Dumb People Town - Aimee Mann & Ted Leo - Stop That Steel

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

This week Aimee Mann & Ted Leo come to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story takes place in the city of brotherly HATE?? The second story finds an unlikely pair walking into a bar. The final story is about a real like Black Mirror episode.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population man and Leo. Amy man. Ted Leo. Just two of our faves. People who have sung this theme song multiple times. Oh, my God. More than once.

Both. Both of you guys individually together in one of the greatest shows that we have had in San Francisco with the, what was it, like the Marines? Yeah, that was a Sketchface show. Sketchface show where you guys, for the first time ever as a musical act, did a bit, a running bit in the show about being the background band and the background vocals for Lisa Lowe. That was Largo.

We're doing that again. No, that was the San Francisco one. We had this idea, and then it was like perfect. Oh, so, so good. Amy and I did a songwriting bit last time we were at Largo. I loved it. Were you happy with it? She's like, I got through it.

Oh, I just told her about my day and then she made it progressively more sad. She Amy-manned it? Yeah, yeah, 100%. She Amy-manned it. Progressively more sad but also weirdly hostile towards you. It was great. It was wonderful. I love it.

Well, we're're gonna talk about They have awesome shows Coming up over the holidays That if you are Anywhere near them We just We just solved your We gave you a way

To get away from your family We gave you plans To do with all your friends You haven't seen for forever We are gonna sell These damn shows out for you With this How about that

That's what's happening today In addition to us Breaking down the world of So now the last time That we've done The last few times we've done this show, Dan had all the stories, and we just all played along, and it was super fun. We have changed, we have switched the pitch up. Now, each of us bring a story.

So I start things off, and I'm very excited about this because this is a story about brothers. Who hate each other. Yay! All right, so we all have siblings, but we're going to get into this in the weirdest way possible, okay? Okay. Because brothers, it's political,

it's all these wonderful things. All right, here's the headline. Okay. It was sent in by, first let me say this, Jamie at Dollar Bin Blues. Ooh, that's new. That's a new one, right? Yeah.

A new one. Hey, Dollar Bin Blues does sound like the name of what the Eric Clapton song should have been. Or like a very old place in Chicago. Where you at tonight? I'm in Dollar Bin Blues. Are they still doing the peanut shells on the floor? Are you saying Tears From Heaven should have been Dollar Bin Blues?

That might be my next album title. Dollar Bin Blues? Yeah, yeah. And it's just you at the Goodwill Bin. It's just digging through. All right. Here you go. You ready for the headlines here we go brothers who haven't spoken in 30 years how many the 30 years the joy i would feel god damn it why did i do that already it how many years jay i 30 he ruined it see part of it you

know like he should have guessed the years that they hadn't spoken to each other. These two are. You ruined it. We're still learning. All right, go ahead. So I have to like put notes in. I didn't do it in there. Like, don't say this. Sure.

I did it. Or what I do is just change the headline. Yeah, that's not right. Brothers who haven't. We're not held by any journalistic standards. Brothers who haven't spoken in. Neither are most of these journalists who write these articles. So, yeah, you're just ruining a thing that was written.

So they're both running for mayor of an Ontario town. Whoa. Ontario, Canada. Two brothers who haven't spoken to each other for about 30 years now are competing for the coveted position of mayor of an Ontario town. Is it coveted? Is it coveted? How coveted?

It could be Toronto. It could be Toronto. Well, yes. Probably not Toronto. Rob Ford. Real question. How much cocaine did Rob Ford do? All of it. Well, yes. Probably not Toronto. Rob Ford. Real question. How much cocaine did Rob Ford do? Rob Ford did-

All of it. I highly recommend going back and watching Rob Ford walking down a hallway and walking into a camera. I got to find it. Hold on. It's the best thing I've ever seen. Of the four of you, and also myself, do any of you ever have any desire to hold any sort of union or political office?

No. None. Wow, Ted is thinking. You never daydream about like, because I have daydreamed about what if I was the mayor of Rochelle, Illinois? You could be, but later. No, because it's too much. You would want to do a good job. I really would.

And it's a huge learning curve to be able to do a good job. I really would. And it's a huge learning curve to be able to do a good job. I think most people who want to hold those positions want the power aspect. They're like, eh, it's probably fine. And that's what our art is for. That's what we already use our art for.

I'm a musician. I want the power of, you know, going on. No, my comedy makes me feel better than all of you. I just want to help. Let me just, for the record, Ted has not answered it.

Now, I'm going to get this wrong. You live in a very small part of New Hampshire, right? Back to Jason. This is just what I wanted to to help. Let me just, for the record, Ted has not answered it. Now, I'm going to get this wrong. You live in a very small part of New Hampshire, right? Back to Jason. This is just what I wanted to show you. We'll find a way to put this out for all of you. Rob Ford. Just walking down. This was the last time he did SNL.

He's a very big man. Right at the time of a notification. I feel like I have a ceiling on my ambitions for that. Sometimes I think about state office, small state office. City council? State representative. State rep? I'm really fighting for the people.

You're fighting for your local people. I don't want to go national or global. I'm telling you right now, if you decide to run for state rep, you brought your guitar to every speech, you played songs for the people. No, you'd win. In a heartbeat, you would win. I would do the Ted Leo stump speech.

Punk for the people. Stump song? Punk for the people. Having a little trouble with the water. And they're like, come on, dude. Anyway, your fans say better off Ted. Better off Ted.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are we launching the campaign? We're launching the campaign. Yeah. You're launching the campaign. Ted heads? Yeah. Street team.

How about I have to come in first? I have two first names. There we go. Ted, Leo. Everything's first. Vote for either one. Vote early and vote often. What am I saying? When Eastwoodwood did it that was just a big flex right of like i don't need to work on movies or anything for like two years because what he was carmel by

the sea he was the mayor right mayor of carmel yeah i would love to do a show he thought he was going to be the mayor of carmel which is like the sweet the sweet dessert so up until the day before registration for the october 24th municipal elections closed, incumbent Bill Steele. Okay. Bill Steele does sound like every porn. He wins the AVN Awards for best acting. Was running unopposed in Port Colborne. Well, the funny thing is, real quick, side note, a friend of mine in the adult industry, Cody Steele.

Cody, see, like the Steele. The Steele family. Great guy. And nominated for male performer of the year. So you're- mine in the adult industry cody steel cody see like the steel yeah the steel family yeah great guy and nominated for male performer of the year so you're if your name is steel yeah porn is definitely an avenue is this one of those towns where somebody got murdered because they the guy was stealing his lobster traps oh that that's a legit concern you You took my lobster traps. I, as Bill Steele, will make sure that no lobster traps get steeled. Also, Rand, two brothers both running for mayor. Someone has to have said to the other, the hell you are. Okay.

If they talk to each other, they don't talk to each other. I have one commandment. Thou shalt steal. Bill Steele for mayor. That's pretty good. I'm a Ted head. What can I do? I'm voting for Ted Leo. They don't talk to each other, but one of them said to someone else, you tell him. Yeah Steal for mayor. That's pretty good. I'm a Ted head. What can I do? I'm voting for Ted Leo. We don't talk to each other, but one of them said to someone

else, you tell him the hell you are. Here's what I say to that. This is like the day before the registration and then his brother signed up for the race, meaning there will be two Steals on the ballots when the president's way. Stop the Steal.

