Dumb People Town - Adam Cayton-Holland - Florida Story Inception

Episode Date: October 19, 2021

This week Adam Cayton-Holland comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story involves a potion. The second story is actually 2 Florida stories that intersect. Final story is a ghost hunting accident.

Skypains, out of here. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population, Caden Hollandulation, Caden Holland. Adam Caden Holland III. Thank you for that third. I didn't even know. I didn't know you were from a long line of Caden Holland.

Adam Caden Holland. Welcome, dude. I know you're in Denver. We always love to see you in person. You have made L.A. a wonderful place where you've done incredible work. But I do think of you as a Denver fixture. Every time we come to play Denver,

which is our favorite damn club, sometimes you sneak on the shows with us, which is such a blast. And so anyway, you're repping Denver right now. You're on Zoom, but we love you. And you have a new album, which we will talk about. Can't wait. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yes, I'm happy to be your Denver guy. I'll lead you to restaurants anytime, dudes. Hey, man. And Dan, I mean happy to be your Denver guy. I'll lead you to restaurants anytime, dudes. Hey, man. And Dan, I mean, Dan was good. Dan just did High Plains. And had the most fun ever. Your comedy festival. Yeah, you guys.

I took Dan to his favorite coffee he's had probably in his comedy career. Dan, what is it? It was, I think it was tap water. I had tap water. Oh, stop it, Dan. What's the place? I'm not joking. It's called tap water coffee. No, I had tap water. I don't it, Dan. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. It's called tap water coffee.

No, I had tap water. I don't know what Rory and Adam had. Dan goes up to the counter and goes, I'd like the breakfast burrito with meat. And they go, we're out of it. And he goes, then I'll have absolutely nothing. And he turned the water around. Wouldn't do it.

Wouldn't do it. That's such a Dan. They were out. Dan? I get it. Yeah. I get it. I enjoyed conversation.

They enjoyed great conversation. enjoyed all right let's stop talking about tap water and we've got adam kate and holland here i don't want to waste any more time let's jump into the dumb and let's try and sort this dumb world out with this great this was sent in by liz hagerty at gentleman liz hagerty liz hagerty i love her uh uh liz actually has changed their handle to say a gentleman and a sclar-er. I love her. Like a scholar. I love her. Liz Haggerty.

She's so great. Go girl. Okay, ready? Yep. A Florida woman. Yep. So you know it'll be fun. A great start.

It's a great start. So she's 36 and she's a grandmother. Do you want to hear the headline? Let's hear the headline. Woman blames potion for fire truck theft bid. She was under a spell. Yeah. Isn't bid a nice way of saying tried to steal?

Attempt. Failed attempt. Failed attempt is a bid. A bid. Oh, I thought auction. I thought she's buying this fire truck. Oh, yeah. Or she's buying the right to steal a fire truck.

Exactly. Have any of you ever participated in an auction auction? Yes. Like you're an auction auction? Yes. Like you're raising your hand. Yes. To bid on something. Yeah. Didn't we participate?

I mean, I was at one where people are raising their hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen estate auctions like that. Right. Yes. Where people are trying to buy stuff. Have you ever been to one, Adam? An auction?

No. I would buckle under the pressure. Me too. Even a silent auction, I'm nervous. I just like the confidence. So I been on things at silent auctions. The confidence with which people hold up the paddle, you know what I mean, with their number, it's like

that literally is just a show of I'm trying to get laid. The auction scene in Uncut Gems. Oh, yeah. I know. Intense. Okay, a Florida woman who had to be pulled from the cab of a fire engine that she tried to steal denied being under the influence of the usual street potions i think that means alcohol but said she had been that she had taken the elixir of life

before trying to boost the emergency vehicle so she is that? Is that White Claw? I think it's a potion from Harry Potter. The Elixir of Life? Yes, I'm pretty sure. Adam's nodding his head. Oh, absolutely. It's like the ninth Harry Potter on the Elixir of Life, I believe. That's right.

That's close. Responding to a call about a woman acting erratically on the beach in St. Augustine Beach, cops and fire rescue workers last month discovered- So it's this is a crazy ass lady in the day also like you go to the beach and you see people like trying to do handstands and cartwheels and like you have to judge how good a shape they're in as to whether or not they're crazy so if someone's doing handstands on the beach and they're in really good shape you're like oh that's a yoga she's probably a gymnast or he's a yoga guy. Right. But like if it's how many clothes the person has on.

They have like a denim shirt on. And doing a cartwheel. And loafers. And a beer trying to do a one-handed cartwheel. You're like, okay, this person's like acting erratic. Should they be in a puffy coat on the beach? But maybe this woman knew her place. She's like, I can't do that.

I can't flex that way. However, I do see this ambulance. I'm going to take that fire truck right there. Right. So responding to a call about a woman acting erratically on the beach in St. Augustine Beach, cops and fire rescue workers late last month discovered Kehlani Joe Kroll in distress. I don't know. Kehlani Kroll. Kehlani Joe K, Kroll in distress. I don't know. Kehlani, Kroll.

Kehlani, Joe, Kroll. KJK. Is this Nick's sister? Oh, that would be wonderful. Kehlani, Kroll. It sounds like a character Nick would do. Kroll, who lives two blocks from the beach, which also tells you a lot about a person. By the way, beachfront property.

Right. The scale. Come on. You know how expensive it is to live by anywhere like a body of water of sorts you ever you guys whenever you've walked like on the venice boardwalk sure and there's all those like houses and condos right there over half of them i'm like are terrible terrible yeah i'm like who like did they buy this in 1978 and Yes. And then they've just never- It's hanging on for dear life, Dan. Yes.

