Dumb People Town - Amy Miller - Chest Deep In A Creek

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

This week Amy Miller comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about the worst surprise you can get from your parents. The second story is a classic creek story. The final story is one big accident.For a limited time, Brooklinen is offering a free gift with purchase. If you miss out, you can use promo code DUMB anytime for $20 off of your purchase of $100+ at Brooklinen.com. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Dumb People Town listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/DPT. Grow your business with Shopify today, go to shopify.com/dpt, ALL LOWERCASE, for a FREE fourteen-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features.

Star Pains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Town. Town. You just gotta go. You just gotta go. You just gotta barrel right through it. You just gotta go. Listen, we're all in separate places, but we all love each other very dearly.

And Population U. Yeah, we're in our hearts. Population U. Actually, it's Population Miller. Amy Miller! Oh, Amy Miller. Hi. We love you.

Hi, Amy Miller, one of our favorite people in the entire world. Hello, my Miller. We love you. Hi, Amy Miller, one of our favorite people in the entire world. Let alone comedy. I miss you guys. I miss you too. We're so happy to see you. You're one of those people, Amy, when I ever see you at an improv comedy function or improv.

No, we don't fight. No, we corner each other and then everybody else is like gone you're like it's just us and like the rest of the bar goes away and i can sit and talk to you and people don't know right yeah it's awkward we're talking about comedy beefs what's wrong with that hi dan hi dan nothing hi i love how much grief am Amy gives Dan on a regular basis. That brings me joy.

Oh, you don't even know the half of it. Oh, come on. I don't know half the beef. I don't even see it. The grief? By the way, that could be a new album. Beef and grief. Beef and grief with Amy Miller.

I'm ready to go. Let's put that podcast out. It's like the surf and turf of comedy. Beef and Grief. Excuse me, I ordered the Beef and Grief extra rare, extra raw, because it's coming in hot. Always raw. Oh, yeah. So we have,

Amy, you have a new album coming out, a new special, which we will get into. Don't talk about it right now. Honestly, both things, Jason. Both things. I'm not kidding. We're going to get into it right now honestly both things jason both things yeah i'm not kidding we're gonna get into both yeah let's not talk about it now because we've got dumbness to attack in the world as it as it states the world's getting dumber daniel van kirk we get great stories sent to us by our fans we always do jump in you want to do it you want to do it let's do it okay

let's do it this was sent in by sar Sarah Dunn at Dunn People Town. Yay! We love her. It's our Irish connection. The Irish Spring. For sure. Here's the headline. Soldier flies home to surprise his parents, walks in on them having sex. That's beautiful.

Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree. Those things always get me. Like, if ever I see a video of, like, there are three videos that just get me every time for different reasons. But, like, a kid who's hearing for the first time, like, in front of their parents, that just gets me every time. Then that one. Kid who doesn't know that dad or mom is back from deployment. From behind.

Yes. Gets me every time. And then in a very different way, they're like two young African American teenagers who are listening to rock music from the seventies for the first time and how much they love it. I'm like. So specific. Yeah.

They have an account. And they're at war, which is even more touching. Yes. There you go. What about the soldier seeing his dog again for the first time in years? That's the best one. Solid. I know.

It's good. And the dog starts. The dog starts. The dog starts. And they just get right on their backs. They're so happy. And they start pumping the leg uncontrollably. And you're like, hey, you didn't do this before.

Just like this couple did when their son came home so this guy this guy walks in he walks in on his dad being cucked i'm joking hey what if uh a young man a young man is this is my pornhub category by the way this is your search soldiers returning home from war to whatever situation. To Cuck's situation. No, but it's one thing to walk into your parents, in on your parents. Purple hearts, yellow moons. It's one thing to walk in on your parents. It's another thing to learn what they're into. That's a whole other. A whole other deal.

And what they're inside of. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Either way. I didn't know you guys had a whip. Or in my case, there's my whip. You said it was stolen. I bought that at the flea market.

A young man serving in the U.S. military was excited to return home and surprise his parents after being overseas. But he got a surprise of his own when he unintentionally barged in on them having sex. Joseph Pena from Colorado was stationed in Germany for how long, how long do you guys think this guy had been away? And now he gets to see mom and dad and he sees all of mom and dad. I'm going to say not long enough. Should have been one month longer. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say you've been gone one month.

I got 12 years. You don't think he's seen his family in 12 years, Amy? It's Germany. He's stationed in Germany. Like, you know. He's hanging out. Yeah, he's basically just hanging out. I mean, shout out to the troops. Shout out to the German troops.

Some of them are just hanging out. I'm going to say four years. Four years. Four more years. I'm going to do it in, to me, I think pretentious people with little kids and servicemen and women use the same unit of measure

to describe how long they've been. So I'm going to say 27 months. I thought you were going to say this many. Right here. So you're going two years, three months. No, Dan, I said 27 months, and you know that's what it is.

