Dumb People Town - Brad Williams - Talk to the Arm

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

This week Brad Williams visits town. To start, Brad tells a story about meeting his hero! In story 1, a man deals with a long time arm injury. In story 2, a gamer makes a costly error! 

Star Pains, I know. Make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Man, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Hungry Down is Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town

Population you Population Williams Brad Williams Brad Williams What's up, buddy? So, uh Hey guys another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Williams. Brad Williams. Brad Williams. What's up, buddy? So, uh... Hey, guys. Dude, we were talking

right beforehand about Comedy Works. Denver, your... Is it your hometown? I mean, it's not my hometown. I'm from Orange County, but I'm sort of their adopted bastard son.

You're huge. Yeah. You're a huge... Why'd you make a bastard? Yeah, exactly. I couldn't tie the knot with someone? Yeah, you know.

When they made you? Something happened. All right. They love you. They love you there and you're a huge Broncos fan. Massive.

So speaking of, you just did Comedy Works before the end of the year and then you were telling us about this Elway thing which I was like, shut up and then tell us when you're on the air.

So what happened was I did Comedy Works Downtown which any comic will tell you one of the best clubs if when you're on the air. So what happened was I did Comic Works Downtown, which any comic will tell you, one of the best clubs, if not the best in the country. And there was a guy there that works with John Elway at his automotive companies. He sees me,

and I talk about being a Broncos fan while I'm on stage, and he gets in contact with me and goes, hey, we do a Christmas party for all the John Elway motor groups, and would you like to come play the Christmas party? And I go, fuck yeah. That's a rhetorical question. Is Elway going to be there?

That was my next question, and their answer is he only missed one, and that's because they flexed a Broncos game to Sunday night. That had no chance of happening this past year because we saw that's all right uh rebuilding come back but but uh so i was like yeah i'm absolutely in i've been a lifelong broncos fan uh i i have i've had a signed elway jersey in my home or apartment that's moved around with me the last five times I've moved. Shadow box. Yes. And that's my guy. Some people have whoever your athlete is. Ours is Jose Oquendo or Ozzie Smith.

There you go. Those two guys were like larger than life, people that we've got to meet. Jose Oquendo was smaller than life. He was smaller than life. He was about life size. He was three quarters life. Tell me how small he was, Sklar Brothers.

Tell me how short he was. Tell me how big this puny man. I don't think you would get it. Oh, that's why I can't watch. You wouldn't understand. I can't watch Arizona Cardinals games, A, because they suck, B, because then I get to hear the damn announcers talk about Kyler Murray being 5'10 and how brave he is at 5'10",

and how much his life must have sucked because he's 5'10". Yeah, like even like, I mean, he's a cheater, but Altuve. 5'5", 5'6"? Dan, I knew you were going to bring up Altuve because I heard someone banging a trash can. This is not a sports podcast. But I want to say that my people are Doug Buffon and Walter Payton. All right. So you want to say that my people are Doug Buffon and Walter Payton. All right.

And you met Doug Buffon. All right. So you go to do this. Yeah. I take the gig. And as you guys, as we all know, doing these corporate gigs, it's not always the best situation. Difficult. Comedy?

Difficult. Have I told you the story of when the Sklars did an RV trade show? Hold on. No, wait. It gets better. The green room was in an RV, which was actually very nice. Super nice. I wanted to stay in there the whole time.

But then they get up on stage and they're like, you know, it's about 60 feet from us to the first table. And they go, and they're like, you could drive an RV through here. And the guy goes, well, technically, that's because we have to drive an RV through. That's how they look at them. You drive them in between the stage. We're like,

what are we doing here? So that's the first person in the front row is 60 feet away. Imagine the last person. The last person is at a different show. They're at a different show.

It's at a different casino. And just so everybody knows, we just said all those things. None of that even, you haven't even gotten to the point of the comedy you're doing. So that's why corporate gigs tend to be, because there's all these things. So is Elway there?

Elway shows up. Oh my God. He's, first of all, he's huge. Huge. Like he's an athlete. Six five? Yeah, he's an athlete and his hands are the size of catcher's mitts. They're like pads.

And it's John Elway. And I don't get starstruck when I meet people But this is my dude Hall of Famer And I'm the guy that will actually make the argument of GOAT Where you say like Tom Brady More Super Bowls I go Tom Brady had the greatest coach of all time

He had Rob Gronkowski He had Randy Moss Look at the NFL Top 100 How many Denver Broncos are on there? Elway And arguably Peyton Manning That's it Terrell Davis He's not on NFL Top 100. How many Denver Broncos are on there? Not Manning. Elway. And arguably Peyton Manning. TD. That's it.

Terrell Davis. He's not on the Top 100, but he's a Hall of Famer. But yes, it wasn't until he got the running game that he got the two Super Bowls. Go deep. DM me. I'll talk to you about this. I'll argue. Stanford Cal, 82.

All right, all right, all right. If the band doesn't come on the field, you win the game. No. So that's happening. lady too. If the band doesn't come on the field, you win the game. So that's happening and they say, okay, you're going on after the president of John Elway Motors

makes a statement. A hilarious statement. And this is where you guys are all nodding like, oh, I bet that went horribly because that's what it does. That grinds the night to a halt. Yes.

Then they go, and your comedian is Brad Williams. Yes. He has appeared on – no, no, no. Don't say the name at the beginning. Save it for the end. I literally – he says, what should I say to bring you up? And I go, I'm not going to tell you. I got two pieces of paper.

I wrote it out. Of course. You wrote it out. Verbatim. Read this. I go, don't two pieces of paper. I wrote it out. Of course, you wrote it out. And I went, read this. I go, don't, just read this. And of course, then he starts reading it. I wrote a couple of jokes into the thing. So my intro got some laughs.

He thinks, oh, I got the laughs. Goes off script. No! Stay on target, stay on target. Jeez. And so he. Goes off script. No. Stay on target. Stay on target. Jeez. And so he starts going off script. He reveals something that I told him that is part of my act, which is a big reveal, the fact that I just had a daughter.

And I was about to have a daughter at that point. So it ruins like four jokes. Yeah, and I'm like, all right, I got to redo that in my head. But then he brings me up. The lights are way too high. Of course, everywhere. But that means that I am looking at John Elway, who's sitting in the front row, staring at me. Oh, my God.

Doing stand-up with his massive teeth. You cannot miss this. We've said this before, And we say this every time We go to comedy works Teeth and hands Go hand We've never seen John Elway and Gary Busey

In the same room Same person Same guy Morphing in it I actually think As he gets older He starts to look like Miles the Bronco

He's looking more and more Like the logo You know how you start To look like your pets Yeah He is transitioning Into Ric Flair Everyone needs to be Okay with it Right By the way Did you know that Ric F? Yeah. He is transitioning into Ric Flair. Everyone needs to be okay with it.

Right. By the way, did you know that Ric Flair, I just found this out about Ric Flair, he is the only person that has an American Express black card whose name on the black card is not their legal name. It's just real. No, it's not even Ric Flair. What is it? It's Nature Boy.

No. That's pretty good. Yeah. He's the only guy that has that, and I think that's who should have that. University of Michigan's own? Yeah. All right, go ahead. So I go on stage.

I start telling jokes. I get to the part about my daughter, and this is no bullshit. This is 100% true. I named my daughter Elway. Oh, man. I know this to be true. And this is before i know this to be true and this is before i was going to do the gig uh my it was my wife's idea that that that we were going to name our daughter elway because l yeah l ellie those are two great names and um way so e-dubs uh actually

i named my daughter Buffon. Get you, you Buffon. El Jue in Spanish means the dude. So I think that's kind of cool. Oh, that's cool. Even though it's a... El Jue. Yeah, this is El Jue. Gender roles, okay.

Sure, gender fluid. And so that's true because my wife is a hippie from San Francisco. She likes really unusual names. Great name. I like very traditional names. We were arguing and she's like, how about we name her Persephone? And I go, you mean Stephanie?

She goes, no, Persephone. I go, that's a horrible idea. How about Elway? Yeah, every day of her life, she's going to be making that correction. How about Shanahan? How about Easy Ed McCaffrey? Stanford zone.

Yeah, so, and my wife looked at the signed jersey I have on the wall and said, what about Elway? And my first reaction is absolutely not. And then the second reaction is, Elway Williams. How do you not? She's like a black blues guitarist. I'm going down to hear

a set from Elway Williams. It's like he plays the washboard the whole night. I go on stage and I say that to John while I'm on stage, and I go, just do me one favor, just don't fuck up the name. Yeah. Because you know there's a guy out there who five years ago had a son, and was like, you named him after my favorite comedian.

This is Cosby. I'm really looking forward to you being a good person. Yeah. And John laughed. And when the king laughs, everyone laughs. That's magic. I got, no, it was John Elway. It wasn't Magic Johnson.

And I got done with my set. Magic Waves would be a great name. I'm sorry. That's your next kid's name. John Elway starts the standing ovation. He stands up, and I'm like, yes! Thank you. I got that on – I put that on my Instagram of, like,

John Elway giving me a standing ovation. That's awesome. The craziest thing ever. He took your phone out. All right, I love it. And then he comes up to me and goes, oh, man, what are you doing tomorrow? And I was like, well, I have to fly home tomorrow. And he goes, oh, I would have invited you to the game tomorrow.

And I go, I'm going to the game tomorrow. I'm flying home on Monday. I call my, at that point, eight-and-a-half-month pregnant wife and go, ah. Can you not have this baby? Can you not have this baby? How big of a cork can you find? Plug it up. Think calm thoughts.

Plug it up. And God bless my wife. She goes, no, you stay. You absolutely stay. You do this. Stayed, went to the game, watched the game from John's box. Which was madness. Got a bunch of merchandise signed.

So yeah, that's... I love it. They say never meet your heroes. That person wasn't talking about John Elway. That's phenomenal. He's awesome. Or Weird Al. That's awesome.

Weird Al is amazing. He's the best. If he's your hero, you're the luckiest dude in the world because he's the best. And he's exactly who you think he's going to be. He'll be just as funny as you think he's going to be. And then sweeter than you would ever imagine. Should we take a break? Yeah, that's a good story one.

That's a great story one. That's Brad's story. We just checked it out. When we come back, we'll get into the dumb. Yeah. Dumb People Town with Brad Williams. Stick around. Make us down for more Dumb People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Brad Williams is with us. I took three months off for paternity leave to be a good dad. Now you gotta go make some money for that kid. Man,

Asian dwarf babies are not cheap. They're not. Don't I know it. You're talking about buying and selling them, right? No.

I was looking in the market to buy a couple. Yeah. No, I have one. I got a whole palette of them at Costco. Stop it. I'm starting a new reality Yeah. No, I have one. I got a whole pallet of them at Costco. Stop it.

I'm starting a new reality show. It's called Flip That Baby. Oh, I'm ready. And where you get an Asian dwarf baby and you try to resell it. Can I tell you, I used to love the moment where you're holding your baby and your hand's on the chest and you're helping it burp

from behind. That felt so fun. This is fun. So the Asian dwarf baby, flip that baby, we just put in a guest bathroom. Is that wrong? Well, so here's the deal. Your baby just came into a world

that we believe is dumber. I agree. It's getting dumber. Or dumb's getting louder. Dumb's getting louder. You travel around the country. You know how dumb can actually be very pervasive

and how it can like kind of just, look, I'm sure you deal with a bunch of stupidity around you all the time. What? With alcoholics on a Friday night late show during the meet and greet? You're a stupid person magnet. You know this. How dare you talk

about me like that? We're twins. We get it. No, no, no. We are the same. Drunk people, either they... Now that you have fame as well, people either recognize us or see us as twins, and we are dumb drunk magnets. Either way, you're kind of now part of this thing. So we have stories sent to us by our fans and awesome people, and so let's jump into one right now while we prepare.

Our second story of the day. Yeah. The first one was Elway. I know. Standing out. All right. Also, this says Edmonton. Then it says, warning, this story contains imagery which some readers may find disturbing.

I disagree, but you guys are good to see. Okay. I like that the warning's there. That's how it looks. And it's from Edmonton, so it's got offensive imagery, so I can only imagine it's Wayne Gretzky as a St. Louis Blue. Oh, they're disparaging hockey on this article. Hosers.

I should do it. Mark Holmgren was 17 years old when he borrowed his brother's motorbike. Good Canadian name. Holmgren. The Mike Holmgren of Canadians. Mark says that that was a decision that would alter his life forever. To borrow his motorbike? Yeah.

Yes. Quote, I was just driving too fast. Wait, is it a motorcycle? No, it's a motorbike. It borrow his motorbike? Yes. I was just driving too fast. Wait, is it a motorcycle? No, it's a motorbike. No, it's a motorbike. No, it's great. You got the motorbike. You drive up there to Timmy Horton's and get yourself a coffee. So it's like a Vespa. No.

It's a motorbike. No, it's a motorbike. Motorbike. There's no R. Motorbike. Quote no R. Motorbike. Quote, I was just driving too fast. I turned a corner and I wiped out. I tore the nerves in my shoulder. It was a brachial plexus injury from that day.

I could never use it ever again. There is no way you know what a brachial plexus is until the doctor tells you. I know it now. Couldn't move it. Couldn't feel it. It's your simple brachial plexus is until the doctor tells you what it is. I know it now. Couldn't move it, couldn't feel it. It's your simple brachial plexus. No, it's not a simple brachial plexus. I knew it was that when I felt it.

I tried to shake it off for three months. Brachial plexus. I broke my old plexus. I got brachial plexus. Brachial plexus is a solid third-round draft pick. Brachial plexus. Great catching radius plexus is a solid third-round draft pick. Brachial plexus.

Brachial plexus. Great catching radius. Great catching radius. On the field, he moves a lot faster. Didn't he go to the club and wear sweatpants and had a gun? That's Pletsch Gilbert. Oh, sorry. I'm a different person.

Ironically, he shot himself in the brachial plexus. Yeah, in the brachial plexus. Shot himself in the foot. So he says it was an injury that day. He couldn't use it. He couldn't move it. He couldn't feel it. All right? day. He couldn't use it. He couldn't move it. He couldn't feel it. All right.

Okay. Then what happened? Okay. It can't just be that. Because that happens. People fall off ATVs, motorbikes. All the time. Motorbikes are not safe. If we know anything about motorbikes, it's that we know they're not safe.

I did another corporate gig where my opening act was on some guy's ranch, and he's like, we got ATVs. Ride the ATVs all around the ranch. Opening act goes, fuck yeah. Opening act did not make it to the stage that night because opening act flipped over the bars. Oh, my God. He was later fine, but they had to call the ambulance, get him out of there. And it's like, all right, I guess I'm bringing myself on stage. Any time you see other people who do this all the time be like,

come on, let's do it. Don't do it. If you have a show that night, you don't do it. Don't do it. You're an adult. You get to say no. Go to a movie. Go to a diner. You get to say no thanks. Keep your plexical brachial plexus intact.

Please keep it all... So what happens after that? Holmgren carried the dysfunctional arm around, attached to him, for how long? How long do you guys think... It happened in 2017.

And how long before he decided to do something about his unmovable, no-feeling, unusable arm? First of all, this reminds me of a quote from one of the greatest movies of all time. You guys probably know it. I've seen it a million times. It's called Surf Ninjas. Surf Ninjas.

There's some character that's in a wheelchair, and I just love the quote. I can't even tell you the premise of the movie anymore, but he yells this out at some point during the movie. Don't maybe come out there and beat you with the premise of the movie anymore, but he yells this out at some point during the movie. Don't make me come out there and beat you with the leg of mine that no longer works, because I'll do it. Okay, so don't make me come out there and beat you with the arm of... So how long was this guy saying that?

I would say, let's go five years. Five years. Jesus Christ. Even with the free health care in Canada. Let's go five years. This guy didn't want to... He kept thinking it was going to get better. Yeah. And he didn't want to pay an kept thinking it was going to get better. Yeah.

And he didn't want to pay an arm and a leg for a second. Come on. You're a professional comedian. You get paid to do that. All right. I think he did it

for two months. Two months. Two months, didn't tell anyone and then was like, I can't live with this. I think he did it for three months.

Three months. Okay. I'm going to go multiple years. You are really. One of you is closer than the other two. Okay. I'm going to go multiple years. You are really, one of you is closer than the other two. Okay. That's all right.

That's Brad. Then how did that work? It is Mark Holmgren carried his dysfunctional arm around attached to him on working for play along townies wherever you are because,

and we're only in the middle of this story. He did it for 19 years. Oh, my God! You were right. You were undercutting. Thank you for committing to that. Why were you so conservative on that, Brad?

Jesus Christ. He did it for nearly two decades before. The dead arm could have voted. Yes. That's what I call my wife, my dysfunctional arm. Dysfunctional dead arm. Dead arm. She's like a dead arm. Have you had her meatloaf? It'sal dead arm. She's like a dead arm.

Have you had her meatloaf? It's a dead arm. She's got two dead arms now. I got this and I got... So he's been Bob Dolan for nearly two years. Two decades. And you know, he's like, oh, it's my brachial plexus. I'd love to help you move, but look at me. Is he embarrassed

that he wiped out on the thing? He's like, I don't want to tell him that I wiped out on the bike. By the way, that's a great, like, yeah. It's a badge of honor. You're still alive. How did you break your arm or whatever? Yeah, I was on a motorbike. Yes.

Wiped out. That's a way better story than like. You can also embellish it. Like I was doing some crazy trick. I was trying out for the X Games. I wanted to be that guy in the Jeep commercial. I kneeveled over seven people on that shoulder. I kneeveled over seven people on that boom shoulder.

I kneeveled. But by 19 years, there's kids in the military that are like, we've heard the story, man. My whole life. Yeah. Did you say that arm could vote? I'm just getting your joke. Yeah. Thank you. I thought that joke was better than the reaction.

Yeah, I loved it. I just heard, no, no, no, it's good. Now, Holmgren, now 37, carried his dysfunctional arm around for nearly two decades before deciding it was time to do something about it this year. Quote, at first it was, I'm going to wait. They'll be able to fix it. They're going to come up with some new stuff. Give me a robotic arm, stuff like that.

A robot. What? I know. Jesus. He's like an AI. No, you know my idea for a recreation of a show? Jack's Remote Combat, right? This is my idea for a show. Jack's Remote Combat like an AI. No, you know my idea for a recreation of a show? This is my idea for a show. Jack's Remote Combat.

Good reference. Thanks, man. Dan, the $6 million man today with America's healthcare system, like all he has is like a bionic kneecap. $6 million is like a few months in the hospital, maybe like a new kneecap. Yeah. You don't have a limp anymore. That's why you're-

That's all they could afford him was $6 million. And he has to go fight crime with like a bum leg. In the same way that the original guy did. Only you guys will get this reference and I hope more people do,

but basically the modern $6 million man is just Jimmy Schubert. Yeah. Yep. He had a big limp. Yep. He got some knee stuff

down and now he doesn't limp. No, he's fine. And he's still funny as hell. Go see Jimmy Schubert when he's in your town. Hilarious guy. Hilarious fine. And he's still funny as hell. Go see Jimmy Schubert. Hilarious guy. Hilarious guy. Loved him in Go. Unbelievable in Go, Jimmy Schubert.

So he was like, yeah, I figured they'd come up with something new, give me a robotic arm, stuff like that. And I've been waiting too long. So he was at some sort of like tête-à-tête with the medical community. Based on who? I've been waiting too long? You're the one choosing to wait. No one's making you wait.

No one made you wait. This is such a defeated thing for a guy who wanted his arm to work again. Quote, I just decided to remove it. Move on, I guess. What? From your arm, dude. Remove his arm. Did he 127 hours it?

Maybe. Canadian style? He contacted? Where you just take an ice skate and start chipping away? Look, we need to get, my wife and I, my family, need to get a new refrigerator. We've been waiting. Yeah, you've been saying this forever. My freezer is like broken and then it works again and then it doesn't work again.

I'm like, can we live without a freezer? Maybe. You can relate to this guy. You can't live without an arm. All right, fine. This is like a European of you living without a freezer. Did he really remove his arm? No.

Well, he wanted to. He contacted doctors at the University of Alberta Hospital who agreed to amputate his right arm in April. However, Holmgren... It was his left arm, and that was the problem. God damn it, Holmgren. All's coming from the right arm. Gotta know what it is. They amputated the wrong arm.

That's right. Now he's got no arm. God, I hope so. However, Holmgren didn't want to depart with his arm forever. He wanted to have it preserved. Nope. First, they sent me a paper. I signed it, sent it back to the doctor. He brought it into the surgery room with me

and just showed me all the doctors in there, and they were all like, yep, we know. You're the guy with the 20-year-old dead arm. Jesus. That's what you don't want. You never want to be a patient. There he is. If a doctor says to another doctor, there he is, about you, that means everyone's been

talking about your dumbness for a while. Quote, or not a quote, about a month after the surgery, Holmgren, Mark, got a call from the lab saying his arm was ready to be picked up. Quote, I carried it out of the hospital in a garbage bag, said Holmgren. I actually kept it in my freezer for about a month. It's something Jason couldn't do. I couldn't do that. He admits that shopping around and asking taxidermy businesses to clean up a human arm was a bit of a challenge because he wants to keep it. A couple of them told me no, like right away. There was no way they were going to touch human body parts. But after a few weeks of searching, Legends Taxidermy, great plug.

Legends Taxidermy. That's why they're legendary. He ain't going to charge you an arm and a leg. I need to get that in every time. Stuff that arm. Come on. Is he in a Def Leppard cover, man? Oh, come on.

Legends Taxidermy in Drayton Valley agreed to the job. Imagine being his real estate agent going, all right, we're going to get you into an adjustable arm. He's my right-hand man. You too. Add Sklar Brothers. Add Brad Williams. Don't add Sklar Brothers for the adjustable six-year arm.

Hey, I did an adjustable arm. That's an intelligent arm joke. Mine was don't pay an arm and a leg for it. Don't pay an arm and a leg for the fourth time. Right-hand man joke. I went and dropped it off, and I got it back just before Christmas. That's a Hamilton reference. Here we go.

Merry Christmas. You're getting your arm back. Holmgren even brought his... All I want for Christmas is my arm. Yeah, you ready to be glad you're not related to this guy? Mark Holmgren even brought his skeletal arm to Christmas dinner with his family. No! I thought it'd be a good centerpiece.

Look at it. You can plant some flowers out of it. I mean, if you had to make the choice between the arm or my racist uncle, I may choose the arm. I'm sitting next to the arm. I don't want to sit next to Uncle Dave. Holmgren, give me a hand over here.

Look, I'd rather talk to the arm than Uncle Jeff, who's going to make a whole big thing about Inuits. I don't want to hear it. Talk to the arm. The face ain't listening. Some of them wanted to touch it. Some of them don't want to touch it. It's just mixed feelings when people see it.

No shit. You mean the wide range of spectrum when someone sees a fucking arm on the table? A human arm at a dinner table? The Edmontonian plans to show more friends and family his limb before retiring. Mom, do we have any more arm? Yeah, there's a little more arm in the kitchen.

Do you want white meat or dark meat on the arm? Give me everything from above the elbow. I just want above the elbow. Put some of the green bean casserole in the sandwich. Do me a favor. Do me up, Tom. Okay, listen to this. The Edmontonian, sorry. Make a wish on the elbow.

The arm's a little gamey for me. I'm sorry. He plans to show more friends and family his limb before retiring it. This arm retired 20 years ago. What do you mean retiring it? Does he send it up to the rafters? What are you, Brett Favre? Retire it already for Christ's sake. Quote, I'm just gonna

keep it probably behind the sink in the kitchen. I'm happy I did it. It's just not forever. Behind the sink in the kitchen. Okay, I'm gonna show you the picture of this guy. You're gonna be like, oh, that's him. Look at this fella. Wait, is that the arm he's holding? Yes! And he's holding the arm.

He's holding his skeletal arm. It's a skeletal arm. Wow. He looks like he's on Canadian pawn shop. Pawn stars. Canadian duck dynasty. He also looks like he took what is supposed to be an electric fireplace and mounted it. Canada goose dynasty. And mounted his

electric fireplace as a television. Look at that. That is true. What's on tonight? The fire again? That's a worse decision Look at that. That is true. What's on tonight? The fire again? That's a worse decision than the arm. And you know,

the last time he had two working arms is when those throw pillows were new. There's a lot of sweat in those throw pillows. You need to post this picture on.

If you are, if you listen to this show, and I know there are thousands, tens of thousands of people listen to this show, and you don't are tens of thousands of people listening to this show. He put a lot of blood, sweat, and arms into that apartment. Please like our Facebook page.

Please join it. All these pictures are on it. You can comment on it. Become part of the community. Is that the story? That's story number two. Oh, my God. Story number two.

Story number two features something that the guy didn't have, which is two arms. When we come back, can you give us a little taste of our third story, what we're going to hear? Yes, I totally can. We have a guy who was way too into video games and paid the price for it. Okay, there we go. Get ready, townies. Got one more segment with Brad Williams. We'll be right back after this.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. All right, Dan, what you got for us? Bring us on, brother. All right. Whoops.

According to South... Oh, boy. I know. Whoops, there it is. I always say this. I'm sorry. It's one of my running jokes. If you listen to the show a lot, this is like a real friendship. Friends talk to each other about the same shit all the time.

Whoops. This reminds me of what I hate when a menu talks to you. Yep. You're gonna love these hams. Nope. Stop. Stop telling me. You don't even know how excited you're gonna be. I know. I know how excited I am. Guess what we did with these chicken fingers.

Let me gauge my level of excitement menu. Right. Exactly. Let me be in control. excitement menu. Right, exactly. Let me be in control. But these articles talking to us. Whoops! This is short but weird. Good third story. Short but weird.

That can describe me. That's right. Many things in this room right now. Folks. According to South China Morning Post, a man in China spent an eye watering 1.4 million dollars is i is that eye watering mouthwater wrong mouth no i like was this one of those weird translations like the chinese bakery yeah where it's like oh you did not mean to call it that yeah yeah did you hear about that car that just came out what was that oh it It was in Europe. It was... By the way, good job for a car being that confident

in its sexuality to come out like that. I mean, it had been a long time. He finally knows what it is. It's actually a truck. I think it's a Subaru. And it's like the Forrester Utility Customized Kit Edition. So it's Fox.

And they didn't know when they put it in English that it was going to say fuck. Which ironically, because no one fucks in a Subaru. I know. Car looks dope. But everybody freaked out. And I'm like, there are people who will want to buy this car just because it's called the fuck edition. Who doesn't want to buy the fuck car?

The fuck mobile? Yeah. What's that? That's my fuck car. Fuck mobile. All right. So that was a fun one. They have kit cars

Now they have fuck cars Alright This guy in China Spent an eye watering 1.4 million dollars On his character In an MMORPG Which is a

Multimedia Mass multiplayer Role playing game Mass multiplayer Online role playing game So I saw a whole story On Vice about There's a guy

Which is what Fortnite is There's a guy in fortnight is there's a guy in Canada yeah who started to do like people could come to his character and bring their characters and just start saying prop you know basically like therapy type thing right Wow as these characters and I don't know how people found out about it I don't know how I happen but now he's like the most famous wealthiest dude ever. He's like in Toronto and he's just,

and people from all over the world, just, you know, like a tiny little Q-Bert will come up. He's a Fortnite therapist? Kind of. Like a little Q-Bert will come up to him

and be like, I have a problem doing this. And then he would just listen. He just listens. Yeah, it's amazing. Wow. How can I get in on that? For like birthdays

and like Hanukkah and stuff, you've spent money on Liev's Fortnite character, right? Yeah. I've gotten him some skins. So you know that you can find out how much his character's worth, and then he can sell that character if he wanted to. I didn't know that. Oh, wow.

Wow, so you can almost flip Fortnite characters? People do it. Yes. Flip that Fortnite character. When a super limited edition thing will come'll come out for like a day. You have to do these things. People will do that, and then they'll turn around and sell it. You want it?

So it's like extreme makeover Fortnite edition. He wants some. He wants some. It's like, move that Mountain Dew Code Red. We are going to do a show called Fortnite Flippers. Let's do it. You want it? You know what's the sad thing?

That would sell, Dan. It would sell. Dan. We're going to take your... We can't sell that to Quibi? I know. You probably can't. Fortnite flippers.

So, he spent $1.4 million. That's probably close to what Jason's had to spend on his son's Fortnite. New refrigerator. Oh, yeah. Okay. You know what? You probably could have had a new refrigerator for the money from the Fortnite skins. Stupid Fortnite skins. He had to do a weird

dance, didn't he? $1.4 million on his character in the game Justice Online. His buddy accidentally sold his character for a... How much amount of money? How much do you think he sold it for?

By the way, this was not an accident. $1.4 million. He's saying it was an accident. It's worth $1.4 million. That's what he paid for it. That's not what it's worth. It could be worth more if things are harder to get over time. What did he pay for?

I would say that he got some offer. He didn't know that it was worth $1.4 million. He got some offer of like $20 bucks. And he was like, oh, shit. $20 bucks. All right, Jay, oh, shit. 20 bucks. All right, Jay, what do you say? $10,000. I say $1 million.

$1 million. So it's 400,000 in the hole. Yeah. He accidentally sold the character for $552. Oh, my God. I said $1,000. Yes. Or $10,000. $10,000.

Yeah. You're right. You said 20 bucks,000. Yes. Or $10,000. Oh my God. Yeah. You're right. You guys said $20. The man who spent $1.4 million, he filed a lawsuit against the game company NetEase and his friend, well, former friend, I guess. The friend- You think? Or defendant had been loaned the character and reportedly tried to sell it back to the man.

What? Okay. For $55,138. How has he loaned the character? Who loaned it to him? The guy who created it loaned it to his friend and the guy was like, I'll sell it back to you at like a really big

discounted rate, which maybe they agreed to. I don't really understand. I don't know enough about Fortnite to know how that works. Or whatever this game is. This game is Justice Online. Oh yeah, Justice Online. $55,130. Instead, it was listed for $552. Oh, my God.

So he made a mistake when he inputted the money. He inputted it wrong. Right. Wow. And he did it on NetEase's in-game marketplace, and it was soon purchased by another player entirely. Wow. So imagine that you're this guy, and you're like,

holy shit, this character? And the other dude is like, oh, just put it up there for 55 grand. Nobody's going to buy it right away. I'll get to it tomorrow. This is like the video game equivalent of the wife who got the Ferrari in the divorce. And she sells it for like, I don't want this thing. Here, you take it for 100 grand or't want this thing here you take a grand or

something turns out it's a vintage that's worth like four million dollars right that's there was a there was like an american sell it back to the guy yeah uh roadshow whatever roadshow did you see the guy had like a 700 rolex or something like that and he found out it was worth like 750 000 he fainted the old dude like fainted. Oh, God. I would sell that thing immediately. I would literally sell it immediately. I'd be like, walk. With a fraction of that, go get an amazing Rolex. If you still wanted one.

Get a $30,000 Rolex and you still have $700,000. What I would say is, okay, turn off those cameras, walk with me over to wherever we need to go, and let's price this thing out. Let's go do it. I'll give you 10%. Don't care. I'm going to uncut gems this. I'm going to uncut gems this. I didn't see the movies. Don't say it.

Are you kidding me? I haven't seen it yet. I'm going to. Have you seen it? I have not as well. We're horrible comedians, and he's a worse Jew. I gotta see it. You're going to call me. Remember what I told you about Abducted in Plain Sight? Did you see Abducted in Plain Sight? What's that one? Oh, Brad.

I haven't even got to don't fuck with cats! Don't ever. Stay away from that. Go to Abducted in Plain Sight and when you hit minute 21, text us. Okay. First of all, you won't be able to not text us. It's on my list. Or just at Twitter. I don't care where it is. In whatever form, you won't be able to not text us. It's on my list.

Or just at Twitter. I don't care where it is. In whatever form, you're going to need to reach out to somebody. Dude, minute 21. And I would tell you, like, watch it on the plane. But only watch it on the plane if you're on a plane that has Wi-Fi. Because you're going to need to reach out. You have to pause it and text us.

Because if not, I'll be hitting the flight attendant call button. Just like, I need to tell someone about this. I'm not joking. Please let me tell air traffic control so that they can then put out a- That's minute 21. Wait until it's over. It's just- A dozen in a row text messages from Randy.

I love it. Okay, here we go. So this guy goes on. He's like, oh, I'll sell it back to you for 55 grand. And maybe they did a high number. I'll just give you back the 55 grand but we'll do a high number so that nobody buys it right and they mess it up 552 was soon purchased by another player during the court mediation that followed the defendant claimed the shocking low price was due to a typo induced by exhaustion after a marathon gaming session. Which is also real.

Yeah, that does happen. Hey, maybe don't post it after you do a marathon session. There you go. Maybe don't do any... It's like, you know, when something big happens... Maybe don't give your million dollar entity away to anybody. That's why when people say

when a parent dies or something traumatic happens, don't go sell the house right away. Don't do anything. Just allow things to happen. Settle down. No, I'm going to do my taxes after a marathon. Do the marathon and then sleep at night

and then go fuck your friend over. South China Morning Post reports the suit was settled by a judge who mediated the proceeding online. Authorities in China are now pointing to this mediation as a way judges can oversee legal disputes remotely. Oh, so they even did the judge even worked online. Everything's happening online. This is like, and I wonder if this is like.

I'm like a mom in Florida. Everything's happening online. It's crazy. Everything's happening online. Dan, I wonder if this is like my oldest daughter just showed me this. Like this is a video that is now going around her friends is two people on divorce court, two gay men on divorce court. Love it already. Who disrespectfully refer to the judge.

And they're like, the woman's like, okay, everybody be quieter. And one of the black dudes, he was like, okay, Miss Girl. And the woman's like, excuse me, what did you call me? And the other one's like, Miss Tolan. And the woman's like, it's

Judge Tolan, you dumbass. It's like, it just, that Miss Girl, what'd you call me? Miss Tolan, you dumbass. It's like, it just, that Ms. Girl, what'd you call me? Ms. Tolan. It's Judge Tolan. That little exchange, I wonder if that happened in this thing with the Chinese judge. Yeah. Well, you, like, that's cool. Like, they got judges online. Like,

you know that's gonna. Online judging. That's gonna eventually make it here where it's like, we got. You don't have to go to court. There you go. In the settlement, NetEase canceled the sale transaction. Thank you, NetEase canceled the sale transaction. Thank you, NetEase. And while the plaintiff, I don't know why I said it that way,

while the plaintiff got his $1.4 million... Ready, ready. Did you say ready? Ready, plaintiff one. I was like still reading and talking. Miss my ready player one. It was a great joke. That's like an insult

that you would say to a girl named Tiffany. Oh, that's plain Tiff. That is good. Very basic Tiff. She should be nicer, bud. While the plaintiff got his $1.4 million investment back... Their friendship will never be the same. He reportedly had to pay

$12,789 in damages to the player who bought the pricey character on the cheap. Good, good. So they were like, okay, we'll cancel the transaction. And the guy who bought it for $500 won't get your character, and you'll get your character back.

Which, by the way, I'm sure they were. But just for you guys being idiots. You're going to have to pay him $12,000. You're going to pay him $12,000. Great, I say that's it. I would love that to be a standard where it's like, no, no, this is an idiot tax. Right. It's kind of what it is.

You kind of like, yes, this is a... Idiot tax. We'll side on you. But you have to pay the idiot tax. Right, but you have to pay the idiot tax. And actually, if we taxed stupidity in this country, we could fund a new and better education system to create less idiots. We would have... No, but you'd want to keep the idiots because you want the tax coming in.

Oh, so that would be... Perpetuation of the idiot tax. Was that what Chris Rock said? In medicine, the money's not in the cure. It's in the treatment. It's in the medicine. Those are our stories.

They were brought to you today by Brad Williams, by CTV News, and by I think it's Kotaku. See, we want to make fun of the video game guys, but at the same time, you said this was happening in China. Guess who doesn't have coronavirus because they're just playing video games. In their own house. Guys who don't leave and see the light of day.

Yeah, exactly. So well done, guys. Well done, gentlemen. I think we came up with something here with Brad Williams that we need to explore further, the idiot tax. Let us ruminate on that and then we'll move forward. BradWilliamsComedy.com Check him out when he is live near you. He's got to make some money for his damn baby.

His damn dwarf Asian baby. He's beautiful. Who is the cutest little thing ever. Asian dwarf baby, the ADB. I look on your Instagram and I see how beautiful that little baby is. I can't wait to hold her someday soon. Enjoy her and, oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town.