Dumb People Town - Amy Miller - Tighten The Life Jacket

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

This week Amy Miller comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a choppy afternoon on the lake with a boat load of priests. The second story is about an incident involving a wild boar and a laptop in a ziplock on a nudist beach. For the final story, a policer office was followed for 11 miles.

Star Pains, I know. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Miller. Amy Miller. Welcome back to the show. Thanks for having me back. welcome to another episode of dumb people town population new population miller amy miller welcome back to the show thanks for having me back i miss you guys we miss you too randy and i were just talking about how we miss being on the road with you because you have come out and done uh so many cool cities with us i think you've done like three dates with us or more like weeks with us and they all of them are amazing and it's just not only are you've done like three dates with us or more like weeks with us. And they, all of them are amazing. And it's just, not only are you a fun comic to work with because you help us out with

bits and we write stuff with you. And it's like, we all try the stuff out on stage. It's like so much fun because we know we're going to create stuff and grow that week, But it's a- Yeah, I love it. Some of that was true. No, it is true. That's true. Shut up. No, it's great energy. And the audiences always come out feeling great.

I always feel like, yes, we have a lot of women that come to our shows. And I always feel like when- I'm a woman. And so they look at me. That tracks, that tracks. Finally. They so they look at me. That tracks. That tracks. They feel well better served. It's so fun.

I miss hanging out with you guys. And I miss how serious Jay gets after one beer. I know, dude. That's really serious. Legit serious. Serious like seriously wasted or serious like I start talking about like deep stuff. Convo, baby. Do I get really deep after one beer?

Yes. Yes. All right. Sorry. We won't let you have a third i know a third and forget about he's got to go why did he do something wrong no he's just trying to talk to people about business get away just getting deep get the alcohol away he's getting he's opening up too much um we don't need people in here with theories so i have a question am, because we often talk about this on the road, especially with audience members that are stupid. But do you think that the world's getting dumber since we last had you on? Do you think it's getting dumber in the pandemic? I don't know. No, I think we just have a lot more video.

Right. There you go. We do. More channels to distribute the dumb, more ways to access the dumb, more points of entry is what you're saying. Well, I will say, and I said this to someone yesterday, maybe a little bit because people aren't exposed,

like they're not outside as much. It's like some of these teenagers that troll me on the internet need to be in school physically getting bullied by tougher, smarter people. Thank you. So that they don't constantly feel validated in saying the N-word as a young white man.

You know what I mean? Awful. We don't have the constant checks and balances at the school. Do you know the stupid prank that kids are doing now with Zooms in high schools and junior high schools? Where they get kidnapped? No.

What? Zoom bombing? Zoom bombing, yeah. Oh, yeah. They give the Zoom address to their brother or sister junior high school. When they get kidnapped? No. What? Zoom bombing? Zoom bombing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They give the Zoom address to their brother or sister or whoever's in another thing. They give it to someone else and someone comes on and

just starts swearing left and right. And you're like, that's such a weak hack, dumb gag. Yeah, it's not even a good prank. Now, if you jumped on the Zoom and said, and as a student, instead of just starting yelling a bunch of stuff, you raised your hand and started to try to subtly get the teacher off track and add other. Like, I disagree with that.

And let me tell you why I miss so-and-so. Like, you start getting like that. That's funny. That's a good prank. But I will say, you guys, I have a very common name. And so I get emails that are not for me all the time. And I was mistakenly invited to a Jersey Mike's regional manager, zoom meeting.

Did you go? Did you go? Of course I went. Do you have a bit about it? No, no. They had no idea why I was in there. The kid who invited me didn't want to say anything because it was his

mistake. And you know, I got to tell you guys, Jersey Mike's business is going good. Very strong. This is almost like the modern day version of Jay Larson's wrong number. He got sucked into business operations of another company. Long story short,

they're now just doing soup. At my suggestion. Because of me. Look, I said, look, soup in At my suggestion. Because of me. Look, I said, look, you know, soup in a bread bowl. That's what I'm telling you to do. They did eventually kick me out and then they didn't know Zoom very well. So we were able to get back in under the name Jersey Mike.

I love it. That's so good. You trolled Jersey Mike. Jersey Mike. This could be a story is all I'm saying. Well, we do have stories sent to us by our fans and I want to get into it and I'm so happy you're here, Amy.

Let's get into it. Let's do it. Here we go. Ready? This was sent in by Pat McMoran or McMoran. I don't know. I want to do it right. Anyway, it's at McMoran.

A McMoran is someone who is like, it's like a McMansion. That's the day you get fired from McDonald's. Right. At McMoran. That's the day you decide fired from McDonald's. Right. At McMopat. That's the day you decide to take the job at McDonald's. Okay.

M-C-M-O-P-A-T. And I want to tell everybody, send me crazy news stories that you see in your life. You can do that by going to Twitter at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town,

and then send me the link. We do it. Here we go. You guys do do it and you're great. Lake George. This is up in Albany, New York.

Okay. Beautiful territory. Is this part of the NX nexium cult i just need to know are you watching that amy yes you're watching you guys are watching it right okay of course jay you're watching it you're never watching i'm all the way in i will tell you that i branded myself jay's gonna be in the cult by the time he's got a lot of good ideas guys i don't know why i'm not saying this because of your new jenny craig lifestyle but i've been watching the Jay's going to be in the cult by the time. I am. He's got a lot of good ideas, guys. I don't know why. He does. I'm not saying this because of your new Jenny Craig lifestyle, but I've been watching The Vow and the diet works.

Yeah, it does. It does work. Hey, Dan, you want me to EM you right now? I feel like you already did. I feel like that was it right there. Wait, should I text you guys before I want to eat anything? Yeah, just say, Master, what I have ready. My wife.

