Dumb Blonde - Throwback Thursday: Renee Graziano - Family Business

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

Renee Graziano of Mob Wives fame joins Bunnie for a no-holds-barred conversation about surviving years of abuse, addiction and trauma, and her incredible journey to becoming a recovery advocate. Renee holds nothing back as she spills all the details about tumultuous time on Mob Wives, dealing with the painful loss of her father, sobriety and how she became the tough-as-nails fairy grandmother she is today.Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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go over to our Patreon, www.dumbblondunrated.com. Love ya. Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast dumb blonde most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit and i was like i want to be super hot make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's that was my goal as a child and here we are what's up you sexy motherfuckers welcome to another episode of dumb blonde today we have our fairy mob mother here this is Renee Graziano how are you doing mama I'm wonderful it's such a pleasure to meet you dude I'm so happy you're here you're so striking in person like you're

beautiful online too but you're just so striking no I'm prettier in person I love it and I'm smaller you're tiny yeah people people will always think I'm taller I'm prettier in person. I love it. And I'm smaller. You're tiny. Yeah. People will always think I'm taller. I'm actually, you know, I did just lose like almost 20 pounds. So I am a little bit smaller than normal. But thank you. It's your presence online. Thank you. That makes people think you're bigger than you are.

Because you are such a, just a power, power woman. Like a powerful woman. Thank you. Like any room you walk in you uh demand attention so yeah i i think that's where my addiction comes from i love that absolutely we'll definitely get into that but i mean you are a real sicilian princess yeah my uh father spared no expense on any one of his daughters like I miss him terribly it'll it we're coming up on five years and um my life was really very much like a movie and I think that's another

reason why addiction played such a really big part in my life uh but growing up with like a mob boss as a father, and you could do no wrong, and everybody else was wrong. It was like the perfect combination. It was the perfect storm for me. Absolutely. And so for those of those people who don't know, who is your father? My father is Anthony Graziano. He was the consigliere of the Bonanno crime family. That sounds powerful. It doesn't. You know, and my father's story is quite remarkable. No higher than an eighth grade education.

You know, when he passed away, I found out that the first time he was ever arrested was for robbing cornflakes to feed his sisters and he lived in a trailer um with newspaper as the um shades and uh his mom's boyfriend was sexually molesting his sisters and at 12 my father was shipped off because the man suddenly died in an electrical fire oh so do we think dad had something to do with that allegedly i hope he did yeah anybody that hurts children anybody that hurts children deserves i i hope he did i truly do because for me i now it makes so much more sense why he was the way he was with us like Like we had to be covered and you couldn't do this and you couldn't wear a bikini. And I was always like, what's wrong with my father? You know? And

it was like, God forbid you said you had your period. It was like, you couldn't come out of the, like your room. I remember I had my first breast reduction at like 18. Wow. Yeah. Oh yeah. I had an F breast naturally. Yeah. I think God made me upside down and backwards so my ass was flat my boobs were huge stop it yeah I kid you not my nickname was sheetrock okay so you wonder why I have all these like you know who okay who nicknamed you sheetrock well okay so my ex brother-in-law named me spongebob squarepants and then my ex-husband, that evil bastard, that rat, no good prick. We'll get into him later. Yeah, we will.

Yeah, I was just always picked on. That is terrible. And you don't look like sheetrock. You're beautiful. No, because I got my ass done like four times. And we're going to talk about that too. So circling back to childhood, you know, your dad was this huge mobster. And what was life like for you did you guys talk about

it were you allowed to say the word mob like I know I've talked to the other girls and they all have such different upbringings where like Ramona's family did not talk about it not at all but Karen's family they were just like you know okay so so Ramona's grandfather and my father were very dear friends, same family. So they were very close. So growing up, all I knew was my father worked, like most fathers work nine to five. My father worked five to nine. Right. So it was the opposite in the hours. And there were times that he, you know, wasn't home.

But it was not something that we would ever question because you're not allowed to ask questions. Right. However, when I was about 16, I remember being in Pastels, which was, you know, the nightclub in Brooklyn. And I was at the end of the bar with my best friend, Teddy Persico. And a man comes over and he introduced, Teddy introduced me. He said, oh, this is TG's daughter. And he said, yeah, you know, her father's a captain. I go, my father doesn't drive a boat. He goes, what? I go, he doesn't sail a ship, Teddy. Tell this guy.

But I didn't know what the words were. And I went home. And they're looking at you like, all right, kid. I went home. Teddy's going, shut up, shut up. I go home. I go, dad, is there something you want to tell me? I was like, is that why you're not home on the weekends? He's like, what are you talking about? I was like, you're a captain. And he was like,

oh my God, sit down. And it was like this moment of, you don't ever ask a question like that. Understand you're a little different than everybody else. And I didn't know what it meant, but I started to understand because I had like that flashback when these kids in fourth or fifth grade glued an article of my dad to my desk. Oh. Yeah. So, you know, there were two young girls that I went to school with that bullied me. Right. And one of the girls, her father was found in a trunk.

So. I love how you say that so matter-of-factly. I know. So this is, you know, what's crazy because now I finally realized all these things gave me trauma, which I never knew they did. Absolutely, baby. But it was normal to me. Trauma starts at the moment of conception. So like if your mom and dad were fighting her pregnancy, that's trauma.

Like you, the minute conception starts, trauma. Really? Oh, that makes so, oh, wow. I've got to get my son into therapy immediately were you were you close to your mom growing up um closer to my father i'm like my father's twin but i was also born very sick so i had spinal taps for the first six months of my life i'm the only addict in my family um well i'm the only confessed addict in my family for drugs and alcohol. Not alcohol, actually drugs. I'm sure my father was an addict because of his lifestyle. Yeah. You know what I mean? All that stuff that goes along with the mob. My sister Jennifer

threw herself into work. You know, everybody has an addiction. Mine just resulted in drugs. Right. You know. So when you were born, you had to have spinal taps which is trauma right there yeah for you just so you came out of the womb already having trauma yeah growing up you like you said you did not know that your father was in the mob how did they hide that from you um okay so i remember I was 13 when I first experienced, uh, the feds broke down the doors and like sledgehammers and they came in to get my father. And I remember like losing my mind and saying, you're not taking him. And like, I was on top of them. Like, yeah. And I didn't know. And he was like, Renee, don't worry about it. I'm coming right back. Renee, just don't worry about it. And I didn't know what it meant, you know and it wasn't explained it was like oh don't worry about it

you know but then there's things in the newspaper what do they say like daddy uh so bookmaking so the reason Pete Rose didn't get inducted into the hall of fame is because he got pinched on my father's case wow so there's a lot of that that was when he was like really coming up right and um I knew I was different I knew I was because my father would when the candy man would come on the corner of the block my father would buy out the truck for everybody on the block he was always doing stuff for everybody else you know and that's why I have this love for my father because my father's never been charged with murder so therefore in my eyes he's not one okay so all the other little things that mobsters do it's kind of in their own community as far as you know what

I knew or if I watch a movie I don't really get too much into that because people like to say well how could you defend your father he was this and he was that but at the end of the day he was my father and all you knew from him was love exactly like and when I told you this man loved me like there was nothing greater in this world that when he died I wanted to die I literally wanted to go with him you have two other sisters were they as close with him Lana is nine years older so my father was more in the street when she was younger so there's a little bit of a resentment there um and I got all the attention because I was the sick child so Lana actually hung me when I was six with a red white and blue plastic jump rope

hoisted me over the chandelier i'll never forget that oh my god and then the other time so and then this other time that is not normal renee i i know but now i know why i have trauma then this other time she put the dog leash around my neck and she hung the cord from the other side. And she's like, just jump off the stairs and swing. I'm like, okay. And you know, I was like a stick figure. Oh my God. I was a stick figure and she was heavier. So my father was harder on her.

Oh. But her things were like, lose 50 pounds, I'll buy you a car. Lose 50 pounds, I'll give you 15,000, 20,000. Right. So it was different. I didn't have to. I was skinny. There was like, if I turned sideways 15,000, 20,000. Right. So it was different. I didn't have to. I was skinny. There was like, if I turned sideways, all you saw were my boobs.

Like there was nothing to me. So there was definitely a jealousy factor. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. And then my little sister. So you're the middle. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. And a cancer. So my little sister in first grade had an eighth grade reading level. And in eighth grade, I had an eighth grade reading level. And in eighth grade, I had an eighth grade reading level. So I was the less scholastically intelligent sister. So I had that complex from birth. I was ugly, according to Lana.

And I was dumb, according to Jennifer. So, which is normal for sisters and brothers and sisters to do it it's not nice but they do it so hurtful it is I took it on I became that I became ugly and dumb in my that's what I saw I literally saw it and um I automatically uh became promiscuous because of that too. At what age? I was 13. Oh my goodness. I just got goosebumps.

You're a baby. I wasn't a baby. My body didn't look like a baby. I looked like I was 18 years old at 13. I was like a triple D. Like I looked, if you seen pictures of me at 13, you'd be like, who is she? I look younger now than I did at 13.

Wow. So I, yeah, my first boyfriend, I was like 13 and a half. He was 17. And his name was Frank. It's a little weird. Yeah. And he was abusive. And that was something I hid from my father.

I always hid my abuse. Abusive, getting abused by a boyfriend at 13. Yeah. What would he do to you? So, um, we, it was my skin crawl. Cause you're such a baby. Yeah. It's funny.

His daughter actually reached out to me on like Instagram. I was like, how's your fat father doing? Did he fix his nose yet? Like, you know what? Because you know you get scarred. You get so scarred. And rightfully so. He deserves that.

