Dumb People Town - A.D. Miles - I've Got A Tracheal Occlusion

Episode Date: July 23, 2021

This week A.D. Miles comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. This week's story comes from the inside of a whale.

Skypains, out of here. Hey, Daddies. Welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population miles. Yes. Youulation you. Population Miles. Yes. You got it. Yes. You got it.

A.D. Miles, how are you, buddy? Welcome. I'm doing very well. I'm happy to be back in Dumb People Town. How about in the studio hanging with friends? I'm still not over this yet, the ability to make eye contact. It's an excuse to hang out. It's an excuse to be in the same room exchanging breaths.

It's an excuse for me to pull up on you on your Honda Odyssey and feel so power. It's the Honda Odyssey Elite. Elite. Elite. I sprang for the top notch. It is an elite vehicle. For people who, you have a fantastic Twitter, and you write very, very funny things on your Twitter and some people probably know you through that. I was saying that I just heard your voice on Hoops,

the Netflix show, and you were fantastic as a seven-foot-tall kid who they were trying to encourage to play on the basketball team. The only way I'll ever get on the basketball court is through an animated avatar. But I just love that it was seven-foot-tall kid, long hair, trench coat, not the guy you think.

But I was listening to you, and as I said before, before the show, I was listening, I'm like, God, this guy's doing coat, not the guy you think. But I was listening to him, and as I said before, before the show, I was listening, I'm like, God, this guy's doing so, I love this voice. I love it so much. Who is it? It's so familiar. And then I went on IMDb, and I was like,

oh, shit, it's 80 Miles. That's my friend. I love this so much. So from that, and you're just a phenomenal writer, wrote for many years on The Tonight Show. And did you run that show? You ran that show. I was the head writer, so I ran the writing department on that show.

Ran the writer's room for years. 1,500 eps. Wow. You understand this show and what this show is kind of what we really have learned now that we've been in a writer's room. We call it the writer's room before you have to get down to work. Did you hear about the...

Eventually you in this scenario would go, okay guys you have to get down to work. Somebody's like, did you hear about the... Did you see the... Eventually, you, in this scenario, would go, okay, guys, we got to get back to work. You sit down, you spitball a little bit, you talk about this, that, and the other, and then you get... Okay. We got to get back. So that we say at the end of every episode of this show, we say, oh shit, we got to get back to work.

So this is the room before the room becomes the room. I love it. And we get dumb stories sent to us, as you've done before. We're on the show. We've got a doozy of one today. Daniel, let's jump into it. Yeah, we're ready to do this. Can I also point out the fact we're all little variants of Jay Leno in our clothing today?

We're the blues crew. We've got a little bit of a denim thing going on. Why do you think we're a little bit like Jay Leno? Mine's technically chambray. That's very true. You don't think I drove in here on a recumbent car? Is that what it was? I drove the steam-powered Duesenberg.

I remember when I saw his Duesenberg on some TV show. I've also seen him drive it twice. He showed you. Is it steam-powered? He does have a steam power. He's got every magic on the car. I will say one thing about Jake. The Duesenberg is insane.

My dad's a car fanatic. Sure. I knew him from he would come on The Tonight Show. Sure. So my dad came out to LA, and I emailed him. I said, listen, I'm sure you get this a lot. Say no if you don't want to, but I'd love to bring my dad out to check out your cars. Within 10 minutes. No problem.

I'll set it up. Bring your dad out. We'll have a guy show him every single car. And he's got like 300 cars. The only thing that a car guy loves more than cars is to show people about his cars. Another guy who loves cars. But he didn't show the cars he had a guy who she had a guy he was on tour but he arranged for his garage manager that's

nice who by the way was not like yeah yeah come on take out here's this this and this he was like every single car now this one we got in 1978 he hasn't been talked to in years yeah they had to break glass on that guy. Break the glass on the garage guy and get him out of it. Get him out of the tube. Tell me, I'm ready. But for real, have either of you ever seen a Duesenberg? I mean, if you get past

