Dumb People Town - Aparna Nancherla - Parrot Argument

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Comedian and author Aparna Nancherla stops by as Jason explains how a man got stuck inside a public art sculpture in Edmonton, Daniel describes an SUV driving through a shopping mall, and Randy warns against arguing with your parrot while driving, and so much more!

Dan and Ren and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic fail in Florida, there's half-price bail, I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast band With co-host Armand Dan Vendors, don't be a jerk Spread the music, wish the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound On your downies, Dumb People Town Downies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town

Population you Population non-cherala A parna, non-cherala Aparna non-cherala Welcome to the show Thank you for having me Welcome back for being here I know this is the non-live I know the live one was really fun

It was fun Bell House Wonderful place to be It was you and the guys we fucked girls right? No it was you and Michael Che Oh yeah I think I was like so nervous before And he said something like It was you and the guys we fucked girls, right? No, it was you and Michael Che. Oh, yeah. I think I was like so nervous before. And he said something like, he was like, you'll be fine.

And I was like, why am I getting a pep talk from Michael Che? You were more than fine. You were great. You were great. We were like psyched that he was on the show. And he's like, oh, man. We're like, dude, you're so good on the news, on the Weekend Update. And he's like, really? I always feel like I'm not there.

I'm not at the spot where I need to be. I was like, part of me was like, I love that you understand that and can vocalize that to us. You're not like, oh yeah, man, I'm kicking ass. I can't handle that aspect of- Could you imagine any comic answer i know i'm like that's such a comedian trait to be like no i'm horrible i don't know some kid there's a no there are a few there's a certain wave of people that i'm not gonna name who it was but

i saw an instagram post and the guy was like update about the lady who was yelling at my show she went out you know and she was in the thing and there was a fight out in the parking lot still got a standing o at the end i'm like why do you think that wait i thought this was about the lady who went out i want to hear more weird i honestly feel weird saying it was a sold out show yeah yeah don't tell them feel weird about that but then there's the other part of you it's like no you want people to know that these are worthy shows coming out. But you want other people to know, like, oh, I should come to a show. Right, right, right.

But even that, I'm like, I guess I'll do it in all caps. We make things. Aparna made a book, and she wrote a phenomenal book. She just made the book. She wrote the book. No, I made it physically. I didn't write it. Physically, each one.

A lot of binding. She handcrafted. A lot of binding. Farm to table. We just made the book. She wrote the book. No, I made it physically. Physically each one. A lot of binding. Farm to table. We'll talk about it. It's actually wooden and it doesn't open. The glue cost alone. It's someone else's book too. And you bought all the supplies. Anyway, we're going to talk about that later. But we make things and we put it out in the world and we have to

let people know that we're proud of it. I'm proud that the world is dumb. Me too. I have a story. Thank God. We have a show. So I'm going to get into this story. Let's do it.

This was sent in by Derek Shipley, at Derek Shipley. Thank you, Derek Shipley. Dude sends a lot of stories in to us. We appreciate you. The DS Shipley. Man who became trapped inside Edmonton Public Art, charged with mischief. Wait. In art?

Like, who are you? I mean, there's a lot. There's a lot there's a wave so much he got trapped in the art like but that's not like i got lost i got lost in the art like at least mentally we've been trapped 100 right there's the scene in ferris bueller's day off when like boom, boom into the beautiful. This is some modern art. Like, you know, there's so many, like there was a modern art thing that was like, I think it was in Chicago. It was in a corner and there was all this candy. And like kids will not know what to do with it. The college roommate like went up and like took one and started eating it. People like were losing their mind.

Of course. You're not supposed to do that. No. There was a sign, like a little, whatever they call it, a little description. Yeah. That says take one? Yes. This gets refilled every two weeks.

It was like each piece of candy represented. Yeah, yeah. Some statistic. All right. This, to me, tells more about what's going on with the world right now. Yes. Is that- Well, this is a long time ago, but still. Still. Even back then. But this is a more about what's going on with the world right now. Yes. Is that. Well, this is a long time ago, but still.

Still. Even back then. This is a metaphor for what's going on with the world right now. In that like he took it and most people and my reaction first was like, why did he do that? But I wouldn't have gone off on him. But like, you got to read the sign. If the sign says to take it. Right.

We can't just immediately assume. sign if the sign says to take it right we can't just immediately assume there's a guy who just did this art where he just took glass boxes um and like he shaped them exactly to the size of every fedex box and then shipped them and then however they arrived like broken that was that was the art amazing right wow so i'm sure it's some sort of avant-garde shit oh yeah yeah of course like for all we know guys it's a swing set and that person's way yeah he's stuck in the she's stuck in the twist slide right so he's stuck and i mean it'd be like if someone got stuck in the bean you're like i'm gonna climb in the bean how is he in it he's in it here we go let's get into it let's get it all. So I love this story because it's weird.

No one gets hurt. I'll say that. Everyone has an opinion. And it happens in Edmonton. So we can crack. Oh, yeah. Let's get up to the accents. All right.

Yeah. So a man became trapped inside a notable piece of Edmonton public art made of large silver spheres. He was arrested soon after firefighters helped him escape the structure. Edmonton firefighters were called to the Talos Dome sculpture around 8.30 p.m.

You might want to look that up, Brandon. The Talos Dome sculpture. Did I say the time? Sounds like something from Dr. Higley. I know. It sounds like somewhere you would meet in a crime movie. It's a place in Dune. We've reached Talisdome. You may now release the hounds.

All right, Talisdome. I gave the time, sorry, on Sunday. After someone walked... Wait, what time was it? 8.30 p.m. After someone walked by... Yeah, on a Sunday. So you should be watching HBO. Sunday, 8 p.m., you should be shutting your walked by. Yeah, on a Sunday. So you should be watching HBO. Sunday, 8 p.m., you should be shutting your shit down.

You should be, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always am on a low Sunday night, so I'm like, this worst case scenario, get trapped in art on a Sunday night. This is the talus dome. Oh, my. Okay, now I understand how you could get trapped. You could get trapped.

Is this, I can't see from here, but is there space in between? Oh, yeah. I'm sure it's like a dome. No, but does it look like? It looks like a pyramid. It looks like a pyramid of balls. It looks like a pyramid made of little pebbles. Is it in the middle of nowhere? Or is it rocks?

Yeah, it's just in the middle of a field. It does look like dune. It does look like dune. But it's these silver balls that probably there is a central structure. Yes, yes. I don't think it's just the balls because it's on a slant and like all the balls would fall down no they have to be attached to each all right so a man was inside the mound of polished stainless steel balls with no way out so they managed to

say mound and balls in the same sense and not talk about any human so i was what these videos come by on your social media just when you're like i want to now kill my brain cells i was watching there was like a tree branch in china and people are walking by and hiking and literally some guy got his head in and couldn't get it out and i was like getting and so much anxiety for him but i'm like what in your brain tells you to go and stick your into that get in this little tree branch that's like a triangle what in your brain says you need to do that it's whatever told this guy to get in the structure i always think of those people as like in the back in the caveman days i'm like they're the

reason we move forward as a society because you have to have people are willing to do things like that just to see if it works and then you know one time out of ten it works but then the other nine guys heads are just traveling i saw a video recently it's like a snorkeling excursion like hawaii or whatever this guy walks up to the edge so a person jumps then he walks up to the edge then he jumps he comes up and he's like yeah just flailing and he's like you don't know how to swim he goes you're not a swim and he's like so no do you know how to swim and he goes no and he goes what did you do what did you and then the guy just the guy who was standing on the boat just yells emily which i don't know what that dan i saw but think about this like you just said, 600 years ago, that guy just dies.

That guy shows us how hot fire is. Exactly. That's what she's saying. Yeah. Just like nature weeds. What was the great example? What was that person even? What did they think was going to happen?

I think they have a brain where they don't. They're like the person who just does it without. Right. They don't like our brain. They know they can't they're like the person who just does it without right they don't like our brains are like don't do that yeah zero zero consequence but he doesn't know what the consequence of not being able to swim is dan all he knows is that what's the worst thing that could emily has to come in and save you emily get the net all right the net so here's his name The most Canadian name ever Connor Schwint Connor Schwint It's C-N-N-O-R

Connor Schwint said he was on a post Easter dinner run You don't hear what I've heard of the turkey trot That's usually in the morning I do a 5k after every Easter dinner I don't know about you You're just running and puking It's like when Michael Scott eats all the pasta

Alfredo wasn't it Post Easter dinner run I guess so Easter brunch I don't know Dan what do you do Easter dinner or brunch We usually have dinner at like 2 or 3

It's an all day deal. So like maybe this was like an early dinner and it's like... Either way. It's like Thanksgiving. Who's running it? Oh no, wait, wait. This might not be... Oh, Connor Schwintz, sorry, is not the guy who's trapped in. Oh, he's got to seize him. He's just on...

He just wanted to brag while I was out for a run. Anyway, my pace, right now my pace. As I do. As I do. A five mile split. Or five minute splits. 48, seven minute mile, whatever. It's not a big deal.

He said he was on a run past Sculpture, past the Sculpture, perched on the edge of Fox Drive and the Quiznell Bridge when he noticed a commotion. Quiznell, not as good as Chipotle. I know. Firefighters. It's a toasted bridge. So this newspaper can't get quotes from the

firefighters or the guy. They're just getting the guy who noticed what's going on. Oh, I saw him. I saw him. They were attempting to extricate the man. Schwintz said he asked firefighters if it was a man or animal trapped inside. Why do we need to know this?

Well, we got a raccoon up there. Is that a bear in there? Or a guy? Connor was the one on the run? Connor's on the run and he sees a commotion by the art piece and he's like, well, they're trying to extract something in there. So when he learned that it was a person inside, he began documenting the incident

on his phone and poked his head inside the sculpture for a closer look. I'm sure the firefighters appreciated him. He's also the problem. Why is he putting his head in there? What if he got stuck? What if this is the point of the art piece? To show how our curiosity can get us into trouble.

And it works. It's exciting. It's also so grammable. It's so grammable. This is a fully immersive art project. If I'm the artist I'm like You're welcome For the very reason that she said He said the man in the structure was beginning to panic

Of course It was kind of like watching a mouse fall into a bucket I've never heard that phrase ever What does that mean Dan? You can set up these traps where it's a ramp And then once you get to the top of it The animal will go to get the food And then once you get to the top of it, you'll go, the animal will go to get the food and then they just fall in the bucket.

Oh, seems so mean. Well, it's actually, if you get to infest it, it's pretty humane because then they just, they're in the bucket and they're all alive and then you just take it outside. And then you release them in someone's house. It must be like some kind of fraternity hazing. Right. A ramp into a bucket. Emily, get the muncher.

No, I mean the rush pledges falls into the bucket. Get in a bucket. Emily, get the muskets. No, I mean the rush pledges. Oh, yes. Get in the bucket. Get in the bucket. Smearing off ice. I don't ever want to hear the phrase get in the bucket. You say there's a smearing off ice in the bucket. On a string.

On a string and you reach for it and fall into the bucket. Okay. He said he was kind of just running around inside of it and started to freak out because he couldn't get out. Yeah. By the way, running around inside of it, there's no way. He is like a mouse. Oh, gosh.

