Dumb People Town - Aaron Chen - Very Small Business Owner

Episode Date: March 17, 2020

This week Aaron Chen comes to town to hear the story of a man who threatens a man while playing disc golf. In story 2, Facebook refuses to take down a page that has a business page devoted to her. In story 3 a man asks friends to borrow robbery supplies. 

Scalpains Avenue Make this sound So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Punk or down, it's Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town

Come on Dumb People Town Population on. Dumb People Town. Population Chen. How's it going? Dude, welcome to the show. Hey, thanks for having me. I am so happy that you're here. We're lucky to snag you as you don't live here in the United States.

You're in Australia. No, I'm in here for two weeks. Look at that. For a wind tour. And so I want people to understand how this came about. So Jay and I were running our Conan set for... We just did it. And we're running the set and we're at the...

We asked if we could hop on shows all over the place. And we went to do a show in the lab at the improv. Which is typically like a dead room in some ways, but a great workout room. It reminds me of what the original room at the comedy store used to be about 15 years ago so you know if you pull laughs in that room you know you're that it's funny so we show up there and it's packed i mean packed and we're like why it's amazing but what is going on and they're like it's all industry and they're all there to see this kid. We're like, what? That's great. It was so

good for us to work it out in front of industry, because industry is not typically the greatest laughers. They're just watching for other reasons. And you guys killed. It was so fun. Thank you. But we stayed and watched your show. Everyone's, Whitmer Thomas said, like, stick around and watch this guy. I performed with him. He's great.

And we stay there, and it's always so great to see someone you've never seen before, see someone who's not from here, just very confident and comfortable in their own skin to be able to deliver the material. You were awesome. Thank you. Well, me and my friend Nick Nemiroff, we were rolling up to the venue. He was on the show as well. And we just see this big billboard and it said,

Tonight, the Sklar Brothers. It's like you've been bumped man they rotate that thing they rotate it they rotate you're on the other side you're on the other side okay cool good well here's the chill here's the great thing and i think you and we glean this from your comedy as well is uh you do not suffer fools lightly or dumb behavior and whatnot which is kind of what this whole world is about and I think well I think there are Australians there is such

dumb behavior in Australia you did the great bit of like walking up to like a large group of drunk people coming up to you and just work out dudes like that culture I think exists there and it also exists here and we get great stories sent to us from our awesome fans of the dumbest behavior anywhere. Usually Florida.

Florida's like the epicenter of it all. Well, is Florida, that's a place with like, is that where the crocodiles are? The alligators? Yes. Yes. Yes. I feel like anywhere with alligators or crocodiles is dumb behavior. Anywhere where Chris Hogan can have a movie career, it's going to be.

So what is the Florida of, is there like the Florida? Is there a dumb province? Yeah, where would that be? So Florida is like muscly people, alligators. Also like just drunk people, methed out people. A lot of things will kill you. A lot of drugs. A lot of the things that will kill you are as much people as animals. Yeah, I feel like that's a lot of things will kill you. A lot of drugs. A lot of the things that will kill you are as much people as animals.

Yeah. I feel like that's a lot of Australia, but the big one is this place called the Gold Coast, and that's like bodybuilder city. Yeah. People in like convertibles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's just imagine. Isn't that where Arj Barker lives? I think Arj Barker lives in a place called Byron, which is like a weed place. Yes. That's weird because he doesn't love weed. Kidding. So let's get into it. We have a story sent to us from Dan.

Hi, Dan. Hey, buddy. We're going to jump into a story right now if you'll oblige us. This was sent in by Mark Stubbs at Stubbs6'8". Thank you. I know. I want him to be 5'7". I just want him to have that.

If any of you guys could change your height, what height would you choose? Or would you not at all? Other than Dan. Dan, are you 6'3"? No. 6'2"? Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

So Aaron, Jason, and I. Aaron, I don't even know how tall you are. I'm like 5'0". I'm tiny. I would be, if I could be six feet tall, if I could be 6'2 and dunk a basketball, I wouldn't do it all the time, but I would do it just to impress. Like if I was like, you guys want to see something cool? Would you rather be able to dunk a basketball or play the piano? Play the piano.

Oh, yeah. I would much rather play the piano. I'd rather just walk. I would love to be able to walk up to any. Oh, dude. Rory and I. Rory and I. Rory and I were at this like nice, like the El Cortez or something like.

Right. No, the Galvez, like in Galveston. It's really nice. And there's a piano lobby. Everybody's meeting there. We're all in our tuxes. We're like waiting to go over to do the Mardi Gras parade. Hilarious.

And there's this piano like sitting, just sitting there. Like nobody's playing it and i go rory that piano if he goes yes and i go if you could sit down at that piano right now and just start yes the place would go insane. Because people were like, what the fuck? And he was like, I know. And I go, here's the thing. People checking in at that hotel would be like, yeah, I'd like an extra pillow.

Yeah, I go, there are people in this room right now, I guarantee, who could sit down at that piano and start playing any Elton John song. The thing is, they don't have the disease that we all have. Which is we need to be loved and make a room love us. So this is why I am forcing my son to play piano. And anytime he wants to quit, I'm like, dude, you cannot. You need to be able to walk into a hotel. Can you play music or no? No, I was thinking about your question about dunking or playing piano.

And I think I'd pick dunking because if I were walked up to a piano and could play it, people would be like, yeah, he obviously. So here's what I would love to do. I'm going to amend your dream. I want you to be able to dunk at your height now. Yeah, I would love that. How great would that be? If you could dunk at this height.

You'd be on House of Highlights. Oh, my God. Amazing. Like this guy. Andy's funny. What's that be? If you could dunk at this height. You'd be on House of Highlights. Oh, my God. It'd be amazing. Like this guy. Andy's funny. What's your height? The height that I'd want to be. So dunk or piano.

I would say my height, I would settle for like 5'11 or 6". So that's like adding four inches. Okay. Definitely piano. And I'm actually thinking about taking lessons with the woman who teaches my son. Because I'm like, dude, I want to like open up. Because I'll listen to piano in any song and I'm like, oh, you should. I'm like, keep thinking like what I want my son to learn.

I'm like, I can't make him do that. I should learn it. Yeah. So that I can do it. The thing is they say like things like other languages and instruments or instruments are so much easier when you're younger. But there's also a large school of thought that taking on those things later on in life is so much better for your brain. Well, it's great for your brain. But here's the other thing.

You know my story about dunking. No. You don't know this story? I'll try and condense it. I told this on The Honeydew. You might enjoy this. All right. So I went to my son's basketball practice.

You're doing everything with your son. You're like Billy Madison. I love this on the honeydew. You might enjoy this. All right. So I went to my son's basketball practice. Oh, I love this. You're doing everything with your son. You're like Billy Madison. I'm just a great dad. I'm just a really great dad. That's an amazing dad. Sounds awesome. And my daughter's with me. Sounds so awesome.

My daughter was five at the time, and my son was playing practice. And on the side, they had the baskets lower to like eight feet. And my daughter says to me, Daddy, can you dunk on that or can you you throw it down i think is what you know can you dunk on that and i was like are you challenging yeah that's a chair that's a threat gauntlet laid yeah so i grab a ball and i'm like all right i'm gonna dunk on this eight foot hoop because i have dunked on an eight foot before and then i'm gonna hang on the rim and i'm gonna pull my leg i have an then I'm going to hang on the rim and point. I have an Instagram video of me doing this on another one.

And get my knees up to the rim and then maybe point at some of the other parents like in your fucking face. Yeah, yeah. And so I run at it from the side, which I feel like it's taller on the side, and I know that's not true. It's not true. I should have come at it straight on, but I couldn't because straight on was at the court where they were practicing.

So I come at it from the side. I dunk it. Of course you do. Of course. Obviously, I'm going to dunk it. And then I grab onto the rim and start to pull my knees up to do it. My fingers slip off of the rim. I am 100% horizontal, parallel.

Parallel to the court. 8 feet. Flat onto my 80 feet flat onto my back. Flat onto my back. You took a little bit from the world, and the world took a little back. Like practice stops. I call that market correction. I get up, and I'm like, I'm okay. But you're not.

But you needed to say that to yourself. I needed to say, okay, I'm okay. Like when you watch a toddler fall. I literally felt like the top half of my body and the lower half of my body were no longer connected to each other. I was in so much pain. You started thinking about the ramps you'd have to put into your house. Yeah, I'm like, I'm going to be in a wheelchair from now on, right? And so I come home.

I mean, I get in the car, and my son was like what happened and my first instinct was to throw my daughter under the bus i'm like she made me do this no she made me no one made me do it and so uh so that's why dunking is not because i've already done it and i've gotten hurt doing it all right how do we get on this all right let's get into the story all right i don't know how we oh because you're okay i'm all right now i'm... Oh, because it's a year ago. I'm all right now. I'm okay. That was a year ago and I can still play. It was a height thing. Okay, so go ahead. Let's get into this. Here.

Yes. My computer froze for a second. Wichita Falls comes from us. KFDX, which I hope is a fire department news channel. A Wichita Falls man with a history of charges is in jail after police said he threatened a man while pointing a flare gun at his face during a game of disc golf.

Okay, so why would you bring a flare gun to a game of disc golf? By the way, they're not even calling it ultimate. They're calling it disc golf. It's disc golf. It's frisbee golf where you have trash cans set up and you try and throw a frisbee into the trash can. Have you done it? And that's a professional sport. There's a course in Griffith Park.

It's more of a recreational. I would like to do it. I love frisbee so much. By the way, let's say you are. To me, this is less of a game that's easy to set up because you need like 10 trash cans. So you can't drive them to the venue. No. You can't drive them.

There's a course. They're on a course. There's a course set up in Griffith Park. Yeah. A Frisbee golf course. And it's like a little chain buckets that are affixed to poles, right? And you have to try and get it in. And you have different weights for different distances.

It's like clubs. But I still can't figure out what guy was like, bring this flare gun with me. You never know. You never know. Like, are you going to be lost at sea? Just in case. Right. Just in case I get it.

What's the argument over? Well, I know. We'll get to that. But here's my other thing. I said, who's arguing at a Frisbee? They also talk about this when it comes to weapons. I've heard you guys say it. If you didn't have it, you wouldn't have used it.

When you bring it, you got to use it. It's going to get used. Right. Check out flare gun. Flare gun. Did you say it too? Yeah, check it out. We said it at the exact same time.

That's fun. Theater boys. Yeah. The truth of the matter is that if you bring it, because there's always a moment if you're like, I have it. I have it. So the conflict could be bubbling below the surface, and then you're like, well, I've got this. If you feel the need that you might want your flare gun with you to play disc golf with these people, maybe don't play disc golf with these people.

Yeah, these are very confrontational people if that's what you need to get through a round of disc golf. Mark Aaron Peters. Map, if you're nasty. By the way, three first names, so he's a serial killer. He's charged with aggravated assault. His bond set at $5,000. The incident occurred on

Sunday, February 2nd. Was that the Super Bowl? Yes, it was. So if you're playing to Frisbee golf during the Super Bowl, what time was it? What time do you play disc golf? Golden hour? 6 a.m.? I don't know.

We got an 8.15 tee time for disc golf. F time? Is disc golf a new thing? Relatively. I bet you it's been semi-popularized for 10 to 15 years, but there's someone yelling at their phone right now being like, 1986. And it draws aggressive people.

We played a camp in 81, 82. Disc golf or ultimate frisbee? Disc golf. But it was like throw it in a trash can far away. It's probably been around since the 70s. 70s were the big boom for the Frisbee, right? 70 was like... Probably like 67.

And 70s were like sports that, like hacky sack. All right, I feel it, Jay. Look it up. We're going to guess what year was the Frisbee or disc golf invented. And by the way, we called it Frolf. You did? Yeah. That's pretty good.

They asked for a flare gun, right? Frolf? Yeah. That's pretty good. Flolf is... They asked for a flare gun, right? Flolf? Yeah. You guys in America, you love inventing new sports. I feel like you have so many 30-year-old sports. Because how many have... Yeah, because how many have we really created, right? Like, we basically stole baseball.

We stole cricket. Baseball is cricket. Okay, sure. What else? We don't... Football is ours. Rugby's been around longer than football? Yeah, but they've become so different.

You guys got like eating Cheetos while watching it. We're eating sausage rolls. Guys, it's a completely different sport. We're doing Cheetos. You're doing sausage rolls. I want Aaron Chen's rugby versus football bit.

It's mainly food. That's fine. It's all food related. Okay, here we go. Okay. Let's all guess. What year? What year did the Disc Golf Association come into being?

The Disc Golf Association. And the DGA. DGA. Sorry. The Directors Guild Association. Fuck them. The DGA. DGA, sorry.

It's also the Director's Guild Association. Fuck them. So what year did the DGA come into existence and start disc golf? And you guys can guess at home as well. Randy, what do you think? Or you can go first. Yeah, Aaron, you can go first or you can go in the middle of me and Dan. In between these two guys. Or third.

That'd be crazy if you could put DGA as in the credits of a movie. And it's like, I didn't know this guy was Director's Guild. No, he's the DGA as in the credits of a movie? It's like, are you... I didn't know this guy was director's guild. No. He's the commissioner. He's also part of the flare gun owners. He's the ex-check year. I'm going to call you guys early adopters and I'm going to say 79. 79?

Okay. My initial guess is 73. Okay. I'm going to say 84. So I'm going to say it's like, it didn't organize until... I agree with you. I'm going to say it didn't organize. I agree with you that it was around, but it didn't organize. 79. 73. 84. So we have a nice range here.

So get your answers in at home because the Disc Golf Association was founded in 1976. You guys right in between. Okay, so there you go. So you were all kind of right.

According to authorities, the victim called and said he and Peters were at the fourth hole. That's an early fight. You cannot call it a fourth hole. You can't call it a hole. That is true. It's not in the ground. The fourth can. Hoop.

They should just call it the fourth one. We were on the fourth one. Hoop. They should just call it the fourth one. We were on the fourth one. They were at the fourth hole of the course. When Peters became upset and began yelling at him, police said the victim told them that Peters pulled an orange flare gun with a black handle from his left pants leg and pointed it at him and said, I'm going to shoot your bitch ass. pants leg and pointed it at him and said, I'm going to shoot your bitch ass. I mean, that is straight. That is straight hole for Frisbee golf talk right there.

Right. I'm going to shoot your bitch ass. The victim said he ran behind a tree while Peters was aiming the flare gun at his face. That's good distance. Yeah. Peters then fled the scene in a gold Honda, which also bothers me for some reason. Because you know when he got, that was an aftermarket decision. This is like a red Honda or a burnt orange Honda.

He's like, I'm getting this gold. They don't sell any gold Hondas. If you're in a gold Honda playing disc golf with a flare gun, you are one act away from a Wes Anderson movie. I mean, you guys may be talking about how these guys are dumb, but in 10 minutes, they've lived more life than we have. Any of us! They're Aerosmithing it. What did you do during the Super Bowl? I ate like a

seven-layer dip and watched a bad game. I got into a flare gun fight with someone on a Frolf course. Got out of my gold Honda. Drove away my gold Honda. Is this a Dr. Pepper 10 commercial? I don't understand what this is. Is he a leprechaun?

Officers said they later stopped a gold Honda on Fillmore Street. When officers patted Peters down, they discovered a holster on his left calf and an orange flare gun in his disc golf bag. Yeah. So disc golf bag. He actually has a dedicated bag. Disc golf bag. What else is in there? Ben! Ben! Gun prime. Ben! Where's my disc golf bag. Yeah. So disc golf bag. He actually has a dedicated bag. Disc golf bag. What else is in there? Ben, Ben, Ben, where's my disc golf bag?

I can't just go with the- It's downstairs on the washer. I'll be back in time for the bowl. No, I'm taking the gold Honda. You know I like the gold one on Sunday. Well, you're going to leave me the platinum one. It has no gas in it. I don't care.

You were supposed to get it. Babe, you got my left leg holster for my flare gun. I don't feel right if it's not strapped to me. Well, I'll just put the holster on, but the gun's going to be in the bag. So here's the deal. No, we're over that fight. We're going to make peace by the fourth hole. I don't know. They call it a hole.

I'll get ice on my way back. I'm not using it. I'm just bringing it. Honey, I'm in the room right next to you. You don't have to yell. What's crazy to me is that this guy was willing to hamper his frisbee golf playing by wearing a gun on his and put a holster on his leg. How much

did that affect the way he... It affected his range of motion. It had to. What's in the disc golf bag? You got your discs. You got your different flare guns. Flare gun holster. Snacks. I bet there's guys who go all the way with shoes.

Probably like cleats. Let's think of what snacks this guy has in his disc golf bag. I'm going to say loose watermelon. So let's think of what snacks this guy has in his disc golf bag. Cool ranch Doritos. I'm going to say loose watermelon. Like slices just sitting, you know what I mean? Like no Tupperware. Yeah, he has to take it out of the bag and he's like.

Get off of there. Get out of there. Argan is eating disc-shaped foods like pancakes. A wheel of cheese. A waffle. It stacks better. Without paying attention, he takes a bite into a Frisbee. But he likes it.

But he likes it. He likes it. He's in the DGA. Straight DGA level. According to authorities, Peters told the officers that he got in an argument and warned the other player to leave him alone told the officers that he got in an argument and warned the other player to leave him alone because he had a flare gun in his bag, but denied ever pulling the flare gun out.

This is a good lie strategy. I'm going to meet you halfway. I had it in my bag. I'm not denying that. I'm not saying I didn't tell him I had it. Right. I'm not saying I didn't threaten him with the words about it. This is like a Chris Rock bit. I'm not saying O didn't threaten him With the words about it This is like a Chris Rock bit I'm not saying OJ didn't do it

I'm just saying However, officers did not Believe Mapp's story Since the victim was able to describe The flare gun in detail All he said was black handle He said orange gun Black handle

Isn't that a cake song? I like a girl with an orange gun and a black handle. Peters has a lengthy criminal arrest with 15 arrests since 2005, including traffic violations, theft, burglary, drug possession... Burglary. Terroristic possession, terroristic threats. You can only say I'm going to come down there so many times before they take you seriously.

I've never heard terrorist used as an adjective. Terroristic. It's not terroristic characteristics. It's a terroristic characteristic. I'm setting you up with my friend. What's he like? He's a little terroristic, but then other than that, he's great.

I think Terroristic Characteristic could be like an album. Terroristic Threats is my favorite ska band of all time. It was the guy who dances in Mighty Mighty Boston. He doesn't sing. Half the band from Goldfinger and two guys from Mustard Plug that never played an instrument. And one guy from Real Big Fish. Okay, good pull. Eight of the 12 horn players.

How old is Map? Mark Peters. Is this the guy with the flare gun? And a gold Honda. The whole time I was picturing late 20s, early 30s. Okay, so what do you think? Pick an age. I'm going to say 34.

Okay, 34. All right. So he outlived Jesus. Okay. I'm going to say 42. 42. 42-year-old man. That's what I see.

This guy has lived. He's got snow on the mountain. I think he's 54. 54. Okay. Yeah, I think he's older. One of you is exactly right. Oh, Karen.

So now we get to play the game, who do you think is exactly right? This is always like the best. It's like the extra game in the game. Well, I'm going to say me because I wouldn't have guessed it otherwise. Confident you believe in yourself, Jay. Yeah, I'm just seeing a gray and black salt and pepper goatee. Salt and pepper goatee. Salt and pepper 90s goatee yes though it's like he

looks like the guy from smash mouth now okay okay okay i i'm gonna stay with me too i think he's 54. okay so let's run it back down 54 42 34. all right tony's get your answers in 20 years the person you think is right. After I say this, we will look at a quick photo because Mark Aaron Peters map map with a flare gun is 34 years old. Speaker 1 1,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030,000,030, They have a series of pictures of him through the years of getting arrested since 2005. He's a mugshot. Every picture of him looks like a different guy in a lineup for a crime they think I committed. So also, by the way, this will be... Oh my God. You know what? Through the years.

Here's the thing. The oldest he is, is the best he's looked. I think he looks good. He looks good in 2016. Way better than he looks in 2008. I would argue, Dan, that you look better in 2016 than you did in 2008. I look better now than I've probably ever looked. Maybe.

I don't know. Dan, you're coming into it. No, you're not. You look great. There's pictures of me that you're like, Daniel, stop eating. Put the bread down, Daniel. You don't even like beer. Why does it look like it's all you consume?

Thanks for only meeting me at your best. Thanks, Dan. I waited for this. He's like, are we getting Aaron on this podcast? Let me get myself together. I gotta start working out. I gotta start eating right. I'm gonna do a triathlon. Guys, if you're not on our

Facebook page, the numbers are growing, and that's always wonderful. But if you want to see what this douchebag looks like, join the Facebook. Facebook.com. Just 2015 to 2016, he looks so much better. Dumb People Town. Yeah, he's made some jumps. Facebook.com. Facebook.com.

Dumb People Town. Join the page. Like the page. Follow it. Aaron's going to join the page. There you go. Follow him. Is that the first story?

That's the first story. First story down in the books. I'm so happy that aaron chen is with us we're going to find out what he's doing how you can listen to stuff that he's doing or how you can see him and i know we have fans in australia he lives in australia so he'll let us know where he's going to be doing his thing this is dumb people town stay with us stick around make us down for more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show. Do you do any podcasts or anything there? I don't have a podcast.

No podcast. Is it the type of thing in Australia where everyone has a podcast and you're like, I just don't want to do that? A lot of people have podcasts. I always feel like I miss the boat, but then there's a new boat and I miss it each time. That's good. You just want to be around to see the new boat off, leave the dock. Get on the boat for a bit, you know? Do you do a lot of stand-up on TV

down there? Because what we saw was fantastic and I'm not sure. Are you doing that? Yeah, doing TV spots every now and then. There's a culture of doing like one a year or whatever. Oh, really? What's the big show to do down there? The yearly gala

at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. That's the biggest one. So that one gets played out everywhere, or does it air on a certain network that everybody sees? It airs on the government network now. It used to be on a different network. Smaller, yeah. A bigger network, but now it's on the government one.

And they put it on YouTube. I think more people watch it on YouTube probably, at this point that's what people do and then we're going to be in Rochester, New York in two weeks after that doing shows at the Comedy at the Carlson which I'm so excited about, and then we're all going to be at Moon Tower we're going to do Don't People Tell Him Live at Moon Tower

and a week before Moon Tower, Rory Scoville and I are co-headlining a stand-up show in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge, and we're doing a live Pen Pals. So we're also speaking at a wedding. It's a whole deal. That's so crazy. I saw Rory Scovel

in Sydney. He brought a full piano out, but he didn't play it once. He got an audience member to play it. Is that a thing he does? He was doing that bit for a while. He did it on Conan. Really funny. They couldn't play piano. It was a crazy gambit. He's such for a while. He did it on Conan. Really funny. They couldn't play piano though. It was crazy. Crazy gambit.

He's so funny. Such a great idea. He's okay. He's okay. I mean, you're carrying him and that's okay. All right,

let's get to a second story. Are you ready? Yep. Yep. All right, friends, this was sent in by Sarah at Shabarta,

S-H-A-B-A-T-R-A Shabatra Shabatra Shabatra Is that a Jewish term? Shabbat is like I know Shabbat Shabbat, right

Shabbat, right Maybe they're cheering for it Shabbat Sabbath Rah is bad So bad Bad Sabbath Oh my god

Great song Bad Sabbath I mean Black Sabbath Black Sabbath Bad Sabbath is the Bad Sabbath cover band The Billy Black Sabbath. Black Sabbath. Bad Sabbath is the Bob Sabbath cover band. The Billy Bob Thornton cover band.

You should find the band Bad Sabbath. Bad Sabbath is like a prison, like a Black Sabbath cover band made solely of like prison inmates. Okay, are you ready for this headline? Facebook, doing something bad, believe it or not.

Facebook won't remove this woman's butthole as a business page. Well, it is open 24 hours a day. I've been there, you know. Listen, I've read the Yelp reviews of this woman's butthole, and they are not good. Feel free to look it up. The page is like a black hole. Very uninviting. She's responding to each review.

Hey, I'm sorry about your experience. How can I better your experience? Sorry to hear you had a shitty time. Oh, the X-Clar brothers. This unofficial page was created because people on Facebook have shown interest in this place or business. It's not affiliated with or endorsed by anyone associated with Samantha Ray and Jesperson's butthole. That is what it says on Facebook. Samantha Ray and Jesperson.

Samantha Ray Anna Jesperson's butthole. Four names. Four names. Four names. Yeah. S-R-A-J. Four names, one butthole. What's the last name? Persons.

Jesperson. Jesperson. Oh, Jesperson. Jesperson. Wait, wait, wait. So her butthole is a business page on Facebook and Facebook refuses to take it down. A lot of money

exchanges. Samantha Jesperson never wanted her butthole to be the first thing that came up when someone Googled her name. So don't make a page about it. She didn't. Someone else made a page about it. But to her horror, she discovered Samantha Ray and Jesperson's butthole, a Facebook

business page, was the very first result on Google. Some asshole did this to her. Some asshole did this to her asshole. I'm going to say that there are probably more people who are fans of this page than are of our dumb people topic. And that's ridiculous. So when you go to Facebook to look this thing up, also go ahead and join dumb people. The page was created in 2012 when she was only 15.

But Jesperson. Oh, why? I have almost a 15-year-old daughter. But Jesperson, now 23 and a professional baker, didn't discover... She's not a chocolatier. Just buns. That's all she makes. Just sticky buns?

She didn't discover it until 2015. Her reaction was, quote, What the fuck? How did this happen? She told Buzz... Yes, that's a quote. She told BuzzFeed News. Okay. BuzzFeed is really showing their ability to... It's journalistic. What the fuck?

How did this happen? BuzzFeed is so weird because they will handle very serious... Serious. They'll tackle things and break things. Didn't they break down the Me Too thing? Yes. Weren't they a big part of that breaking thing? And some other administration, White House administration things.

They're on the front lines of all Facebook butthole groups. Jesperson had no idea how the page was created. She didn't make it herself and she doesn't know anyone who would have made it on her behalf. Well, to be fair, this was eight years ago. To be fair, half those people were trying to enter

Jesperson's vagina page. And it just went into the wrong page. Went to the wrong page. There's the same BuzzFeed journalist doing the Me Too stuff. Rick, we got another one for you. What? Why do I get this story? Someone needs to rectify this situation.

Jason. Please, Jason. On the page's details, it reads, the unofficial page was created because people on Facebook have shown interest in this place or business. It's not affiliated with or endorsed by anyone associated with Samantha Rae and a Jesperson's butthole. Let me ask this.

Can she get a tax break on her ass? Yes. With this? Just because she's a small business owner? Can she get a loan? To date, the business of Jesperson's butthole has no reviews, though it invites them and no stories have been added to it. Are there photos? There's just a blank page of like a map and then like a location of where it's at.

Sometimes that's all you need, you know? He follows that page, though? Sir Mix-a-Lot follows it. He does. Sir Mix-a-Lot is the number one. Jesperson posted to Reddit's legal advice this week for help getting it removed. Some users suggested that perhaps some friends had created an interest in her butthole on their own Facebook profiles as a joke, and this triggered the page to be created automatically.

So they're saying someone didn't create that page per se. Right, but if a whole bunch of friends, quote-unquote, maybe showed interest or checked into a place that didn't exist, it's now a business. This is how Yelp works. Guys, this is how the Rainforest Cafe started. This is how the human caterpillar started. If you're the first person to some new donut sushi shop, and

you review it and create it, they'll be like, oh, people are saying this is a business that exists, and then Yelp goes out. Here's the full story for those of you who don't know. Then Yelp would contact the Sushi Donut place and be like, hey, you guys are a business. Do you want to advertise? And then they go, no, we don't. We're already really popular. And Yelp goes, cool, we're just

going to bury you and any reviews that we show in the snapshot of your page are going to be all negative. And then that's how they shake people down to have to like... Because you'll have places that are five-star, four-star reviews, but then the little snapshot reviews that you see on their page are all negative. They're like three out of four hundred. And by the way, I'll also have a Boston Bay crab cream. Yes. I would too. Do you have a Boston Bay crab cream? So on Facebook, I imagine you could just say like,

like, I don't want to incur it. I don't want to give some people an idea, but I'm saying like, I don't want to give people an idea, but I'm saying you could say we all went to this place, and then that would become a place on Facebook, and then Facebook won't delete it even though it doesn't exist? This is dumb people town. This is how it happens. The definition of a small business

in dumb people town, it's bum people town. Right, exactly. The exact street address of the so-called business isn't listed, but the pin on the map shows the precise location of her former home. She and her family no longer live there. Family. So imagine if you're living there now, people are like, I'm here for the butthole. Yeah.

And you guys are talking about it now, so it's going to go like multinational. It's going to be even bigger. Thank you. I know. It's a corporation. All of your Australian fans are going to find out about it now. Yeah. Yeah.

What really vexed Jesperson is that she's been unable to get it taken down since she discovered the page in 2015. She's reported it several times, but Facebook has said it isn't in violation of community standards. Oh, here we go. Facebook has removed the page after this article was published. Thank you. Since it's a business page there, there's an option to claim it as your own,

which would allow her to take it down. She tried that as well. Facebook asked for her phone number to send a code, but she wasn't able to get it to work. So this is really a story about a woman who doesn't understand technology. The last half of the article is just admin. Yeah, exactly.

Click down the menu, and they're just showing her pictures of what to do. She turned off her browser. You gotta delete cookies. Get out of this. You're still in... That's the article. Are you in Firefox?

I'm a Linksys man. I'm a Linksys man until I die mozilla command remember that command colon backslash

backslash alt delete alt control delete right as of press time they haven't returned facebook hasn't returned requests for comment

though her butthole business that's it's not a butthole business it's not though her butthole business page hasn't not a butthole business it's not though her butthole business page hasn't resulted in any personal repercussions jessman does jesperson does worry about the possibility i feel like if anybody has found it it would probably feel way too weird to talk to me about it she said you imagine if you were like going on a date you had her name like

let me just google it oh she runs a butthole business for her own butthole by the way you know on her resume for a future job she's going to put it way down small business on her you might get brought in just to be like what is this and if i very small you went the same way she did quote and if i didn't get a job over it they definitely wouldn't call me and say hey i found the page about your butthole not going to hire you. Bye. It's true. Nevertheless, her years-long battle has been somewhat frustrating. I feel like I should have been able to get it removed based off the fact that it was my real name and I was underage at the time.

And since it's my old address. Yeah. She's talking about it like it's a battle with cancer. Like, look, I've got the page in remission right now. That's right. We're beating it back. I got it removed. Right.

We're having the page biopsy. Facebook's like, yeah, it'd be easier if you just got the butthole removed. If you just prove to us that you no longer have the butthole, we'll now get rid of the page. Or just, like, take over the page and have it all just be about your bake shop.

On the idea that some people might be like, what is this butthole page? Oh, wait, that's, I want that, I don't know, thing I saw on the Great British Baking Show that I wish I could eat. I can't think of any other names now. Yeah. A brioche. That's story number two. There you go. Oh, my God.

Please don't go to this. Can people go to the page? Have you gone? I think so. No, it's gone. Take it down. Thank God. Yeah. All right. Good luck for that woman you gone to the page? I think so. No, it's gone. Take a time. Thank God. Yeah.

All right. Good luck for that woman. All right. We have one more story. Dan, give us a little taste of what we're going to see after this break. Working out and robbing. Okay. Yeah.

Two things that go hand in hand. Getting your reps in. Getting your reps in and get your steps in. Sounds like Florida. Aaron Chen is with us. He is a fantastic comedian from Australia. We have one more story, so stay with us. He is a fantastic comedian from Australia. And we have one more story, so stay with us. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show.

Aaron Chen, hilarious. How can people follow you? Instagram, Twitter, what's the best way? Instagram, Chenny Lifestyle. Twitter, Aaron Chen, but a three instead of the E. Oh, nice. All right, follow him. Get on board.

It's super cool. If you have a chance to see him do stand-up or can check out any of his stuff online, he is fantastic. So funny. Enough that we were like, we sought his manager out and said, how long is he here? Can we please get him on the show? So that's how we felt. Thanks for making time, buddy. Now I'm here. I'm so excited. Alright, ready?

Let's do it. Take us home, Dan. This is from the AP. It was sent to us by Sam Householder at Sam Householder. Householder and Householder International are two of my favorite shows. By the way, Sam Householder, household name. Ready? Also, maybe he's just a bragger.

Man asked gym mates to borrow guns for robbery. Is it a flare gun? I know. Monroe, Louisiana. By the way, I'm going to tell you right now. I love this guy. Because first of all, it's hard enough to ask a guy to spot you for like seven reps on like bench press.

You mind coming over? I'm doing some inclines. A little help. A little help. A little help. I need four guns for robbery. Because you didn't have anyone over before you started. You didn't have someone to spot you, and it's down, and you're like, I'm not getting this up. A little help. A little help. I need four guns for a robbery. That's when you have to yell out because you didn't have anyone over before you started. You didn't have someone to spy on you, and it's down, and you're like, I'm not getting this up.

A little help. A little help. Monroe, Louisiana. Police in Louisiana have charged a man with drug possession after he approached two people in a gym parking lot and asked to borrow their guns to commit a robbery. That is an all-timer. So he knew they had guns. Hey, man. Sorry, buddy. Can't help you out. No, no, you haven't even heard. I don knew they had guns. Hey, man. Sorry, buddy.

Can't help you out. No, no. You haven't even heard. I don't need any money. What is it? I just need to borrow your gun. To borrow your guns to go for what? Go rob somebody?

No. No. No. Come on. Why are you being that way? These guns are for shooting Jews. No. We absolutely can't give you that.

Don't you dare. West Monroe Police charged Landon Wayne Duke. That is it. West Monroe Police charged Landon Wayne Duke. That is a... Landon Wayne Duke. That's like when you see a really dilapidated apartment building and it's like Canterbury Arms. Or like some really highfalutin name that just really disappoints. You know he goes by L-Dub. Landon Wayne Duke.

Wayne Duke. They charged him after two men flagged down an officer and informed him of Duke's comments. Landon Wayne Duke sounds like the name a four-year-old girl would come up with when she's like, what's the name of the prince

that this... Sure. Landon Wayne Duke. If you took Wayne out, though, if you take... Wayne makes him seem trashy. If you take Wayne out and it's just Landon Duke, sounds like he could be America's greatest soccer player. Sure. Or he's like a...

He's an evil prince with great hair. Isn't that guy from the KKK? Isn't he a Duke? That's David Duke. Also from Louisiana. Nice call. Maybe related. Maybe related. Look into that. Check off Duke.

Man, those Duke boys were in a heap of trouble. Duke had approached the men whom he reportedly knew in a Planet Fitness parking lot. I thought there was no aggression at Planet Fitness. There was no judgment either. The Planet Fitness guys, if you're in the parking lot, does the no judgment policy still extend? It extends into the parking lot. What are you judgment policy still extend up to the parking lot? So if you ask for guns. What are you using those guns for?

I can't judge you on it. Feels like you're judging me by not giving me the gun. He reportedly knew them in a Planet Fitness parking lot and noticed they had guns in their truck. First of all, that's kind of on you. If I can see you have guns in your truck. I'm going to ask to barter. Also, like, don't display your gun.

What are they, sitting up, like, just leaning against the seat? have guns in your truck. I'm going to ask to borrow them. Don't display your gun. What are they, sitting up, leaning against the seat? Or like a gun rack on the back window? Gun rack in the back window, I think. Me too. I think it's that. This feels like a lost verse from Lil Nas X. There you go. Guns in the truck.

That works. He noticed they had guns. Hey, I see you guys got guns in your truck. Yeah, what about it? Can I borrow them? No. Or he came up and was like, are you guys using those guns? Right.

Well, you're just like one bumpy gravel road away from your guns going off and shooting people. Shooting through your neck. It doesn't feel like you're responsible gun owners. He reportedly knew them. He asked them if he could borrow their guns. This was according to a police report obtained by the Monroe News Star. gun owners. He reportedly knew them. He asked them if he could borrow their guns. The police, this was according to a police report obtained by the Monroe News Star. The men told investigators, Duke said he wanted to borrow the guns to rob someone of enough money to leave town.

That is the saddest. What do you need it for? I just need enough money to leave town. I'd be like, you can leave now. But what about your Planet Fitness membership, Landis? I think it applies to another planet. I'm not sure yet. No, that's transferable. It's only this one. Also, how... I just want to rob someone.

Like, you have enough plan, right? Like, you want to change your life, you want to get out of town. But when your plan includes something that's going to literally get you incarcerated to the point where you can't leave town... That's one way to get out of town. Get prisons in a different city. That's true. That's such a funny get out of town. Get prisons in a different city. That's such a funny phrase as well. Reportedly knew him.

Because it means you know what they're saying. We don't fucking know this guy. And he keeps saying, they know me. Reportedly he knows me. Allegedly. Reportedly knew him. The men told investigators Duke said he wanted to borrow the guns to rob someone of enough money to leave town. The men said no and entered the gym

according to the report. This is where it gets fun. Did a couple of sets. Duke allegedly followed the men into the gym and worked out with the men while continuing to talk about robbing someone. You guys need a spot? I'll give you a spot if you can just give me one of those guns. I'm trying to do

preacher curls. You want to work out? I said. Look, dude, I'm trying to do preacher curls. You want to work out? I said we could work out together. You got to stop talking to me about who you want to rob. What about we rob that guy over there? No. No. We're not going to rob that guy over there.

Do flyweights and shut up. Sandwiching it in bodybuilding questions. You got creatine? And which bank is the best? Stop. We said we could work out. It's fine. We will work out with you.

You want to do single leg hamstring curls? Fine. Fine. Just don't ask me about the guns. Come on. What about that lady? No. No, we're not going to rob.

Just do your box jumps and shut up. Right. He continued to talk about robbing someone, investigators wrote. Police later spotted Duke at a nearby gas station and found what they believed to be methamphetamine wrapped in a $100 bill. You got $100, leave town. Yeah, that's enough to leave town. That's a good bus ticket. $100, you get pretty far.

Yeah, you get very far. He probably gets to New York City and becomes the best alternative comic in America. What if he's amazing? You guys ever want to rob somebody? There's been a Planet Fitness parking lot. He does all observational material about stuff that no one can relate to. Right.

I would love a comic like that. Duke was booked into the, I'll try, OUACHITA. O-U-A-C-H-I-T-A. OUACHITA. OUACHITA. Correctional Center on Sunday. I'm one count of possession of schedule two controlled substance. He remained in custody Monday. Uh, on Monday, the new star said, I will ask you guys, how old is Landon Wayne Duke? He's got a hundred dollars,

a little bit of meth. He wants to guns. He wants to ask people to get out of town. Now he could have, he could have waited until they went inside to steal their guns. So he's asking for consent to borrow a gun to rob someone against their consent. How old do you think he is? You can go first, Tigger third. I think he's young, like 25. 25? Okay, Jay. He was right on last time.

Like, for real, I think he's like 19. Okay. I'm not even joking. Okay. I think for someone to live long enough in a place that they want to get out, I feel like they have to have lived there long enough. So I'm going to say 36. 36.

Okay. One of you is exactly right. Now we get to play. If you're exactly right twice, I'm going to lose my brain. So you said 25? I don't think anyone's been exactly right twice since Kevin Pollak. Kevin Pollak was exactly right twice. Well, i think that 36 that that's too old you're in the town okay you're here you're a town you're done you're finished 19 could it could be so you think

it's 20 25. you said he believes in himself all right good i believe in me because i if i'm wrong then i'm wrong but if i was right and I went with someone else, then I don't know if I could ever be able to live with yourself. Like this guy. That's always the worst choice is if you go off your guess. Yeah, but sometimes you've gone off your guess, one of you guys, and then you feel good. You're like, I got a little piece.

I'm going to stay with 36. Okay. We will leave everyone on this because Landon, Wayne, Duke. The third. A little bit of meth. A little bit of money. A hundred dollars. A little bit of working out.

Looking for a way out of town after that burn. A little bit of lats. Yeah, a little bit of lats. Lats Wayne Duke is 19 years old. Yes, I knew it. Nicely done. He just wants to get out. It's his college years. He's going to start his life.

There you go. That's the show, you guys. Aaron Chen. I'm so happy that our paths crossed. And if we ever do our podcast out in Australia, maybe you'll hop on and be on a live one with us. That'd be awesome. Now that you know. Now that you know. Have a great rest of the time here in the United States.

Safe travels back. Thank you for having me. Of course. Come see us. Come see us when we do our live shows this next week. We want to see everybody out at these shows.

And oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town.