the whole Nazi vibe of it, they're huge. I mean, they're enormous. Is that where Doozy came from? That's a real doozy. That's what I said about this show wait a second maybe it is

it has to be because a Duesenberg is a giant car that's a doozy wait I won't I feel like you're right don't ever look it up Dan I'm looking it up

let it stay in our hearts why it's dumb people down I'm gonna say he's right no matter what I find because I'm the only one looking at my phone I want the guy who showed the cars around to be the voiceover for the very first film that you did which made it into our um

our apartment to that show yeah which was like the the i want the person ray has sex yeah the ray has sex but i want it to be that guy hey this is ray this Ray. This is a 1927 Duesenberg. That is the type of voice you want showing you a car. And don't touch that. Are you guys ready? Yeah, let's jump in. Yeah, let's hear the story. Let's do this wonderful mini story today. The story is not mini, though.

It's sent in by VaxxedBetman at MaxBetman. M-A-X-B-E-T-M-A-N. Is MaxBetman, is he the guy on ESPN? Webster's, by the way, before I get into it, suggests that that's a doozy is derivative of daisy and began. Okay. A doozy is something extraordinary and one of a kind. The Duesenberg automobile. Yes.

Gave the word a boost. These musicals weren't. Oh, so it was a thing before that and then the doozy was like, here's a doozy. I don't know. A little vocabulary boost. Okay. Okay. Okay. Headline.

Sent in by Max Bettman, at Max Bettman. Hashtag dumb people town, at Daniel Van Kirk. That's how it works. Lobster diver swallowed by humpback whale. Oh, my God. I remember seeing this. You saw this story? This blew up big time.

I mean, why wouldn't it? You've got a whole like Geppetto, Pinocchio. Yes. Jonah and the whale. Was it Pinocchio? Pinocchio. Remember? Maestro?

What's the whale's name at the end that swallows them whole and they have to start a story? Jonah's the story from the Bebop. Jonah is the Bible. Yes. Bible. Sorry. Pinocchio. Did you call it the Bebop?

I said the Bebop. The Bebop. You don't remember in Pinocchio that they get swallowed by a whale? Are you guys crazy? I don't remember that. They start a fire and it makes the whale start to sneeze and then it shoots Geppetto and Pinocchio out. Remember he ties a weight to his tail?

Lazy writing if you ask me. Dan, I can't tell if you're making this up. Plagiarizing from the Bible? He's walking around on the bottom of the ocean yelling Geppetto, Geppetto bottom of the ocean doing Transistor Radio. He's listening to Transistor Radio. You are nuts. You're going to tell me you don't remember where they all go to that island for Misfit Boys and then they turn into donkeys?

Dan, stop. Dan, you're making shit up. Dan, you're making everything. Now I feel like you guys are doing it. Look that up while you're at it. Pinocchio. It's a real daisy, Dan. That's Lord of the Flies, isn't it?

Yeah. And Peter Pan. You remember the fox who runs everything and invites all these boys and they can do whatever they want, but then they get so excited and they're so bad they turn into donkeys? What? In Pinocchio. Are you talking about Danny? None of you guys seem to put the Disney in Pinocchio.

I don't know what you're... When does he start talking to the volleyball? That's a totally different movie. That's Forrest Gump. Okay. That's Philadelphia. I want to hear this story. Because I saw a headline of this, and I didn't want to look at it because I was like...

I saw a little video of the guy being interviewed afterwards, but I don't know the story. Covered in mucus. Yeah. Michael Packard. Oh, God. Michael Packard has a whale of a tale to tell.

He survived being in a humpback whale's mouth early Friday morning. Could you imagine? Should happen on a Wednesday. A humpback day. Humpback day. Unbelievable. They missed it. They could have eaten. The lobster diver jumped from his boat

off the coast of Provincetown, Massachusetts, to check one of his traps. Packard was 45 feet below the ocean's surface. What are you doing down there? You're going to get eaten by a whale. 45 feet. Even with, what is the average? Yes, it's scuba gear.