Do you think if you just run really fast, like, it'll undo itself? And then police say- He was like The Weeknd in that Super Bowl. Bouncing out the wall. He can't feel his face. His lips are ginormous. He said, police say the man had climbed on top of the structure

and became- Let me qualify that, because in the Super Bowl thing super bowl thing he had like all this facial work done right wasn't that like oh i don't remember part of the thing i don't remember and he was like yeah he had all this like crazy his face was like all botoxed out i don't remember not in life i think that was the thing oh it's part of the part of like his get up like he was making a point inflamed no that's making a point or maybe he got stung by 27 bees right before he got on the stop thomas jay police say the man he climbed on top of the structure and became trapped inside soon after you don't climb on top and that we're missing a key piece of this yeah going in like to me if

you're like he tried to have sex with the structure and fell inside like then i'd be like all right he went in the wrong also who sees a beautiful thing of art or an interesting thing of art and then says i need to climb it a child a child yeah yeah he was in a state of play he read a book on reconnecting with his inner child 1988 mcdonald's yeah so yeah right in so to extricate the man, the firefighters had to cut into the structure and remove one of the balls. I'm sure the artist loves that.

Thanks, said Sarah Jackson, a spokesperson for Edmonton Fire Rescue Services. Three crews, including a technical rescue team, were involved in the call. One crew was needed. The other two were there to just laugh it up. Yeah, take pictures of this. Hey, let's get back up.

Call Engine 46. We're going to love this. They're going to just laugh it up. Take pictures. Hey, let's get back up. Call engine 46. We're going to put this on Facebook. No injuries reported. Soon after the man slipped out of the sculpture, he went right back in and got like, he's like, I forgot my phone. And then they're like, oh, no. He's like attracted to it. It's like a fetish for him.

He's got to get inside the ball. I can't get hard unless I'm in the structure. Police say the man caused damage to several of the balls while climbing on top of the structure. You want to guess how old he is now? Sure. We can guess how old he is. The how old man was charged with one kind of mischief

over and then we'll give the amount of money it cost to do what damage he did. So how old was the guy? Wait, do we prosecute for mischief here? Or is that a Canadian? Yeah, criminal mischief is a thing. Because it's like one of those things that...

That does sound very Canadian, though. It does sound very Canadian, yeah. I turned over all the cups at a Tim Horton. Criminal mischief. Criminal mischief. You know your Uncle Jeff. He had criminal mischief. He threw pine cones at Susan so-and-so.

All right. So how old do you think this guy is? I'm going to put him at 38. 38, which is like, you should know better. Trying to figure out what the rest of his life is going to be. A little midlife, verging on midlife. He can still do something about it. If I don't climb on this structure now, when will I climb on it?

Yeah, exactly. I think he was 19. I'll go 24 go 24 24 but i could be totally wrong this just feels like a dumb one of you is two years off you guys want to go two years in any direction so we were in we were in new york recently and we had to do our show and we went after the show to this karaoke bar that was downstairs in like kind of near time and you're like the theater district near 54th and near our old apartment yeah and you're like a seventh theater district but it was like way downstairs it was very cool bar and there was like all these 22 year old 23 year old you know and they were getting so drunk and i watched one guy young dude who was wasted he

ordered a pizza and had a full box of pizza, like on a bench that was, you know, a banquette kind of booth thing. And he got up and like knocked the pizza over and it all fell on the floor. I felt so bad for him. It all fell on the floor. And he walked away and he stumbled back and managed to like step on all the,

all the pieces, every single piece. So that's what I'm thinking of as the guy who got into the thing. This guy. You say 19. What do you want to say? What do you change it to? Oh, I'll change 21.

Do you want to go up or down two years? Oh, what about, uh, should I stick with mine or should I go up or down? Okay. 36. Okay. Uh, 22. All right. Get your answers in. This guy, they don't say his name.

26 years old. Oh, wow. Damn, you could have gone the other way. So he was charged with one kind of mischief over, there's a number where there's like a, they don't tell the exact. Damage of over. Right, if it's over this, you get charged with mischief.

I mean, I think it's over. I see. Is this Canadian money? Over 5,000. 5,000? damage of over right if you're over this you get charged with mischief i mean i think it's probably this is canadian money five thousand five thousand i'm gonna say 7500 7500 yeah i'm gonna say 20 000 okay one of you is exactly right right here i think that's dan's gonna say himself i'm gonna i'm gonna switch to a parna's 7500 oh i'm gonna switch to yours you're gonna switch to mineparna's $7,500. Oh, I'm going to switch to yours. You're going to switch to mine? By the way, we've never done that. People have switched their things.

You guys like soul switch? I know. It's like a great 80s movie. The answer is $5,000. Oh, no. CR's was incidental. Yeah, we were not. We were running around inside of a structure, so to speak.

This line in this article is, to me, the greatest thing ever. And now I'm into all the debates in Edmont is, to me, the greatest thing ever. And now I'm into, like, all the debates in Edmonton. All right, ready? It says, the public art installation has proven polarizing among Edmontonians for years. That's what people are mad at. I don't like it. My wife, she likes it.

You're going to put it up. Someone's got to get in there. The fire department's got to get called. There's there's gonna be a fire and where are they my cousin loves it and i can't even talk to him anymore that guy's real i love that this pyramid of silver balls is breaking up families in edmonton i won't talk to my son anymore He's estranged Because he likes the balls Oh but maybe Yeah post Easter dinner

Maybe someone brought up politics In terms of the balls The balls are out The balls are out And that's what he said You know what I can't handle this I don't want to talk about

Pierre Trudeau Or other Trudeau I'm going to go for a run And you know what I'm going to do I'm going to run by the balls Because I like it You would like it Yeah Yeah like are you ready for this what is easter dinner have to get ruined by this discussion of the art palace dome ruins another easter dinner talus dome one easter

dinner to zero all right ham this guy's name. Hans Claver. Does that not sound like a diehard villain? Hans Claver is a fan of the piece. And he made his way down to the rescue scene Sunday after hearing about it on Facebook. So here's what you know about Hans. He gets most of his news from Facebook. What's going on around town?

What are you doing over there, there? I'm reading Facebook. We got to get down to the balls. We got to get down to the talus. He finished 12th in the world strong man competition. This is him. I like the balls. One of the few people who do. So I came down to have a look. There was a guy inside there. He told CBS news on Monday. I'm sure CBS News didn't ask and he's like, CBS News, I got something to say. He went to the building. He went to the station. Is anybody going to record my statement?

Apparently he climbed up top someplace, found a hole big enough to slither in and slither down inside and then he couldn't get out. Claver said he's admired the shiny chrome exhibit for years and always wondered what it would look like from the inside, but has never been curious or stupid enough to give it a try.

This is Kevin McDonald in the Kids in the Hall sketches. Like, don't put salt in your eye. Don't put salt in your eye. Put salt in your eye. He said he met the man's girlfriend who advised Claver that she never thought scaling the sculpture was a good idea. Which means that guy had been talking about it. I'm gonna do it.

Honey, I don't think he's gonna go on the record as saying she never supported it. I told him not to do it. I'm right about a lot of things. Like suddenly this becomes the issue. And I'm right about your mom. Like she calls way too much.

Maybe they should have left him there overnight you know throw him a sandwich or something claver said with a laugh now he's having fun with this start hey just throw a sandwich on the top of the thing see if you can get so that's the thing it's like one of the you know i've seen videos of like people running down like a like a huge like a decline that goes into water and it's sand but like it's easy to go down but it's like so hard to get up out of the water and get it so like he's like oh if i go in i'll come back out and come back out i think he jumped in too far and he's like i can't reach i can't get up this is classic hans claver though i love him he's the one who talked about it right no he's the

other guy who talked about the talus dome maintained by the edmonton arts council as part of the city's edmont of edmonton's public art collection construction constructed in what year what year did they make the talus dome people have hated it for years you You've seen it. I'm going to go 1996. Yeah, this definitely feels like I'm going to say 91, right? 80s or 90s. I think 91. I'm going to go 94. Okay. 91, 94.

And what'd you say? 96. 96. It was constructed in 2011. Whoa. Instantly controversial from the second. It's not old. 12 years of controversy. It's not old 12 years of controversy

It's not old at all It was designed by California based artist Benjamin Ball His name is Ball And Gaston Nogues And it costs How much did it cost I'm going to assume it cost the city of Edmonton

To buy it What do they get commissioned to build this on this collection of balls? Berm. I have a lot of questions. I think $100,000. I think it's like something crazy and like that's what's upsetting people in Edmonton. That's the controversy.

We're going to spend that on this and we can't fix this, you know. What do you think, Kuparna? $50,000. I'm going to go low. $100K, $50K? I'll split it. I'll go $75,000. Alright, get your answers in. Shout out your ham radios.

$600,000. Artwork. Now I understand the controversy. We paid what for this? We paid what for this? We paid what for what? We can't get another drinking fountain down at the rec center and we got this? But you know there's a lot of people being like, why are we spending money on this?

We need another forward on the line on the Edmonton. Schwint said his video of the incident has since gone viral and no surprise. The installation, often referred to as the Talus Balls, has proven divisive among Edmontonians. Seeing the guy trapped in there was strange, but seeing the social media fallout is even stranger, he said. I mean, it's so Edmonton, he said. How polarizing. That's so Edmonton.

That's so. Is that the Canadian that's so right? It is. That's so Edmonton. It's so Edmonton. He said, how polarizing the talus balls are is already funny. And to have some dude slip inside there, I just thought it was humorous. That's great.

I love that people have that. Humorous. I just thought it was humorous. It's so funny. Is it funny? Nope. Nope. More humorous than funny.

Like a chuckle on the inside. That's the first story. There you go. Man trap. There you go. All right, when we come back, that's the first story man trap there you go all right when we come back that's first story down the books of parna's with us we're gonna find out about her book and we're gonna let you know where you can uh catch us is dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around make it sound there's more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh what a wonderful we're back all of us from our things that we did. Dan recorded

his special. We did our show in New York. Thanks to everybody who came out for all that stuff. Before we get into Aparna's book and how you can get it, and you definitely should, it's good holiday reading. Good holiday reading. Do you read the audio book? I do, yes. Okay.

So you can get the audio book. It's probably available on Audible. If you want to walk by a tower of balls and climb in what you listen to. You have time and you got six hours, but won't it help you not feel as bad about yourself for doing that? If you listen to that book, self doubt. So yes, you had the courage to go in the talus balls and now you don't know how to get out and you're doubting yourself read this book This book listen to the book so we should let people know What we have going on right Dan We'll tell you that at the

End of at the end of this month Beginning of December 1st and 2nd We'll be in Cleveland at hilarities which is so much fun The beginning of January were one Night at helium on the 4th And then on the 5th we're in at the crocodile In in Seattle which I love Portland helium Portland on the 4th. And then on the 5th, we're at the Crocodile in Seattle. Helium Portland.

Helium Portland and the Crocodile in Seattle. And then at the beginning of February, we're at Comedy Works in Denver, the South Club. End of February, beginning of March, we're at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle with our buddy Nate Fridson. And then we're in Minneapolis at the beginning of April and then Moon Tower. And then we'll let you know. But all good stuff. Thank you to everyone who's joined our Patreon and we just appreciate all you guys for

supporting us. Thank God the strike is over. Now we can go back to complaining why we don't get work for other reasons. But it is, we are very, very grateful to all of you. So thank you. Aparna, let's talk about the book and where people can get it. I'm so proud of you that you wrote. You, like three of my favorite

comics wrote books recently. Oh, no, I know. It's been really, year of the comedy. It's the year of the comedy book. Year of the comedy book, and they're all amazing, and they all kind of deal with, like, mental, how your mental health, where you're at with that stuff. And I feel like so much of your comedy

sort of addresses it and attacks it in, like, a hilarious way, but in, like, maybe one of the most prescient ways of any comedian doing today, you and Gary Goldman. Oh, thanks. But yeah, the book is sort of a combination of funny and serious. And that was a little bit scary.

Cause I think, you know, as a comedian, you're like, I feel like people expect a certain thing from you. And then if you, I guess as any artists, and then if you divert from that thing,

you're like, I don't know. I don't know if they'll still accept me. i think they will because i think again what you do so well and what we try and figure out is the premise is the serious part yeah of every bit it's the truth that's the truth it's the nugget of what we're the the thing that we all experience but it allows you to go off and be right silly orilly or the way you look at it is then funny. So if we look at whatever you bring up as the serious parts in there, like the premise of all this other stuff, your funny anecdotes will be the,

the bits. So yeah, well, someone, I think someone wrote me on Instagram. They were like, I loved your book. I recommended it to my friend.

They did not like it. He said, he said, it feels like it's written by smart people for smart people. So then I was like, oh, should I really be promoting it on a podcast called Dumb People Time? Yes. Absolutely.

This is a show where smart people all try to fight the tidal wave of dumb. We're fighting dumb. The dumbness pandemic. I'm not saying we're smart. I would take that as a compliment. Yeah, yeah. No, I was. Yeah, I did.

I did. Well, by the way, we were talking about like, would you go do readings of this book? Oh, yeah. I just did stand up and I did signings afterwards because, yeah, something about a reading just frightens me. I think it's seeing everyone's face and then you're reading and you're kind of like, is this good? And then you're looking at them and you're, you know, people don't react to readings the same way they do to stand up. You've like tested your stand up out on a bunch of smaller rooms. The reading would be like if you wrote your stand up down and had never spoken them out loud and then read them to a crowd.

Yeah. That'd be weird. But I do think like, this is what I'm going to pitch to you for your, if you do like have a bookstore, it's like, we really want you to come and you're like, I think you should read all like the, the reactions to it. Oh, like all the reviews. Oh my gosh. Everything.

Or I'm going to pitch this to you. Okay. Go to a big time bookstore. Yeah or pals yeah and you say a partner's gonna be here you let you let everyone know in portland you're gonna be at powell books starting at 9 a.m and you're gonna do a book reading and you're not gonna leave until you finish your whole fucking book. That would be so funny. Like performance art? To read the whole book? Who is that? What are those people? She's on chapter five.

So great. 12 hours to read the whole book. And then the people who stay the whole time, you then have to take them out to dinner. Oh, God. You know what I mean? That would be an unbelievable book. Stay away from me.

I know. I feel like those people are not safe to be around. I'm pitching it. I know you'll never do it. So the book is called? The book is called? The book is called Unreliable Narrator. Yeah.

Nice. Great. Which I love. That's brilliant. And it's a wonderful convention in the world of literature. Oh, yeah. Holden Caulfield, I would put him up there. And are you the Unreliable Narrator?

Yeah, I am. Life is. We all are a little bit. The reader is somehow. I feel like social media has made us unreliable narrators. Everything, any narrators. So where do you want people to get the book? Like what's the best place where people can get it?

Should they go to their local bookstore and just support it? Yeah, I'm a big fan of independent bookstores. I don't know. I'm a big fan of libraries. I don't know if that's good in capitalism to be like, go get it for free. Go rent it. Yours should be sold to every library ever. Right. Like every library across the country should have your book in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I love independent bookstores, love libraries, love. I mean, I'm going to go ahead and say, you know, I buy a lot of books and I read them and then they just sit on my shelf.

Give your copy to a friend once you've read it. That's the worst marketing. I know. And that's why. I'm going to say don't do that. I'm going to say go buy it because it's support. Maybe she'll write another book. Maybe someone will give her a whole chunk of change to write another book.

That's true. But when you're done reading it, I will allow you to put it in one of those like. Free, little free. Little free neighborhood libraries. You open the door. I always love those little houses. Those are awesome. All right.

Do that. All right. That's it. Unreliable narrator. Go pick it up. Let Daniel jump into story number two and then segment two, segment three. We'll hear what you have going on. Are you ready yes

Not your average Matt Thank you Matt Alright here we go fun little dumb story Number two okay SUV Driven through South Shore Plaza Mall oh just to drive Through the whole mall Have you ever been to a drive through

He's over by Orange Julius let him go I'll get him drop me off right here at spencer's i need a calendar drop me here uh right here at spencer's i need to pick up a parna's book is it available it should be should be right right next to the boob hats come on and the colorful suspended part machine and the sexually suggestive greeting cards. Yes. Braintree, Massachusetts. A woman who a family member said was attempting to go to the Apple store drove her SUV through the walkways

of a Braintree, Massachusetts mall. So nice job, Genius Bar. Way to get in there. I'm going to assume she did not have a Genius Bar. Yeah. She didn't look up online. The driver entered through automatic doors. Okay.

He's like, well, the door is open. Gate? Sure. No car ever goes through sliding glass doors. No car ever. Maybe at a dealership. But even then, I have the time. I can't figure out how they got there.

So if you're in a mall, I don't know when the last time you were in a mall. I was just in a mall. I go to malls a lot because of teenage kids guess i was just in a sort of la outdoor mall okay outdoor malls different indoor mall like i know i go to the westfield mall in in sherman oaks it is like malls from where we grew up dan and it looks there it looks like a mall there's it's not big there are only two there's Bloomingdale's and a Macy's. I like to see what are the stores that are surviving right now. How many candle shops?

There are not a lot of candle shops. There's a Lids Hat store. Soap stores. Is there still a Wilson's Leather? No. There's a shoe doctor there. But then there's a high- like shoes and like street wear store in there which is crazy there's a Vans

there's a H&M there's a Tesla store is Natural Wonder still a store I don't know I remember that I thought there was a TV show about a girl who was a robot no that's small wonder sorry no there's like a puzzles and like game store

there was a time in my life where I was very into going into the like sports memorabilia, like framed iconic photo stores. I bought a Michael Jordan one once. Okay. So those are good. Like malls is that, but I'm saying if you were in a mall and a car just started driving through, you'd be like, this is a promotion for the car, right? Like you'd be like, yeah if i buy three things

down there i'm now entered into a contest to win this car that they're showing you yeah that this frazzled woman is crazy like wait have you guys ever seen someone performing in a mall no no oh really like if you saw like a concert you mean oh I Yeah it's usually music It'll be like a child Playing a violin Or something Oh yeah Yeah

Okay so I've seen Like A lot of Quartet Oh yes Airports too Yeah

Like a quartet Playing something But I haven't seen Like a pop star Arriving in a mall So there is Yeah I guess I just wonder Who books the mall

Yeah like That's a great question I'm just wondering How I guess I just wonder who books The mall yeah like it's a great I'm just wondering where how I can get in On some of this mall action Read my book oh my god Worst possible place I have another pitch for Where you can read your book No this is where

You're gonna read your book without a microphone Center court In between quarter three and quarter floor of four of like the clippers game there you go in front of like 20 000 people and you quietly just i just want to see you lick these two fingers and pull one sitting on a chair center court that would be amazing so the driver enters through the automatic doors that was your first there shouldn't be so it's driving down the central enters through the automatic doors. That was your first. There shouldn't be. So I was driving down the central corridor on the second floor.

Oh, my God. Which also means they're like looking down. Yeah. Right. Police said the white Lincoln MKX entered the mall. Of course, it's an MKX. Wow. That's an old person car. Through a pedestrian bridge.

From the south garage. Oh, oh my god the garage is like so they are they trying to play this off like a mistake dan or due to a recent accident one of the safety bollards was missing from the front entrance so doesn't that mean someone had tried this before oh god dan i hope somebody if it already gone, someone had ran into that. Either that or they like clipped it or something like that. Surveillance video shows the SUV driving slowly into the mall, hitting a shopping cart dock, reversing, and then going around the dock. That is the second time that the mall is telling you,

you shouldn't be here. Don't go in here. Like, when have you ever driven? Can you imagine being in the car too with that person i think we're i think we're just sheila sheila i don't want to be a backseat driver but you're now inside the mall i don't like hearing people tell me we're like back when we were like when you're a feature and you're with a headliner on the road that you didn't really know that well and you were trying to like very be cool and be like i think we're probably supposed to go back actually should we try i've never been here before either i'm just saying like maybe we you're trying not to uh usurp yeah because you just want the time you just want the

shows to happen more shows are yeah wait so the the other thing is there's probably someone in her backseat going like, can you turn down the heat? It's like another frat about other things. I'm really hot. It's getting hot back here, and I don't want to open it. You hit the shopping cart dock, and you're like, oh, you know what? Let me just back up. No, I think we should probably go all the way.

No, no, no. I'll get around this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just looking for a safe place to turn around. And there's people walking with American Eagle bags around your car. I know. When are you ever like... I don't care if it's the mall or it's out in the country.

If you are the only car you can see, think about where you are. You screwed up. You screwed up. In Italy, in the old part like Trastevere like the area there there's like little side streets that look like they're just walking streets I agree and all these people and then a car will just come right up in it and you're like

it's going through a square and then it's driving down this thing and I feel worse for the people in the car because I'm like how are you not thinking you're going to hit somebody as you're going through here this must be the most nerve wracking thing ever to drive down what looks like just a complete walking oh I've had so many times where I'm like, how are you not thinking you're going to hit somebody as you're going through here? This must be the most nerve wracking thing ever to drive down what looks like just a complete walking. Oh, I've had so many times where I was like, I don't think this is a road.

Like places in Wisconsin and stuff like that. But like you're in a mall. You're in a mall. I can barely handle driving down a road where cars are parked on both sides. Oh yeah, sure. I'm like, I don't think there's room for me. Or some of those cities like on the East coast where they just decide they could just park in the middle yeah yeah what are you guys doing out here or a narrow bridge that's one way it's like

that's just one and like oh god it's a blessing no one got hurt said janet parsons who witnessed the incident oh god her kids are on the honor. Hey, we should get a quote from someone. Who should we get? Janet Parsons. Is Parsons here? Janet. She's at Auntie Annie's Pretzels. Give her a minute. She'll come over.

Husband Alan has a project. The SUV took a left turn and traveled about how many feet down the mall's central corridor? Oh, my God. How many feet do you think this car drove? 700 feet. 700? 100 feet. I'm going to say 1? 700 feet. 700? 100 feet. I'm going to say 1,200 feet.

1,200 feet. It drove 180 feet. Wow. Still far. 60 yards. 60 yards. It's like over half of a football field. They kept driving.

The driver stopped the vehicle outside Torrid, four storefronts south of where she entered. You guys know what torrid is no what is torrid well i'll tell you torrid is plus size fashion and trendy trendy plus size clothing shop the latest in plus size fashion including dresses swimwear jeans tops rompers intimates and more fine trendy and chic outfits jackets shoes and more shout out to torrid i love it torrid that's all in the article no I just needed to know what Torrid. It was so seamless. Right.

Dan just read that straight through. I just needed to know what Torrid was. Also, the reviews for the Torrid and Praying True Mall, I went ahead and looked. Kind of mixed. One woman was very pissed, but also could not spell. And I was like, your anger is, your argument's being lessened by the fact that you

can't write well. No, I want, if you're writing this way, I want you to not like Torrid. Yes, of course. Now I'm going to look at that and be like, I probably would love Torrid. Yeah. Talk to the person in the car. This is Janet Parsons. She says, do you know how to get out of here? And I said, stay right here.

I'll get somebody. And she kept creeping forward. Of course. Of course. Of course. That's been her whole life, creeping forward slowly. Like, how many times have you heard this? Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. Nope, you're still moving.

Ma'am, you're still moving. She's like gently pushing the guard with her car. Police described the driver as confused in a preliminary statement. No shit. Right, yeah. Was she driving forever 21 miles an hour? police described the driver as confused in a preliminary statement no shit right yeah was she driving forever 21 miles an hour the sister of the driver who asked wcvb not to use her name said she had no idea how she did it she won't be driving anymore and quote no police said they uh they would ask the registry of motor vehicles to suspend the woman's license.

No charges have been filed. Videos from witnesses showed police backing the car down the corridor to get it out of the building. Can you imagine how difficult that would be? Even just to try and back a car out of a mall. No injuries were reported. Thank God. She doesn't get to make a choice for the rest of her life. What do you guys want? Pizza?

You don't get to choose. No. I'm sorry. No. Your decision making is suspect. Did she get her thing fixed at the Apple store?. What do you guys want? Pizza or that you don't get to choose? I'm sorry. No. Your decision making is suspect. Did she get her thing fixed at the Apple store? How old is the woman in the Lincoln MKX?

It's easy to be like 88. I know. I don't think it's that. She's younger than that. Pardon, you want to go first? Yeah, I guess I'll go young. I'm gonna say 57. Okay. I'm going to say 57. 57. I'm glad you said 57.

I think she's like 73. 73? 64. 64? Well, in story two here, because the woman who drove through a mall, I understand being like, am I supposed to go through here? Like, I'll buy that. Right.

But after that, it's like, no. The creeping forward tells you everything. If you go past someone trying to give you a free sample of General Tso's chicken, you're in the wrong place. I mean, you're in the right place for life, I think, but you're in the wrong place for a car. Yes. Yes. Okay. She is 78 years old.

Oh! Hey! God bless her. That's right. We won't allow our mom to rent a car here now. You also have story three, Rand. Oh, my God. Give us a tease on what is that.

We have another erratic driving story. Oh, okay. But this time, it involves an animal as well. One last story. Aparna's with us. Her new book, Unreliable Narrator. You can pick it up anywhere, at a library, at an independent bookstore preferably. Get it. Get it.

Don't borrow it. Buy it. Get it. Hey, you know what I'm going to say? Buy it as a gift for your friends for the holidays. That's a wonderful thing to give to someone. A book to read over the holidays is like the thing I'm going to get it as a gift for I know who I'm going to get it for. I love it. Alright, we'll be right back with more Dumb People Town

up on a nonchalant with us right after this. Stick right. We'll be right back with more Dumb People Town. I'm Parna Nunchiller with us right after this. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, gang. Welcome back to the show. Before we jump into this final story, Daniel, I'm so proud of you. You shot your special when we're recording this.

Rose gold. I'm very excited. And do you have, are you taking a little bit of time off? You're doing some other dates. I'm headlining Cap City on December 14th. Yay. And then I'll be announcing dates. I'll be running the Rose Gold Tour

up until the special drops, probably in the spring. Great. So people can still come out and check it out. Everything will be at danielvankirk.com. But I guess the biggest thing, in addition to being at Cap City, is my movie is coming out.

Now that this strikes over, you can talk about it. Yeah, it's called Wine Club. I i'm the lead it's a comedy um there's great people in it as well as hopefully myself you'll decide when you see it um so i think that is going to be premiering i i want to say it's like mid-december i think it's like the premiering where in theaters online where people how can no i think um you know the 12th. Premiering where? In theaters, online, where people, how it can be? No, I think the strike just moved everything around in terms of times we could buy it, so we just wanted to

put it out, I think. Great. There's going to be a premiere in LA. I don't know when that is either. Ooh, I'm so excited. This is like the great thing of you figuring out like, okay guys, what happened with the movie? But I'm leading it. You'll be able to watch it and check it out. I hope people do. Oh, I can't wait. wait we will I'm proud of my performance

Steve Little is in it he's amazing Taylor Ortega plays my wife she's so great it's great Daniel DanielBaker.com

wine club movie I love it I absolutely love it alright you guys ready to get into this last story let's do it okay here we go this is sent in by Larissa

at the and it says GRL meaning girl the girl on the wall at the girl on the says G R L meaning girl, the girl on the wall at the girl on the wall. We need, we want her on that wall. We need her on that wall.

Thank you. And a new person sending a story. So we always love it. All you got to do. We're still on. I, we haven't figured out another way to do it. We're still X is probably the best way.

Sadly, just at Sklar brothers at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag don't people town. Then that way we know where the story came and the order of it. It's just dated that way, so we can do it that way. Are you ready for the headline? Yeah. Man arguing with parrot pulled over for erratic driving in clear water.

The parrot? He's arguing with the parrot. I told you he sucks at driving. That's right. Exactly. Don't drive into the mall, right? If this were a year ago, I'd be like, Jimmy Buffett? No.

Now, there's not a ton to this story in terms of facts, but as a group, we're going to try and determine what the hell happened. Wait, wait, wait. So how did they know that he was arguing with the parrot when he crashed? Because the parrot probably told them. Exactly. The black box in the car. Right.

A parrot can't keep its mouth shut either. Dashboard can't? Okay. In Clearwater, Florida. After the Florida Highway Patrol troopers received several calls Saturday night about a man driving erratically, possibly driving while intoxicated on US 19 in Clearwater, troopers Z Logan and N Darling. Logan and Darling.

Does that sound like? Yeah, that's a 90s cop show. For sure. Called The Water's Not So Clear or something like that. Florida cop. Darling Logan and Darling does that sound like yeah that's a 80s cop show called the water's not so clear like that Florida she's Logan he's Darling right right yeah she's Logan and he's Darling

and so whenever they show up Logan Darling and someone goes over to the woman is like hi Darling is like no that's Darling that's the joke of everything yeah so they were located pull over the car in Clearwater near Clearwater woman is like hi darling is like no that's darling that's the joke of everything yep so they were located pull over the car in clear near clearwater beach but instead of finding a drunk driver they discovered a man having an argument with his parrot so he's in an argument with the parrot like definitely this guy is like what are they talking about what hide the weed hide the

weed am i dumb the the bird birds how much cognitive thought they can't form it are pretty talking about? Hide the weed. Am I dumb? The birds have how much cognitive thought? I think parrots are pretty smart. I believe so. Could they argue with you the merits of whether or not a movie was good? Are you repeating that information from someone else? From a parrot?

Are you parroting that? Unreliable narrator. Unreliable narrator. Yeah, we're going to trust her? Are you kidding me? Birds are so smart. I think think there are two i just wonder if you could get it they're like well you you you forgot to pack those shoes and you're like no i packed i don't know about that but i just know their ability to learn and like oh so oh to be able to form language they're very very smart yeah but i just could you i don't know that crows memorize people's faces oh yeah every animal i've ever had i eventually talked to immediately like it's a person in my life that i have full on yes i think that's pretty normal but i'm wondering like at what extent could i be in an

argument with that right this is i've had very long arguments with cats yes right about the way they treat how they're behaving. You're talking about their behavior. Like the parrot is not going to be like, your father is one-sided. I liked how Game of Thrones ended. Or your father withheld love from you because you don't deserve it. Right. Like some weird thing.

You've read a cat, the riot act. That's what you've done. Just a lot of like, why'd you do that to me? A litany, yeah. Don't walk away. Don't walk away. And it's a lot of like. Get over here.

Get over here. Get over here. Dan, get over here to a cat is the most futile thing to say. He likes it. It's the old Paul F. Tompkins bit, which was hilarious. The guy who's got an exotic pet on his shoulder at the post office. Parrot doesn't want to go to Costco with you.

Maybe that was the argument. Why am I going? I'd rather be in a cage than have to go through Costco with you. Maybe that was the argument. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Why am I going? You couldn't leave me? I'd rather be in a cage than have to go through and watch you eat a bunch of sandals. It's going to be crazy when we get to the part of the story where the parrot cannot speak. The guy was like, he just was stonewalling me the whole time. I mean, he normally talks. I was giving me the silent treatment.

I mean, what kind of friend is that? That's a stuffed animal, sir. According to the troopers, the parrot became angry because it wanted to go home. There's no way that this. Wow, that's the argument. Okay, but the man wanted to go to Clearwater Beach. The parrot was like, take me home right now. And the man's like, nope, I want to go to Clearwater Beach.

This bird is also every woman in his life. I just want to go home i so and you know he's like roll down the window the parents like roll down the window and he's like i'm not rolling it down roll it down you better and he's driving like a maniac and i just want to go home i just want to go bear wants to go home yeah because you know like this is what it is in my mind the guy's like I just want to go home. I just want to go home. The parrot wants to go home. Yeah. Because you know, like, this is what it is in my mind. The guy's like, I just want to go to Clearwater Beach. And the parrot knows. Because like Aparna said, birds are smart. Parrot's like, we're not going to just go to Clearwater Beach.

Right. You're going to want to then go to Bureau Beach. Then you're going to want to go wrestling. Then you're going to want to. Yeah. That's great. So I want to go home because this is not the beginning. You say Clearwater Beach.

And we're going to go to a bar. Then you're not going to be able to drive me home. I know how the night's going to go. The argument distracted the man, causing him to drive erratically. If you're taking your parrot to the beach, get ready for it to fly away. That's all I'm going to say. I hope so. That's my number one.

I hate people. Why are you taking it? Oh, I got this bird and I made it so it can't fly. Well, I want to go to the beach with my parrot on my shoulder so I can meet people. Oh, what's that? What? What's that? Wait, he said that?

Yeah. Troopers say they de-escalated the situation and resolved the standoff successfully. De-escalated? The standoff between the two... The big guy and the parrot. It's a domestic dispute? Yeah. All right, bird.

You got anybody that can come pick you up? Because we can't let you guys sit back in the car. I'm going to separate you two, guy. Take the bird back behind the car 500 yards away from this bird. And that includes up. Okay. Into the air. He could be right above you, but 500 yards.

But why wasn't the owner de-escalating it himself? The owner should. You're the owner of a parrot. Okay. No, the owner is definitely saying to the cop, tell him that he's annoying too. No, tell him. I hope the parrot's saying it. You think I wanted this, man?

I asked to be indicated. No, and the guy's like, say it to my face, and the parrot's like, tell him I want to go. So this would be a hilarious Reno 911 911 reno 911 where like dangle is like in between be like he says he doesn't want to be here he doesn't want to be here troopers uh didn't say who won the argument i'll tell you who won the argument the parrot i would agree i would agree no he's going home he's going home he's going to. So I'm going to show you at the end, to close things out, the officer with the parrot smiling. Oh, my God.

That's a beautiful bird. You can argue with this? Yeah, he doesn't deserve that bird. You don't deserve this parrot. And the parrot doesn't want to go to the beach. That's a fun third story. Fun third story. That's it.

The Unreliable Narrator is a Parnas book. Everybody go out And get it Get it for the holidays Get it as a gift And I just want her To write more And create more stuff

And put it out in the universe Thank you Thanks for coming here Thanks for having me I love it And oh shit We gotta get back to work guys Boom

Boom Boom Boom Stick around Make a sound There's more Dumb People Town