What NXIVM has done for the chain link emoji has changed my life. My wife sent me a picture of the Jenny Craig breakfast and said, may I have 190 calories master? I was like, best text of the year. And Randy wrote back, I'm going to need some more

collateral. I'm going to need some more collateral. It's horrible. Okay, weirdest part of the whole vow thing, the weirdest thing for me ever. It better be the same as me. Volleyball. What are they doing? Okay, not just volleyball. Not just volleyball. That whole

scene of Allison Mack crying about what is art. The very first time she meets him. And I'm like, girl, run, girl. But she's running straight to his arms. And then they touch each other. They touch each other. And then, yeah, you just have to get up and run around your living room at that point. I know. Because, Amy, am I

right? You can see in his eyes that predatory... I got this. I got this. I'm like, this should not be filmed. He's like the end of the natural when the lights are exploding. That's what's happening in his heart. And they're not just doing volleyball. They're doing sleepless volleyball. No one has slept in months. This's happening in his heart. And they're not just doing volleyball. They're doing sleepless volleyball. No one has slept in months.

This dude's in knee pads. I'm like, you've heard of sleepless in Seattle. This is volleyball in Albany. Yes. Volley-balbany. Volley-balbany is going on. So that's where we're at. Lake George. Beautiful. It was a choppy afternoon on the lake. When Jimmy McDonald

No, I don't. I know. I didn't know either when we were doing those jokes. Jimmy McDonald sounds like the guy in the mob who eats too much McDonald's. Jimmy McDonald. Jimmy McDonald over here. Jimmy McDonald. Always down the street getting McNuggets. Doesn't understand in church league softball why the third home run counts as an out.

Like, if I can hit it out, why do I? Why is that? Why do I start with three strikes? You know that's a rule, right? In those church leagues that? Why do I start with three strikes? You know, that's a rule, right? In those church leagues, you can't hit more than three home runs in an inning or church volleyball.

Wow. That's home run all day, dude. Jimmy McDonald. He is the dumbest person in this story. Okay. I love it. Also,

Amy, it's perfect to have you on for this story too. It was a choppy. I can't wait to hear what it is. You'll know why. You'll know why and you'll know why I thought it. It was a choppy afternoon on the lake and Jimmy McDonald from Albany

was paddling in a kayak. As McDonald tells it, which means you already think he's a liar. His version. His version, which is not the truth. If Amy said to you, well, according to your daughter, what's she lying about? This is not the truth. You if, if Andy said to you, well, according to your daughter, you're like, what's she lying about? Okay.

This is not the truth. You know, Jimmy McDonald lies all the time. Like nothing he says is truthful. Do you remember? Mom, guess what? And she's like,

did Jimmy McDonald tell you that? I don't want to hear it. Do you remember that Alec Baldwin's catch from SNL where he's lying all the time? And he was like, yeah, that's what I'm trying to tell you. I knew, you know, where he goes, he goes, Hey baby what I'm trying to tell you. Amy, I knew you'd know. He goes, hey baby, I tried calling.

Really? You did? Yeah, but it was busy. I have a call waiting. That's why I was so worried. I'm trying to tell you. I never forgot. That joke made me laugh so hard. It's my favorite. It's like an acting exercise. As McDonald tells it, he drifted away from his wife and stepkids.

Nope. Nope. Yes. Right. Not because he was angry. We're not going to highlight that. By the way, he metaphorically drifted. For years, he was emotionally drifting away. He's been drifting for a long time. He drifted away from his wife and stepkids because he was taking pictures with his new

smartphone, quote, and not really paying attention. That's somebody who's trying to justify why they were mad. If you get a brand new smartphone, Amy, is your first thing, I need to take it out on the water. Take it on the lake. You have to. Is it choppy? Who cares?

Could it possibly get ruined? Get it out there. Could I drop it in and never see it again? Great. As he tried to make his way back, the water got choppier. Yep. And he paddled harder before he tipped over and lost his paddle. What about his phone?

And his phone. Hold on. He was in about 30 feet of water. Oh, my God. Can I tell you guys something? Once you get more than four feet taller than you are, it doesn't matter how deep it is. It doesn't, but 30 feet is scary. I'm sorry.

It doesn't matter at all. No, 30 could be, but 30 feet is scary. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter at all. No, 30 could be 100. 30 could be 100. I agree. The difference between 30 and 100, I agree with you, is... But the new iPhones are only waterproof up to 20. Yes, this guy's screwed. Jimmy, you're screwed.

He was in about 30 feet of water. His ill-fitting life jacket coming up over his head. There's dumb number one. Wear a life jacket that fitted. You know already Jimmy McDonald is like, does it fit? It's fine, man. I don't even need this. Just give it to you. You should get one that fits. You know, you can make that tighter. Yeah, like

a dork, whatever, like these step kids like I'm going to use your dad's your dad's life jacket probably fits perfect, doesn't he? He's not here. What can a step yeah stepfather always has more authority than he thinks he so his ill-fitting life jackets coming up over his head he was holding on to the kayak with one hand and his 1400 smartphone with the other just say

iphone 11 pro smartphone my 1400 phone no Is there another phone that costs that much? No. Right. Dan, I do. I do relish telling my kids how much I think meals I've made for them are. I think that comes from our dad. Like I'll put down a grilled cheese sandwich.

Did it today to my daughter. I'm like, that's $11 sandwich. You better eat it. But 15 at Cantor. Thank you. Thank you. You should have seen it.

It was on brioche bread. I know. Thanks. So this is the guy who likes to announce how much things cost. So he's now should have seen it. It was on brioche bread. I know. So this is the guy who likes to announce how much things cost. Now he's dumb twice. Because if it is a $1,400 smartphone, I guarantee... Is he holding it out of the water as he's trying to... You could at least put it in your shoulder or you could

do... No, but it's ill-fitting, Dan. The shoulders are up here. But that's our first step. That's on you, Jimmy McDowell. Ready for another dumb thing? Yep. He says people. By that, he means other kayakers and canoeists.

Is that what you call them? I thought they were canoers. That's what I thought, too. I don't like that because then people practice canoeism. That's just creepy. I am not. I'm a devout canoeist kayakis and canoeists oh god 2020 you can't say kayakis okay i'm sorry it's funny you don't look canoeish uh

sorry don't apologize for that that was good i I apologize. How many fucking kayakis moving into town lately? Now that I hear you say it back to me, you're right. It's not good, Amy. It's not good. It's not good. They were passing by in the distance. Here it is. This is everything you need to know about Jimmy McDonald.

He says other people, kayakers and canoeists, were... Canoeists, they canoe without clothes, right? Yeah, exactly. Canoeists. Canootists. They canoe without clothes, right? Yeah, exactly. Canoeists. Canootists. They were passing by in the distance. Canootism.

But the former amateur's boxer's pride wouldn't let him scream for help. Okay, aren't we all amateur boxers? If you've ever thrown a punch once, you're an amateur boxer. If you're an amateur boxer. And he's saying, they're like, did you see other people? Uh-huh. Did you call for help? Uh-uh. Why not? once, you're an amateur boxer. You're an amateur boxer. And he's saying, they're like, did you see other people?

Uh-huh. Did you call for help? Uh-uh. Why not? Well, I'm an amateur boxer. Former, former amateur. Former amateur boxer. He thought he could punch his way out of the water.

He's probably done that with a lot of scenarios in his life. Punch your way out. He's an amateur boxer. A former amateur boxer. He's trying to punch his way out of this family by taking pictures and drifting off. He said it wouldn't let him scream for help. Is that some sort of oath amateur boxers take? That's like the person who's like, why?

Why is this happening to me? It's not. Nothing is doing this to me. You control it. Not to get on it. You are at cause. You are at cause. You control it.

Stay with your family. Wear a life jacket. Drop the phone. There's so many your family. Wear a life jacket. Drop the phone. There's so many things. Tighten the life jacket. Exactly. Tighten the life jacket is a metaphor for everything. Part of the title of this show.

Tighten the life jacket. Dumb People Town. Tighten the life jacket. That's a great shirt. So for several- And the shirt looks like a life jacket. It is a life jacket. And it fits over your ears.

So for several exhausting minutes, he kept trying to right the kayak. That's when I said, all right, I think I might die today. Slow down. Easy there. Let go of the phone, man. Yeah. If you think you're going to, I'm going to tell this to anybody in any scenario in your life. If you think you're going to die, let go of the phone.

Yeah. Or call somebody. Tweet about it. You got the phone! Call for help. You know I'm tweeting about it. I got to get that last tweet in. I want to go out like Dark Nato. Yeah, for sure. As Amy Miller goes down in the ocean, only

seven lives! No! So, quote, that's when I said, alright, I think I might die today. i think this might be it i prayed to my lord and savior savior jesus christ for help jesus mcdonald said cut to greg barrett he's the greg barrett of kayakers greg barrett is a captain for tiki tours i'm already in just and he is fun yes he mixes a great pina colada i know this about our friendship moon tower is happening again and i find out we don't have a show till 10 o'clock

at night it's one in the afternoon and we can get on a free tiki tour on the river i'm going a hundred percent if greg barrett's the captain oh hell yes greg barrett is a captain for tiki tours so literally it's a floating tiki bar that he takes out onto the lake. It's probably one of those things like those bars where you have to pedal as you're going down the street. So it's a paddle boat, but it's also a Tiki bar. So the people have to do the work. You're burning off so much alcohol just paddling. A lot of things aligned that day, Barrett said.

He typically pilots partiers. Pilots! Well, that's him thinking a lot of this. He's called himself a captain and a pilot. He typically pilots partiers, but not on this day. At first, Barrett saw Jimmy's paddle, and then one of his passengers said they heard a call for help. So as soon as I turned the boat towards him,

I realized his life preserver had been in the upper portion of his head it was over his head god how messed up with this was this guy's life preserver also also that's when a person gives too many details that we don't need right like well how big is jimmy's head that he describes the upper portion it was the upper third right quadrant of his head. I don't want to get too specific, but it was in the upper right hemisphere. I mean, we already know his frontal lobe is small, so it's got to be mostly skull. I mean, he's all skull. If you want me to give you a longitude and a latitude line of where it was, I'll give it to you.

Do you want to see what Jimmy McDonald looks like? Yes. We were talking about the size of his head. First of all, there's going to... I'll just... By the way, I'm worried I'm going to fall in love. You are not. There's going to be something right away, Amy, that you're like,

yep, that's of course he does. Here we go. Look at this man. Oh, God. Oh, Jimmy. Mask around the chin. Mask around the chin. I'm pretty sure that's like a WWE mask also. Oh, God. Oh, Jimmy. Mask around the chin. Mask around the chin. I'm pretty sure that's like a WWE mask also.

Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And he also is the type of guy whose eyes are far too close to one another. By the way, I'm right. All skull. Look at this guy. A lot of skull. You called it.

He looks like an amateur box, a former amateur box. Retired. Yeah, retired. He looks like Butterbean. Of course, he's got an expression that seems like he just said, I do have a mask on. Yeah. I do have a mask on.

We see it, but it's on your chin. He looks at people and he's like, no, I look like a cop. I get that a lot. Do you? Do you? Do you get that a lot? Basically, I am a cop. No, you're not.

All right. Here we go. They see his paddle. They see a big portion of his head sticking out of his ill-fitting life jacket. At what point does Greg Barrett refer to himself as the Admiral? He says, Captain, Pilot, Admiral. Quote, they got to him. A deckhand and the passengers pulled him on board.

Jesus. And here's where it gets interesting. He started to fight everybody. No. How funny is it that I've been sober for seven years and I got saved by a tiki bar? Jimmy McDonald laughed. Also good for him. Good for you for being sober for seven years, right?

