Dumb People Town - Brian Posehn - Armless and Dangerous

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

Brian Posehn stops by to listen to Randy tell of an emu and chef crimefighting team, Dan recaps a lawnmower interrupting a wedding, and Jason warns against sleeping with your mouth open! And more!

Thank you. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk. We spread the music, wish the funny hits, and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Population Poseidon. Ryan Poseidon. Welcome back to Dumb People Town, a place that we Population Poseidon. Brian Poseidon.

Welcome back to Dumb People Town, a place that we all feel like we live most of the time. I'm happy to be back. That was just the one time I did it before. It was so fun. So fun, man. You're great. So the best is I recently saw Brian in the airport. You were on your way to a gig.

We were on our way to a gig. And it was like 5 in the morning. And we had just found out that our feature comic had to drop out for that night all i wanted to do was just catch up with you and hang out and talk but i was like in crisis mode so we're here sorry now we can enjoy ourselves here i see everybody at the airport right yeah so my favorite thing is that the airport there's in and we've maybe talked about this in the American airlines terminal. There's a sports bar there called home turf.

I'm like, who's home turf. First of all, the airport is no one's home turf. This is where you're never like, Hey honey, my flight got in, but I'm gonna stick around and watch the Patriots game.

Is it weird that I wouldn't just get the guys together and spend a hundred dollars on parking? It would be run through there. Like running to my flight and running to get home. It would be pretty great if they named it the visitor's section. The visitor's section. That's what it should have been. But instead.

It works on every level. Nobody's home turf. That's no one's home bar. Yeah. It's cooler in Rock and Brews. Rock and Brews is always a good time. I'm a Kiss fan, but I'm not going in Rock and Brews ever. You won't even sit outside of it

and like near it to charge a book. I walk by there just shaking my head. Rock and Brews feels sad in Terminal 1. There's a sadness to it. Rock and Brews is I want to rock and roll all night and party every other day. What you want is like, you know, a Chili's 2 will never let you down.

That feels airport worthy. I like that there's a lemonade across. Agreed. Agreed. We'll go to you down. That feels airport worthy. I like that there's a lemonade across. Agreed. Agreed. We'll go to. There's no person that goes to the lemonade and then also goes to Rock and Brews. My dream is that someday Cheesecake Factory gets into this airport game and they have the Cheesecake Factory outlet.

Oh, God. And that is just a little Cheesecake Factory. So the menu is only what you made. A thousand pages. Yeah. So half. It's half of what it is. Like regular cheesecake menu is like an you made. A thousand pages. Yeah, so half. It's half of what it is. A regular cheesecake menu is like an encyclopedia for 10 months.

The food is so good. It's way too much. So the last Harry Potter book is shorter than the cheesecake. Don't you, you know what? I'm taking these as positives, not negatives. Who's first? Are you first? I'm first.

So here's the deal. Brian, last time you did it, Dan had all three stories. We've changed it up. Yep. Dan has a story. Randy has a story. I have a story. All you have to do is play.

So we're moving on from LAX. But I bet we come back. But I bet we come back. We could do a whole podcast on food in LA. I've seen some dumb shit. Do you want an $11 peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I've seen some dumb people in LAX. Oh, my God.

I've spent $20 on a sandwich before for no reason. Okay. All right. So this is. So now we actually have somewhat of a food-related story right here. Oh, that's fun. Perfect. I'm very excited. So here we go.

This is sent in by Eggnog Pounder. Okay. I just drank a small glass of eggnog today. I've only ever had it once. And I felt woozy, sick, and I almost passed out. What are you doing? Where are you going? I'm going to get, because when it printed out it didn't uh have the i want to get the correct um eggnog pounder

is the name okay and it's no it wasn't on there shoot i'll figure it out we don't know the handle i don't know it was created as a mistake right it's probably one of those ones i mean a lot of our foods were probably created as a mistake right so dav Attell's joke was, I want to get drunk, but I also want pancakes. It's a great joke. So concise. But it was in our fridge. But he goes, but I also want pancakes. But I also want pancakes.

Yeah, that's it. So good. All right. So here we go. So this is All right. So, here we go. So, this is sent in. Here is the headline. And this is just, everything about this is crazy and how it went down, but it's almost the universe actually doing something right. So, here we go.

Emu and Chef. Is this the Liberty Mutual? It's not. I will get into that. Help stop driver fleeing crash site. So now they're fighting. Run it back for me. So there's an emu and a chef.

See somebody get into an accident. This is like an old man street joke. That's what this sounds like. An emu and a chef see a car accident. Let's move on. So he poops on the guy? That's right. So again, this is Lemu, Emu and Doug territory.

Old chef and old chef and a massive Emu. Now, my question is, do they know each other ahead of time? I feel like a pair. Right. And or was he about to serve Emu and was like, all right, old buddy, let's do one last. Just walk around description. You can get an old chef, old chef and a massive emu who inadvertently teamed up to catch a driver who fled a crash scene after narrowly missing pedestrians and causing extensive damage

season two of the bear there you go stop dean wade said he heard a loud screeching noise dean wade dean wade dean wade loud screeching noise. Wasn't he in Superman? Right. That's Dean Cain. Near his workplace in Wilshire, southwest England on Monday, raced out to see a Jeep careening before smashing into the front of an empty shop. So he sees someone. Have you seen like a crazy car accident like you've seen? You have? I've seen a couple.

