Dumb People Town - Alison Rosen - Start The Ball Rolling

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

This week Alison Rosen comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a very intense mother. The second story is about a very curvy mermaid. The final story is about the arrest of a robber for robbing a robber.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Rosen. episode of dumb people town population you population rosen allison rosen you are our old best friend and our new best friend and you're all of our friends we're so happy to have you i'm so happy to be here hello hello oh my goodness what's going on this dumb world this stupid world has it gotten d? Has the world gotten dumber? I feel, I mean, yes. Unequivocally, yes.

We are living in a really, really just epically stupid time. However, I want to think we're just like an airplane. I don't know anything about airplanes, but imagine an airplane going down just into the depths of moronicity and then just the nose is lifting up. And I feel like we're pulling out of it a little bit. I want to think that. Is that the most optimistic thing anyone's ever said? That's so optimistic. I love it. To me, it's the first optimistic thought that I've heard. And I like the way you're describing this. How do we keep the nose heading upward? What do

we do? Do we shine a light on the stupidity? How we how do we do this we're trying to we shame it can we shame it let's shame let's call out the stupidity sure and encourage the shame yeah let's keep people with an eye on the stupidity sending evidence of that to you guys so that you can keep in the righteous and noble crusade of calling it out every week, which is why the airplane is the nose is up. I mean, not to get political, but let's keep getting vaccinated. Let's not be stupid. Not political in my book.

No, it's not. That's health. That's a public health simplicity. It's also like, it's so funny in that regard. And then we'll get into our story. Get vaccinated if you want to be a selfish asshole and you want your old dumb life back yeah i want my old dumb life back i want to go do your podcast at your place

right i want that too that would i want to go back out and take dumb pictures of my food and post them online so let's do that okay i want to do that inside a restaurant so vaccinate up so we can see people fall down while taking selfies in a group. I want that. I want to leave my house and not... I had this realization earlier, which is that my life has become so small because so much of my day was...

So we got a new dishwasher. That was like the big event. Huge. I need one. You're washing everything in there. Shoes, everything. Oh my God. Put my kids in there. Put the kids event. Huge. Yeah. Huge. I need one. You're washing everything in there. Shoes, everything. Oh, my God. My kids in there.

Put the kids in. My dog. Put them on pots and pans. That'll really clean them. That pots and pans setting. Holy shit, man. All night, I was like, ooh, I wonder how the dishes will be in the morning. So that's the first really sad thing.

And the second thing was I have spent so much time being consumed with the fact that like the comforter is hanging over my side of the bed more than my husband's and i just couldn't get on with my day my day of looking at the dishes until you made it straighten that out by the way that's totally fair and it's kind of a little bit his fault but we don't need to get into that we don't need to get into it right now. We don't need to get into it. But what was he doing? Was he not like- He needs to be aware of what his side is doing.

He's literally not pulling his weight, I guess. Right? Correctly. So get this though, because there's more to this story. Oh my God. So I fix the comforter and then I'm like, ah, red rings, I have relief.

Sure. Take a shower, get out of the shower. What do i see but now the sheet is like way too long on my side that is that's a whole that's a re-rack that's a re-rack from the from the beginning like that's a sports term right no it just means we gotta start it all over again we gotta just get we can't even this is what guys i live my life no flat sheet no flat i haven't had a flat sheet in probably 15 years. It's all comforter for you.

You have to go very nice quality comforter. Dan, do you also have a duvet cover? We go fitted. And then duvet cover. The fact that you have to get under a fitted sheet every night feels like it. It's worth it.

I feel trapped. It's like the sheet's giving you a hug the texture of your mattress way better all right well i feel like we're sufficiently warmed up here allison rosen is with us and we need to get into some dumb stories our fans send them in to dan send them to dan you can do it on twitter it's very easily you just send them to daniel van hashtag or at Daniel Van Kirk hashtag dumb people town and that's how we put them in an order ready. Yes, this is sent in by at three cord me. Thank you.

Thank you at three cord me. Thank you a mother from Northeast Florida. You know we're going to have fun. Oh boy was arrested if you two did this on your other show was arrested after police say she showed up at her daughter's middle school with a boxing glove and fought a student

not glove love just one love one one glove Michael Jackson this fight what we did not do the story not one glove. I encourage you to still do it. One glove one

there you go. NBC affiliate WTLV coming at you reports that the incident took place last Thursday near Jacksonville has so many things do when Edith Riddle. I know Edith me this is riddle

sorry, sorry, riddle. She's an Edith wrapped in a riddle. She is in a conundrum. Edith Riddle arrived on campus for a meeting with the DuPont vice principal about the about the younger girls, her younger girls, violent outbursts. So now we know where it comes from, like so many other. It's right. Apple doesn't fall that far from the boxing glove, does it? After the meeting, Riddle and her daughter went to the school's cafeteria and the daughter

pushed another classmate to the ground. This is after the after the meeting of like a meeting did a lot. Let's be honest, the meeting squared some things. I've never had a kid, so I've never had like a parent teacher conference or gotten called, but town, but I'm sure there are some times when you are very thankful for what they're telling you about the kid, and then there's other times where you think you must think to yourself. I wonder if this teacher is the problem, right? Like you're like, I don't think I like what do you think Allison? I mean, come on. Have you ever had a like a teacher or like an administrator where you were like, I get

why my kid doesn't like you because I don't like you no i haven't had that experience yet oh gosh oh gosh have i had yeah i definitely had teachers that i didn't like with my son i haven't had that experience i have two sons i have a four and a two-year-old and they're both like very gentle and very sweet so far um so the only calls i get are like we just wanted to let you know you know he fell on the playground and he cried a little bit and he didn't want a bandaid, but he's okay. But I have so many questions. Where did the other boxing glove go? It's gone.

I don't know. You always bring one. Just put one in your car. See, I am for sure that fifth grade, Mrs. Jortle, Diane Jortle, and sixth grade Mrs. Stoddard, Kathy Stoddard. We might have had

a Stoddard. Both of them personally did not like me. What is it? Jortle? Jortle and Stoddard. You know what they are? Don't you dare. The old Rizzolian Isles right there. I know for a fact they did not like me.

