Dumb People Town - Brandon Wardell - Fartisinal

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

Comedian and actor Brandon Wardell stops by as Randy explains how a pet fish stole its owner's identity via a Nintendo Switch during a livestream, Daniel describes a mac and cheese candle that smells "horrid according" to the person who bought it, and Jason warns against posting yout police chase on TikTok after you've gotten away, and so much more!

Thank you. So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Bunker Down is Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town

Population you Population Wardell Brandon wardell welcome to the show i'm feeling i'm feeling great i like i like we open we come in and we just hot dude dude there it is oh my fire that he opened a can of dumb oh lord i was just watching early episodes of i think you should leave love seeing you show up and well thank you i was like oh yeah i forgot about it i was like hey oh yeah i'm in that a couple times dude he was phenomenal in easter sunday the uh thank you i loved him in that movie let's talk about him like he's not here yeah i loved him in that movie whenever i see brandon it's such a shame we do third person interviews i can't believe i can't believe he fell off so hard i wonder how he felt when he did that yeah well

there's no way we'll ever know there's no way to know you were great in that jay chandra sakar he's fantastic i love that movie and i thought you were really good new diamond phillips come on with oh yeah there i watched him uh learn what tide pods are oh and then like in real time. Yeah. Like I watched him like find a bag of Tide Pods and like we were all staying in like the same. Yeah. Not the same apartment, but the same floor of the same apartment building. And I watched him find a bag of Tide Pods and go like, what is this? What is this?

And he was like, everybody was drunk. Of course. It's like LDP, like five five drinks deep finding out what a type i had to like explain to him what a tie pot is you just go horrible for the environment yeah i didn't i didn't explain any of the yeah environmental ramifications anything any of the viral stuff a couple years ago or you just keep going like ethereal he's like yeah but what is it you're like exactly what is it i don't even know how it works man i don't know i mean how do they get the swirl i by the way i do i did i did notice uh you have the the bob newhart vinyl sure yes on display

in the back which i really like because i did um when i was on my 16th birthday i asked my parents to take me to see bob newhart yeah you did like this kid's going into comedy yeah period 15 going on 16 i was like i really need to see bob newhart 15 going on 70 yeah 15 going on my favorite jennifer garner movie 15 going on 70 shiz a movie you could make i want him to make 15 going on 70 with bob newman uh although i don't think bob he's like 96 uh so yeah is he still alive yes he's still with us he's still how old do you think he is i want to say 94 uh so 91 so here's the deal the world is dumber and i and i love that like the lou diamond philip story is a great story because you're like stars and really famous people i feel like don't have basic knowledge right like no they don't like they're shielded away from the day-to-day

stuff that exists actors are oftentimes the dumbest well it's like it's also uh kind of incentivized with the job he's 94 blank slate and And I'm not saying that with reference to LDP. Other actors. Actors, by and large, let's get those residuals,

let's get all that shit settled. But, actors, oftentimes some of the dumbest motherfuckers. Out of touch. Out of touch with reality. Out of touch with reality. It rewards being like a blank slate.

Like a golden retriever that you're going around. Right. I'll do a dumb boy. Teach him that trick. Right, exactly. All right, so I'm going to jump into the story. I would love to act more when the strike is over. We'll make that happen.

All right. This may be my favorite headline of all time sent in by eric james hiltner okay at ej h threak and of course all of us are part of the hiltner honors program of course all right you ready for this i can't believe this story and even as i read it i cannot believe that this happened or how it happened put it this way i'm looking at this story the way lou diamond phillips looked at a bag of time okay i'm like how how what is it here's the headline pet fish commits credit card fraud on owner using nintendo switch say it one more time pet fish commits credit card fraud on owner using a Nintendo Switch.

How? Mad Libs? No. That's not possible. In a freak series of seemingly random events. This is the opening of Magnolia. More like Smart Fish Town. Smart Fish Town.

Great show. smart fish town great show a switch owner's pet fish accessed his e-shop account and added funds to it using his credit card how how wouldn't also the fish forget every 12 seconds right so it kept on adding that's right did i buy this oh my god every fish is in memento that was my that was my wife when she did stand up years ago that was one of her bits was like the fish seeing like a swimming around its thing and just being like the there was like a little diver next to the castle and the fish would come around and be like hi diver is that considered fraud i don't know if it's a great question. The fish wasn't coming from a place of nefarious motivation. So Brandon bringing up the point that intent is half the battle here.

Brandon graduated law school. He did. The crime was caught on video during an unsupervised live stream. That's even wilder. Hundreds of viewers watched as the little fish stole their owner's identity while he was gone. How? Wait, what is this streaming on? Twitch.

The entire heist started as an experiment to see if the fish could complete Pokemon Scarlet and Violet unassisted. I'm going to be honest with you, Randy. I don't know. I have yet to understand any sentence you've said in this story. To do it, Japanese YouTuber Mutki maru channel set up right youtuber set up a webcam focused on his fishbowl motion tracking software monitored the fish as they swam across an overlaid grid populated with controller inputs if a fish paused or changed directions the correlating controller input registered in the game so you kind of set

this up for the exactly muteki steal your identity muteki maru had done this experiment before this is essentially like the nerdiest game of stop hitting yourself that's or right but you've you're doing it to yourself or the Japanese version of the new season of Squid Game. Sure. His fish successfully completed the task, finishing Pokemon Sapphire in a moment. No, he didn't. His fish moved around. How many hours did it take for the fish to finish Pokemon Sapphire?

How many hours? What do you think? Six. Jay? I mean, they're constantly moving. Four. What do you think? With the finished Pokemon Sapphire?

Yeah. Like, each way it moves each way it corresponds to a movement that the game does like it's wired yeah so when did it move enough times in a certain pattern um i mean how long does it take a human to finish that game more than six hours i don't know yeah i thought it was one task the whole game it's like a long yeah oh the whole game i mean doesn't that take people days i don't know i don't know like finish a game i'm gonna go i'm gonna go 37 hours i'm gonna assume it's like a 12 hour game what did you say jay four hours i said four hours what do you change dude i'm saying like i'm i'm gonna say uh

40 hours okay i'm gonna go 39 hours 39 hours okay how many hours 3195 okay see yeah okay then what the fuck more than four way more but i actually i have the correct instinct you are yeah 100% like yeah it takes people days weeks right okay but so this is my next question you were the closest yeah dan this is yeah thank you this is our like uh our current timelines uh chimpanzees in a room riding Hamlet, right? That's it. That's 100%. How long would it take them to do it? You can't credit them with it.

Right. So how many hours does it take, according to this article? On average to beat the game? Just a regular human to do it. What did you say before? I still like my guy. 36 hours. 36 hours.

What do you think? A regular person to complete it. To complete the game? Yeah. I'm going to actually say two weeks. Two weeks. last of us is like a 10 12 hours 87 hours okay 30 hours okay however this time around things did not go quite as planned the identity theft occurred when mute muteki maru was away from the youtube live stream uh the game went swimmingly stop uh with the fish winning several battles at the one hour 140 or the 144 hour mark the game crashed as games sometimes do but without

muteki maro present to fix the situation the system continued registering inputs from the fish right eventually the pesky little critters got to the nintendo e-shop it's like when your cat walks across the keyboard that's right no but this is like what program did send an email so eventually where did my window okay i get it now so the game crashed but the fish are still moving and it's still hooked up to it right so it rebooted like how like like every time you have to restart your computer dropbox reopens and you're like get the fuck out of here drop so it reboots and then eshop comes up twice and entirely by chance registered the correct sequence of sequence of inputs to add how much yen how much yen did it add so this is also like when you guess a gift card number how much yen do you think it put in there uh uh ten thousand yen what do you think five thousand

what do you think uh twenty thousand yen it put 500 yen which is about approximately how many in u.s dollars yeah see that's the currency converter i was like i don't know 500 500 dollar strong right now i don't know just take a guess 500 yen is how many dollars 87 i was gonna say 80 bucks 80 bucks what do you think 90 bucks it's four dollars oh yeah i see i have no idea what we didn't play those in the goddamn travel total identity this is a smart fish he stole four dollars from me mateki maru's account from his credit card That was saved on the Switch They also exposed his credit card information To everyone watching Fuck

How great is that? He deserves it Yeah I feel like you should be a YouTuber With your own personal information This should be the story of Finding Nemo 3 Am I right? Yes

Buying Nemo Then the scoundrels managed to use some of the Fighting Nemo Mateki Maru's accumulated reward points to purchase a new avatar. Download the N64 emulator. Get PayPal to send him a confirmation email. In the words of Joe Pantoliano from Goonies, I'm starting to like this fish. I really am starting to like this fish.

And change his Nintendo account name from Muteke Maru idiot to ro-wa-wa-way that's what they changed it to the fish what if the fish had somehow typed out so he kind of how this happened is he like left the room and the system reboots and the fish is doing all these motions

and it's setting off and it's logging in because essentially he's essentially made it so that if the fish goes left that counts as a left made it so that if the fish goes left, that counts as a left click on a mouse. If the fish goes right, that counts. And so it's just. Do you want to change your password?

Yes. Right. Right. I see. I see your name. What if the fish had written out like, I had a family. Please help me get back home. The fish is like.

Yeah. Like, was that the gorilla Coco? It was like, yeah, we taught it sign language. And then it depressed us all because it was able to tell us how fucked up this is. I'm lonely in this cave. Stop treating me this way. All right. Anyway, so the fish free-for-all went on for how many hours?

How many hours did this go on? I mean, here's the other thing. His streams were probably through the roof because once you're watching a fish hack into somebody's system, are you going to stop? You're so pot committed. I would say his streams were swimming upstream a little bit. Also, for all of the fish wordplay,

I'm surprised nobody's gone with the PH. Oh, I know. Come on. If you were watching this, wouldn't it kind of feel like the end of Truman Show? Where you'd be like, come on, fish, I know. Come on. I mean, so let's talk about it. If you were watching this, wouldn't it kind of feel like the end of Truman Show? Where you'd be like, come on, fish, get out. Wouldn't it also kind of feel like the middle of a fish concert? Aimlessly moving around in multiple directions.

What's the point of this? And then boom, you're in. Okay, how many hours did the fish free-for-all take place? Well, it's until he comes back home because he doesn't realize. So how long? Six hours. Jay? long? Six hours. Jay? Four.

Seven hours. One of you is exactly right. That's me, six. You're going to hang with six? I'm staying with my four. You're staying where you're on seven? Get your answers in town. It's because Brandon Wardell is absolutely right.

Seven-hour free-for-all. Seven-hour free-for-all. Okay, before the future bait finally managed to power down the Switch, Muteki Maru contactedintendo explaining what happened that must have been a fun conversation no so what happened was a fish hacked my identity hello most bullshit hey at least he has proof yeah he actually did have streaming he asked for a refund of his 500 yen hilariously enough nintendo granted the request. Good on Nintendo, right? Yeah, actually, yeah.

To believe this guy? Like, who's going to make this up? PS5 would have kept that shit. Sony, they're fucked. So all said and done, nothing was lost, truly, except how many points for an avatar? How many points did he lose for a new avatar? What does that mean?

You have to buy a new avatar? Oh, how many points did it cost yeah it costs points 250 points i don't know you know the fortnite system jay what is it yeah it's the skin how much money would you say you're in to fortnite so i probably spent all in if you really had to guess it's not and i understand it counts as gifts you You bought your son a gift. It's going to be depressing. It's probably like... $2,000? No. $3,000? More like $800.

Maybe $1,000. That's moderate. It's not bad. Over the course of six years? I think he's probably guessing low, but whatever. We're like Fortnite DLC? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. All right. So, Jay, what... I'm going to say... I said 250. Yeah, you said 250. What do you think? 1,000.

1,001. There you go. 10 points for an avatar. Okay. I'll take the W. No, why did I say 1,000? No, I should have. You meant 10.

No harm, no foul. I'm surprised you didn't say no harm, no foul. All the currency conversion. I know. I know, dude. I'm failing this ACT. It's okay. No harm, no foul. I'm surprised he didn't say no harm. All the currency conversion. I know. I'm failing this ACT. It's okay. No harm, no flounder is what I expected. This is the last sentence of the article, and it is so morbid.

I just don't even understand it. Hopefully, Muteki Maru sees it that way, too, and doesn't flush the little thieves down the toilet. What the fuck, bro? Flushing a fish down the toilet, What the fuck, bro? Flushing a fish down the toilet, by the way, doesn't kill it. It just puts it in the sewer system, which will probably die in the sewer system. If you leave your toddler sitting next

to a bucket of paint, whatever happens when you've come back into the room is not on that. It's not on the toddler. If you create a system for your fish to be able to control your computer and you leave it on. That's right. Dan, this is a metaphor for AI. What we're dealing with right now. Yes!

You give that fish too much power, it will dominate your life. Fish AI. You teach a fish to fish AF. Fish the rest of its life. So that is the first story down in the book. Love it. Something funny and fishy and dumb. Dan, you got the second story. We'll be back with more Dumb People Town

and find out what we're doing right after this. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into story number two. It's close.

Quick plugs for us. When this drops, we might have a tag it in the middle of August. You better. It's such a fun show. It's so fun. Have you ever done tag it? I have not. These dudes post better it's such a fun show it's so fun have you ever done tag it i have not these dudes come post a show yeah comics come up do their set and then some comics like nikki did stuff she wanted tags for which is so smart of her yeah you do those

and then at the end they come out on stage with you and what normally happens in the green room for us we just we do on stage where they pitch you tags it's so fun it's so collaborative shows the comedy's collaborative So we're doing that And then in January In September we'll be in Ann Arbor, Michigan At the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase All our dates are on supersclarz.com Check all that out

Join our Patreons Mr. Wardell, what about you? The Brandon Jamel Show is my podcast Me and my buddy Jamel I'll be on the road uh i think in like the midwest in september great great bunch of spots it's all on social media you know yeah go there where can people follow you uh instagram i guess bs wardell i'm not i'm not really on twitter i guess you had one of my favorite tweets of all time though which one um it was something like where

you know where you you're doing diet like a tweet where you're doing dialogue and the person was like you wrote the person saying how come you won't text me back but i see you writing tweets and then you wrote because those are different energies baby oh i don't know yeah i don't know what the what i loved that tweet because it's also true it is yeah it's like i need a different set of skills my punch my energy that i'm putting into like joking around or being an idiot on the internet is not the same as me writing you back about whatever whatever loaded question you asked me yeah i would i just loved it i would have tweeted i would have tweeted that text and just that side of the text that says, why won't you text me when I see your tweeting?

And then in the tweet, I would have underneath it said, because I'm busy. Are you guys ready for a story two? Let's do it. Story two. Disgusted. Oh, this was sent in by Matthew Friedman at not your avg matt with two t's not your average matt uh disgusted customer claims mac and cheese candle smells horrid well mac and cheese candle

by the way i think it would smell great i've had i've bought bread candles before remember what smell like bread who's making so we that sounds like tom papa's merch so right right so there was a candle store in st louis when my kids were little we went to like make your own okay this is already crazy randy because it means it it posits that you were someone on a trip going i'm gonna buy this candle and take it home no i was I was like, what are we going to do with these kids? And then are like, let's go to a candle store. I'm like, that'll kill a few hours. That's what I was like.

And your spirit. And then, but there are moments where I'm like, there's the candles in our room. And it's like, we've never lit it. Never. Smells like bread. Smells like bread. Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow did the vagina scenting candle,

which by the way, the crazy thing about that smelled like yeast. No, it's a difference. I mean, it's a brother with the bread. Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow did the vagina scent in candle? Which, by the way, the crazy thing about that, smelled like yeast. No, it's a different. Jesus. Asshole, brother. Wait, the bread. Wait, tell me more about the bread. Was it good? It smells like bread.

It's a candle that smells like bread. You liked it. Yes, I loved it. But it's like the, I don't know. How do you get a bread smell? I like the idea of freshly baked bread. Agreed. The promise of bread coming.

Oh, I'm about to eat bread. So you only like the bread with the result that comes with it. Yeah, I don't want to just smell bread. I agree with you. And then I'm like, oh, is there bread on the horizon? They do candles that smell like fresh baked cookies. And I'm like, why are you fucking with me? Yeah, I smell bread.

Surely there must be in fresh breast fresh fresh fresh bread fresh baked bread in my fresh near baked breast fresh baked bread in my very near future so near because you're smelling oh and then i and then now i'm crest fallen because there's no it's just a candle that's's right. Wait, that stinks. Dan, you said I heard you under your breast say Jimmy John's. Yeah. I promise you. I promise you. Whatever.

Jimmy John's is not bread. No. If you laid out for me a Jimmy John's sandwich and a Jersey Mike's sandwich, and I didn't know which was which. And you could smell the difference. No, you said, tell me which is which. I promise you, I can never tell you the difference. Oh, I bet you could. Not in a you said tell me which is which i promise you i could never tell you the difference oh i bet you could not in a million years which one is better is jimmy

john's better than jersey the rosemary parm jersey mike's bread oh my god he's so fucking okay so where at jersey mike's yes but jimmy john's jimmy john i thought jimmy john when you eat it it always wants to shoot out the back because i well i've i i think like in either in either case i i will say like the original sub debate yeah like of 20 years it's crazy what's happened to both of the subway yeah which is i was i never really liked subway it's an airport sandwich the age of like 12 yeah yeah even so you could probably find better stuff for sure sure right maybe or it's like if you're in like a town where there's like truly nothing uh and like i but quiznos dude quiznos have you seen what happened the game have you seen what happened there's like like a hundred Quiznos left In the country

They're becoming extinct They need to be protected like the bald eagle I swear to god there's like less than 200 Quiznos that exist I wonder if there's any blimpies left Did you ever fuck a blimpies? No but it was on Air force bases that I lived at

Like it was like Like every air force base would have one burger king and one blimpy i can't believe you were in the air force as such a little kid yeah yeah what he has on the bob hole scholarship people forget this people forget that i'm a paratrooper i was a fighter pilot no but then meanwhile there's firehouse subs okay here's just like smoking in the corner or not here's what i did oh dude i actually am i'm actually so glad that you fucking brought a firehouse subs because you i saw a firehouse sub ad that made me want to eat all of it they do a pepperoni pizza sub that is it's in this like u-shaped thing

and the u-shaped bread is fucking garlic bread okay firehouse subs is a place i went to a lot during my brief uh during my stint at northern community northern virginia community college before i eventually transferred to virginia commonwealth university dropped out sure but during my stint at nova community college i would go to firehouse subs a lot sure and it's like yeah it's like pretty good okay it was pretty good and they had a coca-cola freestyle machine right which was like really big for me because i also i can only drink uh diet sodas because i'm i'm diabetic so i can't have like right full sugar sorry and usually the only option diet coke coca-cola freestyle that was like it was new it was like a new coca-cola whatever you

want man i was like geeked on that i would go to the coca-cola freestyle machine website enter in my zip code and then just you know where can i go who's who's got me who's got to say who's got me today but firehouse subs the thing about Firehouse Subs is they have, like, framed photos throughout the restaurant of just, like, houses on fire. Yeah, dude. I know. I'm just saying. So those are controlled burns.

I don't know about it. Those might be actual burns. When we went to the Sparks diner up by the sparks diner sparks diner up by your cabin in in uh wisconsin yeah there were pictures of houses burning and firefighters smiling in front of it we're like you guys should be going to fight that they're losing their possessions that's a post game photo don't do that in the middle save that you can't do that in the third quarter You can't do that in the third quarter. Some guys might leave early before the fire is done. While we're all here, let's get a quick quote. Let's not wheel the podium out in the third quarter.

Every grandma at a birthday. While we're all here. While we're all here. So my thing about Quiznos is because they're an endangered sub shop now, I think there should be Quiznos in every zoo. Because you're like, we're trying to preserve and protect the Quiznos. But I'll tell you that this Quizno wouldn't survive out in the wild. It couldn't and protect the Quizno. But I'll tell you that. This Quizno wouldn't survive out in the wild.

It couldn't do it on its own. But I will tell you this. Someone tried to. Capriotti's best. Someone tried to. Someone tried to. Where's Capriotti? All over.

There's a couple in L.A. There's a bunch in Vegas. But there's a couple in L.A. All right. So continue. Okay. A repulsed customer had blasted a candle making company for selling a candle they claim smells like a fart left trapped in a bag for 50 years since that's so specific what

if it's what if someone smelled it was like not ripe yet this smells like about 48 years yeah don't don't be saying since 1996 a u.s-based company dw home has been selling all sorts of unusual scented candles, including, now this is food that would piss me off, just like you said about the bread, mashed potatoes, turkey dinners, and mac and cheese. Mac and cheese. If I walk into somebody's house, and I can fucking smell a turkey dinner, and they're like, oh no, it's just the candle.

I'd be like, this is out of control. You're pranked. I think what you're tapping into here is the sensation of somebody walking in with hot food onto an airplane. Because it's food that if you smelled it in a non-plane context. Yeah, plane is a different universe. Like land rules don't apply in the plane. You can't, you're not eating. You're not eating. I once watched a guy on a plane just housing bonito flakes,

which is just the most pungent seafood smell. So the smells, okay, so certain smells. Jay and I were just in San Francisco at Cobb's Comedy Club. Thanks to all who came out for that. Great place. Great place. Next door, like right down the street, between Cobb's and the corner bar that I love so much.

You know that little corner bar? I love that bar. It's an Irish bar right there. It's so cool right on the corner. That's where we hang post-show. That's a little secret, pre- and post-show. In between there, a curry house popped up. The smell of curry was so good.

And I can't tell you if the food was good. I just know that we walked by and we're like, oh, my God. They don't need signs. They don't need advertising. You could tell it was like a cool, hip thing. But smells are a big deal. This is actually a really big deal. So they're mad at the mac and cheese flavor. Because it smells like a fart in a bag for 50 and it was like a craft branded

right no because i'm pretty sure they've done they they do that sometimes right i could show you a picture like i could show you this is i think just a mac and okay dw mac and cheese so you're probably going with a you're probably going. So you're probably going with a baked. It's probably a baked. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I'm saying what's.

This is. Okay. I don't know. I think this is what they deserve. However, one disgusted customer has been left less than impressed by the Mac and Cheese offering, claiming it left them gagging in horror and in need of marriage counseling. Relax. Oh, come on. Marriage counseling? Relax. offering claiming it left them gagging in horror and in need of marriage counseling relax oh come

on relax that's the customer claims they'd initially believed their husband had soiled himself after getting a whiff of the candle which they say nearly caused them to projectile vomit so the husband farted right and was like it's the candle babe and also i wanted it on the candle right and she was like we'll talk about this at couples therapy the nauseated customer whose name is taylor said you all deserve jail time my husband was giggling like a six-year-old boy as i gagged in horror now i'm convinced he is drunk and soiled himself but no he's sober is he and just stupidly laughing at the candle choice so surprise he was waiting for me so he knew it smelled bad it was like, shoot, it's in here.

Yeah, dude, it's the giggle gag. The giggle gag. You got to watch out for the giggle gag, man. I love. But if it was going to be craft, it has to be spirals. Spiral candle is where I live. Would you get a candle that smelled like a wet dog? No.

No, I wouldn't do that. No. But you would do it. It sounds unpleasant. Although a dog after a good shampooing smells so nice. You like the smell of a wet dog? No. Oh, okay.

A well-shampooed dog. You're just positive horrible candle ideas. I'm just saying like other bad smelling candles. There could be a company. Right. Definitely, I'm sure there's a company that will create bad smell candles. Yeah, like a wet mop or the strawberry salt on throw up at a school. Thank you.

Thank you. Mm-hmm. Okay. you know the strawberry salt on throw up at a school thank you thank you okay when he giggled and told me it was mac and cheese candle that was causing me to almost projectile vomit i slammed the lid in it to smother the flame and ran it out to the trash can we literally had to open the windows and leave the house to go get dinner hopefully they got mac and cheese yeah exactly whoever made this is not jail time and owes me marriage counseling that's not why you need it no one needs jail time wasn't the only buyer to take issue with this particular scent okay which what do you think its rating is which has a rating on the official dw home website what do you think the rating is of this candle mac and cheese out

of five out of five stars do you want to go first t Tig, or last? One. Okay. One star. I'm going to go two stars. Okay. Three stars. And if you are taking the time to rate products on the DWP website or whatever it is, you got problems. You got problems. You need to eat a product. It has a rating of 4.6.

Okay. Okay. So most people like it. Like it. A second person shuddered. It smells like someone dumped the mac and cheese flavor powder into a bag, farted in it, sealed up the bag, and then you opened it. We already covered this. It's epic.

By the way, all the things it had to do. We got to dump the powder in. We got to open the bag. It smells like someone tried to dump it into a bag and then got a phone call, so they waited a few minutes. And then they clicked over to another call because they had to deal with someone else and then they came back and they're like oh yeah what was i doing oh yeah it's in this bag i gotta fart in this bag i fart in the bag but then they were like oh shit i gotta remember i gotta pick up the dog that's down at the vet and it's like oh my god ready already right oh my god i just remembered i said something horrible to my aunt

once when i was 17 let me write her a let me write her a note and actually should i write her a note or should i write you know i'm I'm going to text her, apologize, and then block her. You know what? Maybe I'll feel her out. See if she remembers it. Feel her out. Out, not up. Okay. However, there are others who can't get enough of this fragment, which one happy customer praised as being astounding

artisanal achievement. Another gushed, I did not, this is for you, Brandon. I did not expect this to smell identical to boxed mac and cheese what but it does i'm back on board whoever created this got it exactly right amazing dw sells nearly 650 different scents including warm tobacco pipe that could be good that would be great that smells good that smells. But so here's the thing, Dan. You know the person who's like, it smells like artisanal mac and cheese.

That's a jerk. So that person. No, it smells like box mac and cheese, but someone else called it an astounding artisanal achievement. Right. Fine. An outstanding artisanal achievement. That person loves to say to the people who think it thinks that it stinks. You don't get it.

Uh-huh. Yeah. They make their own stuff. You're not seeing it. to say to the people who think it thinks that it stinks you don't get it uh-huh yeah they make their own like you just yeah you're not seeing it surely the truth lies somewhere in the middle right yes between 4.6 farts of my elders and artisanal artisanal magic artistic achievement yeah i would call it fart i would call it fartisanal maybe the name of this episode is outstanding artisanal achievement artisanal achievement fartisinal is pretty great uh so they sell uh other scents of their 650 like warm tobacco pipe tranquil lotus and lava i will ask you they go for about how much

u.s dollars 50 50 bucks i think the candle's 36 36 36? Oh, wait. Actually, let me change my answer. Yeah. Because 50 is, I think that they're going low. I think it's like sort of a. Low ball. It's not a Yankee candle. It's a DW. Yeah.

We're not talking diptych. Right. 35. 35. Okay. What'd you say, man? I said 36. I'll switch mine to 27.

Okay. 1999. Okay, what'd you say? I said 36. I'll switch mine to 27. Okay. $19.99. In U.S. dollars, it equals $19.36. Way to go, Jason. Very nice. You also have our third story. Give us a tease. I just want to say that I'm kind of anti-food candles.

Yes, agreed. I know, because the promise of what you're smelling is not going to come to you. i walk in and it smells like a well-established pie and your oven's not even on but in the sweet treat ones is that's not any any desserty candle it's not even about the strawberry shortcake yeah it's just kind of i don't i don't you'll take it if i walk in and it's barbecue chicken though i'd be like who's making barbecue chicken no one dan and it's barbecue chicken, though, I'd be like, who is making barbecue chicken? No one, Daniel. It's a candle. That's right.

All right. Here's what I got. Here's a little teaser of what we're going to get in section. You don't always need to post everything that happens in your life. Great point. It's a good rule for life. Although if someone ever says, why are you not texting me? You got to post that. You have to post it.

Oh, yeah. Which I don't even remember. Because I'm busy. I actually don't remember tweeting that. Certain people's tweets I remember. Because that'm busy. I actually don't remember tweeting it. Certain people's tweets, I remember. Because that was like, I barely use it now. I don't really use it. Sure.

But I used to when I was like 23. Yeah. It was a long time ago. I just have a weird memory. I would just black out and tweet 20 times a day. And not like, yeah, I look back on it now and I'm like, Thank God you weren't canceling it. You were like drunk tweeting. All right. Crazy. All right, well, it's, I look back on it now and I'm like. Thank God you weren't canceled. You were like drunk tweeting.

All right. Crazy. All right. Well, let's take a break. We come back and Dan will tell us what he's up to. And then we'll get into this last story. It's Dumb People Town with Brandon Wardell. Don't go anywhere.

Stick around. Make us down. There's more Dumb People Town. All right. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel, where can people see you and support you? Guys, here's a couple. I'll give you a couple of highlights. First, everything's up at

danielvancurk.com or at danielvancurk. I've got some real fun announcements for great things coming up soon that I can't say, but what I can say is in September, I think like the 21st-ish, right around then, I'll be at the High Plains Comedy Festival. In October, I think on the 20th, I'm doing an eight o'clock show at the White Bull and that is I'm headlining Yuck Fest Can I do your 11-11 thing? 100% 11-11 at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, Illinois Dan's recording a special

It'll be my album, it'll be my special so come on out, I think because we're shooting the whole thing in the second show I might be doing some stuff from Thanks Diane just to get it on film because we don't have it anywhere but it'll be my it'll be my new it's a great hour and my new album hell yeah that's 11 11 at the lincoln launch make it a weekend and i guarantee there will be some sort of official or unofficial party at one of my favorite bards afterwards as well so make it a weekend come hang

out meet raffle dance yeah meet raffle rj bring us right, Jay, bring us home. All right. This is sent in by Jake Roney, at Jake Roney. Love you, Jake. Biker who tried to get away from GSP identified after he posted video of Chase to TikTok. Wait, George St. Pierre? YouTube. The fighter? No. Who's GSP?

Okay, wait. Read that headline one more time. So, biker who tried to get away from Georgia State Police identified after he posted video of Chase to TikTok and YouTube. Fucking idiot. So tiktok and youtube so dummy you got away you got away the clayton county police like you don't even understand that like posted to someone else's account he wanted the views although it would still probably be first person i guess right i mean like yeah they're gonna find him stupid so pov you're running that feel that feeling you get when the cops are chasing you all right pov you had a bad day all right don't do that the clayton county police department has issued arrest warrants for riverdale

motorcyclists after officers said he eluded police during a chase and then posted his exploits on social media dummy Dummy. You got away. Dipshit. So Jay and I were in, we're walking back from in San Francisco, walking back to the hotel, just walking back from Saturday night.

And we, and we were literally talking to our friend. We said, you know, they're talking about how San Francisco is a post apocalyptic madhouse. I'm not like, we're not seeing it. It looks so cool.

I'm literally rolling like our merch down and i'm rolling back i'm talking to everybody andrew cohen and we're walking down and he's like whoa whoa whoa stop stop he sees something he's like stop stop stop and we're like what he's like people running people running and they were we're like what are you saying three young dudes are running down the street kind of on the block right in front of us cop car pulls up they disperse like three guys it's insane it's an insane through us through us like right between the three we're like what is happening oh and they're going every which way and then they start running back to this way and a cop like tackles one and takes him down on the street it was just it was so insane i'm like why did you run

back towards the cop car yeah and it'd be like somebody filming it yeah yeah the guy running away one of them got away two of them i think got caught right one got caught up the street and then one got away be like that guy posting that video on tiktok but also if you post that video it's like you also have dumb friends because i guaranteed one of his friends he was like dude should i post it well that's like that's probably yeah this has been something that's been happening for i feel like i see this story every couple months yeah that was like a big facebook live thing yes i'm gonna facebook live and go live and it's like we can geo target where you are now so uh after hearing about the case lieutenant reamers with the Clayton County Police Department

began searching social media and eventually found the video recorded. So cops now have to act like people who had their bikes stolen. Right. Where you go onto Craigslist or OfferUp or Marketplace and be like, is someone selling my bike? Part of a cop's now detective work is like, well, I'm going to go on social media and see if anybody, if they posted them running from us. Right. Right i have i've incriminated myself once okay and this is i've i've told this story on a on a different podcast but i like i i was uh i vaped on a on a jet blue

flight once and um this is actually this is me being very dumb person yeah yeah this is your dumb people town story I I fucking I like I don't know I was like off like a zan and like like had drank on the plane tweeting a lot and uh then I was like in the I'm in the bathroom and then I posted some photo of me vaping in the bathroom. Like, it was like at JetBlue. At JetBlue? I was like, no. I know.

I know. Yes. Hashtag blue chips. I was like, at JetBlue, like, you know, I dare you to arrest me. I dare you to arrest me. I don't know. I forgot what I, I forgot the language I used. You're taunting JetBlue.

I'd have to find it. But, um like kind of forgot about forgot about this of course and then months later i'm at the burbank airport and uh i hear my name multiple times as i'm as i'm going through security i want like i keep hearing them say like brand wardell come to gate a9 i hear them say this like three times as i'm walking from security to the gate and it's a small airport yeah so like i don't know how many times they said it before that okay um this is like an hour before my flight and uh i get up to the gate i'm they're saying it again and i'm like oh that's me i'm hey i'm him you thought they were

just reminding you to keep going yeah i thought they were just encouraging randall wardell you're doing great two more gates to go buddy pick up a sandwich and guy fieri's stand so this guy uh this guy's standing there uh introduces himself and he goes yeah i'm a region i'm like head of regional security for jet blue jesus christ um you you posted something about um vaping vaping on you're like i was on a xanax yeah and uh i was on illegal meds at that time yeah it's like prescribing yeah um what'd you say i well he basically he was just like uh well i i apparently they tried they tried talking to me after i landed on that flight and i just wasn't yeah i was there right wasn't there i like had headphones on walked right past them um and so he he goes uh he's like hey so uh if this happens again um we will divert the aircraft no oh my god we will divert the aircraft and uh deboard the plane oh my god and arrest you you will yeah you will

you will be arrested yeah banned from any further uh any future jet blue wow jet blue flights and our next conversation will not be so friendly are we clear you're like this one wasn't friendly any future JetBlue flights. And our next conversation will not be so friendly. Are we clear? You're like, this one wasn't friendly either, dude. And I was like, yeah, no, it wasn't really that. Also, thanks for giving me another chance. But I do appreciate that they did leave me with a warning. Sure, I agree.

Did you vape in his face? No, I was. Now, if I were to do that again in theory please do not no one would know but you you can vape in an airplane bathroom just don't post it and tag the airline don't tag the airline

you should have tagged American Airlines it won't actually do anything to the plane do you realize if you did that on Spirit Air they would have cut you with a box cutter and's right and that's fine all right they would let me fly the plane uh on december 14th gsp met with reamers and then went to the driver's riverdale home for a knock and talk what's a knock and talk that i love so much what he had a knock and talk you had a knock and talk at the airport brandon wardell please come to gate a9 for a knock and talk. For a knock and talk.

While at the home, they spoke with the driver, saw the motorcycle, and the driver eventually admitted to fleeing. Of course. You're going to admit to it. What did he do? What was the crime? Chase. Just evading. Just evading cops. They tried to pull him over.

Oh, yeah. We don't even know what. They're going to charge him for it. Yeah, he's right, though. We don't know what the initial crime was. So the county police said they issued how many arrest warrants against the driver who has not been identified it is unclear what charges he actually faces but how many arrest warrants does he have six how could he have more than one he could i

say six i'll go three uh five get your answers in shout out your ham radios he has 12 12 jesus so he's got lots of he's done a lot of bad things that's a lot of okay so my guess is they he had an arrest warrant out they saw his license plate or whatever they're like this is our guy and he's like i'm gonna outrun him but i'm gonna post it on tiktok just because why not how many hits i wonder how many clicks he got it didn't say without the diligent efforts of Lieutenant Reimers to go above and beyond the call of duty, call of duty, it is highly likely that the offender would not have been identified. He could have continued to endanger the citizens of Clayton County Police. Why don't they also applaud the efforts of this moron?

Yeah. Without him being a total idiot and the cops looking on social media. It's like, he's like, it's my time. You know, everybody had a hand in this, including the perpetrator. It's my time to go. All right. Dumb justice. That's what I like.

I like justice. Dumb justice. And there you go. So there you go. That is the show. Brandon Wardell, thank you again. The podcast that people should check out of yours. The Brandon Jamel Show.

Brandon Jamel Show, which I've seen clips of. So funny. So funny. Dude, keep doing what you're doing. I love seeing you. You got a very bright future on JetBlue ahead of you. Yeah, thank you. We'll see you guys next time.

And oh shit, we got to get back to work. See ya.