Doughboys - Chick-fil-A 2 with John Hodgman
Episode Date: February 20, 2025John Hodgman (@johnhodgman, Judge John Hodgman) joins the 'boys to talk seafood, New England eats, and fried chicken before a review of Chick-fil-A. Plus, the debut of a new segment, Sherlock... Crumbs.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.pitco.com/blog/a-brief-history-of-french-fries-as-the-ultimate-side-re-optimized/https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/cold-water-secret-making-waffle-140406249.htmlhttps://medium.com/pilot-island/waffle-vs-straight-cut-fries-65dfb7fe173chttps://www.businessinsider.com/chick-fil-a-history-and-facts-2016-1https://www.chick-fil-a.ca/en/stories/inside-chick-fil-a/what-to-know-about-our-waffle-potato-friesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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As early as the 17th century, Belgian villagers began frying potatoes in the same oil they
used for fish, birthing a dish known as frites, or fries.
The oily salted
tuber strips were wrongly attributed to the French by dumbass Americans and
consumed by the fistful by fat-ass Americans, often alongside other
appropriated national cuisines like hamburgers and hot dogs. But in 1979, Edgar
Matzler reinvented the centuries-old side via his patent for a waffle fry
potato cutter. This novel new potato preparation with the crunchy soft texture of a fry but the flatter wider form
factor of a chip. If you're a Brit and wondering what's all this then, replace
fry with chip and chip with crisp, was scaled up first in flash frozen form by
Lamb Weston in 1983 and more notably by a fried chicken sandwich chain in 1985.
First founded in 1948 by S. Truett
Cathy and region locked in the American South for decades, in the 21st century a national and
then international expansion spread its greasy wares worldwide, but also made it a flashpoint
of political controversy, self-imposed by its evangelical family ownership's financial support
of anti-LGBTQ causes. Nevertheless, the company boasts the highest
per-store sales average of any American fast food chain
and by sales as the third largest chain restaurant
in the nation.
And despite Chicken being forefronted
in its name and marketing
with its misspelled eat more chicken bovine tagline,
the chain's highest selling item remains
Edgar Matzler's brainchild, waffle fries.
This week on Doughboys, we return to Chick-fil-A.
-♪ Doughboys! -♪
-♪ So it's the Doughboys! Doughboy Doughboys!
-♪ Doughboys!
Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm Tiger Weiger along with my co-hosts.
Close encounters of the GERD kind, the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.
GERD.
GERD.
G-E-R-D.
GERD.
What is it?
Gastrointestinal reflux disorder?
It's an acid reflux.
Gastrointestinal, they put E? It's an acid reflux.
Gastrointestinal, they put E instead of.
Esophageal.
Esophageal.
Oh, that's what I was gonna say.
Esophageal?
Esophageal, thank you.
Esophageal, gastroesophageal.
Gastrointestinal esophageal reflux disorder?
All right.
That's a crazy acronym.
It's just gastroesophageal.
Gastroesophageal.
So I think that's like up here. Right, intestinal is low enough, that's not bubbling acronym. It's just gastroesophageal. Gastroesophageal. So I think that's like up here.
Right, intestinal is low enough
for it to stop bubbling up.
Okay.
Gastroesophageal sounds very highfalutin.
Gastroesophageal.
Gastro and...
Yeah.
Pfft.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gastroesophageal.
Gastroesophageal.
Very sophisticated.
It sounds very sophisticated. It's a Frasier word. Yeah. It is. Gastroesophageal. Gastroesophageal. Very sophisticated.
It sounds very sophisticated.
It's a Frasier word.
It is.
Gastroesophageal.
Yeah, Frasier would have no issue with this.
With the gastro in it, it almost sounds gastronomical.
It does.
You know what I mean?
It does.
Very fitting for our show.
Like this plate, this charcuterie board is very gastroesophageal.
Speaking of Frasier, Katie from Seattle sent that in
with the message, sorry.
PS, my ex-husband got me the Doughboy's Patreon
as a wedding gift.
That's all the judge needed to hear
to grant me an annulment.
Thanks for the laughs.
Wow.
Throughout the years, been listening since the first step,
roast at birdfuck.com.
Wow. Brutal. Wow.
Wild if true.
Wait, what was the roast again?
Close encounters of the Gerd kind.
Of the Gerd kind.
It could have been like G-E-R-D, like N-E-R-D,
you know, that musical group, I guess.
I think Spielberg is on the brain
because of the blank check Spielberg miniseries
and our appearance on the Spielberg miniseries.
So I think that's probably why that, the genesis of that.
And our three-hour episode with Griffin.
That's right. Yeah.
David was also there.
David was also there?
David was also there.
How did you know?
The 1941 episode?
Or are you talking about...
Oh, you're talking about something else.
We were talking about our Doughboy episode.
You did not know that.
No. Where am I? Hey. What movie are we talking about?
We'll get to it.
Okay.
We'll get in.
Fucking Doctors, G-E-R-D, come on, you nerds.
Yeah, fucking Doctors.
Might as well fucking change to G to an N.
Thanks for nothing, Doctors.
Fucking Brainiacs.
Fucking Nerds.
Yeah, fucking condescending pricks.
I'm drinking some Methylene Blue, what is it called?
What's the stuff that RFK was drinking on the plane?
Oh, I don't know the name of it.
Yeah, Methylene Blue.
Is it Methylene Blue?
Yeah.
It's fish tank cleaner.
It's used for fish tank cleaner a lot of the time.
And RFK Jr. was drinking it on a airplane?
He was drinking it on an airplane the other day.
You were on the text or where it was sent.
I don't remember, I don't think I watched it.
Ah.
Where'd you get that RFK?
His wife's funny.
Here's the thing, his wife is very funny.
Big fan of his wife as a performer.
I think that my big thing is like,
if he actually is like, let's get these additives
out of food, let's improve the food standards of America.
Confirm, RFK guy, Nick Weigand.
I'm just saying, like there are things.
Everyone's cozying up to the new administration.
Yeah, there's some good he could do
that he's not going to do
because the actual regime that appointed him
is totally indebted to corporate overlords
who don't wanna do something like,
for instance, like here's a thing.
American chocolate sucks compared to Canadian chocolate,
which we had as comparison.
It's like way the fuck better
because their standards are higher.
There could be a thing the FDA is gonna say like,
hey, to qualify as chocolate, you make a Kit Kat bar, it's way the fuck better because their standards are higher. There could be a thing the FDA is gonna say like, hey, to be, to qualify as chocolate,
you make a Kit Kat bar, it actually needs to meet
the threshold that is used internationally
for the amount of cocoa.
It can't have all this high fructose corn syrup to bloat it.
It can't have all these artificial flavors.
He's not gonna do that
because he's not gonna be given the power to do that.
Because if he tries to actually do that,
he'll lose his job because that will displace the people.
He can't go against corporations.
Yes, who fund the whole campaign.
So, I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's just...
He's a goblin, but there is some good that could be done
if he was allowed to enact some of his principles,
not all of them, because some of this shit is truly foul.
Do you remember Boglin growing up?
A Boglin?
Yeah. Do you not remember Boglins?
Do you mean Boggle?
No, not Boggle. Boglins. What is mean Boggle? No, not Boggle, Bogglins.
What is a Bogglin?
Google it. Just Google it.
You do it. You Google it.
Why? You know what it is.
Yeah, just explain what it is.
It's a little goblin that you could put your hand in
and it was in a little cage.
A finger puppet?
No, no. Yeah, I mean a hand puppet. It was a puppet.
And it's called a Bogglin?
Yeah, it's called a Bogglin.
I don't remember this.
They were originally released in 1987.
Wow. I didn't have one.
You're too old for it at that point.
I have a new segment called Mitch's Sleep Score.
Okay, great.
I got a 96 out of 100 last night.
I think that-
Pretty nice.
I'm just telling people my-
That's an A.
Solid A.
I wanna tell people my sleep score every episode
so we can see if a good night's sleep relates to me
being funny at all or making any sense.
96 out of 100.
Well, that Boglin thing came in at the last 4%, obviously.
Because I don't know what the fuck that was.
I wasn't trying to be funny with Boglin.
I don't even know what is a complete non-secret,
or you're not even talking about RFK Junior.
That's in the 96% because I remembered Boglins from childhood.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Were you just thinking about your childhood?
Why did it even come up?
Always.
What a better time.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I know.
It's a good time to be nostalgic.
Remember five months ago.
Yeah.
Hey, can we shout something out?
So what, and this will be belated
by the time this episode comes out.
Sure.
There's a couple of big birthdays in the family.
First off, the drop King Robert Bersinger. Hey, DK, happy birthday. This will be belated by the time this episode comes out. Sure. There's a couple of big birthdays in the family.
First off, the drop king Robert Persinger.
DK, happy birthday.
But I'd say, you know, more significant
to our immediate company.
Well, you don't have to,
well, you don't have to say,
you don't have to qualify birthdays.
A more important birthday.
Okay.
Emma Urbrink has had to celebrate her birthday.
Wow, happy birthday, Emma.
HBD Emma.
Today?
No, on Sunday.
Oh.
So it'll be belated by the time this episode comes out. But thank you. But HBD Emma. Today? No, on Sunday. Oh. So it'll be belated by the time this episode comes out.
But thank you.
I appreciate it.
That's wonderful.
You're not a birthday guy.
I'm not.
I feel like I-
But I understand other people,
or it's like important other people,
so I tried to-
Well I feel like I've had to bring up
my own birthday in the past.
I know your birthday.
He understands.
I know your birthday.
He has learned over the years
that it's a human tradition to acknowledge.
Yes, right.
I am much like Wagger,
like I'll maybe get like a nice dinner and like spoil myself on my birthday, but I'm not like having a human tradition to acknowledge. Yes, right. I am much like Wagger. Thank you. I'll maybe get a nice dinner
and spoil myself on my birthday,
but I'm not having a party or doing anything.
Sure, yeah.
I don't want, that's not me.
As I get older, having a gathering is actually like,
people are like, it's good that you do this.
It's the only time I see people in the year.
Yeah.
And then there's also the layer of,
there are less of us as time passes us.
Well, I'm not all dying.
All your friends are.
I've had one close friend who's died.
That's Julia.
I guess since then, since 2000.
But I think you kind of have that.
That's what I was just gonna say.
I didn't mean just death,
but I mean people kind of move to different places,
drift out of your life or die.
There's much less of us this year.
You're acting like it's like the Simpsons episode
with the flying hellfish or something.
Should we have a Doughboyz tontine?
Whoever survives the longest gets the treasure.
Gets the key to the Patreon.
I think we should do it with everyone who works for Doughboyz.
We should all get a key and a ring.
I mean, it's gonna be me, Mr. Burns, trying to kill you after that.
Laughter
Happy birthday birthday Emma.
I hope you have a great day on Sunday.
And hey, I know your birthday too, little August boy.
Yeah, that's right.
The day?
Wait, what is your birthday?
August 28th.
August 28th.
28th.
Also my parents' wedding anniversary.
Wow, how about that?
It's easy for me to remember.
Mitch, didn't I make a mistake about your birthday recently?
I think I had your birthday in the wrong day.
You texted me happy birthday and I was like,
what are you talking about?
You're right.
You said, fuck you doctors.
That was weird.
And then you texted, have you ever heard of Boglins?
I don't even know what's happening.
Oh, Thursday night birthday for Wiggs this year.
That's fun.
Ooh, are we gonna record on Mike's birthday?
Yeah, we'll probably.
He won't care, that is for sure. Nick, I'm putting it in my iCal.
Okay, for our audio listeners, we're all just on our devices now.
You're putting my birthday in your calendar.
You're searching Boglins.
Hodgeman is updating his...
August 28th anniversary of Nick coming online.
And then I am binging Boglin. Let's see.
Bing bongs.
Bing bong Boglin. They's see. Bing bongs.
Bing bong Boglin.
Every- They're kind of creepy.
The Boglins, 1G.
Oh yeah, these guys are freaks.
These guys are big time little freaks.
You kind of interrupted my, well, can I see one?
I want to see them.
Yeah, I'm just trying to get a good picture.
They're kind of cute in the free quote.
Everything's so fucking bad.
Oh, I remember these guys.
Yeah, there we go.
Yeah.
You're saying everything's so bad now
because those are cool as hell. No, I'm go. Yeah. You're saying everything's so bad now because those are cool as hell.
No, I just mean like search has gotten so bad.
It's all like AI assisted.
And then also like, if you're trying to just find an image,
it's just, even that's a pain in the ass now.
That bottle looks like he drank
a little too much methylene blue.
There's another one, green guy.
That one, he looks like a turd, that one.
He does look like a turd.
And how much, like these fit over your fist?
Oh, yes.
All right.
All right.
Mitch, I know you got a drop to play.
Six hours and 38 usage minutes last,
of six hours and 38 usage hours total.
Is that what sleep is called, usage hours?
Usage hours.
Usage hours is called sleep now.
Oh, because you're using your device.
Mask seal was good.
Good mask seal, 20 out of 20.
Nice.
Events per hour,.9 events per hour,
as opposed to 80 that I had before.
An event means you're kind of can't breathe properly.
Oh, yes.
A breathing issue.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Interesting.
Or like if you're sleeping and like
The big game.
What happens, it will mark that too.
The what? The big game. What happens, it will mark that too. The what?
The big game.
It's happening.
Say it again.
Stop it.
Say it a third time.
Oh, right.
That's when they come.
That's when they come get you.
That's shit.
Just say it a third time.
We can replace that with a-
With a brick ball.
A brick ball.
Here, here, here, here.
We'll just dub this in.
The big game.
Just do that.
Yeah, that's probably right. Anytime he says it. I'll give you an in. The big game. Just put that in. Yeah, that's probably right.
Anytime he says it.
I'll give you an alt.
The big game.
Yeah, that's a good alt.
Use that one, the first one.
Well, you get options, you know, whatever,
whatever mic one you like.
Yeah, you do the back and forth.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that's Boglin Bowl.
Um, the Boglin Bowl would be a blast.
Boglin Bowl does sound fun.
Man, I used to be so hyped for the Bud Bowl,
which I know we talked about in a Patreon episode,
but I thought the Bud Bowl was so cool.
It's the Bud Bowl should come back.
We spent a whole episode talking about the Bud Bowl.
We did do a Bud Bowl episode,
and then on most of it we were just like,
man, we love the Bud Bowl.
And then we realized that we were like being,
like age seven being indoctrinated
to like a beer brand.
Sure, yeah, exactly.
Those animated beers are cool.
I wanna drink that someday.
The two of you wearing your Joe Camel shirts, smoking cigarettes.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha.
Then you protested Bud Light a few years ago, I know.
Um, uh.
They got me back.
One mask on and off.
Mask, one mask on off.
What does that mean?
You involuntarily took it off or something?
Yeah, but I don't know how that happens,
because I never do take it off.
Do you think you like roll over and just like knock it?
I don't, honestly, I don't think so.
Cause it's always just one.
Wally and Irma do like to play with it.
I was gonna wonder, I wonder if Wally and Irma
wanted to take it off to give daddy a kiss.
Maybe that could have, I mean,
I don't know what happens if they, while I'm sleeping,
take my mask off and give me a little kiss, which is cute.
It would be very cute.
It's very cute.
I mean, it would blow my mind if that's what was happening.
Do you have a camera in your room?
You might want to set up a camera.
I do have a camera in my room.
Yeah, you should see if those little cats
are taking your mask off.
Give you a kiss on the lips.
Time to kiss daddy, meow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Put that online, that'd be good.
That would be good. I'd watch that.
I have a Nest camera in my room to watch the cats.
And then, and it's like mostly just,
I'll like, I'll look at it sometimes
and it'll just be like footage of me coming out of the shower
being like, this is horrible to see.
Cause you were, oh, you sent me that once
cause you could hear it.
Hold on a second.
I was like, time out, time out.
Hang on. I think, time out, time out. Hang on. I think.
Time out.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Time out, Emma.
Not bad, not bad.
I have never sent you footage of me coming out of the shower.
For some reason, we've all been called into human resources.
I don't even know.
We're gonna call you the PGA, the Podcast Guild of America,
which we, unfortunately, shares the same name as,
what is it, yeah, what is it, the pressure of the PGA, the Podcast Guild of America, which we, unfortunately, shares the same name as,
what is it?
Yeah, what is it?
The professional golf association?
Pro golfers association.
Pro golfers association.
The producers guild of America.
Oh, they're PGA too.
This is horrible.
It's the PGA for the podcast guild.
Please, please.
Penis guys associated.
Yeah.
Nick and I are-
I'm a PG and a PG member.
Yeah, I'm a PG member too.
I feel like I have to clarify that
Mitch sent me a clip from this camera
not he wasn't in the clip.
I hate how this podcast has changed me.
I never would have made a penis guys associated.
I used to be sophisticated,
I used to be gastroesophageal.
You know what I mean?
It's true.
I used to be like an intellectual humorist
and now I'm like penis guys associated.
You can't have your come to God moment here.
Emma needs to- My what?
Your come, oh God.
Emma needs to-
That's a real Catholic shit right there.
Emma's clarifying you did not pull a Charlie Rose.
I did not pull a Charlie Rose.
I did not be like, oh, I'm not pull a Charlie Rose. No, no.
Whoops, I got out of the shower.
Sorry about that.
It was like a year ago, and you thought on the camera audio,
you could hear a voice in your house.
And you're like, can you hear this?
And I put it in an audio program to turn it up
to see if I could hear a voice in your house.
And it was spooky.
It was definitely spooky.
Mitch was not in the video.
And honestly, the cats weren't either, which pissed me off.
But that's besides the fact.
So Emma, since you received that,
do you think you can hack into Mitch's house
like just so that maybe I can whisper things to him
and convince him that he's haunted?
This is actually, this coincides with when
I was losing my mind.
Yeah, it was like a year ago.
This is when I lost my mind and I thought my house
was haunted.
Did I talk about, I talked about this on the podcast. You talked about this so much on the podcast.
I lost my mind in the last year.
I think you blamed the question
you sent me on the pod at one point.
That's right, you did think you were hearing voices.
I'm sorry, I do remember that one.
I remember it.
Sorry to make fun of you.
I don't know, look, I'm in a lot,
I'm a much better place than I remember.
I mean, even I knew it was Chris,
I told you this before when I was
blessing my house with holy water
and then my next door neighbor saw me
and I was like,
I, this is insane.
What has happened to me?
I like have lost my mind and gone insane.
But that clip is scary, is spooky.
Turned out it was Sports Center, but still.
It was spooky.
I've been going through stuff I'd never gone through before.
I'd never, to like,
like the two times that's happened to me
in my life is one when I had OCD and I was like,
why do I keep having like a recurring thoughts,
it's what it's called.
And I was like, what's wrong with me?
Intrusive thoughts, why is this happening?
And so that's when I found out about OCD, not UCB, OCD,
well, not much later, UCB, but OCD.
And I like went to the doctor and figured that out.
And then the other time was this time
where I was like, I'm dizzy and I don't know what's happening.
When you say OCD, are you referring to official cum dudes?
Also members.
Talking about fucking intrusive thoughts.
As memberships get expensive.
Now I'm not clear, is cum back on the menu, boys?
Cum is back on the menu, boys.
We can say it now?
Okay. I've never wanted to say that word ever in my life and now I feel like I have to. Come back on the menu, boys? Come is back on the menu, boys. We can say it now? OK.
I've never wanted to say that word ever in my life,
and now I feel like I have to.
I'm sorry.
You were talking about a-
Come beard comes and saves the two little,
I'm now getting into, I'm just getting into the moment
of Lord of the Rings.
You said you called tree beard come beard.
Yeah, come beard.
OK, so they're substituting come for things.
It's a first draft.
It's great.
I don't know wrong. You know, like cum, if there was a scary movie type movie
and there was cum beard, you wouldn't like cum beard.
A big thing made out of cum that saves the hobbits.
And instead of like Frodo and Samwise,
it would be cum-do and cum-wise.
Yeah.
Okay, I get what you're saying. I get where your head is.
Cum-wise is pretty good.
Cum-do is a little bit...
Yes, there you go. Cum-wise is pretty good. Cum-do is a little bit. Marion.brandy cum?
Yes, there you go.
Cum-do is an alt title for this podcast,
but cum-do is just a little bit harder.
Anyways, I lost my mind.
Yeah, you were talking about an adverse health event,
and I apologize.
No, please don't apologize.
You have to make light.
Don't you have to joke a little?
You have to laugh, don't you?
You laugh or you'll cry, right?
That's the lesson of 2025 so far, right? That's right. You have to laugh. But it was a You laugh or you'll cry, right? That's the lesson of 2025 so far, right?
That's right.
You have to laugh.
But it was a scary, and I've done much better.
I've been using my, I've pushed through,
I'm using my CPAP.
You look great.
Oh, thank you.
I'm trying, you know?
You look great too.
Thank you so much.
I'm catching a lot of tiger on that thigh.
Boy, oh boy.
It's not by accident.
Let me tell you.
Yeah, you can.
Woo!
Yeah, go on.
Oh, no, you said go ahead. I was just thinking of like, Lord of the Rings,
like Gandalf the White would be like at the edge of the bridge
against the not the Balrog, but the Bal sack.
The Bal sack.
Yeah.
You shall not bust.
Just trying to get him to edge.
And then the Balrog busts and falls.
I honestly, I give you credit because in my head I was saying, you shall not come
and you shall not bust is a great punch up.
You shall not come.
No, I think you shall not bust is great.
Yeah, no. Yeah.
You can't just say come for everything.
That's true.
I mean.
I mean, you could, but it gets a little stale.
I mean, you often do.
I try to think of something with my precious,
but I don't know, my pre-cum, I don't know.
I like it.
It's pretty good.
I like that.
Why, why do I like it?
Grown man.
I'm taking Zep Bound. Father of two. I've told people in the podcast, I'm taking ZepBound.
Father of two.
I've told people in the podcast I'm taking ZepBound,
and my insurance isn't covering it,
so I don't know what to do now.
Going out of pocket?
I might have to, but it's too expensive.
What are you taking?
ZepBound.
I don't know what that is.
ZepBound is one of those class of drugs,
like a WeGovV or a Zempic.
It's like a GLP-1 inhibitor.
A GLP, something or another.
Yeah.
So have you been taking it?
I have.
But now your insurance is saying no more?
My insurance has denied it.
Yeah, it's said, you look great.
My insurance sent a text that said, you look great.
We saw you through your jet camera.
Yeah, we just saw a video of you in your bedroom
that Emma sent us, and you looked on.
And then also, we heard the podcast that you do,
and we are now dropping coverage for everything.
I mean, that is probably part of the issues
that I have a fast-food podcast.
Which, honestly, it saves me, because I wouldn't,
I would eat so much more of this junk if not,
we have more food on the way.
We didn't say this, but I mean, we should announce this
because it's a fun kind of emergency moment. We do have more food on the way. We didn't say this, but I mean, we should announce this cause it's a fun kind of emergency.
We do have more food on the way.
We have more food that is coming right now.
You gotta play your drop.
Am I gonna hit him with the drop?
Why is me matey?
It's time to hit up these land lubbers with a drop.
Fill your ears with this Chrome tab.
Select share tab audio and then share.
Dear God.
Smoke it.
Hey buddy.
From Weiger.
Pirates.
Pirates.
From Weiger.
A month of pirate themed restaurants
and other shit on the double.
I'll do anything to shit on the double. I'll do any, I'll do anything.
I'll do anything to get on the dough boys.
Would you rather spend 12 hours
in the ocean in the dark?
Yes.
But you know, I can't say no to the dough.
I said yes.
I said yes to the mess.
I wish I had signed an NDA.
Wow.
Hi to Hoda Spoonation. Hi, hi, the pirate's booty episode is really good.
Sincerely, Count Dropula.
Wow, thanks Count Dropula.
Count Dropula, I like that.
To quote MC Hammer, they put me in the mix.
They sure did.
That was very flattering.
That was really fun.
NDA reference there.
Nice dick association.
I always love how MC Hammer, when he's saying hammer, hammer,
I am hammer, they put me in the mix.
It's like, it's your song.
I'm not surprised. Wait, when he's saying, Hammer, Hammer, I am Hammer, they put me in the mix.
It's like, it's your song.
It's...
I'm not surprised.
Wait, what reference?
NDA.
NDA.
NDA.
NDA.
Count pod...
Nine dicks allowed.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Only nine.
I didn't want to say no, because that's
the opposite of the invention, but...
Counts droppula.
I don't know what the rules are for Count Droppula.
I bet you he probably doesn't go in the sun anyways,
if I had to guess, he's one of our listeners.
Um...
Wiza, I feel like listening to that made me upset that I...
I... Like, I heard the pirate voice,
I'm like, I can do a much better pirate, like, uh, no, I'm...
Wanna try it?
I mean, like, do you want me to try it,
like, if I was, like, on a TV show,
and, like, you had to be like...
Yeah, you got cast as a pirate.
You got cast as a pirate.
Well, see, now this is tricky,
because, like, you know, like, that is,
isn't that, like, more like a Captain Hook?
I don't know what I would try.
It depends on what the tone is.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, are you thinking, like, you're in,
because Pirates of the Caribbean is pretty arched.
That's pretty much, like, kind of like a, you know,
are you in that, or are you in something that's a little bit
more of a grounded historical take on piracy?
Can you do one for me just so?
Argy mateys.
That's pretty good.
Arrgh, like I think I would just do more guttural.
Little bit more of a grizzled sort of.
Yeah, I felt like I was half-assed,
or maybe I'm just not good at it at all,
is what I'm finding out.
No, I think you were maybe half committed to that.
It's not always nice to listen to your own voice
when it's played better.
That's probably part of it, too.
I also think you were trying to talk yourself
through sharing a drop when we were remote,
so I'm not sure you even anticipated it saying
that, but so.
Were we remote at that point in time?
Well, you said share Chrome tab,
so I think you were trying to share something remotely.
Wow, we were still remote in some way.
Yeah.
My name's just been a hgman was in New York.
That's probably what it was.
Drops at birdfuck.com.
Our guest from Judge John Hodgman
and Dick Town on Hulu, John Hodgman.
Hi, Hodg.
Thanks so much for being here.
It's so nice to be back.
I'm not in New York since you guys.
That's right, you're in person.
You have to, you're doing this video thing now.
That's right.
I can only come out once a year to see you.
Hey, it's great for us.
And it's really nice to see you both. I always enjoy you, but I'm really here for Jemmy. This
is a long time coming. Jemmy is an angel. So to speak, two years, been here and Jemmy was not here.
She's very soft today. Last time I was really, really mad. I was mad about it. She got a wipe
down today. She got a wipe down? Well, it's wet outside, so she was covered in dirt and mud after
her walk, so she gotta wipe down.
You're so soft today.
Everything that I hoped for is true.
Jemmy is a very sweet dog and a very smooth dog.
I like smooth fur.
Really smooth.
No offense, long-haired dogs and cats,
including my own dumb, dumb cat.
I know you're watching.
But I do love a smooth furred animal.
It's really nice.
While in Rome, I've had a sleepy week. I think it's because of the weather a little bit. Sure. I'm just snapping it up. It's really nice. While I'm in Rome, I've had a sleepy week.
I think it's because of the weather a little bit.
Sure.
I'm just snapping it up.
It's wet today.
It's wet, yeah.
I like wet LA.
Me too.
We need it.
Yeah.
We need it more than anything.
OK, so you're from the East.
Like, you live in the East Coast.
I live in the East Coast.
You reside in the East Coast.
That's right.
But you have a connection with Emma, which
is that you both have spent time in Maine.
That's true. Maniacs. And I don't know. You're maniacs. I mean, I'm really happy you're here, Emma, which is that you both have spent time in Maine.
That's true.
Maniacs.
I don't know, you're maniacs.
I mean, I'm really happy you're here, Emma and Jemmy, too, but I'm always happy to learn
that you're in Maine.
That makes me very jealous and I'm excited for you.
So here's what I wanted to bring up, because Emma is a lobster skeptic, although you are
a part-time Maynard.
It's like it's just not a food that you like.
They're real.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, I've seen it. No, I know they're real.
They just, my mouth doesn't like them.
I don't know what it is.
I don't like the texture of them.
Yeah, they can be trash.
Yeah.
You don't like butter?
I love butter.
Well, my dad does lobster bakes and stuff with everybody
and he does like a big lobster dinner.
He just gets me a few scallops
and he makes me little scallops on the side
that I have instead of lobster.
Wow, that's nice.
So, I'm spoiled rotten. Look, scallops are nothing to sneeze at.ops on the side that I have instead of lobster. So I'm spoiled rotten.
Look, scallops are nothing to sneeze at.
What you want is that claw meat and that knuckle meat.
Oh sure, okay.
That tail meat is trash.
Plus it's got a poop tube in it that you don't wanna eat.
You clean all that out.
Yeah.
My grandpa used to just go full blown.
He would eat the-
He'd eat the poop tube?
He would eat everything.
The gastroesophageal tract.
What is the green stuff called?
Tamale. Tamale.
He'd eat the tamale.
I eat that.
I eat that.
He'd eat the tamale, which is fucking gnarly.
What is that, like the organs?
Oh, it's the liver, okay.
It's the liver and it turns green.
It's truly disgusting looking, but it's very tasty.
Yeah, I don't know if I've ever had that,
but I've got nothing against awful in general.
Like I'll eat organ meat, why not?
Yeah.
The poop tube you do have to clean out the poop tube.
Yeah, I'm not eating shit.
I'm not a fucking animal, but I'll eat the rest of it.
Why not?
There's always with shrimp,
if you go to a restaurant and it's the thing I know.
Oh, you get a shrimp that's not deveined,
it's fucking disgusting.
Get this outta here.
Lobster is often.
And it happens way more than you would think.
Can that make you sick though? I think, I mean, I don't think it's, it certainly can taste terrible, But lobster is often. And it happens way more than you would think. Yeah.
Can that make you sick though?
I think, I mean, I don't think it's,
it certainly can taste terrible,
but I think it's like, yeah,
it's not a thing you should be eating.
I think if it's been boiled, it's probably, you know,
not gonna be the end of the world, but like it's.
It's a little shrimp shits.
It's disgusting.
Shrimp shits.
Shrimp shits.
Shrimp shits.
Shrimp shits.
Shrimp shits.
Nasty.
Yeah, I'll take a bag of shrimp, leave out the shits.
That's what you have to say in some restaurants.
What is your favorite seafood?
Is it lobster?
I mean, my favorite seafood is probably fried clams.
Oh yeah, that's a lot of fun.
And I really like whole belly clams,
which is not just the strips,
but it's got the gunk in it.
I like gunk, like I'll eat gunk.
Yeah, I'm down for the gunk.
You know what I mean?
Mitch's pointing is gesturing at me
because you took me to get some fried clams.
Those are delightful.
In Quincy, Massachusetts.
A lot of fun.
Oh, where'd you go, the clam box or the other one?
I think it was the other one, right?
Tony's?
I think we actually went to both, didn't we?
Did we go to both?
I remember Tony's.
I used to go there with my mom and dad when I was a kid.
Did you really?
Oh, my mom loved fried clams.
We would go out to Quincy on the beach there.
And I can't remember which one we would go to though.
There's two, Tony's right?
And the Clam Box.
I think Clam Box is more famous.
Yeah.
And then I think Tony's is maybe better.
I forget what the, I forget what the deal is.
I remember being taken to Tony's.
It's possible we went to both places.
I remember going with Mookie.
That was the most recent visit.
We got a nice lobster roll too, did we not?
Had a lovely time.
Yeah.
My mom is no longer alive. I miss her a lot. She could put away a lot? Had a lovely time. Yeah. Yeah. My mom is no longer alive.
I miss her a lot.
She could put away a lot of fried clams.
I really learned.
I learned at the knee of a champion.
I love it.
Yeah.
That's my mom and sister.
My sister was a huge oyster fan and then like loved oysters.
Yeah.
That has hemochromatosis, can't eat oysters anymore.
Oh no.
Like your face, imagine if they were like, you got.
Mitch, you got a, you know, pizza
chromatosis or something.
And I couldn't eat, I mean, I guess it doesn't,
that isn't a one-to-one in many ways.
Like it's not called, you know, oyster
chromatosis, but you get what I'm saying.
You can't eat pizza anymore.
I would be like, I would be devastating.
Some egghead doctor tells you you can't eat pizza.
I know one of those assholes.
Yeah.
I would be fucking, I would be fucking bullshit.
But she can't, she can't, she can have cooked oysters.
She can't have, she can't.
The raw ones are dangerous.
I do love raw oysters.
That's another seafood that I really enjoy.
They are, look, we mentioned this a few episodes back,
but we were in San Francisco for SketchFest,
which you also were up there for Judge John Hodgman.
I was there, Judge John Hodgman, yep.
And while we were up there, we took a little side trip
to, after the show, to have a meal.
Did you go to Hog Island?
We went to Hog Island, and we had a lot of oysters.
I was just listening all the way over.
It was wonderful.
Was it the ferry terminal?
It was the ferry terminal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Was Jordan Morris there?
Jordan was there.
How about that?
Was Chankton there?
Chankton was also there.
100% guessing right now.
That's incredible. Jordan Morris there? Jordan was there. How about that? Was Chankin there? Chankin was also there. 100% guessing right now.
That's incredible.
I was a late seafood starter.
When I was young, I'd eat lobster.
I was too.
As a kid, even though growing up near the ocean,
like you, growing up on the coastal climate,
and seafood is an abundance,
but I just thought it was weird.
And as daring as I would get would be salmon,
but it would have to be drenched in some sort of sauce.
If I'm not talking about something that was fried, fried is like a different
thing, you know, like, or fried shrimp or whatever, but like, like seafood, not
in that form where it's covered with some sort of batter.
Yeah.
I was a little skeptical of.
I wonder, this is me being like, I wasn't, I w I wasn't that daring, but then I'm sure
like comparatively it's pretty good.
Cause I was fish, shrimp, scallops and lobster.
When you get shrimp, do you get the shits in
or the shits off?
Shits out, shits out, shits out, shits out shrimp.
Shits out.
Shits out shrimp, uh, uh, scallops, lobster,
and then, and like baked clam, like clam, like a.
Oh, yeah, that's more daring.
Stuffed clam.
Stuffies.
Yeah, stuffies.
Rhode Island style stuffies are very delicious.
Yeah, from Burke's seafood, they have great stuffed clams.
Yeah, and because you can't taste the clams, basically.
They put so much linguiça in there and stuff.
Like that Portuguese style stuffed clam,
where they put in the spicy sausage, yeah, that's very good.
And clam chowder, but I would not do,
when I was younger, I would not do,
I was afraid to do oysters,
and I was afraid to do mussels.
And that-
I wasn't until I was having oysters.
My mom loved fried clams, my dad loves fried oysters.
He also loves raw oysters.
And I love my dad, happy 80th birthday, dad.
But I will say this, I'll put you on the last for this.
HBD.
When we go out for oysters, dad,
please stop asking the waiter,
which are your largest oysters?
Cause I'm about to throw up.
Ha ha ha.
Large oysters are not better than small oysters.
Large oysters.
Let me give this to all these cameras.
Dad, Dad, Dad, small oysters are better.
Large oysters are disgusting, sorry.
And he will be watching just like your cat.
Yeah, he's watching with, he's cat sitting right now.
So, I mean, yeah. A big, if the oyster is too big, just like your cat. Yeah, he's watching with him. He's cat sitting right next to him. So, I mean, yeah.
A big, if the oyster is too big, I'm with you.
I don't need a big chunky guy.
It just gets a little bit, I don't mind a chew.
You know what I mean?
I don't need to swallow it straight down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I don't mind it having a little meat
on its non-bones, right?
Yeah, yeah.
But like a big honking, ones we get in New York or from Long Island,
I don't wanna say the name,
because I don't wanna, maybe people like that.
People like what they like.
That's a Judg-Shenatran rule.
Right.
But I don't like it, and I don't like you.
People who like this stuff.
Ha ha ha!
Fried clams, when I was younger also,
I couldn't do those.
It was until a little bit later.
But the texture, I think it was,
I mean, all three of those things that I just mentioned,
big time texture issues. Mussels, was, I mean, all, all three of those things that I just mentioned, big time
texture issues, muscles, oysters, and, and, and
clams, fried clams.
Weirdly, my way into eating anything raw was
sushi, which I was like, for whatever reason,
sushi, I was like, oh, that's like a different
thing. And then later on I was like, wait, this
is just raw fish. I can have raw, you know, I
can have a crudo, I can have a ceviche or what
have you, you know, I can have oysters. But
yeah, I, I, hey, I'll hit up the raw bar.
I like it, I like sushi, I like oysters,
I like it raw and wriggling.
Hell yeah.
To quote Gollum, excuse me,
Gollum in mobile phones.
When you say you'll hit up the raw bar,
you mean like a physical bar
that has nothing to do with seafood?
All right, you're on tour right now.
That's part of the reason you're in LA.
You're going around, you're doing judge on a judgment.
By the time this comes out, the tour will be over.
The tour will be over, but you're currently on tour.
And so my question for you is as a tour,
because this is a thing, I don't like traveling.
As a tourist, as it were.
As a tourer, I don't like traveling.
I certainly like, it's a whole thing for me,
traveling for work is this whole extra level of stress. What do you do food-wise when you're going like, it's a whole thing for me, traveling for work is this whole extra level of stress.
What do you do like food-wise when you're going like,
I'm getting on planes, I'm getting on trains,
I'm going to different cities?
Hold on a second.
Food-wise, are you now talking about
a Food Lord of the Rings or something?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Food-wise.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Food-wise ham-gee, if you will.