But I just, it's, you know, we're painting a picture here for people. And I don't think a lot of people have got to hear this from you. No, they don't know this. And they don't understand what makes you so, I don't want to say aggressive, but just so brazen. And so like, you know know this is how it is like you have been molded by trauma since birth thank you for this um because a lot of people don't know these things about me because I always had to hide everything yeah you know but um Frank was abusive very young and I remember being 15 and we were going Tony Danza was at my sister Lana's wedding so we were attending something and he was jealous because he couldn't come

so he stabbed I'll never he stabbed me in the side of my leg with a fork as I was coming down the stairs but cocaine was already in place at 14 so you were already doing drugs I was yeah 14 yeah absolutely well let we're going to talk about the abuse but then we're gonna rewind back right the drugs so I think for me um I just stayed because I thought that's what I deserved so he stabbed you in your legs like in my leg I have like I still have like like two little marks left in my leg yeah and I remember um I'd gone home one day and I had a black eye and my my father was on the couch and I walked in he goes come here and like he didn't see anything I was just walking straight to the room you know and he was like come here and I go what's up he's like what happened to your face I said oh I walked into the door he goes oh yeah

you did sit down and I was like oh shit you know he's like what door I said uh uh the door like what do you say like you know because at this point I'm not really a liar and I suck at lying anyway um so I'm trying to like come up with a story in my head and I know I can't at this point and I remember I oh and this is why I never told on somebody afterwards so I said that he hit me and my father goes okay watch this so he makes a phone call and he calls up the father and he says I need you and your son to meet me at my restaurant. And this was on Forest Avenue called Mama Rose's. And then he called two other guys who have now passed on.

And my father goes, get in the car. And I'm like, oh my God, what's going to happen? I'm saying, I'll never forget it. I was singing the Isley Brothers in between the sheets in the car. And he goes, what the fuck do you know about that? I was like, I'll never forget it. I was singing the Isley brothers in between the sheets in the car. And he goes, what the fuck do you know about that? I was like, nothing. It's a song. And he's like, don't talk.

I swear to God, it was so scary in the car with him. It was in his big Lincoln. We get there and he goes, go in the restaurant and don't go by the window. So what does that mean? That means go by the window. Right. Right. So now there's two lincolns outside

frank his father and these two guys and i look out the window and lo and behold now frank has a cast on his arm needless to say we know what happened how it got broken and it was that very second that i knew i could never tell on another human because it would be my sin that they got hurt. And that's so wrong to think that way because he deserved to have his arm broken. But because I had this relationship with God at a very young age, I felt it was a sin. So I have to protect my father and protect the other person. So it's really my fault it happens. And that's exactly where everything started. That's really where it all started.

You just felt like you couldn't be honest because you were scared of the repercussions that would happen. If like somebody hurt you. Yeah. So when I met my son's father. Let's rewind really quick. Go. Before we get into that. You said that at that age you were already

using drugs when did you start using drugs uh and why were you using them okay so when i was about 13 i remember i did like mescaline like double purple double barrel i'll never forget it i had every bit of clothing that was on the in the closet on me i was in the closet my girlfriend's mother was like what is renee doing in the closet with the clothes so I yeah so I knew like that wasn't the drug for me because I didn't like that type of feeling and I don't know what that is what is that yeah they don't even make that anymore it's like it was like some kind of trippy drug I don't I don't like acid or yeah yeah yeah but not like acid was really strong this This was like some little stuff. Yeah. And then I wanted to be very much like my older sister. So, you know, if there was partying going on, I wanted to do it too.

So I remember it started with black beauties and yellow jackets. So those are uppers. That was like speed. Diet pills and stuff. Yeah, correct. And then it just, when I met Frank it was cocaine so by 14 I was you know partying 14 15 um by the time I was 16 I was dating like the biggest drug dealer in Staten Island secretly and who is this are we allowed to say he was so gorgeous no I can't say it. But it wasn't Frank.

No, his first name is Jay. He was just like, oh, he was beautiful. And he was like, you can't tell nobody because, you know, your father would be upset. How old was he? 22. 22 and you were how old? 16. Oh, God.

I'm having this argument with our kid right now. She has 20-year-olds hanging around and she's 15. No. And I'm like, there's something wrong with them. okay good and that's a crime i think that's a crime okay good because what i know now first of all i would kill somebody i have three granddaughters you're not making it home yeah like no you're warped in the brain that you want to be with a little girl yeah because good i'm glad regardless the woman could be grown you know physically we could look a certain way but mentally no and that's where they condition you you're conditioned in your early teen years you know what I mean so for me it was like I felt popular I felt special I felt I wasn't ugly yes I felt I but it was a secret yeah so it's still you know it's not fair to me

and I just stayed in a you know looking back it's so sad it's so sad I could have been so much more in life you know I could have had the healthy relationship, but no, I, you know, I went from my first boyfriend to that like relationship for a few years when I was in my six, 16 to 18 to meeting my son's father when I was 20, getting engaged a month and 19 days after I met him because I wanted this. And my father said, you want it? I'm'm gonna give you what you want now you're gonna let you when you make your bed you gotta lay in it and my father didn't want me to marry him because he wasn't Italian he was Puerto Rican did you ever um experience abuse in the house was that no there was never any abuse no Lana always got hit I'm trying to figure out where

your attachment style came from okay I don't. Because my father never hit my mother. Ever. But what I do know is this. At 16, I found out about an affair my father had. Mom, I'm sorry if you ever hear this. And I remember what I did. And I lost it. Like lost it it because I have the most magnificent mother in the world like Raquel Welch gorgeous and such a good woman but in the same thing I didn't want to be her anymore I wanted to be her and then I didn't want to be her because to me it was weak right and I just said that's what's going to happen and I ended up being the same damn thing just with a big mouth so my father never hit my mother ever ever that's like just not happening in my household Lana got hit a lot because Lana was really bad like she would rob the car all the time and you know like flip the cars and

trying to hang you off chandeliers absolutely had me swinging off banisters like but um i think for me i just wanted something you wanted to be loved and i had such a hole in my soul i was born with a hole in my soul literally i was born with a hot murmur i think that was the hole yeah um and i i would have done anything, anything in the world. Oh, God, I'm going to get so emotional right now. That's okay. I would have done anything for someone to say I love you. Looking back, do you feel like you finally found that love within yourself?

Not yet. You're still looking for it. Well, I love you. I love you too. You want a hug? Yeah. I you want a hug I'm so sorry I just don't know I got you oh you are so you know thank you you know I you know what's funny now I have it with my grandchildren you know and um they love me oh I bet and you are like the ultimate gma you're like glamour that's yeah that's the name of my company too i just they actually i play superhero i um

i do all these things with the kids and uh it's this feeling of it's a different love yeah and it does unconditional yeah it does fill the soul you know it it is now for me it's a different love yeah and it does unconditional yeah it does fill the soul you know it it is now for me it's things are changing and um do we have any tissue mimi we'll get you we usually travel with a box oh my gosh we'll get you some i'll rip the eyelashes off in five minutes i don't even care take the shoes off i don't care um yeah you know. I think it's a journey. I think life is a journey of literally learning how to fall in love with yourself.

Yep. It really is. And for women like us who have grown up with trauma and the women at home that are listening, like, that's really all we've ever searched for in this world is to give love and to receive love. And it starts with us. It does. And what I'm finding out now is nobody's going to do it for me but me.

Absolutely. You know, and that's the sad part because I know how I love on somebody. So I'm like, what? You know, where are these people? And my sister Jennifer would always say to me, Renee, your expectations of people are way too high. Nobody's you.

No one will ever do the things you do. You pay people's bills before you'll even pay your own. You'll take care of everyone, strangers on the street, and not yourself. And I think that's what it was. I've always been trying to save a life, but it was my life I had to save. And I just felt like that my life wasn't good enough.

I wasn't good enough. Why should I be alive? Why should I have all these things? Even when I was young, I would give everything out. Everything my father'd give me, I'd give everybody else. Because I felt like God gave me so much. Why would I not share it? You know, not everybody gets the lifestyle that I lived as a child. I had

a fur coat at seven, diamond nameplates. Like, I think I came out of the womb as a mob wife. Like, you know, with the big jewelry and the whole bit, you know? And now I look back and I just, I have three granddaughters and I have one grandson and all I want them to do, I have three granddaughters and I have one grandson and all I want them to do, all I want for them, I should say, is to know that they are so loved and nothing matters and nobody will ever hurt them. And I say that and I don't care if the feds will listen in on this one. I would go right to the wall for them. You know what I mean? As every parent should for their child, every parent, any parent that doesn't shouldn't be a parent that's how I view it did you ever pour that feel like you poured that love into AJ you know what

AJ AJ is is very loved uh very very very loved he doesn't really show me that though anymore um I I know I hurt my son I definitely did um AJ witnessed some stuff that uh he doesn't talk about ever so when AJ was like five and um it was November 29th and um his father gave me a really bad beating. And his face was pressed between the two little lats on the stairs. And his eyes never left mine as this man dragged me down the stairs backwards. And I just remember looking at him and I said, I got to get him out of here. And I went to church and there was a piece of paper in the church and it said, after long dark storm there will be light and there was no other piece of paper in the whole church that said that and I'm all over the church like oh my god God's talking to me like I know this man's having a conversation with me. He is. No facts. I left the next day. I packed what's

crazy I took my son my my clothes, and my television. When you're in those situations, you do crazy shit. My TV. No, because I swear the TV meant something to me all my life. Like, I wanted to be Lucille Ball. That was my dream. Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball with Blondie and Joan Jett twists. That's all I wanted to be when I grew up. You know what I mean?

But then again, I wanted to be Diane Carroll. But then my mother told me I couldn't be Diane Carroll because she was a black woman. And I argued with her for like years. Yes, I can. She's like, no, you can't, Renee. You don't understand. But yeah, I left him right there. And I left with AJ.

I went home. My father was like, OK, no problem. Stay. You can't go back now and what's crazy is my ex-husband's last name is pagan so for someone who believes in god so much right i've always thought that okay i got married in a church called our lady of pity oh my goodness a black crow flew in my church and sat above me on my wedding tape. Wow.

