Dragon Friends - #2.07. A Skellington Walkie-Talkie with Ben Jenkins

Episode Date: June 8, 2016

Everything's going down at Castle Ravenloft. Robbery! Arcane trickery! Seances! Also the Dragon Friends cross a bridge. it takes them like twenty minutes.Featuring old stalwart Ben Jenkins playing Michael Hing playing Freezo the high elf warlock. It's confusing we know. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey there podcast listeners, Alex Lee here. Just a note that this week Michael Hing wasn't around to play Freezo, but luckily Ben Jenkins was able to come in to run everyone's favourite homicidal maniac. So to be clear, I'm not playing Freezo, I'm playing Hing playing Freezo. Dragon friends Scurry home and bar the door Daylight air And the fiends and ghouls delight in things that's scarce Be well aware as you make your way Don't be led astray for the goal is near And your friends are here And there's plenty more in store The old Svalitch Road clatters

Under the rickety wheels of your carriage As you make your way out of the lowlands And up the craggy peaks of the Balinox. No one has anything much to say to each other. Even Filge's new pet pig seems cowed to silence as you travel onwards. Is it the realisation that the Count already expects you that weighs on your mind?

The impossible gravity of your quest to rescue Irina and free this land from darkness? Is it the fact that Friso basically just assaulted a cheerful woodland miner? It's hard to say, but the sun has never seemed to move so slowly in the sky. So you are startled from your grim reverie several hours later when the carriage comes to a shuddering stop. Shudder. Stop.

All the sound effects. The air is thinner here and much colder. You twitch aside the heavily brocaded carriage curtains and the ruined yet still awesome presence of Strahd's Castle towers in front of you. Just ahead are a pair of twin guardhouses of turreted stone broken from years of use and exposure. Point of order, Dave.

Yep. That's just as a living king would say. Okay. Can I have that castle? Yeah, the intro is... The intro is ruined and the energy lost, so you're doing well so far. Yeah.

Something, something, something violence. Go. Beyond the guardhouses, a 50-foot wide precipice gapes between the Balinok cliffs and the walls of the castle. A chasm of dizzying depth that disappears into a fog shrouded distance far below. A woodworm

stricken drawbridge of old shorn up wood lies across the expanse looking frankly like an industrial accident just waiting to happen. Wreck-a-tee. As you step outside you turn to ask your driver if it's really safe to cross, but you are startled to see that the driver's perch on the carriage is empty.

Indeed, the horses that you swore clattered only moments ago... ...nowhere to be seen. What? The carriage yoke feels cold to the touch as if it hasn't touched a live animal in a century. Instead, you find yourself suddenly alone with the wind and nothing but the rows of hideous stone gargoyles above the castle, staring down at you from their hallow sockets and rictus grins. This, you think to yourselves, must be the place. This must be Castle Ravenloft.

What if it's not? I'm just saying, Dave, what if it's not? Can I do a perception check to see if it is? Yeah, make a perception check. That's an easy check, DC5. It's Castle Ravenloft. You just got gotta be thorough about these things.

So the carriage is there. Empty, abandoned. The four of you are there. Baston and the three of you plus the pig I guess makes five. Sorry, can we just name the pig? I feel it's unfair. You think it's time to name the pig? Oh, what about one of our supporters? One of our loyal friends. I feel it's unfair. Do you think it's time to name the pig? Oh, what about one of our supporters?

One of our loyal friends. I thought she was Battle Pig. I've got actually a... I'm just going to have a real name. Oh, that's a description. I don't even have the names on me. Be honest. Has anybody here donated to our support page? Yeah. Okay, great. Fantastic. And now this is really bad

because I'm going to name a pig after you. But a battle pig. Yeah, it'll be a battle pig. What's your name? Ali. Ali. Ali. Shouldn't we give her the right of name?

Wait, what's a cool name for a battle pig? You can say Ali. You can go with Ali. Storm. Oh, a storm. Also, have a dice. Yeah. Oh, it's gone now. I might need that actually. Also, have a dice. Yeah. Oh, it's gone now.

I might need that actually. Well, she swallowed it. She's gone. Okay. Storm. Storm pink. Storm. The carriage is empty.

Yourself is desolate. The four of you. It's got like a little like white strand of hair. No, that's rogue. Yeah, sorry. No, it's not. Storm has one, doesn't she? She has all white hair. She has all white hair. No, that's rogue. No, Storm has one, doesn't she? She has all white hair. You tried to pander to them and you fucked it up.