Food-wise. I like food-wise ham-gee. If you will. Food-wise.
I like food-wise ham-gee.
Fro dough.
Oh, shit.
It's right there in the name.
Fried dough.
Now we're getting into some Mad Magazine shit.
You know what I mean?
Fried dough.
Bring it back.
Bring back mad.
Bring back the mad.
What do I do on the road to eat?
I'll just say real quick,
they're trying to throw the one onion ring into Mount Doom.
Okay, keep going.
And Mount Doom is filled with marinara sauce.
Yeah, yeah.
For an onion ring? Would you dip an onion ring in marinara?
Look.
Have I done that in an appetizer sample of flutter? I have.
Yes.
Yeah, and you know what? It's not great. It's not totally foreign from dripping a mozzarella stick into,
it's the same sort of texture usually, but yeah, it doesn't work as well as like,
what else works?
What would work?
Since I'm doing the full tour, the full parental tour,
I won't name names, but there's a mother-in-law in my life.
And I know you're watching, Gwen.
Hello, hello, hello.
And you'll remember this, at the fishnet in Blue Hill, they have very, very good thin onion rings.
And I watched as my mother-in-law put an onion ring,
a single onion ring on a napkin, took a ketchup packet,
delicately squirted ketchup all the way around,
then salted it all the way around,
and then ate it with a knife and fork.
That's adorable. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
I kinda love that. It was incredible.
It was incredible.
And I've had an onion ring.
I was like, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
And I was looking to my wife,
who's a whole human being in her own right,
going like, are you even seeing this?
She goes, I know, she raised me, I know who she is.
And yet I've had it since then.
Yeah.
And I like it.
It's really good.
Wow.
A little ketchup, a thin band of ketchup, extra salt,
eat with a knife and fork.
It's very sophisticated.
It is.
That's definitely gastroesophageal.
Gastroesophageal level.
I don't know if I would love that if it would
drive me insane, but I will say this.
Yeah.
How about them New England onion rings?
I know that he's gonna say that I'm territorial
or whatever and that I-
It's funny, you know, I'm naturally inclined
to side with you as we were both children of New England.
Okay, what the fuck's going on right now?
But I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Okay, now-
I've never heard of a New England style.
Yeah, what's a New England onion ring? Right, Emma? That was also from New about. I've never heard of a New England style.
Right, Emma?
That was also from New England.
If you get a big thing of fish and chips,
and they give you these-
That's in England, not New England.
Fish and chips is an English thing.
I don't fucking deal with those traders.
I don't like the-
We are the traitors.
I mean, say what you want about the colon,
the death and destruction
by the colonization of the English. I'm an Irish boy overall.
I hate the Brits still.
Okay, but they're not traitors.
They're monsters.
I don't wanna say monsters.
Some of them are very nice.
I'll still toss tea in the fucking harbor
from time to time if I'm up for it.
Yeah, yeah, I understand what you're saying, but it's just, you know, canonically,
in the narrative, the United States are the traitors.
You're a traitor right now because you don't know
what I'm talking about and it's getting me mad.
About the New England style onion rings.
Onion rings, if you get a fish and chips there,
they're just a lightly breaded onion rings
that are thin.
I don't think they could be everywhere. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. I don't know if they're regionally specific breaded onion rings that are thin. Yes.
I don't think they can be everywhere.
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
I don't know if they're regionally specific.
Do you mean like the shoestring ones
where they're like super, super thin?
Well, there's also those too.
Okay. Yes.
Because like no one wants an onion ring
with too much batter.
That's just the, you know, likely,
I think what you're talking about is just like
a well-made onion ring.
Have you had onion rings in like a fish and chips
like you'll get an onion rings?
Have you had them like that out here?
If you go to- No, you haven't.
If you haven't. Well, I don't know, I'll get an onion rings. Have you had them like that out here? No, you haven't. You haven't.
Well, I don't know.
I've not ordered onion rings in LA.
So I didn't know that there, that was a New England style.
Should we go get some?
We have food flying in, right?
We don't need to go get onion rings.
All right, fine.
But I mean, you know, like in New York City,
which I mean, talk about traders.
I moved from Boston to New York City.
I felt like such a trader when I finally moved there.
Did you do comedy in Boston?
No.
I have never done comedy to this day, arguably.
But I certainly was never a stand-up or anything.
Yeah.
You're on the right podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I went from Brookline, not even Boston, to college.
Brookline to Brooklyn.
Brookline to Brooklyn. Brooklyn to Brooklyn.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm very narrow-minded.
But when I moved to New York-
What's next, Brooklyn?
What's that?
Huh?
Brooklyn?
What's going on?
What'd you say?
No, no, I'm just wondering if there's a pattern here.
They're going to Brooklyn next.
Brooklyn.
Brooklyn. Brooklyn to Brooklyn to Brooklyn.
But the-
But the- but the.
Broke my head.
The shit eating grin that you're giving right now.
Brooklyn to Brooklyn to Brooklyn.
Suggests that there's a level to your joke
that is more than just word play.
No.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Brooklyn.
Is there a, is that a person?
Is there some cum related aspect to that?
No, he's just noticing a pattern.
He just noticed a pattern.
He's noticing the pattern.
I'm sticking up for you for your, help me here.
What is your favorite chicken preparation?
Emma, you know what town I live in in Maine?
No, I don't.
You have to bleep this out.
Okay.
Just put in the big game when I say it.
Okay.
The big game.
Oh, I know that.
Oh my God.
Wow. Our reactions aren't gonna help.
I think people will figure it out.
I think people already know.
And then, Brooklyn, Maine.
Brooklyn.
The big game.
The big game, Maine is where I live.
That's my town.
Wow.
I spent New Year's up in Maine.
Yeah, where'd you go?
Uh, I was calling.
I was there.
I'll look for it.
Was this past year, this past New Year's?
This past New Year's, you were in Maine. New Year's 2024 into this past New Year's? This past New Year's you were in Maine.
New Year's 2024 into 2025.
That's the year we're in.
We're in Maine.
How about that?
I was there.
I was in Maine.
What were you doing up there?
Me?
I was-
Hanging with some friends?
Turning his phone off apparently.
I guess it's a whole state.
You weren't necessarily in the same part of the state.
It's a very big state.
I'm a baby scoop, Scoops baby. Wonderful. And yeah, it was a whole state. You weren't necessarily in the same part of the state. It's a very big state. I'm a baby scoop, Scoops baby.
Wonderful.
And yeah, it was a great time.
We all hung out and we had a good time.
Where were you?
I told you where I go.
I'm trying to figure that out right now.
You don't remember?
I don't remember, which is bad.
Here's the thing about lobster, Emma.
It's easily overcooked and then it gets rubbery.
So I'm not saying your dad's doing it wrong,
but he's probably not doing it right.
Oh no, people like come to get his lobster
from everywhere, like family members fly out just for it.
I just don't like, I've tried it every year
and every time someone orders lobster or gets lobster,
I try a bite, just maybe it's now.
It's just not for me.
Yeah, we've been in a context where there was
a very good lobster available and Emma's not.
Still not. Not for me.
Oh, so in New York, the onion ring is very different
from New England, I would say for sure.
Cause it's not thin.
It's a thick cut thing.
And one thing I don't like,
and the batter separates from the onion rings.
So you take a bite.
That drives me nuts.
And you just have like a shell of fry.
Yeah, that's a nightmare.
Fucking molten hot piece of onion
dripping out of your mouth.
Yeah, horrible.
And you know what they do in a New York diner,
if there even are any anymore,
but they would put one of those onion rings
on top of your burger when they served it to you.
See, I do think that's fun.
Like, I like getting just like a stray onion ring.
Right.
Oh, you like a stray onion ring?
Yeah, or like, hey, it's on top of the burger, or yeah.
Or yeah, I've got an order of fries,
and like, hey, there's an onion ring in there, why not?
And it's not necessarily to be eaten on the burger.
No, it's just kind of there.
It's like an amuse bouche.
Yeah.
I like that.
Or like burn the fuck out of your bouche.
Bouche is French for a mouth.
Oh, is that true?
So you amuse your mouth.
You amuse your mouth.
This is a little mouth amuser for you.
That's very funny.
Sounds disgusting and often is.
Sorry. Well, ice is a-amuser in many ways too.
All right.
We've got a-
Bridgton, Maine.
Bridgton, Maine.
Bridgton, Maine.
Bridgton, Maine.
Bridgton, Maine.
Bridgton, Maine, you're up there in Bridgton.
Did you have a nice time?
I had a blast.
Good, I'm glad to hear it.
It was a great time.
We're talking Chick-fil-A today.
Before we get into Chick-fil-A proper,
I'm curious about your general chicken preferences.
Where do you stand on fried chicken? Where do you stand on fried chicken,
and where do you stand on a fried chicken sandwich?
I'm very pro-fried chicken.
Okay.
I hope you don't stand on top of it, am I right?
Uh...
Okay.
I'm very pro-fried chicken.
Thanks for taking the heat off me for that Brooklyn thing.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I defended you on the Brooklyn thing.
I know, I know.
Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Isn't it good that he doesn you on the Brooklyn thing. I know, I know.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn.
Isn't it good that he doesn't stand on top of it?
Yeah, I think I agree.
And I am very into fried chicken on the bone.
Yeah, me too. Wow, me too.
I don't love a tender.
I'm okay with a tendy, but I prefer it on the bone.
Yeah.
He says tendy.
I know that he says tendy.
This whole podcast has taken over my whole life and career.
I don't know how I'm gonna get rid of this curse.
I know all the length.
I spent, I think frankly days trying to explain
to my family. Yeah. I spent, I think, frankly, days trying to explain
to my family why I laughed so hard when you did your Nosferatu impression,
and Amelia said, is that Jimmy Carter?
Truly.
And I think I emailed you after.
I remember the email, yes.
I know that it was after Christmas
because I had gotten headphones for,
that you can use underwater.
So I was swimming with my headphones in,
listening to the podcast.
Very cool gadget.
That's cool.
But the danger is I almost died.
Because if you laugh too hard underwater,
you're gonna aspirate a bunch of pool water or whatever.
And I went through, I went to my wife,
I went to our adult son, I went to our adult daughter.
I'm like, okay, here's the thing.
Amelia's a little younger, so the joke is premised on this.
I've never been more isolated from my family in my life.
They don't talk to me anymore.
You are now my family.
So yes, I know he calls them tendies, thank you.
But sometimes the tendies aren't very tendy.
It's true.
Sometimes they're a little chewy.
Yeah, they are.
I'm worried about, you know, aquatic life
now that our podcast can be played underwater.
I'm just picturing a bunch of fish floating to the surface.
Yeah.
Well, there are no fish in the pool at the YMC.
All right.
That's fair.
But there are some elderly people who you can see
are making a decision to go no further
and just drift to the bottom.
They're hearing it and they're like, yeah, I guess,
this is the world.
This is the world now.
I no longer have a place in it.
I'm just going to.
What do you think is worse for whales,
the wind turbines or the Doughboys podcast underwater?
Good question.
And I love fried, so I love fried chicken.
Yes.
I love a fried chicken sandwich.
Hell yeah.
Even though that is boneless.
What's your favorite fried chicken sandwich you've ever had?
My favorite fried chicken sandwich I ever had.
Well, I don't know what my answer is.
I never think on that.
Well, it's a hard, it's, look, look,
Howlin' Ray's is like a great fried chicken sandwich.
Howlin' Ray's is a great fried chicken sandwich.
I'm like, is that the best one I ever had ever? You know what I really liked? Remember Plan
Check? I was going to say Plan Check, Mitch, RIP. That was a nice little small chain in
LA. And yeah, it was a fun gastropub that had maybe still exists in some capacity. Is
there like one Plan Check still kicking around? I think so. I think a lot of the locations
closed. There's a new relatively new chain in New York City
called Sweet Chick.
Sweet Chick, yes.
Yeah, we did it.
We did it.
Yeah, we had Sweet Chick.
With Aunt Tammy, didn't we?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Our daughter introduced it to us.
There is a plan check on Sawtelle still.
Oh, that one's still around, okay.
And they do a Nashville hot chicken,
fried chicken sandwich that I really enjoy a lot.
Wow.
Well, guess what? There's more chicken is here.. That I really enjoy a lot. Wow. Well guess what?
There's more chicken is here.
Amelia just walked in.
More chicken.
I'm also a fan of more chicken.
Yeah, I'm into more chicken in general.
I like to get, but I like the fried chicken
at the Shell station at the intersection of Route 1
and Route 15 in Orland, Maine.
What?
What is more chicken?
Wait, really?
That's a, the Shell station has,
cause sometimes you'll run across a gas station
that is sneaky, like a very good food.
Yeah.
That's one, that's one instance.
That is one, if you're on route one
and you're at the intersection of route one and route 15,
the Shell station, they have good fried chicken.
That's how KFC. And they make it there.
That's how KFC started, was a Shell,
was always a gas station outlet.
It used to be a Chester's chicken.
Oh, okay.
Which is a sort of a brand.
Yeah.
But I noticed that it's not branded Chester's anymore,
but they still make really good fried chicken.
And they have tenders and they have on the bone fried chicken
and it's pretty delightful, I think.
Yeah.
Does the Shell station does it have pasta?
Sorry, Mitch is just joking around.
That's a great joke.
I really am.
Mitch is just messing around.
I'm bathing in it. It's just a- I have a serious question though. That's a great joke. I really am. Mitch is messing around.
I'm bathing in it.
I have a serious question though.
The Shell station, does it serve turtle soup?
So I guess combined we want to know, does the Shell station have pasta or turtle soup?
Does it have pasta or turtle soup?
Yeah. I mean, I feel like Turtle Soup is probably rare to have.
No, but they sell, you can get hermit crabs there.
All right. You can buy hermit crabs.
Yeah.
Wow.
I knew her.
And escargot.
Ooh, that's a gas station, escargot.
It's a gastroesophageal gas station.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Mitch, when I think about relationship green flags,
for me, it's someone who likes to listen, someone who likes to collaborate, someone who's not guarded
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Wow.
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Wow.
Thanks, Wiggs.
You bet.
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All right, this is well-timed.
I'm waving her in as Amelia has just entered the picture.
Don't tell her how I was...
Emma opened the door. You had no power with your wave. I know, but people on Amelia has just entered the picture. Don't tell her how I was. Emma opened the door.
You had no power with your wave.
I know, but people on the camera were seeing me wave.
That was what I was referencing, Mitch.
Emma opened the door for Amelia, who has brought us
some additional Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A
is what we were reviewing this week.
Chick-fil-A was founded in 1946 in Hapeville, Georgia
by S. Truett Cathy.
The business remains privately owned by the Cathy family.
Did you say the name of the town was hateful?
Hapeville.
Oh, Hapeville.
Hapeville.
Hapeville, Georgia.
Hapeville, Georgia.
Sounds like it could exist.
Would be fitting.
Would be fitting.
In the context of, well.
Yes.
This Chick-fil-A, like Bud Light that was mentioned previously, has been a political
flashpoint.
Chick-fil-A sauce was not invented until 1983.
Oh my God, you have so many.
In 1983, the famous Chick-fil-A sauce was not invented until 1983. 83, the famous Chick-fil-A sauce was not invented until 1983.
Until 40 years of its existence at a Virginia location.
Among American chain restaurants,
it is third in sales with 21.6 billion.
Wow.
But only 19th in number of locations.
So its per store average is insane.
Very high.
Ooh, the roof.
Originally reviewed back in 2017
with our friend Noel Wells, Mitch.
Just outside of the Golden Plate Club.
And like last week's Chuck E. Cheese with Griffin Newman, this is a major chain that we have not formally revisited in eight plus years.
So the big development since 2017 was the first year I was ever on the Doughboys.
That's wild to think about.
That's when it was Arby's and that's when things really started to spiral down the drain.
Down Mitch's shower drain for me.
So that's another reference.
It's another reference to the show.
I can't get it out of my head.
Thank you so much, Amelia.
Amelia, why don't you come in here for a second?
Did, when Chick-fil-A did not include Weiger's fries,
did it look like he was gonna cry?
I saw a tear run down his leg.
Look, here's the thing.
Did you say down his leg?
Did you say down his leg?
Yes.
Yes.
I'm choking to death underwater again.
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ.
A tear run down his leg.
Remind me not to listen to this one
while I'm swimming in the pool.
He did, also by the way,
he did spill milkshake on his leg.
I did spill like a whole bunch of milkshake on my thigh.
The liger tiger is crying, the thigh tiger.
The thigh tiger.
I said, you've seen that before, what happened.
It was a pretty good moment for me.
But this was a pretty good moment for you.
All right.
Amelia.
Thank you, Amelia. Amazing.
We sent you over there because, but like,
here's the issue.
Chick-fil-A did not include our fries.
I've never had Chick-fil-A mess up an order before.
They're usually very good about it,
but this was one instance where they didn't get it.
So we're like, the fries are a key part
of the experience.
Hodgman, you'd never had Chick-fil-A,
so that's why we made this dish run.
We got a few additional items.
It seems like they forgot a couple things.
Thank you, Amelia. Thank you, Amelia.
Thank you, Amelia.
Didn't they forget your stuff, too?
Yeah, they forgot one packet of nuggets,
which ended up being completely fine,
but then they forgot all the fries too.
I feel like the fries are a crucial part of the Chick-fil-A experience.
So if you've never had it before, you really got to get the fries.
Although I don't know if this is true.
Someone said to me recently that they changed their fries in the recent past, so they're
different.
I don't know if that's Chick-fil-A or someone else, but you're all eating them.
Casey, I wonder if you can speak to that because you are the son of the South in the room.
I did not grow up with Chick-fil-A.
Chick-fil-A did not have-
Also, do you want that title?
Son of the South.
Son of the South?
Oh, that's pretty cool.
Sounds pretty cool.
Coming to you live from hateful Georgia,
the son of the South and the South.
Casey, the son of the South.
I love the state of Georgia.
The Lanesman.
Do you remember Chick-fil-A fries being different
when you were younger in Florida?
I mean, not so much.
Like I don't see a-
Here's a modern one to compare if you want.
Now these are-
I don't really see a difference between-
For those not watching how they used to be on YouTube.
They're still waffle fries.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For whether you've not ever seen me.
But also these are a waffle fry.
They're a waffle fry, yeah.
Wouldn't you say this is a waffle fry?
100%
And is this traditional?
This is the waffle approach to fry.
Yeah, this is how they come.
They do have a thing on their menu
that says that they recently changed their recipe slightly
to accommodate more allergens.
Interesting.
Or lack of allergens.
It's not waffled.
It's not fully waffled,
but I'm probably using it as a sauce delivery.
I actually did like these more than I remembered.
They're good. They're good.
They're fine.
Could they use a little bit more seasoning?
Sure, but I do think like you're just saucing
these bad boys, so I think it's okay.
I really like the Christmas of them.
I really like the waffle cut.
I mean, the sauce really does taste like 1983.
It does, yeah.
It's an incredible flavor throwback.
100%.
And I'm trying to place what the flavors are in that sauce.
I had the components of a- It has honey in it, right?
It's kind of like a, you know,
some sort of aioli.
I'll get the exact components.
This is bad news because this shake is fantastic.
Which one are you having?
I just had a cookies and cream shake. Judge John Hodgman, please give me a verdict.
Are we just sharing the straw?
I'm fine with that.
Me too.
All right, great.
Here we go. To us.
To us. I have no reviters.
Why do you look so great?
That's a pretty good shake.
I hate to say this on the podcast, but it's very creamy.
Interesting to say.
It is extremely creamy.
It's not just vanilla notes, which is a flavor that I love, but it's got, I mean, I feel like you can taste,
like cookies and cream, they don't say it,
but it's supposed to be Oreos crunched up in there, right?
Right, mm-hmm.
And I feel like I'm getting this Oreo stuff flavor
coming through. Pest is over?
Yeah, we're all gonna go down together, I guess.
Chick-fil-A sauce, this is from Chick-fil-A, Inc.
This is from their official Twitter.
Chick-fil-A is a magical blend of honey mustard,
barbecue, and ranch sauces.
It's kind of like all dressed as a sauce.
Yeah.
I got paper from the straw.
I found a dupe recipe that's mayo, mustard,
lemon juice, barbecue sauce.
That's an excellent shake. It's really good.
It's good.
You want to... I think we're...
I'm going to do one last.
So as the sauce is being circulated...
This is what?
Here, can we get me a napkin-wise?
Yeah.
So as the sauce is being circulated,
just to add a little bit more context to the Cathy family.
So the Cathys are devout Southern Baptists,
and this is where the controversy came from
because, you know, they had made some large donations
to organizations that oppose same-sex marriage.
Right. This became a big thing
I don't I'd forgotten this whole the whole like Mike Huckabee side of it where there was like there was like, you know
Mike Huckabee declaring national that fucker weighed in to get some attention for himself
Yeah, and it's just like it's one of those things like oh, yeah
This was just the ten years ago dumber version or I guess less dumb version of what our politics is now
We're like like whatever putt whatever, you know compared to what it is now, that was practically gastroesophageal.
You know what I mean?
It was kind of quaint almost.
Intellectually.
But it was sort of the setting of the thing of like,
you're signaling, you know, your politics by your purchases, you know?
And so like by having corporate allegiance to Chick-fil-A
or by saying, I will never eat Chick-fil-A,
you're making some sort of political statement.
That's just, that's basically what everything is.
Well, I have never eaten Chick-fil-A.
That's true.
For that reason.
Is that really true?
Yes. Wow.
I have never set foot in one.
I would travel, 10 years ago, I was touring more.
Yeah.
And many a person would say,
let's, I would be traveling with her,
whatever, would say, let's go to Chick-fil-A,
or there'd be one in the airport, let's stop there,
because it's supposed to be the most delicious chicken sandwich
of all time.
And I was like, I just can't go there because of their stance
on same-sex marriage.
Right.
And it was, and also like, I don't need to eat that food.
You know, it was just maybe, it was,
maybe a little bit of virtue signaling of convenience.
Sure. But I just don't want to go in there.
And I never have, and I've never ordered from there,
and so this is a very transgressive day for me today.
So here's the question, because we threw a few options at you.
So we could cover this, this, this, or this.
And you chose Chick-fil-A.
Did you choose it partly because of the novelty,
partly because you never had it?
Yeah, because everyone has told me it's the greatest chicken sandwich of all time.
Wow.
And I've always been very Chick-fil-A curious,
and yet I had always held this line,
and I'm breaking, I'm crossing the line
for you and with you today.
I love this.
Because I wanted to see what it was all about,
and obviously the Doughboys has eroded my standards
in so many ways.
In how I think and act and look.
I figured why not.
And I still have not set foot in one.
You had it delivered here.
There was the option to go to one.
I'm happier just to hang out with you here.
And yes, I tasted it for the very first time.
I'm gonna have a Simpsons chocolate shake,
but the big development since the last time.
I am no longer a Chick-fil-A heterosexual virgin.
Wow. Wow.
Yeah.
The last time we had- Strictly heterosexual virgin.
Since the last time we had, we reviewed Chick-fil-A.
The big development is the emergence
of the Popeye's Chicken Sandwich,
which I think is fantastic.
We had the Popeye's Chicken Sandwich.
I have had the Popeye's Chicken Sandwich,
and in fact, for a Judge John Hodgman online thing,
we did a blindfold taste test of a bunch of similar foods.
Yes.
Battle of the brands.
And it was basically a doughboy's ripoff.
I'll say it right now.
It was pretty obvious.
We're not doing anything original.
Well, anyway, it's the most successful thing
we've ever done on Judge John Hodgman.
It's all about the food.
People just like seeing people eat food.
In any case, yes, blindfolded,
chose the Popeyes over the KFC quickly.
Yeah.
And then I devoured that whole sandwich
without ever looking at it.
It was really, really good.
It's really, really yummy.
And I do think, I know Casey,
as son of the South of the Lanesman,
will definitely disagree here,
but I do think the Popeye's Chicken Sandwich
is superior to the Chick-fil-A sandwich.
I agree.
But I like the Chick-fil-A sandwich.
That is not a criticism of the Chick-fil-A sandwich.
That is praise of the execution of Popeye's version.
I liked my Chick-fil-A sandwich today,
which was a brand new sandwich.
Yes.
But I also say, I think on the show,
we said that Chick-fil-A is banned.
We've done this like multiple- Have we really?
I hate Chick-fil-A too for their stance on gay marriage.
I think that they are a shitty corporation.
We talked about it.
I don't know, I mean, yeah.
It's one of those things where I think the people
who own it have shitty politics.
Ghouls, you could say.
Yeah, yeah, Boglins, if you will.
Yeah, that's an insult to Boglins.
But I also think there's an element of,
if you work for the company, my understanding is like,
you know, the pay is pretty good relative to other jobs
in the fast food sector.
And I do feel like service is very good
when you go to these restaurants.
And I do think, you know what, so it's like, I don't know.
I mean, all these companies are run by like monsters.
It's like, and Andy Puzder who was a
Complete piece of shit. It was the CEO of Carl of CK
CK Carl's Jr. Hardee's is now the ambassador to the EU
He was a guy who was such a piece of shit that he couldn't get confirmed as the secretary of labor
Hey, yeah, that's that's the
Carl Karcher enterprises. That's the name of the parent corporation of Carl's Jr. Come King's extraordinary come King's extraordinary
Yeah, sorry, I had it wrong and
Man, I would love to be a come king
I was not not eating Carl's jr. For the years where he was in charge of this company this guy who has all sorts of horrible
Allegations against him and who treated his employees like shit. It's just the cliché and I hate to repeat it because it's so unoriginal.
There's no ethical consumption under capitalism.
That's just where we find ourselves.
So it's wherever you're going to draw your own lines.
I always text Wagon and I say, what's your capitalism line again?
Because I forget it, but I try to tell people. I, uh,
There is no ethical consumption under
cum-p-talism.
Who am I? I'm telling the masseuse.
You're Robert Kras massage parlor.
No ethical consumption or capitalism.
The lady's like, yeah, I know, thanks.
I, uh, look, we've said that we weren't gonna go to Wendy's again because of the tomato thing.
We're just wrong.
What was the tomato thing?
We, we, we, we, we, it was like, they were using like,
they like use like shit, like they like,
try to get cheaper tomatoes or something.
There was like some bullshit that they did.
I don't remember, I don't remember us banning ourselves
from Wendy's, but I know that, that's like,
tomatoes have been a whole thing.
I remember when I was in college,
Taco Bell had a whole thing with their tomato sourcing
and they were sourcing it from a whole unethical farm.
Oh, unethical sourcing of the tomatoes.
I think that we said that we were done with Chick-fil-A,
but also you know what, whatever.
This is the, it is, it's-
We're just, everyone's tired.
We're all just tired.
As a society, we're tired.
What the fuck are we supposed to do?
Yeah, look, we lost.
We lost big time.
We lost.
Took a big L here.
Obviously- We're back at Chick a big L here. Obviously.
We're back at Chick-fil-A.
Obviously our incredible principled stand
to not go to the Chick-fil-A in the airport
did not halt the creeping theocracy
of evangelism in this country.
Didn't work.
Turns out, turns out our invisible little imaginary lines
in the sand don't bother anyone.
Yes, yes.
And so anyway.
Time to regroup, re-figure things out again.
But I'll give this to Puzder.
The boobs and butts are back at Carl's Jr.
I don't know if you knew this.
They have brought him back.
They have brought back the TNA campaign.
The TNA campaign is back in Trump's America.
America made great again.
We did it.
So I'll talk on this real quick.
I did a side quest earlier this week and went on my own to Chick-fil-A,
because I was like, I haven't had it in a while.
We haven't reviewed the podcast for a while.
I want to make sure, because I want to try the seasonal item,
which we'll talk about today, but I wanted to get another one
where I was getting their, more their classic execution.
I did go with a spicy chicken sandwich,
because I'm a bit of a heat secret.
Casey, I believe that's what you got today, correct?
Yep.
Is that your normal order?
Yeah, spicy chicken.
Yeah. And here's one thing. today, correct? Yep. Is that your normal order? Yeah, spicy chicken. Yeah.
And here's one thing-
Just the regular spicy chicken.
Plastic.
So just the chicken sauce and pickles, right?
Yes, and it's the breaded patty as opposed to it,
the breaded breast as opposed to the grilled one
which we had with today's sandwich.
Right.
I choose the Chick-fil-A sauce as my sauce for that.
I like the Chick-fil-A sauce.
I got Chick-fil-A sauce and I also got ranch
along with my waffle potato fries,
an unsweetened iced tea, good ice.
Gotta shout out the ice there.
They have excellent ice at Chick-fil-A.
And the vanilla milkshake,
which is like a completely on point fast food milkshake.
But I thought the chicken sandwich was absolutely hitting.
The fries are up to you in terms of how you like
their version of it.
But I think it's a well executed waffle fry.
I think the number of sauces makes up
for the paucity of seasoning.
But I just think that spicy chicken sandwich
is just a home run.
It's just absolutely delightful.
One thing I should add,
because, and Mitch, you know about this
because we've talked about this,
and hey, Hodgman, I guess you've absorbed this as well
because I've talked about it at length in the podcast.
I've developed this midlife peanut intolerance.
Chick-fil-A is fried in peanut oil,
which I was a little concerned about,
but I was like, let me just see how my body processes it.
I don't seem to have any adverse reactions from it.
Yeah, but I should, maybe you missed this,
but you still have the EpiPen hanging
on the back of your neck.
Got it, yeah, okay, that's still noticeable.
No, so I don't fucking know.
It's like one of those things, you get older
and you go to doctors and they're like, yeah, we don't know, sorry, you're on't fucking know it's like one of those things you get older and you go to doctors
And they're like yeah, we don't know like sorry you're on your own
You know and that's what we're talking about those fucking doctors right the fucking doctors, but also God
And looking down on me let me just say that patreon key is nearly mine keep eating
We really should do a Tontine Patreon episode.
Let's bring Susser in here.
Oh man, is he getting involved?
He's gonna get the fortune.
You know that's what's gonna happen.
He'll fucking kill, he'll straitl us in the room.
So you're not feeling any peanut related distress?
No, I have not had any reactions like I've had
the kind of more, more as you know,
anaphylactic reactions from some other nuts.
So you'd be willing to say,
Chick-fil-A didn't make me life-threateningly sick.
I go that far at this point.
Hold on a second.
We put this order on our doughboy section,
which Susser is on, and he didn't reply,
which makes me feel like we should do like a-
Can you do a wellness check?
A wellness check on it.
I think we should.
I'll text him now.
Is he alive?
How did he not take advantage of this?
Yeah, actually let me reply to him right now.
Say why did you not order Chick-fil-A today?
What's going on?
Why did you not order Chick-fil-A today?
Maybe he's against their political stances too.
What's going on?
I don't think that would stop him.
Whoop, whoop.
Are you okay buddy?
Okay, we'll see if we get a few replies.
I hope, Susser, I hope you're okay, Suss.
Hope you're okay, Suss.
This is the most nervous I've been about Susser
my entire life.
I gotta stop eating these.
Do you guys want some fries and a shake, more shake?
I got a shake, I'm good.
Take some fries.
Wait, which shake did you get, Emma?
I got a chocolate shake and it's hitting hard right now.
Yeah, the chocolate shake was good. I really fries. Which shake did you get Emma? I got a chocolate shake and it's hitting hard right now. Yeah.
The chocolate shake was good.
I really liked that cookies and cream shake.
It is very like classic, creamy fast food milkshake,
but it doesn't taste like sometimes a McDonald's milkshake
tastes not like real ice cream.
This tastes like real ice cream.
Yeah, sure.
It's very creamy.
Yeah.
You got a fry shake dipper?
Is that something, yeah?
I'll do that big time,
but I'll usually do that with a vanilla shake.
Right. I've been known to that with a vanilla shake. Right.
I've been known to do with chocolate shake.
I don't dip the sabories in the sweets.
I don't.
You don't like the mix of salty and sweet?
No, I mean, I do like that when it's like very much
the point of the thing.
But like I'm not putting candy in my popcorn.
I'm not like, I'm not dipping fries in the frosty.
I don't do that.
You know where I got that? I think it's the hotness of it. You know what I mean? Oh, you don't like dipping fries in the frosty. I don't do that. You know where I got that
I think it's the hotness of it. You know what I mean? Oh, you don't like the hot and the cold together
Yeah, I mean that's a part of it, but not with the popcorn on the canyon
I don't know popcorns hot I guess it was in an out burger that that conditioned me to do that
That's what I mean. That's where I first started going over the taste of those fries. All right
Try the naked nugs
What's that? You try the naked nugs? Well, I ordered those, right? Yeah, we got some grilled nuggets.
I don't want them.
Yeah.
I was like.
No, I got those for one reason.
For you to try that one.
But I got them to give to Jemmy.
They're for Jemmy.
Cause I'm only gonna see you once a year
and I want you to remember Uncle John.
Here, put this on your pants.
I don't wanna get-
You're gonna get credit for it.
I was gonna say I'm gonna get the food dirty
by putting it on my pants.
You're gonna get the food dirty, not your pants dirty?
To be fair, Jemmy licks the carpet.
I'm going to hover my hand over your thigh.
Do I have your consent for that?
You have my consent to put it on my thigh.
Wow.
I don't want your thigh getting credit
for the treat that I'm giving Jemmy.
Yeah, see?
She's loving it.
She's living her best life today.
That's a big piece.
We're gonna make this a little smaller, Jemmy.
Wow.
Oh man, she is feasting.
She's like not even chewing it,
she's just like swallowing it whole.
I just love the fact that Mitch isn't even letting me
have this moment every time I feed Jemmy.
Mitch is like, now I gotta do it.
Hey.
Hey, I know, she's licking his pants right now.
Don't gotta wash the jeans for another week, here we go.
No, no, no, it's my turn.
It's my turn to woo Jemmy.
It's me now, John Hodgman, your friend.
This chicken is from John Hodgman.
Yes.
Good girl.
Wow.
She knows it.
She says I'll see you in Maine.
You get to sit next to Jemmy all the time.
Jemmy also loves Maine.
Yeah, we're good friends.
I know you are.
I respect it, I'm just saying.
She loves Maine.
Yeah, she loves it in Maine. Just like one of her favorite places.
She gets so excited when we get there.
There's a beach there, the beaches in Kennebunk.
There's a couple of dog friendly beaches that she just loves.
Wow.
There'll be tons of dogs out there running around.
It's her favorite place.
Wow.
You know what they have in Kennebunk?
Hmm?
A Burger King.
They do.
A Burger King in Kennebunk.
At the service plaza.
Do they really?
They actually also have a, at the Kennebunk. At the Service Plaza. Yeah, they do. They actually also have a,
at the Kennebunk Service Plaza off of 95,
they have a Popeyes, and it's like the only Popeye
in New England, I think.
Yes, I know that one.
For a long time, so it was a super popular place.
That's how I knew it.
That was the Service Plaza.
Emma, is it a nude dog beach that you'd take her to,
or do they have to wear bathing suits?
It's a nude dog beach, yeah.
It's a little risque.
It was at the service plaza,
the northbound service plaza at Kennebunk on I-95
has Popeyes.
The southbound does not.
No.
The southbound has Sparrow instead,
which is a real bummer.
Not as exciting.
But if you stop at the Gardiner service plaza,
they have a Popeyes.
This was my, she's still looking at these jeans.
Yeah, that's right.
She might get a couple other flavors if you catch my direct.
Oh.
Um.
Hi, Jemmy.
I'm the reason those jeans taste good.
Jemmy, our relationship just went up a notch, babe.
It's gonna be funny like 30 minutes when she farts.
Yeah, that's all right.
They'll blame it on me.
Um, my experience with Popeyes for a long time
was that on the highway there, that one rest stop, Popeyes.
And that's, I was having red beans and rice,
oh, 11 years ago.
Great side.
When I received a phone call from an unknown number
and discovered that my identity had been stolen. Oh my god. Oh, 11 years ago. Great side. When I received a phone call from an unknown number and discovered that my identity had been stolen.
Oh my God.
Oh wow.
Someone called and said, is this John Hodgman?
And I'm like, yes.
And they said, is this your address?
And I said, yes.
And they're like, is this your social security number?
And it was, and I'm like, who is this?
And they're like, yeah, I have all of your information.
Wow.
So it was the person who had stolen your identity?
Well, I shouldn't say that it was,
it's not like someone was pretending to be me.
Okay.
But all of my private information
had been breached somehow.
But they decided to call you to confirm it.
Yeah, they weren't very intelligent.
Did they ransom it?
Yeah, I'm like, okay, why are you calling me?
Yeah, to what end are you contacting?
And the guy was like,
well, just how much money will you give me?
I'm like, zero dollars.
I mean, I'm just going to call and cancel these credit cards and change stuff.
Even if I were dumb and I gave you $10,000 or whatever, what are you going to do, tear
up the piece of paper that you wrote my social security number? Yeah, exactly, right.
You just told, you would still have it.
So I think that this conversation is over.
And he's like, all right.
And then we go.
But I was eating Popeyes red beans and rice.
Wow.
And then it was later that, that same summer,
I was, I had to go to an airport and there was a Popeyes there.
I was eating red beans and rice.
Popeyes red beans and rice.
When I got the word that my cat,
not the one who's watching now,
but the deer departed Petey the cat was on his last legs
and I had to go home.
Oh no.
So I can't eat Popeyes red beans and rice anymore
because it's identified with sad and scary things.
Yes.
And I won't, I'm not a superstitious person.
Yeah.
But I won't, I'm not a superstitious person. Yeah. But I won't toast, I won't toast with water.
That's a bad luck thing.
Sure.
And I won't eat Popeyes red beans and rice.
Sorry Popeyes, that's why you're not selling as much.
I think it's good too.
It's a great side.
I like the red beans and rice.
It's one of my favorite fast food sites.
It's terrific, yeah.
Sorry, you were saying.
That's, yeah, that's-
No, that's-
I get it. It's a wild association to have. Yeah. I don That's, yeah, that's- No, that's- I get it.
It's a wild association to have.
Yeah.
I don't know if I, do you have any food associations
like that beyond food?
Like, cause any association I have with that is like,
well, I got food poisoning from blank.
You know what I mean?
It's not like I have like, oh, I have this
strong negative memory that's not related to me getting sick
from the food attached to this particular food stuff.
I can't think of one.
I got like some associations.
Last night, I saw a presence last night.
Yeah, that's a movie.
A movie, I liked, I know this is different,
but a guy came in with a backpack,
kind of a weird guy came in with a backpack,
and the movie was so much more scary
because I was afraid that he was gonna kill us.
Oh, so you think it was Santa?
He thought it was a different sort of presence?
A movie about my line of work.
Oh, wait a minute.
So Santa saw presents and he was like,
I should bring, I know Christmas is over,
I should bring my sack.
Maybe it was Santa.
Could have been.
But I was scared the entire screening.
Yeah, that's a fucking, it's bad.
It's bad.
Yeah, you go to a movie.
You shouldn't let backpacks in a movie.
Should you?
Should backpacks be allowed in a movie?
I don't know, cause there's also so much security theater
at so many places where it's just like,
I don't know, I'm gonna go to a basketball game tonight
with my brother Nate, my awful brother Nate,
and I'm like, they're like,
you have to have a certain size bag you can bring into that.
You're inspecting it anyway.
And that's just like,
you're not actually preventing anything by this.
This is just like an economic thing
where you're trying to prevent people
from smuggling in food or whatever.
The Weigel brothers are going to the game tonight?
You know they're gonna pull a trap.
They confiscated my wife's knitting needles
at Red Bull Arena in New Jersey
when we went to see women's soccer.
Man.
Were there no flutags?
What's that?
Did you get to see a flutag or no?
Is that a Boglin?
I don't, what am I missing?
This is a Red Bull event where they like, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, right, right.
Something goes down a ramp into the wall.
No, they bought the, Red Bull bought the stadium and the team,
the major league soccer team in New York. And they're now the Red Bulls, I think. Wow, the Red Bulls, stadium and the team, the major league soccer team in New York.
And they're now the Red Bulls, I think.
Wow, the Red Bulls, they're, wow.
Yeah, and then the, gosh, the women's team.
It's my daughter's favorite sport.
I should remember the name of the women's team.
Let me look it up.
Utahk.
Mitch, Utahk, because then we'll have an edit
we can cover. Oh, shit.
Well, okay, hey, what's up, everybody?
That doesn't seem like it.
Oh, yeah.
Gotham.
Seamless.
Gotham FC.
New York, New Jersey, Gotham FC.
If they can make it, it's impossible to edit.
That's how it went when I was trying to host the show without you that one time.
It did great.
I was going to say I had the spicy chicken, the grilled spicy chicken deluxe.
Yeah, we should talk about today's meal.
So the grilled spicy deluxe is the-
Okay, okay, okay.
Well, no, we're having fun.
Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
Let's do what he wants.
Yeah, okay, let's do what he wants.
Not to be a killjoy, but we should get to brass tacks here.
We get the grilled spicy deluxe.
Mitch, you and I each got this.
This is a seasonal item they have right now.
It's a boneless breast of chicken
marinated with a blend of peppers
and grilled for a tender and spicy taste.
It's on a multigrain brioche bun with Colby Jack cheese.
I got Pepper Jack cheese.
Oh, you switched yours?
Yeah, I swapped out my cheese
and I wonder if that's why they swapped out my bun because I did not get the multigrain bun. I got the conventional cheese. Oh, you switched yours? Yeah, I swapped out my cheese, and I wonder if that's why they swapped out my bun,
because I did not get the multigrain bun,
I got the conventional bun.
Why did you switch out your cheese?
They had the option to do it.
Why would switching your cheese change your bun?
I don't know.
This Chick-fil-A.
Kind of a wacky Chick-fil-A.
Kind of wacky Chick-fil-A.
I still really like this sandwich.
I thought it was great.
I'm not sure we thought it was multigrain.
Oh, you got spicy Jack?
I got spicy, yeah.
Well, because I was looking at the app
and it had, you could choose your cheese.
I was like, all right, I'll choose pepper Jack
because it's already spicy and I'm something of a heat seeker.
And, but I was like,
and it has a cilantro lime sauce
that you can use for dipping if you like.
But it is basically their deluxe spicy sandwich
but just with a grilled patty instead
or grilled breast instead of a fried breast,
which is an existing menu item.
And I liked it quite a bit.
I thought it was great.
Choose your cheese is an option.
Choose your cheese.
You could on the app.
What were the other options?
It was Colby Jack, Pepper Jack,
and maybe cheddar or American.
Okay.
Is it just on the app that you can choose your cheese?
That's where I saw it.
Choose your cheese.
I really liked that sandwich. I thought it was great. I saw it. Oh. Cheese or cheese? Yeah. I really liked that sandwich.
I thought it was great.
I was surprised.
Really satisfying lunch.
I wish I had had a bite of this incredible sandwich that you had.
We didn't give it to you.
The grilled spicy, right?
The grilled spicy.
That's okay.
It had a nice kick to it.
That's what I was surprised by.
Yeah, look at it burn.
So when you're doing it, so I had a spicy, I tried two sandwiches.
That's right.
The original, original, just straight up chicken
and pickles. The classic.
And sauce, I guess.
The sandwich that Billman and I had.
I'm not sure that it had the sauce on it.
It doesn't know, it's like a little bit of butter.
It's not like the, it's not pre-sauced.
And then I had the spicy chicken sandwich deluxe,
which was fried bread. Yes.
And that one has the lettuce and tomato on it as well.
Yes, that's right.
But I did not have the grilled.
Now, when you have a fried spicy chicken sandwich,
usually the spice is in the breading, right?
So I wonder how they made it spicy.
They marinate it.
So that's where it comes from, yeah.
Should have seen that coming.
Yeah.
Sorry, cat and dad.
I know you're very embarrassed for me.
I thought that sandwich was really yummy.
What did you think your sandwich is?
Well, as I mentioned, I had never had Chick-fil-A ever.
People in my life were saying this is the best chicken sandwich for a decade.
Took a while for Chick-fil-A to get to the Northeast.
Took a while for it to get to California.
Yeah.
Still feels relatively new,
although it's always been around for a decade or more.
So much hype.
And let me say this,
in terms of the original chicken sandwich,
I can confidently say I was not, not disappointed.
I was disappointed.
It was B minus.
B minus.
Yeah, I would say.
That particular one.
Now, why?
Look, this is a wacky Chick-fil-A, this is known.
They got wacky with mine.
They put a pickle on.
And I think pickle really is part of that sandwich.
You only got one pickle.
Yeah, I only got one pickle.
One pickle?
Well, there may have been two,
because I cut it in half and gave one half to Emma.
Okay. There was a pickle on my half. There was a pickle. Okay, so yeah, so you had to say, okay, got it in half and gave one half to Emma. Okay.
There was a pickle on my half.
There was a pickle.
Okay, so yeah.
So I had one pickle on one half,
but still that's not enough pickle.
Yeah.
And notice how I shared my sandwich with someone else.
Emma, how was your half?
It was delicious.
I really enjoyed it.
Did you like it?
Yeah, I think I liked their sandwich
because it's like the chicken's good,
and then everything else is so simple.
It's just like bun, pickle, sandwich.
I put some Chick-fil-A sauce on it
because you need a little bit of sauce.
Yeah, I did not saw spine, and I could see that
this was not necessarily representative of every one of the,
like, this is a wacky Chick-fil-A,
and I felt like I needed, it needed some sauce,
it needed some pickle.
Or some cheese, I like cheese on it sometimes.
Yeah, there was no cheese on it.
But there's no, you have to ask for that separately.
You have to ask for that, yeah.
I could have chosen my own cheese,
but I chose, I, you know, I didn't choose any cheese.
I think it's good when you're trying a place
for the first time to get the default as a baseline.
Yes, and I found it to be a little dry, a little boring.
I didn't love the chicken patty,
or you know, the breaded,
it didn't feel juicy or whatever,
or taste, I just didn't love it.
But the spicy chicken deluxe, I enjoyed that quite a bit.
And that had some cheese on it.
I didn't choose my own cheese.
I don't know what cheese it was.
Without any sauce, I thought it was pleasantly spicy.
I thought it was good.
Yeah.
We also got some nuggets and some tendies.
I like the nuggets.
I will say that I feel like the-
They're little.
Yeah, they're dainty little guys.
They're like little pencil erasers.
They really are.
They're a much smaller form factor
than you would expect for a nug.
Yeah, it's interesting.
More like a popcorn chicken even.
They are akin to a popcorn chicken.
Yeah, very much like popcorn chicken.
And they offer chicken strips,
which is not a full tendy, right?
Right.
But it's sort of like in between a chicken nugget
and a chicken, it's just a different...
That's what you ordered, Mitch.
I actually didn't have one of those. The chicken tenders? Oh, you didn't have one? chicken, it's just a different. That's what you ordered, Mitch.
I actually didn't have one of those.
The chicken tenders?
Oh, you didn't have one?
No, I like the nuggets though.
They're just kinda small. I had two of them.
It's all right.
I didn't have a chicken strip,
but I had a chicken nugget. I had a strip.
They're good.
I like that they're strips. The strips are good.
It's like real chicken, you pull it apart
and it's not like reprocessed.
Like it feels like a real piece of chicken,
which I appreciate a lot.
Do you prefer the strips to the nuggets?
I do.
I think so. You both do?
I think because it's more chicken and less breading. I think the nuggets end up being a lot. Like there prefer the strips to the nuggets? I do. I think so. I think because it's more chicken and less breading.
I think the nuggets end up being a lot.
Like there were some pieces in the nugget box
that were just breading,
that had like snapped off.
Yeah.
That's like eating an onion ring
where the onion comes out and it's just fry.
Just a circular tube of fry.
Yeah.
The chicken tenders probably may,
actually maybe weirdly,
the spicy chicken deluxe sandwich, actually maybe weirdly, the, the, uh,
the spicy chicken deluxe sandwich,
grilled spicy chicken deluxe sandwich,
was probably my bite of the night.
But the chicken tenders, I, I, I liked.
They were good.
The salad was good that I had.
Wwise, you had a bite of the salad.
The salad was good.
That was pretty good.
It was a decent salad. A lot of cheese.
It's, it's mesclun greens out of a bag
with some cheese tossed on top of it, right?
And a few tomatoes.
And then you have the, their Herbie Ranch dressing,
which is, I think, the same as the little tubs
of Herbie Ranch dip, right?
Yeah.
It's just like, you're just squeezing dip onto your salad.
It's whether you want to dip it
or you want to Peter North it,
it's like you have both options.
And I think the dressing is fine, but it's very caloric.
And they don't have, it would be nice if they had
a lighter option for the dressing
if you want that to be your healthy option.
But there really isn't, there isn't like a balsamic
or anything, every single thing is like honey mustard.
You can't choose your cheese on this guy.
And they, but they, you can get it off,
you can have no cheese, but they do load it with cheese.
That was good.
The mac, speaking of cheese,
the mac and cheese is very good.
Mac and cheese is great.
It's way better than KFC's.
Highly emulsified.
Yeah.
Like, very melty and very tasty.
I got some crunchies on the side too, which you're right.
Did you really?
I did, yeah.
Look at you.
They forgot our crunchies for the salad,
so it's funny you got crunchies and the mac and cheese.
I, look, the ingredients, the ingredients here are good.
It's a quality, the food is quality.
I agree. But it doesn't really get me going, you know what I'm saying? Oh boy. The ingredients here are good. It's a quality, the food is quality.
But it doesn't really get me going.
You know what I'm saying?
It doesn't get my Balrogs excited.
Can we talk about the sweet treats a little bit
because we had the couple of shakes here.
I had a vanilla shake when I went on my own.
I am a big vanilla advocate, vanilla is a flavor.
I thought it was a great vanilla shake,
as I mentioned earlier.
They have a couple of seasonal
varieties, which you got, which was the key lime lemonade and
the key lime frosted lemonade. Now I don't know why they say
key lime lemonade instead key lime aid that feels like a, you
know, it's pretty simple thing, but I guess it probably is
lemonade with lime flavoring. Their lemonade is good in
general. I thought the key lime frosted lemonade was surprised
by how much of a shake it was. I thought it was going to get more
of an icey but it's just a straight up shake.
It's a shake basically.
Also it is, it's so confusing
because it's like key lime lemonade
and then it's like, and then like the,
what's the other one called?
Key lime frosted lemonade.
Key lime frosted lemonade.
And so in your mind you're like,
oh, this is like a frozen version of the other one.
That's why that was a frozen lemonade.
It's not, it's not it at all.
And it's also the flavors are so different.
Yeah.
I liked the frozen like the frozen lemonade.
I thought it was yummy.
Was pretty good.
It was surprisingly tart.
Yeah.
It reminded me of lemon Italian ice, which we used
to get in the Boston area.
It was so much like a key lime pie.
It was like a key lime pie.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the frozen, it didn't have as much of a key lime pie
flavor, the lemonade.
It could have been a little bit more tart. Yeah. It was just kind of like key lime pie flavor, the lemonade.
It could have been a little bit more tart, yeah.
It was just kind of like a limeade.
It tasted like a limeade from Sonic.
Yeah, it was good.
I'm not a dessert guy.
I've said it before, I don't have a sweet tooth.
I have an alcohol molar.
That's right.
That's where I have my strange attraction.
But I thought that frozen lemonade was pretty good.
Yeah, I liked it.
The limeade, I don't think is as good as Sonic's, but it pretty good. Yeah, I liked it. The limeade is, I don't think it's as good as Sonic's,
but it was okay.
Yeah.
Now, I didn't just get the grilled chicken nuggets
to feed to Jemmy.
I did wanna try them, because you asked,
like, what do you do on the road when you're touring
and what do you eat?
So I, you know, I don't move as fast as I used to.
I don't recover.
I'm exhausted all the time.
I'm old because these fucking doctors are, you know.
Not fixing anything.
They're just saying that's just, you're just old now.
So I like to go for like more protein than carbs.
And you know, like if I were, if I didn't have this political stance,
which obviously fixed everything
because I stayed away from Chick-fil-A.
And, I mean, I made that sacrifice for the greater good
and it obviously paid off.
But if I didn't have this political stance,
like I would go for a grilled chicken nugget.
Like that's a pretty healthy thing to have
if you're on the move.
And I-
Wags is a pro-teen guy.
All right.
I think we're more of a Brooklyn guy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha These chicken nuggets were pretty juicy. In fact, in the dining room before, and I was pulling one apart to feed to Jemmy,
to bribe her into liking me, it actually squirted at me.
It was like, I know, I know, it was quite juicy.
Like I got, I got, I got cummed on by the chicken nuggets.
Wow.
It's revolting.
I know.
Wait, did you eat one?
I don't like that I had to say it, but yeah.
You ate one of the grilled ones?
Yeah, I've had, yeah.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
I thought it was pretty good.
Now, I will say this, also at the Popeyes on I-95
and elsewhere, they'll do a blackened chicken tender,
which is not breaded and fried, but in fact,
it's very, very spicy blackened seasoning
on a grilled or griddled chicken tender, I don't know.
And when I, and it's not, I don't always see it on the menu,
but when I ordered it at the Popeyes on I-9-8-5
in Kennebunk, the person was so excited.
It's like, I never get to make these.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
And they were delicious.
Yeah.
I have to say.
That's, I mean, like, look, it's room temp at this point,
but you could do worse.
Yeah, not bad.
Yeah, you could do worse.
Especially if you're eating, trying to eat healthy,
I guess.
Yeah, for sure. No, I mean, I. Especially if you're eating, trying to eat healthy, I guess. Yeah, for sure.
No, I mean, I think that that's a healthy choice, as it were.
I don't think I've ever seen grilled nuggets anyway.
No, I mean, I think I was surprised when I saw it,
so I wanted to try it and I'm glad I did.
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Let's break it down.
My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese,
crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course.
And don't forget the fries and a drink.
Sound good?
Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I'm participating in restaurants for a limited time. Of course, and don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba da ba ba ba.
I'm participating in restaurants for a limited time.
Should we get to our final thoughts here?
And listen, do we miss anything?
I think we've surveyed everything, right?
Yeah, that's, this is it.
So Hodgman, you're a veteran of the podcast.
You know how this works.
We'll each go around and we will give our final thoughts
on this chain and by a score,
by giving it a score of zero to five forks.
I'm gonna go first here.
Okay.
Because I'm gonna set a baseline.
Last time on the podcast,
it did not make the Golden Plate Club.
However, I was not the culprit.
I gave Chick-fil-A four forks.
So the question is,
has my opinion changed in the intervening years?
No, this was not the only time I had Chick-fil-A.
It's not even the only time we've ever talked about
on the podcast, we've gotten some items from it,
we had it in our chicken tournament, of course.
We revisited Chick-fil-A in different contexts,
a few different times, and I've certainly gone on my own.
This visit, in particular, my first visit
was really satisfying and was better than I remembered.
And I will say what I had today,
in particular the grilled spicy deluxe sandwich,
these items were hitting as well.
Shakes are great, fries I'm a big fan of,
love all their sauces,
love their signature Chick-fil-A sauce.
I'm reminded of a chain,
not just because it has a regional affiliation,
not just because it has a fandom affiliation, not just because it has a fandom, you know,
that grew up eating it, but also because of,
it's a privately owned company that stayed in the family
since its inception.
And that family is very religious
and wears its politics on its sleeve.
I'm of course talking about Southern California's
own In-N-Out group.
Sure.
Run by the Snyder family,
I think three or four generations later,
the current CEO is still a Snyder.
And that place is not hiding, you know,
their religiosity.
Right.
They have Bible verses on the underside
of their cups and fry containers.
Like, it's just like, it's a place that is just basically
like, look, this place that is just basically
like, look, this is our values.
This is what we stand for.
Sure.
I'm sure we did not vote the same way.
I'm sure the multimillionaires, the billionaires
who owned In-N-Out Burger and are deeply religious
do not have the same politics as me, a leftist podcaster.
But they make good burgers.
And from what I've read,
they seem to treat their employees pretty well.
Sure.
So I don't really feel conflicted patronizing it.
I understand people having that conflict
in terms of Chick-fil-A because of how it's,
you know, treated queer people.
And I know that it fucking,
the, again, shitty politics from the people who own it,
but I think their product is pretty good.
And we're all so powerless that we feel like
the only thing we can do is act as consumers
to like boycott something or choose to take our business
to someplace that aligns with us
or boycott a place that we feel like opposes us.
But like, what are you supposed to fucking do?
Like at the end of the day, if you want something
and it makes you happy for that moment,
I say like, whatever, make your own judgment.
But I certainly don't think that anyone should be held
in any sort of higher regard or lesser regard
for what businesses they choose to patronize.
So from that standpoint, that monologue out of the way, I stand by my verdict.
I believe Chick-fil-A belongs to the Golden Plate Club.
I think it's a four fork chain.
I think it's a good chain and I really, really like what they do and the thesis of the podcast,
Mitch, is how well are they achieving what they're going for.
This is a simple place with a streamlined menu, chicken sandwiches, fries, lemonade, and shakes.
Like, that's the focus.
Their chicken sandwich is great.
Their fries are very good.
Their sauces are excellent.
And I think all their sweet treats are hitting.
I believe this is a four-fork chain.
I believe it belongs to Golden Plate Club.
Hodgman, let's go to you.
Wow.
Wow.
That's, well, you know what?
Yeah. Well said. Well put. to you. Wow. Wow. That's well, you know what? Yeah.
Well said.
Well put.
Thank you.
I think a lot of-
Did you change your voting registration
to a Republican yet?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, no, that's a while ago.
2016, come on.
I mean, at this point we got it.
Sorry.
Just.
Woo. We're stopping all fact checking on the podcast. 2016 come on. I mean this point we got it. Sorry
We're stopping all fact-checking on the podcast I
Here's here's here's I mean I that was an impassioned speech
It made sense the subtext of which felt a little bit like
To me the subtext of it was Hodgeman. You're a fucking hypocrite. Oh no, absolutely not. High horse.
No, no, no.
No, no, I don't.
I mean, look, I love In-N-Out.
I never thought to not go to In-N-Out
because of their open professions of faith.
And I suspect you're right.
Like they probably do vote differently than me.
But I am not against someone voting
their own weird conscience.
Sure. I am certainly not against people voting their own weird conscience. Sure.
I am certainly not against people having whatever faith they have.
I think when a company like Chick-fil-A, ten years ago, put the full force of its corporation
behind specifically, we must, it's not Adam and Eve, and it's not Adam and Steve, it's Adam and Eve.
Right.
Anti-gay marriage legislation and all that sort of thing,
then there's taking a public position
that I think is a little bit different than in and out,
sort of just writing Bible verses
on the bottom of the napkins or wherever you find it.
It's certainly more overt.
Yeah, and it's a direct connection to the politics.
It's also tied to a very specific
theocratic debate, or you know, not even,
it's not even a debate.
It's like, gay people aren't full humans,
so therefore, you know, you can't, whatever.
And I think that now more than ever,
it's good to acknowledge that there are really vulnerable people
and communities in our, uh, what remains of our civilization
who are feeling really, really terrified.
Yeah. And, um, that said, you're right, there's no ethical,
I say cumsunction under cumpedalism
because I'm here on the, but, and you know,
it was not a huge like, it was not a huge deep breath moment
for me to come in and feel like an asshole
and a hypocrite to eat Chick-fil-A with my friends.
And certainly to feed Chick-fil-A to a lovely dog.
I felt fine about it.
It's what it is.
Where I was disappointed, and this is,
you know, the tyranny of expectation, right?
Because it was, to use a religious term,
forbidden fruit for so long, and because it had been
so hyped up by so many people
in so many airports to me,
I really wanted that sandwich to fucking taste amazing.
Yeah.
Like, I wanted it to be gastroesophageal,
orgasmic experience.
This is all, go back to In-N-Out,
this is a lot of non-Californians' expectations
for an In-N-Out burger when they have it for the first time
and they feel let down.
They don't have the nostalgic connection.
And, you know, I agree with you.
A solid, uh...
solid execution all the way down,
even from a obviously wacky Chick-fil-A.
Sure.
I don't know what's going on over that Chick-fil-A.
Like, they may be anti-gay marriage,
but they're clearly pro-marijuana or something.
They don't care.
Not everything was delivered perfectly. Yeah. Maybe anti-gay marriage, but they're clearly pro marijuana or something. They don't care.
Not everything was delivered perfectly.
And yet the execution was very, very solid all around.
I didn't love the plain sandwich, but I could see how that could have been.
Emma did, and she's got good taste, so maybe it was just me.
And I do love the simplicity of just chicken, pickle, buttered bun, that it should be so good.
Yeah.
And instead it was absolutely fine.
Um, now, with regard to the french fries,
someone I know, I was saying,
oh, we're gonna eat Chick-fil-A on doughboys,
uh, or, uh, my friend Janie was like,
well, you know, their french fries aren't very good.
So I was surprised when...
I was not surprised that there weren't french fries.
I was surprised that when it was revealed
that the french fries you ordered had not shown up,
that not only did your thigh tiger cry a tear,
but the look of fury in your eyes
was so intense.
Here's the thing.
And I was like, well, maybe these french fries
are really good.
Here's the thing.
It's less so that it's more that I was like, I knew this was your maiden voyage and I felt
like they're a key part of the experience.
I think if you're going to evaluate Chick-fil-A, I'm foreseeing people complaining about you
not rendering a verdict without even having the fries.
I disagree with you.
I don't think they're a key part of anything.
Wow.
They're just fine.
They were fine.
But that said- You cried for nothing.
No, look.
We got the prize.
He's entitled to his own emotions.
Cry for nothing, you old bitch.
Pfft.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha First off, I didn't cry. I love this particular bully character's idea,
like you can only cry five times.
You're only allowed to cry five times.
You better pick it wisely.
Don't cry for nothing.
One for each grandparent, then you get one parent.
You can only cry one parent.
Choose wisely.
So when it comes down to Fork score,
like, I don't know, do you have my, my last rulings? I can look them all up.
I just kind of want to have a basis for comparison, right?
Sure.
Because like, what is the last thing that I gave four Forks to?
I'm notor- I was a spoiler almost 10 years ago when I came in
and met you both for the first time back when
you had no thigh tattoos and you lived in that apartment.
Yes.
And...
We gave five forks to Regina.
I will obviously.
When you were here last and we did spits.
Yes, spits this was...
You gave spits four forks.
Four forks to spits.
Spits is a four forker.
That feels like a deserving four forker in my memory.
Yeah.
Also spits is just so much,
I think it's more interesting than Chick, or whatever.
But it's accomplishing a different thing.
It is, it is.
And I know-
It's a sit down concept as opposed to a place
that businesses primarily drive through.
I didn't, I didn't, I remember in 2017 that kind of,
I met with some angry stares
when I did not give Arby's a very high score.
Cause I think I gave it a very low score.
Cause I was- Yeah. I was realizing that I was rating it
on the basis of food as opposed to Arby's.
I'm on an island when it comes to Arby's,
I feel like in this podcast,
I really thought that it deserved to go all the way
in the sandwich tournament and I was shot down
and no one agreed with me.
I'm a big Arby's fan.
I think Arby's is wonderful.
My wife loves Arby's. What's the beast of the Sunset Arby's?. I think Arby's is wonderful. My wife loves Arby's.
Sunset Arby's.
Yeah, RIP.
And it's, you know, it's...
That's a loss. That's a loss.
The last one...
I'd love to, by the way, I don't, you know, look,
if we're all still around,
depending on how the tontine plays out,
we're all still around in 2027
for my 10-year anniversary on the show,
I'd love to do Arby's again and see where things are.
I'd love to do Arby's again and see where things are. I'd love to review it.
Wow.
Previously, we also did...
Tiger Bites. I don't even remember that.
Ghost Kitchen.
That was disgusting.
Those are Robert Earl.
I think that no one got even to one fork.
And with...
That was with us and David Reese.
We also did...
Yeah, we did Arby's.
Let me find the Arby's scores back in the day.
You gave it 1.25, Arby's. 1 me find the Arby's scores back in the day.
You gave it 1.25, Arby's.
1.25, yeah.
And Nick and Mitch gave it three.
We gave you angry stares, you were saying?
I think that, I think I gave it like,
did you just say what I gave Arby's?
You gave it 1.25.
1.25.
You're saying Nick and I gave you angry stares?
I just think that, it wasn't like you were angry at me,
it was just like, oh, this guy doesn't know what's going on here.
That there is the great inflation is so high
because we're eating garbage all the time.
Yeah.
That this is at least two or three forks.
I forgot we had a different scale
during Greengrocer Mitch's Grocery Store Month.
It's me in my house after the podcast is angry stairs.
I'm wiping up and down those stairs all angry.
Seven.
I have to do this fucking shitty show.
You gave Trader Joe's seven carts and one basket.
I don't remember what the scale was.
This podcast sucks.
What do you mean?
Most recent Four Forks score was for Spitz.
Was for Spitz.
And I think Spitz was pretty great.
Spitz is fun.
These grilled chicken nuggets kind of reminded me
of the chicken skewers that they had over there at Spitz, and. These grilled chicken nuggets kind of reminded me
of the chicken skewers that they had over there at Spitz
and it was good.
Yeah.
The spicy chicken sandwich was good.
I thought, I was surprised by the honey roasted
barbecue sauce.
I'm not a, I don't like this hot honey era.
Send me to hell.
I hate hot honey.
I hate honey of all kinds. Wow, I'm with you. I don't lie.
Especially on pizza. Don't put any fucking...
I don't care. I don't care for honey.
I don't care for sweets.
I don't dislike hot honey, but it's gotten overplayed.
But put it on pizza? Come on.
It can work in certain contexts.
It's got overblown.
But Mitch said that the honey roasted barbecue sauce
was good.
So I tried it, and it was really good.
I thought it was, like like kind of surprisingly complex.
The Polynesian sauce is just like,
would you like a tub of diabetes too?
Like it's just too sweet, too sweet.
Not for me.
All right, so with all of this said,
oh, and no one mentioned the tortilla soup.
We didn't talk about the tortilla soup.
You're right.
I thought tortilla soup was pretty good.
Why would I ever get tortilla soup from Chick-fil-A?
No, I mean, I wouldn't.
And how about that scoop of vanilla ice cream?
You also liked that?
Good scoop of vanilla ice cream.
When you opened that tortilla soup,
I was absolutely repulsed because it looks like vomit.
It really does.
It really does not look good.
It reminded me of in Twin Peaks,
they had the mystical creamed corn.
That's what it kind of looked like.
Yeah. Rest in peace, David Lynch.
RIP.
RIP.
But you know what?
I tasted it and it was good.
It was quite good.
And if this is a wacky Chick-fil-A,
I have to wonder what a Chick-fil-A
that's on its game is doing.
Maybe I like the fact that it's a wacky Chick-fil-A
because maybe they're so wacky,
they forget that they are against same-sex marriage.
So look. Welcome to wacky, they forget that they are against same-sex marriage. Like... So, look.
Welcome to wacky Chick-fil-A.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha I, you know, look, I don't want to be a performative virtue signaller. I'm trying to separate the political component from the food component.
You don't have to.
We want to make our own decisions.
But the thing is, I think that you're right.
It's a four fork restaurant.
Wow.
I will take back one time.
Wow.
For intolerance.
Wow.
So 3.4.
No.
Yeah, 3.4.
3.75?
3.75. Yeah, three-fourths three times.
Three-fourths three times.
Three-fourths three times.
It's what I gotta say.
What is faith?
Dictionary.com defines it as complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
Why, because I have faith in you. Wow. It is also a strong belief in God or in someone or something. Wigs, I have faith in you. Wow.
It is also a strong belief in God or in the
doctrine of the religion based on spiritual
apprehension rather than proof.
Right.
George Michael says we got to have it.
RIP.
Yeah.
Now, what do I feel about it?
I have a bit of faith, don't I, Wiggs?
I think so.
You're afraid of the devil.
I'm afraid of the devil.
I'm a God fearing man in some ways, but
more afraid of the devil than God, of course.
Um, I like faith.
Faith can be a good thing, but faith can also
be a bad thing, Wiggs.
Wow.
I don't know how much faith I have in Chick-fil-A.
I like it.
It's good, but doesn't get my loins going.
Whoa.
My ball rugs.
It doesn't get me excited.
Doesn't get your balls rogging.
It doesn't get my balls rogging.
I'm not excited to go to Chick-fil-A.
And in fact, the last time I had Chick-fil-A,
I believe was for this podcast.
I can believe that.
Um, I don't really care about it like other people care about it.
Uh, Casey from hateful Georgia or wherever the fuck he's from.
Well, down here in hateful corners, we have fourchic fleas, one on each corner. I still have faith in human beings.
Unfortunately, the last few years,
it's harder to have faith in them.
But I do hope that deep down everyone
is hopefully a good person.
But I think that it does bother me,
the people being against letting people do what they want to do.
It would have to be so much better than this to tempt me back in.
Let me put it that way.
Not that I think I'm making a huge difference.
Yeah, sure.
Right.
Sorry, sorry, Mitch.
Just let, I don't understand why people care about stuff like that so much.
But look, like you said, I also agree with you here.
And I have faith in what you said is that this shouldn't come into play
when we're reviewing this restaurant, which again, there's...
Well, it can come into play.
I'm just saying, like, you know, I also, like...
But we're gonna hate every place.
They're purchasing decisions.
That's what I basically want.
Yes.
It comes right down to every one of these companies
is run by someone who's probably...
We were praising Little Caesars and that CEO, and then people are like,
he's actually not a good person either.
It's like, there's no winning.
There's, there's.
No, no, no, no, exactly.
It's a bad, it's a flawed podcast.
Uh, it's not good, but this place, it just, I never, I'm never excited for Chick-fil-A.
I think that they have good quality ingredients and I think that the baseline
of quality is better than a lot of places, But again, it's about the loins.
What gets your loins fired up?
Yeah.
What, you don't like this?
No, I don't.
I think it's disgusting.
It's all about the loins, man.
What gets you excited to go to restaurants?
Tune into your loins for a minute.
This comes back to, I think.
Don't think about my actual loins. I comes back, I can't not think about it.
I know, that's all I can think of, right?
It's fair.
Thinking about your loins,
I'm thinking about Jemmy licking your loins.
Yeah, I know. Conditioning her to feast on them.
I think the, uh...
I was, that was not some sort of ploy
to get Jemmy to feast on my loins.
I think a lot of this is just like,
if you'd grown up in hateful Georgia,
and you would have, and Chick-fil-A was your pizzeria
Regina, that was like your go-to as a kid,
I think you would have that connection.
I think you would have that,
I think your loins would get fired up for it.
And so I think a lot of it is just like,
it comes back to what Hodgman was saying,
if you're coming to something in adulthood,
you don't have the nostalgia working for you, so you really are, and it is just like, it comes back to what Hodgman was saying, of like, if you're coming to something in adulthood, you don't have the nostalgia working for you.
So you really are,
and sometimes you're being more objective,
but you also have the unfair expectations
of like, you think this thing is gonna knock your socks off.
I also think that, and you pointed to this earlier,
that, you know, fried chicken sandwich technology
has evolved.
It has evolved.
I think the Popeye's one is strictly better.
And I don't know that Chick-fil-A is keeping up necessarily.
Or is offering something.
If I were to do a blind taste test
between the two sandwiches, I'm pretty confident.
I would, in my memory,
I just remember wanting to eat that Popeye's
chicken sandwich all day long.
Popeye's one's real good.
And you know, it's sure.
I mean, for a lot of people, they're choosing Chick-fil-A because of this particular stance
that they have.
Sure.
And I, you know, again, this controversy goes back 10 years.
That was when they were most vocal about this.
And now maybe they don't care as much,
or it's not as public anymore.
But they did take a public stance,
which attracts certain people, Mike Huckabee.
And, you know, I think it's fair to be turned off by it.
Of course, yeah. And, you know, there are a lot of restaurants, forget and, you know, I think it's fair to be turned off by it. Of course, yeah.
And, you know, there are a lot of restaurants,
forget about, you know, major chain restaurants,
but like, small restaurants that are run by big characters.
Sometimes it's like an asshole, and it's like,
yeah, well, he's a real asshole and he yells at the customers,
but the food is amazing, so you go anyway.
Yeah.
Well, what if the food isn't particularly amazing?
Like, maybe I'm not gonna go to the place
where I'm gonna get yelled at.
No, that's true, and we were, hey,
we were just talking about Popeyes
and the founder of Popeyes who has passed away.
But like, you know, that guy was a famous eccentric kind
of a lot of people did not have a great opinion
of this Louisiana sort of, you know, character.
So I mean, like, I don't know.
I mean, finish your point, Mitch.
Land the plane.
Yeah, yeah.
What the fuck's going on here?
I'm the one who's review, it's my review time,
you pieces of shit. All right, talk about what makes your dick hard. I think, yeah, what the fuck's going on here? I'm the one who's review, it's my review time, you pieces of shit.
All right, talk about what makes your dick hard.
I think, yeah.
When it comes to fast food restaurants,
you're thinking, what makes my dick hard?
What gets my loins going?
Now you're just ripping off Jacques Pepin,
that's what he would always say.
Fine, let's say, does it slap or not? Is that better for you?
No, I don't care. I like the loins is fine.
Loins is great.
All right. Good. Good. Good. Good. Uh, don't want to invoke, uh, it's close to
Oscar season. Don't want to invoke Will Smith. Uh, that's, it's dangerous.
If you say his name three times, you get slapped?
That also happens.
Yeah.
If you say this slaps, just careful.
Oh, I see.
Oh, I got you right there.
You got to say, you can't say that around Mr. Smith.
I wish Mr. Smith would go to Washington and slap a bunch of them.
Wow, there we go.
Wow, wow.
Look at that.
You're talking about those clowns in Congress.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mr. Smith, make that, remake that.
Mr. Smith goes to Washington, have Will Smith.
Will Smith do it.
Slap all the, and you know what?
Faith no more.
We're done with Faith-wise.
Wow.
But is this restaurant epic?
Okay.
In reference to the Faith No More single.
Are you saying this is not a Christian podcast anymore?
No, it's still a Christian podcast.
It's still a Christian podcast.
Oh, wow, I thought I knew all the images.
We're moving past faith.
Yes.
Faith no more, but is the restaurant epic?
Yeah.
Or is it having a midlife crisis?
You know what?
It just doesn't make the Four Fork Club for me.
I'm going 3.9 forks.
It's getting this close.
3.9 forks, a hypothetical 10-tined fork.
That's right, yes.
With one tiny move.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. Yeah, you're not gonna allow that? No, I hypothetical ten-tyned fork. That's right, yes. With one tyne removed. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.
Yeah, you're not gonna allow that?
No, I'm allowed, it's allowed.
Everyone can make their own judgment.
I love the ten-tyned fork.
Ten-tyned fork.
Wow.
Three point nine.
Ten-tyned fork also sounds like an indie band
from the 90s.
I think that this is so close to me to,
I just, I never crave,
I'm never craving it.
It's not, it's not, it's not loin worthy to me.
I'm not like excited to, I'm sorry.
I'm not excited.
I love it.
Loin worthy.
I, I, I'm not excited to go here.
I think that the shakes are good.
And if I were to go get something now, I'm
like, I probably would swing by and get a shake
at Chick-fil-A, but I don't really care about
the chicken sandwiches that much.
And sometimes this is crazy.
I know a Mick chicken sandwich is, is, is worse, but I'm like, and maybe
it was just like a spicy McChicken that like, I don't know.
I get that it's like, they came into this market with a very specific mission,
chicken sandwich, and they delivered for a long time.
And maybe they're still delivering at their peak of their powers, but
their other people are doing better.
The fries were better than I thought they were,
but I'm with you.
I'm like, I don't really care.
McDonald's fries are a billion times better.
I just never have a good reason to go here.
I like that.
Honestly, today was like the closest that I'm like,
this is a golden play club.
I think it's, I think it is close to me.
And even, you know what, maybe it,
I would maybe agree that it is like a four forker.
Right. But I don't, nothing more would maybe agree that it is like a four-forker. Right.
But I don't, nothing more than that.
And it gets 3.9 forks.
3.9 forks, wow.
Almost there.
It's a tenth of a fork.
Is the, like, I just want to say one thing,
in case anyone is going at Mitch here,
which is that you love fried chicken.
I do.
And in fact, the first six fork you score you gave
was to a fried chicken chain, ponchon.
Yes.
So like you are someone who has high standards
for this food stuff, this food stuff that you love,
and you just don't think this quite meets the threshold.
I just don't think it's epic.
Yeah.
Now,
It's it, what is it?
is the definition of epic.
Right.
Faith No More
sings of epic in their song, epic.
Sure.
And dictionary.com defines epic as,
a long poem, typically one derived
from ancient oral tradition,
narrating the deeds and adventures
of heroic or legendary figures.
Wow.
Or, and then it cuts off
because I can't read the rest of it.
Interesting indeed.
Interesting.
Is this paywall?
No, just because I didn't push search.
It was just in the search bar.
It was just there at the top.
You refused to subscribe to dictionary.com.
I'm on, we mentioned this before,
but I'm on dictionary plus.
I get the, there's words in there
that they don't put in the regular dictionary.
Oh, wow.
Bonus words.
It's worth like getting behind the paywall for that one. Cause yeah, you get the real words and you don't have in the regular dictionary. Oh, wow. Bonus words. It's worth getting behind the paywall for that one,
because you get the real words.
And you don't have to see any ads.
Yeah, I'm on Dictionary+.
Yeah, you're on it too.
I'm also on Merriam-Webster Prime.
Do you know the definition of slingdom?
No.
Interesting.
You got to get Dictionary+.
If you add Dictionary+, Swags knows what I'm saying when I say slinged him.
Yeah, wow.
Did you say Merriam-Webster Prime?
Oh yeah. I like that lot of it for me is,
growing up in hateful Florida,
like I grew up with Chick-fil-A as the go-to fry chicken spot.
So there was a lot of nostalgia.
It reminds me of childhood when I ate it.
I would give it, I'd say four forks.
Four forks, yeah, I think four forks is,
that's what's worth it. I'll say this, it's very much like when yeah, I think four forks is, that's what's going on.
I'll say this, it's very much like
when I first came to Los Angeles,
it was like, what's the big deal with In-N-Out Burger?
And I've come around on In-N-Out Burger quite a bit.
And I'm like, In-N-Out Burger is a very good
fast food chain restaurant and it is high quality.
And I've just never gotten the Chick-fil-A thing
as much as In-N-Out Burger.
I just never have like, I've just kind of,
I've been like, whatever, I don't care, it doesn't, not, and-
Sure, that's fair.
Today, like, that spicy chicken sandwich,
and those shakes, I'm like, that to me is getting closer,
but I'm like, I don't, I still don't,
it still isn't something that I would go out of my way to get.
I think the packaging is cool, I like their design.
Yeah, I like it.
I think it's nice and clean, I think it looks good.
They're open on the, they have a little,
what is it, not kiosk, but they have a little table
or a counter at Mercedes-Benz Stadium,
which is a football stadium.
Sure.
And it's closed on Sundays, which is very funny that they-
They're so stringent about their principles
that when they could do all of their business
on a Sunday when there's an NFL game,
they're still like, it's still closed.
Yes, yes, yes.
Emma, what's your Fork score?
I think I'm like agreeing with the four forks.
That feels pretty solid.
I think if someone was like,
here, I got you some chicken and handed me a Chick-fil-A,
I'd be fucking stoked.
All right, so this is in the producers plate club at least.
The day is-
This is the day is club, the day is plate club.
The day is plate club, wow.
The dais dish?
The dais dish.
Wow, the dais dish.
I guess we should get Amelia's score too,
but just to confirm.
She gives it four fours.
Amelia gives it four, wow.
Wow.
Wow, congratulations.
Four fours to Amelia.
Consolation prize, Chick-fil-A,
you are in the dais dish club.
Wow, the dais dish club.
And I would say probably the dais dish club. Wow, the dais dish club. And I would say probably the dais dish club
is the more honest club.
I think so, yeah.
They just have their opinions.
They're not out here worried about getting torn apart
on social media.
They got nothing to prove.
But what is a dais?
Dictionary.com describes it as a low platform
for lectern seats of honor or a throne.
Wow.
How about that?
Seats of honor.
You know what I was gonna say about that Burger King
and Kennebunk, Emma, is that's the last place
and first place that I ever had chicken fries
from Burger King.
Yeah.
And I find those to be delightful.
I don't like chicken fries, but I admire your passion.
I just, you know, that's something
that I would pick over this, I would say.
What I do like from Burger King, chicken-wise,
that long chicken sandwich.
The long boy.
The long boy's great.
Yeah.
Until Mike has found the bag in his.
Yeah, that's a bummer.
Just don't get the long pig sandwich.
Ha.
You don't want to get that.
Long pig was a euphemism for human flesh.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
How do you not know that?
Do you know that?
No, but I don't know a lot of shit.
Okay.
I just sit here and nod along.
Wait a minute.
What about Jemmy's fork score?
She obviously found the chicken to be jeans lickin' good.
I mean, I think she would give it five forks.
Yeah.
Jemmy, what do you think?
It's your friend John Hodgman.
Remember me?
Yeah, you're looking up.
She's like, yeah, hold on.
I got to try one more bite before I can just laugh.
Final bite?
Jemmy is also Daga.
She's Dog Baga.
Ha ha ha ha.
Dog America, great again.
Dog America, great again.
Sounds like something a dog would say if they could speak.
You do.
Talk America great again.
Face on that face I'm gonna go with my forks.
She just wants more of it.
She loves it.
She does.
I'll just, do you want me to rub some on your jeans?
You don't have to rub it on my jeans.
I'll just put that there.
Good girl.
Yeah, it's really nice to see you, Jemmy.
It's so nice to meet you.
I'll feed your chicken any time.
She's like, you're not my favorite. You've given me so many snacks.
I know. Look.
I'm up here on my lap. Come on.
I'll feed you more.
If you fart in the studio, you get booted out.
Right, Nick? Yeah, that's the rule.
She's going to start ripping ass all the time now.
Get me out of here.
All right, that was our review.
By the way, the level of deodorization
in the bathroom here was incredible.
Oh yeah.
When I walked in there, it was like 15 different,
15 different Febreeze things are going strong in there.
They upped those numbers once we moved in here.
I was like, wow.
Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
They just need to match that with soundproofing.
That's the one note.
All right, hey, that was her review of Chick-fil-A.
Honestly, they gotta go one where
they should either amplify it,
they should put speakers that you can hear everything
that's happening in the bathroom,
or they block it out.
They have to go one route or the other
because it's so close now that it doesn't matter.
I was sitting here a couple of weeks ago
and it was one of those things like,
because very often there are few people here.
And I was in the bathroom and I was like, a couple of weeks ago and it was one of those things like, cause like, you know, very often there are a few people here. And I was like, I was in the bathroom
and I just like, I was like, I, there's,
this is just happening.
I just got to fucking do this.
It's horrible.
And in the bathroom, there's like one person working
in like the main area.
And I'm just like sandblasted in there.
I'm just like flooring it.
Jesus.
It's fucking horrible.
And it's so embarrassing, but I'm, but I'm like, like,
like, well, I think, I'm sure, I think that's probably
enough it's muted enough where this guy, whoever this person is, is gonna hear, like hear what I'm like, well, I think, I'm sure, I think it's probably enough, it's muted enough where this guy, whoever this person is,
is gonna hear what I'm doing in there, right?
He's not hearing my shame.
And then I get to a moment of calm
and like between bursts.
And I just hear from outside just a single cough,
just like a, I'm like, if I can hear that guy cough,
he was hearing me fucking going ham in there.
That's an, I can hear everything that's happening cough.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So embarrassing.
You came out and you had like gigantic
noise canceling headphones on.
I was gonna say, maybe we should get the hunks
and noise canceling headphones as a gift.
And then there's stuff that guys,
the guys who put bags in the planes at airports,
those, yeah.
Look, I know that you want to wrap this up,
but I am going to say...
if Jemmy comes over here to eat this chicken
and leaves the couch,
makes the choice of Chick-fil-A over Mitch,
I will up my score...
Wow!
...to Four Forks.
Okay, we'll see if it happens.
That was our review of Chick-fil-A.
It's time for a segment.
Can Mitch and Hodgman solve me and Amelia's baked goods
mysteries and outwit the world's greatest bread detective?
That's right.
It's the debut of the inimitable.
Oh my god, he has a hat.
Oh no.
Ha ha.
Get a pipe.
Detective Sherlock Crumbs.
Oh my god.
Wow.
Woo hoo!
Culinarily, my dear Spoon Man.
The game. Culinarily? Culinarily, my dear Spoon Man.
The game.
Culinarily?
Culinarily, my dear Spoon Man.
The cum is a foot.
I present to you three distinct plates of crumbs.
I think so.
I mean, I know so.
It is.
Hit me up in the comments if you got that joke.
All right, I'm getting into the cat.
Dad and cat.
I present to you, Spoon Man, and you,
Hodgeman, three distinct plates of crumbs.
You must define the source of each crumb-leaving using your skills of intuition alone.
First up, Amelia, can we present this?
Do you have to talk like that the whole time?
Do I?
This is how I Sherlock crumbs talk.
We can look at this?
All right, I know the answer to this.
Yes.
Can I just say it?
Yes.
Well, give me a chance.
Oh, do we get to try the crumbs?
Yeah, you can do whatever you wanna do with the crumbs.
It's smart food or it's popcorn.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were supposed to eat them.
You can eat them, you can look at them,
you can smell them.
It's popcorn.
Or, hmm, is it a rice cake?
It's popcorn.
Yes, I agree, it's popcorn. Oh wait, is it a rice cake? It's popcorn. Yes, I agree, it's popcorn.
Oh wait, is it a rice cake?
No, I think that this, or it could be a-
Popcorn cake?
Yeah, there are such things.
Those exist?
Yeah.
I think you're right, I think it's popcorn.
Popcorn, it tastes like popcorn.
You're both guessing popcorn.
Wait, I mean, yeah. Yes. Detect. What is it? Sherlock
Wiges Sherlock Crumbs. Crumbs. Sherlock Cum is next week. This case reminds me of my archrival, More Rye Arty.
Rye is in rye bread.
Rye is in rye bread for I am Sherlock Holmes.
More Rye Arby's.
More Rye Arby's.
That's an alt, we can go with that.
The answer, you both get it, it's Skinny Pop Popcorn.
Skinny Pop Popcorn.
Next up.
I'm not sure that I would have gotten it
if Mitch had not said it, so.
Are you giving me the point?
I mean, do we get points?
You each have a point.
Next up, number two.
All right, so wait, hold on a second.
Exhibit number two.
Sherlock Crumbs, this is also a game.
You're gonna give us points?
Yes, I'm officiating the game.
Okay.
I know the answers
because I'm the world's greatest bread detective.
Wow.
All right, number two.
Please take that in your hand, Spoonman, and inspect.
I am taking off this, I guess this would be like,
you would cover a corpse in these.
Yeah.
It's kind of like a-
You should have come in body bags.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's a paper towel with the number two written on it.
Wow, OK.
OK.
This to me, right off the bat, looks like-
Describe what you're looking at. It kind of looks like a Ritz cracker.
But I think it's a little cheesier than that.
I feel like it looks like a Cheez-It to me.
You know, I'm realizing, I set this up
as I'm the world's greatest bread detective
and called myself Sherlock Crumbs, none of these are bread.
I'm just realizing, there's zero bread here.
There is zero bread. You're the world's best baked goods detective.
Baked goods detective.
Yeah, baked goods detective.
It's not very cheesy though, is it?
It is. There is cheese to it, I think.
And I think that these are...
What are the Alt Cheez-its?
Oh, yeah, that other brand.
Yeah. What the fuck are they called? Cheese Nips. What are the alt Cheez-Its? Oh yeah, that other brand.
Yeah.
What the fuck are they called?
Cheese Nips.
Cheese Nips.
I think these are Cheese Nips.
I'm gonna go ahead with Cheese It's
cause I haven't seen a box of Cheese Nips in 30 years.
And they're not Cheez-Its.
I'll tell you that.
I'll just tell you they're not Cheez-Its.
That's fine.
I mean, look, I don't care.
Win the game.
I don't give a shit.
Unfortunately, I believe you both have chosen a bread herring.
This case reminds me of the pound cake of the Baskervilles.
God, how much response did you write?
God, how much response did you write? Where the real solution is obvious once you hear it.
Goldfish crackers.
Goldfish.
Goldfish crackers.
Cheddar.
It was cheddar.
Cheddar flavor.
Cheddar flavor.
All right, one more.
Exhibit number three is tied at one.
Oh, I should have gotten that.
Audrey is taking up the exhibit, removing the evidentiary napkin.
Oh, that's just straight up Doritos.
I mean, do we even have to?
Oh, wait, hold on a second.
Maybe that's not Doritos.
OJM is taking a taste.
It's not Doritos.
Jimmy is sniffing.
It is not, it's definitely got a non,
it's not a nacho cheese Doritos flavor profile.
No, I know what it is.
It's...
I think I know what it is. Is this a potato chip or a corn chip? Are we working together or against one another? We're working together. I of
course collaborate with Watson or I guess I should say, bread Watson. Bread Watson? Why
not Bredson? Bredson, yeah, Bredson. That's what I said. I don't collaborate with him because he's one of those fucking doctors.
God damn physician.
I think that this is a potato, I'm going to say this is an all dressed potato chip.
I'm going to say that it's a barbecue flavored potato chip.
I think you're right. I am gonna say that it's a barbecue flavored potato chip.
I think you're right.
I think he's right, Jimmy.
To this I say, once again,
culinarily, my dear Spoonman,
this is a barbecue potato chip, barbecue baked Lay's.
Mitch wins.
Wow.
It's not baked.
Not baked.
It's not baked.
No, it's regular.
So this wasn't even baked?
What is Sherlock, explain Sherlock crumbs to me again.
Cause I have a pipe and a hat.
When we were talking about this segment,
I had any type of crumbs in mind.
Oh, it's not bread, it's any type of crumbs.
Okay.
Any type of crumbs will do.
We'll discuss offline.
Okay, we're gonna perfect this segment.
Sherlock crumbs should still work, right?
It still works.
I just need to figure out exactly what my identity is,
which of course I know, because I'm the world's greatest
detective.
Well, quite a contest.
Congratulations to you, Spoon Man.
Now I must return to my famous address.
No.
221 Bread Baker Street.
Why not just Baker Street? Yeah, Why not just Baker Street?
Yeah, why not just Baker Street?
Oh, that's the real one, of course.
So why would he stay there?
That's true.
221 B Baked Lay's Street.
That's pretty good.
I'll pass it along to Sherlock Crumbs.
Yeah, what happened to that guy?
I don't know.
He got out of here.
Boy, oh boy.
He got out of here quick.
Just like a restaurant, if I have feedback,
let's open up the feedback.
Today's email is from Lee from Philly.
Wow, go birds.
Lee writes,
Hey everyone, obligatory introductory note
about how about how I'm such a huge fan of the show
and I've been listening incessantly
since I dove into the back catalog a few years ago
after previously being more of a guest specific listener,
shout out to the initial crossovers
with the blank check boys and Jamel Bowie's episodes.
The question is not really food related,
but the bathroom chat on recent episodes, bathroom breakdown, inspired me to send this one in Shout out to the initial crossovers with the Blank Check Boys and Jamel Bowie's episodes. The question is not really food related,
but the bathroom chat on recent episodes,
Bathroom Breakdown, inspired me to send this one in
for a group discussion about restroom etiquette.
This is a longstanding, we're over a decade in at this point,
debate between me and my best pal.
Well, so they've been having this debate for longer
than the Doughboys podcast has been going on.
You read for like a full minute,
and then the question is not here.
What the hell is happening?
Here's the scenario.
Say we're at a restaurant
and there are only single person bathrooms with no indication of whether the bathroom is occupied, like a little red sign when the question is not here. What the hell is happening? Here's the scenario. Say we're at a restaurant and there are only single person bathrooms
with no indication of whether the bathroom is occupied,
like a little red sign when the door is locked
or a stall under which you can see feet.
Sure.
Person A goes to poop and forgets to lock the door.
Person B neglects to knock
and walks in on person A at their most vulnerable.
Who is most at fault here, A or B?
I think it's obviously person A,
even if they were just being forgetful or messed up a lot.
But my friend insists everyone has an obligation
to knock first.
Related question, do you have any memorable instances
being a bathroom intruder or intrudie?
I think in this scenario, and Judge John Hodgman,
look, you're rendering verdicts.
Hey, available every Wednesday at MaximumFun.org.
I think that's...
Another podcast crossover that you did not mention,
but that's fine.
That's John Hodgman.
I think that this is a thing of,
I think it's the obligation of the person
using the restroom to lock the door.
I think like you go in and you should make sure the door is,
but I do think it works both ways.
If you have to say there's more culpability,
I feel like if you, if there was a lock that was operable,
you chose not to use it or you forgot to use it,
and someone walks in on you using the bathroom,
that's your fault and you have to take the L on that one.
But I also think it's just common courtesy
to knock before you try.
And also like listen for a reply.
So you're saying B.
No, I think person A is the issue,
but I think person B also should knock.
I don't think you should just walk in
when there's no service.
If it's a thing that's a,
was he saying that there's a, it shows the green?
No, that's a new scenario.
The scenario is there's no indication
that the bathroom is occupied.
There's not a little red sign.
It just is like a closed door.
Would you knock if it was green?
Would you do a little, I would probably do it as I open it.
Yeah, I'd probably do it as a courtesy.
Yeah, but I think you knock, wait a second, and then open.
Like wait for a reply.
If you don't hear a reply, then open.
If it's green, I'm knocking and going.
You know what I mean?
Like it's like-
You don't have an indicator in this situation.
No indicator in this scenario, yeah.
If there's no indicator, that does change the whole thing.
I have a question for Lee.
Do they ever call you Phil Lee?
Like Philly?
That's kind of fun.
They probably do.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah.
Oh, big game.
I do have a story of you.
We've talked about this in the podcast of million times when I worked at the
Simpsons and I was, I worked at the Simpsons and I was in the bathroom after work.
We talked about this.
Yeah.
And then the lights, the motion lights went out
and I, it was pitch black and I waddled.
It was so late on the lot and I waddled out of the bathroom
with my pants around my legs, waving my arms.
Yeah.
And then a crew guy from, from house walked in.
We talked about this, right?
We did talk about this.
So the crew guy. Wait, were your pants down around your ankles? Yes. Were talked about this, right? We did talk about this.
So the crew guy-
Wait, were your pants down around your ankles?
Yes.
Were you waddling around?
My, my, my-
Everything was out.
Everything was out.
Right.
You weren't done using the bathroom,
the motion light went off.
The motion light went off and it was pitch black,
you couldn't see anything.
Was this a one seater or was this a-
No, but there was no one on the lot.
It was like 9.30 on a Friday night. So there's no lock for this door? No, but there was no one on the lock. It was like 9.30 on a Friday night.
So there's no lock for this door?
No, there was.
I couldn't turn the motion lights on
without leaving the stall.
He was in the stall.
The lights went out.
There's a lock on the stall.
There's not a lock on the outside door.
To reactivate the lights, you had to leave the stall.
So I left and I started waving my hands
to try to get the lights to come back on.
And then a crew guy from House walked in and saw me doing this, waving my hands to try to get the lights to come back on. And then a crew guy from House walked in
and saw me doing this, waving my hands.
And he left.
It was funny.
He walked out.
And I was like, well, that was embarrassing.
It was very embarrassing.
A month later.
Nobody's fault there.
Nobody's fault.
Yeah.
A month later, that happens to Hugh Laurie on House.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
You think it was maybe a producer instead of a...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It becomes a story line.
It was first...
Figured out our second act.
So this is a restroom in a restaurant.
I mean, here is the...
It just says restroom, but I guess we can imagine
it's in a restaurant in this scenario.
I mean, I would say person A is baseline at fault
because unless you can't avoid it,
you shouldn't be doing number two in a restaurant.
Interesting.
Sure.
Sometimes you can't help it.
Sometimes you can't avoid it.
Obviously.
But you should try to plan your day
keeping your poops at home.
Ideally, but so, hey, it can't, you know,
you can't always do that.
You know, this is good for our listeners.
Keep your poops at home.
Yeah.
Keep them at home. I mean, this is a point of etiquette, so I'm just saying can't, you know, you can't always think of it as a lie. You know, this is good for our listeners. Keep your poops at home. Yeah, maybe. Keep them at home.
I mean, this is a point of etiquette,
so I'm just saying, like, you know, if you can.
I'm not guiltless here.
No, me neither.
And if I went into the thing and I forgot to lock it
and someone walked in on me,
I don't think, I think I would be like,
this is very embarrassing for both of us, but fair.
I mean, I should have locked it.
I take the yell that I forgot to lock it.
That's my fault.
I can't think of a worse thing at a restaurant
than two single person bathrooms
for a full restaurant of people.
Like, it's just the door that locks
and then you're in the bathroom alone.
I hate that more than anything.
I kind of like it,
but I think there just need to be enough.
But there's not, there's two.
No, I'm saying there's two.
Yeah, just two is not enough.
That's not enough, yeah.
On Judge John Hodgman, we often have this ongoing debate
as to whether it's better,
who should clean the lint screen of a dryer?
If you've finished using the dryer,
do you clean the lint screen for the next person?
I do that, yeah.
Or do you, or, you know,
but on the lint screen it says clean before every use.
The instruction is clean it before you use it. Now, if you don't on the lint screen it says clean before every use the instruction is yeah clean it before you use it now if you don't clean the lint
screen you could have a house fire it's dangerous so it is imperative that lint
screen get cleaned and for that reason even though it is more courteous for
someone to clean the lint screen after use it is the responsibility of every
user to check it before they use
it.
I agree with that.
I think that's a great one.
That's fucking bullshit.
I don't think it's one or the other's responsibility.
And I would say it's nice if you do it for the next person, but that next person can't
presume that you've done it for them.
Take your lint and get out of there.
And I don't know exactly how this tracks to this, other than you gave me a chance to mention
Judge John Ojdman available, maximumfun.org every Wednesday.
Check out Dicktown on Hulu, two seasons, it's still there.
I don't think they've run out of hard drive space.
In any case, but I would say it's on both,
like you should knock before you go through any door,
whether or not, you know, any closed door,
whether or not someone's pooping inside.
You don't know what's going on.
It could be Mitch getting his ballrogs off by wandering around in the dark with his pants down,
claiming, oh, I had to activate the motion sensor.
I also think there's something to do.
If you're outside a bathroom door and you hear,
you shall not bust, you should knock.
Definitely not that bad.
That's the weirdest Jeff Fox-worthy routine
I've ever heard.
Ha ha ha ha.
All right, Jemmy is now sitting up. She's ready. She knows the episode is almost over. That's the weirdest Jeff Fox worthy routine I've ever heard. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
All right, Jemmy is now sitting up. Jemmy's ready, she knows the episode is almost over.
I think if you give her a little click click,
like I do sometimes, I go, so.
If you do that over there with the chicken.
Well, let's see, because this is like,
well you know, we're recording this
only a few days after Groundhog Day.
It makes sense to defer to the wisdom of the animal kingdom.
And you know, is the question, is this good enough for Jemmy to leave
the comfort of her friend Mitch?
The answer is no, so far.
Or it's not firing up her loins and she'd rather be with her friend.
And then if you took it out and held it in your fingers down by the floor and clicked at her,
she'd come get it. That's my guess.
Let's see what happens because this is for that extra time for me anyway.
Jemmy really likes me though as part of the issue.
I was in a Baja Fresh once and I did the thing.
It was a bathroom, it was a single person bathroom
and there was no outside indicator.
So this was the exact scenario.
I knocked. You're still talking about poops?
Yeah, I am. Okay, sorry.
I knocked, heard nothing.
So like knock, knock, knock, no reply, opened.
It was open, pushed it open.
There's an older woman on the toilet and she she goes, oh! Like, just toilet.
And I felt horrible, but I was also like, that's on you.
You need to lock the door, and you need to reply
when I'm knocking.
How long was your lecture to her in that moment?
ALL LAUGHING
Excuse me, ma'am, that's on you.
The door closes behind you as you come in.
No interference, please, Emma.
Let Jenny make her own decisions.
She looks like she really wants it.
I have a theory.
I know, but she, you know, it's like,
this is the same thing.
Like, am I going to go out of my way to get Chick-fil-A?
No.
If someone is feeding it to me like the Doughboys did today,
sure, I'll eat it.
And I think it's the same thing.
I have a theory.
That lady was into it.
Oh, no, was into it.
Oh no, you caught me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I think the, to mention,
one thing I would say about knock knock open,
I think if knock knock open is like, I'm coming in.
Yeah.
And I think you need to knock knock,
give it a beat for response, and then open.
If you walk, if you-
Knock knock, pause.
Knock knock, go.
Free to enter.
What do you say if you're in the bathroom
and someone knocks?
Occupied, that's what I yell.
One second.
One minute, yeah, one minute, occupied.
Here's the deal, here's what I think.
If you open the door and you walk in on someone
who's on the toilet, you should at least offer to wipe.
You should offer the wipe.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Do you want me to clean up?
Do you want me to clean up for you?
I'm like, what?
I think that's kind.
What direction do you prefer?
Yeah.
Sideways?
It's Paul Giamatti.
You walked in on Paul Giamatti going to the bathroom.
Is that why the movie is named Sideways?
Yeah, what's that?
Is that why the movie is named Sideways?
That's what it's called.
Yeah.
I was like, this is a movie about wine.
I don't understand why it's called Sideways.
There's a deleted scene.
Because Paul Giamatti wipes sideways.ways. There's a deleted scene. It's because Paul Giamatti wipes sideways.
Yeah.
There's a deleted scene where they show him wiping
his house side to side.
It feels like it would be harder.
One time I was on an Amtrak train heading north
to Western Massachusetts with our daughter at Christmas time.
And it was a pretty full train.
And there was a Paul Giamatti looking guy.
Whoa. He wasn't Paul Giamatti. But it looked a lot like him. Yeah. And he and there was a Paul Giamatti looking guy. Whoa.
He wasn't Paul Giamatti, but it looked a lot like him.
And he had that kind of Paul Giamatti voice.
And he was just really loving drinking
Bud Light Tall Boys from the diner car or whatever.
And he was bringing them back and he was drinking.
It was the holidays, he was having fun.
He was talking to everybody.
He was going all the way to Vermont.
We were getting out before him, and as we're getting out,
he's like, so garrulous and fun, and as we're getting out,
he picks up the phone, we can hear him, and he goes,
what's that?
Oh, hey, hey, how are you?
What's that you say?
Literally true.
Naked pictures of me on the internet?
naked pictures of me on the internet?
ALL LAUGHING
Well, that can't be right. No!
What? Where? And it became very clear
there were naked pictures of him on the internet.
It was not like someone who scammed you
when you're eating your red beans and rice
where they were trying to fish for the night.
No, it was a friend of his calling him.
And then he started calling everyone he knows.
He said, have you heard this? Well, it's not true.
They're not me. I don't know.
There must have been Photoshop.
And it's like, oh, this guy's Christmas
is going in a different direction.
This is a before and after moment in this guy's life.
That's wild.
And I don't know why he should be ashamed.
I mean, if there were naked pictures
of Paul Giamatti on the internet,
look at them, I'd be happy for him.
He's got a great, you know, white spot.
Do you think the guy who called him
was the Dean from Barton Academy?
The Holdovers School?
Yeah, that's right. The Holdovers.
The Dean from Barton Academy.
I'm sorry, you're fired.
Yeah.
Because there are naked pictures of you
on the internet, even though this movie is set in the,
what, 1970s?
1970s, early 1970s.
Look, he just had a Paul G. Madiga,
a G. Madiga on the train in New England in the winter time.
I just thought it might have been, you know, he might have worked at Barton Academy.
That's right.
Could be.
Yes.
That's all.
That's all.
Well, let's end the episode.
You know what?
Do we have a consensus from the day?
I crossed the line.
No, you did great.
Do we have a consensus from the day?
I feel like we're all on the same page here, right?
It's like, does anyone disagree?
I think you definitely have the responsibility to lock the door.
I do think in a public responsibility to lock the door.
I do think in a public restroom, you should knock.
I kind of think it's one of those things
where everyone here kind of, you all did the wrong thing,
but like, it's definitely on the person inside.
Look, we're trying to live in a civilization here, right?
And that means we need to take some basic responsibility
for each other.
We're in a mode of civilization right now
where selfishness is being rewarded.
It's like, it's all about me and I want what I want
and fuck anyone who gets in my way.
That's not the way you, that's not the way this works.
You gotta lock and you gotta knock.
Yes. Both.
Love that. Lock and knock.
Everyone's responsible. Lock and verdict.
I think you gotta lock.
I don't think you gotta knock.
Wow.
Amelia, that's insane.
I just walk in because I don't think,
I'm not gonna hear their response anyway. No, and you wanna see. I'm kinda in the place, yeah, you's insane. I just walk in because I don't think, I'm not gonna hear their response anyway.
No, and you wanna see.
I'm kinda gonna go to the place, yeah, you're right.
You're not gonna hear their response?
You wanna see.
What with the loud restaurant?
Because usually, a lot of the times is what happens
in a wider situation where I'll knock
and I don't hear anything and then I go in
and then it's like, it's locked or you walk in.
Amelia, you're the most wrong that there is,
the most wrong.
You don't have to knock, it's okay. I think you should knock. Casey, you think you should knock that there is the most wrong. You don't have to knock. It's OK.
I think you should knock.
Casey, you think you should knock?
I think you should knock.
I usually knock.
And I notice around here, not a lot of people knock.
People do not knock.
Well, there are indicators on those doors.
Yeah, but they're kind of janky.
There's indicators too.
I will be in there often, and someone's
just trying to get in.
Yeah.
That's the equivalent of a knock.
It's like me and Wikes together trying to get in. Yeah. That's the equivalent of a knock. That's me and Wikes together trying to get in.
To quote the Wiger tiger, that's on you.
But I lock the door.
I do make sure I lock the door.
You gotta lock the door.
Even though I'm going number one, I'm locking the door.
Do you ever see the deleted scene from Holdovers?
Which one?
I've seen some of them, but maybe not the one you're referring to.
Varn Jeannie, he He wipes his ass sideways.
Oh, so that's like, yeah.
It's an Alexander Payne thing.
He puts it in every movie, but then he actually cuts it from every movie.
I remember right now, Citizen Ruth, like his first feature, it's also got that.
It's a deleted scene.
And then I'm just thinking back on, like, you know...
Election.
Election, yeah. You know what? Election has it too.
Jack Nicholson about Schmidt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jack Nicholson about Schmidt.
Yeah, about, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, he's like more like about shit.
Yeah, when he's wiping side by side.
Wiping sideways.
Yeah, you think I didn't tee that up for you?
I think I didn't see you coming with that one.
I could have done that one.
I didn't.
Now, you like Luca Doncic to Mark Williams,
both new Lakers.
There we go.
And downsizing is kind of weird.
They're like, look at this, like,
a toilet paper is so tiny, it's like, yeah,
it's gonna be so much harder to wipe sideways.
They say, they never show it.
But they say sideways, it's just kind of like
a little winky sort of.
It's a motif.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's see, what else, what else?
Shh.
It's good to end the episode on a what else,
what else sort of bit.
The Hawaii one.
The descendants, the descendants.
The descendants of Hawaii, you're right, yeah, yeah,
that's right, yeah, Matthew. That's right, yeah.
Matthew Lillard wipes it out.
Matthew Lillard wipes it out.
Matthew Lillard's it, huh?
You know, you've seen it.
I auditioned for The Descendants.
Wait, oh, you didn't watch it
because you auditioned for it
and you're resentful that you didn't get the part.
The part would not have been right for you.
I know, I know that.
Yeah.
It's not, you're a great actor,
but they cast like a surfer dude hunk.
The casting director said he wanted to claw his eyes out after he watched my audition.
Oh, God. What? To you?
To me.
What? That's not...
I guess I've never told this story on the show.
No, you told this story.
No, I think I've heard it. You told it. I was pretending not to.
Oh, well, fuck.
Trying to keep it locked up.
It is true. That is true.
And then also in...
Oh, right.
Then I follow the casting director
to the bathroom and I saw he was wiping his ass sideways.
Citizen Ruth, election, descendants,
sideways, holdovers.
Nebraska. Nebraska.
Nebraska.
That's the one we're forgetting, Nebraska.
With Bruce Stern.
Bruce Stern, yeah, wiped side to side.
I asked Bob, I was like, how was filming in Nebraska?
He's like, it's good, but we had to wipe our ass
sideways the whole time.
I was like, that's fucking weird.
You had to do it off set?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was like a Daniel Day Lewis thing.
They kind of had to stay in character.
If you have a question or comment about the World of
Chain Restaurants, you can email us at feedback
at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GODA.
That's 830-463-6844.
And to get the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode
plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog,
subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys.
Our producer is the birthday girl Emma Erdbrink.
Our social media producer is Amelia Moreno.
Our supervising video producer is Casey Donahue.
Our video editor is Mike Dorfman.
Our guest, the great John Hodgman.
John, thank you so much for being here.
One of our favorite guests.
Thank you. I always enjoy spending time with you.
The end of the Chick-fil-A episode, we're praying for you.
I was just thinking, you know, 20 years ago,
I actually profiled Alexander Payne
for the New York Times Magazine.
That's wild.
When I would write and I visited Omaha with him
and he took me all around town and we're hanging out together.
And now look where I am.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you have anything you noticed?
I tried to remember Alexander Payne movies
to fantasize about how wiping your ass sideways
might have featured into the plot.
Casey, do we get all of them?
What do we, do we miss any?
Yeah, we're back on this then.
I want to say thank you to my dad and my cat,
see you at home, and Jemmy, you've been very good,
so I'm gonna feed you this now.
She never left, so you never change your fork score.
You're more important than this,
even now she's just like, yeah, okay, I guess I'll eat it.
It's funny, because when we got her,
it was like very clear to us very early on
that she values her comfort over food,
because we tried to get her out of a bed once with a pepperoni,
and she would not move.
She sat up and looked at us and was like,
I will stay right here in this pillow.
You want to come down here for this?
Go ahead, go get it.
You want to come get it?
Come on, come get it.
She loves her friend Mitch.
Yeah, she loves Mitch.
Oh my god, Jimmy.
Wow. Hubris. I'm going to take that as a win for me, not for Chick. Oh, oh. Oh, my God, Jimmy. Wow. Like, hug on. Hubris.
I'm gonna take that as a win for me, not for Chick-fil-A.
Thank you, honey.
I'll say this to, um, when, at the end of records,
uh, Emma holds up a pepperoni,
and that's how she gets Wagher and I
out of the recording studio.
Uh, John, Judge John Hodgman, people should check it out.
Great podcast. Anyone else who'd like to plug?
Uh, yeah, David Reese and I made a very funny cartoon
featuring Mitch.
That's right.
In a critical role as a...
I was honored.
Yeah, and it's a show called Dicktown,
and it's a funny cartoon,
and it's Griffin Newman's on it as well.
That's right.
And I wanted to cast you in it,
and the producer's like,
this isn't, this, our show is not a Doughboy's fan fiction.
That was the line. Weiger's involvement was the line. Unfortunately, yes. But we'll never get a third season is like, this isn't this our show is not a Doughboy's fan. Yeah. Fiction.
That was the line.
Weiger's involvement was the line.
Unfortunately, yes.
But we'll never get a third season.
But if we ever do, you're going to be in all of the episodes.
Yeah.
All of them?
Well, it's an empty promise that I'm
feel very confident making.
Oh, jeez.
Anything I also have something I'd like to plug,
which I really do.
People should check out the short film,
The Passion of Martin, which Alexander Payne directed
before Citizen Ruth.
It's an interesting movie about a guy, Martin,
the title character, whose passion is wiping side to side.
Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.
Until next time, for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell,
I'm Tiger Weiger.
Happy eating.
See ya.
Hey, buddy.
Want Doughboys merch?
We're talking hats, shirts, sweatshirts, patches, glasses,
all sorts of stuff. Aprons! It's all available at kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys. That's
kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys.
Sources for the intro are in the episode description.
Hey, it's Nicole Byer here.
Let me ask you something.
Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps?
Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups?
Girl, same.
Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me?
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you're single, mingling, or boot up,
there's something in it for everyone.
Tune into Why Won't You Date Me With Me, Nicole Byer,
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