Dumb People Town - Atsuko Okatsuka - Trick Jagger

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

This week Atsuko Okatsuka comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about Mick Jagger, kind of. The second story is about the worst use of government money. The final story is a list of rejected vanity plates.

Skypains, out of here. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Okatsuka! How are you? Otsko. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Could I turn down my headphones? We can turn them down for you. We can turn them down. Just a little bit. Just a teensy bit. You don't like it when we're yelling in your ear? Give you a little less. Like when we're screaming.

No, I should have tested that before. It's okay. I didn't mean to stop the momentum. No, no, no. We're still in the momentum. We have energy. We have momentum. This is dumb people town.

It was so hot when you said Populational Cots guys. Oh, my God. That's right. That's you. That is your people. Not only is it your people, it's literally your people. It's your family. It's my four people.

I think only my family has that last name or something. In the world? That's what my dad claims. Have you heard that last name a bunch? I haven't. No, I have not. I've I haven't. He might be right. Yeah, I don't know. Now, is your dad still around?

He's still around, yeah. Does he typically correct about stuff or does he exaggerate? He, you know, he, gosh. Is he funny? Is he funny? He's not funny at all? He's president of a haiku club, and he carves wooden statues in his retirement.

Sounds like the greatest human being ever. He's awesome. He's just very Japanese. And he's not funny. So you're funny in spite of him. Yeah, and my mom. Nobody in my family- Mom's not funny either?

I come from a family of non-laughers. Get out! That's terrible for a comedian. How did you find your way to comedy? Because you're super funny. Yeah, I needed this. You did, right? What I'm saying is I need this, y'all.

Water in a desert. This kind of family dynamic, it's something I've only seen on TV. So you have found family in the comedy community who support your comedy self. For your laughing out loud. Yeah, for laughing. You know, I'll say something and they'll at least smile. Right.

You know? You're dead. Too busy whittling away a beautiful wooden statue. Working on a haiku. I can't right now. I can't. I know.

It's a serious life. He's like, I have 14 words to describe how I'm feeling. Trying to find enlightenment. That's right. You know, in case you're wondering,

he's not doing well. Okay. In this day and age because, folks, enlightenment, dumb people town. She brought it back. She brought it back. No, you did. A lot of people are not doing well. You did that.

Dumb people town. Dan gets stories. Is the world even dumb in Japan? That's my question. Yes. I think there's probably like- We've had some crazy food challenges. I know, but Japan strikes me as like a country that first of all, they've got their gun control on lock.

Sure. Everybody feels like there's a lot of screaming on game shows. But here's the thing. There's a lot of screaming on game shows. Yeah, people get hurt on them. This is the hurt. Like a person pops out a manhole cover and scares the shit out of somebody. That's too much.

Someone's penis gets caught in a hole. That always happens. Yes. Did you say in a hole? I just named it. That's called a glory hole. Not very much glory. No, not much glory.

Not much glory. Let's do a story because... Our story is getting sent by the people right now who are listening to me say this. You guys are townies. If you want to be like the person who did this, all you got to do is go to Twitter, at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town, then send me the link to the story. This comes in from at Liz Haggerty. I know.

This person sends a lot of stories. We love her. Okay. Headline is this. Phony Mick Jagger facing real charges. So Dumb People Town has its own Mick Jagger now. I got the moves like Jagger. An unruly Florida man who was, quote,

yelling at people claiming he was mick jagger so he's from the stationary stones not the rolling stone you did not need to say not the rolling stone no i loved it when he explained it i feel like you guys need to write these articles we do i feel like we do sometimes we could add so much crack at this that's what we're doing really with this show is we're doing our version of the article about the story. He's facing criminal charges after tussling with police. Yeah, that's too casual in your writing. Tussling with

police sounds fun. Yeah, no, I needed stationary, all that. Tussling is he messed up the policeman's hair. He had them under his thumb. Also causing a disturbance. Stop. Hold on. I didn't know I was walking into just a pub. At Sklar Brothers. Also causing a disturbance. Stop. Hold on. I didn't know I was walking into just a pub. I know, right?

Ask our brother. Just yell at him. He tussled with police and then caused a disturbance at a pair of neighboring restaurants. Which also means there's other restaurants who were like, nope, not us. Just those two. He bothered those two. We were fine with Crazy Mick Jagger. Or normal Mick Jagger.

Chipotle and that other. Right. According to cops, Eugene Bingham. That's our Mick Jagger. Or normal Mick Jagger. That Chipotle and that other. Right. According to cops, Eugene Bingham. That's our Mick Jagger. Wow. That's like a Walking Dead character name. Eugene Bingham. Oh, sure.

Yeah. Chipotle carries a two by four. Yeah. And definitely doesn't live more than a season. Left his past life as a Mick Jagger impersonator. Yes. And now he's taking out zombies. That's right.

Yeah. And he's a kicker. He likes to kick. He was intoxicated Monday evening. As a rock star would do. It's right. Yeah. He's a kicker. He likes to kick. He was intoxicated Monday evening as a rock star would do. It's Monday. They don't care.

It's time to get lit. Right. 100%. I hate Mondays. When he became disruptive at two Naples eateries, so we are in Florida, along with yelling

at other patrons, Bingham, quote, got up on stage while a live performance was going on according to the restaurant manager interviewed by police. Now, there is a great

Thai restaurant here called Palm's Thai, and they do have... Yes. Thai Elvis. I don't know if Thai Elvis has come back as we've reached... No, they have Thai Elvis who's great. I want a tiny Thai Elvis. They have the statue of that seven-foot-tall Elvis, too, that's made out of old metal.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, I do. But normally at a restaurant, I don't need a band at the restaurant. Palms crushes it. So you're saying you're not a fan of dinner theater? I don't think I've been to one dinner theater. Have you ever been to dinner theater?

I've never. Oh, yes, I did. So there's dinner and a play. That's right. It's always meat you can't see because there and a play. That's right. It's always like meat you can't see because there's a play going on and you're like, what am I eating? Hammer beef. What should I be looking at? Should I be looking

at what I'm cutting or should I be looking at her dramatic moment? You should never be watching a play like this. Yeah, because then you might become part of the mystery. Where's my finger? It's in the meat. It's in the meat. So they're at a restaurant.

Live performance is going on. And Eugene Bingham gets up on stage. Oh, boy. Can we just say that now everybody's going to be getting up on stage at all times? Thanks, Will. Thanks, Will. But just the idea that this guy, he was doing it before it was cool, apparently. I'm sure this happened a while ago. I'm going to show you guys a picture of our own Mick Jagger, Eugene Bingham.

Okay. You go first. I'm scared now. Okay. This is our guy. He kind of looks a little jaggery. I think he looks like Dennis Quaid. If Dennis Quaid got the lead role in Monster that went to Charlize Theron.

Yeah, maybe. Doesn't he look like Monster Dennis Quaid? Sure, but then the bone structure, I can see a Mick too. You told me that was Steve Agee's older brother. And there's the hair. He also looks like- His hair. Like if he walked around and strutted around.

That's a Thomas Hayden church character. See, he kind of looks like a Mad Max version of Chip Gaines from that HGTV show. You know, but what is a dinner theater experience if you can't be who you want to be? That's right. He's walking up on stage saying I'm going to do... He just goes up and starts singing that title song from The Greatest Showman. They're like

Oh, ho, ho, ho. Yeah. I like that one. I'm a theater nerd. So y'all are like Oh, I would never want to go. I'm like I want to go to more. Me too. So I have a daughter who is a big theater person. I y'all are like, oh, I would never want to go. I'm like, I want to go to more. So I have a daughter who is a big theater person. I'll take her. You want her?

No, she's a daisy. When dad is like, who wants to eat? You'll go to dinner theater? Dinner theater with Daisy. They did 5 a.m. lines for Hamilton, so he's dedicated to it. Shouldn't he be called Mick Jagger? Shouldn't he be called Trick Jagger? Trick Jagger!

Slick. Slick Jagger. Slick Jagger. Dad, you said you wouldn't. Sorry. Trick Jagger. Trick Jagger. Slick. Slick Jagger. Slick Jagger. Dad, you said you wouldn't. Sorry. Trick Jagger. As officers, then they just say this. He jumps on stage.