They know. You're like a divorced dad being like, I love the ex-boys. She's the one that you like. She shoots lasers from her eyes. I love all of them. Fox-a-man, one eye. Baldo.

Baldo the wheelchair man. Wolfington. Magnetism man. All right. The carriage is empty. The wind howling, the fog cold. And the four of you, plus your battle pig, Miss Ali Storm, shiver as you realise you are truly alone. As I say, the drawbridge lies ahead,

a guardhouse on each side, and the vast expanses of the most genre-appropriate castle that you've ever seen lie in front of you, abandoned and wrecked. Can I ask a question? This is... I'm not... You sound like you're doing a Hing thing. No, I'm actually... Well, I'm done playing as Hing, actually. I just realised he's gonna be here eventually. And I'd kind of like to make my mark. Is this all the stuff I have?

Yeah, that's your inventory. I give it to Bobby. What?! All right. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yeah, just... No, you can. Yeah, I've got inventory. I give it to Bobby. What? All right. Yeah, just... No, you can. Yeah, I've got heaps of those. Can I have the book of spells? No, okay, that's fine.

Okay, so... There you go, Bobby. Thanks, Friso. I'm turning over a new leaf. Says Friso. So, Filch looks over at Friso Giving Bobby all his stuff Oh, oh

Hey, hey Me like stuff Me like stuff You like Baker's outfit? Yes, very much There you go, you don't have a Baker's outfit Did you say that you also wanted the spell book? Yes, yes

We have all kinds of things here You can have also wanted the spell book? Yes, yes. Oh, yeah, you can have all kinds of things here. You can have Friso's spell book. Oh, goody. And Bastogne goes, I knew there was good in you. Oh, who gets... All right, most of this is like random pablum bullshit that he picked up in his quest. But there was the magic longsword.

So who gets that? Oh, that's quite powerful, isn't it? I got it. I got all of this stuff. He gave it to me. Why did the wizard have the magic longsword? It's a good question. It's a very good reason to ask. But now the shortest of us has it.

All right. Bobby, you have a magic longsword and the robe of many things, I guess. But I've got the baker's outfit. All right. This was a fair appropriation of goods. Yeah, I will say, Filge is just stoked with this outcome. Do you think she's totally out of the dealed it?

Hey, it says here it's two daggers. Do you want a dagger? I like daggers. Okay, you can have a dagger. Yay. I've only got one. Are we also near a hard and flat surface, like a wall or something?

Like a drawbridge. I run in it as hard as I can. No, the drawbridge is down. No, but there's guard towers on either side. Okay, am I near one of the towers? Yes. I run in it as hard as I can. With my, like breaking my fall with my face.

Yes, penance will take away your guilt. Make a constitution save with disadvantage because you're not trying to help yourself. DC, 10. Okay, 17. No, three. All right. Yeah, you break a finger.

How did I do that with my face? Oh, okay. At the last minute, you put your hands in front of your face. Because I'm the coward. And you have a beautiful face. Do I lose a hit point there? Yeah, yeah, sure. Can we play Dungeons & Dragons soon and not hing one-upmanship?

You take four points of damage. Okay, great. And you know what? You did break a finger, which means that you now have disadvantage to cast spells. But I've got the spell book. So that's also going to be disadvantage after retribution. Can I cast spells now?

Do you want to try? Obviously. I'm not going to waste them now. I'll wait until we have an enemy or something. Until it's really important. Wait a minute. Did I just realise, did you take so you got all the magic items, the runes, the gold the artefacts and you got

a baker's outfit and a book of spells. So you dressed like the only wizard you knew and you got a spell book. Do you think you're becoming a wizard? Me feeling powerful. Feelings. Me feeling as if me can talk to the moon. Go ahead, talk to the moon, Filch.

Hey. And then I just like nod and wink at the moon like we're having a special conversation. What did the moon say? Secrets. Wizard secrets. Alright, now we can play Dungeons and Dragons. Thank you.

All right. I'm just going to do a quick investigation check and see if anything is out of the ordinary. Excellent. So that's a 16 plus three. Yeah, plus your intelligence. All right, no, so that's enough. Okay, so everything is...

I mean, this is actually a bit creepy. So as I said, the carriage feels like it's an old abandoned carriage that it hasn't been moved in years. The drawbridge, similarly abandoned. The castle looks completely abandoned. Oh, you mean the carriage we were just in suddenly feels like it's not... And the horses and the driver are gone. Were you listening?

I was, yeah. Being him? I was being him. Picking it up. Because you were actually rolled high enough, you do notice that in the southeast corner of the castle, where the tallest tower is, there is what seems to be a light high up in the tower,

but this is, as I said, beyond the drawbridge, up past the Balinot Cliffs in the castle proper. Okay, and the drawbridge looks safe to cross. It's not like rotten through. I have dark vision. Can I do one and see if I see any more? Yep. All right.

I roll a third. True. So good to have you back. Out of practice much? Very out of practice. I roll a 15. Yep, you... I see what Bobby saw.

Yeah, and then as he tries to explain it, you loudly explain over him. Yeah. So what does that sound like? Oh, you see, there's a castle to the south. Bobby, you can't see very well. You're very, very small. There's a castle and there's a light in the window of the tallest tower.

My hand is really killing me. Hachi machi. What time of day is it? Is it night time? No, night is just about to fall. You were in the carriage. Oh, spooky. So that's what you see.

Can I notice any weak spots in the drawbridge? There are broken and cracked wood, as I said, wormwood infested. The wood is very, very old. It is massive, old and sturdy, but every individual plank feels a little bit like a crapshoot. And Bastogne goes, step aside, I will appraise its structural integrity. Because he's got skills. And he rolled the dice. Well, what is he doing?

One. So Bastogne, I guess, walks through and says, I will test its dexterity. Walks onto the bridge whereupon the first plank cracks. And go ahead and make a quick dexterity save. So you've broken the bridge. That is, as I said, 18. I'm the best.

Are you? And he sort of screams like a girl and takes a big step back. Narrowly, windmilling his arms, stops from falling, as I said, over a 50-foot precipice that goes hundreds of feet into the fog-shrouded distance underneath that would have killed him. So you're still alive,

but in answer to your question, no, the drawbridge ain't great. Me have an idea. Me have 50 foot of rope. How about I'm going to try and lasso it onto the other side of the drawbridge and tie it on. Okay. And then we can all swing like Tarzan.

All right, I like that. But then, hang on. This is a good idea. Even if we do manage to do that, will we not be 50 feet below? Bilge, however, has started tying the rope. So I do it? What do I... Just make a rope use, so we'll just call this...

I've got plus two on dexterity. Yeah, okay, we'll call it basic dexterity. So you rolled a one. Plus two. I rolled a three. Great. You tie a sick-ass knot that will hold. Keep going. I rolled a three. Great. You tie a sick ass knot that will hold. And threw it off a cliff. And threw the whole thing.

Yes. And then you go I have big idea and you throw your 50 foot rope over the cliff. So get rid of it because you've lost 50 feet of rope. Incidentally, 50 odd feet of rope is the name of Russell Crowe's band.

Yep. I really had to think about that a bit. Is it? Okay, I think that is close. Is that a joke or a fact? Well, that's step one. Who next? What I'm going to do is I'll go across first with my robe.

I have 50 feet of it. Do you have 50 feet? I do, right here. I will go because I'm sure of foot and light of weight. Yes. And I will tie it to a balustrade on the other end, just in case. Great. Roll the dice for me.

That's 14. 14, okay, that's enough. So you make your way across, and this time there's no dexterity check needed. The planks all hold under your light frame, and you are able to skip across. I mean, you don't need to. You can walk really butch if you want. No. I'll happily skip.

And you make it to the other side, make a quick dexterity check for tying the robe. That's a three. All right. Plus five. That's an eight. Yeah, that's enough. This is a simple knot. It's a three. All right. Plus five, that's an eight. Yeah, that's enough. This is a simple knot. It's a granny knot.

It's not yet full knot. So you tie the rope, and now you have a rope handrail across the drawbridge. All right, guys, come across. Who will help me carry the cutlery? Well, I'm already over here, so... Oh, yeah. Oh, fast on.

I will. Truly, you have turned over a new leaf. Me so glad we had this intervention in carriage on way here. You realise that carrying pounds and pounds and pounds of cutlery over this rickety bridge is going to, A, interfere with your ability to hold the rope and also potentially the structure of the bridge. I'm turning over and you leave.

You are more wise than me. Is it safe? Maybe you guys should come across first. All right. Filch, best on. Come on, one at a time, though. Okay, so I grab the peak. I grab Storm under my arm and I tiptoe across the bridge.

Great. Roll the dice for me. Just... Oh, I lost my dice. Yeah, that's fine. 13. Yep, that's fine. You make your way across even with the pig in tow.

Was that Fred Flintstone twinkle toes? Yeah, that's exactly what it was. I grab a fork, a ladle, and an iron ingot, just as a sample of the wares. You're really taking this emissary from Wiltshire to heart. Baston is a man of honour. All right. And goes across.

Do I need to roll a thing? Yes, you do, like everyone else. You roll an 18. This time, you make your way across. Okay, so I'm actually going to take a leaf? Yes, you do, like everyone else. You rolled an 18. This time you make your way across. Okay, so I'm actually going to take a leaf out of Bastogne's book and I'm just going to take samples of each. You coward. So I can show...

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I roll a 13. All right, congratulations. You have all made it across the bridge. A bridge. I feel bad because we've been reading stuff. In your mind, Dave, how long was that meant to take? Look, it's one sentence, but that's fine.

Okay, as you make your way across the bridge, now on the opposite side, again, there are two old guard towers about two storeys high each. Again, abandoned and decrepit. And then a... Any skilltons? Good question. None that you see so far.

Okay. I love Skellingtons. And then there's a little sort of tunnel leading into, you know, beyond... Through the drawbridges into the courtyard of the castle. Yep. So, yeah. So you can... This is where you are now.

I just realised I'm really bad at visualising spaces. courtyard of the castle. Yep. So, yeah. So you can, this is where you are now. I just realised I'm really bad at visualising spaces. I know, actually, hang on, hang on. I can't picture any of this. No, it's alright, it's alright, because thanks to Mrs Weiss and Hickman, I think I have a little map for you. Now, with the magic of motion pictures. Oh, look at that! Yeah, so you guys...

Where are we? You guys are just outside K7. You're in like the courtyard area. The podcast's going to love this bit. So... I really... If you're listening to this... Line four, position seven, courtyard.

If you're listening to me saying this, I won and it stayed in the podcast. Yeah, so you guys are... K17 k17 oh god let's not do this um you're just you're ahead of k7 you're not in the building yet okay i see yep great sweet we can talk about numbers for a bit more if you guys let's just all agree to use our minds eyes are we agreed yeah get rid of that that's terrible okay scrap it but I hope you enjoyed that on the podcast. I think you're the only one who knows how to get rid of it, Dave. This button. Ow!

It's already gone. It's already gone. So. I got attacked by paper. So yeah, the guardhouse is guardhouse's archway entrance. Yeah. Should we look around? So are we going to go, are we going to pose as cutlery merchants?

I get the feeling that we're kind of blind. The fact that he said that he knew you were coming and... Are we sure he didn't know that the cutlery merchant was coming? He was just really arch about it. Like, he's arch with everybody. Yeah. And he's like, well, well, well, good to see you. And then the person he's having around for dinner is like,

oh, I should go. He's like, why? Did I sound ominous? I don't know what this guy's jam is. Maybe he just thinks we're cutlery merchants. Why don't we just, Bobby just yells out, hello? Anyone home? Your voice echoes back over the court.

Yet again, this place looks. Echo, echo, echo. That's not what an echo sounds like. Hello? Again, do I annoy? My echo sounds like my second grade teacher. I want to yell something. Okay, I'll echo it.

Is anyone home? Woo-hoo! So there's clearly an old magic here. The building looks old and decrepit. Aside from the light in the high tower, it looks like no one has been here for like 100 years, which is clearly not the case because everyone in the towns that you visited

have told you that this is the seat of the vampire Strahd. Maybe they're idiots. Maybe it's like the Governor General's house, where they're not home very often, actually. Oh, it's just a purely ceremonial posting. Yeah, they've got a nice cottage out back. Is that the case? And a closet full of panties. Why don't you just go in and see?

We head over to the, so it's the tower. The guardhouses or the tower? The tower, Is that separate? Is that its own edifice? You know, you'll need to go in. Is there a door? There is a main archways with two big main doors in front of it. Can we get through that? So you're going to walk past

the guard towers? Yeah, to the door. Right to the door. Okay, I get the feeling we should probably look in the guard towers. No, you don't need to. You don't need to. You're allowed to do whatever you want. I just need to roll some dice. I think Dave's cross at us. It's because you're back, Ben.

I know. This was so harmonious when I listened to it on the podcast before. I peek my head into the guardhouse and yell, Hello? Anyone home? my head into the guardhouse and yell Hello? Anyone home? Woohoo! The doors to the guardhouses are like rusted shut old locks that you can't

A karate chop them. Alright. Is this something that a halfling... Alright. 17. 17. Okay. You don't break your wrist. So I guess that's... Oh, a sleight of hand. Does that count as karate?

No. Yeah. What's my karate modifier? Okay, the door thumps once and you feel like another good push would crack it open. Hey, Philge, my good friend.

Yeah, huh? I reckon if you put your delightful shoulder into it, that door might give. Or me could use magic. And I've got Dilj's wand. You do have Dilj's wand.

In my bag. Dilj, of course, being your half-brother who was... Killed. Well, yeah. Murdered. And who had a great club with a star drawn on it that he used as a magic wand. So I'm going to get out my wand. Your great club, yes.

My wand. And what's the deal? You're the wizard. You tell us. I'm going to do a burning hands on the door. So you're going to turn to the page of the spell book that says burning hands and just read it? Is that? Yep.

All right. Burning hands, I say. And I thump my club on the door. For the magic. Make a strength check. Okay. Oh, wait, wait. Under the weight of your magic,

the door flies backwards off its hinges. Easy peasy. Is that your magical incantation? Easy peasy? Is Baston convinced by her magical powers? Intelligence check. He absolutely is. Oh!

Your power grows. This sorcerer will be needing an apprentice. And I waggle my eyebrows suggestively. Does Baston pick up her meaning? Yeah, definitely. And I wag all my eyebrows suggestively. Does Baston pick up her meaning? Yeah, definitely. Baston is not wise in the ways of magic, but he's very wise in the ways of seduction and flirtation.

Sexy. So the doors are open and inside, again, cobwebs and all... This is a tower above the ground and yet the air that comes out smells of the tomb. Guys, I'll go first. Thank you, Friezo. Thanks, Frieze. So I walk in, I'm going to do a perception check just to see what's what. I roll a three.

Okay, it's dark and your dark vision isn't working. No, no, you just see a room and there's nothing that seems to be Guys, there's a room in here Yep, that's right Alright, let's all head in So we're going to like the guard room, this is what we're doing now? You're going to a guard tower, yeah The one on the left

How big is this room? So it's about 20 feet by 20 feet And it's a two-story guard house, so you're on the ground floor I've got darkvision as well. So can I do a perception check? Sure. Oh, that's a two. All right.

It's a room. Sorry for doubting you, Freezo. I use my... Because I've got new powers from being, like, level three. Oh, you're an arcane trickster. Arcane trickster. I'm going to use dancing lights to brighten the situation. Yeah, great.

All right. So you don't need to roll for that. That's a really easy spell. So, yeah, this is one of your two spells of the day. Oh, really? Don't worry about them. You sure? Okay, I'll do it.

One of your spells is literally, like torch so bobby bobby does something that perhaps you didn't know he could do um he sort of claps his hands together and makes a gesture and three small lights seem to dart out of his palm and into the corners of the room illuminating what is a barracks this is is obviously, again, looks old and abandoned. There's a table where perhaps people once drank flagons and played cards. There is an old armour... You don't know them.

There's an armour rack on the side with rust and chainmail and rusty spears and there is a low wooden shelf which seems to hold some more interesting items over to the side of the room. I go over to the shelf.

Okay. I put on the chainmail. It's very rusty. You get rust all over Hing's clothes. Have you had your shots? Have you had your shots? It's all right, you're wearing Hing's clothes, so you're just ruining them.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, I'm just making the baker's outfit very rusty. And the baker's outfit is traditionally white. Baston tries to catch the dancing lights. And I get this. I'm going to get those rusty spears as well. All right. So congratulations.

I head over to the shelf. All right. On the shelf you find, in pride of place, what looks like a giant new, this looks only like, you know, at least it was made in the last couple of years, a giant great axe. This looks too big for a halfling,

too big even for a human. I'll tell you what, I'll carry it for you, but I'll also sign a document, if you can produce it, saying that it's yours. You would have to... All right, are you going to do that? Yeah, I will. I'll carry it for you, little fella.

Significant dexterity penalties. Yep. All right. You pick up the great axe, as I said, which looks like made for a non-humanoid. You also see

wrapped in a sort of linen shroud some curios and personal effects. You see a lamp, a touchstone. I wish I'd seen that lamp earlier. You see a wet stone, a touchstone,

and also... All the stones. What's a touchstone? What's a wetstone, a touchstone and also... All the stones. What's a touchstone? A whetstone used for sharpening and a touchstone used to strike against metal to create sparks. I wish I'd seen that. And you also see what looks like a religious icon,

a small image of the sun in burnished brass with eight spikes pointing off it. Is it a symbol of Pelor? And a gem, and actually a gemstone. Yes, yes, it is a symbol of Pelor. I forgot you. Does anything strike you as pretty magic? What do you think? Can I do an arcana check, see if any of these items are...

Yeah, absolutely. Actually, can you do a religion check for me as well? Yeah, well, that's a different... All right, yeah. 18's a different... 18. All right, 18. You recognise the symbol is not just a holy symbol. It's actually... Do you want me to tell you? No, I'm role-playing as if I'm just knowing this.

Okay, it's what's called in... You've recognised this from your own faith. It's called a soul stone. Obviously. And it's a type of minor phylactery. Yes. I hate you so much. And in fact, priests use it because there is a ritual that can

be used to summon the soul of a departed member of the faith to communicate with them in the moments before their death. So it's like a... Hang on. Okay. Can we... It's a Skellington walkie-talkie. Thank you! Finally! Yes, you have...

Oh, it's a Skellington walkie-talkie. You have found a Skellington walkie-talkie. Okay. So, like, this will give me a... Like, we can communicate with a soul just before it's dead. The owner of it, yeah. Presumably it was owned by someone devout of Pelor who was powerful enough to use it.

So you can communicate with somebody whose soul is just about to leave their body or somebody who's already passed? If they die, a memory, a shade of their soul that remembers who they were can be stored. It's not very powerful and it doesn't last very long. But the temple uses it to ensure that knowledge is passed through generations without any loss.

It's like a Ouija board with no board. It's a skeleton walkie-talkie. Okay, so can we activate it? Do I know how to activate it? You know how to activate it. It takes a bit of time. I know, I know. It takes about an hour to perform the ritual.

Do we want to do that? No. What are you, where do you need to be? We should go up to, we should, we should scout the rest of this place and then we should head towards the line. Yeah, just put it in your satchel. Yeah.

At times like these, I always advise to split up. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, I'll take it Yep And then if we get like a If we have like a spare hour We can do this? Yeah

Maybe at bedtime Maybe a special podcast Wait, if you guys are going to scout the place I'm going to just stay here and start the thing Because it doesn't cost me anything to start it Does it cost me anything to start it? No, no, no, it doesn't cost you anything I'll start it

I'll just carry it around And if you take longer than an hour Well, no, you can start it and come with us It's portable, it's not a No, no, he needs to perform't cost you anything. I'll start it. Oh, you just carry it around. And if you take longer than an hour... Well, no, you can start it and come with us. It's portable. It's not a... No, no, he needs to perform the ritual. He'll need to stay with it. That's okay.

No, no, it's like a disc wind. I can't move it too much. So I can... I'll just start. You guys scat around. If you dance, it starts skipping. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you guys scat around.

All right, I grab a lamp and then we'll head upstairs. I'm starting the ritual now. Okay, so you are downstairs performing the ritual on the table and you guys head upstairs with the lamp. Yep. Okay. Me and... I will stay and defend our friend

now that his goodness has returned. All right, so me and Bobby... Eyebrows. Let's go. Let's go. So the two of you head upstairs and you see what is obviously a looking post where guards sat and looked down over the Balinox to repel, to give early warning of invaders that were coming up for the castle. Again, hundreds of years old, again abandoned.

From up here, you can see two things. Firstly, that a storm is brewing. In fact, the weather is starting to turn and it's going to, there's looks like ominous dark clouds in the distance. Secondly, from this distance, you have a good command of the castle and you can see that there is definitely some kind of man-made or humanoid made presence up in the tower. The lights that are flicking are very natural and suggest a healthy flame.

Alright. I think we should make our way into the castle proper. Should we get a rope and lasso it to the window and then climb up? Do we have any more rope? No, I threw mine in.

Mine's still attached to the door bridge. Okay, all right. Can I hear what they're saying? No, you're downstairs. But they're upstairs. Oh. Oh, wait. Maybe Friso had some rope that I...

And in that moment, Ben realised how floors work. Because... Alright. Don't. Ben has something really sarcastic he wants to say. No, no, no. I'm actually just trying to adhere to the rules of this dumb game because I have an idea but I can't know

what they're saying. We go back downstairs in order to head to the main castle. Stopping by to chat to Friso. Friso, as is his custom, has stripped to the waist and has anointed himself with strange and possibly unnecessary pigments and is... I'm helping.

And is muttering to himself in tongues. The room seems several degrees colder. Do you know what tongues sound like? No. Like, hey, I'm going to himself in tongues. The room seems several degrees colder. Do you know what tongues sound like? No. Like, hey, I'm going to do a spell. I'm going to make it a magic spell. You, of course, cannot understand this foreign language he speaks. He's a big magic spell.

He's a spicy spell. Is that Elvish? Is that what Elvish sounds like? Possibly. He's an elf. If only we knew what ancient spirits he's talking to. I don't need to rule anymore. Oh, you're speaking Elvish.

Hey, that's our word. Okay. So. And the room seems several degrees colder than it was. And condensation has formed on the gem in the middle of the soul stone, which he has surrounded in a circle of ash and chalk. Are you going to keep doing it? Can he talk to us or is he like in the throes of it? He's ignoring you.

He's like, hi, you chicken jam, I'm doing a magic thing. But it looks like he's reaching a crescendo. No, what is a crescendo sound like? I sit down cross-legged on the floor to watch the show. Hey, you silly jam, be magic. Oh, wait. I want a moon to hit your eye. That's a moray. When the stars...

Suddenly, suddenly... I can't thank you enough. Too much wine. A dark, what seems like almost an anti-light, shines out from the centre of the stone and fans out in front of you in a plane. Through it, darker than dark, you can see what seems a shadow in the shadow of a figure, Coalesce. He is wearing, a massive figure, wearing again the livery of a paladin of Pelor.

massive figure wearing again the livery of a paladin of Palor. His huge frame belies his non-humanoid origins for this is a minotaur, powerfully built. And his silhouette now seems to flicker in the space between you. I am Cedar. Who summons me back. I am Friso, and these are my friends. What's up, Bobby?

Big bilge. What's the sitch? I came here many moons ago seeking to root out the evil within but lost my way. I became a feast for him. Don't have a cow, man.

And that's no bull. That's not funny. I'm fucking dead here. Fuck you. He's gonna roll a dice to see if the paladin is offended. Very. You guys are fucking dicks. Hey, can I respectfully...

Oh, now you fucking bring it. It's like saying, I'm not racist, but... Why don't you just blurt it out? Whatever. Okay, fine. I think we're trying to do a similar thing to you and if we could do like a little like whip meeting about maybe where you I'm not pointing fingers but where you went wrong maybe then we can learn and grow is there like a door you went through that you shouldn't have? Or is there like a...

Oh, I came with my axe. Oh, is it this? And I hold up the axe. Yes. Thinking it would do... Sorry, was that worth carrying for an hour while casting a ritual? I'm very sweaty. Maybe I

took a hit point? Because I'm very sweaty. Maybe I took a hit point? Because I'm very dehydrated. Yes, you're down to 13 hit points. Hey, fucking concentrate. I'm trying to tell you something. My weapons did not work on him. He cannot be harmed by any steel of man. What about magic?

Magic. Yes, magic can wound him. Otherwise, he... Magic can't wound him. Oh, no. Sorry, I've been dead for a while. And I misheard Dave. He was trying to do some tabletop.

Serves him for tabletop. Who is this great Dave? Oh, I have... You will know when you pass into the next realm. So, Mr. Cow, what, how you kill this vampire?

He has stored his spirit in several objects. Hang on. Wait a second. Legally distinct objects. Oh, me read this one

Raw Cruxes Something like that Or Boxes With these combined it's pretty it's eerily

similar but really but legally different You can't tell but the shadow of the ghost appears to be sweating but legally different. You can't tell but the shadow of the ghost appears to be sweating. Yes.

With these things united he can be stricken from the realm. What are these things? A vibration that has been in the room since the start seems to go up and down. Sorry, that's me.

Hello? And... You can't talk right now. I'll call you back. Bye. I want another gemstone. And a crack forms in the stone. The moment that it does, the vibration increases and the image disappears in half of its power

and seems to be fading. Can I try and fix it? Yeah. Hey, you piece of garbage, a jammer, what the matter with you? And then I hit it. Noble Minotaur, tell us, what are these items? One, oh, you have in your possession?

The other... Crack, the stone cracks again and he seems to be even further... Speak faster. Cedar, please. Cedar... What else do you want me to tell him, Dave? There are three items.

Three. What's number two, goddammit? Oh, it's made of paper. Three. What's number two? God damn it. Oh, it's made of paper. And the third, it escapes me. But perhaps it will return in my mind. Oh, a symbol. Like CY symbol?

A holy symbol. Like CY symbol or? A holy symbol. Like CY holy symbol? Perhaps something in shape of man. Crack, crack, crack. And the gemstone cracks and goes dead. And at that moment, the image disappears and the room seems somehow lighter. the image disappears and the room seems somehow lighter. Okay, so the relic of Palor that we have in our possession is one of these things.

Well, possibly it could be your hat. I have a hat? Why did nobody tell me? I look terrible in hats. I am in the shape of man. Oh, what if it's the pig? We're not killing Storm. It's not the pig.

I say. And I glare at you. Hey, I don't want to kill the pig and I get on its back. Number one, something already in our possession. You're going to ride the pig. As is my want. What could number two be?

Paper? Who's got paper? I've got a spell book. I don't think it's that. Okay. I think we probably have to find these things as we go along. Yeah, all right. Okay, so what do we do now?

I'm going to pocket that gem just because it might make a nice necklace for a new friend. All right, you take the broken soul stone. Yep. Anything else we want to take from the guard tower before we leave? Sorry, what? Sorry, what? No, that's fine. How long do the

dancing lights last for? An hour. Do they follow us? They're following you. Oh, great. The torches that are in there, are they like wooden torches? All along the road

there are sconces but they're old and burnt out. But is there wood? Yeah, you could probably find one that still had a lot of wood. I'm going to take the pointiest, woodenest one there is. Nice. For tricks. Yeah, in case I ran into a friendly dog. Great.

You pull out a splintered stake from one of the sconces, which you now have. Baston's going to light the lantern. Great. You pull out a splintered stake from one of the sconces, which you now have. Baston's gonna light the lantern. Great. You strike the touchstone against the great axe and sparks spring forth and the lantern, with a foul smell of old oil, begins to sputter to life.

Gross! And I'm gonna leave the axe where I found it and say, this is for you, dear friend, and kiss it on the sharp bit. By mistake. That's a hit point of damage. Huggy-duggy. I mean, I could carry that axe, right?

Yeah, you could. It would be hard for you to wield. It's very big. Is it? I could free-to-hold it if it was that big. I kind of drag. I promise to hold it, but I never really... I'm going to take it.

I'll be right. All right, you take the great axe. Well, that's different to what I wanted, but... Doesn't matter. Yeah. I do it stealthily. While he's tending to his tongue, which is bleeding from kissing it, I just stack it in my, you know, backpack.

Great. Let's go. So the guard house along the other side is much the same. Rusted spears, broken tables, old and burnt out torches. No soul stone this time. And so with the guard towers searched, you make your way along the old cobblestones towards the castle itself. As you approach, what seems to be dozens of fierce gargoyles glare down at you.

That's what it sounds like. Does one of them maybe wiggle its eyebrows? He's the only friendly gargoyle. Wait, are these live gargoyles or are they just a decorative? No, these are decorative gargoyles. And as I said, the building seems old and decrepit and you make your way through a small antechamber where four black stone statues of dragons sit at the edges staring down at you. You walk into the ante room so that they're all surrounding you

and you realise that in front of you, these final pair of doors will lead you into Castle Ravenloft. Hooli dooli, guys. I say. Let's go in. Any last words? Ha ha ha. Gaston thinks it's a joke.

Yeah, do we need to do anything before we... Has everybody gone to the toilet? Everyone buddy up. We all buddy up and we get in twos and I open the doors. Okay, I'm with the pig. I'm by myself, I guess. All right, so Phil, you make your way towards the door and just before you touch it, soundlessly, they swing open.

What does that sound like? Soundless. As they do, the two torches nearest to the door spark and sputter to life. And two more, just a few feet ahead of you, sputter to life, and then two more again as the corridor slowly comes to light. Like Vivid.

Ooh, is this Vivid? Are we at Vivid? Are you making a joke in our internationally released podcast about a small Australian light-based festival? You bet your sweet bippy. We bloody punch above our weight, you know? We're bloody little country punch big. How can four

such as these survive in a castle whose tricks are already arrayed out ahead of them where minotaurs and mighty heroes

have already failed? How can four such as these succeed? Who brings a pig to a vampire fight? For the answers to these questions fair questions

and more tune in to the next episode of dragon friends thank you dragon friends is dm'd by david harman with music by benny davis mpc voices by eden lacey and joining simon griner and myself this show was the newly returned Ben Jenkins, filling in for Michael Hing. Shakira Khan designs our website and our podcast is edited by Benny Davis and sponsored by PAX Australia, Australia's largest video games and pop culture expo on this year from the 4th to the 6th of November in Melbourne. If you like the podcast, we have a Patreon where you can support us

and earn bonus content and weird gifts, including getting NPCs named after you. Hi, Cedar. Thanks for your support. For details on that, check out our website.