Stop the Steal. Stop the steal. Stop the steal. Stop the steal. Stop the steal. We can end the show. Stop that steal. Stop that steal. Stop the other steal. Wait, but Ted starts saying, stop that steal.

I'm leaving. Wait, wait. But I think it would be so funny if they continue to not talk to each other. In the debates. But have to have a debate. Tell him that I don't like what he said about that. You should answer the moderator. The poor moderator is like, he says that he doesn't like.

I heard. I don't tell him. Tell him I heard him. He heard you. Just because I'm ending the race doesn't mean we're going to start talking to each other. I'll talk at him. I want that debate. I want that debate.

On local Canadian TV. I feel like Canadians have a secret grudge holding ability. That we don't talk. You know, they're very nice, but when they hold a grudge, it's for a long, it's quietly, but it's for a long time. So there's a guy probably somewhere in Canada who's like, I won't talk to Wayne Gretzky. Like I have nothing to say to him and I've not talked to him in 40 years. So Jay and I were just up in Alaska this past weekend doing shows. It was amazing.

So fun. And I just love talking to people, just finding out like what's in their craw just on a day-to-day basis. So this guy who was dating or with or his husband? Yeah, husband of the woman who took us around who was amazing. The guy, he said he was plowing some people's driveways and he plowed this woman's driveway and just he he showed me with his hands just a small piece snowball size snow went near her walkway her walkway or her fence and she came out and told him he's got to do it again you gotta do like you can't that can't be there and i was like for this guy this is like

it's alaska like you think maybe like it's gonna be there And I was like For this guy Also it's Alaska Like you think maybe Like a little It's gonna be there In about five minutes again And chunk of snow Is not something That you're super unfamiliar with

But he was like He felt like that was The biggest crime Against humanity Pushed it over the edge That she would dare Say that to him Who is this

Coastal elite And of course Randy and I are in there Both like pumping him up We're like yeah She said that to you What's she doing Don't take that from her.

Go over there tonight. Get some alcohol in you and go over there and buy her a whole fight. Have a few drinks first. Don't skip that part. That upset about it, that was either their very first interaction or their 50th interaction. 50th. Listen to the first statement of Charles Steele, Bill Steele's brother. Chuck Steele.

Chuck Steele. Chuck Steele's brother. Chuck Steele. Chuck Steele. Chuck Steele, weather on the sevens, right? So Bill is the mayor. Chuck's coming for him. Chuck Steele feels like a Rachel Lichtman character. Am I right? Chuck Steele, our friend Rachel Lichtman, Program 4. Gotta check all that stuff out. Alright, so this is the first thing he says, and tell me if this isn't just the biggest indictment on his brother ever. Okay.

I believe in democracy. I believe in democracy. Presupposing that his brother does not. Unlike Thanksgiving 1982. All right. When no one checked with me. When no one asked me about the cranberry pie. I believe in democracy.

That means the other guy doesn't. Told CTV News in Toronto, if I hadn't have run, that's such a Canadian thing. If I hadn't have run, my brother would have been acclaimed. I don't know what that is. What's going to be the future? You're going to start just appointing people? That's not democracy. So Charles said he hasn't spoken to his brother

in about I'm sorry 30 years and he did not discuss his intention to run against him beforehand despite thinking about the decision for a few days prior to the registration he's shooting from the hip am I doing this guys he really is trying to stop the steal

there's a bad steal and a good steal he's finished his home brew beer He really is trying to stop the steal. There's a bad steal and a good steal. He's finished his home-brew beer, and now he's ready to be mayor. So I woke up in the bathtub, and I said, you know what? I got to do this. I put down the loofah, and I said, let's do it. I was on my Zamboni flooding the ice. Putting a thin layer of sauce on top of the ice.

This is what he said, his quote. I don't think he's happy about it. Charles added. Okay. No. Bill, who spent how many years as the city councilor and was first elected mayor? We'll do both these. How many years was he first city councilor?

Before being mayor. Before being elected. Yeah. Career politician. It feels like 30 at this point. That's right. I think you're right. That's what it started off.

Okay, what do you think? How many years was he? You guys are a guest. You can go first. You can go in the middle, TIG spot, or you can go third. Amy, do you want to go first?

How many years? I'm going all the way to 30. 30, okay. With this opposition, maybe that's where they're... You can't take her, so you've got to go another. I can't?

Okay, I'm going to... I'll say, well, you know what? I'll just say... I'll say it was 35. 35 year. Daniel, what do you think? I'm going to go seven'll say – well, you know what? I'll just say – I'll say it was 35. 35-year. Daniel, what do you think? I'm going to go seven. Okay.

Jay? Twelve. All right. Get your answers in, townies. Because Bill spent, as the city councilor of Port – whatever that place is called. Port – You got it. Colborne.

Colborne. 17 years. Whoa. That's a long time. Okay. That's a long time. I was on it. Then he was elected mayor in what year? You know that just on that alone, 17 years. And then however long time. Okay. I was on it. Then he was elected mayor in what year?

You know that just on that alone, 17 years. And then however long he's been the mayor. In the debate, he's going to point to his brother and be like, let me tell you what Chuck was doing during that time. While I was city council, you want to know what Chuck was doing? Do your kids know Chuck? Your kids don't even know what you were doing during that time. I think I'm on Chuck's side somehow.

17 years as a city councilor, and we still got problems. So it's time for a change. It's the other side of it. It's time to drain the steel. Which also, by the way, in the porn awards, that did, that was an award. That's one of Cody's movies. Drain the steel.

But you know that that is the counter from Chuck. It's like, maybe we do need somebody who ran a carnival to be the new mayor. He's like M&Ming himself from 8 Mile. Sure, sure, maybe my family doesn't speak to me anymore, but maybe we need somebody who has nothing to lose. All right, so I got three fingers, but it only takes one finger to say I'm the next chair. All right, stop. So I'm going to go back the other way.

Jay, when was he elected as mayor? 10 years ago. So 2012. 2012. Daniel, what do you think? I haven't spoken in nearly 30 years. 17 years. He was a city council member for seven.

Seven. So how many years? 17. 17. So how many years as mayor was it before Chuck was like, I'm going to fuck this guy's life? I said 10 years. I'm going to say he's been the mayor for six years. So 2016.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know their terms. I'll say 15, 2008. 2008. Okay. That's a lifetime of service. They stopped speaking 30 years Then Mike

Is city council For 17 of those 30 years Bill, Bill Bill and Chuck Mike is an alderman Mike's an alderman Which I don't know why they have Chicago politicians In

17 years for Bill So of the 30 17 he's been a city council Which I don't know why they have Chicago politicians in Ontario. Mike. No, so what? No, there's no Mike. 17 years for Bill as city council. So up to 30. 17, he's been a city council. How many mayor before Chuck said, fuck this? I think just two. And it was like, I can't. It's like, it was a fast move.

I can handle city council. That's a good guess because they said appointed. Exactly. He said appointed. So maybe they had to do some sort of mid-term. What were you going to say? Because I feel the same way. I think pandemic craziness. they said appointed exactly he said appointed so maybe they had to do some sort of mid middle what were you gonna say because i i feel the same way i think pandemic craziness he was mayor he he blew some key moves probably he's like zoning i can do this job so much better and i'm tired

yeah there was some shady appoint appointee who should should have been elected i love the logic on all this. You guys are all amazing. Get your answers in town. Shout at your ham radios if you're listening to this on ham radio. If you're wiring in on a boat in international waters, listen to this and shout at all of our military people in New York. Get your mom who are listening. Yell into the abyss.

To your ice-fisting shanty. Yell into the abyss. All right. He was elected mayor in 2018. So four years. Four years. Between Amy and Dan. Started right before the pandemic.

He blew the pandemic. Some people say he brought the pandemic on. Yeah. Sure, yeah. So he says, while he was ever the politician here, while he was surprised to see his brother's name on the list of certified candidates, he welcomed it. He was also ready to fight for his seat.

For sure. Quote, I mean, we're ready for a campaign. What do you mean? Ready for a campaign? Yeah. No matter who the candidate is or would be against us, then that's who we're going to battle it out. Oh my God. Okay. In the last municipal election,

Bill beat out three other competitors, earning how many more votes than the runner-up? Because this will kind of tell you about the town. Yeah, there are a lot of things to guess. Can I also just say, their mom's dead, right? No, I'm sure. Has to be. This will kill her if she's not.

Their mom's dead, but their grandma's still alive. Sure. Just kidding. Argument about the estate. Yeah. That's probably what you're saying. Might have been it. How many more votes was he the next runner-up?

I think 100,000. 100,000? What do you think, Dan? I'm going to go 6,000 votes. Ted? I don't think the town's that big. I'm going to say 200. 200?

Amy, what do you think? Yeah, that's a good call. 1,200. That's a great call. Okay, get your answers in. Such a good one. 702 more votes. That's it.

That's it. You guys are all right. You're knocking on doors. You know what? Chuck has a chance. He has a shot. He has a shot. And with our support.

So now we're going to find out how big is this town. We haven't all said who we're putting our. By the way, the election's over and I have an update. Oh, damn it. I was going to say, let's cut a commercial. We could have made a difference. So in total, 6,636. Amy Mann and I approved this message.

I'm going to give you the. That's right. Amy Mann and I approved this message. 6,636 residents cast their ballot in 2018, representing a voter turnout of just under what percent of the overall population? How many votes total? 63, 36, 36, 36. 6,636 cast ballots.

How much is that percentage of the overall population? That's 25%. Dan? That's about right. Oh, man. I'll go 31%. Okay, what do you think? 80%. Wow.

What? Huge turnout. Huge turnout. Okay, what do you think, Amy? Wow. I know, that's shocking. I'm going low. 20?

20. All right, get your answers in. Yeah. Just under 43%. Oh, jeez. So half the thing. That's a good turnout for an election. Bill still wants to accomplish stuff

and includes a focus on water sewer rates. Bringing more doctors to the region. Do we really need a new high school? I'm going to run on my record, Dan. You're right. Bill said, I don't sit on any fences. Oh, that is such a shot.

Now we're getting into what's going on between these guys. When he was 12, he had a splinter in his anus. I don't need to get into that story. So I do take a stance, meaning the other guy doesn't. Sometimes people agree with my stance. Sometimes they don't. Charles doesn't agree. Well, there you go.

Doesn't agree on that. And says his brother hasn't done much of anything during his time in office. He hopes to focus on affordable housing, cutting taxes, reducing the number of homeless people on the streets. It's not going to be easy, he says. This is what Charles says. It's very difficult, but we should start saying what's impossible. We've got to make possible. I don't know what that means.

Charles added to this, brother, treats the taxpayers of Port Colborne like a piggy bank. Wow. Is that the most Canadian insult ever? He's treating them like a piggy bank. Wow. Is that the most Canadian insult ever? He's treating them like a piggy bank. That's a burn. Can you imagine using taxes to pay for city services? I mean, that really seems outrageous. Charles then says,

I moved to Toronto when I was how old? In this next quote. How old was he when he moved to Toronto? Didn't they both? Charles says, I moved to Toronto when I was how old? Oh, so he left and then he came back. Got a job at the post office. My brother and father handed him the insurance business.

He says, he doesn't know what it's like to live on a fixed income. So he feels like Bill has been given everything. He went to Toronto. How old was he when he went to Toronto? 22. He was 18. 22, 18, what do you say? 20.

One of you is exactly right. Okay. One of you, you want to now change your thing? No. I think it's me. I'm right. I'm right. Get your answers in because he moved to Toronto when he was 18 years old.

Fuck you, Dad. I'm out. Yeah. Insure my ass. Lottery ticket. Yep. Playboy magazine. All you need.

Pack of smokes. Neither brother seems particularly worried about any future family strains come election day, because it's already straight. What are you worried about? Bill, for his part, said he doesn't discuss his opponents on the campaign trail and won't change. It is what it is. We'll do what we normally do on a campaign, and win is what he thought.

We'll be happy when voting days comes and we lead in the polls. So here's the update. No brotherly love was lost in Port Colborne. Are we going to guess who won? Yeah, you guys want to guess who won? Somebody that wasn't either of them. It's not even close.

Oh my God, it'd be so great if it was a write-in. Doc Horse. The camera guy who knocked over Rob Ford. Anne Murray. Someone put her up on a pedestal. Who do you think won? Let's just all- Incumbent won.

You think Chuck won? You think Chuck won? You think Chuck won? Chuck upset his brother. Yes. I'm going to say Bill held. I said Bill held too. Amy, where are you? I think neither of them won.

Canada lost is what you're saying. Or won. Or won. Or won. You think someone else won? The sewage rates went sky high. Amy thinks someone else won. Ted thinks Bill held. Ted thinks Bill held.

Jay thinks Bill held. And Dan says Chuck. I think the brothers canceled each other off. Chuck Lambert won. Incumbent Bill Steele will serve another four years of marriage in the Southern Ontario State after getting more than how much percent of the votes. Wait, hold on. That means Chuck had to concede.

Yeah. Do an intermediate. Or did he? I have a feeling Chuck had to concede. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're an intermediary. Or did he? I have a feeling Chuck just voted in now. Yeah. I better hear the results. He voted in. He was like, it was a spoiler campaign.

Well, this is how dark money is filtering down to local politics. Somebody found Chuck, and they put him up to this. This is not Chuck's decision from the beginning. He didn't want this. So Bill won with how much,ately what percentage of the vote? 68. 11% of the vote. He had 11% lead.

What was the gap? 11% lead would be... Was it only the two of them? I think it's probably... 56%. I said 68% of the vote. You say 56%. What do you say?

I'm going to say he won with less than 50%. Can I say that? Oh, wow. Yeah. But maybe there's not a runoff situation. What do you think? I'm going 89%. 89%.

He won with just more than 60% of the vote. So Chuck did well. Yeah. All right. Chuck put up a fight. Charles Steele just received just under 40% of the votes. So Chuck did well. Chuck put up a fight. Charles Steele just received just under 40% of the remaining ballots

on Monday night. Steele said he was very happy with the results. Was it just the two of them? Yeah, I think it was just the two of them. Oh, it was just the two of them. I thought maybe there was a couple other people too.

This is, to me, my favorite sentence in the whole story. This is what, in my opinion, makes it, the whole thing is a dumb people's story.

But this comment from Bill Steele makes just, you know exactly who this guy is. This is after he won. After he won. On Monday night, Bill Steele said he was very happy with the results, especially since he spent the second half of his campaign with a spray neck. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? That was just so Chuck. I did it injured.

I beat you on one foot, bitch. This is so Canadian. Because for anybody who's a hockey fan, after the season ends, they start releasing all these injuries that they never had. Everybody's dinged up. By the way, everybody's injured at the end of an election cycle. You know, in hockey, they're so vague. They call it a lower body injury, upper body.

They're so vague. And then as soon as it's over, you start finding out who had broken fingers, who whatever. And so just his own hockey game, his political hockey, he got done. He's like, just so you know, I had a sprained ankle the last six weeks. So that makes it more miraculous. All right. Still paid for that ice time.

We're going to end on this. Is this a great first story? Great first story to open things up. Brotherly hate between each other. All right, so we're going to end on this. Is this a great first story? Great first story to open things up. Brotherly hate between each other. All right, so in the last election, 702 more votes than the next runner-up. That is against his brother. How many votes did he lead the race with when it was considered over? So give me a number of how many votes he beat his brother by.

Well, the last one was 6-6-3-6, right? So we don't know how many people. This brotherly fight might have engaged more people. I think it definitely did. I think it beat him by 5,000 votes. 5,000? Okay. Dan, what do you think?

I think he beat him by 1,800 votes. Okay. Okay. Ted, what do you think? Yeah, I'm going to say 6,500. 6, gonna say 6500 okay wow I'm big you want huge what do you think 3,500 just like we should have been keeping track definitely a whiteboard this story should come with a whiteboard. We had the percentages. Don't you know? Rand felt bad that he gave away how long they had to talk.

So I just asked you a million very specific. We got stuck in the morass of Port Colborne comics. Okay, or comics, politics. All right, you ready? So in that time, Bill beat his brother Chuck and we'll leave on this first story. Down in the books, we'll come back, we'll find out about these holiday shows

at the City Winery. I can't wait. I'm very excited for you. There may be a, you never know, there might be the ghosts of Hanukkah future and past and present

coming up in that thing. I might see some special guests. He beat his brother with more than 1,200 votes. So there you go, Daniel. There you go. Nice job. All right, story number one.

Jay, I believe, is story number two. Very excited. We'll take a quick break. When, I believe, is story number two. Very excited. We'll take a quick break. When we come back, we'll find out what these guys about their show, their holiday shows, of which we've been a part of at Largo. They're amazing shows. So much fun. And we'll let you know what we have going on right after this.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more at Uncle Town. Hey, gang. This show is sponsored by our friends at BetterHelp. Hey gang, this show is sponsored by our friends at BetterHelp. Yeah, navigating any of life's challenges can make you feel unsure, whether it's a career change, a new relationship, or becoming a parent. And therapists are trained to help you figure out the cause of your challenging emotions

and learn productive coping skills. We believe in that. We are therapy people. We get it, which makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of the complex engine called you better help has connected over three million people with the licensed therapist it's convenient accessible anywhere 100 online yeah uh you sir you guys have heard me say this before okay we love that uh they're a partner of ours in sponsoring this show and we also have that ability to share it with you and for me the number one thing is perspective not only is it a place to put your thoughts your concerns your worries you're putting them into a safe place where any of the feedback you get

is going to be medically trained and not come with any sort of personal input and all that other stuff. It's just a good space to put the things in your head. That's all the way to go. So get matched with a therapist after filling out a brief survey and switch therapists anytime. No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist, plus it's affordable. And as the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has

matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. So just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime at all. It couldn't be simpler. As I said, no waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com slash DPT. That's BetterHelp, Better, H-E-L-P dot com slash DPT, BetterHelp.com slash DPT.

All right, guys, it's the holiday season. You're looking for... So hoop-dee-doop. And whoop-dee-whoop. Is it whoop-dee-whoop? Whoop-dee-doop. And hickory dock. And hickory dock. And hickory dock.

This is something you could put right under the clock. So this is a gift that you get for your parents. Or this is something your mom or your loved one will look at more than the clock. Any distant relative. Anybody. Anyone you want to keep in touch with and make feel special. So you want to stay connected. We're, of course, talking about our friends at Skylight Frame.

Skylight Frame. So great. I'm going to eschew the things that because they wrote a whole thing for us to read. I don't care. I'm going to talk from the heart right now. I'm going to say some of the things they want us to say. You say some of the things. We're talking from our hearts, Daniel.

This is the best gift we've ever gotten our mom. Our mom loves it so much. So we set up this frame. It looks like a regular picture frame. Dummies like us, technologically, can set it up. It sets up in under 60 seconds. That's right. Dan got the thing. Plug in. Use that touchscreen. You plug it in. You set it up. Set up the frame on Wi-Fi. It sets up in under 60 seconds. That's right. Dan got the thing.

Plug in. Use that touchscreen. You plug it in, you use the Wi-Fi, connect to your Wi-Fi, and then here's the deal. I take a picture with my iPhone somewhere. I'm like, you know what? My mom would love this. Do you use the app or email for that? Email.

I text it. I text it. You can do that too. You can email. So I text it right to my mom, and then I text it to the frame. So now, if I'm out with my family or I'm somewhere – I was like in Europe this summer, and I was sending pictures back to the Skylight frame so my mom could see what we're doing on our trip.

And she gets a little notification. Now she gets to sit in her den. Or she's sitting in the den and boop. And you know what I love? Even if it's been a while, you'll get a little message saying, hey, your grandma, hey, your mom hasn't received any photos in a while. Send her some photos. It's so great, and it keeps you connected with that person.

They feel like they're part of your life. It's a new frame that gets new pictures rotated. So now, as a special offer, you can get $15 off your purchase of a Skylight frame, and you go to skylightframe.com, enter the code DPT. That's right. To get $15 off your purchase of a Skylight frame, just go to skylightframe.com. I'll spell it, S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A-M-E.com, and the promo code is DPT.

This is the best gift you'll ever get your parents or grandparents or some relative. They will love this so much, and they'll love you. You can buy one for you and then tell everybody, send me pictures. Send me pictures. I want to know what's going on with you. Skylightframe.com, and the promo code is DPT.

Go get it. Hey, guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. Before we tell you about these great holiday shows, Daniel, anything coming up soon for you? January 18th starts my weekly show at the Lyric Hyperion. That's every Wednesday night at 7.30. It's great.

Yeah, me and Irene too. So that's going to be great. You can find me there every single Wednesday night until it fails. And then... That should be the name of your show. Me and Irene T-O-O. Yeah, that's going to be great. You can find me there every single Wednesday night until it fails. And then – That should be the name of your show, Me and Irene T-O-O. Comma T-O-O. Yeah, that's funny.

That's not bad. Bad idea. I'll bet you don't get it. And then I'm going to be doing stand-up the final weekend of the 20th SF Sketch Fest on February 4th. That's a Saturday. What's happening on the 5th? And then the next night – What's happening on the 5th, Dan?

Is there something fun happening on the 5th? Yeah. We are going to be doing a live Dumb People Town. That's on February 5th, closing out. SketchFest. 20th anniversary of SketchFest. Wow. Is it at Cobb's?

No. Yes, it is at Cobb's. Great show. Other than that, this is a ways off, but I had to reschedule, so I want everybody to know. I will be in Denver the last Saturday in April doing a show with the Grawlix. All right, so we will be in San Francisco this Thursday night.

I think this drops tomorrow, so we'll be in San Francisco this Thursday night at the Fillmore. Have you ever played at the Fillmore? Yeah. Oh, beautiful venue. So cool. We're part of this Jewish Christmas spectacular

that we're going to do just a fun 20, 30 minute set in the show. Very excited, but then we're poised to come back, as you said, live Dumb People Town at the beginning of February. In January, we're in Denver at Comedy Works in the South. I love that club, the Landmark Club, that sort of Martin Luther King weekend the Thursday through that Saturday.

And then we're in San Diego on the weekend leading up to the fifth, where we'll be in San Francisco. Superscleros.com, all that stuff there. We're waiting to find out if our show, The Nosebleeds, of which I'm sure you saw billboards around the L.A. area. Very cool out in the world that if we're going to get a season two,

we're hoping that that happens. And when that happens, we'll announce it. All sorts of good stuff. All right, let's talk about the holiday shows, of which we were a part at Largo. It was one of my favorite things we've ever done. They're amazing shows. Best part.

So let's talk about it. So you're doing it in New York this time. One show in Boston and then a week in New York. Amazing. So let's talk about it. So you're doing it in New York this time. One show in Boston, and then a week in New York. Amazing. Four in City Winery. What are we starting? What's the date?

Boston is the 26th? 27th. 27th in Boston. Where? What's the venue? The Wilbur. The Wilbur. The Wilbur is one of the best theaters to see something.

All right, so all our podcast friends who are back in Boston, either you live in Boston or you're back visiting your family in Boston, you're like, this is the thing that everyone says around the holidays. What are we going to do? What are we going to do? This is what you're going to do. You've got to get out of the house.

You're going to go to a show. It's the week between Christmas and New Year's. You need something to do. This is what you're going to do. By the way, why don't you get your family members this as a gift? There you go. Get tickets for somebody. That's a great idea.

Give the gift of an experience. Where you don't have to talk to your family. You can just go watch something and laugh and love. There's a script. There's a beautiful script. A little bit of a story. Yeah. And then you guys sing songs throughout that are just amazing.

Of course, there's comedy throughout. Some Christmas music, some of our own music. Some of the music you guys have made together. Some of the music you guys have made together. Some of the music you guys have made individually. It's an amazing show. It's like what I wish every dumbass Dolly Parton Christmas special would be. I wish it was this. I wish this thing was televised because it is so fun.

So we sat backstage because we did the whole run at Largo three or four years ago. Yeah, 2019. 19. It was right before the pandemic. So we sat backstage, and I can honestly tell you the warmth I felt by the end of that show and laughing and just loving it. It's a great feeling. It's a really, really special show.

Thank you. So if you're in Boston on the 27th, go to the Wilbur and see them. Then the 28th. 28th, 29th, 30th. Then we take a break for New Year's Eve. And then the 1st again at City Winery in New York. Great venue. Like, amazing.

And who else is going to be on it with you guys? What can you say? Paula Tompkins. Nice. Boo! No. The best. Todd Berry.

Yeah, Todd Berry. Yeah, we were going to have another musical guest. But it's like we realize that it's a real cram that we kind of end up not playing any of our own music because there's no there ends up not being any enough time or paul is so good he's so so good it's too long yeah we have some special plans for paul i love it he's so possibly again possibly some let's just say visitations oh yeah all we're saying is if you love us, we might make an appearance at the Wilbur. So these shows sound amazing. Is there a best place to go pick up the tickets through you guys or just find a look around?

I think just the venue websites, the Wilbur or City Winery. It's only the two. Wilbur and Boston on the 26th, 27th. 27th. On the 27th. And 28th, 29th,th 30th and 1st City Winery there's a spot

there you go they're your plants you got plants now you got holiday plants and then just tell if you get a chance to see them or say hi or whatever

say hey I heard you guys on Dumb People were doing this thing there okay I love it shall we jump into another story yes

this is a story too this story what if Jason goes two brothers 30 oh geez two brothers in Mexico too this story makes what if Jason goes two brothers there's a 30 oh jeez two brothers in Mexico so this story is

I feel like knowing having watched the saga of the squirrels on Amy Mann's don't even

get me started I text her I was just talking to because Dan doesn't want her to get rabies no I'm I'm becoming known because I

occasionally on Instagram post... You'll feed a squirrel a nut. Yeah, I'll feed a squirrel a nut and then I'll post footage of it. She has cooked a two-course dinner. She let herself in pit pockets.

some crazy squirrel nut. By the way, crazy squirrel nut. Isn't that a band? Yeah. Squirrel nut crazies. Squirrel nut zippers. Amy, you let it

take it out of your pocket. Yeah. Listen, it's a very small squirrel and I had nuts in my pocket Squirrel nut zippers Amy You let it Take it out of your pocket Yeah I Listen It's a very smart squirrel And I I had nuts in my pocket And then the squirrel

Knows where the nuts are Which nuts These nuts I text her And I'm like I was actually gonna tell you The type of nut Cause that's how dumb I am

You're like Actually it was an almond Almond Almond And salted I text Amy And I go This is not going to end well. Squirrels don't know barriers.

They don't respect boundaries. They are not your friends. There's going to be a squirrel playing on her next album. Like, I don't know. He said he played bass. I arrived at Amy's house yesterday, and the first, the absolute first thing that I saw was a squirrel come inside the back door.

No! Stand on its hind feet. When I came over when we rehearsed, I should have had you show me this squirrel. The squirrel jumps up on, it's like a French door, so it has window panes. The squirrel jumps up on the handle of the door on the outside and scratches on the window to get my attention and sometimes climbs the panes. The squirrel jumps up on the handle of the door on the outside and scratches on the window to get my attention. And sometimes climbs the panes. It's like a week before they figure out they can hang on the handle enough

to get it open. It hasn't happened yet. Oh my god. You're saying you are being pressured by this squirrel to do this. The squirrel is pretty persuasive. The squirrel knows where the nuts are. It's squirrel-sasive? All right.

Squirrel knows where the nuts are. So that is the backdrop within which I'm going to tell this story. The headline is this. North Dakota woman arrested for bringing raccoon into bar. This is Amy. I brought the squirrel on tour. Very angry that you're aligning me with crazy raccoon ladies. I'm not aligning you.

I'm just telling you. We're just saying this is where it could lead. I mean, this is a cautionary no pun intended tale. The ghost of squirrel futures. I just see you with a squirrel in like a nice, like, chill wine bar lounge and you're just constantly saying, he's fine. He's fine. Don't look at him. She's fine. Can we turn just constantly saying, he's fine. He's fine. Don't look at him.

Can we turn the music down? She's fine. Just don't aggravate it. Stop looking at her. She doesn't like it. Can I take your coat, Amy? No, I'm going to wear it. Why are you going to wear it? Then she opens it up in the squirrel pocket. She likes to go in there. I have a secret squirrel sling sewn into the line. All right. Amy Mann, secret squirrel.

Turd Key Ferguson sent this in at Rolling Stony One. A North Dakota woman is facing misdemeanor charges. Should I bring him? Definitely do not. Okay, I'm gonna bring him.

after bringing a wild raccoon with her to a local bar. Is there any other kind of raccoon? There aren't. By the way, better than a few of her boyfriends.

Well, it implies that there's a level of controllability that's even lower than you might expect. Like, I trapped it and just let it loose in the bar. Did you bring this raccoon? Nah, he's been

following me. I didn't bring him. He followed me. If you're walking in holding its paw, then that's one thing. Right. If you are looking at a wild woodland creature and saying, what do you want to drink? What did you say? She isn't coming back.

Authorities arrested Erin Christensen of Maddock, North Dakota. Don't give her age. Locating her and the raccoon she named. Any guesses? Oh, boy. Rocky. guesses oh boy rocky that's so good yeah sparky chunky ray ray after she brought the raccoon she named rocky amy you're you're getting every answer right i get it so you're saying she's not a Rocky Raccoon the Beatles

come on Rocky Raccoon I feel like there's not a lot of things she didn't have like a list of alternates she picked the first one she doesn't seem like

someone who workshops a lot of things in her life either like it's either Rocky or like Kaylee no she's like

I wanted to call him Blackbird cause that's my favorite Beatles song but then my ex and then someone down the bar who's not even related is like, I wanted to call him the White Album. I'm like, wait, shut up, Clint. You're not in this thing.

Get back. Yeah, we watch it. I actually wasn't called. Listen to what she's been charged with. And like, I mean, the raccoon could be that. She's currently charged with misdemeanor counts of providing false information to law enforcement. She tried to lie. How old are you?

She's my pet. I'm 20. I don't think so. My name's Sarah Lynn. Sarah Palin. All right. Tampering with physical evidence. What?

Tampering with physical evidence? How is she tampering with physical evidence? An unlawful possession of fur bearers. She tried to paint over the stripes on its tail and call it a cat. You're allowed to wear a cat. Is this a big cat? I'm kidding. He's just big.

He's got a mask on. Wait, that last charge is so North Dakota. What is it again? It's unlawful possession of fur bearers. Fur bearers. I need a lot of information. Fur bearers. Our fur bearers came to this country. Fur bearers. I need a lot of information. Fur bearers. All right.

Our fur bearers came to this country. Fur bearers. Saw them at Bonnaroo. Fur score in seven years ago. Open for fleet foxes. All right.

These charges could result in maximum sentencing of about two years in jail and about how much in fines. How much in fines? What's a maximum fine for unlawful fur bearer? I feel like when that you get

into like the dnr the department of natural resources type animal stuff they ring you up you think so yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna say five thousand dollars in five five twelve hundred twelve hundred i'm gonna say fifty thousand dollars fifty thousand dollars seventy five hundred get your answers and one of you is exactly right it's $5,000 $7,500 they don't want to change their numbers what if she's right Amy's been so on point

get your answers in these charges can result in a maximum fine of $7,500 way to go I knew that it just came to me in a vision I think it came to you in a vision. No, no, he didn't see it.

He didn't see it. Chuck Steele said it to me. When Rand was doing his, he was scrolling down to that next door. I'm going to rush this second segment. I'm going to get all the questions right. According to the North Dakota Board of Animal Health laws, it is illegal to keep a wild raccoon still on September 6th. Never forget.

Never forget. It's what happened on September 7th. We all remember 9-6. Remember where you were? During, this is my favorite part of this. Happy hour. During happy hour. Oh, I'm sorry.

Are we not supposed to be happy? Because she makes me happy. Let her go. Oh, I guess we're not happy today. You let Rocky in here. During happy hour, Christensen brought Rocky with her. I love the article now. It just calls her Rocky.

I'm going to bring Rocky with me. To the Matic bar and showed the animal off to patrons. Look at him. Look at him. Are you hungry? He's like putting it in their face who can't do anything now who can't take care of something now huh she's also like he does that a lot he does that a lot he likes to hide let him go no he likes it here but he wants to hide for a minute they like to

wash their food just let it he will lick your care. It's garbage anyway. Let him have it. You already threw it away. Let her have it. Let her have it. By the way, I think it is a he. I'm just going to say the name of the bartender, and you're going to tell me five things about her. Let's play this game.

Cindy Smith, the bartender. Tell me everything about her. Both divorced and legally separated. Wears flip-flops in December. Has two vanilla candles in every bathroom. Will not talk about one of her tattoos. Owns two cars and neither of them work.

Cannot remember what one of her tattoos is. Yeah, for sure. It's an area she can't see. So glad that scrunchies came back. Doesn't know how to braid. Doesn't know how to braid. Doesn't know how to cook. Reported that she immediately asked Christiansen to leave and that no one in the bar was bit by the animal.

Okay, so the animal didn't do anything wrong. You're not allowed to do it. This is all about deterring her future behavior. This is all about deterring her future behavior. Yeah. So regardless, the incident prompted North Dakota's Health and Human Services Department to issue a warning to the public about potential rabies exposure. Yeah. Can't do it.

Their statement asked anyone who may have been bitten or had contact with a raccoon's saliva. Wow. Okay. The saliva can get you. To seek medical care immediately. We were just making out. Is it still the case? I kissed it on the mouth. Is it still the case? I kissed it on the mouth.

Is it still the case or was it ever actually the case that you had to get like 12 shots in your stomach? Oh yeah, it was like 17 shots in your stomach for rabies. I think it's like five now. I think they got the shot levels down. I thought maybe they got past the whole shots in your stomach thing. I think it still is. I think they go into the stomach lining or something like that.

Now somebody's going to have to do some fast good. Shouldn't there be a pill? I feel dumb for saying anything. I don't really know. All right. Christian reports that her family found the raccoon about three months ago on the side of the road. Oh, no.

But you know there is the video. We've talked about this on the show before. Was the raccoon alive when it came into the world? Well, yeah. And they decide... Oh, yeah, that's the question. Was it stuffed? Was it...

Is this like a Weekend at Bernie's, the Weekend at Rocky's thing? Wait, so there's a guy who feeds raccoons. He puts a bunch of cereal. You know that guy? He puts cereal all over, and then they all come around him and swarm him. They're so fat. They're like the fattest raccoons I've ever seen. They're like emperor penguins.

They're so fat. They get huge. They get huge. They get huge. So just because he feeds them all the time and these are his babies, whatever. Amy gets it. Cautionary time. I fully understand. So Christian reports that her family found the raccoon about three months ago on the

side of the road and then decided to take it in and gave it the name Rocky. Who sees a raccoon on the side of the road and says, I need to take that in? Come on, Amy. Me. No, you let it. No, you would not. You wouldn't get in the way. Be real

It's hurt I'd take it to the vet 100% To the vet And be like Please do with this It's not saying Whether it was hurt

You give it to a rehab You don't keep You don't keep I found a squirrel You don't keep On the road Who had fallen from He was traveling

On one of the wires And he fell And I think he was Just in shock But he was right In the middle of the road And he fell and I think he was just in shock but he was right in the middle of the road and I'm like if I don't pick this squirrel up he's going to get squished by a nice car he smelled all the other squirrel on him

he probably smells my squirrel I picked him up and we found a rehabber in Pasadena amazing 12 step program it's unfair just a lot of therapy can you say squirreling on I was going to say the shadows Is that a program? It's unfair. Christian's Squirrel-anon.

Did you say Squirrel-anon? I was going to say the shadows or something. Let him walk off. Let him be carried out of here on that one. Squirrel-anon is for the families of the squirrel. It's not just the squirrels. Dan's squirrel rehab place called Branches. Branches.

That needs to be a thing. Branches. That needs to be a thing. Branches. That is really good. It would be perfect. Yeah, guys. Climb up a new rung at Branches. It's unfair, Christian. Go out on a limb. At Branches. In a statement

to the Bismarck Tribune. Don't leaf before the miracle. Don't ever stop. Quote, too much was done to detain an innocent raccoon. First of all, the raccoon's not. Nobody says the raccoon's guilty of anything. You're the one who's guilty. You're going to do the charges.

You're going to do the time. Also, if you want to take this raccoon in, you want to help this raccoon out and do it, it's not suggested that you do this, but don't bring it into a bar. Don't bring it into a bar. You stepped over the line at that point. If you're rehabbing a raccoon. But you got this raccoon for three months. It's not a bar.

You want to show up. You want to show up. You're saying, why did we get it? Yeah, exactly. Why did we take it out? It's time. We've trained at this point. The real story is the happy hour the day before.

That's right. If you're not shitting, when you come in here tomorrow, you bring that goddamn bracelet. She taught Rocky how to make a friendship bracelet, and then Rocky brings it over, and then she looks at it. It's time. It's time. Go take her to happy hour. That's it.

That's the end of it. She faces her charges in an initial court appearance on Monday. There you go. And they took Rocky They took Rocky They took Rocky And I'm not optimistic About what happened To poor Rocky

I'm not even I mean Rocky's not gonna be In custody of the world Cause it's a raccoon So just go out to the world Dan give us a little taste Of what we're gonna hear

In story three Black Mirror In Dumb People Town Oh my god I can't wait And we have For Patreon, Amy is going to read to us-

We'll have a little catalog talk. Someone for- Yeah, let's have some catalog talk. We'll have some catalog talk. Catalog talk on- It sounds like a huge story, but it's a thing you need to- Oh, it's worth breaking down.

There'll be plenty for us to discuss. We'll be aware of it. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, if you haven't finished your holiday shopping yet, guys, do not panic.

We've got a secret source for incredible original gifts. Of course, talking about uncommon goods. I've already done my uncommon goods shopping this year. I got the cool. My wife's not going to listen to this ad right now. Say it. You can say it. Let her know.

So I got a beautiful ceramic chip and dip plate that is our uh bowl that's got like the bowl and then the the dip thing is on the inside built into the bowl it is so cool handcrafted the best gifts for everyone in life we're talking moms dads teens in-laws besties you're one and only and it's not just it it is just stuff that you can't find anywhere else that's the thing about about it. You know what I like? They have the ornament decorating kits. Oh, yeah. Those things are cool. Because you're a kid.

You make ornaments for your home. And God bless my mom for all the ones she saved. But this is like an actual ornament. But then you can decorate it. My daughter would love that. It's functional and cute. If you're a crafty person, you love that they have stuff like that. They have hot chocolate on a stick.

I'm just going to say that again. Hot chocolate on a stick. All of their craft stuff is so good. Their jewelry is really good. Their barware is really good. All that stuff. The reason it is is because Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the U.S. They have the most meaningful, out-of-the-ordinary gifts anywhere.

Now, if you're looking for a gift that you don't want to have to worry that it's going to get lost in the mail, Uncommon Experiences are even more. They're even more than virtual classes. They're unexpected opportunities to have fun, connect in new ways. Tarot card reading, that's something my wife and my kids absolutely love. Lunar astrology, charting, cooking, mixology classes, crafts, gardening, so much more. So from art to jewelry to kitchen to home and bar, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. Not the same lackluster gifts you could just find anywhere. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. Not the same lackluster gifts you could just find anywhere. And

with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, get this, they're going to give back a dollar to a non-profit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $2 million today. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com slash DPT. That's UncommonGoods.com slash DPT

for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We love these guys. 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We love these guys. We're all out of the ordinary. Boom. All right, Daniel, take us home. Take us home.

Okay, I'm going to take you home. Oh, hey, two quick things before we end this out. I want to tell everybody that if you aren't a Patreon member, you may not know this. The Patreon is going to $5 across the board starting in the new year. And not just that. If you're saying, hey, I don't have $5. Well, you can still play along because we want your stories, old stories or stories from your life. You can email them to dptpod at gmail.com.

Even if you're not on the Patreon, send us your dumb story. Maybe you'll find out it happened and you'll go, I got to find $5. Oh, I should have joined. So that's that. Oh, the other thing was, this is dropping before the 16th? This is dropping tomorrow. Oh, wonderful. I should have said this.

On the 16th, I am doing a Christmas charity show in Houston, Texas, a place I've never been before. Ah, that's not true. It's me and Andrew Youngblood. It is Daniel and Andrew's Christmas comedy spectacular and charity event for the kids, but only adults are allowed. Great. And if you are an adult and you come and you bring a toy that we can donate to kids in need this holiday season,

your first drink's on me. No sex toys. No sex toys. No raccoons. Stop raccoons. No. Maybe a little rocket raccoon from Guardians. And then we'll have Christmas and all this stuff, and I am going to be doing a Tom Waits Christmas song.

Wow. Okay. Fantastic. Or not. Here we go. Looking for the heart of Christmas Eve. No, it's just me. I'll play my drum.

Tom Waits is the heart of Christmas. He really is. Christmas Eve. Amy inspired me when I did it on Pen Pals. She told me I was actually singing even though I was doing Tom Waits. I think about the song Looking for the Heart of Saturday Night just in quiet moments. I'm just like, God damn.

Okay, here we go. Ready? Perfect. Amazon's Alexa. Dan shifted a little bit. Oh, you're fine. You can read it. You can read it. We're not giving anything away. Amazon's Alexa could soon speak in a dead relative's voice, making some feel

uneasy. I'm uneasy. Making some feel uneasy. I'm uneasy. Making some feel uneasy. How about everyone? Do you want this? Some people might feel uneasy. I think people would love it. I think people, if you're a spouse or partner, pastor, or God forbid, parent. So you're in favor of this?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm 100%. What are you talking about? Why would you want? Would you want your dad's voice to be Alexa? Let me find that for you. Dad, what's the weather going to be like tomorrow? Yeah, but would you want? Absolutely you want your dad's voice to be Alexa? Let me find that for you. Dad, what's the weather going to be like tomorrow?

Yeah, but would you want? Absolutely. Dick Sklar telling you? Absolutely. Oh, my God. Amy? Great idea. No.

Great idea. Cut to Jason hating it but having to hear his dad's voice when he goes to Randy's house. I know. I'll just run it all the time. I just think, man, it's like Alexa. I'm like, no, no, no. I'll get it. I'll look it it all the time. I just think, man, it's like Alexa. I'm like, no, no, no, I'll get it. I'll look it up on my phone.

Also, I wonder, is it the same words or does it learn the way? Like if Alexa's like, your five-minute timer is done, but your dad would go, timer's done. Hey, like what does it? Learn his cadence. No. So, Jay, you tell the story. I don't know if we told this on here, the story of your kids.

This was amazing. Dan, did I tell this on this the story. I don't know if we told this on here, the story of your kids at the – This was amazing. Dan, did I tell this on this? Oh, I don't know. It's a beautiful, beautiful story. So this past summer, I was back in St. Louis with my mom. Oh, yes. Yes, you did tell this. I told it on this thing.

Yes, and it was wonderful. But you should still tell that. I'll be tight with it. Be tight. Give me Cliff Notes version. Cliff Notes version is I was back, and it would have been my dad's 80th – our dad's 80th birthday uh my mom wanted to go to the cemetery just to visit i was just with my kids and i wasn't sure that they'd want to go and i asked them they said they want to go we went we tried to like actually you know have a cool experience and and they kind of weren't connecting

with it because they didn't really know him so then then I remember that our dad was on, at the beginning of this TV special we did years ago for ESPN, our dad was on it, and he was inspirationally sending us off on this silly quest, but it was the most him ever that he, and like 90, if someone was like, boil down a person in 90 seconds, I could do it with this thing,

and I was like, I have this. I went through YouTube, I showed my kids this video, and they 100% connected with it. And they were getting emotional. And they really connected. So that was really cool.

