.
Like the fucking drive up to five
is the most boring ass.
It's the worst.
What?
I said one day I'm going to try to do it with my eyes closed
because I feel like I know it by heart.
Like I could actually...
Okay, good luck.
Thank you.
Come with me.
How would you know how fast the other cars are going by heart?
I'm going to use the force.
Oh, okay.
I like it.
I can always count on you to bring it back to movies,
and I appreciate that.
Has anybody on the panel, we'll start with Gabe.
Have you ever played Bananagrams?
No, I'm a big scrabble fan
but i've never played this is scrabble but like if it was in like a weird yellow uh ball sack
i got that that seems pretty so yeah and banana grams uh they give those to you when you do at
midnight so i'm putting those in the in the uh prize bag and uh did i miss anybody? Oh, Gabe, what do you have for the prize bag? This pumpkin full
of candy. Yeah, look at that.
There's a maraca for some reason
that I got at a bar nearby.
There's a rubber
rat.
Let's see. I've got an orange lighter.
I'll put it in there. Did you get my prize
in there, Doug?
What was your prize? Mine's a Ghostbusters
on Lasererdisc.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
How could I?
On Laserdisc.
On Laserdisc, but I figure there's enough hipsters here.
Someone's like, I have one.
Yeah, everybody who's clapping does not own a Laserdisc player.
There's no way.
Yay, I blew it to my wall.
Yay, something to roll joints on.
Yay.
Oh, that's a good idea.
I think that just was a positive response to just Ghostbusters.
Everybody just loves that.
I keep my laser display right under my Betamax machine.
Is that where you also kept that outfit that you're wearing tonight?
Yes, I did.
Oh, yeah, we did forget to mention for the listeners
we
and Guy was dressed up as
the guy that pulls the heart out of that guy
in Indiana Jones and the
Temple of Doom. Oh, that's good.
Golly mom. Golly mom.
Hold on to your potatoes.
You do not look like short round.
I felt like it was like what Snoop Dogg wears to take a
shower. I felt like it was like
like before he gets
in the shower, that's what he dresses like to
get shower ready.
I like it.
Alright, so that's the prize pile.
All of this stuff could be somebody's tonight.
Very excited.
Getting duck with high?
Give me that pumpkin.
Give me that pumpkin.
How many times have you said that in your life?
That was the one, Gaio.
Don't forget splinter.
Wait, where's that from?
That was in the thing.
You dropped that.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Mr. Rat.
Oh, shit.
Let me say a thing or two about dabs.
They...
No, I was a good boy today.
I didn't do any dabs, but, you know.
Back in my day, we would just smoke hash
off of a hot knife over the stove.
You kids with your fancy coils
and your dabs and your rigs and your nails.
That's just created by the dab industry
to sell more dab gear.
All you need is a broken wine bottle
and two knives and a stove.
That's all you need.
Fancy-ass kids. That's all you need. Fancy ass kids.
It's not the future.
We're in the now.
Be in the now.
So Halloween is tomorrow.
Yeah.
Speaking of the now,
and some folks
were nice enough
to wear costumes tonight.
I've been telling everybody
that costumes are encouraged,
and so when you go to select your name tags tonight, guys,
I really want...
Man, this is what I don't like about expensive cordless microphones
is that they act all freaky on you.
When you were talking hella quiet, I think they just turned you up.
No.
It's been going up and down a few times.
You like that?
Where are you going with this, NGAL?
It's Halloween tomorrow, so...
To recap,
for those of you just tuning in,
it's a podcast, Doug.
People listen from the beginning.
What if they're skipping around?
Why is there a crazy light on Mike Myers' face over there?
Even though it's Halloween,
a Mike Myers mask is always creepy.
It just doesn't happen.
It's creepy as fuck.
He's got his hands in his pockets.
They might both be hooks.
But he also, you had a crazy light show going on in your face.
There it goes again.
Please, please don't do that.
Please don't distract me.
He's had all the most terrifying people in the front row, it seems like.
But in general, comedians, don't you think shows on Halloween are crazy?
Because there are people in the audience that will sit there and do stuff like that,
and you just have to deal with it?
Absolutely.
Yeah, there's a fucking stormtrooper and a clown in the front row, for God's sakes.
And Sonny and Cher.
No?
What?
Who's Sonny and Cher?
Wait, he...
Oh, she's Purple Urkel.
Purple Urkel.
Oh!
I thought you were Purple It's Pat.
It's the same voice.
It's the same voice.
All right, so we got to talk about horror movies,
and I thought a fun way to do it would be to play around
with all these guys
of love, like, hate, hate, like,
but with horror movies as the subject.
So I'm going to go through.
We'll all do it.
I'll participate one at a time.
We'll go through.
We'll all name a horror movie that we love.
Then we'll all name one that we just like.
Then we'll all name one that we hate. Then we'll all name one that we just like, then we'll all name one that we hate,
then we'll all name one that we hate ourselves for liking.
And that's why it's called Love Like Hate, Hate Like.
See, I didn't change my voice at all and listen out.
Suddenly, this microphone's on fire all of a sudden.
I didn't do shit.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Take control of your wireless.
Switch to Verizon.
All right, here we go.
So we'll start down there on the opposite end with Gabe.
You like horror movies, right, Gabe? Yeah, why not?
Why not?
I love that you're here to participate.
What's a horror movie that you love?
If it counts, Cheap Thrills.
Cheap Thrills!
Not quite a horror movie.
It's more of a thriller.
It is, but it is horrifying,
some of the things that happen in it,
and disturbing.
And I'll let that go
just because I love a good plug
for cheap thrills.
What do you got
in Gaio?
Horror movie that I love?
The remake of Cabin in the Woods.
Yeah.
I don't know.
And the story.
They remade that already?
What?
The one that just came out
Oh
That was a remake
Of a different one
There was an old movie
Called Cabin in the Woods?
I'm pretty sure
No?
I don't think so
Okay I'm higher
Than everybody here
Some guy's on IMDB
In the back
Fact checking your ass
Cabin in the Woods
I think it was just
An original movie
But I applaud your choice of it
Because I do love it as well
Thank you sir Yeah It's just an original movie, but I applaud your choice of it, because I do love it as well.
Thank you, sir.
Yeah.
Especially good if you never heard anything about what happens in it.
Like, if it's a complete surprise, it's especially fun.
So, if you still don't know what happens in Cabin in the Woods, watch it and don't ask anybody.
Smart.
And the stoner wins.
That's not a spoiler.
What? The stoner wins. The stoner's awesome. Yeah. He's a good stoner wins That's not a spoiler What?
The stoner wins The stoner's awesome
Yeah
He's a good stoner
I just like that
Good stoner character
Most movies they don't
The stoner never wins
I just like it when the stoner's right
That's all
Don't get me started
About fucking Half Baked
Where Dave Chappelle
Gives up weed for his girlfriend
That's all I'm saying
That's all I'm saying
That's some bullshit
It's like some weird ass haze coke
It's like Sorry man Haze coke It. It's like some haze coat.
It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay, Doug.
I agree.
Anna Faris loses all her shit.
In happy face, right?
