Dumb People Town - Anthony Atamanuik - Just A Taste

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

This week Anthony Atamanuik comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about the most make-shift weapon possible. The second story is a big, dumb potato. Final story finds two men in the middle of a double DUI.

Skypains, out of here. Hey, Townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, Tony. We've got you on the show this is a for our fans we apologize if the audio is i'm not apologizing we're all doing the best we can navigating this industry and this world and we are doing our best to bring comedy and laughter into your day so that's it that's right that's it and it studio tony and i are up in uh toronto randy's on the set uh of a wonderful show that i don't know we're allowed to talk i don't think you can also talk about the fact that you are great on what we do in the shadows and so take from that what you want world um we're so excited to have you on the show. We've been wanting to for a while. Dan, Randy, and I have been talking about it.

Dan, we know you have limited time, Tony. Dan, we're going to jump right into story number one. Okay, you guys ready to do this? Yes. Okay, here we go. Sent in by CPT Leroy Ross.

At CPT Leroy Ross. At CPT Leroy Ross. I don't know what CPT stands for. Well, it could be derogatory. Oh, okay. I don't know. That's what de Blasio and Hillary Clinton got into trouble with. Really? Yeah.

I thought it was California Pizza Truck. That's what I thought, too. Really? No. And they made it a food truck california pizza truck that's like that just should be nicknamed the diarrhea movie oh that's so good um okay you guys right this is a short story but it's a fun one police say a man who refused officers request to drop a table leg with a saw tape to it is now facing charges. I'm going to show you guys this photo.

And you know way too much about the person just by looking at the weapon they tried to make. All right, ready? Here we go. Here it is. I'm bringing it up right now. Look at that. Oh, my God. That is...

I'm going to say this. It's a medieval fucking... We're going to battle in someone's backyard. Is it duct tape or tinfoil? It's duct tape. Look it. This is only... You only make this out of anger.

No one calmly makes this. So, Dan, what you're saying is this wasn't waiting for No one calmly makes this. So, Dan, what you're saying is this wasn't waiting for someone under the Christmas tree. No. I mean, if it is, your family, you need to stop drinking. So, this guy wants a... It's also

a weird leg. It's obviously a coffee table leg. Yes. It's like obviously a coffee table leg yes short it's short do you think they broke the table to make the weapon or was the table already broke and they had like an epiphany of what they could do to repurpose this wood i think they broke it i think they brought because i've seen this happen i've actually seen there it is now you guys wow that is a pretty good weapon, actually. I mean, the back end looks sort of like some sort of Dutch sex toy, the back part of it.

It does. It does. It's not a sex toy. I think that it is. It totally does. I've seen this happen. I've seen someone snap the leg off a coffee table to make a weapon in front of me. Well, sure.

It's a good blunt object. It's a good Michael Keaton Batman. You want to get nuts? Let's get nuts. It's a very good blunt object. I have seen that in front of me. I've seen that happen. But to tape it as well, Randy Sklar has entered the chat.

So anyway, this is my thing, though. has entered the chat so anyway this is my thing though you can tell by um the uh by the actual like thing itself like once you hit one thing with that it's not staying on it's not no right it's not well made enough i don't know if it hit flesh maybe if it hit flesh i think it could go a few times and i'm gonna say this i'm a little almost defensive about this because when the pandemic happened, I built somewhat of a similar weapon with an old knife and a baseball bat. No, you did not. Tony! Did you put it in your bedside table?

What is this for, my friend? Tony, I hope the whole time you were making it, Tony, you were whispering to yourself, you just got to be ready. You just got to be ready. When the time is when my number is called, I'm going to take this thing and get at least one and a half good shots on someone.

I'm embarrassed to say I did build a weapon. And where do you keep it? Is it under your bed and then have you stood up with it in the middle of the night and turned to your wife and said honey it's time it's go time and she's like i knew this day would come um no uh uh what i did was i tried to build it uh and then the duct tape clearly i was like oh the duct tape isn't going to hold this knife of course so i deconstructed it

and now i just have a bat with nails hammered into it that's at my bedside table you're a background actor on the walking dead that's what i do i mean the nails into the bat are good i mean if you hammer a bunch of nails into a bat that does make it a good weapon the problem is with those though sometimes you only get one good hit because you're lodged in your uh object that you get. It's an opponent, Dan, or a thief, or a person coming into your city. I mean, it's the nails in the bat are what made Babe Ruth such a

great hitter. I'll just say that. Yes, it's true. And Sammy Sosa. The Babe is very good at just sticking the ball onto the bat and then just running and everyone thinking it was a home run. It's just an optical illusion. I love also that this story takes place in Canada, where you boys are right now.

Of course it does. Up in Canada. You got to make your own weapon up here. I'm going to make my own weapon, head up to Port Perry, beat the hell out of this guy who got my daughter pregnant, eh? Going to go down to the local, see if they kick me out then. She's down in Hamilton. Well, we went ahead and bought some Canada goose coats just to go up there

because it's very cold even in April. I love that video. Oh, yeah. You're going to go up to, if you want to go to Blue Heron and play the slots, don't take concession four, eh? Things all shut down with snow. Bring your own weapon. You know what I saw?

They took one of the groomers down from one of the ski resorts, and they were grooming the streets. Yeah, grooming the streets. Let me go back to this story. Witnesses first told police they saw a man carrying what appeared to be a knife taped to a baseball bat cut to him keep correcting people all night. It's not a bat. It's a leg to a coffee table. If I had

a bat, I'd use a bat. He did this at the one... Is that an Easton? No, it's a coffee table. Century modern. This all happened at the 100 block of McPhillip Street around 5pm on Thursday. Also, this is one of those articles

where they tell you like, hey, check out this article. I don't know what's going on up in Winnipeg because that's where this story takes place. I had to include it. I usually don't unless it's worth it. This is a link they want you to click on while reading this episode. Here's the headline for that link. Read more, which is how they tell you, you know, check out this. Winnipeg police sees a machete and an improvised firearm during a traffic stop which means someone made made a gun like in in the line of fire john malkovich style winnipeg and the weapons are out of control right now oh yeah winnipeg's pretty crazy hey to make your i love that like they can't get weapons up here like you can get weapons everywhere oh well it's a supply chain problem up

here in canada they bring i blame the pandemic they're bringing all the eddies down from the yukon yukatan peninsula the yukon's down in mexico the yukatan they're bringing it be a dog sled and wait the yukon's up there the yukatan is down in Mexico. What is the thing, Tony? Where are we? Yukon's up north. Yucatan's down south, eh? But here's the thing. You got to go. You want to make an improvised gun. You got to get some moose nose.

Moose nose bone. And you put that in there. Bend it over. Double barrel. Put two petrified fox pellets. You shave it off. You shave it off the antlers. Yeah, shave the antlers there and put them on there like a barrel, eh?

And you'll get a good shot off, just like Malkovich. Malkovich should have hit his target, you know, eh? Yeah, I mean, are you talking about Malkovich or Alec Baldwin? Who are you talking about? Well, not touching that. Nope, me either. On with the story. They say the man brandished the weapon at officers who used a conducted energy weapon.

That's just, it's a taser. I don't know why in Winnipeg they're calling it a conducted energy weapon which makes it sound way cooler wait dan could like a sound thing that they're making sound like using sound waves to bring someone to their knees that's no that's an energy that's real that's an energy they literally wrote here conducted energy weapon hyphen a taser hyphen just say a goddamn taser i know conducted it is a conducted i mean in all technicality is a connected energy weapon and i think they really want to this writer wanted to convey the sort of primal stone age weaponry to the modern uh sci-fi technology of the

mounted police well it wasn't a taser connected to a baseball bat, so let's just start there. It's not a bat. It's not a bat. They didn't say that the taser was just a hand mixer plugged into a wall socket that they just pressed up against the guy. It's shooting out electricity. Go get it on whip.

I dipped this hair dryer in the bathtub. Get out over there. They said they used it to subdue him and take him safely into custody, safely for them, which is good. I'm fine with that. The man from Winnipeg is charged with possession of a weapon, resisting a peace officer, and two counts of failing to comply with a probation order.

So he'd already been rung up on something. Oh, yeah. There was no word from police on why the suspect was carrying the table leg with the saw attached. He's mad at someone. He thinks someone owes him money, and they don't. That's what it is.

But he thinks they do. If you are carrying parts of furniture that are in your house outside of the house, you feel like you've been wrong you've got a problem i've watched this happen i've watched this happen wait wait tony tell us the context i just want to tell you very briefly let's save it for patreon i want to hear it there oh okay i'm gonna make you tell us we'll get to hear his story of seeing this in real life but dan

we've talked about this before in our world i guess you can no longer get fired you can no longer get broken up with you can no longer lose your favorite poker match you can no longer lose in this life without cutting off the leg of a thing and wanting revenge am i right you're not allowed to lose anymore it's not on you it's on other people it's on other people also just so i say, the only time you are okay, I don't think this, but a lot of people would say the only time that you're allowed to take furniture out of your house is if you're saving a spot in the

middle of winter in Chicago on a street. I don't agree with that. I think that's bullshit, but that's a thing these jag-offs do. That's a good call. That's a good call. I'm all for it, by the way. I have stolen cones from a construction site

and put them in front of my house just to prevent someone from parking there hey at least you're going cones these people are out here with like ottomans and couches in Chicago we'll get out of here in this how old do the three of you think the man from Winnipeg

with a coffee table leg saw duct tape tool who got taken down by energy? How old do you think he is? 85. 85 years old. That's a lot of anger. That's a lot of anger in that man. Jay, geez. I'm going to say I because I was skewing old, but that's really old.

I'm going to say 57. 57? Okay. I'm going to say 29. 29. This guy's about ready to start a relationship that will be over in two years. For fun, I will tell one of you, you got within five. Because, story number one, the Winnipeg Hatcher, that's what I'm calling him, the Winnipeg Hatcher,

that's what I'm calling him, the Winnipeg Hatcher, he is 34 years old. Oh! I know, too young to be that angry. Too young. Yeah. That's like such an old man thing to do.

I know. It's so bizarre. Because if it was a 34-year-old and I saw them like taping the saw to the leg, I would literally, one of the things I would say, I would go, you're 34. Your whole life's in front of you.

Don't be making weapons. I'd be like, where's the sketch shows? What are you doing? Can I jump on? Just yes and. What do I do next? That's a wild prop. That's like such a sketch show move.

You're 34 duct taping a saw to a table leg. You better be doing a sketch show. That's 100%. That's right. I would literally walk up to that person and say, I think you should leave. Tony, you walk up and be like, oh, are you doing that white trash Paul Bunyan sketch? Are you in that white trash Paul Bunyan sketch? I love that.

You should put that on your audition. You should do it for your SNL audition. Dan, that's so good. White trash Paul Bunyan. Yeah, it's really good. I mean, but that basically is Paul Bunyan. Basic bitch Bunyan. Basic Bunyan.

Put that here. Basic Bunyan. All right, that's story number one. Down in the books when we come back we're gonna hear what tony has going on i'm so excited this is dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around make it sound there's more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh before we get into what we're all doing let's start well Before we get into what we're all doing, let's start. Well, let's get into what we're all doing. Daniel, tell people how they can join you for some awesome virtual shows and see you live and all the great stuff you got coming up, buddy. my like hub city game night so it's all on zoom we just play games and hang out it's very limited engagement so it actually feels like a hang in a good time while i try to also make you laugh at

the same time we play games and then on the 29th guys i've never seen ratatouille i've never seen i know that's the response you should have so it's one of my favorite movies of all time it's an incredible film i know i've never seen it i've never seen a scene of it at all i know i it's gonna be great. So I'm watching it and then we're all going to get together and talk about it. So if you want to talk about Ratatouille with me and close out the year, I'm doing that on the 29th. And then also on the 29th

I'm doing Bingo Night, my usual deal where you can win prizes, cookies, t-shirts, hang out with people like the Sklars when they come by and call numbers. Other comics too come by, promote their stuff, call numbers. And we raise money for No-Kill Animal Shelters, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, and Food Banks. It'll be like a pre-New Year's Eve

pre-pre-New Year's Eve hang and bash. So if you want to party with me, all that stuff is at DanielVanKirk.com. But if you really want to party on New Year's Eve, Sklars? Come to Chicago. Go to Aurora. We'll be at the Comedy Shrine. First time we've done New Year's in probably about 10-12 years. Very excited.

Two shows, one night. Just party with us. We'd love to fill it with you guys. Before that, on the 10th through the 12th of December, we're at the Tempe Improv in Phoenix, Arizona. That's a great place. Jeff Tice is going to feature for us. We love Jeff Tice. He makes all of our posters and he's amazing.

He might make a cool poster for that show. There might be a commemorative one for that. And we got dates coming up. Denver will be a comedy works in January 13th to the 15th in DC. And I think the 10th or the 12th, we have the comedy law February or February. And then in March we'll be in Cleveland at hilarities. And I'm probably back at room tower.

And then in may, the dates we were going to do at Seattle with crocodiles coming back up, super slurs.com, check that out. We've got a Patreon where we're doing new episodes of Cheap Seats, Cheaper Seats. And we've got a big announcement coming up that as soon as we're allowed to announce it to you, we will announce it to you. It's about a very exciting news. It's a very exciting new Cheap Seats news that's coming up. But we'll tease you with that, and it's really exciting.

But, Tony, let's hear what's going on with you. Tell about your new podcast. my god yeah that's the only thing i have going on i mean i this out in the world is so i haven't gone out in the world yet so uh uh yeah my friend john gemberling and i we started a new podcast on all things comedy called the phony and collie show and uh it is based on uh john and i have spoken daily since he moved to los angeles for almost i think 10 years at this point and uh during the pandemic we said hey you know we should just do our phone calls as a podcast why bother sure what's the what's the point and we, everything you hear in the podcast, we improvise. We end up bringing in a third friend and talking to them.

All that we would just do without anybody. We used to improvise full scenes just for each other, just because we were bored. So now we do it. And the beauty is that we do sound effects and lay in and create what is an amazing scene out of our half-baked shitty improv so like so it's uh it comes out every monday and um and i think when this releases ray sani will be our our guest maybe um and we have a big christmas special coming up with uh surprise guests and we're really excited and hopefully uh sclars will be coming on at some point.

I would love it. We've got to get John on our podcast. We'll do that soon. How many episodes do they just range in time, but just so people know how long they are? Oh, they're usually

about an hour to hour 15. Usually we do one scene, maybe two, and then our guests, and then our guests. And they're very casual conversations because they're people we know. So they're easy and fun. That's billy tell them the name one more time we're phony and call phony and collie show and you can follow us at phony collie show p-h-o-n-e-y

c-a-l-l-y show on twitter on instagram it's a terrible name but we stuck to it. And now we have a pony collie show. Follow that show. Check it out. Give it a listen. You're going to love it. Tony's one of the best improvisers we know. And with that, let's jump into story number two, Daniel. Yes, let's do it. Can I call back to what we were talking about earlier, though, Tony, when you were like, I should I feel like you said you feel like you should be able to go full share and just go by Tony. Yeah. And you said that you were getting people telling you not to do that. I say bullshit because Gemberling goes by his last name to so many people. It's just like if he can go just last name, you can go just first name.

Gemberling goes. Yes. But what's so strange is he does that. But when we talk, obviously, we call each other John and Anthony. Sure, of course. And it's funny because sometimes if we're playing video games or something, I'll say Gemberling because there's other people playing, and he's always like, why are you calling me that?

It's offensive to him that I would refer to him in an informal way. That's so funny. I love that. All right, let's do this story, okay? This is by Steve Schieffer at Schieffer4. If it's S-C-H-I-E, are you going Schieffer or Schieffer?

Schieffer. Schieffer? Schieffer? Schieffer? Schieffer. Wait, wait. Did you say it again? I tried to make a bold decision and go with Schieffer just because what if it is right and no one ever says it that way and it's supposed to? Schieffer. Yeah, I guess Schieffer.

Schieffer? Schieffer. It's not Schieffer. No one's named Schieffer. Here we go. It's Schieffer. Schieffer is too close to sounds like a Jewish slur for some reason. I don't know why, but if someone called me a Schieffer, I'd be offended.

Right. This guy charged me double priceifer, I'd be offended. Right. This guy charged me double price for something that was half off. He's a shifer. He's a real shifer. Goddamn shifer. Okay. This takes place. This is just a dumb, sweet story, friends.

Just a dumb, sweet thing that happens in dumb people town. Avon, New York, WROC. Officials from the Livingston County Sheriff's Office. Oh, no. I jumped ahead. We'll come back to that. That's a tease for the next one. Here we go Office. Oh, no. I jumped ahead. We'll come back to that. That's a tease for the next one. Here we go.

This was sent in. I'm sorry. Second story was sent in by Big Fan at FYI, you rock. I like that. Oh, that's so nice. Here's the headline. Doug, the ugly New Zealand potato could be the world's biggest. This is just a story about a big, big dumb potato.

Doug, the ugly New Zealand zealand potato that to me sounds like that's a that's an indie rock band in indy sure doug the potato doug the ugly new zealand potato is like open for boy dog pondering is it just the most obese person in new zealand and they just all know it's such a small country. They're just like, oh, there's Doug, the biggest potato. Wellington, New Zealand. Check out this string of names. Colin and Donna Craig Brown.

What are their... Colin and Donna. Do they have the same middle name? They're both Craig? They're both hyphenated. So it's Colin and Donna Craig Brown. Craig? They're both hyphenated. So it's Colin and Donna Craig Brown. Craig Brown. Craig is hyphenated.

So it's Colin and Donna Craig Brown. In the middle? So it's like Craig? Craig hyphen Brown. C-R-A hyphenated I-G. Yeah. Craig Brown. Ruth's Chris New Zealand Steakhouse.

Got it. Colin and Donna Craig Brown. Ruth's Chris New Zealand Steakhouse. Got it. Colin Adana Craig Brown. You know how a lot of times you're like, that last name could be a first name, or that first name could be a last name? This last name is a full name. Yes. Hey, are the Craig Browns coming over?

We're making loaded baked potatoes. Are the Browns coming over? No. The Craig Browns? Yeah, the Craig Browns. Craig Browns. The Craig Browns are. Colin Adana Craig Brown were weeding, the Craig Browns. Craig Browns. The Craig Browns are. Colin and Donna Craig Brown were weeding

their garden in New Zealand when Colin's hoe struck something huge just beneath the soil's surface. Don't say that about your wife. As the couple knelt down and began digging around the object, Colin wondered if it was some kind of strange fungal growth.

A giant puffball, he thought. After Colin Craig Brown pried it out with his garden fork, he scratched away a bit of skin. Garden fork? By the way, the garden fork to me sounds like a made-up weapon that you use more than a bat and a saw taped together. You could fuck somebody up with a garden fork. Do they have a photo of the garden fork and is it the same one as in Winnipeg? It's great. But it is taped to a bat.

It's a coffee table leg. Jesus. Guys, here's the fun part about this. Imagine this is you. Colin Craig Brown pried it out with his garden fork, scratched away a bit of the skin, and then tasted it. Oh, that's smart.

Just to eat something. That's some Craig Brown thinking right there. Just to eat something you just... He's like the Ruth Bader Ginsburg of his... You just found a huge mass of something under the ground that you do not think should be there right like it shouldn't be there at all and then you decide to eat it yeah it's a tumor what's

amazing it's it's literally a tomb it's a tuber but it's an earth tumor yes so it's like finding a tumor in your body and having it removed and then saying to the doctor, can I get a taste of that? Exactly. Just give it a little taste. So he takes a bit of the skin. He tastes it. The next line, a potato. We couldn't believe it, Donna said. It was just huge and not exactly pretty. Donna describes its appearance of more of an ugly, mutant look.

I'm going to show you guys a photo. Don't say that about your husband. For Christ's sake, give the owner a O. ugly mutant look. I'm going to show you guys a... Don't say that about your husband. I'm going to show you guys a photo of Donna and this potato and I cannot wait. I bet you can't tell the difference. Guys.

Wait a minute. You really... Donna does sort of look like the potato. It looks like a little bear that's hugging her. It looks like a beaver like the potato. It looks like a little bear that's hugging her. It looks like a beaver with its paws. Okay, first of all. It looks like a potato. And then the potato is misshapen and weird too.

First things first. If I told you that her name was Donna Gaffigan, would you fight me about it? Donna McGillicuddy. She loves to tell people she just went all the way gray. She went all the way nationally gray. I just said, you know, fuck it. I'm going all the way gray i just went all the way naturally gray you know fuck it i'm going all the way gray all right i think she turned gray when she saw this potato i mean this potato doesn't it looks like a guato a guato whatever that thing is it looks like uh it looks like a thanksgiving turkey it looks like an otter it looks like an otter frozen

in time yeah it does look like a wood carved it looks like something you turkey. It looks like an otter. It looks like an otter frozen in time. Yes, it does look like a wood carved. It looks like something you'd find at an indigenous people's store on the way out of life. Yeah, like a little mart. It looks like Caddyshack had a museum. This would be like in front as like the gopher. You know what I mean? It looks like somebody.

It is sort of like almost like a hip-hop beaver like it's it's definitely it's a it's got a rodan it's got a rodan feeling to it guys doesn't he's a thinker he is a thing it does have a rodan it's but since it's a beaver it's called a rodan there you go at sklar brothers thumbs down emoticon okay i mean i't know. I'd still pick the potato over Donna. Donna. Well, you know the potato's not going to talk back. Donna starts every sentence with the word well. I can tell you that

just by looking at her. Well. Well. Hey, how's everything going, Donna? Well. It went gray again. I went gray again. Went gray again. It's the fourth time.

Again. Keep going gray. I had just gotten all the color back in my hair, and then I went gray again. Well, I found my favorite sweatshirt. Can I also say, it was also buried in the yard under the potato. Can I also say, the potato? in the yard under the potato can i also say the potato i said no honey the potato looks like somebody who's gonna be who someday is gonna be really good at sculpting but this is their first attempt it actually does look like a matisse or it looks like a dave matisse dave matisse dan that's right like she would bring that to someone and say and her friends would be like oh donna so the art classes are going along well she's like yeah well well well well wait a minute i'm sorry this is just a screenshot from

the kids in the hall reboot. That's Bruce. That's Bruce right there. That's Bruce. Dave Foley in drag. Okay, back to the story. It's quite possibly the largest potato on record. When the couple lugged it into their garage and put it on their old set

of scales, it weighed in at how many pounds, guys? I've already done the conversion. Tony, what do you think? You got to look at it. How much do you think that potato weighed? 85. 85 pounds. Wow, he's so definitive. I'm just going to keep guessing 85. Fine, go for it. I'm going to say

46 pounds. I'm going to say it's 39 pounds. 39, okay. It weighed in at a remarkable 17.4 pounds. I know. I thought you were about to say 70. I thought you were going to say 79.

Yeah, that's still an enormous amount of weight for a potato. Do you cook it, Dan? What do you do? Do you make french fries out of it? You chop it up, baby. But I would have cautioned you guys to think back on the photo because she is kind of casually holding it. Yeah, she's not.

I didn't account for any of that. Tony, you stuck with 85. I'm consistent on my bit. And also, Donna does look like she has some serious guns. She does look like she has a lot of stuff.

It says here, in the week since her unusual fine on august 30th the couple's potato has become something of a celebrity in their small farm near hamilton they've named the potato doug after the way it was unearthed and colin even built a small cart to tow it around guys this is where it gets i told you it's just dumb and sweet and dumb people town there's a quote from from uh colin colin craig brown we put a hat on him we put him on facebook taking him for a walk giving him some sunshine it's all a bit of fun it's amazing what entertains people it's amazing what entertains you colin yeah yeah donna bought a baby stroller for it you didn't need to do that, Donna. The worst intersection of two people who are not honest with themselves

about their decision to not have children and finding a giant potato in the backyard. We had them circumcised. That literally is it. We're like, well, we made the right decision to not have kids. Just by the way, we're handling this potato. The couple say they've applied to the Guinness Book of World Records

to have Doug recognized and are waiting to hear back. Guinness said it couldn't share information on the application and that the British potato remained a record holder, the one before them. There's one that's currently, there's a British one that holds the record and until they review this application, they're not making any official statements.

Guinness Book of World Records, very serious about their... I know, they're standoffish, those guys. They take their records very seriously. Colin said he doesn't have any secret gardening tips. Usually they throw a bunch of cow manure and straw onto their garden and see what happens.

That's one way to live life, I guess. Shit and straw. That's how the Craig Browns got together. Oh, no, guys. Shit and straw is my favorite ice cream spot. Man, that's salt and straw. Shit and straw. That's how the Craig Browns got together. Oh, no, guys. Shit and straw is my favorite ice cream spot. Man, that's salt and straw. Anyway. He said they've been growing cucumbers in that area of their garden before, but weeds took over and hadn't planted any potatoes.

Doug must have been self-sown and quite possibly growing for a couple years or more. Wow. But Doug hasn't. The immaculate Spadato. We'll get out of here on this. Doug hasn't proved easy to look after guys as the couple showed the potato off. It began drying out and losing weight. Mold started showing

from its wounds. So Colin cleaned up Doug as best he could and put the potato in the freezer where it remains. But Colin, I'm going full news talk for you guys, but Colin may not be done with Doug yet as an amateur brewer Colin Craig Brown he's gonna try and bang it you never want to hear someone with three names go I'm not done with you yet I'm not done with

you yet I'm gonna make some poisonous beer out of you yeah right he is going to make some poisonous beer out of you. That's right. He is going to turn Doug into a nice drop of potato vodka. There you go. Look at that. Don't do that. These guys are dumb and in a fun way, and I very much have to. That's a good story, Dan. That's a great story. Give us a little teaser because I'm going to get pulled back on set over here.

