Dragon Friends - DF2 #1.18. Who Wants to See Red with Dave Harmon and Ben Jenkins

Episode Date: November 24, 2024

Having fallen from the Glass Elevators to Frostopolis, The Heroes of Yearth find themselves encased in ice. With time running out, can they find the Sleet Staff to right the wrongs they have caused, or will the past come back to haunt them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yay! How's the suck-off Dave? Okay, I feel like I'm outside of a joke that's been happening. Benjamin, how was your interval? Don't answer the question! They think we were sucking each other off! Well we did. And... I cannot just say... It was really, really wonderful.

And if you had to write it out of 1 to 100? Oh my god. 69. No. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, of your earth mixed in with some cultists bang and blunder down the side of the mountain coming to a deadly thud. Wait, deadly? Well we'll see. Everyone make a constitution check for internal bleeding.

Would this be an irritating time to remind you I could levitate? Yeah, but you're going to levitate in the middle of the frickin perfect washing mission perfectly the whole way down how how how? I'm gonna fly With the flying the car Center and the center of the 30 foot in the rather spacious elevator. I'm not even gonna sweat to be honest I'm just gonna go down. I'm gonna high five Polly Waddle-A assume on the way down alright okay do any of the others have any smug excuses as to why they're not they're not damaged by tumbling down the mountain everyone please make constitution I take

shunt D shunt what's okay you have okay, you've got to make a difference. We don't have to do shit. Okay, I got, I got 16, but I've also completely locked my legs as we're falling. So they're broken now? Just to make, no, sorry. You shouldn't do that in a fall. You need to go limp. You need to go limp.

I meant go limp, but I said it it now so I've locked my legs. But you could be horizontal. And now then. And maybe I'm horizontal. Eden, I have a point of order regarding Dave's levitation. Yes. My limitations. No, your levitation.

What? I think, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think if Dave is levitating from the surface of the lift as it plummets. Yes. Dave's character will be traveling at the speed of the plummet, OK? So as Dave then levitates into the air, I imagine either he will continue

to fall at that same speed, or he'll be hit by the roof as it plummets. I have rules, page 299 of the OSR. Change your opinion if I told you that I can change the target's altitude by up to 20 feet in either direction on my turn. Go whichever way you want. You're ending up in a fucking wall, dude. Order! Order! Eight in time. May I suggest that as Dungeon Master, I don't give a fuck about fucking physics.

Roll the fucking saving throws For the damage 19 16 okay lying Floating okay 23 I pass so you need a 16 if you get more than 16 What is it you take for damage if you do less you take eight damage, but I got I got 16 plus Plus three you only take but I love What happens to jobs and who's dead way we can disgrace his corpse further, okay so so you so you notice now as you come to a tumbling halt that there is just a pile of bodies that you are in meshed in and

miraculously Nestled on top is the corpse of none other than... The corpse now. Well, you can't tell. There is still some faint life in him if you care to save him. But maybe not, that's up to you. Very, very faint. His heart's going ba-boom. Can any of you heal? Yeah, I got some good berries.

Okay, well, take your time! Well... So far... Doesn't seem super worth it. Okay, and he's dead, he's dead, Dan's dead! Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no stage time so I think you could bargain with the real-life bear. Ben what can you give me in real life and also in the game? Well you also like right now you have a very expensive camera of mine held hostage. Yeah so I would quite like that pack. Yeah but what's in your pockets right now? Okay um all right fucking smegle. That would have been funny if I'd said alright, fucking billboard bag. It's in the pockets and you've got quite a few pockets there.

I've got quite a few pockets. Cargo shorts. Yeah. Pants please. Anything in your pockets? Where's your vape? I have my vape but I really do require that on account of the addiction to nicotine. Simon, Ben's offering his vape to try.

Do you want to be cool Simon? Simon do you want to be cool or not? Simon do you want to be cool? Do you want to be cool in front of do you want to be cool or not? Do you want to be cool in front of all these people? Here's the thing, nothing's cooler than just being yourself. Boo! Boo!