Now, I'm not saying I was an angel. I didn't know. I was known to have outbursts and talk too much and not do my work and things like that. I was not an ideal student. You deserve some scorn. They personally did not like me. Yeah, that's fair. How do you know, though? I like that the Sklars agree that they had good

reason for not like you. I mean, there was probably a reason. I wouldn't say good. Like, I was not liked by my sixth grade teacher. Miss Jordan publicly made fun of me to my face in class. Once I don't remember what it was, but I remember being like, I'm going to cross a line here. And then that's not okay.

Kathy Stoddard didn't like me because I don't she didn't like my mom. And so then she tried to like not let me go on a field trip. Oh no, for the only reason that she just didn't want me there. And I'm sure I was loud. I'm sure Dan, I was annoying to that. It was

like personal. Did you bring the whip to school? No, the whip Dan had a whip in sixth grade. No, we all the kids did. Yes, bring the whip to school? No, the whip stayed at the cabin. Dan had a whip in sixth grade. No, wait. All the kids did. Dan did. All the kids did. We bought them at the flea market.

It was a very big... We went to a flea market and all the kids bought whips. Indiana Jones. Oh, my God. It was a very big Indiana Jones moment. Yes. So my sixth grade teacher hated me because, I don't know if you remember this, Ran, I was with a friend of mine and we were holding a tape recorder and he was going to take it or I was taking it or we got confused as to who was going to

take it back up and we dropped it down like these stairs and they thought, and it broke and they thought we were horsing around and, and they accused me of, of horsing around. And I remember knowing in my mind that I didn't do that. I knew very clearly. You're just clumsy. It was just an accident. It was like, I'm giving this.

Am I taking this? Are you taking this? And then we both let go of it, and then it fell. But I mean, the best teacher thing you guys ever did. What were you doing? I'll tell the best teacher. So they tried to get me to pay like $295 for this educational. Yeah, it was so much money and it was only three dollars

and 25 no no no it was like oh was this one of those tape recorders that was like the size of a shoebox yeah bigger bigger and wider and that was not gonna pay so my dad who thankfully was very cheap was like i'm gonna get into this fight and he put on the boxing glove he put on a figurative boxing glove and walked in there. And he got it so that we didn't have to pay for it. It was great. He fought that fight for me. So my worst teacher experience was I had a home economics teacher in eighth grade, Mrs.

Frank, who I hated. I mean, this woman was such a killjoy. She was awful. And then, I mean, I hated her in the first two months of school. I hated her. Like September and October. It got to the end of October. It was Halloween on a school day. She wore

an ape's mask, a mask, a full-on mask. She wore it, which I thought was really... It was super committed to it, but it got hot. Three quarters of the way into class, she took off the ape's mask and as soon as she took it off, I screamed.

That's really funny. It's so funny. It's a good comedy. I know. And our dad, our dad called and I was like to the principal, the principal called him and he was like, what'd you do? I explained it. And he was like, that's a good one.

I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know, but this one was, we did not like her, but yeah, there's some teachers that you don't like, but like Dan, you cannot go with your daughter and go push a kid down. How much did those women, a mom wearing about, and you know, she didn't take off the boxing gloves.

She's wearing it around the halls. And she was wondering, did she come care? Like conveying it? Here we go. They get done with this meeting about her kids outbursts. And then they decide, Hey, let's have another outburst. They walk to march their ass over to the cafeteria, right? Her daughter pushes a classmate to the ground. Then her daughter began throwing punches before Edith Riddle

joined in with witnesses saying Riddle had one boxing glove attached to her left hand. The report says Riddle had the boxing glove on her hand when she arrived at the school. She drove with it. She went to the meeting with a principal sitting there. Imagine trying to do the turn signal. Yeah, imagine it's just a trying to pick your nose with that thing.

It's just a thumb and the rest of the thing like being in the meeting with the vice principal and he's like so you understand why this is a problem right and you're talking to a woman who already has a boxing glove on like where does she get this fighting spirit and the woman just raises her one glove I was like

we really encourage being calm and talking through our problems. Yeah, we don't bare knuckle punch in this house. It's a very nonviolent house. And you know it. The report says Riddle had the boxing glove on her hand when she arrived at the school and had told the school.

Also, this is her excuse for why she was fighting this other girl. She told the school that the glove was super glued to her wrist and she couldn't remove it. That is not true. Wow. But I feel like that's not true. But what it is, it just

more speaks to the type of person you're dealing with. So unhealthy she is. Why that's, for that to be true, that means she put her hand in the glove and then with her free hand glued it. Because you couldn't put her, if she couldn't glue it first and then put

her hand in or else it would be all over her hand. Or in her family, they're way into pranks. And her new husband, emphasis on new. New husband. Pranked her good. Soon to be old. Yes. But here's the thing.

The new husband who everyone in the family, including the kids, call Frank. Yeah. And his name is David. And he knows they know it. And they know he knows they know. Because one time he said, can I be Frank? And everyone's like, yeah name is David. And he knows they know it, and they know he knows they know it. Because one time he said, can I be Frank? And everyone's like, yeah, Frank now.

You still here, Frank? He hears that one a lot. That's hilarious. Now, hang on a second. This now explains why there's only one glove. Because you can't super glue the other glove on unless you pre-super glue around the edges. Right. And then slide it in.

Or you have a spotter. Yeah. I just think if it's true, and I'm insulted that we even have to consider this being true. That's how much it's not true. But if it's true, she would be leading, like both physically leading with it, like it's glued to my hand, true. But if it's true, she would be leading, like both physically leading with it,

like it's glued to my hand, I can't get it off. And also it'd be the first thing she would say. I would never stop talking about a glove being super glued to my hand. No, I can't believe this is glued to my arm. I really apologize. She definitely wouldn't use it

in a fighting stance. It's like almost like the story of the glove is that it was super glued on, so then you can't use it for fighting because it mucks up the story. Yeah, it does. But think about the logic of saying to yourself, I'm going to go to my daughter's school tomorrow,

and we're going to beat up one of her classmates together. But I'm not so crazy that I want to injure her as badly as I could, or myself for that matter. So I'm going to put a glove on. Put a glove on it. I'm going to put that I want to injure her as badly as I could, or myself for that matter. So I'm going to put a glove on. Put a glove on it. I'm going to put on a glove. A glove.

I need the other one for grappling. Oh, is that what the gloves do? Yes, they cushion. Cushion the blow a little bit. So you're not bare knuckle. Oh, so she's not a maniac. She's not an animal. She's not a monster. She's just walking her daughter into the cafeteria

to push down a kid. Slightly back on board with it. I'm listening. I'm listening. Go on, Dan. She just politely walked her daughter. So who are they hitting? I'm a little confused about this story.

Some girl in the cafeteria. Who probably pissed her off. Right. Probably had it coming. I mean, kids are... Do we curse on this one? Yes, you can. Kids can be shits.

We know this. Yes, yes, yes. The female victim. I actually... Go ahead, Allison. Sorry, this one? Yes, you can. Kids can be shits. We know this. Yes, yes, yes. I actually, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, you go. I'm just going to say, and I mean this seriously and sincerely, when I had, you know, like I was fine in school and then in seventh grade when girls go insane, I had some, so I became the outcast for like the worst six weeks of my life

and I wish my parents had put on gloves and dealt with the situation. You want to beat some ass on some of these kids, but you can't. If your daughter or son is being picked on and just the mere fact of you drop them off at school

while wearing a boxing glove, that alone is going to send this message to all the other kids that you need to like. Or make you, get you picked on that much more. So the box, your mom's of the boxing, like a hundred dollar baby,

the female victim suffered abrasions to her knees. That'd be the girl that they knocked down in the cafeteria and for arms. She was taken to an air and hospital for evaluation. Wow, hospital. Edith Riddle was arrested and charged with one count of child abuse with personal or with a personal or special weapon. I guess that's the glove.

We'll get out of story one on this. How old do you guys think Edith Riddle is? How old do you think she's got a 90 year old woman's name? I know. I made friends with a woman, this beautiful. We made friends. She's Filipino. Her name is Edith. I met her.

I met her and Joyce on the way to Vegas. We have been friends for four years. She just called me two weeks ago to check in and see how I'm doing. I'm sure that her entire family, she's eighty seven. Her entire family is be like, who is this man? Who is this? Yeah, who is this forty years ago? Do you guys remember that I was on a plane with these two old women that I made friends with, and then on my way back from vegas edith was on the same flight as me and we sat together the fact that she wore a boxing glove to the back rat table uh all right i'm always um i'm always admiring and like baffled by people who have these you know huge age difference like

i have like my friend jeff has friends are 90. Where do you collect them? I mean, I guess a plane. The airplane to Vegas. The airplane to Vegas because you have a common goal. We're going there to lose money. I want old friends,

super old friends. Old friends are cool. I'll say this. I have a, I've had a spate of young friends enter my life in a way,

through comedy. That's what's great about comedy. Through comedy that like, it is just, and so I met and have been hanging with now some friends and I hung out at my friend's birthday gathering that was outdoors, safely done. But I brought my almost 16 year old daughter to that.

And there were a lot of people there, comics who were like 25. And I was like, okay, I'm almost 50. These comics and these people, my friends' friends are closer to my daughter's age than mine. And there was just something really cool about that. So I'm sure for them, they're like, yeah, that old guy over there.

I don't know if I'd call that really cool, but go ahead. That's not cool. They're like, I have an old friend. His name is Randy Sklar. Exactly. So how old do you think Edith Riddle is? The mom. Edith Riddle is 46. 46 years old. Jay, what do you think? That Riddle is? The mom. Edith Riddle is 46.

46 years old. Jay, what do you think? That sounded old even coming out of your mouth, but that's three years younger than us. I'm going to say she's got a kid in high school. She's probably 34. Oh, wow. That's smart.

So didn't Sheila E wear just one glove too? She wore like a lace glove. So Sheila Edith Riddle. I think she's 38 years old. 38? Yeah. So she had the kids 17. 34, 38, 46.

I feel I've shot too high. One of you is exactly right. Oh, I know. So now we're going to play the game within the game. Who do you think is exactly right? You can stay on your own age or you can go with one of ours. You said you were doubting your own age. You thought you shot too high.

You have a chance. I did. Remind me what your age is for a game. 38, 34. 34. I'm going to say Randy is right on the nose. I'm going to stay with me too. I'm staying with me.

Okay. We'll close out story one with this. Edith, one hand punch. Riddle. This is the sound of one glove. Punching is thirty four years old. Oh, I knew it. This is a I knew it.

I tried to do the safe thing and just go right down the middle. No, but God damn it. I believe it'll eat it. Riddle. I know, but God damn it. Edith Riddle. All right, we're going to take a break when we come back. We're going to just talk about all the great,

she's got two awesome podcasts that you guys should be listening to if you aren't already. We're going to tell you all about it. This is Dumb People Town with Alison Rosen. Don't go anywhere. Stick around,

make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Hey y'all, welcome back to the show. We want to remind people before we get into all the great Alison Rosen stuff that you need to get into. We have a live dumb people town on April 10th. It is Saturday night. But if this drops after that, we have another one that we're going to do on the 22nd of May.

And we have announced those guests. So we're just trying to figure out when these are going to drop but if this does drop after that please get your tickets for that eventpride.com right but uh let's let's uh when we when we left we talked about a crazy one gloved woman and now we are back we're about to get into our second story but allison has two great podcasts one with our friend greg fitzsimmons which i love so much please tell the folks about that and what it's about and how they can get it and all that stuff. Thank you so much. It's called Childish, and it is our parenting-ish podcast.

So I'd say at least half, if not more, excuse me, of our listeners do not have children. You don't have to have children to listen. No. But we do talk about our lives and marriage and kids stuff. But we also talk about a lot of other stuff. And together, the two of us can't help but just make really stupid jokes and talk about a lot of off-color stuff. That's what amuses both of us. So we have a ton of fun together. I love it.

And he's got older kids. And you have younger kids. Exactly. So you guys kind of span the gamut. Span the gamut right there. Right. And that, it kind of started, the idea when it started was he'll give me parenting

advice and like, will I take it? I don't know. And then it's kind of morphed into this thing where we talk about our lives and we talk about news and yeah, it's just, it's really fun. Don't let him scare you. Don't let Greg Fitzsimmons scare you. Take his stuff with a grain of salt. Take his stuff with a grain of salt. Take it with like a salt lick. Yeah, take it with a gin. You know what's surprising about Greg Fitzsimmons scare you. Take his stuff with a grain of salt. Take his stuff with a grain of salt. Take it with like a salt lick. Yeah, take it with a gin.

You know what's surprising about Greg Fitzsimmons is he is such a sensitive parent in the best way. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like he'll, you know, we do this segment called Highs and Lows. I don't know if you can figure out the concept behind the segment. We got you.

It's very high-minded. Right, sure. But Highs and Lows, and his lows, this one time his low was just that he had gotten into this disagreement with his daughter, and she wasn't talking to him for it. And this was a while ago. Everything's fine now. But he just was so leveled by this situation.

It was very, very sweet. He's a very thoughtful dude and always comes up with great comedy about it. So it's like, I'm sad when he's in bad situations but at the same time he is the guy you want writing the jokes about what he's in the middle of right there so that's childish and then the podcast and you can so get that wherever you wherever you get podcasts um also with childishpod.com and uh allison rosen is your new best friend great fantastic stuff that it's now on YouTube, on your YouTube page, right? Yes.

Yeah. So go to youtube.com slash Alison Rosen. You can see the Monday interviews there. So Alison Rosen is your new best friend. You guys have been on multiple times. Love it. So good. So fun.

And it comes out Mondays and Thursdays. And Mondays is a one-on-one with a notable guest. And then Thursday is a roundtable. Which is like some of the best people, like Tony Thaxton, I know. Yes, he's my producer now. And Renee is fabulous. Colbert, yeah. Yeah, lots of fun.

Lots of fun people on that show. And so in Mondays, I recently had Bobby Moynihan, Lorraine Newman, Phil Rosenthal. It's not only SNL people. Phil Rosenthal, Alexa Bliss, SNL people Phil Rosenthal Alexa Bliss the wrestler Melissa Gilbert all sorts of fun people great guests

great interview you are a great interview because you're a thoughtful sensitive person yourself and so happy that you're on this show because we get to literally dissect the dumb

we have a second story shall we jump into it let's do it this is sent in by ghosts ghost something I keep wanting to say ghosts, um thing, ghost, something, ghost, something. Here we go, right, fun, little headline. I'm going to read it to you. Okay, curvaceous, mermaid, mural on mayor's home sounds like I'm

reading you a riddle. Yeah, curvaceous, Sounds like I'm reading you a riddle. Yeah, curvaceous mermaid. Yeah, curvaceous mermaid mural on mayor's home stirs trouble in small North Carolina town. That is a big headline because there's a nipple showing somewhere. You know, there's like get to see it. So curvaceous depicting a curvaceous and scantily clad mermaid is causing trouble for the newly elected mayor of a North Carolina beach town.

Well, if she's if she's under the age of seventeen, it's got to be related to Maddie Gates. Yeah, garbage town. Yeah, the painting in question is on the side of Oak Island Mayor Ken Thomas's home and some say Thomas is the most nondescript. It's like a person. Ken thomas is in wit sec a hundred percent. He's on running from something. Yeah, some say he quote incited in citizens by making the seemingly innocent mistake of asking people what they thought of the mural. That's it.

Yeah, don't say it. Don't say it. Don't even give people a forum. That's why he got it, though, Ran. You're the man. Right, Allison? He got it. Have they not heard of social media? Like, whether you ask or not,

you're going to find out what people think. He asked. But you're exactly right. What do you think they're going to tell you? Right. They're going to tell you. But don't open the door. We think that mermaid is a slut.

Like, you're going to hear that. Don't ask a question that you don't know what you're going to hear that right don't ask a question that you don't know what you're going to get the answer to one of my favorite jokes of all time it was a tweet by morgan murphy that said before twitter i didn't know that all my jokes had answers it's so true thanks to the other side of it wanted people to know ready here we go this is the post this is from like a year ago but i just love this. This is the post. This is from like a year ago, but I just love this story. This is the post from Ken Thomas on Facebook. Of course quote isn't she

beautiful? No, I had this done long before I intended to run for office, and while I'm sorry, it may offend some people. Art is a tent intended to be beautiful and thought provoking. Okay, while I'm while I'm sorry, it may offend some people is like, okay, what I'm trying to get out in front of something.

You're the mayor. I'm blaming you for being offended. He's like a real Mr. Limpet or something. Go on. It's Mr. Limpet. Good pull. I'm sorry if this offends you. That's like the worst thing.

Sorry if you can't handle my painting. It's like, no. My art. Right. And is art painted on the side of a house featuring a mermaid? I'm sorry to anyone i offend there's some banksies but yeah okay good he concluded his post which appeared on an official town facebook page so he did this from the official mayor's that's your mistake buddy

now the taxpayers are involved asking people to message him with any concerns they had over the painting you're inviting it in you dipshit. You're inviting them in. This is like a Facebook suicide mission. You are like, hey, here's something that some people could have religious and societal beliefs about. What do y'all think?

By the way, I'm the mayor. There's some coyotes in the yard. Should we let them in? Yes. Open both doors and let them in? What should Open both doors and let them in? What should I feed them? Yeah, let's leave a couple little dogs near the front so that those coyotes

can come right in. I was thinking about throwing some just loaves of bread in the meadow for the pigeons. I'm just going to go check on nextdoor.com and see what people think about it there.

No! Don't. Don't. I was thinking of leaving pools of standing water in my yard. What do you think? What do you think?

Is that cool? I'm going to check again nextdoor.com and see what people think. Thinking of not mowing anymore. What do you guys think? Your body? I'm going to show you guys the photo. And I've never seen a mural that looked more like a tattoo. Ready for this?

Oh, my God. Wow. Look at this. Okay. So this mural. Her butt is in my face. Her. Look at this. Okay, so this mural. Her butt is in my face. Her butt is a butt.

I mean, that is a ass, but that's not even a butt. Do you want to talk about she has a starfish over her nipple? She got a starfish over nipple like a pasty. Yes. Her butt outline can be seen. So other than Connie Britton, great hair. Her hair is great. Great hair. Her hair's great. Great hair. Her hair's great. Doesn't it look like a tattoo?

Yeah. I feel like with a mermaid, the minimum is great hair. Yeah, of course. You're right. Hair's got to do a lot more than just sit there. But it does kind of look, the way it's sort of like airbrushed on, it looks like she might have like driven off like a cliff.

Like this is like the t-shirt that was made for her because she like accidentally drove off. Right before she found one Louise. Yeah, but like her family made t-shirts for the barbecue. Oh, you're saying she's a dead rapper? Yeah. Okay, all right, fine. Her nickname's Little Puppet.

All right, fine. Okay, I will say this though. Little Mermaid. If you want it. Little Mermaid. Little Mermaid is the rapper. If you want it little little little little mermaid is the rapper if you want it if you're the person who wants a sexy mermaid painted on the side of your barn or house you fucking love this you love this so much this is exactly what you want and you like to tell

people how realistic the anchor is. Oh, that's a realistic anchor. People come to your house the first time when they get out of the car, you're already in the driveway and you go, did you see it? Did you see it when you pulled in? Come on, come over here. You're going to love it. Well, I don't know if you'll love it, but I love it. Come here.

That's a realistic anchor right there. Look at her. Debbie didn't love it. And so she left. Look at her. Look at her. Look at you. Look at her. Debbie didn't love it, and so she left. Look at her. Look at her looking at you. Look at her. Yeah, she follows you. Move. She'll follow you.

She follows you. I mean, that is. There's seaweed hanging off the anchor. Like, it is a great t-shirt or tattoo. This is a Moana. It's Hoana. Hoana. There you go.

Can we talk about her? A badonkadonk is a butt, right? Yes. Let's talk about this bodacious butt. It is a great ass. I was not expecting this because up until we saw this, my feeling is most mermaids

are pervy and scantily clad. So that's what you get. The person who's into a mermaid is a guy who wants a woman that doesn't talk and doesn't have legs. Right. Who just can't get away and can't tell you stuff.

But you're on to something, Allison, because you usually don't get the butt with a mermaid. You can't have anal sex with a mermaid, but this one you can. You can, right. I mean, as long as you guys are both, it's a lot of trust and breathing. This feels- There's so much. This is so scantily. I mean, so her butt, it's like a very human- It's two basketballs.

It's a human butt. Yes. And then the, is that supposed to be her tail? Yes. That's like pointed on. Her tail isn't swinging down yet. I mean, it's just- It's swinging down the anchor.

It's also very narrow. It's a very narrow tail. She also feels like she's just constantly being lifted out of the water by anchor. Like she finds an anchor and she's like, when it starts to go up, that's when it's time for me to, that's when the action starts. Let's dig into this social media post. What has followed? She probably has a vagina. I'm sure.

Yeah. I'm sure. That's on the inside of the house. What has followed? What has followed? It's a pocket door is an ongoing debate over whether the mermaid qualifies as great art or just plain sexist, undignified and or inappropriate for the side of a city leader's home. Oak Island. What's wrong with being sexy? Oak Island is a town of about how

many people? How many people do you think in this town? Or how many people live in this town that are pissed? Allison, what do you think? Love it. Oak Island. If you're the mayor, what kind of town would have a mayor with a sexy mermaid on a divorced

mayor with a sexy? There's no legally separated legally. How much? 600? I can't believe you said 56. Ially separated. Legally separated. How much? $600? $5,600. I can't believe you said $5,600. I was going to say $5,400. Do I just keep it at $5,400? Yes, keep it there. Fine.

$5,400 is what came to my mind. 12,000 people. It's a town of about 8,000 people. Allison! You guys. On the intercoastal waterway. Quote. Ready?

This is from Gina B, who responded to the mayor's Facebook post. If you're looking for a Vegas type environment, he started the ball rolling. What the hell does that have to do? Now there is a great yes. I've never I'm Gina B. Never been to Vegas.

P. S. It is landlocked. Vegas has nothing to do with the P. S. P. P. S. It's there is no phrase started the

ball rolling, got the ball rolling. That's a fair start. The ball is wrong. You know what? When I got over to Greg's the other night, we really we watch the ball rolling. Yeah, we really establish the ball rolling. You got to push that ball to start rolling. Now look, there is a great mermaid bar out just outside of Vegas that is mermaids swimming. You can see it from the bar. They swim around while you're in there having a sure very cool spot great. Oh, I think I've heard what about my men for the ladies Kimbo, just Eugene Merman, Kim Baldwin,

that's not she never went back to basing her Kim Baldwin wrote. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. It speaks volumes to the type of dude you really are. She tried to be so- I feel like she could- I would have not to punch up her post, but it should be, they say a picture, they say volumes,

which is you say it speaks- It starts volumes to the type of dude. It starts volumes. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but that ass is the Britannica encyclopedia. There you go. No, no, no, no. It speaks volumes.

It's not it speaks volumes to. It speaks volumes about or of. It speaks volumes of or speaks volumes about. It doesn't speak to. It doesn't speak volumes to it. Who thought that people commenting on a mayor page about a naked half-naked mermaid on facebook would have trouble with the phraseology honey your daughter needs your help that i'm making a comment here on this page well she's

choking on she's choking on something in the other room you want to go in there no i'm making the comment allison what were you gonna say for real what do we think this what's his name ken ken thomas jennings what is ken thomas like because i don't guy i don't picture him as like a cool rockabilly dude who likes tats like i picture a real old guy creepy guy maybe he's young and creepy he owes a lot of people some money he loves tampa um insert bill craft who you know owns his own business. I don't know what it is. He says craft here. He just wrote. Is this the new image for Oak Island? Yes, Bill yeah, they'll sit down. Some also suggested that the post itself quote was not a very mayoral post. I have to agree with this. What put it

on your personal page? Yes, don't put it on the official page. They put it on the official town Facebook page and showed a lack of priority. Thomas was elected in November and sworn in on 2017. Quote, it will incite the people who did not vote for you and cause the ones who did to defend and argue with the others. Yeah, this is a microcosm of our whole. It's a divider. This is like a lightning rod. That was from Becky Haller.