Well, the deepest diving tank in the world is 60 meters. That's 185. Okay. Yeah, but still, there's a moment where I'm like, you're down there and it's like, from like eight feet, I'd be like, yeah, they look good. I have an idea. I gotta get right up in there.

Is it attached to anything? Why don't you pull it up to the surface, bro? Do any of you have any idea of the deepest you've ever... I'm gonna go check my fishing hooks. I'm gonna dive down there and see if there's one of these fishing hooks. I'm gonna reel it in like some lazy person. I'm gonna to fish in hooks. I'm going to dive down there and see if he's biting on one of these fish in hooks. I'm going to reel it in like some lazy person. I'm going to dive down there and put my eyeball on it.

I'm going to put it in the fish's mouth. I'm going to taunt him with it. Yeah. What's the deepest? Jiggle it. What's the deepest I've ever been? I think when I- Just free dove.

Free dove. So when I was off the coast of Australia on the Great Barrier Reef, I wouldn't scuba dive, but I had a snorkel and I went down probably about 15 feet and then I had to come back. I went about 15 feet up at the cabin a couple weekends ago and it was hard. And I remember being a child at Spring Lake Pool. I was trying to say the pool at the Y is fluffy. So it's 13 feet at Spring Lake and Rochelle and I remember being a kid swimming down to the bottom and like just sitting there and like having like I could

hold my breath and sit down at the bottom and the pressure didn't get to me at all and then you over time I was like there's no bullies or girls down there it's just me and my time me and Draney just talking to each other I would go down at the bottom At the JCC pool 13 feet down at the bottom of JCCA And I would check my fishing hooks And I would just try You don't want to catch anything in there No I'm going to look up Pinocchio

Do it I don't believe Nobody remembers this No At Disneyland when you finish the ride You come out through a whale's mouth You just thought that was weird? I never went to Disneyland

I never even went on the Pinocchio I never went to Disneyland I never even went on the Pinocchio I only went to Disneyland once and I was 13 this is great because I have a much younger sister and there happened to be

this is horrible for a 13 year old who looks like he's 9 there was a cheerleading convention so it was packed with wall to wall cheerleading squads

beautiful girls in cheerleading outfits and I was like this is the worst make it miserable i'm telling you why is miles so moody today why is miles bending over yeah why why is he holding a stuffed animal in front of his i just like it okay i just love it screaming at their phones right now that you guys don't know the pinocchio and you know what those tony's i see you and i feel you i want you to be screaming at their phones right now that you guys don't know the Pinocchio. And you know what? Toast Toneys, I see you and I feel you.

I want you to be screaming at your phones. Just all you type in is Pinocchio turns into donkeys. You'll see the scene. You'll see. Okay. Packard, 45 feet below the ocean's surface, when he suddenly felt a huge bump and everything went dark, he told Boston-based CBS affiliate Wbub from behind wbzz uh wbz sorry at first packard said he feared he was the victim of a shark attack but after noticing a lack of sharp teeth that's

taking inventory dude that is like okay i'm in something are there teeth here yeah and he did not feel any you gotta do an oral inspection You do. To figure out what has eaten you. But the mouth closed on him. Yes. So he's now in the mouth of the beast. Literally. Wow. I got some bones to pick.

Yeah, please. I got some teeth. After noticing the lack of sharp teeth, he realized he was in the mouth of a whale that he believes was trying to swallow him. Oh, yeah. All of a sudden, I felt this huge shove, and the next thing I knew, it was completely black. I thought to myself, there's no way I'm getting out of here.

Of course not. I'm done. I'm dead. Yeah. All I could think of was my boys, 12 and 15 years old. So I would say don't. Weird names. Pull up.

Also, like, is that how old they are now or the last time you spoke to them? My boy's 12 and my boy's 15. How old are they? 18 and 20. They're 64. But I told you guys about two of the craziest names I've ever known. They'll go into their names. Ada Mae.

Ada Mae. Ada Mae, because she was born on the 8th of May. Ada Mae. And 9 of June. 9 of June. Yes. I love it. Yeah.