This is according to the restaurant manager, right? Well, he gets up on stage while the performance is going. Then it just says, as officers searched for Bingham, so he must have ran out and hit for a minute. Right in the back. Who had walked away from the restaurants before cops arrived in response to a 911 call. Unlike the real Rolling Stones, he went away. That had drunk

male. He stopped performing. Have any of you guys seen the Stones? I have not seen them. I am so blown away that you two have not seen the Stones. So I'm going to say this. It's unreal. Is it an age thing? Are you calling them 100 years old? Yes, we are.

We'd be the ones who would watch them. They go to way more concerts. We are. They just go to like two concerts this weekend. They go to way more concerts. Let me say this about the Stones. And I have often said this. I am a, on Tattoo You, which is an album they made like in the late 70s.

Sure. Early. Maybe 80. It was 80. It was 80. See? The second half of that album, the second side of that album is maybe my second side my favorite side of any album ever really the song because i waiting on a friend is the

last song on that and everybody knows what i'm just waiting on a friend and i thought well i'll just listen to these songs and get up to that place but i'm telling you you loved every single song it's almost like its own concept album on the back side of that and it was at a time when people were like i don't know the Stones. In the 70s, the Stones were great. They were like big. Released in 81. 81.

See? I'm telling you. I want you to just listen to that. I will. From worried about you all the way. But how have you not gone to see them? Because I don't want to see them now. I feel like they're old.

They're old. I'd rather see Trick Jagger. I can't wait till you someday go see him and be like, holy shit. I want to see Rick Jagger. Rick Jagger? Rick Jagger. Hey, Rick Jagger. My name's Rick Jagger.

Officers searched for Bingham. A witness reported that, quote, a drunk male in a red shirt is yelling at people claiming he is Mick Jagger. Who's saying no? If someone's yelling at you saying I'm Mick Jagger, great. Thank you. You say, I'm a fan. Love your work. Big fan.

You give the speech you just did. Big fan. Oh, you want me to tell? I love Ted. I get really specific, so specific that I annoy the hell out of him and then he just walks away. All right, fine. I'm not Mick Jagger.

Tell me what you were thinking in Altamont when you watched that guy get stabbed at your concert. Jagger. You feel weird about that? This is still going to have a Greenlee feel to it for everybody who knows what that means. Jagger, a 78-year-old great-grandfather, is the lead singer of the Rolling Stones and one of the Glimmer Twins. I don't even know what the Glimmer Twins are. No, but he's a great-grandfather.

Wow. Yeah, of course. 78? Yeah, he's lived a life, you know? Bingham is subsequently located at a nearby park where he allegedly charged into a naples police department officer before falling to the ground in a drunk unstable state so he ran into the cops like almost like he bumped into him they didn't say he fought ran in and then fell down after reportedly directing threats at one patrolman

eugene bingham capped his evening by vomiting in the rear of another cop's cruiser. Bingham was charged and he lives in a Naples apartment. What do you get charged with? What is that? Just bumping into cops? Disorderly intoxication, a misdemeanor, and yeah, for bumping into the cops. And failing to have them

and failing to have the moves like Jagger. I mean, it's hard to run in platforms. Thank you. I'm just assuming. He also tried to be a hero. He doesn't wear shape-ups, so Mick Jagger. I mean, it's hard to run in platforms. Thank you. I'm just assuming. Shape-ups. He also tried to be a hero, guys. He doesn't wear shape-ups. Who? Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger. I saw Mick Jagger wearing shape-ups.

You know, shape-ups, those are those sneakers that have the- Sketchers. They have the weighted bottom that helps you like your calves. Well, as a great grandfather, right? Is that what you mean? Yes. So, no, but the shape-ups are like as you're walking, it can- It makes it harder to walk.

So it's like you're getting exercise. I'm like, why do you need to lose weight? You don't need to lose weight. He's so thin. You're so freaking thin. This industry, the things it does to us. The things that we do. He's got body dysmorphia. You know, the expectations.

I agree. On all of us, right? Yes, on Mick too. Bingham. He's like, I got to keep my little thin waist. That's right. Bingham Jagger, Eugene Bingham, last month was convicted of trying to break into a

marked police car parked outside of a Perkins restaurant at All Tracks. I mean, who was he being in that? I guess Keith Richards. He was trying to be a hero. He claimed to have heard a female screaming from inside the unoccupied vehicle. I thought I heard somebody in there.

He couldn't get any satisfaction. Okay, we're going to get out of here on this. You, Jason. How old is Eugene Bingham? You have seen him. Everybody who follows Dumb People Town on social media will get a good chance to look at him. This is tricky, though.

It's very tricky. How old? And, you know, I don't want to be... You don't want to be ageist. You don't want to be ageist, but that might be misleading, this photo. The way y'all ask, do you all know the answers? I don't know. No, they're going to guess two.

He knows. So the three of us don't know, but like. And I barely remember. I think we say the age all at the same time. No, you go and then we'll go. Let's just admit that white people age terribly. You want to go last? Let's do this.

Do you want to go last? No, no, I want to do what she says. I feel like this is a hate crime against white people. It is. They age terribly. I'll perpetrate that. I'm going to let you all take the lead. No, let's all do it.

Let's all say it at the same time because we've never done this before. I have a feeling because Daniel said it like, you know, you wouldn't believe it. I think like 42. 42. All right. Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say 60. Okay.

I think 47. Randy says 47. Okay. I think 47. Randy says 47. Yeah, I think he's younger than us by three years. Yeah, younger than we think he is. Are you joking? Dude, he might have lived a hard life. We look great. Just tell me how great we look so I can walk away.

Oh, sorry. Say your age again. 50. Thank you. Oh, my. No. No. He's not.

She's a theater nerd Give her a minute to process Theater nerd Do you need a fainting couch? Somebody give her smelling salts Wake her up She said 42, you said 47, I said 60 Okay

Eugene Berman Please yell at wherever you're listening to this Eugene Berman is 58 years old. Oh! Good work. Good work. Well done, Jason Scott.

That's story number one, my friends. Story number one down in the books. We're going to find out what Atsuko has going on after this and let you know what we've got going on. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound.

There's more Dumb People Town, don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT. Before we find out all the great things you're doing, we want to mention that Daniel Van Kirk is out and about in the world. Go see him. This is the best way you can support us. People ask us all the time, hey, how can I support you guys?

Come see us live. Come to shows. Come to shows. Bring a friend. Dan's got great shows coming up and he's going to cool places that he hasn't been to before. Atlanta, Nashville,

Mobile, San Antonio. And he's been on tour, so I know, and you know this, that when you're on tour doing shows, the set gets better. Yeah.

You start to zero in on what it is. You go see Dan in Mobile, that set's gonna be tight. Shut up. You think. Don't you? Do you feel that way

when you're doing? For sure. That's why you go out there. That's going to be tight. Shut up. You think. Don't you? Do you feel that way when you're doing? For sure. That's why you go out there. So sorry to the first city. I was thinking about that today because as we're recording this, Albany's up first and I was like. They're going to get the most you on the. But Dan, you're so like you're an open book.

I also do a lot. Like if I haven't been out in like a week or two, I will like my last hour, like because I record all my sets, I'll listen to it a lot or I'll watch it three or four times, so I'm kind of back in that space. In the zone. Sure, yeah. But if you're doing five shows over a weekend, I always love that because you're like, okay, this bit that we're going to try and put on its feet on Thursday, we're going to- I always like the late Friday show. You like the late Friday show? Because you aren't thinking about leaving yet, and you've already done two other shows so you're like humming i like where we are in the weekend but that tends to be the

hardest uh audience because they've been working all day and they're tired after they've been late and they ate dinner and they're more or they're like too full right so they're like sleepy so danielvancurk.com please go see him and let's sell out all of his shows we are we are going to be at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival doing a live Dumb People Town this wonderful show live which is a blast

to do live and we're doing Tag It our show which is so much fun which we'd love to do with you if we're ever in a city

or doing a festival comics come on stage do their set the whole time we're writing tags for their jokes and we just pitch you it's just a blast

so we'll be doing that among other things and so we love that and then in May we'll be doing that, among other things. We love that. In May, we'll be at the Crocodile in Seattle, which I'm very excited to do that. We're working on our show, The Nosebleeds, which will be out. Let me just make a quick programming note that because Dan's on

the road and it's our family's kids' spring break and everything, the next Dumb People Town that we're releasing, we're going to actually record it on the day it gets released. It won't be released in the morning when you wake up in the morning

like we'd love to give it to you but I'm just giving you a little program note it'll come out later on the 19th and I'm just letting you know that so okay you're so good to your fans

right we don't want them to be startled just a heads up we don't want you to wake up what about you what do you got going on what are you up to

oh I'm on tour too yeah yeah so I'm about to go to? I'm on tour too. I'm about to go to Texas. Website, Otscolive.com. Where in Texas are you going? I'm going to be just Austin, Houston, Dallas and then go to Atlanta.

Are these one-nighters or what are you doing? Are you doing the improv? Are you doing the secret group? I'm just doing one-nighters. I'm like a theater music venue kind of guy. I love it. I don't know if you're doing secret group in Houston, but that's my buddy's place. They have a comedy festival. I am at secret group. You are? That's Andrew Youngblood. We go group in Houston but that's my buddy's place you are?

that's Andrew Youngblood we go on tour together that's my guy what was that 80s club we went to make him take you to Barbarella? no there's one in Houston too I don't know

there was a whole documentary made about that club one of the oldest I can't know. Whatever the club was. There was a whole documentary made about that club. Yeah, it was like one of the oldest. I can't even remember the area it was in, but the whole thing is everybody's like, Prince played here. Wow. And then some people are like, no, he didn't play there.

He just went out there. Oh, it's just a story? I don't know. It's like from old 80s gay Houston. It was just Epple. It was just Eugene Bingham. Eugene Bingham claiming he was there. That's great.

Rick Jagger. What's the website? Let's Go Live. Awesome. G.B. Claiming he was that's great. Rick Jagger. What's the website? Let's go live. Awesome. Yeah. Okay. Go check her out. She's great.

So funny. Such a funny comic. Are you guys ready for story number two? Send in by She Be Carleen. I love Carleen McDermott. One of our favorites. Headline is this

council spends insane amount of money to fire woman over protein bar. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of money to fire woman over protein bar. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of money. I know it's going to be painful, but like, how happy are they that she's gone? You know what I mean?

Like, there's a moment where you're like, we got rid of her. I'm going to ask you guys out the gate. You don't know anything other than that. Right. How much money do you think they spent? A city council has spent nearly how much money trying to fire a woman, a mom of three,

who they accuse of stealing a protein bar worth less than $5. This is the definition of dump. How much money do you think a city is willing to spend to try and fire someone over an accusation, not proven.

Yeah, we don't know. An accusation of stealing a $5 protein bar. I'm quickly realizing I'm not good at this guessing game. I don't think I would do good on Price is Right with America. I don't doubt you. I don't doubt you. You know, maybe like $3,000. $3,000.

Jay, what do you think? Yeah, I'm going to say they spent like $10,000. $10,000. I'm going gonna go nuts here and I don't even know why because we have no details in this story I think this city council

blew $35,000 $35,000 trying to get rid of this woman and I wanted to do it up top because now the rest of the context you're gonna be able to be like this is what they spent legal fees

all of it they're off the cliff over at Cliff Bar townies Jason you're encouraging me. At Sklar Brothers. Laughing happening.

I know. We're at your mom's house. I just pictured it to be a cash situation. That's why I went low. Yes. Where the guy's like- $3,000 under the table. This is what I have in my pocket.

Just get out of here. Get her out of here. Just go. They just paid one person to try and convince her to buy. Go over there. The amount of money they spent on a mother of three who was accused of stealing a protein bar worth less than $5 is

$190,000. Oh my God! To try and fire somebody over something they were accused of. For over a $5. I mean, I get it. Protein bars are like

so 90s and old school. And good. Maybe you don't want to be seeing with someone who's like not of the times. You're saying on principle, they're like, look, the stealing we don't care about. They're like Atkins still.

Not our company. Sure. We have to get her out of here. Kind. I get it. Maybe it's embarrassing. Kind bar. What are we, at a comedy festival?

There you go. What are we, in a green room? Griselda Perez You're already Her name is Griselda She's gone through enough Yeah The more you explain

I feel like it's a targeted So she's a Latinx woman Latinx woman Yes With three kids Three kids Mother of three They just hated

That she was a woman This is racially motivated Can I do one thing Randy And, and see if you remember this? I'm going to know. Before you even say it, I'm going to say it. Right, it's a song. Griselda the reindeer. Griselda the reindeer nobody loved or knows.

I can't remember. It was an old song about Griselda who was- I thought you were going to do an Elvira parody. Griselda. Griselda Perez, a police records specialist, was accused of stealing an RX bar from an AMPM market in Ontario, California in 2018. She's a police records specialist. The manager of the store was adamant that Ms. Perez stole the bar

and claimed to have CCTV of her placing it into her pocket. Ms. Perez maintained her innocence. If you got the tape, roll the tape. You shouldn't have to spend $196,000. Honest to God to the three of you, did any of you go through a stage in your life where you shoplifted? No. You did?

I thought we were answering at the same time. That was one of your- I thought we were all on the same page. I did too of your... I thought we were all on the same page. I did too. We did. We stole stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now look, you know our story.

I stole stuff from the gas station I worked at. So they knew not to... I was sly about it. The gas station wouldn't let them work at the same location. No, I told you. Sprite had an under the cap giveaway that summer. Okay, but that was crafty. Well, no.

This is what he would do. While I was waiting, I would hold up, because it's Sprite and it's clear, I'd hold it up to the light and I'd see which were winning bottles. Smart. And I'd open it and I'd want to play a bottle of Sprite. It's kind of stealing. Sprite's got trillions of dollars. Don't hit the player.

Hit the game. Sprite doesn't care about us. Where I'd knock these Crunch Taters. That's a great chip. People don't talk about that chip. The Mesquite-flavored Crunch Taters. I would knock them on the floor and I'm like, that got knocked on the floor, and it's no longer

good anymore. You were doing Wall Street-type scams. Nobody spent $196,000 to bust me. I'm not a Griselda. I saw a TikTok of a guy who knew when they had to get rid of the rolling food items, and so he would wait for new ones to come in.

And then when they went out and throw them away, they would be in a clean bag, a garbage bag, clean. They would be in the dumpster for maybe 20 seconds. And he would open it up and be like, well, I've got all the food I want right here. Yeah, these are just life hacks. These are great. I'm not stealing.

I'm hacking. Right. Wait, but you stole? Yeah, just like fucking Walmart. Yeah. So again. I'm hacking. Right. Wait, but you stole? Yeah, just like fucking Walmart. Yeah. So again. Fuck the man. What were you taking?

I remember one time I stole Pringles, like a whole tube of Pringles. Dude, that's a big item. That's a big item. Baggy pants. And I was 12, 13 years old. Like raver pants? JNCOs. Yeah.

So do you know that Georgia wears, my daughter, my 14-year-old daughter wears Jinko jeans. They're back. They're so back. I heard they were back. Dude, they're so back. Our friend Ellie Woods posted a photo of her niece wearing Jinkos, and I was like, is this real?

Georgia wears Jinko jeans, and they are like out the frickin' wazoo. They're so big. I'm like, what are you wearing, chaps? Respect. Respect. They're back. He's a fashionable person here.

Okay, so respect in the game. You're mixing many prints right now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an eyesore. No, it's not an eyesore. You make it work. You're pulling it off. What'd you steal from Walmart?

Just eyeliner. It's something easy. Pringles. Pringles. I don't know. By the way, eyeliner is this big. You gotta have some JNCO jeans. Eyeliner you can put in your asshole.

Okay, Jason. Or your pocket. We can do asshole too. Dad. Both are. Oh, that's another favorite Dumb People Town out of context. Or your pocket. We can do asshole too.

Or I could take my pants off and do that whole thing. Sir, then you get kicked out for that. They don't even know you're stealing. They think they're kicking you out for your pants. I'm assuming you went into a changing that. They don't even know you're stealing. They think they're kicking you out for your pants. I'm assuming you went into a changing room. I don't know what story at all. So Ms. Perez maintained her innocence. I can get there.

The city of Ontario paid an expert to review the footage so somebody to watch it, but they said it was inconclusive. A police officer who visited the store and watched the CCTV on the day of the alleged theft was also unconvinced that Ms. Perez stole the product. Her other people on the force are on her side. This is like the city, I guess. An independent arbitrator

called for the city to reinstate her. In a video posted on Facebook, where all horrible things live, by her legal team in 2020, she said her job meant so much more for me to be working for the city of Ontario. So she loved what she did. I'm going to continue fighting until justice is served.

However, the city fired Ms. Perez. God damn it. A San Bernardino County Superior Court judge has now reviewed the footage and ordered the city to follow the arbitrator's decision and reinstate Ms. Perez. That's right. Yeah, goddamn right. Ms. Perez returned to's right. Ms. Perez returned to work on January 31st. You just put a whole bunch of Clif Bars on the table.

We did it! Thanks, Barbara. I'm grateful that this day came after so long, she said in a statement. The legal fees the city spent trying to fire Ms. Perez ended up costing $189,375. Us, your tax dollars, our tax dollars. That's what we did. Ms. Perez ended up costing $189,375.

Us, your tax dollars, our tax dollars. That's what we did. And the protein bar, which Ms. Perez was accused of stealing, cost $5. $5. $4.20. What protein bar? Which one was it? Was it a MetaRx? Rx.

Rx bar. Rx bar. That's story number two. God damn it. What is wrong with the city? That one was just upsetting Why are we giving this woman So they really

This guy was like It was all an accusation So she just didn't have her job for three months Or however long with three kids she had to feed Right But they have to have paid her for that time too You have to back pay I'm sure the judge was like,

an arbitrator said she didn't do it. A cop who looked at her that day said she didn't do it. Or it's inconclusive. So what else do you want? Now, if you are this woman,

do you walk back in there and just start shopping there? I go walk in there head held high. And you walk around with a lot of things. And I'm like, oh,

I gotta keep this in my pocket. I'm not going out. I just need to hold it in my pocket. This time you put it up your butt. Yes. And then you go. And then you walk to the front and you're like, you know what? I have a RX bar up my butt. What's that going to cost?

Scan it. What's that going to cost me? It's inconclusive whether or not I have it up there. There you go. Story two. Dan, give us a little taste of what we're going to hear in story two. It's about vanity plates in Florida. It's short, but it is fun like anything in florida

short and funny and then patreon fans yeah that's co is going to tell us a story of dumbness that she experienced in her life or that she herself did we'll get into that for our patreon now this is dumb people town don't go anywhere stick around make it sound for more dumb people town All right, Daniel, take us. Here we go. Ready? Yes. Guys, this is sent in by First Lizard Third at Liz Haggerty. Gentlemen, Liz Haggerty.

Oh, another favorite. Yeah. Love her. Florida lists their rejected vanity plates. I love it. So just a quick little list. These are plates that people like. Even Florida.

Even Florida, who has no rules. They all like I'm gay. Is that the Florida rejected list? Can't say. That's why it's rejected. I might not get into heaven if you say gay. Florida officials released

a list of personalized plate requests they rejected in 2021 including, first one, T-Bundy. T-Bundy? T-Bundy. Somebody wanted their license plate to be T-Bundy. Trevor Bundy. You can have it, but you can't put it on a van.

F-A-A-A-R-T. Fart. Okay. F-A-A-A-R-T. This is what happens when you let your 11-year-old pick what your license plate is going to be. What do you want the plate to be, Justin? The Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles said state law allows the agency to reject any vanity plate request deemed to be obscene or objectionable.

I'm going to go ahead and say the person who is in charge of that, man or woman, probably has an inflated sense of self. Oh, boy. I get to decide. You are playing God with people's vanity plates right there. Yeah. Right? Come on. Yeah.

Fart? Fart is fine. F-A-A-R-T? Yeah. Fart. Fart. How far are we going? The department said more than how many plates requests were denied.

How many? You're great at this. How many? Stop it, guys. Is it three? How many? Oscar, what do you think? You can go last.

Do you want them to go and you go? Do you want us to go first? Okay, I'll see what you guys do. Okay, go ahead. I'm going to say 500. Okay. Whoa. whoa yeah i think it's like maybe 130 okay wow okay that are that got no's i mean shoot if fart couldn't make it maybe like 700 700 okay the department said more than 500 plate requests way to go jason nice we Nice. Were rejected in 2021. You're good at this. You were in the ballpark.

I was not. For containing obscenities including profanity and letter and number combination deemed to be offensive or making reference to offensive topics. Now, do you have... So here's something. So there's a lot of language that is used by... There's hip-hop language. There's street language.

There are things that mean things. Do you have to, if you're in charge of vanity plates, now be up on slang? I think you do, yes. That's also a job for like – I see. Who do you hire to be that person? That's a job for like – I remember I had a friend of mine who worked for Disney, had some sort of like – it's like what the meta is, the metaverse,

like avatars and people talk to yourself and they had people whose job was to stay completely up on slang so that certain words couldn't be typed into chat right because it's kids yes so yes that is you are correct uh the department said more than 500 uh can't be bad several others were recalled to the agency after being reported by members of the public so some people saw plates and then you got a notice saying, you're getting a new plate. You don't get to keep that anymore. I will read the ones down here

that they have listed as being bad. We already did T-Bundy and Fart. Another one. T-Bundy and Fart. That's like a 1980s detective show. Or they're the new Rizzoli and Isles. You too. You too.

T-Bundy and Fart. There's a couple more here. Another one. It's also like a fucked up Muppets show. Yeah. 2020 WTF. 2020 WTF. I mean, WTF.

Come on. Mark Maron deserves a license. Yeah, he deserves a license. I don't know why. Ready for this one? It's the number, the word, then the number. Forever 69. Nothing wrong with that. Yeah, come word, then the number. Forever 69. Nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, come on. Forever? That's where our mom shops for clubs. Forever 69. Guys, also, it makes me think, though. If you're Forever 69, how are you driving? Your bit about rock and roll all night and party every day. Kiss, I want to rock and roll all night and party every day.

Every day? Every day. It's too much. So that's what I'm saying. After a week, you're like, can we just... No, if I've rocked and rolled and partied one night, I can't party the next day. The next day, I'm like, I gotta do some banking.

Same logic here. Forever 69? No. Forever. No. Forever? You want to be younger, too. Yeah, at one point. So you want to get out of that position. Next one. This one is just somebody who wants to get pulled of that position. All right. Next one. This one is just somebody who wants to get pulled over. Drug man.

Nope. Drug man. Okay. That's a pharmacist. I don't know why people are upset with this guy. He owns a pharmacy. Or you rep like Cialis. Here's another one.

I fart. Okay. Well, we knew that wasn't going to make it. I fart radio. Here's another one. Another person who just wants to get pulled over and ask if they can search their car. M3TH. Meth. Meth.

But the E obviously is flipped because of the three. That's funny. Here's another one with four U's. Nuts. Four U's nuts. No, no. It's just like our fart one. Oh, nuts.

Nuts. Yeah, okay. D-Z nuts? That would have been better Here's another one Submit it See if they let you do it V nasty What's wrong with that?

I don't know I saw one today on the way here It was OMG PLS OMG please That offends me I saw one today on the way here. Actually, it was O-M-G-P-L-S. So O-M-G, please. Okay. That offends me. Well, yeah, that should have been rejected. I don't, yeah.

T-R-I-C-K-P-L-S. Trick, please. Trick, please. Trick Jagger. Here's another one. W-H-T-R-A-5-H. You look at it, it's white trash. Yeah.

Okay. Why is that bad? I don't know. You're just, you know, saying who you are. Y-A-S-S-Q-W-N. Yes, queen. No. Offended.

Well, that's the gay thing. The gay bill. That is the gay bill. Don't say gay. Any piece of gay culture needs to be. Here's the last one. We'll get out of this. You shouldn't ever have an appointment with this physician. if it isn't actually a doctor do not go to them

touch me there dr 69 dr 69 is no not a doctor he's like i need you to get up on this table and you're like what what how he's a ph. Could you imagine meeting somebody? It's a story. It says it on my car. Yeah. You didn't see that on the way in? It's like a diploma. Hey, I'm Nathan. I'm so glad we got together. Just so you know, a lot of my friends call me Dr. 69.

Yeah. Check. And you literally just see the outline of a woman in her purse and it's just running away. Yeah. Hear a door shut. That's the show, friends. There you go.

That is the show. That's how we do it. And Atsuko Comedy, right? Is that what you're That's what you are on social media? Yeah, yeah Except for TikTok Because I can't figure out

Who has Atsuko Comedy Someone has Atsuko Comedy Are you joking? A-T-S-U-K-O Someone else has Atsuko Comedy I have a feeling This is a confession I have a feeling

I did it But I just can't Remember? I can't remember how to get it let's go let's go let's go all right follow her on social media go check her out at these live shows she's doing some uh in Texas you're all over Texas go follow her and watch her she's one of our faves and I'm so happy you were here and oh shit we gotta get back to work.