They're like, I've never- It's the beach. You're not going for the architecture, Dan. No. You're there for the beach, and that's all you get. And if there's running water, you're welcome. Yeah, because half of them look burned out, and there's nine people living in them. Or there's one guy, and you're like, you are French kissed by the sun.

And they just live there. No sunscreen anywhere near the house. None at all. Okay. Kroll, who lives two blocks from the beach, said that she needed CPR and other treatment. But while being, I know. Usually when you request CPR,

that means you're breathing okay. You're fine. You want to be kissed. CPR catch 22 right there. You want to feel the touch of another person. Sure. I'm on your mouth. You know what she's doing?

She's sandlotting the guy. It's a classic sandlot move. Oh, Wendy Peppercorn? Exactly. Yeah. I got to be honest. I saw that movie. I didn't like it.

I just saw it recently. I didn't like it. We're going it recently. I didn't like it. We're going to break that down on a Patreon. Okay, fine. Let's do that. But while being escorted to an ambulance, imagine that car. So you're not feeling well?

No, I need CPR. I can't breathe. Let me walk you to this ambulance before we give you CPR. Kroll began running back and forth. Your lungs are working fine. Good for you. Officer Brandon Hand.. Officer Brandon Hand. Brandon Hand.

That is an officer name if I ever done heard one. Brandon Hand. Brandon Hand, Lieutenant. Yes. I got a Brandon Hand. The stern hand of the law. Brandon Hand. Brandon Hands were two in the bush.

Long arm of the law. Officer Brandon Hand said, quote, due to no crime being committed at this point, I had no reason to chase her. Right, so she's running back and forth. Let her run herself out. She's like a golden retriever. Or a toddler throwing a fit. Can I guess her ethnicity?

White. I'm saying she's white. She is. But there's no crime, so the officer's like, okay, you want to go for a quick jog? Go for it. Yeah. We'll count your steps from here.

But as police and firemen began entering their vehicles to depart the scene, so they were done with her. Yeah. They're like, all right, fine. Kalani, nothing we can do here. Right. Someone yelled, quote, she's stealing the truck. It's like your Uncle Ken. Well, there goes the truck.

Uncle Ken would be like, you better do something about her. Yep, go get her. She's going to get the truck. I told you she wasn't going to just run. Yeah, you knew there was one guy there. Right. Or one woman there. Who's like eating sunflower seeds, who was like, better go get her.

Keep an eye on her. What did I say? What did I say? Oh, you don't know Kalani. She's stealing the truck, somebody yelled. Kroll, investigators allege, had opened the door of an unsecured fire engine and got in the driver's seat. St. John's County Fire Rescue personnel responded by pulling her from the cab. Witness Jessica Benton.

This is just a random person who got themselves into this story. I'd like to make a statement. And literally, it's like seven words. Told police, quote, I thought she was fixing to drive off. How did she get into the story? What did that add? What new observation?

You mean the woman who climbed into the driver's seat? You thought she was fixing to drive off? I thought she was looking for smokes in the glove compartment. I thought she just wanted to honk the horn. I thought she was fixing. I can't be sure. She doesn't want to commit. Way not to be definitive

in this. After reportedly struggling with cops who tried to handcuff her, Kroll offered an apology, according to a police report detailing the August 20th incident. Quote, I'm sorry for trying to take the truck, she said. When Officer Hand asked if she was under the influence

of anything, Kroll replied she was not, but had taken the elixir of life. I don't know what that is. It's White Claw, right? The potion. I don't know. You don't know? What do you think it could be? No, I was saying, I got to survey the beachfront drink options here.

Maybe Elixir of Life is just very, that's the drink in this particular spot of the beach. Yes. Right. It's true. That's a smoothie. It's like a kiosk in the shape of a coconut, and that's where they serve the Elixir of Or she means even more abstract, like she moved to the beach. That's the Elixir of Life.

I'm drinking in all the world this year. The potion is not further described in court filings, but the mythical mixture is supposed to grant the drinker immortality in the world of Harry Potter. There you go. There it is. Yeah, the elixir is produced by the philosopher's stone. It's unclear whether such alchemy was at work in saint augustine beach

a city 50 miles south of jacksonville is it unclear is it unclear are we aren't are we not sure if she's had the actual elixir of life oh wait are we who is is are we really as a journalist here questioning whether or not she can be immortal i'm gonna tell you this went very greenly which uh adam you may not know is is a guy who writes articles in Florida where he over explains everything. You know this, dude. This is a recurring guy. We know greenly. Greenly is a different journalist.

It's unclear whether alchemy was at work in St. Augustine Beach, a city 50 miles south of Jacksonville that faces the Atlantic Ocean. Who cares? Wait, wait. So you're telling me that this coastal town with a beach. With a beach there faces the ocean. But how many miles from Jacksonville? Just give me the fucking details. What did they say?

How many miles? 50. That, come on. Now I'm oriented. Thank you. Thank you. I know. Yeah, because I'm hearing like facing the beach.

I'm like, are we talking about the Gulf of Mexico? Like, help me out here. Don't you feel better for knowing? Yeah, exactly. Kroll was facing the beach. I'm like, are we talking about the Gulf of Mexico? Help me out here. Don't you feel better for knowing? Yeah, exactly. Kroll was arrested. Are you looking it up? I'm looking to see how far we are from Jacksonville, Florida. Right now?

Oh, let's make a mileage guess. Yeah, what do you think? I'm going to guess we are 3,600 miles. Kate and Holland? I think you guys are 3,100 miles, and I'm doing my own. I think we are 2,980. Ooh. 2,980.

It's not letting me. It's not telling me. Jay, I'll do this in two seconds. What's the name of it? Yeah, do it. We're all doing it. It's straight across the 10 freeway. I just want you to check us.

Yes. 10 freeway goes all the way to there. You guys want to guess what I'm at in Denver, Colorado? How far from Jackson? Yeah. 1,700. 1,740 miles. I think 2,100.

Nope. Dan? I love that Caden Holland is now running this. 2,400 miles. 1,463. I'll get there by nightfall. You're close, dude. Okay.

I'm in the same boat as you. It's not okay i got it okay i got it all right i said you want to guess you said 30 i said 3100 ballpark i said 36 i said 2980 yeah well i saw what mine is right i can't guess i i should have guessed what i thought denver was which is randy you prices right at me by 20 miles, Randy. That's fucking... You prices righted me. My guess from Denver to St. Augustine Beach was 2,400. So what is it? Jay, tell me. 2,433. Oh, damn! Isn't it weird? It might say

2,469. Okay, yeah. That's all in that brain. Alright, here we go. Kroll was arrested for grand theft auto, a felony, and resisting law enforcement officers and misdemeanors. She was freed from the county jail after posting... Wait, so she was arrested for grand theft auto, a felony, and resisting law enforcement officers a misdemeanor. She was freed from the county jail after posting a bond. Wait, so she was arrested for grand theft auto even though she didn't drive away? I know. You think you throw

an attempted in there. So Dan, it had to be attempted. She must have turned it on. What do we say to all of our friends? If you're drinking at night, don't get behind the wheel, but if you are behind the wheel and you stop somewhere to rest or sleep, take the keys out of your car. But no one's keys go into their car anymore.

Right, but turn the car off and just don't have the key. You know what I mean? Yes. Just make it so that everything's off. Yes. Don't leave your car on because that's when you get a DUI. 100%. So what is the rule here?

It must have already been on. Can't she claim I was just sitting up there for the view? I think she can claim anything she wants based off this article. She's already claiming an immortality. She claims she needs CPR. And an immortality drink. Wait, but if she had the elixir of life and she's immortal, then why does she need CPR?

Okay. Very good question. That's why the alchemy results are still pending. Thank you. Thank you. Good to know. We'll get out of here on this. I'm going to show you

her photo. Okay. So you can see it first. Then we're going to guess how old is Kalani Jo Kroll. Is this a photo that... Oh, she is what I thought she was. She's kind of cute. How old do you think Kalani Jo Kroll is? Her hair

looks like she's always windswept. There's something immortal about her. Personally, I think she should have pulled it back a little bit on the eyebrow. I'm going to say this. You know, mug shots never, there's like no one ever looks good in a mug shot. She's got good cheekbones. I think she looks good. She has nice bone structure.

I think she looks good. I think if you were to ask her, okay, and I don't know her, but I think she would say, I took a good picture here. Yeah, I mean, this could also be like a driver's license photo. It's good enough that it could apply to a passport photo. Dan, this could be a headshot because she's like on the verge of a smile, but not really smiling. Adam, there's something there in her expression that makes me say that something's going on, and maybe it's immortality.

I don't know. Yeah, it's the elixir of life pulsing through her veins, that makes me say that something's going on, and maybe it's immortality. I don't know. Yeah, it's the elixir of life pulsing through her veins, dude. She's about to reach nirvana. She's fine. She's pre-nirvana moment. I'm not shaming a person at all for their looks, but I just noticed that her eyes are uneven, and I can't unsee it. But I think it's just because one side of her mouth is.

Yeah, I think she's kind of on a tilt. It's like a magic eye painting. I think she'd be happy with this. How old do you guys think she is? Adam, you are a guest. 41 years old, my exact age. I'm saying this is a former classmate of mine. 41.

Wait, Dan, how old are you? Same. Same, okay. I'm going to say she's 35. Okay. Are you guys factoring in Florida? Same. Okay. I'm going to say she's 35. Okay. God. Are you guys factoring in Florida? I am, but I'm going to say 35.

I'm going to say 32. 32 years old. Yeah. Okay. She's lived a lot. There are no wrinkles on her face, although there is a pretty bad welt on the top of her head. Okay. Oh, geez.

Ready? Kalani, Joe, Kroll. I mean, I had a full Kalani the other day. You did? Yeah, I just cleaned everything out. You did? Cleaned out the elixir of life. She is 39 years old.

Oh, Kate Nowlin. Kate Nowlin. Good. She looks good. Mm-hmm. So she's an underclassman when Dan and I are big seniors on campus. She's two years beneath us looking up to us. She's trying to figure out her life.

39, man. She's grabbing a little bit of life, and she lives two blocks from the beach, and she wanted to steal a fire truck. There you go. Can I tell you guys one quick, quick thing? Yes. Mid-20s, I'm out at a bar with my friend. We're smoking cigarettes outside.

An ambulance pulls up, and the EMTs, with no urgency, go into the bar. It wasn't an emergency, but something had happened. They were needed. They left the car sitting there running, and my buddy and I were like, should we just go around the block? Let's go around the block. We don't think it's funny. We think it's hilarious.

Of course. Should we do it? My buddy goes to open the door to drive it, and I'm starting to get into shotgun and they come out they're like what the fuck are you doing oh put us in our place and we're like oh yeah just a joke nothing joke nothing and i'm so glad it didn't escalate further because look at what happened to kalani she's how far wait was your hand on the door was your hand your hand was a passenger so i was just along for the ride oh my god that's That's right. Adam's like, he said it was his car. I don't even know this guy.

Yeah. And an ambulance. I mean, fire truck is one thing. Mid-20s. Ambulance, you're saving someone's life. That's hilarious.

All right, let's take a break. When we come back, we're going to hear about the new album. What else is going on? We'll talk a little bit about High Plains

because it was just so much fun. Growlix Saves the World podcast. All that stuff. It's Dumb People Town. Adam, Kate, and Holland is our awesome guest. We'll be rightaves the World podcast. All that stuff. It's Dumb People Town. Adam, Kate, and Holland is our awesome guest. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey guys, welcome back to DPT. Before we get into all of Adam, Kate, and Holland stuff. Aiden, Catam, Holland. I'll take them. They all work. Daniel, what's happening with you? You got a Halloween bingo?

Yeah, Halloween go. Halloween go. Everything's at danielvankirk.com. You can help raise money for No Kill Animal Shelters, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, as well as food banks. It's so much fun. Plus have a lot of fun, and we do a Halloween costume contest,

plus trivia nights and camp camp games all sorts of fun stuff i'm just going to do uh some more digital things until i get back out on the road everything is at danielvankirk.com get involved in his stuff it's so much it's just a fun hang that's really what it is with great people like a whole bunch of dumb people town fans and pen pals fans it's a it's a good vibe it's a really good vibe this week we're going to be when this drops this week we will be in ann arbor, Michigan this weekend doing shows at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase where Daniel, next time he goes out on the road, will be back there to do shows.

Can't wait. We have one Friday, two Saturday. I love that club. We might have to. If we can sell them out, we'll expand and do two on Friday night, but that's up to you guys. We just found out the Northwestern football game is scheduled for noon, so there will be no conflict with our shows.

We'll have plenty of time to rest and then come back out and see us. We just signed on to do Denver Comedy Works January 14th through the 16th, so very excited about that. That's right after our 50th birthday, so we'll be newly 50. 100 years of Sklar. 100 years of Sklar. Comes to town. I love that club so much.

We'll be there in January. Tempe in December. D love that club so much. We'll be there in January. Phoenix or Tempe in December. D.C. in February. Seattle in November. There's a little bit every month. We're doing a spot every month, and we're really excited about it. Patreon, we're doing new episodes of Cheap Seats on there. We've got Cornhole coming up next, and it is insane.

The Kabaddi stuff is just let the Kabaddis hit the floor. Let the Kabaddis hit the floor. It is so much fun, but the cornhole is great too. More stuff there. It's patreon.com. Sklod Brothers slash Sklod Brothers. Don't be put down as a Patreon. You get extra stuff.

We're going to do a little interview with Caden Holland today with extra stuff there, and then Dan's got his own Patreon. Follow that stuff. Caden Holland, you have a new album. New album drops on the 22nd, correct? Yes, indeed. It's called Hot Takes It comes out with 800 pound gorillas Gorilla

Yeah Singular Yeah And I I'm just I don't know I wrote all this stuff Over the last

Fucked up 18 months Yep And it's I'm proud of it But I don't want to keep doing it forever So I just kind of hit them up And I was like I think I got like 35 minutes

Like a comedy EP Yeah Like fine And then I recorded it And it was 46 So like hey way to go So That's Where'd you do it It's just kind of fun I'm putting it out there 35 minutes, like a comedy EP. Yeah. Like, fine. And then I recorded it, and it was 46. So like, hey, way to go. So it's just kind of fun.

I'm putting it out there. I'm really proud of it. It's political, and I just wanted to get it off my chest. I love the cover art, number one. Let me say that. And number two, didn't you send me a thing that has the cover art for it? Yeah, I did. I did.

Jeff Tice. Who else? The best. The best. So I love that. And then I will say that probably one of my favorite albums ever recorded in Denver is David Tell Skanks for the Memories, which is about 39 minutes, I think. Yeah. 40 minutes.

So I think a 46-minute album is perfect for right now. That is great. I think so, too. And I think we get in our heads about, like, oh, it's got to be this hour and these definitions. And it's like, dude, put out a 20-minute fire album if you got one I'll listen to it I just I think it's uh there's no rules here anymore yeah by the way no one ever has said yeah I love Dave Adele Skanks for the memories but I just wish it was like 20 minutes longer nobody has ever said that just do what it is it is what it is like you said you thought it was gonna be 30 minutes or

something like 35 minutes and then boom, it's 46. Where'd you record it? At the High Dive. This kind of rock club where I contemplated stealing an ambulance almost a half decade ago. Dan played there at High Plains. Just a rock club. We just did it one night and it came out great. Yeah, Dan had so much fun at High

Plains. That was awesome. That's where we did your show. That's where we did your show that's where we did the live Grawlix Saves the World podcast yeah that was such a fun episode fun podcast that podcast is so damn good

it is so good you guys I mean out of you guys out of the three of you guys that and the 97.9 the rat race

like we talk about it all the time like your guys podcast and that podcast are just those are my go to's when I'm doing a hike. Well, they, to me, demonstrate how truly talented the three of you guys are. And yes, Andrew, I'm going to throw him in there, too, even though he's...

Can I be honest? I don't care for Ben or Andrew, but I love that you guys love him. I love that you guys love him. Right. Just like the Beatles, you hated each other the whole time. I mean, it just, to me, is, again, why we love doing, you know, those who can't with you guys and are so appreciative that you allowed us to be a part of that. Just those are things that for fans of this,

when you're done listening to the stuff that we give you and you're like, I need another one, Growlix Saves the World podcast. And Hot Takes the Album. So what's the best place for people to get it that benefits you the most? I just think stream it anywhere and that all benefits me wherever you are comfortable getting an album at all it all helps out so no particular place but leave a review as our baby as well so thanks for plugging that so but leave a review on the album and this is it okay people ask us all the time like how can i support comics what's an easy quick way the album. Just get the album, and you're supporting a great comic.

Stream it on Spotify, stream it on iTunes, wherever you get your comedy albums. And trust us, you will love this. It's a thoughtful. We know some of the material because we were with you. We've done sets with you throughout this pandemic time, so I know some of the bits that are going to be on that album or that are on that album.

So I'm very excited to listen to this so shall we jump into a second story let's do it this was sent in by Matt Trainer at Matt Trainer he's working to become who he really is he's on the path

he's Matt something or other it's Megan Trainer's husband and he took her name he is actually all about that trouble. I also don't know if I'm saying the name wrong. All right, ready? The inventor of the European workout pant. Okay. Thank you.

And shoe. And shoe, for that matter. Yeah, his new trainer. This story was sent to me so many times. Okay. I'm so excited. Naked woman drove golf cart through arm standoff in Dinden. Dunedin.

No, Dinden. Dinden? No, it's Duneden deneden deneden apple bomb you gotta put me on deneden is in uh new zealand or florida and d-u-n-e-d-i-n deneden deneden there's one in new zealand deneden apple bomb you put me on. So she naked drives a golf cart through arm standoff. This is a story of a Florida woman going through, like basically having her own Florida woman story pass through a much more serious story. Yes, exactly.

Yeah, you thought this narrative was one thing, and then boom, second act. This is like Inception Florida Woman. It's a Florida story inside a Florida story. Unless this was one of the demands of the hostage taker. I want one naked woman. Give me a naked Florida woman riding through the thing. Or she's delivering more weapons.

It can go a lot of ways. We don't know anything yet. She is the weapon of mass destruction. She's got layers, dude. All right. She is the weapon of mass destruction. She's got layers, dude. All right.

Dundon, Florida. Deputies in Pinellas County had plenty on their hands Sunday morning when they tried to defuse a standoff with an armed person on a rooftop. According to an arrest affidavit, a naked woman who had nothing to do with the situation, which is probably also what she says a lot. I had nothing to do with it. I had nothing to do with it. I had nothing to do with it. I clean my hands of this. That's not even the expression.

I clean them. I clean my hands of all this. I scrubbed all of it off. I Pontiac Pilot. I clean my hands. According to an arrest affidavit, a naked woman who had nothing to do with the situation made things even harder when she decided to drive a golf car into the crime scene in Dundudun. Is that, wait, is that a euphemism?

I know. Why would they go with that word? Made things even harder. More difficult. Grow up. I know. But situation grew into unlikely circumstances. I do it.

I fell right in the trap. grew into unlikely circumstances. I do it. I fell right in the trap. If you are standing on a roof in an arm standoff with this woman, it has to break your concentration. On some level, it has to break up the moment. It's like the cops like Secret Trick in their back pocket. Send in the naked drunk woman.

Go ahead, Dan. Go ahead. I was going to say, wouldn't somebody just be like guys what are we even doing right what are we fighting about look at this this is what's going on in the world and we're screaming yelling at each other from a rooftop yeah what were you gonna say for me it's like i'm never gonna be on the side of the guy shooting a gun on the roof but like he had to work up a lot of nerve that day sure this was not just you know like this is a big moment and to have it usurped she's stealing his thunder sorry i got my own thing going on yeah what a part of his thing was feeling like it's never his story something he always gets one-upped like there's no he never gets the attention he deserves why he's on a roof yeah

um okay oh my god the woman had nothing to do with it she drove a golf cart into the crime scene He never gets the attention he deserves. That's why he's on a roof. Yeah. Okay. Oh, my God. The woman had nothing to do with it. She drove a golf cart into the crime scene. Pinellas County Sheriff's says it set up a perimeter outside a home on Michigan Boulevard near Madera Avenue Sunday after 18-year-old Miles Abbott fled deputies, climbed onto the roof of a home, and threatened violence towards them. That started a standoff that would last how long? How long do you think this standoff had been going

before this woman interjected her body in her golf cart into their problem? ACH, what do you think? Well, because I want it to be the funniest thing possible, like five minutes, it hadn't even been going at all. He hadn't even gotten started yet with his manifesto. The hoods of the cop cars were still warm. Oh, yeah.

Oh, jeez. It's good. All right. Five minutes. Abbott's on the roof. Is it wrong that I want the naked woman to be comedian Sue Costello? Yes. So that it's Abbott and Costello.

All right. Who's up first? Yeah, who's on the roof first? I'm going to say, geez, I'm going to say three hours, three hours for Jason. Let's say an hour and a half,

an hour and a half. The standoff that would last six hours. Oh, they were in it. So this probably really did break up the tension. Yeah, sure. Six hours.

According to the affidavit, halfway point. I said. Jessica Elizabeth Smith of Boston, Massachusetts. Oh. This is westflorida.com. Don't you know I'm going to believe I'm going to drive this car through here. This is also westflorida.com reporting this being like, we have to let people know this

is not one of ours. We have enough of ours. I'm going to park it. If Tom Brady can survive in Florida, so can ours. I'm going to park it. If Tom Brady can survive in Florida, so can I. I'm going to park it right here. According to that, Jessica Elizabeth Smith of Boston, Massachusetts drove a golf

cart past several March Sheriff's Office vehicles that were at the scene and ignored a deputy's command to leave as she approached the house where the armed person was on the road, Which means she got out. She got out. Ma'am, I need you to leave.

I got this. I got it. So she definitely stole the golf cart. Dude, I got it. That's not hers. I got it. No. I got it.

I got it. The affidavit says that her actions and inability to follow directions, that kind of sums up life. Your actions and your inability to follow directions put multiple deputies at risk for potential injuries. Deputies say they eventually managed to get her out of the golf cart and handcuffed her. Oh, so she didn't get out and start walking around. Ma'am, ma'am, I'm fine. The defendant had a distinct odor of alcoholic beverage coming from her person, and also she was completely naked, the affidavit said.

I don't know, guys. I kind of feel like this was a tense situation. He's got a gun on the roof. Cops got their guns drawn. She said all you need is love. She's put a flower down the barrel of that drop. Right, kind of is. And maybe she needed a drink to work up the nerve sewer.

She's like a standoff mascot, you know, like in a major sporting event when like it's super tense and like the philadelphia fanatic comes on like rubs a bald guy said that's what she's doing totally the defendant had a distinct order of an alcoholic beverage also she was completely nude she now faces a charge for resisting an officer without violence which means there was a lot of like i'm coming i'm coming good ma'am get over here let me pull my pants and you know she like loved to flip the switch to reverse on the thing on the golf cart so she went backward and then went forward and then i also imagine miles up on the roof being like and i have more to ban so they're like miles

we are dealing with something we have an issue down an issue down here. Can you hold on a second? Mr. Abbott, keep your gun in your pants. Okay, we'll get out of here on this. I'm going to show you the photo. Of her? Yes. How old is Jessica Elizabeth Smith? I want her and Miles Abbott to be dating now. You will get to see her as well.

We should be able to bring them. Was it Jeffrey Abbott? Who was the one who did Shake You Down? Oh my god. Gregory Abbott. A little bit of Lady Gaga. She looks a little Lady Gaga. She's Gaga-esque. Look at those eyelashes. Eyelashes are amazing. I gotta give her credit for those. She's cute. What are we

doing here, you guys? Well, I don't think that played in a role in whether or not she wanted to be a wacko that day. No, but it definitely plays a role in how long. And this is cops let it happen. Cops allow her to be naked. You know what I mean? Let her do another lap.

What was she hurting? You know, there's one guy who's like, she's fine. She's not fine. She's not fine. Someone throw a jacket on her. Okay, how old do you guys think Jessica Elizabeth Smith is? Also, don't you wish we had the story of her day? We're only getting the like.

What party is she coming from? Or going to. Or going to. Or going from and going to. Leaving one and going to the other. She is the party. By the way, she's not driving a vehicle. No.

So good for her. Well, technically. Well, she is. She's not going to run over anybody. But you could get a DUI. Am I wrong? Oh, yeah. You can get one on a lawnmower.

That was one of the first county stories we ever did. You can get a DUI on a horse, by the way. We've done that story, too. So wait. They can get a DUI am I wrong oh yeah you can get one on a lawnmower that's one of the first uh county stories we ever get a DUI on a horse by the way we've done that story too so we can get a DUI on a big wheel Kate and Holland there what do you think is how old do you think this gal is 22 graduated from Harvard this year uh she's from Boston it It tracks. Yeah, it does track. Totally tracks. I got it. She's got dark, her roots, man. Not even that bad. I actually like her hair. I'm sorry.

A little of an ombre. All right, so I'm going to say this woman, nice Dan, is, you said 22. I'm going to say 26. 26. It's a 26-year-old woman. Her Saturn's about to return. Randy Sklar. Every time you guys say those things, I have no idea whatold woman. Her Saturn's about to return. Randy Sklar. Every time you guys say those things,

I have no idea what they mean. Your Saturn returns. Sometimes you guys are like, your moon is rising, your sun's in regression. 27 to 29 is when your Saturn returns and you sort of become who you become. She's got no wrinkles. I mean, not one.

I think she's just dark circles. Those are fake lashes, right? They're fake. Those are fake lashes, right? They're fake. Those are fake. Or they've been Latisse. Have you guys always been dermatological experts or has dumb people made you this good? After years of this, they get very into age signifiers.

And now I have like three women in my house. So I know about all the stuff, the CeraVe, all the products. So I would say I think she's 20. Okay. And I want her and Miles Abbott to- Work it out? Yeah, and be- And become better people?

No, have this be the story of how they met and got married. I mean, this is one version of a meet cute. Thank you. Big time. Who owns the movie rights? Okay. I don't know. So run it back for me, Ran. Who owns the movie rights? Okay. Okay. So run it back for me,

Ran. I say 20, Jay said 26, and Kate and Alex says 22. 22, Harvard. Jessica, by the way,

I was saying her name wrong. I keep saying Elizabeth. It's Elizabeth. Elizabeth. There's no Z. Okay. Okay. Does that change

anybody's age right there? Yeah, totally changed. 81 years old. Jessica Elizabeth Smith. Do you think also she was just so dramatic? It's Elizabeth. Oh yeah, she cracks everyone.

Everybody. Oh yeah. Where's my grandma's name? Miles! Jessica Elizabeth Smith is 28 years old. Oh, Jay. I was on it.

She looks good for 28. Wearing those years very well. She is. Looks like a little bit of a cut to her, the right side of her forehead. Yeah. She's living her best life. I hope she's okay. She'll be fine.

Get through it, girl. She'll be fine. She was like, look. I mean, there has to be a moment where that is exciting to you, driving naked around other people. She looks like Taylor, not so swift. I wish. If anybody sees a follow-up on where she was coming from or going to,

I would love to hear it. Where is she coming from? I'll tell you where she's coming from. I don't know. Highway to hell. That's right. All right, that's story number two, my friends. Give us a little taste of what we're going to. I would love to hear it. Where is she coming from? I'll tell you where she's coming from. I don't know. Highway to hell. That's right. All right, that's story number two, my friends. Give us a little taste of what we're going to...

It's a short but sweet and also a little bit of Halloween flavor. Oh, I love it. Just to get you in the mood. That's story number three. For those of you who are in our Patreon community... Yeah, for those who can. Yeah, those who can. We've got someone from those who can't.

Yes, swish. And maybe we'll figure out something really fun to talk about with him. For sure. That is only available on our Patreon. So don't go anywhere. You've got one more segment of Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Look us down.