9 of June and 8 of May. Way to remember. Yeah, right? Okay, so he's in. It works. He's in. Yes. I love it. Yeah. Nine of June and eight of May. Way to remember. Yeah, right? Okay, so he's in. It works. All he thinks about is his kids. Honest to God. I would have been snuggling up to that time. If you're in a whale, are you thinking about your kids? No. If I'm in a whale. I mean, how would you know?

I mean, at the point when you're like, I'm dead, once you go down into his colon, I guess, then you're... No, that's the thing. He's not in his... He's just in the mouth. No, he's not getting- And he's trying to swallow him. It's trying to swallow him down. Packard.

Did he yell for kelp? Who is still breathing through his regulator. Stop, stop, stop. Don't you dare. Sklar Brothers, thumbs down. Seriously, stop. He struggled to get free. That apparently caused the whale to shake its head.

So he's still- Isn't there a Jaws where somebody's in the mouth and still alive? Oh. I think it was Pinocchio that was in Jaws. You're wrong. I'm looking it up. You haven't found it yet? No, no, because I'm engaged in this conversation.

It's fine. Look it up. We're going to take a break in a second. You can look it up there. Okay. All right. Okay. I'm going to ask you guys.

How long? By his estimation. Okay. How many seconds was Packard in the whale's mouth so what did it feel like to him so i'm already out because if it's seconds already i'm just like who cares man okay yeah you switched around in a whale by the way there is i looked it up pinocchio and lampwick what's that i don't even know who Lampwick is. That's Beauty and the Beast. Transformed into donkeys. Yes.

Dan, you're right. Of course I'm right. It exists. All right. If I could have made that up, I would have kept it to myself. Dan, I'll give it to you. All right. The next one is Lampwick and Pinocchio blow each other.

What? What? So I don't remember any of this. Yeah. Those are very bad costumes. I want to be a boy. There's only one way. He lit the wick tonight.

All right, so that's not the only thing growing on Pinocchio. Okay. How many seconds would you say he says he was in a whale's mouth? I'm going to say a disappointing four seconds. Four seconds? I say 20. 20 seconds, Jason Sklar? I'm going to say like 60 seconds.

60 seconds. Then you'd say a minute. No, Jason Sklar? I'm going to say like 60 seconds. 60 seconds. Didn't you say a minute? No, because he wants it to sound like more. One minute is nothing but 60 seconds. I was in there for at least 50 or 60. It's like when people were like, it was worth half a million. And you're like, still half. It's just halfway to a million.

Right. Big difference. It's worth a quarter of a million dollars. Just over half a million. Yeah, right? That's a hundredth of a million dollars. We're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we'll find out how long he says he was in it.

And everybody can use this time to write a tweet to the Sklars saying, how do you not remember? And 80 miles. The break will be exactly as long as he was in the mouth. Start your timers now. Okay. We'll be right back. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. A couple things to mention. Jay and I have a Patreon where we're doing

Cheap Seats, which you, A.D. Wiles, one of the only people who was on two episodes of Cheap Seats. You played the squire who was like, who read off of the roller derby. The Monroe Doctrine.

Oh, right. Yeah. Monroe Doctrine. Yeah, yeah. So you played that guy, and then you also played- Was there a costume involved? Yes. You had the wardrobe.

We had the wardrobe. You also played Manny Trillo, who was on the Radical Outdoor Challenge that Ryan Seacrest hosted. I remember that episode. If you know anything about us, we put 80 miles in everything we do. And I'm back again. What were you doing for the outdoor challenge? Manny Trillo, he was like this guy who was trying to make our show more radical.

More radical. Yes. Dope guys don't be sadical. Time to get radical. A dad joke before I was a dad. If I remember, Seacrest was selling that hard. Seacrest was the guy. Manny Trillo, which Manny Trio was a second shortstop

or second baseman for the Phillies in the late 70s. Oh, God, of course he was. So Manny Trillo, it just was so. The person with the least sports knowledge of anyone on the planet. But we made it a character that you could play. Anyway, at any rate, we have a...