Oh, yeah. I thought I was the son of Satan because I saw too many accidents as a kid. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, I thought I was Damien. You were causing them? I thought shit was happening in front of me. If I'm looking at it, it's going to happen.

Brian, that is so metal. That is so metal, dude. We just had really terrible roads and a lot of rain. And a lot of rain. And I was on my paper route all the time. Yeah. So I would just see stuff randomly happen in front of me. And I was like, ugh.

How do you not think you're part of a Paul Thomas Anderson movie? You're the harbinger. You're the harbinger, dude. I'm the thing that's connecting all these things. Oh, God. That's crazy. All right. So we've had an interview with the Washington Post on Wednesday.

Wade, who had been working at the Old Bell Hotel, definitely haunted. Okay, let me ask you. That's definitely haunted. First of all, did you yelp it? No, I should have yelped it. Don't you dare. Jayelp it okay yelp at the old hotel okay right now i want us to just on name alone this is one of my favorite things nice hotel shitty hotel yeah what do we do terrible terrible you think but would it blow you away if you found out it was like no hourly rate hourly rate but it could be a $600 15 minute rate The Old Bell Hotel in England

Can we see that old Oh in England that's right we're in England Can we see the Old Bell No it's broken I think the Old Bell Hotel is a nice Abby Rowe It's Abby Rowe the Old Bell Hotel So it's probably like 400 years old

Let's do a guess right now That's the old bell. There's four reviews. Okay. Out of five stars, how many stars is the old bell? I love J. One and a half. One and a half.

I say 3.5. I'm going to go three. Get your answers in and shout at your ham radio or your YouTube device. How many? Okay. The old bell has, out of reviews four or three and a half stars thank you very much i didn't even know that i'm guessing things right in my own story all right he'd only been working uh and the in the old bell hotel in in malmesbury for only two weeks

uh said he could see the driver who appeared drunk so you knew that that was happening was getting ready to back away from the scene. A female passenger had left the vehicle. So this guy crashes into stuff. A woman hops out and is like, I can't have this anymore. She's free. This date is over. I said, take me home.

Tonight. No, we can't sing tonight. There's no way you're going anywhere, Wade told the man, who said he was swaying and staggering all over the place. He said the man was determined to escape, heading off on foot. So now, Lee's the car, which I saw this happen to me once. You saw someone cause an accident? I was on Beverly, just east of Vine. And I'm coming up and I see a weird, you know, you can't process like, where are those headlights going?

And they drove into one of those like cement protector not a fence it's like a wall yeah especially if you're living along beverly right and uh it was an suv a jeep oh my god and like this yeah and they drove straight into the wall oh my god the tire was like bent sideways like horizontal away from the car and kind of in the wall. And the guy got out and just tried to... Two young women. And the woman in the thing, she is revving it, trying to reverse out of the wall. They're both hammered drunk.

I just reached in and grabbed the keys. You reached into their car and grabbed the keys? Yeah, because I was like, you're not... Hey, are you okay? And then everybody was drunk. And then they were like, we got to leave. You are so too involved in their life when you do that. Even even if they got out there we're gonna just drive into oncoming traffic you're a better police officer would you brian has something to say i've done something similar

yes thank you brian my first night in hollywood i was actually staying in one of those terrible hotels on sunset way down there yeah where earwolf used to be. Yeah. It's a sketchy area, but it was the 80s. And I came down and I fought with my buddy that we were staying at a hotel together. And I got in a fight with him over something. So I was skateboarding down the middle of the street. And it was the 80s, middle of the night. And I see a guy get his arm ripped off. What?

On a motorcycle. No. Yeah, yeah. No. He gets hit by a car. Oh, my God. Loses a car. Oh, my God. Loses his arm. Oh, my God.

He's in shock. Another guy grabs him. Did you grab the arm? No. He got the arm, and he's holding his arm, sitting on the curb. The woman who hit him jumped out of her car and then books it down the street. Running. Yeah.

And you know those shitty bars and those laundromats, all-night laundromats? I was on my skateboard, so I just took off, followed her. And the cops are coming. And I helped the cops find her. She's right there in the laundromat. So you gave night one. Welcome to Hollywood. 1985, 1986.

I love that you gave the cops a hand with this also i love you being like you don't understand i've seen so many accidents cops i know how this plays out i already had seen a handful before that like when i'm in junior high and high school but this is yeah yeah this dude night one that is my first night in the city and i was like this is is all la always like this? And then you went back to your friend, and you're like, you're going to argue with a guy who just helped the cops find him? Yeah, I went back, and I went, dude, you'll never believe what I just saw. And he's still mad, but you're like, no, we're past that.

I just saw a dude get his arm. Oh, God. Dude, metal found you. By the way, that may be one of the most insane stories I've ever heard a friend of mine say. And that was the drummer for Def Leppard? No. Come on. All right.

So, Stagnall said the man was determined to escape, heading off on foot, though unable to run fast due to his physical state. Of course. So, probably like this woman, he's drunk, he's out of control, and he was probably in shock a little bit, too. Oh, for sure. So, wearing his slip-resistant rubber kitchen clogs. Yeah, because he works as a chef.

Just call him. And chef's overalls weighed chase the driver for how long? Give me a range of minutes he chased this guy on foot in his chef's clogs. Brian, do you want to go first, Tig, or last? You can go wherever you want. 14. 14 minutes. Okay, what do you think, Jay?

I think he ran for like 30 minutes in these goddamn clogs. Man, you'd be so tired. In clogs? Yeah. You'd be dead. I know you're so sustained. Crocs. Just call them Crocs. They're Crocs.

Fine, but still. You can run in Crocs. I can't. You can't run for a sustained period of time. I'll go 10, but if it's 15, Brian's going to win. One of you is one minute off. Do you want to now go up or down based on that? As one friend to another, I would tell Brian go up a minute because I bet they rounded.

15. All right, Jay. 29. My hope is that it's 11. Wade chased the driver for 15 to 20 minutes. There you go. There it is. Nice.

Through bushes, allotments, and gardens before the pair ended up in an animal sanctuary. Oh, my God. This is where the emu comes in. This is where the emu comes in. I thought the emu was just cruising around. I did too. Emu's just hanging out. Fighting crime.

Emu's chasing the woman. I could see this massive emu. Wade said, I'm six foot tall and it was bigger than me. Brian, you're six. Those things are frightening. Have you guys been to the park by Solvang? The emu? You can6". Those things are frightening. Yeah, have you guys been to the park? I would not mess with an emu. By Solvang? The like emu?

No, no. And you can feed that? They are wild. Wild. My mom was a flightless bird, so I've been around them. My mom was as frightening as a flightless bird. Six-foot lady just chasing me around the house. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. So this. Wade said he could tell the bird which was surrounded by its offspring was likely to spring into defense if anyone came into the enclosure. So it's a mama bird with its birds. And he said, mate, he said, mate, don't go in there. Ward warned the man who had ignored his advice because let's face it, he just crashed into a storefront. His date left his girlfriend has been chasing him for 15 minutes.

Yeah. Who ignored his advice, replying. And this is why this is a dumb people town story. All of it's a dumb people's town but this guy's quote is maybe quote of the year i can fight emus is what he said damn it i can fight hubris in that like someone thinking they have that well here's a real before heading fight anything you'll just lose before heading into the animals pen where he was like he's he's been around an emu before to decide that he can fight one. No, but I think that's just something like, no, bro, I can fight you. That's not a thing you say sight unseen.

Just what I've read. I'm pretty sure. I got this. You want to go for the neck? I can fight emus is what he said. Yeah, man, I can fight him. Before heading into the animal's pen where he was repeatedly pecked. Really? That's in there?

It was stabbing his body all over, causing the man to curse and unsuccessfully attempt to kung fu kick the animal. Fuck you. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you trying to kick a bird. You went into its jungle. That's right. In front of its babies. The bird kept stabbing

at the driver who eventually gave up, fled the pen and headed toward the river. He's now taking this to the river while Wade took the opportunity to flag down a nearby police car. So again, there is someone sitting at his restaurant being like, where's our appetizer?

You know what? If you guys aren't going to even bring our food, we'll just go. We'll just get the best. What's this guy doing? Like chasing a guy down the street and then doing emu farms? Pulling out like police cars? You're out of bread. Just angry. Alright, so

the police said they were dealing with a minor injury and extensive damage following the collision that forced the road to close. This is emergency services. This is a whole deal. It's a search of the of the area officials said one person had been arrested for driving drunk they didn't name the suspect that's we know who it is mr emu so this is an england story wade just told the post you just wrote relocated from a very sprawling city of leeds to the picturesque village of malmesbury for his new job at the old bell Hotel, which claims to be England's oldest hotel.

That's what they claim to be. According to the website. I called that. According to the website, this is, we can, I mean, there's really not that much else here, but according to the website, we'll get there. There's a couple more. When was this hotel, the Old Bell Hotel?

Do you remember, Jay, or no? Do you remember when it was established? I may have seen something. I said 400. I said 400-year-old. 400-year-old. 1620s. So 1620s.

What do you think? There's no way, though. I don't know, man. It's not that old. I don't know. Before I even did the math, that's what I was thinking. I'm going to go. I mean, it's England's oldest hotel.

Right. Or what they're claiming to be. Yeah. This is their claim, but still. It's a number, so we can. Fuck it. I'm going to go 1550s. Get your answers in, Tyler. I'm not even going to let you do it, it's a number. Fuck it. I'm going to go 1550s. Get your answers in, Tyler.

I'm not even going to let you do it, because I think you probably saw it. It said the venue has served travelers since 1220. See? 1220? That's a neat shit. 1220. Yeah. I almost drove through it.

At a certain point, no one can verify if you're lying. You've got to go so far back that it can't be. I love this. Wade said, in Leeds, we don't stand by and do nothing. He credited. Yeah, this guy wanted to be a hero. His home city of West Yorkshire and his passion for justice, for proving with the instinct to chase the drivers. Emus are classified as one of the world's biggest birds.

According to National Geographic, the animal can weigh up to how many pounds and grow how tall? That's hard to guess the weight. It's all neck and legs. Right. And they're kind of, yeah. 350.

350. And how tall? And how tall are you saying? My height, 6'6". 6'6". Okay. What do you say? I think seven feet tall.

And I think they can get up to 200 pounds. Okay. Dan. I like that. I'm going to go eight feet. Oh God. And cause I remember like looking up at the, maybe,

yeah, they can get up there, but maybe not that I'll still stick with it. Eight feet. And I'm going to stick with the number I said, even though when you said three 50, I was like, it could be,

I'm going to go 150 pounds. What did you say for 200? All right. So this is what national geographic said. So yeah, maybe different animals can weigh up to 97 pounds. What did you say for weight? I said 200. 200. All right. So this is what National Geographic said. So maybe different. Animals can weigh up to 97 pounds. Okay. So she's kind of close to you.

And you're close. And grow over six feet tall. So over six feet tall, you guys both might be right. While they cannot fly. I have a Bernese mountain dog about that big. Yeah, exactly. While they cannot fly, they have long, powerful legs that they often use to kick predators if they come too close. It's going to stomp your ass.

And that is story one down the road. Emu and Chef. Good job, Brian. All right, we'll talk about Brian's got new comics that he's done, which we'll talk about that on the other side of the break. Wait, he's got some dates on the road, maybe a little bit. New special. New special.

All right, we'll get into all of it. We'll talk about all of it on the other side of the break. It's Dumb People Town with Brian Posehn. All Things Comedy. Hope you're watching this of it. On the other side of the break, it's Dumb People Town with Brian Posehn. All things comedy. Hope you're watching this on YouTube. Subscribe. Smash that like button. Brian got dressed up for this show.

And then we'll be right back. I didn't know it was on camera. Stick around. Look us down. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into all the awesome stuff Brian is doing we want to remind people that first

weekend in February we'll be at the American Comedy Company down in San Diego second through the fourth I love that venue and I believe Jeff Tice is going to be with us yes Jeff Tice is featuring the great comic fantastic and then on that Sunday night we're going to go up to Sketch Fest I know Brian Posehn has performed at Sketch Fest we love it up there

we'll be doing a live down at Cobb's so guys come on out we want to fill that up I know that's a big room it's 400 performed at Sketchfest. We love it up there. We'll be doing a live down at Cobb's. So guys, come on out. We want to fill that up. I know that's a big room. It's 400 seats. Huge room. I think we can come close.

At the very least, fill the bottom, but I'd love to. It's going to be so much fun. And I'll be waiting for you guys to get up there because on the 4th, on Saturday, I will be doing stand-up

at Sketchfest. And then you can see me every Wednesday at the Lyric Hyperion Theater doing the Lyric Comedy Hour. That's a show from myself and irene too everything else is at danielvankirk.com and superscholars.com for us all right you brought these comics bry what what talk to us about these uh so this is a thing i did with uh jerry duggan who you guys know jerry yeah we were we were partners on Deadpool together, and then we got our same artist, Scott Koblish.

Well, we had several artists on Deadpool, but he was one of our favorite guys that got comedy. And so we did this first one. It was called The Secret History of the War on Weed, which is self-explanatory. Brian, I know that you came out on 420, and then the second one is Halloween Party. This character we made, Scotch McTiernan, he's kind of,

we have him working for Nancy Reagan in the beginning to go up and fight the war on weed, like with his actual fists. Yeah. But then it goes from there. Now he's fighting monsters and killing E.T. The artwork is so insanely good here. It's just, it's beautiful. Scott's one of the most talented dudes I've ever

worked with. Period. I've gotten into writing comics on the side became a fun thing, but now I'm, because of COVID, I have like four books coming out next year. Are you serious? I got really busy with all these ideas and then hooked up with all these different

artists and I have different writers I'm working with. Oh my god, I love that this is like a... This is a... First of all, people love comics. People love original ideas because a lot of comics are born out of things that they've seen over time. So when a new comic hits the

market, people love it, I'm sure. It's like a big deal. This is like, yeah, it's got a bunch of, we threw like every 80s action movie cliche in a blender. Like he's like Commando and Cobra and all those kind of movies. Really over the top. And then he has like catchphrases that he, you know, like stick around, that kind of thing from Schwarzenegger. Yeah.

And then comedy. Yeah. Amateur comedy. Yeah. Amateur comedy. Yeah, yeah. It's so great. Because I feel like a lot of comic books aren't funny anymore. Everything got super serious. Yeah.

The reason I loved writing Deadpool for four years was that we got to do anything dumb that we thought of. You associate comedy with that brand 100%. So I just love it. percent. So it's, I just love it. Okay. So where can people get these? You pick them up every comic shop and then there'll be a collected in a

trade in the spring. So I love it. So do you go to comic-con and have these out? Yeah. I signed the first book. The secret war was out at, during this last summer. And then I'll be there this summer.

I'm going to be at American Comedy Company myself during Comic Con. I've already booked it. I did that last year too. I'm going to ask you to sign a couple of these for me. These are really cool. I brought these for you guys. Halloween Party and the Secret War on Drugs.

