Dumb People Town - Charles Greaves - Generational Shit

Episode Date: June 17, 2022

This week Charles Greaves comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. This week's story is possibly the most disgusting rescue ever made.

Black Beans, out of here. make this so listen to our podcast with co-host our man Dan don't be a jerk when the music hits the funny hits we are gonna take you down stick around make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town hey townies

welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town population you, population Gre Population Greaves. Charles Greaves. I love you, buddy. Look at you. You bring donuts in here. I gotta keep my men right. You are a true professional. And a good man. And a great man.

And a great comic who we had the joy of performing with and hanging with your wife and your new son backstage down at the rec room in Huntington Beach. You killed it can i can i say this that comedy is all about seizing the opportunity when it happens and so i mean i look at dan van kirk who is sitting right here when he was interning at earwolf and the opportunity came up for him to to to like contribute to the podcast and look at us now. We are a team.

The three of us are a team doing this podcast and it's like he took the opportunity and sees it. Same. We're like, do you want to come down and feature for us down in Huntington Beach?

And you were like, hell yeah. You were great and it showed us that like, hey man, we need to bring him out on the road with us, which we will do,

which you should consider too if you ever want to bring someone up. This dude, fantastic. So great. I love you. And I know the club loved you. I hope you're doing that club again. Yeah, you know what? I hit them up afterwards and I was like,

anytime, man. They were like, of course, man. You were great. And the GM was like, you got to come back and bring your kids and I have tickets for you whenever. And he hits me up on Instagram. Good dude. That's great. Yeah, man. It's going to happen. You should definitely check. Yeah, you should just be in the mix down there because like they're constantly looking for you and then to the point where then you'll headline your own night down there

absolutely i love it well that's a smart thing that happens in this world dumb shit happens conversely as you know we live in a dumb fucking world yes let's get into a dumb story it's an accident but it is dumb and it is wild. Are the reactions to the accident dumb? There's not many of those, but it's just what happened. This was sent in by Alvin Cadabay at ACadabay36. Who we met. No, we met the cousin. His cousin.

Was it in Seattle? It might have been. He might have been in Seattle. Portland. Portland. He's like, my cousin or my brother is Cadabay. Alvin Cadabay. We're like, the Cadabay egg is our favorite treat at Easter.

You open it up. It's got caramel in the middle. It looks like an egg. No, it's caramel on the outside. The Cadabay wine mixer is also. The Cadabay egg is caramel on the inside. The Cadabay egg is caramel on the outside. Which is dumb because it's messy.

It's wet dripping caramel. I'm going to eat another donut. A round of chocolate. What are you even talking about right now So the dude who sent in this story Is Alvin Cadabay And we jokingly say The Cadabay egg is my favorite egg to have

Over Easter which you know the Cadbury egg Is the you know chocolate And you two love Easter I do like Easter I love hiding chocolate Who doesn't want to eat like tons of chocolate that you hid in your backyard that you tell your kids? We stupidly, even though we're Jews and we celebrate Passover, we stupidly give our kids all this candy at Easter. Oh, my God.

And there will forever be two chocolate Easter bunnies that just sit on our break front in our dining room for months and go unheated. I'm like, what house is that? My kids. I'm like, I'm going to break this up and put it in your lunches. Dummies. No, eat your Easter. As a Jew, I'm like, eat your goddamn Easter eggs.

Eat the body of Christ. All right. Well, Alvin Kadabay sent this in by doing that. He did that via Twitter at Daniel Van Kirk. Hashtag dump people town so now let's get to this okay quilcern quilcern q u i l c e quilcen quilson quilson i'll take that quilson washington i threw an r in there initially i don't even know how wilson washington here's the headline washington woman rescued after falling into toilet.

Stop it. Rescue. Charles, rescue. Rescued. She fell. How did you fall into the toilet? You. A woman.

I mean, I get being thin. A woman who accidentally dropped her cell phone into the hole of a pit toilet. So this is like outdoor park. Oh, she fell into a... Stop. She fell... That is so much worse. That is way worse. By the way, you drop your cell phone,

which I know people are... If you drop it into the abyss of a pit toilet... It's done. You don't touch that anymore. You say to yourself, I just made a $700 mistake. I made it good. Or my ass is getting a Nokia Pebble.

I'm getting a cheap ass. That's what I deserve. Yeah. I get a flip phone. You earned it. She dropped her cell phone into the hole of a pit toilet, which I never even knew was the term for that, but it is. It's a pit toilet.

It feels like it's just- Pit toilet is worldwide, Dan. And she then fell in. Filled with Cadbury eggs. She then fell in. Homemade. Fell in while trying to retrieve it and had to be rescued by firefighters in Washington State. So the moment it goes down, there's that moment where you're like,

No, Dan. And then you're like, Jay, you are not reaching down with your foot to get that thing. You are reaching down with your hand. Face first. So you go face first into the mountain of shit that is underneath. So we had Bobby

Lee on this poop documentary that we did called Poop Talk, which is a terrible name. It should have been called Talking Shit. Anyway, whatever. I was mad about it. Anyway, so Bobby Lee was talking about how his grandfather in Korea had like an outhouse

back in, and there was a pit in the ground. Yeah. And you just shit down into the ground. Sounds about right. And he's like just generations of shit sitting out there from like decades. It's just on the ground under this thing down in this hole. That's what this woman fell into. Oh my God.

Generational shit. You don't come out of that. No. Brennan Fire Department Chief. You're a changed person. Brennan Fire Department Chief Tim Manley, little on the nose, said the woman who was at the top of Mount Walker, northwest of Seattle, had been using her phone when it fell into the toilet on Tuesday.

Here's my other thing. It's gone. So you were talking while you were taking a shit. Yeah. I understand. You're home in your own abode, and you want to get out your phone and run around the toilet.

Fine. How much time do you need to spend on top of a pit toilet that you're like, let me get my phone out. Let me take my phone out. No. It should be an in and out scenario.

As fast as possible. Yeah, absolutely. Cut down the time. It should be coming down as fast. It's down scenario. As fast as possible. Yeah, absolutely. Cut down the shot. You're not browsing. You're not coming down as fast. Not at all the way down. It's down like three quarters of the way. Not even all the way down.

Don't touch the seat. It's a squat. You're not sitting down. You shouldn't be browsing TikTok or anything. Or like shopping on Wayfair. Was she going live? That's what I would like to see. She was at the top of Mount Walker.

Going live. What is she like? To me, this is like the rescue is as harrowing as like the Chile of mount walker going what is she like to me this is like the rescue is as harrowing as like the chilean miners you know what i mean you gotta go down there you gotta get also just like the miners there probably were some firemen were like do we just leave her maybe there's nothing goodbye to your aunt we got we gotta walk away from this we gotta walk away from this one i would start over yeah with a new life because no firefighters like i want to go down there.

So she'd been using her phone when it fell into the toilet. Manly said, that's Tim, fire department chief. Shout out to Tim. She disassembled the toilet seat and used dog leashes to try and get the phone. Oh my God. So she's like rigged up. She's got leashes. Like a lasso.

She MacGyvered it. She's got two dogs with her. A lasso down in it to pull it out. She's trying to pull it out. What happened to the dogs when she was down there? They're gone. They were like, fuck you, bitch. You're crazy.

Who shat the dogs out? We need a new owner. Yeah. Or does she, or even creepier, she doesn't have the dogs with her. She just has random dog leashes in her purse. She tries to use the leashes to try and lasso the phone and bring it out. That was never going to work. Oh, my God.

If you've ever tried to do the claw game at an arcade ever, that's not going to work. That is not. Eventually, she decided to use the leashes to tie herself off as she reached for it. So now she's like, I'm going to anchor myself outside of the toilet. Mission impossible shit. Lower me. I'm going to anchor myself outside of the toilet. Mission impossible shit. Lower me. I'm going to say that she's bullshit. I'm going to say she was choking herself and doing the

expitiation shit, and she was like, how can I get out? I'm stuck here. Now what do I have to say? That she's down. I mean, I need to think of a story that's even bigger than that. Well, once she tied herself off and tried to use that as an anchor to keep herself out of the toilet. I'm going to tie it to this tiny sink that isn't stable at all, which is plastic.

That effort failed, and she fell into the toilet headfirst. That's what Randy said. Dan, I'm like, face first. Face first into a mountain of the worst. To a toilet pit. To generational shit. To generational shit. Tim Manley said, quote, that didn't work very well, and all in she went.

Oh, yeah. All in she went. All in she went. What is this? What is this, Yoda? The woman was alone and trying to get out of the toilet pit for how long? Oh, my God. How long do you think she was in a toilet pit?

This woman's going to be alone for the rest of her life. Yelling for Clarice Starling to come get her out. That's it. She could have used her phone. Put the lotion in the basket. I mean, does the phone not work once it's, I mean. Well, how long do you think she was trying to get out? How many bars do you think she had down there?

It's in minutes. It's in minutes. All right. I'm going to say at least 40 minutes. 40 minutes. Yeah, that's Jason. That's a good one. I'm going to say at least 40 minutes 40 minutes I'm going to say 28 minutes Randy 57 minutes

This woman was just down there In the hole Alright we're going to take a quick break When we come back we'll find out how long she was in the hole We'll find out everything we have going on We'll talk to our man Charles Greaves If you're in the LA area there's no reason you shouldn have going on. We'll talk to our man Charles Greaves about everything he's going on. If you're in the L.A. area, there's no reason you shouldn't be some of the great shows that he's a part of.

But we'll talk about all that when we come back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Daniel Van Kirk, you have some live dates coming up. Go to DanielVanKirk.com, baby.

That's in August, west coast stuff, southeast part of the country. Go see Dan. Bring your dumb people town headline. I kick off the show by hearing from you guys. It's something really fun I've been wanting to do for a while, and I'm going to start doing it. So go to DanielVanKirk.com to get tickets to see me live. Shout out to Daniel Van Kirk.

I want to say this before we keep going here. He helped me get my podcast off the ground, so I appreciate you, my friend. Always, man. We do it together. Love it. We do it together. Thanks, brother. I mean, and that is what we are all about, and you're about that too, helping people out.

Giving people opportunities. Just giving people opportunities and helping people out. Our show that we did for UFC Fight Pass, The Nosebleeds, I'm so excited about that. That's coming out. And we will tell you guys how you can help us, which is when the thing drops, all of you can tweet at UFC, at UFC Fight Pass. Holy shit, this show is so great. I can't believe you guys are doing this show. Power of the people, I think, actually will mean something that our executive, who we love so much over there, can just walk in with just a stack of printed out tweets and whatnot and be like,

look, this is what the public is saying about this show. All that will help. We'll let you know when you guys can do that. And our Patreon, patreon.com slash Sklar Brothers, we do new episodes of Cheap Seats every year. That'll get you in the mood. That'll pump the prime, prime the pump a little bit.

So we got all that stuff, and then we'll tell you about our fall dates as that nears to do that. And then Charles, what's up, dude? How can people follow you and see you and all that stuff well I actually dropped my website on Monday yeah I am Charles Greaves dot-com nice check that out GRE a VES GRE a VES very Irish just like you and then shows around town uh yeah you know what I got I'm in San Diego in a couple weeks

Charles Greaves and Friends unfortunately oh you guys are not I know we're not there around I'm sorry dude it's all good but you know

I'll be with Jamie Kennedy and Matt Kirshen and a couple of other great friends love those guys great comics oh and Fatima Talia.

Yeah, so it's going to be a fantastic time out there. IamCharlesGreeves.com. IamCharlesGreeves.com. You can check out. Local shows too in LA. Local shows, yeah. Jamming the Van coming up. What else do we have coming up?

You did shows at El Cid. El Cid, yeah. I do shows with Jack Fink at El Cid, which is a good time. Great space. Yeah, so dope. And every now and then we get to do

the Montalban rooftop. Yeah, that was so much fun. Oh my God, that place is amazing. And I'm going to take a little bit of time off. I'm headed out to Drew Lynch's wedding

which should be fun. Nice. Love that guy. Yeah, he's great. Give us a little summer break. That's awesome. IamCharlesGreaves.com. All right, so when we left, there was a woman who probably, this is like-

Fell headfirst into a toilet pit. Headfirst. I mean, the worst nightmare. I can't even think of anything worse. I don't think you ever get that smell off of you. Ever, ever. You could shower so much. Do you remember the toilet bowl episode of Seinfeld when the girl dropped her toothbrush

in there? Yeah, yeah. This is like that. Times 11. The toilet bowl episode of Seinfeld when the girl dropped her toothbrush in the toilet bowl. This is like that. Times 11. Charles, how long did you say? What did I say? You said 40 minutes. 40 something minutes?

I said 28 minutes. Randy said 56. 57. 57? Okay. The woman tried to get out of the toilet pit for 15 minutes. Oh. I know. Now you're thinking, oh.

I felt like 57. That's what I'm saying. Dude, that feels like a lifetime. 30 seconds in a pile of shit is, you're right. It's a lifetime. 15 minutes is insane. It's a lifetime. After 15 minutes, she finally decided that she would try and call 911 from the phone

that she went to get. Do you think that she was like, oh, I got to get out? Be like, well, wait. I went in here to get my phone. She doesn't want the embarrassment of having to be rescued. That was why she tried to get out. But if you emerge from that thing covered in shit, smelling like shit, how do you get home? How do you get home?

Where do you go? What do you do with your clothes? Take off all your clothes? Face first? There's nothing. There's nothing. There's nothing nothing There's nothing you could do An act of terrorism on me Perpetrated on me just happened

That's what you tell people You can't take a bus You can't call an Uber If you take the bus She called And I only said it as a guy who took the bus for six and a half years In Los Angeles She called 911.

Responding firefighters passed her blocks, so they finally get there. They passed her blocks to stand on, which also, they're not taken back. Those live there. Those are there forever. Those are gone. Take them out of these blocks, gentlemen. Those become targets. Don't give me the good ones, ladies.

Those become targets for people shitting. Does she get charged for those blocks is what I would like to know. Does she get charged for the visit? Does she get charged for those blocks is what I would like to know. Does she get charged for the visit? Does she get charged for the state blocks? She had to stand on blocks or get on blocks to reach a harness, which they used to pull her out of the vault. The Brennan Fire Department said the woman said that she said she was uninjured. So they were like, are you okay? She's like, leave me alone.

Emotional damage. There you go. No, you're injured. You're injured 100%. You're injured forever. But it was at that point the firefighters washed her down. So they were like, get the hose. Get the powerful hose.

The one that hurts a little bit. Like Rambo, that scene in Rambo. It should have chemicals in it. And I mean, you took like the fire. What is like the stuff they put on fire? Yeah, like they put the stuff on fire. Just put an extinguisher on her. She was strongly encouraged to seek medical attention after being exposed to human waste,

but all she wanted to do was leave, end quote, from the department. Maybe get a shot of penicillin. Maybe. I would get. Tetanus. Tentanus. All of it. Yeah.

Monkeypox vaccine. Get all of it. All of it. Get the mini stories. I'm like sweating thinking about how terrible. I mean, this is 15 minutes that probably changes her life in some way. 15 minutes. 15 minutes in the hole.

That becomes her life. Isn't that an Alice in Chains song? Down in a hole. Man in a box? No, it isn't Down in a hole. I don't know. Alice in Chains, down in a hole. I thought it was Man in a box.

Anyway, whatever. I'm the man. That's that one. Down in a hole. Down in a hole. All right. Well, there you go. That's a crazy story. We went man in a box. Anyway, whatever. No, man. That's that one. Down in a hole. Down in a hole. All right. Well, there you go. That's a crazy story.

We went down in 15 minutes. For our patrons. This is like a hot. What's worse? You're like a pointless Andy Dufresne. Yes. Yeah. Because you're not going out.

You didn't earn anything. Yeah. You're not emerging from this. You're not escaping prison. Oh, my God. What's worse? The 15 minutes she spent down there. She spent 15 minutes of shit that time.

Getting hosed off probably might have been the worst part of it. So that's the embarrassing part because other people are involved. She just wants to go home. What's worse, that 15 minutes or the 126 hours where the guy saws his arm off? It's closer than it should be. It's closer than it should be. At least you don't smell like years of shit. I think she'd want to saw her nose off.

Yeah. If you like, I have to remove all, I won't be able to taste anything for the rest of my life. Give me COVID long haul so I don't get COVID. I don't want to smell and sense of taste because I just don't want to be in this life anymore. I don't want to be in this.

Because even when she doesn't smell like it, she's going to smell it. She's going to have repressed memories of that. Yes. You understand? Forever. She's going to walk by things. Oh, i know i smell shit trip fall that is the tremendous ptsd that she will have oh my god let the phone this is what i'll say to all of our fans

let the phone go let it go you're not gonna get it out let it go if it goes down a certain area if it's going down a cliff or something and you're hiking you took it out take a selfie and it falls down let it go also do you want to use that phone afterwards? Never. I don't think you... Well, to call 911. Yes.

That's it. Maybe. Yeah. I would have been... Once they get you out, you throw it back in. Then it becomes the ultimate burner

because no one's going to want to touch it. No, not at all. The ultimate burner. There we go. There we go. That's a show, friends. That's a show, gang.

For our Patreon fans, which we love you guys so much, thanks for supporting us the ways you do. Charles got a dumb story that we'll get into with him for that but for everybody else oh shit we gotta get back to work stick around make a sound Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down.

It's Dumb People Town.