What if you're a loser? Alright, hang on a second. I have this thing which I really fucking love. What is it? It's a Bellroy key fob. Put it back in your pocket, you little pervert. No, wait for a second. really fucking long. What is it? It's a little key fob. It's a Bellroy key fob. What are you doing? You're giving me shit. Put it back in your pocket, you little pervert.

No, wait for a second. I'm not going to give you my house keys, but this key fob. Nothing says I am susceptible to Instagram advertising quite like a Bellroy key fob. So let me tell you something. This is a tiny strap of leather. All right, so what I'm going to give myself is no more product placement for Bellroy. And I'm gonna drop a couple of good berries. I'm gonna say three good berries into

Yobson's mouth. Bloop, bloop. Yobson's yob. Bloop, bloop, bloop. Three hit points. And he swallows them straight down. Ah, there's some good berries. You got any more of those berries?

What do you got in your pockets? I've got a key fob. It's from, it's from Bellroy and it's great because it keeps them together you know what I mean? I jingle jangle around in your pocket. I just pinch his lips together. All right well I'm alive so that's worth something. I land gracefully. Amazing. You land in a big heap and the shell of the big glass ball is cracked and you're, and you're, uh, you can just walk right out of it. But you're on a big, uh, you're up the mountain. None of us take any damage.

No, you took the damage. You gotta write them down. But you haven't, Dave, because you know you're not coming back next week. So well done for you. No, I will. Big power move. I have seven hit points left. Oh, that's not very many is it? Okay, no, it's not

I feel like I feel really I actually feel really guilty about killing Ben before and I think that even the scores I should kill Dave no hang on Really you have like you don't think well you feel guilty at all you just want the opportunity to do it So just fucking drop the act, okay? You've been trying to kill me. Do you have like a claw hammer or something? You have any, like, I reckon your fists could do it. Seven hit points.

I'm, are you looking at me and saying do it? No, I see, but I make an insight check. Is he gonna kill me? What's your role? No, I'm gonna put my backpack on my front and stand in front of, what's your fucking name? Semantics, the Affirmator. I'm standing put my backpack on my front and stand in front of... What's your fucking name? Semantics, the Affirmator.

I'm standing in front of Semantics with my backpack on my front. And it's clearly Kevlar, like, don't even start. Don't. And I put my elbow on his shoulder and my other hand on my hip and just like stand like that in that pose. And what do you do, Polly? I put one foot on each of their heads because I think it will look cool and I say tada! And we're back! Yep. Hey stop it alright? Just... No. This is a good start dinner. Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe poor

Jobston was wrong about you. It's really nice to hear that but I think I made it clear I really don't care what you guys think about me. So what are you here for? You've come- We're here to get the sleet staff. We were sent by Lexicon the Magnificent to pick up the sleet staff. Okay, but he's been sending everybody to do his dirty work. Why are you doing it for him? Because it's not come back to him so he keeps sending more people out. So why doesn't he go? He's just gonna run out of people. Oh, he's very busy. Yeah, he's got real bad diarrhea.

Oh! He's got real bad dial... That's not what it says in the notes, Ben. Yeah, no. No, it says diarrhea. It's... he's just got... he's sitting on there, and he's just shouting out to us. He's a bit like LBJ, you know what I mean?

Like he's Joe. You ever read Robin Carrow's four volume? Where's the staff being held? Yeah, where's the staff at? Did he tell you? We don't bloody know, he just says go down and get it. Is that true, we don't know? That doesn't seem like good leadership.

Perception checks, please tell me what you roll. 15. All of us or just them? Well yeah, you're all there. All right, so 21. So 21. The 21. You hear a deep rumbling. That's the bloody diarrhea.

