Dumb People Town - Blair Socci - Hung Shui

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Comedian Blair Socci (Live From The Big Dog on Veeps) stops by as Randy describes a man with 2 working penises that claims women don't believe him till they see it, Jason tells about a dirt bike rider speaking out after a police chase, and Daniel warns against buying gold bars on Craigslist, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Hims and Better Help! Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT. Restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information.  Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month.

Thank you. So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Vanders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Look around, it's Dump People Town Hey guys, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp And around New Year's

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Hey, y'all. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Socky. Blair Socky. And I love the way your name is spelled. I was a huge fan of the Socky Olympics.

Right. No, that's the Sochi. Is that the Sochi Olympics? What are you talking about? They're doing it wrong. They are doing it wrong. Welcome to town, buddy. Welcome.

Oh, my God. Thank you for bringing me to town. What an honor. You know Jay and I are, like, huge fans of your stand-up. Oh, that's so nice. And Dan, too. I'll include Dan in that mix, but I never like to talk for Daniel.

We've had really good festival riding in a van together. Yeah, we have. I'm a huge fan of you all. It's really huge. Every time you're at a festival, I'm like, oh, good. This is going to be fun. Thank you. Thank you very much.

You have a great, great energy that will be on display in this podcast. We like to get to the dumb right away, Blair. Yes, let's do it. What do you got? Our fans send in the stories. and this one is sent in. Sometimes some of our fans, we have like a handful of fans that really get to the stories quickly. And what you do is you at Daniel Van Kirkens Club Brothers on X or Twitter

and hashtag Dumb People Town, and then we can tell who sent them first. Okay, so this one was- Sometimes we get the same story sent a lot. Yeah, like there's- A lot. When it gets sent 70 times, you're like... Sure, the dumbest ones get it. We know.

You know it's a gem. Yeah. Okay, so this one is sent in by one of our favorite people who sent it in, Carlene McDermond, at SheBeCarlene. Follow her. I hope she gets like a ton of follows because of this thing. She's a wonderful person. You ready for the headline?

Sure. You're going to love this one. Okay. Man with two working penises say women didn't believe them until they saw them yeah that's usually how things work yeah other than christianity and any sort of organized religion people tend to not believe although that's the craziest thing that aliens are here i was doing stand-up about this so forgive me if it sounds but i also feel this way aliens are here there's a real feeling i have not just comedy and no one cares

i'm literally talking about the same thing because i'm obsessed with aliens no one cares yeah did you think the aliens in miami thing at the mall is real oh you know i was all over that that whole thing is no i mean well you know why because of the word miami right any other city i would be like if that was even in like Mobile, Alabama, I'm like... 100% I'm in. In Mobile, Alabama, you could have told me they came up from the ground, and I'd go, I believe. But in Miami,

there's no... But like, we were told that when the aliens came, we would all go to a mountain and play a keyboard, and we would, you know... This is a joke, but this is the whole deal. Randy Quaid would detonate himself for all of us. there would be a huge deal sure they're here and no one gives a shit yeah and maybe well they have two dicks i don't know we don't know and it may be this guy all right so that's the way to bring it back so a man with two penises has opened

up about a peni wouldn't it be peni i think it's plural penises what's. Oh, that's my Wednesday penis. My Wednesday penis. How do you ride a bike, honestly? You split them. One goes over the other. But then you're worried about thigh action. Look at all these penises. I still don't understand how men run

in general, but I still don't get this. You know what? What is this guy doing? It's a very profound turtling effect. Oh, OK. And also tight underwear probably really helps.

Like when women try and wear something tight to bring it up. Remember that old UCB sketch? I think it was, was it Besser or Walsh? And he was like a person that was born with it. Oh, Donnie. Yeah, Donnie. Donnie with the giant penis. And he's running and it's all blurred.

Yes. Okay, so this guy has two and he says, shockingly, no one believes him until they see it. Right, so we finally opened up about his condition, Blair. So the truck driver from Los Angeles, guys, we might get a chance to meet him. Please. Come LA. City of Angels. Let's have him on the Patreon.

City of Broken Dreams. Known as Tank. That's his name. Shouldn't it be something like two tanks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Double barrel? Yeah, it should be double. Shotgun.

What do we call this guy? Double trouble. Tank. Has diphthalia, which is what it was called. Dipthalia, which meaning has two penis. Penis. Peni. While this might seem like a gift, does it seem like a gift? No, no.

I don't think it sounds like. I don't know. I mean, do they both work at the. Can I ask you guys? Are we all picturing side by side? Chuck, like double barrel or over was coming out of his head. No, I'm saying. Do you picture over under or are you fixing? I did head. No, I'm saying do you picture over under or

are you fixing side by side? I did side by side, but it might be over on over under would be over under is way more beneficial to your straight life, right? So now I'm going to tell you, I don't know who wrote this article and I'll check back in. It's Jason. It was a man or a woman. The New York Times, right?

Jason and I wrote it together. We wrote it. The wrote it the atlantic um no but like it's you will i wanted to get your opinion if you think this is clearly written by a woman okay so this like has a female bent to it in a weird way okay uh bent oh yeah anyway while this might seem like a gift it wasn't as good as you might imagine. Are you talking to me? Shade. Oh, Shade. I suppose it might. Listen to this. This is the writer.

I suppose it might be handy if something happens to one of them. You have a spare just in case. However, there are a lot of potential problems that could arise out of this highly unusual condition. Peeing must have been a nightmare. Yeah, because maybe you don't know which one. Which one's it coming out of? Or you just double. Like two hot dogs in a bun. You're just holding. Dan't know which one. Which one's it coming out of? Or you just double, like two hot dogs in a bun. You're just holding two. Dan, one is hot water and one's cold water. Yeah, are they both

getting rocked up or what's happening here? Also, it's double the blood flow. As soon as he faint, every time he gets a heart. Who made that? Who was telling that story? Was that Jeff Tice's thing about being bricked up? Oh, bricked up. Oh, no, that was Nate Abshott. Nate Abshott. bricked up. Oh, bricked up. Oh, no, that was Nate Abshaw.

Shout out Jeff Tice. Nate Abshaw. Shout out Nate Abshaw. Bricked up. All right, so peeing must have been a nightmare. Some men have enough trouble aiming accurately with just one. That's how you know it's a woman who wrote this article. Two would be a whole other level.

Not fun. Are they rhyming this thing? Yeah. You found yourself in a limerick. Like an XXX Dr. Seuss. The man with two dicks. The Dickle McFickle or whatever his name is. I would not pee on a fox.

This is a penthouse letter you read? Did you say I would not pee on a fox? I would not pee in a box. But I'll do both at the same time. But I'd pee in a train and in the rain, aren't I? However, for tank the condition which affects about one in how many people? Ooh. Have double dick?

Have double dick syndrome. One in how many people? Five mil. Okay. What do you think? Man, that makes me feel like it's calm. I've never heard of this before in my life. It was double dick from Harry Potter.

Yes. Dumbledore. He was the guy. I'm going to say one in 5 000 okay 5 000 that's all that happens a lot okay i think it's one in 50 million okay get your answers in townies one of you is exactly right no shit so now we get to play the game do you want to stay at five what was yours was yours? 5 million, 5,050 million. It's right here. You're going to stick on 5 million?

I'm going to stay. What are you going to stick? I'm going to hold. Hold. You're going to hold. Hold. Imagine this a lot more. Okay.

He has, it affects one in 5 million. She's right. Go, Blair. Blair just walks in and knocks it out of the park. Michigan, baby. That just walks in and knocks it out of the park. Me and Michigan, baby. That's right. National champ. So you might imagine having two things would make things a lot more exciting.

In the bedroom department, do you call it the department? This is my bedroom department. I would like you to see. That would be so good. We've had a few. We're in the bedroom department. Guy who hasn't had sex in a while. We've had a few layoffs in the bedroom department. Well, that's a problem. We're in the bedroom department. Guy who hasn't had sex in a while. We've had a few layoffs in the bedroom department.

Well, that's a problem. We're not getting laid off enough. Yeah. I just don't want to hear the word downsizing in the bedroom. Usually it's like, this is where the magic happens. This is where we do all the departmental work. And then after you have sex with your partner, your partner's like, listen, I'm going to need you to speak to human resources.

Regional managers. We're doing some reshuffling at the top the department in the bedroom department however for tanks partners it's often an unpleasant and awkward during the act i think most women are like stop doing this to me in general okay question i love we've done stuff like this before love that we have a female yes please thank you diversity incredible at what point in dating someone do you say i have two dates it's gotta be like date one appetizer of the first date i think i think first date you go hey just you don't know once you know second date when you know you're gonna get physical i think it's second date but by the way just to um the men out there if you're watching here like second date getting physical on the second date is crazy like i've known you for one hour crazy yes it's not enough what depends

on what you're looking for yeah exactly i think second date though because like you you didn't have to be like before you even said hello where they didn't even get to know you to know if they would be willing to invest in your double dick um department and you know what else too it's not be it's it's it's it's it's towards the end of the second date going really well right so you're like oh we're definitely gonna hook up maybe the next time we see each other like or or who knows at least he probably feels guilty if he's like really hitting it off with it if he has a conscience now his name is tank and he's a truck driver i'm hoping he has a conscience okay everything goes against type but what i'm saying is that he he what if he like really hits it off with the person this is like

by the way it could be a romantic comedy like you don't tell her you don't tell her and then you know yeah i mean i guess in this scenario for Tank, best case scenario, it would either be a double vagina woman or a gay man. A gay man would love a two-dicked man, right? Or a girl in double penetration. Right. That has gone to the table, too. But do you say I have a disability or I have an abnormality? Or I have an asset?

Let me spin this in a good way. There's something different about me. I just need you to know there's something. How do you tell? Let's play a game. You tell me something interesting about you, and I'll tell you about my two dicks. You can't eat falafel?

That's weird. We're going to do two truths and a lie, but one of those is two things. But one of my truth is a two truth. It's actually two truths in one. Yeah. And do you have any bonuses that you'd like to tell? Any bonus body parts?

I need you to say what you think is the weirdest thing about you. And then I'll go. How many fingers do you have? You got 10? That's normal. Right. It'd be fun if you had like one more. All right.

So this next paragraph is unbelievable this is again sometimes another one sometimes blair the people in the story are dumb sometimes the people who react to them are dumb sometimes the cops are dumb sometimes the people writing the article do shit that you're like what is this indeed tank said that many women didn't even believe him after spending eight years in a juvenile detention center from the age of 16 for manslaughter, he was detained to enjoy, he was determined to enjoy life when he got out. They just gloss

over the fact. So did you. I need you to say, my listening comprehension, you know after all these years, is not great. Honestly, if I was born with two dicks, like, I could see it's a clear path to murder, honestly. Right, you're like, I got murder in that post. Sorry. I'm not anyway wait ram what

did say the sentence killing it after spending eight years in a juvenile detention center from the age of 16 for manslaughter oh so so he really fucked up as a kid he screwed up he was screwed up it was too much to bear honestly she's she's eight years she's trying to understand him he really he went down a bad path as a kid so this i love his next quote quote from tank women didn't believe it when i told him i had two dicks but then i took them to the room they'd see what room the department sounds so murdery that is then I took them to the room. To the department. Right, this is something like a talking head on 48 hours.

Yeah. A department. All right, so not only that. And they went to that room. And they went to the room. That room. More surprises than she would ever know. You wouldn't believe it.

On two in the hand, one in the book. That's what it would be, Dan. Found that. Found that. That was so good. So not only did Batank reveal that even when only one of the two penises was in use, the other one, I guess he'd hang an out of order sign on it. He would still ejaculate out of both with the one not in use feeling like it would explode.

Okay. So he's double orgasm? Yeah. Double rainbow, dude. Double rainbow. I mean, if kids find out about this, you're going to get picked on mercilessly. I know. So this is why she said murder.

Maybe that led to his bad, yeah. Origin story is Joker. Tank. This is a Batman villain origin story. Johnny. Tommy two times. All right. So intrigued.udor. Tommy two times. I'm so intrigued. It literally.

Tanky two times. I'm going to say this, and this will make sense. Having two penises and manslaughter go hand in hand. Yeah, well, I think having one penis a lot of time leads to murder. Two? Like, it's a surefire bet. Look, you're just thinking with your dicks here, man.

Don't let your dicks control your life. Tank revealed that at least one of these ladies was thrilled by his extra appendage, with Tank saying she became hooked. I think he meant she's a hooker. No, just kidding. Tank said she wanted to be a porn star and she wanted us to do a video together. I probably would have made a lot of money. So you're saying you didn't do it.

You would have. You know that guy's like, I probably could have played yeah you played a sport in college like i'm sure you knew people was like i could have played in college like i just didn't want to you know oh yeah people say that all the time oh yeah or the worst one people who almost joined the military yeah and i should have i just didn't want to shut up or every guy this not one woman has ever come up to me after a show and been like hey hey, you're barely even off the stage. And they're like, hey, all my friends say I should be a comedian. And it's like, oh, that's so good.

You should do that. You should definitely do that. Let me refer you to the Department of Comedy. Yeah. How about you don't share that with me right after I finish my show? Yeah, like not even my foot is not even on the stage. Off the stage. Yeah.

Like you can't even let me enjoy the great show i just did because what they're saying to you is like yeah you were fine but like my friends tell me i can yeah yeah but like i don't even it doesn't even offend me because they're so unaware and i'm always just like wildly polite to them i'm like it's not gonna be me there's a part of me that always wants to go come back tomorrow eight o'clock you have 10 minutes you're on you have 10 minutes and i'm gonna bring you up i'm gonna go out there i'm gonna say this guy was here last night he was in the audience all his friends do this and you know bring all your people well that's the other that's the other thing he's tomorrow night probably not gonna get all of his people here right and then i go he was out he was in the audience he told me he could do this so you know we're gonna

find out for the next 10 minutes. Clock? Got it. Here we go. He gets on stage and he's like, guys, ladies, gentlemen, I just got to tell you something really special about me. I was born with two penises. Although some of partners enjoy Tank's double endowment, in the end, he decided it would be

a better option to have one of the penises surgically removed. Defallia is a genetic condition that can have a lot of implications outside of what you can see externally. While the condition is treatable, it can lead to other pelvic health complications. For Tank, the best decision for both himself and his future partners was to remove one of his penises and get it bronzed. I'm kidding.

Why would I do that? And leave it in the drawer for later? Yeah, department property property that's right i mean at least do one of those at-home molds so that you have it you gotta get a mold what are you gonna let that thing disappear forever no you gotta archive that right museum of natural history yeah it's like that he's being so thoughtful now i mean like i understand why he's out you know on parole yeah because it's like if he's like you understand why he's out, you know, on parole. Yeah. Because it's like, if he's, like you said, if he's thinking, I got to remove one of these things. Right.

He's being, he's learned what he's got to do. Rehabilitation, yeah. Yeah, he Marie Kondo'd this shit. I mean, look, I say one, I say one, you cleaned it out. It's all feng shui. Have I used this in the last three years? Throw it away. It's, it's, it's called a heng shui.

There we go. That is story number one. Let's go. Me? Okay. All right. Awesome. Let's do it.

With story number two, we'll take a break. We'll find out what Blair's doing, how you can support Blair. And please don't come up to her when she's doing it. Tell her that your friends think you can do stand-up comedy. Because I'm going to tell you, she's funnier than you. We'll be right back with more Blair Saki on Dumb People Town. We are so happy. Let's go.

Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into story number two, Ran, let them know. What are you guys doing? What are you guys doing?

We'll tell you what we have going on. We have so much standout that we're doing. By the way, we just got back from Portland where we did Helium which was so much fun and like just joy of all joys. Kyle Kinane and Jeff Tate. They're there in the city. They come down, hang out with us,

watch the show, which is so sweet. Like the nicest thing in the world. And the fun and funny guys greg nibbler oh greg nibbler and sarah dill they're so nice so to all those people who came out and all important people came out sean jordan opened for us hilarious hilarious and then uh we did the wet city comedy fest in uh seattle which is the first time they did it great fest hung with whitmer thomas who is fantastic and really fun to hang out with and great on music. He's fantastic.

His songs are like. I think, and we talked to them about coming back and maybe doing, like, Live Dumb People Town, and we'll do stand-up, and you'll do stand-up there. No, at the Wet City Comedy Fest next year when they do it. Oh, yeah, for sure. We love those guys, love Seattle. Love that.

So thank you to that. We're going to Alaska, but this might drop. I don't know when this is going to drop that. It might be an afternoon. This drops in May, I think If it drops around Denver We're going to Denver at the beginning of February At Comedy Works South

And then at the beginning of March We're going to be at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle At the beginning of April In Detroit, then at the beginning of April We're at Acme Comedy Company And then we go to Minneapolis And then Moon Tower So supersclash.com, check all that stuff out Blair, what can people see? We've got a special the beginning of April. We're at Acme Comedy Company and then we go to Minneapolis and then Moon Tower.

So supersclash.com. Check all that stuff out. Blair, what can people see? You got a special. You got a special. Oh, yeah. I would love for you guys to check out my special. It's on Live Nation's

new platform, Veeps, their new streamer. Oh, yeah. Yes. And it's called Live from the Big Dog. Love it. Where'd you do it?

I shot at the Bourbon Room. Oh, fair enough. Here here in la uh-huh it's a beautiful i bet it looks gorgeous it does look gorgeous i'm really i'm really happy with it it was really fun like how was the crowd the crowd was amazing all my friends came out it was my parents first time ever seeing me do stand-up yeah so that was really crazy were they more nervous for you as a stand-up or when you like were playing college volleyball? Well, this is the first time they were like acknowledging me doing stand-up. So very different.

I think this is like the first time they were proud maybe since then. Yeah, they were. They didn't want me to do stand-up. I don't think. But, you know, like they see this and it's like no she can do it my dad it was really sweet and it was like hard not to be affected by it but he had like tears in his eyes oh my god even though as a dad i get that but i get it but it was like this is after never wanting to see me do stand-up or anything so it was like a huge like you turn him around yeah yeah

so amazing oh my god i love this so now you guys have to watch this listen to the emotion behind this thing i love it what's live nation's platform called this is the first i've heard it's called veeps yeah they just launched like it's its own app or yeah it's a streamer yeah awesome um and brad williams i believe did this yeah they just launched their first round of specials david Cross, Katherine Ryan, Mo Welch. Yeah. Great people. Brad Williams.

And it's out right now. People can go watch it. Yeah, it's out. Guys, go watch this special. I love it. Boom. Say it again. Live at?

Live from the Big Dog on Veeps. You can find it in any of my Instagram, website, Twitter, all of that. And we say Blair Saki, but it's S-O- but it's so cci just so you know and you'll be at moon tower any other live dates oh yeah well i just pushed a bunch of dates so i could have a little um break after the special i think my next thing is sketch fest and then i'm just at the store really every week same we'll see you there we'll see you there that's amazing all right all right let me get into the story this was sent in in by Brew Pounder at Brew Pounder. Here's the headline.

Dirt bike rider speaks out after leading state troopers on chase. What's he speaking out about? I love that he has that. Press conference style. Dirt bike rider. I'm a dirt bike rider, and I have some words about breast cancer. What's the song? He's a dirt bike rider.

Pinball wizard. Pinball wizard. He's a dirt bike hero. He's a dirt bike rider. He's got dirt in his mouth. I love the audacity. Excuse me, Mr. Dirt Bike Rider. Christiane Amanpour.

CNN. CNN. Yeah, because I love the thing of like, there's some things I'd like to say about the cops chasing me around town. Thank you for coming here today. That's like on The Bachelor when they list their jobs. And like they literally, they're like former high school swimmer. And you're like, that's not a job.

Dirt bike rider is like their title. And you're like, that's your identifier? Did you do it for money? Yeah. Travis Pastrana, fine. You want to say dirt bike rider? like their title. And you're like, that's your identifier? Did you do it for money? Yeah. Travis Pastrana, fine. You want to say dirt bike rider? I'm down. Yeah, if you are an ex-Games aficionado, you've been in a half pipe.

Did you see what our friend Jimmy sent us? This screenshot of USC's basketball team. And it had Isaiah Collier, who's their point guard, 14.2 points per game, six assists per game. This other big star on their team, 14.2 points per game, six assists per game. This other big star on their team, 18.2 points a game. And then the third image on the page was Bronny James and it just said, team player.

Really? He's like our dirtbag rider. Dirtbag rider. Dirtbag rider. Just the hubris. Just the hubris. I'm just a teenage dirtbag rider. Oh, that's great. I'm just a teenage dirtbike rider. Oh, that's great. I'm just a teenage dirt bike rider.

Dirt bike sounds like a slur. All right. Video released to the Fox 8i team shows how state troopers chased a dirt bike in Cleveland for over how many hours? They got to get a little bit more horsepower in those cars, huh? I know. I feel like a dirt bike can go places that cop cars cannot. Sure. So how long was the chase? I think this thing was like a three-hour chase.

Three-hour chase. A three-hour chase. She's going to be like five million hours. She's right. No, I'm going to go... I'm going to go two. Two hours. What do you think, Daniel? I'll go one and a half hours. Okay, one of you is 15 minutes away. You guys want to go up or down 15 minutes? I'll go one and a half hours. Okay, one of you is 15 minutes away.

You guys want to go up or down 15? I love that they said hours and then break it into increments. Yeah, 245. 145. You either go 215. You want to go 215? Damn, I was going to go 145. Can I align?

Am I allowed to align with Daniel? You are 100% allowed. Because we guessed and he asked us. You are 100% allowed to align with Daniel? You are 100% allowed. Because we guessed and he asked us. You are 100% allowed to align with Dan. But had you gone to 215, you would have been right. No. So you were closest off the gate. Trust yourself.

She's the closest. I'm learning. I'm trying to learn that. You're learning what you're doing. All right. So this is a classic example of some of a newspaper writer who um a journalist who doesn't have an editor okay opening line it happened last week what what indirect reference when my kids write things i'm like you can't say you have to refer to what the

what is it that sounds like the first line of a novel right you know where you just want to make what the and the eye is huge yeah and then the t is small and the rest of it knew it couldn't keep doing this okay it happened last week the video was captured by a crew with an ohio state high highway patrol helicopter the video shows the troopers in the air track the dirt bike uh four troopers on the ground for two hours and 15 minutes um in the video you hear he just pulled a u-turn in the middle of the intersection and just blew the intersection you can see the dirt bike going the wrong way on streets cutting through fields and more the i-team went to the most annoying thing about this it's a motorized dirt bike right yeah no i think it's a probably gasoline dirt bike right Right. It's like you're.

Oh, yeah. That's what you mean. I'm saying. But that's like the most annoying thing to me is the noise. It's not like a Diamondback Harry Larry. Just two hours and 50 minutes of ring. Oh, my God. I have a deep.

I don't even like the word hate, but I have a deep hate for loud motorcycle guys and loud car guys. Yes. Because I'm just like, who the hell do you think you are? Who made you? Where do you get off? Yes. Just run.

I'm trying to talk to my mom on the corner of the street, okay? She can't hear shit because of you. Because you're revving it up. One night we're doing this stand-up show at UCB and a motorcycle goes by UCB Franklin so fucking loud. It sounded like it went through the theater right and kroll was on stage and he like lets it pass and he goes there goes that

catch well one time i wrote a tweet um that i i said like uh love your loud car. You seem super sane. And it went like somehow super viral. And then the loud car people came for me like on my Instagram and my Twitter. She's making fun of us. It's not fair. I didn't know you guys are like a faction, like a group, like a like a tribe. Yeah. It's a support. The idea of people who like the sound of just a group, like a tribe. It's the idea of people who like the sound of just rocks

being poured into a bucket. And you know, if you like it, fine. But to me, I'm like, who made you feel small in your life? Yeah, and then a dirt bike gang, did you see this thing where like Ian Ziering, and he had to fight like 12 of these little dirt bike fuckers. They were on electric bikes.

They were on electric bikes on New Year's Eve. We did a movie with Ian Ziering. He could take them. He did take them. I was proud of him. He's pretty. One of them like hit his car or whatever. He's pretty bricked up. Alright. Both of his penises. The I team went to see the rider.

This guy's name. I can't wait to hear it. I cannot wait to hear it. If you're on a dirt bike for two hours, it tells me a couple things about you. You don't have anywhere else to be. One, your license is suspended and you've got some sort of loophole with a dirt bike. Nobody's like, where's Jeff? Nobody is saying that. That's what I'm saying.

You have nowhere to be. Nowhere to be. For two hours and 15 minutes. And no one looking for you. Yeah. You don't have one house you can go to where people go hide in here not a garage uh you don't have like a girlfriend who's like honey we have reservations at seven yes his name willie levant willie levant they went to find out what he was thinking because it's kind of french but it's his quote. He didn't let me go.

You mean the cop didn't stop chasing? He chased me all day long with that helicopter. Like, are you shocked? He's Ray Liotta in Goodfellas. With that helicopter. So we asked, I mean, this is like, who are you writing this for? Why didn't he just pull over and stop? He said he tried to make a deal when the troopers got close. Quote, I offered to let me go home. Let me go home and put the bike up, he said he tried to make a deal when the troopers got close quote i offered to let me

go home let me go home and put the bike up he said wait that was his deal yeah well your bike's too loud they couldn't hear shit yeah willie so he lets them catch up and he's like hey let me go drop off my bike and they're like no here's my here's my offer to you yeah dude this is what i will do like in a car chase i'm gonna put this in a garage it's like that boogie nights what don't you understand about this you give me the tapes i go make the money i bring you back the money he's trying to just make it they're like this isn't how this works just because you have logic and it makes sense to you right that's not it i'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse also it's like somebody like trying to like

divorce with the kids he's like you're not mad at the bike you're mad at me let me put the bike away then we'll deal with me dan i was watching there's like a tiktok these kids to bed then we will talk about how it's over and again he was so confident that that plan was going to get through. I didn't even hear him say it, but you know that he was like, let me get it on. I'm going to take this. Like I'm a people person.

Yeah. I'm a good guy. I love this. So he was so confident. It's like, reminds me, I saw a tech tech or have a guy who's like, and it just,

the title is so funny. It was like, bro thinks he's a math wizard whatever and someone's like eight times 12 or something and he's just like it's 91 this guy's like he's like he's like it's 91 and then he's like he's like it's 91 and then he's like i just get these math things and i just do them in my head and i just know exactly what it is the numbers just come to me it's like dude that's wrong yeah that's the one thing just know exactly what it is. The numbers just come to me. I was like, dude, that's wrong. Yeah, that's the one thing about math

is that it is not interpretive. It's an exact science. Yeah, right. It's 91. I get these things in my head that I just sort of I'm a Willie Levant. Levant sounds like savant. Numbers are relative.

No, that's time. He's an idiot, Levant. like savant Numbers are relative No that's time He's an idiot Levant We reminded Levant it didn't sound like he understands Many people are fed up with the dirt bikes On the streets because they're illegal That's what I'm saying She has a problem with it We're not really in the streets

We're in and out and I don't get what's illegal about it Wait wait wait They go hey dirt bikes are illegal out on the streets He goes not really in the streets we're in and out of the street isn't every car in and out of a parking spot or a garage or a driveway it's just you're admitting that you're in the street i'm in and out i'm in and out no but that means but then he wraps it up with a foolproof dumb logic where he goes i don't get why they're illegal that is like just the thing now too, where it has become so popular that if you literally get tried, indicted,

like prosecuted for something, people will still just be like, no, I didn't do that. Yeah. No. Right. Just deny,

deny, deny. You guys have the problem with it. It's not me. It's 91 guys. Numbers come to me and they just, they kind of, he says,

uh, Cleveland Garfield, no other officers messed with me. It was just State Patrol chasing me that day So he's like, he's got now He's trying to say the other cops, they're cool with me They set precedent It's these damn staties Classic triangulation

Classic Willie Levant A little bit of whataboutism Yeah, exactly Totally, Dan The video also shows how it finally ended When the dirt bike ran out of gas after two hours on the run. And LeVon surrendered. The chopper called out, he's out of gas.

Going to bail. Laying on the ground. Laying on the ground. He's like, yeah. Ran out of gas, LeVon said to the I-team. At the end of the chase, that dirt bike rider got a ride to the county jail. But he ended up released with no charges. Oh, my God.

So he's in the right? That's pretty slick. Shouldn't he have to pay for the gas? However, that does not mean he's off the hook. Simply, troopers plan to put a case together and come back to the Justice Center to go for a grand jury on felony charges. So no bail for this guy. Levant reacted by saying, I ain't got time for that felony charges stuff.

That's why I'm chilling. Like it ain't worth it for a bike. Is this his defense? I really don't know. And it's like, I love how he acts like it's his choice. I'm actually not interested in the felony charges.

He is a character in Trailer Park Boys. Like a hundred percent. I ain't got time for this felony stuff. I'm picturing a character from King of the Hill. He's like, you know, I'm actually good. I'm actually just going to chill. So no thanks. It's not your call, Willie.

Statue of limitations is like six hours. Alright, are you ready for more? Troopers say that the writer also had some drugs and those drugs are now being tested. Of course. LeVon says he did not have drugs or a weapon like no one said a weapon you're now bringing i don't have drugs or a weapon under the seat i don't have a knife in my sock i don't no one said so don't even try and look

it's not my dad's gun. It's not. It's not an unregistered gun. Whatever. Record show, though, on Thursday, he pled guilty in Cuyahoga County Court to carrying a concealed weapon. Unrelated. Unrelated. You're saying one thing to the press and one thing to the media.

He received a sentence of time already served in jail. We will get out of here on this. How old is Willie? How old is the dirt bike rider himself? The dirt bag dirt bike rider. Willie LaVont. The Ballad of Willie LaVont. The Ballad of Willie LaVont.

Blair, you can go first or we can guess and then you can go after us. Whatever you want. Shoot. Because it could be like a 24, but I'm going to go up. I'm going gonna go 30 i'm gonna go 38 38 because you do have to be young enough for that's a ride that's a long that's a that's that's a lot of 38 38 damn i say i say 19 19 oh willie lamont i like your first since i'm gonna go 24 Not a lot of Willys at 19 I understand that Weasel Kniezel

You said trust yourself And 38 was my second guess Switch it No I can't Switch it if you want What were you thinking first 22 22, 19 One of you is one year off if you want. Switch it if you want. What were you thinking first? 22. Okay.

22, 19, and 24. One of you is one year off. Okay, so I'm going to go 20. I'm going Jordan. 23. You want to do 21? That way we can just all... Sure, sure. Yeah, let's do 21. We'll get out of here on this, and then Dan will do the third story.

Willie Levant is 21 years old! Gotta go with the gut the first time! We guided you to the right place, but you were there yourself. I'm glad you trusted your initial gut. One more story with Blair Saki. Dan's gonna take us over and he'll tell us what he's got going on. After

the break, we'll be right back with more Dumb People Town. Stick around, look us down, there's more Dumb People Town. As we mentioned, this show is sponsored by better help uh i love these guys because i do love therapy i have been in my own therapy my wife is a therapist and it's the start of the new year like people are saying to yourself how can i have a better year than the year before how can i keep having a hopefully keep having a good year like i had the year before so i used to say and this is what i say when i when i'm dealing with therapy is that i am doing something good for myself it's one of the more self-indulgent things you can do which is to take care of your mental health and to do

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HIMS.com slash DPT. Prescriptions require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if it's appropriate for you. Restrictions do apply. See website for details and important safety information. Subscription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel, before you take us home, I want to know what you've got going on.

First I'll say congrats to you guys on the national championship. You're repping. We did it. We're all repping institutions, comedy on state. I'm repping Eau Claire, Wisconsin wrestling. Thank you. My nephew declared. Oh, really?

Yeah, he declared. He's the top recruit for Eau Claire wrestling. Shout out Tommy Tudow. Love you, Tommy Tudow. Tudow. Boom, boom, baby. Here Tudow gone tomorrow. Okay, here we go. You're gone to Eau Claire Wrestling. Shout out Tommy Tudow. Love you, Tommy Tudow. Tudow. Boom, boom, baby. Here, Tudow, gone tomorrow. Okay, here we go.

You're gone to Eau Claire. You didn't even say what you're doing. You didn't tell us what you're doing. Oh, I got a whole bunch of dates. Go to danielvancurk.com. I'm going to be in D.C., Cedar Rapids, Des Moines, all over the place. I'm forgetting stuff right now. Wine Club.

Yeah, watch my movie, Wine Club. It's great. You better like me if you watch it because I'm the lead. But it's a lot of fun. I've seen the trailer and it's so freaking good. Thanks. Hopefully you guys are in town

and you're invited to the screening. What else? Oh, my special comes out in April, Rose Gold. So check that out. We'll blimp that out big time I think so right I think we will but go to danielvancurk.com oh this is the can I just say this really quick

I'm sorry I have a brand new website it just launched danielvancurk.com all new completely redone not like a reface built up from the ground up green ivy creative did it her name is Erin she is amazing she's a dumb people town fan she's a pen pals fan read it on not like a reface built up from the ground up green ivy uh creative did it uh her name is aaron she is amazing she's a dumb people town fan she's a pen pals fan and she's like dude

i'm doing your website i'm gonna fix it for you uh she is awesome if anybody listening to this is like i want a dope website go to scroll to the bottom of danielvankirk.com and you can do it okay here we go ready yeah redlands man pays in cash for fake gold bars this is so dumb people tell him dude that is the saddest thing i've ever heard that is sadder than the double dick murderer manslaughter manslaughter not murder manslaughter manslaughter is that a diff is there a difference big time yeah murder is like I'm killing you. Murder is minimum 25 to 30, right? Manslaughter is like I ran you over with a car. Oh, murder is homicide.

Yes. Okay. The homicide is still the result, like somebody was killed. Oh, okay. But yeah, it's about how a fault or how deliberate you were in what happened. Okay, okay. Manslaughter is usually an accident or like it came out of a moment. I thought that was involuntary, no?

Yeah. Okay, all right. I'm getting off track. Also, track sometimes it could have been it should have been murder and it got pled down speaking of our first guest let's get into the penal code twice double it up section 2a redlands man pays pays in cash for fake gold bars this was presented by jake groney at jake groney love you jake here we go officials have issued a public warning in the inland empire this is local y'all about a scam involving fake bars of gold after one redlands man was swindled out of thousands in a scam redland city public information officer carl baker i mean that is like the he He should be the... Information officer?

You almost assume Carl Baker. His name is Carl Baker. Carl Baker. Who's the Carl Baker of your town? Yeah. That should be a position at the police department. Who's the Carl Baker? I just got promoted to Carl Baker in my city.

People are always like with kids, like, what do you want to be when you grow up? But really, you should say to them, like, all right, so here's your name. Let's start thinking about what will work for you. Yeah. up but really you should say to them like all right so here's your name let's start thinking about what will work for you yeah your name is chase mcsky man so you're definitely going to be in the x games that's right okay uh redland city public information officer carl barker said the man who was scammed reached out to the seller on craigslist yeah okay that's where i go for my big money investment bars of gold on craigslist is tier two where I go for my big money investments. Craigslist is

tier two. I hate to say it because it used to be tier one in all of our lives. It is the only reason to have a Facebook account and that is Facebook Marketplace. And then it's Craigslist. If someone is selling gold bars on Craigslist, I'm not trying to victim blame, but you are getting what you

signed up for they're probably filled with chocolate it's like if you're lucky if you're like it's like eating a steak at sizzler it's probably not yeah you know what you're getting right they're calling it steak they're saying it's steak he met the seller guys okay i don't want to blame this victim but he found somebody selling gold bars on craigslist. Then he met the seller in a back alley. Nope. Oh, God. No.

Literal back alley deal. I'm getting a deal, y'all. Literal back alley deal. Oh, God. Met the seller in a back alley on two occasions to purchase gold bars for a total of how much money? How much money do you think this guy spent twice? He didn't buy one and then realize these are fake. He bought one, then again met a dude in an alley and bought two.

How much money do you think he spent? You know it's in the thousands. I'm trying to think of how much one gold bar would cost. But remember this guy's probably given a deal. Right. Which is why he's selling them. She's going to say a cool five mil. I know what she's thinking. I'm going to say

my first instinct was $10,000 but I feel like that doesn't make sense. I'm going to go $20,000. $20,000. I'm going to say my first instinct was $10,000, but I feel like that doesn't make sense. I'm going to go $20,000. $20,000? I think like $6,000.

$6,000. Enough that it's bad. This guy's going on Craigslist. Where do I want to put you? $4,000. $4,000? Yeah. One of you

is $1,000 off. $5,000. Five? I'll go to three. Three? Should I have gone with $10,000? No. You're out. You may be $1,000 off Should I have gone with $10,000? No, you're...

You may be $1,000 off right now. Okay, I'll go $19,000. $19,000? He purchased gold bars twice in a back alley for $21,000. Oh my god! You've been around it all day! You're so good at this. That crazy that's bizarre i don't know i

guess i'll go this is like a kevin pollock run because he was as good as you psychic you might be psychic but also 21 000 is insane one in a back alley i have a joke in my hour rose gold where i talk about going out to a gravel parking lot with a guy named gary to a van and i always say hey that's white privilege nobody else should be going to any van in any parking right no one needs to be going to do anything in a back alley wait so this guy's obviously a drug dealer because why would he be he's a gold bar dealer searching for gold bars because he's like oh i can't have all this cat yeah yeah he wants to launder he's trying to launder. I didn't even think of that.

Put it in bars. Inflation. I got to get my gold bars. Those don't ever change. The buyer later learned that the gold bars that he purchased were fake. I'm going to show you guys as best I can. Gold rubbed off and it was a brick. This is what they look like. They're like in a package, almost like a thick oversized credit card.

That looks like a Wonka. Right. Yes. Or like a little external hard drive. Yeah. We believe, this is from our good buddy Carl Baker, we believe there may be other victims out there and that that's part of the reason why we're reaching out.

We would recommend if you are going to do something like this that you would meet at a reputable dealer where you could have the product tested right then and there yes so anytime you buy jewelry from anyone you can meet at a jeweler and you may have to pay 20 bucks 50 bucks for them to like inspect it it will be worth it to you yeah to do 100 it's unclear why the buyer didn't have the gold tested first that's where why the buyer didn't have the gold tested first. That's where it's on them. You buy the first one.

Why are you buying a second? I think Blair's right. This is someone who's doing nefarious stuff. But then he's even more dumb because he called the cops to say, I bought fake gold bars.

And they're like, why didn't you go to the gold bar store then, dummy? Yeah. The gold bar. They won't trade me for coke. What'd you say?

What'd you say? Because I want to ride my dirt bike around this world. What? If a deal is too good to be true, it usually is. Said, Caesar Meyer, the owner of Crown Gold Exchange in Redlands. Again, perfect name. Caesar Meyer. You go to Caesar Meyer for the gold exchange.

If you're looking for a buyer, come to Caesar Meyer. Take a flyer. Crown gold, not gold crown. Crown gold exchange in relevance, CGE. Meyer said buyers can test the gold simply by using a magnet. Did you know this? I didn't know this. If you just take a magnet and put it up to a piece of gold,

if it somehow sticks for one reason or another, then you know instantly it is not real. It's fake. Wow. I did not know this. What a great thing to know. The business owner also said the gold bars will have the weight imprinted into it, and if the weight doesn't match up, again, it's most likely fake.

This is a great way to tell. I know. We're kind of like learning. This is educational as well. Thank you, Carl. Thank you. No, this is Cesar Mayer. Oh know. We're kind of like learning. This is educational as well. Thank you, Carl. Thank you. No, this is Cesar Mayer. Oh, thank you, Cesar Mayer.

If you are being offered this under the price of gold that is right there, it's a huge red flag. He added that the biggest red flag, however, is dealing with a seller who wants to make the exchange in a back alley. Yes. Right. All right. Well, I got to cancel something after this. Oh, shit. Claire is supposed to meet someone behind here.

She's buying a Nissan Central. There is an alley behind here. Investigators are still trying to identify the seller. He was seen driving a green Honda Accord. Close to what I said. That's what you're selling gold bars out of? Yeah. And goes by the name?

Sparky. Randy. Oh, God. No. It's you, dude. I fucking caught your ass. Guys, come in. Come in. Oh, God. No. It's you, dude. I fucking caught your ass. Guys, come in. Come in.

Okay, guys. Anyone with information regarding the individual is being asked to contact Redlands Police. That's story number three. Gold Bar Randy. If you see him, take his ass down. And you can take that to the bank, says Meyer. Caesar Meyer from Crown Gold Exchange.

Didn't Caesar Meyer write all those movies about old women falling in love with old men? That's Nancy Meyer. Yeah, Cesar Meyer talks to dogs with three legs. That's Cesar Meyer. That was our joke that we never, I love this joke. We don't really ever do it anymore. Cesar

Milan got divorced, so I guess he can't make everyone stay. That's hilarious. That's a great joke. Or cum. That was the problem. He needed two penises. All right.

Blair Saki, the special again. People can watch it on Veeps. Live from the big dog. Recorded here at the Bourbon Room on Veeps. Check it out. You love her on this podcast now. Go support her as a comedian. So nice.

And you'll come back and do this again because we just love it so much. Thank you. This was a revelation. Treat. The time of my life. Treat. And you might be psychic.

And you learn that you have a... I don't know. Math numbers just come to me. Five times six is 74. 91. It just comes to me in numbers and I understand it. All right, guys. We love you. Thanks for supporting us. And oh shit, 91. It just comes to me in numbers and I understand it. All right, guys. We love you.

Thanks for supporting us. And oh, shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more at Dolphin People Town.