Doughboys - UNLOCKED! Beaver Patrol with Jefferson Dutton

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

Unlocked and free for all! Jefferson Dutton (@jeffersondutton, Sloppy Boys) joins the 'boys to share college stories, favorite fast food items, and reminisce on old times before taste-testing all flavors of Beaver brand mustards.Want more like this episode? Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/doughboysWatch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At Participating McDonald's for a limited time. Double.

Double. Double. Welcome to Doughboy's Double, I am Nick Weiger, along here with the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell. Mitch. Like baby Ruth. You were pointing your finger like you're calling your shot. That's right, yeah.

We got in trouble before the episode started. We did. So Amelia... You can explain why. So Emma and Jemmy aren't here. Amelia got reprimanded for the first time ever here. Not by me, not by us. Not by you, by our boss, I guess? Yeah, so what happened is, Anya came in here.

Anya, the Wire Queen. So what happened is, Amelia, you brought some packing peanuts in. And you were telling us, And you're in the bowl, she put a bowl over the bowl. We have a bowl of packing peanuts, but we had a package, is that what the mustards here in the bowl, she put the bowl over mine. We have a bowl of packing peanuts, but we had a package, is that what the mustards were in?

The mustards came with the packing peanuts. So we got these mustard shipped for this episode. They were packed with a bunch of packing peanuts. You came in here and you're like, you can eat these. Yeah, I started eating them in front of Marty and Anya and they did not like that. So you're eating them outside in the common area. You come in here, you're like, you can eat these.

I remember, cause when I was a kid, I used to eat these. So I was like, oh yeah, okay, a little bite of a memory. And so I had one of them too. When you were a kid, you used to eat them? I used to eat them, yeah, yeah. A bite of a memory. And then Dutton had one, our guest. Dutton had one, our guest.

And Mitch, I think you refused to have one. I didn't have one. I didn't eat them. I knew someone in this room would understand though. So, Wites, I'm glad that you knew what I was talking about. No, I loved it. It seemed so unnatural. I felt bad.

I felt like I should do it. But then Casey didn't do it. Anya didn't do it. No, I'm not going to eat packing feed. Yeah, I agree with you. Sorry, Amelia. Hey, no offense. No offense taken whatsoever.

And then Marty came in and started. Well, so first Anya came in here was yelling at us, telling us that we shouldn't do it. And then she went and she like went upstairs and got Marty. She like pulled rank on us. Upstairs. She went upstairs with a head gum.

She went to, yeah. Marty came of his own accord to reprimand everybody. And then Marty came in here and yeah, we all got in trouble. It was kind of a thing of like, don't do this. Like, uh, like you shouldn't do it. Company property. Yeah. We counted those peanuts.

But Mitch did have a good bit he did with the peanuts. Oh, yeah. All right, all right, all right. I did a little Matthew McConaughey joint thing. That's what I did. Yeah, you rolled it up into a little- Oh, you're talking about my other bit? Yeah, your other bit was also good.

You should do that one too. I said flashback to me getting out of the shower this morning. It's just holding up a limpa, packing peanut. I mean, this is probably a little bit bigger, but. They're like little Cheetos, like flavorless Cheetos. Yeah, they're gross. Also, you were just talking about how you're going

to a gastroenterologist in a week. No, it's whatever. It's whatever. It's whatever indeed. Our guest. It's whatever indeed. Our guest is certainly not a whatever. No. Our guest is one of our favorites.

From the birthday boys and the sloppy boys, Jefferson Dutton is here. Hi, Jeff. Ah. Hey, Nick. What's going on, Mitch? Wow. What's up?

And I want to give a special shout out to all the listeners. Fuck, he's good. Oh, it looks like the boys were teamed up on Wags, the boys are together now. Oh boy, this is what I was afraid of. We should talk about that. My allegiance goes to the birthday, not the dough. Yeah, we predate you.

No, I know the birthday boys predates both the dough boys and the sloppy boys. It's true. Yeah, one of the original boys crew. Do we like that boys stuff? I don't, we're fucking pot committed to boys. There's the action boys too. Everyone's doing boys.

Yeah. There's others too. There's plenty of boys. The deli boys. Well, we owe it all to Beach. Those are the OGs. Beach. Beastie.

Beastie, yeah, for sure. Beastie, I have to think was derivative ofs. Beach. Beastie. Yeah, for sure. Beastie, I have to think, was derivative of Beach. Yes. Maybe. Maybe so, Wags. Maybe so. Oh, that's right, too. BEA is a part of both of the names.

You have to go alphabetically. Who do you like more, Beastie Boys or Beachie Boys? Tough question. I was certainly, when I was younger, I said Beastie Boys, but now I maybe say Beach Boys. I love the harmonies. I love the compositions, but I don't know. Can you imagine a mashup between the two? Oh, no.

Uh, wouldn't it be nice to fight for your right? Pretty good. Yeah. It would be nice. Listen all y'all, it's California girls. That's pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. Dutton, do you have one now that the two, the hugest songs were taken?

God only knows where I, what I be with. And they're gonna like that. It doesn't work, but they are two songs. No, it worked. That was pretty good. I want to talk about but they are two songs. No, it worked. That was pretty good. I wanna talk about something that came up on the podcast in recent memory. So Mitch was telling a truly disgusting story

about having a kidney stone and the process of passing it. He told a story about- I don't remember this. Yeah, he told a story about getting Mike Hanford to stand guard while he jacked off while he had a kidney stone. No, you got it wrong. No, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'll say that's how you began the story.

You said you had a kidney stone, you told Hanford I have to jack off, and he's like, well, sure, sounds good to me. And you went and jacked off. And then I was like, wait, Mitch, that's not the right story. It was Dutton, not Hanford. And you were like, no, it happened twice.

It happened twice. And they both did, I did it with both of them. Oh my God. At Fredonia, there was a Fredonia party, and we were like, no, it happened twice. It happened twice. And they both did. Oh my god. At Fredonia, there was a Fredonia party. We were downstairs. And remember, it was downstairs. And I was like, I'm passing a kidney stone. I might have to jack off into your toilet.

Right, right. And you stood guard by that near Tim's bathroom. Yeah. Do you remember this? Vaguely. I mean, did you have to, you should have just said, I got to go past this kidney stone. Yeah.

No, I told you, I was like, I might have to jack off. I wasn't like, but wait, but wait, how will you do it? What techniques will you use? Well, because also, if you remember correctly, the door had no lock. Ah. This was like a big issue. And so you were kind of standing guard down there. Hanford, we were going to take a ride, and I was like a big issue. And so you were kind of standing guard down there.

Hanford, we were gonna take a ride and I was passing a kidney stone. We were gonna go to, I think it's a Ferguson's bachelor party. Yeah. Oh my. And so, which is, I don't know, it's crazy. It's like over 10 years ago or 10 years ago or whatever. Wait, did you pass a kidney stone

at like a music festival, Porter Potty? Yeah, with Harris. Yeah. Okay. That was with Harris and Armand. So I've passed quite a few kidney stones. But that wasn't, you weren't jacking off then. I did not jack off that all. Yeah. I thought that maybe I was with Harris and Armand so I've passed quite a few kids, but that wasn't you weren't jacking off then I Did not jack off that all yeah, I thought that maybe I was after you that was that one was so painful The one at Coachella yeah, like I was in I was in the porta party

I was like fuck this is happening this sucks And then we went back to the hotel room that me Armand and and and Harris were in together And I remember like pissing in the toilet, getting cloudy and like being so relieved. But with you, it was at the party. I was probably dehydrated. I mean, there was multiple reasons why it happened, but I told you to watch guard and I was like, I might have to jack off, but I think I did just-

I only vaguely remember this. I took this in stride, I must have. Yeah, you did. You were the man, you watched the door. You watched the door while your boy didn't jack off. I did, the only time I actually did jack off was when Hanford was in the other room. That is, I did jack off that time.

That time did happen. I imagine rigid penis makes it harder to pass. No. It gives, it gets lubricant. It gets it out. For me, that's what, that's what worked. And people online, this is backed up. This is not just my own theory about it,

but people online have, the people online do it. You're saying all this while you're holding your fake joint. I was demonstrating how it went down. Wait, Mitch, I got another Fredonia bathroom question for you. Remember the upstairs bathroom? Certainly. It had like a lowered ceiling. Yeah, and you remember that bathroom.

And it had a window that kind of like went up, kind of passed the ceiling in this crevice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how do I describe this? When you're passing the bathroom, you're entering, you're going through this little hallway into what was my room. And Hanford's room.

Okay, I wasn't gonna say that part, but yeah. And then we had our own bathroom. They slept together in the same bedroom for a very long time. It was Madeline style. We were on separate sides. Yeah. I didn't say, it was trying to say the same. Okay.

Like bunk beds. Well, it would have been, it would have saved space. I had roommates I shared a room with. It's a very common thing to do in your room. Post college, you kind of can excuse it. Yeah, yeah. And we excused it a little too long. Sure. How old were you guys when you got out there?

Shut up. We don't need to get into it. Did we almost have a television show? Yes. Did you leave that house after we got the show or no? Yeah, first season we were living there and second season we were in the new spot. But we had our own rooms.

Damn. Oh, you did? Yeah, because Dave went out to live with Katie. Got did yeah because like Dave went out to live with Katie got it I think Tim went out to live with Jess but um no this is a bathroom question yeah okay we had our own bathroom yeah where you could climb above the crawlspace yes I remember this and we thought it would be funny if you were in the bathroom and we kind of reached down the the little window crack and tried to grab at you. That was you?

Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, okay. Was it funny? Yeah, it was funny. And we passed my Kenny stuff. Bitch, can you pull your mic a little closer? Oh, sure.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a fucking amateur. Yeah, fucking amateur. Fucking amateur. Oh, you. this gaffe here. I just. What are you doing?

Yeah, first time podcasting, Mitch? I mean, come on. Fuck you. Take it up with Casey. He's the one who gave you a note on the air. Well, you know, he was right. I should have pulled it closer. Yeah, you should have.

I remember, I think you did it. And I was probably taking a shit or something while you. Yeah, yeah. Trying to grab one of those logs. I loved going to the bathroom. You know what it was? It was fun in that house. Like during parties, if I had to use the bathroom, I could.

You and Hanford had the safest bathroom. Which was like in your bedroom, and it was separated from the rest. Top of the Mitch list. It was top of the, I was going in there quite a bit our van arts bad basement bathroom Yeah, what's in that one? He had one in his room? Yeah, he had like no Oh, he did he had when we first moved in there it was like six dudes vying for essentially three bedrooms and we kind of figured out who would go where and Chris just made the push to be like well, I kind of want my own bathroom and

entrance and And like I have an idea like we could just rotate every like three or six months like somebody gets the showcase spotlight room Was kind of how he said it and of course nobody like once you put your shit in a room I'm just settled in we didn't budge for like eight years. Yeah, so he had the spotlight showcase room That's what we called it. Yeah, it was a great room. And you, did you enhance? He wasn't fucking in there. He was, just not immediately.

Yeah. Look, there wasn't a lot of fucking going on in the house in general. Ooh, I have a story. It's not about fucking. Yeah. But it's a fun bitch story in the house. What?

Fun. When you first were hanging out, we were hanging out with like some female friends. Some girls were hanging out. One of them was like really flirty. Okay, yeah. Can we bleep her name? I know who it is.

You don't even have to say I know who it is. I don't know who it is. And it was, her name was. Okay. Yeah. And she met you and you were like a charming dude. We all went to a bar or something like that. And then at the end of the night, she was saying goodbye to everybody. And she gave you and you were like a charming dude. We all went to a bar or something like that. And then at the end of the night,

she was saying goodbye to everybody. And she gave you a hug and you were smiling wide. And then she jumped up and gave you a little peck. I do remember that. On the mouth. Wow. Charming fellow, huh? Yeah, very much so.

Except he was smiling so wide that she kissed him directly on the teeth. On my teeth. I remember that. I got a teeth smooch. Lips not involved. Wow. Only on the teeth. On my teeth. I remember that. I got a teeth smooch. Lips not involved. Wow. Only on the teeth.

A dentist's kiss. I got it. I did get a dentist's kiss. I remember that. And also everyone had a crush on her. And then that was like, boom. I mean, that ended the story. I only got a, that was the last time, was a tooth kiss.

The great tooth kiss. And you know what? I haven't washed them since. Well, Weiger, you had a dentist kiss, didn't you? Didn't you have a dentist try and fuck you or something? I had an optometrist who wanted me to kiss her. Optometrist? Yeah.

That was an optometrist. Yeah, it was a strange situation. I was, for her, just to re-time the story real quick. Did the optometrist need glasses? Kidding. Mitch. You look great. I would kiss you too if you were in the chair.

No, she was examining. I don't remember what it was exactly, but she was right up in my face, as close as this microphone is to my face, looking in my eyes. And she just said, and it felt like the words escaped her lips, and she didn't realize she was saying it aloud. And she just goes, oh, kiss me. Get the fuck out of here.

I didn't do anything. I just held completely still. Dude, you blew it. And then she just continued moving. It's very strange. I mean, I wonder what I would have done in that scenario. Jeez. Isn't that weird?

Yeah, yeah, it's very weird. That's like a bit. It is like a bit, but it's also like if the, the other thing, if the genders were flipped, I would be- Pretty risky bit. It would be extremely threatening. I would be. Right.

Oh, me? But for me, I'm just like, okay, well- I like that you flipped the rolls and you were the optometrist. But like if, I don't know, you're not the type, but if you're the type of guy who just like, I'ma go for it. Yeah. And like does it like- Maybe it would, yeah. If you're not the type. But if you're the type of guy who just like, I'ma go for it.

Yeah. And like, does it like? Maybe it would, yeah. If you're on the Beaver Patrol, to cite this week's episode title, you're on the Beaver Patrol. You're on the Beaver Patrol. You might be the kind of guy who likes on that.

You might be inclined to take it up. Do you wanna, one of the original birthday boys names I pitched was Beaver Fever. That's right, yes. We talked about this. And yeah, it was, I didn't mean it in a dirty way. It was a beaver with a thermometer coming out of its mouth. And I thought it was like a fun, an animal.

It was named after an animal. And everyone was like, they're going to think it's dirty, no matter what. I was like, yeah, I guess you're right. It's like a horny cat. I get beaver fever. It was funny. We did draw it. We drew like a beaver with a thermometer coming out of its mouth. And there was like a vague pink oval that he was kind of coming out of. Yeah, that's what I...

As a nod to the other way it could be taken. We went with birthday, but we went with the boys. We went with the boys. We went with the boys. I was the right call. Jeff, this morning you got yourself a Wendy's Baconator breakfast sandwich, is that correct? Which we reviewed on the pod with him.

We did review on the pod with the Soppy Boys. You came in here with a Wendy's cup that you're still sipping on from this morning. How did that sandwich land for you? It's my go-to at Wendy's. Your go-to? Yeah. Wow.

In fact, I kind of, there've been times where I like wake up early enough, I'm like, ooh, I could get a Baconator. And then if I miss it, I'm like, die. I'm not going to Wendy's. I was kind of after the Baconator. If it's 10.35, I'm not like, no, I'll pivot to a chicken sandwich.

Sure. No, no. Yeah, I mean, if you're going for a breakfast at a- We tried all of the stuff there. We did. And that was the one where I was like, this is far and away, like scratches the edge breakfast baconator. Yeah.

Are you close to a Wendy's? Kind of, on Vermont. Okay, okay. It's that funny thing of like, I don't know how successful the Wendy's breakfast is. They've kept it around, so it's gotta be decently successful. When I got my order, when they gave me my stuff,

the second time they've said this, so it must be part of the script, they said, see you tomorrow for breakfast. That's pretty fucking good. That's their sign off, like, let's make this a daily thing. Which would not be good for you. No. No.

Yeah, but, I mean, and what you got an iced coffee too? Maybe if it turns into your iced coffee place. I do go too often. I would say I get it two times a month. You're a breakfast guy. You're a breakfast sandwich guy. You've always been a breakfast sandwich guy, I feel like. I'm a breakfast guy.

I make eggs. Yeah. I love making eggs. I do bananas like every other day. Yeah. Bananas, look, I'm not in the stage to be eating breakfast right now. I went out with this guy the other night

and we sang karaoke, it was a disaster. My whole day was destroyed. It wasn't a disaster, you sang Billy Joel, the River of Dreams. River of Dreams, yeah. Good. Thank you Amelia, no one else. Oh I have a video.

Thought it was a good choice. Wow, that's fun. If I have a video, I'm gonna send it to you. Yeah, well you can post it of me singing in the river of dreams. But you made some merriment, and Mitch, you haven't been drinking as much lately, but you kind of, y'all kind of went for it, and you're out with the sloppy boys.

That's what happens when you go out with the sloppy, two thirds of the sloppy boys. Yeah, we're known to tie one on. And same dude who's just like, I'm like, I'm getting the drink, you want anything? You're like, ah, I don't know. I maybe do a cider. And then I was even like, I'll help you drink. You want anything? You're like, ah, I don't know. I maybe do a cider. And then I was even like, I'll help you drink it.

And you're like, yeah, that kind of like got you. I'll get a cider. This is the same guy who half an hour later will like get a round of tequila shots. Yes, right, right. How do you reconcile the two, Mitch? It's the slippery slope of alcohol. It's the pitcher plant of like one drink is too many

and a thousand drinks isn't enough. Once you start drinking, you can't stop, you know? It's like, that's my problem. It's that event horizon. Yeah, you can never quite do it. And then I was seeing that event horizon. I was out of my mind and got Taco Bell. That's the issue for me.

And got a bunch of glass in your face. Oh, because of an horizon. Yeah. It's like good movie. We used to do that a lot at your place at Carl's Jr. Was the big one that we would go to quite a bit. We had In-N-Out Carl's. We would leave parties at your house to go down to Carl's Jr.

Oh, yeah. I like that guy. That's a good Carl's Jr. Yeah. That was back in the days of the Philly Cheese Steak $6 burger. Oh, sure. Yeah, the $6 burger, which was marketed as a... It's a $6 burger, but it costs less And that was back in the days of like the Philly cheesesteak six dollar burger. Oh sure Yeah, the six dollar burger which was marketed It's a six dollar burger

But it costs less than six dollars because the idea of a six dollar burger was insane and then now it's like you go To Wendy's get a Big Mac meal and you're paying fifteen dollars you go to Wendy's and you get a Big Mac I'm Mitch. Give me a fucking break. All right I didn't jump down your throat for having a microphone close enough to your face. That was a fair hit though Fair hit I didn't jump down your throat for having the microphone close enough to your face. That was a fair hit though, a fair hit. You host a food podcast and you're going to Wendy's for a Big Mac. You guys have been doing this for a long time. Almost 10 years. Too long.