I mean when a wizard has diarrhea the world knows about it. It is indeed the white diarrhea of the mountain, an avalanche tumbling. Oh no, the diarrhea of the mountain and avalanche By the way, I've never heard an avalanche described as diarrhea mountain and that is gonna stay with me It's actually really Incredible and we're all surprised how good it was. An unstoppable flow rumbling down. You do see about 15 feet from you, there is a crevasse where perhaps you could hide or like, you know, one of the things like a lean to,

but of ice. A cave. A cave, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about... Is it crevasse or'm talking about a cave. Is it crevasse, or a house, or a cave? It's a crevasse, but on the ground. Side crevasse.

How can a crevasse be on the ground? Do you mean a crev- Imagine- no, I mean a crevasse, but into a thing. A cave. Guys! I mean a cave. Guys! Into the cave, I reckon.

Alright, yeah. Into that lean, too. Let's all go into that. Let's go into- Do you mean the crevasse? No, I mean the cave! Alright yeah that lean to let's all go into that No I'm in the cave! Alright let's go! That ravine looking thing let's just go into there You're talking about the lean to! I need to go in that big white bumhole!

And in you go and suddenly all is quiet and dark and the way back is blocked. Okay, so we've run into this cave. We don't know anything about its structure. And a Jobson goes, oh, anybody know how to do jokes? Is there a passage going in? Does it go deeper? Yeah, yeah, it continues. Semantics blows in his hand, four little dancing lights appear in his hand and then they split off into the corners. So you love doing that? Any fucking opportunity to do that? I don't love doing that.

No, we were in, like the lights flickered in the office the other day and you went... I was gifted with a dark and terrible power. Yeah, we all get your magic. It was a burden for me, an agony. Or how about this? And he takes off his key ring. Don't bring out your little LED. Yeah, he's got a little LED.

Oh, magic too! Fucking Arthur C. Clarke, it's indesinguishable. My powers come from a packed unknown. I've sold three quarters of my soul to the dark. Is a packed unknown? You know how these little button batteries work? Nobody does. Why are they shaped like that?

How thick is the snow between us and the outside world? Very, very big. I would say very big. But you also know that you were just out there and you were really on the side of the mountain. It was a big cliff. It doesn't want us to go out there. You could go out there, but you'd be on a cliff.

You know that, cause you were on the cliff. Yeah, we were in that. Charyon starts heading towards the... Well, we've both got magic things so we can light the way. I just want you guys to know that it's, we've got dibs on that staff. What do you mean dibs?

Well, we said, I just said dibs, so we've got it, you see that staff? The sleet staff is owned and bequeathed. What? Dibs, what do you mean? You can't all just, what you can't? Shotgun, shotgun. You a shotgun?

Dibs, shotgun, and bags. No, they've done dibs and shotguns! And bags! Bags! Well that just seals it, to be honest. So don't you try to... We see that staff, we are getting that, we each got a lovely little...

What are you gonna do with it? I don't know, chop off Celestia's head or something. We'll figure it out. I don't think you guys have a very good plan. Sorry, what do you guys think that Frosto the Cognificent is gonna do with it. Lexicon the Magnificent. Yes. Your boss and mentor for the last 50 years. Yeah, what do you think he's gonna do with it? Well, he does a lot of wonderful shows.

Sorry, pussy. He keeps the people safe. He does. And they come and they watch him in the music halls and he does these wonderful things. Where he takes the stuff off. You've never seen it before. It's really something. He puts his hands like this and it's like it moves. Yeah and he puts it through his head. It's really something. And sometimes it turns into a lovely bouquet of flowers. I'm really trying to impress upon you that I don't think he's the right person to have it because what you're talking about is Like uncle tricks, okay, and what we're talking about is kill God. Okay, but like I Understand that and I don't kill God. I mean, I don't I had another tricks

He was a veterinarian But he only operated on very small or very big animals as such his tools were either very small or very big One day somebody bought him a dog Do you think did vets Have like bigger What the fuck Tools were very small. Do you think like a fucking surgeon has like a bigger knife? It's like the guy's bigger, is that?

Oh, you think... Well sir, have you ever tried to operate on a manticore? Would you use a tiny blade? I think not. Uncle Trix knew what was what. He was a famed mythical animal surgeon. Yeah. So I would thank you before be smirching the name of Uncle Trix.

Now what were we talking about? Anyway, point is guys, we all want the staff. We all want the thing. And if it's gonna go to you guys. Dibs. I'm just trying to, I'm just saying, like think about it because. Have you ever seen this magician?

Yes. Take with one hand I plucked the Ears thumb I plucked the bow And remove it from I plucked the bow and I used suggestion Okay, yes, okay good Do it

Mime only Mime only This will be good for the party No Talking Yeah, but it's like charades Mime only. This will be good for the podcast. No! Talking. Yeah, but it's like charades so you can describe what you're miming, I guess. I guess what? Scategories rules? We charades the mime

because otherwise this is very bad podcast gear. Very bad. This could be the worst kind of podcasting. A mimed podcast. Is that all of us? You do get a saving throw. You do get a saving throw. Saving throw. That is a 19.

Oh. Does it bounce back onto me? He's ready. Now only mime for you. He's resistant to it. What do you got to say? He's just tried to do a spell on you. He's tried to cast a spell on you.

You come with a bloody king, you better not miss. And in... He's just loading a gun. And into the bowels of the mountain... Oh, continuing the metaphor. You... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Corridors who's leading who's leading the way? I've got seven hit points all right. I'm leading the way yep, but also like no Less impressive is the guy with this LED. So you're behind

I would really like at this moment for everyone to acknowledge that the light that they're perceiving this world is coming from my four Dancing lights and not from the rather shitty and small and directly localized light from the small pen light the lithium-ion battery pen light This guy has four settings! Okay, who wants to see red? Decks check please Dave He's eaten already I rolled a three

So as you're prattling on about how much light you're providing you take five damages and Icicle stabs you in I'm gonna say the head I've got two hit points, I'm still good So yeah, I guess beware of that my friends

Wait, there was no bad guy Just straight up falling Icicles I thought they're in the cave. What what they're in the cave. Let's fuck with Dave What no, I asked who was going much you were going first. That's it. That's a great t-shirt You know what they say when you're in the cave you gotta fuck you gotta fuck with Dave And you're all playing by those rules now, right? Yeah, we're in a cave. Yeah, gotta fuck with Dave. Um, and... We're all playing by those rules now, right? Yeah. We're in a cave.

You gotta fuck with Dave. You're just being a dirty girl, aren't you? Am I? Am I being a dirty girl? You're just being a filthy girl. That's fine, that's fine. I'm almost dying. But you know what?

You've put both of us on two hit points. I haven't done anything. Does this make you feel good, Eden? The old DMs of this podcast, you've damaged us both so that we're almost dead. Is that what you want? Chariot cast healing word on semantics. On semantics? 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

12 points. Thank you very much. And the word heal echoes through... Oh no, my dog hears it. And he runs up right next to my foot. Yeah, your dog that's been missing for so long. Yeah, because I forgot to say heel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now he's at my foot. He's there, he's back. And he's got a headlamp on and it's way brighter than this cunt's lights. Your dog's back. Well that's obviously brighter, that's a halogen globe. Yeah. That's not really fair. Well...

This is magic. Well sometimes the globes are a little bit better than your bloody magic I didn't even give him that I know where that's from He just found it and the mister remained how the dog wolf will Dead minor that's being carried along dragged along And as Charyon's words echo through down the halls the space opens into a cathedral like cavern this looks just like a cathedral. Look, the pews. He's fucking right, he's fucking right, it does! Yeah, there's ice, it's mainly just- Multiple doorways.

Yeah, the roof's quite low, but there's a lot of ice pews. Stained glass windows. That's three, give us four more. Yep, and a pedophile at the top. And he's there, and he's talking and... And uh... What does the pedophile look like Ben? A snowman?

Yeah he looks like a bloody snowman but all crooked and weird. And he's going like ARGH! No. You hear the dripping of water. How I've missed this. So glad that guy is water now. But unfortunately, you know, he could reform. No, he doesn't reform because because he runs into shut up he runs into the stream and

Trickles off and falls into an endless chasm down to your left the physicists among you thinking this might be the the source of the waterfall Far below I wanted to include the source of the waterfall is below us. No, yeah It's right fucking here. It's the stream. It's dripping It's yeah, but only if this is a snow this one cool trick, which is that water goes from above to below Have you guys come this close to breaking him? I'm just curious. No.

No, you guys are really the ones who've done it. You did it. Yeah, it's really good. So it trickles off in a single shaft. It's a crazy vein popping out of the side of your head right now, Eden. I gotta go, I gotta wrap this up so I can get to RPA pretty quick. With me all waiting for you. And a voice, so a single shaft of light coming from high above eliminates the room and a

voice from the darkness echoes in the chamber. Remember me. Continuing the metaphor. Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me?

Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Remember me? Yeah, I thought because he had his eyes and water and stayed with Terry Tricky. And as your light adjusts, your vision, fuck you all, fuck all you. far end of your end of the chamber a figure impaled on a shaft of ice. Volunteer at the games they said get a cool matching uniform they said and you see that the sleet staff is is built into a great pinnacle of ice and it's splitting

this man from gooch to neck. It's the volunteer which you impaled Dinna Munch about on the very first episode and he says, Celestia helped me see the way she will unmake the world and make it again as perfection. A world where no man must taste his own gooch. Die and ice erupts and ripples across the room. We are in combat. And ice ripples across the room. Please everyone make for me a con save as a cone of cold engulfs you all. Oh my God, that's so much damage.

Say something very interesting and true. Yes. I got a nat 20. Whoa. Yeah, it is true. Is this one of those situations where we're gonna take half damage because we have two hit points each?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you guys are, you know what? You guys are okay. You know what? Because we're levitating. No, because it's a cone. Because you've levitated, my nat 20, you've managed to put me in there what because we're levitating. No because it's a cause you've lived my nat 20 You know I've levitated me in the air because when you levitate you can avoid this kind of thing cool

What about you other guys? You've still got to make it you still got to make a save how many hit points you got left three? Oh, man, this is gonna be fun. Well, I guess that's the end of the campaign. No, no need for next month Well, I guess that's the end of the campaign no no need for next month No, none of you cunts. Oh you did we have a short rest no none of you You didn't say you fucking did is it a it's a consiving car. It's a Constitution saving throw. Oh, I fail both of those How is it? What are we taking? What damage we taking Eden? Oh, oh 15 DC did not beat that. Yeah, I'll fly too.

You all take 21 points of damage. I actually got a 20. Okay, so you passed? How many hit points did you have left? I had 25. That's a picture of a boat. Like I had 25. That's a picture of a boat. Hahaha

If you didn't take much damage, so what, you got 4 hit points left? No! You got 4 hit points left? It's a yacht! So who is still conscious? Not me. Oh, bloody Bobson is. Yeah, Bobson's alive and Dave's alive.

Are you conscious? Okay, so... Uh... Chariot Valeriant hits the ground, frozen. Dinner Munchabout is not frozen, but on the edge of death. Okay, so, uh... Chariot Valerian hits the ground frozen. Dinner Munch About is not frozen, but on the edge of death. Sunbelt Gongbonga. What?

Are you okay? I'm fine. I'm not on the edge of death. No, no, I'm saying you're still... but you've got four hit points, right? No, I said fucking 25. Yeah, but you took 21 points of damage. Why are you dealing out 21 points of damage to these morons? I got a 20. You said it was 15. Yeah so you

passed oh so you take half you take a let you 10 10 sorry sorry sorry sorry crowds turning on you. Sorry they're turning on me. Polly Waddle you're unconscious as well. Yeah. Okay great I love this I'm having a great time. Dear, it, uh, Charyon Valerian, it is your turn, but you are unconscious, so I'll make for you a death save, Pollywaddle, you are unconscious. I will make for you a death save. I'll let them do like a-

This is the happiest you've ever been in. I feel good, I don't think I need to go to RPA anymore. It does feel like Alex and I are the best behaved of all of the children. Look man, it's the dice, you don't think I need to go to RPA anymore. It does feel like Alex and I are the best behaved of all of the children. Look man, it's the dice. You don't understand. It's not personal. I don't care. But then why are you so happy? Because that is a good question. That is a good question. Dave, Ben, it's your turn.

So what are we looking at here? What are we looking at here? You're looking at kind of a 2000 Olympic Games volunteer impaled in a shaft of ice. And why is this a danger to us? Because he just shot like ice power all across the room and it killed two of the people and it made them unconscious and frozen in place. That makes it dangerous. Yeah that makes that's what makes it dangerous. Okay. And you you picked up on that. Eden, is he kind of sliced in half or is like his gooch still in his mouth because I have just a little bit of flavor to put on it just for like anyone who wants to draw him. Okay yeah put the flavor on. Okay so he's gone from gooch to lips yes yes and I think

it's kind of coming out half of his face he talks out one side of his mouth and I think that so like since it's sliced him up that way it's kind of scraggly all down the sides and it's like if you it's like it his whole body is his legs like the bottom half of Gumby okay go on okay and so like his gooch is you can still see a bit of gooch on his lips. Oh That's awful. But he's got like a horrible taste of gooch. Yeah, he's got like a Batman man I can't wait to see this cross-stitch that next month's show Okay, so did you know something about

Jobson Did I know I didn't know about but please tell me here we go Okay, so here is something about you option that maybe might shock people He likes cigars Okay, okay great and so in his in his Inventory yes is not only some of the most wonderful cigars you can ever imagine, Yes. but also a really good lighter. Okay.

Like a Mick? No, it's like one of those butane lighters. Oh, like, not a really good one. Like a shitty lighter that you sell to a 19-year-old at a music festival. Exactly, Dave. Because that is exactly what Jobston buys. Because, oh, you won't believe's like it looks like a deck of cards What action would you like to I would like to?

flamethrower Okay, so you you launch yourself towards this guy, please make an attack roll No, but here is not what you're you're not understanding. I clearly am not I Would like to flamethrow at him. Okay. Oh, so you like... Have you rigged it or something? With your little Swiss Army?

Tell me this. I have rigged it. Okay. But I also... I chuck you a Rexona. Thank you so much. Africa. Rexona, yeah.

It's Rexona Africa. No, it's no. Rexona Africa. Really? Yes. Yeah, and it was a huge lawsuit. It's his fantasy Rek'sona Africa. Huge lawsuit. In this world, Rek'sona gets Africa. Yeah, and that is like the ripple effect that made like goblins and like wizards and everything

else. So I have that and I have a aerosol can and I have my shitty little like fake Vietnam lighter and I spray it in the face of this ice demon and with so with with the scent of a teenager and the scorching flames of oblivion, of archerous of the inferno. This man, who surely his life was bad enough, now not only has the taste of gooch on his tongue,

but flaming Rexona Africa. And as his screams echo inside the mountain, the service lift at the back of the chamber opens up, and the way is paved to Frostopolis. Will our heroes take the lift, or will they do some other fucking shit? Who knows? Take the lift? Or will they do some other fucking shit? Who knows? I gotta go to the hospital and get this aneurysm checked out.

It's been one of the most stressful times of my life and I've loved every minute of it. I love you, mom. Tell mom that I loved her. I hope there's a kid I made somewhere. Don't say that! Somebody buy me a muffin and send it to Albuquerque because one day I'm gonna be there baby. I'm gonna be there.

Thank you, goodnight! I guess that means me and Ben are back next week back next way back next week no problem. No you probably died from Rick's owner inhalation Yeah, that's the coda you put this in the coda they died They died they died for me. So I don't say can we do it turns out. It's full of forever Can we do a little scene yeah do a little scene? We're both lying on the battlefield, dying of Rexona inhalation. Japson. Yeah? It's getting dark.

Oh, but mate, don't be like that. It'll be fine. The mission. At least we can take some kind of gratitude in knowing that dinner has the sleet staff and can return its lexicon. I don't think he does. I didn't see it happen. I mean, like, he could a lexicon. I don't think he does. I didn't see it happen. I mean, like, he could have fucked it up.

I mean, either. But anyway, look, hey, listen. We'll always have that time. That time? Yeah, when you suck me off. I thought we... Hang on. That's all we've got time for!

That never... Thank you so much! That didn't happen. Hang on. That's all we've got time for! Thank you so much! That didn't happen. I'm just retconning. Band-Aid, I've got to say it was better without you. The cast of Dragon Friends Campaign 2 is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner, Michael Hing and Demi Lott. With special guests Dave Harman and Ben Jenkins. Our dungeon masters are Eden Lacey and Tom Cardy with live accompaniments by Nick Harriot.

Shakira Khan is our producer, the podcast is edited, mixed and mastered by me, Hugh Guest and new episodes are recorded live every month at the Vanguard Theatre in Sydney on Gadigal Land in the Eora Nation. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon. You get early access to ad-free episodes, show recordings and exclusive content for just $5 a nation. This week's episode is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends Patreon. You get early access to ad-free episodes, show recordings, and exclusive content for just $5 a month. Until next time. When a goddess returns from years of imprisonment, promising ruin for all.

The rich and the poor all pray, please don't unmake us. Who will protect us from what is in store? The heroes of death, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes

of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of the dead, the heroes of Pray please don't unmake us Who will protect us from what is in store? The heroes of yore, brave heroes of yore Destiny be done, these four freaks will become

The heroes of yore! I saw people flinch when you threw that. Do you play D&D? Are you in a D&D group? Right, okay. And do you need someone to carry your dice in? I've got many dice bags. All right, well, it was a waste of a prize then. Sorry about that.

Sorry, Zelda. How many fucking dice bags do you need? Like, why do you have many? No, it's not that many. It's not that many. No, she said, I have many dice bags. They bag they said yeah I drew it they were throwing something and you said how many dice bags do you need no I would like to apologize for Ben about that question because anyone worth his salt means you

can never have too many dice yeah and therefore never too many dice bags. Especially coming from someone who has definitely too many fancy pens. You're not going to space you don't need the pens the astronauts use. Well maybe one day I will. Please Ben man who bought a self heating mug. Well, well, well. That's not even in the top ten of Ben's dumbest purchases. Do you remember when Ben used to buy pods and then it was in a period, it was a summer where we had a lot of pool parties and he kept like diving into the pool? Soggy pods, soggy pods. They're meant to be water resistant so.

My favourite of the Ben purchases is when we were working at SBS together, Ben was working as a producer and he was like, I just need something that's going to allow me to work or we're moving around, we can machine things, we're gonna be on location, we're gonna need something. So one day he went online, he bought a Microsoft Surface tablet and I would say that purchase lasted 10 days before he sold it. Yeah, because what I realised was was and this is like really interesting I just realized that I had spent about 1600 Australian dollars on something where I was like this can replicate pen and paper and then someone was like hey what about pen and paper? And I was like this fucking rules! It's really funny because somebody yelling from there saying, I want to hear about the surface. It does sort of seem like we've trapped them in a dungeon.

All the surface is a dangerous place and you must never go to the surface. No, but tell us, tell us tales. I want to hear about the surface is what they said in Plato's cave. You'll enjoy your shadows you pieces of shit.