Real red hat. Speaking of lightning rod, heider this is like a lightning rod that was from becky holler real red hat speaking of lightning rod he'd like to put the lightning rod right up there becky holler said that and then also said why would you post something that that very obviously will cause a divisive argument thomas those are the guys who support him has had the

mural on his oak island drive house since twenty eighteen and he doesn't believe it's sexist. The Wilmington Star News reports all art can't appeal to all people. That's true. He's right about that. This art appeals to me to no one. I know that's all I

can tell you guys. I hate it. Yeah, I think of myself as someone who's like very art and sex positive, but turns out this is where I draw the line. That's right. Mermaid ass.

I don't like it. I don't like it at all. It makes me uncomfortable. I personally, and I've been going on about this on my show. It's become my new thing. Get in. Thong underwear, I find it to be very uncomfortable. I don't think underwear should take three weeks

to get used to and I've had people call in and there's a lot of you know I've got people writing in pro and con some people love them right some men and women

love a thong they do they like wearing it Cisco they do I feel like that's Stockholm Syndrome but they claim

they like it they claim that other you know the underwear is just going to end up there anyway so why not just start there it is a wedge issue.

It is a wedge issue. I say it. It's a wedgie issue. I remove it all. Go no underwear. Yeah, I mean, it's better than stringing your ass. But when I see her butt, I feel like I have a wedgie. It makes you feel like you have a wedgie.

Yes. It's creased. It feels like her jeans are painted on. He said this art appeals to me. Maybe it isn't for Alison Rosen, but it's for me. I cannot believe he said that. Some people have agreed on Facebook saying they that

they not only like the mural, but think it qualifies as a beautiful painting. Holly Devino says I like that you're taking a stand and not changing for no one. See that just shut up. He not changing for no one. So technically you're taking a stand and not changing for no one oh see that just shut up he not changing for no one so technically you're changing for everyone okay double negative you dumb stupid idiots still others found humor in the idea that ken thomas ran on a promise of

transparency transparency and is now defending a mermaid wearing close to nothing this is from steve apple it'd be great if it was a man transitioning into a mermaid. He ran on transparency, and now he's winning on transgendersy. Steve Apple wrote, All I can say is campaign promise made, campaign promise kept. That painting is very transparent and no cover up here. Steve, stop doing that. Oh, God.

Steve, no cover. No one thinks you're funny. Nobody. Peter Adelfio. i love all the feel perhaps it would have been better to have something done that you could hang in your home beauty and decorum after all is in the eye of the beholder just saying but then how do you brag on it just saying by the way that's one of my favorites just saying just saying i'm not saying i believe in the q and on stuff but like some of this stuff look at it i'm not saying I believe in the QAnon stuff, but some of this stuff, look at it.

I'm just saying. I mean, it behaves like a man-made virus. Just saying. Just saying. Everyone's got a UFO inside them. Just saying. Just saying. Oh, that's it for storytelling. Oh, my God.

Get it done. Look, here's how I'm going to put a final, finer point on this thing, and that is you can have it on your house. You can be the mayor and have that ugly ass piece of shit on your house. And you can post about it on your personal site. That's fine. Just don't.

Especially if you had it up before you got elected. The second you put it on the official page. And you ask for people to give their opinions. Now we get to weigh in on it. Now you've invited that. And you can't be mad that a bunch of people think it looks like the trashy person that you are. All right, let's take a break. Dan, when we come back, can you give us just a little teaser of what we're going to see?

Oh, yeah. Somebody got robbed and then said, mm-mm. Okay, someone got robbed and said, mm-mm. All right, on the other side of this break, Alison Rosen. And for our Patreon fans, we have a little chat with her. So don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound.

For more Dumb People Town. All right, guys. You know what time it is. It's time to shout out some of our Patreon fans. We love you guys so much and this is so much fun for us. So Dan, let's get it going.

Ready? Yep. If we have an author as a townie, it's this person claire taylor i love all of her children's books oh my god i thought they were like murder mysteries but it could be for children yes she's the she's the rl stein of children she's the george rrl stein uh joel khan joel and joel and ethan khan joel and ethan khan brothers i love all their movies uh joe white joe white joe white is so white Joel Kahn Joel and Ethan Kahn Joel and Ethan Kahn I love the Kahn brothers I love all their movies Joe White

Joe White Joe White is so white How white is he? He's so white He's a position receiver On the New England Patriots That is white Scott Williams

Which definitely sounds like Like a Like a Like a toiletries company Scott Williams But like he's got a nickname Or a floor cleaner He's got a nickname

That we don't know Like Like Scott Boogie Williams Yes It's like he's got a nickname. He's got a nickname that we don't know. Like Scott Boogie Williams. It's like, what's up, Boogie? Little Scotty Williams. You can take the fits out of the townie, but you can't take the townie out of the fits because our next person is Ryan Patrick.

He has to get that, right? Yeah, where's the Fitz Patrick? Matt McMurphy. Matt McMurphy. Matt Guitar McMurphy. Matt Guitar McMurphy. The next person is a founding mother slash father, a founding

parent of this town. That means so much to you. Oh my God. Matt, you're a true local. The next person is a true local, but this person is a founding mother father and that is, how do you say, Hasenpai? Yeah, Hasenpai. I love it. Thank you. Thank you for being there. Hasenpai. Yeah, that's a cool name. Beautiful name. And then the next Thank you. Thank you for being there. Sinpai. Yeah.

That's a cool name. Beautiful name. And then the next one, as I said, it's a true local. Daniel Lehman. Put it in Lehman's terms. I'll put it in Daniel Lehman's terms. Oh, here's somebody. They come out to all of our shows and support so much of what we do.

They're hanging in Chicago. Roseanne Bishop. Roseanne Bishop. Roseanne Bishop. Bishop to pawn four. It's Roseanne Bishop, guys. Roseanne Bishop. Andrew Morris pawn four. It's Roseanne Bishop, guys. Roseanne Bishop. Andrew Morris. Thank you, Andrew. Andrew Morris.

Andrew Mount Morris. Andrew Morris is the Brad Morris of Andrew Morris's. Dan Becker. Dan Becker. Dan Becker. It just sounds like a... Pillar of the community. Steve. Just plain Steve.

