Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: Poo Choppers and Shroom Pee-ers

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

Wow, did it go down in the DM's this week. Bunnie, Meme, and Hailee uncover a story about some unfortunate fluids during lovemaking, someone that uses a knife for all the wrong reasons, and they get an update about the infamous grandma story from last week. Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have Popaganda. We have more shows that we're adding.

And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up ask tell confess Hello friends, welcome to Ask, Tell, Confess. How many? Eight seconds. I tried to add a little razzle dazzle i like it it is cold outside well i can tell you guys i don't have pneumonia anymore no you're clear i was so scared that i was gonna sound like a fucking 85 year old smoker for the rest of my life i was like god i'm not gonna have my sultry hot voice back. I was scared. Did you have laryngitis too or was it just pneumonia? Well, I got misdiagnosed.

All right. That seems to be the theme for this year for me. And I went to the doctor. I'm like, I have walking pneumonia. Something's wrong. And he's like, well, it sounds like you might have laryngitis. And I'm like, okay, whatever. Takes me to get a chest x-ray.

He's like, you're fine. There's nothing wrong with you. I didn't believe him. So I kept taking my Z-Pak and then we had the head of cardiology. She's so fucking awesome. Her name's Dr. She's amazing. She came to the house and listened to my lungs and she was like, oh honey, you are severely infected with pneumonia. And I was like, holy shit. But I didn't know. Cause I I was like why didn't it show up in the x-ray and she was like probably because when you have pneumonia sometimes and you're dehydrated it will not show up on x-rays and it won't make a crackle sound and then I got two um two bags of IVs and the fluids pushed the mucus and stuff up into my lungs and that's why you could hear it so that was something i learned that i wanted to pass on with you guys i never knew that that's crazy because remember when i

almost fucking died of sepsis yes i had a chest x-ray yeah i had gone to the doctor two days prior to being hospitalized and told i was perfectly fine just go home and rest oh yeah but it could have been the dehydration yeah Yeah. There's just, I just think the lesson here and for all of us is listen to your body. If you think it's something at, well, hold on, not for the hypochondriacs out there. Cause I'm a hypochondriac too. But if you, you just, I know when I have pneumonia, I've gotten it so many times that at this point I just fucking can diagnose myself. So just listen to your body, get what you need. Be your own advocate. myself so just listen to your body get what you need be your own advocate absolutely all right you guys ready to you guys ready yeah did we coordinate this because um you guys look camo

gay it's all right hayley showed up on thanksgiving wearing the same fucking outfit as me we both had harley davidson fucking sweatshirts on and leggings yeah i mean it was she said one of us is gonna change and it's not gonna be me luckily you brought three outfit changes yeah yeah that wasn't even my final outfit hayley's always got a fucking change out of clothes somewhere dude i still have my tour clothes in my car that's why dude speaking of tour clothes i have been unpacking every how did i have that much shit on the bus? I am still trying to put clothes away. I don't have enough room.

I'm going to have to build a closet here at the studio. Oh my God. You have a closet here. You have multiple closets here. I do. But I, you know what? I was thinking about having a room just made into a closet. Oh,

that just having it just racked up, you know, the room down the hall down that's right i just said locked up so we're just we're fucking we're about a thousand we're about a thousand today all right good one i'm kicking it off because you guys always kick it off i'm gonna kick it off first give it a kick wrote in the dms so you know it's good whenever it's in the dms it goes down in the dms ladies and gentlemen and if you guys want to be a part of ask tell confess you need to sign up on our patreon because they have a ball with us every week and the only way to get your ask tell or confess read is to be a part of

the patreon community said oh my god this applies to your tell um oh wait she wants to be anonymous so believe her name please sorry believe her her name she said because it's so embarrassing you took mine so one time me and this guy were having sex and he literally was probably one of the best guys i've been with well he decided to take a couple hits of shrooms and party it up for July 4th that year. I was totally okay with him doing this. I stayed sober this time around. So finally, we crawl into bed and start banging the shit out of each other. I bend over and let him hit, and next thing I hear is him moaning, saying this is the best nut I've ever had.

Literally, before he finished the sentence, I feel my legs getting soaked. I immediately jump up because I'm so confused why I'm soaking wet. And it's because this man never busted a nut. He literally peed inside of me. What in the actual fuck? Oh, God. Ew. Ew.

I know. That's rough. That's rough i said okay so listen i've i've been on shrooms before and i you would know if you're peeing that's why i'm a little confused because shrooms aren't like um it's not a crate like yeah you get it's a hallucinogenic and like get high, but it's not like a you're so fucked up out of your mind. You don't know what you're doing. I got high on shrooms one time in the middle of the fucking Utah forest in a cabin snowed in and fucking I made a five course meal to keep me from going. And you know how like you go into a hole sometimes whenever you're on shrooms. Well, I felt myself kind of going in that hole. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to keep me from going and you know how like you go into a hole sometimes whenever you're on shrooms well i felt myself kind of going in that hole so i was like you know what i'm gonna keep myself busy let me tell you something don't ever fucking cook steak while you're on mushrooms i could see every

pore it was moving like it was the craziest shit i've ever seen nobody was hungry when you're on shrooms you're not fucking hungry but i cooked it just to keep myself busy and then my two friends that i was there with grace rest in peace lover my best friend grace and her boyfriend were in the front yard banging so i was left by myself in this cabin and then i thought i was little john and michael jackson dancing in the snow it was a great time but anyways okay i still if i could cook a five course meal i would know if i was peeing you know so it's like was he on something else because I don't feel like that was just yeah he probably was on something else like pills maybe maybe like xanax or something like that drinking with it or like yeah literally anything yeah you know like yeah that was yeah if he was drinking uh alcohol on

the shrimps I could see him not knowing what he was doing yeah that's correct also what do you do in that kind of situation now you gotta flush yourself out i think i'd rather be peed on than peed inside of yeah that's crazy because that's all toxic shit going inside of you and whatever he was on is now inside of you you know i mean that happens with with cum too though did you know that so if a guy comes inside of you and it's not in a condom and it actually goes in your body there is a a small small small percentage of whatever he has in his body testosterone fucking if he's on pills if he's taking antibiotics anything like that comes out in like nano micro i don't know the terminology but that gets into your system somehow research it ladies well we're so in so

but that's what it's not all not only is sex a soul exchange with somebody it's literally like you're swapping i mean i get that like now that like it makes sense like i don't know why i didn't think of it before like you know when my husband has taken like a lot of b12 when my husband has taken like a lot of b12 or a lot of vitamins or he's had a steroid shot because he's sick or something like that we're and we like bang and he you know fucking the next night i can't sleep it takes like a full 24 hours to hit me and i I'm so sensitive that I can feel it. I tell him all the time. I'm like, what are you on right now? Because I'm blowjob it is, you know?

Well, is it the same that if like. I was going to say if it. I don't see. I mean, if you swallow. Yeah. But it's not. It's not shooting into you is what you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Because you can't like you can't spit that out. I'm a spitter. I'm spitting right now. I mean, I'll swallow every now and then, but right now my body's too sensitive. I'm a hawk to a... in the fucking spittoon can right next to my bed. Don't tell me you fucking swallow every time.

No, no. I'm like, come on. Here we are. Listen, when you've been married for 10 years, you earn the right to spit okay fucking I have swallowed I've swallowed enough loads

back on them no well I mean it just depends it depends it might go back on it's while you're doing it you know okay

you use it as lubrication type yeah what do you do you just take a load to the face no I swallow you're just a graveyard Okay. Okay. Yeah. What do you do? You just take a load to the face? No, I swallow. You're just a graveyard of dead babies. Yeah.

I guess. You're just a graveyard of dead babies. Aren't we all? Oh, my God. Okay god okay yeah so that was a pretty gross one what do you guys got i got one let me hear this is also anonymous in the dms so uh i dated a guy in college i was at his place and i had to take a shit i go in do my thing and there is a there's a plastic knife on the end of a string hanging on the side of the toilet what the fuck i finish up i come out and i ask the guy what's up with that fucking weirdly placed knife his roommate his roommate takes shit so big he has to chop them into smaller poops. To get them to flush.

I'm jealous. She goes, he's a poo chef. No. Okay, first of all, what is this man's diet? I need it. I'm jealous but they use the same knife over and over like i mean there's so many questions i have how do you discover that you need to chop your turds what toilet i guess it kept getting stuck what is he eating? Is it solid? Like it just won't break in half when you flush?

I guess so, just giant logs. And he has to cut them into smaller poops. Timber. Jaime, why did you disagree with that? Yep. I mean, I've never had that issue, but I have heard men talk about... They call it a big fish.

Stop. When it doesn't flush and it kind of S's halfway into the water, halfway out of the water. Yeah, you got to chop it up. Have you chopped up your pool? I wish I could have one come out of the water. I didn't even know this was a plant. Have you had one come out of the water? Oh.

I had a colonoscopy. Jealous. What'd you have a colonoscopy for? I got pre-cancerous cells. Oh, I never knew that. When? How long ago? Like two years ago.

And it makes you have a big shit? Well, the colonoscopy literally empties your body to the point that there is nothing, not even water left in your body. So like you go through this cleanse for 24 hours prior to it yeah and you have to like drink these like big things and it literally will empty and we should all get colonoscopies where do we get that mixture is that the one that gets like the hard poop that's like stuck up in you no does it hurt you literally have nothing left is that good what it is though does it hurt i'll lose 10 pounds you're like shitting for 12 hours straight let's do it

i couldn't leave the house i love you literally have to take the whole day off before and then like you shit all the way up until you get there like you're still shitting water because like whatever you're drinking is literally sliding right through you and coming out how do you not die from like dehydration well you're like it's combined with like shit ton of gatorade i mean you are chugging gatorade with it and you only can have a certain color because you can't have like any dyes in your diet during that oh my god you go have the colonoscopy and so it made you shit a fucking behemoth yeah it literally pushed everything out of me oh my gosh it was so are we good on the precancerous cells i just have to keep going i'm supposed to get a checkup this

year i haven't gone i still gotta go i didn't what the fuck is wrong with you i'm gonna go stay on top of this shit man you see how weird your friend is over here i'm trying to get my liver fucking levels listen ladies not to take this away not to take this away no not liver fucking uh what is it uh iron i'm trying to get my iron levels fucking iron out not to take this away from you mimi but let's make it about me really quick um just got my blood work done ladies please go get your ferritin levels checked i am your ferritin levels i am a certified real vampire now my your ferritin levels checked. Your what? Your ferritin levels. I am a certified real vampire now. Your ferritin level is supposed to be at 100.

That's your iron storage. So you have an iron that's in your body, and then you have iron storage. So if that iron that's in your body gets depleted, it counts on these reserves. Your iron storage is supposed to be 100. Mine is at an 8. The fuck? Yes. So many women do not know to get their ferritin levels checks. Do not just get your iron levels checked. Request. Say, I want to know my ferritin levels. You need to do that and you need to do that. Yeah. It is so

important because there's so many things that affect the body with that. You guys wonder why I've been freezing all the time. Literally, I was going to say you're so cold now. All the time. I know my husband is like, I literally lived in a meat locker with you for eight years. And now all of a sudden he's like, it's fuck. I can't breathe.

I've never seen you put the heat on now. Ever. And it's just because I don't have any fucking, my iron's low. I'm literally anemic right now. Yeah. I was going to say your iron is depleted too. So now it's like gone into the reserve.

No, not yet. So my iron's not not depleted my iron is at 108 right now which isn't bad but i mean that can change with anything so but you don't have a reserve i don't have a reserve so i'm trying to get that up so i'm starting to take like liver organs and stuff like that because i don't want to take iron supplements make me sick i can't take them i also got the mary ruth's i haven't tried it yet I'll let you guys know not sponsored just saying I've seen really good reviews about it yeah they have another thing called like I think it's like mega food or something like that that you can buy off Amazon and it's got great reviews but I can't take it because it has fucking brown rice in it oh no yeah so I have to do the fucking the liver organ organ meats thing and i just took my

first one yesterday tasha took one too it made me i took like this much it made me so fucking hot i was like had to take my shirt off while i was working out and stuff like oh my gosh what does it do it's well so what happens when your your iron levels are low in your body it you don't have good circulation so when you're feeding and i've been eating out of cast iron again which i've never done ever so when you're feeding your body iron you're getting circulation back and your body's like holy shit and i'm working out so i was like sweating and like it was crazy it was a different thing please go get that checked and please get your pre-cancerous things checked. Because I'm telling you, man. I got to take a couple days off and go shit my brains out.

Please do it. Let's all do it together. Oh, we should all get colonoscopies. I would like just the drink. I don't want anybody going up my butthole. Put a camera up there. Does it hurt? Did I put you to sleep?

I'm asleep. Okay. Yeah, you're complete anesthesia. Yeah. Does it hurt when you wake up? Like, is your ass hurting? No. I love being put to sleep, so I'll do it.

It scares me. That's crazy. If you have, like, polyps in there, they cut them off. Like, they had found a couple polyps, and then they sent them off for testing. That my grandpa just had? Yeah. I haven't gotten a fucking facelift because I'm scared to go under. It scares me so much.

I also don't need one. That's the closest thing to death. Literally. It was fucking peaceful. There you go. It was the best sleep I've ever gotten. I could probably do my own anesthesia. I've been put under so many times in my life.

Starting at kindergarten was my first surgery. Damn. Same. Yeah. Same. Kindergarten was my first surgery. That that's crazy i have an update guys okay grandma with parkinson's i have an update no fucking way i have an update oh my god she said i heard you i heard you okay okay i realized i made it short and simple without too much. Yeah. So his dad is not married.