For more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, want to thank our Patreon fans. You guys are so great. We love you so much. And so we take a little time during our shows just to shout you out and say thank you personally to you. Shout it, shout it, shout it out loud. Start it, Dan. We're getting sued for that. First up is Chris Berger.

I like my burger with a little bit of cheese on top. I have a friend named Jason Berger. We both do. I have a cousin named Chris Bunger. This is if you put those two great people together. And we have a friend named Matt Bronger. There you go. Bronger, Bunger, and Berger.

Chris Berger. It's the impossible burger. Chris Berger. Justin Kurth. I have a cousin whose last name is Kurth. We're just running through variances of my family members. I want him to live in Australia in Perth. Kurth from Perth.

Chris Berger is a true local. Justin is a townie, as well as Ben Roman. You know I love Roman. That's the name of my dog. I love me some Roman. What's up, Ben Roman? Next up, we have Alex Teixeira. Alex Teixeira.

Dude, Teixeira. Bro, that is such a strong name. How many of his friends just call him Tex? Oh, for sure. We're going to call you Tex. What's up, Tex? Daniel Seeger is a true local. By the way, Alex Tashara, if you were playing his name and you can't play names in Scrabble,

two X's? I know. You cleaned it up there. Seeger? Daniel Seeger. His support has been like a rock. What if Daniel Seeger was his own Bob Seeger? Daniel Seeger. His support has been like rock. What if Daniel Seeger was his own Bob Seeger cover band? And he only did Pete Seeger songs?

Yes. Next up, we have Tim Benninger. Tim Benninger. Benninger. Let's go to Benninger's. I don't know. Benninger or Benninger's? I don't know.

Benninger sounds like a chocolatier. Benninger sounds like a place where you go Benninger or Benninger's? I don't know. Benninger sounds like a chocolatier. Benninger sounds like a place where you go for family fun. And they have a great buffet. Lee Wilson sounds like a relief pitcher from the 80s. Lee Scratch Wilson. Yes. Terry Winchester.

Terry Winchester. Dude, Terry Winchester's going to be there. Dude, Terry Winchester's going to be there. Then we got Will. Will. Thank you, Will. Thanks, Will. True Local, Tiana C. Tiana C. Tiana C. Tiana C.

Love you, girl. Great R&B album from 1991. Tiana C. Tiana C. Tiana C. It only made it to 28 on the Billboard Hot 100. Tiana C. Outside the Sheets.

That's the album. William Laverier. How come on? Laverier? Laverier. Laverier. Laverier. Laveriere. La Riviere. La Riviere.

This person either lives in two places, New Orleans or Milwaukee. That's it. Yes. Yes. All right. Ready? I know if it was in St. Louis, it'd be La Riviere. There you go.

Lindsey Vande Hei. Lindsey Vande Hei sounds like the name that George Costanza made up. I hope Lindsey Vande Hei. Art Vande Hei, Lindsey Vande Hei. If Lindsey Vande Hei marries any person that George Costanza made up. I hope Lindsay Vande Hei. Art Mandalay, Lindsay Vande Hei. If Lindsay Vande Hei marries any person, I want them to keep their name. You don't give up, Vande Hei. So anytime you say Lindsay Vande Hei, you clap at the end. Yeah.

Lindsay Vande Hei. Next up, we have Emily McCallaghan Huzulik. I love it. Lulzik. Lulzik? Lulzik. Lulzik. Lulzik.

I tried. Lulzik. I know. Alia Fry. Alia Fry. I love it. Lulzik. Lulzik? Lulzik. Lulzik. Lulzik. I tried. Lulzik. I know. Ali Afrai. Ali Afrai. I love it. Ashley, say it. Fuchs.

It's got to be. Fuchs. Fuchs, baby. Fuchs. Although there's definitely parts of the Midwest where it's like, fuch, fuch. Fuch. Yeah. Fuchs, there it is.

Fuchs, there it is. Miranda Cuchera. Miranda. That sounds like a song. Miranda Cuchera. Yeah. You cannot not say that and not sound like you know what you're it is. Miranda Cuchera. That sounds like a song. Miranda Cuchera. Yeah. You cannot not say that and not sound like you know what you're talking about. Miranda Cuchera.

Ashley's a true local, by the way. Jai Davis. Jai Davis. Boom. Abby S. Thank you. Thank you. Another true local in Benji Bartel.

Double Bs. Right. Double B coming at you. B squared. B squared coming at you. Because it can't be Bartel. It's got to be Bartel. If it's Benji Bartel, that's a completely different person than Benji Bartel.

B Bartel. Ellen Singer. Thank you so much, Ellen. She does not like to sing. She's the mask. She's Singer. Because she supports a mask. Matthew McKenna.

Matthew McKenna. Sounds like a skateboarder to me. Skateboarder or the guy hanging out at the 7-Eleven, Matthew McKenna. Next up, we have a couple more. Erica Draper. Erica Draper. Thank you so much. Jake Little.

Jake Little is a big man. And then, this is a great name. Two more. Marcus Fairbrother. He is the preacher that is the only connection to a five-star football recruit in Mississippi. Oh, for sure. And a true local. If you want that kid, you've got to go through Fairbrother. You've got to go football recruit in Mississippi. Oh, for sure. And a true local. If you want that kid, you've got to go through Fairbrother.

You've got to go through Fairbrother. Last but not least, Daniel Behrens. Daniel Behrens. Thank you so much, Daniel Behrens. Daniel Behrens. Thank you, Daniel Behrens. Going to be there. That's just some of our great patrons.

We want to give everybody a shout-out for whatever level you join up with. It's just five bucks to get in the door. We're happy to have all of you. Appreciate you guys. And we want everybody else to join in, too. We do good stuff. Let's get back to the show. All right, Daniel, take us home, buddy. All right, ready? This is a quick little fun story. Let's hear it. Kenmore woman injured after falling through central terminal roof while ghost hunting. Okay. Yeah. So she almost died doing what she loved. You got to give her that.

