Dumb People Town - Andy Daly - Pressing Chubbs

Episode Date: April 18, 2017

This week, Review's Andy Daly makes the journey to Dumb People Town aboard an inflatable raft held together by duct tape. Along with The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk, Andy discusses Review's seminal episode, "Pancakes, Divorce, Pancakes," and Orson Welles. Story #1 brings us a man accused of practicing medicine without a license, and leads to impassioned discourse about circumcision. The group chats about Andy's disturbingly hilarious character, Don DiMello.Story #2: the tale of a turkey skin skirmish. Andy spills the beans on his fear of Y2K. Story #3 involves a car crash blamed on the legendary mythical beast, Sasquatch. Mark Wahlberg leaves a voicemail describing the Wahlberg family Thanksgiving traditions and pumping up an upcoming project. 

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, on your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey, townies, it's time for Dumb People Town! Maybe we start a new tradition. I don't know.

Sklar Brothers here with Dan Van Kirk. I am here. He's our co-pilot, just like Jesus might be your co-pilot. Let us take the wheel. Let us take the wheel or give it up. We give it up to this guy who's on our show, a friend of ours for many, many years, back since New York. One of the best comedians and improvisers we know, Andy Daly. Hello!

Hi, Andy Daly! How. Hi, Andy Daly. How are you? I am loving Review. Thank you. If you're not watching Review, if you are not watching Review, I'm mad at you. That's how I feel.

You need to be reviewed by Andy's character. There's only three episodes this season. Have a star. Go watch it on Comedy Central's website and laugh your ass off. We are trying to figure out the combination

of the things that the character has that make it great in every situation. It's a gigantic blind spot. It's a willingness to try anything. It's a confidence to make him think that he's right and yet a total naivete and innocence towards the world. Right. He is incredibly optimistic.

That's the weirdest, maybe the weirdest thing about him. The weirdest thing about him. Things go horribly every single time. He's not a cynic. Yeah, right. He is a critic. And sometimes he's concerned about the gravity of this request. But a lot of the time he's just like, okay, well, I see no reason this shouldn't turn out fine.

Right. And I love how... Even though none reason this shouldn't turn out fine. Right, and I love how... Even though none of them have ever turned out fine. And every single thing feels like the person who's giving it, either the text or the tweet or the video thing, seems like they're fucking with you. Yeah. Yet, you're like, I gotta take it seriously.

Just a world full of assholes. Yeah. What was it in season one? Was it that you had to go through a divorce? Yeah, that was our third episode. Yeah, the scene in the kitchen with your wife. He's like,

what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. And he can't, I mean, the funnest thing about that scene is that he can't give her a reason. I know. You know what I mean?

You're going to do this to our kid. Yeah. You're going to do this. He can't just say, I'm just doing it for the show. Right. No. Oh, I just love that.

It would skew the experiment. It would skew the experiment. It would skew the experiment. And then that comes back later, in a later episode, it comes back to burn you when you come back to the door. And by the way, she's so good,

Jessica St. Clair. Oh my God. She's amazing. Ridiculously great. So good. So you have great people on the show and the show's great. You have a little mini

kind of three episode thing happening now that you can, can people watch it on ComedyCentral.com? Yeah, you can. I think it may ComedyCentral.com yeah you can I think it may even be in front of the authentication wall

but don't quote me on that I don't know how that whole thing works don't quote him don't quote him well I love how it's on demand somewhere

I don't know so do that if you want to support great and funny comedy and you are the perfect your skills blend perfectly for what we are about to do here on this show

we get great stories finally my skills blend perfectly for what we are about to do here on this show. We get great stories. Finally, my skills blend perfectly for something. Well, we described it. Because they don't do it anywhere else. Yeah, no, it's never happened. Not in parenting, not in comedy. That's for sure. Not in life.

No, I've met your kids and they're lovely. Yeah, but this show, as we described to you, was like the, in a writer's room and in Hollywood, when you get all the writers get together before they actually sit down. You can't just sit down immediately at 9am and start writing. Never. No one has ever done that. Something's broken if that happens. I remember my first writer's room, I realized very

quickly that from 9 till noon, I was very good at supporting other people's ideas and taking notes. Then 2 to like 7, that's my oh interesting that's my time yeah because i would just roll up and be like whatever you guys think is funny right now i'll just follow along with because i can't think on my own or you just all sit around and watch what you were saying in the review writer's room just videos of drunk orson

wells we would just watch that drunk orson wells doing the wine commercials again and again and it'd be like we would need it we. We'd need it as like a shot. We'd need a shot of that from time to time. Oh, Ernest and Julia. We know a vineyard in California. What is the first thing he said? Because there's one

where he's practically asleep. He goes, oh. And they come in and they do the sticks and he's not ready for it. He goes, oh. Like he buys himself a little time with a big oh it's so funny but you can't stop watching and the we're talking about the poor actors who have to act with him in that commercial we're trying to hold it together every

way possible they're probably so psyched hey we get to act with orson well they probably told everyone they knew the staging of it is weird, because he's sitting down in there standing, which just accentuates the fact that he can't stand. Right. Why not sit them with him? You know? It's so awkward. And one of them's got the job.

It's a piece of business. He's got to pour a glass once they start. So it's a nightmare, because every single time they start, he fucks it up because he's too drunk. He's got to do this piece of business. It's so great. Every time. And's got to do this piece of music. It's so great. Every time.

And points for straight faces on those two actors. Amazing. I heard a story, by the way. A quick story about Orson Welles. Yes. Please. He was directing a commercial, and call time was like 8 a.m. It's 8, 8.15, 8.30. He's not there.

8.45. Let's call him. They reach him up in Santa Barbara. The commercial is shooting down in L.A. He's up in Santa Barbara. It's the commercial is shooting down in la it's like two hours away he's like oh is that today well then all right uh well i'll head right down and okay well we'll just tell the crew to to just to cool it for a couple hours you'll be you'll be down in two hours he's like yes please and uh so now it's 10 30 11 11 11, 11.15. Let's just give them a call.

They reach him in Santa Barbara. He hasn't moved. And the person on the phone says, Well, Orson, what should I tell the crew? And he goes, Tell them, action! I mean, that's when you're good. When you're that good, you just are given jobs that you can fuck up and just still do.

Unreal. We've got great stories. Let's jump into one. This is good. It's long, but it's worth it. Oh, great. This was sent in by Jonathan Wall at John underscore CW underscore Wall. Can you do two underscores in one thing? He did it. I don't think he underscored enough. Point guard for the Washington WizardsW underscore Wall. Can you do two underscores in one thing? He did it.

I don't think he underscored enough. Point guard for the Washington Wizards. John Wall. He tweeted at Daniel Van Kirk, which is me, so that worked out. And then he hashtagged it Dumb People Time, which everybody can do. All right, here we go. Yep. A Newfoundland and Labrador man.

Can he be two? Is one the... Newfoundland and Labrador? I don't know. He's from Newfoundland Is one the... Is he from Newfoundland and Labrador? I don't know. He's from Newfoundland. It says Newfoundland and Labrador man. I thought it was a guy

who just identified with those two breeds of dogs. Yeah, I'm a Newfoundland man. I'm a Labrador man myself. You know what? I'm both. I can't choose anymore. I'm tired of being asked to choose.

It's interesting that those are both places and this guy's from both of those places and they're both dogs. They are both dogs dogs You've hooked me I'm from Poodle, Canada In Shitsville Alright

A Newfoundland and Labrador man Has been charged with practicing Without a medical license After a woman This is going to take a hard left Wherever you think it's going I promise you it's going to take a hard left wherever you think it's going I promise you it's going to take a hard left reported him to police

saying he asked her inappropriate questions about her son's penis and suggested he could perform circumcisions in his rural home what? isn't this a brisk?

why is the woman still listening to him? That sentence is what I said to myself three times in the course of this story. That you will say to yourself, at a certain point, it's on her for still being within audible range. Get out. He presented himself as a doctor.

No? He just wanted to let her know. Can I ask you one more inappropriate question about your son? Okay, but then I really have to go. Then I promise I'm leaving after this one. You will hear the wheels peeling out. I thought you were going to say, because I saw a little news story about a doctor that was injecting cement into women's asses. That picture was great. Cement?

Cement. Cement. Cement. That's not going to do what you want it to do? No. No? Because the song wasn't I like hard butts

and I cannot lie. It was I like big butts and I cannot lie. I just love that he couldn't lie. As much as Sir Mix-a-Lot wanted to lie. That's all he wanted to do was to tell you

I like small butts. He can't. Right. No, he can't do it. He just can't do it. Because it was not in him to lie. Commendable. Gentlemen, how are you? i noticed you were in conversation i apologize for interrupting first

i'd like to ask the three of you can i talk to you about your children's penises oh well now hang on hang on now let's hear him out have you ever said to yourself that could look better no never once or twice i suppose that's inappropriate you guys are bailing quickly keep an open mind gentlemen where are you gonna perform whatever character from review it's his character from review my uncle always said hear out a man's pitch you don't have to the worst you could do is say no right if i told you i have three times shares. No. Carboneer resident. Not sure if that's a breed of dog.

Carboneer. This is the man. Some people, they choose their life. Some are born for it. Their life chose them. This is the man. Carboneer resident, Josh Chubbs. Josh Chubbs.

Josh Chubbs, working on them dicks. Yeah. 23 years old, was charged on February 20th under the Medical Act after a mother, whom CBC News has agreed

not to identify. They all came to an agreement on that one. This would not be good for her. So 23, so you must have really raced through medical school at age 23.

Dude, he dugged it. Uh-huh. Let's see. They called police to report that he had written to her last December. In my mind so far, it's pen to paper.

He wrote her a handwritten letter about her child's penis. Wait a minute. So this guy Chubbs. Chubbs. 23-year-old Chubbs. Yep. He's from three different cities now in Canada. According to this. I got a real problem with that. I feel like his nickname should be sticky i feel like based off his various locations he speaks on the exhale and says things like

i don't really like to live in one spot what does that mean what does that mean i'll just write you a letter about it take that you take that how you want it. I'm not going to go see a Dr. Chubbs by the way. Me either. Certainly not send my son there. No. I'm sorry,

he wrote her a letter. It started with a letter? Well, I assume it's a letter. It was probably Facebook Messenger. Actually, yes, it says here it was. He wrote her last December

after she made a routine post on Facebook that mentioned her children. Sure. Mentioned them. The mother. Two kids. Yeah Mentioned them. The mother.

I have two kids. Yeah. Yeah, they are. The mother who lives in Conception Bay North. For those following along, we are on our fourth location in this story.

Conception Bay. They're all weird. Conception Bay. Conception Bay. In this bay, every child will be conceived. Sex Bay.

Are we going to be doing a water birth? Well, we are in Conception Bay. You go down there and lay down on the beach, you'll get pregnant. Oh, yeah. Don't get your good down there. Get down there.

It's made up of half sperm. You just swim in there and they'll... They'll flow right in. They'll live in that bay for up to six weeks. Yeah. Some of the pH levels, you know. It'll impregnate you. They were going to call it Petri Dish Bay, but they didn't think that would be too good.

I don't call it Little Swimmers. Yeah, Little Swimmer Bay, they thought about that. Yep. Yep. Yep. We just say yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Conception Bay. The mother, who lives in Conception Bay North area, said Chubbs wrote to her to inquire whether her son, who is under 10, was having any issues with his genitals, such as infections that might require a medical procedure, like a circumcision, or a, can anyone in the world tell me what this is, frenulectomy? A frenulectomy?

F-R-E-N-U-L-E-C-T-O-M-Y. I feel I've heard the word frenulum. Frenulectomy. Don't know it. So it is the removal of your fencer. Around the head of the penis, which would just be a circumcision. I guess. Sounds like it.

Quote, this is what she told the CBC News, To say the conversation took a strange turn is a bit of an understatement. It's already strange. However. When someone you don't know writes that to you about your son's genitals. However, she did not leave the conversation. Why? Well, how did you find? I'm curious to know whether they were Facebook friends or not.

Maybe she just left her post public. She left it public. Am I doing that? For those of you who don't know, circumcision is often performed a few days after birth before discharge from the hospital or specialized outpatient clinics. However, because it's considered cosmetic, the surgery cost of $300 to $500 isn't covered by most insurance plans. Now look, I don't want to burn a bit, but I genuinely am going to ask you guys this question, and it's something I've been trying to work on on stage.

I don't care because it's real life right now. It's beginning. Do you guys... You have daughters, Randy, so we'll count you out for this. But you can also throw an opinion out there. Andy? Yes. One son? Two sons? Two daughters.

Two daughters. Well, Andy, let's go for your opinion. Jason, step up to the plate. You've got the support of the room. I'm ready. When you have a kid, a boy, and they've got to be circumcised, you just... Now, you're Jewish, so you probably had a brisk, right? You did a brisk.

What was the quat? Brisk. No, brisk. No, brisk. You had a lifted brisk. Yeah, they do it briskly. You had a brisk. What?

Did you... In every form of plastic surgery, you sit down with a book, here's what this woman's breasts before, here they are after. Here's her lips before, here they are after. Do rabbis or doctors have a book letting you know, this is how this dick turned out 20 years later? No, they are after. Here's her lips before. Here they are after. Do rabbis or doctors have a book letting you know, this is how this dick turned out 20 years later? No, they don't. So what are you just going?

I asked a friend of this who's Jewish as well. Yes, he goes, you know what? We heard that he had good jokes and he was fun and really good with the family. The guy did have good jokes. Has nothing to do with cutting your son's dick. No. But you don't care? No.

You just let it happen. Right? Yeah, I think there's just one way to do it, right? It's a lot of faith. I mean, you know. Messed up penises from scar tissue, discoloration. Yes. People can do bad jobs on dicks.

But nobody's like... My son is all right. There was the whole story about the twins. This was a whole bit of ours. Yeah, the whole bit about the twins. Oh, yeah. The twins in Canada. One of them had a massive circumcision.

Mutilated his genitalia. Mutilated the genitalia. They had to, well, then they said, well, let's raise him as a girl. They did. He knew deep down

that he wasn't a girl. Then they fashioned a penis out of his inner thigh. Then he took the hormones and he started to become a man and we said, we totally both felt worse

for his twin brother. Because that twin brother can't complain about anything in front of that guy for the rest of his life. Complaining about small things is part of what makes life great. What's bothering you today?

I was at the bank. You had to wait a long time. Was it as long as I had to wait for them to fashion a penis out of my inner thigh? Obviously it was not that long. Was it that long? Were they out of pens at the bank? Yeah, they were out of pens. I wouldn't know what that's like to not have the thing that goes in the thing. But in all honesty, I've thought thought about this so you have a son birth hopefully everything goes well mom's fine your baby's fine everything's healthy right and then you just trust that the doctor

is good at cutting doing plastic surgery you should say to the doctor do you have a book full of photos of penises here was the worked on? I cut him 22 years later. Here's his penis again. You want to see a 22-year-old penis? I don't know. 18, 16, something. You probably at least need to be 19, right? To get consent.

But how can you verify that those are penises that he cut? How can you verify that with the breast augmentation? You can't. You can't? You just try. At least right now, literally, my mom had me. That's a whole other story. We both almost died.

But we all made it out, right? And then she just trusts that Dr. Hinderletter knew how to cut a dick? Yeah. There's no vetting process. You remember the name of that doctor? Oh, yeah. They'll never forget. Never forget.

But yes, you are. He's behind the letters. We live in a social contract. You picked a guy to do plastic surgery on your son based on his rapport with the group. I mean, look, getting the picture of the baby penis is not going to be difficult. A rabbi asking 22-year-old men to photoshop their penises for April 4th. Yes, what is it, Rabbi Chubbs? Well, I'm tracking down some of my more memorable patients over the years.

I'm telling you, there's a cottage industry in here somewhere for somebody who wants to go, you know, I will do right by your kid's penis. Let me see one of them look books. Look books, exactly. One of them look books. Let me check those color swatches. Color swatches. Think about that, man.

Squatches. Color swatches. Jay, you picked the guy to cut your kid based on jokes and availability. Just think about it. Dan, it worked out and everything's fine. Okay. But Dan is right. But Dan is right.

Yeah. I am shocked that I did it and thankfully I never have to do it again. The mother described Chubbs as an acquaintance. Oh, so I guess maybe they were friends. And said she knew he had worked at Noel's funeral home. There's your qualification. Oh. She said... You bomb dead people. Noel's funeral home. There's your qualification. Oh.

She said... You bomb dead people, so... He's good with dead tissue. Knowles. Maybe. He could be performing circumcisions on the corpses. Plenty of practice. You never know. Yeah.

She said he explained to her that he also had training in pediatric urology and could do surgical operations like circumcision. She's still in this conversation with this guy. I love it. According to Facebook messages seen by CBC News, Chubbs asked if her son had been circumcised and several other questions that she felt were inappropriate.

Not inappropriate enough to leave. No, she's still in the conversation. Go on. Quote, he said, I don't want you to think I was a creep. I am trained. That sentence never goes well. If you're telling someone is that part of you to think i'm a creep guess what they are is that in the hippocratic oath yeah not to be a creep yeah

like make it clear you're not a creep i swear that i am not a creep i'm true no harm and make it clear you're not a creep that would be great yeah if your doctor before everything just goes listen i'm not a creep but i do need you I do need you to strip down of all your pants. Turn to the left and cough. They're required to say that as they're cupping your balls. This is a Polaroid camera. You played a doctor on a show, too. I played a show, a lot of doctors.

Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley. That is your soda. You call it silicon? You know what? I say silicon. That sounds right to me, but actually the last time I was there,

Mike Judge, because I had to say it in the script, and he was like, up there they all call it Silicon Valley. It sounds crazy. Silicon. It sounds awful. So I'm wrong calling it Silicon Valley.

Silicon Valley is not even one of the options. It is in Dumpy Potel. Perfect. Perfect. You were great on that show, by the way. Oh, thank you. I loved it. That's with everything. Silicon Valley. You were great on that show, by the way. Oh, thank you. I loved it. That's with everything.

Silicon Valley. After pressing Chubbs further, when she could have walked away. Pressing Chubbs. Pressing Chubbs. Pressing Chubbs is like. That's the name of the movie. That's the name of this episode. That's probably the name of this episode.

I thought that was like the Canadian Chasing Amy. Pressing Chubbs. Pressing Chubbs. You're pressing Chubbs, man. You're pressing Chubbs, man. I think that was said on the exile or on the exhale exile you're pressing chubs man let me tell you a story i once had a chub anyway uh i bailed she said he went on to explain how he never finished his urology training because he fell into the funeral business you know how how that goes, guys. It's either

or for a lot of people. Yeah. Which way are you going to go after this? Do I finish medical school? Pediatric urology? Or embalming people? Why not? You know what, in his case, sounds like a little old boat. He can't be in one town, can't be in one profession.

Why choose? If not me, who? Is what he says over and over again it's always crazy when the dumbest people get the most confidence yeah you know what i mean they should he told her he had that you know what a press he told her he told her he had training in pediatric urology and quote dealt with lots of boys who have had issues might want to follow up with another not a creep line still in the conversation and you called it from the beginning

dealt with lots of boys who have had issues after I dealt with them I gave them the issue quote I did finish my course got all my papers it's not legal I am trained he told her and added

I just don't work for the hospital which is why I don't broadcast Got all my papers. It's not legal. I am trained, he told her, and added, I just don't work for the hospital, which is why I don't broadcast, but it's legal. A lot of... Wait a minute. Why don't broadcast? This is what he said. I'm fairly certain he said,

it's not legal, a sentence before he said it's illegal. Yeah, I'll read it again. All the quote. I did finish my course. Got all my papers. It's not legal. I am trained.

I just don't work for the hospital, which is why I don't broadcast, but it's legal. That's all one sentence. It's not legal. He said not legal. But it's legal. That is the greatest. It's like that Trump thing where he's like, look, I don't want to say, I'm not the one saying that.

I'm not saying it's fact. I'm just saying a lot of people are saying it. It also sounds like he talked himself into it being legal in the course of this post this it's not legal yeah but i'm trained i don't broadcast it that's legal it's legal it's not legal it is legal let's go to you phil chuck lori yeah that's a classic little clip in the messages he claimed he had performed circumcisions for his adult friends on the side that's always on the side and that he had all his papersisions for his adult friends on the side. That's always on the side. And that he had all his papers. Which side?

I love that a guy from two towns with dog names has his papers. He added he could do the procedure right in his home, which she described as little more than a cabin in the woods near the town of Freshwater. So she's seen it. For those keeping a track at home. Fifth location. Fifth town, Freshwater. Yeah, and she's seen his place. Or do you think he sent photos? Here's the office So she's seen it. For those keeping a track at home. Fifth location. Freshwater. Yeah, and she's seen his place.

Or do you think he sent photos? Here's the office. Here's the office. Just so you know, I'm not a creep. Plenty of Highlights magazines strewn about the place for the kids.

He can read my manifesto while he's waiting. I'm dealing with a boy right now. Yep. Dealing with a boy. He's on Bluetooth talking to her. Let me unhook the boy.

At this point, she's still in this. At this point, I had googled the length of time it takes to come a pediatric urologist, and he hasn't even been out of high school that long. That's assuming he finished. That's what you said, Jay.

So I knew then that this was something that needed to be brought to a higher power's attention. I'm glad that this is the point. Which to me, she just started praying about it. Like, who's the higher power? OJ? She just starts praying. The second he says, does your son have something wrong with his penis?

That's when you report it to a higher power. Right. Pretty much. Right. Flag. Flag and remove. Oh, it's just because he's in a one-bedroom cabin? Oh, that's... Oh, cabin oh that's too many red flags

here freshwater lake excuse me i'm not going all the way up there if you've ever known something untoward happen if you're her you're a saltwater lake do you eventually get mad at your mom for going this far down the road with this guy? Yeah. Yeah, I would too. I think so, yeah. You do. Thanks for almost having me. Not protecting me. The woman noted that the messages she received from Chubbs, I'm getting mixed signals from

this Chubbs, were difficult to read because of the numerous spelling errors. Oh, Chubbs. He's working on medicine, not spelling. Right. According to the woman, Chubbs referred her to a mutual adult friend who had a frenulectomy, or circumcision operation, successfully done by Chubbs. So now, he's providing references. He has a lookbook.

Lookbook. I gotta find out more about this guy. Yeah. Oh, here you go. I'd love it if it's true. The friend confirmed it and went on to say Chubb seemed professional and that there were no complications from the work same professional to me i'm only my dick i don't know if somebody's willing to look out there and dump people town but if chubbs has a yelp page we need to see it

what's his first day i got a pretty good circumcision from not dr chubbs never hear about josh Chubbs. Words you should never hear about your doctor. Josh Chubbs. He seemed professional. He seemed professional. Yes. How was your doctor? He seemed professional. You know what? Seemed professional.

Then get out. The mom said that he, the mom said hearing that Chubbs had operated on an adult was disturbing enough, but for him to approach her about doing unlicensed surgery on her child

was what finally drove her to contact police. She's, there's a big gap in there between him was what finally drove her to contact police. There's a big gap in there between him bringing it up and her finally contacting police. Quote, I was absolutely horrified she lied. It red flagged, this is still her, it red flagged a lot of stuff for me because God forbid there would actually be somebody

too embarrassed to take their child to a doctor who would take them to a friend who is clearly not certified to do these things. he did say they are legal i made that last part up too nervous to call uh the harbor grace the rcmp's harbor grace detachment i don't know to explain yeah mountain police harbor grace detachment which i guess is their office or precinct they come on horses she She was too nervous, guys. Too nervous to call them to explain what Chubb said. Maybe she was scared of horses.

So she asked a friend to do so. There are so many characters in this story. Yeah. She now has a friend doing her bidding. You don't directly talk to the Chubb. Nope. She's scared to call the police. There's a reason, right?

Yeah. Maybe. She's up to some shit. Something's wrong with her. Yeah. That's why she waited so long. Yep. She said it first. I like your dad. How about, let's hear it for the Canadian police. Maybe she's up to some shit. Something's wrong with her. That's why she waited so long. She said it first.

I like your dad. How about, let's hear it for the Canadian police. She said it first. Police didn't take her friend seriously and hung up on her. No, ma'am. No, we're not going out there. No, we're not. Well, it's a friend of mine.

Not really a friend. I worked with her two jobs ago. A friend of a friend of a guy who's caught in dicks. We don't care. I'm going to transfer you to my friend. His name is Dial Tone. Wait a minute. That's like being hung up on. Her friend called back a second time.

They finally listened and eventually charges were laid. Not filed. We're up in Canada. They're laid. The lambda. Not only was Chud's allegedly offering to perform medical procedures without proper credentials. Guys, shocker.

He also had not finished his apprenticeship to be a mortician. You're kidding me. Wait a second. And that maybe is the biggest tragedy of all this. Is that all? Of all? Stop claiming. I am shocked.

And I am outraged. The RCMP are not commenting on their investigation or lack thereof the mother said she went to the media to make sure others don't consider getting their child treated by someone which means she considered it someone without proper medical credentials quote it's important for people to know

that without proper credentials things could go wrong file that under no shit yeah hey I want everybody to know if somebody does some sort of surgery on you and they're not trained to do it just heads up

don't do it it could go wrong it could go wrong it could go right he's same professional cut to friend who's like hey he did it on me

everything's fine let that woman speak for herself he's same professional everybody it's a scary thought to think this is going on in a cabin in the woods ma'am it's scary to think anything that's going on in a cabin in the woods.

My family has a cabin in the woods. And you're scared. Sometimes there's scary things going on there. And you're there. Yes. Chubbs is scheduled to appear in Harbor Grace Provincial. Say it for me. Provincial.

I know. On April 12th. You guys ready to play a game? No. We already know 23. According to chubbs how another good name for the movie according to chubbs it's like inventing the abyss according to chubbs how many worlds according to chubbs waiting for chubbs according to chubbs

any which way but chubbs how how many procedures has he done? Ooh. Oh. This is good. He has said that he has completed X amount of frenulectomies, which is, I think, when you lose a friend. I'm going to ask the real, we'll start with Randy. Wait a minute, you're the guest. Well, I'll tell you what's complicated about guessing this. Do you want to go first or last?

You get to choose. I'll go first. Okay. But I want to say what's complicated about You get to choose. I'll go first. Okay. But I want to say what's complicated about this is on the one hand, his incentive is to brag and say I've done a lot of these

and it's been fine. Sure. On the other hand, he's got to know that every one of these is another criminal charge. The incentive structure here for him is hard to guess.

That would give him forethought and understanding cause and reaction. Cause and reaction. He doesn't get that. No one's going to be able to track this conversation on Facebook. It's better for him to come out and say, what are you talking about? Even to the judge, I have done 400 of these. So I'm going to guess he probably claims to have done, I'm going to say 35.

35. 35. Jason and Randy, I defer to whichever one he wants to go for next. I say 18. 18. That's kind of modest. enough to where you know what you're doing I think he's probably done 18 I'm going to say 24 24 yeah because he's a fan of the show

Chubbs Josh Chubbs 23 years old not a mortician not a doctor claims to have done more than 50 procedures more than 50 in the cabin in the woods double i don't believe that it's possible particularly in canada are there that many dudes it could be he doesn't understand what a procedure is so like

clipping his friend's nails could be for him that could count but I assume he does mean he wants to let you know he's done more than 50 circumcisions yeah this is a real going concern I'm doing this

it's happening he's laid his hand on 50 other people's also for the record I want to say this guy all he wanted to do was cut dicks

yeah and throughout the whole story we wanted proof that he was good at doing it yet you take your son to a rabbi or a doctor and wanted proof that he was good at doing it. Yet you take your son to a rabbi or a doctor and just take their... They were good at delivering babies. They're probably good at plastic surgery.

I came here to do two things. Chew gum and cut dicks. Looks like we're all out of dicks. So I just need some more gum. Does anyone have any hubba bubba? All right, we're off and running. Wow. Story number one.

Cabin in the woods. Pressing chubs. Pressing chubs. We're're off and running. Wow. Story number one. Cabin in the Woods. Pressing Chubbs. Pressing Chubbs. We're already off and running. Dumb People Town. Andy Daly, Dan Maykirk. Stay with us. There's more.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Andy Daly, follow him on Twitter. Oh yeah. He is TV's Andy Daly. TV's Andy Daly.

And speaking of TV, watch his show Review. You can catch it on demand. You can catch it at ComedyCentral.com. Hopefully be in front of the paywall, we hope. Or on the app. Does anybody use the Comedy Central app? I think so. You do? I do.

I use the Comedy Central app on my iPad. Oh, cool. On my iPad. And I watched an episode of Review the other night. There you go. Hot dog. On my iPad. All right, good.

Andy, I want to tell you. So when I first came out to LA, I got an internship, luckily enough, at UCB Theater on Tuesday nights, which for 10 years was just like, it would start out with Doug Benson and then do his show. And then if you had a ticket for that, you could stay for Comedy Death Ray, then Comedy Bang Bang. And then after that, they would do Diamond Lion Musical Improv and then usually like another group.

And you just got, I mean, literally, it was like the best comedy in the country. And there was a show called CNX Tuesday, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That was there, too. That was a good one. So, being an intern, standing off to the side, done cleaning the toilets and vacuuming the floor, and the show's underway, and watching you do Don DeMello. Oh, yeah. On Doug's show, and you did it other times.

It just, it was one of my, I mean, that is one of the richest, because a lot of times, if you're doing a famous character, you're going in with assumed knowledge already. But to have you develop a guy that was so clear and so precise in such a short amount of time, and then just keep mining that guy. Can you explain him to the audience? John DeMello came about because Scott Aukerman was doing a Christmas episode of his podcast, and I had a newspaper at home with an ad for the Radio City Music Hall, Christmas Spectacular.

I think we were subscribing to the New York Times at that time. And the ad was like Santa Claus and the camel and all that stuff. And then this line of chorus girls, high-kicking dancers, the Rockettes. And I was like, what the fuck is up with that, really? That's weird that there is this leggy holdover from the Ziegfeld Follies in this children's show. It's just odd. I saw it. And so I was just thinking about

who's in charge of that part of the show. That guy. And so that's Don DeMello and he's just the most disgusting, horrific, most leg in a kidship. Don DeMello, bring out the girls. I love you.

That's a little something for daddy. Don does this thing. He kept it to himself. The first time I saw him, Don has this thing where he gingerly takes his hand and sets it up on the table as you're about to make a point. Let me tell you, Doug.

Something about you having actresses in the attic that you were currently training. Oh, sure, yeah. Oh, training Oh sure They're in pens backstage They're in little pens Wait what? Is that part of the training process? You always want to know where they are They're right behind the camels

Wait a minute Are you in any relation to Burgess Meredith? Because there's just a bizarre You're going to eat lightning and crap from the moon. He just says this. As a rockette? As a rockette.

Oh, wow. He literally, just like... He'll knock you to tomorrow, rockette. You got no problem with a rock. Ah, love it.

Kip? But that character, man, as somebody who does characters, it was just so rich watching you do that. I love that guy. When you're in a character like that, and you know that you've got lots of places to go, no matter what gets thrown your way,

that has to be a great feeling. Like you're in the pocket. Yeah, it's great fun. Yeah, just always know how your character is going to react as horribly as possible is the answer. Just know that that's it. And how he thinks about it is how that person would think yeah and you literally are a real time and that's when you're fully engrossed in what it is it's beautiful thing to see yeah sometimes i do a show where uh my characters i'll do like an hour long show where

my characters take questions from the audience it's the best yeah it's great fun because you're like this is how it goes i know how i'm gonna answer this we used to end a lot like a live podcast like that we would let people from the audience just ask whatever character of mine or whoever else we had up yeah we'd have like three people and it's so much fun because they commit to it too yeah you know but you just know that you're gonna score every time because no matter what they say right you have your attitude down pretty much funny and it'll be it'll be hilarious finding that attitude that's the key to it well you guys want to do another story okay uh this one this is kind of fun this one was sent to me by don johnson

at cap'n c-a-p-n-d-m-a-n cap' Cap'n'd Man. Don was at our show in Portland. He came there with his mom. She actually turned him on to Dumb People Town. He was a great dude. And she told me about this newspaper that she had saved this story forever just in her own personal life. It was made for Dumb People Town. It was hilarious. Clipping.

Yes. And she would always tell people about it. And then when we started doing Dumb People Town, she had said, I need Daniel Van Kirk and the Sklars. To break this down. Yes. And so I said, take a picture of it. Send it to me.

She hit me up on Twitter. This is it? Yes. How old is this story? It is Saturday, November 27th, 1999. Oh, jeez. From the vault. Pre-9-11.

Pre-9-11, we had just moved to L.A. right at that time. 99! I had not moved to L.A. yet. I was still in New York by the time I was here in New York. I did pilot season 2000

and then I was bi-coastal for a year and a half. You did a little pilot season. So yeah, Don and his mom are probably listening to this right now he tweeted at me he said

at Daniel Van Kirk it was great meeting you the Sklars and Rags at Helium and PDX everybody who was at those shows I mean the love and the just

it was so great afterwards hanging with everybody he said my mom wanted me to send this to you hashtag dumb people town I am now

going to read you this story I will say this before we go. I feel like you've got a piece of the Dead Sea Scrolls. That's what this feels like. The Dumb Sea Scrolls. As with so many stories in Dumb People Town that come across our blotter, a lot built up before this day.

Yeah. This is an iceberg of dumbness. Here it goes. The region, in brief. Man, teen, fight about skinned bird. What? Police were called to a northeast... Remember, this is November 27th, 1999.

The world was a different place back then. It was pre-Y2K. Pre-Y2K. Who knew what was going to... But we were getting ready for it. Oh, shit. Yeah, we were on high alert. We were on November of 99.

We were stockpiling skinned birds. Yes! You got to skin at least 100 birds. Did anybody else have any of those people in their lives? This was before social media, so you didn't get to see what your aunt thought all the time. But did anybody else have people in their lives who were like, it's all going away? Yeah. I was that guy.

You were? I was totally that guy. You thought it was going away? I truly believed Y2K would be a disaster all of our credit card information is gonna go away yeah the financial system's gonna crash i thought it was gonna be chaos in the streets really i had a car parked somewhere with a go bag are you serious are you serious i'm totally serious are you that way in general no i was So what do you think About the current administration?

It's bad Yeah I'm really worried These guys who are Like I've had I wanted Andy to be like Oh we're fine Oh this is going to be fine Don't worry

Oh yeah I'm over that Once I knew that Y2K Wasn't happening Well that did That actually was a big thing It was But to watch on New Year's Eve

What about the Mayan calendar Did that freak your ass out? No I don't get That was the last time I really was like What about the Mayan calendar? Did that freak your ass out? No. I don't get it. That was the last time I really was like, God damn it. What about those billboards like five, seven years ago that were like, May 22nd, it's all going down. Remember those billboards that run down like, Mayan calendar 2012.

I love this, though, Andy, and I love your honesty about it. So why do you keep rolling up? And you just had read enough articles or heard enough potential problems that you were like, I just got to be ready. I need an escape route. And like any conspiracy theory, this thing happens anytime you believe in a conspiracy theory where evidence that's contrary to your theory just expands your theory yes and i was in that trap like i was watching people on tv like experts saying this is not an issue because it's a very minor computer glitch and the companies

have worked to fix it and they didn't even need to anyway. And I was like, this fucking guy is part of it. He's trying to, this guy's, this guy's going to be on a space shuttle on New Year's Eve going to New Earth. No, I wasn't that bad.

They're putting stuff in mountains, guys. They're putting stuff in mountains. No, but I really did believe that the people on TV going, this is no big deal. Their attitude was like,

there's nothing we can do about it. Let's not let people panic or have a run on the bank. You know what I mean? You are living in New York at the time. Yes. You're from the East Coast too, right? Right.

Where were you going to go? I had a cousin who lived in rural New Hampshire. There you go. And I was going to go straight up there. Newfoundland, Labrador. I had a camping stove and I had all this canned stuff and I just thought we're just going to hunker down. There you go. And I was going to go straight up there. New Finland, Labrador. I had like a camping stove and I had all this like canned stuff and I just thought we're just going to hunker down. Can you tell me about the day? I'm assuming the first, might have been the first week of January?

Might have been the first week of May. No, no. When you went and finally were like, I can get this stuff out of this car. Or do you have one ready to go in LA right now? You should. And you should with this. What did I do with all the canned goods and stuff in that car? It's parked on Woodman and Hortense. It's ready to go in LA right now. You should. What did I do with all the canned goods and stuff in that car? It's parked on Woodman

and Hortense. It's ready to go any time. DeLong, Prey, and La Brea ready to go. Jesus. No, it was right away. It was really,

I was watching TV at home watching New Year's Eve hit like across the globe and just going, oh, nothing happened. Nothing happened. Get rid of the Paris. Nothing happened in London.

I mean, you were ready. All right. Okay, here we go. So, Skin Birds, 99. Police were called to a Northeastern Salem residence Thursday. Salem, Oregon. Which I'm assuming is Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah.

When a fight broke out between a man and a teenager, leaving several broken home furnishings, a few cuts and scratches, and a naked but cooked turkey. Oh, guys, my screen just timed out. Come back to me. Here we go. Sorry. and a naked but cooked turkey. Oh, guys, my screen just timed out. Come back to me. Here we go. Sorry. A naked but cooked turkey abandoned on the living room floor.

Turkey's on the floor. Thanksgiving is over. What does that mean that it's naked? It doesn't have those little paper feet on them? We should revisit the headline where they're fighting about a skinned bird. According to the Salem police officer, Bennett Rowe. Who knows what he's up to these days. He's up to a rough.

The fight started after the man apparently, the man, ate all the skin off his female acquaintance's Thanksgiving turkey while she was away. From the room? I don't know. When the woman and her teenage son returned from a shopping trip and confronted the man about the missing skin. An argument progressed into a physical fight. The man threw the turkey at a wall, shattering a mirror. 29 years of bad luck. We call that a Michael Keaton, you want to get nuts, let's get nuts move. You want to get nuts?

Let's get nuts! Throwing the turkey at the mirror. Throwing the turkey at a mirror! I'm like, did he grab both the legs of the turkey i'm like and they ripped off so then he had to pick up the whole thing what this turkey's so bad you'll have to go into another dimension to get it he tried to throw it through the mirror wait but but in everyone's defense the skin is the best part of the turkey you would agree with you.

I love that they were like, they say acquaintance, I'm assuming boyfriend. Or they're in the process of breaking up. Stepdad? Yeah. And she says, we got to run to the store because we're out of Cool Whip. He's getting his learner's permit,

so I'm going to let him drive. The turkey's done. The turkey's done. The turkey's done. Just warm and ready. All you need to do is sit here and watch the turkey. Don't touch it. Don't touch it.

Grab a little bit of skin right here. They won't miss a little bit of skin. Oh, it's all connected. It's all connected. You know what? They probably don't eat all the skin. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was all connected. You know what?

I've eaten Hulk skin. Here's what I'll do. When they get back here, they can have all the white meat. I'll eat the dark meat. He's willing to sacrifice. Feels terrible. I'm really giving on this. Feels terrible.

I just love that they confront the man about the skin, and then he instantly throws the turkey at the wall. He was waiting for the fight. He was at nine hot. He was like for the fight. He was at nine. If they say anything to me, this turkey's going right in. It's hard to take responsibility and apologize, but I'm having a hard time imagining his counter-argument. You know what they do? Should have seen what that turkey was wearing. You wanted that skin?

You should have taken that turkey with you. What time is it? The man and the teenager began fighting. What are you thankful for? Overturning chairs and breaking furniture. What time is it? It's game time. The man and the teenager began fighting. Oh, jeez. What are you thankful for? Overturning chairs and breaking furniture. This is like a family guy fight with Peter and the chicken. They are going around the house breaking everything.

Breaking stuff. They didn't stop until the woman threatened the man with a baseball bat and ordered him to leave, police said. Police declined to release the names of those involved because no one was arrested. We'll just call this a wash. Yeah. You know what we call that? Thanksgiving. That's what everyone wants to do on Thanksgiving, but they don't have the balls to do it.

Say one more word and I will say another fucking word. Look at me. Tell me one more way I'm not raising my kids right. The baseball bat is right there against the wall. There it is. Right there. This poor guy is having a real Donnybrook with a stomach full of turkey skin.

I know, man. That doesn't sound easy. There's no way he can run. He's fighting. He's like, can we just? Also, it's making me a little tired. So if I'm not fighting, that's on me. Wouldn't mind putting a little meat in there

just to settle it. He's like suddenly Robert Durst the whole time. That's what he starts saying. I didn't know. I ate the turkey. Did I have the skin? Was the skin already gone? Is that my fault?

I don't know. What did I do? Eat all the skin, of course. Wait, no, never heard of him. He goes into the bathroom. What'd you do? I ate the skin, of course. I know you did it.

Also, I feel like a guy that eats all the turkey skin, then throws a turkey and gets in a fight, is constantly asking for a timeout during the fight. Timeout, timeout, timeout. Timeout, timeout, timeout. Come on, goddammit. He literally... Don't pick that up, don't pick that up.

Wait a minute, I said timeout. Goddammit. He flipped them the bird. Literally. Like, he did that literally. Like, that's the definition of it. I'm gonna flip this bird. I'm flipping the bird.

The man, in his 40s, predictably enough, told Bennett Rowe, the cop, once he began eating the turkey skin, he couldn't stop. That's it? Literally. What do you want me to do, man? I couldn't stop. Pringles syndrome. Once you pop, you just can't stop.

Bennett Rowe said the fracas should remind people not to let little things escalate into violence. I love this hometown Bennett. He found a lesson in this story. He's going to leave us all. Last line. We'll get on this. He left us all with this story. He's going to leave us all last line. We'll get on this.

He left us all with a little advice. Quote from Bennett Rowe, wherever you are right now, I hope you're retired and having a great life, Bennett. He said, quote, there's no amount of turkey skin worth fighting over. Oh, my God. Happy holidays, everybody. That's a way to live your life. That's a Miyagi. Miyagi is a, I don't know.

That should be the phrase. Think of the, but right now, I just want you, in light of this whole story, think of the crispiest, most savory turkey skin. Like perfectly crispy turkey skin. Like it's been in there too long. I could stop eating it. Could you stop? I think I could stop eating it.

Andy, Andy, it is so perfectly brown brown and crispy. But all of it? Yeah. All of it. A little bit and it just kept going. You guys have done a couple Thanksgivings together in your life. Both of you admit you're not selfish, but you want that turkey skin? All of it. Andy, I would view it. It's fine.

It's alright. I'm not opposed to it. The more we're talking about it and I'm thinking about it the more I want it being like turkey skin the more grossed out I am why doesn't someone make turkey skin jerky

no yeah someone should make turkey skin jerky just dry it out but actually you know what now that you're saying this I don't feel like I get my hands on

a lot of turkey skin you need to do it Andy but now I'm wondering where is it going who is somebody in your house your wife your wife your wife and your daughters and you need to turn your anger on them somebody in my family is eating all the Do it, Andy. But now I'm wondering, where is it going? Who is... Somebody in your house. Your wife.

Your wife is taking all of it. Your wife and your daughters. And you need to turn your anger on them. Somebody in my family is eating all the fucking turkey. You come back with some cranberry sauce and that turkey is skinned? You fucking throw that thing at a window. My daughter's so cute, she's dancing around, but really what's going on underneath all that? She's got a stomach full of skin. Stomach full of skin.

Two things. I said earlier, cool whip on purpose, because if you're putting whipped cream on pumpkin pie don't ever talk to me who are you oh it's got to be cool yes 100 percent interesting andy i want you yeah all right to tell your family you know what i would love guys whenever it's whenever it's dad's day maybe father's day say you want a nice big turkey when you when you sit down to the table and all that skin's gone pick that son bitch up and throw it into the wall yeah just feel what it feels like great of a feeling to take food and just throw it in the feeling of the the the exhilaration why the world hits us well the exhilaration in his body when he's like throwing this against the wall it's like a no it's like the hammer toss in the olympics but

but in doing it he knew that he wasn't going to be cleaning it up like you know what i mean? When you make a move like that, there's something so awesome and reckless where you're like, I had no responsibility. So he threw it. I answered. I had no one. This is a no going back move. Also, she's like, get out. And he's like, thank you.

Uh-huh. Walked out the door. You clean up the turkey juice off the mirror. I'm going to leave it there. I'm going to leave it there in globules. Final note. As of Christmas Day, 1999, happily married for 18 years.

The two of them? I'm joking. Oh, wow. All right, let's take a break. More Dumb People Town with Andy Daly and Daniel Van Kirk with the Sklar Brothers. Stay with us. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Thank you so much. Let me just say this. For everybody who's listening to this right now, take one minute. That's all it's going to take.

Rate this podcast on iTunes. Give it five stars. That's what we ask of you. And review it. Put one word. That's all it's going to take. Rate this podcast on iTunes. Give it five stars. That's what we ask of you. And review it. Put one word. Great. Awesome. Love.

Whatever you want, rate and review it and that will keep us up amongst the top and that is a great thing for building this thing out and growing it. So I just ask everybody who's listening to it right now, if you're enjoying it, pause it,

rate it, review it, and if you're subscribing, that's even great too. And tell a couple friends about it as well. We're going it, pause it, rate it, review it, and if you're subscribing, that's even great, too. And tell a couple friends about it, as well. We're going to be in Austin, Texas. I think it's like the... You'll be there.

Were you in there Wednesday? 19th. Yeah, 19th. 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd. So the night of the 21st, which is Friday night at 6 p.m., we're doing a live Dumb People Town at the Speakeasy. It's going to be so much fun. We're very excited about that. We have a bunch of other shows that weekend. It's going to be so much fun. We're very excited about that.

We have a bunch of other shows that weekend. Going to be hosting the ping pong tournament on Saturday afternoon. That's the only thing going on at like 2 o'clock at the Stateside Theater. And just good fun. If you are there in Austin, come check us out for all of our shows and be a part of it. We might even do My Favorite Murder, maybe. We'll see. We'll see that, too, on that Wednesday night.

But, guys, check that out. And then a couple weeks later we're in Kansas City we've never been to Kansas City we're going to do a Finding the Funny there and we'll be there May 11th through the 13th

so please check us out for that anytime people can check you out any live stuff do you ever post it up or do you follow you on Twitter for that information

yeah I guess so okay I don't like to leave the house alright too much turkey skin don't want to see anybody else get it we start our own homage to Nick and

Carl and John we'd just be like it's too much turkey too much turkey I want to let everybody know that leading into Moontar I can't wait to do that with you guys I will be doing the 420 show that's Thursday April 20th I'm headlining the secret group in Houston if you go to www. wait to do that with you guys i will be doing the 420 show that's thursday april 20th i'm

headlining the secret group in houston if you go to www.thesecretgrouphtx.com you can see their calendar right there and get tickets they're only ten dollars uh doors open seven it's gonna be so much fun show starts at eight and uh yeah come see me do uh some headlining stand-up comedy. It'll be fun. All right, you ready? Yes. Here we go. Final story. Sent in by Farmer73 at Farmer73. Only.com. Yep.

We start out with a wonderful, I'm going to read it as the newscaster wanted me to, as if drivers needed another distraction these days. Oh, God. An Idaho woman who crashed into a deer on the night of March 22nd claims the animal was chased in front of her by a Sasquatch. No. Holy shit. I believe her.

Let me just start by saying I believe her. Are you serious? This is huge. 100%. Have you seen the center on the Gonzaga basketball team? That is proof that there's a Sasquatch. Karnowski. That's a good point.

Sorry. Do you believe in... That's not fair. Does anyone Karnowski, that's a good point. Sorry. Do you believe in... That's not fair. Does anyone in this room believe in Bigfoot? No. No? The story might bring me around. Yeah.

The unidentified... I believe in big feet. I don't know if I believe in a big foot. The unidentified 50-year-old woman from the town of Tentst apparently became just as... Tentst? Just that, yes.

As she was driving along US-95 near Potlatch, two locations so far, and saw a shaggy seven to eight foot tall creature running after the deer on the side of the highway. This can't... This is the one moment, I hate it when people on Twitter are like, show me a picture, it didn't happen. But this is the moment where I want to be like, get out of your phone and take a picture of it or else it didn't happen. Also, this is the thing. If you guys have ever avoided hitting a deer or hitting a deer, many people in my family have hit deer.

Could it have been a bear? That's what I'm thinking. That's what I'm thinking, too. Because why not just say, hey, I hit a deer? Why do you need to say it was chased by Sasquatch yeah you're now cause what you're trying

to say and saying that is this deer was dead meat anyway I'm not a murderer you think that I'm a mercy killer oh

it's not my fault I hit the deer right putting him out of his misery yeah yeah I love that she's at 7 to 8 foot tall how tall are you

7 to 8 7 to are you about a 7 to 8 foot tall. How tall are you? 7 to 8. Are you about a 7 to 8? I'll take that as a yes. I'm driving very fast in my car in Idaho because there's probably no speed limit, but I'm just assuming from my... 7 to 8. 7 to 8 feet. Can you stand next to the road sign?

I know how tall that is. Just for some perspective. It's on a slip. Can you understand what I'm saying? I love that a creature, a mythical creature that I also don't believe in. I mean, I saw Harry and the Hendersons, but they've... You don't believe in John Lithgow either. No, that's true.

He does not exist. He is a figment of everyone's imagination. They're known for, you know... Wonderful actor. They're known for like they're staying hidden I love that she's like it just ran along

the road chasing a deer they would not do that yeah they're not hanging out by the road like a Sasquatch would blow its cover just to chase a deer

just to chase a deer I got it I got it this is all according to the Moscow Pullman Daily News by the way so Moscow is on

the border of Idaho and Washington Moscow is where University of Idaho. No. Idaho State? No, no, no. Washington State University. Washington State, yeah. That's real? Wazoo, yep. You guys know your stuff. We performed up there.

Oh, really? Performed there. Stayed at a red line, performed at the red line. The woman told police that after speeding by, she took a look in her rearview mirror and the next thing she knew, the deer ran into the road and slammed into her Subaru Forester. Which means...

Did the deer slam into her Subaru Forester? That's what she said. Oh, so the deer was committing suicide. The deer was like, I'm not going out this fucking way getting Jordan from Lynn. I'm not going out this way. I'm going out this way.

Yes. Yeah. Maybe he literally... This is the worst pun I've ever made. The deer ran into the forest. I understand if people turn up. He was literally a deer in headlights at that point. Exactly.

Uninjured, she left the area to pick up her husband at work. The hell were you? That's probably how the story goes well there was a bigfoot it's always fucking bigfoot okay sure colleen you sure you weren't at the department store at the perfume counter for an extra 29 there was a bigfoot i promise you i promise running along the road and then he chased after a deer. Chasing a deer? Yeah, he chased after a deer. And I did not point.

And the deer jumped in the road and then crashed into the car. The deer crashed into you. The deer crashed into me. Yeah, no, I did not drive straight into the column of the parking structure. It's like that Dave Matthews song, only less tragic. Where does that Sasquatch at now? I don't know. I don't know.

I'll prove it. I'll go to the newspapers. You don't think I'll now? I don't know. I don't know. I'll prove it. I'll go to the newspapers. You don't think I'll tell? I'll tell everybody. Would I tell if it wasn't true? Would I tell if it wasn't true? I mean, I'm not going to give them my name. Exactly.

She didn't. She wouldn't. She goes to pick up her husband at work, then reported the incident to the Benoist County Sheriff's Office. Police found, believe it or not, no evidence of a Sasquatch at the scene of the accident, which is not far from Moscow Mountain.

Here we go, though. The location of several alleged Sasquatch slash Bigfoot sightings over the years. I love that the newspaper is like, we will say in her defense, we do get a lot of information. That's a police officer that's also

on board. He's the guy... He's like, this is why I get to come home an hour late from the bar. Let the sheriff make the statement here for a second. Well, as you know, we've been asking for additional funding for a Bigfoot research and prevention. I remember that. You need a Bigfoot committee? We have asked.

You want a Bigfoot committee? Sir, we were trying to get a referendum for a school, and you are still standing by this name for a... Well, we do need our armored Bigfoot vehicle just to... I don't know why it has to be armored. And I don't know why it has to be parked at your house on weekends. We'll keep it there at my house on the weekends. Wow.

We want to get a video game system in there, of course. Wait, no, no. How does that help? How does that help? That feels like an excessive addition to... Well, we understand those sorts of sounds, so we'll draw the Bigfoot toward the vehicle. For the listener at home, I'm the mayor behind the sheriff nodding approvingly. The whole time.

Just like in favor. These two went to high school together. They want a tank. They want a tank. You guys just want a tank to take off-roading on the weekends. Just to run down people's eggs. I'm telling you, Evan. It's the armored Bigfoot.

Evan, I'm telling you, we're going to run this goddamn town. We'll do whatever the fuck we want. I'll back your place. You back mine. We're iron sharper than you, Evan. It's the armored Bigfoot. Evan, I'm telling you, we're going to run this goddamn town. We'll do whatever the fuck we want. I'll back your place. You back mine. We're iron sharp and iron, motherfucker. Hell yeah. That's how we got the Bigfoot tank. We're just driving around.

I mean, hell, we're putting in parades. People think it's the greatest thing ever. I went through the drive-thru. Scared the shit out of those people. Bigfoot tag. I think things are getting too hot. We've got to put somebody in a Bigfoot suit. We need one picture.

Oh, shit. One picture. I'll flip you for it. Oh, damn it. Love it. All right. Well, we talked about Thanksgiving earlier. Yep.

And we got a certain voicemail. Even though it's, for Christ's sake, it's the middle of April. It is. Right around the corner is what you're trying to say. Thanksgiving is right. Thanksgiving is right around. It's never too early. Rapidly coming upon us.

It's never too early to think back on some of your fondest Thanksgiving memories. We actually got a voicemail from Mark Wahlberg talking about one of his fondest memories. And it, of course, as you can imagine, it involved Donnie. Take a listen. What's up Scar Brothers? How you guys doing? You doing good? Fucking right you are. I heard you guys talking about Turkey Day or as I like to call it

No Carbs Day. We got that kind of shit going on in my house. First of all we always start out with a pull up off Donnie loses so at least he's consistent and then we sit around and everybody passes food around Donnie. Whatever doesn't get eaten, he gets to have as long as he does the dishes. The also reason I'm calling you guys, just so you know,

June 23rd, Transformers, the last night. Only we spelled it with a K. So is it, does it play sake at dark time? Is there like a guy with a sword? Also, get this. You know who's in this movie? Fifth Billing? That dude from, the guy who tried to

eat jodie foster from the 90s he was in westworld i'm trying to think of his name anyway he's an old dude he's in the show seem nice british fella and uh he's in that movie so it's transformers and if you look really really really closely in the background you can see donnie drinking a capri sun all right gotta go do my 5K right before I do my 22K. I'll talk to you guys later. 22K! He has a lot to be thankful for. Donnie has a lot to be thankful for.

I feel like he just wanted to promote his next movie. I feel like he just wanted to promote Donnie drinking a Capri Sun in the movie. Is he getting a kickback from Capri Sun? Oh, clearly. I know how Michael Bay works. Got a little Capri Sun money. I feel like it

might have been one of those deals where Donnie needed to keep his SAG card. Yep. So they're like, just get him in.

We'll get him in a movie. Uncredited. Uncredited, but he gets the SAG. He gets the plan two insurance. I love it.

Andy Daly, thank you for joining us on Dumb People Town. You have an open invite. Thank you. I had so much

fun. I love it. People are really dumb. They it. People are really dumb. They are. People are really dumb, and we like to try to understand why they are so dumb. Or enjoy it. I think you hit the nail on the head, though. She was running late, and she needed a bigger story than I just ran into a deer.

Commit to the Bigfoot. Nothing bigger than a Bigfoot. Because he'll say, well, if you were on time, you wouldn't have hit that deer. Oh, that's right. Couldn't avoid it. Bigfoot. Anyway, check out review on Comedy Central

on demand on demand or on Comedy Central dot com or use the app check that out and we'll see you guys in Austin

Texas all of us together for the live Dumb People Town and thanks so much we'll see you next week press those chubs Dum dum dum dum