And it was kind of freaky, but awesome. So what if that was, you could achieve that by just asking your dad where is the nearest pupusa stand? Exactly. Order more toilet paper. Dad. Okay, dad, I will. This was sent in by Catherine Bryan at Brian Katie Bryan,

which I hope is a Stephen Brody Stevens. Could it be any dead person? Doesn't it have to be relative? Do you miss the sound of a dead relative's voice? Yes. Well, fear not. Amazon unveiled a new feature in the works for its virtual assistant, Alexa. Sorry to anybody who keeps going off every time we say that.

That can read aloud in a deceased loved one's voice based on a short recording of the person. While AI can't eliminate the pain of loss, this is a quote, it can definitely make their memories last. Wait a minute. AI can't eliminate the pain of loss? Alexa, eliminate my pain of loss. In a Winston Churchill voice. This was said by Rohit Prasad. Oh, God, no, I would take that.

Yeah. Prince? This was said by Prince. Churchill. Prince, what's the weather going to be this morning? No, Prince in the morning. Get up, you sexy motherfucker. That's Cat Williams.

That's true. Rohit Prasad, Senior Vice President and Head Scientist for Alexa on Wednesday at Amazon's Mars conference. Where are you a scientist for? Amazon. You work for Amazon? You're a scientist for Amazon? In the rainforest? No, for the thing that sits on your kitchen counter.

Oh, cool, cool, cool. In a video? That must be a really cool job to be a scientist for Amazon. Hey, can you get them to increase prime so that it covers more product? No, I'm a scientist. I'm working on making sure our workers can't pee too often. I install the

worker catheter. In a video played at the event on Amazon. Work diaper. We're working on a work diaper. We have tour diaper already. By the way, let me just say, I am all for this thing right here. I've still not changed my stance.

I'm down with this. Well, listen to this. I guess it might make you, it might bolster you. Right. In a video played at an event, an Amazon Echo Dot is asked, Alexa, can grandma finish reading Me, the Wizard of Oz? Oh, my God. Okay.

Alexa's voice responded. Instead of Alexa's voice reading the book, the kid's grandma's voice took over. Coolest thing ever. Ever. We had to learn to produce high-quality voice with less than a minute of recording. So they just have to read a few lines of anything, and then the AI has their voice. This is crazy. There's a huge issue in both of our industries right now of AI-created lyrics and scripts.

Didn't someone – I mean, there were musical artists that have said – I saw one yesterday. our industries right now of ai created lyrics right and scripts but you can say they're musical artists that i saw one yesterday ai they said create an opening scene that takes place in the white house in the style of soda berg and it wrote three pages and they're like well how does this then what happens when studios and networks go this is good enough we don't need writers because it does it it's a huge deal and they're it's happening in music as well and then vocally and uh with lyrics and when the ai gets so good that and even just the physical robot aspect or just cgi they can just be like when i'm going to hire the actors uh the ava tour this is obviously what art is for yeah

i think by the way i think some people will be cool with that and then other people it's the black mirror episode you saw the black mirror episode there was a black mirror episode where I'm an ugly sin what yes woman's husband they live out on this sort of farm I guess in Europe kind of a thing this island or something yeah what you do is you sign up for a service it scours all of the emails you've ever sent every voice mails all of your social media and everything. And then you start,

you get a correspondence. It can either be a phone call or a voicemail or an email or a text. It's emails and then they start corresponding. And then eventually they go, hey, we have a new thing if you were willing to try it out. And a robot shows up

that looks exactly like that person, has all of those memories and all of that information downloaded into the robot. Believe it or not, it goes back. Yep, there's one thing that happens. I don't want to give it away. I can't believe it would go bad.

It's so weird. So it's great for a while, and then there's one thing that happens that really highlights how the gap. It's really hard to believe that it might go bad. Right, someone's sort of the problems and the messiness of someone's life is what people really crave.

Rohit Prasad went on to say, we are unquestionably living in the golden era of AI where our dreams and science fiction are becoming a reality. Spoken like a true scientist. To which I say, most nightmares start out as dreams. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. They don't start out as nightmares.

No, nightmare is a dream. It's just going to go well or good for a little while. Nightmare is a dream. Nightmare is a dream. Nightmare qualifies as a dream. Indeed, the feature immediately drew comparisons to fictional depictions of technology, but ones more bleak than what Prasad was likely referencing, like Black Mirror, the dystopian television series that featured an episode in which comparable technology was deployed.

The feature is still in development, and Amazon would not say when it might publicly launch, but its preview... But your dad will tell you it's coming out in 2024. But its preview... Your dead uncle. might publicly launch, but it's previewed. But your dad will tell you it's coming out in 2024. But it's previewed. Your dead uncle. Comes at a moment when the cutting edge capabilities of artificial intelligence are under close scrutiny. Yeah.

So borrow, I'm going to try because I care. I can't get this. By the way, the fear of AI is that we won't see the tipping point. Yes. And that it'll come too quickly. And then before you know it, there's no turning back. Yeah.

I mean, that's our fear of even opening that door. Kind of what humans tend to do. Right. You don't see it coming. And then it's too fucking late. The tipping point will also happen well before you realize it. Yes.

Like it'll be, it's like all those dystopian where it starts out with like weird little side, like below the fold stories. And then it gets bigger and bigger. That person whose name I tried to pronounce out of respect is a professor of computer science at Arizona State University. They said the Alexa feature has the potential to aid a bereft family member, though it has to be weighed against the variety of moral questions the technology represents.

For people in grieving, this might actually help in the same way we look back and watch videos of the party. to me aunt diane no but it comes with serious ethical issues like is it okay to do this without the deceased person's consent if you have reporting is half of it because theoretically with this there is what would you guys say 10 000 hours of us talking yeah recorded oh yeah every that you could put in and right just you have a very you would have a pretty intense amalgamation of personality how about we they say you'd use this thing and then they say oh hey this person who just died three years ago we thought was

amazing they found this old they found this old phone message that they left for someone that's incredibly racist or incredibly homophobic or whatever, this, that, or the other, that completely tarnishes their reputation and their record. Or if that actually happened and we have this AI and people are like, well, that's faked. Someone faked that. So now that no one believes. Yeah, you lose trust. You lose trust and you lose it. I'm against it, I'm against it, I'm against it, I'm against it. Alright, fine, fine, fine.

I'm against it. There you go. That's a show, friend. Wow, you guys. Stop all science. All science. Boo science. Boo. Don't trust it. Join the Patreon because we did a hilarious we participated in a Florida Man game. That might end up making its way into a larger show. You never know, so you definitely want to join the Patreon for that.

Go on the East Coast. On the 27th, we're going to say it again. In Boston at the Wilbur Theater on the 28th, 29th, 30th, and 1st. Over at the City Winery in New York. It is the Christmas, what's the name of the show? It's the Amy Mann and Ted Leo Christmas Show. There you go. And it is wonderful, heartwarming, hilarious, and beautiful music.

Go see it. It's what you're going to do. There, boom, you got your holidays. We love you guys. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb