Dumb People Town - Brad Morris - Sword People

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Comedian, actor, writer, and podcaster Brad Morris (Business Trips on ATC) stops by as Daniel describes how a man traveled the world to retrieve stolen Air Pods, Jason explains why a Monopoly game escalated to a samurai sword fight, and Randy warns against believing you coworker is your boss on the phone and following their order to steal money, and so much more!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam Ram, with co-host Armand Dan. And Dirk, don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down.

Stick around, make a sound, Bunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey Townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Morris. Brad Morris. Is this the first time you've ever been on Dumb People Town? I think that the- You did a mini, Population, Morris. Brad Morris. Is this the first time you've ever been on Dumbbell? I think that you did a mini, I think, back in the day. No, I think maybe a little mini something.

And then also, You did live in Chicago. Happened to be in Chicago. So you on that show in Chicago doing Ozzy Guien in front of that crowd at the Den Theater. At the Den Theater with Benny. I was remembering North Bar with Dave Pasquese. Dave Pasquese, yeah. Incredible. The Den. The Den. Benny. I was remembering North Bar with Pesquise. Dave Pesquise.

Dave Pesquise, yeah. Pesquise was incredible. Come on. But yeah, the Den was so fun. You were directing a pilot and you happened to be in town and we're like, I'm directing a pilot tomorrow. We're like, well, you know what you're doing tonight? You're doing our show.

You're doing our show. The greatest thing is to be somewhere not in LA and post something and have you guys go like, guess what? We're here. Come do this. That was so fun. Fitzsimmons was there too. Oh, yeah.

Fitzsimmons was so far here. And you can't be in Chicago as a second city alum, and someone asks you to come step on a comedy stage and not do it. You got to do it. I mean, Dan is, yeah. You guys all come from the same place. Oh, my god. It's the best best and you're such a great collaborator in everything that we do that of course,

wanna talk about, we'll get to it at the top. Your new podcast. Your podcast with Michael Bryan that is hilarious. On ATC, we'll talk all about that later, but we got dumb to get into. Dan, help us dive in. Let's rock it, buddy. Man, we'll set in by Carlene McDermott.

Man travels the world to track down stolen AirPods. Oh, well then. So I, okay. So on this last hiking trip that we did this last, this big hiking trip, we did last summer with our friend for his 50th summers ago. Is it two summers? Yeah. All right. It was a around, it was in Switzerland, France and around Mont Blanc. It was such a challenge. It was so great. Fun. We had one day off and we went to this like in Italy to this like outdoor

hot springs and like a spa and there were these things we like walked around these hot days. It was so cool. I loved it so much my air pods Which were essential to a lot of parts of the traveling of that trip. Yeah, they were either stolen out of my locker I think I put him in there cuz I didn't want him to get wet or Something or they may have fallen out of my pocket or something someone took them and I was like someone stole my air pods And I made me some I took a cab back to the place. They couldn't find him I asked lost and found they can find it. And then I started tracking them.

Yes. Moving around France. That's what happens. I'm like, you dicks. Who finds AirPods? Are they still signed to you? Can you? No, I think they're dead.

I don't know if they. I bet you could still see where they are right now. That's what this guy did, essentially. I bet you could. So Jay wishes he could be this guy. Do you guys do air tags? Do you have air tags in your? What's air tag air tags these tiles tiles? I think I made by Apple. They're in my luggage. They're in my oh, yeah I have heard of people put them in their kids backpack people put them on like elderly people dementia

You could have like on a bracelet or a necklace. They're just I hold their honor I've wanted my car. She's trying to track his air pods right now, Dan You know fine. Where do we think they are click on devices nice Bulgaria? He looks they're in Glendale Amanda's revealed how he flew across the world to track down his stolen air pods A man has revealed how he flew across the world to track down his stolen air pods Spending thousands of dollars to do so. Oh my god, Lewis Ellis from Manchester. I another pair of it What is it 250 for a very three? It's the principal god damn it if you change your wireless carrier you can get one for free. That's right. Yeah, that's true

Lewis Ellis from Manchester left his headphones behind after he got off a Qatar Airways flight from Bangkok to Doha, Qatar. Okay. After realizing his mistake, he says staff couldn't allow him back in the cabin to retrieve them. This happened to me. He expected to be reunited with them once inside the airport. Right. So this happened to me. I left my hanging bag on the plane and I walked off the jetway and I was like, Oh my God, because I had to put it way up front because there was no room. So of course I got off the flight. I grabbed my thing. I roll on them. Like this feels lighter than before. When you realize I should be heavier. Right. Yeah. So I'm like, Oh my God.

And I told the woman at the gate and she's at the gate aid and she calls down to the, you know, staff down there. Hey, someone left there. It's a black hanging back thing. Of course it had all our merch in it. So it's like super heavy. And the guy comes off and some, one of the stewards, like, of course they're so taking their sweet time, like so late getting off the plane. And they finally get it. And the guy's like, wow, this is pretty heavy. What do you got a dead body in there? I was like, we can't make these jokes, dude. Can't make these jokes. Yeah. I got it. I got a dead body in there? I was like. We can't make these jokes, dude. Come on. Can't make these jokes. Yeah, I got a dead body in there.

It's actually a dead baby. Now you're on a no-fly list. After realizing a mistake, he said they couldn't let him back on the plane. He figured he'd get him an airport. To his dismay, four hours later, they were nowhere to be found. And he left. He waited four hours after he landed,

sitting in the airport waiting for his AirPods. Answers the question, how long would you wait to be reunited with your air pods? Or how little do you do? Do you, how, how uneventful is your life? How much do you not have people waiting for you? I mean, this only happened to me once in the past few years, but when you get on a flight and realize you have not brought your headphones, Oh my God.

And you've just got to like serial killer it. Yeah. Stare at the scene in front of you. Or like try to watch things. Or start, Dan, start a conversation with the person next to you. They're on their AirPods. Hey, where are you going? Yeah. Can I borrow one of those? Why do you, why do you look so violent right now? I forgot my AirPods. Ran, how about the, the, we get on a flight and right in front of us, there's like a young dude and a young woman, like in their twenties. And he, she, I think she decides to sit down there. This is not her seat,

but she didn't want to sit where she was. Oh yeah. And actually there was a seat in between them and she sits like on the aisle, he's on the window. And they're like arguing about, he's like kind of giving her shit and she's like giving it back to him I'm like oh you're one of those you're one of those oh and they're like kind of fighting and we're like great like we got to watch these two people fight and they're being loud I'm like I came here my own stuff this is

weird by the end of the flight by the middle of the flight, by the middle of the flight, they're like flirting hard. By the end of the flight, they're holding hands. I was like, what if they knew each, okay, now what if they're married? Is this a role play thing? You think this? Yeah. What do you think, Brad?

I think it could be. I think it could be too. Yeah, I think that's a kink. I'm in anything where when somebody has a baby, a baby or a toddler, that they keep letting reach around behind their seat to in front of you. On your screen. So they're hitting your tray.

Yeah. So I'm in anything where I just take my water bottle, and I take off the top, and then I hold it, and I keep letting the kid's arm go into the water. So then when the kid goes back around, they're getting water all over. And the parent's like, stop doing it. Because now I'm like, I'm going to have something to bring back to like you drink the water right cuz you like

Okay, so he waits four hours I would probably wait Maybe 30 minutes me till I thought my luggage was down below. Yeah, he waits four hours No, we're to be funny left Lewis later had the idea of checking their location on the Find My app on his phone and was stunned to learn they were on the move. Yeah. Oh. They had the, I then had the joy of watching them travel the world for no less than five months. Lewis, founder of Hustle Marketing, told Need To Know dot online. He's like, I work at Hustle. We didn't ask you where you work. It works. Get it in there. Get it in there. You think I'm not going to track these down with a company named Hustle?

Guys, I work at Hustle Marketing. We don't ever stop. Hustle Marketing is a B story in a episode of Ballers. Hustle Marketing is something that Kordry tries to get off the ground. No, it's Hustler. No, it's Hustle. It's like every time I drive out to the airport at LAX,

there's a building that says Raytheon Industries. To me, I'm like, this is a Beverly Hills Cop villain company. Absolutely. Raytheon Industries. Victor Maitland's in there. You know what they're doing in there? Yeah, Raytheon Industries.

I don't know who took them. But my AirPods went on the holiday of a lifetime. So maybe this is why he has nobody there to hang out with him in Qatar, because he continues to tell stories like this. Yes. He says I watched as they flew from Qatar to Kathmandu before heading to a small village in the Himalayan mountains overlooking Nepal. Is this Colin Robertson Robinson? They then took a short jaunt to Thailand before finally coming back to rest in Doha. That's a great trip. That's a wonderful. That is a lovely trip for the air pods

I just couldn't stand it any longer So I decided to track them down what started as a joking dare from friends He dared himself to go and retrieve them in person turned into an adventure for Lewis This guy does not have any friends this but this is like his eat pray love like he is trying to start a new life Yeah, he's on this journey. I'm gonna find out who I am when I go find my. I went out looking for my AirPods, but I found out who I was.

Can we write this movie? It is, it does feel a little bit like, we're always looking for that thing that's gonna trigger an exploration of self. And for some people, it's not gonna be that you go on the hike, it's gonna be that you're using AirPods. The journey itself to find the AirPods. That's right. Yeah, so with the AirPods be that you go on the hike, it's gonna be the journey itself to find the AirPods.

Yeah, so the AirPods be found along the way. Goes with his brother who he's not really relating to for a long time, and before they know it, they understand, hey, it's time for us to recharge our relations. This is a good time to tell everybody to go see The Holdovers. That's right.

He flew out to Doha and commenced the hunt for his lost headphones, constantly checking the app so he could get as close as possible. At this point, he had already traveled how many miles? Do you guys think he had gone? 4,000. OK. Well, no more.

Like 8,000. Yeah, probably like 12,000 miles. OK. One of you is exactly right. Whoa! I'm going to switch mine to Brad's. OK. 8,000 miles. Okay, one of you is exactly I'm gonna switch mine to Brad. Okay, doesn't you want to stay with you? I'm also gonna switch to Brad's a time and I'm switching to Randy's. Okay. Okay. We've done that before too He traveled Lewis traveled

4,000 Company Lewis was his friend Tom from MySpace. And a local man named Kareem, who they met at the hotel they were staying at, who was keen to help. This is a jumping crew. Imagine running into people along the way and explaining what you're doing.

And them jumping on board. And them going like, you know what? This is worthwhile. I'm in. This is a worthwhile adventure. Kareem's wife is like, you're doing and them jumping on board and then going like you know what this is a worthwhile. I mean this is a worthwhile Kareem's wife is like you're doing what I thought you were going out looking for work You're not gonna believe this honey this random guy lost his air pods I'm gonna help is this already goes what the dialogue you were just giving does sound like white lotus. Yeah You're not gonna believe it we're gonna believe this we're gonna help him get his airpods gonna put the

white let's talk to the manager and find out why my room is not great that's it yeah why he keeps dodging Tom goes with him then at the hotel they meet the cream goes a dream it'd be so validating for his name and we're writing this movie we're right you guys what's his name we're writing this movie. We're writing, you guys, all four of us. What's his name again? We're writing this movie. Dan Lewis or Tom Lewis and Kareem. Yes. It's great. Yes. We went hunting. It was an adventure and it felt like I was in a lost treasure film. It was all very exciting, right? Lewis Ellis said. Okay. They tracked the AirPods to an apartment block. The closest the app would get them. That's actually not true's now the three of them live in a cell underneath someone's bed This fighter catches a fly and then they went floor to floor trying to connect them by Bluetooth

And I'm sure people didn't think they were being deported or any finally outside one of the rooms the headphones connected to Lewis's phone Oh, we knew they were inside and I was determined to get them back I would go back every day of the trip until I got them He said what I had the box with the serial number so I was ready to prove that they were mine Oh, and I'm sure that's gonna matter to ever say I'm pretty sure that's not gonna be the issue that Like give up when you know what let me see the serial number Okay, where'd you get this? I got a six oh five three four nine one oh two well that's what we have we have to give it okay I don't believe you no you did have the right serial just saved up

to my phone bitch yeah so now let's go Lewis Tom and Kareem LTK we're eventually allowed inside where several people were staying oh wouldn't you be like like a season one a true detective when they're at the party and you like feel that it's a powder keg Yeah, yeah, what's going on? Thankfully the presumed lost headphones were handed over without incident Oh my god, we high-fived and cheered it was all fun and games and there were no hard feelings He high-fived and cheured the people who had his AirPods. Who took them. As we left, one person apologized for the inconvenience, but I was just happy to have them back.

Despite spending- What if this was the plot of Tar? Despite spending a large- Make more sense. Amount of money on flights, accommodations and food, Louis has no regrets. Yeah. How much money how many spent?

How many new air pods did he spend? That's the question how much money did he spend to get his air pods back I would say it's the saddest word problem of all time right exactly I would say it cost him nothing because he gained all the life experience Here pray love are we doing are we talking about pounds or in dollars? Dollars, okay $12,000. Okay. Um, I'm going to go, I'm going to stay with Jay's four, 4,000. Okay. $11,000. Thanks.

One of you is exactly. Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm going to go back to four. Okay. Brad. Okay. Stay at 11. Okay. Brad. I gotta go now over to 11 cause Jay was Let's stay at 11. Okay, Brad? I gotta go now over to 11, because Jay was right in the first time. You can stay, you can stay. I feel good, I feel Jay's got a hot hand. Okay, okay.

The amount of money he spent was 4,000. Oh, why Brad? 4,000 miles, a dollar for every mile. People keep jumping off of the four. I know, man. Dude, I jumped on it. Damn, damn jumped I jumped on it. I jumped on it I'm gonna take that credit my family thinks I'm mental, but it was fun. That's a real gloss over Big I was not enough gloss on it. I want an article about that

So what I said on could be the name of the movie we had no real plan But we just hope to find them again He said the fact that you can track tiny headphones around the world is unbelievable so now it's an ad for Apple yeah great yeah I didn't really expect to get them back and I joked that flying to Doha to get them is the pettiest thing I've ever done but it was just great that we managed to find them and now I don't need to buy a new pair so I spent $4,000 to not have to buy a pair of guys for 40. We'll get out of story. $400 how old and then we'll come back.

I'll tell you what I'm up to. We'll talk about Brad's podcast. Yes. How old are the airpods? No. How old is Lewis Ellis and 4000 is not the answer 23, 4,000 years old. What do you think, Brad?

42 42 42 I think he's 32 32 one of you is one year okay so now you all the option 30 or down in your 31 41 41 24 24 Lewis Ellis to close out story one with the wonderful Brad Morris is 31 years old. Oh! I shifted right. Come on. All right, let's take a break.

We come back and find out what Dan's doing and Brad's doing. It's Dumb People Town with the great Brad Morris. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. So happy to be here with our good friend, Brad Morris, one of our favorite collaborators in this world.

We're going to find out on every level, dude, his podcast with Michael Bryan, who also was a guest on this is fantastic. Killer. We get to that. Daniel Van Kirk has days coming up. You can see him in the, in the spring. You want my movie wine club, go to a wine club. If this is should be before January 17th, you can have an opportunity to be at the LA

Premiere and the first time I'm gonna watch it in a theater with a whole bunch of people so Go to at wine club if you want to find details on how you can be there. Otherwise you watch it on right now Yeah, you can watch it right now on streaming and then rose gold tour dates I'll be running the hour out on tour Until I think mid-april when the special will drop so go to Daniel van Kirk for all that I think I'm gonna be in DC and Side note, I'm doing a live pen pals too, but you can check all that out at Daniel van Kirk I love it and amazing Brad Morris who is in probably my favorite commercial airing right now

Where you and the woman are the next-door neighbors who are the cat who are the fence commentary The commentary there are so many little things that you I know you threw in there that actually wound up being a few things Did make it in as it's a director who I've worked with a bunch and he's a friend now and he likes to play which is cool Yeah, that was fun. It's fun. I think it was like my It was my you know It's fun. I think it was like my, uh, it was my, you know, uh, reentry into having some hair and being on TV. So it was good. And it runs a lot. Silver Fox, silver Fox, silver, silver Fuks, silver Fuks runs a lot. And you're really funny.

And it's like, it's also a commercial. There are some where I watch them like, Oh, this thing again, this is funny. All of the Bill Glass, uh, he's He's your becoming your parents like just music and that is so great. I could watch those commercials over and over again They're brilliant same with yours. So that's happening and out there. So please look at that But your podcast with Michael Bryan business trips, I mean you guys have to come and do it Mike Mike and I are buddies from Even before second city days So so we were on a team together at Improv Olympic, and we've been buddies since we were 23 years old. And probably my closest early comedy collaborating friend,

and he's obviously gone on to do great stuff, and he's a great alt stand-up and SNL, obviously, and he created AP Bio and all kinds of other great stuff. But yeah, this was a, we wrote a script together off of a really dumb idea that we had years ago. Actually, first it was a pitch, but it was like basically two buddies who went to college together. He married my sister, so they're really close. Then he got divorced from my sister, but not contentious,

and they're all still family. And then they worked together for years and decided that they needed to have a show, a travel show that focused on the thing that they know very well, which is business travel. And they're idiots. I mean, they're truly morons. All the advice is terrible.

Advice is bad, and it's not about that at all all. Obviously by the time we got to do the podcast version. It was sort of Yeah, let's let's invite people on to come on who are you know improvisers and so we had some fun guests Come on the first swing through we're about to start doing the second batch, but Awesome. There's some there's some really there's some really stupid fun stuff on there and I'm really proud that they're half hour long because I feel like Joe Rogan, he set a length that's not acceptable for a podcast. For his listeners and viewers.

I will say I did just listen to a three hour Michigan podcast so I am crazy. You did? Well, but there's a lot to talk about. But I also appreciate the 30 minute because you feel accomplished. When you feel accomplished, it's most commutes. Yes. And if you want to rip off three or four in a row, go for it.

You know what I mean? On your next business trip, if you have your AirPods on the plane, you're going to check that out. My favorite thing that we did with these is that we decided at some point that it's played very much like these guys are Not polished. There's very little editing which you know, you'll be able to tell yeah early on But we decided to write ads But we would just go on Google and find like businesses that are local LA business race

I love and we would write ads for them now Now, the only parameter is you can't write huge jokes. You need to stay in the lane of what they actually do and keep it right in the pocket. So it's almost like earnest. Just a touch. Just a touch. But the amount of people that reach out and go, how did you get these people to sign on?

And we're like, we didn't. And we're hoping that they reach out. Free pub for the ads. Rompage Hardware on Western, absolutely. We've all driven by it. So many vape shops and laundromats. Next season, we'll do an ad for the cement mixing company in the middle of West Hollywood.

The one that's at La Brea and Santa Monica, it mixing company in the middle of West Hollywood. The one that's at La Brea and Santa Monica, it's just in the middle of West Hollywood is a full on cement factory. Yeah. So like to me, I just imagine you're doing like a very serious like Thomas rug cleaning. And like very serious about everything. And at the end, it's like we will also wash your baby.

Yeah. Thomas rug cleaning, we'll see you down there. It's like, wait, what? You got it. You're going to wash a baby? It is that. And get you get two of those We each write one of those per episode and at the end The thing that also happens in the universe of our podcast is that someone from the staff

This is my favorite someone from the staff of the podcast dies And they're always dealing with a brand new fresh death in the family. So there's an obituary It's very stupid. I recommend because they don't realize there's a serial killer among them. They don't and that's the only remnant from when we wrote the script, which was a TV script where they, the show opens on them like taking a meeting where like Jessica St. Clair is a new network boss at like a TLC who's saying I don't know I wanted to meet you guys in person I don't know how the show was ever

on the air for a season it's never going to be seen again this is the lowest ratings of any show that's ever been on television and we're going like so you're saying we're going to get a second season and she's she's like not at all but but the feds reached out and they're they think that there might be a serial killer who works as a boom guy. So we gotta keep the show going. So we have to keep the show going as a shell show. That's a hilarious fact.

And so that's the setup for it and that's so, we'll see, maybe one day we'll get to do it. I think you should, you're exploring it right now. All right, James, here we go. Story number two sent in by Kyle Andrews, at late night nachos, thank you brother. This headline says it all. A Monopoly game escalated into a fight with a samurai sword

that left two men in the hospital. Of course. You could have just stopped the fight. Wait, I always say that. I want to go directly to jail. I want to be the samurai sword, right? Yeah. Everyone wants to be the thimble.

I want to be the samurai sword. I want to be the race card. Top hat? Who do you choose? What's your go-to piece? I'm a thimble guy. Yeah To dogs a dog is good. They're a battleship cars To me just the structural integrity of the thimble. I feel like you can kind of just push it forward sometimes

Yeah, just kind of do its thing. Yeah race cars fun race cars always literal There an iron. Yes, there's yeah, there's an iron. Yeah, yeah sure I'm gonna iron over a park place right there we go a monopoly game ended in violence after a man brought out a Japanese Katana sword leading don't it's the Playing games if this is gonna. I'm not saying it's a negative thing about you, but there is just there's sword people and then Snake people they tend to overlap And then there's just people who aren't like sword people the four of us will probably never be have a sword in our house So I've ever there will just never be a sword Even if it's give me a kid Dan goof around sword. Can I say this and I grew up with swords

We have a spear in our house from Amy's aunt. She was part of Crippendorf's tribe. Thank you. She actually went down in Africa and photographed like indigenous people down there and they gave her a spear. It's above our like the bookcase in our living room. It's like hung up there. So this is a-

Maybe you could end up with a sword. I might be a sword. We had like wooden swords as kids, you kids. We bought it at the fair. Don't mess with me if we're playing dominoes in my house. In Oregon, Illinois at the Autumn Opera. So you did have swords. Dan, you all bought whips. I'm saying adult, that's like.

Dan, you all bought whips. No, he's not. If you're an adult. We grew out of it. You grew out of swords. If you have a sword and you're an adult and you're not in the commercial for the Marines. And you're not in the commercial for the Marines the few the proud the Marines

Wait, but my stepdad my stepdad broke out He whipped out his pocket knife at a restaurant the other day to show the waiter The waiter was saying and here's your steak knife and my stepdad goes. I already got one and he pulled out like that I was like Bob. This isn't Bob. No, no, it's a rating put the score now. It's grew away, but yeah This isn't Bob. I don't know. It's a rate. I put the score now score away, but yeah I'm not saying it's always a negative, but I just and also you find I have a silver Civil War Story on Marines. Okay fine, but I'm talking about people that are like how much is that? Katana I'm gonna need it, you know things things get a little unruly in the old apartment

I'm gonna read this next line. You're gonna learn everything.. All right. Sorry. A group of four people was, I know that sounds wrong. It's not a group. A group of four people were, was playing the classic board game on April 2nd on a sidewalk in forest Belgium. So it was a pickup monopoly. Yeah. You see two people. We got next. Yep. When's next? You have three hours from now. You have to monitor the wind so well. You have to do an out store Monopoly.

Paper weights on the money. Who's in charge of the bank? You can't turn your back for a hot sack of you. You guys played Monopoly Go, the deck card game? No. Oh my god. How is this? Is it like Pokemon Go?

That might be my Christmas Gifted three of you it's no it's a it's a it's a deck game based off Monopoly and it is a Thousand times more fun and fast than Monopoly. I like it. I like that. There's not all these pieces I mean, it's just the deck It's like what are you doing? Like if you're next in playing Street Monopoly and your sidewalks monopoly in your now you just like right and one Street Monopoly tour Oh, baby That's my god son Atlantic Avenue. Oh, baby. Yeah, everybody's nickname is one of the names of the product Baltic. All right, here we go

He's the group of four people are playing when a neighbor came out of his house wielding So he's not even part of the game. No, yeah He's I thought this was people as with most men and mad at each other as the game goes on all that real estate Yeah, somebody she ever noticed you'll play with monopoly and somebody there's always somebody who goes. Yeah, but you're like taking all my money That's it. Yeah, and then you have to explain. Yeah, right. That's what we're doing This is impersonal. It'd be like playing knockout remember basketball Yeah, it's somebody was like yeah, but I'm still want to keep right but you're out point. I'm not in the game anymore No, yeah goal is to knock you out

That's that's a thing. So meaty Libre a French juice favor noted that the group may have been homeless Okay, let him play monopoly and but like or they're the pick you can't find out All right may have been la Libre reported that those playing the game and the frustrated neighbor got into a verbal altercation Of course, they did the neighbor to soon join the fracas according to mail online Wait, so now another paper is covered. This is like an at you're reading an aggregate. You came male It was what time to in the afternoon? hmm Three if you're a 3 a.m. You need light 3 a.m.

You think you're Lantern in no, maybe under streetlight or so. That's how it's fair 3 a.m. 3 a.m. What do you think they're lanternin'? No, maybe under street light or something. That's not so fair. 3 a.m. I'm gonna say earlier, like a midnight. Midnight, okay. I just think there's something's going on

and he's like, I'm trying to go to sleep. If you guys don't shut up, I'm bringing the sword out. Randy, you are in the right ballpark. Wow. In right logic. Wow. It was 5 a.m. 5 a.m. So it's light out. And the neighbor was annoyed by how loud the group was.

That's it. You better cut that game off the Sun So I don't even know if this is this guy came out of his home. Mm-hmm Carrying a katana sword a Japanese sword with a single edge curved blade long grip. That was a samurai and feudal Japan Who is he? Another guy would describe me when a samurai sword is yeah, it's a greenly Then he got into a physical fight with one of the monopoly players according to mail online The player tried to grab the katana and remove the holster police said the Sun tried to get it back Okay, so you lost your sword? Yeah, but like you walk out with a sword if you start threatening the play bitch

Someone's gonna try and take it. Mm-hmm. That's like is in play if you're gonna go to a sword if you start threatening people to talk. That's in play, bitch. Someone's going to try and take it. That is in play. If you're going to play Monopoly, yeah. If you're going to bring a sword to a Monopoly game, you know. You're going to get jacked. You're going to get jacked. If you wanted to be the sword. Shwing.

Yeah. Way too big. The sword sheath was damaged in the scuffle explosion. Of course it was. Exposing the blade, which then sliced them both. Oh, right in the community chest. Hey. Both men, they in the community chest. Hey. Both men, they took that to chance.

Thank you. Both men were hospitalized with serious injuries with the Monopoly player being released the next day and the sword owner sustaining a deep artery cut. That's why you don't take the sword out. I think most people also just don't know where those arteries are. Right.

So they're not able to. I cut him, but he'll be fine. Is he gonna be fine? He's bleeding out. Arterial cut? He's bleeding out on Oriental. Is that even still allowed? And that's not racist. That's one of the properties. He's bleeding out on Pennsylvania Avenue. On Ventner. On Kentucky. On Kentucky or what was the name of the Illinois? R&R Railroad. Yeah, exactly. You try to stack up those. The Reading Railroad. Oh, you're a railroad guy?

Reading Railroad. The Reading Railroad. I always read it as a reading. Because if it's Reading Terminal, like it's Pennsylvania. Reading Pennsylvania. You're right. You're right, and I've been reading it wrong.

I've been reading it wrong. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Put your swords, guys. Put your swords down. Give me that. Sheee! For the listener. The man was initially whoa, whoa, put your swords down. Give me that! Sheee! The man was initially in a life-threatening situation, according to the Belgian newspaper.

It's interesting because he started out being a life-threatening person. And now he's in a life-threatening situation. Well the good news is, according to the Belgian newspaper Les Soirs, a third newspaper that's reporting on commenting on this, his current state is not known. So he could be dead. Also, that's how his family has described him for decades. That's reporting now commenting on this his current state is not known so he could be dead. Yeah That's how I family has described him for decades How's your son doing we don't know his current state is not He left it he left his sword on the plane and then he followed the sword

Tile attack on it. Yeah, I got a guy if you want a sword You would love a journey to find something around the world the journey to find the the sword you left in your red Highlander. That's a movie. Wasn't that a Mark Maron movie? Yeah. Okay. Uh, zone day police meaty, the police force, which oversees the forest and the surrounding areas did not immediately respond to his request for comments. So we don't know if he's alive or not. I'm gonna go with alive. Alive. Alive. And kicking. I would think so. I was looking to see if there was another guest in this thing, but there isn't isn't that insane?

It's an insane most insane part is that you're outside. I mean, I know if you're a person Yeah, who's outside five a.m. Monopoly even if you do not have a home if we didn't have a home and you guys are like Five a.m. Monopoly. I think I'd go no, let's go Let's do a five a.m. Monopoly. I'm that'd go no. Let's go. I'm gonna do a 5 a.m. Monopoly. That's not even when they started, right? So maybe they started at midnight. Who knows? This game's still going.

All right, well I got my third story coming up. Gives a little tease of what it is. It's about, it's maybe the best. It's about. It's about, it's maybe the best job, or the most successful a prank caller could possibly be. Wow. It's like maybe the most successful. prank caller could possibly be. It's like maybe the most successful.

I used to prank call my mom all the time. So this might be the most successful prank call of all time. We can talk about our favorite prank call. I'm gonna tease that on the other side of the way. Brad Morris is with us. His podcast, Business Trips with Mike O'Brien on this very network.

Just subscribe to it right now and just start getting the little 30 minute chunks for you. Bite size and it's beautiful. On the way to work. On the way to work. While you're doing Peloton. Saturday Night Live alum, second city alum. This is the highest level of county with amazing guest.

If you like seven minutes in heaven, you like some of those SNL buddies that come by. Come on, this is what it's all about. All right, we'll take a break. Come back, Brad Morris and we'll finish this thing out. This is Dumb People Town, we'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Hey gang, we are back. I've got the final story. I want to get into it. Before we do that, we should mention that and thank you. By the way, we mentioned this on these podcasts and you guys

come out to these shows and it means so much when you come up to us. We just, just happened in Springfield and we, this just happened in Cleveland. We Cleveland we're like hey I heard you guys were coming I made the trip or I we planned it out in advance that's why we give you plenty of time. If you are in the Pacific Northwest one night will be important we're actually gonna be there for two nights but one night at helium will be there Thursday the 4th. Thursday the 4th of January the 5th we're at the crocodile going up to Seattle one of our favorite clubs to perform at part of the wet city comedy festival. Uh, then the next at the beginning of the next month will be at back in Denver at

the comedy work south, which I love the beginning of March will be at Mark Ridley's comedy castle, which is going to be great. Nate Fridson, our old buddy, Nate Fridson is going to be featuring for us there. Then we go back to Minneapolis at the beginning of April, ACME comedy company like the fourth through the sixth. And then we're in moon tower. And then who knows what's going to be next. We want to put a date on the books to do a live dump people town at the bell house back in Brooklyn with Daniel. And of course,

we just did a thing with Keenan Thompson. He said he would do it. So all good stuff in the future, superscores.com check out all that stuff out. And let me jump into this. Shall we? This was sent in by Eric James Hiltner and I am a Hilder honors member. Our Hilder honors members, uh, at EJ three K. And I love that photo of Paris Hildner, her daughter. Unbelievable. Okay. This is the headline posing as owner, collar dupes employee into stealing lots of money from a business. This happened in Vegas recently. This is good. Yeah. Yeah.

They got somebody in like the, one of the cages to like take a whole bunch of money to a destination and leave it there. They said they were like one of the owners of the, at a casino. Hot damn. Right. Here we go. Okay. This is in Marinette W.L.U.K. A caller convinced a gas station employee to steal a certain amount of money from an adjoining restaurant

by posing as the business' owner Marinette. Honey, where do you want to eat tonight? Do you want to go to the French place or to the restaurant attached? You want to go to the Blimpies at the Arco? No, yeah, let's do that. Arco Blimpies? Yeah, Arco Blimpies, not a bad idea.

Because I need to fill up, I need to fill up, and then I need to fill up. You know, there's a lot of places in the South, there's like amazing restaurants attached to gas stations. Barbecue stuff. Oh. Barbecue, fried chicken. Sometimes that's it.

I know we're joking about it, because that's not what we know. But there is a whole culture down South. Louisiana, Texas, where you get the best barbecue is at a gas station. Best tacos in LA, Leo's Tac tacos at Venice and La Brea guys Yeah, let's do it. All right, according to investigators the employee of Eagle Express George Webb What is that is George Webb?

Someone help us with this received a call around what time on Thursday to Not stick with that 2 p.m. 2 p.pm. What do you think? 4pm. And I was actually gonna say four. Yeah. Get your answers in town is because this person got a call at around 2am on Thursday. Oh, so there is night shift. Not a lot of action happening night shift. Someone calls you. The caller told the employees that he needed to. Okay. This is what he said. Okay. The caller told the employee he needed to check the expiration date on the fire

extinguishers. Do not believe that. Do not fall for that. Guys changing your blinker. Two AM you wake up in the middle of the night with a start. I need, I need, there's an emergency. Your epidermis is showing what's what. So Daisy, my daughter was flying here for Thanksgiving and she was on the plane and there was a seat open in between and there was a guy on the end who slept the entire time except for like 35 or 40 minutes before the plane landed. He woke up with a start and then immediately started watching master chef.

Mike, did he say to himself, I gotta get, I gotta catch up with his wife. And so that they're on the same episode when he gets home, he had a whole plan to watch six of them. And then he woke up and realized, what did I do? What did I do? What did I do? Uh, wait, one of our best prank calls, which I don't want to, I want to break into this. Go for it. One of the best prank calls we ever made was with our buddy at Michigan. Yeah, we were sophomores. He was a freshman. Eric Wildstein. Yeah. I don't think he's even in comedy, but he was a good improviser for this thing.

We called some kid, we were so into the jerky boys. This is like 92, 92, 92. Okay. So it's like right in the wheelhouse. We call it was 91. It was fall of 91. We call the dorms. You just dial like seven, six, four, and then any number, any combination, you're into a dorm room, right? We call a dorm room and we're like, hello, this is, we got this number, we have this number in our files and we said we were a local campus video, campus video store. And we're like attached to this number is the rental of the movie, uh, Woody Allen's bananas and it has been here. Um, and it hasn't been returned and it's now it's like two years old.

And the guy's like, well, I just moved into the dorm like three months ago. It's not me. And I'm like, well, I'm sorry, that's not your problems. That's not our problem, sir, but it is attached to this phone number. So it is your problem. He's like, you called the dorms. I'm like, well, I'm sorry, that's not your problems. That's not our problem, sir. But it is attached to this phone number, so it is your problem. He's like, you called the dorms. I'm like, you can make up any excuse you want to not pay this, but you owe us $63.75 for Woody Allen's bananas.

And he's like, what are you talking about? Freaking out. He's like, let me talk to your manager. I'm like, sir, I don't want to involve my manager. Let me talk to your manager. OK, fine. I'll let you know. Hand the phone to our buddy.

And he's like, yes, sir. You are the person who owes $63. And so he goes, I can't own it. I'm calling my parents. Freaking out, freaking out. I'm calling my parents. Literally, I think we had this guy on the phone for like 40 minutes.

You guys are wild. It was like, and B, well, what did it be done? Just pay it and be done with it. Right. And be done with it. And the guy was amazing. He just kept saying it. Right. And be done with the guy. I just keep saying that I received a call around two AM the caller called the caller told the employee he needed to check the expiration date on fire.

Extinguishers. You told the employee to expect a delivery and that the owner needed to pay 25% of the how much bill for the delivery. Well, it's worth stealing, right? I mean, you're setting up the fact that you're going to deliver. It's a $2,000 bill, so he wants $500. He wants $500. $8,000 bill, he wants $2,000.

Okay. $4,000, $1,000. Get your answers in, Townies, because I actually don't even know what the, I think I know what this is. $14,000 bill and he wants 25%, so it'd be $3,500. $3,500. Yeah. $3,500 he wants 25%. So it'd be 3,200, 3,500. 3,500. Yeah. So $3,500 he wants. Right. So 3,500 in cash ready for him to pick up when the employee explained that he did

not have access to that amount of money that call the caller. Right. Sounds like a you problem. It's a YP, not an MP. Okay. So he's caller told him to break into the safe in an office in the restaurant portion of the building to get the cash. So this person must have been staking out knowing that there's a safe in the restaurant. Right? Break into it. Former employee. Meanwhile a passerby discovered the abandoned gas station

with the smashed glass door and called law enforcement. The actual owner of the business was able to contact the employees, but not before the employee deposited how much into the Bitcoin machine. Oh, it's gone. 1600 bucks. What do you think? 800 bucks, 600 bucks and then another 1200 bucks into the red box. Get your answers in $900. Oh, we were all around it. I kind of all around it.

Damn. The employee who was on the phone with the original caller for, and we're going to get out of here on this, believed he was speaking with the legitimate owner whom he had met before. How do you not know? This is, OK, this is more proof and evidence that you as an owner need to stop by and so that people get

to know your voice. Yeah. Yeah. Just show. So clearly this guy, like just very hands off, right? Yeah. So how long and we'll get out of here on this. How long were they on the phone with this guy? A long time. How long were they on the phone to get him to do the thing that was smashing the other so they could smash you get somebody who just starts working somewhere and really needs the job yeah you can fuck with them private right because they don't know who the owner and they really need this job right just started so like oh if that's policy I got you probably it's an

hour hour the conversation what do you think 36 minutes? What do you think Dan? I'm gonna go 45 minutes 45 minutes. All right His name is Brad Morris in the story. No, his name is Brad Morris He has a podcast called business trips. That is amazing subscribe to it now with Michael Bryan Michael Brian put fun comedy in your life. Yeah, you need this you love this share it with friends It's for laughing. Yeah, you will love it and And enjoy him and enjoy both of these guys as they appear. I didn't even mention this in the character episode of a view from the cheap scenes, which will, will be happening at the end of this year. Wine, wine, wine club, wine club, wine club, wine club coming up.

Daniel Van Kirk and all the Rose gold tours, Daniel van Kirk.com. We love you guys. He was on the phone with the employee for two and a half hours. Oh my god. That was my first guess. Really? You were going to say two and a half? That wouldn't have gone. The whole thing would have. Two and a half! What do you have to say to somebody? You've got to be an incredible improviser to keep that going for two and a half hours. And just also at two and a half hours to get somebody to do something for you at 2 a.m

It till 430 or 30 in the morning. How many times do you say so what else can I tell you? Is like never your mom's been she's been living there for a while Never underestimate the motivations that come from loneliness, that's right Oh, right, you know, and if you two people, if they're both kind of lonely. If you're working the night shift, you got no one coming in and no one talking. This is suddenly sounding like a genius plan. It's insane.

Or like. To make a friend. Or this is like the less violent version of that movie Phone Booth. Right, right. With Kiefer Sutherland as like, I'm in the phone booth. Two and a half hours though, man,

at some point somebody was like, can I call you right back, I need to just call you right back. Two and a half hours is how long, no, no, no, no, two and a half hours is how long Michael Jackson would talk to an Australian 11 year old, okay, on the phone. Groom him up, just groom him up.

Two and a half hours is that you just entered Act Three of Killers of a Flower. Two and a half, I was gonna say, two and a half hours is the first half of the Irishman. All right. Uh, there you go. That is the show. Brad Morris. We love you, buddy. Love you guys. Business trips. We love it. And, uh, oh shit guys, we gotta get back to work.