I know. Steve. It's, Steve. Just plain Steve. I know. I know. Steve, it's for you. Steve-o. Guys, the next townie, Mike Huddleston. Mike Huddleston, a.k.a. Huddletron, a.k.a. the original Zeeland, a.k.a. Old Zeeland, a.k.a. the a.k.a. guy, a.k.a. the O.Z. a.k.a. M.H. Huff and stuff. He is, he's from New Zealand. He comes and he hangs out pre and post show

on all of our podcasts. He delivers voicemails sometimes when we do the stereos, which are so great. And he writes all the AKAs. And he incorporates other fans of the show. He's like the biggest, one of the best people out there. Thank you, HuddleTrum. True local.

Next up, Rachel Faden. Faden? Faden. I hope it's Faden. I hope, who up, Rachel Faden. Faden? Faden. I hope it's Faden. Who's on the cover of Rachel Faden? Faden 2021. Yeah, I love it. Faden 2021.

It's a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing and a curse. That's right. Megan Ordway, which is a perfect combination of O'Hare Airport and Midway because O'Hare's call sign is R-D. And Midway. Where are we flying out of? Are we flying out of Ordway?

She is the combination of flying in and out of Chicago. No, you know what she is? Megan Ordway. Where are we flying out of? Are we flying out of Ordway? She is the combination of flying in and out of Chicago. No, you know what she is? Megan Ordway. She gives you big airport access with small airport appeal. It's Megan Ordway. Michael Ordway. A Downey, James Schell.

James Schell. Hey, dude, I love playing the James Schell game. Megan Ordway, by the way, and Rachel Fadden, both true locals. Thank you, guys. Lauren Paul. She is so sick of her brothers, Logan and Missy. I know. Jake and

Logan. Jake, Logan, and Lauren Paul. Lauren is the only sensible Paul of them all, including Rand Paul. Another townie, Ashley Corotis. Corotis. Corotis. Where would you go on that? Corotis. Corotis. Corotis. Her Corotis artery. Yes. Yes. Heather Grant.

Heather Grant, True local. Heather Grant sounds like two people who are dating, and their relationship is going great. Heather and Grant. Heather and Grant. Heather and Grant. They're at the party. They came. Heather and Grant came together.

Next up, we have Anna Stubbs. Anna Stubbs. I love her barbecue sauce. You do? Her barbecue sauce is great because she makes it sweet, but I don't care. Surbear. Surbear. Surbear. Surbear. Surbear.

Surbear. Surbear. Isn't that what you eat after dinner? That's a sorbet. That's a sorbet. Surbear. Surbear is the name sheet palate cleanser. Amy Kaplan's been around for a long time, too.

Pillar. Pillar Amy. Townie. John Dale. John Dale. John Dale sounds like a private eye. John Dale, private eye. I'll hit a golf ball out of a hooter's latress' mouth. I'll do that. I'll hit it over a mountain. I'm John Dale. John Dale sounds like a private eye. John Dale, private eye. I'll hit a golf ball out of a Hooters waitress' mouth.

I'll do that. I'll hit it over a mountain. I'm John Dale. And they have one more. The man who builds everything with his own hands and wood, Scott Carpenter. Scott Carpenter. Instead of Jesus Campos. If I were Scott Carpenter, but then again.

Wait, is that what it was? No, if I were a carpenter. What is the song, guys? I don't know. I can't remember. But then again. No, now we're combining Elton John and the other song. If I were a carpenter, but is the song? I don't know. I can't remember. Then again, no. Now we're combining Elton John and the other song. If I were a carpenter,

then again, Scott. What is the song if I were a Scott carpenter? If I were a Scott carpenter. Somebody will tell me. Anyway, there you go. All right, guys. Thank you so much. Thank you to all of you for supporting what we do. We're trying to support you with laughter. It's a trade-off. And we're happy to be in business with you guys. Let's get back into the show.

And Dan, let's take us home. Take us us home brother. Okay, here we go. Ready? Yes, sent in by John Chataway at away Chataway Chataway. I know second time or third time for so good. He's killing some good ones. Dyersburg, not a place I ever knew existed, but I love saying it's right next to Lynchburg, right Dyersburg. Do you want to guess what state Dyersburg is in? Yeah, it'll make sense when you what do you hear? What does it feel like Dyersburg? What do you think it is? When I give it to you, you're going to be a

D Y E R S B U R G, which Dyer Dyersburg. It feels like this is a new main people town game main main. She says Maine. I say Pennsylvania. So say it all together.

Dyersburg, Pennsylvania. Dyersburg, Pennsylvania. Also, Dyersburg also could be a form of lettuce. Honey, get that Dyersburg lettuce. Dyersburg, Virginia. Dyersburg, Virginia. They all sound right. But when I say it, you're going to be like,

it does work. Dyersburg, Tennessee. There you go. Doesn't it feel like it? Smoky Mountain. It does feel like it. Dyersburg, Tennessee, there you go, smokey does feel like Tennessee, so the chatted in sure okay, Dyersburg store clerk tries to turn the tables on shoplifter and gets arrested. The clerk got arrested. Yes, no, Dyersburg, Tennessee table, how police say a man who shoplifted at a

diersburg convenience store turned himself in after store owners chased him and then robbed him on Tuesday night. Oh, the old dipsy, don't go literally the golden rule. Did I'm gonna say this is the diersburg shuffle, so I so last night dan I my son has an abscess in his tooth and so last night, he's so bumming, but we went to the drugstore late last night, me and him. And we walked in and he

was like, what if I just took this and left? He's like, what would happen to me if I took this and we didn't pay for this? I'm glad he's asking you. And he asked me and I was like, what did he take? Like a candy, just a little or it wasn't candy it was uh because recently we found out your daughter also steals things she did take something my

mistake but cheese it like a cheese it thing and he was like what if i just took this and i was like well you could get caught and that's against the law. And I mean, they could do bad things to you or they could take you to jail. I don't know. I started like trying to like really make it bad. And he's like, well, why is it such a big deal? Why wouldn't they just ask for it back or tell me to pay for it?

