Doug Loves Movies - Zach Galifianakis, Tom Lennon, Riki Lindhome, and Alex Berg Guest
Episode Date: February 7, 2013Doug welcomes "Hell Baby" stars Tom Lennon, Riki Lindhome and Alex Berg to the show, alongside comedian Zach Galifianakis.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privac...y Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 azotop or kernels in his teeth.
There's still not one that he won't see, because Doug loves movies.
Hey everybody! My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies,
coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
in Los Angeles, California,
on Tuesday, February 5th, 2 Oceans 13.
It's day five of me getting drunk as shit.
Actually, I haven't been drinking that much,
actually. I only had one
hangover day out of five days
of being able to drink.
I mean, that you know about, anyway.
Wink.
I'm supposed to do that.
Since last I spoke,
you listened, I did a Benson
TV interruption at Cinefam
of a sports program
with a concert
in the middle of it and a
bizarre power outage.
And my fellow super
interrupters were Megan
Neuringer, Matt Myra, Rory
Scovel, and Moshe Kasher.
So that was a super fun time. Thanks
to all who came to that. Especially
those who brought delicious food.
The next members-only TV interruption to CineFamily
will be on February 24th.
You guys know what's on that day.
And so if you belong to CineFamily and live in L.A.,
bring a hot dish and something for us to eat.
From the corrections department,
a guest on my show,
I think it might have been Nick Kroll,
said that the raid redemption was made in the Philippines.
Maybe I said it.
Somebody said it,
according to somebody that listens to this show.
And it was actually shot in Indonesia.
Yeah, so now we can all
fall asleep at night.
Now that that's been corrected,
San Francisco Bay Aryans.
That sounds bad, Bay Aryans.
Let me rephrase it.
San Francisco Bay
Area White People.
Saturday, February 9th.
That's this Saturday
I'm going to try to fill the Castro Theater
at 4.20 in the afternoon
for an interruption of Twilight Uno
with Greg Barrett, Michael Ian Black
Zach Galifianakis and Patton Oswalt
schedules permitting
sfsketchfest.com
I think some of you are thinking road trip.
This theater has
1,400 seats. You could get
there two seconds before it starts
and pick amongst
500 or 600 seats.
Hey everybody, producer Ryan here.
Doug's show on Saturday at the Castro
is actually sold out.
So if you don't have tickets already,
good luck. It's crazy. I mean, I don't know. Who knows? don't have tickets already, good luck.
That's crazy.
I mean, I don't know.
Who knows?
Maybe I had to leak all the names.
Normally I like to keep it a secret.
A couple people asked me today on Twitter,
could you give us a hint about tonight?
And I shut them down. I said, no, no, just show up and find out.
I plan or hope to continue
with the next tournament of championships very soon,
depending on the availability of the guests who have qualified to compete thus far.
Here's who's in the running for the next tournament of championships.
Graham Elwood, Paul Scheer, Brad Williams, Wee Man, Jerry O'Connell, Paul Rudd,
Ken Jennings, Jeopardy, Ken Jennings, Jeff Garland, believe it or not.
I don't know how he...
I can't believe we played the game whenever he was here.
Sean Cullen, Joe Parsons from Master Pancake in Austin, Texas,
Judge John Hodgman, and John Lithgow have all...
Lithgow, excuse me, pardon me.
Much apologies to Go-Go Lithgow.
So yeah, that's an eclectic and very busy bunch of dudes.
There's no ladies in there.
I don't know how Tig didn't squeak in.
And so I'll try to, you know,
whenever I can get all three of those folks together in one room,
the tourney will continue.
Prize bag has tons of stuff in it.
I feel like most of it I should just mention once the guests get out here.
But a couple items I want to particularly point out, though,
is a Douglas Movies T-shirt, a Smug Life CD
from the Burning Love episode that we did over at Meltdown Comics last week,
a box of Frosted Flakes.
Tony, that was his name tag.
You guys might
trust it. It's unopened.
The winner might trust it.
But me, I'm going to pay it forward
and not eat
these particular Frosted Flakes.
Because I think they're probably
I think they would make me say
they're
good
enough
and then
very exciting
prize in the bag
has nothing to do
with the guests
I wish
this would be like
this is my dream show now
my new dream show
is to have the
three leads
from Twilight
let's see what they let's find out what they know about movies
or just knowing how to interact.
Like human beings.
Because they are very special people.
So this is a magazine all about Twilight,
the complete journey.
Which that's horse shit.
You know that Warner Brothers,
is it Warner Brothers?
Whoever the studio is behind it
absolutely has to make more.
Like they'll just get, you know,
they'll just get, it'll be like Teen Twilight or whatever.
Like it wasn't already.
But maybe not.
Maybe they won't get a 27-year-old
to play a immortal high school student.
There's more stuff in the bag, but let's get them out here.
Exciting show.
Four chairs.
One person's running late.
Please welcome, from the upcoming movie Hell Baby,
Alex Berg, Ricky Lindholm, and Tom Lennon.
I don't know what Tom is making out with a
He's really giving it to somebody
in the crowd.
He's really
He's a dude. You're really... Dude, you're really...
You were nuzzling that dude's...
Already with the handkerchief?
Are you...
Were you on Evening at the Apollo
in another bit of...
Doug, let me tell you something.
What was that?
Why'd you do that to that dude?
You know when I come into the room,
I like to make a personal connection with somebody.
And it usually involves
being super erotic
and awkward.
Well, you've done it.
You've done what you like to do.
I've done what I like to do.
It works for you.
I feel like Tom is really far away.
Well, because we got that extra seat open
for a special mystery guest
whose name I held back
and we'll announce it
if and when it appears.
John Wayne would like
bite a horse on the nose
to show it that
he was in charge.
I do that by making out
with the sweatiest guy
in the room
when I walk into
a comedy venue.
Try it.
There's a real tight race in the sweaty competition
right next to him.
Not that lady. Don't look at that lady.
Oh, here we go.
Get that guy. Get him.
I'm glad we're reliving the glory.
He probably gets a lot of attention
being the Travelocity spokesman and all.
But, um, now, where's Juliet tonight, Gnomeo? a lot of attention being the Travelocity spokesman and all.
Where's Juliet tonight, Gnomeo?
Gotta bring it back to
movies, right?
He's got a beard. That's the only reason
I'm calling him those things.
Comedy's so easy.
People will laugh at random cruelty.
Okay, so you got wine in the beer and the plastic cup variety.
Where'd you go?
Where'd you go?
Where'd you go?
Follow the bud.
Follow the bud.
Follow the bud.
You ever been in New York City?
You played three-card Monty with alcoholic beverages.
Yeah.
So has Ricky, by the way.
I hope you enjoy them all.
In my defense.
Double fisting Bud Light and red wine.
All right.
So let's go through and give each of you individual credit.
Let's start with Tom Lennon is here, everybody.
And he, not only does he make a connection with an audience.
Does that mean when Hell Baby comes out,
you're going to just show up in theaters
and just randomly attack someone?
That seems to be mostly what I do these days.
When I got super lazy,
when I had a son and I got really lazy
about writing stand-up material,
now what I do is I walk through the audience
and I mumble Bruce Springsteen
and I touch people's boobs and chins.
Dude's boobs, lady's chins. Dude's boobs,
lady's chins. Pretty much.
Alright. And you know what? It's almost
better than any stand-up stuff I ever wrote.
So it's fine.
That sounds super fun to me.
And we've been
talking about it for a while now on the show.
So I don't want to get into
any of the same anecdotes.
But Hell Baby knocked him dead at Sundance, so I hear.
Went over very well, yes.
People enjoyed it.
Yeah.
Yeah, and...
You saw it.
Distributors, Tom co-stars, co-created, co-wrote,
and co-directed the project.
I did.
Hell Baby.
Yes.
In fairness,
while we were at Sundance,
Ricky and I had
a lengthy conversation
that started something like this.
Is Doug obsessed
with you being naked
in this movie?
I think it's just,
I think it's interesting.
If I was obsessed
with her being naked
in a movie,
we would have talked
a million times
about the house on the left,
but I never bring that up.
No, that's Pete Holmes.
What's that?
That's only Pete Holmes.
Pete Holmes is obsessed with that one?
I'm just obsessed with this one because of the lead up to it,
because she told me she was going to be naked.
I was similarly obsessed with Sarah Silverman in Take This Waltz,
because it's just weird to have a girl say,
I'm going to be really naked in this movie.
Is Sarah naked and take this wall?
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a vagina.
It's crazy.
Fronts?
How naked she is.
Frontsies.
Low fronties?
Topsy-bottomy fronties.
Topsy-bottomy fronties.
Yeah, that's the official Mr. Skin rating.
By the way, you don't glue her butt,
but you see the whole fronties.
We owe the entire listening audience at home
a moment to Google that.
You know what?
I think they can pause it.
They can pause it.
They can just pause it.
So some people won't have to listen to this.
All the non-pervs
can just continue listening.
Now you're driving people
to look at her naked.
You're making everyone do it.
I'm into this song. So many people are seeing her. It's a shower scene. making everyone do it. I'm into this song.
It's a shower scene.
I've seen it. It's a full frontal shower scene.
Somebody should take that scene and then
dub in lines she had in Wreck-It Ralph.
Or Jesus' Magic, going back and forth
with the Vontites.
I guarantee you that will happen before this posts.
Well, maybe this will be
one of those lost episodes then.
Because I don't want to cause trouble for my friend.
But I also, strangely, I enjoyed Wreck-It Ralph more than Take This Waltz.
It was sexier.
How many shower scenes were there in Wreck-It Ralph?
Oh, man.
None, but they spent a lot of time near candy, and that's pretty sexy to me.
When they're in Candyland playing Sugar Rush,
I'm into it.
So, Ricky Lynn Holm is also here, you guys.
You're going to get to see her vagina soon.
Yes, my mom is very proud.
On the big screen.
Yes.
And let's not talk about it anymore.
It wasn't that weird, though.
I saw it with 500 people in an audience
and everyone was nice to me, so it was fine.
Someone's going to be mean to you?
I don't know.
You call that a twat?
Yeah.
One vocal critic of Sundance.
Literally, there is no way the feedback
on that scene is not five chef hats up.
Chef hats full of boners.
I've seen it many times.
There's no other feedback.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, it worked out great.
No, I was just scared there would be some weirdness.
I have some criticisms.
You have some criticisms.
Go ahead.
What is it?
I think Corddry's performance is really lacking in that scene.
In that scene?
Yeah.
Were you watching Corddry that whole scene?
Yeah, I was watching Corddry.
It's too bad he doesn't have that little tuft of hair
anymore.
From the Daily Show days?
I miss that tuft of hair.
Because it could have rose up while he was looking at you.
Yeah, I could have slicked it back.
I miss that tuft of hair.
We could CGI that in now.
So when exactly are we going to see Ricky's vagina
is the question.
I don't know.
Good God.
Is there a bidding war right now
or something? Yeah, actually that's exactly what's
going on. Let's stoke that
fire. I probably can't get super specific
about it. Right now there's three very
nice companies, all of which I love a lot,
who want to distribute the movie.
I probably shouldn't say that much
more than that.
If you were there, thank you. That was fun. So I probably shouldn't say that much more than that. And some of that's audiences went bananas.
If you were there, thank you.
That was fun.
You just basically tricked that one distributor
that's interested by saying that there's three.
So that's a pretty smooth move.
Smart.
That would have been really awesome.
Yeah.
And Alex Berg is here,
the current artistic director of this establishment.
Everything you see on this stage is my fault and mine alone.
Thank you very much.
Yes, blame him for everything.
And also, he's in Hellboy.
Maybe.
He's in Hellboy.
I play Ron Perlman.
I play that blue guy.
I play Abe Sapien in Hellboy.
No, you are in Hellbaby.
You play two different characters.
I'm in Hellbaby twice.
Yeah, this is true.
You also see Berg's vagina.
Yes, you do.
That's not a joke.
One of my characters
is named Mrs. Nussbaum.
Oh, Doug, you've seen the movie.
Yes.
You were like the first dude.
We made a movie.
We're like,
you know who needs to see
this movie immediately?
Doug Benson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you knew
how obsessed I'd get
about my friend's vagina.
Just getting a good look at it.
Aw, thanks.
All these years I could have just said,
let me just see it and get it over with,
but I was respectful and waited
until you did it in a motion picture.
When it's super tan in a motion picture.
Three distributors are fighting over it.
By the way, most of the great loves of my life,
the way I started was I said,
let's see it and get it over with.
And then that's what led to,
and then literally cut to a montage of us in Paris.
Don't you wish you could kind of do that, though?
Like before going on a date?
Yes.
Believe you me.
Yeah.
There are lots of surprises out there.
Like if you work in airport security,
you can run over a girl after she's been through the thing
and then ask her out.
I don't know, but if you go to a brothel in Reno,
apparently the hookers check you out first.
They grab your junk?
Yep.
Really?
I mean, this is what I heard from a bro.
A bro of mine who died
who can't be looked up.
Did you film Reno 911 in Reno?
No, no, no, no, no.
Never, but I've been there on occasion.
Just to see whether the rumors were true or not.
Just to see if the joke's checked.
I was actually the grand marshal
of the homecoming parade
for the University of Nevada, Reno.
Wow. Not many people can say that. Here's the thing. I was actually the grand marshal of the homecoming parade for the University of Nevada, Reno.
Wow.
Not many people can say that.
Here's the thing.
You're the only one.
When you're in a parade in Reno, there is no one left who's not in the parade,
who is interested in a parade, to come look at it.
Everybody who would look at a parade is in the parade.
So you are parading for no one. My partner Kate is always the
Grand Marshal of the Nazareth, Pennsylvania
kazoo parade and it's the same deal.
There's nobody left.
That's more surprising in Nazareth because that's such a
huge kazoo market. I know.
I know. It's shocking. You can control
kazoos with an iron fist.
Has your partner seen your vagina yet?
Not yet. She wants, I mean she's
probably seen it in real life.
I'm assuming we get changed a lot in front of each other.
Maybe she hasn't looked.
I don't know.
I'm assuming she has.
I've seen hers.
I can tell you,
I can tell you somebody,
here's somebody that I don't think has seen your vagina that,
you know,
was probably looking forward to the film.
Your dad.
And also Zach Galifianakis.
Probably.
Is he here?
Oh,
yeah. Also, Zach Galifianakis. Is he here? Oh, yay!
The middle seat.
And he's ready to start his lecture at a college.
What an entrance.
College course. It's right around this area.
It's somewhere between here and here.
Yeah, that checks out.
At least it didn't get weird. My friend. My good friend. Between here and here. Yeah, that checks out. Yeah.
At least it didn't get weird.
My friend. My good friend.
This is one of the few comedians... Oh, you guys haven't met before? No, I don't believe so.
I met Zach for the first time in December.
Really? Let's hear all about it.
Oh, it was December 12th.
Yes. It was at the Comedy Bang Bang
show. Christmas show. Backstage.
We had not met before. And now we have.
That Comedy Bang Bang brings. Christmas show. Backstage. We had not met before. And now we have. That Comedy Bang Bang brings comedians together.
Did.
Did.
Oh, fuck you.
Tom, can I have some more wine?
Of course.
Thank you.
If you're mad about that, call Hot Sauce for Men.
Yeah, his number is 818.
Should we give it out right now?
555.
He's got the movie number. If you call the movie number is 818. Should we give it out right now? 555.
He's got the movie number.
If you call the movie number, he answers.
Somebody has to have it.
But thanks for coming by, Zach.
You texted me a little while ago.
Is there room on the show?
And I said, of course.
The show is a tribute to Hell Baby.
I'm sure you don't have any problems with Hell Baby.
No. Looking forward to seeing it.
Yeah.
I think it's going to be good.
Rob Corddry.
Keegan-Michael Key
is so funny.
He's so good.
He steals the movie.
He does steal the movie.
Christ, he's funny.
He saw it for the first time
at Sundance.
I mean, I hate to accuse
a black man of stealing,
but...
No, he stole that movie.
He was not an accusation.
It's a fact.
He fucking ran away with it
like Precious and some chicken.
Oh, running with chicken.
That just went on the poster.
Like Precious with chicken.
He ran away.
Like Precious with chicken.
So yeah, so Zach is here to...
Not really promote anything. Or do you have anything you want to say that will get you in trouble? Yeah, so Zach is here to...
Not really promote anything, or do you have anything you want to say that'll get you in trouble? Like something about Hangover 3 and what happens in it?
No, I'm just gonna be the Grand Marshal at University of Las Vegas, Reno.
Oh, can I tell you? First comedian to ever do it, so I'm really excited.
Oh, Jesus. They finally got Las Vegas in there.
They got some Las Vegas folks in the Reno parade.
By the way, what you don't know about how depressing this gets,
and then, so I went up, I was like, oh, this will be really cool.
I'm in the outfit.
Everyone thought I was a Lieutenant Dangle impersonator.
100% of people thought that.
And then they'd get close And they'd go
Oh fuck
Oh you really came and did this
That's sad
That's heartwarming
And then
We thought we were only worthy
Of a fake dangle
Yeah yeah yeah
No they knew it
So then
So then
And then by the way
Checking out in the morning
I was like
Hey can I get a late check out Because I have to go do the parade of your town.
That's the only thing that happens here all fucking year.
Is there any chance I could check out an hour later so I don't have to change out of my Lieutenant Dangle outfit in the car?
And the answer was, no, we can't do that.
Then, the University of Nevada, Reno, their credit card got declined when I was checking out.
So I myself paid to stay in the hotel.
It's a wonderful story, isn't it?
I liked it.
It has a lot to do with movies.
Yeah.
I do love and miss Reno 9-11, though.
It was really one of my favorites.
This is from Zach. This is what he brought.
Okay, so Zach signed this?
No.
Okay, Zach signed this Garfunkel Notes CD.
So somebody has something from Zach.
Yes.
And Tom brought his movie that he wrote with Robert Ben-Gurand,
The Writing Movies for Fun and Profit.
Some people call it a book.
What did I call it?
Let's not get hung up on it.
You called it a movie.
It's going to be a movie, isn't it?
It's an old-fashioned movie where all the cells are pages.
We just sold the rights of our screenwriting book.
It's your next project after
Hell Toddler.
We sold it to that Tay Zonday
who did Chocolate Ring.
Oh. Wait, now you mean hell toddler. We sold it to that Tay Zonday who did Chocolate Ring.
Chocolate Ring.
Wait, now you mean you sold a copy of the book to that guy. I believe that's what
I said. Oh, okay. And then
Alex brought
a...
This is a book, right? It's a book. I want to describe
things properly. Yeah, it's a book.
Structangular pages, words.
And what's it called? It's called
Mad Madam Lollary. It's Tales of the
Most Haunted House in New Orleans.
Which is... If you ever take
a ghost tour in New Orleans, there's one part of the tour that
gets fucked up. And it's the Mad Madam
Lollary section. We all took a ghost tour together.
Have you taken that ghost tour
in Anaheim at
Disneyland? There's a whole house full...
Oh, that's good. Zach also signed a dollar.
Can I just point out...
And we got the usual
just absolute ton of stuff
from Garfunkel and Oates.
If you're listening at home, though,
what you missed was Zach
opening his billfold,
flipping past $10,000 in cash.
Literally, like,
it was a scene from Scarface
where he was just like,
who's this guy?
Who's that guy?
You're all my friends.
And then he got to a dollar,
and then he signed it.
I specialize in a nonverbal podcast comedy.
Let me just ask really very quickly because we're already
behind schedule.
Tom is just sweating up a storm down there.
How can you play a doctor
in a motion picture?
It wouldn't look like the worst
doctor just sweating and wiping his brow the whole time
in a motion picture
Doug, I'm a doctor
I'm either somebody's gynecologist
Oh, okay, you're always a doctor
You've played a doctor more than once
You're Christopher Nolan's go-to doctor
I said to my three and a half year old
Too bad there weren't any doctor dreams
in Inception
They were too busy dreaming about trying to kill each other there weren't any doctor dreams in Inception. Ha ha ha!
They were too busy dreaming about trying to kill each other.
I said to my son, I said to my son,
I said, you know what daddy does.
He says, yeah, you're a doctor.
But I think that, as someone pointed out,
here was the real bummer of last year.
As cool as it was being Bruce Wayne's doctor,
I was also the gynecologist in What's Your Number, which people
pointed out right away.
That's alright.
And you were in What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Why do we shit on this movie?
I didn't even
say it with the shit in my mouth.
Yeah, you did though. No, I said you were
in it. I named a movie that you're in.
By the way, that was Time Magazine's
number eight worst film of 2012.
Hey!
I saw that it didn't make a lot of the lists.
I would put it so close.
It didn't get brought up that often.
It's not Cloud Atlas.
Huh?
It wasn't Cloud Atlas.
Cloud Atlas was on every list?
It made a couple.
Because I like Cloud Atlas. Was. Huh? It wasn't Cloud Atlas. Cloud Atlas was on every list? It made a couple. Because I like Cloud Atlas.
Was it good?
No.
Wow, there is somebody that regrets that three hours.
No.
No good.
I paid $16 to see it.
It was no good.
Lots of clouds.
No Atlas.
Quick question.
I know that we need to give up the theater at dawn,
but what's it about?
It's like seven different stories that take place in different time periods
with a lot of the same cast wearing ridiculous makeup.
Like Hugh Grant plays a lot of characters and most of them aren't white men that look like Hugh Grant.
Did you ask if it was about rape? Is that what you said?
I don't think he did.
That's what I heard. I heard rape.
Oh, I whispered that in your ear.
Oh, okay.
I'm positive that's not what I said.
I swear I heard that.
I don't know what's going on with me.
Or maybe you just smell my clothes.
By the way, not to be like the sort of,
right there you were the student from David Mamet's Oleana
who just hears rape all the time.
By the way, that Oleana joke was for no one!
I saw Oleana on Broadway with Julia Stiles.
Of course you would, because you're a girl who goes,
rape, rape, rape.
Rape! I hear rape.
I saw it here in L.A. with Kevin Bacon's wife,
Keira Sedgwick.
She played the college dude?
No, he just went to the theater with her.
They just had a two-for-one pass on tickets.
Oh, you had a Groupon.
Yeah, yeah.
It was a Groupon to see Oleana.
I had a Groupon with the bacons.
Yeah.
Zach, have you been to the movies?
Too busy?
Let's go see a motion picture.
No, I haven't gone to the theater in a while
Did you see Searching for Sugar Man?
Yeah
You did?
I saw that one
That's really good right?
Yeah really good
I saw that at home
I haven't seen it
Yeah it's really really really good
I downloaded it today off iTunes
$3.99
And another one is
Another
I saw
The Queen of Versailles
Have you seen that?
Oh I've heard that. It's fantastic.
When they find the dead
bearded lizard.
That's really fucked up.
That might have been one of the weirdest things
in a movie I've ever seen.
Yeah, that's a great movie.
That we just don't talk about as a nation.
There's a dead lizard.
Huge lizard in that movie.
Great doc
Oh
Great
If you're into dead lizards
It's the doc of the year
You gotta see this doc
Shut up
Just say documentary
You haven't seen it, Doug?
You're gonna need to see it, Doug
Doug, have you not seen it?
What?
Queen of Versailles
I have not seen that one yet
It's so good
Oh my god
This movie was made for you
I've got it
Well
Do you like fake boobs and dead lizards?
Bearded ones?
The boobs are not bearded.
Do you like a not very recent
limousine pulling up to McDonald's
and ordering a 50 piece McNuggets?
Wait, they followed me around with a camera?
I'm the queen of Versailles?
Yeah, the Cuban place.
The Cuban place.
Yeah, yeah.
Of Versailles.
Yeah, the one down in La Cienega?
Yeah, yeah.
So much garlic.
Have you been to movies, Alex?
I think the last thing I saw was Django.
I had a crazy...
Oh, no, I saw some stuff at Sundance.
I saw In a World, and I saw our movie,
and I guess that's it.
So, no, not really.
In a World is the movie where they snuck shot it at Disney World.
No, that's Escape from Tomorrow.
I saw that movie.
How was that?
Because that would be a good title for that, too.
I saw that.
You did?
And, and, and, and?
I generally don't give a ton of movie reviews in public because I work in the studio.
Because you're too busy scratching your balls.
What's going on?
Sweaty, ball-scratching bastard.
My question about that movie was,
if they had shot it at Knott's Berry Farm,
would I give a fuck?
Yeah.
I think I'd want to see that.
If they shot it at Knott's Berry Farm,
would I give a fuck?
No.
I'd want to see that.
I'd be like,
are they going to go on Montezuma's Revenge?
Are they going to go on rides I've never heard of? Are they going to go on rides I've never heard of?
Are they going to watch this Snoopy
Ice Spectacular? The short thing I would
argue is this guy's going to win. People are
going to give him medals because he shot a movie in Disneyland
about an angry family who's having a bad
time. People have been shooting shitty
movies of their family having
a bad time at Disneyland since
1955.
I have nothing to say to that except for let the games begin.
Zach put his mic down
and cracked his knuckles.
So he's here to play today.
Let's do a quick
ABCD's Nuts
with...
Yes, please. I should be holding
two pens.
Let's do...
Let's spell out Hell Baby.
And have any of you guys played this game
before? No. Just when the next letter
of Hell Baby gets to you,
you have to think within like three seconds of a movie
that begins with the same letter.
The same letter, okay.
And if you match me what I wrote down before the show,
because I try to sync up with you guys, your minds,
then you win automatically if you match.
But it doesn't happen very often,
and you'll see how ridiculous it is as we proceed.
So we're spelling Hell Baby.
So Alex.
I start.
Movie that begins with the letter H.
I'll go with Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.
Oh, that's excellent.
Yeah.
Thank you.
People are impressed.
I went with Hot Tub Time Machine that features Tom Lennon.
And Rob Corddry.
Yep, from Hell Baby.
By the way, both Corddry and I were in
the subsequent Harold and Kumar movies,
two and three.
There was a third one?
God damn.
There was.
It was in 3D.
You're the fucking star of that, you asshole.
I spent four months in Detroit, Michigan
with fucking triplets strapped to my fucking dick
while they poked
me in the eyeball and said, you're not
my dad.
Sounds phenomenal.
That sounds like an unexpected journey.
For a movie that made almost three million
dollars at the box office.
I saw it. You heard the part where I said three.
I saw a part of it on cable TV
recently because it was the holidays and I was very entertained by it. You heard the part where I said 3D. I saw a part of it on cable TV recently because it was the holidays,
and I was very entertained by it.
And I was cracking up at some of the 3D things
they were doing because it was making me laugh
that if I saw it in a theater,
I'd laugh really hard at how corny the 3D things were.
But watching it at home where it's not even 3D
is even funnier.
The letter is E, Ricky.
Ever After.
That is a movie that begins with E.
I also picked a lady favorite.
I feel bad.
I think it's bad to say chick flick, right?
Okay, it's fine.
I picked a fucking stupid chick flick.
No.
It's one I, again, have only seen clips of,
but I enjoy.
Easy A.
True.
I liked that movie.
Yeah, right?
See, that's a good one.
Okay, L to you, Zach.
The Longest Yard.
Does that count?
Yeah, it counts.
Does the remake have the at the beginning?
It counts, doesn't it?
No.
But in the library they put the.
Yeah, you can't count the.
No, you're absolutely right about that,
but in this game.
Because there's so many goddamn movies
that begin with the uh you could yeah
oh you want me to do another one yes please
lost in translation see that's good mmm because if that was called the lost in
translation nobody would have gone I picked let's go to prison yeah okay so
it's B to you Tom Tom we only had it. Wait, we only had one L? Didn't Tom write that movie?
I did, yeah.
Yeah, initially.
No, I wrote it in time.
Oh, I'm sorry, yeah, you're right.
There is a second L.
You were all set for that, weren't you?
No, I wasn't.
Oh, no, but no, I did write that movie also
that Bob Odenkirk directed, yeah.
It was a fucking mess.
I do like that
Dax Shepard though
quite a bit.
Oh, yum.
Not that way.
Did I say that out loud?
Not that way.
Why not that way?
Chai McBride
is always a delight.
There's some good stuff
in that movie.
Okay.
Let's go
Les Miserables.
Oh, that's a good one.
Was that the same as yours?
That would have been a good match.
No.
It wasn't.
I should have written that.
I wrote Leaving Las Vegas,
which I'm pretty sure you didn't write or appear in.
It's been a while.
I don't know.
I think no.
And it was that kind of set.
I'm pretty sure no because it won a bunch of awards.
Oh.
Oh.
Please, I'm super happy.
Okay, back to you, Alex.
Now we're at letter B, finally.
Now we're at B?
We're at baby.
B, baby.
We'll go with...
I just completely blanked.
Time is running out.
The answer is bear.
The shitty mid-90s movie Bear
that I remember hating
when I was seven years old.
Documentary about a bear?
No, it was literally
a movie called Bear and I remember falling asleep in the hating when I was seven years old. No, it was literally a movie called Bear
and I remember falling asleep in the theater when I was
eight years old watching it. Is that real?
It doesn't sound real. If it's fake,
it's because I've lied to myself for years
about what the worst movie of my childhood
was.
Okay, well we'll come back to that.
It's about a big burly guy with a beard who picks up dudes in gay bars.
I showed that to you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, I kept telling you
it was research.
Are we still on B?
I went with Bad Teacher featuring Tom Lennon.
Now A,
Ricky, A is your line.
This is literally like a Christmas carol
where you remind me of all the shitty stuff
I've done.
I was gonna say.
I'm the ghost of your
films past. I've just gone to bed.
I put on my nightcap.
I ate my porridge.
And then high Doug Benson floats in the room.
It's the bear.
Alex is out.
It's the bear.
B to you.
B, Ricky.
Oh, another B. I'm trying to think of a Tom Lennon movie now.
Bacon's Groupon?
Bacon's Groupon.
Is it called Bacon's Groupon?
Yeah, that movie.
You're out?
I'm out.
Oh, you're out.
It was The Bear.
It turned out it's The Bear, 1988.
Oh, I had the A movie land.
Let's just move on to A, because I already said Bad Tee John.
What was the B movie?
Oh, okay.
I want to give you a chance, so A.
Oh, A. Atonement.
Oh.
I did not write that.
That's not it.
No, I went with
A Very Harold and Kumar
3D Christmas.
I saw that movie.
Exactly.
And this is the point
where I look and I say,
Spirit, make it not so.
What day is it?
Hi, Doug Benson.
The one as big as me?
Blade Runner.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man, that's a great one.
Fuck it, don't even ask me.
Yentl.
Wait, show off.
What do you think I picked for B?
Oh, there's another B.
No, no, I'm just asking.
I'm just asking.
Zach did it successfully, but what did I pick?'s another B. No, no, I'm just asking. Zach did it successfully,
but what did I pick?
B.
Not bad teacher.
This is sad because I don't know my life that well.
Brino 911.
Miami.
Preventine again.
Yes.
Brut to expect you. What the fuck is it?
Bemento
No it's Balls of Fury
Balls of Fury
Wow that's a legitimate bummer that I actually could not remember that
That's a fun cable view I think
I enjoy that on cable
But you got the letter Y
You said Yentl and I picked You Only Live Twice
Because Yolt
Is weirder to yell than YOLO.
So that was ABCD's Nuts.
You guys did great.
Except for Alex.
Except for me. I got eliminated.
Named the wrong movie from 1988.
Knocked it out of the park.
I'm going to call Tom the winner of that.
Just because I can do that sort of thing.
And now's the part where we pick name tags
to determine who you're going to play for
in the final game of the evening,
for which we have about six minutes to play.
But we'll get it in.
This section's a little light in name tags over here.
That's interesting.
Yeah, yeah, just go and grab whoever you want to play for. Grab their
name tag.
Is your name Mike? The guy with the three guys
named Mike poster? Alright.
Ricky picked that right away. Did you write a shithead on the
back, Mike? Okay, so don't say
the shithead out loud.
Where did he write it?
Oh, it's on the handle. There you go.
Alright, so if you lose today, hand me that.
Zach picked a book.
Alex has a map that has,
they just scribbled Justin over the map of the world.
This is Justin's world.
Usually I go for some type of food.
We just podcast in it.
I like pastries.
I like cakes with Doug's face on it.
But I don't see any food.
Did anybody bring a food item tonight?
No food items?
All right.
I always like food because I can eat it while I'm up here.
I think everybody here has probably won once,
so they're all like, they don't need to bother with it anymore.
Yeah.
But so we got Justin.
Alex is playing for Justin.
Justin.
And who's...
I don't know who I'm playing for.
What's your name?
Oh, Mike. Okay, Mike. Okay. I don't know who I'm playing for. What's your name? Oh, Mike.
Okay, Mike.
Okay, yeah, because it's three guys named Mike is the name tag.
But there's a lot of other name tags.
Here, turn it around so everybody can see that it's not just a FedEx box.
There's a lot of names on here, though.
Yeah, it's a movie that starred Jane Wyman and Van Johnson called Three Guys Named Mike.
And Alex is going to try to post his poster up there.
We'll see if that works.
Yes, it does.
That's why he's the artistic director.
Now Zach's going to jam his book in there
and make it all fall down.
But Tom's still scratching his balls
through it all.
Tom,
that's,
the best adhesive
is just lick the back
of something.
That's how we play
in the show.
And then,
what is,
Tom,
pick up your microphone.
What is that?
What is,
it's a couple of dogs?
It's a couple of dogs
and it just says,
how can you say no?
I guess you can't.
I said it in a dog voice.
And what's the name on the name tag?
Jessica.
Okay, so Tom's playing for Jessica.
The female lead of The Merchant of Venice.
Oh.
Fuck you.
Jessica Lange?
Who is that?
I don't know.
No, the actual play.
The play.
Oh, it was a play?
Zach, you have a book.
I have a book.
I'm playing for, I guess, a wizard.
Oh, the book's called The Wizard of Oz?
Oh.
Oh, I didn't.
I thought it was about ounces.
How is that? I thought it was about ounces. How is that?
I thought it was a guy that was really good with ounces.
I used to have a dealer that went by that name.
Yeah, The Wizard of Oz.
But what is your name?
Yeah, what's your name?
The Wizard of Ounces.
The Wizard of Ounces is your name.
Her name is The Wizard of Ounces.
Wizard of Ounces.
What's your actual name?
Carmen.
Carmen?
Yeah.
Let's stick with The Wizard of Bounces.
I like that better, too.
All right.
So you just brought a book, and Zach picked it.
I've never held a book before.
It's a simple process.
It's interesting.
And Ricky's playing for Mike.
Okay.
So we'll do one round
And some of you won't even get to play
Probably, but
We got time issues
I can't wait to lose at this game
What are the time issues?
There's another program that follows us every week
Called Put Your Hands Together
I'm not familiar with it
It's like Comedy Bang Bang
But not Comedy Bang Bang
I don't perform here anymore Because I don't pay It's like Comedy Bang Bang, but not Comedy Bang Bang. I don't perform here anymore
because I don't pay.
It's still a...
Oh, my God.
I have a general flat fee.
Yeah.
The way I see it,
Amy Poehler owes me $5,400.
All the free shit I've given her
and this pathetic audience
but this is all
everyone that's here today
got in for free
they didn't even charge
for this
so I can't
complain about
I'm $90,000
into my UCB career
the other way
that's okay
well if you had something you wanted
to try out in front of an
accepting and thrilled audience,
Put Your Hands Together
is now the stand-up show that follows
this. And how much
do they pay?
You get two
cheese doodles and a free hat.
Hey, yeah, why am I defending this shit?
You are the artistic director.
I'm one of like four people in the country
who gets paid to be at this theater.
There's good beverages backstage, though.
I hear there's free water and beer nowadays.
They have beer backstage now.
So I'm happy with the pay raise.
And we'll continue doing this show.
Do you remember that show, The Pajama Game?
No one else.
I think of bananas and pajamas.
Fuck it, let's move on then.
It's like the Union show.
We should do one of those about UCB.
But just a goof.
We're just goofing.
All right, I'll put it on schedule.
It's done.
Great, done.
I accepted it, it's done. When you know the artistic director it on schedule. It's done. Great, done. You just pitched it.
I accepted it.
It's done.
When you know the artistic director here,
you can do anything you want for no money.
That's part of it.
That's part of the philosophy,
is that since people are paying small prices to get in
and the comics aren't being paid,
that you can try out material and take risks
and not necessarily do your
A material. Good story.
Let's play the game.
Tom, we're going to let you go first. Boom.
Then we'll go to Alex since he's never played
and since Zach probably would rather just not even
participate.
You get to pick between three categories, Mr. Lennon.
Would you like, celebrating your birthday today,
the, I think, great Chris Parnell to celebrate your birthday.
And he's popped up in a few films.
Now he's the box, the progressive insurance box that talks.
Parnell is that?
And at the end he jumps into a pool and goes, Cannon box!
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
it's him. And he's on Archer, right?
You're welcome. Yeah, he's on Archer.
Dr. Spichemic on 30 Rock.
Cyril Figgis. Dr. Spichemic on the
late great 30 Rock.
Or, at DeLorean
for sale suggested
martial art films.
And that's films by either Gary
or Penny Marshall.
Okay.
And at BYAO Dr. Holmes, BYAO Dr. Holmes suggested Zero Mark Hurdy,
and that's movies where Mark Wahlberg does not get into a fight.
So great.
Which one of those
would you like to play?
Fuck.
There's two amazing categories.
So...
I think I'll...
Let's run
Zero Mark Hurdy
up the flagpole.
Okay.
And talk about
some movies
where Mark Wahlberg
does not hurt someone.
Yeah.
And just so you know,
the Chris Parnell movie
that I picked was from 2007.
It's called Hot Rod.
All right, but we're going zero Mark Hardy.
The year, Tom, is 2008.
Two stars from Leonard.
He says about this movie that it is tense,
that it is tense and he also says that
spins its wheels with nowhere to go and I may have said too much and they lists oh there's a person with three names that gets tricky nine names nine names
listed two thousand so you think you can get
it in 2008 how many names you can get it in three names.
Okay.
That's a bold opening bid, Alex.
What are you going to do with that?
Oh, man.
I don't think I can beat three names.
I guess I have to go two, right?
You can tell him to name it.
Oh, I can call him out on it?
If he does, then he wins.
You're saying name it?
No, I meant I will name it.
I think between two stars and the year, I think I know it.
Okay.
You think between two and the year you know it?
Name it.
All right.
So he gets three names though
No, no, no
What if I just
What if cowards die a thousand deaths and I just name it now?
You could have bid zero names
But I didn't know it until right now
You could have qualified
You could have gone negative one or two
I'm going two stars, I'm going the year
So you're feeling confident.
But I'll give you the three names if you want. I don't want them.
I want to go down like a
fucking blaze of glory.
You just want to say the answer.
Do you remember the end of the movie?
Are you going to throw your microphone down?
I probably am. Is this going to be a Yentl
moment? Are you going to
run out into the square guns blazing?
I'm going to tape my boobs down like Yentl. And run out into the square guns blazing? I'm going to tape my boobs down like Yentl
and run out into the courtyard
even though I have no ammunition.
And I'm going to say it's a film with Mark Wahlberg
and Jennifer Aniston called The Rockstar.
No.
It's a Charlize Theron movie with the cars.
With all the little cars. A two-star movie? It wasn't The Rockstar? No, it's a Charlie Starin movie with the cars. With all the little cars.
A two star movie
that wasn't the rock star?
No, it's a movie with
Zooey Deschanel
called The Happening.
Oh.
About the bees.
That was a shit movie.
Wait, I'll take it back one.
He doesn't get in a fight,
a screaming fight
with a plant
that he slaps and attacks?
I'm dead serious.
With a who?
He's in a fight
with bees, right?
So he fights no plants in that film?
He sucker punches a rhododendron at one point.
I'm not kidding at all.
It's silk.
He doesn't, but he doesn't get...
Say what you just said.
He hits a plant.
Oh, and does he get hurt in this scuffle?
The category is called Zero Mark Hurdy.
The category...
Zero Hurdy.
Did the plant retaliate?
What you said was Mark Wahlberg doesn't get into a fight,
is the way you introduced the category, sir.
Am I wrong?
Audience.
Yes.
You are...
Cheesing crackers.
I just want to say that's a very inaccurate description
of the happening.
When I don't think he gets into a fight
in the Rockstar, the one where he
plays the blah blah blah. Tom, I want you
to stop and realize you're defending
the happening for any reason.
If I
didn't want to sit through Rockstar again, I'd watch
it because I bet you he gets in a fight at some
point. This was a tough category
to pick. Because also, you could
argue that in I Heart Huckabees he gets in a fight
because Jason Schwartzman hits him with a big red ball in the face a bunch of times i wasn't gonna argue
that's not necessarily no one was gonna argue that because we're not insane i mean the guy
the guy fucking makes a movie with a teddy bear and there's a fight scene the guy makes a movie
with some plants and there's many fight scenes. So this category is bullshit. This fucking
jury is bullshit. This podcast
is bullshit.
This world is
bullshit.
Alright, let's do one more then.
I have a joke movie I was working on.
Let's give you another one to complain about.
Because none of these films were actually directed by
Gary Marshall or Penny Marshall.
Does it go to Burt now or is it on me again?
We're going to do that category again.
But we're going to start with Ricky.
And it's a clean slate.
Nobody has a point.
The winner of this next round will be the definitive winner,
no matter what Tom feels about this particular category.
And I want to do martial martial art films because
I'm showing one of the greatest
martial art films,
Gary Marshall,
on February
13th, Valentine's Day,
CineFamily,
Interruption.
A couple of tickets are left.
All right, Ricky.
Yeah.
Get ready, Zach.
Okay.
Three stars from Leonard for this movie,
directed by Penny Marshall or Gary Marshall.
It's from 1992, and Leonard calls it thoroughly entertaining.
And he says, later, it was briefly a TV series.
Entertaining.
And he says, later, it was briefly a TV series.
And he names...
14 names?
15 names.
15.
I can do it in 13 names.
You know, that's why you do well in this game.
You're a bit smart, and you also don't give away the fact that you have no idea what it is.
Zach?
Gary Marshall.
I think like 12 names would probably be the smartest bid at this point.
I think 13 names is too many
for someone as smart as Ricky.
12 names. I can do it in 12.
Tom?
Sure, 11.
What?
11, sure.
Oh, 11, he says.
Guess I'm going 10.
We've got ourselves...
Now, everybody has gotten to play,
so this is exciting.
Name that movie.
What?
Wait, what?
Ricky, you bitch.
I feel like Alex
doesn't know any movies.
I have no idea
what's going on.
You're giving him
ten names?
Yeah.
Ten names?
All right.
1992, three stars,
ten names?
Great, bring it up.
Oh, my God.
I'm just excited
because there's no way
for Tom Lennon to win.
Bring it.
I spend a lot of time
with Alex
and I feel like
he doesn't know it.
Yeah, Ricky knows how dense I am.
That's the problem.
I feel really sorry for any plants
that are between here and Tom Lennon's house tonight.
I feel like that was the viral video
from that film was him fighting a plant.
I'm going, you think you're smarter than me?
We're going to outlast you.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, now you're looking at me. That's how he does it. Oh me? We're going to outlast you. Oh, yeah? Oh, now you're looking at me.
Now you're doing photosynthesizing.
What's happening?
I don't understand what's happening.
Okay, ten names.
Ten names.
And it's one of the marshals directed it,
briefly a TV series, thoroughly entertaining.
Three stars.
And your ten names are Bill Pullman, Taya Leone, Janet Jones, Tracy Reiner,
Ann Cusack, Renee Coleman, Rosie O'Donnell, Megan Cavanaugh, Gary Marshall,
and David Strathairn.
Man, I'll say this.
After those first two names, the other eight don't really help much, do they?
I know it now.
Wait, what do you mean?
You know it now?
What do you mean they don't help much?
I knew you would know it.
Rosie O'Donnell's a strong name in this field.
I should have kept going.
Ann Cusack, Janet Jones, Taya Leone.
Any guess?
Oh, I know this is so fucking wrong.
Oh.
Just guess a movie directed by one of the marshals,
if you even know that.
That's my backup.
I know this is wrong,
but I'm going to say Krippendorf's Tribe.
A League of Their Own.
God damn it!
Is that what it is?
Your answer is incorrect.
The answer is A League of Their Own.
The lady that Geena Davis' character was based on
died yesterday, I think.
Oh, really?
That's so sad.
Yeah, but she made it
a long time.
And she had a movie
about her.
Right.
So that's exciting.
And a TV series briefly.
So Mike wins
the prize bag.
Yay!
Let me run it quickly
by Tom Lennon.
Smell it.
Look at it.
There you go.
Oh, he flipped
Tom Lennon off. That is a sore winner. Give that it. Look at it. There you go. Oh, he flipped Tom Lennon off.
That is a sore
winner. Give that back. Give it back.
He said he was joking.
People don't do that enough.
I was joking.
Adopt a plant stance.
Quit sweating. Do you understand comedy?
This is a joke.
They're making out. It's happening.
Oh, he's on him.
He's going to try to touch your chin.
He's kissing his ear.
He's kissing his ear.
Tom should be wearing shorts.
He's got his mouth on his ear.
So congratulations to Mike.
And does your poster have a shithead on the back of it, Alex?
What?
Two weeks later.
Did you hear that Tom got hepatitis?
No.
Yeah, the worst kind.
Where's Justin at?
Justin's back there somewhere.
Come on down, Justin. We gotta get
a shithead from you.
You know how this works, right? Yeah, here you go.
And there's no
shithead on the back of this book, is there?
You wouldn't deface a beautiful...
Is there no shithead? Frank Baum is a shithead. Oh back of this book is there? You wouldn't deface a beautiful... Is there no shithead?
Frank Baum is a shithead.
Oh, you're going to do it on that?
Okay, that's cool. No, that's fine. Go ahead.
Oh, wait. America can still write cursive.
Alright.
Where's the girl with the Wizard of Oz book?
Come on down.
That's taken for a game show already.
Is there a shithead on the back of the thing that you licked
and stuck to the wall? No Tom, there was not?
There isn't?
No
You sure? I don't believe it
The answer is anybody from Twilight, I hear
Oh, okay
Well, saying it out loud, that really makes it work
I got a good one
Oh, it's fun to see how the sausages are made huh
look at that did you really write on the book yeah okay amy man
close it's close it's really close i'm not gonna show you now you're just gonna say it
oh yeah i'm gonna hang on to it.
I don't want to wrap this thing up.
Thank you to Alex Berg,
Ricky Lindholm, Zach Galifianakis,
and Tom Lennon.
It's going to be a nice hour-long episode.
And as always,
Chris Anders is a shithead.
And Robert Patterson is a shithead. And Robert Patterson is a shithead.
And in her Wizard of Oz book, what's your name again?
Carmen.
Carmen?
Carmen wrote, Rain Man is a shithead.
Not Amy, man.
That was fun.
It's good to watch another talkie.
Guys, the world is viewing prowess makes it cocky.
There's no room in his heart for you,
cause Doug loves movies!