I was very happy to do it. If you look up on Patreon... I think at the time I was really happy to do it. Oh, dude, it was so fun. So if you look up patreon.com, Sklar Brothers,

you can join us. We're doing new episodes. New episodes of Cheap Seats every month. We're doing it on our own. We're kind of doing it our own way. Yes, Manny Trillo

will be back. Maybe Manny Trjo will be back So great and then Dan's got a bunch of dates coming up. Please go see him live wherever he is Daniel vankirk calm It's all over them. It's all over the country. That's all right. It's kind of all through the Midwest I can't wait your clothes go see him because it's such a fun Oh, it's such a fun night and it just is like you'll walk out of that show Smiling. Yeah and feeling good. Plus, I still do those digital shows where we play bingo, raise money for no-kill animal shelters, food banks,

big brothers, big sisters. Plus, you can actually win fun stuff. And then we do the trivia nights as well and movie clubs. I've never seen my cousin Vinny. It's an excellent movie. Yeah, I've heard it. I've seen your cousin Vinny. I love your cousin Vinny.

He's a good guy. I call my brother Vinny sometimes. Yeah. Vance? Yes. Vinny? Okay's a good guy. I call my brother Vinny sometimes. Vance? Yes. Vinny? Okay. So, 80, last thing.

Where can people follow you at 80, the number 80 miles? 80 miles on Twitter. All of it. Yeah. Except I don't have a, what's the other one? TikTok? TikTok? I did that for half a second.

I was like, I feel like I lost track. Oh, you got to keep watching. TikTok, I'm way into it. I found a new thing on TikTok that I love more than anything in the world. What is it? And we're gonna try to get this guy on our podcast.

It's called Wolf... What I... Wolf on Golf or something? Wolf on Golf. This dude... Wolf of Golf. Wolf of Golf. We said he should be

Wolf of Golf Street. He missed an opportunity. Yeah. But he said Wolf of Golf and you send missed an opportunity. But he said Wolf of Golf and you send your swing into him and he breaks it down but then he'll also just talk for a while over these people's shitty swings

and he'll just talk about philosophies on golf and life. And the guy's actually, for a regular human being, super funny. Super funny and helpful. Helpful. I'm watching all these people's mistakes

and I'm like, what do I do? Then I'm like, I want to send my swing into this cat. What a great account. It's a brilliant account. It's so simple. It's so funny. So specific. It's so specific.

I love it. 80 miles on Instagram and on Twitter. A great follow. You are so funny. Go back and watch him in Wet Hot American Summer. He's freaking brilliant in that. He has to hold it together while those guys are- Chris Maloney is yelling in my ear.

Dude, how you didn't break how there is a single take where you just held it together that made it to the miraculous. Alright, so when we left, Dan, we had a guy swallowed by a whale. We were embarrassed to not know that Pinocchio was actually swallowed

by a whale and then turned into a donkey. So this guy did not turn into a donkey and we tried tried to figure out how long he said he was in. You said four seconds because you were unimpressed. I said 60. I said 20. Okay. Within up to 40 seconds, he said the animal surfaced and ejected Packard from its mouth. Ejaculated.

Ejaculated at me. So the whale was like, I want you inside of me, and then he ejaculated. I think 40 seconds is a long time. Dude, 40 seconds is so long. 40 seconds is a long time. You've got time to process your mortality. Definitely, you're going to get to the kids eventually. That's how you get to the kids.

You've got enough time. You might even start to get a little hungry. But people always think like anytime anything like wild or insane or exhilarating is happening, it feels like, yes, like you even get kids do this. Like go down a slide. It's like two seconds. But that was so much fun. I was up there for a minute.

We're not up there for a minute. Right. It's time slicing. 40 seconds inside a whale's mouth is a long time. So speaking of- 40 more seconds than I've ever been inside a whale's mouth is a long time. 40 more seconds than I've ever been inside a whale's mouth. That's right. Same here. Speaking of time around water,

have you ever jumped off a very high platform or a cliff? I jumped off a 30, 35-foot cliff into a river when we went river rafting. How long ago was this? This was like four years ago. That's impressive. I had on a a life jacket so I didn't go down all the way, which was very helpful. I'd be worried I'd dislocate my shoulder. No, no, no. You just kind of hold on to it and you're good. Keep those legs

together. I jumped off that thing and I'm telling you it felt like I was in the air for so long. You had time to think about it. I probably was in the air for like three seconds. Four seconds. Five maybe at the most. But I felt like I about it. Right. I probably was in the air for like three seconds. Right. Four seconds. Right. Five maybe at the most. But I felt like I was up there forever.

So 40, if you multiply that times eight or nine. Right. Or ten. That is crazy. That's enough time to be like, is this my new life? Am I a whale mouth guy? I live here now. Yeah.

Yes. Should I get my mail delivered here? God, I'd be so scared. Oh my God. Dude, 40 seconds in a whale's mouth i know now you know it's gotta be pitch black you might imagine yes it has to be right where there's the lighting's not good in there no i mean it never is and if there were a light in there you'd be like what the hell have you have you seen the commercials for the new garage like three-pronged light that

they're like it's like it's like a new infomercial of like uh it opens like a flower or like the light does or like a woman's sexuality it opens up or a man and it opens up and then it and then it just yeah or demogorgon's face and then it just shines the brightest light ever on every like everywhere it's like and your garage in your garage or in your basement it's sensor based it's not sensor you turn and it just comes down. But it is like, I'm like, do we need all this? It's like the military grade flashlight that your car can drive over. You definitely don't need that.

You don't need this. We do not need this. So there was no light. I wish he had one of those. Oh my God. Imagine what that would look like. So you should always have, so okay. A little mag light.

Right. He should have had like an underwater mag light so he could underwater mag lights we could look especially going 45 feet under the surface packard's gotta be dark down there anyway you're right he has to have a flashlight he's looking at his trap he's doing packard packard shipmates rather josiah mayo says he saw says he saw packard being expelled from the whale and fished him out of the water. My first thought was, I can't believe I got out of that situation. My second thought was for how injured I was, Packard told the Cape Cod Times. Packard?

Dude, you're not going to believe how injured I was. Dude, you're fucking injured. Do you think the Cape Cod Times are written phonetically? Yeah. Dude, get a load of this shit. You're not going to believe it. This guy in a whale's mouth. Packard dude. Get a load of this shit. You're not gonna believe it. This guy in a fucking whale's mouth. And there's just-

Packer didn't get himself out of that situation. No, he was too- The whale got him. That's like saying I got myself out of a traffic accident. That's right. Wait, but I do think

that newspapers in the Northeast should be allowed to swear. Yeah. And they should be written in the most colloquial way ever. Dude, dude, let me tell you about this. This fucking guy who died. Shot out of a fucking whale's way ever. Dude, dude, let me tell you about this fucking guy who died. Dude, you know, let me tell you, that's the obituaries.

Let me tell you about this fucking guy who died. You're not going to believe this fucking guy's life. He now walks around thinking he's better than everybody. Okay, Packard. And his wife's wicked hot, so go over there and check her out. Packard was taken to the local hospital, but his injuries turned out to be less severe than he first thought, just a lot of soft tissue damage.

Does that mean bruising? Oh, my God. Who says that? Just say he got some bumps and bruises. It's like when a kid learns the word. Soft tissue damage. I had mildly infarcted tissue. It's like when a kid learns the word contusion.

I think I have a contusion. I've got a tracheal occlusion. Sorry, I'm choking. Yeah, exactly. It always sounds worse with the real talk. Marine mammal expert Peter Corcoran. Yeah, he was like, I got a quote for you. Of the Wingland Aquarium told the Boston Herald that whales, like the one that Packard says he encountered, don't actually eat people.

They are gulp feeders that slurp as much as they can and then swallow it down. Right. Corcoran suspects that the whale was just trying to get fish and had no intention of turning Packard into breakfast. Right. I would agree. Right. Yeah. He also said they don't eat meat. Well, they do. They eat fish. They plant it. They don't

bite. They don't swallow it and then it breaks it down. Yeah. It's like the equivalent of us choking on a chicken bone. Yes. You didn't mean to get it in there. Although Jay Lorette, Rochelle Illinois would eat the chicken bones. That's a fucking baby wheel, Jay.

Look at that wheel, Jay. He got eaten by a wheel, Jay. There's evidence suggesting that humpbacks can be altruistic towards humans which may be why the creature swam to the surface before spitting Packard out. Wow. I got to get this guy to the surface. It's perfectly believable.

I can spit him out down here. Dude, I got you. He might have some soft tissue. I got you, dude. The humpback whale has a boss. Dude, I got you. Dude, I got to get this guy to the surface. He's all bruised.

The soft tissue damage. I can't leave him down here. Bro, let me get to the fucking surface And I'll throw you out I'll spit him out When I get to the top Hold on to my tongue I'm gonna get you to the surface

You're gonna be fine Don't worry about it Pack it It's not my fault Pack it By the way your traps are empty You asshole It's perfectly believable

Dude if I'm the guy Who fishes him out Alright If I'm the employee Who fishes him out Alright I get him up to the top I make sure he's okay Josiah Mayo If not Mayo I just look down And out I get him up to the top I make sure he's okay

Josiah Mayo? I just look down and be like What's up with the traps? Where we at with those traps? The end of Jay Larson's work Yeah, yeah, yeah Traps? What do they got?

Good for you, you fucking You fucking did it You fucking went out of a whale's mouth You want a fucking break? You know what I can't sell back at the market? A whale story Your fucking story Yeah That's what that's gonna Is that gonna put food on my table? a fucking break. You know what I can't sell back at the market? A whale story. Your fucking story. Yeah.

That's what that's gonna... Is that gonna put food on my table? No. Nope. Is that gonna put food on anybody's table? A funny anecdote.

You can tell it's a table. Your empty table. Which, by the way, this guy is now gonna tell everywhere he goes. All day. How much are his friends gonna be sick of this?

I give him one year of hearing this stupid story. Hi, I'm Michael Whale Packard. Hey, what do you have to drink tonight? Oh, let's see. I just got eaten by a whale. I guess I'll have a beer. You could have just said beer, man.

Did I say something about the whale again? Did I mention the whale again? He said Applebee's. Well, what do you have for a guy who just got swallowed by a whale? Table for two and one person who got eaten by a whale. That's three. You guys talking about the plot lines in Pinocchio? Guess what?

I have got a whale of a plot line for you. Corcoran says it's perfectly believable that the whale was trying to help him. Yes. I'm going to ask you guys just for fun. We'll get out of here on this. How old of a gentleman do you think michael packard is 47 wow 47 years old felt that definite answer no deliberation whatsoever jay man i'm gonna say he's 39 39 i think he's older i want to say he's like 56

okay that's by the way not much older than us But just saying It feels like a young man's game It does Or an old haggard New England guy's game I got it I've been doing this for a while One of you Is exactly right So now we get to play the game

Who do you think is exactly right Me 47 I think it's me So now we get to play the game. Who do you think is exactly right? Me. Okay. 47. I think it's me, 56. I think it's me. I think it's me. I know we can't all be right.

39. We're all staying. We're sticking to our guns, so to speak. We set the traps and we're okay with it. We're not going down and checking the traps. Imagine the tattoo he's going to get. Oh, God. Michael Whalesmouth Packard is 56 years old.

Oh! Wow. Done. Damn. Look at him. Ruined my day. Look at him. He's so happy to be able to tell this story.

He looks like Ryan Sickler. He looks good for 56. He did for 56. I mean, you're diving and getting those lobsters. He's diving and getting the thing good for him. I'm just happy he's alive and just happy he can tell the story. What a great story that we'll never want to hear again. Could you imagine, though, if you're a comedian and that happens?

You're like, there's my hour. There's my next two hours. If you were a comedian, the whale would have said, tasted funny. Tastes like chicken. Tastes like chicken. There you go, guys. That is the show with the great A.D. Miles. So good If you want to hear

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