Dumb People Town - Brent Weinbach - The Illegal Version of Bumper Cars

Episode Date: February 26, 2019

This week Brent Weinbach joins the show! In Story 1: A dummy fails to rob an Arby's. Story 2 is the tale of an illegal game of bumper cars. Story 3 brings us a drunk man who sleeps on a dog bed with a giant dog... in the wrong home.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Talk your downies, Dumb People Town

Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population you Population Weinbach It is Weinbach What's up brother? Hi How are you man? Hello sir Alright, how are you. Population, Weinbach. It is. Weinbach. What's up, brother? Hi.

How are you, man? Hello, sir. All right. How are you? We're good. Great. So the key and what we're going to try and... And you.

Hello, my friend. What we're going to try and do today is Brent Weinbach is going to try and understand deeply why people are doing what they're doing. And we're going to see if we can get him to not side with the people. Because I think that generally, I can usually figure out where they're coming from. Right. You want to understand.

I think the challenge is that, the challenge is, can I get stumped? Right. Can you not figure out where people are coming from in their dumb odyssey in life? Yeah, right, right. You do believe that the world is getting dumber, do you not?

Or no, you might not. Well, I mean, I think that dumb people have always existed. True. As are smart people. And are we getting dumber? I don't know. Do you think dumber is getting louder? I guess we're probably getting smarter as the days go by.

Right. So you think we're getting smarter. You don't think there's a larger group of the population that is getting dumber? Well, no, probably not, I guess. Wow. Well, I mean, if you compare us to cavemen. Sure. Well, we've probably made some progress.

We have made some progress, but really, have we? I think there's never been a better, a more acceptable time to be uninformed and opinionated. Yeah, it's like the combination of the crowd. You don't really know what you're talking about? That's cool, man. I like how you said it. But, you know, okay, so there is a wealth of misinformation out there. There you go.

And people are misinformed. And a lot of people act like they know what they're talking about, and they don't. But, you know, more and more. But, you know, if you believe in the idea that everyone's reality is shaped by their own subjective perception of it, then, well, everyone's right. Yeah, there's no spoon.

I mean, the thing is, is information is always changing anyway. It is. And what we've learned, if we've learned anything in these last two years of our government, is that there are no facts. True. There's nothing we can agree on.

Well, I mean, yeah, the facts are your own. You know, whatever's true to you is truth. And that's, and you know what? And I'm okay with that. And I'm okay with that. I don't know if I'm okay with that. And that's why I won't be stumped today. Okay. We'll see about that.

Stump the Weinbach. We'll see about that. The facts are life. But I was going to say, I guess that we, I do feel maybe over the years, I think people are in general maybe transcending their animal instincts a little more than they did in the I think that could be going on. I think that could be going on in addition to what we all really believe. I think for a long time in recent history,

we've been accelerating into enlightenment to a high level. And I think for the first time in a long time, while some technologies have increased, I think the technologies taking over in terms of doing the thinking and the reading and the figuring for us, I think is making the muscle of the brain less. It's like the first time ever we were accelerating, accelerating, and then we developed these crutches to help us go to become more knowledgeable, but we don't have to hold that knowledge. Right. You know, that's totally true. That's true. And then at the same time, because of technology and the constant bombardment of distractions,

that people are seemingly able to multitask better than they used to in the past. Even though maybe they're getting better at handling more than one thing at the same time, I'm not. I text, drink, and drive all the time. So I'm great at that. So good. All right. Well I text, drink, and drive all the time. Right. So I'm great at that. So good. All right. Well, let's see if we can stump the Weinbach here.

Let's jump into a story right away, Dan. All right. This was sent in by Mark Is at MRC underscore SPS. We don't know what the definition of Is is. Mark Is what? Mark Is. Not Mark Is. Mark Is.

Mark Is. Mark Is. Excuse me. Arby's, A fast food chain That famous I'll stop you right there Okay Is this a Greenlee?

No Okay It is from the Orlando Weekly Okay The Orlando Weekly dot com Thank you By the way real quick Did you know that

You know what Where the name Arby's come from? Roast beef Yeah roast beef They spell out Arby's A-R-B-Y-S It's R-B-E-S Roast beef Ro-B-Y-S. It's R-B-E-S, roast beef. Never thought of it like that.

You didn't, Des? Nope. I knew that. I could leave now. Supposedly, that's the story, yeah. I believe it. World's getting dumber. It's plausible.

I will tell you this. It's funny that you said, where's it from, though, because I meant to bring that up in this. So, the Orlando Weekly, who's ever writing this article, is done with their job. They've put in two weeks, or they're retiring. And this is the assignment that came after I'm quitting. Guys, here's the headline. Local dolt. What? Local dolt fails to rob Castleberry

Arby's. You've already op-edded your headline. But there is something great about all these high sort of society. Like Castleberry. We live in Covington Arms Caspian Court And you know that's like a

Caspian Court What is a dolt? A dolt is a dumb dullard Right An idiot It's like a dolt Fool You fucking dolt

Fool, a dummy Yeah, okay Dolt I thought it was a children's animated movie About a dolt That was a bolt That was a bolt Oh, right

Arby's, a fast food chain Chevy And you notice too also I'm already kind of on this reporter side Because they didn't say restaurant Definition of dolt A stupid person They just a fast food chain. And you notice, too, also, I'm already kind of on this reporter's side because they didn't say restaurant. Definition of dolt? A stupid person. They just said fast food chain.

Oh, okay. Don't dolt, people town. There you go. Arby's, a fast food chain that famously and unapologetically, quote, has the meats. What should they apologize for? Unapologetically has the meats. The person writing this is moving. Has the meats.

Has the meats. Has the meats. Arby meats. Has the meats. Or we have the meats. It's like their take on where's the beef. Yes. We has the meat. We has the meats. We has the meats, yo.

Doesn't that sound like your bit of the evolving of, what was that? That made me laugh so freaking hard. Oh, of pronouns? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, having a plural version of they. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He has... Well, having a plural version of they.

Right. So that to differentiate from the singular version to refer to an individual who identifies as such. They has the meats. Or they's, they's has the meats. They's has the meats. I'm just trying to do it. It's a woke Arby's.

Or they's have, I guess. They's have the meats. They's have the meats. They's have the meats. They's have the meats. Well, that would be multiple people. The many Arby's. If it's one person, then it's

they have the meats. They have the meats. And them hiring H. John Benjamin is my favorite thing. That is true. That's how that would be grammatically correct. If it's one person who has

an identify as they it would be they have meats they have meats and what I'm proposing is that if you do a plural version of they to differentiate and if it's multiple people let's say a corporation or say it's

many Arby's many Arby's franchises then it's Arby's. Many Arby's. Many Arby's. Many Arby's franchises. Then it's They's Have Meats. They's Have. They's Have. Sorry. They's Have Meats.

They's Have Meats. Welcome back to semantics. Actually, this is good grammar. Welcome back to anti-semantics. Just Jews talking about semantics and Dave Anchor. Arby's.

A fast food channel. I'm sorry. One last thing. Never last thing. Never last thing. About Dolt. I was thinking that that could be the opposite of an adult. You know, an adult.

Is adult. Is adult. Adult. Which is a... So if an adult... So it is what the thing is. And an adult is not what a thing is So therefore

Adult is a child basically Because an adult is someone who is not a child It might be where it all comes from Okay so if you're acting like an adult You're being mature If you're acting like adult You're an idiot Or you're a child

Or you're immature You're an immature child Well Arby you're a child or you're immature. Simpleton. Okay. Yeah. You're an immature child. Well, Arby's, a fast food chain that famously and unapologetically, quote, has the meats, is apparently a difficult place to rob, especially if you're an absolute dolt. Okay. Last month, a bold yet bumbling doofus.

This person does not like. Straight opinion. Or he's had a run in. He or she has had a run in With Baze This is their like Brother-in-law Baze has had This is her brother-in-law

Yeah Last month A bold yet bumbling doofus Attempted and failed To pull off the biggest heist In the history of Seminole County Yes Someone tried to rob

The Castleberry Arby's Now you're being Now you're like Now you're joking. You're being flippant. Yeah. Let's make fun of robberies, all right? I'm only working for the newspaper. On December 26th.

That's always so weird. Day after Christmas. I know. Boxing Day. Boxing Day. The day after Christmas, you're going to go break into an Arby's? It's the perfect crowd. Well, it's the day.

I mean, you would suppose that people were buying a bunch of stuff on Christmas Eve for to prep. No, never mind. Actually, that's Christmas Day. This is the day after the day after Christmas Day. Well anyway people bought all this Arby's to give as gifts. And so there's a lot of money at the Arby's is what I'm trying to get at here. It would be great

to give someone a gift of a wrapped up fast food order. He's trying to again justify and understand where this dole is coming from. By the way, Boxing Day, when people have to return all the roast beef sandwiches to Arby's, they don't fit. You're right. So, 26 is actually the day they've returned all the roast beef, all the meats. They're returning all the meats.

I have a gift receipt for these, so I would like to hand those to you. On December 26th. Only store credit? Maybe he was robbing them for the meats. Well, we'll find out. Okay, we'll find out. The unmasked suspect, that's already a mistake, broke into the Arby's located at 1436 State Road.

Put it on the walking tour. 436 next to Ross Dress for Less, which is the perfect combo. That's like a pizza at Taco Bell. Ross Dress for Less and an Arby's. Yep, we're going for it. That's one roof. That's all you need. I'm tired from digging through than an Arby's. Yep. We're going for it. That's one roof. That's all you need. I'm tired from digging through all these sales, and I'm hungry.

Well, where can we go? Well, right here. Well, do they have the meats? Yes, they has it. They has the meats. And spent hours while managing to completely botch the heist in every way possible. Hours? How many hours do you think this guy screwed around trying

to rob an Arby's? Do you want to guess, Brent? You can go first, which is second, third. I mean, it can't be more than two hours. Okay. Two from Brent. Well, here's the reason I'm saying two is, I couldn't imagine, you know, it couldn't be one, right? But it said hours.

So it has to be two then. So you think the minimum number of hours. I think this bumbling, unmasked dolt of a U and doofus tried to rob the place for five hours. Five hours. Thinking of new ways to re-enter the castle, Barry. Just for fun. I mean, it is a castle. So unless it was some kind of dog day afternoon thing

where they just want, you know. Attica. They had hostages, I guess. I'm trying to think of something. One of you is exactly right. Oh! So now we get to play the game of who do you think is right. Oh, I think you're right, probably. I mean, I think it's

more unbelievable. What did you say, Jay? Four. I think it's me. Okay, I said five. Randy? I think it's Jason. I think it's Jason. Okay. I think it's me. Okay. Join in, Tonys, because he spent four hours Jason's right But you were right

And you're thinking that it was more And botched the heist In every way possible I would say so If we're writing an article about it Here's a picture of him Look at him running around He has some sort of pole in his hand

And in a few of these pictures He's just straight up smiling He's having the time of his life In this Arby's He looks like an adult baby Okay, I'm already Figuring out a narrative here. Let's carry on.

According to the Castleberry Police Department, which sounds like Candyland Police. The Castleberry Police Department. It sounds like armed with just candy cans. That's fine. The suspect entered the Arby's at around 1.50 a.m. After disabling the security system, he left the store, returned hours later with a blowtorch, and then attempted to bust open the safe until he eventually gave up around 6 a.m.

He went and got a blowtorch? Wait a second. So hold on a second. So he broke it and he's like, ooh, I can't do this right now. Is it saves or saves? Okay, so does that count as some of the four hours? Yes. Him going to get the blowtorch and not being in the Arby's?

Yes. So, okay. So wait a second. So that does make more sense, the four hours, okay? There is some post-planning. He wasn't in there the entire time for four hours. No, he probably had to get the blowtorch, which is kind of hard to do. Yeah.

I think he has one. Well, maybe he lived kind of far away and he had to go get the blowtorch. He realized, oh shoot. It's 1.50 in the morning. I'm sorry. I'm going to argue that at most the blowtorch diverted for like 45 minutes. Maybe he went to a far away...

Where does he live? Because maybe he went far away so that he wouldn't be as associated. Oh, there you go. But then I feel like if he was that good, he'd have worn a mask. Yes. Well, no, maybe he didn't need to wear a mask because he lived so far away and no one's going to recognize him. This is the old west.

Security camera. Never seen him before. This bank robbery is going to go unsolved. We'll put his picture up at the post office and we'll get him down. He's 20 miles away. We can't find him. Defeated. The suspect left

the impenetrable meat fortress empty-handed. I'm telling you, this reporter's impenetrable meat fortress. It's a little out of the ordinary. Part of me wanted her to say meat forest.

Well, maybe this kind of publication is geared, is more of a whimsical kind of, you know, paper. The Orlando Weekly, that feels hard-hitting. This isn't Mad Magazine.

No, you're probably right. No, the Orlando Weekly. It could be like the LA Weekly. The Orlando Weekly? That feels hard-hitting. This isn't Mad Magazine. No, you're probably right. No, the Orlando Weekly. It could be like the LA Weekly. The Stranger. Yeah. Or something like that. It's the village voice of Orlando. It's a little out of the ordinary,

said Castleberry Police Commander William Naz. Or Naz. Naz. It's Naz. That's straight up Naz. It's the rapper Naz. It's the rapper Naz. Straight up Naz.

William Naz. A lot of times we get someone who will run out with a cash register or a smash and grab and take off but to spend time in there and try to break into the safe is intense

so how many people like at Arby's the person who said Arby's has to buy these non-blowtorch safes the next day

was like I told you I told you guys what did i just a one guy hours i told you around corporate arby's being like what did i say neil neil i told you martha you said no what did i say you owe me five dollars now told you you bet we bet we bet we shook we bet on it put it in the safe uh authorities believe the suspect described as possibly his possibly Hispanic light skin male is the same guy who used a blowtorch to steal $1,600 from a safe at the Almonte Springs Chipotle back in July.

So Arby's has the fireproof Chipotle. Chipotle is like an open book. Yeah. And then Chipotle just invest in it. So is the guy it was there was a salesman. I told you. He was sold. He went to every fast food chain and he said,

we're not going to buy this. Do you want to hear what happened in Chipotle? Of course. Do you want that? Of course. Now media outlets are calling him the blowtorch burglar. Oh, is that what happened actually? It happened in Chipotle.

Chipotle got that inspired and motivated Arby's to get in there to all the past. We're not going down. We're not going out like that is what they kept saying. There's a lot of opinion in this next paragraph. Of course. First of all, that already you have attitude. Of course. Of course.

Now media outlets. Let us make up our own minds here. Don't say of course. Of course. Now media outlets are calling him the blowtorch Burglar, which is an absolutely undeserved nickname because it sounds cool and this guy isn't. Wait, what is going on in this article? This is a journalist, Brent. This is an email that someone sent to their brother.

Then they wrote, sorry, but this dumb skull deserves no glory for sucking at robbing an Arby's. Who is this, A seventh grader? Yes. This guy got picked on by this guy in high school. Maybe this is a college paper. It feels more. No, maybe. No, seriously.

Maybe it's an end of the year family newsletter. Weren't you a substitute teacher? Yes. For what age? All of them. But into high school? Yeah. Okay.

This feels like from one of your students. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Did you ever. This is a creative writing project. When you taught, did you ever take your coat off? Did you leave your coat on at all times? Yeah, I probably kept it on most of the time.

Every time I've seen you, I've seen you perform. Even in hot weather. It's usually cold. No, it is cold. It was in the 40s. Summertime. Summertime, you're in a zip-up sweatshirt. Yeah.

Car coat. I bring, yeah, usually indoors it's cold, too, during the summer because I don't have this jacket on during the summer. And you're not like a heavy dude, so probably cold affects you. I get cold easily. I believe that. And for everybody – Especially the air conditioning is blasting during the summer, so it makes me cold. And for everybody in the Midwest and Northeast who's yelling at us right now –

40 is like shorts weather in Chicago. Sorry, move here then. I don't care. Don't be mad. Don't be mad. Don't be mad. Be mobile. Not only did he not have a mask, but he didn't even think to bring a damn blowtorch

even after the Chipotle job. What? So he's saying, like, you needed it for Chipotle. Why didn't you bring it with you to Arby's? He's literally saying, what are you doing, idiot? Now we are resigned. We're off of the article. This author is resigned.

No, at the end, he's totally's totally resigned Anyway do you know this guy Do you know anyone dumb enough to spend four hours Laboring away inside an Arby's for a negligible amount of cash And not even leave with a classic beef and cheddar End of article Okay well look Clearly here's the thing Look I'm going to defend

The writer to some degree here To every degree. But here's why. It's because they're not... This is purposely meant to be humorous. They think the story is funny, and they're putting a... And they do not like this guy. They want to put a humorous angle to the article.

It worked. It worked. We laughed. We laughed. You know, yeah, I mean, it's not... I don't think it's meant to seem like a professional journalistic – It's either you're right, okay? I definitely buy that as like a plausible explanation for the other.

Or this guy is – this man or woman who wrote this article is just mad. They're just mad at this person. They're like, if you're going to rob an Arby's, and I understand that – And you've already robbed one place with a boat. And they're like, I understand the desire to want an Arby's and I understand that... And you've already robbed one place with a blowtorch. And they're like, I understand the desire to want to rob the Castleberry Arby's. If you are going to rob an Arby's, don't be a dummy. At least do it right.

Bring your blowtorch. Wear a mask. Steal a beef and cheddar. That's story number one. Now, but as far as the man himself, the thief... Yeah, the blowtorch burglar. You mean the dolt? The blowtorch burglar. The... He... The thief The blowtorch burglar The blowtorch burglar The He What's

I'm trying to Yeah I mean look He I'm trying to say I guess the We have to figure out Where he's coming from right I want you to figure it out

Figure it out And then we're going to go to break Give us your best assessment He needs You know He wanted Look part of it I think maybe is that

he's also just having fun, maybe. And so, you know, I think that's why it also had something to do with the length of it, you know,

is that he's, you know, it's like, maybe he has insomnia. Yeah, or, you know, he's got to do something.

Did anybody get hurt? No. See? There you go. No harm, no foul. And it's not like he's stealing from personal people. Did anybody get hurt? No. See? There you go. No harm, no foul. And it's not like he's stealing from personal people. No, he's stealing from a roast beefs. Okay, so, you know, there's something, you know, we can maybe feel a little bit more compassion for this man.

Every once in a while, corporate America needs to be stolen from. I agree with you. Look, it's a victimless crime unless you get stolen from. Or unless you love artists. And then, yeah, nobody got hurt. He's having fun, you know? You should be a lawyer, Brent. The guy...

A defense lawyer. Anyway, I get it. All right, he gets it. All right, there you go. Story number one, down in the books. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, more Brent Weinbach on Dumb People Town. Stay with us.

Stick around. Make us down for more Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Welcome back to DPT. We got Brent Weinbach here. We do. And people can follow you at Brent Weinbach. Sure.

Brent Weinbach. And on Instagram. It's Brent Weinbach Comedy. Brent Weinbach Comedy. I don't have anything on there. It's just really, it's just in case people do look for me there. You're there. You can find links to other things there. Awesome. Perfect. That's it. That's all I need. Awesome anything on there. It's just really, it's just in case people do look for me there, they can find links to other things there. Awesome.

That's really, that's it. That's all I need. Awesome. All right, let's, we should run some, say some drip names,

shall we? And by the way, it is switching to Patreon as our lovely studio producer who is, can I give a shout out to Noah Eberhardt? No, do not do it.

Holding it down. He's an Eagles fan. He, we're going to not keep the Philly thing against him, but he is Holding it down. He's an Eagles fan. We're going to not keep the Philly thing against him, but he is holding it down and always does such a good job in getting us ready. He's looking for the most seamless way for us to

transition from Drip onto Patreon. So we're in the process of doing that. Probably will happen over the next month. So we'll keep you posted. Let's read some names in the meantime. Thank these people who contributed to the show. Kivosa Harris. Ooh.

Is that right? They wrote it with like some symbols. With a checkmark and a degree sign. Yeah, Kivosa Harris. It should be a banner woman. I don't know. Key checkmark degree, Saharis. I always like people that can go by the nickname Key.

Key? Like Keyshawn. What's up, Key? Yeah. What's up, Key? Keyshawn Johnson. Next name? Chase Gallagher.

Chase Gallagher. You're either a high school bully or you are a magician. You know what else I was going to say? Like a small-time daredevil. Or Ford dealership. Come on down to Chase Gallagher Ford.

We're dealing! How about Jake Magnuson? Send so many stories in. Magnus for Magnus. We always make that joke. The Magnus for Magnuson was the world's strongest man. Alan Purcell. Alan Purcell. Sounds like a 1970s. Hopefully no relation to the lead story in this season's True Detective.

No. I think it's the Purcell house where everything. It is the Purcell house. The Purcell disappearance. This next one, Michael Podolsky. Podolsky. Podolsky. Michael Podolsky.

We had a guy in St. Louis, a friend who we grew up with named Jeff Podolsky. Podolsky. Michael Podolsky. We had a guy in St. Louis, a friend who we grew up with named Jeff Podolsky and we went to his bar mitzvah and the whole family sang a song to him that they wrote this song and it was

Jeff Podolsky. Jeff Podolsky. No, that's a sample. They sampled. That's not an original. Michael Podolsky. Michael Podolsky. Michael Podolsky. Michael Podolsky sounds Podolsky Michael Podolsky

Michael Podolsky sounds like a D2 quarterback How about Joseph Harnish? Harnish is something you tell someone In a really fancy restaurant Don't take that plate out unless it has a Harnish on it Listen, we're going to shave The radish into a Harnish

They've Harnished my wages How about Aaron Hayes? Aaron Hayes. I wonder if this is our friend Aaron Hayes, the actress. Probably not, but Aaron Hayes,

thank you so much. Yeah, I mean, it's a pillar of the community. I love it. That's a big giver. Nick Colucci. Sends a ton of stuff in. Nick, I see you out there.

Nick Colucci. I talk to Colucci. I talk to Colucci. I understand Colucci. Post Sick Boy. Post Sick Boy. Post Sick Boy. Takura Makala I know

Takura It makes me think of that Do you remember the kids in the hall sketch About Skura the friendly shark? No Don't hate him He hates It's like

They say Skura But if it is It'd be Takura Takura the friendly Takura Don't hate him He hates himself He can't help that he eats people

Oh you've had It's called Skura By the way It could be Makala Takura By the way, you could... It could be Makala Takura. I know. So do you know there's a song from Kids in the Hall that's like so politically incorrect now that you can't.

You say, running... Yeah, yeah. So that's what I think the theme... And I've sung this now to my kids unknowingly. I think it's the theme song to the show Spirit, which is an animated show about a horse. Oh, really? And they turn on Spirit.

I'm like, riding Spirit. Riding for you. He's is an animated show about a horse. And they turn on Spirit, and I'm like, Riding Spirit, riding for you. He's a spirit, he's a riding spirit. I love you, Takuri Makoto. How about Cody Moga? Cody Moga, what a great name. Make America Great Again. No.

Cody Moga, you're making this great again. Yeah, I'll take that. Thank you, Cody Moga. How about Teresa Jusino? Papow. Teresa Jusino. Jusino. Jusino. Jennifer Shanley. Jennifer Shanley.

City council member. City council member. Thank you, girl. I like that Jay put some emphasis on Lee and separated the two. Jennifer Shanley. We're not Shanley-ing around here. Let's try it all. Jennifer Shanley. Jennifer Shanley. Nailed it.

Mary Ann, Mary Ann. I really want toailed it. Mary Ann, Mary Ann. I really want to tell you, Mary Ann, Mary Ann. What do you guys from that thing you do? Marshall Crenshaw. I'm thinking of you, Mary Ann, Mary Ann. I really want to tell you, Mary Ann, Mary Ann, Mary Ann. Okay, Ben Soriano. Ben Soriano.

Dude, thank you so much, man. Wasn't there a baseball player, Soriano? Rafael Soriano. Yes, for the Cubs, right? Cubs, Cubbies. Cubs. Left fielder. Did a little weird-ass hop every time he caught a catch for no reason.

Rachel Kaiserman. Kaiserman. Rachel Kaiserman. Really huge special thanks to Ben Soriano, to Jennifer Shanley, to Cody Moga. Jennifer Shanley. Cody Moga. Aaron Hayes. You guys are contributing on such a high level.

Everyone else, we appreciate it. This is a great way to support this podcast and get extra stuff for you. And we just want to tell you how much we appreciate you guys. And let's get back to the show. Let's do it. All right, Daniel, let's get into another story. Here we go. Sent in by Adam V. At, ready for this handle? Just 4DPT.

That's his handle? I like this guy. Yeah, and the 4 is the number, not the word. Just for DPT. Thanks, Adam. In the ever-difficult decision of whether to spend an evening playing the legal version of bumper cars at a local arcade, I mean, how many times have you faced this? This is a run-on sentence.

This is the longest. I'm lost. I'll start it over. Yeah, start it over, yeah. In the ever-difficult decision of whether to spend an evening playing the legal version of bumper cars at a local arcade. Wait, what's the illegal version? It's just ramming a car on the street.

Okay, got it. Or heading to a dealership for the illegal one with real cars. Local law enforcement said four kids in Houston went with the latter this weekend. That was all one sentence. Got it. Okay, wow. That was all one sentence. Could have easily just said four kids in Houston rammed the ladder this weekend. That was all one sentence. Okay, wow. Could have easily just said four kids in Houston rammed up a bunch of

cars. And on a dealership. But then you don't hit that word count. You do not hit that word count. Okay, see? Yeah, wow. This makes me think there's a word count involved. It cost a bit more than some gaming tokens to do it. You can hear that. You hear the

sing-songy. Four underage boys broke into a Houston area CarMax lot on Sunday. Four underage boys. Stand by me. Stand by me too. Stand by me too. You was by me. I never had criminal-based friends like I did later on

in life. You want to see a dead Taurus? They were caught on surveillance cameras according to a Facebook page for a constable in Harris County, Texas, which includes Houston and some surrounding cities. Constable?

The page... Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Wait, what? This guy just threw this up on his own person. Why is there a constable? Wait, I'm sorry. Can you say the constable part again?

Constable has a Facebook page. Four underage boys broke into a Houston area car max lot on Sunday and were caught on surveillance cameras according to a Facebook page for a constable in Harris County, Texas, which includes Houston and some surrounding cities. Hey, what do you do in Houston? What's your job again? I'm a constable. What does that mean?

It just seems like a thing that from old, you know, in English, like for a turn of the century England or something. Walking the beat with just a stick. It's, what's the, Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins, yeah. The constable. That's what I'm getting at. Yeah, it's Mary Poppins. The guy who played the constable in the original Mary Poppins was a guy named Arthur Treacher.

Who later opened up a bunch of seafood restaurants here in America. Oh, really? Under that name, Arthur Treacher. Really? Opened up a bunch of Seafood restaurants Here in America Oh really Under that name Arthur Treacher's Seafood place Are you for real How do you know this Cause there was one in St. Louis

And I was like Oh wow It was a They used his name I'm a Long John Silvers man This was to compete With Long John Silvers He was like the British

He played butlers And he played the constable In By the way You know my dad is from St. Louis right No I didn't know that You didn't know that

Oh okay Randy knew it Jason didn't No I guess we didn't know that? Oh, Randy knew it. Jason didn't. No, I guess we're not friends. Anyway, yeah. It's weird. Well, you have a different relationship with all twins. He's got a different relationship than me.

Here's the deal. This is not like an official page of the constable of Harris County. This is just his Facebook page. Who is also a constable. The page belongs to constable Mark Herman, and his post said four suspects were arrested after breaking into the dealership, stealing some

keys and crashing vehicles into other vehicles on the lot. How bored are you? Play Fortnite. Yeah, please play Fortnite. In all, the post on

Herman's Facebook page said the suspect managed to crash into more than 20 vehicles. How much damage do you think they did? This is real-life Grand Theft Auto. This is real-life Grand Theft Auto. One night, 20 cars, paying bumper starts.

20 cars, I can do this. You can do this? All right, you want to go first? Well, I'm going to say it was, I'm going to say, so I'm almost there. I think $500,000. Okay, $500,000. Rand, Jay? I think it was like $80,000.

$80,000 from Randy. Jay? It was $140,000. $80,000 from Randy. It's $140,000. Okay. Because I just had my car. My car just got, I was in an accident, and it was pretty bad on the highway. Glad you're okay.

$7,000 a car. I say $7,000 a car, 20 cars. Actually, I'm going to go down to $300,000. Here's where I kind of thought of it. I thought maybe the cars got all totaled, you know? Yeah, maybe. And then I was thinking, okay, those cars,

maybe they're worth $25,000 each or something. And so I just multiplied that by 20. And so that's 500,000. But then I'm thinking maybe they didn't all get totaled. And maybe...

A couple get it. So 300,000 years, 140 for me, and Randy says 80. I say 80. I still say 80 because I think, I don't know,

I think he probably had like three, $4,000 worth of damage average per car. The suspects managed to crash into more than 20 vehicles and cause about... Get your answers in now, Townies. Did you get it? Oh, they did more than 20, actually.

So maybe I go back up to 400 a little bit. Okay, fine. You can do it. Settle on 400. And caused about $800,000 in damage. You were right first. $500,000 was the one. You were right.

I love your thinking in the first way. Photos from Herman's post show Dodge Challenger scat pack with a front end ripped off, a Corvette Z06 with the scrape lines down the side, and a busted rear view mirror. A Ford Mustang that looks like it came from a car meet. A Porsche Boxster with a nasty hit to the front end and plenty of other cars that look like they all got in a fight with each other. That's just good journalism, Dan. That's just good journalism. They look like they all got into a fight with each other. I think I've read the fourth sentence.

This guy writes paragraphs in sentences. He gets penalized if he puts a period in. When deputies arrive. His words are monetized. Herman's Post. His articles are like hockey games. Three periods. The suspects took off on foot, but were later caught and arrested.

The life-size game of bumper cars, which is bumper cars, landed them in the Harris County Juvenile Detention Center on felony charges of criminal mischief in the first degree. Because the suspects were underage, their names weren't released. Oh. On some level. But the constable on Facebook, though, he posted their pictures. Watch his rap. He has their social security numbers. He's doing things that the police department is like,

please don't do that. It's my Facebook page. Why don't I? I'm allowed to do whatever I want. You let me know when you're the constable. I'm Mark Herman and I make my call. I'm the const do whatever I want. You let me know when you're the constable. I'm Mark Herman and I make my call. I'm the constable of Facebook. Are you drunk, Mark? He's the constable of Facebook.

Well, here's the thing. Yeah, I'm drunk. I'm allowed to do whatever I want on Facebook. I think it would be, and I don't condone this in any way, shape, or form, but while they're just plowing into cars and no one else is in the cars, you're not endangering people's lives. Except your own life as you're slamming into into cars. And no one else is in the cars. You're not endangering people's lives. Except your own life as you're slamming into these cars. Fine, fine.

But if you're wearing a seatbelt, it had to have been fun. Do you know what I'm saying? How many times have you been in traffic and been like, I wish I could just run right in. This person who does not understand how a four-way stop works. Drive, dummy. I mean, the idea of like,

my kids yell from the backseat, go. And like sometimes. I wonder where they got that. They do? Go. I'm like, there's someone in front of us. They're yelling at you? Yes, to me to go up.

I'm like, do you want me to run up over their car? But it would be fun to smash around. It would be cool to do real bumper cars. Real bumper cars. For once. But some of those cars could have exploded, right? 800,000. 800,000.

It's even like an airbag to the face. Three quarters of a million bucks. If we gave a thousand dollars. Who pays for it? That's the question.

And then I'm sure they'll sue these kids but for once. They should. For everything. The whole thing doesn't make much sense on the surface

since breaking into a dealership and getting arrested is a lot of trouble to go to when there's no gain in it other than a few minutes of fun. That's it. I'd say that's the gain. That's the gain. But people have different views on life.

We have a lot of interesting topics. What? What? That to me is a chance that the journalist took right there. But people have different values on life. It is edgy. Some find value in money or fame while others just want to crash nearly one million dollars

of cars into each other in a parking lot. Is that a Bob Seger song? I don't know. It's kind of like a take on the Joker's some men just want to see the world burn thing.

But you know, it's interesting that this writer is, he's not being stumped. You know what I mean? He is. Oh, he knows what's up. He's actually trying

to find the angle here. That's right. The different, you know, the perspective. Let me understand. I don't have all the answers. A few minutes of fun. He is... He knows what's up. He's actually trying to find the angle here. I don't have all the answers. A few minutes of fun. That is story number two. In the case of the first guy,

a few hours of fun. A few hours of fun. Literally. Here's my question. We'll come back with Brent Weinbach's answer after the break. Who do you think had more fun? The guy with the blowtorch there? Think about that through the break. We'll be back with Brent Winebox's answer after the break. Who do you think had more fun? The guy with the blowtorch there? Think about that through the break. We'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this.

Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to DPT, final segment. And we can all agree, the kids had more fun. Do you think the kids had more fun? I have to, unfortunately, I would like to take the less-trodden answer, but it's going to, yeah agree the kids had more fun. Do you think the kids had more fun? I have to, unfortunately, I would like to take the less trodden answer, but it's going to, yeah, the kids had more fun.

Kids had more fun. Well, but mainly because they were with each other. They were friends. Cheering them on. And it's also, nothing is more fun than friends. That's right. Than hanging out with friends. In my mind, just like a woman named Carla and a guy named Jeff

had a conversation the day before. I'm like, do you think we should put our high-end vehicles in the showroom? No. Just leave them out. What is going to happen to them? What's the worst that could happen? See what CarMax has to offer. Barbara is so worried about this.

Dave, will you please tell her that it's okay? If you hate it so much, go work for Carfax. That's not a lot. Show me the Carfax. They don't sell cars. Someone please explain to me, go work for Carfax. That's not a lot. Show me the Carfax. They don't sell cars. Someone please explain to me, show me the Carfax. Is that show me the money?

Is that what that is from? And it's a fox saying, show me the Carfax, which is not a fox. By the way, when was the last time you faxed something? But it worked. You guys associated it with everything they wanted you to. I don't know. You're doing it. It's kind of crazy how facts doesn't happen anymore.

The guy in the MyPillow, the guy who created the MyPillow thing, holds on to that pillow so hard. A little clenching. Like someone from the commercial who's filming the commercial is like, Hey, man, let me just hang on to that for a second so we can get a little more makeup on. And he's like, I got it. I got it. That's his pillow. That's my pillow for my a little more makeup on. And he's like, I got it. That's my pillow for my bed. And I got it.

I got it. I got it. Are you ready for a third story? Let's do a third story. Really quick. You guys have people, tell some people where you're going to be. We are going to be on March 22nd, 21st. Well, first things first, this thing drops this Tuesday coming up. So let me just say this.

On Thursday night, we have a show at the UCB Theater on Franklin, and I'm so excited about this show, and I hope we can do it again. We're kind of testing out an idea for a stand-up show. Here's the concept of the show, and we'll have you on the next one if we're lucky enough to do this one. So we have our friends and people who are going to be

on the show. Ian Abramson, Al Madrigal, who else? The Shears have made it. Yeah, great people. Alex Edelman, good folks are going to be on this show. Our friends go up and do their set. Then we come on stage with them afterwards and we offer tags for their jokes.

Oh, tag it up. Is it called tag team? Oh, tag team is better. We called Skly Brothers tag it, but tag team could say that we're the tag team. Tag team comics. Oh, I love that. So it's Tag It Up.

So we're tagging it, and that's on the 28th of February at UCB. That's at 930. I hope people will come out to that show. And then on Monday, March 4th, we are going to be live at Largo with doing this show with Karen Kilgariff, Jon Hamm,

and Langhorne Slim. We'll be playing music, so we're very excited about that. And then supersklyers.com for all of our dates that we have. What about you, buddy? Well, I don't have any live dates coming up to mention right now, but I've got a lot of videos on YouTube. Great.

YouTube.com slash Brent Weinbach. Great. Subscribe. Get into that. Yeah. And there's a lot of stuff on the internet you can check out

my stand up special I love the stand up special on Amazon and I will say people should go subscribe to his YouTube page because as far as

interesting a creative original voice in comedy which is very hard to come by and be insanely funny

to boot so it's not just original. It's also ridiculously funny. That is Brent Weinbach. Please, please, please go. I agree. I believe that so wholeheartedly. Please, subscribe to that site.

Actually, you know what? Check out this short film I made a few years ago called I Don't Dance. It's on Vimeo. Vimeo exclusive. Awesome. Guys, together tour in March, you can come see me in Atlanta, Columbia, South Carolina, Greenville, Orlando, Florida, Jacksonville, and Tulsa, Oklahoma,

and even New Orleans. So go to DanielVanKirk.com to see where I'm going to be in March. Get into the last story, shall we? Ready? Sent in by Jacob Punzel at TheJacobP Punzel. Let your hair down, buddy. There you are.

Waukesha, which is outside of Milwaukee. Wow. I've heard of it. It's also where those girls were afraid of the Slender Man and that whole stuff. Waukesha.

So we're in Wisconsin. Waukesha, home where we're called police early Tuesday, January 1st. We are starting the year out. And it's gotta be balmy and nice. We're talking about

Wisconsin on January 1st. She called the police after she found a stranger in her house sleeping on her dog's bed in the living room. So was this a tiny man? I totally already get where this is happening here, but go on.

According to Waukesha Police Department, the young man may have entered through an unlocked side door at the home. Doggy door? Lock your door. The doggy door. He's saying he came through the doggy door. If he's fitting in the bed, he can go through a doggy door. That's true.

You know how I was saying people were evolving from their animal instincts? This one is not. You're right. So you're right. He is kind of becoming more animal. You know, going through doggy doors, sleeping in the doggy bed. So you know what you got to do

when you see a guy? If you see a guy laying on your dog. I know exactly what you're going to say. You shake a can of quarters in his face and you go, no, bad, bad. Is that a technique? Is that like a seizure? Shaking quarters in a dog's face, yeah.

The report indicates the man was. What was his name? Caesar. Milan. Yeah, like he couldn't, like he got divorced or something. In a dog's face? In a dog's face, yeah. The report indicates the man was... What was his name? Caesar... Milan? Yeah. Like he couldn't... Like he got divorced or something. It was like a whole thing.

There was an issue with him, which is... And? He couldn't keep his bitch in life. All right! Stop it! He was the bitch, maybe. That's right. He was the bitch.

He couldn't keep himself in life. The report indicates the man was, quote, heavily intoxicated after celebrating New Year's Eve. Wait, that doesn't say from Wisconsin. Dan, that doesn't. The guy's from Wisconsin, so he's heavily intoxicated after celebrating New Year's Eve. He accidentally entered the wrong residence. Wait, wait, wait, Dan.

What? She found him on the second. No, on the first. The first. Okay, okay, okay. Either way, on the second, he could have spent all day watching college football and getting hammered. The second is really drunk.

The report indicates the man was heavily intoxicated after celebrating New Year's Eve. How old was the young man? It doesn't say. Okay. At least it hasn't yet. He accidentally entered the wrong residence and fell asleep with the owner's 150-pound mastiff, Bentonon on the dog bed he's not on the bed by himself

he's on the bed with an enormous dog he's very drunk by the way and you get a mastiff to make sure that it's changed I have a dog? how did the dog not be the dog was like get on in here the dog was cool with it

the dog was like it's cold get in here we decided to get a big dog to eat as a watch dog in here. Yeah, the dog was cool with it. The dog was like, it's cold. Get in here. The guy's like, hey, let me get in. The guy decided to get a big dog to eat as a watchdog. Maybe the dog was drunk also.

Oh, you're a drunk dog. Scoot over. Do you think he just walked in and he thought it was his house and he's like, sweet,

my New Year's resolution to get a dog. It's already true, world. Or maybe he was a significant other that he couldn't tell the difference or something. Either way, it's a good cuddler. He also is the type of guy that could just have guessed

that his name was Benson. But it's really Benton. He's like, come here, Benson. I love you, Benson. You're my favorite, Benson. You got a collar already and a bed ben said you're the best the man apparently thought that the person's home was his own he lives just a few doors down sure quote said

he lived up to the street i don't know how he even got in the house said said you left the door dummy i know also they start referring to Sarver, which means I either skipped a part of this article or all of a sudden we just have someone show up who has a name. Sarver. Sarver told Fox 6 News her dog is a Borbel B-O-E-R

B-O-E-L, which is a type of mastiff. Borbel. Just say mastiff. Borbels are intended. Just say dog. I love that she pays such a close attention to detail of the classification

of the type of mastiff it is, but she can't lock her fucking door. I know. Just say big dog. Borble big dogs are intimidating, but discerning guardians

of home and family who learned their trade while protecting remote South African homesteads from ferocious predators. I love that they're like, the dog's discerning. He knew right away. He seemed harmless.

He or she knew that this guy- This guy was not trouble. He just needed a nap. He cased him. He just needed a place to lay. He just needed some water and a nap. He wasn't aggressive. Oh, so the dog, they're saying the dog could tell that he was not a threat.

A threat, yeah. Yeah. That's really interesting. She's trying to take the blame, because all of us want to basically blame this dog, and she's like, not a threat. A threat, yeah. That's really interesting. She's trying to take the blame, because all of us want to basically blame this dog, and she's like, wait a second. It's a reverse. The dog is evolving, transcending, becoming more human,

you know, by being able to discern. I just imagine this Wisconsin drunk dude opening the door, the dog, like, runs up, and he's like, hey, where are we going? Oh, we're going to bed. Dude, but, okay. If you if you're like really drunk on new years and you walked into a house that you think is yours and you just see this awesome dog in a giant dog bed wouldn't you wouldn't that be the first place you lay down i mean why not i mean

that sounds amazing uh we'll get out of here on this. No complaint was wished upon the man, and he was returned to his own residence. Really? So no one even got arrested. Brady was like, it's fine. All of these stories, no one gets hurt. Right. I like those. That's the point of this show.

That's all, right? And that's really funny. How crazy would it be if he got the best night's sleep of his life in that dog band, and so now he has to sleep in a dog. He has to bite. If you ever need a dog sitter. So, Dan, there's a crazy story in our lives. that dog man and so now he has to sleep in a dog he like has to bite if you ever need a dog sitter so Dan there's a crazy story

in our lives when we New Year's Eve in New York City we were living in New York we were watching our across the hall neighbors in the apartment buildings

dog cracker which a little bit racist it was a little chihuahua tiny little dog white chihuahua and New Year's happened

it was the time where like you know people would hook up and go sleep at women's houses. And so we'd all come back home together. I think I slept out or you were out or someone else. I think all three of us. The people who lived in that apartment all slept out. Like we were all out here. Hooked up, slept out.

And then friends of ours who came into the city all stayed in our place. We came back in the morning on New Year's Eve. So friends staying there. So friends staying at our house while the residents were all sleeping. Because we didn't really have enough beds anyway, so we're like, this will probably work out for the better. You take the beds. We come back in, and there are three people. Someone's on the couch.

Someone else is on the floor. Someone who we don't know is sleeping in our bed. They're a friend of a friend. Friend of a friend. Friend of a friend. And then our friend Jared Lipworth is sleeping under the coffee table with his head in Cracker's pillow. That Cracker

has peed on. Pees on that pillow a lot. So basically sleeping on the Cracker pee pillow. Did you tell him? No. We were like, New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year, bro. Wow. New Year's Eve, sleep where you can. So you can really relate to this guy. This story feels organic. We just whined about this situation. We felt we We can relate to this guy This story feels organic We just wind back this situation

We felt We understood this guy's This story feels organic to us I think we understood Everyone's perspective on this We did That was our goal That was our goal

And we did it Brett Weibach Thank you for stopping by Dumb People Town Oh yeah thanks for having me By the way There's a really funny video On the internet

Yeah YouTube probably Where there's a woman Who's staying on a Sleeping on a guy's couch, or a family's couch. And I forget what the phrase she keeps saying, but I don't think she's on some other kind of drug.

She said, oh, hell no. Yeah, hell no. Hell no, hell no, hell no. No, but the family's actually so tolerant in a way, or patient with her. They're saying, you've got to leave. You can't be here. And she's, you got to leave. This isn't, you can't be here. And she's,

what is she called? I can't remember what, she keeps on saying this phrase the whole time. But anyway, it's a funny video. So she walked into someone's house who wasn't hers.

And she slept on that couch. She was on this couch. I love it. She kept on thinking that, she kept on saying it's because, oh, it's a cop. She says, no, it's a cop.

I don't know what that means, but no, I'm copping this couch or something like that. I don't know what, I cop but no, I'm copping this couch or something like that. I don't know what... I copped this. I copped this couch. I copped this house

or something like that. I forgot, Tony. Send it to us. But it's really... It's a really kind of amusing clip. Cop this house could be a great... Cop this house could be a great, like, everybody in the crowd

saying at the same time, it's time to cop this house. All right, Dumb People Town, thank you, Brent Weibach. Thank you, Dan VanKirken. Oh, shit. We got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. When you're down, it's Dumb People Town.

It's a good show. Stick around, make a sound, calm your down, it's Dumb People Town.