Give us a tiny teaser for the final story. Oh, two drunk idiots with a drunk plan. All right. We'll do that. And then if you're a member of our Patreon, you're going to get to hear Tony tell his story of a man who built a weapon out of a table leg in front of his very eyes. Join our Patreon.

It's a great Patreon, Dumb People Town. We'll be right back with more right after this hey guys welcome back to the show uh daniel bring us on home take us home buddy okay here we go ready yep two two monroe county residents charged with dI after the same or after the same traffic stop. So two people, one car, both charged with DWI. So got busted, then the other person drove and they got busted. Here we go. Sent in by Steve Scheiffer,

Schaefer Schieffer, at Schaeffer Schieffer 4. I only say it to cover it, not to make fun. Avon, New York, as I already alluded to earlier, accidentally, WROC. Officials from the Livingston County Sheriff's Office say two men are facing drunk driving charges after being arrested during the same traffic stop. Authorities say a deputy conducted a traffic stop

in Lavakil Road in the town of Avon around 9.20 a.m. Tuesday. Police said while attempting to get the vehicle to pull over, it's alleged that the deputy observed the driver and the front seat passenger of the vehicle switch positions while the vehicle was in motion. Do you forget there's a window in motion?

Also, guys, you're surrounded by windows, you idiots. You're literally surrounded by windows. That is a no, no, no no i know what to do situation yeah do you put the cruise control on like that's what i would do i put the cruise on so at least i know and then i guarantee you this wasn't a self-driving car dan this is not one of those cars it was for a minute i would say for a minute or two, it was a self-driving car. Whether it wanted to be or not. That's right.

It's an 89 Toyota Tercel. And as Tony would call it, an 85 Toyota Tercel. That's right, 85, yeah. Do you guys think, too, that it was one of those cars where he's like, first, okay, before we switch, I've got to steer it to the left because it's going to drift to the right and we need the time. Now, Dan, that is so much pre-thinking that a person who's like get in the front seat would never think about i think they were i think they

were both like blow me blow me blow me and that was really what was going on it had nothing to do with switching seats they just were trying to get a better position to drunk blow each other they try to pull it over they switch positions while the vehicle is still in motion they say the occupants did did then comply with the deputy and pulled the vehicle over. Yeah, because they got their driver in there. It's like a NASCAR Indy race. So we got the right driver. We're good.

The officials say the original driver was identified as 31-year-old Joshua Padilla of Rush. And the passenger who gained control of the vehicle was 26-year-old David Town of Rush. Authorities say during the traffic stop that they suspected this and they pulled them over. That is when they tried to switch. Here's where it gets fun, friends. Here's by Randy. Randy's got to run back to the thing. We can't tell you. You got this. Bye, Randy.

I have one more minute of myself. Oh, that's great. They pulled them both over. Padilla and Town were offered a breathalyzer test. Padilla refused. He knows the score. Town performed. He performed it.

We will get out of here on this. What do you think is a person's blood alcohol content level to decide to switch seats with a cop behind you and think you're going to get away with it? 1.85. Okay. I'm going to go 0.185 for you because 1.85 would kill a human being, Tony go 0.185 for you because 1.85 would

kill a human being. You'd be dead. I'm going to say 0.25. Okay. I will tell you this. They were both released on their own recognizance, which is very nice, I guess. Maybe it was a wash. They're like, well, you both did it,

so it's a wash. The town, his blood alcohol content was 0.34. Oh, my God. That's like pouring vodka straight into the breathalyzer. Yeah, that is wild. Wild. Oh, dude. Well, there you go.

That's a show. Very good. I almost couldn't say it. Check out the Phony and Collie show, which is Tony's new podcast. All Things Comedy. It's so great. Is that right? Phony and Collie?

Yes, Phony and Collie show, and thank you for having me. This is great. We love having you. You're going to stick around for two minutes and tell Dan quickly your story about the guy who formed a weapon. That'll be for our Patreon. I gotta run and get on set too. Thanks for squeezing this in. Dan, you're amazing for running

point guard at the studio. Next week we'll be back so we can get back into the groove of doing these there. We love you guys, and oh shit, we gotta get back to work dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb