Dumb People Town - Beth Stelling - Good Ol' Fashioned Chair Stacking

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

Beth Stelling sits in while Daniel explains how a couple gets caught having sex in court, Jason tells of car thieves got arrested by stopping at McDonalds, and Randy paints a scene of a woman doing Irish folk dancing during a sobriety test, and so much more!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Vendors, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Bunker Downey's Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town Population to you Population Stelling Best Stelling, yay. You're here. We're so happy you're here. Good to see you. It's great to see you.

Oh my gosh, this is so fun. You brought a lighthearted book with you. I did. Show them the book. Show them the book. This is your new book. It's called Men Who Hate Women. We're just trying to understand.

Look, I think it would be a lot thicker. Shouldn't it say volume one? Volume one of 25. Part A. It's going to be like, that could have just been titled men. One A. One A. Subsection A.

I just opened it up. It says chapter one, men who hate women. Chapter two, men who prey on women. Chapter three, men who avoid women. Chapter four, men who hate women chapter two men who prey on women chapter three men who avoid women chapter four men who blame women it keeps getting better this is all the people and there's at the bottom it says very short epilogue a few good men the movie chapter 10 men who hate men who hate women wow what okay look chapter 11 wants to join the book club you know if you have a set tonight you could just read that you could just literally read the chapters you can at least start out by

reading chapter 11 open mic comics um anyway well welcome back to dumb people i like this set it's very fun the world is dumb the world's getting dumber i'm staying dumb staying dumb and like it's just getting way more okay to be dumb. Yeah. Like no matter how dumb you are, you will find a Facebook group that says, you're one of us. Get over here. Get over here.

We're right. I've never identified more than I have now as an elitist. And you got pushed into it. You didn't go to it. You're like, I don't want this. You guys. You were marginalized into it. I'm a normal human being.

You're like the person who's a psychic who gets like psychic messages. I don't want this power. I don't go to person. You're like, I don't want this. I didn't want to see this way. You were marginalized into. I'm a normal human being. You're like the person who's a psychic who gets like psychic messages. I don't want this power. I don't want this power of elitism. I don't want it. I want to hear people's dead relatives. So anyway, we try and make sense of it through this wonderful world. Our fans send us stories. And then not like the last time you came, we've sort of switched it up a little bit.

Each of us do a story. Me, Jay, and Dan. So Dan, are you the first one, Dan? let's jump into it ready one yes here we go sent in by brian w lance uh and then they wrote you gotta be blanced at you gotta be yeah it's a desiree song yeah you gotta be bold you gotta be answered um number one i think ellen clegghorn Concert. Number one scene. And I think Ellen Cleghorn did a... Desiree. Yeah, spoof on SNL about OJ. You gotta run fast.

You gotta get away from him. You gotta get down when you're in a car chase. At Blantz79. Okay. With a Z. Here we go. Headline is this. Couple caught having sex in Toowoomba Courthouse.

Toowoomba feels Australian. That's where you go for a yoga retreat in Mexico. T-O-O-M-B-A. No, that's Toowoomba Courthouse. Toowoomba feels Australian. That's where you go for a yoga retreat in Mexico. No, that's Toowoomba. I'm sorry. Well, Toowoomba sounds like a noise you make when you're having sex. Is that the spot? Just make that noise. So they're in the courthouse.

They're in the Toowoomba courtroom. They're like, we've got to do this. Maybe they said all rise and he just did. He just did. Into her nonsense. Public sex. I've never understood. That has to be part of it.

Yes. I can understand people being like, do you want to do this right here? With no one watching. Think about all the things we can't understand. You know what I mean? Like someone who's an alcoholic. That's true as well. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that.

Yes. I can't understand. The part where people, they want other people to watch. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that. Yes. I can't understand the part where people, they want other people to watch. I guess that's like exhibitionism. But so Dan, when I was a kid, like a little kid and I'd be in a swimming pool and they'd be like adult swim, all the kids out of the pool.

I would like stay in the pool till the very end. And like, they were just, I'm just going to say there was a little tingling feeling down in my loins and I might've been, I might've been peeing, but just the, I think the excitement of like, come get me out of this pool. I'm not supposed to come get me. They said I can't break the rule.

Come get me out of this. A little bit of danger to it. We shouldn't do this. I'm assuming that might be part of it. Yeah. Getting reprimanded. I mean, there's definitely men I've been with who would like me to be more like teacher mommy to them.

But like, you know, all my years working at bars, I understood that people would like to very happily consenting people would sneak into a bathroom and want to go fuck each other. I got that. I don't get the bathroom. Can I just say this? Okay, this came up in a green room, actually. Really? Yes, recently. Let's get in the guys were like like i think yes i was the only

woman in the green room and they were talking about uh somebody going off and having sex with several women in one night in the bathroom at this club it wasn't any of them but it was something they knew and it's just like our world is so everybody we're so damaged no female orgasms were happening in that bath no not one not one. Not a single one. How could the guy even four times? Even, even. How did he reload? He's maybe fooling around in there.

I don't know that he's having sex every time. Or I guess it could have been coke. But they assumed it was. I mean, but the other thing is like, even if you're smelling just the soap like the bath all the smells that come out of a bathroom also like even like i feel like men's piss has like a three meter reach of splash if i was holding onto the wall getting you know what

i mean yes i'm supposed to have a germaphobe to bone in a bathroom no like that is it's to me the point you go to the bartender you guys have a sex lounge no but the bathroom. No, like that is it's to me the point You go to the bartender, you guys have a sex lounge? No, but the bathroom says, and he got four people to consent to the idea that there's nowhere else for us to go. This is it. The club gave you a hotel room. Right.

Just keep people in the lobby. That's terrible. Standing sex is never really doing for me. Standing sex is too much effort. Standing sex is we're going to get caught and maybe again that's part standing also never really do it never too much effort standing sex is we're gonna get caught and maybe again that's part of it i think the only time i had standing sex recently was when i had covet so my mouth needed to be faced you're like i need to be in a different direction i have to go i love that you're like i'm still not gonna take a break my legs are so weak i'm shaking you're into a vent so a vent. This has to end quickly.

You're in a gas mask. I can't breathe. Glasses are getting fogged by the mask that I'm wearing. A young couple who had public sex in a courtroom foyer. Foyer. This is not the bathroom. Has been sentenced for their, quote, outrageous behavior after a court heard it was simply an exuberance of affection.

Right. I'm so excited about the verdict. Right. That's one way to select a jury, folks. Shemeka Julie Leading. S-H-A-M-E-K-A. Shemeka, Shemeka. Shemeka.

Hassan Pfeffer Incorporated. S-M-P-C-N-E-W-A. Both of them. Shemeka Julie Leading was due to appear in Toowoomba Magistrate's Court in June 28, 2022 for an unrelated matter. So sometimes you're waiting for a courtroom. She's out in the foyer and she's waiting to go in. Am I going to play Candy Crush? She was there and being supported by, soon to be very supported, supported by her partner, this name, Jake James Quinn.

Jake James. Jake James. Not Jacob. Jacob James. Jake James Quinn. If his official name is Jake. Jake James. That's right.

His porn name would be Jake James. Jake Jim. Yeah. Jake James. Jake Jim Quinn. Jake Jim Quinn. What about JJ Quinn? Yeah. JJ James. Jake Jim Quinn. Jake Jim Quinn. What about J.J. Quinn? Yeah.

J.J. Quinn. J.J. Quinn I'll take. I'll take J.J. Quinn. J.J. Quinn is like. J.J. is a cool name. J.J. Quinn is like a jazz saxophonist. Sure. Yeah.

Or like a top. This guy's a jazz saxophonist. Defensive end. J.J. J.J. J.J. Quinn in the Uptown Three or something. Everybody's got a great name here. The police prosecutor who goes by the name of Cameron Francis. jj jj jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay jay He has a website called Only Friends. Only cams. Moving to seating in the eastern end of the courthouse public waiting area, where leading straddled Jake James.

Yeah. And the pair began to kiss, quote, vigorously. So they're just kissing. At about what time? When do you think this took place in the courtroom for you? 1.01, 1.03 p.m. 1.03 p.m. So like just after lunch, you've been out and around.

Food coma. Which you know, they always say, you always want to have your hearing or meeting with the judge in the afternoon. Yeah. Always. Because they've eaten and they're happier.

I want less focused. If you do it in the morning and they haven't eaten or they start to get hangry, it's a real thing that public defenders will tell you they give out more stern sentences in the morning than they do in the afternoon is it wrong for me to want her to have said to him please come in my chambers stop no not wrong at all that's on brand that's to me it's like please go all the way can i can i tell you give me your gavel one of the come into one of the

videos that keeps coming up in my tiktok feed is this one judge who's like so nice. You know the judge and he's like talking to the old guy. Yeah, to the woman who's like, who's with you in court? And she's like, this is my daughter. And she comes over and she's like, is your mom a good mom? And she's like, yeah, she's a good mom. And she's like, I didn't know about where to park. And I had to pick her up from so-and-so.

And he's like, you got three other parking tickets. It's the greatest thing. I watch it. It's like nine minutes long. There's an old guy. He's like 88, and he's like, what are you here for? And he's like, I got a thing saying seven years ago I went through a red light. And the judge is like, it took us seven years to find you.

And he's like, yeah. He's like, you know what? Seven years. We didn't do our job. And he goes, do you remember why you were driving fast he goes no i don't remember i don't know my wife passed away she goes oh she used to make you good food oh my god if my wife was alive she was great lasagna you're on i could watch this all day is he angling for a judge show he deserves one i love this the folksy judge and

then they end up the same guy yeah we end up finding out they end up finding out in the chorus he's like he's like yeah my grandfather used to run a fruit stand and the judge goes i believe my father worked for your grandfather no way yeah yeah and then he goes you know what you get out of here get out of here so like you know it's coming you know that i hope he treats everybody like i i'm so wary like i know that's real everything i watch i mean also i was just gaslight out of my brain so like i don't trust anything which i get before like eat this i'm like is it poison no i can't trust anything so when i see tiktok videos even there was that recent one where the little kid the dad goes bring me the or grab grab me the buns or something like that and little boy goes up and grabs his dad's butt at the grill yeah he's like what are you doing i like i like i think it's zoom in and be like everything with

kids i think it's staged and everything with kids i tend to not like either because i was like you told them to go spill their cereal and they don't know what's real when you're parenting or when we're making a video right the kids videos stress me out i know but this judge unless they're just talking to somebody for some reason the judge so to me if that judge had caught these two people having sex, I would like to see him. Oh, you know, he probably made him. He would have made him get married. Do you love her? Yeah.

Are you going to stay committed? Let's do this. Are you guys willing to do it? I can do this ceremony right here. He's like, ask for their full name. We are cousins. They're like, oh. He also probably was like, Jake James, you want to change that while we're here?

I can change it for you right now. JJ, youj uh okay oh wait what time did you say she said 103 and i say uh 10 19 in the morning okay 9 14 a.m okay uh one of you got very very close this took place at around 9 20 a.m wow let's go just a little loving she's there for a speeding ticket or some sort of citation or whatever and then they decide hey we haven't had sex yet this morning let's go down to the east end of the foyer i can't let you go in there and be all tense the pair then began to have sexual intercourse with leading caught on camera lifting her skirt and sitting on her partner and moving up and down yeah we get how it works the article i just want to know the details she groaned skirt uh puts up her skirt sitting on uh jake james's lap and moving up and down on quinn's lap the court was told the people

who are walking by what are they like well here we go the court was told the couple stopped what they were doing after they were approached by security and leading got off of quinn who attempted to cover uh who attempted to cover himself she doesn't have a problem he's out he's out he's got a lie back in this is the argument for men's skirts kilt straight up yes kilt it kilt it so the security guard walks over he's like you too stop stop stop right stop so they stop she she uh she disengages he puts this is before her hearing yes i know she's i know she wants to get loose the security officer left the area and quinn then exposed his penis again no and leading adjusted his penis under her skirt and she sat on his lap a second time facing away this time this is the, they were face to face the first time?

She's straddling it at that point. Yeah, she's straddling it. Facing away and again started moving up and down on his lap, appearing to engage in sexual intercourse. Can we call that the reverse Santa? I think it's wrong. The pair. I think we can call that approaching the bench. Reverse magistrate. That's a good

old-fashioned chair stacking. The officer. Time to stack the chairs, honey. The security officer had left. All right. So they get in section. The pair continued until they were again interrupted by a volunteer court staff member, but continued once again after the staff member left the area.

Okay. This is plenty of times to times. For a third time. Or finish. Or finish. She's not doing it. Like, keep going. You're going to have 12 angry men. For a third time, the couple were approached again by security

and leading quickly stood up and held her arms out in attempt to block the view of the security guard. What are they, a cartoon? Yeah. While Quinn attempted to cover himself. She's security guard. What are they, a cartoon? Yeah. While Quinn attempted to cover himself. She's like, no, no, no, no, no. Nothing's happening. Nothing to see here.

My boobs are up here. Yeah. The couple left the waiting area, which was full view. It was full. Sorry. The waiting area was full of people. I got a comma in the right place. Full of people.

The couple left the waiting area, which was full ahead of a busy court day. Of course. Members of the public less than 16 feet away from them. She was on his docket. Oh, my God. That is so public. I'm not going to wait until... We're almost near the end of the story.

How old do you think these two little sluts are? And I say that with love. Are they the same age, Dan? Same age. Do we know what they were called then for, by the way? No. It was a speeding ticket. No.

Public indecency. I was going to say. Going too fast. I will say this. Peeping toe. They are only one year apart. Okay. So they could have a time of year where they're the same age.

I'm going 39 and 40. Okay. 39 and 40. I think they're 27 and 28. Okay. 20 and 21. Okay. 39 and 40. I think they're 27 and 28. Okay. 20 and 21. Okay. Jake, James,

JJ, and Shemeca Julie are She is 19. He is 20. There you go. Put this up on the YouTube channel. Dude, he kind of looks like. Wait. That's them. Wow. He looks like Gronk and of course she is, her picture

is her looking Like over her ass Like she's On a yacht Yeah she's like Who wants To be Like broken into a zoo before

Yeah So is this Australia Look at this This picture All he says is Come on baby Show the pics of them Come on baby

Of them doing it Where's the CCTV Oh my god Get that CCTV By the way And that you know Is now going to be a porno i know you're like that yeah court known for that court sex on tlc the court was told that they were easily identified by the cctv cameras and on june 30th a couple was issued a notice to

appear by police on friday the pair pleaded guilty to the indecent act in any place to which the public are permitted access yes and they started looking up in the courtroom nathan boucher said quinn's actions weren't planned and that the unemployed laborers simply wasn't thinking of how inappropriate their actions were overcome by the passion both unemployed laborers the leading solicitor she's about the only explanation of the couple's behavior she got laid off. She got laid off. Some version of that. They had been overcome with quote an exuberance of youth. You guys you can't stop youth.

You can't stop two people who are young. Can't stop the body rock. 19 and 20. I don't know. They don't know better. Magistrate Claire Kelly said in a disrespectful manner you've taken into the public arena a very private act the couple was sentenced to 60 hours of community service with no conviction convictions recorded

so this is one of those things where like you just say all right come on you can't do that here that's it you're not like the more you three times but the more you talk about like it's a terrible act and two people should only do this in the in their in the darkness of their bedroom and now you're like adding layers of shame you start talking to also lights on right lights on you should only be like dead eyes staring at their eyes like the person saying it is like all right slow down slow down hey now you're putting a lot of we're not here to talk about sex we're just here to talk about where to not do it should be between you and a woman and a camera and you're like a woman and then you're like well okay no like just

shut up stop talking like anything this is one of the things i have a hard time believing that alcohol wasn't involved but it was nine in the morning i could have been in all night kids maybe they just are sex addicts so i think there's some of that i bet there's gotta be definitely wanted to be caught. I think he's just a douche. He might just be a douche. And he convinced her to do it. Or she's a douche

and he's impressionable. Why would I, why a sign? She could be either one. Or they're both a couple of douches in a pod who love each other. I think she probably, part of her was like,

I want to try this. Three times. I'm game. What if the judge sentenced them to five more years in that relationship? Year three, they're like, I want to end it. No, no. Two more years of this. Two more years, you want to have sex?

Alright, that's story number one. Story number one. Alright, we'll come back. We'll find out what Beth is doing, how you can support her. See this great stuff that she's done and all the great... If you get a chance to see her do stand up she's at the tippy top of her game i will say that we'll let you know what we're doing right after the break we'll be right back stick around make it down there's more about people town

hey guys welcome back to the show uh before we get into story number two randy and i have a few stand-up dates yeah yeah i'm not sure when this is going to drop, but I think it'll be before March 4th. We'll be in Lawrenceburg, Indiana, which is right outside of Cincinnati, and Louisville. If you're in that area, come see us at the Lawrenceburg Event Center. It's a humongous room,

and it should be really fun. That show, one night, one night only. We usually don't go to that area, so for those who are out there, come see us. At the end of the month, we're going to Phoenix at That's the end of March. One of my favorite clubs to do, and I love Phoenix.

So we'll be there March 30th, 31st, and April 1st. We're going to be at Moon Tower. Then we're going to be in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And we're working on, you know, we actually just said yes to this date in Springfield, Missouri, at the Blue Room happening way in November. We'll be back in Ann Arbor because my daughter got into college there. So we'll be back there in September. And we're trying to put together a couple more.

We had so much fun. But maybe a series of a couple of shows with us and some other of our friends up in Alaska, maybe in the fall. We'll let you know when those are coming because we just had such a good time up there. I love that. Love that place. And Brad Erickson up there, a great dude. All right, Daniel, Van Kirk.

Every Wednesday, The Lyric Hyperion Theater. Irene Tu and myself have a show called the Lyric Comedy Hour. That's at 730. And then I'll be doing a show in Houston. You can keep an eye out for it called Would You Rather Comedy. The first one is on March 3rd. Other than that, I'll be in Denver headlining with the Grawlix Buddies. And then I have some festival announcements coming up soon.

And I think Rory scoville and i are going to do a big five-year party probably in chicago or somewhere else to celebrate the five-year anniversary of pen pals great stuff that's that's out in the ways beth sounds fun yeah where can people see you and catch you and watch your specials and all that stuff you can watch my hour special called girl daddy on hbo max amazing shot at the varsity theater in minneapolis tag last tag by the sclar we had a couple of tag one tag in there which i love love it was a killer tag did it work the deal in the end yeah yeah nice um all i care about did it work i have a half hour on netflix but it's kind of old yeah um i'll be in telluride for the fest comedy festival

such a fun fest i've heard have you been before this is my second year do you like it yeah i mean i don't ski uh i tried it for the first time in my life last time i was there oh my god and i'm good yeah yeah it was exhilarating i'm glad i tried something new yeah you're good as in like not i'm a good skier i'm good i'm glad i tried it yeah i'm good i did a double green and then I'm out. Yeah, it's pretty good. Next. So yeah,

that's next week, I guess, or whenever that is, whenever this comes out, the February 21st, I'll be in San Diego doing a show. Where are you doing it? I don't know.

I think it's called American comedy. It's belly up. Nice. Okay, cool. Love it. Awesome. Solana technically.

And then, um, March 3rd, I'll be in Ann Arbor. Nice. The blind pig. Ooh, nice. Blind pig's awesome. Great. Good for you. I love that you're doing, um, Solana technically And then March 3rd I'll be in Ann Arbor Nice With the blind pig Ooh nice Blind pig's awesome

Great good for you I love that you're doing a rock venue That's a really cool rock venue Very very cool spot I love it And I don't know what else Because I don't know Bestelling.com

Birmingham it looks like Maybe late March We'll tell you where to eat in Ann Arbor Okay great Enjoy that But let's get into Let's do story number two Why not

Let's do it Car thieves caught after Stopping at McDonald's to get something To eat what's wrong with that you get Hungry in the middle of thieving right You need some time In the ramp up to a car Theft sure you're not thinking about

Did I eat probably some anxiety Yeah right I know this answer but Carly McDermott. Okay. Thank you. Of all four of us, would any of you steal a car? Ever eat McDonald's?

Have the first idea. Would you steal a car before you ate at McDonald's? Yes. Would you rather steal a car or eat at McDonald's? Have the first idea of how to steal a car. No way. No way. I've thought about it only because where were we it was me and mo

welch and alana johnson were leaving bubs and in the alley a guy had just gotten out of his car he was his door wide open car running and he just like walked back into his house through the garage and i was like let's take it take it could totally take it just it would be fun to just move at 20 feet i thought about just driving it to the end of the alley. I wouldn't get a thrill out of that. This is why I don't have public sex. End of the alley, though, is like a great bit. End of the alley is like, and then it comes out.

And then you just want to be, did you see someone do that? No. I would be like, I think that's where you parked. I started to roll and I stopped. That actually happened to us as kids. My mom ran back into the house and we started, I guess, rolling down the back. You were in the back seat. Yeah.

And a guy ran out of his car, got in and pulled the emergency brake. Oh my hero. I did that once after an accident for another person. Hero. Oh my God. That's wild. And that guy became your father, your stepfather? I wish. I got a way worse one.

You can count on that first guy, though. Were you doing a podcast with your mom? Yes. She just commented on Facebook yesterday. She was like, when are we going to do more episodes? Oh, man. She's still in Ohio. Is she Ohio?

Yeah, that's what I thought. Remember when we hung with your mom in Montreal? Yes. So sweet. Also, by the end of the story, I want to know all your McDonald's orders. Oh, yeah. If we were going right now. I can get that.

I'm sorry. Car thieves who stole how much worth of luxury cars? This is going to be in. Wait, do they each have a car? This is like swingers. They each have their own car. They've sold many. They've sold many cars. Not in this.

They get caught in a car. But how much have they stole over time? And this is in British pounds. British pounds. In terms of money. Money. Money. Worth of luxury cars.

Beth, what do you think? I mean, look, I'm guessing. A worth of luxury car. A luxury car is 100,000 pounds. Right. No more than that, right? Luxury cars could be like 400. Right.

So I'm guessing they've stolen over a million. Over a million? You say a million?'m gonna say five million yeah yeah i'll go i'll just say three okay three million three i'll go one one million all right uh car thief stole who stole five hundred thousand dollars worth of lunch right that's still a lot still a lot five cars footy or footage showed showed the moment when Rory Fitzgerald, Harry Beresford, and Zachary Shellis, by the way, all sound like they are judges in the British system. The Great British Bake Off.

Or cars named outside of Detroit. Did you say judges on the Great British Bake Off? Yeah, they could be that too. Were arrested as they ordered their burgers and fries at the takeaway in Bristol Road in Birmingham. You got cocky you're like this is the but isn't it true that mcdonald's in other countries is like nice i think it's still food people feel like we should go there it rules they're like wait we're like they feed us yoga mats yeah we don't care didn't they say that it was um bread in subway had yoga mat material in it. That's kind of good.

Up dog. Up dog. I'm a Jersey Mike's girl. I have a downward hot dog. Police linked the group all from Birmingham to more than how many stolen cars, including VW Golfs. That's not a luxury car. There's how you know that it's only 500,000.

Mercedes Benzes and BMWs. How many stolen cars six that's what i was gonna say i'm gonna say 12 12 math but six i say 12 i'll go i'll go 10 okay uh they have been linked to more than 20 stolen whoa okay so like one mercedes one one BMW, and then a lot of golf. Golf. Seven golfs. Like, should they be arrested for not shooting higher than a golf? I feel like that could be one of their offenses. The men admitted conspiracy to steal motor vehicles and conspiracy to burgle homes between

the 28th of June and the 16th of November 2020. That was during COVID, you assholes. And were jailed at Birmingham Crown Court on Friday. Fitzgerald was jailed for, I mean, we can guess. Eight years. Bedstreet was jailed for six years, three months. Shellis was sentenced to five years and five months behind bars. They should be sentenced to eating McDonald's every day.

That's what I think. Every day. You should supersize that shit. You know one of them wanted to stop and one didn't. Yeah. Come on, motherfucker. I did that thing for you last time. You needed that I was going to say. You should supersize that shit. You know one of them wanted to stop and one didn't. Yeah. Come on, motherfucker. I did that thing for you last time. You needed that birthday card and we stopped.

Hopefully that's the one who got six years. Yeah. I didn't want to stop. I said no. I said no. Police had been hunting the tree after they were spotted trying to break into garages just before midnight on 17th of November 2020. They drove off empty handed in a black Peugeot.

A Peugeot. A Peugeot. These are not luxury cars. I don't know who wrote this. I don't either. Peugeots aren't bad. They're not bad. With a distinctive...

Peugeot is better. They drove off on a black dog. Space saver wheel on the back. So there's like a spare wheel on the back, so it's like easy to identify the car. Yeah. It's like, okay. Traffic patrol picked up the vehicle 30 minutes later and followed it into a mcdonald's drive-thru where all three were arrested on suspicion of burglary three of them look if you look this what's your last meal like what's

your meal oh this is your final meal yeah mcgay d's i don't i don't know how to pronounce this go for it i'm gonna sound dumb because i'm okay good i love b-a-l. B-A-L-A-C-L-A-V-A-S. No, give it to me. Baclavas. No, balaclavas. Balaclavas. It's the mask. The mask.

Balaclava. It's a robber's mask. A robber's mask. Like a ski mask. And gloves were found in the car in examination of their phones. This is where they're dumb. So they're dumb already. They're dumb to go to McDonald's. They're posting videos of them stealing cars. There we go. A video on there. They're not posting them, but they're of their phones this is where they're dumb so they're dumb already they're dumb to go to mcdonald's they're posting videos of them stealing cars there we go a video on there

they're not posting but they're on their phones also assist aaron on the balaclavas by the way all right thank you aaron video showed uh fitzgerald rummaging through a woman's handbag this is following a burglary in aldridge before making off with her bmw while ransacking the house they filmed the trio one can be singing. I don't just take cars. Me. I take the big telly as they steal a 55 inch TV, a 55 inch TV. I'm sorry.

It's not that big of a TV. It's pretty big. It's not that big. It's not that big. It's big. Like a fucking Peugeot is a luxury car. Is that what I have? I don't know.

You probably have a 55 to 60. It's very common. What size? I was like, I want a big TV. And then that's what I got. I went with 85. But I i have an 85 i love that it's my own little movie theater yeah i love it i have a 70 and i love it you have to have a place big enough to sit far enough to sit right dance right in front of it nose no no no i can't by the way did you hear that

they're going to now start charging different amounts for different seats like an airplane yeah this is different i'm always middle middle usually like your j your j to your l 19 to 22 why would they be doing that when you aren't already going anyway thank you where do you like we're gonna make it more difficult at a theater yeah what do you like usually like like closer, near the back, center, left. Yeah. Back, center, left? Some people go full left. Is that your politics too?

Yeah. Not full left, but like center and then maybe. I like my politics like I like my theater seats. Back, center, left. Royce Cole just told me he likes an aisle, like on the end. Aisle? You're like this the whole time, looking off. I'm like center and a little. whole time looking off i'm like centering

a little front row but i'll go to movies i'll go anywhere you are not now when's the last time you were inside of a movie theater a week ago a couple weeks ago yeah okay good jay i think i did the amc thing i went so it was a gift where i go for free a documentary type thing about the guy who invented the bulletproof vest really it was pretty interesting wow that's an amazing thing he's like a pathological liar but we've done that's great too so we've done stories on dumb people town of two just like dudes in arkansas they went on a practice yeah i mean that's what this guy did he would that's how he got like to be one of the biggest i can't think of his name did he figure it it out? But he kept on shooting himself, but it was all based on what appears allegedly like a lie.

And he just, there's a lot around it. I mean, they work, but then like, they don't work. Like you definitely want the person who developed your bulletproof vest to be somewhat trustworthy. Well, that's the, I agree. And they worked for a while.

It was just, it's the, the deeper tale was so interesting that it was of, it was basically the classic tale of, of, of. Dumb son seeking father's approval. Oh, always, always. There's like footage like in his dad was like a war vet, like real tough. And there's footage that's very strange between them.

Yeah. See, this is good. I want to see what is it called? Shot through the heart. I don't know. I should look it up. There's one thing I them. Yeah. See, this is good. I want to see this. What is it called? Shot through the heart? I don't know. I should look it up. There's one thing I wanted to look up too, because my friend Jordan lives in Milwaukee and they're called like the, it's not Vango boys, but like the something Honda boys.

They steal cars. They steal cars. Yeah, the Honda boys. There's something in Milwaukee going on right now. We're like. Really? The Honda boys. So this is the article says.

I think there's a serial killer in Chicago right now. Called the Honda boys. The police said after being arrested in the drive-thru, we initially charged them with three offenses. But the full scale of their offending became clear when we analyzed their phones. That's it. Don't take a video of this shit. Don't do it. The Kia boys.

The Kia boys. The Kia boys. They broke into homes for keys to high-performance cars like VW Golfs. Again, not a high-performance car. Maybe in Europe it is? You can soup them up, but they don't come standard. The electric version is nice. No victims were confronted, but they caused damage to homes,

worries for victims, and lots of inconvenience. Yeah, police recovered 12 of the stolen cars, including one VW Golf. I'm just kidding. It was filled with wrappers from McDonald's. That's right. We'll get our orders when we finish this up Last line here Two of them were Mercedes Benz's taken from the same

Brahms Grove Worcestershire driveway on October 2nd 2020 They took two cars from one driveway Alright let's get into before we get out of here Before we get out of here What is, Beth,

I'm assuming you haven't been to a McDonald's maybe ever. No, I mean, I have. What was your order? What's your order? I mean, obviously breakfast is best. The best. And their hotcakes are good. And I love like an egg and cheese biscuit.

Yeah, I go biscuit too. But my meal order, after a game in high school or something like that, we would go to McDonald's. Yeah, or you're on the road and you have no other options. Yeah, it would be the two cheeseburger meal. Two cheeseburger fries. No pickles. No pickles.

Two cheeseburger meal, no pickles. I love pickles separately. And their pickles were always so old and soggy. They do have a different floppy thing. Yeah, just on the sandwich is different. If you're going to do pickles on a sandwich, I want it to be a crisp dill be a crisp dill like and at like a deli or like you get a good cubano like a good oh yeah i'm i'm down with pickles i never was but now i'm kind of like that on with the ham i'm in it uh mine is a 20 piece mcnugget and barbecue sauce it's insane because i know

it's like not but like if, if right now today we get done and you were having a who gives a fuck day, you would still go get that. I would go 20 piece McNugget and fries and I'd be like, give me honey mustard

and give me barbecue sauce because whatever they put in those things, like to me, it's all about dipping it in that stuff. Yeah, a vehicle for that.

I don't, I loved ketchup so much growing up and I still love ketchup but as an adult, I'm more aware than ever that it's basically sugar. Yeah,

sugar. But it's interesting how much I love it. So good. God damn, it's good. Dan, what's your order? Mustard. You know, I'll be honest. Quarter pounder with cheese. I used to be. I used to love it.

What is it? I'll go a double cheeseburger, no onion. And the reason I go double cheeseburger instead of quarter pounder is it's way easier to, don't you hate when you're about to tell comics something they're gonna make fun of you yeah i love it dan you're like dan you're the master of let me tell you the better way to do no for me because it's so much easier to take off one of the buns and then i can know i just eat half the bun with the other stuff so i'm like saving a little bit it's gotta have it's gotta be you're trying to be healthy by going

to mcconnell's and then i used to go grilled cheese or grilled chicken. There's no more grilled chicken. Why are you going grilled chicken at McDonald's? If we're on the road and you're like, it was basically like pink liquid that they put in a mold. I stopped. And they painted grill marks on it.

But if I can get two sausage, egg and cheese biscuits, I'll also take one of the half of those off and then give me a double cheeseburger. Because I just, I don't know. Fries are too good. I won't stop eating them. For years in New York in the 90s, in 1994, 5.

You're walking in. They had something called the Arch Deluxe. I don't know if you remember the Arch Deluxe burger at McDonald's. And it had mayo on it. It was so good. It was so good. It was like.

There's something about it that just feels like. I had lettuce. French Canadian. Arch Deluxe day. Like, are we at like. Is it that? The Arch Deluxe was somewhere between. Am I dressed nice enough?

I'm sorry. Am I in Paris right now? What is happening? I'm like, am I dressed nice enough to have the Arch Deluxe? I would ask myself that a couple times. And wait, would you get one or two i think i would get one and i do think what was it just a cheeseburger but it was mayo cheeseburger between a quarter pounder and a big mac yeah somewhere between and it had lettuce and it was so good and onions special box special box

i knew it had a special box so i think their fries are really good And they're still really good Their fries are really good All of it's good I'm in and out all the way I love in and out And I'll be there a lot And I'm down There you go No I was just going to say I have to pee so bad I'm getting chills

So we're going to take a break You go pee and we'll be right back And when we come back I'm just going to tell you, we got a woman doing maybe the greatest thing ever during a sobriety test. We'll be right back with Beth Stelling and more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

All right, guys. Welcome back to the show. I'm going to bring us home. I got a third story. Beth Stelling is with us. Bethstelling.com. Follow her on so on yeah your social stuff is fantastic all the old clips of the stand-up and whatnot is just great take us home

randy's i will take us home okay and i will put this video funny because we always end by going back to work so i should say take us back to work i'll take you back to i'll take i'll take you to the point because we've all been in writers rooms where this is what we describe the show is like a writer's room where before you want to really start working everyone's like oh have you seen this crazy have you seen this thing and then you're riffing about that and then you're like oh shit we gotta get back to work so that's what we say at the end of every show here we go really stick i've got pete just texted me like two days ago remember when you said yeah that feels good that's a good one that's a great one chris delia looks like mr burns Burns. That is.

That is, actually. I've never heard that ever. Yeah. Sent in by Reagan at Raygante13. I don't think we've ever had this person sent in. Thank you, Raygante13. Former President of the United States of America. That's right.

Ronald Reagan's handle. Well, hey. All right. Deputies. Good impression. Good, timely impression. Very good. Contextually, it was. Wait, what was it right. Deputy impression. Good timely impression. Very kind of you. Contextually, it was.

Wait, what was it? Nancy and I. Nancy and I. Well, I don't remember. Okay, so... That is wild. This is Doubtfire, right? Mr. Doubtfire.

Deputy's released video of a Florida woman doing Irish folk dance during sobriety test. So at that point, you're like, I'm going to lose. I'm going to go out swinging. Or you're so drunk, you have full on drunk confidence. You're like, this will show them how in control I am if I pull off this Irish. Let me show you how sober I am. Everybody looks drunk Irish dancing. Yeah, they tried to commit Michael Flatley to a halfway house.

Pull him over. I mean, yeah. They go hand in hand, really. So there's the great clip from Reno 911, which is one of my favorite ones. Right, that everybody thought was real for so long. It's one of my favorites. It's the funniest. It's pretty much the funniest thing on the planet.

It is. The actor who plays the drunk guy was like the perfect amount of like what if I do a kickball train and then I do a barrel kick and then I spin it over that way and go ha! Wendy, Wendy

just go ahead. What are you doing? She's like that's pretty good. Are you a dancer? He's like oh no, I'm just drunk. That was the best part. Just a brilliant movie. So good. Classic.

Like that, this is what I would do. I would reference. That show is so good. I would reference that if I were these guys. I mean that and every Swordsman. What are you doing down here, Terry? What are you guys doing down here? Oh, we got a call here.

Oh, I got a call in here too. When he runs across the park in roller skates. When he's in rollers. Running. A sheriff's office in Florida has, just a sheriff's office in Florida. That's enough. Where is it? Be specific.

It's in Florida. This is in Pinellas County, Florida. Okay. Has released footage of a woman who performed multiple ballet and Irish folk dance. So they let her go at a certain point. They were Christmas video right now. They're like, we're going to just count this. What else?

You don't worry yourself out. Community service. Thank you. During a roadside. How many calories did she burn? Deputies with the Pinellas Sheriff's Office said the suspect identified as a woman from Madera Beach. We'll guess her age in a minute. Had rear-ended another vehicle roughly one mile from her home on April 27th.

When deputies arrived, they said the driver showed several signs of impairment, including bloodshot, glassy eyes, dilated pupils, and a willingness to get up and shake it. If that was in there, I'd be like, why aren't we doing that? Violated pupils and a willingness to get up and shake it. No. That wouldn't be that. If that was in there, I'd be like, why aren't we doing that? When asked to walk the line, the woman struggled to follow instructions and was unsteady on her feet, almost falling. Arrest documents said. But Dan, Dan, you're right.

In her mind, she's like, I'll show you. Let me show you. Let me show you how sober I am. It's like when Carl Lewis sang the national anthem and like completely screwed up and was like, I'll get you back. Uh-oh. Like, no, you won't. Uh-oh.

No, you will not get them back. Whenever I wasn't kicking people. Do you know that? Do you know the Carl? Oh. Uh-oh. Yeah, get it. I'll play it.

Did you see her? No. Carl Lewis was a track athlete. That's what I mean. I knew who he was. So when Carl Lewis is like, if I just type in the word Carl, the first thing that comes to my mind is Carl Lewis. That's right. Of course. Because you two love this. that comes on I think is Carl Lewis. That's right. Okay.

You two love this. It's also worthy of all the love. It's insane. When it gets there. Yeah he was one of the greats. I remember him from the beginning. One of the greatest track athletes in our history. When I wasn't kicking couples out of the bathroom having sex the amount of conversations I would have with drunk people to be like

no no no you can't. I can sing. Not start out good. Well, he started out strong. Okay. No one asked you to do this. You're not Marvin Gaye. You're like, okay, he's got it.

Nope. Nope. Uh-oh. He said, uh-oh. I'll make up for it now. No, you won't. Couldn't go there. There are basketball players biting

and eating their clothes. Oh my god. To be fair, that was a highlight reel. That was a highlight reel. It's bad. When asked to walk the line, the woman struggled to follow instructions and was unsteady on her feet,

almost falling. Arrest documents said, uh, the newly released video, the deputy administering a field sobriety test can be heard. Giving the suspect instructions. At one point, the woman responds and says,

yeah, well, you sound like my ballet coach. This is her trying to steer the conversation towards her being a dancer. Yeah. Something tells me you don't still have a ballet coach, right? You're a little old to be in ballet, lady. This is like when you're on a first date and you try to gear the conversation towards things

that you are comfortable talking about. What are you going to order? I don't know. Ever since I was little little i've loved cats i love cats too and then you're off to the races so she's trying to be like oh can i tell you a true story this is real sure so i used to be a federal agent and my boss jack phillips told me that uh to get out of any sort of like speeding violation whatever don't ever say like hey i'm a federal agent don't show your badge the one thing they would say is like keep keep your id

with your badge so then you have to show your badge yeah you have to show when you open it up but they see that but one of the things he would always say is what she just did where uh you sound like my boss down at the federal agency. You sound like my boss. Or you'd be like, you know what? My brother-in-law is always telling me the same thing. And then the cop will go, who's your brother-in-law? And be like, oh, he's a police officer in Madison or whatever. And like, oh, you're a family.

Like, that's how you drop it in. You drop it in. And so she is doing this perfectly. Being like, you sound like my ballet teacher. All right, so the woman then took five steps along the line before transitioning into a ballet sequence. She took five steps along the line before transitioning into a ballet sequence. She took five steps along the line. And you know the police officer is like, okay, now we're...

You know what this imaginary line reminds me of? The bar at ballet class. Not the bar I was just at, because I wasn't at a bar. Different bar. That's a bar that I have done a lot of performing at. Do you mind if I lean on this while I... That wasn't the exercise that i was demonstrating the deputy says without responding the woman then leaps into what appears to be an

attempt at folk dancing mixed with martial arts you know how like most people when they're doing ballet you go to like the folk dancing the bull what is it you start in fifth the bullshoy uh in in russia and moscow you go to the famous company they just immediately after they're dancing and plieing and you know pas de bourree and all that other stuff they'll then just go right into folk dancing of course the sheriff's office said the woman uh later refused testing which marks the second time she refused the test after a separate incident in pinellas county on march 3rd deputies also said they found what was your question i'm just saying like i it's so interesting that you can refuse to test oh you should always refuse i mean definitely but why are you allowed i mean that's the part that's so strange to me like definitely refuse yeah definitely

refuse but then you're going to court yeah because it's only probable cause or it's uh like they don't have a warrant well here's here's what allowed that's why you can refuse if they have a warrant you're still gonna get the dui later you well most lawyers will be able to get you at least like a work permit driving but you could literally look into a camera and go i'm so drunk right now right into their dash camera body cam as long as you don't blow any lawyer will be like your honor he thought he was just whatever they wanted to say or hear to get this over with, he was just trying to comply with. You can lie around anything. Here's something she said. They don't have a warrant.

Except for the number that comes out when you vote. Here's something she couldn't. Dan, here's something she couldn't deny. Deputies said they also found a white foam cup containing a light yellow liquid that smelled of alcohol in the center cup holder of the woman's car.

Oh, she had a roadie. You can't have a one for the road. A little cocktail roadie. She was charged with Mountain Dew and vodka driving under the parrot, parrot bay and mountain driving under the influence property damage. So she damaged property for sure. And refused.

I clipped one mailbox. Why is that doing an Irish jig? What is the problem? I may have done more damage dancing. I can't dance in these shoes. I'm going to try and get a video of this woman dancing because I really want to. Oh, you haven't? We'll also put it up on the YouTube. I love her for trying.

There's like a commercial at first. Okay, here she is. Let's get it. Here she goes. We'll put this up on the thing. Come on, you. Anyway, while this is coming up, I want to find out from you guys, how old do you think she is? It's more of a Karen than a Kim. So I'm thinking 24. 24.

Here she goes. A Kim is a, oh, it's probably locked. Oh, there she goes. She's dancing. Oh, there's the, oh, there it is. There we go. I'm going to be honest, not that good. Dan, she.

This is very funny. It is great. and there's do you think when she got done the cop was like you're going to hollywood if you wanted it if she was you know i think it would make it a little more sexual yeah yeah i also love that they really gave her the floor they really like stepped back and said, this is your time. What if you got another flashlight and was like. Okay, now she's doing folk dancing and she's. Dude, she did do a little bit of a move. Where's this cop going?

Get back on her. Get back on her. What are you doing right there? And then she's doing a little bit of a jig. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is, this is like Jay said, this is the Christmas company, Christmas party at the precinct.

This is their video that they run. I think she did try to sex it up a little bit. She did. And she's actually not that. She did show some. My daughter takes ballet. She's wavy. She looks like,

well, she's trying to get me to go into a car wash. She's she. So I think what this was is a bit of a trip into a dance move. Oh yeah. And she's trying to do the line and can't. So she's going to dance the line. The thing we're missing out on is whatever song she's singing out loud.

She's going to try and dance into our hearts. We're going to end on this. How old do you think that gets? Now that you've seen her, how old do you think? She's all about that bass. No travel. I'm going to go 36 years old. Wow, I went 24.

24. Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say she's 47. Okay, 47. Get your answers in, townies. Beth Stelling, it's been just a joy to have you on the show. A treat to have you here. I love it. I love hanging with you every time. You guys are

sweet. This gal, dancing it up, going from not being able to walk the line to a ballet move into folk dancing. Said this guy reminded of her ballet teacher. Mortis of the dance. Which, like Dan, you said it's not going to

help you in any way, shape or form. Like just because you reminded of the ballet teacher doesn't then get you out of anything. My ballet teacher is also a federal agent.

Like now you're out of it. She is 38 years old. Hey, now we do it. 38, by the way, it looks great for 38 and

is kicking ass. Like let her, let her dance it. She's still got the moves. She was on point, as it were. There you go. That is too old to be drinking and driving. That is. I mean, any ages.

Any ages. But it was too old to be singing The Weeknd. Wow. I feel it coming. I feel it coming. There you go. She was like, may the road rise to you. To me, too. It's so funny. I love it. There you go. She was like, may the roll rise to you. To me, too.

I love it. There you go. That is the show, guys. We love you so much. Thanks for listening. Thanks for joining us on this journey. Thanks for watching on All Things Comedy's YouTube page. And oh, shit, we gotta get back to work. Stick around. Make us down. There's more Don't People Town.