I just got goosebumps. I married the devil. I kid you. He's the spawn of the devil. How did you guys meet? Where did this come from? Because I read somewhere that he was a friend of your father's. No, not at all.

He's a liar. Okay. He wishes. I met him on May 17th of 1990. He had just come home from doing like four years for like gun trafficking. So for me, it's like, oh, the SI report. I love it. Oh, my God.

He's going to fit in my family just fine. You know, and I remember going home and saying to him, I got a boyfriend. I want you to meet him. And he's like, what's his name? I'm like, ask him when he gets here. He goes, what does that mean, Renee? Because I couldn't say his name was Hector. Yeah.

I didn't know what was going to happen. Yeah. So when he got to the house, my father goes, what's your name? He goes, Hector. He goes, Hector? What's that? What are you? So he said, I'm Puerto Rican.

And he goes, no, your name is Junior. That's where he got that name from, from my father. And because he was in jail with a friend of my father's who was Joe Messina, who was the mob boss of the Bonanno crime family, who also became a fucking rat. And he's dead now, too. My father gave him a pass. He started abusing me immediately. Immediately. And how old 20 I was 20 I got engaged a month and 19 days after I met him I said daddy this is what I want and my father always gave me what I wanted so even getting you know beat by him

my father never knew no never never told him he's my abuser. And when I say that, I mean it in every way, shape of the word. So whatever comes before abuse, emotionally, mentally, sexually, physically, that's my abuser. I've heard you say that he was your rapist. It's hard to believe that people give this man a platform. You know what's hard to believe? That women don't report this. Because you don't know it's hard to believe that people give this man a platform you know it's hard to believe that women don't report this because you don't know it's a crime when you're married I didn't know that that's a crime right you know if your husband comes home and he's a little bit forceful and you have to submit that's a crime I didn't know that and I had a therapist her name was Renee um and she was the one who told me no

that's rape Renee and I was like I don't think it's called that where I'm from and she's like no that's what it's called period what would he do he was just the drugs were bad he was a he is an alcoholic and an addict so um he would just come home from, we had a strip club, my father's. And his girlfriend worked there. Her name was Danielle. Whose girlfriend? My ex-husband's. Juniors, okay.

Filthy bitch. Filthy. And he would just constantly compare me to her. And he was very forceful from being drunk and high. And I really didn't have many choices. I also didn't understand. And I think I didn't understand a lot because I was never really developed

in that sense of the word. Physically, I was very developed, but I wasn't mature enough to be a baby yeah you're absolutely but I was doing it from 13 so you know what I mean I figured oh I'm gonna make a guy like me I know what I could do and every guy liked me trust me but not every guy wanted me because one it wasn't just the fact that you had to deal with my father. I don't shut up. Right. You're going to follow suit.

Right. If you can't equal up to my father, you're going to follow suit. Right. And I'm going to lead. And that's really what it was. And my ex-husband resented me for that because guys would kiss me hello before him. So, you know, that mob thing, they all kiss each other. They wouldn't kiss him before me right and i

kept saying him but you're not anthony's daughter i am yeah so i am to be treated that way because i am the you know mob royalty if you if you and he's also not italian no and that was the thing then he became so close with my father my father loved this man oh my god he loved this man and he was gonna give him our last name so he could imagine this and this man ratted on my father beat his daughter the abuse I went through he shattered my coccyx bone broke uh cracked a rib punctured a kidney broke my cheekbone like and I would never tell Renee I yeah I never told why would he do these things like he just would come home drunk he was just because he would say really mean things to me and oh god this is so bad sorry Lois his mother's

Lois she died she was a heroin addict died of HIV so he would be really mean to me and I'd be like your mother's oh true it's true your mother's this or your mother's that because that's my only defense because I'm getting smacked so what else could I do I'm like a little peanut and this man is six feet professional boxer no man should ever hit a woman no matter what he was he was just evil yeah I don't want to. I know that he had his own trauma, but I don't like to give him any little bit of grace whatsoever because he doesn't deserve it. Because you could walk out that door. You walked out that door and gave your girlfriend my car and left me while I was pregnant, throwing up. My body shut down.

I lost 25 pounds in my fourth month left me while I was pregnant, throwing up, my body shut down. I lost 25 pounds in my fourth month. I, uh, my body, I collapsed and I stayed in the hospital for like at least two weeks. And he made me take a cab home. Like the things like I, a lot of it's flashing right now. So forgive me, you know, cause my ADD is also active right now. And it's like, Oh shit. me you know because my add is also active right now and it's like oh shit i oh my god oh my what what was i doing i could have had anything and anyone i went through it too i went through it a severely abusive relationship so everything that i'm hearing from you just breaks my heart because i too stayed no matter what and it was like we had the most amazing sex and like i would try he was always sorry after he would do it and then now this man

is trying to gaslight me because he knows I'm writing a book oh good so where was his address and it's telling me that everything that happened is embellished and that I'm lying and that he he never hit me closed-fisted but he bopped me in my nose you know like it's like the the these men are just crazy so to me know, Hector sounds a lot like my. Well, yeah, because they're what's the what are they called? Narcissist. Narcissist. Asshole.

My ex-husband, the sex was horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. You should be embarrassed. But, you know, it's so crazy. His girlfriend, he has a girlfriend now. It's like stalks me.

Oh, of course. I'm like, bitch, please have a seat. You're the one that got away. Like, please have a seat. He probably triangulates you with her. He just knocked her out cold in a parking lot in Staten Island, maybe like six months ago. He moved out here.

He lives in Lake Tahoe. And if I had his address, I'd give it to you. No. Um, for anybody who wanted to ring the bell. I don't care. So'd give it to you. No. For anybody who wanted to ring the bell. I don't care. So I really don't care. They could come and say, Renee, you're not allowed to say that. I'd be like, yes, I am.

So let's rewind it back. So you're going through this horrific time with him. You're pregnant. You know, you have AJ. AJ's having to witness the abuse. When do you guys finally break? Because I know on Mob Wives, you guys ended up getting back together.

Okay, so it was November 30th, 1990. I love that she remembers dates. Yeah. Oh, I have a thing with numbers. Okay. It was, yep, 1999, because I remember for New Year's, I remember that Prince song playing in my head.

I left, and then I found out that the affair he was having at that time was with his sister's friend, who I always said it was, and she was pregnant. So here's this one. So now I show up at court. I didn't know she was pregnant yet. So I go to court. He gets pinched. I go to court. I have to put the house up for him. And he's there with her. And I'm sitting there and I'm looking. And my cousin, Alexis, who's this tiny, tiny little blonde, we call her Barbie. And she says, Renee, I go, there's a ring on her finger. He's married to me.

I get up and the judge goes, who's here for Hector Pagan? I go, me. He goes, your name? I go, Renee Pagan. He goes, well, then who's the woman that he's with? That was one. I walk out of the courtroom, and I remember getting into a fight with him in front of the federal building that he took me by my throat and dangled me in the street.

While you're pregnant? No, she was now pregnant. Oh, she was pregnant. I was, no, AJ was already born, but he was having this affair. Sorry. And then I find out he's engaged. AJ was already born. Okay, gotcha.

But he was having this affair. Sorry. And then I find out he's engaged. Two weeks later, my son says to me, he was with his dad. I was away. I had a boyfriend at the time. And a wise guy boyfriend, too. He was cute.

And AJ calls me and says that, what was her name? Vicky made him pee in the tub because she was on the toilet bowl and he was playing in the snow and I said okay mommy's mommy will be there in no time you were in the bathroom with my kid that's a no I made it home from three hours away in like two hours and I gave her a beat and that's why that was and I'm not a fighter at all and that's how I ended up finding out she was pregnant because he said I'll kill kill you. She's having a baby. And I didn't even know she was pregnant. And that's how I found out. So you're married to me, engaged, having a child, still beating me. And this is where we're at. So at that point I was like, I'm done. He went to jail for eight years. I had nothing to do with him. No communication. I then started working for 50 cent and I you know my life started to pick up

and I had this really fun and exciting life all of a sudden I was experiencing everything from different races and culture and I was like in heaven I was like candies yeah that was me um and uh matter of fact my friend that lives here I you know i'm talking about the witch i'll tell you afterwards anyway um so he came home and he then got a girlfriend as mob wives going on no no he came home in eight so mob wives happened in 10 2007 you had an overdose didn't you yeah can we talk about that because this was before mob wives even started yep so okay so i um from the damage in my back they put me on oxy 80s and um i was hooked i think in a week and i was on two oxy 80s ready six roxies xanax water pills diet pills everything the doctor gave me oh my gosh doctor gave that's enough to kill you but it did obviously yeah and then um on july 4th in 2007 i

for the first time my they were like four cop cars i was was a wild lunatic. You couldn't contain me, nothing. Can you tell me on that day what happened? My girlfriend, Nancy, I said to Nancy, you got to take me to my mom's. I'm going to die and I know it. I said, I have to get off drugs. She got me there. She gave my mother everything that I had and I hit the floor.

And that was it. And my mother did not understand addiction and was embarrassed so she put me in a 72-hour holdover as opposed to detox and I was sexually assaulted in the um mental ward by a man named Stanley Guido on July 7th at 435 in the afternoon. Two hours before I was being released. And then I was straight jacketed after that. And. So let me get this right.

Your mom has you admitted. Committed. Committed. And a man forces himself on you? Yeah, he was a patient. Oh, he was a patient. He was a patient. Okay.

