Dumb People Town - Arden Myrin - Scary Clown Donuts

Episode Date: October 23, 2018

This week comedian Arden Myrin visits Dumb People Town! In Story 1, we meet a man whose dream job actually involves dreaming... and cats.  Then the group swaps some stories, including Arden's very ...own hometown tale!In the final segment: a new, super-creepy food delivery service.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up
Starting point is 00:00:19 So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Punk or down.
Starting point is 00:00:35 It's Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population to you. Population. Mirren. Arden Mirren. I call her Marine. Marine. Did I do that wrong? I call her Marine. Population new. Population Mirren. Arden Mirren. I call her Marine.
Starting point is 00:00:46 Marine. Did I do that wrong? I call her Marine. It's Marine. I'm going to call you Marine. It is Marine. Jay is going to continue to call you the wrong. Arden Marine. Welcome to the show.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Thank you so much. The sheer fact that two out of three people would actually get it right is a first for me. Jason doesn't care about you. I don't care. I just say Arden. Yeah. Jason really doesn't care. We've known you for, Sklarden. We've known you. Jason doesn't like me. I just say Arden. Yeah, Jason really doesn't care. Well, we've known you for, Sklarden.
Starting point is 00:01:07 We've known you for so long. I know. And I think for so long, Jay's been screwing up your last name. I know. It's too late to correct it. He's deep in. He made a decision and I like it. I'm living it.
Starting point is 00:01:15 You can't teach an old Mirren new Marines. I think that's a good one. Well, look, I've always said I support the war and not the troops. So obviously I would avoid the Marines. I know that about you. I saw that. I'm down on Marines. That's your Instagram.
Starting point is 00:01:30 Like, that's how you're described. He calls it Semper Fi. Well, Arden, I love that you're here. Your energy is infectious. You are one of our favorite people to hang with. Thank you. You've been hilarious in all the stuff that you've done. We're fans of yours as a comedian and as a comedic actor.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Just working, working, working all the time. All the time. And for all the good reasons because you're amazing. And so you're on the show with us. Thank you. And listen, we believe that the world is getting dumber. I know you're out in the world and you see it all the time. Look, I fucked up your name to start this show.
Starting point is 00:02:03 That shows you how dumb the world is. It's getting dumber. Jay's getting dumber. I'm getting dumber. I'm stripping. I'm taking off my giant sweater to show off my best skort that I wore. Skort it up.
Starting point is 00:02:11 I wore a B skort. There's no way you are going to be able to get that. All right, so. Here we go. I'm back. She's back.
Starting point is 00:02:17 She's back. I wore my B skort. It's shorts and a skirt. Yeah, get in there. So we have to figure out how to, we need to be smart to try and
Starting point is 00:02:25 Beat back the dumb Beat back the dumb dumb Fight em Dan gets great stories sent to us By our smart Dumb boots on the ground Our D-bogs And they're great
Starting point is 00:02:40 Our fans are incredible I should rhyme sometimes because people are new Or they've forgotten that you just tag me at Daniel Van Kirk. Hashtag dumb people town. Can I just say what a great job Dan does and how much goes into each show? Because, you know, we know our guests, a lot of them, very intimately. And Dan actually curates the stories. Dan tries to pick stories that fit The guests a little better
Starting point is 00:03:06 So it's more than just like Hey these are the next three stories up Dan actually really says Here are the pool of stories that we have And there's rules that some people don't seem to adhere to Yeah if anybody gets hurt Somebody sent me a story where a dog got shot I don't like that
Starting point is 00:03:21 Where do you see the humor in this? I don't like that So you've you see the humor in this? I don't like that. So you've curated this like the boutique hotel of dumb people stories. For me, this is thrilling. There's a wine happy hour at 5. I love it. I love a high-end app. Is it in the library?
Starting point is 00:03:37 You know what city loves a high-end app? Portland. Everywhere I went in Portland, they go, you're going to love it. You go up to the 12th floor, we got some high-end apps apps I was like Portland You seem cooler than a high end app What's your favorite past hors d'oeuvre? Oh golly
Starting point is 00:03:51 I love Well it's not really past I love a Swedish meatball tower I love It's about a tower I love a tower Is that a sexual act? I'm going to
Starting point is 00:03:58 He meatball towered me I like a As long as you're into it A tower You like a You like a meat? A lamb. A skewer?
Starting point is 00:04:06 Not a skewer. Like a lamb. With the meat. With the bone. Where it's up on the bone. It's like a lamb rib. I like a good mushroom cap. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:15 But you know what? I recently had, like in the past couple years... Stuffed mushroom cap? Oh, hell yeah. Okay. Jam it all in there. Jam it in. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:23 That's where you take napkin first And then pile them Into your napkin Oh I like that Tuna tartare on a wonton crisp We'll see There was one thing Where I was at
Starting point is 00:04:31 And it was like a cone It was like a wonton cone Yeah yeah yeah And they had like Spicy tuna scooped Into the cone Stop it I don't want that
Starting point is 00:04:38 Dan walk right out of here Right now I love a slider I love a slider This girl can I don't like when they do Like a satay and they also have the dipping sauce there
Starting point is 00:04:49 because what am I? It should already be doused in it. You should have just grabbed three, dipped all three, and then hold them. I mean seven. Dan says satay it ain't so. Yeah, satay it ain't so.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Satay away from me. I just picture you like the Freddy Krueger with satay, just like meat on each finger, just dripping and dipping, chasing some hot waitress. Edward's satay hands. Just screaming. There's peanut sauce.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Just dripping down. Dripping down the bushes. He tried to kill me. There's just meat coming. Arden is meaty. And I keep meeting people, but I keep meeting people that I'm like elbow bumping. Like, hey, how are you, man? Arden's like turned the high end apps into low end apps.
Starting point is 00:05:27 I am a low end app. I've got a really low brow palette. You low balled the high end apps, and I don't like it. When I first met you guys, back in the day when I lived in Zach Galifianakis' closet, he and I would go to this. Glad you came out of that closet. You know what? It was so hard for me, guys.
Starting point is 00:05:44 It was a big moment. To free. I'm moving now. To tell your parents you're coming out of Zach Alphanax. To come out as a young lady, to come out of Zach Alphanax's closet. It's hard. But we would go to that soup plantation. Did you ever come over in Brentwood and we would see the celebrity
Starting point is 00:06:00 that we would see was Martin Landau? Oh, yeah. And just like talk about the lowbrow, just like we would try to see Landau. Oh, yeah. And just talk about the low brow. Just like we would try to see if we could eat from lunch into dinner. As close to Landau as possible. Are we in Landau?
Starting point is 00:06:12 Do you guys like it? Do you have a low brow palette like I do? Oh, yeah. There's some low brow stuff. Well, I think that's uniquely shall we segue into a story because low brow palette
Starting point is 00:06:23 is a perfect way to get it because I feel like these stories could tap into our Low brow palette Is a perfect way to get it Because I feel like These stories Great We try to touch A high brow corner Of a low brow palette I mean that's the best
Starting point is 00:06:32 You can hope for Isn't it? What do you got? And that and to die in your sleep God Isn't that the dream? Every gambling You don't know what happens
Starting point is 00:06:39 That's the dream That's the dream You don't know that Is dying in your sleep And eating next to Martin Landau Are you guys ready for this? Yes Let's do it That's the dream That's the dream You don't know that Madden is dying And you sleep after And eat next to Madden Land out Are you guys ready for this?
Starting point is 00:06:48 Yes Let's do it It's been in by Localman At C. Mackey S-E-E-M-A-K-K-I I like it Thank you Thank you Localman
Starting point is 00:06:55 Sends in a lot of good stuff Thank you Mahalo Mahalo A Wisconsin man I'm sorry A man in Wisconsin So we don't know if it's
Starting point is 00:07:04 He's from Wisconsin Right For all we know A man in Wisconsin. So we don't know if he's from Wisconsin. A man in Wisconsin has turned snoozing into a charitable act. What? Terry Lowerman. I wish your name was Terry. Terry Lowerman. Terry Sklar.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Terry Lowerman. Terry Sklar would make me like an amazing lesbian. Yeah, Terry Sklar. Terry Lowerman Terry Lowlar would make me like an amazing lesbian Yeah Terry Sklar Terry Lauer Terry Sklar is like the Mike Lungenbill Terry Sklar Is just like getting mad Puss
Starting point is 00:07:35 Like every Indigo Girls concert Every Indigo Girls she is the queen Terry Sklar She broke my heart Terry Sklar is batting 689 in her softball league Terri Sklar Runs like a mobile Pet grooming business
Starting point is 00:07:49 And is getting Lazy By the way Our lesbian cousin Did run A mobile pet grooming I felt it I felt it
Starting point is 00:07:56 I said I get you guys For real She sold mobile Pet grooming products I get you guys I understand you guys Okay sorry
Starting point is 00:08:04 Go ahead It's all good. Okay, Terry. Terry Lowerman. It's always great when a Wisconsin last name can be said the same, sober and drunk. Lowerman. Lowerman. Is he slurring his words?
Starting point is 00:08:15 No, that's exactly how it's pronounced. Lowerman. Terry Lowerman goes to his local animal shelter in Green Bay every day. Yep. And takes naps with its cats. Oh, my God. Sometimes in Dumb People Town, nobody's committing a crime. There's just weird things in our town where you're like,
Starting point is 00:08:32 that's the guy who sleeps with cats. Is there a photo of Terry? You bet your ass there. Let me tell you something. Luca Brasi sleeps with the kitty. Terry Lowerman sleeps with the cats. Terry Lowerman. He took a cat nap. Can we argue with the guy? cats. Harry Lowerman. He took a cat nap. Can we argue with the guy? He took
Starting point is 00:08:48 a cat nap. He took a cat nap. I love to nap. I could take a nap. I would do that. How often do you nap? If I could, every day. But here's the thing. I don't, but if I could. Nobody asked this guy to do this. Are they like, sir? He doesn't work there.
Starting point is 00:09:04 How many people on their first day of working at the front desk are like, where are you going, sir? How does he get that much access to the cats? I think it's the way it's set up. It's cat sex. Cat sex. Someone walks in. I just imagine someone coming in and going, we'll take him. They're ready to adopt him.
Starting point is 00:09:25 What I'm about to say is probably just a direct result of white privilege, but nine out of ten people working any front desk will say, sir,
Starting point is 00:09:32 two or three times and then be like, fuck it. I would. Sir, whatever. Not worth it. Not for that one.
Starting point is 00:09:38 You can't lay on that, sir. Where are you going, sir? Sir? Only employees are allowed back there. But he gets covered in cat hair, so he fits right in. It's a dog pillow, sir. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:09:48 Well, he goes to the animal shelter in Green Bay every day and takes naps with his cats, though that's not quite his intention. According to
Starting point is 00:09:56 Elizabeth Feldhausen, Feldhausen and what is it, Leinbrauer? Lauermann. Feldhausen and Lauermann is like the Wisconsin version of Rizzoli and Isles. Feldhauser-Lauerman. Oh, my name's not Feldhauser-Lauerman.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Feldhauser-Lauerman. If they got married and they had a hyphenate. Feldhauser-Lauerman is like the Hamilton Lighthouser of Wisconsin. Feldhauser-Lauerman is like a bill that's in Congress right now that allows you to sleep with kittens. Oh, yeah. For sure. Look, if we pass this Feldhauser-Lauerman is like a bill that's in Congress right now that allows you to sleep with kittens. Oh, yeah. For sure. Look, if we pass this Feldhauser-Lauerman bill. I don't think we have the votes to get Feldhauser-Lauerman through.
Starting point is 00:10:31 I'm going to tell you right now. All of us in this room and everyone listening, next time they are in any major city, can point at any building and tell the person they're with, you know that was built by Feldhauser-Lauerman and no one will argue with that. Really? Yeah. That's a Feldhauser-Lauerman right there. no one will argue with that. Really? Yeah. That's a Feldhauser-Lauermann right there. Yeah, they build 80% of the buildings down here. Yep.
Starting point is 00:10:49 According to Elizabeth Feldhauser, the founder of Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary... Not safe anymore with this cat around. Yeah. Lauermann strolled into the shelter about six months ago with a simple dream and a cat brush in tow. Okay. He just walked in and started brushing,
Starting point is 00:11:05 Feldhauser told the Huffington Post on Thursday, noting that you never, that he never even asked to be a volunteer. Because nobody wanted him there. By the way, totally cool if he's walking
Starting point is 00:11:16 into an animal shelter. Not cool if he's walking into like an all-girls middle school. Just to walk in and start brushing. He's like a walking Amber Alert. Walking around with any kind of a pet brush. I'm just brushing. So eventually we told him
Starting point is 00:11:28 he was an official volunteer and had him fill out a form. And that's when the background check happened. You guys, I'm going to show you pictures and your entire stance I can't wait.
Starting point is 00:11:39 is going to change. on Terry Lowerman I can't wait. is going to change. First, I'm going to ask you this. How old do you think Terry Lowerman is going to change. First, I'm going to ask you this. How old do you think Terry Lowerman is? 63. 63.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is going to get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Wow. Arden, I'll pick Arden. Arden, you're going to say you're going to go in first, second, or third.
Starting point is 00:12:04 But all right. First, take her third. First, take her third. She went first. 63. 63. Jay, howden Arden Gates. You were going to say you were going to go in first, second, or third, but alright, so First, take her third. She went first. 63. You know, I'm a 46-year-old guy. Stop bragging. I mean... Put it away, Jay. Slow it down. Put it away, Jay. I'm going to say this cat
Starting point is 00:12:19 This cat, and I say that definitely. My voice is too high for Terry Sklar. How many times has Terry Sklar, lesbian, had someone said. Terry, put it away. My voice is too high for Terry Sklar. How many times has Terry Sklar, lesbian, had someone said to her, put it back in your pants, Terry. Terry, please, put it back in your pants. Put it back in your pants.
Starting point is 00:12:34 Terry, we just met. We just met. 49. 49 from Jason Sklar. I think he's 38. 38 years old. I stand behind mine. 63.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Okay, Tony, get your answers in right now. Yell at your earbuds. We're not even halfway done with this story. I mean, maybe half. I can't wait to find out. We haven't even gotten to what he looks like. I can't wait. By the way, his picture will be on the Facebook page.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Please check it out. Oh, 100%. And it'll be on Twitter as well, at Dumb People. You're looking at the future ex-Mrs. Terry Lowerman. The future ex-Mrs. Terry Lowerman. But I love to nap, and I like cats. Podcast. I love naps.
Starting point is 00:13:07 How often do you nap? By the way, Lowerman is ticking all of your boxes. He might be. He shoes low. He delivers. He goes every day, so he's reliable. Thank you. He owns a brush.
Starting point is 00:13:19 He has interests. That's on my list. A must-own-a-brush. Phil Housen said, Lowerman visits the cage-free sanctuary, That's on my list A must own a brush Fieldhouser Fieldhausen Sorry Said Lowerman Visits the cage free sanctuary Which results in disabled cats
Starting point is 00:13:29 That would be at risk of euthanasia Or other facilities I love him He comes daily Stays for about three hours I love him I love him I'm in
Starting point is 00:13:36 Here he is Ready? Yeah Because I'm going to tell you How old is he? That I love him What's his name again?
Starting point is 00:13:43 Terry Lowerman I love him I love him what's his name again Terry Lauerman I love him I love him is 75 ready for the picture it's gonna elicit a whole other
Starting point is 00:13:53 set of responses you ready for one of the many pictures we have good thing I wore my best skort this is him in action I told you
Starting point is 00:14:04 you were gonna love him I have bad eyes. He's the Eddie Pepitone. He is. He's Eddie Pepitone. If Eddie Pepitone was out of shape. More out of shape. Oh my God, I love him.
Starting point is 00:14:12 Look at how content he is. Look how happy that cat is. Of course he's wearing black socks. Of course he is. And a sweater. His hand is on his dick. I will say. His hand is.
Starting point is 00:14:21 That's more of a hip set. I love him so much. He's got one hand in his pocket. and another one stroking a kitty by him. After he grooms a cat for a bit, he typically dozes off. I love it. Said Fieldhausen, he sleeps for about an hour, then he'll wake up and switch cats. That's it. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:14:40 Perfect day. This is my perfect day. On your pussy. Oh, no. Guys, it gets better. Look at Lowerman on another day On you or Buzzy. Oh, no. Guys, it gets better. Look at Lowerman on another day. Look at that cat. Oh, my God, I love him. That cat. He looks like
Starting point is 00:14:52 Mike Ehrmantraut. I mean, if I can, if I may break bad here for a minute, he does look like Ehrmantraut. By the way, this is the greatest thing ever. I love him. Why don't more seniors do this? And I'm telling you right now, the cat is so happy right now. The cat is spooning it.
Starting point is 00:15:09 What's his name? Terry is the little spoon to that cat. He is. That cat is spooning Terry. And look at the brush on the floor, which he did not set there. You know he dropped one. It fell to the floor. This is the nicest thing I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:15:23 I love that. The brush shot the floor and he was like, I needed this today, you guys. I needed this. I know. Look at that. Oh, my God. I can't wait to share this with the town.
Starting point is 00:15:31 I want to fix him up with my mom. I know. My mom has a cat named, a kitten named Mittens. Really? She's got huge thumbs. Put those mittens on. Put them mittens on. You put them mittens on, girl.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Tell your mom she fit like a glove. Yeah Tell me something about your mom She fit like a glove Yeah you get over here She fit like a glove Your mom fit like a glove Hey that's my mom Wait a minute That's my mother Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:15:52 Terry Hey yo that's what I see I call it like I see Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:15:57 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:15:57 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:15:57 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:15:57 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:15:58 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:15:58 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:16:01 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry
Starting point is 00:16:04 Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry Terry I'm just a girl who wants to meet another girl, all right? Okay, but you've come at my mother so many times. That is my mother. I love that he walked in. She challenged me. No one knew who he was. He just started brushing cats, came back every day,
Starting point is 00:16:12 and then does it until he falls asleep, then the cat falls asleep on him. It's a great idea. That's like cat therapy. Like if we didn't see the guy and we just heard the story. It'd be creepy. Okay, so there are some things. Randy and I used to do this bit when we were in college, at colleges and stuff.
Starting point is 00:16:28 We're like, there are things you can do in college that if you did them 20 years later, you would be seen as like a social pariah. Like if you're the kind of person who sleeps for like four days, like then that becomes like a cool story. Like in college, like man, it's like Rip Van Winkle. Man, he just woke up three days later, walked straight to class. Everyone's like, what? That dude's awesome. If you sleep for four days and you're like 40,
Starting point is 00:16:48 you're fired from your job. You're depressed. People, you're depressed. People are like, he has a disorder. Or if you drink nonstop, you're like the guy who everyone wants to party with in college. If you're 48 and you do that, well, now that's a drinking problem. I used to socially nap in college. I used to take naps
Starting point is 00:17:03 with people and then it went awry one time.. I used to socially nap in college. I used to take naps with people. And then it went awry one time. But you used to nap with people. I used to like to nap. I have a sleep issue. Like with people who are up for adoption or at risk of euthanasia? Children are up for adoption. I wasn't supposed to go into the adoption agency. But you wanted to brush their hair.
Starting point is 00:17:20 But I would go brush their hair to spoon those poor children. Those orphans, I would just hold them. How did it go, Ryan? I got arrested. No, I would, so I've always been a night owl. I have like my whole family, I have sleep issues. So you sleep, so you're up all night and then you're like, I need to nap. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Yeah. So then I would need to nap. But I was like, I'm social. I like to be with people. She wanted to cuddle with someone. So I would like teach people how to nap. And I would like, I like to spoon. And. I like to be with people. She wanted to cuddle with someone. So I would teach people how to nap. And I was like, I like to spoon. So I would nap with people.
Starting point is 00:17:47 And it went around. One time, I fell asleep with my friend, Lori. And I woke up, and Lori was this dude. What? And he was just watching me sleep. His name was the rabbi, Mike Rabinovich, the rabbi. Wait, where'd Lori go? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Class? And the dude was just in the room watching you sleep? He was in there. And then, yeah, that was when it went. And he goes, you're dirty. He was like in there And then Yeah That was when it went And he goes You're dirty I was like You're fucking creepy
Starting point is 00:18:08 And that's when I stopped That's when I stopped By the way I like was I was not You're too trusting I was not That's when I stopped
Starting point is 00:18:16 If I nap socially 20 years later That would It was creepy then Creepy now Do it with cats And you're in the clear Thank you guys
Starting point is 00:18:23 Cats or Garrison Keillor Those are your two options When was the last time you napped? With Garrison two options. When was the last time you napped? With Garrison Keillor? When was the last time I napped? I'm worried about you. You know what? I think I fell asleep.
Starting point is 00:18:34 One night around 2 a.m. for three hours? I fell asleep. Yeah. That's all he's got? That's all I get in my last month. Damn life. No. I mean, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:41 Last night I got a great night's sleep. Look, I can nap if my kids are doing something that allows me to lay down near them while they're watching something. Again, I want to get back to the idea that just a stranger walks in. But I'm saying, so my whole point
Starting point is 00:18:57 was, if this guy was 26 and had a long beard and long hair or whatever, I don't think we would feel as cool with it as this old guy whose legs are crossed. Although he is being really nice to the cats. It's so sweet. The cats love it.
Starting point is 00:19:11 And if they're disabled cats, I just like that in Dumb and Dumber, we have somebody that just sleeps with cats and goes and hangs out with the cats. That's a great job. Apparently, Lowerman really enjoys the unpaid gig a lot, especially the sprucing aspect of it. Is he going to get paid?
Starting point is 00:19:27 What, is he going to be a greeter at Walmart and have to deal with Black Friday? No. He doesn't have to deal with anything. He has to deal with the black cat. He said the brushing is a great experience for him as it is for them. Of course it is. Phil Housen said, naturally, the volunteer with a habit of accidentally passing out charmed the staff at Safe Haven, and the group decided to dedicate a Facebook post to him on Tuesday.
Starting point is 00:19:47 He's the best. We're so lucky to have a human like Terry, the shelter wrote, alongside a few photos of Lowerman cat napping with the felines. Cat napping. Terry just came along and introduced himself. He said he'd like to brush the cats. Eventually, it became every day. You know these cats are doing as much for him as he's doing.
Starting point is 00:20:04 I love it. Oh, for sure. He brushes all the cats and can tell you about all their likes and dislikes. Of course he can. Yeah. This is it. He also- He likes a little finger in the butt.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Terry. Terry. Terry. Hey. Terry. Oh, Terry. He also accidentally falls asleep on most days. We don't mind.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Cats need this. Terry is a wonderful volunteer. I fucking love him. That's story number one, guys. He's my favorite. He's great. Good story number one. Dan, I love this.
Starting point is 00:20:33 There's nothing weird about it. He likes to eat from the litter box. Good. Why is that? So we let him do that. Why is Terry crouching in the corner? He is now going to the bathroom. Look, Terry shits in sand.
Starting point is 00:20:50 I don't know why that makes him a bad person. But the good news is he raked it over. I hope that a townie in the Green Bay area goes to this place, visits these cats, meets Terry, and curls up next to him. Lowerman. Lowerman. Somebody was taking a shit in all of the golf course holes in my town of Little Compton, Rhode Island. And it turned out it was like town physician. What?
Starting point is 00:21:14 We've had stuff like that. We had a superintendent doing weird poop stuff. What did they do? They just went to a rival high school's track meeting. Track everything. Yeah, I call that a hole in number two. Let's go to break. Let's go to break.
Starting point is 00:21:30 More Art and Marine on Dumpy. It's Maren. It's Maren right after this. It's Art and Maren. Terry, Maren. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumpy People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We've got Arden Marine on the show. I got it right because I care.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Let's talk about a couple things that you're doing because we want always working, always doing great stuff. You have a great podcast about The Bachelor and Bachelorette called Will You Accept This Rose? Will You Accept This Rose? I do, I do. Arden, have you guys covered that in Vietnam, those two bachelor contestants that fell in love? No, because we haven't been in,
Starting point is 00:22:08 like we're seasonal. We're seasonal. And yeah, I can't, I want to get my hands on that. You should record a special episode of all these people falling, these two women who fell in love. And I think they're like getting married or something.
Starting point is 00:22:21 There was a couple that fell in love in Australia, but they didn't stay together. But I think these ladies are actually staying together. And you know that's like real love. That's not fake TV love. Because they left the show. They were like, we got to get out of here. There's been a few guys on the American version that you watch and like.
Starting point is 00:22:40 You're like, you guys should be together. They feel like they'd be a really great couple. Well, you do a friend and you're like their friend in love. Yeah. At the very least. You're like, oh, you guys together. They feel like they'd be a really great couple. Well, you do friend and love. At the very least. You're like, oh, you guys at the very least have fallen friend and love. Which happens. Which happens. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:52 Who did you fall hardest for in your life friend and love? Friend and love. Oh, that's a good question. Like, it is fast. Sometimes it burns hard, fast, and bright, and then it's out. It does. I have a few friends and love now. I got a couple of good dude friends in love.
Starting point is 00:23:07 You're like, man, you're great. Who is it? Bradley Cooper. I love the coop. The coops. I call him the coop. The coops coop. I'll just go over and nap with him.
Starting point is 00:23:15 Yeah. I have a good friend, Peter. Peter Begler. You know Peter Begler. Great dude. Oh, man. Dude is awesome. He's just an amazing dude.
Starting point is 00:23:28 He's just smart, cool, couple years older, great beard. You just love him. You just love him. Jason Berger and I fell friend. I got that. I get that. He's a good dude. A couple of, Chris Sullivan and I fell friend.
Starting point is 00:23:39 Sullivan, do you know Chris Sullivan? I called him. You guys called it. I called it. You had met him before I met him. No, we met him and hung out with him. And I was like, you're going to love Dan Van Kirk. You're just going to love him. And they loved each other immediately.
Starting point is 00:23:49 I'm like, I know you're both involved in relationships, but you guys might need to be together. Yes. Because you are cut of the same cloth. Yeah, they all eat, again, ticks all the boxes. I got a neighbor friend of mine who I hang on the cul-de-sac with who I love. His name is Matt. He's fantastic, and his son, and we all hang out. What about you, Ar Arden you know what I recently had like a heart like a
Starting point is 00:24:08 fast almost like one week a lost weekend friends in love with uh I did the Alaska have you guys ever done that Alaska comedy tour they asked us to do it and we didn't do it I would love to do it so I've done it twice now it's so fun I love it but I got to do it I've done it twice now. It's so fun. I love it. But I got to do it. I did it alone, but this time I did it with, it was me and Jeff Dye and Bill Dwyer and Chris. Oh, great crew. And Chris. Garcia. Chris Garcia. I really, I called him?
Starting point is 00:24:33 No, no, no, no. I can't. We just had to, we laughed so fucking hard all weekend in a way that I felt like, it almost felt like stand by me where I knew it wasn't going to be the same. Like I knew once we got off that plane in Burbank. It was special. Like, I laughed from beginning. Like, we were almost like children that had to be separated.
Starting point is 00:24:50 I laughed so fucking hard. Here's my takeaway from that whole story. Talk to me. You can fly to Alaska from Burbank? Yeah. It's amazing. You go to Seattle. You go to Burbank, to Seattle, to Anchorage.
Starting point is 00:24:58 I would do that. It's a journey. I love that. I love that you did that. But it's not surprising to me because whenever we're with you at a festival I have friend and love festival with you guys
Starting point is 00:25:09 once a year in Austin we just didn't we go all with a bunch of us like dancing yeah you guys went to Barbara we went to Barbara with Aaron right
Starting point is 00:25:17 wasn't it with Aaron with Aaron Foley Aaron Foley who was and the midget woman like opened up I left you guys at the bar at like 2am The dwarf woman
Starting point is 00:25:27 Took her top off To watch a straight guy Who I thought was gay Hit on Aaron Foley Dude it was the best We just You and I stood back And we were like
Starting point is 00:25:35 This is awesome Aaron Foley Cause Aaron Foley is Beautiful and cool as shit She's beautiful Great dancer Great dancer Super gay
Starting point is 00:25:42 Super gay Gay as the day is long Yeah so gay And we thought she was Slow dancing Gay as the day is long. Yeah, so gay. And we thought she was slow dancing. Gay as the day is gray. It was a slow dance. And we were like, oh, look, it's Aaron. And this guy who looked so, he had on a fedora.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Paperboy hat. He had no shirt on and suspenders. He looked like a backup dancer. Like a Bruno Mars backup dancer. That's right. That's right. And then he was like, do you party? To Aaron.
Starting point is 00:26:04 It was basically like, do you want to go take ecstasy and box? Let's go do this. And she was like, not with you. Like, what? Watching him. I got to call my wife or my girlfriend. Terry needs to call. Terry's flower's not going to like this.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Look, I'm stepping in here. She's got softball tomorrow morning. I get friend in love with you guys. I only hang out with you once a year and it's in Austin. Because festivals work. Jay Larson and I have a friend in love in Austin guys once I only hang out with you once a year and it's in Austin and then it's like because festivals work Jay Larson and I felt friend in love in Austin as well
Starting point is 00:26:28 it's in Austin Larson and Sickler another combo and like I love Nick Thune I have like a crush on Nick Thune I just want to like
Starting point is 00:26:36 climb up into his beard I had a great time with Nick Thune at Outside Lands we did karaoke really late and we danced every time I'm around him
Starting point is 00:26:43 it's the festival love where you get to go be a dipshit in a different city you know what we met you know who we met and you won't appreciate this
Starting point is 00:26:50 and most of our fans won't appreciate this but when we were at the University of Michigan we met Dan Deardorff who was a guy who played football for the St. Louis Cardinals
Starting point is 00:26:58 that we grew up with called Monday Night Football and he played for Michigan and he's now the announcer for Michigan and he reminded us so much of our dad that like when I met, I just hugged him. Like, okay, I haven't met this guy.
Starting point is 00:27:10 And I was like, tell him about St. Louis. And I like would not get off of him. I just kept on hugging him, put my hands on him. I was like, what am I doing? This poor guy is probably like, what are you doing? I love it. All right. So, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Go ahead. Early on in my career, I captured the guy that played Kenny Banya in Seinfeld, the guy that's like his gold year gold. And he, I just, I worked, it was like my first job. What was his show? Working. Working, yeah. Dana Gould, Fred Savage, you.
Starting point is 00:27:37 You were so good in that. Oh my God, thank you. And like he, I met him. Oh my God, thank you. But I met him and like He was so awful to me And I loved him right away And I just chased him To the craft service table
Starting point is 00:27:49 And I like Haven't let him go since Like Like he insulted me And I was like I like you Is he nice now or no? No he's
Starting point is 00:27:56 He's always been wonderful In a way that's like He's like mean nice He likes to mess with you He's like an east coast mean He's like 60 And he's salty What was the bit we did
Starting point is 00:28:05 And then we gotta get into No no Cause I want to mention quickly We can make this the second story No let's remember If you want Well I want to mention The Netflix series
Starting point is 00:28:14 Oh I'm on Insatiable I play Regina and Claire On Regina Sinclair On Insatiable Nice What was the bit We were doing with you
Starting point is 00:28:21 Somebody was insulting Like Oh yeah yeah yeah It was It was somebody's gross. Somebody was trying to say something. Somebody's gross fence. He goes, you were funny up there, but I saw you.
Starting point is 00:28:30 And mostly I just wanted to sit on your face. So gross. And your response is like as such a like. You want to tell him to screw you. But you're such a fragile ego. And then you're like, oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:28:45 What did you say? Sit on my. Yeah, Thank you. Thank you. What did you say? Sit on my. Yeah, thank you. Did you want to sit on my face? Wait, what? This face? Yeah, what? Thank you.
Starting point is 00:28:53 Yeah, it was so gross. Those guys were grody. I just want to lay down and watch you sleep. It was gross twins. It was gross twins that did it. Who? You wouldn't know them. No.
Starting point is 00:29:02 But they were giving male twins a bad name. Wait, I want to hear more about the physician. We could make the physician. Dan, see if you can look up the physician. I don't think it made it into the paper. It had to have made it in the paper. What is it? Where'd you go?
Starting point is 00:29:14 Little Compton, Rhode Island. Little Compton, Rhode Island. There was a crow in my town. Straight out of Little Compton. Straight out of Little Compton. Maybe the doctor was Dr. Dre. It was Dr. Dre. You know my physician, Dr. Dre Mont.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Jacobson. Jacobson. Dre Mont. We call him Dr. Dre. How long ago was this? It was a while ago. And there was also a thing where somebody was stealing all the mail. It was like in the town.
Starting point is 00:29:38 And then they found out that somebody had a pet crow named Poe that was flying around the mailboxes, opening the mailboxes and stealing the mail. And so Poe the Crow got put on house arrest. How about put it to sleep? How did you hear about the physician pooping in there?
Starting point is 00:29:53 Everybody knows. It's a small town. It's 3,000 people. Everybody knows everything. But it never made it into a newspaper. No, no. It was just like
Starting point is 00:29:59 the hot goss around town. The hot something around town. It was hot. It was hot when he laid it down. I mean, you'd be surprised if you type into Google man poops in golf course in Rhode Island.
Starting point is 00:30:10 Really? They remove Rhode Island and then you just get all these stories from all over the country. Man poops in golf holes. Yeah. Yeah, that's literally
Starting point is 00:30:17 what it is. Pick one of them, Dan. Pick one of them. Pick one. Pick one and we'll just do it as the ones that... It'll be a pick and pop. It'll be a pick and pop
Starting point is 00:30:24 because we got... There is something about, that is like, because you trust. Like when you go and you hit something in the hole, you trust that you can go down into it. And you'll be fine. That's like breaking the social contract. Who discovered it? You're right. Breaking the social contract.
Starting point is 00:30:40 And when does he go? Like he would have to do it at night. I think he did it at night. Yeah. I'm going to guess he was with a friend giggling. You don't do that alone. Or there's like a fetish in it where he gets really excited about that moment where he could get caught. Apparently he had like a fender bender with somebody and he didn't want to go through insurance.
Starting point is 00:30:59 And he popped his trunk and he just offered the person like a trunk full of Viagra. And was like, what do you want? This guy? this physician? Yes. Is this the physician that killed Michael Jackson? Yeah. He was a little competent. Propofol.
Starting point is 00:31:12 So wait, so he had a fender bender with somebody? Yeah, and was like basically like, you know what? Sorry. Let's not go through insurance. Wait, Jay, Jay, didn't we, we had a friend who, we have a friend and I'm not going to name his name because I don't want to get him in trouble, but he, he went, we went to college with him and he was friends with or knew the Menendez brothers. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Yeah. Yeah. When they were. Tell me everything. Tell me everything. Before they aced their, iced their parents. Right. Aced.
Starting point is 00:31:39 Aced. Aced. Aced. See, this guy aced one into the golf club. They came out to LA when he was living out here and they were like, and they opened their trunk and there were like guns and money and like a briefcase full of money. And he was like, what? He's like, I don't know if I can continue being friends with you guys.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Wow. And that's in Beverly Hills too, like. Whoa. But I think they were from Philly, the Menendez boys. Then Miami, right? Maybe. Were they? Oh, they came out here to live withendez boys They're from Miami, right? Maybe Were they? Oh, they came out here to live with their uncle in Bel Air
Starting point is 00:32:08 Oh, yeah No, that's the Fresh Prince Oh Oh, yeah, that was the Fresh Prince That was a good try, but I love that the mom, they just switched the mom Didn't acknowledge it Just one season is one lady
Starting point is 00:32:18 The next season is a new mom I know They opened up that season with the butler Was it Jeffrey just looking at her for a long time? It's a huge laugh from the audience when they switched her. That's funny. That's how you do it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:28 She had that new mom smell. I love that new mom smell. What do you want to do? That's a good segment. We'll bounce back and we'll do another one on the other side. I have a really fun thing lined up for us. Can you give a little tease? You can give a bad gift to people for the Halloween season.
Starting point is 00:32:45 There we go. It's Halloween season. It's ready to go. Here we go. When we come back, take a little nap with a cat if you want. We got one more segment of Dumb People Town. Arden Marine. Arden Marine.
Starting point is 00:32:58 We'll be right back. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT Dumb People Town. We always like to remind people where they can come see us. This Friday or? Yeah, this Friday. This Thursday. This Thursday we'll be at the Pop-Up Podcast Studio right across from Stand Up Live in Phoenix.
Starting point is 00:33:21 And just, we just figured this out. He called me last night to confirm. Burt Kreischer. I love him. Shirtless, Burtless. We might have to all take our shirts off. Do it. He is amazing and he's been on this podcast before so he knows how it works. Please come. It's at the
Starting point is 00:33:38 Pop-Up Podcast Studio right next to the M5. Tickets now. He's so funny. So that's Thursday night at 7.15 and then Friday night at 8, Jay and I are- 7.30. 7.30. We're headlining the Tempe Improv,
Starting point is 00:33:49 which I love. That's a great club. And then later that night- It's a gigantic club. We need to sell more tickets. Doing the goddamn comedy jam. Yeah, we do need to sell more tickets, so please come and Tempe Improv.
Starting point is 00:33:57 It's that balcony. Yeah. I think what happened, though, last time when we were there, we had very few tickets sold, and then they just, like, fill it. They know how to fill it. They do.
Starting point is 00:34:04 So it should be really fun. Go see the Squires. They're the best. And then we'll be in Austin. Yay. At Cap City, the November 7th through the 10th. And Dan has a bunch of dates
Starting point is 00:34:12 he's on tour. Yeah, I'm on tour. Go to danielvankirk.com. I'll be in Seattle, Portland, Eugene, Washington, San Francisco, San Diego,
Starting point is 00:34:19 Phoenix, and LA all in the first 14 days of November. Jeepers. Go to danielvankirk.com and you can come join me on the together tour. And we are really trying to sort of firm up
Starting point is 00:34:29 our spring dates and whatnot. We have a little bit in March that we're trying to work on and figure out. And a lot of people have asked us, do you ever come to Boston? Have you ever come to the East Coast? I would love to do a live Dumb People Town in Boston at some point, maybe at the Wilbur Theater
Starting point is 00:34:43 and maybe come back to the Bell House where we had great shows. So guys, just know that we're trying to figure that out as we do what we do. We want to come hang with you. Let's do it. Sent in by Joe Luttrell at the Gentleman Joe. Joe, thanks for sending this in. Oh, by the way, what we should do right now
Starting point is 00:34:59 is thank our Drip members. Oh yeah, let's do that. So let's read some Drip names for all the people who joined the Drip, and let's do that real quickly. Heck, yeah. The Drip, we can just tell you, d.rip slash dpt. It's a great way for you to support this podcast
Starting point is 00:35:11 and get extra content and get extra stuff, possibly depending on the level that you do. Come to see us live. Hang out with us. Co-host the show with us. Co-host the show. There are so many levels that you can do and be a part of it,
Starting point is 00:35:22 and we appreciate everybody who has given. People like Bart Janiches. Janiches. Janiches. Janiches. Janiches. I don't know, man. Bart, thank you.
Starting point is 00:35:33 I just know I'm thankful. Howard Cummins. Not Cummings. Cummins. Sounds like a Dickens character. It does. Guess who's Cummins to dinner? I'll tell you who's Cummins to dinner.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Howard. Nathan Plunkett. Great football player. One of my favorite. One of the best Oakland Raiders of all. Howard. Nathan Plunkett. Great football player. One of the best Oakland Raiders of all time. If Nathan Plunkett was a football player, he would wear the helmet with just one bar going across. Rob Casey. Great golfer. Rob Casey.
Starting point is 00:35:53 British golfer. Good guy to hang out with at a bar. Are you ready for this next name? I can't wait for this. Go for it. Kristen Rometti Pike. I like that. To me, sounds like an Olympian.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Or the type of fish you order. How's the Kristen Rometti Pike? Is it good today? Fresh. They just got it. They just got it. Joe Gardner. Joe like that. Sounds like an Olympian. Or the type of fish you order. How's the Christian Rometti pike? Is it good today? Fresh. They just got it. They just got it. Joe Gardner. He's constantly gardening. Eric James Hiltner. EJH sends in a lot of stuff. Hey man, we're part of the Hiltner
Starting point is 00:36:17 Honors Program. I want you to know, I'm very happy that the L is coming before the T and that the N is in there. Exactly. Hiltner. Hiltner. Sarah Holmberg. What's up, Holmberg? What's up, homegirl?
Starting point is 00:36:29 She's our homie. Joel Harper. Joel Harper. Don't want to harp on him too much, but thank you. Randy. Cheryl Lee Martindale Roberts. Oh, my God. That is a name you yell.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Cheryl Lee. Cheryl Lee. Get out here. Cheryl Lee Martindale Roberts. We want to thank you. She has never been able to take a standardized test with her whole name on it. Never. Lenore Hare.
Starting point is 00:36:51 Yes. Thank you. Like an old act. Where? Hare. Hare today, gone tomorrow. Michelle Cucuzza. Michelle Cucuzza.
Starting point is 00:36:58 Cucuzza. She's going to drop the Cucuzza on you. Ted Evans. Ted Evans. That's a good sausage. Eddie Speedy Ortiz. That does not say Speedy. All right, fine.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Eddie Ortiz. Eddie Ortiz is the type of guy who shows up at the party and everyone's like, hey! Hey! Eddie! Tara Hodgson.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Tara Hodgson. The Joel Hodgson of our... Yes. Gwenna. I love this name. Le Breton. Sounds like an old 1940s French actress. Gwenna Le Breton. Sounds like an old 1940s French actress.
Starting point is 00:37:25 Gwenna La Breton. That's what I thought about Lenore here. She always shows up no matter where you are in a full gown. And John Baran. John Baran. Is it John Baran? I think it's John Baran. I want to go with John Baran.
Starting point is 00:37:36 Either way, all of these people sent in. I really, really appreciate it. They are supporting the show through the drip. If you have not heard your name, it's coming. Special shout out to Ted Evans and Howard Cummins by the way because they are pillars of the community in our trip. Oh yeah dudes. And I really really really thank them for that. We really appreciate it. I hope they come to
Starting point is 00:37:54 a meet and greet. I hope so too. I hope we get to meet and get a chance to talk to you guys. D.rip slash DPT. That is how we do. Thanks everybody. Thank you guys. Appreciate that. Ta-da! Thank you. Alright. This is perfect for the Halloween season. You've got a limited time. If you're listening to this,
Starting point is 00:38:10 if you're up to date, you will get this in time to be able to do this to someone you love or don't love. You don't really know how much you love donuts until you're faced with the decision of whether or not it's worth it to snatch one from the hands of a skeleton. Of a baby. No. Of a child. the hands of a skeleton. Of a baby.
Starting point is 00:38:25 No. Of a child. Of a what? Baby. Of a baby skeleton. Baby. Baby. Of a make-a-wish kid? What?
Starting point is 00:38:33 Nope. From the hands of a scary clown. No. And not scary in the way that it's your garden variety birthday clown is scary. We're talking full-on It style smeared face paint and pointy fangs. Oh. Yes. Are you sure that wasn't just Courtney Love? This is totally. We're talking full-on It style smeared face paint and pointy fangs. Oh. Yes.
Starting point is 00:38:47 Are you sure that wasn't just Courtney Love? This is totally. I saw her. Did you really see Courtney Love? I saw her. I got invited to Marilyn Manson's birthday party. I brought Lisa Delarios. Delarios.
Starting point is 00:38:59 And we went and we were like. Great female comic. Oh, my God. Great comic. And we, it was like. Why did I say great female comic? She's a great comic. You know what? We're all catching up. I used to do it too. I used to do it. We all
Starting point is 00:39:10 I did it too. She's great. So we went to Maryland as a birthday party and we were like, because I did a movie with him and he likes comedy but we're like so we just went out of curiosity and we're like so we just sat down and we it was pretty crowded, but we happened
Starting point is 00:39:25 to sit down and like he'd had an accident on a stage and so he had like crutches. And so he happened. I remember that. So he happened. I think he fell down on top of it. It was bad. Like his femur was broken. So he, he wasn't that mobile.
Starting point is 00:39:36 So he happened to like, have to like take a seat and he just happened to take the seat right next to me and Lisa. So we, we just, I had to go to the bathroom so badly, but we just didn't move. And it was like, just, it was a steady stream. They're like, hey, can you move over for JD? We're like, we looked, it was like Johnny Depp and the Courtney Love. And then it was Elvis's daughter and the entire band of Smashing Pumpkins. What?
Starting point is 00:39:56 Where was his house? No, I've been to his house. I went to a birthday party. His house is right near Kathy Griffin's house. Is it? Yeah. It was at his like record producer's house Like in the valley
Starting point is 00:40:07 And And then Translation porn set It was like And then Joe Perry From Aerosmith Yeah It was
Starting point is 00:40:14 I watched him give him like Like a switchblade It was so exciting What? Or like a knife Not maybe not a switch It was so exciting Oh and then I was dressed in like
Starting point is 00:40:23 This velvet dress That had like a little collar. And he goes, oh, you look like you have this style of Courtney Love, like from the 90s. And then he met, he introduced me to like some famous actress or something. And she thought that he said I was Courtney Love's stylist. So all night people would go, who do you think I'm wearing? I mean, you're a stylist. I would just have to like
Starting point is 00:40:45 guess like I don't like every answer I'd be like Target yeah exactly I'm like I'm wearing I'm wearing Zara like I don't know Zara
Starting point is 00:40:52 anyway it was so exciting everybody thought I was Courtney Love's stylist I love it what if I was that would be so happy so our friend our friend was
Starting point is 00:41:00 so our friend was on our friends were on a plane with Marilyn Manson and like he sat down next to them and them, and he got really drunk and was just crazy. And then he called them a bunch. And he was hitting on them. Trying to get them to hang out. Were they two girls?
Starting point is 00:41:16 No, two dudes. Two dudes. Maybe he fell in friend love. Maybe he fell in friend love. He's fun, though. He's a rascal. You just have to hang out with him, like, earlier in the evening. Well.
Starting point is 00:41:27 Before he breaks his femur. All right. Back to this. This is a definite business model that would exist in dumb people's towns. Stealing a donut. No, no, no. They're just saying, would you take it? I love a donut.
Starting point is 00:41:37 How bad do you want a donut? Would you be willing to take it from a scary clown? Yeah, that does the donuts. I love donuts. Because Hertz Donut, a mini chain with locations throughout the Midwest and the South. They're the Avis
Starting point is 00:41:47 of donut. You'll find the most outputs for this place, outposts for this place in Missouri. Okay. It's added again
Starting point is 00:41:56 with their scary clown deliveries. A service originally introduced last Halloween. From now through the end of the month,
Starting point is 00:42:02 you can have a terrifying Pennywise-esque clown, red balloons and all, bring a dozen donuts to your friend's or enemy's doorstep. I want to send this. That's a great idea. I want to send one so badly to you.
Starting point is 00:42:12 That's great to have a clown. And by the way. Send in the clown. Send in the clown. And don't tell them who it's from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just maybe a note. It's like, don't just look over your shoulder.
Starting point is 00:42:22 It says, want to scare the shit out of, or no, they say, want to scare the shish sprinkles out of your friends. One location in Caddy, Texas wrote on Facebook, scary clown deliveries. The service costs, how much do you guys think it costs? To send a scary clown with a donut. Does it include the donut? Yes. It does not.
Starting point is 00:42:41 The donuts are $2.99. It's the service cost of fee plus the cost of said box of donuts. So just the service. What's the fee? So you're only guessing on that. They got to come out. That gets fully dressed up. $19.99.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Okay. That's a good guess. That's way too low, Jay. I could show you guys what the cost is. $49. I'd like to see. Before or after you leave? I'm going to stick with it.
Starting point is 00:43:03 $79.99. $49. I'm going to see. I'm going to see with it $79.99 I'm going to see Arden, what do you say? $19.99 $49 $79.99 $79 from Randy $49 from Jason
Starting point is 00:43:12 The amount it would cost you To send a scary clown To your friend for Halloween Dressed up like Pennywise With a box of donuts Is $5 Arden Why does she keep winning? wise with a box of donuts is $5.
Starting point is 00:43:29 Why does she keep winning? I love games. You need to know that about me. And you're good at them. I'm good at games. I'm not a sports good at games. You can see the screen cap here. You know what I wish I could send? A fudgy the whale. How much would you pay to send a fudgy the whale?
Starting point is 00:43:45 That's from Carvel. Carvel. Ice cream cake. Who is it? Lou Carvel? What was his name? Carvel. But his name is like, hey, this is Lou Carvel of Carvel's Cakes.
Starting point is 00:43:54 You have cookie points, Fudgy the Whale. Cookie points. Well, here's how it works. Basically, the clown will slowly advance towards your unsuspecting bud-slashing nemesis. And without speaking or breaking an eye, keep eye contact with them. He will then honk his clown horn with increasing intensity until they finally take the box of donuts. God, this is awful. It looks like a real bad time is what they wrote here. It is a real bad time.
Starting point is 00:44:20 But one that ends in enjoyment and delicious donuts. I want to send that to Lisa Delirious. Some sample flavors from Hertz Donuts include Fruity Pebbles, Cotton Candy, and Samoa. I love Samoa. I will fuck up. That's the greatest Girl Scout cookie. Not as good as the frozen Thin Mints. Stop.
Starting point is 00:44:37 No, I'm with you. I'm a full Samoa. I used to do Thin Mints. Both of you, get out of here. You get out. You get out. You get out. Get in the freezer.
Starting point is 00:44:44 You get the freak out. I'm sending you a clown donut. It's probably like fudge stripes. You get out. You get out. Get in the freezer. You get the freak out. I'm sending you a clown donut. It's probably like fudge stripes. I have to hide in the freezer. Get in the freezer. Do you like fudge stripes from Keebler? Yes. I'm not a monster.
Starting point is 00:44:54 No, you're not. What do I look like, a monster? You do, but I don't think you are. Although I will say the working conditions in the tree were left a little to be desired. To arrange? 17-hour work days of those elves? Not cool. A clown girl.
Starting point is 00:45:05 They were making Nikes in there, too. Check your nearest Hertz Donut Facebook page to see if they're offering the service. Then call to set up a time and a place,
Starting point is 00:45:13 and if you're still looking for a reason to send one and having trouble drudging up old grudges, the Chain's Frisco, Texas outpost has some ideas.
Starting point is 00:45:21 Oh, please. So Steve ate your yogurt. This is the perfect thing to send to an ex-wife, ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend. This is what I love.
Starting point is 00:45:28 Frisco started listening people you should send this to. Okay, I can't wait. Who do they got? Quote, so Steve ate your yogurt with his bathrobe open. Send him a scary clown delivery,
Starting point is 00:45:38 it says on Frisco's Facebook page. All right. Brandon thought his acoustic guitar work in case any girls wanted to see what's inside of his soul, was a good idea. Send him a scary clown. That I agree with.
Starting point is 00:45:50 That's fair. Or just wait until Valentine's Day. That's when Hertz rolls out its Cupid delivery, featuring a grown man wearing a diaper and feathered wings while doing an interpretive dance. I'd rather have the clown. I'd rather have the clown. That's scarier to me.
Starting point is 00:46:05 I'd rather have the clown. Bert'd rather have the clown. That's scarier to me. I'd rather have the clown. Bert Kreischer. I'm just saying, Bert Kreischer. Because you know who's going to show up is Terry Longbauer. Hey. Terry.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Lowerman. Lowerman. He's going to give you a donut and then fall asleep with your cat. Exactly. Oh, my God. I want to send that to people. I love that.
Starting point is 00:46:21 I know. I love that. So, I mean, this is dropping before Halloween. You have time to send us scary. Guys, if you are in Missouri. We have moved to Missouri. Why do we live in Missouri?
Starting point is 00:46:29 We are from Missouri. Are you Dunkin' Donuts people? I like Dunkin'. What? I like a Dunkin' Donut. Well, I thought I liked it for a long time. Until you went to Trejo's Donuts. Trejo's Donuts.
Starting point is 00:46:41 I might drive there today. Is it a cake donut? That's all I like is a cake donut. The little tinier, like more dense ones? Yes, yeah, yeah. Yes, they have those. What's your donut of choice and why was it so good? I'm going to love a donut.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Trejo's Donuts. We were on set for Those Who Can't, that show, and they had a pink box of donuts with Danny Trejo's face on it. Love it. And I opened it up and I was like, what's this? And then I ate it and I'm like, that's the greatest thing I've ever eaten in my life. What flavor? It's called an old fashioned
Starting point is 00:47:06 And they have maple old fashioned Regular old fashioned With buttermilk topping Or oh my Dan is like Dan Yeah yeah yeah It's
Starting point is 00:47:14 Do you know how like When you scratch like a doggy And then the leg Arden's leg just started going Like Just started going I hope I'm gonna take you
Starting point is 00:47:24 I'm taking you To Trejo's Donuts. Honestly, I got to fit in my pants. This could be a problem. You ain't fitting in pants after Trejo's Donuts. I am like a big old school apple fritter guy. You get there, it's just the most fried, worst thing for you. I like jelly. Jelly donuts?
Starting point is 00:47:38 I like jelly. I'm a Boston cream guy. And I will say that Randy and I went to Blue Star Donuts in Portland, which was great. We got there too late. They were really big. They always have those at, or they used to have them at Bridgetown. They have them in Venice, too.
Starting point is 00:47:52 Yeah, they had them out, but you just say to you. There's one here in LA. You don't want to get there late. If you get there at 11, then they're just like, they have in the display case all the donuts that they've run out of. Aw. Want one of these? The ones that Terry would spoon and comb their hair.
Starting point is 00:48:02 They're like, well, they do have like- The leftovers. What's left? We're like, what do you have? And they're like, well, they do have leftovers. What's left? We're like, what do you have? And they're like, well, we got this matcha and baby hair. I don't want baby hair. That doesn't sound like a good cut baby hair. What the hell is matcha?
Starting point is 00:48:12 What is matcha? It's like a green tea. We've got extract. I don't want that. We've got mochi and grass cuttings. Guess what I want? Peanut butter. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:21 I love peanut butter. I just want a standard cake, donut, chocolate frosting. Maybe throw some coconut or some peanuts on there. I'm not mad at you with that. Dan, I'm taking you to Trejo's. Yeah. I love peanut butter. I just like a standard cake, donut, chocolate frosting. Maybe throw some coconut or some peanuts on there. I'm not mad at you with that. Dan, I'm taking you to Trejo's. Yeah, I'm down. Let's go. I'm down.
Starting point is 00:48:30 Done. All right, dudes. That's it. I respect all of you. Thanks. I respect you, Arden. This is how we do. Arden Marine.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Definitely check out Insatiable. Insatiable. Very marine, Arden. And will you accept this rose? And will you accept this rose? And I do tour. I don't care. You do tour.
Starting point is 00:48:44 Where can people catch your dates and stuff? It's at my website. It looks like Arden Mirren. A-R-D-E-N-M-Y-R-I-N.com. Arden Marine. I have some dates in the new year coming up.
Starting point is 00:48:55 Go see her. She's so fun. I think Janine and I are going to do a, we're doing a show at, we're doing Sketch Fest, I believe. Oh, are we doing Sketch Fest?
Starting point is 00:49:04 We may be. We may be. We may be. Great. Okay. You're welcome to do that. Hey. Love you, love hanging out with you, girl.
Starting point is 00:49:11 Oh my God, I missed you guys. So happy to hear from you. This is wonderful, and oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.