Here's the thing. Not just any tiki bar. So he's like, how crazy. I've been sober and a bar is what saves me. But not just any tiki bar on that day greg barrett's tiki bar was full of priests and seminarians from the paulus fathers a catholic retreat on the lake so he so he says he screamed out for his lord jesus christ and then he gets saved by a bar full of catholic priests a priest i was a christian and those are not christians if

they're drinking pina coladas on a night. That's right. They're doing it for the Lord, Abe. A priest and an alcoholic walk into a floating bar. Right. Float into a bar. Who is Jamie McDonald? McDonald prayed for help from above and it arrived in the form of men of the cloth on a floating bar.

Now, here's my thing, though. Are they like, are you Catholic? He's like, Southern Baptist. Sorry, got to get back in the water You got to get back in the water. I think technically that day they're men of the Hawaiian cloth. There we go. Circle gets a square. There you go.

The priests and seminarians who were on board have no doubt that a higher power played a role in them being exactly where McDonald needed them. I have every doubt. I'm not trying to disparage anybody's faith. But the reason he ended up in that water is because he's an idiot. Yeah, right. That's why. Did God plan that? That's who put him there that day. Period. Such a dummy. Although they

couldn't look like literally a good group of guys to be hanging out. I'm going to share this with you right now. By the way, all these pictures will be on the Facebook page. If you're not doing the Facebook page. And Twitter and Instagram. Here we go. Oh, man. So these are the guys that saved him. Why is he nice? Here on the Facebook page. If you're not doing the Twitter and Instagram. Here we go. Oh, man. So these are the guys that saved him. Why is he nice?

Here's the weird thing. Do you think they all hid their drinks? Or do you think they literally just hired this as like their cruise boat and no one is drinking? By the way, you can have virgin daiquiris. Am I right? Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Look at that ill-fitting life jacket.

Although for these guys, they'd be virgin Mary daiquiris. There you go. Virgin Bloody Marys. It looks like he doesn't even have the life jacket on the right direction. Wait, is that him on the end? It does look upside down. I think it's upside down.

Really? I think it's upside down. His head is through the arm hole. I wish people could see Amy look at processing this guy. It is. That is an upside down life jacket. That is. And by the way, when life gives you an upside down life jacket,

you go on a tiki bar, get on a tiki bar full of priests. Yeah. Although, you know what is so crazy? I, I haven't, you've made fun of me for not being able to drink more than one drink,

but I will tell you this, the idea of going out on a tiki bar boat with you guys on Lake George sounds really fun. How great would that be? That's the most fun. Yeah, let's do this. If it was us, if it was the four of us. If we were doing a theater in Albany, doing a big show.

Yeah, or a moon tower out on the river. Whatever, dude, I would do that. The only problem is I am the Jimmy McDonald of that crew. And I will end up drunk in the water. We will end up having to save you. Imagine getting saved by a tiki bar full of comedians. They're like doing a bit before they pull you out of the water. And then the four of the three acts that we are have to fight for who gets the bit.

No, that's what I was going to say. That night of the festival, every audience member is hearing all these comments say the same thing. Dan's bit, then Amy's bit, then our bit about it. Well, mine will be for the women in the crowd. There you go. Something different.

They'll appreciate it more. They'll appreciate it. What we're trying to say with that comment is that women don't appreciate our comedy. Or us. Or that like many things in our lives, women come out of our comedy or us or that like like many things in our lives women come out of our performance a little unsatisfied they felt like something was lacking they need another woman to kind of sure that's that's what dos is for yeah we're we're missionaries said chris milano a second year seminarian for us that day that was our mission

to be present and help someone in need for the the record, you'd be hard pressed to find any boat full of people that wouldn't help someone get out of water. Everyone would help you. There were a boatload of priests. Yeah, a boatload of priests. That day, a boatload of priests. That someone in need says he's committed to continuing to help others drowning in addiction. That is good for him. I'll just take it as a sign from God that he's got me here for a reason.

How about you take it from a sign of God that he's telling you you're getting close to the edge and you spend more time with your family and not care about that cell phone so much. Taking pictures. Great. Who's he taking pictures of? That's what I want to know. Of the water. Of the water. It is gorgeous. Are we going to guess how old this dummy is? Well, we saw a picture of him and I don't even think they tell me.

How old do you think he is? Oh, he's... 36. Yeah, I was going to go 37. Yeah, he feels like that. He's stepdad and his kids are probably like 19. And not good enough at baseball. And just old enough to completely disrespect him.

Like he will tell, and he's not going to do anything about it. He's not Woody Allen, but he will tell friends of his when he gets a little drunk. This is a while ago that he thinks his stepdaughter is is hot yeah i'm sure i'm sure i don't think he even knows how to use that phone i don't i agree he kept calling it his camera phone yeah no he he forget the phone man it's just a phone no he he definitely like forgot his code and has been locked out of his own phone since he bought it for sure for a long time that story well go ahead i said jay and i did a story on our daily podcast about a guy in malaysia who lost his phone and thought it was lost and then realized that a bunch of monkeys took it and they took a bunch of selfies i'm like

how does he not have a lock screen and how did the monkeys get into that thing and how are they taking pictures this guy guy, to me, feels like the Malaysian version of that guy. Sure. There you go. All right, that's the first story down in the books. Amy Miller is with us. This is Don't People Town.

Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. You have to follow Amy Miller on Twitter. She tweets very funny things and Instagram.

She's a great follow. It's Amy Miller comedy. Am I correct to say that? Amy Miller on Twitter, Amy Miller comedy on Instagram. There you go. Amy Miller comedy on Instagram. I knew that was one of them. Verified, baby.