Okay, ready? He had been gone for He had been gone for two and a half years. Oh, man, that was close. So 30 months. He'd been gone for 30 months. Jeez.

Also, if you're 20 and your parents have been together since you've been born and they're still getting it from each other on the reg, God bless it. You should be so happy that you have loving parents that are still into each other's weirdness. Hopefully they're excited. He was recently placed on R and R that's rest and recuperation. He booked a flight home to see his mother and father, but Joseph saw a lot more than he bargained for when he let himself into their house and opened their bedroom door finding his mom uh

katie pena and dad richard pena making love on the other side so damn wait wait i i need to know march into the house they weren't having couch sex he barged into their bedroom so that's number one number two who what is the news outlet that is covering this is this this the New York Times? I need to know. You already know. It's the Daily Mail. Okay. UK. UK. Yeah, yeah, of course. Dailymail.co.uk. So, Dan, you're right.

That's a great point. He didn't, you know, he didn't wander into their, like, you know, basement. No. Not even in the living room. Even the backyard. No.

This was just my, I mean, this is a much different situation if this is happening, like, at home plate of their local baseball stadium. Right? It's a much, situation if this is happening like at home plate of their local baseball stadium right? they're doing it for their country they're trying to make another soldier

you have to tell the Mexico story you have to have to have to have to it's relevant in this what Mexico story? when you went to the El Encanto hotel did you walk in on y'all's parents having no this is so much better mexico sexico sexico so i'm with my wife and we're down there for our i think it's

our second daughter when she was pregnant with our second daughter i took her away on the last trip she could travel before we're like our lives are going to be over and they were and then it got better it's good to fly at nine months i think that's what i've heard she was like six months whatever anyway so we go and we go down to playa del carmen we stay at this really nice place and it's like kind of very natural in the trees and all this you know everything is like kind of beautifully spoken with It's like the poetry of the sea is called Elmar, but it's like all, it's hard to tell what room is what room is just what I'm saying,

because it's not well-marked at all. So my wife is like, can you go get me something in the middle of the night? And I was like, sure. I go up to the front desk and I asked for like another pillow, a long pillow or something like that. Whatever.

I go up there and I come back and it's dark at night. And I walk back into a room what i think is our room i like you know you're like i don't even know how to count how many there are before we get this like it was either six or seven it wasn't even like one or two it was like six or seven rooms from the front and i think it's the room and i go in and the door's a little open and i open up the door and there are two people just banging. I mean, going at it. Just railing it out.

This is how long I stood in the doorway. And was your wife having a good time? Thank you. And scene. Yikes. Here's how long I stood in the doorway. Honey, this isn't our room. She's like, oh, I must have made the same mistake.

No, it is. It's very confusing. She's pregnant, goddammit. I literally stood there for a second. I was like, this is what's very confusing she's pregnant god damn it no so i was like i literally stood there for a second i was like that dark this is what's going on my brain that dark-haired woman isn't my wife what that guy isn't why is that guy having sex with that woman in our room oh shit this isn't our room and i like went out so i was literally in the doorway that long and then yes i couldn't tell if they saw me or recognized me or whatever so for the rest of

the trip my wife and i were trying to figure out who was giving us the coldest shoulder to see who actually did any of them see me but it was so i'm pretty sure they saw you randy yeah yeah they definitely know when someone walks into your hotel room i'll tell you that clutching a long pillow what i love is you know like when you say i you, like they saw the person on the inside. They saw me. For sure. All right, Dan, sorry. Side track.

For what? We all have steering wheels. Joseph's sister, Josephine, very creative on the names in this family, caught the mortifying moment on camera and shared it on social media where it has since gone viral. We are now going to watch this moment together. And then we'll post it on all the dumb people's town social media. Guys, if you're picturing a 20-year-old walking into the door and seeing his parents having sex, but the camera only stays on him, that's exactly what you're missing out on. These are the reaction shots.

Okay, ready? Yeah. It should work. Oh, my God. Okay, ready? Yeah. It should work. Oh my God. Okay. Going up the steps. She's, the person working the camera

is Josephine. She's having some heavy breathing. And by the way, if you're having sex and you're hearing the dog bark, you're like, come on, what's going on here? Here he goes.

He's going to open the door. Oh. The dog, the dog doesn't care. He said, it's a robbery. you just stole my innocence yeah the dog was trying to warn him honestly right right he told timmy something was going on in the well and he just didn't listen literally his mom's well dog is like i know even i noticed out of there dogs don't understand nuance right everything's either good or bad so this dog's like we're Literally. His mom's well. Dog is like, even I noticed that out of there.

Dogs don't understand nuance, right? Everything's either good or bad. So this dog's like, we're partying. You're here. Like, this is great. Oh, they're here too. We're all together again. They're doing that in the style that I do it.

The dog's like, even I know you fucked up on that one. I'm going to go out in the front yard and need some shit. And I was still a better person than you are. Yeah. I know you made a mistake. Don't make better choices. But yeah, ran. You're right.

He kicked the door open. He kicked the door open and he yelled, this is a robbery. Right. Okay. There's so many things wrong with this. First of all, don't barge into your parents' room.

Don't barge into anybody's room that they don't know you're already in their house and yell, this is a robbery like you're fucking Pulp Fiction. No. Yeah. That's exactly what he did. That's exactly it. Everybody get down. This is a robbery. I love you, honey bunny.

We were surprised and beyond embarrassed, Katie. Guys, I'm going to ask you. I can't play a charade. It's K-A-A-T-I. It's Katie, right? K-A-A-T-I. K-A-A-T-I's k-a-a-t-i it's katie right yeah it's katie i'm so happy amy i kind of like spelled a-m-y it's just d-a-m i just don't like to correct you guys okay uh. Coddy Pena and the dad, Richard, he sees them making love. They were surprised.

Coddy told cater's news about the incident. My husband and I were, quote, talking, which was our code for sex when the kids were little. And we were in the moment when the door got kicked open. She said I was speaking into her vagina. Okay, everybody. Just we were having a very said. I was speaking into her vagina. Okay, everybody, just. We were having a very short talk. And I was getting answers. Look, my son already knows this, but I was agape when he came walking in.

What? We had no clue that our son Joseph was coming home on his R&R, and he told his sister Josephine, the camera lady, that he wanted to to surprise us in the video. Joseph can be seen excitedly running up the stairs and barging into his parents' room without knocking. He didn't do that either. It's a robbery. He joked as he pushed open the door, but to his horror, his parents were both naked in bed together. As soon as he realized what they were doing, he covered his eyes and backed out of the room, but they're also skipping that. If we saw on in the video he then has a fun little dance with the dog and then he decides i need to go shut this door which is what he seems to be trying to do at the end of it i like that he was covid safe with

the mask though that's important yeah yeah i mean someone's got to tell this guy you can't put the lid back on the ark i mean once you take it off you're screwed no you can't he says he backed out of the room oh no no no he said and his mom screamed oh my god what she probably was already doing went before he even opened yeah i mean that could have been left that was a as we say in the writing business that was a remnant from an earlier script that was i screamed because i saw my son and of course realized he saw everything exposed I know me too

everything exposed I'm thinking she had to be reversed cowgirl otherwise things are generally covered right no one married is doing reverse cowgirl Daniel it's too much work they've been going at it for 20 years well what are they doing that's exposed?

It's like manually washing your dishes. It's like manually washing your dishes when you have a dishwasher. No one does that. I've never had a dishwasher. Husbands don't get pedicures enough. It's like the scenery's not good. You know, you're not, nobody's doing that. It's like riding a mechanical bull over 40. It's not.

Whatever they were doing, they were fully exposed after witnessing his parents in the intimate moment coddy said joseph was sco was quote scarred and decided to spend his military leave with his girlfriend in an attempt to avoid his mom and dad so now he's not even going to stay with them anymore he's not even going to stay in the same. I agree. That's an overcorrection. He re-enlisted but wanted to go to the front lines. Yeah, he re-upped right away. He's going to the Ukraine for no reason. We're not even there. I don't know if you can sign up for six tours in a row, but he did. Our poor son was scarred during his R&R and spent most of his time with his sister and his

girlfriend. He texted and called daily but but avoided coming over to the house, and we were okay with it because he needed to enjoy his R&R and not be scarred by what he saw. Joseph, Joseph, you're not coming? Your dad and I were both coming. Also, chill out. Chill out, Joseph. I know, so much scarred.

We get it. You like the word scarred. Kati, but also, chill out. I don't, I mean, chill out. Relax. I'm sorry don't i mean chill out who's laughing in the video the sister i guess she's got i hope it's the mom like i really i like to think that she just her first instinct was to start laughing in her son's face oh my god it's always good for the moment the greatest handsome laughter i'm sure he's trying his best to erase the visual memory of the incident but living with us will only remind him how eve and adam were conceived the whole conceived the whole world first of all who goes even adam i love it feminists i

love it thank god even adam that's what i say do you hey uh, do you want a jelly and peanut butter sandwich? Sure. Just like even Adam used to enjoy it. Isn't that the most weirdest sign ever? The most weird anti-woman pro man. It's Adam and Eve, not even Adam. Settle down, dude. You guys are robbing this place like Clyde and Bonnie.

Oh, the loud male feminists? No, we love them. They're always... No red flags. Not at all. None. Not at all. Clyde and Bonnie. He really turned on them. He was like... He was really a Mr. Hyde, Dr. Jekyll switch on them. He really turned on

his folks. Well, I mean, his sister and him broke in. They were a real Clyde and Bonnie situation. I'm going to get some butter and bread. I'll be right back. I got to sit in my car and listen to some Oats and Hall or else I don't know how I'm going to erase this. I really don't, Dan.

Since sharing the video online, Connie said they have received a lot of epic responses. Why would they share the video? The comments are on fire and most are roasting our son for not knocking to this day it is still being viewed and comments are still pouring in she said yeah that's how uh internet videos work all right that's story number one amazing perfect for the lovely amy miller and what a great opening story out of the gates we come back we will talk about Amy

Miller's new album and her new special that you all have to support and watch and she'll tell you how to do it uh this is Dumb People Town with Amy Miller don't go anywhere hey guys welcome back to the show. Amy Miller, one of our favorite comedians out there, someone we love to go on tour with, has a new special and, goddammit, it's about time, and an album. Tell people all about it. Where'd you film it? How can people consume it?

What's it called? All that great stuff. Oh, I filmed it at the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn, which was very fun i mean it's a comedy central half hour you know it's a it's a thing we all want to do um it's a huge goal to be on youtube which is nice nice you don't have to wait for them to show it one time at midnight on comedy central never understood. Never understood that in a digital world where people want to consume stuff

when they want to consume stuff. Yeah, it's called Ham Mouth. I don't know. I named it when I was in a COVID fever, haze. Sure. Truly. That's so funny. Yeah, and I also have an album coming out

around the same time. Beautiful. It's called California King. Also stupid. Is it different material or similar? There's a little bit overlapping, but not all of it. I mean, it's a whole album, so it's closer to an hour. Right on.

And then a half hour is, I did 46 minutes. Closer to 46 minutes. Nice. And they're putting it all up. Yeah, but it was so fun. It was loose. It was just a great night. Is the album from The Knitting Factory, too?

Or is that a different one? Oh, no, no, no. The album I recorded at the Punchline in San Francisco. Oh, the best. Great. My club home. And yeah, I mean, they're both fun, I think. I don't know.

I was just having a good time. Well, if it's any indication of what we've gotten to see on the road, and I'm sure some of it is the material you developed over the years that we've been performing with you, it's going to be killer. For any of our fans, you guys got to check this out. This is a great way to support Young Comics. Watch the YouTube thing. Leave a nice comment.

Let her know. And then find and download the the other album the album tracks so that she gets residuals that's how it works um and oh yeah it's all about money everybody well it's what we do it for it's about money but it's it's it's also about people i believe if we turn people on to just watch your stuff you got new fans so uh that goes without saying and uh daniel has some some dates he's already gotten into some live touring tell us what you're up to dan and how people can see so starting on the 5th of april i'm back on the road for the together again tour everything is at danielvankirk.com i'll uh starting on the 5th i'm

in albany and then i'm in Worcester, and then Boston, and then two nights in Philly. That's a Friday and Saturday night. I think that's the 8th and 9th. And then on the 10th, I'm in New York City. So go to danielvankirk.com to get all those. Where are you performing in New York, Dan? Stand Up New York, I think.

Nice. Nice. Wait. And when you go to Boston, are you going to visit the guy who saved the parking space? I don't know if I'll ever find him again. Wait? I don't know if I'll ever find him again. Wait. I don't know if I'll ever find him again. I don't know.

Who talked you back into a parking space? Don't tell. Don't tell. Don't tell. Don't tell. Don't tell. I'm such a good bit. No, I love a good tease. So, yeah, all that stuff's at DanielVanKirk.com.

And then, obviously, as everybody knows, I also do my digital shows. They're super fun. I took a page out of our friend Ian Carmel, those guys. And it's not recorded. It's not a podcast. But I get together and do draft nights. Like we drafted diners just like I did on All Fantasy Everything, which is really fun.

People should listen to that. So I do those. We do other sorts of games, bingos, raise money for animals, and all sorts of stuff. It's all at danielvanker.com. If you want to hang, go there. If you want to hang out with me, go there too. Love it.

What kind of animals? No-kill animal shelters across the country. So we raise money for those. No, no. Every animal except cats. Right, Dan? We don't support cats. Especially cats.

You crazy ass. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, it's all over the place. As we all know, I have six cats. So this is really offensive. I know. I'm with you.

Aim, uh, Sarah miles, who's a listener of a dumb people town and a huge fan come to so much of herself. You know, she has her own little foster like program. She started in her own house. She just moved on to Austin.

So sometimes people even donate to, uh, to her and they know that it's going straight to a person. He's taking care of Sarah's living my dream. That's so cool. You should go visit the cats next time you're in Austin. That's all my stuff.

What about you, boys? Go ahead, Ren. Jay, go ahead. You go. I'll take it. This is dropping empty today, so we're supposed to be in Cleveland this weekend. We'll be there to do

one of the best clubs in the country, Hilarities. Two shows Friday, two Saturday, only four shows. We're not doing St. Paddy's Day. We're only doing Friday and Saturday. So you only have four chances to see us. I think they're still at limited capacity,

so these may sell out. I just... I bet they do. We would love it. The buzz so far is that the tickets are selling. So please come see us there. You can come see us at Moon Tower with Daniel next month. How much fun is that going to be? It's the most fun ever.

I already have the stories picked. Oh, my God. One of our annual lives that we usually do at Sketch Fest, obviously we didn't get to do this year or last year, we will be doing live for the first time since 2019. What got stuck in our bodies in every single office. Hey, we'll find out. Can't wait.

It's really a joyous experience. So there's that. It's a romp. It's a romp, guys. It's a romp. It's a romp guys. It's a romp. And then we are in May. We're at the crocodile in Seattle and we are working on the nosebleeds right now,

which is the reboot of cheap seats for the UFC. And it is so much fun. I wish I want your fix of cheap seat stuff. You can join our patron patron.com slash club brothers for new episodes of cheap seats, cheaper seats every month, but nosebleeds is going to be a blast. Now let's talk about Amy Miller.

Yeah, we do. We already talked about her. What about dates, Amy? You got stuff coming up? Oh yeah, I got stuff coming up. It's all on my website. Let's do it. amymillercomedy.com. I got all kinds of shows. Seattle, I'm going to The Croc. Portland, Salem, Bend.

I don't know. New York. I'm all over the placec. Portland, Salem, Bend. New York. I'm all over the place. Alaska, Anchorage. You've heard good things about the Croc. I've heard great things about the Croc. Yeah, I've heard it's very fun. I heard the hotel is haunted, so be careful.

Yikes, don't want that. That's what they told Blair. It's the last person that you want to tell that there are ghosts in her room. Oh, jeez., she is a witch. Okay. A Blair witch project. I'm a big fan of her project. That's right.

But I'm, I'll be, I'll be good. End of this month. I'll be there. Awesome. Love it. All right, guys,

you want to do another story? Let's do it. Let's do it. This one has a lot of questions for, I don't, nothing even really happens. This is more of like something that goes on in dumb people town that you're like i don't know it probably was a crime committed but we're not really sure either way this was pretty dumb yes uh headline well it's sent in by jason bullet at ibjb and that's e-y-e-b-e-e

j-a-y-b-e-e-i-b-j-E I-B-J-B Jason Bullitt straight to the top with a Jason Jason Bullitt sounds like the title of a direct to video I said it Bruce Willis movie Bruce Willis is in Jason Bullitt or like it's where like Jason

Statham was it's his audition tape to be in Bullitt a remake of Bullet, which they're doing. In Magic Mike Live. In the Bourne series. Yeah. In the Jason Bourne series. Those are my favorite things on TikTok ever, ever, ever.

You see someone. Guy stumbles over a chair and then they cut to the scene. The guy's like, oh my God, that's Jason Bourne. All right, here we go. Lakeland, Florida. So you know it's going to be a good time oh here's the headline man found chest deep in cold polk county creek just being in a creek first of all chest deep in a creek is it still a creek wouldn't that be a river i always think of

creeks have to be really shallow and narrow dan if you told me it's been raining if you told me the chest deep and it becomes a river if you told that chest deep in a creek was a Johnny Cash album that I don't know about, I'd be like, yeah, that makes sense. What about a brook? I don't even know what a brook is. A brook, I feel like, has more rocks than it does anything, right? Babbling brook. I feel like there's a lot of brooks in a rock.

Yeah, it doesn't move so much. Yes, it babbles. It only babbles. You can't go chest deep in a brook i'm telling you a man rescued from a chili creek tuesday was arrested on outstanding warrants for burglary and theft uh dillard michael hamilton why did i get hungry when you said chili creek my favorite chain restaurant honestly can we go to can we go to the chili creek oh i'll go it's all it's all you can eat cornbread we're gonna eat so much bread you disappointed me when i threw a michael into dillard hamilton's name i really thought i was

gonna get a dillard michael hamilton his name was dillard michael hamilton and there's a lot of creeks he'd been stuck in. His name is Dillard Michael Hamilton. And when you try to get him to leave the bar, he says, just you wait. Just you wait. Just you wait. Just you wait. Dillard Michael Hamilton, Dillard Hamilton, from Auburndale,

was chest deep in a creek and clinging to a tree. This does sound like a Johnny Cash song. When deputies found him around 8.30 p.m. off Don Heights Drive, which I guarantee you is also the name of a woman who lives in Florida. Don Heights Drive. Just Don Heights Drive. Don Heights. Yes. I went chest deep in a frozen creek.

Don Heights saved my life that night. According to a poll. i thought we were doing a radio play for a second according to a polk county sheriff's office news release several callers reported hearing a man screaming for help in the woods yeah which is also something i love it means no one went to help him he just they just said you hear that you hear that honey yeah yeah i hear it somebody needs help in those woods okay yep should we keep banging until our son gets home from war he'll figure it out great call amy miller how bad do you have to screw up and how few options

do you have to have in order to your answer is i gotta take it to the creek you gotta take it to the creek oh you know i always take it to the creek. You got to take it to the creek. Oh, you know I always take it to the creek, Randy. Come on. You talking about Chili Creek? Yeah. Isn't that a Doobie Brothers song? Take it to the creek.

Also, do you think this is just a rule in Florida? Like if you hear someone screaming for help in a woods, you do not go into those woods. You call the cops to go help. It's almost like how we do with coyotes here like if you like they pretend to be hurt by the edge of a tree line you don't go there no that's what that's part of their game i respect it i would be convinced that there would be a silence of the lamb situation i go to help this guy at a creek and then i'm living in a well in his house. And I love to think that you think all the coyotes are faking. Well, here, Randy,

tell your story, Randy. This is the story. This is why I said it. So I was at my friend's, our friend's house. In Mexico, at this hotel. No, no, no. It was at the courthouse.

You're pregnant. I've seen this too, man. I've seen this too. Up from my key window. All right, he's our friend. Huge glass doors. And it was nighttime. And he's our friend. Huge glass doors. And it was nighttime.

And he's got a big golden retriever. And there was all of a sudden like a coyote. The house was on like a bunch of terrace land that led down to like a little pool area. And big, all floor to ceiling glass and sliding doors. And there was a coyote outside that was like like limping like it was hurt and the dog inside is going crazy crazy crazy we come around the other side and look and there are like five other coyotes waiting one terrace down waiting for him they're trying to lure the dog out so they can get him it was like it was a full-on like plan i'm like he's not he's he's totally faking once i told dan that story he's like dan's like every coyote is faking well i

just think it's a great it's a great tactic i love attention dan i agree with you it's like that it's like that episode of atlanta i don't want to give any spoiler alerts but it happens so long ago when he goes in the woods and that guy i I mean, it's like you, you, nothing is going to the woods, right? That's the woods are international waters. Hamilton was shivering, moving very slowly and appeared confused as deputies rescued, rescued him from the water. You reportedly told rescuers he had been walking around and got lost estimating that he had been in the woods for how long? How long, estimating that he had been in the woods for how long? How long do you guys think he had been in the woods

before he got stuck in a creek, clinged to a tree, and started yelling for help? Two and a half years. 27 months. 27 months. You took my answer, Amy. How long do you think he was in there, Amy? Three days.

Three days. Wow. Jason Sklar? I think just like 18 hours. 18 hours. Okay. I think like six hours. Six hours?

That's a long time to be there. Again, I've been watching so much Life Below Zero. You get into the Chili Creek, man, and it's going to get you good. You can't stand there that long. All right. One of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game. do you think is exactly right amy do you

want to stick with yourself or do you want to take anybody else's answer i've always only been right with randy and jason in every conversation jason she's probably right you want us i'm sticking with me i'm staying with 18 hours okay i said six hours i like it i like all right six hours. I like it. I like my six hours. And I won the first one. He had been in the woods before being found for six hours. Way to go, Randy. Way to go. You can only eat so much chili, you know.

Sure, Chili Creek. Up on Chili Creek. Wait for that, too. I was praying a lake. Six hours. up on chili creek six hours his body temperature was down to about how low how low do you think his body temperature got after being in the creek and lost in the woods for six hours what's low what's well not what What? It used to be around 98, right? 98.6. I run low. It's something you don't know about me. Truly, I'm always under. Every time I go to the doctor, they're like, you're a vampire.

I'm way under. I don't know why. Once you get below, certainly below 90, you're in trouble. Even close to 90, you're in trouble. 94, 95, you're going to feel cold all the time. That's right. That's about where I run. Yeah, I believe that. So how cold do you think this guy was what was his body temperature 88 88 degrees jason sclar 92 92 81 81 yeah this dude is cold he's six hours in the cold in chili creek uh-uh his body temperature was down to about 84 degrees oh my god that is cold

when checked out by polk county fire and rescue after being taken to an area hospital for treatment of hypothermia authorities say that's when this is what i love so he screams for help for hours inside these woods they finally come save his ass they take him to a hospital because he's suffering from hypothermia. And they say after being taken to the hospital for treatment for hypothermia, authorities say that's when he became uncooperative with medical staff and was released. So they were like, get out. But they were like, oh, you want to be an ass?

Leave. Go get warm somewhere else, which I applaud. He's going to cooperate under 90. But once you get him up over 90 degrees, he's hot blooded. Well, they gave him that aluminum foil blanket that works for my arrest. It's a little baked potato blanket to go with the chili. Delicious. Chili on a baked potato.

Stop. Chili on a baked potato. I'm there. After he leaves the hospital, deputies learned he had several outstanding warrants, and so they arrested him. They didn't do anything. He just had warrants. So if he hadn't gotten stuck in the woods and hadn't screamed for help, he would have got to keep running.

Oh, you got to get out. That's right. Please shut the door. Oh, deputies did a fantastic job with this rescue, and despite the conditions, they were able to locate Hamilton and pull him to safety rather quickly. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd. Grady Judd is the sheriff.

I mean, he's been a sheriff since he was sixk County Sheriff Grady Judd. Grady Judd is the sheriff. I mean, he's been a sheriff since he was six. I think we've done stories with this guy before. Don't lose those. Grady Judd? You do not need earphones. He's one of the Judd sisters, am I right? Yes, he is one of the Judds. Big Kentucky fan. Given his

condition, they probably got to him just in time. You're talking about Ashley Judd, and we were talking about the Judd sisters, which is a different Judd altogether. I was thinking Wynonna. Wynonna Judd. Yeah. We are also looking into why he was out there in the first place.

He has a history of burglaries and thefts, so that's what's being investigated. I don't know what he was stealing in the woods. We'll get out of here on this. He stole something, and then he ran to the woods to escape. There was nothing on him, and there's no reports of anything being stolen. As soon as he got in on this and he stole something and then he ran to the woods to escape there was nothing on him and there's no reports of anybody being anything as soon as he got in the river and he needed help he dropped that stuff in the river he buried it in the creek

he'll come back and get it he'll go back how old is dillard creaking hamilton dillard creaking hamilton this is what you know 84 degrees prior theft and burglary guy six hours out in the woods in the creek stuck clinging to a tree screaming for help how old do you think that guy is 29 29 years old jason i think by the way because it could go either direction also he could be like extremely thin like scary thin or also extremely obese i don't know which end of the spectrum is i don't think he's in the middle i think he's on one end of it and neither end is healthy of course so but i think he's like 38 38 i'm gonna say he is 27 months is Is that wrong? Is that what it is? Come on. 200 months?

You said 38, Jay? Yeah. I'm going to go super long. I'm going to say 61. 61 years old. Okay. Because I don't think young people are named Dillard. I mean,

I should have thought about that when I said 29. You want to change? You got time, Amy. You want to change? He's 84 years old. He's 84. Same as his temperature. He's the same.

Yeah. He always is. His age is what he is. His temperature. He's 84, and he says, stop that hollering. Okay. I'm going in a creek. Dillard Hamilton.

Then we'll get out of here on this. We'll come back. If you're a Patreon member, we'll be back even sooner because we got a little extra time with Amy to tell. We'll either ask her questions or she'll tell us a dumb story of her own life that she's seen or witnessed or been a part of. Okay. Dillard Hamilton is 52 years old. By the way, that is so close to our age, Amy Miller.

Sounds old. Sounds old when you just say it out of context. But in essence... I don't think so. I didn't think that at all. That's how old we are. So that's how that goes. Guys, can you give us a little teaser of what we might see

in the third segment and those who are patreon fans you're gonna get a little something extra story three has one of the craziest series of coincidences like it could have been an opening scene to magnolia that's how wild it is i cannot wait get ready for some dumb magnolia on the other side of the break and patreon fans to get a great dumb story with the lovely amy miller who has a new special who has a new album out uh she's the greatest and we'll be right back all right daniel take us home buddy we will guys guess what though i forgot i was supposed to announce something i haven't told anybody this yet uh this is the first time i'm saying it to all of our townies and anybody else who loves listening to this podcast uh i am doing the come and take it comedy festival may 19th 20th and 21st and i should have plugged that before but i'm doing

it now amy's gonna do it too uh it's in hou in Houston, Texas. I will be doing headlining sets there. I will be doing my own show there. I will also be doing a live pen pals there with Rory Scovel. You can get advanced like discounted tickets right now. If you go to the secret group, htx.com, it's the come and take a comedy festival. It all happens in one building. And so it's super fun. It's like a little comedy camp, and it's a great time. And Amy and I will be there having a lot of fun. And also, there's a rumor I'm not confirming nor denying that I am hosting an after party where I will be also DJing the music.

Not like a cool DJ. I'm not that cool or not that cool. But selecting the music. But, yeah, it's all going to be my playlist. So it'll be a lot of fun. Go to the secret group, HTXX to support the Come and Take It Comedy Festival and hang out with me and Amy. I hope you like Conway Twitty, guys.

A lot of I'd love to lay you down. Tight fit and jeans. Find me changing Daniel's playlist. You're going to have fun. Promise. You're already going to love it. I'm holding a lot of things. Yeah, that's it there will be

past hors d'oeuvres by amy she's gonna have five trays of past hors d'oeuvres and she's got to keep them all going okay jake groney sent this in at jake groney guys i had to read this twice to figure out what happened i think i'll be able to explain it easier to you but here's the headline two men hit by woman falling out of window who was looking at another man who fell off rooftop. Maybe one more time. Yes. Two men hit by woman falling out of window who was looking at another man who fell off a rooftop. So woman leans out of window to presumably laugh at a man falling off a roof.

A suicide. A public suicide sure she goes she goes down and not the case otherwise i wouldn't do this story and she goes down and she falls on two guys who are just unsuspectingly going like what's happening today i mean a lot of people a lot of people falling from roofs today right the vicinity of a single building in downtown yokohama i tried suddenly became a danger zone one afternoon when a bizarre chain reaction of falls left four people injured. Everybody's going to be okay.

The incident began shortly after 4pm on the 21st of January when police received a call that a man in his 40s or 50s, doesn't even really matter at that point, had fallen from the rooftop of a five-story building. What? In addition

to the height, he also reportedly had fallen in a very narrow gap between the neighboring building. Now, we've had this before, the guy who fell in between a Cordova and a bank trying to impress his date. Wait, Dan, what was this guy doing on the roof of a five-story building? What was he doing?

How do you get to this building? Was there a highway to this danger zone? Oh, well played, Amy Miller. Like, why do you ever need to go on the roof? Like, it's someone else's jurisdiction. I saw a guy on a roof today. He was at the ledge. He had one leg up on the ledge, like getting a nice good stretch in.

And I go, what's this guy doing up there? Like, it looked like he was ready to on the ledge like getting a nice good stretch in and i i go what's this guy doing up there yeah like it looked like he was ready to perch the ledge and then he just started eating a cup of ice cream deserves to fall down flat on his face oh no i hope he did no one deserves yeah i know yeah i know no i know i was like what are you doing up there oh you're eating ice cream okay after the initial fall so that's our guy in between the two buildings, 40s or 50s. After the initial fall, a woman in her 40s, why does it matter, looked out a window on the third floor of the same building to see what had happened. Why does it matter? Why does it matter? Because we're considered dead already.

It's got to be mentioned. We're ghosts in every sense. Yeah, why didn't they just write post her prime? However. A not hot anymore lady. A woman in decline. A woman in her 40s who complains a lot.

However, in looking at the man, she lost her balance and also fell out of her balcony. Fell out. At the same time, another man was looking through a window on the second floor below that woman

to see what happened. The woman who fell out of the third floor window hit the man in his 30s why does it matter? In the head. You gotta hit men in their 30s. Amy, how many times have you said

do I have to hit you over the head on this one? You're in your 30s. Come on. A woman fell out the third floor window and hit the man in his 30s on the head while he was looking through the second floor window. She then hit another man also in his 30s. So she got a pair. Doesn't matter.

I know. Doesn't matter. Who was standing on the ground. So four people people two have fallen one of them hits two other people on the way down one midair the other on the ground dude you're not safe anywhere in yokohama you just don't you're going to die i'm gonna share that i'm gonna share this picture this is the picture of the danger zone that they provided us with i don't even know if any of these buildings are what they where they fell but this is some context dumb people

townies you can all go online to the town so i don't know if he fell nice yeah but i don't know where he fell the only reason i yes it doesn't say any this gives no context other than i guess this is yokohama yeah i guess it guess. It looks gorgeous. It's wonderful. Miraculously, everyone is expected to survive and only receive minor injuries except for the first fallen man. He's the guy who went five stories, who's being treated for bone fractures. Still pretty good if you're going to go five stories. Yeah. Especially since he's in his 40s or 50s, even though that doesn't matter.

Since everyone is conscious and in stable condition, police are currently trying to unravel how all this happened from their testimony. I think we covered it. Go back to the first guy. I think the one quick. They fell in a big vat of mashed potatoes. Yes. Yeah. Wait, who's, how old was the first guy?

How old was the first guy who fell down? 40s or 50s. 40s or 50s. That's really important. It's like you got to narrow it down. You got to narrow it down. Judging by the footage of the area, there appears to be a lot of things such as vents and wires. Maybe we saw that in that photo.

I couldn't. That could have slowed the first man's fall, which helped him only have a couple of bone fractures. Details over what caused it are still sketchy, but reports seem to suggest that it was accidental. If so, it serves as a reminder to be careful in high places, not only for our own safety, but for the well-being of other people, too. Thankfully, most of my friends are in low places. Yeah. You and Garth Brooks. Blame it all on your roots.

That's why you keep showing up in boots. You can't fall up, guys. You cannot fall up. Well, if you're a white male, you can fall up a lot. Unless you're the current president of the United States, you can't fall up. All right, that's it. Story number three. That's our hang with Amy Miller.

Hey, look at that. Amy Miller. I'm so excited for your special and your album, California King and Ham Mouth album special coming out.

Right, Ham Mouth? Did I get it right? Yeah, this goes on a roll. I'm laughing at it because it's so dumb. So good. She's on a roll.

You won't forget it. Please support it. What else, Rand? Oh, shit. We've got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Talk your downies. Dumb People Town.