Dumb People Town - Breckin Meyer - P*ssy on the Hood

Episode Date: October 31, 2017

This week, Breckin Meyer (Robot Chicken) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk down in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, moaning sounds from a car sparks concern from an officer. We find out why Breckin recently bought a sword before diving into Story #2, which involves a flaming broom. Breckin tells the story of the Robot Chicken's genesis, before Story #3 brings us an alleged time-traveller. To wrap up the episode, Randy Newman joins the show to share some controversial new tunes.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, jerk, don't be a jerk. That's when the music gets the funny hits and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, call your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U, our guest on the show today is someone we've known for a while.

I just got a chance to work with, so I was super excited. Someone we've been a fan of for a while. Not just, you know, all the things you do. Get out. And you voiced them. I'd say from Clueless till now. From Clueless through Robot Chicken through the thing you just did with you. Oh, through the fifth quarter thing that we just did.

Breckin Meyer is with us! Hey! What's up, buddy? How about it? Dude, this is a long time coming. We've wanted you to be on the show. And ever since we did get a chance to work together, I was super happy. I saw that you were on the call sheet, and I was like, no way, dude. I get a chance to work with you.

Yeah, that was fun. And then we just got to improvise a bunch of stuff. Yeah, that was really fun. Which was a blast. Did we see it ever? I've never see it ever i've never seen it i've never seen it i don't think when you do web things you're suddenly like this is really funny this may never see the light of day and this could be wrong i don't think there was film in the camera oh that's fine i know they were digital but i don't think there was anything in the camera i don't do it for that anyway i do it for me

love it that's all it is. I just love it. Well, dude, I'm so psyched that you were on this because we did have a really riffy good time and that's exactly what this show is. Daniel Van Kirk is here. Hello. What's up, buddy? Hey.

I know. You're post- Free time. Yeah. Post Cubs losing in the playoffs. It was a long off season. Hey, by the way, thank you to everybody and thanks for posting it on the old Facebook page.

To everybody who watched the Tig Notaro piece that we directed for TBS, which was kind of fifth quarter-y, I guess, in some ways, but it was... It was a fun little mockumentary.

Yeah, the Eve Bartman story. Eve Bartman, Steve Bartman's sister. I didn't know about that. Well, it shows you, Bracken. But it was... Thanks to everybody who watched it.

It did really well in the first week. It had, like, I don't know, 400,000 views on their Facebook page. It was, thanks to everybody who watched it, it did really well in the first week. It had like, I don't know, 400,000 views on their Facebook page. Nice. It was really fun.

Very nice. Loved it. And hopefully we get to do more of those, but thanks for that. And for Cubs fans who are feeling sad, maybe that'll ease your pain.

Yeah, give it a watch. Give it a look. Give it a look. Yeah, that'll ease your pain. Well, look, it makes fun of a woman for being very mean to a guy that the Cubs

are very classy to. So there you go. Why not? On this show, we get great stories sent to us by our dumb ears on the ground. The world, Brecken, as we know, is getting dumber by the minute. Oh, yeah. It is amazing how quickly we're descending into the film idiocracy. Right.

Becoming that. You know how there's a super volcano underneath Yellowstone and everyone's like, it's not going to blow for another 10 million years and then suddenly they're like, it's going to happen in three decades? That's how fast we are getting dumber here and the only way to fight back is through comedy and so we get stories sent to us

and I'm so excited that you are here because the stories get sent to Dan. We've never seen them. You've never seen them. Dan's the only one who knows it and then we get to riff off it. And break it down and try to understand the dumb behavior of dumb people.

Yes, exactly. I wanted this first shout out to Adele Shepard. Yeah. Adele. Great singer. Hello. I shall not want.

One of the best singers I know. Literally one of the best singers. She is incredible. No one knows her last name. Shepard was her last name. That is her last name. It is Shepard. She was going to go by Shepard.

That was my favorite thing about Adele. She would sing this beautiful song. Chasing Payments. Chasing Payments on the iTunes thing. And then she would start talking and be like, Thank you. Thank you. That was the hackney.

Well, Adele Shepard sent in a story that I'm not being able to use. But the reason I want to give a shout out to Adele is she wrote, I only downloaded Twitter to try and send you this. Oh, my God. And her handle is at only here for DPT. Yeah! Love it! You know what? Follow her.

Yeah. Let's get her verified. Come on. Right? That's. Yeah, I'm like, I'll put your follower. Let's get her verified. Come on. Right? That's so great. I just love that. I'm like, welcome to the party. Welcome to the party.

Great work, girl. Whether it's Facebook or Twitter, we're glad you're here. Okay, here we go. You ready? Can I ask why you couldn't tell her story? Sometimes there are not enough details or enough quotes. Okay. It's actually a great question.

Sometimes people send me stories where it's not it's not funny that the woman like stabbed her husband to death because they got in a fight over a chicken nugget. Yes, that is ridiculous. Yes, on some level it is hysterical. There's some humor in there. It's funny up until the bludgeoning. Right, that's what I'm saying. I mean, the word McNuggets there sounds all right.

Exactly. Exactly. Give me my McNuggets. She's a McMurderer. She's a McMurderer. Yeah, like sometimes the humor. McAlleged McMurderer. Yeah, like, sometimes the humor... McAlleged McMurderer. Yeah, McAlleged.

The humor begins and ends at just the headline. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. So I'll get, like, a story where, like, oh, this is too... This is sad or whatever. Like, I can't... By the way, and Dan won't say this,

but we'll say this is the genius of Dan. Dan, like, almost... A friend of ours, Greg Fitzsimmons, worked for a little while on Howard Stern in the sort of arty slot as they were like trying people out. And I'll never forget what he told the story about how he was just on the show, just there to snipe and kind of go in. And then he's like, Howard starts going down the road with one of their guests. And he's thinking to himself, what is he doing?

What's going on in this? And then something opened up and that was the next three hours of the show they were on this thing that he could see that no one else could see it's the brilliance of howard dan has this dan has this ability to look at a story and be like okay this is great because of the legs and i know what these guys are going to do with it so usually there's one sentence when it's good where i'm like this is it This is why we're here. This is why we're here. That sentence is in this story. Are you sure that sentence wasn't Adele Shepard? Sent in by ThreeFourthsGreek. Okay.

I'm sorry. I couldn't have screwed that up more. ThreeFourthsGeek. Oh. So not Nia Vardal. It's all geek to me. At ThreeFourthsGeek. And they wrote out fourths, but it's the number three.

Okay, good. Lacrosse. I don't know for sure, but I'm hoping Wisconsin. Right. Police arrested two people for lewd conduct early Monday after they refused to stop having sex in the backseat of a car when caught by a police officer. Okay. So a cop rolls up.

I'm going to need you to stop. I need to finish. Let me finish. It's like the scene in South Park movie. Can I finish? Can I finish? Can I finish? Are you finished?

I'm finished. I love the idea of a cop being like, I need you to. No, you don't, man. We're good right now. We're good. You're not good right now. Yeah. The officer heard moaning from a car parked on the 900 block.

Wait a minute. So windows are down, right? So the cop's like walking the beat because he's not on a motorcycle. No. He doesn't have a helmet on. He just hears moaning. Some loud moaning to go over a car or a motor. So windows are cracked.

Windows are cracked. He's old school. I was about to say, he's a 1920s beat cop. Right. He's twirling a baton. With his Irish accent. Officer Krupke whistling. He tells people all the time, he's like,

when you're on your bike or in your car, you're going through a neighborhood. When you're walking, you're in the neighborhood. So I'm just walking by. Twirling my stick. I heard a little bit of hanky-panky. What's all this then? The officer heard moaning from a car parked.

You're hoping the windows are down. Because if they're up, this is a party. If I'm a cop and I hear moaning from a car, the first thing I'm hoping, I'm hoping two consenting adults. Yes, sure. That's my first thought. And not murder and rape. And not a kid. Maybe you're getting two different or even similar octaves.

It doesn't matter. Love who you want to love. Of the word yes. Yes. You're getting multiple different or even similar octaves. It doesn't matter. Love who you want to love. Of the word yes. Yes. As long as you're getting multiple yeses from all concerned parties. So the officer heard moaning from a car parked on the 900 block of Adams Street. Add that to the DPT walking tour. And about 3.30 a.m.

Now, ballsy cop, by the way. That's what I was going to say. A cop walking around at 3.30. That scares me. That's scary to me. What's. A cop walking around at 3.30, that scares me. That's scary to me. What's this guy doing walking around? That's maniac cop. Yeah. That cop is looking for you.

Whatever it is, he's looking for a promotion. That's the bad lieutenant right there. He's looking for a promotion. Yeah, bad lieutenant. He's howling at the moon. Maybe he's looking for his gun. Maybe. Yeah.

He found the windows fogged and the vehicle rocking. Okay, so not open you hear the moaning you see the fogging it's literally rocking you're not supposed to come and knock it can I ask you guys that is the law

so it is illegal in a parked vehicle to fog up the windows why is that? it's 3.30 in the morning what piece are they disturbing? to fool around. Why is that? Especially if the windows are fogged. It's 3.30 in the morning. What piece are they disturbing? What if the windows are tinted? Maybe there was too much tint on the window.

Is it illegal then to have sex in an RV? Good call. That's a great question. I can't imagine it is, right? That's like a rolling home. Right, but maybe it depends on where it's parked. Maybe if you're in an RV park, you're established as a resident. So if you're homeless, you cannot have sex in a car.

Just don't think about it. What about a cardboard box? Yes. That's more like a house. There you go. What if it has a window? Oh. Like if it's a classic cardboard box.

And it's fogged up. And it's fogged up. I don't know. That's a great point. Anybody listening who just heard me say, oh, it's because the credit that you give me for knowing these stories, I read things and then be like, oh, never mind, because I don't know them either.

A woman, remember I said who is disturbing the peace? A woman who lives on the block called police saying the sound woke her. That is loud. That is loud. She's in her house. She might be full of shit though I don't like this shady car I see people fucking in the car

Are we allowed to curse on this? I don't know if I heard anything But I feel like But I see it out there and I don't like it and I have kids So I'm going to call the cops and say It's loud In my dreams Somebody's getting it so good in this car

They woke her up She fell asleep on the couch She woke up to somebody selling knives and getting boned It's loud. In my dreams, somebody's getting it so good in this car, they woke her up. And it hurts my feelings. She fell asleep on the couch. Right. She woke up to somebody selling knives and getting boned. Right. And she was like, let me investigate. Right.

The knives and the boning were happening in the car. Something else was on TV. Cutco. Cutco. That was a Cutco sex. So a woman who lives on the block called police saying the sound woke her, according to the report. Bailey?

Which one? Why is that a question mark mark is me trying to say their last okay bailey putker me p-u-t-t-k-e-m-e-r-y putker me putker me which sounds like what someone would say to someone they want to have them do something to themselves yeah you gotta putker me Just go for it. Putker me. I'm into that kind of thing. Oh, I got so putkered last night. By the way, you say putker me and then you have to follow that up with

I'm into that kind of thing. Right. Oh, I love that stuff. Yeah, I'm not a freak, but I like that. Bailey putker me and Emily Scott. Two first names.

Two last names. Isn't that weird? Bailey could be a last name, right? Yeah, Bailey could be. Yeah, Ben. George Bailey. F. Lee. Yes.

F. Lee Bailey. Yes. George, I should have gotten that Ben. George Bailey. F. Lee. Yes. F. Lee Bailey. Yes. George, I should have gotten that one. George Bailey. Both of the cross were nude in the backseat and engaged in sex, the report said. Wait, wait. Bailey and Emily? Yes.

Is this two ladies or Bailey's a dude? I don't know. We don't know. We don't know. That's the more fun about it. Oh, it's a dude. I know it's a dude. I remember.

I did read that. So here's my thing. This is a woman who is a lady in the streets and a freak in the streets. Yeah. She's both. She's a lady in the streets and a freak in the streets. The officer asked the couple to stop, then stood at the back of the vehicle and waited for them to dress.

When they didn't emerge for... How long? Oh, yeah! Okay. How long did the cop wait at the back of the car for them to get it

you can go first second or third yes I'm gonna go I'll go first because I'm putting myself in this situation as the Bailey

or as the cop or Emily as the lady as Bailey or Emily but my thought is if I'm doing that in a car first of all, kudos

because things have jumped off well for me. Very difficult to do, by the way. Yeah, you've gone backseat. Right. Or you have an SUV and you've laid them down. Sure. You've gone backseat and next level. And there's a cop that, you know, knocking with his nightstick.

Right. I feel like I continue for maybe a second and a half. That's it? Like, that's it. I just couldn't be like... So is your answer second and a half? Yeah, my answer is second and a half. Jason, what do you say?

I think it's a significant portion of time because this guy's... That's a detail in this story. So I'm going to say four minutes. Okay. I'm going to say... Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Before you do it, how long would you go before that?

I'm just curious. I would lose my erection the second someone knocked on a window. I was hoping you were going to say the second it started. I'm sorry. I'd be done. Why are the windows fogged? Because I'm crying so hard. The second she said yes, I lost it.

Yeah, the second we got there, it was over. I would say ten minutes. It took them ten minutes because for five minutes, the cop is waiting, going, all right, they're probably putting clothes on, they want to make themselves decent, and then five more minutes, it doesn't go. The officer asked the couple to stop, then stood at the back of the vehicle and waited for them to dress when they didn't emerge from the back seat after five minutes. Oh!

That is a long time. That's a long time. That's a late night TV comedy set. But now, do you think that's five minutes of sex, or do you think that's five minutes of, oh my God, we're going to get arrested? No, we're not going to get arrested. I think that's finishing up. I think that's like, we're close, let's just come on.

After waiting for five minutes, the officer found the couple had resumed having sex. Oh, man! So they weren't done. No, they were like, I think he's gone. No, I think he's waiting for it. Who cares? Who gives a shit? Doesn't this make it more exciting? This is awesome.

Let's think about five minutes. First of all, that's a long time for the cop to really give that. That's a long time for sex anyway, right? Thank you. I am older than Randy by five minutes. I just want the world to know.

It's a lifetime of difference. So they may have made you guys. That's a whole child coming out of a person. You guys wrapping it up? You bet. We'll be right out. You guys coming out or no?

I'm so close to shut up. Hey man, I'm trying to do a up. Hey, man. I'm trying to do a good thing by you guys. I went to the back of the car and waited. We're almost there. We're almost out. You've been saying that for about two minutes. Are they gone yet?

Are they gone yet, officer? I'm still right here. I'm trying to sleep on my couch. Ma'am, I'm dealing with them. I will not go to my bedroom until they are gone. Ma'am, I knocked on the them. I will not go to my bedroom until they are gone. Ma'am, I knocked on the window. I'm giving them five minutes. You shouldn't sleep on your porch anyway, ma'am.

Just three more minutes. I can sleep where I pay taxes. She can come watch, too. I pay taxes. Ma'am, come on over here. It's still a rocking. Look in. It's still a rocking. Look in.

Ma'am, look in. It's been three minutes. I'm going to give you one more minute. Look in. Oh, we need a little bit more time. My cats are going crazy in here. Ma'am, I'll get that in the report.

Please wait. Nine of my cats. Nine of my cats are angry. Bring the cats out, too. They can watch as well. You don't need anybody

to watch. I'm going to give you four minutes. Put all the cats on the hood. Just get all the pussy on the hood because I am getting all of it

under the hood. I am trying to watch Judge Judy. There's the title of this episode. Pussy on the hood. Pussy on the hood. The officers. By the way, that's a stubborn cop who's like, I'm dying to watch Judge Judy. There's the title of this episode. Pussy on the hood. Pussy on the hood. The officer's...

Hood pussy. By the way, that's a stubborn cop who's like, I'm going to wait this out. I will wait, guys. Also, he's stubborn and too nice. Yeah. Although, what does he do? Does he open the door? At some point.

Does he have a warrant to open the door? Can this officially be called a stakeout? Like, how much time has... Stake in. Stake in. Hey! Hey! Reckon and Dan for the point. That's the first time.

Good night, everybody. That's the first time on WLT where I turn to someone to get a high five. Although it was an old school like 1970s

different strokes. Yeah. Yes! Yeah. You guys just high five. Reckon Meyer came to play. He! Yeah. You guys just high-fived. Reckon Meyer came to play. He came to play.

You guys just high-fived like two characters on the deuce. Hey, man. Like you just made like a weird layup. Yeah, man, I ain't no job, turkey. You just made a weird layup on the white shadow. One of you won the game wearing a pair of jeans. Yes. The officer opened the door. Gomez. So he comes back. All right, that's it. of jeans. The officer opened the door.

So he comes back. All right, that's it. I'm opening the door. He opens the door, to which Kermit tried to shut it before yelling at the officer that he was, quote, blocking him. Bro, you're blocking me, bro. He tries to close the door. You're cop blocking me.

He is a little cop blocking. By the way, cop blocking couldoses, tries to close the door. You're cop blocking. You're cop blocking. By the way, cop blocking could be also the title of this episode. Cop block. Cop block. Serious cop block. Bro, you serious right now? Door shut. Sir, I'm going to need you to, okay.

Okay. Dude, there's a tie on the door. You know what that means. Did you not see that? There had to be a moment where that cop was like, my bad. Yeah. Excuse me. In his DNA of dudeness.

He opened the door and was like, my bad, my bad, my bad. I don't want to be in the middle of this. I feel you. I feel you. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. So then, Pukkermi gets out of the car.

Naked. Nude. Completely nude. Get the fuck out of here. And here's his quote. You're a man. This is the sentence. You're a man.

You should understand it's Oktoberfest weekend I wish everybody could be Breckenfire right now what does that mean that gives license for anything

Oktoberfest bro it's Oktoberfest bro I hate to say this what is Oktoberfest I think it's a beer festival if you're in Wisconsin and it's lacrosse

this is just a weekend of drinking beer festival it's like I'm in a is just a weekend of drinking. Beer festival. It's like, why are you ruining my weekend? I'm obviously driven to this location. You're not in the town area where there would be Oktoberfest. It's Oktoberfest. You're a man.

You should understand. It's Oktoberfest weekend. Weekend, too. By the way, it's also Mondays. The weekend's over. Officer, you want to pull this shit on a Monday or Tuesday? I get it. Yeah.

This is 3 a.m. Saturday. Don't shit. It's also Mondays. The weekend's over. Officer, you want to pull this shit on a Monday or Tuesday? I get it. Yeah. This is 3 a.m. Saturday. Don't you? Sunday. October. Sunday. Officer, two words. October fest. That's one word, sir.

Come on. Just listen to me, bro. It's one word. She's good to go. Come on. We're already going, actually. You're cop blocking. Come on.

actually. You're cop blocking. Cop blocking. Both of them were jailed for lewd and lascivious behavior. Puck Kamiri also faces a charge of disorderly conduct and Emily Scott faces a bail jumping charge.

I know. I'm going to ask you guys. There are a few months out of each year where these two are the same exact age. What age is Puck Kamiri and Emily Scott? You have now pronounced his name eight different ways. Of course. Puck-er-me, Puck-a-meer-he, Puck-a-her-me, Puck-er-me. Puck-er-me.

It's Emily and Bailey. We know them pretty well. It's Emily and Bailey. This is what we're pretty familiar with. E and B. Little E and B. E and B is delight. Wait, how old are they?

They're E and B and they're both white. Now you can go, again, first, second, which we call the Tignitaro spot, or you can go third. I'm going to go third. Okay, all right.

Randy or Jay? I'm going to say they're 26 years old. 26 years old from Jason Scott. I'm going to say they're 22. 22 years old

from Randy Scott. Just getting the instrument ready. I'm going to split it. I'm going to say 25. 25. I love that none of you. I'm going to say 25. 25. I love that none of you thought that these are a couple of divorcees. Not because of the Oktoberfest and apparently lack of a home. I will say this. I will say young people in their 20s are like, let's just do it in a car.

If someone's in their 30s or 40s, they're going to be like, let's get a room. You're telling me that two older people would be like, I can't go to my house because of my kids. I can't go to my house because of my kids either. Let's get a hotel room is what they'd probably say. Get a motel room. You're assuming they have credit. Motel. How old?

19. Bailey. And Emily. Hourly rate. R. 21 years old. Oh, jeez. This might be his first October fest. This might be his first October Fest.

This might be his first October Fest. He should have said that. I'm of age now. It's my first October Fest. He got out of the car, our buddy Bailey, got out buck naked. The way a 21-year-old would. After already having the knock on the window

another five minutes. There was no attempt to put our clothes on. That's what I'm saying. He got out of the car indignant minutes. There was no attempt to like, let's put our clothes on. No, no. It was just like. That's what I'm saying. He got out of the car indignant. Like, he got out of the car like, what? What?

Are you still here, bro? You're still here. Yeah. Why are you even watching us? You're the weird one, dude. Yeah. You're the weird one here, bro. He definitely said at some point, don't you have some crime to solve?

Yeah. Yeah. Don't you have any crime to solve? Yeah. Meanwhile, he probably shot one over his shoulder at the woman on the porch. You too, mom! Right. Get out!

Get out! Oh, man. That's story one, kids. I love it. Down in the books. It's Oktoberfest. It is Oktoberfest, guys. It kind of is.

It kind of is. It kind of is Oktoberfest. So we should all be fucking... We should all be in the back of a car. Perfect. All right. Story one. Down in the books. Breckin Meyer is with us.

Dan Van Kirk's here. It's Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Welcome back to the show.

We should mention, as we just realized, that this show is dropping on Halloween. Happy Halloween. I hope you guys have... Ooh, you're listening to a podcast on Halloween. While you walk your kids around the neighborhood. Can you imagine Halloween in Dumb People Town? Oh, my God. It is a free-for-all.

It's Oktoberfest, bro. How many people are just naked? Bro, it's haunted. A lot of body paint. There's a lot of tricking and treating. Oh, you got a costume for your snake. That's cool. Your snake's dressed like you, and you're dressed like this.

That's adorable. It's like a one night where they're like, I get to carry my sword anywhere I want. It's part of the costume. Oh, by the way, I mean, total side note, I bought a fake sword last night at a Halloween shop. No, you didn't. With no intention and no connection to any costume I have.

You just saw it? I saw it. Well, you guys might understand this. It's a He-Man sword. Sure. That's it. I've never seen it at the store before. You've got the power.

It's there. I'm Adam now. I can turn into, you know. Yeah. Power of Grayskull. You can be whoever you want. It was a really good. The worst thing is I showed it to, you know, anything. Yeah, power of grace, though. You can be whoever you want. It was a really good, and the worst thing is I showed it to, you know, Seth Green.

Yeah. I went over and showed it to Seth Green, but that's even worse about the story. I went over immediately to Seth's house. I got to show my friend my little toy. We both said the exact same thing when he held it, which was, no, it's a good weight. Yeah.

Because it is a healthy weight. In my opinion, you went into a Halloween costume shop, picked this up, and thought to yourself, this is more of a prop than a costume. Oh, by all means. You know what I mean? Prop sword. Dude, I want to see it.

I want to hold it. If I was not on my bike, although now I realize, I'm going to say I was on my motorcycle, I should have had it even more because I was on my motorcycle. Yeah, just strapped in your back. Strapped in your back. In a back scabber. Anybody gets a little shh. When this episode drops and you tweet it out, tweet out a picture of this.

Please tweet out a picture of your sword when it drops. And also, by the way, I bought this sword and then the dude behind the counter was like, hey man, you're John from Garfield, right? And I was like, oh hey, could I get a photo? He was like, yeah, let me put the sword down. You should have gone full. You should have leaned in on that. I hate Mondays too, bitch.

Who doesn't? Ready to attack them. It's a good sword, by the way. Before we get into the next story, we have to mention some live dates that are coming up for Dumb People Town. Some town halls. We are hitting the road.

It is so much fun live. The first one we're doing is in Houston for the Come and Take It Festival. It's going to be so much fun. November 18th, 17th, 18th. Yes, 17th and 18th. We're going to do a stand-up and then we're going to do

a live DPT. And I don't know who our guest is going to be, but there are great people at that festival. So it will be somebody great. Then in January, we just announced

we're going to be doing at Sketchfest a live Dumb People Town. On Sunday the 21st of January. It's an afternoon show like 3pm at Cobb's Comedy Club. If you're in San Francisco, get there. We want to fill this joint with Dumb People Town. We do these festivals. I want

when we do festivals, because they sell day passes and weekend passes, and I think the Come and Take It Comedy Festival is $65 for the entire festival. It's an amazing deal. So the day festivals got to be maybe a third of that and at least half.

My point is, Come. Come, dude. It's so fun, man. I would just love when we do these festivals if the town hall ends up being a thing

that people are like, did you hear about that? Some people tell them they took over their show. The town hall, Let's take over Sketch Fest that weekend. I know you guys will be there.

And then of course we just found out that the show that we're doing in Brooklyn at the Bell House on February 25th is half sold out. Half sold out.

We got about halfway full and we know once the girls from Guys We Fuck they're our guests on that show. Once they announce it

it's gonna their fans are gonna definitely buy tickets and that's probably going to sell out. We may add a second show, but get your tickets now if you want to do that at the Bell House website. So check all that stuff out. We're so excited about all those things. You can always check our websites for when we're

doing our thing. I will be at every one of those shows. Please. I want you at every one of those. Security with the sword. Prop sword. Security guards should have prop sword. They always should. Just right here. That's a badass location for a sword. Prop sword. Prop sword. Security guards should have prop swords. They always should. Just right here. That's a badass location for a sword.

A lot of deterrence. Just over the back. I think that's what I liked about Deadpool so much was even with the guns, just two swords there. Yeah. Oh, my God. I love that. All right, here we go. This was sent in by Pete Rempe.

R-E-M-P-E. Is that how you guys say it? Sure. I don't know. At PD Rempe. Or PD Remp. All right. It's probably REMP then. Here we go.

A Lil Burn woman. Lil Burn? Is that like a rapper? Lil Burn? Like Lil Wayne? I love Lil Burn. Lil Burn's not a bad name. Lil John.

Lil John, Lil Wayne. Featuring Lil Burn. I know. Lil Burn got all of his teeth bronze instead of gold like cap. Lil Burn. It's fitting. Lil Burn. And I want to say this.

I give credit to Pete. When Pete sent this in, he wrote this in his description to me when he sent it on Twitter. Add to your November Kirk. Hashtag Dumb People Town if you want to submit a story. And I have to agree. And it's Halloween. This might be our first Dumb People Town witch. Oh!

But in the true sense. Not wearing a hat. She's bringing the heat. Lil Burn Woman. A Lil Burn Woman has been arrested on multiple charges after she allegedly attacked police with a flaming broom. What? That's a lot of forethought.

That is literally coming in hot. Literally. Coming in hot. Because you could go, I'm going to chase these people with this broom. Mm-mm. I'm going to set it on fire. Well, wait. That's a winner.

Do you think the broom was on fire before they got there? Yes. Okay. Here's my thought. Difficult to sweep with a fiery broom. Yeah. You know how they say you got to clean up before the cleaning lady comes? When you don't, this is what you get.

Flaming broom. You get the flaming broom. Come for the broom, you get the flame. Best Quidditch player. Ever. Forget it, man. She's on fire, literally. The flaming mamba. Scary potter. She allegedly attacked police with a

flaming broom as they tried to take her into custody for alleged threats against the life of a Gwinnett County State Court judge. It's a lot, but it works. A Gwinnett County State Court judge. Was she on his lawn? Lilburn Police.

Yeah. Like just waving a flaming broom and the cops showed up? Yeah. She's like, oh, you want some? Yeah. Let's go. Let's do this. You promised to clean up this town.

Expelleramas. Lilburn Police said officers went to, great name, Irene Mercedes Handy. Yeah. Mercedes. IMH. Irene Mercedes Handy. She's the BMW of witches. Yeah. Mercedes. IMH. Irene Mercedes Handy. She's the BMW of witches. Yeah.

That pisses her off. Yeah, you don't tell her that. She's a dumb machine. Don't tell her that. Flaming broom in your face. I'd call her Benzo. They went to her home Thursday morning after they received a report about an offensive banner that was reportedly hanging from her home on Old Manor Road.

We have a woman with a flaming broom who lives on Old Manor Road. Old Manor has an offensive banner. It's a witch. Is this a Scooby-Doo episode? This is. She's got a banner on Old Manor. Guys, this is where I need your help. We need the help of the town, and anybody listening can help as well.

If you know where Old Manor Road is. No, this is what I would need help for. Police did not specify what was written on the banner. Really? Oh, my God. I looked. I Googled her name. I looked.

And I could not find any news report that said. Jews will not replace us. Yeah, here's what I think we need to ask for our fans. Make the banner. Tweet it at us. Yes. And we'll post the best banners on the Facebook page. If you want to see all these pictures

of the people and everything please join the Dumpy People Town Facebook page but we'll put our favorite top five manners

I think it says fuck Applebee's but that's just me here's what we know Captain Thomas Barduggan great name the toughest part

of your job is the last name Barduggan is when you put a Snickers bar a Snickers bar inside of a Twix bar. That's a bar duggin'. That's a bar duggin'. That was actually solid.

Thank you. Snickers bar stuff. I'm thinking Halloween. I'm thinking about a mini-sized Snickers bar inside a full-sized Kit Kat. You stuff a... It's a bar duggin'. It's a bar duggin'. Am I wrong in assuming, it's okay if I am, I'm going on a limb, that your guys' dad would

rock good giveaways for Halloween? Our dad would, and he also would force every kid to do a trick. No one got free stuff in our house. Nobody got free stuff. I'd be like, what's your trick? And the kid would be like, he's like, you don't get anything. Sorry. What's your trick?

He loved sticking up to kids. He'd be like, what's the joke? Give me a joke. Give me a joke. And he would take the jokes. He would take the jokes that the kids would say, and then he'd like call like people who like bought from him. Like his like-

Really? And client or whatever. And he would give them the jokes. Wait, so when they came and said trick or treat, he was like, oh, you're giving me the choice? I say trick. Yeah. Trick it up.

Dance for me. Dance for me, bitch. What is your trick? I knew there'd be some scratch. It was great. But he gave good candy. What was the candy? We gave Reese's peanut butter cups.

Full bars or single biscuits? Full cups. Not little single biscuits. Single biscuit. Full cups. And then what else did we get? I don't think we ever gave full-size candy bars. We gave minis of all the other candy bars.

All right. Because if he gave toothpaste and pennies, that's a fucking asshole. Apples with pins in them. Tell me a joke and here's your penny What's your favorite candy? Three Musketeers Or Milky Way Wait, who said Three Musketeers? I don't even know this about you

I said Three Musketeers I didn't know that about you I love Three Musketeers You put it in the freezer But still, it's just a frozen chunk of nougat. What's yours? Not Three Musketeers. I'm Snickers all the way.

All the goddamn day. Snickers, Snicker Frozen, and the Ice Cream Snickers. Ice Cream Snickers is ridiculous. That should be illegal. It's stupid. Three Musketeers, Snickers. I say Snickers, please. What do you got?

What do you have? That's not a Matt Sklar Brothers for that joke. What's your favorite? It's hands down Reese's Pieces. What? I love it. Peanut M&M. Actually, Peanut M&M.

Who are you, E.T.? If I could change mine, Peanut M&M, I think is. Have you had, recently, I was in Thailand, and the only thing, for some reason in Thailand, they don't like peanut butter. Have you had sex with a 12-year-old boy? It is the best candy. They don't have racist pieces. But you can suck a 12-year-old boy's dick.

All of a sudden, Brecken sells us a timeshare. By the way, guys, I don't know what you're thinking. I get a chance to sit by the beach. I now own a hut in Phuket. How is that possible? It's not bad. Have you had peanut butter M&M's? Yes, awesome.

In the red wrapper? Fantastic, yes. I didn't used to like it, and now I've come around. Now if I go to a movie, I go to Walgreens ahead of time and get the peanut butter M&M's. And dump it in the popcorn? No, because I'm not an animal. No, I guess you are. They got it.

Do you do the M&M's in the popcorn? Peanut M&M's in the popcorn, shake it down, and you're just like, I'm living much. Doesn't it all go to the bottom? No, you kind of get a surprise along the way. No, I don't like to mix. I don't like to mix my things. Sweet and savory. Reese's Pieces is it, and you have to say it like that.

Reese's Pieces is it. Have you ever had a Take Five? Reese's Pieces. Take Five is solid. Take Five and Take Five and Halloween, since it's a Halloween episode. Take Five and Halloween, they release these single biscuits for the kids. Yeah, you can just have a little bit. Release them.

Take Five is pretty amazing. It's called like take two and a half. It's take two and a half. Also, I'll go, I'll rock a Fifth Avenue bar. He'll rock a bit of honey. We're used to like bit of honey. Oh, bit of honey.

I live in that world. I would eat like an entire bit of honey. But what about, you know, I'd eat an entire bit of honey and just lose my jaw. Yeah. Like I'm like a hooker

who gave like too many blowjobs. My teeth is, you know. Just a hockey player. Just nothing but fake teeth. I can't even like. I'll still do Twix. Twix is good.

100 Grand Bar every now and again, but never Three Musketeers. That shocks me. I love it. But what about Heath or Score? Where do you go? Do you go Score or Heath? Heath. Heath all the way?

More than Score? When I was a kid at Spring Lake, everybody would get a frozen whatchamacallit yeah whatchamacallit is a good time too can I tell you a score can I tell you a score so I was driving up to Lake Tahoe

and then we gotta get back to this I'm driving up to Lake Tahoe with my family they all go into the bathroom where we parked we were like driving up when we were driving

on this camping trip over the summer they all go in they go to the bathroom three of them go in to go to the bathroom I bought a score bar, ate the whole fucking thing

and threw the wrapper away like it never happened. Like it never happened. You had a window to your show. I had a window and I took it. Boom.

And like no one asked. It smells like score bar. It doesn't. Correct me if I'm wrong, score bar is S-K-O-R. That's right. S-K-O-R? Yeah, it never seemed right to me.

Yeah, just like our last name. Thank you. Never seems right. All right, Dan. Back to the banner. With. That's right. S-K-O-R? Yeah, it never seemed right to me. Just like our last name. Thank you. Never seems right. All right, Dan. Back to the banner. Back to our banner. Jesus, what did she say? So Captain Thomas Burduggan.

It said Heath Nutscore. That was the whole thing. That's how we got there. Heath Nutscore? Yeah. Let's settle the S-K-O-R. The handmade banner, so it was in her writing.

Big shocker there. Huge, big ups to the handmade banner on Hulu. I'm a huge fan. The handmade banner. Oh, in her writing Big shocker there Huge Big ups to the handmade banner On Hulu I'm a huge fan The handmade banner Oh it's a good show In the future You can only make one

I can't believe It's really hard To have a banner It won so many Emmys this year Again they said It was offensive But legal in its content However

It violated The city's sign ordinance By exceeding the square footage allowed for a temporary so someone has a racist sign and someone's like can we get this bitch on a technicality and yeah yeah yeah and then they did yes well we're assuming it's racist it literally could just be like don't steal my brains you pigs no it's offensive. Would that be offensive? Oh, because of pigs. Yeah. Or because of brains. Yeah. Because of all of it. Right. Also, this town has an ordinance on temporary sign square footage.

That seems like someone's complained more than once, and finally they're like, we must find a technicality about this. Yeah, let's get this person to show up. I can't handle all the complaining. Right. Let's create a technicality. You guys, Irene Mercedes Handy. This is how confident I am.

In Dumb People Town. Does it feel like her last name isn't finished yet? Yes, Henderson. Handy. Handy Man. Andy Williamson. Handy Man. This is how crazy you get in Dumb People Town.

Sometimes I will show you guys a photo and make you guess the age. Because you can't do it. Some people live lives. Some people are like, she looks 48. She is 22. Some people grew up off a gravel road. Some people grew up on the gravel road. I'm going to show you guys a picture

of Irene Mercedes Handy, our local witch. Is that her mugshot? It's probably her yelling at a camera. She's mid-sentence. She looks like Eartha Kitt Fucked Ruth Bader Ginsburg I was going to say Krusty the Clown

You always say there's always A sentence or whatever that gets us into W-Town Here we go Events took a turn There we go While the officers were looking into the banner issue Police said they learned Handy had allegedly made threatening phone calls to state court judge Carla Brown. That was so easy to pronounce.

In the past, she had done this while they talked to her about the banner on her home. So they're talking to her and somebody's like, this is the lady that wants to kill that judge. Cool, because she will lose her shit. She may come out on this lawn with a flaming broom or something. Some of the threats

were reported against Brown's life. Police began working on getting a warrant for Handy's arrest because of the threat against the judge. Officials said Handy

allegedly then this is this is where it goes up and down. He did not see common what I'm about to say. She then climbed out of

a second story window and onto the roof of her home while shouting obscenities at the officer. This is a woman who's going all over. Fuck you. This is my roof. Ma'am. And my banner. Ma'am.

My banner. Ma'am. Yeah. Oh, you like cleaning up, huh? Look at this broom. At some point. So she's on the roof. Yeah, I am.

Ma'am, just please get down. I will not get down. Ma'am, get back in the window. You think I'm on fire now? You think I'm hot and bothered now? No one said anything about fire. Check out this broom. What? Ma'am. How about a little fire scarecrow?

Ma'am. Why is she on the roof? The amount of times officers in Dumb People Town just say, ma'am. Over and over. Ma'am. Ma'am. She climbed out her second story window. Under her roof.

So she's nimble. This is what you don't like? Yeah. You sons of bitches. At some point, Handy re-entered the home. You were right, Brecken. Police accused her of then coming out of theentered the home. You were right, Brecken. Police accused her of then coming out of the door of the home while holding a flaming broom

which had been doused in kerosene. I assume from one of her lamps. From one of her lamps. Her late night lampings. She is also accused of pushing it at the officers as they tried to arrest her. Guys, take away the broom first! Yeah, why are you...

Or, throw some water on it. That could kill her at this point. We don't know what's going to happen. We don't want her to shrink. That's a great point. And then it would be a hate crime because they killed her because she's green. One officer was slightly injured

before knocking the broom out of her hand. So they went at her with broom. Slightly injured? Maybe a little singed. Like a little singed on the arm. Think of the officer who knocked on the window of the dudes in the first story. Versus these guys going to work.

Oh, yeah. One officer was slightly injured, like I said. Handy has been charged with aggravated assault of a police officer, terroristic threats and acts, and harassing phone calls. Jail records listed her still being in the Gwinnett County Jail. Excuse me. Yeah, I guess her age.

The jail records show that, yes, we're going to. The jail records show Handy has been arrested several times in the past. But this was a banner day. Yeah. In the handy van. At Breckenmeyer. Send all comments to at Breckenmeyer on Twitter. Is that your Twitter?

Perfect. All right. I'm comments to at Breckenmeyer on Twitter. Is that your Twitter? That's it. Perfect. All right. I'm going to ask you guys right now. How old is Irene? And we've seen the photo. We've seen the photo. Mercedes Handy.

Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is going to get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Now, if people want to, they can wait until it's posted Guess the age. Guess the age. Now, if people want to, they can wait until it's posted on the Facebook page, look for themselves, and then make their guess. Okay.

Or just get with your office mates if you're listening to this together, and everyone shout it out. As our guest, you get to decide first, second, or third. I'll go second. We'll take the Tic-Nic-Tac-Roe seat. I'm going to go first. You want me to go first? You go ahead, Randall.

Okay. I think she's 48 years old. Which, by the way, only three years older than us. She looks terrible. She looks terrible. You light enough brooms on fire, it's going to affect the way you look. Oh, man. I'm going to say 59.

59 years old for Breckenmire. I do think, Dan, you brought it up because it's not what we think it is. Yes! Thank you. I'm going to say 54 years we think it is. Yes! Thank you. So I'm going to say 54 years old. 54. I'm splitting the difference. 48, 54, 59.

Irene. Mercedes. Miss Handy, please. Miss Handy. Miss Handy. Miss Handy. Boom, boom, boom. Light this candle.

Is 66 years old. Oh! Wreck it. Wreck it. Wreck it. Takes it. Nice. Now I actually think she looks good.

Yeah, she looks pretty good. She looks pretty bad. As far as, like, maybe the witchery actually kind of lowers the age a little bit. Really? Her complexion looks good. But is that, like, an attempt at suicide by cop? I mean, you're in your house at this point. You know the cop's outside.

You're going to go out and battle them. But before you do, you're going to pour kerosene on this fucking room. And you know that that takes more than a minute. So it's like, they're outside being like, what are you doing, ma'am? Nothing! Handy, get out here. Be here in a moment! Why don't they get a load of me? Rick, she said she'd be here in a moment. Keep reading the banner!

Why so serious? She's just ready to go. And this is one of those moments where you're like, if she were black, she'd be shot. Come moment. Keep reading the banner. Why so serious? She's just ready to go. And this is one of those moments where you're like, if she were black, she'd be shot. Come on. You don't know these cops. Dan. They tried their best with her. It was a flaming broom.

Which, by the way, might be a new dish at Applebee's. We don't know. Have you tried the flaming broom? How threatening is a flaming broom? I'm trying to think. She probably has an old school broom. You got good reach on it. Yeah, but you're 66.

So you can't even hold it out that way. Your traps are going to give way. She's asking them, run at my broom. You're definitely holding it two-hand, speaking of our first story, like a lacrosse stick. Or a He-Man sword. It's a broadsword. It's a broadsword. She would have thrown

at them like a sharpened dustpan. That's maybe like going too far. Did they, oh, they actually took her down that way. They didn't use like non-lethal,

like rubber bullets. Whenever people go nuts like this, I'm always like, just buy a net. Right. Just get a net. Just one of those guns

you see in the cool movies with the big weights. She's 60, you probably just drape it over her. Or wait till it runs out. Rodney King did not have a flaming broom.

That's all I'm saying. You're right. He did not have a flaming broom. But do you know that for sure? No, we don't. I didn't see

what it came before, but I'm going to say he did. I'm going to assume he did not have a flaming broom. All right. That's our second story down the books.

What are we going to be doing? This next story was one of the best excuses to police I've ever heard, and we got sent it so many times oh my god i love it wait you were sent the same story yeah because all yeah because like once the story gets out in the ether our people are like find it and then get it to him as quickly as possible it's it's why we love our townies uh we'll be back with the last story of dump People Town and a special guest right after this. Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town.

Final segment of the show. Breckenmeyer, what can people see you in these days that you are working on? Obviously, Robot Chicken. Yeah, Robot's still kicking around. How great is that season so much fun man super fun that is my favorite job how the uh how it all came about what was the genesis of the show started when seth had to go on conan and or didn't have to he chose to go to brian had done to the head yeah gun to the head had nothing richter came over with a gun why he had nothing to talk about he was promoting something and he decided I'm gonna do a he's like what if we just did like a stop-motion video to

like show him like it would just be fun like I said a convention and it started doing that we did this little short for Conan and then Sony back before the internet really blew up Sony had you know like a BBS board that where they bought these little webisodes we did. Before they were even called webisodes, and it started there, which is why Sony's still involved. And then Adult Swim ended up buying it as a show. I love it.

I cannot believe you guys The amount of comedy in every episode is astounding. It's ADD theater. It is definitely. I mean, we go quick. And I'm such a fan of the stop motion. I think that's... It is tedious.

I will say it's the most tedious thing on the planet. Well, I mean, have you ever seen a documentary of Nick Park and all those things? It's endless. It takes forever. It takes forever, but it looks so cool. Yeah. It's like five seconds of film is a great day at Robot Chicken. Really?

Five seconds. It is insane. I love it, man. I at Robot Chicken. Five seconds. It is insane. I love it, man. I absolutely love that show. Thank you. We just did our Walking Dead special which aired last Sunday night. If they missed it,

how can people grab it? I think it's on adultswim.com. I'm sure it's on the site. Just watch it. If you're not on board with it yet, get on board with it. Support. Support.

Yeah, we need your support, guys. It's only been nine years. Nine more. I want nine more. He's going to take a flaming brew. But this is a show that could go on forever. support yeah we need your support guys it's only been nine years so if you don't watch I want nine more he's gonna take a flaming but this is a show that could go on forever it's so funny

yeah I mean it's a pop culture base which keeps changing everyone's like how do you get your ideas I'm like because America gives it every day we'll never run out

people are like Dan do you have enough material because we got this other I have an opportunity to do this guest and Dan's like yeah I got enough material for if we had 20 guests.

We can do it forever. We're good. Can I still say, though, before we get into the last story, so far my favorite part of this entire episode is the idea of Brecken excitedly driving over to Seth's house to show off his brand new sword. Sword, yeah. A toy sword.

Like when you're 14, 15 years old, and you're like, Mom, I need you to take me over because I have to show my friends what I just got. And by the way it was not close I was in Westwood Seth was in Deep Hancock Park

stay where you are it's a real drive it's a legit drive I love it it's a legit drive and you have kids and also I went to Waze to literally see

how's the quickest way I can get there I know where it is and when you get there all you do is go look at it look at it and he sits there

and goes you were right to come over you were right to come over here You were right to come over here. Thank you very much. You chose wisely, my son. You chose very wisely. All right, this was sent in by Jessica Smith at jhsmith88. Okay.

Des Bryant fan, maybe. A Casper man. Mattress? Yeah. Ghost? Friendly ghost? Yeah. Dave Casper, former tight end for the Oakland Raiders.

That's what everybody was thinking. It's got to be.. It's gotta be. Gotta be. A Casper man claiming to be from the future has been arrested for having too much drink in the present. You speak. You speak. Casper police officers say that around 10.30 p.m. Monday, October 2nd, they were dispatched

to a resident on East 2nd, they were dispatched to a resident on East 2nd Street. One Doc Brown. By the way, how do we know he's not from the future? Right. How do we know? That is kind of an unprovable claim. I'm going to guess in the story,

it's going to reveal itself. Somebody said it once, you know how we'll never be able to time travel because we've never met anybody from the future. Well, how do we know? Could be. Casper police officers say around 10.30 p the future. Well, how do we know? Could be. Casper police officers say around 10.30 p.m. Monday, October 2nd, they were dispatched to a residence on East 2nd Street

for a man who was stating he was from the future and was there to help people. You guys don't understand. I want to help you. I'm here to help you. I'm putting my hands on these children. Is he in his house? I'm telling you, in the future, the Cubs win the World Series. So I haven't started

helping yet. I'm in my house. They found, once at the residence, the police found... I'm gearing up to help people. If you guys, as every drunk person says, just give me a second. Wait a second. No matter what it is, they just need you to... Dude, get in the fucking car. Wait a second. Let me finish.

Why is everyone rushing? Wait a second. Listen, I've been to the future. You don't need to rush, bro. Get in the car, man. You don't need to rush. We're leaving right now. Listen, listen. I can tell you right now, in the future, that car's different.

That car's different in the future. Get in the car. Wait a second. I can get in the car now, bro. You guys, we're going to get in the fucking car. I've seen the end of this. Nobody's going to get in the car. I've seen the end of this.

Both of you, get in the car. Nobody's going to get in the car. Get in the car. We're not going to get in the car. This is ridiculous. Come on, get in the car. We're not getting in the car. Get in the car. We're not going to get in the car. Come on, get in the car. Back in time. Nobody is going to get in the car in the future. Randy hit the head on the head too, going, shh.

Yeah, everybody's going, shh. You gotta listen. You gotta listen. You're not listening. You're not listening. There at the residence, they found Bryant Johnson, who claimed he was from the year 2048. Bryant or Brian? Bryant. Bryant okay so not the AC Jason for the people listening home Jason has derailed Jay what happened you're church laughing right now

what is it it's him him as Brian Johnson. In this story, Brian Johnson was from the future. We found Jason's ticklish spot. I just want him to vocalize his character as Brian Johnson from ACDC. You're not listening.

I'm from the future. Never done a Brian Johnson impression before. Fire! I can't wait until that shows up on Robot Chicken. Come on, man. Future Brian Johnson. I'm in, man. Brian Johnson from the future. They found Brian Johnson.

He claimed he was from the year 2048. Unless I'm wrong, that's right when Blade Runner starts off. 2049. He missed it. Replicants are everywhere! right when Blade Runner starts off. 2049. Yeah, he missed it. Just stuck around. 2048. Replicants are everywhere! Yeah!

Yeah! He was trying to warn the people of Casper that aliens were coming next year. Aliens are coming! From the future! Yeah! And that they should leave as soon as possible. You gotta get out of here.

Hang on, Brian. They're coming. No. We hear you. No, no, you're not listening to them. We are listening. Shh, shh. Just listen.

I'm about to give you some more ammunition, Bracken. Brian added that he wanted to speak to the president of the town. I guess in 48 every town gets a president. Brian, in the future there will be presidents. There's presidents of every town! There he is. He's literally saying shh in that photo. That's got a bro beard.

That dude has a bro beard. He is half-l lidded in that photo oh jesus is he lit no mustache but the Amish sort of underbelly he's on a rumspringa he added that he wanted to speak to the president of the town Johnson told police that the only way

here we go, this is it I want to do this clean Johnson told police the only way he was able to time travel was to have aliens fill his body with alcohol and have him stand on a giant pad which transported him to 2017. There he goes! You guys understand? I'm drunk to help you!

Aliens did it to me. You know, they put it all together, but you know that this was piecemeal. By the way, he also took some family guy bites there because Stewie travels on a pad? Yes. That's what I'm saying. They piecemealed.

They got this out of him. They run it all together in one sentence. He was like, are you drunk right now? Maybe. Did you get yourself this drunk? No. Who got you drunk? There's a purpose behind it.

No, who got you this drunk? Who got you this drunk, Brian? Listen, listen, listen. Everybody's listening. That's what we're here for. We're all listening. Listen. That's what we're here for.

I'm from the future. No, we got that part. Who got you this drunk? It was important for time travel. No, we know, but who got you this drunk? Who did it? If you didn't do it, who did it? If you didn't do it, who put the alcohol in you, Brian?

Alien. Yeah, aliens. The aliens did it. No, the you didn't do it, who did it? If you didn't do it, who put the alcohol in you, Brian? Aliens. Yeah, aliens. The aliens did it. No, the aliens didn't do it. They did. They took me to a bar. Okay. So you're telling me that all they have to do is get you drunk and then you time travel.

No, no, no. You're missing one important part. What was the other important part? There's a travel pad. Oh, so you stood on a travel pad. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Can you travel on the pad if you don't have alcohol in you? No, barely not!

Okay, so you need alcohol. Can you go back in time to where you stole that idea from the family guy? Here's what I love, too. He was stolen from the family guy. He's trying to lie so well. He says, but look, I ended up in the wrong year. I was supposed to be in 2018. So he's also telling them, I'm not even supposed to be here.

One year shy. I missed it by that much. I'm going to be so honest with you guys, I'm going to tell you that I even messed up a little bit. What's he helping people with? Yeah, what is he trying to do? What is he helping out with? Officer noted that Johnson had watery bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and the smell of alcohol coming from him. That's just a byproduct of time, Jim!

That proves my case! it's the crazy thing he was warning the police officer he was trying to tell them and the president of the town Casper right that aliens were coming to invade the world I guess so but they're the ones who also are the ones who got him drunk yeah so there's holes in this drunk guy's story i mean i that's hard to believe doesn't add up something isn't quite adding up with his story right officers noted that he had like i said bloodshot eyes was very drunk it was determined that johnson could not take care of himself and was causing a disturbance in the emergency room which means in this shoddy reporting at some point we've gone from his house to the emergency room yeah disturbance in the forest and it's this guy not to the police station no to the emergency time travelers

johnson was arrested for public intoxication i'm gonna ask you guys what was his blood alcohol man all right this is fun all right the sample showed he had a blood alcohol content of what okay can i know08 is legally drunk I was about to say I don't drink So I need to know What we're talking about here .08 is legally

Legal limit For an adult .08 .2 is a lot If anybody's above.2 You're drunk So just think about it Like drunk is

You know You can't operate a car .1 is pretty drunk .2 is blitzed Anything more than that You're just pouring alcohol Into the breathalyzer.3 is blitzed. Anything more than that, you're just pouring alcohol into the breathalyzer. Point three is you're like, you can't even stay out. Yeah, you're dead. And when you get into

fours, you'll die. You'll die. I'll go first. I'll say point two five. Yeah. Point two five. Solid guess. I'd say he's at a point three. Point three? Yep. They took him to the emergency room, man. I'm going to say point one nine. Point one nine. Okay. An early breath sample showed that They took him to the emergency room, man. I'm going to say.19..19.

Okay. An early breath sample showed that... What did I say his name was? Something Johnson? Brian Johnson! Yeah! How did you forget me? Had a blood alcohol content of.136.

Wow, that's not so bad. Because they talked to him for a long time. Yeah, they probably talked a lot of the alcohol out of him. I's not even that bad. Because they talked to him for a long time. Yeah, they probably talked a lot of the alcohol out of him. I'm not even that drunk. At one point, one officer said to the other one, let him run it out.

Wow. Aliens are taking it out. Oh, my Lord. What if he had grabbed a bottle of liquor, drank it, and then disappeared in front of the cops?

I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe the greatest thing ever. I would be like, yep, yep. That would make sense to me. Holy cow. I love that story. Alright, before we get out of here, we know the Dodgers are in the World Series right now. This is kind of crazy.

Sorry, Dan. It's okay. It was always last year. You know, the song they play at the end of every Dodgers game when they win in L.A., just like they play New York, New York when the Yankees win, they play I Love L.A., which to me felt like a song that Randy Newman wrote for the Dodgers. Randy's like, I want a song that's going to play at the end of every Lakers game,

at the end of every Dodgers game. Specifically in the 80s. By the way, there's a whole lyric, and Randy Newman, known for his amazing lyrics. There is one whole line or lyric in the song I Love L.A. The only lyric of this verse is, Sixth Street! Sixth Street. That's a whole lyric.

We love it. That's a lyric. So we love it. So we got here. He's apparently a fan of Dumb People Town and he wanted to come in and talk to us a little bit about some new songs that he's writing. I guess he's got a resurgence because of it. First of all, he's written every kid's song. You got a friend in me. Every Pixar movie he writes all the music to,

and he wins an Oscar every year for that stuff. So he's moved into that stage. But he is an artist. You think about Bob Dylan when he went electric in the face of all of his folk fans. Artists love to mess with their fan base. Right, so now he's got a bunch of kids, and he wants to come out with new adult songs.

So please welcome him. Let's also not forget short people. Sure. We can't forget short people. He upset a lot of kids and he wants to come out with new adult songs so please welcome him but also don't forget short people sure we can't forget short people he upset a lot of people with that Randy Newman welcome to the show

thanks for joining us you got a friend in me alright okay you got a friend in me yes we do and you got one in us hey Scott brothers hey Randy

how you doing Randy thank god Randy I love it yes we love it too from the east side to the west side. Ah, good. Everywhere in between.

It's like the Thomas guy. It's fantastic. The old Thomas guy. I love it. Yeah, we love it, too, man. I love it, too, guys. So what are you working on? What new stuff are you working on?

I'm working on a lot of, I'm trying to update my old catalog of music. What's the new one? And I'm going to do some of this. You got a friend online. What? You got a friend online. Online. Online. Online. It's current. You can ask me online. What? You got a friend online. Online. You can at me anytime.

You got a friend online. It's an update of one of his old songs. You can at me anytime, meaning you can tweet at me. Or add me. I think you're saying add me. Well, too bad he's not here, so we can't add. I got plenty. Are you ready for another one like that?

Yeah, please. Sure, sure. Come on. Don't want no Asian people. What? Wow. Don't want no Asian. They got big old hands.

No, wait. Big old feet. First of all, do they? They don't know where they want to eat. No. Wow. That's a good one. I like that one.

No, we're not on board with Asian people. Randy's become like the racist grandfather. Not at all. Okay, how about this? Don't want no blind people. You can't go in after blind people. Don't want no blind people.

They walk into walls. They're always falling. No one knows because they'll listen for your calling because they can't see straight. They can't see straight. They can't see at night. They keep their eyes closed real tight to one old blind

people. I don't even know if this is to the tune of a Randy Newman. I don't think that is. One old blind people. Randy Newman becomes so close-minded. I'm trying to get a new business off the ground. I'm trying to get a new business off the ground.

I'm reinventing condiments. I'm reinventing condiments. I'm going to have Randy Newman's ketchup. We're going to have six different flavors of ketchup. Just for the record, I don't know if that's reinventing or just putting your name in front of it. Randy Newman's ketchup. We're going to put brown sugar in ketchup. That's actually barbecue sauce.

We're going to put brown sugar in it. You put it on a rib, you can eat it. Like barbecue sauce. Almost exactly like barbecue sauce. You put it on a rib, you can eat it. Like barbecue sauce. Almost exactly like barbecue sauce. We're going to do a whole bunch of other stuff. We're going to do pickles, but we're going to make them sweet with brown sugar. That's relish. Randy, thank you.

Hold on one more time. Don't want no amputees No Why not? It seems like also you're just doing the same song over and over again And it's the same song and you're actually being mean to people I did a song about little people I did that on Saturday Night Live

But now you're doing Asians, blind people, and amputees We're just spitballing No, we're not spitballing We're all in on this together Get him out I love it We don't love it You said you loved it We're not spitballing. We're all in on this together. No, no. Get him out. Get him out. I love it. I know.

We don't love it. You said you loved it. No, we don't love it. Actually, all of us said we didn't. None of us here said they loved it. All right. H-3. All right. We love it.

I do love H-3. H-3's not terrible. Especially in Koreatown, it's pretty nice. All right. There it is. God damn. Thank you. God, what the hell happened?

Jesus Christ. I'll give up my seat anytime. Always. I don't know if you saw that, but Randy Newman was here. Randy Newman was being here. He was intolerant to sports. No. Maybe he came from the future. I don't know.

He is unwoke. It's fucking weird. Hell of a show. Thank you, Breckin Meyer. Thank you. For delivering what was great. Can't wait to see your sword. Can't wait to see your sword.

I should have brought it. Happy Halloween. Dude, take a picture. Tweet it out when your sword. Can't wait to see your sword. Happy Halloween. Take a picture. Tweet it out when you tweet out this thing. Happy Halloween to everybody. I hope you guys have a great night. A safe night and fun. And we'll talk to you guys next week. I don't know who our guest is, but it might be Lauren Lapkus. Fantastic.

Love it. Emmy nominated Lauren Lapkus. There you go. Look at that. And so guys, please join the Facebook page page Come see us live When we do it in your town It seriously is the most Fun thing ever Town hall And I know

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