Also, Amy, didn't you just get help? Can you talk about what happened between you and Dave and Busters? Oh, well, they DM'd me that they have something to send me. They asked for my address. Now, you know they're running a contest right now, right? Yeah. And I'm really, Dan, I don't feel good about it. Because I feel like if they send me a $1,000 game card, which is what they've been giving away,

then I can't even really go in good conscience because of COVID. But as long as it doesn't expire, what do we care? Yeah, you can do it in 2022. Because I feel like they're going to make it expire because they need people in now. They're going to be like, December 31st, 2020. That's it. What if you rolled up to Dave & Buster's in a hazmat suit

and you just started playing all the games? I am considering that. I would too. Go on, IT. I would too, 100%. You would look like an alien playing the giant space invaders. I am considering that. I would too. Go on, AT. I would too, 100%. You would look like an alien playing the Giant Space Invaders. I love Dave and Buster's.

I love Dave and Buster's. I love it. It's going to affect my mobility at Super Shop, but I think it's the only way I can go. Is that your game? I like the coin pushers. I like those. I like the Wizard of Oz.

I love the coin pushers. I love the ball drop. I love the ball drop one where you try to get all 40 balls into the ball drop. Down the clown. I love the Wizard of Oz. I love the coin pusher. I love the ball drop. I love the ball drop one where you gotta try to get all 40 balls into the into the ball drop. Down the clown. Oh, yes. The jug.

I'm really good at the jug toss. But are you trying are you going to have fun at the games? Are you trying to win tickets so you can get cool prizes? Because when my son goes all he wants is to get tickets.

So he It's a combo. He picks out the thing that you know you can there's like a wheel thing. I love the game where did the Yeah, wheel thing's great.

Wheel thing is great because the wheel thing can get you like thousands. Maybe you guys don't know this. Also There's like a wheel thing. I love the game. Where did the... Yeah, wheel thing's great. Wheel thing is great because the wheel thing can get you thousands. Maybe you guys don't know this. Also the Mega Stacker. Yeah. You get a lot of tickets on the Mega Stacker.

This is what I did for New Year's Eve was Dave and Buster. I love Dave and Buster. It was great. It was unlimited arcade play. There's so many birthday parties there. It's the best.

It's the best, best, best. The food is awful. I mean, awfully great. No, it's great. Let me ask you this. Have you guys played the game Where on the Doll Did the Clown Touch You? No. That's such a fun game. No, it's great. Let me ask you this. Have you guys played the game Where on the Doll Did the Clown Touch You?

No. That's such a fun game. It's hard to find. It's really... But you can get a lot of tickets. Dave and Buster's like if they went into a casino and they said,

hey, you hear these slot machines? Let's make them 10 times louder so no one can hear anyone. Have you... Wait, have you guys played the game with the baseball game with the ping pong balls, right? That's the most fun one.

What? No, I haven't. Amy, do you know what this is? Yes. They have it at the arcade bar across from American Comedy Company too. A little ping pong ball comes down a little pitch shoot. You pull back a bat and you let it fly. And then you get like a single, a double or triple or a home run.

I'm so in. It's so much. That's my favorite game. That's a lo-fi great game. Lo-fi great game. I will say about Dave and Buster's food, it's not as bad as the food service okay great point that's great that's why you're really saying a lot there don't tell them i said that because they might not have it so i know so here's all i'm gonna say is that uh amy miller has something coming out that she's not allowed to talk about and when it does come out hopefully

in december we're going to talk about it then but we can at least say that right we're excited yeah yeah you can say it's a half hour special you can say okay we're're going to talk about it then, but we can at least say that, right? We're excited. Yeah, you can say it's a half hour special. You can say that. We're not going to say where it is, but it's a half hour stand-up special and by the way... It's not Netflix. No, but we've seen that half hour on the road or at least portions of it. God damn it, it is so good. Are you ready to

fall in love with Amy Miller? When this special comes out, you totally will. If you're not already. We're proud of you and it's a long time coming and we're so happy for you. Thanks, guys. We should mention that this Saturday night we're doing a live Dumb People Town and there are still some tickets left, although... I'm just going to say this, people.

I don't understand why this is not sold out. It might be closed. It's either sold out by now or it's going to sell out. Mike Birbiglia and Mike Doty, the lead singer of Soul Coughing, is playing music. So it is going to be crazy. If you want to hear Mike Doty play our theme song for Dumb People Town, I cannot wait. Check this out.

So eventbrite.com if you look up live Dumb People Town. Saturday night. We got your plans. Saturday, September 26th, 630 Pacific, 930 East, 730 Mountain. 730 Mountain, guys. It is really special. We cannot go on the road. We talked to you. We are so bummed

that we can't go out on the road, but we can come into your living room. We can come into your house and we can do this show. It's very special for us. It means a lot to us to have you guys there. By the time we're recording, as we're recording this, I know there are no general admission and no more couples tickets left. So you're going to have to get Ticket Plus or group tickets and just get them

in there. Let's fill it out. Let's fill it out with you guys. I would want you guys to be there more than any. Guess what? We got a giveaway. Oh, anybody who was at our last show with Jim Gaffigan knows this, that if you were one of the people who bought tickets that night, we were going to randomly select five people from,

from all the people who bought tickets for the next show that night, that bought show for this show coming up. They would randomly be given free VIP meet and greet entrance. So I'm going to read off the winners of that right now. Sam Curson. Nice. Deborah Sparks. See you at the meet and greet.

Sparksy. Steven Zastrow. Zastrow. Jesse Falk. Now, Jesse, you went ahead and purchased your VIP ticket because you didn't think you were going to win. So guess what? The next Dumb People Town that you buy a ticket to that we do at Nowhere Comedy Club. Get a regular ticket. Just get a regular ticket. We got

your VIP. And that next one will be on November 7th. Oh, wow. Right after the election. So we should all be in a great mood, right, Abe? I hope. And then number fifth, the fifth winner, a city council member of ours, one of our Patreon true townies

Kimberly Treadwell. We will see you at the VIP meet and greet after the show. So glad all five of you can win. If you want to be entered into win, I

bet we do this again that night for those people who buy tickets right away. They'll have the first access to the link of our next show. So buy your ticket or

just be ready and we'll do it. Yeah, you'll get into the VIP. All right. your ticket or just be ready. And we'll do it. Yeah, you'll get into the VIP. So awesome. Let's do another story. Are we ready? Yeah, let's do another story. Okay, here we go. I feel like you guys probably did this in your daily show. It's a game I've started playing with myself. Did we do this in our daily show? Sent in by Carleen McDermid

at SheBeCarleen. SheBeCarleen? Good name. I know. SheBeCarleen is the That's So Raven of our show. I saidleen is the That's So Raven of our show. I said it's the That's So Raven of our show. It's the Toys R Us of people. The only thing cooler in her name is how many great stories

she sends me. She sends good ones. A nudist in Berlin. Not usually what I would associate. Do you mean canoeist? A canoeist. Yes. In Berlin.

Got too close to nature for comfort when a wild boar snatched his plastic bag, which had his laptop inside. So he's out nude sunbathing. Is this a deleted scene from Westworld? I don't understand. Who takes their laptop?

In a plastic bag. Is it in your computer bag? Yeah, it's in my computer Ziploc. I told you that. Amy, I don't understand nudism. I understand the idea of wanting to have your skin touch the air and whatnot. But why then would you also be having to do work? Or you know what I mean?

Like you got to bring your laptop. Like shouldn't those two things be separate? If you're like, I want to be naked. Can you do most of the things on your laptop on your phone too? I mean, there's a really big problem all day today with people taking their technology to the lake. Yeah. Right. I don't know.

I've been to one nude beach in Portland and it was fine. What did you think? I got sunburned. I'll tell you that. And I wouldn't want to come home with like a sunburn and just a square on my laptop was what was on your leg work, work, Don work. Did you get a MacBook pro? Don't tell me, don't tell me I wasn't doing my job.

Did you get fucked by a brick anyway? I mean, I don't know. It's free. You went went to burning man i know there's a lot of bringing their laptops to do work they're burning doing excel sheets who's doing you know what i mean like it to me maybe it shows how little i understand about nudism that to me i think the idea of being naked would be like the most fun thing that you're doing and that's the only thing that you're concerned with or that it is like a turn on or like an excitement or that you're not thinking about doing

like your online banking while you're naked at the maybe she's a writer and she's writing about her nudism adventures I mean is it a here or she well here we go ready for the photo all right no look at him what do you love in that picture that what do you love more the the boar

stealing the laptop bag that's a wild boar the fact that it has two little kids with with it running or these laughing people in the background the guy's wearing a speedo he looks like steven merchant i think the guy i think my favorite thing is that this man has the same butt as the mother boar. He's got mother boar butt. Look at him. He's hauling. He's got mouths to feed. He's literally hauling ass.

He's hauling white ass is what he's hauling. Look at him. His backside is like a fine door. It is straight diamond. He is straight. By the way, guys, look how dirty his feet are. He's been out here for days. This family just loving it. Imagine what this family's view is that's looking at him.

His feet are dirtier than a big Jay Oakerson show. This kid hiding behind his parents, but also getting a good look. Also, have they realized yet that these wild boar are running right towards them? They're having fun. They're enjoying this. Excited. He's a hippie. Wild boar have teeth, by the way. Oh, they'll kill you. Oh, yeah. And tusks.

Oh, yeah. They're scary. The naked man gave chase to the boar and her two piglets, much to the amusement of fellow sunbathers. Adele Landourour an actor and life coach all right so aren't we all actor and life coach tells me that he's just a life coach and a former amateur if you're an if you're an actor and something else it means that the acting isn't going that well right it's correct it's like me uh it was anywhere was it oh that's who took the photos that's why we're actors and podcasters adele landor an actor and life coach took photos

of the chase at how would you get to felici i tried yeah a popular bathing spot and put them on facebook nature strikes back she wrote adding that the man laughed it off he gave it his all with not a stitch on she reported i then showed the photos to the man laughed it off. He gave it his all. With not a stitch on, she reported. I then showed the photos to the man. He laughed soundly and authorized me to make them public. Good on Adele for checking consent on putting these hilarious photos online. Now, if you're the actor slash life coach, do you then say to this guy, I'll just email him to you. Oh, sorry.

You don't have a laptop. You can't access those anymore. I want to hear the conversation with AppleCare when he's trying to cash in his insurance. Yep. Fair enough. Here's the deal, Dan. I want to see your laptop.

I don't want to see the top of your lap. Good call. That's close, brother. That's right. He gave it his all. Mr. Ms. Landauer provided more details on her instagram page saying the incident was a good example of someone persevering to achieve their goal she said how did he achieve it he didn't get the no he does get it what she said there were many nude sunbathers at the spot

when the wild boars appeared while the man was bathing she writes the boars calmly ate a pizza from his backpack hey you got pizza in your backpack but backpack pizza is some of this guy brought everything i've brought his whole apartment uh as he's checking everything before he leaves okay i'm gonna tell you i don't know this guy's name but somewhere close somewhere laptop i've got my do you have a hoodie in case it gets... Well, wait. I do have a hoodie. How did that get in here? Let me get that out. I'm going to tell you this about this guy whose name I do not know.

Somewhere, there's a table of five at a restaurant all talking about how no one's heard from him in a while. What's he been up to? He hasn't even posted anything on Facebook. I have not heard from him. I have not seen him. Last time I saw him, he had all of his belongings in a bag. And a slice of pizza.

He tried to get me a slice of pepperoni from his computer bag. My family saw a slice of pepperoni. That's right. Just a slice. Just a slice. Just a tiny. And then, quote,

they started looking for a dessert. They found his yellow bag and decided to take it away. But the man who owned it realized it was the bag with his laptop, which infers he would have let it go otherwise. Yeah. So he was very focused and ran behind the boars in order to get it back. The boars flight was slowed by a cardboard box in its path.

Clean up your part. The man clapped his hands and hit the ground with a stick like a wizard. Yeah. Prompting the boards to drop the laptop. This is insane. Yeah. The onlookers adored him and how focused he stayed when he came back with his yellow bag in hand. We all clapped and congratulated him for his success.

So this became like a big communal show. And when he came walking back naked up with this yellow bag, everyone started clapping. I showed you. I showed nature. I beat nature with that. Right. When he came walking back naked up with this yellow bag, everyone started clapping and cheering for him. I showed you. I showed nature. I beat nature with that. Right. It's like when you're at a sporting event and you watch somebody catch a foul ball

or like almost fall and catch themselves and then everybody cheers for them. Sure. There's a strong tradition of naturism in Germany, where in summer it is quite normal for people to strip off in parks. The back to nature movement is known as, and there's no way I can do this, it translates to free body culture. Yeah. Free Ben Kudgerber. You're close.

Or FKK for short. Right. Alright, that's story number two. That is an unbelievable run. Yeah. Yeah. I would not have cheered him if I had been on that beach. I'm from Oakland. If you leave your laptop unattended, someone's taking it. And they deserve to have what you deserve.

Yeah. I would also physically fight the boars. That's yeah. That's right. That's Oakland too. Yeah. In Oakland, they kick a boar. They would drop a boar in Oakland.

But I mean, that is he deserved to have that laptop stolen. Again, if you're bringing the lap if you bring a gun to a party you're going to use it you bring a laptop to a nude beach it's going to get stolen by a bore that's right fair enough just expect it that's it story number two down the books can you give us a little taste of what we're going to get in there for sure can in story number three um i don't how what is the best way to tease this. It's a person and a cop in that order. Okay.

There you go. Amy Miller is with us. Don't go anywhere. Dan's going to bring us home after the break. Stick around. Make us down for more Dumb People Town. All right. We are back.

Amy, we have a question for you. We like to take this time a little bit just to kind of talk to our guests. So your special is coming out. Yeah, sometime. We don't know when. We can't give any more details. I want to know from you and for all of our fans that are our Patreon members especially, where was the very first place you did stand up?

Brainwash Cafe in San Franciscoisco on fulsome street nice there was an open mic there in a laundromat for like 15 years run by this guy tony sparks who's a legend and uh there's like people just doing their laundry during the show they also had a full bar for some reason wasn't there a laundry show here in la for a little while there was did you ever do the laundry show here in LA? I don't think so. I think I gave up on laundry shows after several years of doing that. Okay. So wait, for you doing this one, had you been to the mic before or did this all happen in

one night? I had never been. No, it sort of happened over a week that a friend pressured me to go. I didn't think I would ever go back. It was just like a crazy experiment. And then- How'd it go? I don't know. How was it? Did you a crazy experiment and then how'd it go i don't know how was it did you get enough well it went really well yeah so i went back they always it's

like you always hear from everybody the first set goes well and that's part of the problem we're like right i'm gonna do this again you get the bug too do you remember any of your bits yes i do i had a bit uh going about um my mom calling vaginas front butt my whole childhood is that gonna make the half hour no no sadly no she has evolved since that point uh were you only calling called it a front bud the joke is that as an adult i had a lot of accidental anal. That's so funny. Not a bad first joke. That's a great first joke. I still have my very first set list. I have it framed. That's amazing.

Yeah. I can't even remember. You have a lot of shit framed. I do. I do. Do you see it right behind us? I do. I like a good gallery wall. Dan calls himself a basic bitch. I think my gallery wall is in response to me not living anywhere for six and a half years. Dan, do the joke. Your frames cost more than the pictures that are in it. You're a basic bitch that's what he is i think my gallery wall is in response to me not living anywhere for dan do the joke your frames cost more than the pictures that are in it you're a basic bitch

very true it's very true live laugh love dan live laugh love what am i but i should get that you should get a live laugh uh but the thing i'm curious is about okay so when you do the first set did you know anybody in the comedy community like what was your genesis because did you go from san francisco to portland yes i was in san francisco for two years then i went to portland but no no i didn't i had gone to like a couple local shows but i didn't really know anybody but everyone was really friendly on the first day also there's like no women so yeah so things never change so so how wait how did you end up in Portland then? I've never asked you this in our years of friendship.

I moved there for comedy and for work. I mean, I just was like, I'm going to go to another good comedy city wherever I get a job first. I'll go there. So I was considering Nashville, Denver, Portland, and then I got a job in Portland. So I went. That's what we tell everyone who is maybe not in one of those cities, like a Chicago, Nashville, Denver, Portland. And then I got a job in Portland. So I went. That's what we tell everyone who is maybe not in one of those cities, like a Chicago, Nashville, Denver, Portland. That's what we tell people is if you are,

you should get to one of these great cities that has a good scene that will force you to be better. And I feel like. Yeah. They had Bridgetown. They had a good club. They had a bad club. Yeah. But they just, the people who made up the scene were really good and kind of, again, pushed you to be better. Absolutely. Oh, yeah.

When I got there, Ian Carmel, Shane Torres were still there. Ron Funches had just left. I mean, it's, yeah. It's a great scene. So good. Yeah, love it. So what was that, like 2012? Yes.

Wow. Are we going to go through my whole comedy? No. No. We just wanted to hear yours. Hold on. Hold on, you two. We might.

We might still have it. I just wanted to hear her beginnings. It was November 2012. I started comedy in 2010. I just had my 10-year anniversary. That's great. You're crushing it. What a great year to have that.

Oh, I oh so grateful there's nothing we can do about it you're and i posted like 200 pictures of friends i've met in comedy in a real moment of gratitude and zero were of dan oh come on you guys were in it amy went through a whole roll of them all of them yeah and then was like you know what i'm gonna go later on i'm gonna do more i was like okay you know what? Later on, I'm going to do more. I was like, okay, cool. And then she does. Dan's like, I'll be in this batch.

She does a hundred more. I had none of you on my phone. You're telling me there's not one goddamn photo of us doing dumb people town together that somebody took and tagged you in. Yep. No, I've only been on this show once and it was a mini episode. Right. Okay. What about a picture? What about Doug loves movies? you in. Yep. No, I've only been on this show once and it was a mini episode. Right, but then you were there.

We took a picture. What about Doug Lowe's movies? How many times have we done that together? I'm telling you I couldn't find it, Dan. But then you posted a picture of Sam Levine all by himself. That's true, on the red carpet. You could have done that. Dan is right here. Jesus.

Oh, Amy, this was personal. If you don't like me, just say it because i love you so this is why dan brought up all of these questions yeah this is where we're going if you guys wouldn't have caught it short i was going to go through all of her comedy friendships until i got no i found out what distinguished no every single person she's ever done a show with missing from me who's missing from this all right let's let's get into the slack take us home all right here we go ready final story on a boat with our iphones sent in by carlene mcdermott again i know she crushes it way to go girl a sergeant with the

sheriff's office in ohio feels vague was on his way to work Sunday morning when he realized he was being followed. Now, if you're being followed in Ohio on a Sunday morning, whether you're a cop or not, you're like, what is happening? Yes. I don't expect to see anyone out on a Sunday morning. Amy, when was the last time you saw a Sunday morning? I can't. I don't.

Since church probably. Exactly. Old, old days right I if someone has the balls to follow a police officer that's I don't know who's that one time I left for Vegas on a Sunday morning yeah might be the easiest drive of my life going to Vegas at around 8 30 a.m on a Sunday you it's three and a half hours control the whole way baby all right here we go a car started following the sergeant who was in a marked patrol car so they knew it was a cop oh yeah around 7 a.m in trenton that feels early enough to be a continuation of saturday no that's part of saturday night yeah

especially if you're in trenton exactly and followed the police officer making several several traffic violations in the process so the person following the cop is like going through red lights and stop signs at what point does the cop notice because i again i was watching on netflix this fear city yeah yeah it's basically the story of the mob in in new york and they talked about getting tailed by the cops and what you would do is he's like there was a there was the the notion that you go faster to lose them but then the cop company were like, no, you go slower just to see how slow these guys are going to go. Because if you're going way below the speed limit, a normal person would drive around them and move forward. But if you're going that slow and they don't pass you, then you're out the person who's trailing you.

So if you're going to go through lights, you know that that's what they're going to do. They made several traffic violations, 7 a.m. in the morning. to go through lights you know that that's what they made several traffic violations 7 a.m in the morning how many miles do you think do you want to guess this person followed a police car around amy how many miles you can guess first or in the middle around trenton i'm gonna say three miles i love that i love that location had something to do with it for you uh jay what's important it is it is important i'm gonna say 12 miles. I'm going to say 42 miles. 42 miles. How many turnpikes

do you guys see? I don't know. This is in Ohio, Trenton, Ohio. That is a good turnpike where you'd be for a lot longer than you want.

Is he going to pay? One of you is only one number off. So what did you say, Amy? You said three. Jay, you said 12. And I said 42. So do you think,

all right, do you think it's you? You want to amend it? Yeah, I think it's four miles said 12. And I said 42. So do you think... All right. Do you think it's you? You want to amend it? Yeah, you can go up or down. Yeah, I think it's four miles. Okay. 11 miles. 41.

Okay. Car started following the sergeant making traffic violations and followed them around... The police officer around four. 11 miles. Wow! The driver matched the sergeant

turn for turn all the way to a parking lot in Hamilton. Once there, the sergeant then pulled the car over. I hope that was just them doing donuts for at least two minutes. I'm trying to get behind you. And then the guy tries to pull the

sergeant over. Right. What are you doing, officer? I want you to step out of the car. That's when the police officer discovered that the driver identified as Christina King was in a stolen driver's education vehicle belonging to Be Safe Driving Education,

a driver's ed business with two locations in Ohio. You can't get safer than right next to a cop. But if you stole a car, why would you want to follow the police car? I know. It's 7 a.m. on a Sunday. Dumb. You're out of it. Stupid. When the sergeant asked

Christina King why she was following him, she replied that she, quote, just wanted to see where he was going. You're drunk. Where are you going? Where are you going? Let's see what you're doing. They drive to our jail and get arrested in the parking lot. Now they're following our deputies across the county

just to be arrested. I guess previous story. Somebody must have driven into the parking lot of the station. Sheriff Richard Jones said in the release, we have a lot of deputies across the county just to be arrested i guess previous story somebody must have driven into the parking lot of the police station sheriff richard jones said in the release we have a lot of deputies working today if anyone else wants to turn themselves in that is their her way of turning herself in yeah i think that do you think she was turning herself in what is what goes to a person's brain who's doing that aim i think she was trying to get a viral police brutality video there you you go. Like, fuck, like I've gone 11 miles. Don't these guys beat someone up every two to three.

She's literally trying to get some hits. What are you doing? Seeing where you were going. Yeah. Well, here we are. Whose car is that? Not mine.

Someone else's. I'm taking driver's ed. Where's the teacher? It belongs to Ed. You asked too many questions. It's right. I don't like you. That's story number three and the show and the show amy miller i'm so excited for your project to come out we'll promote it when it does on here you're special you're so deserving of it

and you're just one of our favorite people in the meanwhile we'll just uh fantasize about the future when we can go out and do do comedy yeah and follow me everybody and also listen to my podcast which dan's been on and hopefully you guys will someday pretty sure we took a picture after we recorded what's the podcast tell them who's your god all right it's called who's your god you can follow us who's your god cast and uh yeah it's about religion it's very funny and fun uh we would love to do a heartbeat just let us know you should all right there you go. And oh shit,

we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town