We talked about this. It's almost going to, I mean, I think it's almost close to overlapping birthday boys. Overtaking? Overtaking. But I mean, you're still the birthday boys. That's still okay. Yeah, we're still overlapping birthday boys. Overtaking? Overtaking. But I mean, does birthday boys still, you're still the birthday boys, that's still okay. Yeah, we're still the birthday boys, but I'm saying the time that we did stuff together, which ended after the second season, probably.

But like, didn't, like, Curb had more seasons than Seinfeld, right? Am I dreaming? It did, yeah. And like, did Saul have more seasons than Breaking Bad? Probably. Probably close. It's funny when that stuff happens, cause you're like, I don't know. It feels like the culture footprint is different.

We're in the Saul. I'm in the Saul right now. This is the Saul, yeah. Doughboys is this Better Call Saul to birthday boys Breaking Bad. [♪THEME MUSIC PLAYING?]. Mitch, does this sound familiar? You sign up for something, forget about it after the trial period ends,

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Terms and conditions apply. Hear ye, hear ye. Ding, ding, ding. Do you think little kids are growing up wanting to be podcasters now? Definitely, yeah. Man. That sucks.

That sucks. That sucks. That is a bummer. Amelia's shaking her head no, she doesn't agree. I don't think so. Amelia, you're a zoomer, we're talking about gen alpha. Gen alpha? I forgot there's a gen after zoomer.

That's not the last gen. It'll be the last, don't worry about it. Man, if I have a child that will be born in gen beta. Ah, Dutz, I miss those days. I miss you standing guard and me jacking off, you reaching for me when I'm taking a shit and getting my teeth kissed. Oh, those were the days.

I do have one more bathroom story. Did we tell it? No, which one? Remember after we shot Three Problems in America? No. So this was your birthday boys sketch. It was kind of like a, if people haven't seen it, loosely a spoof of like a radio station machine. When we were pitching the Dough Boys show

at Comedy Central, Jack Black, I've told this story. Jack Black came downstairs and he saw me and he started going, let me tell you about The Problems in America. He started singing the sketch. And he was on and he started going, let me tell you about the promise of America. He started singing the sketch and he had been on our show before. He was on the second season of our show,

but this was like a few years after he was on our show even. That's cool, man. And Wiggs was there and Wiggs left to go fill the meter. Oh, see Jack. Jack Plack came over and talked to us. Wiggs left the conversation. Oh, he's gonna put a parking ticket. To go put quarters in his fucking meter.

I'm going to get a fucking ticket. That Jack moment, could that happen in front of the exec or at least their assistant? No, no one saw that. That would be a show seller. Yeah. Oh. No one saw it.

Just Wiger, who left. Susser was there too, I believe. That's fun. He would be there. But after. That guy rules. I love that guy. Yeah, he really is like as good as they say. What's the bathroom story?

Well, after we shot three problems in America on the train tracks. I remember this, at Griffith Park, the train tracks. Did we both have to go to the bathroom? It's a possibility. And we went to a Burger King? No, I know exactly what you're talking about. And that was so bad and it was a jack in the box.

Oh. And that was bad news that we were going, we were. What did we both eat the night before or whatever? I don't know, but it was, it was, it was one of those interesting scenarios where I was in the bathroom and I heard a person like in the bathroom be like, Oh God, Jesus.

Like as it was happening. But it was both of us and I had to like wait for you to finish and then I had to walk into like a post-apocalyptic bathroom and do the same thing again. It was like both just like punishing this toilet with like- I think they did, they boarded up the Jack in the Box, I don't think they ever- This thing is a total do-over, just bulldoze it. You know in Chernobyl where they like they poured cement over it I believe. I think even with the employees inside, I think they just fucking... I think they just fucking... It was bad.

Ain't no jack-in-the-box here, never was. It was bad. We've shared a lot of bathroom stories together. You don't want to do scatological stories, but... Not all of them jacking off either. A lot of them were just plain shit. Interesting, right? I was interested.

I haven't heard that story. And I feel like I've heard most of your shit stories. We were filming in the cheapest studio way down in city of industry, basically. But those times where you're out in public and you're just in agony, dying for any option, and then you have a friend who's in that same situation, I thought that was kind of like a nice kindred spirit. That was like a nice kindred spirit bonding moment.

Yeah, for sure. And I was like, it was one of those scenarios where I was like, you've been there with me where I like need to, like, you know, I just had to, I want to, I got a colonoscopy. But it is a thing of like... I have trouble with this stuff. The specific circumstance of, I just need to use a restroom, it's unavoidable, I'm not gonna be able to make it home. I'm not gonna be able to make it to like a hotel room

or something, I'm not gonna have any privacy. Whatever the closest bathroom is, I'm just gonna have to use it. And if it's like a public park or like a shitty fast food restaurant with a line for the restroom, it's like the worst, most degrading thing. And then sometimes you just have to do it.

Your body just requires it. Oh my God. I may have told this. Do we need to just tell all these kinds of stories? Yeah, yeah we do. Yeah. All right, one time. Amelia loves it.

After a birthday boys kiss from daddy show, we were like staying at Bird's or like hanging out at Bird's. I probably had like a spicy, a buffalo chicken. Yeah, let me tell you, if you had to go use the bathroom at Byrd's, you were in big trouble. Here's the thing, okay. Byrd's a bar next to UCB, and it's got one of the, the men's room,

I remember specifically, has both a toilet and a urinal and no separation. It's just a one-pointed bathroom. Yes, if you walk, when you open the door, straight ahead is a toilet. So if you think about like a hallway of a bathroom, there's a toilet straight ahead. So if someone was just in there taking a number two.

Which you might see. Which you might see. Sometimes there were just guys who. Which you might see. Which you might see. Sometimes there were just guys who don't care. Yeah, okay, well, we had a great show. Oh, I'm sure about it. Birthday boys, crushed. Kiss from daddy, even more so.

Wow. So we go next door to celebrate. Yeah. I eat apparently as many spicy chicken things as I possibly could. Yeah. Then I go to my girlfriend's place. And I stayed the night. The next morning I was like, oh boy, I need to stop home before I go to my girlfriend's place and I stayed the night.

The next morning I was like, oh boy, I need to stop home before I go to work. Yeah. And couldn't make it. Oh no. I'm passing the block and I was like, birds, perfect, the scene of the crime. And so I pulled over cause they were open.

Yeah. And I walked in, I like sort of like nervously poked in and the bar, whatever, bar back is kind of cleaning the glasses. I just don't make eye contact and speed walk to the back. I do it there, I kind of- You're home free. I set up shop in the bathroom and then one of the employees walked in.

While you're doing it? Yeah, so you're just like sort of looking right at the person. Wow. Oh dude, you can never go back to birds, my man. I did. Of course. How did you react when they did that? I was just like, oh, and they were like, oh, sorry, you can't be, oh, sorry.

Cause it was, it was sort of like, hey, we didn't think anybody was here. We're not open. Oh man. Yeah. That's fucking embarrassing as hell. That's sometimes the thing, like, yeah, bar, it seems like it's like, oh, it's in operation,

but no, they just got the lights on, they're doing side work. They're not actually selling anything yet. Yeah, I've, but bars, it feels like it's like, oh, it's in operation, but no, they just got the lights on, they're doing side work, they're not actually selling anything yet. Yeah, but bars, it feels like are specifically perilous having to take a crap at a bar. It's like never- Do anything to avoid it. It's always like, it's always feels unhygienic and it always feels like not private enough.

And then like, you can always just- And people get mad at you. Cause there's always a line, cause so many people just have to pee. And so if like you're the guy who's taking the bathroom for themselves to take a big shit, it's horrible. Like, I'm doing bumps too. What?

Doing bumps and shitting more as you're doing it? Whoa. Whoa. Neil Campbell, right next door, was in the bathroom of UCB, and a rat jumped on his shoulder. Oh, yeah, I heard about this. Yeah. Oh, I have a, OK, one last bathroom story.

This one's not gross. Also, all this is happening, by the way, because before the episode even started, I said that I have to go to the bathroom. This is the truth. We've got like a ticking clock for this episode. At some point, you may have to go use the bathroom. We're talking Oppenheimer.

Come on. More like Ploppenheimer. More like Ploppen that. We're talking Oppenheimer. Come on. More like Ploppenheimer. More like Ploppenheimer, you're right. Good. All right, not disgusting bathroom story. UCB Franklin. Yes. There's all that graffiti on the inside.

It's like, oh, you know, Besser was here, whatever. That's the big tag, Besser was here. There's other ones. Yeah, Besser rules. Do you know? I love Besser was here. Yeah, whatever. That's yeah, that's the big tag Besser yeah, I don't know why he's the only one tagging me heart Besser If you look up there's like a hole in one of the unlike the left side wall There's like a punch. There's like a punch hole, but it's oddly high Mm-hmm. Wait, which which bathroom is? The tiny bathroom in the mirrored, in like the changing room, the mirrored area. You might be talking about the exact spot

where the rat ran up and scarred up. I bet you, I bet you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That there also famously a very unprivate bathroom. A lot of times there'll be a bunch of people like changing back there and you say, oh, well, this is my one option. Yeah, there'll be improv teams and they'll be like,

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. And then they'll just hear like, prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr during a New Year's party, back when the used to be New Year's party used to be like, oh, you really don't wanna go in there. Yeah, it used to be like all the rage. And I remember thinking like, hey, this bathroom's like kind of skinny enough that I think I can sort of like put my feet on one wall and my hands on the other and sort of like climb up to the ceiling and scare the next person who comes in.

Oh, that's funny. And so- What's up with you and bathroom scares? That's when they're, you're a sitting duck man, you're a sitting duck. You're the bathroom scarer. So I'm like- It does probably help you get everything out.

So I'm scooching up, right? And I'm like, scooch, scooch, scooch. And I'm like, at this point, I'm like good five feet up in the air. And then I realized that I'm like blocking the light, the ceiling light. Oh wow. That would be a tell for anybody that I'm like blocking the light, the ceiling light. Oh, wow. That would be a tell for anybody that I was hoping to scare. Sure.

But I still am like, oh, I'm going to see how high I can go. And I can get, I get a little bit higher, and then my butt pushed into the wall and created that dent. You're responsible for the dent. You're responsible for the rat's home? Yeah, I guess I made the rat's home. What a reveal. It was like crunch. Oh, I better get down and get out of here and get back to the party man.

Can I also make a confession? That rat, every comedy bit I've done, he's under my hat. He controls me. He's pulling your hair? He's pulling my hair and he's controlling me. Oh no. He's a really funny rat. Yeah. Because I'm really funny rat. Yeah. Cause I'm really funny, right? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it translates to.

Yeah, he's a really funny rat. All right, we're doing this. No more shit talk? No, thank God. I don't think you have. I don't know if I have anything queued up. Amelia? Let me think about it.

All right. One time I ate 20 packing peanuts and I... Yeah, I don't feel so good. Uh, so you had New Year's as it used to be? You get any nice teeth kisses? No. Just lips. Missed out.

Ugh. Oh, I have a good one. You have a good bathroom story? Yeah. So when I was a teenager, we call this in my family, it's known as the brown unicorn story. It's already disgusting. Like Dutton, I like to pull pranks on my family members in the bathroom, around the bathroom.

We're very, uh, What's wrong with you guys? Your lives are very different from mine. Keep going. Yeah, we just like pull bathroom pranks a lot. So I was doing this thing where I would put raisinettes in the toilet and I wait for my dad the scorpion to find them. Wait, how old were you? My dad, um, this was between the ages of like 10 and 20.

Okay, okay. This is great. Yeah, good range. But this story takes place from when I was maybe like 15, 16. Okay, you were 15 at the time. Yeah, so I was putting raisinets. So exactly in the middle between 10 and 20. No.

Also a huge swath of time where you like change as an individual like more than you do at any point in your life. I didn't change at all. So, oh, so I was putting raisinettes in the toilet. I was putting baked beans on the rim of the toilet and leaving it there for Scorpion to find. And he'd be like, haha, Mewie, you're very funny. And then he'd like, he didn't think it was funny.

Eat the raisinettes. Raisinettes is funny because it's like rabbit turds. I've had some raisin it I've been in that area before I keep going to one big raisin I took a shit that somehow breached the surface of the Wait you mean the water or the bowl? It was out of the water out of the rim of the bowl Washington monument, but Exactly. It looked just like that and I was like, you know, what would be funny

If I left it here? Yeah. I left it there. Well, I did try to flush it. I tried to flush it, and it didn't go down. Let me guess, Scorpio was like, oh, one of these big raisin ass nice guys. You're exactly right.

Scorpion went in and he was like, ha, very funny, baked beans again. And he touched it and he sniffed it. And he was like, that's not me. No. Scorpion, you're disgusting. Amelia, you're making me gag. And then he washed his hands.

And now it's known as the brown unicorn. How did you unclog the toilet? It wasn't clogged. I just, he's actually, Scorpion was- Wait, you tried to flush it, it didn't flush and then- I left it because I thought it would be funny. Scorpion touched it forever. Here's the thing, why would you even touch it even if it was baked? Yeah sure

Why would you touch it anything brown that's in or around when you cry wolf so many times you figured it wasn't it's true Yeah, I also could just throw it back. He's like why would you do what you did? You've said he broke it up into little pieces of them flushed out. Oh my Clippers are gonna start It's probably because you eat packing peanuts that they're so fucking It probably is a part of the reason why these things are like coming out so yes look I don't know how this maybe is a one rare instance of the brown unicorn, but Now that really almost made me retch. I was like... Truly the most revolting thing

that maybe has ever been said on the podcast. Yeah, it also... On any podcast. Which by the way is not, also it's not surprising for us either. Yeah. I have a... I loved it.

Stalactite spire poking out of a fucking toilet bowl like a middle finger at almighty God. It's disgusting. Oh my God, you should, that is a really beautiful rendition. Well, it's yours. Okay, so let's talk about Beaver Patrol. Let's shift from shit to mustard. Cause shit is brown.

Shit can sometimes be yellow. Mustard is yellow, can sometimes be brown. We're gonna talk about the whole gamut of different mustard varietals here. And this is stuff that instead of coming out of your asshole, goes into your mouth. So that's a cute difference between mustard and shit. Kind of a reverse tenant sort of situation.

All right, goes in your mouth, no, it's a- It's a tenant. It's a tenant. It's a straight up tenant. No, I mean, is it a reverse tenant? A reverse tenant is when you're shitting. No, reverse tenant was you're sucking shit up into your ass. Yeah, but we called shitting reverse tenants. Yeah, yeah. So this is a reverse tenant? A reverse tenant is when you're shitting. No, reverse tenant was you're sucking shit up into your ass. Yeah, but we called shitting reverse tenants.

Yeah, yeah. So this is a reverse tenant too, I guess. This is a reverse tenant, yeah. Because you're just eating. A reverse tenant of a way, in a sense. No. So here's the thing. I want to do this episode,

not getting into this truly disgusting subject matter. I want to talk about these mustards, because I love them. I am a big fan of the Beaver brand mustards. Beaverton Foods, the company was founded in 1929. It's sort of his 95th year of operation. This is a, this is an OG business founded by Italian immigrant Rose Beegy, who bottled horseradish in her cellar to survive the

Great Depression. Beaver brand is the first brand to sell horseradish cream and also the first brand to sell horseradish cream and also the first brand to sell honey mustard commercially. Wow. We're gonna taste their honey mustard. Has an array of condiments, but its focus is mustard and that's what we're tasting today. We brought on our boy, the biggest fan of Beaver there is,

Jeff Dunn. We're here on Beaver Patrol. You got the right guy. With a man who's continually on the prowl trying to trap the beef. So Beaver brand mustards were first introduced to me by my brother, Nate Weiger. He was a big like, you gotta try this Beaver stuff.

And one of them in particular, a few of these, but in particular, the sweet hot mustard. It's just a funny setup. Dude, I swear we had an interaction years ago. Yeah. Mustard came up. Yes. And I was talking about that Engelhoffer sweet hot mustard.

Right. And like that's kind of my go-to. When I can't find that, or let's be honest, this is way cheaper. Yeah, it is. I'll get the Beaver Sweet Hot, and I mentioned it to you, and I remember you being like, that's a good mustard. Yeah, it's a great mustard.

Beaver Sweet Hot. Yeah, Beaver Sweet Hot. We know you are also a mustard enthusiast, though. Where do you want mustard rank in your condiments? I was so pumped about mustard. And I like do all different kinds and stuff. I like the natural ones that are very seedy. Yeah.

Remember floam? Floam. I remember floam. There's gack and then there's floam. Oh, floam. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, come on, you don't remember floam? No, but I thought you were talking about a condiment.

I was trying to place it. No, no, because it's got little pellets of styrofoam in it about the size of a mustard seed. Ask Dan Schneider about it if you don't know. I'll send him a text. Is it, wait, oh Nickelodeon. He didn't have a weird floam thing, I hope. He had a lot of weird things, but I don't know.

He's Weiger's friend. Anyway, a good natural mustard's gonna be a little like floam. It's gonna be a little floamy. I know what you're saying, I get that. Have I told you the Dan Schneider story? I can't tell it on the pod, but. Oh, I would love to. You gotta tell it afterwards.

I'll tell it later. I get what you're saying with Floam. Floam and other. He's not my friend. Just to clarify, the secret Dan Schneider story, he's not my friend. Nah. The thing with Floam is another non-edible thing,

like packing peanuts. You're not supposed to eat it, but I know the texture of Floam that you're talking about. And the mouth feel. And the mouth feel. I mean. You're not supposed to eat it, but I know the texture of phloem that you're talking about. And the mouth feel. And the mouth feel. I mean, you're not supposed to eat it, but I know what you're talking about. By the way, when Nate Weiger said, I got to get you some beaver, I don't think he was talking about it. I'm glad that that's what you settled on. Thanks, Nate. I got some. Oh, you you just like coming home with 70 mustards? I used a search engine for Beaver. Alta Vista told me that Beaver brand is what I'm looking for.

Time for your accurate. I like it. Okay. So we have, we have, I'm going to list these all off, but I think one of the way we're actually going to go through these is in order of like most normal, like most conventional, most classic. So we've got a Chinese mustard, we've got a classic yellow mustard, a Coney Island mustard, a cranberry mustard, deli mustard, Dijon mustard, mild Dijon mustard, ghost pepper mustard, hickory bacon mustard,

honey mustard, jalapeno mustard, stone ground mustard, and sweet hot mustard. Let's start with a classic yellow. Man. Hand us all a plate, why? Actually, can we nuke the pretzels quickly? Yes. Okay. And how do you, what do you need a bathroom break?

Cause this will be okay. Okay, great. We'll keep defiant. No, I'm going to keep going. All right. Thank you, Amelia. No. All right.

So I'm going to start at, as I do this, I'm going to just going to put a little bit, a little reservoir on everyone's plate. How about that? And one thing I like about the Beaver brand. I like the idea of each of us having a plate. You squirt your mustard, you pass it around. Okay. Okay. We'll each do our own squirt. One thing I like about the Beaver brand... I like the idea of each of us having a plate, you squirt your mustard, you pass it around. Okay, okay, we'll each do our own squirt.

One thing I like about the Beaver brand is they've got like a big, wide-mouth nozzle. Like I like that it's like pretty easy to get out of there. Like a big slam. It is like a big slam. Look at this little fuckin'... There's residue, don't worry about it. I got a little... It's funny that, you know, you think of condiments, you immediately think of Heinz,

but French's is like, nobody's touching French's. This is like, is this gonna even touch French's? I don't know. I think that, I mean, I love French's, I do like a yellow French's mustard, it's great. But I think some of these specialty musters are pretty damn good. I agree.

Here's what I will say is that I don't feel as strongly about the French yellow mustard as I do about the Heinz basic ketchup as just a baseline. And I've actually had Heinz ketchup, or I'm sorry, Heinz mustard. Isn't that weird to come across when you're like, huh? Yeah, Heinz mustard. Well, I got it at Costco because they had a pack of mustard, ketchup and relish.

So I was like, all right, fine, I'll give this a go. And I was having this like, this Heinz Mustard ain't bad. The yellow mustard. That's how they get you. That's how they get you. The combo packs. And then the relish, you got the relish last for a long time.

And sweet relish too. Yeah. Not my thing. I'm a dill dude. I like the dill more. You like the dill more? I like sweet relish, okay. The one I got at Costco was great.

I went through it. But like, yeah, if I'm buying them all at cart, I would not opt for the Heinz Mustard and I would not opt for the sweet relish, okay. The one I got at Costco was great, I went through it. But like, yeah, if I'm buying them all at cart, I would not opt for the Heinz mustard and I would not opt for the sweet relish. Coney Island mustard, that's an interesting one. I wonder what the flavor, I'm sure that a lot of New York people are mad here, but a mustard Joey chestnut must be used too.

That's right. Well, some of these I'm less familiar with. Like some of these I've never had. I thought there were maybe four or five tops. Like I'd seen, you know, four or five tops. Here's what I'm less familiar with. Like some of these I've never had. I thought there were maybe four or five tops. Like I'd seen, you know, four or five tops. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna keep going with these. I'm gonna take the Dijon next

and I'm gonna squeeze a little bit on my plate and we can just kind of keep going with these. I think you're going out of control right now. I think that, uh oh. Oh God, I got a little pre-cum here. Jesus Christ. I didn't shake it up, so it got a little bit. Just a little drizzle of separated vinegar. There we go.

There's a nice little healthy. My plate looks like it's got a little crim on there too. So this is the regular Dijon and then we've also got the mild Dijon. Mild Dijon. That's getting very close to his other monsters. Slight possibility of contamination. This one is made with white wine. I'm not sure what, I guess we'll just, it'll just have, should have just a milder flavor. Wait, are we, are we gonna dump all mustards before we start tasting? No, this is insane. No, we don't have to.

I just figured we can't, we get ahead of it a little bit. Okay, let's do three, three, three. All right, so here, here's, I'm gonna grab one of these pretzels. We got these soft pretzels. What brand were these, Amelia? Super pretzel. What was that? Super Pretzel.

Brand is Super Pretzel. Super Pretzel, that's what it was. Got it. So we have some microwave soft pretzels that we're using for dipping. And I said, ooh, Super Pretzel. Then you said, I said, I love them. And you said, one man's trash. That's what you said to me. I remember that, Amelia.

Okay. The yellow mustard- Very judgy. I didn't judge you when you left a giant dookie fucking coming out of your toilet Okay, okay the yellow mustard is very standard the Dijon mustard I understand why they have a mild Dijon is I kind of like almost choke a little bit there because that Dijon is pretty potent Let me try the mild for- Alright, right where the mustard's going now.

I do like that Dij. I do like the Dij. And I do like that mild quite a bit. It's got almost a little bit more tang to it. So the vinegar stands out a little bit more. Okay, what is- So the Dijon, that sting, that's not a horseradish sting. That's just straight up mustard seed sting, right? Yeah, I'm not sure if this one has added horseradish.

They do have horseradish mustards. Right, but like that sort of like wasabi, creeping sinus sting that you associate with horseradish, you also get it from mustard. Right. Dijon mustard. This one's pretty potent. Ooh!

Okay, we're good. I like it, but it a little goes a long way with that proper Dijon. Yeah, I like Dijon's good. Mitchell, what's your favorite part about the holidays? Me, I like just being cozy during the winter months. I'll tell you what my favorite is. Those turkey dinners. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Heck yeah. I love those turkey dinners. You know, for some people it's wrapping up in a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate or watching a movie, a Christmas movie or a holiday movie with family. It's the best way to spend the month of December. You know what though, Wags? Therapy is a great way to bring

yourself some comfort that never goes away, even when the season changes. Mitch, you and I have both benefited from therapy. It's true. I can say it always makes me feel like a better version of myself. And whether you've been in therapy or not, there are benefits like learning positive coping skills, how to set boundaries.

It empowers you to be the best version of yourself. And hear ye, hear ye, it isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. That's correct Wiggs. You know every time I've been in therapy I told you this before I said it on the pod it's like going to the gym. You get the gunk out you talk to somebody you feel better and hey if you're thinking of starting therapy give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a

licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hear ye hear ye. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash doughboys today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.h-e-l-p dot com slash doughboys. Do it. Do it. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! This Christmas day, the spoon man shall provide his personal endorsement of his helix mattress. Hear ye, hear ye, I love it. I love my helix mattress.

I'll wake up today, I'll wake up and I look out the window and I say, say, you boy what day is it? And he'll say, why sir it's Christmas day. And I'll say, fantastic you know why? Because I slept great. How did you sleep young boy? Why I slept out on the street, I'm but an orphan I am. That sucks, for you, for me I had the best sleep of my life. I wish I had a helix mattress I life. I wish I had a helix mattress, I do. I wish you do too, my friend. And you know what? Come with me, I'm going to buy you a helix mattress. Hear ye, hear ye.

This orphan is under arrest. He's violating public decency codes by sleeping on the street like an urchin. You know what? You're cranky, constable. You know what you need? A helix mattress. Oh I realize I've been getting pretty poor night's sleep on my bed of straw. Yes, a helix mattress

will change your attitude here. Sleep in mine. That was quite a nap. How long was I out? 30 hours. What day is it? It's December 28th. It's December 28th? It's December 28th. It's December 28th? It's December 28th. Oh, happy December 28th, everybody! That's right. And while you were away, that poor orphan boy, he got arrested for stealing too much porridge. Oh, he needs a Helix mattress, he does.

I agree. Wags, I've had my Helix mattress for about seven years now. Wow. Wow. And you know what? Everyone loves it. Yeah. My mom loves it. My sister loves it. When they come to town, I let them sleep in my Helix mattress. Seems like a cranky old constable loved it. The cranky old constable loved it. Wally and Irma love it. Everyone loves it who tries it, Wigs. And you know what? It was easy to get. All I had to do was take a quiz at helixsleep.com, take a little two-minute quiz, and they matched me with the best mattress, which for me was the Helix Moonlight Luxe. That's what I got. And I'm sleeping on a cloud. Yeah. You know what? It's like sleeping on a bed of snow, a comfy warm bed of snow.

Mmm. Hear ye, hear ye. Get 20% off site wide, plus two free dream pillows with any mattress purchase. Plus get a free bedding bundle, two dream pillows, sheet set, and mattress protector with any Lux or Elite mattress order. Go to helixsleep.com slash doughboys. That's helixsleep.com slash doughboys. That's helixsleep.com slash doughboys.

Happy December 28th everyone. Casey, where do you stand on mustard? Both great. I like mustard. I'm like, I'm a when I eat a hot dog, just mustard, please. Yeah. That's how I just mustard. No ketchup. a hot dog, just mustard, please. Yeah. That's how I do it. Just mustard.

No ketchup. I do straight up yellow mustard. Kinda, I mean, I'll kinda go with whatever they got. I love going to like this place downtown, like those brat places like Worst Kutch. Oh yeah, those are fun. They got like a Varietals. Yeah, a bunch of different sausages, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I'll try them all. Those are a hoot. These are all good. Call Dr. Guillaume, cause this is a sinus cleanser. That's my ENT, Dr. Guillaume. I'm gonna go back to that Dijon. Yeah, I like the Dijon.

You didn't even listen to me. I might like, I like the, what did you want from that? Okay. Call Dr. Guillaam, lads. Call you, I will. I kind of like the mild more, I think. I like both of them.

They're both good. If it's on a sandwich, I don't know. It's funny to go like straight to the dome with these. It is, yeah. Like under what circumstances are you having this much mustard? Look, we're trying to figure out. I don't wanna cause any, I don't want to cause any

I don't want to cause any panic, but I think we might need more pretzels I'm not gonna use the packing because which Amelia put in a bowl. Well, I've eaten so far Look, we have like 14 musters to get through tasted three of them I've eaten half half of one soft pretzel. So we might have enough with the remaining pretzels. We have another pack of Hard pretzels if we might have enough with the remaining pretzels we have. We also have another pack of supers. And we have hard pretzels if you want to do that. All right, I've got the... The next three, let's do them. We got a honey mustard, we got a deli mustard, we got a stone ground mustard.

Now, do you want me to do all these first or do we want to... I think I'm going to try these all on their own. Okay. That's a good yellow mustard, right? Yeah. There's the honey mustard that's being circulated. The deli mustard is up next. Now this is the thing is like the individual bottles

don't necessarily have a lot of context for what the flavors are. They're just kind of the same copy on each of them. Let me tell you, as I get older, just the like a horseradish is, I like a good horseradish. I like a- Me too, I put it in tuna. Oh my goodness, so fun.

Put a big glob in there. Oh, that deli, that's got that floam. Yeah, and then we've got the stone ground, which I think is even more floamy. Fuck yeah. Boy, that stone ground is lots of stones in it. Honey mustard I was introduced to at, I think, Wegmans in... Oh yeah.

That's a delectable honey mustard. I love that Wegman so much. Yep. I will say this Beaver Brown honey mustard white cup. OK, I'm going honey. Here we go. I'm sure the deli mustard now. Deli like I do. You like the visible granules

when you get the deli mustard? I do like that. It gets really fun. Going into the honey mustard. Oh, that that. I think that's really fun. All right, going into the honey mustard. Ooh, that's interesting. Honey is light and sweet. Honey mustard's good. What do you eat honey mustard with?

I mean, on a sandwich, a little overpowering on a sandwich. I like it on a sandwich. Amelia, what was that? Was that a toilet flush? No, that was, I went to open a video that Emma sent us of Jemmy getting groomed at Jess Ronas. Wow.

And it made a lot of noise. I'm sure it'll be all over social by the time this episode's out. Yeah. I'm gonna heat up that other pack of supers. Thank you. Mm, deli, okay. All right, a lot of chewing this episode. Apologies to our listeners who have misophonia and remind us that it is real. I think I would go with the,

I think I'd go with the stone ground mustard of all of these. Mitch, I agree, the stone ground is great, but I do like that honey mustard a lot as honey mustards go. I agree with you that honey mustard is pretty situational. There's a lot of context where, yeah, it's just like almost like this becomes the, the mustard is becoming the star of the show,

and I don't necessarily need that for my mustard, but there are times when I like honey mustard. Like not on like a burger, I'm not gonna do that on a burger. Nuggets. Yeah, nuggets, it actually absolutely works. And honestly, I think something, a context like dipping a soft pretzel is like where honey mustard is proven its metal.

What do you think, Doug? I used to get it on that, that Wegmans like, what was it called, like Danny's favorite or something like that. It was just like the Italian kind of three meat, big old sub. Sure. And I liked just, cause it's a mustard, but it's also kind of like a sweet glaze, you know?

It was nice on a big fat sub. I keep coming back to that Dijon. The Dijon's good. The Dijon's good. The Dijon's very good. Still kind of the winner for me. Yeah. But that is, there's gotta be horseradish in that, right? It is very...

Okay, so the next up we have a Coney Island. Now this is mustard rich with onions, pickles, and tomatoes. Okay. So that's what's going on there. That's what makes it Coney. I'm gonna squeeze myself a little dollop here. Oh man. What? Like I said, call Dr.

Gia. I was just, my sinuses get fucking cleared out every time I have a bite of that Dijon mustard. Now this one we're talking about, you know, uh, heat here. I wonder if we should hold off on this one. Maybe I will because the Chinese mustard says it's extra hot. So maybe we'll do this cranberry mustard. Uh, this is rich with honey and tangy cranberries and then for audio listeners this one has a deep purple hue. Like this one almost looks like ube. It really looks nothing like the mustards that we've had so far. I guess that cranberry is just so you know. Well I'm looking at this right now. I just I'm reading the back of this.

I'm reading the back of this bad boy here. Now spending four generations, our family owned and operated business is as passionate today as when Grandma Rose. Into the mic, Mitch. When our Grandma Rose sold our very first jar, creating award-winning condiments with bold flavors is our love in life. Enjoy.

That's on the back of each one of these. This one is also pretty, it promises to be extra hot. This is a jalapeno mustard bursting with peppers and garlic. Hand that over to you, Jeff. This has, this Dijon mustard doesn't have any horseradish in it. It's not on the label. Yeah, it is just mustard seed powder

that's freaking you out. Man, these are some chunkers, huh? Yeah, this is the thing, the viscosity of these, they get a little, there's like a lot of fresh vegetables chunking out. Exactly. There's a lot going on with them. All right. I'm going to start with the Coney Island mustard. Yeah. Which I think is, yes, there we go.

It's the yellower one. I don't know about cranberry mustard. I'm just going to say that right now, where I'm not just sure about cranberry mustard. Oh, the Coney one is fun. Okay. Yeah. That I could see just putting on a hot dog and then I'm set.

Well, it's kind of like that idea I had, remember? Ketchup and stuff? Yeah, I like ketchup and stuff. Re-pitch it so Dutton can evaluate. My idea for ketchup and stuff is like, you know when like you're dipping your burger and then there's like onion in there and pickle pieces. Oh yeah. And I was like, that's the idea for ketchup and stuff is like onion in there and pickle pieces. Oh yeah. And I was like, that's the idea for ketchup and stuff is like a little piece of lettuce.

That's great. And pickle and all in the ketchup. Yeah, like the stuff that breaks off. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's funny because when it's chips and dips, that actually pisses me off. Wait, what do you mean? When you break off a ruffle and someone's sour cream, you're like, ah! That's annoying.

But then when you fish it out, it's like, hey, now my dip has like an extra little prize. Yeah, a little more texture. And that's fun. I guess it's not all bad. Man, you guys both did a much better job than me. On my plate is almost, I'm almost out of room on my plate. You're surrounded.

I am surrounded. Let's see what happens here with this. Are we doing crayon? I did do crayon. I'm not sure how I feel about cram. I'm going to take another bite. You know what? I'm with you on this corner. I don't know what I did not know that it's

basically ketchup and stuff. It's mustard and stuff. Ooh, I yell at the sloppy boys for eating on the mic all the time. They would tear me apart knowing I was eating on the mic like this. Well, it is a drink podcast. I know, but-

So what do they eat? Oh, when you're trying food or- I don't know, like they'll try and like sneak snacks and stuff. And I just like, I hear it early. We did a Hot Ones episode. Yeah. Where we were kind of eating wings or whatever. And it is gross.

I don't know if I have like misophonia or whatever, but I really do try and police that. Well, you were editing that for a while too, weren't you? Yeah, but so how often do you guys eat on the mic? I thought that- We're pretty good about not doing it. I don't think we're chewing into the mic too aggressively. I have been.

Okay. Sorry. So you're chewing into the mic and then you move it away so you can talk. Mm-hmm. I have finished my first pretzel. I'm glad we got additional pretzels. Good call, Mitch.

I think the cranberry mustard has got too much going on. I don't think I need it. I think it's, I think it's a little too sweet and also a little too specifically cranberry. No, it's funny. I don't like the jalapeno mustard. I thought I would. It's, it is, it's got a kick to it.

I it's, it's spicy. I like the jalapeno mustard quite a bit. I think it's really, it's got too much of a weird sweetness to it. I don't know. I kind of like that element. Yeah. Only turn. Oh yeah. I mean't know, I kinda like that element. Yeah. What am I saying? Oh, yeah.

I mean, it is what it is. It's what it says on the tin, you know? Yeah. The cranberry mustard reminds me of the easy squirt, you know what I'm saying? The Heinz, like. Put it on a gobbler? Oh.

Think about it. I like that. How would that work on a gobbler? Cause I always, I like, I guess I do like, I don't ever put mustard on a gobbler cuz I always I like I guess I do like a I don't ever ever put mustard on a gobbler, but I'll put the I Think that would really well on a gobbler. Hmm. I thought this right These are all like B to C tier for me this round. Oh, excuse me. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna have hiccups

Mmm from the spice. I get that sometimes. I think I can will it away. Yeah. What's your technique for getting rid of hiccups? I can tell you what the actual technique is. Please. I hold my breath for 30 seconds. Yeah, I hold my breath for so long. I can do that too. Thank you Amelia. I can do that too.

But I was at a party and I was plugging my nose and drinking water. Okay. And Jocelyn, you know Jocelyn. I know Jocelyn, yeah. She was like, no, no, no, you're only halfway there. And she plugged my ears. Whoa.

Plug your nose, plug your ears, you might need a partner, and drink water slowly, cured like that. Wow. So like that, for me, that was the trick. Well, I used to do, I used to hold my nose and drink water because I learned that from Sesame Street. Yeah, like you're supposed to trick your body

into thinking that it's drowning, I heard. Yeah, okay. But then I eventually- Really? Like what I just, on my own, I think if I just hold my breath, I don't think I need to be drinking the water too. But then I have to hold my breath for so long. And then you're holding your breath and hiccuping

at the same time, that can be like a little uncomfy. What I'll do is I'll, like if I have a hiccup, I'll restart. That's like, okay, time to take another big gulp of breath and then hold it for as long. What happened? Ah! No! Ah! Ah! No!

Ah, fuck! You touched a hot pretzel and your hand is burned. The pretzel burned my fucking hand! Uh, they're hot, by the way. Ugh, first the unicorn, brown unicorn, and now the hot pretzel? You are the finest pranker there is, Amelia. It is hot. Is it hot? there is, Amelia. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and I put them forward right now. One is stone ground mustard.

I like that one a lot. Yeah, it's good. And then my other one is, I'm with Dutz, classic Dijon. Full strength Dijon. I will go, I like stone ground and I like that jalapeno. Yeah. But I also- Yeah, that's all right.

I don't think I disagree with it a little bit. But I also like the regular honey mustard. I think that's pretty good. I do think that the Coney Island one is fun, but after a few bites of it, I'm like, meh. It's a little sticky sweet too with that sweet relish. Yeah. All right, we've got the-

This is not a sweet relish guy. We got a few here. I don't know what's gonna be the hottest. I imagine that the ghost pepper- Are these all hot towards the end? Yeah. We've got the hickory bacon, which we can start with. I'm not gonna have any of these

cause this does have real bacon in it, but y'all can try this one. Let me know what you think. And then we'll get the final three queued up which is the Chinese mustard which is extra hot the sweet hot mustard which is not particularly hot but does have some worst radish character to it and the ghost pepper mustard which i imagine is the hottest can i tell you what i think yeah i think you should do your fucking job and eat the bacon mustard oh, what an awful thing to say. You're my boy, Dutz. That hasn't changed.

Wiggs hasn't made it yet. I don't want to be your boy. I'm my own boy. That's who I want to be. I want to be me. I'm going to say this, Wiggs. Okay, let's squeeze in on this ghost pepper mustard. This ghost pepper mustard is very red. I'm going to say this. Which to be me. I'm gonna say this, Wags? Okay, let's squeeze out some of this ghost mustard. This ghost pepper mustard is very red.

I'm gonna say this. Which to me is alarming. Right off the bat, Wags? Yeah. Where'd it go? You said, what'd you got? This one? Wags, you did not miss a thing. This is my least favorite mustard.

Your least favorite? Hold on. Hickory bacon is my least favorite so far. Let me get in there. Amelia, what's your mustard preference? Um, oh, yeah. I like brown mustard a lot. Yeah. I like when it has that horse radish-y, heady, nasally burn. Have you had the sweet hot? I haven't. I'd be interested in your perspective on this

but you might like the Dijon because that one one's definitely got that sort of kick to it, as does the mild Dijon. We're going to try this Chinese mustard too, which I imagine will have some of that. Let me see if this has any horseradish in it. It does not, I don't think so. Water, mustard seed, vinegar, a bunch of spices, and ginger.

All right, let me, I've sprayed all three of these onto my plate. Here you go, here's the Chinese. The jalapeno one has too much of like a tomato taste to it. I do not like it and I do not like this bacon one. What are you tasting from the bacon one? It's like a smoky

Chinese. That was the Chinese, here's the sweet hot. My nose is running. Hello old friend. What do you say? Hello, old friend. I love that. Sweetheart. I love it. And there's the ghost pepper. All right, I'm going to have

I love a good Chinese mustard. I'm excited to try it. Yeah, let me try this Chinese mustard. Oh. Oh, that's good. I thought. Oh, that's good. I thought. Oh yeah. That potent it's got a little bit of sourness to it, which is nice. Yeah, that one will clear you out.

Amelia, you might like this one. I'll get in there. The sweet hot. Damn. I mean, that's what I remember from Chinese restaurants as a kid. No. It was like my parents were like, this is mustard, but you're not going to want it. It's like the hot Chinese mustard.

Ooh, that's good. That really... God, that's sweet hot rolls. I love it. Dr. Guillaume, you're not going to have to use any of your instruments to look through up my nose here. Save your instruments today. Save your instruments, Dr. Guillaume.

I maybe just had too much of the skull pepper wine. Dr.. Guillaume stuff's not going over like I wanted it to. Yeah, I would guess it's like maybe not a universal reference. Yeah, I guess not everyone who goes to Dr. Guillaume. Right, or even is clear on what you're saying. I think sweet hot even has more of a burn. But hey, be honest. You thought it was pretty good. I liked it. And let me tell you, having this sweet hot mustard,

this Chinese mustard, this ghost pepper mustard all in a sequence, I'm not gonna be needing to go to Dr. Guillaume anytime soon. Ha ha ha ha ha. Is Guillaume, you like that guy? Yeah, he's good. Okay, great. I feel like you have all the good doctors.

He's a French one, huh? French guy. I don't know what his deal is. Dr. Guillaume. It sounds like a French name. He's a real educated type, you know? Hmm. Oh, I would hope so.

Sweet hot's pretty hot too. Yeah, it is hot. I really like the sweet hot. I love the sweet hot. Yeah, sweet hot. It's my favorite. Sweet hot is good. Well that's one of the ones you get if you find it at grocery stores

unlike a lot of these freaks. Yeah, some of these are true freaks. Well, this is the, I feel like kind of the disease of more here and I feel like Bieber brand, maybe these are selling, maybe people are doing the same exercise we're doing, but it feels like some of these, they're doing like the cranberry,

like maybe the jalapeno, though I did like the jalapeno, but it kind of feels like- The Chinese mustard is killing- Chinese mustard is very strong. It's very strong. I didn't try the ghost pepper, that's the only way I tried. There you go. What do you think?

The ghost pepper I think is the most like, the most just like straight burn as opposed to horseradish. But I think some of these varietals are maybe a little unnecessary. There's a lot of overlap. A lot of overlap, yeah. Oh my goodness. I mean, ghost pepper is a term that gets thrown around a lot too. Yeah, no, and a lot of overlap. A lot of overlap, yeah. Oh my goodness.

I mean, ghost pepper is a term that gets thrown around a lot, too. Yeah, no. And a lot of times, they'll be like, hey, like a Wendy's might have, like, hey, we got our ghost pepper fries. In fact, I think they had those for a time. They weren't particularly spicy.

Yeah. There's a ghost pepper. This one, this is legitimately pretty spicy. Like, if I had a whole sandwich that was this, I'd be like, oh, that burn's going to linger. I don't like it. It's like, yeah, I don't think I need this. It's not good.

It's like just a little too aggressively hot. Woo. Amelia, which ones did you sample? I had the Chinese mustard. It was really good. Yeah, that one's good. I loved it. You should try the sweet hot. And then Casey, if you wanna get up on any of these as well.

Uh, sure, I'll try the sweet hot. Just the classic Dijon will set you right. That seems like a good Triforce. That actually might be our, our, our Holy Triforce here or Holy Trinity. What's that? Is the sweet hot, the Chinese and the, and the, the Dijon.

Ooh, man. Feeling for the ghost pepper? Right. I'm just, it's a waterworks over here. Yeah. I wouldn't do like a I'm just, it's a waterworks over here. Yeah. I wouldn't do like a joke with like, it's like ghost pepper, but it's like a ghost that's a pepper. That's pretty good.

Yeah, that'd be good. Like it's like haunting a restaurant or something like that. That's pretty good. He goes to Dr. Guillaume. He's alive and well. He's not stressed because these beaver mustards are doing all the work for him. Wait, that has to be a joke

in like Sausage Party or something, right? Dr. Guillaume? I've seen Sausage Party, I don't remember Dr. Guillaume or a Ghost Pepper joke. There's gotta be. Yeah, maybe there is. There's a new Sausage Party show, and if there's not a Ghost Pepper in that thing.

There's a new Sausage Party show? Yeah. Are you looking for a Dijon? What was the third one that you had? I think just the regular Dijon you might want to try. That's great news. Yeah. I was going to say.

There's a new Sausage Party show. Oh, an embarrassment of riches here in these United States. Isn't it such a bummer when you see those Instagram posts where it's just like, these are the movies that were out in summer, 1987. And it's just like banger, banger, banger, banger, banger. And then box office used to be so, you look what we have now. And it's just like trolls, world tour. Or even like the ones that are trying to be good.

Did anyone eat a packing peanut with mustard? I didn't. I mean, I will. I'll do that shit. Give me that diiie. I can tell you, the Chinese mustard is nearly almost too hot. It's very spicy.

Get that dijon floating around. Ooh. Oh shit. Did I get mustard on the bottom of the mic? It's okay. It's all right. So, I got this little, um, wait, what was, did you do your joke? What?

Mitch, did you do your joke on the show? Oh! The flag! The mic flag just fell, we're falling apart here, that's okay, we're towards the finish line. I'm looking for that DJ. Yes. The packing bean is a flashback to me stepping out of the shower this morning. We're falling apart here. That's okay. We're towards the finish. I'm looking for that DG. Yes The packing bean is a flashback to me stepping out of the shower this morning. That's what was I can remember if you said on the show I thought you did. I thought I did. Okay. I couldn't remember fuck you're really feeling it

Yeah, is it from the Chinese mustard from the ghost Chinese mustard? I ate a lot of it. Okay ghost pepper I don't even like yeah, I think it's okay. I just I don't I don't think I need it. The sweet hot is actually it's fucking oh there he is! There he goes. Which one are you doing? Chinese? Uh Dijon. Dijon okay. Amil what the fuck's going on over there?

She's wincing. Ooh. Are you okay? It's good it's good. What are you feeling it from? Can I be honest with you? This is this is maybe more difficult than the Hot Ones challenge. It is like just a different spice.

Yeah, different sort of intensity. How was it? Jeff just ate a packing peanut with the mustard on it. It's actually really good with the packing peanut. I did too and it was honestly great. Because it just sort of like, it had a little bit texture and then just melted in just pure mustard flavor. It's pretty good. I still did not want to eat one. Yeah. Alright, let me look at the full list here And let's see if we can come up with some individual or collective top three.

I'll go down the list again. OK, so we've got the- Amelia's not doing well. I love it, but it hurts so good. Is the Chinese mustard that's doing it to you? No, it's the, well, it's actually all three of them. Okay. How do you feel in relation to Dr. Guillaume?

Do you think you'll have to see him or not after this? I think I'm gonna have to see him. You are gonna have to see him. Oh, you are? Oh, wow. No, you're supposed to be honest. Oh, I don't know, I don't know how the fucking joke works. They're all pretty, I mean, eating these, you guys are doing much better than I am. I'm pretty good with spice.

We're mustard guys. Yeah, we're mustard guys. I'm sweating up a storm. I actually have tears forming. Wow. I'm sweating up a storm. I'm not reacting as bad as you are to these. Woof. Yeah.

But I really like the sweet heat. Yeah, that one's great. All right, so here's the full list We got the Chinese mustard classic yellow Coney Island cranberry deli Dijon ghost pepper hickory bacon honey mustard Jalapeno mild Dijon stone ground and sweet hot I mean if we're gonna do a top three obviously I think I think sweet hot to me stays the king I'd put sweet Hot at the top. I do really like that Dijon.

I'm trying to just decide if I like the flavor of the mild Dijon more. I think I might honestly go, you know what I think I would actually do? I think I would go Sweet Hot. I think I would go, surprise pick for me, Coney Island. And then I think it would go Chinese Mustard. In fact, Island. And then I think it would go Chinese mustard. In fact, I'd probably go Chinese second

and Coney Island third. That would be my ranking. Ooh. What do you think of Spoon Man? I'm a mess over here. Yeah, do you have a top three? You like the deli, you like the stone ground, you like the-

Stone ground? Yeah. Sweet hot. Oh man, it's either Dijon or Chinese. The Chinese might just be a little too crazy. Yeah, Dijon's like a, Dijon is a little wilder. Dijon is like a nice little in between. You could have that up a stromey sandwich

and you'd be sitting pretty. The sweet hot kind of does what the Chinese mustard does too in a way. It's like still, it's very spicy. They're all very good. Yeah, they're great. I said sweating up a storm, which reminded me of Storm from X-Men. Look at Jeff's shirt.

You didn't talk about your Magneto shirt. It's cool as hell. Thanks, bro. Yeah, that's sick. Magneto was right. Wow. That doesn't make sense unless you watch the show. Anyone?

Come on. We here at the Doughboys want to say we do not agree that Magneto was right. I'm a Magneto fan. Mitch, you can't say that on the right. I'm a Magneto fan. Mitch, you can't say that on the podcast. I'm writing them in November. Mitch.

What do you think, Denton? Top three? Top three. I'm surprised. I was kind of hoping that something would dethrone my beloved sweet hot. Yes, me too. But no, it's number one for a reason.

It's in all the grocery stores for a reason. You're not gonna find cranberry in some of these weirder ones. Even like Coney Island, I feel like I might've seen that. By the way, my ears are popping. So it really is truly clearing out my sinuses. Wow, dang.

Like crazy. No one else, it really worked. It cleaned me out. I could refer you to Dr. Hoppshine. Would that help? What, I could refer you to Dr. Hop's shine. Would that help? What? I can't mention my PCP. I'll stick with Guillaume.

Okay. Number two, um, Dijon full strength Dijon. Cause look, you're going to use it in concert with other things. No, that's true. You know, we kind of went straight to the dome. Uh, we're getting, we're getting close to matching up here by the way. One, that's true. You know, we kind of went straight to the dome. We're getting close to matching up here, by the way. Mm. One and two?

Okay. One and two are the same. Three, I gotta go Chinese. What did you, you didn't do Chinese for this? I did stone ground to the ground. Stone ground is really good. Chinese is the other one that has that, well, I guess all of mine have what I call the depth charge.

Sure. Where it's like, it's like an underwater missile where it's like, phew, phew. It gives it like that little couple seconds before you're like, oh, way in the back, bam. Climbing up the sinuses, that burn. My boy is good with the noises, if you haven't noticed. Yeah.

But I like that you're in K-19, the widow maker. And you're like hunched cause you're hearing the depth charges nearby. Fire away. Do you see now? Do you see my boy is good with the noise. And then your sailor like looking around like this and

there's like water dripping on you and you hear a depth charge. You. And everybody has to be quiet. Everyone has to be quiet. Everyone has to be quiet if I remember correctly. Yeah, you'd be quiet because you can hear it. Mitch. Sorry, I got nervous.

And that's how we'd write birthday boy sketches. Yeah. Hey, man. All these mushrooms are good. This is the thing I was gonna say, is like we tasted 14 of these. Yeah, half of these I would never get if we weren't doing this for content,

but half of these I would, and I would have in my fridge and I would happily keep eating. And you know what, I'm gonna take some of these home. I mean, we can distribute these however we see fit, but I think these are gonna be used. They're not jumping into the trash can. These are great mustards. I'm a big Beaver brand, big Beaverton mustard,

Beaverton foods brand fan, and I think they do good work. Can I ask, did you guys get, did you have to pay for these or they give them to you? We paid for them, yeah, we went out of pocket. No, the Doughboys can't be bought. Right, right, right. Yeah, we can. Man, sloppy words are trying to be bought.

We're trying so hard. I mean, I'm down for being bought. Who cares? If people send us stuff, we taste it for the podcast, but this was a thing of just like, oh, let's go on the beef for call. And we trust you to give your honest, your honest take. But like, you know was a thing of just like, oh, let's go on the news for a call. And we trust you to give your honest take. But like, you know, liquor is one of like,

they spend some of the most money on advertising than like any other sector. But they don't wanna advertise on a show called The Sloppy Boys. Isn't that weird? That is weird. Huh. You guys are talking about booze the whole time.

You probably saw Hanford crowd surfing and going straight to the ground. Oh, dude. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Oh, these are great. Yeah. They're very spicy.

They're very spicy, but I'm glad we went through with this exercise. This was a hoot. Dutton, thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. Anything you'd like to plug? People should check out the Sloppy Boys if they haven't already. First and foremost, yeah, that so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. Anything you'd like to plug? People should check out the Sloppy Boys if they haven't already.

First and foremost, yeah, that's the weekly drum beat. Yeah. Where you follow along with me and Tim Kupakis and Mike Hanford. We drink cocktails. People know, people who listen to this know. Oh, and we get into the history and the recipe of like, oh, a Mai Tai, an espresso martini,

Aperol spritz whatever But I also as as of the airing of this podcast. I have a remix album out. Oh, wow. Yeah, there's a Dutz remix up Wow He's got some remixes by PJ Western, okay half of Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. Alphonse and John Haskell, you know Haskell. Oh, yeah. No, he's He's a musician under the name of plush moto We got one from him. Whoa. Yeah, check it out folks on Spotify. Wow. How about that? We also we we didn't talk about it too much, but we both like x-men 97. We enjoyed it

Check that out folks. That is that is prestige adult animation. It's good. You should watch it. I gotta watch it Yeah, Ray Chase a voice of a Animation. That's good. You should watch it. I gotta watch it. Yeah ray chase a voice of a Fucking Cyclops. Yeah. Yeah. Wait actor, you know that guy. I know I know That's cool. Yeah, and also we what we just went to we went to we went to secret was no What is it? What tiki is it cause not secret tiki? It's lucky tiki lucky tiki Yeah, at what's as by Taylor next to, upstairs from Tail of the Pup. Tail of the Pup. We just went recently for speaking of drinks

and we had a great time. You got us in Mitch, you pulled some strings. I did pull a couple strings. They're fucking mixed magic. They call me the Marionette-er. Ha sucks. String! Since you have strings. They're like. Like they walk into a spider web. Ah, hey, that'll do it for this episode of the Doughboys Double.

I wonder if part of why we ended up talking so much turds earlier. Yeah. Turd heavy in the first half. But it's right there. The topic of the episode, must turd. Oh. We had it on the brain. Oh my god.

A lot of turd talk. You were feeling I must turd during this mustard episode and then we're like, we must talk turds because it's on the brain. Yes, the verb to turd, I must turd. And Gion sounds like Dijon. That's what it is, Amelia. That's what it is.

I think that's what it was. We'll see you next time. Guillaume sounds like Dijon. Hold on a second. Hold on, hold on. What, what's going on? Hold on. This will be good.

We'll edit here for a second. Okay, this will be good. Just, I must show you, when you're editing this later, we're gonna put an edit here. So just mark an edit point, cause Mitch is gonna do something good. good. Oh fuck when it's ready. It's gonna be really good So people won't hear any of this We've in this weekend shit man Jason B

I can't do it. What was it? I now become flush destroyer of porcelains or something. Oh, you're going to go back to the Oppenheimer thing. I was going to do a plop and high. Hey, well, just, hey, I'm never mind just to take all this out. I now become. Help me out here. Hey, well, just, hey, I'ma never mind just to take all this out. Just end the episode earlier. I now become, help me out here.

I now become... Oh yeah, I have now become Death, the destroyer of worlds is the actual thing. The destroyer of toilets. I now become Mitch. I now become Mitch, destroyer of toilets? I have now become Turd, destroyer of bowls, something like that. That's what I was trying to do. I liked porcelain. Porcelain's pretty good. Destroyer of porcelain. Very poetic, destroyer of bulls something like that. That's what I was trying to do. I like the porcelain Porcelain is pretty good. Destroyer of porcelain. Very poetic, destroyer of porcelain. Yeah, but Mitch to death, death to Mitch

That's kind of... Yeah, it's hard to figure out how to map that exactly. I was gonna go in there, but uh, Einstein's using the bathroom Hahahaha Bye Bye Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Shevrin. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the Lamorning After podcast,

now on HeadGum. That's right. Every Wednesday a new episode drops and we... Wait, Lamorne, what are you doing over there? It's nothing, just polishing my Emmy. Why? Because we're now the only official HeadGum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Head Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true?

Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Headgum. Does he have an Emmy? No. But he has been a guest on The La Morning After. Which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more.

Plus, we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans. For questions. We poll them for questions. Just polling them constantly. Up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to The Morning After on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever

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