Right? Ghost hunting. Ghost hunting. Sometimes to hunt a ghost, you have to become one. That's right. You got to go up through the head. She finds herself. What's her name?

Well, we'll get into it. Okay. So this was sent in by Peter Andrzejewski. Andrzejewski. At HeyNow5150. Okay. Here we go. Buffalo, New York. Buffalo police tell News 4 a man and a woman were ghost hunting without permission at the

Central Terminal Saturday night. Dan, have you been to Buffalo? It's just a drunken mess. I guarantee you they were drunk. I can't remember if I've been to Buffalo or not. You've been to Buffalo. I don't think I have. Have you been to Buffalo?

I love Buffalo. I love it. It's definitely a drunken nightmare. Oh, yeah. And now that the bills are good, it's really a drunken nightmare. It's like a slugfest. They're happy drunks. But how so? If you're going to ghost hunt without permission, you better find a ghost.

You better be so strong. Where do you get permission to ghost hunt? From the property. Yeah, the guy who owns the amusement park. You just go to his shack and ask. Exactly. Thank you. At some point during their hunt, the Kenmore woman fell

through a substation roof. Yep. Officials tell us she fell. How many feet do you think she fell? She fell through the substation. This is her own version of the squid game. I mean, I don't know. Have you guys finished it?

No, I haven't. Adam, have you finished squid game? I haven't even started it. I'm saving for when I really need it. Save it till you're the one guy who wants to talk about it after everybody else has watched it. Yeah, that's fun. You and I.

I haven't started it yet. We're just going to get on a text chat. How far, how many feet do you think she fell through a substation roof hunting for ghosts without permission? Adam. Do we know if she's alive or dead? Do we know? She's alive.

No one dies in these stories. 30 feet. 30 feet. Wow. Wow, that's high. Yeah, she's fucked up. Yeah, she is. I'm going to say nine feet.

Nine. I'm going to say 15 feet. 15 feet. 15 feet. She fell 20 feet. Whoa. That's enough time to think about it. Nine. I'm going to say 15 feet. 15 feet. She fell 20 feet. Whoa! That's enough time to think about it. Yeah. Like while it's happening. I'm going down.

What did one of you guys jump off a cliff and it was long enough for you to like really sort some things out? 35 feet. I'm like, I can't believe I'm still in the air. That's all I kept thinking the whole time. I can't believe I'm still in the air. I can't believe I'm still in the air. Not done yet. I'm still in the air. Not done yet. I'm still in the air. Not done yet.

You want to get that job at Casa Bonita, you got to go for it. I was proud of you. There you go. Thank you, guys. Ferry Fillmore officers and other emergency personnel responded to the rescue call just after 10.30 p.m. An ambulance took her to the ECMC to treat injuries. According to the police, the man did not suffer injuries.

He's playing it safe on the ground yeah police tell us the two have not been charged at this time i just love that's it i just love the idea of people go what you're doing up there right ghost taunting i mean inherently if they're real what you're doing is dangerous because some ghosts are not nice if they're real i don't know i'm more of an energy person than an actual like floating around in an old tuxedo type ghost. But you're like the temperature just dropped five degrees over here in the corner. That's probably a spirit of some sort. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, Dan. I think the idea, to me, these people also seem like the type of people that think ghost hunting is very normal and so when you ask them what they're doing they don't think that by them saying the word ghost hunting is going to surprise anyone right so like so they'll walk around their house before they're leaving and she'll be like where's my ghost hunting vest yeah and he'll be like you know i can't ghost hunt without my vest on. Well, that's probably also why they felt like

he didn't need permission because they're like, ghosts don't have permission. Ghosts are anywhere. We're going where the ghosts are. We have to go, we have to fish where the fish are. They do not respect

our terrestrial law and certainly not Buffalo City Council by any means. Thank you. Imagine a buffalo ghost. Just, that's, no wonder she probably

fell through a table. She probably fell through a table if it's a true Buffalo ghost. By the way, Buffalo ghost could be like Vincent Gallo's new movie. I'd see it. Yeah, I would too. He transforms himself. He's so good. He's so good.

Well, that's story number two. Wait, so if you remember what we said about Buffalo, we didn't know that Rick James is buried in Buffalo. I didn't know that either. I didn't know that rick james is buried in buffalo like i didn't know that either i didn't know that until we went to his grave they were like that should be on the airport sign when you come in it should be like welcome to buffalo rick james is buried here bitch or whatever they want to say but like that like we more people don't know that so what if the ghost that they were hunting since it is buffalo was rick james that would be awesome and he threw

them through the roof you know that was a violent guy it'd be awesome. And he threw them through the roof. That was a violent guy. It'd be super freaky. You know that too, by the way. You know when she landed and they were like, are you okay? She's like, it pushed me. Yeah. That's her narrative. It pushed me.

That's why there were no charges filed. The cops know Rick James' ghost is doing this to everybody. It's everybody. He's mad with power. We're lucky that you got free. Sure. He burned her with a crack pipe. There we go.

That is the show. Adam, Kate, and Holland, I love it. The new album. It's Hot Takes. Hot Takes. Pick it up starting on the 22nd, which is a couple of days from now.

Yes. You're definitely going to want to pick that up. Support our friend. Pre-order it if you want to. Support our friend. Stream it. Give it a good review so people give it five

stars uh it's great comedy from a great friend and then check out growlick saves the world unbelievable podcast uh love this dude and just so happy to be able to have you on thanks so much buddy thank you for having me on it's so nice to just hang with you guys i appreciate it and oh shit we gotta get back to work.