Dragon Friends - #8.20. Our Life Continues Together
Episode Date: December 24, 2022Six Dragon Friends. Two Companions. Two Timelines. One Dragon.The Dragon Friends are home, but it's a home that's both all too familiar and forever changed. Their intervention in their past lives has ...already caused them to fail their first mission, and now they have to deal with the consequences of that failure, assuming they can trust the most dangerous enemy they've come across so far: Themselves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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That's sunrisechallenge.ca. When you go back, all your friends have a crack, but you inevitably ruin a whole new timeline.
Make a hundred mistakes and make a hundred more.
But don't worry, don't worry, cause that's what time travels for.
You can always go back and try again.
And if you go back and kill your friends, you can always go back an extra few seconds. You can always go back. And so it comes to this.
Make some noise for the season finale of Dragon Friends!
Oh, no dice, no rules, too many microphones.
No rules, too many microphones.
It has been about 12 to 15 minutes since Janos Mir arrived to discover twice as many operatives
as he thought he had sent into the house of the artificer.
But master improviser that he is,
he is quick to spring into action,
leading all of you into an upstairs disused wardrobe,
just large enough to carry all ten souls that cram themselves into the room.
Eight souls and two dungeon masters.
Is this a wardrobe?
Yeah, everybody's in a wardrobe.
Is it an artier situation?
No, it's a walk-in wardrobe.
There are some more cloaks embroidered by the designer CW.
There is a box of fishing shit.
And there is a...
Thank you all for coming to this wardrobe.
And also, this walk-in wardrobe
has a small window,
and through it,
situated at the front of it,
Janice Meir,
peers through the...
No?
No, I call it a wardrobe,
but I think conventionally you would call it a room.
It's a walk-in wardrobe with a window.
Yeah, so it's a room.
It's a bedroom and you are childless.
It's a wardrobe where I keep my bed and sleep.
And Janos Mir stands at the window
looking out at a scene of destruction.
The dragon owned by the cult runs rampant
as the alarms still sound in the building.
You can see a riot gathering down below in the square
of confused citizenry of Waterdeep
ready to tear themselves apart so unsure
and brutally marching through them.
Eight foot tall robotic glitter men,
the heavies of the cult, silencing dissidents and creating
more pain and discord where they march.
Now, I'll admit this doesn't look good.
They've released the dragon.
It's terrorising the city.
Nobody's happy about this, least of all me.
Three things basically need to happen at once.
Now, thankfully, I find myself in a surfing of adventurers.
I don't know how, but this is going to work out nicely for me
because there's three teams I need to break you into.
It's going to be real simple, all right?
Now, before actually we started, I asked Simon to draw logos
for something he didn't quite understand what they were.
So I have logos for you here.
So teams, here you go.
Well, this is a picture of a lion.
Yep, and there you go.
This is a picture of a bird.
And there you go.
It's an eagle, Ben.
This is a picture of a worm.
Now, you'd think, by the way,
that I wouldn't have had time to do such arts and crafts.
Janice sitting in the wardrobe with a glue gun.
In the grip of this panic.
But I thought it was nice, so I did it.
Now let's start with Team Air.
See, I drew a little eagle.
This is Strike Team Eagle.
Strike Team Eagle.
And Filch, Grizzled Filch, you're team captain of that.
All right.
Team Eagle, who's on my team?
Well.
Let's hear you squawk.
That is largely up to you.
Oh.
You can pick one.
One?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is soccer.
This is high school soccer rules.
So you can pick your favourite dragon friend,
but do you want to give the rest of the team captains?
Freezo.
Me?
Chineso.
No! What did you say?
Boo!
Ben, you can't
say that. That is so fucked up.
That's... Dude.
Come on, man. Can I get cancelled?
It's got to be by my friends.
Yes, Benjamin?
Friso, you are Team Land.
Strike Team Lion.
Okay.
And Bobby, the Elder, you are Team Worm.
Strike Team Worm.
I would have drawn a cooler underground animal
if I knew that I was going to be that.
Now, Strike Team Eagle.
Oh, that does sound cool, doesn't it?
These logos are going to be really great for our podcast listeners.
It'll really clear things up for them.
Strike Team Eagle, you've got to take the dragon down.
Now, there's an airy...
Eerie?
Airy?
Eerie.
Eerie?
Eerie?
I'm bloody not taking advice on pronunciation from you, Dave Harmon.
There's the Erie.
The Griffon Cavalry of Waterdeep have an Erie at peak top.
Yeah, it's peak top Erie. That's what I said.
You need to get there, infiltrate the Erie.
There'll be some weapons inside that you can use to bring the dragon down.
Or maybe even Griffons.
The Cavalry of Waterdeep are famous Griffon riders.
You need something that will stop that black dragon.
Strike team lion.
Yes.
The people are panicking.
They're going mad in the streets.
It's cuckoo banana stuff.
And not just panicking because it's a dragon.
The cult has infiltrated them
and they're whipping up a frenzy.
I really regret giving you this job,
but you need to do crowd control.
frenzy I really regret giving you this job but you need to do crowd control
strike team worm lower than dirt that's our motto I need you to do something very important indeed very important
somewhere under the house of the artificers there's got to be some
kind of magical device
giving the Glittermen their orders.
I want you to go downstairs,
go underneath the ground, and
shut it off.
Okay. Also, I hear that your strike
team eats its own shit to move.
Is that true? Yes, but everywhere
we go we make the soil richer
than it was before. So fuck you!
Alright, the time has come for you to decide which brave agents you're going to take with you.
Strike Team Eagle has the lead.
Who will take the mission of the dragon with you, Filch?
You can pick one member.
Your favourite person on stage.
Well, me don't trust you to take care of Dilj.
You really messed it up last time.
What did I do last time?
You're talking to the other Filj?
I'm talking to the other Filj.
So, me taking Dilj.
Can't wait for future Dilj to get here so me can find out how does Bilj mess up.
Congratulations, Dilj. You're in Strike Team Eagle.
Awesome. Strike Team Lion. Your pick is next.
I will be picking
Hamara Marburg.
Because
I...
When this show finishes for the rest of you,
our life continues together.
Ham, are you satisfied
with that reason? Yeah, it's me. The freezers
are together on crowd control.
Alright, that leaves
team Disgusting Worm.
Come on.
What's the slogan of the worms?
We're disgusting worms.
Watch us grovel.
No.
I'm going to choose my dad because I love him.
And also I don't want to inflict him on anyone else.
All right.
The bobbies are working together.
Now it gets interesting because there are three more choices,
but only two more slots.
So if you would prefer nobody on your team,
if you think that someone is a liability,
you have the option of saying, we're good.
Just to remind you in the podcast,
the unpicked members are Riordan playing Filge the Younger.
We have Tom Carty playing Logan the Huge,
and we have, We're Good.
So, with that in mind, Alex, who are you picking?
Again, it is Tom Carty, We're Good, or your brother.
Yeah, Tom Carty, not your brother.
Oh, my God.
Well, like, part of me thinks that having three orcs to do a job
is going to be very funny.
What does everyone... Who should I pick?
Me starting to worry if we get another Orc
about the diversity of the team.
OK.
All right, yeah.
So not doing race-based choosing.
OK, Dilj.
All right, well, in that case,
we're taking
Logan. Congratulations, Logan. You're on
strike team eagle.
And that means that the last decision is
Frizo. Frizo, do you want nobody or
do you want Riordan?
Riordan, the sidebar.
We're so familiar.
We flew you from Melbourne to do this show.
At great expense. Side check. How are you feeling? I'm better familiar. We flew you from Melbourne to do this show. At great expense.
Side check.
How are you feeling?
I'm better now.
It was very overwhelming early on.
Didn't really know what was going on.
Because you got out of the cab and walked onto stage.
Yeah, Miles kind of grabbed me by the scruff of my neck
and dragged me on stage as soon as I got out of the cab.
He also whispered to me before the lights came up,
yo, do I have to do a voice?
Do you have a preference
here? Would you rather be on Team Hing or
on Team Simon?
I think
Team Hing
just as from a race-based
kind of perspective. We get it.
We get it. We've had it for too good for too long.
To be clear for the podcast,
my dad is also a white male.
Alright, then. To be clear for the podcast, my dad is also a white male Alright then, no Team Lion would gladly accept Chinese Phil
Congratulations
Congratulations to your time, Leon
Team Lion, which means that Simon, you can wear a humiliating second badge
What, did someone cut me in half and I became two lowly disgusting worms?
Well, yes, I guess that's my lot.
General Smear looks up from the small window in this wardrobe
at his new strike forces.
And he says, I've got these too.
They're hearing stones.
They're essentially earpieces.
But if you put them in your ears, you'll be able to talk to me.
I'll have one too.
I'll be here in my wardrobe, in the planning room that's also in my wardrobe.
Sorry, he's going to stay in the wardrobe?
Yeah, I'm going to stay here.
That's your plan.
Mission control.
Mission control, exactly.
Someone's got to overlook everything.
How are you seeing everything from the wardrobe?
Well, one of my beautiful windows.
He takes a small blackjack, shatters the window glass,
and then with a knotted series of fine coats and bed sheets,
he sort of slings an improvised rope down the side of the building
that you can all escape from.
Not all of you, of course, because Team Earthworm
have their own mission inside the building.
Now, I've taken away the table, I've taken away your dice.
You still have your character sheets,
but I will be managing from here on in any roles.
You simply need to tell me what you want to do,
and I will roll and tell you if you have succeeded.
It's a new game for the finale,
and we are going to start with the team that's going down the rope first,
which is Strike Team Eagle.
Okay.
Can we quickly...
Can I order a quick little side bar with a dragon huddle?
Of course you can, yeah.
I go dragon huddle. Originals you can, yeah. I go dragon huddle.
Originals only.
Originals.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
So the old...
The older dragon friends and Dilj.
Me just as...
I feel future Dilj.
Logan, you can come too.
Logan's on our team.
Jeez.
Okay, so we do this mission,
but what are we going to do with these other dragon friends?
I cannot stress this enough.
Do not kill them until we know what's going on.
Friso, I'm looking directly at you.
I'm not going to kill old me,
but I might...
No, you can't kill old me why not I might die well
Bobby sorry Friso if you want to die if we could all if you want to test it cut
off young Friso's finger and see what happens to you yeah I'll give young
Friso a tattoo and see if it appears on your skin. Yeah, or smile as hard as you can.
Me just wanted an idea.
Great job.
I have to say, unfortunately, because you guys have done
this, you've given a window, and so
in the en suite, just off the wardrobe,
the younger dragon friends are
also huddling, and they have time
for their own
secret plan if they want.
What are we going to do?
I mean, you're looking at the wrong person.
I was really hoping you were going to direct that somewhere else.
Phil's just a natural leader.
You have to take control of this situation.
He hasn't listened to the show.
I don't want to die and I would like to do everything in my power
to avoid that happening.
I'm happy for you guys if you want to fall on your swords
as some sort of sacrifice to me,
like an offering to them maybe to see what would happen
and then I survive.
You don't need to go along with King's crazy plan.
But I think that sounds like a good idea, Bobby, for you.
I think there's some benefits of old age.
I am prepared to fall on my sword.
I'm just going to walk into the en suite in ten minutes
and they'll all just be dead.
They killed themselves rather than
appear on our podcast.
We could go to the bar.
You know what's fucking crazy though?
The way my brain works,
I'm like realising
that harm now has me hostage.
Yeah.
Because she can end...
No, that's what I thought too.
My involvement in this podcast...
Yeah.
...by killing me previously.
Yeah.
Or just herself.
Okay.
Panic word.
If any of those other dragon friends try to kill us, our panic word over the hearing stone,
which means kill them, is... No, no, no, no, no.
Don't. Yeah. No. Yeah. No.
What? Wait, is it yes or no? What's the
panic word? The panic word is croissant.
Croissant. And it has been
decided. The panic word is croissant. All
of you click your sending stones into your ears, and
you hear the tinny voice of Janos Mir,
who is beside you, but deciding to talk through the radio.
Hey, how cool is this?
Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
Can you hear us?
Do we all have them?
Yeah, everyone has them.
Is there like a slight latency on it?
Yeah.
Can you hear?
Wait, what?
Hang on.
Hang on a second.
I was just going to...
Am I?
We're all getting...
I think we're all getting delivered.
I think I'm getting looped because I'm hearing myself through you.
Somebody is on mute.
You need to...
Turn your camera on.
I swear I sound tinny.
Can you hear my voice as well?
I can't hear you.
What?
What?
I can't hear you.
What?
And that dragon destroys the city.
No.
Alright, so it strikes him, Eagle,
with Phil's leading the way,
you sling yourself over the precipice.
Eagles, let's fly.
Let's fly? Yeah, I say cool stuff like that.
Are you going to jump out the window?
No.
Pancake to the ground.
No, let's fly means let's go.
Let's climb very carefully down this rope.
I've got a quick question.
I used to have a dragon, right?
Sorry?
Did I used to have a dragon?
Yeah, you have a little pet dragon on your shoulder.
Do dragons grow?
Because it's been heaps of years.
Maybe it's grown into some enormous dragon.
No, it's unfortunately travelled through time with you.
So you still have a baby dragon.
Unfortunately.
It will act for you if you give it instructions.
It does love you.
Oh, cool.
Okay, well, just bear that in mind.
I have something that loves me.
So, yeah.
Alright, use rope checks all work
and strike team eagle with practice grace.
I don't mean to say this isn't a competition
but they dismount in a very cool manner
and all three members of Strike Team Eagle
descend down the rope without incident,
without taking any hit points.
And we do a cool high five.
And they all do a cool high five?
Yeah.
Now, Pigtop Erie is just north of the Castle Ward,
way up the mountain that Waterdeep is built around.
So, are you going to head straight there or do you have some other plan?
No, we'll head straight there.
All right, so you start racing towards the Griffin Cavalry?
Yes.
Do you have anything you want to say to your team?
Everyone, the most important thing to do is protect Dilj
and kill this goddamn dragon.
Me agree.
and kill this goddamn dragon.
Me agree.
Everyone, most important thing to remember,
say cool stuff, look cool and be tough.
Wonderful.
And so heading towards the peak top area,
you see in the distance the proud building that housed the Griffon Cavalry,
the shining star of the Defence Force of Waterdeep,
now forced to have their arms laid down by the Glittermen.
Meanwhile, descending the rope successfully,
it has to be said of Team Lion,
old Freezo spins his way down.
Oh, okay.
Also, Filge, young Filge, spins down the rope
and Freezo, I'm really sorry,
you're going to think I'm trying to get you.
Hum, you fall and you I'm trying to get you. Hum, you fall
and you faceplant on the way down.
See, babe, babe, this is
what he fucking does.
This is what he does.
He picks us out and he goes,
I'm gonna put you... You know what I mean?
And so our enemy isn't
the world, it isn't anyone else,
it's just Dave, okay?
You take three hit points of damage and again,
I apologise. It's simply the dice.
Now, Friso, you can see
in Virgin Square, the
sort of central...
Is it a bunch of Daves or what?
Big old statue of Dave.
It's called Virgin Square. It's actually a circle
but that's what's engraved under Dave's statue
Because you're not cool and you don't fuck
Virgin Square is a very famous
Also known in Italian as Palazzo de Harmon Halat so dehamen.
Virgin Square is a very famous square in... Dungeon, master.
In the trade ward of Waterdeep.
It's just outside the House of the Artifact.
So you can look it up in Volos Guide to Monsters
if you don't believe me.
This is really making you sound a lot less like a virgin.
A virgin would never tell anyone to consult the literature.
And there is a crowd.
A crowd is beginning...
You've unlocked Tom's bully laugh.
There's no going back now.
Shut up, Tom.
A crowd is beginning to grow and there is muttering.
No one has thrown a stone yet,
but you know that this is seconds away
from exploding into rioting
and it is packed to the gills
with people from Waterdeep
and despairing next to a small sort of wagon
is a figure in the uniform of a junior fire marshal of the city.
Well, everybody, just...
Hey, sorry, could I have everybody's attention just for a quick mo?
Just for a quick little...
Excuse me.
No one is paying any attention.
Okay, if we kill him, we'll get everyone's attention.
Okay, let's kill him.
So you need to cast a witch bolt at him.
Dave, can I cast a witch bolt, please?
Yeah, I guess, sure.
Okay, guys, that's really good, but a little bit more shush, please.
Friso, the younger, looks, her eyes grow purple,
and a witch bolt bursts out towards the fire marshal and kills him.
Oh, okay.
and a witch bolt bursts out towards the fire marshal and kills him.
Oh, OK.
And that's enough to draw the attention of about four or six people around the outskirts of the...
Yeah, murder will draw people's attention.
Everyone sit down or you're all going to die.
Sit down.
Everybody sit down.
Are they sitting down now?
No, they're looking at you unsure and two figures step forward.
One of them is in the grey robes of a sort of crazed anchorite,
wild beard, wild eyes, and a sort of chain around their necks.
The other figure is in the uniform of one of the city,
the sort of the burgomasters,
the guild lords that run the city of a junior guild,
and he has four guards around him.
The two of them look at you.
We're here to help.
You just, you killed the fire marshal.
Oh, but he wasn't very effective.
I think I'd do a better job.
This is like, you know, you kill the fire marshal,
you become the fire marshal, give me the hat.
They say that.
Actually, no, sorry, my friend here gets the hat.
Younger Phil, are you doing anything?
Yeah, I support that action. Wholeer Phil, are you doing anything? Yeah, I support
that action
wholeheartedly. You second that motion?
I second that motion. That gives an
advantage to your persuasion check, Reza.
So you're gonna, you roll
a 10 plus 12 is 22
which means you pass. Yep.
So the guy, so the one that
looks forward first of all is the Burgermeister of the city.
The sort of guild leader.
And he says, well, I mean, I guess I can't argue with results.
I mean, gosh, in all my time as the Burgermeister...
He's actually a guild leader of the guild...
What's your title?
He's a guild leader of the guild of Costers.
Yeah, which clarifies things enormously for Ben.
Mercers and Costers. Yeah, which clarifies things enormously for Ben. Mercer's and Coster's.
Yeah, sure.
I've got to get back.
I apparently manage a Hungry Jack's, so...
The other figure I've got to say, however,
the figure with the crazed eyes, the iron chain and the wild beard,
doesn't seem to be buying this.
He says, listen up to the heathens!
They wish to lead you astray with their wickedness.
This guy sounds crazy.
I don't know, Dave, should we kill this guy?
I think, I know you're loading a cocked younger Friso at things,
but they are rapidly running out of witch bolts,
so are you going to fire off harm at him again?
Oh, yeah.
I guess I'll just attack them with a sword.
It's okay, Hing.
You can still kill someone without a witch bolt.
You just don't have to be sad about that.
You've killed a civil bureaucrat.
Now, you've killed sort of like a public worker,
an essential employee of the city,
and now you're going to kill a bureaucrat? Is that right?
I don't know what they are, Dave.
Well, why should that stop you then?
Alright.
What do you want to roll?
Don't we have the hat? We've got the fire marshal hat.
That doesn't make you fire marshal!
Yeah, the Hungry Jacks guy gave it
to them. Freezo, you can give
a speech now to everyone, explain to them that you're fire marshal.
It's me, the new fire marshal.
I'm convinced.
Thank you.
Everyone sit down.
All right, I'm just going to make a persuasion check.
And that's a five.
The crowd starts to turn against you.
They take, oh, I missed the old fire marshal.
Yeah, he was great.
He's dead and on the ground in front of you.
All right,, the crowd
unrest goes to level two.
If it gets to level five, just so you know,
there will be a full-on riot. But meanwhile,
inside the house of the
artificers, two young
halflings, one younger than the
other, are stalking... You better.
...are stalking... Careful, old man.
...their way
into the belly of the beast.
Now, which of you is going to lead?
Who's the most experienced?
Who's the most skilful scout of the two of you?
The alpha to me.
Right.
Right.
Well, I mean, obviously,
because I have literally years more experience than you.
So just look, I know all your bullshit.
So don't fucking try and pull it with me.
Let's go.
We're looking for something that like transmits signals.
Is that the thing?
Yeah, that's right.
There will be a device somewhere that will.
And actually, before you left, you were given by Janos Mir a small item, a ley line sequencer,
which you can use to search
for an item, and it seems to suggest that it's down below you into the west.
The item's called a worm.
It's called a worm.
It is actually called a worm.
Thanks, Dad.
Well, look out for anything that looks like a magical device.
Fortunately, we're in a fantasy world, so anything could be a magical device.
All right.
You're leading, is that correct?
Yep. I'll go first. Can you make for me a stealth check and a perception check, by anything could be a magical device. All right. You're leading, is that correct? Yep.
I'll go first.
Can you make for me a stealth check and a perception check, by which I mean I will make one.
Yeah.
And you pass the stealth check and you pass the perception check.
So you've soon seen that there is an old rusted door.
It clearly hasn't been opened for some time, suggesting that there's not people directly underneath it, but it is locked.
Hey, Hot Stuff, you want to open this one?
Okay, I'll
try. Alright, so the
Bobby, the younger, level one Bobby, is
substantially less good at lockpicks.
Opens it. That's a 19.
There's a click.
Does that mean it's been blown off
its hinges? Yeah, it means that Bobby,
it means that Chris's Bobby turns, spins his lockpick in a way that your fingers can't seem to do anymore
and clicks, moves really, really quickly, turns around, nothing happens, and then he clicks his fingers
and you hear a click as the lock opens and the door swings open.
That kind of showboating will not serve you well.
You should turn into a werewolf right now.
It is a full moon. It was a full moon this night
but you are inside for now.
Indoors. So, you
there are ladders
leading down and it looks like it leads into the
old water deep sewers.
Oh, great. Well,
here we go, I guess.
Game of snakes and ladders?
No, it's...
You know our mission.
Do what? If anything, it would have been cool to say
worms and ladders.
Dude, listen.
Just...
I know that
there's a lot of stuff
that is yet to happen to you
that has happened to me.
And that I don't understand.
Literally.
Really grinding my gears.
You know what?
One day,
you'll do something brash and silly,
like, just on a whim,
and then you'll find yourself floating dead in space.
Can we get back to the worm in question?
I'm just trying to...
Honestly?
And he puts a hand on his shoulder.
Please be careful, okay?
Oh, thank you.
Oh my God, how...
Was I really like this?
Meanwhile, climbing their way up towards the castle world
to pick up Eerie is Strike Team Eagle.
Filch leading the way.
Younger Filch just somewhere else.
Logan the Huge and Dilge alongside her.
And soon you can see the majestic Old Erie
where the Griffin Cavalry of Waterdeep once stood.
It is closed.
The doors are barred ever since the glitter men of the cult
took over Waterdeep.
They fly no longer.
And you can see motionless just ahead of you
the figure of a glitter man soldier,
a golden
construct robot guarding the gates god i wish i remembered how he killed these things the first
time it was very hard and it took a lot of killing but you were level one okay so these glitter is he
like awake he's they are motionless you never know're always awake. But because he hasn't seen you, he hasn't moved.
Oh.
Okay.
Is there some sort of like grass and stuff around?
Some plants?
There are.
There's lots of...
I can control some plants, make them grow real fast and do my bidding.
Maybe I ensnare him.
Oh, do that.
All right.
Do you want to cast plant growth?
Yes, please.
All right.
So suddenly all of the rocky outcrops have these small shrubs and grass
as Logan grabs his druidic totem, slams it into the ground.
Plants, come forth!
And vines and tendrils leap forward out of the ground
and they start to ensnare the arms of the glitterman,
which wakes at the start, twists left and right,
is unable to as more and more vines snap into place, locking into place.
Its eyes groan a piteous shade of blue as it struggles, and right is unable to as more and more vines snap into place locking into place its eyes grown pity
a piteous shade of blue as it struggles but it is restrained on the ground in front of the gates
as logan finishes his spell and you can all walk past it if you want
shall we walk past it yeah let's walk past let's not make trouble for ourselves god it's easy
without free zone keep going the door is old and heavy.
How are you going to open it?
Let's all barge into
it as hard as we can.
Ooh, yeah. This is a great
introduction to doors for Logan.
I don't really feel
comfortable breaking something so beautiful
and majestic. Should we check
first if it's push or pull?
Oh, Dilj.
Good thinking.
Okay, you check.
Me came in best at door studies.
I lay a hand gently on the door.
Dave?
It is unlocked and beautifully counterweighted
and swings open easily.
Wow.
Dilj, did you say there's door studies somewhere?
There's a university that teaches about doors?
Oh, me did orc manatees.
In degree.
Never mind, let's go.
Inside you can see what is still the sort of quite sparse
but proud quarters of the griffon cavalry of Waterdeep.
There are stables where the griffons used to be sequestered off to the west
and there are the armaments along the walls,
the sort of fortifications
of the Eyrie where there is still
a row of proud ballasters
aimed at the heavens. Ballasters are like
big spear throwers.
Ballastai. Ballastai? I would say
Ballista. I would also say
Ballista. Well that sucks for me.
Meanwhile
in Virgin Square
Hey where's your fire marshal?
I loved him
Yeah bring back your fire marshal
Hey your fire marshal
I'm just thinking about him
If we're just shouting things
I also wish those two would stop killing people
We killed one person Dave
Come on
Freezer turns to young Freezer and young Filch and says,
what level is the crowd at?
Two.
You're at level two.
Okay.
Look, this crowd of virgins are getting unruly.
Young Filch, we need a way to calm down this square of virgins.
What have you got?
Are you saying some sort of sexy dance?
That does actually sound like Phil season one.
You quite by accident nailed this.
Well, I mean, young Friso also seems to be on board with this.
So I guess two against one.
We're doing sexy dance, Dave.
You want to do a...
So you're going to try and calm...
Let me understand this.
You're going to try and calm... Let me understand this. No, no, no.
You're going to try and calm down the mob
that are watching the dragon destroy the city
and you're going to do that by doing what?
Why a virgin, see?
No, no.
No, there are actually virgins at the Virgin Square.
And so what virgins would want more than anything
is some sort of erotic dance.
You're an eight-foot-tall half-orc barbarian, ex-Smith of Daggerford.
Sounds a lot like you're yucking someone's yum, David.
Happy to jump in here and say, if you Google those tags, Dave.
I'm going to let you do a performance.
You're next to me.
You can roll it if you want.
Wait, wait, wait.
But does anyone want to help?
Help?
Yeah, like help.
We're backup dancers. Yeah, to give an advantage. We should help to help? Help? Yeah, like help. We're backup dancers.
Yeah, to give an advantage.
We should help, right?
Just arriving Charlie Thank-You.
So Phil's just dancing in the front
and there are two backup Frisos dancing.
Maybe we give them the beat.
Normal stuff.
Extremely normal stuff.
Maybe we're just doing some more.
Maybe we just make it out.
That's actually, that's good.
That's not a video.
Yeah, yeah.
No, we're just making out in the background.
Wait, wait.
Friso, you're going to make out with Friso?
Yeah
Because then the virgins would know what to do
You're going to make out with yourself seven years ago
And twins
I don't know, is that
Does that give advantage?
I mean, it gives advantage to the perverts listening
Alright, you make out with yourself.
That's all right.
Do they need to roll a dice about that or just feel bad?
I'm not your dad.
Actually, what is other Friso doing?
I don't think it's enthusiastic.
Well, that just makes it worse.
So it's like a wooden stage kiss.
No, it's fine.
We'll make it out.
No, no, no.
No, we're not going to do it. God, you're, no, no. No, we're not going to do it.
God, you're obsessed with making out.
No, we're not going to do that now.
Absolutely not.
We're not going to do that.
Okay, so we're doing like a year 10 play stage kiss.
Young Friso is putting the hand in front of the mouth.
No, no, no.
No, no.
Friso's running away.
Fuck this.
I'm out of here.
You're going to abandon level one you and level one Alex to the mob.
Yeah, they've done it before.
They'll do it again.
All right, Friso, give me your badge back.
You're running away.
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I'm going solid, eh?
Yep.
There is a new fourth strike team.
What is it called?
Team Friso.
And what is its mission?
I don't know yet.
We'll work it out.
Can I just ask, to illustrate this,
did older Friso go for a kiss, get rejected, then run away?
Can I just ask, to illustrate this, did Old Afrizo go for a kiss, get rejected, then run away?
He's a virgin now.
All taking place in Virgin Square.
Meanwhile, some kind of very powerful, muscular dance is being performed by Phil.
Yeah, what genre of dance are we doing here?
Just your standard pole.
Is there a pole in Virgin Square? Well, you have javelins.
Yeah, exactly. We've got javelins.
Stab a javelin in the ground. You start doing some
basic pole. You've got a javelin, you've got a pole.
There is
nothing less sexy or impressive
than someone who's done one
pole dancing class.
Also, you rolled a three,
which means that it somehow makes the crowd angrier.
Yeah, because you've whet their appetite
and then you leap up on the pole, which is a javelin,
and it just bends in the ground and you fall on your head.
And what does the bearded anchorite say you see the heathen cannot even pull
oh and then and then the anchorite just pulls incredibly
like this rasputin looking motherfucker just like incredibly flexible incredibly incredible cool
yeah yeah yeah yeah dave what level of the crowd out now the crowd are now at level three so they're They're just like incredibly flexible. Incredible core. Yeah, yeah.
Dave, what level are the crowd at now?
The crowd are now at level three,
so they're getting close to bursting into full-on riot. But meanwhile, deep under the cities in the sewers of Waterdeep,
tracing a ley line through the gossamer strands
of a disgusting magical item known only as the worm,
the figures of Bobby Pancakes and Bobby Pancakes
tread forward carefully
and succeed with great aplomb, natural 20,
at following the trail.
In fact, so heightened is your awareness
that you realise that there is a guard just ahead of you.
It looks like another junior cultist
and they are playing on some kind of handheld device,
a Rubik's Cube or a...
Cup and ball.
Cup and ball?
Cup and ball, cup and ball,
the ball goes in the cup and the cup and the ball.
Once again, all of his colleagues are ransacking the city.
Cup and ball, cup and ball,
the cup goes in the ball, no, the other way round.
I whisper to young Bobby, double surprise attack.
Done.
So we're going to do a double surprise attack.
All right, you sneak forward.
Both of you, 14 out of 17, you both succeed as you race forward in the shadows.
He looks down.
He's failing, by the way, to do the cup and the ball again and again.
Despite the song,
the lyrics don't match the action.
But then, improbably,
the ball flips forward and lands on the cup
and his eyes light up.
Cup and ball!
Cup and ball!
And he's instantly killed.
As Daggers stab into both sides of his neck,
his blood splatters on the face of Bobby the Younger as his eyes light up.
Wait, you like this?
No.
I can't see a thing.
Jesus Christ, what a rookie.
Older Bobby sort of takes out a handkerchief and starts cleaning his face.
And he licks the handkerchief and wipes the face like a mum.
He's like, come on, come here.
Don't squirm.
Come on.
What do worms do, Elephant?
Squirm.
Oh my God, you are insufferable.
He grabs him by the sleeve and chugs him forward.
As you make your way further,
you now hear a rhythmic clicking
of some kind of vast mechanical device just ahead of you.
It's about 60 feet ahead,
but there's a grate in front of you, a locked grate.
All right.
Can we...
I was going to say do it together,
but the freezers have already tried to do that.
It's not how that works, no.
Who's going to pick this lock?
By the way, you quickly check it.
You look at it with your perception
and you can see that there is a rudimentary alarm attached to it.
If it is picked incorrectly, a siren is going to go off.
Is there a way that one of us can do the alarm
and the other one can do the...
The alarm is on the other side of the grill.
Okay.
All right, I'm going to try and do it.
All right.
I'm going to make for you a thieves' tools check.
And that is a natural 20.
Whoa!
Okay.
You mirror the spin lockpick move from before.
Turn around, click your fingers, and a beat later, click, and it opens.
You know.
A thank you would be nice.
Meanwhile, in Peak Top Erie, Strike Team Eagle move forward.
As I said, you have the stables on one side of you.
The ballista are up high on the fortifications.
There's the keep in the far distance.
You don't know how many more glitter men there are.
You only saw the one which is still struggling pitiably at the gate.
For now, it seems otherwise empty.
Are the ballistas armed?
Have they got spears in them?
Four of them, it looks like, have spears in them.
The rest of them are unarmed.
As you see the dragon at a distance over Waterdeep,
swoops low and you can see that there is a figure riding it,
presumably of the fake Duke Davin Tyrrell,
as it breathes fire and fire bursts out over the trade ward,
screams in the air as the heat, the backwash of the heat,
reaches you even here at Pinktop.
I'm going to try and shoot it with one of the ballistas.
You're going to run up to the ballistas? Yeah. Okay, great. I'm going to try and shoot it with one of the ballistas. You're going to run up to the ballistas?
Yeah.
Okay, great.
I'm going to try and load the ballista very efficiently.
One of the unloaded ones?
Well, just load the ballista that Phil seems to be using.
I have that sibling intuition.
Okay, well, that one is loaded.
Well, then I'm going to stand by it ready to reload it.
Okay, great.
So you're going to quickly, I'm just going to check,
you take aim at the dragon and... And its soft under. Okay, great. So you're going to quickly, I'm just going to check, you take aim at the dragon and...
And its soft underbelly name.
As you are ready,
by the way,
while all this is happening,
what's Logan doing?
Yeah, I can,
are there griffins there in the stables?
You're going to go check the stables?
Well, I can speak to beasts and animals
and stuff like that.
So maybe I'm going to tell him,
hey, whoa there, fella.
All right.
Go on.
Logan, you run over to the stables
and meanwhile, Filge, you sight
and you feel with Dilge by your shoulder
that anything is possible.
The siblings are reunited.
Dilge is ready to protect you
and in an instant as you take aim,
aim down the sights,
the iron sights of the ballista,
you can see the distance wreaking havoc.
Davantiril and his pet,
the black dragon, Gabastrath,
you take aim. I rolled a three,
which means that your shot goes wide
as you see it crashing in the distance
down to the trades ward, obliterating a fountain,
presumably in Virgin Square.
Meanwhile, Virgin Fountain just-
Oh no, the fountain of time's gone, I'm even angrier!
Shrapnel shatters quickly, dexterity checks
for everybody in Virgin Square.
Friso the older, you're fine.
Friso the younger, you get hit again.
You take another, I'm afraid to say, four hit points,
which means you are now down to ten hit points,
just so you understand.
Zero is bad.
Meanwhile, Friso, Friso the younger,
you also manage to dodge the blast.
But shrapnel has hit the crowd.
People are moaning in pain.
Two of the guards of the Costa guild leader are hurt.
And also blood splatters across the face of the crazed anchorite
who becomes even more possessed and agitated.
Do you see?
They suck!
Was there shrapnel before they came?
Nay!
But now as they come you see
Blood, shrapnel, piss, shit
There's also piss and shit
There's no piss and there's no shit
As I see, piss and shit
Then he pisses and shits himself in demonstration
Wonderful
Alright, what do you guys do?
Do we get a chance to talk to the crowd?
Can we reason with them?
You're dancing right now.
No, the dance is finished.
Oh, alright.
The dance is finished now?
You decided the dance is stupid, Reardon?
No, the dance has just come to its natural conclusion.
Duh.
Yeah, okay, now that you've finished erotic dancing,
now you can try and win their hearts and minds with a stirring speech.
Could we propose to the crowd that whoever's the quietest
and can sit down
will win a prize.
In the voice
and manner of
the half-orc Filge, the crowd
is in front of you. Can you address them for me?
Oh, hello.
Oh.
Keep going. You're doing great.
No, no, no, no, everybody.
Listen to Marge Simpson.
I see you're mad.
But I got a little bit of prize in my pocket.
We're going Louis Armstrong.
That's in fields of green.
And whoever's the quietest.
Well, you can have, I won't tell you what it is,
but I got a little here prize for you, and y'all can have it if you win.
You know what you have, weirdly, and this might be like weird brother or sister thing,
is you've correctly identified a decision that Alex made years ago,
which is that orcs speaking the natural voice speak in the manner of a southern bell.
So I'm going to give you advantage on that.
And the
crowd start to calm down.
They lose a level of riot.
What kind of prize? I'd like a prize. I can be
quiet. And they start to get quiet.
And you notice at this moment
the guild leader steps forward.
Now that you are calm,
help us break down these doors.
What treasures could be yours?
Forget the prize that this half-orc promises you.
Break down these doors and join the guild of fuckheads.
And as he says that, you can see the sign of the house of the artificers
is flying on his necklace.
He's come out and proud this is another cultist.
And is he in the crowd or is he separate to the crowd?
He's got his guards around him, but he's standing amongst the crowd
and they seem to be listening to him.
You're not there.
Friso's run away, so how far away is Friso?
We're going to cut to Friso in a second, but Friso, hum, Friso is here
and you can see that this guy is a cultist, another baddie. Is Friso here or am I here? No, no, Friso knocked a hundred things. We're going to cut to Friso in a second, but Friso, hum, Friso is here, and you can see that this guy is a cultist,
another baddie.
Is Friso here or am I here?
No, no, Friso left you.
You are Friso.
You didn't want to kiss Friso,
and Friso wanted to kiss you,
so Friso left,
and now Friso's having his own adventure.
Man, I should have kissed that guy.
But this guy now is trying to whip the crowd out more,
and you realise that he's not on your side. What do you want to do?
Kill him? If you want.
Yeah, let's
go off.
Witch bolt or eldritch blast?
Which do you want? A spear to the heart or
unceasing torment that
rends your soul from your flesh?
Which one's more go-off queen?
Using your last spell
slot hum, you paint the sigils in the air.
Your light flies from your hand and he starts to scream.
But his guards are alerted to the fact that as he's driven to his knees,
they start to advance on Riordan, Filch and on Hum's Friezo.
And they attack you and both of them miss for now.
But Riordan, Filch can respond if you want.
I should attack.
You make an attack and your maul hits forward with eight points
and the guard staggers forward, bloodied but not defeated.
But meanwhile, not underneath the House of the Artificer,
but about 120 yards away, heading into the Caravan District
by himself in a city that is now very much aflame,
is the figure of Freezo.
By himself.
Strike team, Freezo.
If it's not the Virgin Square,
would it be like the sex avenue or something like that?
Sex hexagon.
Sexagon.
Yeah, you're on the sex positive boulevard.
Freezo is...
What's the head cultist's name?
There were three.
Is that Davin Tyrrell?
Davin Tyrrell in The Inquisitor, yeah.
He's on the dragon right now?
He is, up high above you.
All right, Friezo's going to cast Fly.
All right, you use one of your spell slots
and Friezo, you ascend into the air
and you levitate up
and you start soaring towards the dragon
which is whipping up a storm in the sky above you.
You'll be able to reach it very soon.
And you can see the figure of Davantiril,
the collar around the dragon's neck,
as you race into position.
But while you do that,
deep underneath the house of the artificers,
having an argument with himself is Bobby Pancakes.
I guess, and we're just following the needle,
just like coming on.
I guess my question to you is, do you have any questions for me?
Given that, like, you know, I am you.
I have extra wisdom, et cetera.
Is there anything that you want to know?
I know that I do not want to know anything from you.
But I wish to say that I have nothing to offer but blood, sweat
and shit.
He's a quick learn, Dave.
The younger Bobby looks at you,
looks at your sad eyes,
at your haunted expression, at your honestly
kind of showy, black, sad,
you know, cool outfit of
somebody who has like lost any spark
in their life and he affirms that he wants to be
nothing like you.
Well, and Bobby like
opens his shirt and shows him the scar that
has like the crystal embedded in it.
He's like,
you can avoid this.
But
how do I do it?
I guess never listen to Freezone.
At that moment, you go around a corner
and you can see in the distance a vast device,
an arcane sequencer,
a sort of beautiful old artificer's construction,
the pride of the house of the artificer,
and there is a figure of a junior apprentice mage
working at it with cultists on either side.
Their backs to you as he's desperately hounding his two associates
to pull on giant winches.
I make a sign that I hope he understands.
Oh, no, thieves can't.
Yeah, you can use the hand signals of thieves.
We need hand signals that Bobby knows,
which says, let's take them out with our bows
at the same time on the count of three.
But I've got no arrows.
Does he have no arrows?
Yeah, but you can hand him one if you want.
Okay, I'll hand him an arrow.
And the two of you cock your short bows.
You fire.
The arrows move unseen by the two of them
towards their targets.
But before we see if they hit,
meanwhile, at peak top eerie,
Logan, you open the stables and you see one slightly sickly looking griffin,
the last of the griffins.
Otherwise, the stables are empty.
It's chained by a simple chain around its neck.
I say, whoa there, whoa there, little fella, whoa there.
Don't worry, don't worry.
All your brothers and all your sisters, they may have gone off, but I'm here for you.
Now, you can speak the language of Griffin so that Griffin speaks back.
Hi.
This could go for fucking ever.
Is it so nice to come on?
You've given me a little pat on the head.
Oh, boy.
Hey, why are you stopping the pat?
It's okay.
Why are you stopping it?
Oh.
No, no, no, no.
There's a good griffin.
Listen, I need you to do me a favour.
I'll grant you your freedom and I'll even make you healthy, maybe, with a spell.
But you've got to do one thing for me.
What's that?
You need to go over there.
You're going to take out that little man on that dragon.
Can you do that?
Can you do that for an old turtle?
You can see, by the way, there is a saddle on the griffin as well.
You said he was small and sickly and I'm a huge fucking turtle.
You are.
It's true.
You're the biggest
of all of them.
You have slightly
smaller people
on team eagle as well
who are right now
struggling right now
with the ballast.
Are you going to
take a second shot?
Oh, hey.
Happy petting, man.
I'm scared.
That's okay.
Would it make you
feel safer
if you had a
Westfield-sized turtle sitting on your back?
No, I think that would have crushed me to death.
There's only one way we can find out, and he whips himself onto the griffin.
Oh my God, when you crush a griffin in a hydraulic press.
He's fine.
He's fine.
He's going to be fine.
He is actually fine.
There is surprising reserves of strength as you take a key from a hook,
unlock it, and Logan soars up into the air on the griffin.
Meanwhile, on the battlements, the blister, Filch and Dilch,
is loading up.
You have a chance for a second shot.
Should we do a perception check to see if we can see anything in the sky
buzzing around near the dragon?
Yep, I did.
You rolled it.
No, you can't.
How about it?
So we're like, it's clear, Dilch.
We keep firing.
And whatever we hit, probably dragon.
Probably dragon.
Dilge, you want to have go this time?
Oh, me fire?
Yes.
It would be me on her.
You have the true strike, actually, cantrip, if you want to use it,
which will give you advantage.
I am using that cantrip.
All right, so you do it.
And with advantage, you roll a 19,
which means that Dilge unerringly fires an arrow straight
at where the dragon would be if no one was in front
of the dragon.
And no one is in front of the dragon!
Oh, thank God. It hits and there
is a squawk in pain as Gabastraf
the black dragon, there's a plumed
arrow inside her. She shrieks in
pain and spins in the air
provoking a reaction attack if you
want from you, Friso, because
you're right next to her.
No, no, no, I'm good.
Okay.
And you're just like, ouchie, wouchie, and fly away.
Meanwhile, down by Virgin Square, Filge and Friso, you are dealing with the mob and you
are being attacked by the guards.
You have a chance to attack back if you want, but your witch bolts are gone.
You have a short sword and you have your Eldritch Blast.
When you cut last time, you didn't say what happened to my Witch Bolt.
Sorry, no, that's true.
Your Witch Bolt is still in effect and it does get damaged this round
and it is still not enough to kill the guild leader.
So he is driven to the ground but he's still alive
and when you do something else, you're going to have to break the Witch Bolt.
Do you want to ignore the guard that's attacking you
to still keep trying to kill this guild leader?
I've only got 10 points.
It's a risk, but it might work.
I don't trust Dave.
Oh, go on.
What are you risking?
It's only Hing's character.
I've got a short sword.
Okay.
What if I, can I
keep the witch bolt going with one hand and stab
a guy with the other hand?
You can try. I will let you do an intelligence
check. Alright, you grab
the sword, trying to hold it, and
you stab at the guy, and
the bloodied one, and you actually hit him,
and you do five points of damage,
which is enough to kill him as he dies.
Now I need to do your concentration check as well.
You roll a 19, which means that...
With the other hand, he's driven down.
Congratulations, you do another 10 points of damage,
12 points of damage, you kill him,
and you gain four temporary hit points.
Meanwhile, the guard is attacking you.
Filch the younger
and he rolls and he hits you and you take
another five points of damage. But you've got
plenty of hit points left. What do you want to do?
Can I attack the crowd or do I have to...
Like, if I wipe
out the crowd, then the guard has nothing to defend.
Yeah, you can't have a riot without a crowd.
I would like to wipe out
the crowd. How are you going to do that?
Are you getting angry?
Are you getting angry?
Can I maul the whole crowd?
I'm angry as hell, Dave.
I'm fuming.
Angry enough to go into a barbaric rage?
Hell yeah.
And Filch lunges forward and kills two commoners.
Okay, okay. Filge lunges forward and kills two commoners. The start of a long campaign to murder every person in Virgin Square.
Filge, can I just say, go off queen.
Arrows imbued by snake attacks down underneath the house with an artivizer
fly forward and they assassinate with grim certainty
the two figures of the cultists as Bobby and Bobby step forward out of the shadows
as the apprentice mage spins around his hand next to,
but not yet pulling a lever on the arcane sequencer,
which hums behind him.
Are you guys not meant to be here?
What's going on?
Why are the two of you?
Who am I?
I think I'm unwell.
There's not two of us.
Oh?
There's one of us.
We are a single worm.
Yeah, I'm real crook with something, guys.
Can I take my break now, Mr Papadopoulos?
Bobby the Older makes a dash forward
and tries to run him through with his shorts.
Okay, the moment you make a dash, he tries to pull at the lever,
so this is a posed initiative.
He rolls a 14. Bobby, the moment you make a dash, he tries to pull at the lever, so this is a posed initiative. He rolls a 14.
Bobby, the younger,
are you assisting Bobby, the older, in this?
No, I'm running away.
Then you don't have advantage.
But.
And you roll a 17.
You race forward, kicking his hand back at the last minute,
and you plunge your dagger into the
challenge rating
1 8th
apprentice mage
killing him instantly
the arcane sequencer
is in front of you
you can see the
giant gem
that powers it
if it
you know
that if you
shatter this gem
the sequencer will die
okay
but there's also
the lever
if you want to pull it
and let us not forget
Mr. Papadopoulos
who's waiting in the wings
for his grand entrance
I'm going to use Let's not forget Mr. Papadopoulos, who's waiting in the wings for his grand entrance.
I'm going to use the moon-touched short sword to turn into a werewolf to increase my strength,
and then hack at the gem.
All right, you do so, but we will do that in a second, because meanwhile on Peak Top Eerie,
you suddenly feel a figure behind you, Dild. You turn away from the ballista and you see high up in the rampants
a figure of a grand inquisitor with raven hair, high cheekbones,
Sybil Thorne, the inquisitor from the cult who has come to try
and stop you to Glitterman behind you as she lunges at you with her rapier.
She's obviously followed you all the way from the House of the Artificer
and she stabs you and hits you for 11 hit points of damage.
Okay.
That's awesome.
I have four hit points.
Okay.
Okay.
Dilj is down to...
Don't look at me like that.
You're here too.
Now, Dilj, you have four hit points.
You have an action and response.
There are two Glittermen and there is the figure in front of you.
Where did the glittermen turn up?
I brought them with me.
Sybil Shepard brought them.
What are you going to do?
Okay.
I have the Light Hammer of Warning,
which is a simple light-thrown weapon.
So I guess I could try and just
dink Sybil with a hammer to the head
while kind of pedalling backwards a little.
I want to hit like a fadeaway three.
Okay, great.
You roll a six, you miss and disarm yourself.
Well, it was a thrown weapon
so it's not disarming.
It's disarming if it doesn't hit.
Phil?
You had four?
No, four left.
Four left.
Oh, okay, great.
I thought you just killed him.
No, no, no.
Okay.
I go into a rage, obviously.
At you, Dave.
And also at the Grand Inquisitor.
We race forward.
You make attacks with Savage Fury.
You get a bonus attack.
Yeah, I use my Thunder's Wake.
You're right. With Frenzy means you actually get three attacks.
Wow, all right.
One hits, one misses, and one is a critical hit,
which means that you do...
Yeah, she's a challenge rating too.
You obliterate her.
She turns to atoms before saying,
I think you'll find, and then...
In fact, you charge forward and you hit her with such power Atoms. Yeah. Before saying, I think you'll find. And then, poof.
Yeah, you, in fact, you charge forward and you hit her with such power that on the fortifications, she slams into one of the glitter men
and it falls off the side of the building.
So there's only one glitter man left.
As high above you, sparkling in the air, is the figure of Logan,
a giant turtle riding on a very small, it has to be stressed, griffin.
As you fly, you whip up in the air, the jet stream behind you, feeling height, like soaring,
like you have never soared before.
High in the air, you see the figure of Friso flying in the air beside you.
You guys should high five.
Can I do something to assist Friso?
If you want to.
Yeah, oh, I can't call out.
No, no, fuck it.
All right, cool.
Friso doesn't make eye contact and Friso! Friso! Friso!
I've got a weapon! Friso!
For the podcast audience, Tom just made eye contact with Hing
and Hing just looked up and said, shook his head,
like Tom was asking him for change.
Waved him away like Anna Wintour to an assistant.
Sorry, mate, no.
Tom, quickly, what are you going to do with your action?
Is there like a big spear sticking out of the dragon?
There is.
It's built into its neck just below the collar that the dragon is wearing
and just above the saddle.
And you can see that one of the leather straps that holds the saddle
is half destroyed by the spear as Davantero rides it,
screaming obscenities at you.
Fuck you!
I say to the griffon, he just said, fuck us.
And then I kind of go down and I use my thorn whip
and I just try and whip the rest of the saddle off.
Oh, great.
All right, you do.
You hit, you make a damage,
and you do enough damage to a second of the four straps.
Snaps open.
There are only two straps left on the saddle,
and the next one up is Friso.
Now, from this position, can I see any treasure?
Because you've skipped my go, so I should get two goes down.
All right, I'll let you have two goes.
Can I see a dragon's hoard underneath the dragon where the dragon was roosting?
In the sky?
He's carrying his treasure underneath it.
I've gone up, and now I'm looking down.
Can I see treasure?
Yeah, so if you look far to the horizon,
away from where your friends are fighting for their lives with the dragon,
you can see, you know what?
The fabled treasure of dragons water deep.
It's 10,000 golden dragons.
Yeah, sure.
The dragon has damaged the city
and one of the giant statues is broken open
and gold coins are spilling out everywhere.
If you leave the fight, you can go and have some of them.
Can I have all of them or what?
As many as you can carry.
Okay, now when I look down at Filch and Frieza, what do they do?
So you look at the treasure.
You look at the dragon.
You look up at Logan's face.
You look down at Filch the Younger's face.
And lastly, you lock eyes with yourself,
but an elf.
And there's a weird frisson.
They are about to be swarmed by a mob.
Okay, Dave.
I'm going to fly down and cast burning hands on the crowd.
And in a misguided effort of love and devotion,
Friso decides to scorn the treasure
and instead successfully kills...
90, 67, hang on, 70, 73...
75 people.
Okay.
And the crowd cannot riot, for the crowd is gone.
And the first of our three strike forces have completed their mission.
Great work, guys.
Meanwhile, with himself, Bobby, you race forward and you smack at the stone.
And in Virgin Square, with the crowd gone, glitter men are starting to descend on our heroes.
But their eyes, suddenly the blue light in their eyes turns out.
Their figures turn rictus and still
and the Glittermen stop in their tracks
including the one in peak top areas.
Every Glitterman in the city
deactivates because the
arcane sequencer has been destroyed
and Logan, you
are now by yourself as
Davantiro turns
the mighty power of his dragon
against you,
and it breathes fire.
8d6 of damage.
You can take half of it with a dexterity save, which you do.
So you're only going to take half of this.
How many hit points have you got left?
I've got hit points, hit points.
Where do we keep the hit points on my app?
47, buddy.
All right, well, you take 29 hit points of damage.
Spin around in the air and survive for now,
but your griffin is obliterated.
Whoa!
I don't know that that means he survives. As you start to fall from the sky,
but you're falling past the saddle,
you have a chance for a reaction action if you want.
He's a dragon.
Oh, yeah.
It's a tiny dragon, isn't it?
Okay. A big dragon. Oh, yeah. It's a tiny dragon, isn't it? Okay.
A big dragon.
Oh, the dragon will get its own action.
So I guess you have two actions.
One for you and one for the dragon.
Okay.
First dragon, I get my dragon.
I get him to go and fuck with the guy who's riding the other dragon.
All right, he does.
And he gives him disadvantage so that now you'll get advantage for anything that you want.
I grab onto the saddle and I use my momentum to kind of unlock it even more.
All right, you race forward, you hit,
and the third of the saddle straps breaks.
The tension forces the fourth one to snap off instantly,
and the figure of Davantyril flies into the air
as Gabustrath is freed,
a dragon that did not want to be in bondage to a wicked evil duke.
With beautiful words that will be remembered for a generation,
Davantyril pinwheels through the sky,
dead, dead, dead, as the dragon soars to the heavens.
One day these fires will be put out.
One day there will be some kind of reckoning
for the damage that's been done here.
One day Friso will have to answer to his crimes,
but it is not this day, for instead,
the six dragon friends live.
History has been altered irrevocably.
Bobby will not become a werewolf.
Friso will learn absolutely nothing. And Filge will not watch her brother die. For this new
history will create a new Forgotten Realms, a new past, a new future, a new life. For
those adventurers, now six in total, three times two that we call the dragon friends,
thank you!
Make some noise for all of the Dragon Friends tonight!
Keep it going for our special guests, Montaigne, Tom Walker,
Chris Greiner,
Rhiannon Lee,
Tom,
Nick Marriott,
oh, and your dungeon master,
David Harbour!
Otherwise, thank you for sitting through the longest finale we've ever done.
We're never going to have ten people on stage again.
It's a fucking nightmare. Thank you.
Have a good night.
Good night.
I'm just getting up the Dungeon Master notes.
Also, do you want to talk about what's going to happen next year?
Oh, yeah.
So here's something exciting.
It's a good news, bad news sandwich.
I'll start with the bad.
We're going to do these shows a little bit less regularly.
Both Al and I have children on the way in early next year,
so we're going to be a little bit busy.
So we're going to do a seasonal run of Dragon Friends
where we'll do one every season.
We'll do a summer, winter, autumn, spring show,
but probably not in that order.
Sorry, I realise while announcing that I'm pregnant,
me grabbing a beer was not a good look.
It's for Tom, okay?
I didn't ask for a beer, Alex.
I need to know after he's daddy. Tom, okay? I didn't ask for a B, Alex. That's the name of the baby.
I need to know after he's daddy.
But,
because we still want to put out the podcast and we still want you guys to have a podcast every fortnight,
so we're doing something that I described to my wife, actually.
I said, this is how we're solving this problem.
And I said it to her really excited.
And she was like, that sounds insane.
And I thought, oh, she just doesn't get podcasting.
And then I thought about it for a while.
And I think she may be right.
But what we are doing is just after Christmas,
the Dragon Friends are getting what we have come to term
as a hype house for three days.
And for three days in one house by the beach,
we are going to record eight months' worth of podcast.
That's right.
We rented a beach house,
but instead of going to the beach,
we'll be inside playing Dungeons & Dragons
during the Australian summer.
It has to be said
this is an idea that we had a few years ago.
We recorded six episodes
and true dragon heads will
tell you that there is a
noticeable decay of mental
wellness
that occurs over the episodes.
Did you guys know I'm already having anxiety dreams
about that weekend?
I had a dream that it got to like 10 o'clock
and we were fucking around and we're like,
oh shit, the podcast.
Will you rise with the sun
to help change mental health care forever?
Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,
the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada
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