Dumb People Town - Andy Daly - There's No Such Thing As Ice

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Comedian, actor, and podcaster Andy Daly (Unfrosted on Netflix) stops by as Daniel explains how the wrong box of penises got delivered to a British artist, Randy describes how a Florida man crashed an excavator into a Walmart, and Jason warns against robbing banks in a wheelchair, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Better Help and ASPCA Pet Insurance! Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month. To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT. This is a Paid Advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company, and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency, Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.  

Thank you. So listen to our podcast, Dan, with co-hosts Armand and Dan. Vanders, don't be a jerk, because when the music gets the funny hits, we are going to take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dump People Town. Townies, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We all carry around different stressors, big and small. We keep them bottled up, and it can start to affect us negatively. So therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest. Figure out how to work through whatever is weighing you down.

Get it off your chest with our friends at BetterHelp. Yep, visit betterhelp.com slash DPT today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash DPpt. I know this to be true, and I know many of you out there know this to be true, but your pet is part of your family, and you want the best for them no matter what. I'm going to tell you something. As a person who's had some dogs and breeds that do not do well, vet bills really add up up that's why you should check out pet insurance and with aspca pet health insurance you can focus on the care your pet deserves and cover what matters most

dan that's right to explore your coverage visit aspca pet insurance.com slash dpt that's aspca pet insurance.com slash dpt i'm going to say it again that's aspca pet insurance.com slash dpt i'm gonna say it again that's aspca petinsurance.com slash dpt this is a paid advertisement insurance is underwritten by either independence american insurance company or united states fire insurance company and produced by ptz insurance agency limited the aspca is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Daily. Andy Daily is number one on our call sheet.

Hot damn. Really? Yeah, you are. How'd that happen? Because you're, first of all, we love having you on the show. It's been a while. Yeah. Been a while.

But we have you back, and you've got the unfrosted movie we'll talk about all that great stuff and good stuff that's happening in your life sure uh but we got dumb to like break down are you ready to break down some dumb with i'm very ready this story i have the first one it was sent in by joseph gacchione hey at ancient wisdom have you tried the uh gacchioni over at mozza it's unbelievable they put a breadcrumb on that gacchioni

I know but they gotta slice it thin you gotta slice it you gotta get the razor blade on the garlic you gotta slice it it liquefies in the pan

people don't know this about you you are Italian you are thick nobody knows that about me nobody knows it thick

your family was in the mafia it was Deleano when you guys came over Thick Sicilian. Your family was in the mafia. I really want to say. It was Deliano when you guys came over here. And they shortened it at Ellis Island. Because they were in the mafia. And you don't like to talk about this, but I am bringing it up right now. Trying to go incognito. You should have changed your name to incognito, and then no one would.

And by Ellis Island, we meant the casino off the strip. Incognito. And incognito. Somebody told me recently, they go, did you ever notice in LA you don't get the same pasta serving that you do in other places in the country? Oh, you mean me? And it's been driving me. Keeping it on?

What do you mean? There aren't a lot of places where you go if you get Italian. It's a very good, obviously, ranges may vary, but it's traditionally a very good pasta, but never overflowing. A lot of pasta. Like Jason, if he could, he would sleep next to the orchichetta at Mozza.

But it's always, you always want a little bit more. No, Dan, the bowl is big, and then they scoop one thing in the center, and there's room on the outside. I'm like, you should never be in LA. You're saying here in LA we get less pasta. Andy, can you do something about it? Can you talk to your people? I'll talk to my people. I'm like, you're saying here in LA we get less pasta. Andy, can you do something about it? Can you talk to your people? I'll talk to

my people. I'll see what I can do. And that's why... Listen, we have a small problem with the amount of pasta you serve. Why is he whispering? I can't hear him. I can't hear him. I do like a good mafia whisper. And that's why my story is unofficially brought to you by Cheesecake Factory. When this story got sent in, I was

so glad you were on. Because one of my favorite characters that you ever did, and I'm not pimping you into it. We can just talk about it. I'm going to pimp you into it. Was when I was an intern at UCB. And I think you were doing a Doug Loves Movies, which I think we would eventually do together at some point.

But it was, was his name Vic? What was the guy? And he like ran a theater. Oh, Don DeMillo. Don. Yes. Yes. That was it. So close to Don DeLillo. his name vick what was the guy and he like ran a theater and he like oh don de millo don yes yes that was this story don de lillo this story felt like a like thing he would be talking about or he had done in his own life so if don de millo wants to comment on this at any point in the story he is welcome because here's the headline no problem he got a this is the headline he No problem. He got a... This is the headline. He... It's not a really great headline. He got a box of penises in the mail, but not the ones he's looking for.

Hang on a second. Isn't that the worst? Isn't that a weird Star Wars parody? I ordered extra large. Honey, did you... I'm going through the Amazon history. Did you order the... What size penises?

That really is a thing that happens, right? You get a package. You're like, who ordered... Honey... Did we order something penis? What size penis? That really is a thing that happens, right? You get a package. You're like, who ordered? Honey. Did we order something? Did we? Is this now a subscription? Every month I'm going to get the penises?

Were you trying to time out your subscription? I am always ordering something, and then it arrives, and I'm like, what is this? And I'm so excited until I open it, and I go, oh, yeah, that. Deodorant. You become like a golden retriever. You did this? Yes. I'm always disappointed by what I chose.

These aren't the penises you're looking for. May the fourth be with you. Some people might have been taken aback to receive a cookie tin full of penises. May the foreskin be with you. There you go. I like that punch up. A cookie tin full of penises?

A cookie tin full of penises. I'm surprised they were in a cookie tin. These are a few of my favorite things. What is that, shortbread? Cookie tin's full of penises. I got there. When I think of a cookie tin, it's about this. It's like a nine-inch round.

With the church cookies in it. Yeah. And then it always ends up- And then it's in a heart shape. I guess. I feel like you could put one- Well, we're going to learn more about these penises. I mean, can't you wrap them around?

I mean, how flaccid are they? Oh, I see. They could go around in a circle. They could go around on the outside. Cookie tin full of penises also sounds like a deep cut track from the band Goldfinger. Yeah. It's like a ska song. Receive a cookie tin full of penises in the mail, but not Dale Wells.

Now, full disclosure, I went to high school with a guy named Dale Wells. Dale Wells? Awesome dude. Works at Central Bank in Rochelle, Illinois. Goddamn right he does. Shout out and love to Dale Wells. Dale Wells.

Not the same Dale Wells. Different Dale Wells. This is not the Dale Wells you were expecting. Or looking for. There you go. It's exactly the sort of package the British artist

and gallery owner was hoping to get when he offered penis amnesty. Also sounds like a ska band. Penis amnesty is a ska band. Of all women. To anyone who returns the several penises that have been snatched off a statue of his town's mythological founder.

There are so many layers to that sentence. I'm going to read it one more time. This cookie tin full of penises Was the sort of package that British British artist and gallery owner Was hoping to get When he offered penis amnesty To anyone who returned Several penises that have been snatched off

The statue of the town's mythological founder Is it weird to use the word snatch When talking about penises Yes it is Is it weird to use the word snatch when talking about somethingises? Yes, it is. Is it weird to use the word snatch when talking about something in England? Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. You interrupt all day. Are you new to the show?

No, but you were trying to finish, and you got louder, and I felt like you were annoyed. And you've stolen a penis from the statue, and you got it. And are you just sitting around going, like, I got nothing to do? I mean, it was just the act of doing it was fun. If someone offers me amnesty, then I'll give it back. Have you offered amnesty to your kids ever? Just tell me what happened and you won't be in trouble.

We have that saying in our house. If you're honest, whatever is going to come down is way less. If you just be honest, it's a complete deal. We do it the opposite. I incentivize them to try to get away with it just because in life that's a better skill.

How are you going to learn? How are you going to learn? If I make it easy on you, how are you going to learn? Yeah, exactly. You've got to figure out how to connive. You've got to double cross. Yeah, if I can pin this on you successfully, then you're going to get punished so much worse.

My mother offered amnesty when I was in high school. She said, if you're ever at a party and you've been drinking and you can't stay there or you're uncomfortable or you need a way to get home and you don't have it, you call me and we'll talk about it the next day, but you are not going to immediately be in trouble. We say that too. That's kind of in the vein. Some amnesty.

Yeah. It will be a silent ride home. And just drop the penises in the mail slot. But I loved how casually you were like, so you've broken a penis off his tattoo. Right. The people who do this, I do love the people at Caesar's Palace, usually a woman from Nebraska holding a three-foot-long sugar drink and trying to touch David's butt in Caesar's Palace.

Right, right. I'm okay with that. But people who are like, I'm going to take this. If you're going to pat him on the butt, I don't like any touching of art. He is gorgeous, that replica. But to me, if you're going to cup it, look like you're cupping his butt cheek from far away, kind of like you're holding it.

Oh, that's fun. That's fun. If you can do photography trickery, chicanery, then I'm okay with that. But I have a question. Maybe it's too early. First of all, I don't mean to brag, but I did go to the Penis Amnesty concert at Giant Stadium.

You did? I was there. I can't believe they got the Boomtown Rats. I there. I can't believe they got the Boomtown Rats. I know. They were the best. I can't believe they got the Boomtown Rats. Bob Geldof organized that. Total reunion.

Geldof got everyone. Geldof. All right. He ripped his Geldof. Easy. What? They are replacing the penis on the statue every time it is stolen? And then it gets ripped off again.

He's like, I know it's going to get replaced again, so let me super glue this bad boy on here, and then I've got a whole tin of others when that one goes. Is it a stone statue with a stone penis? It's a statue of the town's mythological founder, who we will also get to. Why is he naked? In 2022,

Is he half of a horse? Dale. Determined to restore Grimm's manhood once and for all, 2022. Is he half of a horse? Dale. Determined to restore Grimm's manhood once and for all and offered complete amnesty for anyone who returned the Pilfered Peckers. I did not say that. It was written. This is the New York Post. Then last week, it's actually cbc.ca.

The Pilfered Peckers. Then last week, a mystery box arrived full of clay phalluses nestled in straw. That feels weird. Nestled is the word they shouldn't have used, right? Packed in straw. Clay phalluses nestled in straw. Here's the wrinkle. I admit that I'm Jewish, but is that part of the Christmas story?

So the baby's in the manger. Baby's in the manger. Help me, Andy. This was the gift from the fourth wise man. Is this what myrrh is? No, I do like the fourth wise man who's like, so many frankincense. Somebody's got myrrh. And then this guy's over like, you know what?

I don't. My thing's not. You know what? I actually brought the wrong thing. No, no. I want to see it. Show us what you brought. Show us what you brought.

You've already got myrrh. You've got frankincense. Show it to the baby king. Unless it's a bunch of clay penises nestled in hay. You'll be fine. I think my camel needs me. I got to run out. Then just leave it.

I heard no one call your name. Did somebody say you guys need ice? I'm going to go get ice. Leave it on that bale of hay and we'll look at it in a minute. There's no such thing as ice. The guy who brought the wrong thing to a manger party. Randy, I'm going to tell you, though, there's no such thing as ice. The guy who brought the wrong thing to a manger party. Randy, I'm going to tell you, though, there's no such thing as ice. Like, low-key blew my mind.

Yeah. Because you're so right. Right. There's no such thing as ice. There's no refrigeration. I mean, there was on the earth. Of course. So in certain areas of the world naturally.

But in that area of Jerusalem, had those people ever seen ice? It doesn't snow or anything in Jerusalem? It snowed like once in Jerusalem. So maybe they've experienced ice. Maybe, but probably not. But not on a let's enjoy this level. Certainly not on like a if you go to Minneapolis or Rochester, New York now, there's always a corner of a parking lot that still has snow.

Until June. It's like all black and in the shape of George Washington's head. And you're like, once it melts down, you're like, oh my God, my car keys. And like, oh, here's that woman that died. Okay, so the phalluses arrive nestled in straw. But Dale Wells says they're not the wayward wieners he's been searching for. Oh, damn. I think they may be maquettes. Maquettes? M-A-Q-U-E-T-T-E-S? Maquettes. Maqu searching for. Oh, damn. I think they may be maquettes?

Maquettes? M-A-Q-U-E-T-T-E-S? Maquettes. Maquettes. Thank you, Aaron. Shout out, Aaron. Or, you know, workups to maybe cast off of, he said. A handwritten note scrawled on a printed newspaper article about missing members included in

the package reads, picked these up after cleaning granddad's house. Think they're what you're looking for, which means now in this story. Granddad liked to sit on a lot of things. We have somebody else who was cleaning out their dead grandparents, found a tin full of little penises, and then saw the article saying, hey, no harm, no foul. What's your granddad doing up there? He's in the workshop again. What's he doing?

I love that you always hear stories of people cleaning out like dead relatives house and finding like boxes of cash i knew i've known about that multiple times because people who lived through depression tell me there's like a whole youtube channel so they would hoard so they would i think that's me so they would hoard uh cash yeah and oh yeah yeah but so it happens less and less now sorry let me turn this but you know you never know when you're gonna when your time is gonna come and there's certain things like that guy must have had on the list. Get rid of these. Those of the cookie tin full of plums. Destroy them.

Or finally use. Or finally use. Or let everybody know that this is what I've been doing in the past. Or air them out. And he just didn't get to it. Or maybe that's how he stores his hay. Right. He's like, look, that's interesting.

I'm storing some hay, but I need a few clay penises. To hold it down. The hay is nestled in amongst it. It's not penises stored in hay. It's hay stored in penises. But the statue in question, the one that keeps getting broken, is made of fiberglass, while the six mystery male penises in the alley are not. It looks like clay.

Well, Wells told It Happens host Neil Coxall. I mean, I haven't bitten into them or anything. Don't. But yeah, I think it's simply clay. Wells is the co-owner of... I haven't bitten into them like I normally do. There's got to be another way to find out what they're made of.

Exactly. Nope. Look at it. Gold and penis fabrication bite okay wells is the co-owner of co-owner of turntable gallery in grimsby england which is home to a badly butchered statue of a naked man hoisting a small child also naked on his shoulders nope i don't like the statue look here it goes i don't like this but this is from Here it goes. I don't like this. But this is from the time. The statue created by Douglas Wayne Hobson in 1973. Did we do this story? No.

We never did this story. Are you having deja vu right now? I don't know. I'm having crazy deja vu. Depicts Grimm and Havelock, characters from the 13th century Middle English literature who are key figures in Grisby's local lore. Yeah. Okay. You know the Brothers Grisby?

Yeah, I guess so. Legend has it that Grimm... I don't think you want to put someone on your shoulders if they don't have clothes on. A naked baby's ass on your shoulder. I mean, if your shoulder is also naked, it's a little bit better. You're not getting a shirt. Exactly. But I mean, still worse. In many ways,

it's more intimate. This gets But I mean still worse. In many ways like more intimate. Okay, here's this gets weird. Oh, it gets weird. Legend has it that I guess I should say it levels up or down depending on how you're looking at it. It takes a turn, Andy. Legend has it that Grim, a Danish fisherman was tasked with killing

Havelock, a child who was the rightful heir to the throne. But instead Grim spared Havelock's life and fled with him to England, where he founded the town of Grimsby. So he stole a child. He saved the child. Stole a child. Then he was supposed to kill.

Take off his clothes, put him on his shoulders. Save the child from himself. No, save his child from a horrible life of death to a life where he's been told to take off his clothes and get on a naked man's shoulders. Yeah, the nakedness is not explained in that story at all. The nakedness is... It's the one question I have. Maybe I'm a weirdo, but I feel like this is supposed to depict the art time

when nudity meant innocence. Oh, yes. 1973? Well, that's when it was made. I'm saying it's supposed to represent that time. Casey Polanski. But also, yeah, simpler time. The statue of Grim and Havelock has been a target Havelock for vandals since it was first erected. Don't use that.

Outside Grimsby Academy in the 70s, Grimm has been repeatedly had his penis purloined and his limbs lopped off while poor Havelock has been decapitated. I would say people in this town don't like the statue. They don't want it. I agree. They don't want it. Eventually, it was moved to the gallery for its own protection, but the vandalism continued there unabated,

so it was put into storage in 2016. Well, you might as well just get rid of it now. What's the point of a statue? It's a special episode of Storage Wars. Do you want to come see my statue? Take a picture of it and let it go. Wells estimates Grimm has had his knob robbed and replaced

at least four to five times. Quote, quote, it sounds like a bit of a silly way of putting it, but almost it's the townspeople taking it into their ownership. If you can, I know, break off its willy and keep it in your drawer or something. It's part of the founding statue that will live with you forever. So if I am like the mayor of this town, I would do a contest where you're like okay, someone make the statue to replace the statue. And we have a contest and we

all decide. We're like, look, that wasn't working. What is your interpretation of a naked kid on the body of, on the shoulders of a naked man? You'd keep it naked. You'd keep it all naked? Really? You would?

He's asking, what's your interpretation? Oh, I see. Does your interpretation... Could be a frog on top of a log. Right. That sounds good to me. Are you writing a book? I am. I'm going to show you guys a couple of pictures.

So a smash and grab is when you go to the store and you steal, smash and grab. Would this be a grab and tug? A grab and tug. This is what the tin was. Yeah. Square tin. Rectangular. Think like fingers.

That's not a good penis replication. I'm not 100% sure that those are penises. But can I also say- If you were to stick it on the statue- Based on my experience, those penises are enormous, right guys? Oh, thick. Sure. Those are huge.

Sure. Am I right, guys? Those are enormous. Yeah, we don't know the size of the statue. The take a bite of it okay there's the okay that's the statue everything about this is now upsetting me to a point where i'm like i understand all the vandalism i completely get it yeah they're trying to castrate a guy so that he can't do anything and cut the head off the kid to make him anonymous kind Kind of a cool statue, though. Yeah.

Here. Here, son. I don't know. Could people see? Does it become a fountain where the thing comes out of each? Yeah, it should just be like water coming out of each. Yeah, or maybe they're broken heads or something like that. All right, that's story number one.

Randy Sklar is up first. Randy, you want to send us off to break? Let's go to break When we come back we're going to hear about Andy's role in the great movie Unfrosted Which I'm very excited about And so many funny people in it including yourself And we'll tell you what Dan has going on

His special is out and it's amazing Everybody should listen to it and watch it And all that great stuff I'll be right back with more Dumb People Town right after this Stick around, look us down back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Look us down. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to the show. Before we get into what Andy's doing and how you can watch him, Daniel, catch these guys up. Let us know. I love your special so much. I'm just going to say it. It's so funny. I laughed out loud.

Rose Cole, baby. Laughed out loud on a plane to the point where the person sitting next to me was like, what are you watching? I saw it live when he kind of was like the elisen and then i went and watched it online just to because that's fun too if you if you've seen the material to be like how did it go that night and it was so good the crowd was so good you were you were lincoln that's so nice um yeah everybody can go check it out it It's at my YouTube channel, Daniel Van Kirk Comedy. You can search Rose Gold.

Let's get a couple hundred thousand views on this thing. Wouldn't that be nice? Yep. Great. And worthy. So I appreciate every single person who's watched or commented and liked it.

What do we say, though? I'm doing a promotion for it. Share it. It is the number one thing. People have asked me all the time, you get asked, how can I support? I'd love to support you.

And I always say, first, stand up. Share anything I do. And also just tag at SiriusXM or tag your local comedy club and say, I'd love to have this guy here. It doesn't cost you anything to do that. And it makes me feel good. And hopefully I'll get to come to your city. Speaking of, I'll say this really quick. July 16th through the 21st,

I am doing Hub City Comedy Week at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, Illinois. It's my own little mini comedy festival. Me, every single night, different theme shows, all to create my new hour. It's going to be super loose, super fun. It's Chicago in the summer. Let's go inside. I hope you guys come out to it.

Go to DanielVanKirk.com. The link, if it's not up yet, they're going to be up soon, but you can start putting it into your calendar. There's going to be other great comics. Ify and Wadaway wants to show up and be there. Corey Forrester from the Well-Read Guys want to be there. They're already begging us to come back some other time and do back-to-back shows

in the big room of Dumb People Town. They love me there. I love them. That's where I shot Rose Gold. If you want to come back, hang out, see new material, and have a lot of fun this summer, plus after parties, which is just me going to bars. I went in my 20s. And you don't have the excuse of a Cubs game

because that's happening during the day. Well, not even. It starts the first night, I think, is the All-Star game. So we got the whole break. No sparts. DanielVanKirk.com. But more importantly, let's talk about Andy Daly. Andy Daly, you're in on Frosted.

And all I've been hearing about this in a really good way that makes me even more excited to watch it, dark and yet silly. Yes, that's right. It's both of those things. Seinfeld's gotten darker. Hasn't he? Don't you notice that about him? He's kind of gotten a little bit darker in his comedy, but he still maintains the silliness. So you had scenes with him? Stuff with yes i did i so it is the story of how pop charts were

invented yep if there's a grain of truth in the uh story but mostly it's just completely made up and crazy kind of like the weird al movie about a little yes right exactly it's a little bit like that right um i was very confused when I read it. This is the stupid kind of thing that I get fixated on. I was like, did Kellogg's and Post approve of this? Yeah, how did they?

It's not bad publicity. No, I mean, according to Jerry Seinfeld, these two companies never knew anything about it. About this movie. Yeah, until it was like ready to come out and they just these two companies never knew anything about it about this movie yeah until it was like ready to come out and they just they just relied on parody and fair use and all that kind of stuff right but when you think about like you remember hearing about et that they wanted to use m&m

right this is my favorite thing because reese's pieces are my favorite candy oh really m&m said no m&m said you may not use m&m's in this movie. Yeah, why would we want that publicity? Yeah. The greatest movie of all time. Right. So you made a Reese's Pieces fan out of you. Yeah. Nobody had ever heard of Reese's Pieces. Right.

Maybe they didn't even exist before. It was a very low level. They probably just came. I mean, I think about M&M, the product placement of M&M's in When Harry Met Sally, peanut M&M's. When she's eating peanut M&M's, carrie fisher is in the bridesmaids dress and you just see her holding it eating it i'm like that does more for you m&m than a million commercials yeah you dummies so i can't help but think this is actually going to be make people say i gotta get some pop tarts oh absolutely and when i i was it took a long time between when we shot it when we came out and i was like did the lawyers finally see it and say this is unreleasable

this is good can you tell us about lawsuits can you tell us about your character yeah i play the quaker oats guy love it uh the guy actual mascot yeah the so in this movie they just take lots and lots of liberties like for instance t Tony the Tiger was always a cartoon character whose voice was provided by the improbably named Thurl Ravenscroft. I mean, come on! What a name. That's where my kids tried to get into private school. Or Harry Potter. Ravenscroft!

He was the voice of Tony the Tiger, and he sang You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. That awesome voice. Oh, my God. So Hugh Grant plays Thurl Ravenscroft, who is in the Tony the Tiger suit. Now, that never happened. Thurl never got in the suit. No, he just voiced him. We'll do this.

So you're dressed as a Quaker. I am dressed exactly like the man on the box, the premises. William Penn. Who's on that box? Aaron. And you also got to create the entire character because unlike Tony the Tiger

who does have sort of a character which I'm sure that Hugh took liberties with or whatever, you got to almost, other than the look, whole cloth,

create the attitude and voice of this character, right? Yes. Oh my God, how fun. And the character's name was Isaiah Lamb which I googled

because I was like, well, I guess this is based on a real person. Right. But he's like a basketball player from the early 60s or something like that. Maybe. That's the case throughout the script whenever they need to name somebody.

Like somebody is Cookie Rojas. He's a dump truck driver. And he was a baseball player. See? So they just put obscure sports people's names. Which I love. Is there a Matt Stairs in the movie? Who wrote it?

Did Seinfeld write it? Seinfeld wrote it with Spike Ferriston. Spike Ferriston. Yeah, Ferriston. And former Seinfeld writer. Who had his own late night talk show on Fox. Yes, he did. He should have been on Spike.

Is that a missed opportunity? Sure was. Spike is great. Dude, I can't wait to watch you on this. It's funny. I went to the premiere. And so that's like, in you on this it's funny it's i went to the premiere and so that's like in some ways it's the perfect conditions i guess but i laughed from start to finish like truly just laughed like an idiot isn't that fun though to be like hey i'm

a part of this thing and you've been a part of i mean let's talk about review as one of the greatest like weird awesome comedy like that you don't know what and i feel like once a year the pancake episode gets another like hit do you like do you see that and feel that it feels like once a year there's like another yeah article or group of like demographic of kids or whatever who like find it and then it like blows back up again and i'm always like yeah guys crazy staying welcome welcome to the party i was worried i thought it was going to just vanish uh which was why i was so intent on getting a dvd set of the whole but nobody's buying that but it's it's on paramount plus it is i would love the so so go if you're looking do yourself a favor go watch review oh my god go that dude that is so... You are hitting notes on a piano that don't exist.

It makes me so... I tell everybody, when they're like, I love I Think You Should Leave, I'm like, Tim Robinson is fucking amazing, but if you love I Think You Should Leave, you've got to go watch Review. Thank you. I'm proud of it.

And that scene is funny to me because he's divorcing her and he can't tell her why. And there is no reason. There is no reason. And he can't tell her why. You know, I put it in the same category as a lot of the Nathan Fielder stuff. It's like kind of in that vein of what is happening here? And all of that stuff to me is like anytime you're really thinking

as you're watching something, I just love it. And so I'm so happy you're in this movie. I'm so happy you're a part of this thing. So go watch it and go watch this guy in the movie. Yeah. Do that show.

It's on Netflix is where it is. What is that? What is Netflix? Live shows or touring shows? I don't know. I don't know really what it is. I think it's like HBO. Where do people follow you

just to keep up with stuff? Because in a moment's while you'll jump on like a live show or you'll be on you'll be on things that are touring and show up somewhere yeah but i guess instagram tv's andy daily tv's andy daily all right i'm gonna jump in the second let's do it let's jump into this um all right you guys ready sent in by daniel correll oh i got excited for a second daniel correll i was like well i did um so daniel sent the link but I had to find, I just let me in all, so sometimes people send a link and it's like really short. And I'm like, ooh, I love this story,

but there aren't enough details in it. So sometimes you dig for a story that has a link that has more details. And so I did find one from the New York Post, so trigger warning, everybody. It's a New York Post. I just love that Randy's out there doing research. I know.

I got to dig it. All right. You ready for this? Yeah. And I needed to write this stuff in here because sometimes we guess the numbers of like, how much this? How old is this person? So if you hear me, I've altered this a little bit.

Florida man causes a lot of damage. Sure. A lot of damage with hotwired excavator crashes into Walmart. I mean, if you're going to crash into something. So he hot-wires it. Do you think any of you could hot-wire a vehicle? Absolutely not. No way.

I couldn't even use a credit card to open a locked door. I wonder if it's even real, like hot-wiring cars. It is real. It is a real thing. If you do know electronics, you're like, okay, I get the green wire and the red wire. You open the steering column, you separate the wires, and then you connect them again. Is that it, Dan? I mean, I think we're directionally correct, but I don't have faith in any of us.

Is it like any car made after 1980 it can't be done on or something like that? I'm going to read the first. So an excavator is probably easier because it's a very simple, not like dealing with like fuel injection or push start or any of that stuff so if you are a guy who steals an excavator and crashes and maybe don't drive into a walmart well but maybe that's what he was trying to get into also sort of a hat on a hat right right like be one of the just steal the excavator either drive your car car to a Walmart or steal a car. Right. He's an excavator. He's doing two horrible things. So how do you identify this man? Is he an excavator thief or is he a Walmart store crasher into here?

I mean, it has to be decided. How about the New York Post gives him another moniker? A machete-armed Florida man. He's now that. Well, wait. This is all part of the same deal? He's now a machete-armed. He's a knife guy who steals construction equipment and loves Walmart.

Daniel, he's a machete-armed. A knife is small. A machete is a sword for poor people. And the way they worded it, it makes it sound like one of his arms is a machete. Right. He's a machete-armed. One arm is a machete. So now we got a real death-proof situation.

How do we get this steering column off? Call one arm machete. If the next line is like single parent of three, like he just keeps. Right. Like he keeps becoming more of a bowling champion.

Yeah. Non-violent motorcycle member. A machete armed part-time evil medieval cosplayer. Florida man stole an excavator and went on a joyride throughout

gainesville monday night hey crashing into several buildings including a walmart so he just either can't control it or was heading he's mad or there's an excitement in him to clip a building like she is some thrill let me just say this to, and I would say this to him as he was driving away. She's not coming back. Oh. Right? This is not the thing that's going to do it. You're not going to get her back?

No, not this way. She's going to see. And I say this a lot. If you leave your house with your machete, you're going to use it, right? Yeah, that's a good point. Don't walk out of the house unless you intend on using your machete arm. I just realized I don't know what an excavator is. So it's like a big, you know, like when you, if you're going to get a pool and build a pool in your backyard,

it like scoops out all the backhoe. I'm sure I've seen those things. That's what it is. Who are you calling a backhoe? That's what we use to dig graves. Yeah, Dan dug graves. Was causing a ton of monetary damage. We'll get into that later.

Sure. Jesse Smith, we'll get into his age later. Normal name, too normal of a name for this sort of stuff. should have been like uh jesse wayne smith uh ravens would thorough ravens thank you thorough ravens claw i'm just kidding jesse smith craw that's stuck croft that's stuck in my craw my raven croft or craw ravens croft croft yeah seals and cro Seals and Croft. Ravenscroft. Or it could be like a British way of talking about like, I participate in Ravenscroft. Which is? Magic. Magic and bowling.

Evolving the disappearing and reappearing of ravens in my jacket. I practice Ravenscroft. I have become a master in Ravenscroft. Look at my sport coat. I'm a commander of all things Raven. They won't let him into the Magic Castle anymore, and he will not talk about why. Dude, those Ravens have been eating all of us.

There is no reason. We have a job only policy. You let them in here, and they never leave. They ruined Sunday brunch again. Don't invite Ravenscroft. All right, Jesse with the machete. Jesse Smith. He was arrested early Tuesday morning.

We allegedly stole a yellow Komatsu excavator valued at how much money? How expensive is this? Oh, a Komatsu? Yellow and yellow, which is an aftermarket paint job. You had to replace it. Oh, a Komatsu? How expensive is it? I'm going to go $150,000.

I like that. That does sound good. What are you thinking? I'll go higher. I'll say $200,000. Okay, Jay, what do you think? $80,000. $80,000.

You got your answers in. What do you mean? It's used? Yeah, Jay. Getting it on eBay? Here we go. You didn't hear the brand? Craigslist?

A Craigslist excavator? Excavator facts? Show me the excavator facts. This was worth $350,000. Whoa. It's almost like a fire truck. Like, that's big. Anyway, and drove it down several roads,

knocking into buildings, fences, and light poles before finally coming to rest after crashing into the side of a Walmart. Smith entered the machine without permission. Do you think business at Walmart stopped at all? Nope. I doubt it. I assume an old man greeted him.

Sir? Hello and welcome. How are you doing today? My name is Sidney. Can you roll that excavator back? Because we're rolling back prices. Gardening section for you today? So you're building a homemade pool.

He stole it Without permission At a construction site Hot wired the excavator Give him credit for that Because none of us Know how to do that And drove it away In an arrest report

Viewed by the Post Stated He allegedly broke through A chain link fence At the work site He broke through it With his car Well he knew what he wanted

Well he had a machete Oh you're saying He got in Oh no He maybe jumped the fence And then broke back through it. Broke back through it with the excavator. Drove into buildings nearby storage unit center while extending the excavator's boom to inflict additional damage.

Nice. He's trying to hit up. He's like, I can not do that. Man, four buildings belonging to the storage company were damaged or destroyed during Smith's escapade. Are we going to really call this an escapade? Depends on his attitude about it. Have you taken your kids to see the escapades? Oh, yes, of course. It's really fun. It's really nice. It's really good

particularly when the giant excavator crashes through the ice. Yes. One of my favorite things to watch. Kids would love that. You can buy an ice and construction work. There's a wheelhouse for these kids. But this is a period of time where they didn't have ice, Dan. Wait, now, isn't there true, Dan? You would know about this.

I don't know why. I hope so. In Vegas, there's a place where dudes can go to just operate construction. Heavy machinery. Yeah. It's like- Really? Which, honest to God, I think would be so much fun.

Construction fantasy camp. You get in the thing. They teach you how to move it. You move shit around, and you're like a five-year-old boy again there's three types there's the shoot anything range okay and then there is construction fun construction and then there's also like the racing one where you can get in like insane cars and drive super fast and i think i would rank them if you told me we're gonna have fun today and we can't go to the pool, I would rank them construction, race, shoot. What about the thing that allows things to rise up?

That's called the strip club. When we did, speaking of review, there was one day on review where Jason Manzoukas and I took baseball bats and smashed up two cars and it was the funnest thing. How much? They have a break room here in LA. Is that right?

Yes, you just go in and destroy everything. Did Chris Pernowski used to have a breaking party here in LA. Is that right? Yes, you just go in and destroy everything in the room. How much did you release? Did Chris Pernowski used to have a breaking party every New Year's? Yeah, at Titmouse. Did it take you kind of a second to get into it, and then once you were in, you kind of unleash an energy? You know what I'm saying? You kind of would like to-

So what did you do first? Did you smash a window, or did you go for the body of the car? The mirror. I think I started with a tail light. Yeah! Just to feel the outflows. you go for like the body of the car mirror i started with a tail light yeah did you do the kind of like adjust in your thing right before you fucking swing well yes but you know what it's actually so much harder than you think to smash a car window so what i had was a baseball bat that the prop department had spiked with a drill bit so i had to line it up just right yeah that's right

but then it just that That's so fun. So en route to the retail store, Smith smashed into another fence, drove into a utility pole, causing it to fall down with live wires. Yeah, that's not good. Before running over a CT meter, causing underground damage and breaking down the light pole.

Again, she's not coming back. No. When he arrived at the Walmart, Smith smashed, again, how much does the machine weigh? How much do you think a machine, a $350,000 machine weighs? Take a guess. I don't. Four elephants?

Two ton. 4,000 pounds? Sure. What do you think? 6,000 pounds. I have no idea. What do you think, Andy? 1,500 pounds.

72,000 pound machine. So he is just wreaking damage and havoc. I'm not good with weights. He went to the loading dock wall and crashed into the side of the store causing extensive exterior damage, but maybe didn't do anything on the inside. To the Walmart? Yeah. How fast do we think one of these things can go?

Not fast. I don't think so. I think it's a low speed Al Collings, OJ Simpson chase. I would guess your maximum miles per hour on an excavator, I would probably guess around 10, maybe 15 miles per hour. But 15 is fast. He then allegedly fled the excavator, ran inside, armed with a machete, but discarded it.

You got to go over the machete section and throw it with all the other ones. Maybe he tried to return it. Maybe the greeter said, everything you're doing is fine, but you can't bring that machete in. This? What? And I love that he agreed. He's like, fine. I'm just going to be in and out really quick.

Will you watch it? Ladies, hit Florida. Yeah. So it's Walmart in Florida. So it's probably like when you go through TSA and there's just a trash can for all people who forget that they have a water on them. Hey, throw that in the machete bin. Or it's a Florida can. 80 next to it. You walk in with a machete and they go,

you making a return? Yeah, I guess not. No, they just are like, returns over there, customer service there. Or they're like, sir, may I check your machete? Take this number. When you want it, we'll get it back on the way out the door. You don't need it in there.

No, no, no, you're not going to need it. Police said, Smith, and this is going to surprise all three of you, physically resisted the officers. I know you thought he'd go peacefully. He thought he'd go peacefully. Initially refused to put his hands behind his back, which is a great officer troll.

Sir, put your hands behind your back. Nope. It's like, okay, you're now going to force me to do something about this. You're forcing me now to force you. Do you want to see a picture of him? Yes. beautiful oh dear so that's a tattoo on the cheek there isn't it yeah he looks like his name's toast malone tattoo on the cheek roast malone the business listed as victims the businesses of his crimes told law enforcement. How much property damage do you think this guy did? Approximately in a dollar amount.

I mean, Walmart, fences, multiple storage units. The storage hole, underground thing that were destroyed. What do you think? I'll go $2 million in damage. $2 million. All right, Jay, what do you think? $800,000. Andy?

So far, every time, the estimate, the number has been higher than we're estimating. Yeah, you're correct. So I'm going to go ahead and say $4 million. Okay. One of you is exactly right. No kidding. Who do you think is right? Now we get to play the game.

I'm going to stay with you. You're going to stay at $800,000? Yeah. You can jump to either one of those or stay where you're at if you feel really confident. I'm staying at $4 million. I'll stay at $2 million. Stay at $2 million. Okay.

Get your answers in, townies, because they listed the property damages would be approximately $2 million. Everything's coming up. Rose gold was charged with six felonies and one misdemeanor with the most serious being first degree larceny, grand theft causing property damage and estimated over how much you think. I mean, this is weird. This cause they businesses said, Oh wait, they're giving you another number.

I think he's talking about the property on the construction site. How much money. Just them alone? Yeah. Wow. 300. Well, they got to put that fence back up. That's right. That's $2 million alone.

There you go. Fences are expensive. It's $1,000. Anyway. He also faces criminal mischief charges for property damage to all third degree felonies and felony armed trespassing charges. I mean, the machete's got to be worth something. Yeah.

A misdemeanor for resisting officer. Put your hands behind your back. No. A novice excavator operator has previously had, this was a novice, he was a novice excavator operator. Are you an expert at this? No, I just dabble. It's like more of a fun thing for me.

That's a hobby. Ed had several court appearances for another grand theft in the third degree, according to the Alachua County Court Records. Smith is being held in Alachua County as he awaits his trial after making his initial appearance in court on Tuesday. We will get out of here on this. How old? You saw the picture, which can also be helpful or hurtful.

Yeah, it's an old Florida look. Right? So I think he's in Florida years, which is kind of like dog years, but a dog that has been stray and doing tons of meth. Andy, where do you want to go? You can go any order you want. You pick. Where do you want to go in the line?

I'm going to say 41. 41? Wow. You go first. Daniel, what do you think? How old is this guy? Jesse Smith. I'm going to go 46.

Okay. You think he's in his 50s? One of you is one year off. So we all get to go up or down one? 51. 40. 47. Okay.

Get your answers in, Tony. This was a lovely story, wasn't it? It was lovely. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. The biggest surprise to me is that this is going to trial. Right. Right.

I mean, really, who's arguing what at this point? It's him. You know how many times he's looked at cops and said, I'll take my chances? I'll roll the dice. Do you think in the early 90s, people in court pled virtual insanity a lot? Of course.

You know what I mean? The Jamiroquai defense? The Jamiroquai defense. The Jamiroquai defense. All right, get your answers in, Johnny. They had to wear that big fur hat to court. And walk on a people movement. And he's like, yeah.

All right, so if you've seen Jamiroquai recently, the guy, Jay Jamiroquai, he has gained a lot of weight. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, good for him. He's a little too thin. Does that shirt fit? All right, so he is, Jesse Smith is 47 years old.

Yeah, doing good. Unbelievable. Fantastic. I'm guessing alone people should watch my show. So we have one more story, Jay. Give us a little taste of what we're going to get, and then we'll tell you what we have. An unlikely bank robber.

I love this. An unlikely bank robber. I hope that means accidental. Right? Excuse me. Sure. Or going in style. style yeah or the old people i remember that okay so we'll be right back andy daly he's in the movie unfrosted uh which you can

watch and enjoy on netflix so go do that and we'll be right back stick around look us down hey everybody we all have a lot of stressors in our life big and small we can bottle them up and when they're bottled up. And when they're bottled up, they can affect us negatively. Or come out in other weird ways. 100%. That's why I'm a therapy guy. You guys are therapy guys. So am I, all the way.

Jason, firsthand experience of having a therapist in your life. Yes, my wife is a therapist, and we understand the value of therapy. The need to talk things out with an objective force that's outside of your inner circle. And put it in a place. Yeah. Great point. And have someone thinking about your life and helping you gain perspective on what you're going through. It is a gift that you can give to yourself.

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Guys, today's episode is sponsored by the aspca pet health insurance program i can tell you i have experience so i have experience with it with you right so you guys help me out with my dogs i've had english bulldogs and now french bulldogs and i have wonderful loving animals that have beautiful dogs that have a litany of problems with them bad hips bad breathing, slipped disc, a herniated disc in one of my dogs. So you never want to be in the situation where you're like, can we afford to do this thing

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or the United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of the dollar. Stick around, look us down down there's more dog people town hey guys welcome back to the show before we get into this last story randy and i have some comedy lots of stuff coming up uh if this drops before may 16th or 17th and 18th we'll be in at the wise guys comedy club in jordan landing in salt lake city i love that city we will see you we were trying to find a date on my last tour and I need to reach that guy.

I love this guy and we haven't been to Salt Lake City in a few years. I've never been. It's so good. I've heard it's such fun comedy shows. It is and I love the clubs and I love the place. So we're going there and we'll see all of our Salt Lake people.

And then we just added these two dates in June. We're going to be in Dallas on the 19th and 20th, right? And then the 21st and 22nd. 19th and 20th in Dallas. So Fort Worth the first night at Hyena's and then downtown Dallas on that Thursday night. Can I say 5% chance I might show up at one of those shows? Ooh, come and do a guest set.

Because I'm going to be in Texas. What if I just drive up and surprise them? Please, we're going to be in Houston at the Secret Group that weekend. I know. The 21st and 22nd. Is that the them? Please, we're going to be at the Secret Group that weekend. I know. The 21st and 22nd. Is that the Friday? Yeah, Friday and Saturday. So I think I'll be there on the Friday.

Oh, dude. And I think Saturday I have to go to New Orleans. Come and do guest sets with us. That'd be so much fun. 5% sounds low. Because who knows? Anyway, so we'll be there. Supersclars.com for all of that.

And then more Taggets we're doing here. And then we have great stuff. Tag it on the 25th at Largo. Tagit is such a fun show. I gotta come back and do another one. You absolutely should with your new stuff. Alright, here we go. This was sent in by Sam Householder at Sam Householder.

He should sell homeowners insurance. Exactly. He holds your house. He rents a really nice apartment. Or a home inspector. Or at least hug houses. Or excavate. He a home inspector. Okay. Or at least hug houses. Yes. Or excavate. HUD.

Works for HUD. Man in wheelchair arrested after allegedly robbing bank in Elkhart. That is brazen. Wow. You can still do anything you want with your life. That's right. Don't let yourself be limited by other people's expectations. Did he think that he could be anyone you want to be?

Yes, you can be. He's like Jason Street in Varsity Blues. I mean, most bank counters, Thank you. are like the kid on Glee. Most bank counters, Or that rapper from Degrassi. Most bank counters,

You talking about Drake? Yeah. Aren't we all talking about Drake? Who knows when this drops what we're talking about Drake. Keep going. Don't let us derail you. The counters are too high. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I agree. Like, there is no low count. Sir, I can't hear what you're saying through the glass. Speak up. Literally speak up. Yeah. Okay. So, all righty.

I understand. You just see the butt of a gun. You got to give him some credit. His angles are not great. But I'm saying he's got a beef with Banks. So I get the motivation already the number one thing to committing any crime is being able to get out quickly being able to get away yeah didn't we learn anything from heat yeah you feel that fucking heat coming around that point break you got to be willing within 30 seconds to turn around you can't be in needing to do a three-point turn. Is it a motorized wheelchair?

Maybe he's Reeves in it. He's just blowing himself around. Stop. Elkhart, Indiana from WNDU. The Elkhart Police Department says an arrest was made. Indiana alone. He's like, fuck it.

He's like, I can get away with this. Made in a bank robbery just minutes after it happened on Tuesday morning. So like, he did not get far. They thought about it. The cops had another donut. They walked down the street. We'll get him.

We got him. Because when he went to leave, somebody probably just walked up behind him and, like, locked his wheel. I will say it does. You got to be able to get away. I'm not saying you want to rob a bank. So, by the way, it takes a little extra time to get into the getaway car if you're starting when you are choosing the bank to go to may i suggest if you're in a wheelchair make sure

it's at the top of top of a hill that would really help that would legitimately help yes i've catch this bitch is the because andy's are too the getting in and out of the car you gotta think this through you don't get a time out by the way be like time out time out guys you gotta let me get in the fucking car you gotta go you're not jumping any fences in that thing is the movie about his life baby roller if your getaway plan involves the sound not good it's not gonna happen it's not gonna happen you gotta get in and roll out. You got to roll out. Now, if you Kaiser So say it, and you get out and then start walking, they are definitely going to be looking for the wrong guy. Person in a wheelchair.

Yes. Oh, I like that. Right. I like it. But also, if you were to see, like when I see like one shoe as I'm walking down the street, I'm like, what happened? I always wonder. Who left that there?

I always wonder. A shoe or just a baby straw. I do it all the time. What's this story? On a freeway, I always wonder. Who left that there? I always wonder. A shoe or just a baby straw. What's this story? On a freeway, I always wonder, too. What happened with the window down when you see a random shoe? A thing out there. Yes. If you were to see an empty wheelchair, my first thought now is going to be someone Kaiser

Soze, a bank robber. Usual suspects. Guy gets out, starts walking away. Yeah. And he does it right next to a murder ball tournament, and everyone else is blamed. It works the other way around, too. A walking person robs a bank and then gets in a wheelchair. Yeah, because then you're like, he went that way.

They're like, thanks, buddy. Yeah. I would have gone after him. What do you want me to do, guys? You want me to roll with you guys? Not my monkey, not my circus. I guarantee that's happened before. Officers were called to the First Source Bank on Franklin Street at 9.06 a.m.

The caller told police that a man in a wheelchair entered the bank and then gave the employee a note demanding money. The man identified as, and we'll guess his age at the end, Marquise Hunter, who left the building after the employee gave him the money. But police said he was arrested just how many minutes later?

What if that wasn't his name, but he was just a person who hunted men named Marquise? He's a Marquise Hunter. He's a Marquise Hunter. Marquise Hunter sounds like a character in John Wick. Marquise Hunter sounds like the best six-man off the bench.

Or a center fielder for the Montreal Expos. It was a job right after the French Revolution. The Marquis Saunders. The Marquis Saunders. They used to be trappers. How many minutes? How many minutes did they catch him? How long did it take to catch him?

Andy, I'll let you go. So 906 was the robbery. Yes. I'm saying the suspect is in custody by 912. So six minutes? Yes. I was thinking 9-13. I'm going three minutes.

One of you is exactly right. It ain't me because he went too fast on that. I'm going to switch. I'm going to go with Andy. I'm going to say seven minutes, 9-13. Get your answers in because it was six minutes. I'm taking a partial win on that.

That's good that you, Switch. That's like playing craps, and I bet on your roll. Bet on the don't pass line. Hell never. The arrest was made at 100th block of East Franklin Street, which is the same block the bank is located on. He did not confront me. The bank also has to be located right by the Elkhart Police Department. Buddy.

Get a hill. You've got to pick a better bank. You've got to find a hill. I was going to say, if you pick a hill, that is a hill you gotta pick a better bank you gotta find a hill i was gonna say if you pick a hill that is a hill you can die on literally while searching hunter officers found the money on him they did not find any weapons hunter was booked at the elkhart county jail a preliminary charge of robbery his bond was set at how much uh i mean he's not going to get very far. Andy. $100,000. $59,000. $59,000. $59,000.

One of you is exactly right. That's me right here. I felt it, the energy. I'm going to say, I'm switching mine to Andy. I'm switching mine to Andy. Get you. Because it was set at $100,000. Oh!

Way to go. Andy Bailey is on fire. You're coming on strong in the end here I used to be a district attorney I would have asked for it Alright well we'll get out of here on this How old Let's see if Andy can pull off the job

The one thing we're not talking about is He really needed this The holy roller He really needed this Marquise Hunter Marquise Hunter is 71 years old So in his mind he's sort of taking it back. Right.

It's mine anyway. The way I see it. It's mine anyway. I pay property tax. All right, Marquise. I'm just getting what's mine. Man. 71.

I'm going to go 38. 38? 41. Get your answers in. Watch Uned watch rose gold come see us live in dallas and houston superschoolers.com superschoolers.com for all of our dates marquise hunter is 31 years oh daniel was close what a great show andy daly thank you so much thank you that was great fun Good fun

And oh shit We gotta get back to work Stick around Look us down There's more In Dolphins People Town