And I was like, because if they make it like a low, you know, threshold and low punishment, then everyone would do it all the time. So like the punishment in this case has to be greater than the crime. And we got into a deep philosophical. That's great. How great is this that your son right is because I went

through a stage where we stole stuff from the story. I was been junior high like Pringles and candy like that and but your son has a relationship with you to be. He's like kind of like seeing the world for more than just the stuff he's been raised by in front of and he's trying to figure out his new parameters in life and cause and effect and he's willing to like you have this to look forward to it like dad what happens if i take this and i was like and he's like well how would they know i'm like well they have cameras and i'm like he's like do they put something on the thing so that it tracks you when you leave you should have been like yes i was like some on they don't know which products they put away. Great, great. That's a good answer.

So you never know. There might be a tracking cheese in the bag. Right. Track roulette. Tracking roulette. Where were you guys at? We were at Rite Aid on Sunset. And I was like, you could get one that doesn't have it,

and you'd be clear, and no one ever knows anything. Or you could get one that has it, and then the police come. And so I'm like making shit up. But it was a fascinating conversation and I was like, he's like, why is this such a big deal? And I'm like,

well, you know, Rite Aid, these people don't own, the people in Rite Aid don't own Rite Aid, but if it was a small store and you'd be taking them from there. This is what I did with my nephew.

I was like, see this person? They get paid to be here. They can hire people because of how well the store does if people take things the store loses money and then this guy who doesn't own the store but he loses his job and now he can't buy the thing that you stole because he doesn't have a good allison we're we're teeing this up for you and your boys when they start stealing five years

i'm gonna steal this from you guys. Jason, I think he was inviting you in on the grift. He was feeling you out. He wanted you to be in on the grift. I didn't want to tell him that I had swiped like two Cadbury eggs, but he didn't need to know that. Did you tell him the Israel story? Oh, I haven't yet. No.

Now you have to. So I will. So when we were in Israel randy and i at a super soul would just when we would go shopping we would take a start the shopping trip by grabbing a like a bag full of bulk food and then eat it on the way as you're shopping around the store and then you go to weigh the food it's like way less and i didn't realize that it's israel where they have like the musad which is like the highest level, like, you know, secret service.

So when those guys don't like, and we're in the Mossad, they ended up working for the super soul and this fat little dude in the back. So I go around the store doing what I do every single week when I'm shopping around the store and I'm walking towards the front. And all of a sudden someone starts kicking my heels and I turn around and I'm like,

what the, what are you doing? Fucking asshole. And he's like's like come with me and he grabs me by the shirt and takes me into this back room and he's like we know you've been stealing from this place and you're gonna be in big trouble you're gonna get sent back to wherever you're from and were you teens or is this like recently 20 20 20 okay I was freaking out. I was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I'm like, I'm a poor student. And I know that's not an excuse, but like, I don't have a lot of money and da da da. I just started like spinning some huge yarn about how I was going to go hungry or some whole thing. And, and by the end, I got him a little on my side enough to where he was like, you don't come in here anymore. Do not shop in here.

So I had to shop at a different. This was like right at the edge of where our dorms were in Tel Aviv University. I had to go to another place and like take the bus back with groceries. Tell this story to Liet. I should. I hope those yogurt covered raisins were worth it. Right. Whatever they was.

They probably were. These two love snacks. I think it was totally. All the way. All the way it was worth it.. It was more about this. Yes, police said that siren young flagged down officers around nine p.m. and told them he had been held up after taking a pack of cigarettes from the H and S market on South Maine. It's great just in Tennessee. The cigarettes are just out. I guess like where is the last time you've been where they weren't like behind yeah, a counter on the thing yeah that's true. He stole cigarettes

from H and S market on South Maine young told officers the owner of the market, Odi Sulaiman and a seventeen year old chased after him in a vehicle on Cedar Street, grabbed him and took the cigarettes along with his cell phone and debit card. There we go. This is the golden rule. It is. You're being treated the way you treated others. How do you like it now?

Yes. How do you like it? I'm kind of on their side. Me too. I'm 100% on their side. I think what they're doing is they're trying to deter. Like, go tell your friends that we're not going to put up with this. Right.

But you can't call them because we have your cell phone. Police said they recovered young's property at the H and S market and they Wednesday. We talked to someone at H and S market who said he was the person who was arrested, but that he was the owner's son, not the owner of the store. He said he had no comment about what that is a dad telling him when they come in here. You don't say anything. You don't say anything, Suleiman and the seventeen year old or charged with aggravated robbery. Young was given a misdemeanor citation for theft and allowed to leave

the scene, but just to me that quick little third story of a guy who oh I will. I have a guess for you, the guy who just says like I'm going to steal this. It's just a pack of cigarettes and then what's the worst held up an hour later and his own stuff gets stolen see and then he's like I'm going to steal this. It's just a pack of cigarettes. But then he gets held up an hour later, and his own stuff gets stolen. See? And then he's like, I'm going to tell the cops that I stole from these guys, and then they stole from me.

I don't think those guys should have, you know, like, I think they should get. No, I don't either. Right? They shouldn't. I don't think they should be charged. They should give the debit card and the phone over to the cops, and the cops say, you stole this.

You have to work community service to get it back. How old, just close it out, is Odi Suleiman? The owner of the store. The owner of the market who went after this other guy. All right, Allison, what do you think?

Let me see you're on. Now, he's the son though? No, he's the owner. The dad. He owns the market. Odi Suleiman. And they did not indicate that the 17-year-old

that was arrested with him was his son. So we don't know how. Okay. So how old is this we don't know how. Okay. So how old is this guy? He's 51. 51. God damn it, Allison.

I'm right around the ballpark. I said 50. I say 53. Okay. 60. All right. We will close out this wonderful episode with Allison Rosen. Check out her podcasts.

Follow her on Twitter. Follow her on Instagram. Watch the YouTube videos. Yes. Comment, like, smash that subscribe. I will tell you that the owner of H and S market Odi Suleiman Odi is twenty five years. Oh my God, wait a minute. He has a seventeen year old son was arrested with him. They did not say that was his son.

Probably his buddy. Got it. Wow, dude. Yes. That's amazing. There you go. He's an entrepreneur. The entrepreneur.

That's how we do it. Allison Rosen, you're the best. Thank you for doing this. We really appreciate you. I loved being on the show. Thank you so much. It's so great to see you guys. You too.

Likewise. And to all our fans, we love you guys. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Hung it down. It's Dumb People Town.