Anna Faris completely fails in happy face. They always make
stoners look bad. I think it's bullshit.
Yeah, because stoners never do
anything weird or looking
silly.
I'd rather sit around the house and smoke weed all day
than steal people's pensions.
Are you accusing me of stealing people's pensions,
sir? We talked about this before
the show, goddammit.
Not you
personally. Oh, thanks.
You in general.
The royal you. Aren't you
one of those you in general? Okay.
Alright.
Alright.
I think we're going to leave that there. Let's leave that there. The royal you. Aren't you one of those you in general? Okay, all right. Okay.
I think we're going to leave that there.
Let's leave that there.
Aren't you one of those you?
Oh, no.
I don't know what to say.
Brad, you got a horror movie that you love?
I recently heard a rumor.
I didn't know if this movie existed,
and then I saw it three days ago. Keanu Reeves was in
a movie called Siddhartha, where he
plays the Buddha.
I love that horror movie.
Alright, I'll allow it.
You can have one joke answer.
Who says it's a joke? Have you seen
John Wick yet? I've not seen
John Wick, but I heard it's actually getting really good reviews.
So, did you just say so good?
Yeah, like Rotten Tomatoes has that like 92 or some shit like that.
It's nuts.
I refuse to believe it.
Oh, it's so good, dude.
You've seen it twice.
It's super good.
I've seen it twice, yeah.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Thanks for ratting me out, Gabe.
You've seen it twice?
I saw Book of Life last night.
Twice?
Well, I have two eyes.. You've seen it twice? I saw Book of Life last night. Twice? Well,
I have two eyes.
Why did you see it twice?
That's some deep shit.
Technically.
It's so good.
Did you just sit there
and it started again
or what happened?
No, no.
I saw it
a couple months ago
and then I,
when it opened
in theaters,
I went and saw it again.
Wow.
And I'd see it a third time tomorrow
if I wasn't so busy.
There's also,
there's a bunch of things
I want to see right now,
but let's stick to the horror movie thing
and tell me one that you love.
I'm going to go Blair Witch Project.
Really?
I knew that would be a controversial choice.
You've watched that movie more than once? No. Oh? Yeah. I knew that would be a controversial choice. You've watched that movie
more than once? No.
Oh, okay. No.
No. No. So,
by picking it, you're basically saying that you're
not really into horror films
in general? That's exactly what I'm saying.
That's exactly what I'm saying. Would you rather watch
porn? Yeah. Yeah.
I do spend a lot of time in
October every year kind of debating
people about the merits of horror
films because I think great ones are
certainly great movies
but then
all the others are just, to me,
one of the least interesting genres
because they're so repetitive
and I don't really
care if they go back and get the cat.
I was talking with someone
about Blair Witch
earlier though
and when it came out
it was the first
found footage horror movie
and so it scared the shit
out of a lot of people
because they thought
it was real.
Oh yeah.
No it was dummies
were really
their lives were changed
by that movie.
They really
I saw
everyone around them
was able to identify them
and get them institutionalized.
I think a lot of it
is because I saw it in Oakland
and by the end, the theater was laughing
at the little girl crying.
Like when she had the bubble pop out,
people were like,
that's your fault.
That's your fault for going to the woods
is what I said.
It's a hilarious cautionary tale.
Yeah, why are you going to the woods?
Why are you going to the woods?
That's what it should be called. Why are you going to the woods, white people, why are you going to the woods? Why are you going to the woods? That's what it should be called.
Why are you going to the woods, white people?
Why are you going to the woods?
What's in the woods for you?
What could possibly be there for you?
Yeah, yeah.
Everything in the woods is against you.
Yeah, that's right.
If it was great, they'd build a Starbucks out there.
That's how I feel about the outside in general.
If it's great, they'll put a Starbucks there to let me know.
Golden Gate Park.
More Starbucks.
I love Halloween.
The very first original Halloween.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
I love it.
I'm not going to lie to you guys.
It's just a classic.
It would have been better if Michael Myers
had a light up mask
yeah
if the light
danced on his face
as he came out
like this guy
how do you get that
to turn on
it's like disco Mike
alright
it's a very complicated
oh she's dressed like
Jamie Lee Curtis
wow
you guys really
that's what she told you
because she didn't want
to wear a costume
that's what that is
I've been that friend no that's yeah I'm Jamie Lee Curtis because she didn't want to wear a costume. That's what that is. I've been that friend.
I'm Jamie Lee Curtis
because I don't want to wear a costume to a public place
because I'm over the age of 18.
Look, she's nodding her head yes.
No, she nailed it.
That's really from the Laurie Strode
collection.
She wore almost like
a guy's shirt in
Halloween. Yeah, and women never wear guy's shirt in Halloween.
Yeah, and women never wear guy shirts,
so that's got to be a costume.
That's not the most normal look that she's got on.
You're like, why do you have somebody's PJs on, lady?
Because it's a costume, idiot.
I'll play all the parts.
Let's find a movie that you like
in the horror genre.
Gabe.
Gabe the Magician.
The original Nightmare on Elm Street.
Okay.
With Johnny Depp.
Correct.
Was in there.
Nightmare on Jump Street?
Heather What's-Her-Name.
Yeah.
He got killed in that one.
Oh.
I don't like... I don't find movies where a lot of it
is people are dreaming i don't ever find those scary because the the it's always but i was just
dreaming and i know people get killed in those movies because that's what happens is they fall
asleep and then they get killed but they're still just dreaming so It's very meta. I call bullshit. That's what I'm saying.
That genre doesn't really scare me that much,
but Freddy Krueger was a fun, original villain, I thought.
And when they rebooted it,
I thought they had a chance to take him in a different direction,
and the guy just ended up having to do an impression
of what the other guy used to do.
And so it was stupid.
See, when you have an expensive microphone,
you can't really drop it when you really want to.
Because that would have been a great moment to just drop the mic,
because you guys just got served some truth.
This has been the Doug hates movies portion of the podcast.
Why you hate all movies?
Ngaio, do you have one that you like?
Horror movie that you like?
Does Darkman count?
Yeah.
Who?
Darkman.
It's an old Hal, was it Hal Ramey?
Sam Ramey.
Sam Ramey.
They all look alike.
Sam Ramey.
Liam Neeson.
Yeah, that's right. Liam Neeson. Yeah, that's right.
Liam Neeson.
And Sam Raimi.
And he's all freaky.
Is that what Darkman was?
It was a horror movie?
That's why I'm asking if it counts.
Because I was like, this is the worst superhero movie I've ever seen.
You're looking at the genre all wrong.
This is bullshit.
Maybe, yeah.
You just thought you were seeing a different genre.
Well, then I'll just go with Re-Animator.
Oh, okay.
There you go.
Who doesn't like Re-Animator. Oh, okay. There you go. Who doesn't like Re-Animator?
Brad?
A movie that I like, the first Scream.
That came out when I was in junior high.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, all the kids went to see that.
Yeah, I wish they didn't go for all those other Screams.
Would have been kind of cool if they stopped, but what are you going to do?
Some people even like Scream 2.
I wasn't on board.
I was out.
Now they're bringing it back.