He is single. My boyfriend and I were out at a holiday work party while we were gone. My partner's dad was over at his grandma's house. I walked in and knocked on the door, but it was locked. So I walked away and took the dog outside. So it's his grandma? She said his, but. what i i think it was the other i think that was a mistype because okay the last story read he's whacking off his own grandma

no so i think that was a mistype she said she took the dog for a walk. And as I was walking by her back door bedroom, she was whacking him off. She is 90% all there all the time and fully knew what she was doing. All right. Okay. But I have a question.

What about the 10%? Yeah. Does she, does she have episodes? Was an episode she said i have no idea if that was the first time or one of many how do you know she's fully knows what she's doing though that's what she said she's 90 of the time fully there right she said i have not told a single soul because i know that either one no one would believe me oh we believe you and i adore his family and i could never hurt them that's not something you would make up yeah you don't make that up um so he is married he's not oh he's

single yeah he's single he's not married okay i guess as long as they're not related is grandma married grandma widow what's happening no i don't think she's married no they well then i guess they're not doing anything wrong to each their own i yeah i can't knock it so like as long as it wasn't let me go back as long as it's consensual it's not my grandma i'm good man if you're fucking 95 and you're still able to get somebody's dick hard go fucking for it granny i want to make sure that this wasn't his mom i actually aim to to be that grandma. Okay. Wack it off, younger dudes. Okay. I saw my boyfriend's dad getting a handjob from my man's grandma.

Boyfriend's dad, man's... Is that his mom? His dad's mother-in-law. Dad's mother-in-law. Okay. So they're not related. No. Okay. Is it his mom? His dad's mother-in-law. Dad's mother-in-law. Okay, so they're not related. No. Okay. Is it in-law?

I bet you they, I'm just speculating. I feel like they banged when they were younger. God, maybe. Ew. I feel like this wasn't a one-time incident. Yeah, no, definitely not. Definitely not. This isn't the first time, honey.

Nope. He probably had a hot mother-in-law when they first got together or something. Maybe they're like soulmates and they just can't be together because they're just born in two different timelines. Yeah. I'm trying to look at it in a romantic way, okay? You know, I'm not trying to judge. I'm not judging. Anyways, this Friday, what are we doing, guys?

Vision fucking boards. Vision boards, baby. You know what I love is that we started this tradition years ago i've been making vision boards for my entire entire adulthood pretty much but i got to share it with my friends and at first they were not excited about it they didn't know what to expect they didn't love it they thought i was weird and now years later we they actually asked me hey i said vision boards yeah she's like hey when are we gonna make vision boards so of course you know you guys will document it for you for you and

tell you guys how we do it but if you guys want to make a vision board at home this is what we do I'm just gonna give you like a quick rundown but then you can also watch the video that I post on TikTok um all I do for a vision board some people it down, some people put it in a journal, some people put it in their phone. I like to do it the old school way. I get poster board, I'll buy magazines, and I cut out what I want, and I put it all on the front, and then on the back, I write out my goals for that year. It's super simple, and then you hide it in a closet, or you can keep it out and keep it in front of you so that you're always reminded about it. And you just pretty much put it in the air because your tongue is a wand and

words are spells. And I swear. Yeah. Don't do that. That's sick. And you just do. I heard the wetness. She did the old grandpa fucking tongue action did.

Yeah. Just. Yeah. It was sick. Oh, heck yeah. I'm excited. I'm so excited excited you have no idea so friday at three we're doing vision boards i'm ready no sorry i text everyone i know where mine is so you do i do too i was looking over mine yesterday yeah yeah i lost mine i gotta go look for it i had to move between the two i did do fucking worst. I did too and I packed it in its own bag. I have a whole family.

Whatever. Anyways. Ladies and gentlemen, go make your fucking vision boards this year because 2025 is your year to just manifest baby. It's a manifesto type of year. It's been five years since COVID guys. Okay. Alright. And on that note

we're gonna... That was a womp. That was a womp that was a womp where did that come from i just realized 25 2020 okay you know it's great i went in quarantine 24 now you're almost 30 that's i'll be 30 next year i love it i'm telling you getting older you, getting older is fun. Getting older is fun. 30, flirty. I was so scared of 30s.

30s are so much cooler than 20s. Wait till you hit your 40s, ladies. You won't give a shit about anything. It's so nice. Oh, it is great. It's like being in your 20s, but responsible and having money. Oh, I didn't have a lot of money until I was almost 40. So here we are. I'm living my best life now, though, babies. responsible and having money oh i didn't have a lot of money until i was almost 40 so

here we are i'm living my best life now though babies all right we're out of here love you guys bye