And I remember there was this young black boy there, and they kept giving him so much Thorazine, and I would give him my cookies because I knew it would change the chemicals. So I know I'm not crazy, you know? But I saw I saw what they were doing to people and it was breaking my heart. So they drugged me and the man came in my room and held me down. That's why I like, I, I shake on my left side. So he held me down. He sexually assaulted me. I remember like losing it and they wouldn't get me a gynecologist. They wouldn't call 911. So I found a way to set a fire. And I knew if the police,

if the fire department came, the police department would come. The police department, the man was Detective Gorham. He was the head of SVU, but he used to be organized crime and knew my father. And he said, tell me what happened. I told him. The man admitted it. I have a police report that backs this up. And he tried to orally violate me, the man. The cop turned his face and I did what I did and they straightjacketed me because I like attacked him. Like you couldn't get me off of him. You couldn't. And the man said he did it. So now the psychiatrist tells my mother I'm lying. My mother believes the doctor because she thinks I'm trying to get out. They kept me there for two weeks. I spent my 37th birthday with a one-on-one in Staten Island Hospital.

spent my 37th birthday with a one-on-one in Staten Island Hospital and uh it changed me for the rest of my life it changed me for the rest of my life because it was different than the abuse from my husband this you took from me he did that but it was different because he was part of my it was my relationship this stranger did it to me yeah and um they started giving me eight milligrams a day in Xanax. Eight milligrams a day. So much. At 125 pounds. Even two milligrams is a lot. I used to take literally a quarter of the Xanax, like a piece of a piece.

Oh, no. It takes me four milligrams to knock me out. Oh, God. My tolerance is so high to drugs. So high. And that's what happened to me. And it changed me. I'm so sorry. It's okay. You know what? I actually have some forgiveness there. And I think it's because when I realized it was my fault. And what I say it was my fault is what he did to me wasn't my fault but it was my fault I was there because if

I didn't do the drugs I wouldn't have OD'd if I didn't OD he couldn't have done that so that's mine I have to own it and when I owned it it was like oh okay I get it and it didn't feel as bad I didn't smell him anymore it took me years I was like maybe three or four years I'd smell this human I would scratch my skin off my body, my neck. Like, there's parts of my wife's, like, my neck would be ripped apart because the feeling would over, like, the pains in my body when he tried to, like, forcefully push his fist inside of me. Like, I'd get pain, and then all of a sudden it was gone. It was just gone. I dealt with it. I don't know, maybe it's because I prayed so much on it like

I would always just ask God just please just take this one like you give me so much and I know they say like you can only God gives you what you can handle but like I had a time out I said God yeah I'm done I'm like I'm tapping out dude like there I'm done I want to die I just want to die now and that's what it was I just wanted to die for a really long time but I was too chicken to do it and I'm Catholic and it's a sin so I would never you know do it but it's been in my head you know what I mean and then after I lost my father, that was it for me. Then I really. So when you got out of the mental, we're going to circle back.

We'll get to this when your dad passes. When you got out of the mental hospital and you were just at that breaking point of like, this is enough. I've had enough. When you got out, were you able to stay sober? Or did that, what happened to you in that hospital just. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, that was the start

of xanax addiction right that was it so xanax i would say to you i'm sober at least nine months a year absolutely yeah um my using is a little different i'm definitely an addict but i'll use maybe two days cocaine two days and then i won't use for like two months xanax i was using like consecutive and it was like to the point where i couldn't feel so i couldn't think i couldn't feel it was great oh my god it's the it's the most it's the most wonderful drug in the world i love if you use it correctly it is a good drug i didn't use it correctly i overdosed on it twice i'm sorry loved xanax so people that don't understand people that don't have dysregulated nervous systems don't understand the feeling of chewing on a xanax that was my favorite thing or putting it under my tongue and just letting it go that taste is so horrible it's it's horrific but the

feeling you get is euphoric that's why that's why there were two and three in my mouth at a time it was just like okay you know oh wait in 15 minutes I'm not gonna feel anything and I have I suffer with severe insomnia since my 20s so I don't sleep I go two three days no sleep yeah I was hospitalized I've woken up under general anesthesia I've woken up under propofol. Like, I mean, something happens to me when they put me out. Yeah. And I think I'm so afraid that I like the adrenaline pumps and I get back up. So yeah. And I think also, the not sleeping had to do with the lifestyle. You know what I mean? Not the drugs, but the lifestyle of waiting up for my father, or waiting up for my ex husband to come home by the window, always waiting waiting and it's just it's so much trauma man like I'm just figuring it out

now yeah like healing trauma you're never healed it's literally a journey and we're gonna have to figure out our trauma till the day we're not here anymore like that it's a journey my son has a hard time with this one he's like why can't you just stop men are wired differently I'm like you know what they are but they're not okay they don't share with us enough right but I think they're just they could be just as or weaker yeah I definitely think so like look at a man that gets traumatized by a woman he becomes a creep afterwards you know what I mean we don't become creepy we just I'm not laughing at men becoming creeps I'm laughing at how she says stuff I'm laughing at men becoming creeps I am I said it and I stand on it um I just think, you know, for my son, he's so strong.

He's also probably super empathic and super sensitive because normally when you're, no. No, the kid, no. Not at all. No, he's so cold. Oh, he got his dad. You know, after his father did what he did, AJ had to like be cold because we don't know if something was...

It just hurt him too bad. AJ had, unfortunately, suffered a serious situation where somebody hurt him very badly because of his father. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, 14 staples. Oh, my gosh. And this was after he ratted on your dad? So let's rewind back to that so okay

you know 2007 you had the overdose this horrific incident with the mental hospital and then when does mob wives come knocking 2008 2009 okay so after what happened to me in the hospital i worked for tina fey and alec baldwin that That was like A great Was Alec cool? Because I've heard So many horror stories about him He was great with me Always Tina is my favorite person On the face of the earth

Yeah she seems like a sweetie She would always say to me You're gonna be famous one day Renee You're gonna be famous one day And I'd be like Okay Tina We gotta get

Diet pill Water pill What are we doing? You know And I'll tell you why I say that So 2010 Mob Wives starts

My sister Jennifer says Renee you can't be on the show Jennifer actually is the EP and creator of Mob Wives and that's your sister yes and she said you can't be on the show I can't deal with you I'm like what could I do wardrobe what could I do and all along she had a plan for me to be on it but wasn't telling me and so like a few days before she was like that's what you get i was like okay so mob wives kicks off um my ex-husband is home at the time i have plastic surgery season one gone terribly wrong i die yeah we're gonna talk about that i lose yep i lose 6.3 pints of blood merced through my body read my last rights twice vancose vancomycin resistant um it was you were having so you okay so the show starts you're doing the show

correct hector comes home yes okay you decide to get your body done yes and this is on the show this is all playing out on the show so if you guys are not mob wives fanatics go and binge this series you will not be disappointed but take me on that journey you decide to go get your body done what did you get your body done for him I got my body done so nobody could talk about me anymore and I thought I was gonna have this fabulous figure um the doctor was was another evil individual um and he decided he was gonna give me a full body lift at 165 pounds that doesn't even make sense you're not supposed to do that to somebody so small so I went in for a BBL and a tummy tuck I ended up uh my ass was even more concaved now at this

point um I'm dying I have MRSA I have a hole this big in my back. So you go home from the surgery. Okay. So the surgery happened on June 11th in 2011. I go home. My mother comes to the hospital. Okay. No.

Sorry. Okay. Surgery day. I go in. He does a seven-hour surgery in like four and a half hours. They put the garment on me. They rip me open. I go in. He does a seven-hour surgery in like four and a half hours. They put the garment on me. They rip me open. I bleed out.

Emergency second surgery. Come out. Never calls 911. I lost 6.3 pints of blood. The next day, my mom comes and she hears me. And she comes running and I said, I'm dying. And she's like, what do you mean? I said, I'm dying.

And I was cold and I was cold I was blue I remember the woman in the ambulance saying stay with me stay with me stay with me and I was like just let me go just let me like and they were like you have to have a transfusion now I think I'm gonna die because I have to have a four pint transfusion I don't want the blood they take my rights away from me I have the transfusion I I don't want the blood. They take my rights away from me. I have the transfusion. I'm in the hospital for a week. I go home and I smell something. So I'm like, must be the antibiotics, you know, because for females that. Yeah, absolutely. So I said to the doc, I called the doctor. I said, hey, you know, I have 101 fevers. Like get to the hospital. I said, okay. He's like, I'll meet you there there I get to the hospital the hospital's 10

minutes for me within 20 minutes I'm at 103.5 the doctor comes in and his name is Dr. Raj he touches me and MRSA just was everywhere oh everywhere so now they have me like in like a little incubation thing because nobody can come around me yeah um now you know I could kill somebody with mercer or whatever they start with their vancomycin I'm vancomycin resistant four days um read my last rights twice Dr. Addy his name is he was a doctor from Africa who works with HIV patients so now I think I have HIV because this is like you know you gotta understand well you don't know they don't tell you what's going on infectious disease the man's coming in from Africa what the fuck I'm like oh my god it's over and um he comes up with a cocktail and I remember being upstairs

and my father calling didn't speak to me and my sister because of mob wives your dad was my yeah we'll talk about that too let's finish the story so he was away so my father calls and the priest said you know you should say goodbye to your daughter and he said what has she got you bullshitted too father and that my mother said no renee's dying like it's a real thing there's she's vancomycin resistant they can't fix her and then i think my father might have threatened the doctor and the next day I was I was on my road to recovery and they said that I've defied medical history my plastic surgeon never showed up ever wow yep and then there's a lot that goes into that story with the doctor which I'm not going to touch on that because we've had so many damn lawsuits over it. My ex-husband then comes back, comes to the hospital. I'll never forget it. And he brought me

this Rolex and it was the one Rolex I didn't have. And he gave it to me and he said, I love you. And in my brain, I said, I had to die for him to love me mind you this is my abuser I go back with him I move him in I come home from the hospital this is all on the show everything playing out on the show this is real life none of this is scripted oh you couldn't script me the only thing fake about me is my nose right you know what I mean like my ass is mine it's just fat from a different part of my body I say the same thing my nose is not mine yeah modified and then let's let's let's cut back real quick your dad did stop talking to you guys because of the almost because didn't he get shelved from the mob or they said he was shelved technically okay he wasn't at that this point, not at all.

Right. It wasn't until he came home. And I'll touch a little bit on that. Okay. So my ex-husband now says, I love you. I want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, great.

And I think there was an episode where you even said to him, you never say I love you to me. Oh, listen, this creep, this creep, this creep. Did you think that he did all this because he knew? I know he did. I know he did. He only came back to me to set my father up. My father came home August.

My father was gone. And I wrote my father a letter before he came home. And you could verify this with my mother. And said, Dad, you're going to go back to jail right before Thanksgiving. I know it. Please don't talk to anybody. Don't, don't, don't. Day before Thanksgiving, they took my father away.

And I knew it. I wrote it. I knew it. Like when I tell you what my premonitions are so real, I knew it. And I just knew something wasn't right. But I was so high because I'm on Dilaudid. Now eight milligram, like, I'm sorry, six milligrams.

Every time I take my Dilaudid, it's six milligrams. I had been sent home with a medicine ball. So I had the pick and, you know, to my heart every day I had to do this. A nurse three times a day, like changing my bandages, all of this. He comes back to me. I love you. I love you. I love you.

This, that, and a third. We're going to therapyages all of this he comes back to me I love you I love you I love you this that and a third we're going to therapy all this god he even committed to therapy well he was cooperating with the government since 2006 because he's not even a real man and can't tell you that but I know his paperwork so I'll give you that so we can put that up there too because since 2006 he's been a rat fucking cocksucker excuse my mouth it gets me very angry is that why your dad went away um yes okay so nobody knew that it was no so this is so november 20 right before um november 21st my father was in the hospital my dad had cancer uh prostate bladder urethra kidney and i was I was going to kill myself. I'll never forget it. I took Seroquil. I'm like, I can't live like this no more. So dramatic. Seroquil, where was I going?

Anyway, my father ran from the hospital to the house. And I remember my white marble floors, it was blood everywhere. And he was like, what's wrong with you? What's going on? I was like, dad, something's wrong. I don't know what it is, you what's going on I was like dad something's wrong I don't know what it is but something's wrong I can't I I can't take it but I'm so polluted mentally with so much deluded and Xanax and he's giving me cocaine and I'm just like hi and um I watched his behavior he was acting strange going outside for phone calls I think he's cheating on me right right because he? Because he was always cheating. You go through his phone. Exactly. He was always cheating on me.

With Drita, actually. Right. What happens is this. He turns himself in. My son comes home, November 21st, and he hands me a letter. And he said, this is from dad. I go, where's your father? We didn't talk for two days before because I was fighting with him.

And I thought he was cheating. Right. He turned himself in because he couldn't take it anymore. So I read this letter. He says, you know, I got pinched nine years. Me, I'm like, I'll put the house up, whatever. I called home. I said, dad, I can't find him, my father.

I swear to God. You could see the phone conversation. And I said, he said, mind your fucking business. Get off the phone. And I was like, what are you talking? Get off the phone, Renee. Don't get on the phone today. And I'm like, dad, I can't find him in the system.

Renee, Renee, please, Renee. And I couldn't understand what was happening. And then I call him back. I'm like, dad, dad, I can't find him. And I hear my sister, Jennifer's son opened the door and he said, Poppy, it's the police. And I said, dad, I'm coming on my way. And he said, Renee, stay home. You're going to, I'll go to jail for murder. Don't come here. And I hung up the phone and I knew it was over. He was home three months after 12 years.

And the next day in the newspaper it read, mob wife star husband's a snitch. My whole life ended. My identity was wiped. I was nothing at that moment. But I got sober that day for like almost a year. And this is all playing out on the show. And I mean, you're having to not only deal with this in your own personal life,

you're literally having to live this with millions of people having an opinion. The first thing I thought of whenever that was going down was, is that what maybe brought you and Karen a little bit closer? Because you kind of had to go through. So Karen and I, our fight, the first fight we had on the show, Karen and I, our fight, the first fight we had on the show, it was more planned. Gotcha. Because we were good. Karen, I stayed with Karen before the show started and I got sober.

And I lived with her for a while and she helped me out. So that night we had to do that scene. It turned real. When I had to say what I had to say about her father and she had to say, well, you can't think for yourself. And it was like real then. But the love we had for each other was not going to go anywhere. We were still going to be, I was the one that would say, don't talk to the daughter, da, da, da, da, da. And then people were doing it to my son.

And it was Karen that helped my son out. Because I, yeah, I had a nervous breakdown that day in the house. Karen was there. I collapsed in the bathroom then I ended up spending two weeks in the hospital afterwards from a nervous breakdown all these things were happening to me like you know it's like this everything is happening everything's happening and happening and happening and you can't put a finger on anything because you're not I'm not okay up here you know for all that time I

was I was using um not just what I was prescribed because I had MRSA so I literally had a hole in my back the pain was excruciating it was down to my spine like this deep into my back but now I'm on cocaine and then I stopped immediately everything stopped that day that I found everything out so when I get home from the hospital my money's gone I'm like where's my money and I take his watch collection oh this fucking rat bastard I take his watch collection and I go to the jeweler and I said listen I gotta pay my taxes I'm screwed this man left me with car notes this that and a third and he goes FBI take your money no okay things just disappeared on his behalf because he said he left me everything.

He didn't leave me anything but crumbs. The crumbs in my fucking bed and embarrassed and humiliated is what he left me. So the jeweler comes and says, Renee, sit down. I go, for what? Just give me the money. I got to go. He said, Renee, sit down. The watches are all fake and they all have wires in them.

I took my watch off. He said, take that watch off. The watch he gave me in the hospital, Bunny, had a wire in it. Get the fuck out of here, Renee. My son shouldn't see tomorrow. How about that? What a piece of shit. So when he's sitting there doing these interviews, he's a fucking liar. He he's a disgrace he doesn't deserve to breathe he put my father who wanted to give him my last name so he could be the gangster he wanted to be and you're a rat you're a pussy you're a pussy that's what you are you got your son hurt you beat your wife you're a pussy I have no respect for a man like that I have no respect for any man any woman or any man that does those type of things to another

person because that's disgusting you murdered somebody not my father you killed him but you put my father away because you are the murderer because you couldn't do your time. You fucking pussy. That's how I feel about it. Good lord. Yeah. That is heavy. So the watch he gave you while you're laying on your death bed.

That's right. And he's telling you he loves you has a wire in it. I don't even. That's right. And I haven't spoke on this. Like I said it on Mob Wives you'll see it he wrote how he was going to murder me and I read that letter on purpose on television with Ramona because I was afraid at that point at that point I said this guy's a killer I know what he is so

it is possible I didn't have my father anymore he was in jail my father's also now very very sick at the time you know with the cancer and I'm saying to myself what am I gonna do okay I gotta use my brain everybody's like get a restraining order I'm like I can't I'm a rat and everybody's like no you're not and I'm like no I'm just gonna read the letter and maybe that was a little snitchy okay I don't think it was snitchy I don't think it was I had to protect myself I had to and I had to show that me and my son are unified and against that man so my son is my like my life I'm gonna die for my child and my father you know and I remember Jennifer saying that day shut the shut it down shut it down shut it I said don't you shut this fucking show down we're gonna show every little bit of this because this is what this life is about literally it's not about who could dress the

prettiest it's about death it's about murder it's about it's about betrayal and nobody has been betrayed more than me from mob wives to the men and I say mob wives because of the one mob wife which isn't Karen or Ramona that you interviewed without saying her name. She's no good neither. That's betrayal. You want to use party, have a good time, but you want to tell on me, but I'm not going to tell on you, but you want to tell on me. So you expect me to hide your lies while you tell my truth. Fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at in life. And we're talking, you know, yeah. That's where I'm at in life. We're talking about Drita. Yeah. And everybody wants to walk around, oh, Renee, you're in recovery.

You know, you got to let things go. No, you don't. I don't have to let anything go if I don't want it. She can't influence me to use over it. She can't influence me to feel bad about myself anymore. But the truth of the matter is, it's people like her that say horrible things about a good person like me who does hide your lies. And, and I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking

about multiple lies. I'll hide your shit for you because I believe that you're not supposed to do that to another person, but you sit there and tell your friends to call me a junkie. Okay. Like, you know, I'm so over the girls that you want to be a whore okay own your shit too like you know fuck that bitch like if I want to sleep with you I'm going to you want to talk about me who cares you want to call me a drug addict so what you know if I'm a drug addict and a little bit of a tramp oh my god I must be the worst person in the world, but I'll feed your kids. I'll give you everything I got. So this whole thing of mob wives and this mob lifestyle, like you're jealous of me that I'm actually a mob boss's daughter. Hey, that's my father. That's not me. That's my father. That's who I became because of him. So when I was stripped

literally of everything in life from money to everything, I had to reinvent myself over and over and over. And I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't. I didn't want to anymore. I didn't know who Renee was. I'm just finding out who I am now. And yeah, you know what?

I wasn't my boss's daughter. I'm now a grandmother. yeah you know what I was a mob boss's daughter I'm now a grandmother I'm a an advocate for people in addiction mental health I'm way more than a mob wife absolutely way more and I don't have to tell you I'm gonna beat you up to be cool like okay if that's what you think is cool that's bullying yeah and yes I might have been a bully on the show absolutely but what they don't show you was every situation I was put into I fought by myself everybody was against me you know why because they were jealous of Jennifer you know not all of the girls a lot of them had problems with my sister but my sister's your boss yeah who's on welfare who's this who's broke and at the end of

the day she put a paycheck and a very tremendous paycheck for everyone maybe we didn't like we didn't get what we we thought we should have but nobody was getting 8 000 an episode day one walking in the door nobody was yeah what were they giving like jersey shoe was like 1500 nobody was getting 8 8 000 for your first season nobody you know and there was just so much jealousy and you know even on my part not and I'll say that like Ange had a show not Renee Ange this not Renee but Renee is the one who's doing all the work so if you really want to talk about the show season uh one I think we all had equal parts absolutely season two we know it was all about me with nine extra episodes added so now everybody got the same paycheck I didn't get

a bonus yeah I had a problem with that absolutely because it was your life exactly and nobody's doing what I'm doing I'm giving you everything from addiction I'm dying on TV I'm ODing basically on TV every year to one point I know for a fact when I when everybody Ramona left and Karen left I was like 75% of the show I did the work yeah there was a lot of unfair you know but i can't blame my sister for it because it's the network that's giving us the money you know you guys literally became an iconic moment in time i don't even think you guys realized how oh i did yeah and renee's like yep yep i did yeah yeah i i think that you guys are gonna be a part of history and that that whole lineage like look at you guys have mob wives re-trending on TikTok now it's insane how do you feel about that TikTok trend I love it I I love it I love watching

Khloe Kardashian and I first of all I love Khloe yeah yeah um and I I know Chloe from many, many, many years ago. She was always so much fun and beautiful. She's my favorite. I think she's just a beautiful spirit and strong. And she says what she said, and I love it. Watching everybody, Joan Collins the other day had it, did the mob wife's aesthetic. I'm like, I wanted to be Joan Collins. And Joan Collins wants to be us now.

So for me, it was this moment of, wow. Yeah. But again, I watched my mom do that. I'm telling you, I came out in a fur coat with big diamonds and all of that. So I think it's wonderful. I don't like the fact that they attach the negative part to it because fashion is fashion.

So they should, you know, leave it alone. But I do understand how they say, how do you glamorize the mafia? Well, I don't know. You guys are the ones making the movies.

Yeah. Hollywood has always glamorized the mob. Because it's, there was something to it. I'm from Vegas. The mob is glorified in vegas do you know that um meyer lansky so my therapist renee meyer lansky was her uh godfather and

bugsy siegel and meyer lansky opened the first catholic church yeah wow yep the first catholic church in uh vegas wow that's amazing. I love all those. I want the house where Bugsy Siegel lived that they said is haunted. I would live there with him. I would feel like I have somebody. She said, I'd live there with him. He'd love you.

I know. You and that ghost could make out every night. Absolutely. Snuggle up, baby. I love that. All right, so let's circle back. You're going through all this shit on Mob Wives. The show's kind of imploding at this point. love that all right so let's circle back you're going through all this shit on mob wives the the

show's kind of imploding at this point and i it's one because of the harvey weinstein thing but two also i feel like the cast members were falling apart too uh falling apart like what what what episode what season are we i think towards the last season we're just getting to the point they were reaching yeah it was getting Yeah they were reaching I guess they wanted like new blood Alicia had left the show at this point Karen came back

That's why Alicia left And it just And then the other Natalie left Carla and Drita stopped being friends Like it was Do we ever know what happened With Carla and Drita The real story like it was see so do we ever know what happened with Carla and Drita the real story because yeah I do can we talk about it because you were just with Carla the other day weren't you I was I saw Carla when I was in Florida yeah so the truth of the

matter is and I don't it's really for Carla to speak on but I'll tell you this much so obviously it couldn't just be me and Karen that thought she was shitty because it was her best friend then that she stopped speaking to so it wasn't just me Ramona Karen it was all of us felt the same way so now obviously who's the common denominator she is so my thing with with uh drita is this she had this thing where she had to be the the top dog drita's funny i'm gonna give her that i mean she's great with the one-liners we had some scenes together that we would be crying, laughing so hard. But the jealousy, it's stupid. It's like you're, look, if you look up in the sky, there's millions, billions of stars, right?

Everybody could be a star. Not my fault. I'm the North Star and you're not. Right. Right. Yeah, I said it. Mimi's over here falling out of her seat. Yeah. North sorry yeah god said you know what i'm gonna give you a lot of shit so i'll make you the north star okay but what are you in competition you can't be me and i don't want to be you you're not my

father's daughter you don't have my upbringing you can't be me i can't be you yeah so be you over the fuck there and I'm over here so I'm I'm I'm confrontation we all know I don't I don't give a shit um I don't feel that girls have to put their hands on each other I can have an argument a verbal argument with you okay so what you're fast with your words you would okay good for you I'm not saying you're not a star you definitely are yeah but you don't have to be this person to to down everybody else right you know what I mean I I'm saying what I'm saying because it when a person knocks you and knocks you and knocks you and kicks you and kicks you fuck you bitch that's where I'm at in it you know what I mean and it's sad it really is because we had something really special all of us but you know it's my understanding that VH1 was not happy with her either the demands

the demands like we I remember we had to go to like an okay magazine party and they sent us like ubers and it wasn't a black car and she threw a fit who are you i was born in a limousine bitch i don't even complain yeah like i'm really about that life right do you know what i mean i'm really from that life so you know drita's always saying i you know she was brought up in the project said but you didn't ride around in a limousine so what are you complaining for you got a car someone's driving you i don't care that it's not a black car you're still driving me to point a to point b I don't gotta worry yeah like what is that about like the demands are ridiculous they were ridiculous and what about the other girls on the show are you guys close are you guys friends

like Carl I mean of course Big Ann do we know rest in peace you guys all? Are you guys friends? Like, Carl, I mean, of course, Big Ang, we know. Rest in peace. Yes. You guys all loved Big Ang. Absolutely. I talked to Karen and I talked to Ramona. I texted with Ramona this morning. She's so beautiful. Yeah. She's so gorgeous.

I have to tell you, I didn't talk to the girls for quite a while. So, you know, there was a falling out with a lot of everyone. And, of course, I'm Jennifer's sister, so, of course, I'm going to always stay on my sister's side. But then I got to a point where I had to make my rights. You know, I had to make the right wrong that I've done. So I did a lot of apologizing. And I'm very grateful that the girls have forgiven me.

I do talk to Natalie Garcia, the one that I choked in Vegas. It's growth, Renee. It is. It is. It's growth on everybody's behalf, you know. So I speak to everybody but Drita and I don't see love at all. You know what I mean? But everybody kind of everybody fell off love was like online for the longest time and then like completely disappeared I don't she I she slept with my son's father too so I'm just it's just it's so it's just so annoying all this stuff like to me it's just not Hector Hector the garbage collector he hated. And from this mob wives just frenzy, you guys literally were a moment in history

and just brought so much realness to people's televisions. What does Renee do after the lights go off? Renee continued to work. So I did Celebrity Big Brother. I did Marriage Boot Camp, Family Boot Camp. Yeah, can we talk about the Marriage Boot Camp? uh renee continued to work so i did celebrity big brother i did marriage boot camp family boot camp yeah can we talk about the marriage boot camp oh please let's talk about it that fucking idiot you had another asshole asshole okay that was not my boyfriend at all okay so here's that story okay so you know there was always like that flirtatious thing or whatever. So we get this, the show or whatever,

and we do it, but he decides he's gonna get drunk and he likes to grope. So they have me downstairs doing my scene for hours. And by the time he gets down the stairs, he's wrecked. And he starts cursing about my son's father and saying the word spic and this and that and i'm and there's a spanish kid there and i'm like don't say that that's not nice i'm trying to control the situation by the time we get upstairs he tells me that i'm an n

lover and i'm a disgrace to my father and this and that and this and that and I said what'd you say like now my girlfriend's in the house prima donna and her her husband and he's saying the n-word and there's two bodyguards big guys and he's saying the n-word over and over telling me I'm uh he used the c-word he used words that no one's ever and this is my ex-husband's never even called me the words that he did this is somebody that you're not even dating right and he's drunk did you guys just decide to go on the show together yes so we so what happens is he turns around and he says something and i said joe my son's gonna hear and he goes your son's no good like his father i crack him like i i don't when I tell you I don't raise my hands like it

takes a lot for me and I don't hit men I crack this guy so fucking hard that everybody was just sitting there like did she just like hit him they were probably relieved they got ready the bouncer goes like this don't don't I was like I got you and I picked up uh like uh there was a big heavy statue and I went to like crack him in the head with it and they were like no you can't do that I lost too far Renee too far you're telling me you're cursing at me and my son you're telling me my son's no good now watch what I do to you so now they were like we want you to press charges I'm like I ain't pressing charges on nobody cops come they throw him out of the house I make him sleep in the tent outside basically and he had to stay to finish the show but you know it was like that redemption when I get up

there and I'm like he's like well you know are you like getting married fuck you I was like I'm good I'm leaving without you I wouldn't have married him dead yeah um you know that was that was acting turned real right so for me that got really very real every scenario was very real for me so even though he wasn't my boyfriend we were talking about reasons why i i have a problem dating so for me is i don't trust nobody yeah how could i yeah how could i there might be a nice guy down the road somewhere there might be and if if he comes along he's got to come with a letter from god because that's the only way he's allowed around me like it's got to say love god yeah like you know like so xo xo xo like there's nothing anybody can really do to me anymore you know do you think you'll ever be

able to trust somebody in love again to like fully get the love that you've been yearning your whole life well you know what bunny nobody knows this but i'll tell you this one so the last guy i was dating i found out was gay renee you got a picker on you gay sucking dick renee okay he wasn't just cheating on me with a girl he was cheating on me with a russian guy so the girl which one was this do we know who this is are we allowed to say uh his name is i can say it um he lives in long island um and his license plate is i suck dick um bleep isn't it you can bleep his name but leave it because i'll run with this like a motherfucker t-shirt hector hecker the garbage collector. And I sucked it. Okay. Not me.

The boyfriends. How long were you guys together for? But this is me. Wait, then the one before that was a con man. The things that have happened to me. Renee. The things that have happened to me. Okay, no dating anymore.

Okay? No, definitely not. You need to run them through me first. I'll do background checks. Yes. I'll fucking, I need to run them through me first I'll do background checks I'll fucking I need to meet them like I was so the the the one before last um he actually studied me and um it was a real con game oh god he said you know what he said it was away with my dad he knew everything about my father so for me was he an obsessed fan yeah so he used me

he opened up a strip club and he wanted 50 cent to do the grand opening and i got 50 to do me a really huge favor uh for a lot less than he charges and i love curtis to this day he's one of my favorite people on the face of this earth um i hear really good things i love him for as much shit as he does not tolerate like i've always heard really good things he's a cancer yeah he is one of my favorite people ever he truly is he's always been so kind to me he had you know he got he was on the phone my dad he's met my mom he came to my father's house i'll never forget we were sitting on the couch one day and my ex-husband didn't believe I really worked for him so he was coming in the house because he knew he was they put his arm around me he goes watch this I go okay he goes I'm so glad she's your ex-wife I was like yeah um I love him he he's always been a good

friend to me I would do anything in the world for him anything um but yeah where was the con guy okay the con man right his name was what was his name no it's okay we don't need to know her name no I can't remember actually we're just gonna have to bleep it anyways in Texas he was in Texas damn he was a southern boy yeah from the Bronx oh yeah but I find out like you know what it was oh this long distance dating was different so I'm not always around where do you find these men how do they fall in your lap so okay so this one booked me and was it was I was getting money with him and he was just really nice all the time like we'd show up with flowers

but I see I don't know what a con game is yeah so I like men but not I'm excuse me I like convicts not con men right um so for me I think that's where I kind of got lost in it like I would never think somebody would do that you know because I don't I don't come from that right you know I come from like real money in the street. Yeah. And yeah, so he used me. Comes out that I got engaged and then he didn't want to pay for the ring. So I had to bring the ring back and he just wanted a TV show. Yeah. Okay.

What a scumbag. That's all right. I got even with him already. So let's move on to I suck dick. Okay. Then came I suck dick okay then then came I suck dick so um well let's say he sucks dick because I know I do but he sucks dick so this girl reaches out to me and she tells me that she's his girlfriend I go what are you talking about I'm the girlfriend so she's where

did you meet this guy where did you meet I suck dick again through my getting money okay so he was like let me I'm gonna manage you for a minute because I was quiet, not doing anything. And I figured, okay, maybe I'm looking at like the statistics, the numbers and his numbers were right, but I didn't know him. And he, he was in the street, um, with that letter. Okay. So me, I go from, you know, the Italian mob.

Then I dated BMF. My BMF boyfriend was like high on the food chain for years. I have an interview with Tony tomorrow. Okay. Okay. So I'll tell you who it is when we're done. Yeah, yeah. So I was with him for a really long time.

So then I kind of just always stayed in the street because street guys for me were what I know. I married a street guy. Jay is a street guy. Right. Exactly. So I know the street. However, the streets changed. So the people that I was now associating with aren't, they're not even chewed dirty gum on my sneaker.

They're degenerate low lives. Like they belong in the sewer. They're filth. Yeah, they all go in the Hector category. So she tells me this. She sends me an article. I read the article and then I start realizing everything in that article is what he's doing to me. And there's a conversation with him and the guy.

And it said, why didn't you? Oh, my God, how gross. I threw up for a week. Why didn't you suck my dick last night? I was like. Oh, my gosh. Wait. He wants to call the cops on me because now I go public. Yeah.

Now he calls the cops. The cops come to my house in Florida. And they're like, Miss Graziano, are you harassing him? I said, yes, I am. Why? What's the problem? The cop was like was like you know you really can't do that I go yes I can he's like no you can't I go no he's gay and he told me he wasn't and he's gay and the cop was like your life at risk yeah and the cop was like I gotta tell you something I go what he goes you know I'm from Long Island so I know who your

father is your father would be devastated he'd roll over in his grave because now he's not even my own nationality right okay so now the cop is saying this to me he's on the phone the gay man and I love gay people but I don't sleep with gay people. Right. Right. Well, it's just. A straight woman wants a straight man. Absolutely. Okay. And there's nothing wrong. It's got nothing to do with that. I love everybody.

Everybody. I'm not racist. I love everyone. It's also a health risk anytime somebody cheats on you. It could be with a man or a woman. The statistics for HIV are way higher with anal sex and da, da, da, da, da, da. So anyway, the cop says, wait, he called you? I said, yeah, he's at the precinct.

I'm harassing him? The cop goes off on him and he goes, I go, matter of fact, he's threatening to send my son naked pictures. He goes, Ms. Graziano, that's a felony. Would you like to press charges? I said, you know what? I'm not a rat.

But I can't do it. I just couldn't do it. And he was, you know, then he started to realize the position he was in. And I said, I OD'd over this. This is, this, like, I just lost my whole life. Like, it was like, I couldn't come up for air Jennifer wasn't talking to me for a year and a half everything in my life was falling apart my son didn't want to talk to me nobody wanted to talk to me and they were like what are you doing look what you're doing to

yourself look who you're with we will not associate with this and everything just started piling up and piling up and piling up and piling up and I just I gave up and this was in what year 20 the one that just passed 2022 right 23 2023 okay gotcha and I stopped speaking the last time I dealt with him was uh April and when did you overdose and I I uh May and I just like like lost my shit man and then I got back up on the horse and I was sober June July August September And September 18th, someone gave me a bag of fentanyl when it was supposed to be cocaine. And was it somebody you trusted or you just got it from a dealer? A girlfriend of mine. I said, make a phone call. Do me a favor.

And she's like, OK. I vouch for him. I said, OK. I have the text message on my phone, too. He said I accidentally gave her. I died in a restaurant in Florida. I was dead. I was intubated for three days.

And no one in my family came to the hospital. And I spent nine days there learning how to walk again. And that was it for me. I said, okay. I was always afraid of heroin. Like, I never touched it, you know, never did anything like that. And my father's sister, Belinda, she was an addict. And she died of HIV. But she was an addict and she died HIV.

But she was sober many years before she died. And for me, it was always that one thought and that was it for me. That was it. And I was like, okay, I'm going to die for real. Matter of fact, I'm dead again. You did a line of this stuff and how i don't remember anything you don't okay three days are wiped from my brain literally you just that was it you didn't feel anything i don't know i don't know what happened at all i don't remember anything

that day september 18th is 18th 19th and 20th are wiped from my brain and why did nobody from your family come see you they were just all mad they said I wasn't gonna make it and my family didn't want to they just couldn't do it enough I mean unless they were like really torturing me in some sort of way but yeah that was it that was it for me and it's fine and I don't blame them I don't uh I've put them through hell hell I put them through um when my father died in 19 um in 20 they told me that if I had shock treatment that I would not be sad anymore so I did so you had shock uh what do they call that? Where they shock your brain? ECT, electric shock. Yeah, I think that's what it is, yeah.

I did six sessions and it destroyed my brain. You don't feel like it helped you at all? No, I know it didn't. It made my addiction terribly worse. And I, that's the first time I'm actually saying it because nobody knows that but yeah you need to speak on these things because I would have done anything bunny if they would have said Renee jump off the bridge and you're not gonna be in pain I would have said San Francisco or Verrazano pick it I'm going I'm there I don't care Renee tie bricks to your ankle

and stay underwater for a day you're not gonna live but you won't be in pain okay let me do it I would have done anything anything in the world to remove that pain of losing my lifeline because he was my identity he was Renee Graziano I I that because of him i was renee graziano when you're older it's hard to figure out who you are and it's sad and lonely and god circling back to the shock treatment though they had recommended that for me whenever i was going through my depression. So I think hearing somebody who's actually been through it could possibly help somebody, you know?

Yeah. So I would not recommend it. Six months, I did start to sleep, but then everything went haywire. So I lost a lot of my memory. haywire so I lost a lot of my memory um I now take Adderall because of it because the Adderall actually does help me um I take a very low dose I haven't been on Adderall in four months now but I think I have to actually go back on it because at my I can articulate but not as good as I normally do right you know what I mean so my brain isn't as sharp as it was. Right. And the one thing that the Adderall did do for me was I don't have to take any antidepressants.

So I actually have ADD, ADHD. And it's that that contributes to my addiction. So when my brain is here, I can't live in my past. Right. So when I'm living in my past, that's why I constantly want to self-medicate. So when I'm on the right medication, my brain is like sharp, extremely sharp. And it did help with the, you know, memory loss. It jogs your memory.

But I've also done now ket ketamine treatments which are phenomenal yeah uh helping with the anxiety so I don't take any anxiety meds I take Prozac for menopause actually now uh which I had to be forced into menopause at 44 they lost my uterus from all the scar tissue yeah my stories are crazy um and I take I was on stratera with wellbutrin and that's giving me a hard time yeah those I don't like it at all it's like a pointless drug it doesn't work right it slows the brain down but it doesn't help you get it out so that I just stopped and I um let's talk about where you are now so you did the last you had your overdose you had to learn how to walk again in the hospital yeah I was there for uh nine days uh and then I was okay like it was like nothing happened to me you're a fucking warrior

well if you saw my car accident on January 4th of 22 if you google it there's no car and I'm standing outside the car like with a full face of makeup I remember I felt my father my ample and my cousin Anthony pulled me out of that car and they're all dead and I kid you not they like google it there's nothing there's no driver aside yep um you have nine lives renee i told you that when we first you first got here yeah well i like wearing black for that reason too the cat that i am um i'm just gonna have to learn how to land on my feet yeah um but you know what i just got a job uh working in treatment um doing business development I'm doing you left uh Florida and ended up Florida I went to Texas first um to get well at recovery unplugged but they didn't have

a program that was a little bit more modified for the extreme trauma for me right so after we did my trauma egg it opened up everything again and they couldn't follow up. So then Lamar Odom, uh, who's a dear friend had me come to his place, which is vanity wellness, uh, out here in California. And now I work for them. And my objective is to help someone realize that they are special and you don't have to have a hole in your soul. And it's OK if you do, you know, just spread love, give love. And it's really about that, you know. And I know I'm harsh with other things that I say because I'm a real person who feels, you know, and I hate the fact that so many people have done me dirty when I've really never

done anything to them um but you know a lot of people don't like the truth so that's what I tell you the truth a lot of people have to tell me the truth so why can't I say it back you know and it's just I'm not weak by any means and I was was told for the- I would never think you're weak. Okay, well, a lot of people will say it because you're weak because you do drugs. Nope, I'm not weak. I think I would have been dead a long time ago if I didn't self-medicate.

And I'm not saying it's okay to self-medicate. I'm just saying I would have been dead a long time ago. That was your journey. Yep, I had to numb everything you know it's to have an uncle blown up on on a street friends murdered and you're just cooking Sunday dinner and like oh okay honey yeah I'll leave it on the counter what is that I I spent a year in black going to funerals. So I'm realizing that is trauma. And although it wasn't, you know, in my household, it still was trauma. You know, losing life is when you're a loving person, you know, you're separated from somebody that you love like I it started with my grandmother when I was 13 um and now

in life I have my four grandchildren are you and AJ on good terms my son just left uh my son and I I'm sober since the 3rd of November and my son and I have spoken every single day since then. Shout out AJ. Yes. I'm sure that's detrimental to your sobriety also. Oh, yeah. Not that we're putting pressure on him. I'm sure that's just so healing for you to be able to talk to him. He's good now.

He knows. He made the phone call because I told him that he wasn't going to see me ever again on the 3rd, and I said I couldn't do it anymore. I was like, I'm not going to kill myself, but just in case something happens. And he said, stay right there. Don't move. And he made a phone call for me. And, um, my friend, Phil O'Hara, he got me placed, he put me in. And, um, it's just every day he talks to me every day and he's proud of me. And he says it.

He'll call me and be like, what's up, Homeslice? What are you doing? I'm like, oh my God, do you know how much money I made on TikTok today? Do you want half of it? And he's like, this is what me and my son do. I'm like, I send him money all the time. And he's like, Mom, you know, you can keep your own money. And I'm like, no, no, no, go buy the kids stuff.

And I'm having so much fun. And he's like, Mom, I just took them to Disney last week. They flew here with the two older ones. We got rained out in Disney, but we ended up at Universal for, you know, a beautiful day. And it's just my family's talking to me. Everyone in my family's talking to me. My sister Jennifer and I are working together again. She's part of my family's talking to me my sister Jennifer and I are working together again she's part of my management team again um I'm so grateful and happy yeah I mean I'm a little

angry at a few people and maybe now that I said it I have to work on that um but if I don't like you I just don't like you right i probably don't have to talk about you right but i can't respect a person that is me that's right cruel you know what i mean like my ex-husband that's evil i don't like evil how do you feel about him doing these interviews now i think he's a twat i think he's a twat i mean he sounds like a jerk off i live for an a everything no you didn't you never had anything it was always my money you never had any money you always had my money I bought the house like you know he's just I think he should just sit down already you know but let me tell you something I

can't believe he hasn't been sat down that's the crazy well who's gonna kill the killer? Right. My father's dead. So who's coming for him? Yeah. I mean, you know, he, I don't know why you even want to speak about me. Leave me alone. Like you've already done enough. Alone. Like I have not spoken to you in 13 years. Leave me the fuck alone. Take your jerk off girlfriend who's a Mob Wives fan

and follows me and stalks me and calls me a junkie. And like, bitch, you just got knocked out cold by a man. You should sit the fuck down too. Does he have a relationship with AJ at all? No, he has to. He should, you know what? God works in very mysterious ways though because he has blood cancer now.

Am I smiling? Oh shit. I'm sorry. Hey, I'm telling you man, evil. I can't help it. You know what? I know I'm supposed to be like, I know God, God's not even mad at me.

Forget it. He's not even mad. How could you be mad at the girl that this man beat and did all these things to? And she smiles because you're sick. Yeah. He's really sick, though. Like, he's a diagnosed sociopath with psychopathic tendencies.

Like, you should really sit down. Yeah. You sound like an asshole. Yeah. Doing interviews. You're a rat. Yeah. You want to profit from being a rat you put my father in prison my best friend's husband my uncle you destroyed a family many families and how about the girl that doesn't have a father anymore you did that

so you should be talking to god not people doing podcasts because you want to earn money go get a fucking job yeah get a fucking job and stop beating women already stop it's disgusting like you're not getting into heaven like you're you know you're still and you know i'm gonna say it i'm gonna I wasn't gonna but I'm gonna so he was threatening to hurt me again okay just recently the threats the junior yeah threatening how he's gonna kill me Hector he doesn't even deserve he doesn't know he doesn't the threats the threats the threats it's just to the point where it's gotta stop he just recently that's like that could be detrimental to your sobriety yep so my poor son

had to do this he said he said you chose to do what you did and be on podcasts you shouldn't be mad or anything if you get stuff said about you and at the end of the day you abused her and you're still trying to abuse her you're trying to hit her so she falls back down I don't know how you think you're trying to be a protector or how you say you want the best for her when clearly that has never been the case my son had to actually do that for me you know how disgusting you must be as a parent that your child has to defend his mother yeah and you know what that did to me that my son now I know my son knows do you know what I mean like I knew he knew but now I know he feels it to say you abused his mother go the fuck away they They never do. Just go away. I don't want you

anywhere by me. I don't even unless provoked I don't talk about you because you are a non fucking factor. You're a degenerate loser. Go the fuck away. Take your girlfriend

and go away. And she needs therapy that bitch that how are you with like how do you not see what what's happening to you you know and it's the same reason that we didn't see what was happening it takes a woman seven times do you know that that's this is that's the number seven times she'll have to be hit before she leaves yeah well i'm pretty sure she's probably around seven now yeah that's it that's about right because that's what it took me to leave yeah a few years and being beat up a few times took me 10 years 10 years i couldn't renee i'm so proud of you thank

you you have come so far and i'm not saying honey I'm so excited to see what you do in the future. And I want I if you ever need to talk, you just call me. Just text me, call me if you're ever having a rough time or anything. I'm always going to be here for you. I appreciate it. And I love what you're doing. And I love the energy you put out. It's positive. Even like I could watch your face when I'm saying certain things.'re like oh shit but you know I don't often talk the way I do in an interview but I'm so comfortable and I've been holding all of this for so long that it that's what makes me sick so it's your secrets keep you sick oh sure do you know now everybody knows I'm a little bit of a tramp though. No, they don't.

I don't care. They love you. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care anymore. I'm so tired of caring about what other people think of me. Stop caring. That was my huge lesson last year was I had to stop.

I had so many people attacking me because of this podcast. And just I got to a point where I was just like, I don't fucking care. I'm doing this. You're not. This is my life. Well, it's jealousy. Yeah, it's wild. Isn't it insane?

And, you know, the comments that people say, the things that people say to hurt another human, like what people say about me when I read them, you know, the way I look or this or edited. I love my fucking apps. Leave me alone. I created a mob wife app yeah um you know just for the fun of it because I love the way it looks I love AI pictures I don't always look good so why shouldn't I like people it's your world you can do what you want just like everybody does what they want on their own apps and on their own platforms who goes on a person's page and says those things weirdos yeah straight up weirdos yeah i agree well what's next what's in the future for you

what do you have in the works okay so mob candy i have my jewelry line still mob candy i have a new app with drop me in ai called mob wife by re Renee Graziano and people could download their photos and they get to look like a mob wife for eight dollars as opposed to going buying that fur coat you get the free fur coat right um I have I'm working on a project hopefully it'll come to fruition with tv I did do my own pilot for my fairy mob mother unfortunately it was part of my relapse um there were a lot of things that I touched on that I obviously didn't deal with and I started to self-medicate again so I'm gonna leave that there yeah that's not for me um and right now I just want to help somebody get sober that's it that's that's really my focus I have four grandchildren

that I have to worry about um and maybe I'll find love one day you know but in the meanwhile I'm gonna love me enough yeah yeah that's that's beautiful and I think that's all you can do after all the shit you've been through, Renee, you are still fucking standing. You're still punching life and telling them it hits like a bitch. Like, you are one tough cookie, dude. Thank you. I just, I love your aura. I love everything about you. Likewise.

And I cannot wait to see how much hell you give the world continuing on in these years. This time around, as Renee, just Renee, I look forward to see who I'm going to be in about a year from now. I'm excited. And you got to come back and visit me. Absolutely. And come to a concert. We're going to be everywhere. We're going on tour. So come. I'm such like a country fan too. Like I love country music.

That's hilarious that you're a mob wife and love country. Oh my God. Goth Brooks. When when i get married the song from hope floats that's gonna be like my my wedding oh i love that absolutely absolutely i love it it's just like it's it's real you know yeah come to a show jay would love to meet you oh yes i'll call him i'll call him when we're done with this podcast so you can say hi yes and and he let me tell you something my mother is a huge fan that's's hilarious. I love that. It is. Because she calls me. Wait, I get messages.

Do you know what Jelly's doing now? He's working with the, what is it? Something to Towers, Freedom Towers. She tells me everything. She's like, Renee, he's remarkable. And she's like, he spoke to Congress, Renee. I'm like, yes, mom, I know. She's like, oh my God,

this is wonderful. You have a friend like you. And I'm like, you know what, Ronnie? You just got to stick your foot in your mouth all the fucking time. I love it. Yes, thank you so much, doll. Well, why don't you tell people

where they can find you on your social medias? So social media for Instagram is Renee Graziano and it's the real Renee Graziano on TikTok where I make all my goofy dances go follow the OG mob wife and go pop into her lives and give her all your gifts yes thank you so much Renee you're welcome a blast and thank you guys for

tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde I will see you guys next week bye