It's now going to be a TV show on MTV.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, that's going to be fun.
Can't wait.
I can't wait.
Come out.
One that you like.
Django Unchained.
Does that come as a horror movie?
The ending is amazing.
Scared a lot of white people.
The sequel's going to be bullshit.
Go get that nigga.
Wait, who just said that?
I don't know.
Brad.
Brad.
I'm all in here.
Come on, Brad.
I knew you would.
Come on, Brad. They're not throwing around the M word. The least I'll volunteer. Come on, Brad. I knew you would. Come on, Brad.
They're not throwing around the M word.
The least you can do.
Midget please, Doug.
Happy Halloween, everybody.
I wish magician was a slur sometimes.
Oh, it is, Gabe.
Who invited the magician?
Right?
Magicians are cool.
I wouldn't let my sister marry one, but...
My daughter's half magician.
My daughter's half magician.
She's half magician.
I'm a juggler anyway.
We don't get along.
It's like vampires and werewolves.
Magicians and jugglers.
But I would let my kid marry a magician and a juggler.
Fuck that, man.
That is...
That's like unicyclist.
He's got three balls.
That's what I'm going to say.
Jugglers are good with the balls.
But Gabe's going to make his dick disappear.
You know which movie I liked?
Thank you, Doug.
That's why you're the host.
I liked Halloween 2.
I liked it.
I didn't love it, but I liked it.
I thought it was still
a fun movie in that
franchise.
Gabe, what are you...
Uh-oh. Kamau's getting into somebody's fries. franchise. Gabe, what are you uh, uh oh.
Kamau's getting into
somebody's fries.
That's like black privilege right there.
You didn't even ask. You just walked right over
like it was free. He just
leads in and whispers reparations.
Yeah.
Takes all the fries he wants.
Here's the thing, Kyle, and you'll understand this. I didn't even want
any fries.
I'm just trying
to prove a point.
I'm allergic to fries.
I'm going to break out,
but I'm just trying
to prove a point.
It's completely worth it.
Just tired of this shit.
And everybody
in the front row
just keeps ordering fries.
You can't wait
for the right food
to come along.
No, no, no.
You got to make your point
with whatever they're eating.
Just reaching into somebody's glass to take some ice out of it.
These fries are too hot to eat.
They're burning me right now.
I'm just trying to make a statement.
Thank you for clapping.
Guy who got his fries janked.
A fry jacker.
Fry jacker.
Now, don't forget, you can pass once if you want,
if you don't want to be mean to any movies.
Is there a horror movie that you hate,
Gabe? Oh, we're on hate now?
Hate, yeah, we're on hate.
I hate The Candyman,
because my brother, on Halloween when I was five,
he made me watch it with his friends,
and it was horrifying.
The toilet with the bees was...
So you're saying it's so successful at being scary
that you hate it.
Exactly.
Isn't that accomplishing exactly what it set out to do? I guess, but it's so successful at being scary that you hate it. Alright.
Isn't that accomplishing
exactly what it set out to do?
I guess,
but it still gives me nightmares.
That's like getting mad
at a woman
when she makes you cum.
Like, damn it.
Why'd you do that?
Did she scare you
at the same time?
Only if she does it right.
Right, yeah.
But doesn't it depend
on the woman?
If it's the wrong woman,
what if it's your grandma?
Is that all right?
Is that good?
Is that good?
Any woman?
Any woman will do?
Well, then there's something wrong with me.
Exactly.
So you might have nightmares years later.
That's true.
Yeah.
Okay.
Touche, W. Kamau Bell.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I want every point.
Touche.
Gabe, could you say Candyman three times in a row right now?
Can I?
Can you?
Yeah.
Can you do it? Candyman. Candyman. Okay, so you're Candyman three times in a row right now? Can I? Can you? Yeah. Can you do it?
Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.
Okay, so you're not that scared of it.
Don't you have to look in a mirror or something?
What if you just made Candyman appear?
How bummed would you have been?
There was one in the front row somewhere already.
That would be so awesome if somebody was in a Candyman costume
and they ran up with a knife and murdered all of us.
That would be amazing.
That would be such a successful podcast.
It would be so popular.
It's really far to go for a joke.
We would all be legends,
but we'd be dead.
That would be amazing.
Are you still you?
What's that voice you're doing?
I thought you were impersonating a white person
or something.
That's what my voice actually sounds like.
That's what you sound like!
That would be amazing!
That's how people think I should sound.
I'm going to retract my ignorant question I didn't just ask.
It was on, I was like, nah, that's good.
We'll talk afterwards.
Okay.
I just wondered if you practice that voice,
or if that's really a voice that you just can do.
We can all do it.
It's like dancing, Kamau.
Yeah, I just like...
Why don't I just...
Yeah, exactly.
Me and him can do the Dougie,
you can do that voice.
That's how it is.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses.
Yeah, we all have our...
We're all God's children.
Some of us are God's hiccups,
but whatever, it's okay.
The yin, the yang.
For people listening at home,
Brad is saying all the things
insulting to little people.
Was that Kamau's voice?
Because it changed at one point.
Do you want them protesting you?
Yeah, you know.
I have to sit out parts of this.
Doug,
want it to be over?
Why did you?
Brad, do you have one that you hate?
Oh.
Wait, what happened?
I skipped you, N'Gaya?
Sorry, N'Gaya.
We're still friends.
He just doesn't really, hate isn't part of his thing.
It's kind of true.
I love a lot of things.
Yeah.
Except for The Howling 2.
That was a terrible fucking film.
And The Howling 1 was awesome.
Oh, is it supposed to be
a horror movie? Apparently.
Oh, okay.
Does it count as werewolves? I'm thinking of Freeway
with Reese Witherspoon.
That's a completely different movie. Yeah.
Why is this happening all of a sudden?
Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.
Is that how it happens?
Shh, shh, shh, shman. Is that how it happens?
This podcast is haunted.
Okay, so now we go to Brad.
And I feel weird saying I hate this movie because I know it was supposed to be done for camp,
but Jason X was fucking awful.
Thank you for applauding that.
That's when Jason becomes a Muslim?
No, it's an origin story from
back when he was 10 years old.
That's joke of the night.
He started murdering people.
It's too early to give out
the best. Cutting bean pies in half with a chainsaw. Seriously, Brad, it's too early to give out the best. Cutting bean pies
in half with a chainsaw.
Seriously, Brad,
it's too early
to give out the best.
It's super short-sighted
of you
to
give out that award
so quickly.
You could still win it.
Especially with
a silent thumbs up.
That would be good for the podcast.
That's what the listeners love.
Yep.
Did you say a movie?
Yeah, I said Jason X.
Oh, right, right.
I'd like to talk to you about dabs for a moment.
Apparently there's some good shit.
Kamau, what's your hated one?
It's probably a tie between Pet Cemetery.
Oh, that's a terrible movie.
That's terrible.
But funny terrible.
Yeah, but it's really, it's just like at the end,
we're like, it's a two-year-old.
Oh, no, kick him in the head.
It's okay.
And The Blind Side.
I think it's a tie between those two.
That scared the shit out of me.
Oh, this.
White ladies can just adopt you without your permission
and make you play football?
That's some scary shit.
Mine is Halloween 3, Season of the Witch.
Not a fan.
What's one that you
hate yourself for liking,
Gabe?
Chucky.
How dare you? That's a brilliant movie.
Which one?
Little tiny guy kills a bunch of people.
I love that shit.
I'm sorry, Brad.
You talking the flagship,
Child's Play?
Or you talking about Child's Play 2?
The original. Okay, Child's Play? Or are you talking about Child's Play 2? The original.
Okay, Child's Play.
Okay.
It's not the greatest movie,
but it does establish a pretty awesome character.
That's what I like about it.
That's why you hate yourself for liking it.
It's a perfect answer, yeah.
I like weird little ventriloquist dolls.
All right.
I like to put my hands in things.
What?
Gabe.
That was an excellent impression.
I'm not going to make the same mistake
I made last round.
Brad, what movie?
I see how you did that.
Gaio?
Yes.
One that you hate yourself for liking.
Oh, wait.
I had two.
I was going to say, well, Army of Darkness is completely ridiculous, and I love it.
Don't hate yourself for liking that.
Love yourself for liking that movie.
It's really stupid.
But also...
I don't really think of it as horror either, but...
Right?
Go ahead.
Spring Breakers.
Ooh, that movie is definitely a horror film.
Right?
Spring Break.
That movie is definitely a horror film.
Right?
Spring Bride.
The moral of that story is cute little white girls can kill anybody they want
and get away with it.
Did you ever see the movie?
Okay, watch the movie.
I'm not giving it away.
Yeah, they can get away with it
as long as they have a mask on.
And a bikini.
Everybody's thinking about it now.
We didn't know this would be such a heavy podcast, Doug.
We just came out for movies,
and it's all race relations and size differences.
That's just the penises.
Wow, that bikini is really hot.
I hope the person wearing it
doesn't suddenly shoot me in the face.
Oops, I'm dead.
You probably want to be the one doing the shooting.
I'm going to change
the horror movie
that I love as Spring Breakers.
I'm switching it up.
Do you have one that you hate yourself
for liking, Brad?
Yes, the movie Eight-Legged Freaks
with David Arquette.
I fucking love that movie for some weird reason.
Alright.
Seems like a fun romp. Itette. I fucking love that movie for some weird reason. All right.
Seems like a fun romp.
It was.
I haven't seen it.
Spiders Kill People.
That sums it up.
But the effect is fairly cheesy?
I think they went for cheese.
Is John Goodman the exterminator in that one?
No.
No, that's arachnophobia.
My bad.
No, that was the good Sp kill people movie is matinee a horror movie matinee yeah I don't think so I
like it though manatees probably Joe Dante directed that come out it's sort
of an obscure movie remember that movie movie Feast that came out of that TV show, Project Greenlight?
Oh, yeah.
It was like, because I watched the whole show, I hated the movie.
But I liked it because I liked the show.
Oh, okay.
There's the voice again.
Yeah, I think that guy worked again.
I think he directed another thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, if Matt Damon was around this, this must be good.
Matt Damon.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, if Matt Damon was around this,
this must be good.
Matt Damon.
Was that from World Police?
Matt Damon.
Teen Police?
Did you guys,
did anybody see Tusk?
Oh, the Kevin Smith movie.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was great.
Ah!
You didn't like it?
Why not? No, it's not that I didn't like it? Why not?
No, it's not that I didn't like it. It was so well made, and yet...
Do Canadians frighten you?
A little bit.
Oh, okay.
That makes sense then.
Did you bring this up yourself to tell us how inarticulate you are on the subject?
Have you guys seen Tusk?
It was so...
Because that's...
I've been processing this movie
since it came out
fucking months ago
and I still don't know...
No, it's a movie
that is in your head
when you close your eyes
and try to move on
with your life.
You gotta go full Walrus.
Kevin Smith said, though,
that it's failure
funded Clerks 3 somehow.
Well, that's too bad.
The failure of Tusk
funded Clerks 3.
I don't know how that works.
Well, everything can't work out
for the best, you know.
A lot of Clerks 3 excited people in the room.
Every silver lining has a touch of gray.
Yes.
We're almost done, right?
It's your turn.
With the whole show, I mean.
I'm going with,
it's funny that this came up anyway,
the movie that I hate myself for liking is Bride of Chucky.
Bride of Chucky.
Is that, what's her name?
Jennifer Tilly.
Jennifer Tilly.
That's when John Waters has a line,
God bless the little people.
Do you have every time
little people are mentioned?
Pretty much.
I can name every movie that has a pot smoking scene in it.
Yeah.
Every movie that has a dwarf reference, I got it.
If someone 22 miles away
quotes Snow White, my ears perk up.
Somebody's in trouble!
Were you up for one of the parts
in Wolf of Wall Street?
Oh, yeah.
I meant as a trader
on the stock exchange.
Yeah.
What were you guys thinking?
He's an actor, you guys.
He could play anything.
I've got range.
He could throw another guy
that's small like him.
Oh, I totally would, too.
Is that sick?
Why don't they start that up?
Like dwarves tossing each other.
Yeah, instead of big people getting in there.
Because we can't carry a lot.
That was the most vulnerable thing you've said all night.
There's a hint of sadness in your voice.
Because we can't carry a lot, Doug.
He showed us his hand.
He's like, we can't carry a lot. I'm actually bummed I can't do it. It looks like a lot of sadness in your voice. Because we can't carry a lot, Doug. He showed us his hand. He's like, we can't carry a lot.
I'm actually bummed I can't do it.
It looks like a lot of fun.
Just use babies.
Okay.
So I get, so as
a black guy, I get a lot of black roles
that are standing. Yeah. Every Christmas
commercials are filled with little people.
Yeah. Do you get, do little people. You must get those.
You want to audition for the Lowe's
commercial? Yeah, all day, every day.
Do you ever take them? Never.
But I still own an elf outfit.
Just in case.
Just in case?
That's just for a special lady.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because eventually you're going to meet
that lady. Yeah, because sometimes Christmas
comes more than once a year.
You know what I'm saying?
Hi-oh!
Right down the old chimney.
Don't cheer for that joke.
That was awful.
I canceled my food order.
What's happening?
We're going long.
This is a scary episode of the show.
But thank you guys for playing that round of love like, hate like.
And now is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin!
Gentlemen, pick your name tags.
Oh, wow.
People are running.
Very exciting name tag selection.
Before they come back, I'm going to go to a commercial.
We'll be right back.
And we're back.
We're back.
Still at Cobb's Comedy Club on Columbus.
Out on the streets where I'm going to be later this evening.
People that are into standing around out on streets.
What's the cross street?
Lombard.
The ocean.
Hopes and dreams.
The ocean, yeah.
Okay, well, see you there, buddy.
See you there, balcony
buddy.
Don't fall off now.
That sounds dirty.
Don't be the first guy to die at Cobb's
during my show.
Unless we all get murdered.
Or come back on New Year's Eve
and do it then.
Oh, everyone's like,
oh, don't die.
Who are you playing for, Kamau?
Our Zoo of the Dead.
In the balcony,
way back up there.
And it's a bat.
It's a baseball bat with a movie poster
and it's got lights, which is why I picked it,
because I like shiny things.
I saw those lights bouncing around earlier,
and I thought, you know,
that you didn't have a chance in hell.
That's why I did it.
And you went for it.
That's right. Follow your dreams, everybody.
Follow your dreams.
Congratulations on getting here late
and still succeeding.
That's the American way.
Exactly, yes.
Brad, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Breakfast at Mallory's.
Oh, okay.
I'm playing for Mallory, and she has a packet of cereals.
Dibs on the Honey Nut Cheerios.
Yeah.
And they're sugary cereals, and I'm not going to lie,
it had Lucky Charms in it, and that's why I picked it.
Because you're magically delicious?
That's the reason.
What, a midget can't enjoy Lucky Charms? Fuck you people.
No, you can enjoy them.
All you want.
Just don't make a wish
before you start eating them.
I don't know what that means.
I was trying to follow the logic.
Isn't that how Lucky Charms works?
Isn't that like if you make a wish
and then you eat a bowl,
then you...
Smoke a bowl.
Like if your wish is to become fatter,
then you eat it and go,
wow, it really happened.
Who are you playing for in Gaio?
Tom's Burgers.
They're like Bob's Burgers,
except they're made out of cupcakes.
Oh, you scored.
Gluten-free, apparently,
because he's punishing us.
But so gluten-free.
You might have thought Graham Elwood was going to be here. You might have thought, is he's punishing us. But, uh, so, gluten free. You might have thought Graham Elwood
was going to be here.
He loves the gluten free shit,
so people bring that to get him.
He has gluten free shits?
Apparently. Well, yeah, absolutely.
I'd imagine one leads to the other.
Conservation of mass.
Why has my shit got so much
gluten in it?
Gluten's sneaking in somewhere along the way.
I think I sat in some gluten today.
That's where gluten comes from.
People's shits.
That's where it comes from.
And they put it in the bread.
Oh, Lord.
Enjoy the nachos, everybody.
Enjoy your cake.
Gabe, who are you playing for?
I'm playing for Ryan over there.
We made an Anacondug poster
Anacondug
and it's really big
Wow
Glorious
That's pretty awesome
People are amazed by that
People are going to Kinko's for you, man
It's like
Do you know how much that costs?
Yeah, I don't know if Kinkos can handle something that big.
That's a massive thing he's got there.
All right.
What's the guy's name again?
Ryan.
Ryan, because you're going to roll it up again, aren't you?
Sure.
Okay.
Did he ride a shithead on the back of it?
No?
All right.
We'll worry about that later. We'll cross that bridge when we
get to it. I'd like to play a new game tonight, if that's alright with everybody. New game.
It needs a title still. I couldn't think of a clever title to describe this. It was suggested by Dave Rosario.
And here's what's going to happen,
guys. Everybody plays.
Everybody on stage, that is.
If you know it in the audience,
don't yell out, because this is one where
people are going to know it maybe before the contestants
do. My guests.
I'll name three movies.
After I've said all three,
you've got to wait for me to say all three
Then the floor is open
For guesses
Of what movie
You know what performer
Is in all three of those films
Kevin Bacon
See that's what I'm saying
You can't guess that early
Oh
Lou Gossett Jr.
You got to wait till you hear three of them.
Do we ding in or we just say the name?
You just say it.
Okay.
Because I think somebody will get it quicker than the others.
All right.
Hopefully.
If people say it at the same time, we'll worry about that when that happens.
We'll just give it to the tallest.
Oh, that sounds especially fair today.
You always can say that.
Let's Brian Poseidon here.
Is Brian taller than you?
Yeah, a lot taller.
A lot?
Brian's taller than everybody.
Pete Holmes?
No, we're about the same.
Not like that's important.
I mean, if you're judging quality of person,
I just think it's about...
The size of the fight and the dog, man.
Nah, the size of the dog matters too.
I'm just being a dick.
You can holler at my dog.
After three names, if no one on stage gets the right answer,
I will say a fourth name and a fifth name and a sixth name and so on
until somebody jumps in and gets it right.
All right.
Movie or?
Huh?
Never mind.
Movie titles.
This one person's been in all these movies.
Okay.
All right?
And also, if there's another person that's been in a few of these movies,
it's the one I'm thinking of that matters.
Got it, got it.
Thanks for clarifying that.
Got it, got it.
So put yourself into my mindset,
and then proceed to fuck this up.
It's like getting a bank loan.
Can somebody hand me a vapor pin?
Here we go.
Your first three titles are
Veronica Mars,
Road Games,
and My Girl 2.
Anna Chomsky?
No.
Kristen Bell?
No.
I'm out.
Random Cute White Girl?
Blonde White Lady.
Blonde White Lady.
Blonde White Lady. Gabe? white lady. Blonde white lady.
Gabe?
All right, I'm going to give you another name.
Gabe, you have any guesses, Gabe?
No.
Out.
You don't have to say out.
Can we be back in if nobody else gets it?
Can we still speak?
Yeah, you're always in.
You just guess until somebody gets it right.
It's a new game, huh?
Prom night.
Amanda Seyfried.
Veronica Mars,
Road Games, My Girl 2,
Prom Night.
Keri Russell?
Random white actresses?
Terror Train.
Well, now I know it.
Prom Night. Who is it?
My Girl 2.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
That's correct.
Holy shit.
Jamie Lee Curtis.
What?
Wow.
What?
You just said that.
You didn't even believe that.
You just said it.
No, no.
It came to me.
She was in Prom Night.
She was in all of those films.
It was like one of them.
Yes.
No.
Do you know how I knew it was Jamie Lee Curtis? Because she's in all of those films. It was like one of them. Do you know how I knew it was in the first?
Because she's in all of those movies.
It was going to start getting even easier.
The Fog, Halloween 2, Halloween.
And if you didn't get it by then,
I was going to walk off and discuss.
Trading places.
Great job.
The guy who gets to go first in the next game,
which is Last Man Stanton
I am not going to play
On this particular occasion
Because I'm using an audience
Twitter suggestion
Of who to play this game with
And I think it's a good one
We're going to take turns
You guys are going to take turns naming
Movies based on something something written by Stephen King.
And we're talking movies.
Don't get into TV movies.
Don't try to slide It by me.
Don't try to throw out a Langoliers.
Don't fuck around with a...
No more examples.
Sure. Salem's Lot, No more examples. Sure.
Salem's Lot.
Or The Stand.
None of those.
We start with you and Gaio
and then we will go to
Brad and then
Kamau and then Gabe.
Misery.
Thinner.
Shawshank Redemption.
The Shining.
My turn again.
Cujo.
The aforementioned
Pet Sematary.
Christine.
Those were all of mine.
What?
Those were all the ones I had.
You don't have any more?
You don't want to think about it for a second?
I was Do you want to stall?
Do you want to do a magic trick real quick?
I have no cards on me
Yeah, that's rude, you guys
That's like if I tried to get Brad Williams
To do a lap dance right now.
Exactly.
But he can do that.
Brad will do that gladly.
I'd give it to the stormtrooper.
Oh, she took her head off finally.
I like that.
All right.
So Gabe's out.
Gabe's throwing himself on the mercy of the court.
Maximum Overdrive?
Uh-huh. He directed that one.
Wow.
Brad.
He's a Red Sox fan. Was Fever Pitch his?
Okay, you're out.
He never answered my question.
Was that his?
Cabal?
I don't know.
You can do it, man.
Stephen King.
There's a bunch more.
I know there's a bunch more.
I just thought of three.
Can you tell me one?
I'll whisper one.
Okay.
I'm out.
Do you have another one in Gaio?
The Green Mile?
Yeah.
Was that him?
God damn it.
Yeah.
The Green Mile.
Dolores Claiborne. Dolores Claiborne.
Dolores Claiborne.
Did anybody say Carrie?
Wow, that's right.
Oh, wow, that's an obvious one.
Yeah, yeah.
Stand by me, of course.
Stand by me.
Did somebody holler out roots?
Did somebody say roots?
That's fucked up.
That was a horror film, but no.
What?
Apt Pupil, yeah.
Apt Pupil.
Ninja Turtles, shut up.
I was just naming off strands of weed.
Everyone knows Ninja Turtles was written by Michelangelo.
What?
We said thinner.
I said thinner.
Who said shiny?
Okay, that's enough.
Wasn't thinner a TV show, though?
It wasn't a movie?
It was a movie.
Yeah, it was a movie.
Yeah.
Good call.
You guys, San Francisco wins for most comedy answers.
Usually the crowds aren't as wacky.
But now it's time to really get serious.
So you've won both of these now.
Yeah, I was killing it.
I'm number two today.
It's the robe.
It's time to play the Letter Mong game.
Luke Asin Jr.
Yes!
I don't like pre-guessing.
I don't care for it one bit.
Pre-mature e-guess-ulation.
So you get to go first, N'Gao.
Then we're going to go to Gabe.
And then to Kamau.
And finally to Brad.
I just almost couldn't see you there.
Because of Kamau's hair, okay?
Yeah.
What's going on there?
High and tight tonight, bro.
Really? Did you just pull a pick out of your
back pocket? Like it was
1970s? With a fist on the handle.
Yes, that's right.
Corporate Earl and me. Hey, did you guys hear
about the Jewish stoner?
He was high and tight.
Oh, I get it.
I figure, you know,
that's the one group we can make fun of up here tonight, right?
My kids are having a hard time.
That and women.
Just threatening to make fun of women
got people upset.
You're in San Francisco, Doug.
What are you doing, man?
Come on, Doug. It's all about ethics and gamer journalism.
I don't know anything
about that.
That's alright.
You get to pick category
in Gaio.
At Minky the Cat
Minky the Cat Minky the Cat
suggested
Gonorrhea Girl
Gonorrhea Girl
and that's a movie where a woman
gets a STD.
I don't know why people are cheering
for that category.
Woo!
I give them out all the time! Woo!
At Mike
underscore Spadafora
suggests Ethan
Hawk down.
And that's movies where Ethan Hawk dies.
Popular category.
Yeah.
For Uma Thurman.
Wow. I got it. I got For Uma Thurman. Wow.
I got it.
I got it.
That was funny.
Somebody named Bemopolis or Benopolis.
I think it's Bemopolis though.
Suggested fuck, marry, kill.
And that of course is the films of OJ Simpson.
Wow.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
When I knew how sensitive everybody was, I could have skipped it, but I said... I gave away joke of the night too soon.
You're right, Douglas.
I said, fuck, marry, kill that.
I'm going to say it.
I mean, he wasn't convicted.
I just want to say that for the record.
So fuck Mary, allegedly killed.
Fuck Mary, if I had killed her, here's how I would have done it.
Fuck Mary, if.
If.
Yeah, I guess maybe we should expand the game to fuck Mary, kill, weird robbery.
Yes, yes.
Fuck, marry, kill, steal stuff I own
and go to prison for a reasonably long time.
Steal your own shit back.
We're stealing your own shit.
Yeah, we're stealing your own shit
because white people have long memories.
As thinkers go, he's a hell of a running back.
Okay, so...
We have to go with fuck, marry, allegedly kill.
You do?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows all the O.J. Simpson movies.
All right, well, you get to pick between three different years.
Would you like an O.J. Simpson movie from 1974, 1977, or 1978?
77.
That was pretty much his wheelhouse for movie roles.
And running through airports.
Which one do you like?
77.
Okay.
This movie has O.J. Simpson in it from 1977.
Leonard gives it three stars.
He says it's an entertaining epic.
And he says it was filmed in France and Italy.
And he lists ten names.
Eleven names.
Eleven names.
How many names can you get it in?
Eight.
The guy who B-11 says eight names.
Gabe, Dylan.
Seven.
Seven says Gabe.
Kamau.
Six.
Name that movie.
I knew it.
That's why I said six.
I knew it was
coming back to me.
Oh, Brad.
I only know one
O.J. Simpson movie
that's not,
anyway, so let's do it.
All right, well.
That's not ones
that weren't made then.
I'll give you the six names
and just see where you stand.
I'm just gonna say it.
Lionel Stander.
Aida Valley.
Ingrid Thulin.
John Philip Law.
Sorry about this next one, buddy.
OJ Simpson.
You're just putting random names together
and you said O.J. Simpson.
That's all that was.
No, he was whatever billing that is.
He was like eighth billed.
And then Lee Strasberg
is your sixth name
out of 11.
Cornbread and Earl.
Yeah.
Oh, that's your guess?
No, I was thinking about what I was going to do after the show.
And me? Let it marinate.
You're going to do Cornbread, Earl, and me?
Yeah. That was the actual movie.
Oh, there you go. Never mind. I know no O.J. Simpson movies from that era.
This is a tough one. This is really a tough one.
And Guy, do you think you know it?
It's not Capricorn One.
No.
Damn it.
That was one of the other ones, though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
So that means that Brad is on the board with one point.
All right.
We're playing to two points, so it's still anybody's game.
What was the movie?
And the movie's called The Cassandra Crossing.
Yeah, starring Richard Harris, Sophia Loren,
Burt Lancaster, Ava Gardner, Martin Sheen.
You could play that movie right now,
and we still wouldn't be able to guess it.
With the opening credits of the title,
we'd be like, I still don't know.
I still don't know what that movie is.
And Guy O knew the older one, Capricorn 1.
Like, he was familiar with that.
That's where they fake the moon landing.
What are you going to do?
It's a tough game.
Don't hate the player.
Hate the game.
Walk it off, yeah.
Shake it off like Taylor Swift.
Or Mariah Carey.
Or Jay-Z.
There's a lot of shaking to go on.
What? All right. Mariah Carey. Or Jay-Z. There's a lot of shaking to go on.
What?
Alright.
What we're going to do now is we're going to start with... Who challenged who there?
Brad challenged me.
Brad challenged... Okay.
So...
I'm strong tonight, Doug.
Well-oiled machine.
So we're going to start with Gabe and then go to N'Gaya.
Alright.
Gabe gets to pick a category.
Would you like paper?
This was suggested by at Henitals.
Instead of genitals, Henitals, but with two N's.
I don't know why a person would pick a name like that.
But Henitals had a great suggestion.
And that's the category is called paper.
And it's because movies where Dwayne Johnson dies.
Well done.
Wow.
Well done.
Wow.
And then at Sean Hart Music suggested,
there can be only one.
And that's movies that only have
one word in the title.
One word titles.
And then
at Vespa59 in honor of
this show tonight suggested
Hello Ween.
Hello Ween.
And that's movies that have
a sudden shot of a penis.
A sudden shot.
Sudden, like, oh shit, there's a penis.
Which is any time a penis appears in a movie.
So long and drawn out is no.
Okay, alright.
Not like a ta-da.
No, it's just more like, ah, they just cut to a penis.
That's what I do when I eat my dick.
Maybe you shouldn't use cut and penis in the same sentence.
Yeah, no.
They're not all films about John Wayne Bobbitt.
Star wipe to penis.
All right, so which one of those do you like, Gabe?
One word titles.
One word title, all right.
Thank you, Jesus.
Those other funny ones will live for another time.
It doesn't matter what song you want.
That was a rock reference. That was a rock reference.
That's a rock reference. Thank you.
I got you, bro.
I appreciate it, bro.
Gabe, this movie with one word in the title is from 1996.
Leonard Maltin gives it three stars.
He says that it's got well-drawn characters.
that it's got well-drawn characters
and
someone
in the audience,
well-drawn characters.
I know exactly what that is.
From 1997?
This is too easy, sir.
Okay, first of all,
what kind of trick was that you're trying to pull?
It's 1996.
Come on, man.
Don't confuse anybody, especially me.
Well-drawn characters.
Henry Winkler appears in this movie unbilled.
Did not want to take credit for his appearance.
And Leonard Maltin lists about, I'm looking at, ten names.
How many names can you get? Gabe opens with
ten. Very smart opening bit.
Eight.
Guy who drops it down two
to Brad. Seven.
Oh, Brad came
to play this time.
What's Kamau going to do with that?
Six.
Oh, Gabe,
what do you do now?
Name that movie.
Oh, god damn it.
You up on your Henry Winkler films?
Unbilled Henry Winkler.
It's an unbilled Winkler.
Three little Fonzies.
Well-drawn characters.
Three stars from Leonard 1996
One word in the title
And your six names are
Linda Blair
Liev Schreiber
David Arquette
Courtney Cox
Jamie Kennedy
And Matthew Lillard
What's that movie called?
Scream!
Oh, yeah!
I'm so jealous.
Those mics you can drop.
Well done, sir.
Yeah, yeah.
Good thing we said that movie earlier.
Yeah, sometimes that happens.
Just the luck of the draw.
Thank you, Black Jesus.
Well done.
Talking to Ngaio.
It's true.
All right, we start with Brad,
and then we head to Ngaio,
and Brad and Kamau are both on the board
with one point each. Do I have one?
No, you don't have
a point. You did great in those first two
games that don't matter. That didn't matter.
Yeah, those games that didn't count.
The games that don't matter, he fucking killed it.
Story of my life.
You're like the Raiders. You killed it in the preseason.
I'm a Niners fan.
That has no bearing on me.
Go Giants.
Raiders!
Lost every game.
All right, Brad, you get to pick.
Okay.
Then we go to N'Gayo.
Is it the categories You already mentioned
No no
We'll give you some new ones
No no
I was gonna go for that
Rock category
Strong
No maybe it'll come back around
It won't come back around
Oh damn
Finally the rock comes around
Now we're on to one
Called Premium Rush
And that's
Movies
That Won the Best Picture Oscar,
but they're under 100 minutes long.
Yeah, because most of those Best Picture winners
are long-ass movies.
Speaking of Best Picture,
the next category is Best Pitcher,
and that's Oscar-nominated baseball movies.
Best Pitcher.
Okay.
And then your third option is, spoiler alert,
the classic category that is movies where someone is run over by a car.
Which one of those would you like to play?
I would like to play best pitcher.
Best pitcher, okay.
Yeah.
These are people in the balcony especially like a play best pitcher. Best pitcher, okay. Yeah. These are people in the balcony
especially like a good baseball movie.
Two and a half stars for Leonard
for this movie from 1984.
1984.
He says this movie is a serpentine saga.
I don't know why he would say that.
There's snakes in it
He says it has some effective moments
But the movie's too long and inconsistent
And it's a baseball movie that won
1984
Nominated for an Academy Award in 1984
No Academy Awards right
What's the category? I forget.
Yeah, it's Oscar-nominated baseball movies.
That have one-word titles.
So it got nominated. It didn't necessarily win.
I'm not telling you how many words are in the title.
Nice try.
Darren McGavin appears in this movie Unbuild.
Darren McGavin.
He plays the part of Henry Winkler.
He's the night stalker
and was the dad in
Christmas Story.
And then he lists
nine names.
How many names
can you name it in?
Five.
Brad Williams says five names.
That's a super bold
opening bid. We go to Engayo.
He says fuck.
1984.
Baseball.
Nominated for an award. Four names.
Name that movie.
Damn it.
Can you just name it?
Alright, your four names are Joe, Don, Baker.
That's three names.
And Prosky.
No, Robert Prosky, Barbara Hershey, and Richard Farnsworth.
The Natural?
That's correct.
Of course it is.
Thank you. You knew it. Of course it is. Thank you.
You knew it.
Yeah, I did.
I was like, you didn't?
Robert Redford.
Alright, we got a three-way tie.
I love a three-way.
Of love.
We're going to start now with Kamau
gets to pick the next category, and then
we'll go to Brad, with Kamau gets to pick the next category, and then we'll go to Brad,
and Kamau gets to choose between
IMDB,
because IMDB,
and because it's movies
where the title is the initials DB.
The last one that we did on the show
was the answer was Das Boot,
to give you an example.
Meals on Wheels, of course,
is a great category about oral sex in a car.
Movies where oral sex is happening in a car.
And Pie, which is movies that Leonard gave three stars
and lists 14 names.
Wow.
Who's got the algorithm
for that shit? Like, how did you...
I had to go in there and do
the work.
This shit
looks easy, but... Stoners have free time,
don't they?
Stoners have free time. This doesn't just happen.
That's why he
makes the big money. Which one of those do you like?
Meals on Wheels. Meals on Wheels Alright
There's oral sex in a car in this movie
From 1982
Four stars
From Leonard Mullen for this movie
He calls this movie a dazzling
He also says
That it's based on a book
And the person who wrote the book
Appears in the film And he also says the it's based on a book, and the person who wrote the book appears in the film.
And he also says the director of the film
has a cameo as a pilot.
And he lists 12 names, it looks like, here.
Maybe 11.
Let's call it 11.
Let's say eight 11. Let's say
eight names.
Okay.
Goes to me? Brad, yeah.
It won't get back to me.
It's kind of weird. Can you put down the box of Lucky Charms
for just a minute?
No, it's surgically attached to me.
It's just weird.
Why is it weird?
It's like you're fishing for an endorsement deal or something.
That'd be a great endorsement deal.
I'll say name that movie.
Wait, what?
Yeah, I'll name it.
It's not going to get back to me.
Poor Gabe's boxed out.
Sorry, Gabe.
Yeah, I'm going by strategy, motherfuckers.
You know, but I mean, if Kamau answers it, he wins it all.
Yeah, but then if he doesn't, I do.
But if he doesn't, you do, I know.
I thought I learned so much strategy from watching this for so long, but it doesn't help.
It's like the art of war.
You're like the book of five rings right now.
I meant to say ten names is what I meant to say.
A four-person panel can really get...
I meant to say all 11 names.
Get fucked up.
But I'll give you eight names, dude.
And I feel good about it.
But somebody's gonna win.
82?
Brandon Maggart.
Warren Berlinger.
Amanda Plummer.
Swoosie Kurtz.
Jessica Tandy. Hume Cronin.
Holy shit, he gets eight out of 11.
And John Lithgow.
Oh wait, that's seven.
There's ten names total Apologies
You're eight out of ten names
Eight out of ten names
Glenn Close
Glenn Close
It's uh I know this is really stressful
It's a lot of
Jessica Tandy
It's just a list of white people
Yeah it's just a
I was hoping for that
Who are people in a movie you wouldn't see
God
Why does it always have to end up on me?
The world according to Garp.
Yeah.
That's correct.
That's pretty incredible.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Yeah!
Well done, sir.
Yeah, yeah.
Well done.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I was so confident.
Holy shit.
Well, very well done.
That was impressive.
Where is that person he was playing for?
Way up in the back in the balcony.
You got to get down there.
Coming late, winning early.
Yeah, come all the way down here and get all your stuff.
Get your prize pile.
Right now?
Yeah, come get it right now.
I have to move?
They're getting their jackets and stuff.
Yeah, you don't have to leave, leave.
But there really is also not much show left.
So whatever
works for you.
But great job, Kamau.
Very well done.
It's the first time I've won.
What made that answer click in
for you? Did you just picture
John Lithgow in a dress?
The last time I feel like, in 1982,
I feel like that's the last time
I saw him
was in The World According to Garp.
And it wasn't Ricochet.
That movie's so good.
I know,
it was one of the two
John Lithgow movies
is The World According to Garp,
which I saw,
and Ricochet.
All right.
Which is awesome.
You never saw
Harry and the Hendersons?
No.
Hey, come on out here.
It's racist.
Look, it's,
it's got a
Shaun of the Dead outfit on. Adorable. It's racist. Look, it's got a Shaun of the Dead outfit on.
Adorable.
That's right.
No problem.
No problem.
You get the bag and the...
What's that?
Do I want to keep it?
No.
It's for you.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Oshima, does he want to keep the bat sign thing?
Oh, you lost it.
Congratulations, no, we're good.
You can hang on to it.
You might need to bat people away
with all that great stuff.
It'll come in handy.
Don't forget the what?
Oh, the maraca.
The maraca.
Can't forget that.
Oh, come get your maraca.
Oh, what? your maraca. Oh.
Impressive.
Most impressive.
That was really good.
Are you guys stoned?
Joke of the night.
That wasn't that hard to do.
Excellent work.
You can see Gabe on most episodes of Getting Doug with High.
And his Twitter name is Gabe underscore Dylan
D-Y-L-A-N
Thanks for having me.
I'm from San Francisco.
It's really great to be here.
Gabe has seen every episode
of Doug Loves Movies at UCB and LA
since its inception.
I started coming here when I was 16
to see comedy.
This is a big night for him.
So thanks for...
How old is he now?
18? He's like 17 now.
How old are you, 17?
27.
Are you going to do that joke again
when we get to Brad?
And Gaio, what's
Gaio420 on Twitter?
Yes. And Instagram. And what else you got
coming up?
I'm going to be at the Punchline in Sacramento
Saturday night at 10 o'clock.
Just a special 10 o'clock show. And then I'll be at
Chadwick's in Medford.
Medford, Oregon. Come on out. Drive up.
It's only like six hours from here.
And then I'll be at the Humboldt Harvest Fest
the week after that, the 14th and 15th
in Garberville. Actually, in Redway, just outside
of Garberville.
That's going to be fun.
The Outdoor Marijuana Harvest Festival. You better get on my level.
That's all I'm saying.
Brad Williams, what's going on, man?
Live 105 Mornings here
at San Francisco.
Yeah, and then you can
follow me on Twitter at FunnyBrad.
And I still do my podcast called About Last Night
with the very funny Adam Ray.
There you go.
Crazy. So you're going all over the place.
Yeah. Your schedule's nuts. It is.
Alright. Fair enough.
Kamau, WKMAUBEL,
you got a big tour coming up.
What's the website? It's WKMAUBEL.com. Thereau Bell. You've got a big tour coming up. What's the website?
It's wkamaubell.com.
There you go.
Spell that.
What letter does it start with?
W-K-A-M-A-U-B-E-L-L.com.
There we go.
I looked at it, and you're playing a lot of cool different kinds of venues
night after night after night.
It's a massive tour.
It is a massive tour. Have fun and good luck with it.
Thank you, sir. Thanks for having me.
You should
hire a guy to just follow you around
in that outfit.
Yes.
You could tell everybody he's your spiritual advisor.
It's pretty sweet.
All of my tour dates and stuff
Is at douglovesmovies.com
Thank you to Cobbs
And thank you to San Francisco
Always the greatest
Most fun place to do
Comedy and podcasting
And
Doug Loves Movies
Thank you to everybody who brought name tags
Speaking of which Pass me your Doug loves movies. Thank you to everybody who brought name tags.
Speaking of which,
pass me your shitheads, gentlemen.
Ryan, did you write a shithead?
Alright, can you come
give us a shithead, dude?
No rush or anything.
I'm keeping the cereal, motherfucker.
Here.
Here, you can just write it down on this.
Here you go.
Wow, this cordless mic's really coming in handy.
Really work the room.
Radio don't pay much.
I'm keeping the cereal.
Star Wars.
Sup, officer?
This guy, he just came from somewhere else, from work?
Oh, you're Bob's Burgers?
Okay.
He looks like he just came from a sandwich shop or something.
There's a woman dressed as a pinata.
I'd hit it.
And I want to make so many
completely... I was going to make
inappropriate jokes. Where's the guy that wrote this?
Where'd he go?
Really? Okay.
It's a weird one.
It's personal.
What do you got on yours, Brad?
You gave me the post-it? Or it's on there?
It's on the back of this right here.
Oh, okay, cool. Alright, we got them all.
One more time for all my guests.
Gabe Dillon and Guy O'Bielum.
Brad Williams and W. Kamau Bell.
As always,
Jimmy Pesto
is a shithead.
Maybe I should have closed with that one.
Let's pretend I didn't say that one, you guys.
Yeah, you're going to need that one as a closer.
Okay.
Men who leave the toilet seat up are shitheads.
See, it's not this one.
It's not as good as this one.
And Sasha Obama is a shithead.
Oh, and look at this.
Jimmy Pesto is a shithead.
Yay! Thank you.