The Secret History of the War on We. I can never say it right. The Secret History of the War on We. I love it. Get it history of the war on me i love it get it get on and people can find all your dates you got a special coming out prime person.com and then post scene and non grata is the name of my perfect dude dude the best titles the fartest is my favorite title of any special i am so proud of the fart is still like i didn't even see the artist i did not see the artist you didn't need to I don't care I copied the poster of the artist

I had to actually shave My beard to be part of it It was like shadowed The masculine part of me had a beard And then the feminine part of me was beardless That sounds right We're hugging each other like the artist. It's so weird.

It's so funny. It is maybe like it's one of those things like the title of something that you see and you laugh and then you come back to it later and you laugh. And it just I was like, this is never going to not get me every time. You guys know my manager, Dave Rath. It just comes from him. Like, we think of the dumbest shit together. Well, you guys know my manager, Dave Rath. It just comes from him. He's the best. We think of the dumbest shit together. He's the best.

Or I'll think of it on my own and go, this is so dumb. And he'll go, ha, ha, yeah, you should do it. Yeah, buddy, that's a good one. Just do it. We'll get a guy to picture you, and then you'll shave, and then you'll be hugging your feminine self. So the new one. The farthest. And then the new one. The funnest.

The new one was just posting it on Grada. Where can people get it? It's going to be everywhere next week. Okay, great. But right now it's just on moment.com. Oh, nice. I love those guys. CEO or whatever.

All right. But it'll be when this drops in January, it'll be everywhere. Oh, yeah. So it's everywhere. Everywhere. So you can get it at Amazon. You can get it. Yeah.

Will it be on YouTube or? Yeah. okay where record it where'd you record it uh the beat kitchen in chicago love the beat kitchen that's so cool where is that dan where is that uh it's in the north part of the city just a little bit west roscoe village area it's wonderful right off the date right off a little metal bar yeah it's really cool and and uh they're just they've always been great to me and it just made sense to to do it there and then they were super happy to have me back like especially after covid and you know my god places like that went away and that place was uh able to stick it out yeah stay through it's great so it's a celebration of that place as well so everybody check it out and uh just like it review it wherever you can.

Yeah, and it feels cool. It's like most of my specials have been in theaters. This is the first one I did in a rock club where everybody's standing. And then I walk through and I had a metal band. Well, I wrote a metal song that opens up the show. No way. I love it.

So it just felt more like that. Oh my God, I can't wait to see this. Experience. I love it. I love that you did it with Moe. And Oh my God, I can't wait to see this. I love it. I love that you did it with Moe. And I'm the fattest I've ever been. Okay, good. Not now, in the special.

Oh boy, I was big. So watched for that? Just to see how fat he was. I've already lost 30 since then. Oh yeah, man. That's why I'm dressed like this, so I'll explain. This is my old man walking outfit. You can see me walking around the valley like an old man.

I'll come join you, man. If you live near Ventura. I'll come join you on a walk. I'll walk down from the 405 to Tarzana. Let's do it. The great thing about walking around Ventura, you see different shit. It's interesting the whole way. The whole way.

There's a lot of smells. Then also you'll realize a little store was there that you've driven by a thousand times. There's that nice 7-Eleven. Yes, I know exactly the one you're talking about. All the other ones are sketchy as fuck, but we've got a nice one in the valley. Is it the one on Stearns?

Yes. Are you guys ready to do a story? Let's do a story. This was sent in by SB at Losername1990. Cool. Here we go. Thank you. We graduated.

I feel like it might be easy, but we're going to do it anyway. We're going to play another round of Who is the Asshole? Okay, I love this. So the way this works is these are commonly put on Reddit where somebody does something. They go, am I the bad person here? And throughout the course of the story, we may check in with you guys. Dan, I love when you check in because there's a point at the beginning. Who do you feel is the asshole?

And it may change. I always think it's one way, and then I'm always wrong. I just need to say that out loud. Headline is this. Video of woman mowing her lawn while a bride walks down the aisle causes mixed reactions. Wait. She's got a lawn. Woman knew that a wedding was going on Nearby and decided now's the time

I gotta mow this lawn This lawn's not gonna mow itself I can't wait until later I'm already, I hate that this woman You think the lawnmower's the asshole? Yes, right now, but then it might change A couple who wanted to make their wedding day special By having it on the front lawn of their house

Okay Wound up experiencing a rather rude interruption After a neighbor began mowing her lawn. So you're doing it in the front yard of your house. And Deb hates your ass. Deb. I mean, you can't pick your neighbors. You cannot pick your neighbors.

But do you ever think, you guys have moved into houses, did you try to meet who your neighbors would be before you bought them? Not well enough. Certainly in L.A., you just feel like you're lucky enough to have a place, right? Like, there's no way. I haven't even met the people on the other side of my fence, and it's been 15 years.

I know the guy likes Rush on Spotify, so we'll probably get along. Yeah, he can't be that bad. No, no, he'll go to the Rush Rock on Spotify when he's out in the summer. What if it is Geddy Lee? No, but that's, yeah. So your neighbor in certain other areas where there are no fences. I mean, front yard wedding, that's a little suspect, too. I'm on the side of the mower.

If there's a front yard wedding going on next to me, I'm going out with anything I can do to make noise. Brian. Beat blower. Brian. Just a bass drum. My son's bongos he hasn't played. Why is he snow blowing? Call your friend with the Yelpy dog.

Come over here. Bring the Yorkshire. Get the Spotify Rush guy to play subdivisions really loudly. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. As wedding guests captured the couple's big day, some background noise can be heard disrupting the ceremony.

The bride's walk down the aisle was accompanied by the sound of a motor. And according to the guests who captured the moment, the entire ceremony. And so there is video and we'll post it up. We'll post it up. But it's literally in the video. It's the, they're like trying to do vows. And you hear like,

like they're doing full on yard work. Loving and faithful husband. In plenty. Come on. I know, I know. The video had the caption, she continued through the entire wedding and we could not hear the vows of course you couldn't according to the person who posted the video the woman was well aware of the wedding taking place however that didn't stop her mowing at all

oh here i should tell you something dan the vows are all bullshits you don't really need to hear it it's more about like. The TikToker claims they confronted the woman about the noise, but says she was extremely rude and did not cease. Now, would you go up? What are you doing? You're trying to find it. Oh, I got to see this video. We are on camera.

I know. So they they they go up to her. You have to say something, right? But it's how you say it. I mean, because I'm sure. But she up to her. You have to say something, right? But it's how you say it. I mean, because I'm sure. But she has to know. You're not going to go, hey, I don't know if you're aware. That's super passive aggressive.

Hey, so sorry. Hey, listen. You've heard of weddings, right? Yeah. You know how those work? That's the most. That would have been the most. Especially if that person's single.

Hey. You know what's weird? You know what's weird? You know what's weird? Do you know I hung out with, do you know Lisa Delarios? Great comics. Yeah, so sweet and so great. And it literally is part of one of the craziest stories that have ever happened to us. We were throwing a huge party.

You may have even been at that party in LA when we first moved to LA on our house on Harper Street. It was Harper between like third and first. I feel like you were there. I feel like you were at this party. We had like a huge party. We invited all of our comedy friends over and this is like 99, 1999. And we had this huge party and we literally gave flyers to

all of our neighbors of just like, hey, come on by the party. We'd love to have you. So come so you don't call the cops. Also, if it's too loud, let us know. We'll turn it down. Just knock on the door please you guys are so nice we're nice we didn't want it to get broken up we didn't want we did not want to get broken up we're like we're inviting a lot of people so this is how it was 99 we're like in the house making a mixed tape of our cds to play during the party so you have to keep changing the right. Right. And it is music blasting. Phone rings, landline, 99.

I answer in the front room. I know it's a front room. You say hello, and it's our neighbor, Susan, from across the street. 45 years old. We're like, at the time, like, what, 29 or something like that. It's like almost 20 years older than us. Single, always washing her car, like a 1993 Saab. I was like, she was trying. She's like watering the car with hopes it's going to grow into a new, better car.

But if you want to start like where the water shortage started with her and then work yourself backwards. Wash it every day. Also, really. And what time of day is this when she's calling you? Is this the afternoon? This is in the afternoon as we're making the thing. And we had invited her.

Also, someone who was like in shape. So the party's not happening. No, no. That night that night that making the mixtape for the party later and she is someone who worked out a lot sure in good shape maybe not the most beautiful person in the world i can say it that way so anyway but she calls up and she says hello it's susan and to which i and then i pick up the phone and i'm like hey music lies in the background it sounds like lisa delirious it when she says hey and i to which i then say hey do you have directions to our house and then jake at the moment i know that he does not know that he's talking to her you're on the front line and you're i'm on the back line he's in the kitchen and i'm like who does he think he's talking to she's like yeah i have directions and i was like okay great awesome we'll see you

later and she's like hey listen i was wondering is there any way if i could can i bring a friend can i bring a couple of friends and to which i then said to her because i thought it was lisa delario's comic sure the more pussy the better r. Randy. To our uptight, cross-the-street neighbor. We're trying. I actually, like, I was like, I'm not going to be able to breathe. It was, I couldn't breathe. She's like, okay. Wait, what?

She said, okay. And I just thought, what the fuck? She did not show up at the party i couldn't breathe so the next morning after like this massive party that i'm sure brian posain was over at uh she's watering her car again i got so much pussy i go out to apologize to her for saying it. And my apology, this is kind of like what we were saying before. And like, you know what a wedding is. My apology was like, I dug myself a way deeper hole.

I was like, I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend. I know how you talk to friends and I, maybe you don't know, but like comedians are different. We're like, not really people. Right. Or even worse. He was like, comedians, we don't care when people say stuff that's offensive yeah like we're they we don't take offense to it like other people do and also like she's my friend and you're not my friend and so like if you were my friend that was like jay's like just stop and also like i've seen your

friends i wouldn't even say that about your friends oh god that's so horrible your friends are old why would i say that mowing the lawn're like, you do know what a wedding is, right? I know you're single, but. That's a great line. So she did not stop mowing. She said she was rude and did not cease the mowing. Quote, it was going to get violent. So we just tried to ignore her and did not feed in to make it any worse.

This person is mad. If you're going to ruin someone's wedding, like, come on. You have to have them. Brian said he would do it i know he was joking he was some people also maybe i mean again cut to brian just looking blankly into the it's like a new deadpool comic some people uh also questioned whether the couple had any history with the woman which caused her to act this way definitely however the tiktoker confirmed that that's not the case yeah they confirmed on their side of the story.

Oh, good. And no one had shown the woman any contempt. That's the other deal, too. If you don't have a great relationship with your neighbors, like what you guys did with the Flyers, right? You go around and you go, hey, we're thinking about having our wedding. If anyone goes, I wish you wouldn't do that, don't do it. Don't do it.

Because once it gets underway, you are not in control of whatever happens. You can't stop them at their house. But again, I go back to brian what brian said front yard wedding is kind of like a weird flex you know unless they didn't have a background you'll see in the video it's there's like an ocean in the back like it's very picturesque you could see why someone would want to have a wedding yeah but but still like at the very least you go on to all your names you go hey we're having a small little ceremony but we're having a party afterwards. Open bar would love for you to come.

I still think it's the lawn. You can mow your lawn another time. Like this is the only time you could ever mow your lawn. This is a vendetta. While there were many internet users criticizing the woman, some people thought the couple should have been more understanding of their neighbor. People claim that the woman had all the freedom to do her chores on her own time. But one user wrote, so we all have to plan our home maintenance around someone's wedding. I mean, if you get married.

Yeah, you do. Excuse me. I mean, how many times am I going to have to do this in my life with you guys? I hope once. I mean, if you get married in an event venue, they normally take care of risks like that. Yeah, I mean, you did kind of like put it out into the wild and hope that it was just gonna work out yeah right but on some level as well you didn't pay for a venue and it's like filming on the street like yes some guy is gonna walk by and be like yeah or like i shot a movie yeah i shot a thing in a park once yeah and you run the risk of saying

to somebody like hey man would you be cool with moving? Of them going, no. Now you're in the shot. And it doesn't cost them anything to move. They just don't want to be dictated by you. It's like suddenly everyone lives in Alaska. They're like, no, and you can't tell me what to do. Right. It's like, all right, fine, fine, fine. I would say if you decide to do anything in the wild like that, in your invitation, from the jump, you need to set the table that like, who knows what will happen.

We hope that we're going to roll with our Zoom shows. We'd be like, hey, in some level, this isn't going to work at some point. Just roll with it. Know that we love you. Right. Another user wrote, I'm a pretty busy person. If I have to mow my lawn, I don't really care what anyone else is doing. If it's between the designated noise allowance times, which is such a like community type bylaws.

Oh, so you'll be respectful of noise allowance, but not the one time these people get married. Right, right, right. Not love allowance. Personal. Okay, so I'll ask you guys this. How old is the woman? No, no, no. I wish.

Who do you think is the asshole? Who's the asshole? I mean, I think it's her, ultimately. But the people set it up for failure. I think it's the woman mowing the lawn, but I do think there's a little bit of asshole. If I had to percentage wise, 87% woman mowing the lawn but i do think there's a little bit of asshole if i had to percentage wise 87 percent woman mowing the lawn 13 percent having an a front yard wedding sorry it's two wrongs and i know that doesn't make it right but i mean she is a little bit in the she's way more in the wrong for doing it but they're a little bit in the wrong for

expecting it to go perfectly right in any neighborhood yeah yeah what do you think brian that's what i think. Good. That's story number two. Jay, you got a little bit of story number three. What do we, give us a little teaser. Literally, I will be giving you your new nightmare for the rest of your life. Okay, great. Super.

All of that with Brian Fosain. He's seen an arm ripped off. This guy's seen it all on Dumb People Town right after this. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I want to let you know about patreon if you want to join our patreon it's only five bucks it's only five bucks we dollar 25 a week plus you have three episodes cup of coffee a month and so you get free episodes which here's the new way we're doing it we are taking your dumb stories from your life you just

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All right. Final story. Final story. I'm holding it in my hands. It's a quickie. It's insane. Okay. Sent in by Tasha Riggs

at Triggy LA. Is that new? Is she new? New. I haven't heard this. All right. This is the headline. Dog poops on woman's face who was sleeping with open mouth.

She spends three dreadful days in the hospital. Oh, my God. That seems excessive. Three days in the hospital. Does your dog sleep in the bedroom? First of all, if that dog's on leash, then the owner is to blame. I mean, like if the dog's on the leash and you bring the dog. I mean, Brian is a dog lover.

Dog lover, dog owner. I've known. Brian, would you say that dog's mad at the person? Yeah. I think it might. Or really well trained. Dog's pranking me. Dog's like, you got pranks.

Watch this. Watch this. Hey, buddy. It does take some level of precision. So did the dog poop in her mouth? He snores with his mouth open. That dog's had enough of that fucking snoring. And by the way, where are you laying? Like there's an area where dogs

like, my only dog likes to go in the front yard over by this bush. So this woman would be laying in a certain area that like. Do we get to guess how many days they were in the hospital? Yeah. I did say it. I know I'm fucking with you. I can't remember. I didn't hear it. Do you have a pet? If yes, then kindly don't sleep with your mouth open oh hold on important call important call

it's his dog saying get over here i'm gonna shit in your face oh my god i just found out uh it says do you have a pet if yes then kindly don't sleep with your mouth open i don't think those two things are so directly related no you can have a pet and also sleep with your mouth you would think yeah yeah yeah i mean just don't have an asshole dog it's right don't have a dog that like or don't like do something to your don't withhold a treat right so i'll just remember that stuff this could be the new enter sandman one eye open sleep with brown eyes all right stop it we're gonna get sued this sentiment is usually reserved i see i think this sentiment is usually reserved for cats because aren't cats the ones that supposedly like if they think you're dead will just like scratch your eyes i think any animal would eat you if they got hungry enough and

you're dead dogs definitely have see yeah people put this on cats and i'm like yeah no dogs get hungry so like if you don't feed the cat would do a lot less damage too because cats like eat with their tongue they're just like an everlasting gobstopper yeah so a woman would just tongue you to lick you to death oh god a woman in bristol spent three to me would be like an evening with gene simmons not to bring it back to kiss but there you go or richardson's all right a woman in bristol spent three horrendous days in the hospital after her daughter's dog pooped on her face while she was asleep. So you know she put this on the daughter. This is the moment like, I told you not to do this.

It's not my dog. It's my daughter's dog. Right. She doesn't know how to train it. Also, there's people when you tell them that their dog did anything wrong, they want to know what you did to contribute with that. That's right. How was the dog?

What did you do before you went to bed? what was the last thing you said to that dog right they always the last thing we loved that we loved watching your dog but he did rip our curtains down and you're like well what what did you guys have on did you look did you look at him funny did't look at him. Were you whistling? He doesn't like that. Okay, I'm going to ask you this, and I put it on my note. Did you cook with garlic? Because if you cooked with garlic.

Can I ask something, too? After you're done with this garlic thing, did you raise your eyebrows? He does not like that. Wait, the dog ripped down the curtains? Was your phone on vibrate? Your dog shit on my face. Well, what did you do? What did you do?

Was your phone on vibrate? Were dog shit on my face. Well, what did you do? What did you do? What did you do? Was your phone on vibrate? Were you speaking in Spanish? No. No. The lady identified as Amanda Gomo or Gomo. Doesn't three days feel excessive? Am I the only person who feels- In the hospital?

Yes. To maybe even have to go to the hospital. He ended up in the hospital with a gastrointestinal infection passed on by her dog who was also ill with violent diarrhea. Okay. So the dog has consumed it. Oh, God. Is this a Shih Tzu?

Is this a Shih Tzu? That's the dog's way of telling. I have diarrhea. What do I have to do? Something about this? You have to shit in your mouth just to get you to take me to the vet? Oh, my God. Help me.

It probably means the dog. And for some reason, I picturing like a cute little Frenchie. I said shih tzu, Dan. I said shih tzu. I mean, that's more appropriate. I was picturing a great dame. Oh my god. That ruins my idea, but it's way better. It's just ten pounds of shit.

It sleeps up by their head, like in the bed. They had diarrhea and it just blows it into the mouth. After the messy accident, the woman was kept under observation for I gave it away three days what if like this is the B and as we talk about Brian's great comics what if is like this is her origin story as a superhero could she she's like shih tzu the the superhero with her mouth like dogs come out I don't know what she can

do what's your dog's super power? So many video games, there's like a dog. She knows when someone's at the door. Yeah. Speed. Yeah. Jack Nicholson.

She knows how to communicate that she's got diarrhea. It's just by shitting. Shitting in someone's mouth. Power. They rehydrated her with electrolytes and glucose. We'll get out of

here on this. Her daughter's dog. How old is the woman? Is the woman who sleeps with her mouth open and her daughter's sick dog.

This is her daughter's sick dog. This is her daughter's sick dog. I'll take care of it as long as you Ryan, where do you want to go?

I'm going to let you decide. You don't have to go first if you don't want to. How old is the woman? How old is the woman who got her mouth?

Her face. Her entire face violated. 62. 62-year-old woman. I mean, that was... He didn't flinch. I know. I'm going to go 53.

53 years old. Feels like a 53. I think she's 71. I love all these guesses. I love it. Shout at your ham radios if you're listening. Yell at your computer screen if you're watching this on YouTube. The name of the two books that you can get right halloween party and the secret history of the war

on weed secret history of the one and the name of the new special which you can find everywhere posena non grata posena non grata look at that follow it then just thank you for being catch him live wherever you see he's so fucking right i do a weekend every year with some of the guys i grew up with we call it nerdcation and uh we just do comic books and deck building games and stuff like that. And once you sign these, I'm going to be the coolest guy at the camera. Yes. Hell yes. Yes.

All right. Here we go. This woman, the dog crapped in her mouth. It's her daughter's dog. It's not her dog. Come on. Was 51 years old. Daniel.

Very good. That's it. That's the show. Brian Posehn, you're the best, dude. Thanks for coming in and hanging with us. Thanks for getting dressed up. Very good. That's it. That's the show. Brian Posehn, you're the best, dude. Thanks for coming in and hanging with us. Thanks for getting dressed up. Thank you. I so would have worn pants.

It doesn't matter. He's got to walk the valley. Old man walking the valley. He's right here with us. And oh, shit, we've dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb