Dumb People Town - Colin Hanks - The Legend of Baggy Pants

Episode Date: July 11, 2017

Colin Hanks (Life in Pieces) rides a hoverboard into Dumb People Town this week!  The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk talk to Colin about his documentary “All Things Must Pass,” and how much Tower Records meant -- and still means -- to people. Story #1 is h...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny hits So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. That's when the music hits the funny hits. We are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound.

Come to Downey's Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U, we are thrilled to have you with us We have a great guest Someone we're a fan of And we're friends of I'm gonna say a friend God damn it

Yeah I'm a fan of his work as an actor As a Filmmaker Documentarian And as a dude Talking about Colin Hanks Welcome

Welcome buddy Thank you so much for having me In your In the township In your dumb town Yeah We love having you in our dumb town. Well, I don't know if you feel this, but we have really started to feel this in this world

that we live in, that it is getting dumber all around us. It's not just the town. No, it's everywhere. It's quite possibly everywhere. So we say, and tell us if you agree, that the only way to combat that dumbness that is basically enveloping us is to beat it back with comedy. Absolutely. If we can make fun of it, we can try and understand it.

We take the air out of it. Yes. So we get great stories sent to us by our great fans who, by the way, thank you to everybody who came out and saw the live show with Jonah Ray, who have joined the Facebook page, who rate this podcast and review it. And review it. We're almost up to 1,000 reviews, which is fantastic. Who go to the places on the walking tour of DPT and tell us what it's really like. I mean, we've created...

If a man takes a shit next to the highway and throws it in the woods, I guarantee you five to seven people on our Facebook page will go there. Have visited the area. And then tag you in the photo. Feels good. If a man takes a shit and throws it in the woods

does anyone hear it yeah you do our people do dumb people townies uh well dude i'm so happy you're here again i we'll get in and talk about all the wonderful projects that you're doing but i want people to know about the tower records documentary that i watched that was less of a documentary about tower records and more of like an exploration of the music industry getting over its skis a certain part of it being wonderful and beautiful

and the epicenter of everything and then completely falling apart in your hometown of Sactown Sacramento, California what an unbelievable documentary tell everybody where they can see it And the name of it and all that It's called All Things Must Pass

It's sort of everywhere that you can find Movies iTunes, Netflix, Amazon iTunes for sure, not Netflix Amazonian It may be on Amazon Or at least I know you can buy the DVD on Amazon Hell yes

It's also if you have the Showtime app it's for free on the Showtime app. If you love music and I know a lot of people who listen to this podcast and if you consumed music by going to a Tower Records I remember living in New York City

and the Tower Records on 3rd Street and Broadway that was where you went and the one records on third street they talk all about that probably yeah that was where you went it was sunset here it's what's crazy now is that we are officially over 10 years since the tower records have closed and so it's getting more and more distant so the amount of people that can say like i remember buying a record at a tower records is like one group and then there's another group of, I remember buying records, just period, point blank, like anywhere,

yeah. Well, the footage, didn't they remake it, didn't they sort of restyle Tower Records for a movie here on Sunset? they might have. Well,

so we painted up the old Tower store, we did that for our premiere. Oh shit. It's still up, it's still there. Yeah, and it's still up, and the great people over at Gibson Guitars

have kept it up, and they kept up a poster for our movie. It's the only poster for a movie that I've directed. Yeah, I love it. You directed it. Take it. It's the only billboard I got, and it's technically free. But yeah, so that's still up.

And then what's interesting is throughout the course of, I'd say, maybe the last four four or five years tower has popped up in more and more movies there was a glimpse of it in uh straight out of compton there's a glimpse of it in um not the good guys that was the tv show that i was on but the nice guys yeah yeah and then not to be confused with the other guys with our good friend mark walbert that's right the other guys but uh so it friend Mark Wahlberg. That's right. The other guys, the nice guys, the good guys. So it's starting to, like Tower is like popping up in all these places. And so every now and again, someone will be like, oh, I saw Tower Records in a movie. Yeah. And I go, which one?

And we can't find out which movie it is. It's one of five. Yeah. It's always. If Amoeba had any balls. And I know it's just an Amoeba, for Christ's sake. So do they have male or female genitalia? They don't need it.

And I know it's just an Amiibo, for Christ's sake. So do they have male or female genitalia? They don't need it. They should buy that store up and have that be like a satellite location on Sunset and sell records out of there. To me, I feel like... Just records. Just records. Just records.

Move their record shop from the back of there and put it over there. I just feel like that would be a ballsy move. One of my favorite things in the doc was that footage of Elton John. I was just going to say that. Would he go in before the store opened or would they kick everybody out? No, no, no. They would let him in before the store opened. The stores would open at 9 and they would let him in before the store opened.

Now, were you affiliated or did you get any heads up? Because I know in February of last year, Elton did a surprise concert at the Tower Records at that building. Yeah. So, yeah. So, that was, he kind of borrowed from our playbook for the premiere. He's got a lot of clout with the city of West Hollywood because he does his big fundraiser. Which is weird because he's straight. Yeah. Very anti-gay. He does his big yearly fundraiser in West Hollywood because he does his weird fundraiser. Which is weird because he's straight. Very anti-gay. He does his

big yearly fundraiser in West Hollywood. West Hollywood was always very friendly towards us and they said, you know, if you could get someone like Elton to hop on board with your premiere, you can have pretty much anything that you want.

And we got him in the movie and we said, that was like one and a half asks too much. Like, I don't want to ask anymore. The way we felt when we asked you to do this. But so basically, we had sort of paved the road for like the idea of more events at that space. And Gibson has been really adamant

that they want to do similar things at that space and gibson has been really adamant that they want to do similar things at that location and so we sort of paved the road so to speak with the idea of like getting the city comfortable with big events there and closing down traffic and doing all those sorts of things and um and so basically when elton was like, I really want to do something again at that location now that the signage is back up, West Hollywood was like, well, yes, we'd love that. And we've already done it with the Tower documentary and the Eagles of Death metal that played.

So yeah, whatever you want to do. And so I was out of town when it happened, but I watched it on the feed. I was taking more screen grabs because it was so beautiful just seeing the building with all those people there. It was really cool. And then Guns N' Roses did a whole thing at that location. Oh, really?

I didn't know that. Yeah. When they did their opening sort of kickoff show at the Troubadour, they gave all the tickets away at that Tower Records. And they had like a Guns N' Roses experience on the inside. And Guns N' Roses was actually cool enough to keep our tower poster up which was pretty sweet yeah it did it just has a place in like everybody's heart from like yeah the kid who would go there when they were 15 to that tower workers all the way up to like elton john and but the story about the tower up in sacramento as being emblematic of every

record store in every city the coolest people work people worked there. They were holier than thou because they knew more than you. And I mean, there was just this culture of like, you want to go and feel like where everything's happening, the epicenter of what's cool, you go right to your record store and that's where it's going to happen and that's what it was. That was one of the things we really wanted to try and talk about in the movie is this idea that it was this place. It doesn't matter what you were into.

It doesn't matter what you dress like, what you look like, what your beliefs were. There was a safe place that you could go. I mean, this is kind of something that people are looking for in this day and age, but it's this place that you could go to and, and there's no age requirement,

you know, it's not like a bar, but yet it has all the elements. They're just, they're just, they're just sl just slinging records they're not slinging slinging drinks they're not yeah they're not slinging drinks we're slinging stories we're slinging stories about dumb people and i know we've got one dan i want to talk about other stuff we'll get to that in the next yeah the next break but daniel we got colin here let's play there's so many dumb people in this first story. I can't wait. All the way. I do love that you keep tallies of people's locations.

Yes. And their dumbness. The dumb people town walking tour. We're just building it right now. The victims are dumb on some level. I love it. The perpetrator is dumb. The perpetrator is dumb.

The cops. And I'm sad to say it, in this scenario, the cops, they call victim as well. It was sent in by Jeremy Baker at Fancy Pants WTVD. I hope that's a station that he works for. WTVD. You're on with Fancy Pants in the morning, WTVD. What if it's his version of not swearing, but being like, what the fuck, dude? Or like, that's...

WTVD is his way. All right. What the fuck? WTVD. I remind people. It's a while. I should remind people because we do get tons of new listeners. All you have to do is hashtag dumb people town at Daniel Van Kirk on Twitter.

And then I just go through the timeline and I go. First one up. And I see it. Yeah. Jeremy Baker sent this to you. So thanks, Jeremy. Thanks for being a Tony. go through the timeline and i go first one up and i see it yeah jeremy baker sent this too so thanks jeremy thanks for being a tony after an argument the first sentence alone is gonna tell you how dumb this whole nothing good ever comes out unless it's after an argument two people apologize they

made up that's the that's not a story pressures yes adrenaline after an argument sparked by how pepperoni and cheese should be placed on a pizza. The good, the stuff of life. This is the good fight. This is, to me, already... This fight has been going on for centuries, Dan. I was going to say, this is a fight also about something else.

It's not about pepperoni. Were you witness or were you involved? No, don't put it there, Cheryl. Oh, if you're finding out where the cheese and pepperoni are placed on a pizza, there's other things that are under the rug. This is something my kids would fight about. Someone doesn't think someone's pretty anymore. Right.

Yeah. After, I'll read it after full sentence. After an argument sparked by how pepperoni and cheese were placed on a pizza, should be placed on a pizza, a Pizza Hut supervisor pepper sprayed a co-worker. That is dialing it up. It's weird because the argument itself is too small to be an argument and then the reaction is too big to be appropriate. And I bet the guy's like oh i might

not know where to put pepperoni but i know where to put pepper spray boom face down or there's the person is driving to work that day is like someone gonna get pepper spray i'm gonna throw this pepperoni at this person but somehow i don't think that's gonna be enough so i'm gonna spray i'm gonna make my point i'm gonna make my point lob tear gas in their face. Guys, we're skipping the part where I said supervisor. This is the supervisor. They're setting the culture of that Pizza Hut locker room. That's right. They're saying, look.

Poor Pizza Hut employees. Dan, have you ever worked at a Pizza Hut? No, but who did we have on? We had Guy on. Guy Branham worked at Domino's. He worked at Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut or Domino's. And I just remember-

Pictures of Coke. Pictures of Coke. Pictures of Coke. Plastic pictures of Coke. Plastic red cups. They served beer there. And then they would have the pizza buffet in Rochelle, Illinois. And I'd always burn my- It's documented.

I'd burn my mouth on the dessert pizza every single time. Way too piping hot. Yeah, that sounds accurate for every pizza experience. Every pizza parlor experience. Yes. Like a true parlor yes yeah there's a claw machine a base and a tabletop arcade every lamp is a tiffany lamp there's always a baseball team celebrating their end of year yeah of course you this is what we did cleats eating food end of year and someone at the other table going when does this season end? No, new season starts in two weeks.

Kids and Cleets might have to be the name of this show. I want Seinfeld to do a TV show called Kids and Cleets Eating Food. Kids and Cleets Eating Food. The one in Rochelle really did have tabletop Ms. Pac-Man. And you could sit there and eat your pizza and play at the same time. Tabletop Defender.

Hey man, it's a tabletop. I love a good tabletop whose fault was it I want to know who started oh here we go Sandy Springs Police is that the most friendly like sounding

hello welcome to Sandy Springs now you played a cop on TV yeah I have you played a cop you played a cop

in a small town small town I've told you this to your face your scene with Billy Bob Thornton when he tells you to keep driving.

It's one of my favorite scenes of all time. Really? Cause all I wanted to do is welcome to Duluth. Andy Springs. Do you know why I pulled you over? Wait, why are you doing a gay? I don't know why.

No, he's just a feminine. No, this is just, I'm in character. Just if you can, let's throw one away. We've got it that way. That one was for you. Let's throw it. he's just a feminine no this is just I'm in character I know but just if you could let's throw one away we've got it that way that one was for you

let's throw it let's just throw it away do one for us now more along the tone of the show if you could that'd be great do you know why

I pulled you over again I don't feel like that's a native it's a weird voice choice okay there sorry there we go there we go

was that your way in I always say when I do like characters I have a certain sentence that gets me into the voice. I told them during the audition, I said, my accent is going to be all over the place, but it's somewhere between Chicago and Canada, eh? Yeah. And if you give me the part, I will whittle it down to Minnesota. You'll find the pocket. Which is actually very accurate. That is a really smart way to go in an audition i watched aaron paul's audition for breaking bad

did he get it uh spoiler alert jesus damn i'm gonna spoil it for these people and i was like man you gotta go in an audition you gotta be off book you gotta be feeling he was reading he was sitting down on a couch a lot of times reading the lines and looking up and but looking down a lot and they just were like this guy's what we're looking for in this moment right here but the fact that you admitted that look i don't have it down right now yeah i know that's a really important part of it and i don't have it down right now it's. I know that's a really important part of it, and I don't have it down right now. It's going to be all over. But I'm going to tell you something.

I will get it. You give it to me, and I will get it. That is a great way to approach that. Well, it's also, I always find it's good to just set a bar low. Because then if you do better, then you look like a genius. That's a good rule for dumb people, Tom. It's a good rule for life. Everyone in this town is supervising producers.

Sandy Springs Police. Bury that bar in the Sandy Springs. Sandy Springs police have issued a warrant for the arrest of Anderson Ramone Lewis. Three last names. He is a 1980s soul singer. Anderson Ramone Lewis. Anderson Lewis sounds like a guy who's on CNN 180. On UNLV.

ARL, baby. Anderson Lewis. Anderson Lewis sounds like Clark CNN 180. ARL, baby. Anderson Lewis. Anderson Lewis sounds like Clark Gregg. Yes, very true. They've issued a warrant for his arrest for disorderly conduct. The pepper spray was discharged in the direction of the female victim's face, but police say it didn't harm her because it landed on her arm. So the male supervisor pepper sprayed the female.

Tried to. Tried to pepper spray. Well, I guess he technically did. No, he did. He did. It's on the arm. It's on the arm. It's on the arm.

It touched her. The male supervisor pepper sprayed the female employee. After trying to mansplain to her how ingredients should be put on. And then he couldn't even properly pepper spray somebody. He didn't know where to put the pepper spray. No, after he comes at her heart about where she's putting cheese and pepperoni on a Pizza Hut pizza.

I feel like pepper is really the loose thread here. Yeah, it is. It is. It is. It's a story held together by pepper. That was her name, Pepper. According to report, police responded to the Pizza Hut at 4920 Roswell road guys you can go there 49 20 roswell road i love it sandy

springs sandy springs periscope it go in uh around tuesday at tuesday around 7 p.m we're dinner dinner rush crowded crowded showroom doing over pizza did you say showroom yeah they got pizza hot off the showroom floor dominique on the main stage if anybody goes to rita at the bar i if anyone goes to this pizza and puts it on facebook i just want them to be like here in the showroom at pizza hut for dumb people town and i want a photo of someone eating a pepperoni pizza yes of course by the way meat lovers how many people have when they go to pizza said say when do they say i love the placement of pepperoni yes like the placement of pepperoni is great the pizza is not good no one has ever said that they love the placement of it but i guarantee you there are plenty of grandpas

that have complained about there's too much pepperoni on this one slice. Witnesses told police that two employees... Witnesses told police. So these people are just watching the show. Yes. Witnesses told police that... They're watching the show. Now, these witnesses may have been at the chef's table.

So they may have been... When you're eating at the chef's table... I'm just saying it could be... I hope it's kind of like a Medieval Times thing. Like, oh, it's like a dinner and a show, babe. While you're eating at the chef's table I'm just saying I hope it's kind of like a medieval times thing like oh it's like a dinner and a show Oh it is While you're in the showroom

Pour me some of that pitcher of soda When Bourdain went there In medieval times therefore there are no forks at medieval times Exactly Witnesses told police

that two employees had a verbal altercation that ended up with Lewis using pepper spray They just could pick one of his last names Does he have it on him or is that just back

in the Police said Witness witnesses told them that Anderson Ramon Lewis initially confronted the victim about the placement of pizza ingredients before telling her that she quote, needed to go home or get fired. She responded

by telling Lewis he was not her manager. Which to me, I hope she said not even looking at it. Not even looking. No emotion. No emotion either. Slap him down. As she's placing those pepperonis.

Slap him down. Well, you're not even my manager. Well, Andy. It's Anderson. Call me Anderson. Okay, Andy. I'm not even looking at you. You are not my manager. So I'm not going home and I'm not getting fired.

Dealing out pepperoni like it's cards. Or she just starts putting it all on one side. All one slice. One slice, Andy. All one slice. Or she puts it down, like pats her hand, does like the magic wand, and says, you're not my manager. Like I'm leaving the blackjack table.

Or she only puts it on the crust. You're not my manager. That pan crust. Just the supervisor, not the manager. Not the manager. So there's a whole, they've got a whole system. There's like corporals. The Pizza Hut. This bullshit is going downhill. going downhill the hierarchy is really hard to understand witnesses

we're all i'll get the patriarchy of the hierarchy of the pizza and it is a patriarchy because this guy's over this woman are you ready to pizzaarchy it's a plastic i said everybody was dumb but there's one person who's in this story that you would want to get hit in the face with pepper spray, and it's Anderson Ramon Lewis. Listen to this. Witnesses, including the general manager of Pizza Hut. We guys. There's so many levels.

We are four levels deep. This is like the Sopranos. So far we have employee, supervisor, manager, general manager. It's a Tuesday night. Everybody's there. You got to kill someone to be made general manager. Oh, for sure. No one leaves this Pizza Hut.

Witnesses, including the general manager of the Pizza Hut, told police that Anderson Ramon Lewis, get ready to hate this guy, started threatening the woman's husband and talking about her brother who died two weeks prior. No! All over pepperoni on a pizza. Whoa. God. I want Anderson Ramon Lewis to get a full bottle of pepper spray in the face. In the mouth.

How do you even jump from pepperoni to a dead brother? I don't know. That's a massive leap. That is. Police? I don't even have a joke for this i know he's an asshole this is horrible he's a meat loving asshole police said the general when it's evenly distributed police said the general manager attempted to separate the two which means i hope that she

went after him oh yeah yeah business yeah yeah after him you struck a nerve there and told lewis he needed to leave. Lewis left. I could close my computer right here. And that's it. But came back and continued to provoke the victim. Now this is the part where I feel like the general manager is dumb too. We've had him

being dumb, right? And we've had witnesses who have to stop eating. They're a little dumb. I'm out. Honey, we're going to the park. And this is clearly the important part where I'm assuming this horrible person slash dumb person went and got the pepper spray. Anderson Ramone Lewis, you mean? Yes.

But like now imagine you're a family in the showroom. You're in the showroom. And you hear just screaming. You suddenly become the children of arguing parents and your head is down and you're eating your greasy pizza. All those people in the cleats, all those people in cleats are not sure.

They want to run out, but they're afraid that they're going to slip on the linoleum. On the linoleum or the brick tile. Probably a glossy brick. Glossy brick floor. So police say the general manager attempted to separate. That always makes me sad.

Like, you could have done it right there. But he attempted to separate the two and told Anderson Ramon Lewis he needed to leave. Again. Lewis left. You have those giant spatulas. You can just throw that right in the middle. When he returned, though, and continued to provoke the victim, that's when Lewis discharged the pepper spray at the victim

and in front of the general manager and other employees. Guys, not in front of the general manager. So he really should have heeded his own advice and gone home or gotten fired. Yes, that was him. And he did one of those. That is the bitter truth coming back to bite him in his three last name acts. Go home or get fired. That's right.

Go home or get fired. Wait, you know a serial killer has three first names. John Wayne Gacy. But you know what I mean? The three first name is like a serial killer. Three last names. Three last names. What is that?

A Pizza Hut employee. Yeah. A supervisor. Not a general manager. Not my manager. Not my manager. Supervisor. I take orders from that guy right there.

So he comes back in. They can't separate him. That's when he discharges the pepper spray, act the victim in front of the general manager and other employees. His next step is if you really want to get divorced, or divorced, arrested, he probably is divorced. This is a pro-level move.

He was probably going through that at the time. Oh, that's part of this yeah he just apropos of nothing what are you talking about she's the employee right here no she wants all the pepper the pepperoni put it on the left yes i deserve half uh she wants half of my pepperoni. You deserve half. I stood by her during nursing school. Okay. No. What? What are we talking about?

Before he left the store again, he wrote his address on a paper napkin, slammed it down on the counter, and said if the victim wanted to fight, that's where she could find him. This is a step beyond... No one wants step outside it's let's step outside drive to another location that is more then have a fight yes let's have a give me ample time to cool off and then let's have another fight woman a person of a different gender who it's inappropriate for me

to fight yes he all but he deserves to get his ass kicked by her. He also threw trays of pizza and dough on the floor as he was leaving. I want to say, like, why? There's food there. Why is food not being thrown? You're missing a huge opportunity of wasting food. Seriously, food at all stages. The responding officer. The cop shows up.

Here. Here's how you put the pepperoni on it. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Hey, Mike.

Hey, Kyle. Kyle, what do you got here? Oh, Mike, we have been through it tonight. You know Anderson? Oh, ARL? Yeah. Oh, ARL. I was just hearing him with my...

Yeah, how's he do these? IRL. In real life? Yeah, yeah. I know IRL, IRL. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you.

He lost it. He blew off the handle. Did he go get pepper spray? Yes, he did get pepper spray. Did he write down his address on an app? Yes. Landed down on the counter. Knocked food on the floor?

Yes. Well, you know what? I'm going to go check it out, but can I get a meat lovers to go? Sure. The responding officer attempted to call Lewis shortly after shortly after the incident so he left his phone number on the on the piece of paper yeah i'm sure it's in the file yeah a male answered and said quote don't call me again from a blocked number because i'm not gonna answer and hung up he's hot arl is hot he's upset and i know those prank phone calls from those kids he's not taking anything he's got to come from a known number lawyer he didn't hire has been

calling him out of area yes here's the part remember i said the cops were done we're gonna get out on this as of wednesday police were still searching for lewis you said issued a warrant they have his address on a napkin he said he was gonna be there he said how big is sandy springs by the way maybe wait maybe maybe our three named wonder kid is so smart that he threw everyone off the fucking set. Gave them the wrong address. And said, wrong address, or said, this is where I'm going to be, and then split town. And it just threw the cops off. Why can't the police use the woman to call him up and say, okay, you want to fight?

I'll be there. I'll be there right now. Sting operation. Boom. Because the cops are a little dumb, too. I know. Aaron, I'm going to be honest with you. This case has me over the barrel.

I don't know what to do. We have his address. Can't find him. I guess this one's going to go in the cold case files. I think we just got to move on from this. You can't hang on too long. It'll drive you nuts. The first 48 are done.

We lost track. I mean, what is... ARL's in the wind, guys. ARL is in the wind. By the way, if anybody encounters him, where's the pizza? Did they mention the address of the pizza? Yes. 40-40.

49-20 Roswell Road, Sandy Springs. Sandy Springs what? Do we know? Nope. Okay. So if anybody knows that, just look that up on Google Maps. I'll see if I can find out. Is this like this week?

Like this just happened? This is recent. This story was sent to me on May 18th. May 18th. So who knows? By now, they could have... The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. So I'm guessing Georgia.

Georgia. Sandy Springs, Georgia. If you're down there, go find this pizza hut and let's go find this son of a bitch. Be a peach and help solve a crime. That's right. Very much. Be a peach. All right.

This could be a Tyler Perry movie. Be a peach. That's right. Be a peach. This is Tyler crime that's right very much be a peach get all right this could be a tyler perry movie that's right this is tyler perry's next great character media eats a peach that's all it is it's just her going oh this peach is so juicy and that's it and that's it oh lord all right first segment down first story down colin hanks you're in the you are in the town as we say uh when we come back we'll hear a little bit more about a fantastic show that you're a part of, Life in Pieces. We'll be back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Hey, everybody, welcome back to dumb people town we got Colin Hanks he's on a great show with another friend of ours speaking of the Aaron Paul Breaking Bad community Betsy Brandt yes who's fantastic is so funny and her personality is so fiery there is no off switch she does not

take shit from anybody no she does not and i love her our sons are in the same class foulest mouth so funny no off switch i love her but yet an utter joy all the time the best and like so captivated just even be in a conversation with her you're like oh i get why people want to watch you on oh absolutely you're so great and then my buddy kirker butler was a writer on there a phenomenal writer on that show and then our friend diane weist oh uh no uh diane weist we we did make t-shirts do you easy i know i told her all about the shirts what'd she say she was she loved it she was so entertained do we need to get you a weasel to give to her i told her i showed her photos and she just thought it was the funniest thing.

Does she understand that, okay, so she understands what beast mode is? That was the one. We need to show her. It was like, Diane,

this is going to seem very strange, but there's a guy who plays this sport called football. A football. Then you had to explain to her football.

You have to explain that. No, no, no. She knew football, but I had to explain, I had to explain beast Mode and all of that, which she was thoroughly... She became the mother from Footloose. She was like, yes.

Here's the one thing that I feel everyone must know. She is the biggest Kanye West fan. What? If you play Kanye West... Kanye Weast. Beast Mode knows. Kanye Weast. Kanye Weast.

She, honestly, I will put on Kanye West. Kanye Weast. Weast mode. Kanye Weast. Kanye Weast. She, honestly, I will put on Kanye West. And I don't listen to Kanye West. It's not for me. But I will put it on for her because I know it'll cheer her up. And she loves it. And she will word for word. Stop it. Rap along with Kanye West.

She's the greatest. She refers to him as this generation's Bob Dylan. She's also a huge Bob Dylan fan. Oh, man. In fact, when she found out that he won the. She's the greatest. She refers to him as this generation's Bob Dylan. She's also a huge Bob Dylan fan. Oh, man. In fact, when she found out that he won the... The Nobel Peace Prize. The Nobel Peace Prize, yeah.

She cried. She's like such a huge... I want to talk... Dylan fan. I just want to come down and visit you on the set. We'll deliver the... At some point,

we need to do this. Tell Kirk her to write us into the show so we can... He's no longer on the show. He's not on the show anymore. So here's what we got to do. Tell someone to write us.

Tell someone to write us on the damn show so we can at least do a week on the show and bring her the thing and then get into a deep discussion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. I told her all about it. I told her all about it.

Thanks. Oh, that's who you are. Hey, buddy. How are you? We've met before. Yeah, it's nice to see you again. You too. Dan was about to say, I love you on This Is Us.

He's not in that. Life in pieces. Parenthood was so good. Well, dude, congr love you on This Is Us. He's not in that. Life in peace. Parenthood was so good. Well, dude, congrats. Thank you very much. Thank you for doing that show. I appreciate it. Among all the other great things that you do.

But people can check that show out on and when. It's on CBS, but I don't know what time or day we're going to be on this third season. So, yeah, It'll premiere in October at some point, I imagine. So you're in the midst of shooting them now? No, we're off for a while. We don't start until the end of August. Sweet.

I got all summer long. Best summer ever, boys. It's always a great summer when you know you got work that you're coming back to. That feeling of, I don't have to hustle right now as much because I know I'm going back to something i really and i'm right now i'm at that stage where i can still kind of eat anything without the obscene fear of like oh i'm gonna have to be like skinny yeah yep yeah i got like a good like two more weeks of eating

like all the pepperoni pizza i want but But then the D's got to start. The diet has got to kick in. Or they just write in that you're just, look at how much weight it's getting. Oh, God, no. No, don't want that. Only works if they see you lose it. Yeah, that's right.

Otherwise, you're just tubby. All right, Daniel, we got another story? Here we go. Okay. This was sent in by Larissa at the girl on the wall, which I'm going to guarantee right now is a Song of Ice and Fire, a.k.a. Game of Thrones reference. Is it the girl on the wall?

Yes. The girl on the wall? What if it was the girl on the wall with the dragon, Ted? I want her on that wall. Oh, you need her on that wall. Because Larissa explains it all. She does. Yeah.

Solid pull. Very good. I saw exactly where you were going. I want to say it's at the GRL on the wall. So no I in girl. Girl on the wall. Thanks, Larissa. A Polk County deputy was stopped at a 7-Eleven working on a case when a man parked next to

him. Uh-oh. Here we go. Yep. Here we go. If a guy is stopped at a 7-Eleven. I'm going to option this right now. I'm telling you right now, I'm all in.

He is already making the movie of this. All right. The man went in the gas station and then came out minutes later looking a lot bigger than he did when he went in. He stole a bunch of shit. What was the shoplifting? Was it Animal House? Animal House, where he's got all the things under his thing.

What happened? Yes. There also was an old SNL sketch. Tom Hulse. Where, I think it is John Belushi, packs so much stuff into all of his clothes, he gets to a point where he can't even move. He's knocking over things in the aisle.

I just remember I saw it one time so long ago. It was hilarious. Hilarious. Can't be funnier than your recounting of it just now dan what's that your recounting of it was maybe perfect than the sketch oh thanks guys no worries i've been working on my storytelling you are good who owns the movie rights to that me telling stories yeah i don't know all right the man went into the gas station searchlight and then came out minutes later looking a lot bigger than when he went in so the cop sees oh

i hope they shared a nod coming in and going out he's working on another case but now he's got a new case according to sheriff grady judd his detective watched as a man quote he waddles like a duck out of the store i can do the voice because i heard it he waddles like a duck out of the store. I can do the voice because I heard it. He waddles like a duck out of the store. And our detective who's sitting in the car watching all this says to himself, self, I think I'll arrest this man. Oh, my God. So the cop watches him come out much bigger than when he went in, waddling like a duck.

Right. And then the cop says to himself, Self, I think I'll arrest this man, which to me is not due process. I'll just, let's be honest. I love that he had to check in with himself before he did something. Self, I think it's a salad day today.

I think I'm gonna, Self, you'll have the salad. And yeah, so I'll have the salad. What if he just keeps it? Self, should I turn my head to the left?, so I'll have the salad. What if he just keeps on arguing? Self, should I turn my head to the left? He's basically goleming himself. Right. That's how he deduces whether a crime has occurred. Self, let's get out of here.

But first, the detective asked the man to accompany him back into the gas station. The man obliged. Sure. Why not? Yeah. Okay. I'll go right back in with you. No problem.

Judd, Grady Judd, Sheriff Grady Judd, says the suspect was then told, quote, come on, let's unload your pants. That could have gone. That is a totally different movie. Than you're buying. Than I'm buying. Exactly. Dan, did you watch Hee Haw as a kid?

That'll make much more money, though. Yeah. You know Hee Haw. Saturday evenings. Did you watch Hee Haw as a kid? No. Hee Haw was like a country sketch. It was like laughing for rednecks. It was a variety Yeah. You know Hee Haw. Saturday evenings. Did you watch Hee Haw as a kid? No, not really. Hee Haw was like a country sketch. It was like laughing for redheads.

It was a variety show. Hail Bazaar. Hillbilly laughing. Yeah. Hey, laugh. Grady Judd sounds like a Roy Clark. Or a soupy sales character. Grady Judd.

As he said to me, unload your pants. Crowd goes wild. Or Grady Judd is like the emasculated brother of the Judd sisters. Yes. And he's just trying to find his way in the world. Like he went into law enforcement as like a way to do good. Yep. And then he got the camera on him for press conferences like this.

And he let it off. He said, self, let's unload your pants. Self, you are good enough. You are smart enough. What would Wynonna do? The next sentence in his article. And unload, he did. unload your pants i said you are good enough you are smart enough what would winona do the next sentence in this article and unload he did oh sheriff was this like country yoda sheriff grady judge says well you might have thought he had a load of poop in his pants this is what he said to news now it is becoming an episode of s. But what he had in his pants was oil and a whole lot of videos.

Yeah. You heard right. 38-year-old Jason Hall was asked by the Polk detective to unpack his pants, and he complied. He removed 30 gently used Lassie DVDs and multiple bottles of Pennzoil motor oil from his pants. So his thing is that his fetish

is I'm going to jerk off to dog videos with Pennzoil. I'm going to lube up with Pennzoil. That is a very expensive and very specific fetish. So I can understand why he doesn't want to pay for all this stuff. Cut corners where he needs to? Yeah.

I'm going to ask you guys right now. How many bottles of Pennzoil motor oil did he have in his pants? Well, no, he already had 30 Lassie DVDs in this. I mean, there's got to be a bottle per DVD, right? That's a lot. What's that, girl? What's that? What's that?

There's a guy in 7-Eleven who's filling up his pants with my videos? Good girl. Good girl. Good girl, Lassie. Good girl, Lassie. If I just get one bottle and one DVD, that's going to last me at least 30 days. Look, you want to go one for one. Yeah, just one for one.

So you say he has 30 bottles. Okay, Collin, you are the guest. So you get to go first or you can go last. What is your official guess on how many bottles of Pennzoil Motorola? Yeah, you can go last, too. Whatever you get to go first or you can go last what is your official guess for how many bottles if you want to go first yeah you can go last too whatever you want no i'll i'll i'll start it off i'll start it off i think we're gonna i'm gonna go five five bottles yeah that's five okay that seems like a like a leg length yes i think so oil on one side, DVDs on the other. Gotcha.

Randy Sklar. I think he had seven. Seven bottles of Pennzoil motor oil. Because don't forget, it might not be a can. The bottle is thinner. It is the bottle. It's the yellow bottle. It's the yellow bottle.

It's a little thinner, so I think he had seven. Okay. Jason Sklar. I mean, part of me wants this to be like a modern day, like the story of Hanukkah when one bottle of oil lasted eight nights. Or it could be like a Mary Poppins situation where that bag has no bottom. Right. There is no bottle.

There is. These are not the Pennzoil bottles you're looking for. I'm going to say 12. I'm going to go high because I think this is a sensational story. Okay. He had... Take a stare, baby. Total number. Pants tucked into his socks, right? They are tucked into his work boots.

That was very specific in this story. They are tucked into his work boots to keep everything in. He had 30 DVDs and the amount of Pennzoil motor oil bottles in his pants. 15. What?

Yes. I knew it. Jason's. I knew it was going to be an insane amount. 15 bottles. This speaks to how the people who work at this gas station don't give a shit. They are not looking at anything. This is him bending over, taking all the bottles out of his pants.

Oh, man. This will be on the Facebook page, Townies. Don't you worry. Oh, yeah. Look at him. He is wearing big old... Look at, there's bottles on the counter. There are bottles on the floor. And he's still pulling more out. He's dropping bottles, y'all. He's dropping bottles. Popping bottles.

I call that bottle service. Straight up bottle service. There's sweat dripping off these Lassie DVDs. Don't worry, you guys have a chance to redeem yourself. There's another trivia question just a little bit later in this story. Let's hear it. So 38-year-old William Jason Hall, Billy J.H. Billy J.

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Well, he got caught doing his little doggy thing that he likes to do. He had about 30 DVDs on one side of his pants. He had about 15 bottles of pens oil on the other one. They were tucked into his work boot. But here's the bitch of it all. I knew I didn't like that guy. He was doing that duck walk that he always does. I know. He always does that duck walk.

It's his tail. He always walks like that. It's the way, because he's flat footed, he'd never go into the service. He always complained about them flat feet and bad knees. I'll tell you right now, from what I hear, that cop decided to arrest him based off his walk and that ain't probable cause. That's not probable cause. You can't arrest no man for how he walked.

But you want to know what? He's a self-assured cop because that guy, he's probably just sitting there going, self? Yeah. I said self. I got to arrest this guy. Hey. Hey, man. Sometimes you got to listen to yourself. Poor Billy J.

Billy J. Billy J. Hall. He told the detective he regularly travels between Lakeland and Tampa, so we're in Florida. Florida. Florida. Stealing stuff that he can quickly make a profit on. Did you guys know you can quickly make a profit on Lassie DVDs and Pennzoil Motor Oil? Apparently.

There's a huge aftermarket. It's called the original eBay, the off-ramp of most freeways. For sure. Freeway. Well, everybody knows that that particular 7-Eleven, they had they took all of the DVD the Lassie DVDs and what a lot of people don't know

is that the Circle K and the Come and Go were very upset that they were on the losing end of the Lassie battles the Lassie Wars it's what took the

flying J out of it and Billy Hall is trying to make an extra buck he's just trying to spread that Lassie Pennzoil wealth to the Come and Go

and the Circle K Tower Video no longer an entity no that Lassie Pennzoil wealth to the come and go in the Circle K. Tower Video, no longer an entity. No. No. Never sold Pennzoil. Never sold Pennzoil either. Maybe that's what ultimately took them down. No.

Now you tell me. If they could have gotten into Pennzoil when they went into Japan, they could have saved the whole goddamn thing. I love that he just started telling, literally, the cops, like, you want to go back inside? Sure. You want to take everything out of those pants? got it you do this a lot yep i travel between lakeland and tampa i steal a lot of stuff like he's just he's giving it away more than just his pants he starts talking about how his fault when his dad left we're getting everything let's

unpack it all yeah these are definitely cargos how long do you think billy hall billy j hall like thought like right when the guy's like hey why don't you come on back into the gas like first off what did the cop say

to actually get him back I'm sure he said self tell him to get him back in here but how long do you think he had to wait

to say like I can make a run for it I can do it well so many times like yeah what do you think was instantaneously like son let's go back into the gas station it's just instantly just like oh shit yeah okay i think so it was just right away all right right away you got hey you got the b

he didn't try you got me bjh listen so many people resist arrest and it is terrible you are only compounding the issues sure this guy knows maybe if i play ball, he will be more lenient on me. And I guarantee you they were probably cooler with him because he cooperated. Oh, for sure. For sure. Well, Hall is- Cover-up is always worse than the crush. Hall is a self-confessed career criminal.

So to him- Self-confessed, Dan. Self-confessed career- Y'all, I'm going to tell you right now, and he's been- I'm going to take this out. I got one more down in here. I am a career criminal. You want to sit on the ground or on the table?

You guys tell Billy J where you want to push it. This is my career. Should I put them back? I'll restock them. No feet. See, what I do is these are cargo pants, but I also sew in an extra pocket on the inside of the pants, and that's normally how I get all the other stuff out of these stores. Oh, yeah.

A weekend criminal wouldn't do that. Career criminal. Well, his career of being a criminal is reflected by his rap sheet. I'm going to ask you guys, how many pages is Billy J's rap sheet? And he says he's a career criminal. It's reflected by his rap sheet. This is a great question. How many pages?

Never had it. Colin, once again, do you want to go first or last? I got to go last on this one. Okay, all right. His rap sheet is 17 pages long. 17 pages. Wow. He's a career.

Career criminal. I'm going to say 30 pages long. 30 pages long. That's a 30-page rap sheet. Okay. Page per crime, maybe? That's the question. Is that page per crime? I don't know. No, it's not page per crime. It's the question Is that page per crime

I don't know No it's not page per crime It's pages long I know but Three pages Three Three pages I'm assuming there's more than one crime per page

That's right okay Three pages I actually have never seen a rap sheet So I don't know I literally don't know Me either Randy what did you say I said 17

And what did you say Colin Three And what did you say Joe 30 We got it all covered here Okay Here you go guys Me either. Randy, what did you say? I said 17. And what did you say, Colin? Three. And what did you say, Jeff? 30. We got it all covered here. Okay. Here you go, guys. William, Jason Hall's rap sheet is 105 pages.

Whoa! Jason is standing up. Billy J. Hall! I got up. I told you assholes, I was career. I told y'all I was career. I told y'all I was career. I called my shot. I got Billy J's ass because I walk like a duck.

You think I just start walking like a duck today? I told you ass. You know why he's got such a long rap sheet? Because he just lets himself get caught. He cops to all of that shit. Like career criminals, he didn't say he was a good career criminal. No, he's a bad one. He's the guy who gives himself up.

It includes 68 charges, 25 convictions, and three stays in prison. Whoa. Y'all don't throw around the term career loosely, y'all. I got a career. Being a criminal. Being a criminal. Five and three. This time, William Jason Hall is charged with felony petty theft.

Notice to business owners. This is, if you want to know why shit's crazy in Florida, 105 pages. This is what they put at the end of this article. Notice to business owners. This is, if you want to know why shit's crazy in Florida, 105 pages. This is what they put at the end of this article. Notice to business owners. William Jason Hall is already back on the street, so be on the lookout for his baggy pants. Florida is doing this to themselves. Did you say... News travels

fast. It happens fast. We can only help you if you listen. He was processed, released in the amount of time it took me to write the paragraph of this news article. Right now, he is standing outside of a different 7-Eleven, smoke in mouth, waiting for the exhale to just go, let's get some DVDs. We're about to make this 106. Hide your lassies.

Hide your Pennzoils. Wait, wait, wait. Did you say be on the lookout for his baggy pants that's what they wrote so be on the lookout for him and his baggy pants no this is not the movie with will smith the legend of baggy pants i have no idea i think this is going to be the name of the episode the legend of baggy pants just him and his jinkos one convenient store at a time i Love it. Story number two.

We're meeting all sorts of characters in Dumb People Town, and I'm so happy Mr. Colin Hanks is along for the ride. We got one more story and then a very special voicemail coming up after this break. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, everybody. Welcome back to Dumb People Town.

We want to thank everyone for, as we always mention, for joining the Facebook page, for signing up, for rating and reviewing. Rating and reviewing this. I can't say it enough. If you have not rated and reviewed this show on iTunes. I know there are a lot of people who listen who haven't because I think we've had like about a thousand people rate and review it.

Maybe, yeah. And I know that- And we thank all the people who have. For those of you who have, it keeps us up in the top like 50, which is such a good thing. And if we can sort of inch our way back up into the top 20.

We were four for like a couple. And you know why that's reflected is the better the show looks like in those charts and stuff like that it just allows our show to be bigger

and then we get to do live shows and come visit everybody who loves our show. So you guys can help. It all feeds into each other. You can help do your part to make that happen so we appreciate that.

We got one more story my friend. We do. We have Colin Hanks here ready to rock. Here we go. So let's do it. This was sent in by Josh Mout. I'm sorry if I said it wrong, buddy.

M-O-U-A-T. At J-M-O-U-A-T. Mout of the South. This story is just the most fun kind of dumb. It's harmless and it's just wonderful and it belongs here in Dumb People Town. Let's hear it. Spokane, Washington. Spokane.

Can this be for real the answer is yes okay i love when a reporter poses a question and then answer which isn't that the first thing you learn in like writing letters as a kid you don't be like how are you i'm doing good like you never am i doing good yes is this a letter for you? Yes. I said self-write a letter today. Are we getting into some stuff? Yes. So this is from... So Robert Evans, this is a Robert Evans letter.

Is the kid staying in the picture? You bet your ass. Is this a letter I'm writing you? You bet your ass. You bet your sweet titties it is. A Spokane Craigslist advertisement is getting a lot of attention ahead of Father's Day. So this is from back then, but it's so much fun. A group of guys in their 20s posted that they were throwing a backyard barbecue

and are on the mission to find themselves a father figure for their party. Okay, this is brilliant. brilliant yes these kids are all in college this is thinking and thought on another level yeah what kind of party we just get a keg no no no it's gonna be a father figure party yes we we need they need one guy is like a house dad is that what george michael is dead i was gonna say he rest in peace rest in peace khq talked to the man behind the ad who says he's looking for a dad in the area because his and his roommates dads aren't around i i should have filled out this a long time ago no this is long for all of our listeners dane anderson and the boys are looking

are ready for summer and to eat from the grill but want a little extra help quote we just thought it would be a little better because we really don't have our fathers with us said dane their ad reads while most of us know how to operate a grill none of us are prepared to fill the role of barbecue dad wow this party will take place june 17th so it happened already in case those are big tongs to fill what does the barbecue dad do exactly here's what the duties include. This is from... The dad. Can't wait. Grilling hamburgers and hot dogs

whilst drinking beer, of course. Bringing your own grill. Subject to change, but meat will be provided by the party planner. So they also don't have a grill. They don't have a grill. They need a grill. They need a grill

and they need someone to cook for them. This might be the smartest... I don't know if this belongs in Dumb People Town. I think this might be like smart... It's just a fun dumb. It's a fun dumb. It's a fun dumb. This could be the smartest people ever in Dumb People Town.

I agree with that. I mean, just the idea of being like, guys, we need a dad. Or we need a grill. We need a grill. Really, what they're just saying is we just need someone to cook for us and like to pick up our shit while we need a grill we need a really what they're just saying is we just need someone to like for us cook for us and like to pick up our shit while we try and like you okay you guys i i this is not dark this is meant in the best way you guys had a great dad colin you i've never met as much people know people people think he's great yes yeah yeah he knows the real story yeah

um people but like he's the mayor Yes. He knows the real story. He's the mayor of Dumb People Town. Most people don't know. We'll take it. We'll take it. But the importance of having a dad around to handle the stuff, and these guys just wanted that. That's all they want. Right?

But here's the thing. If they're going to get a real dad, we are both dads, how is that dad going to leave his regular family to be part of this? So you're going to get a drifter. All right. That's what you're going to get. Someone who doesn't have contact with us. His internet lives at the library.

That's right. A guy who showers when he can. Checks his email at public places. Right. You get a guy who's like washed his feet at the movie theater once or twice. Just got a Yahoo account. I don't have a grill, but I have all of these Lassie DVDs and some Pennzoil.

In case you guys need an oil change. I have a career. And some entertainment. I am a career man. Listen to this. They also said that he must refer the dad figure, barbecue dad, they would like it if he referred to all attendees as big guy, chief guy chief sport or champ

that's fantastic this is true this is true i once left i had a dentist and i once like stopped going to the dentist because he always called me tiger really he would call me tiger and i just i can't deal with that is your dentist earl woods no this is a lead open up there tiger and he i was just like i can't it's like one of my come on tiger yeah get in the hole they also they also request that barbecue dad talks about dad things like lawnmowers building your own deck jimmy buffett etc They've got a whole image. Who are these kids? Who are these kids

who are just going to college in Spokane, Washington? So they're college students away from home. Yes, they didn't go home for the summer. They have dads. They have dads.

They don't want the dads to come. Their dads are too far away. They want an older guy. This is just an advertisement to be a father figure. Looking for barbecue dad. And the journalist said, yeah, I'll write about that. Imagine the Craigslist guy that skims the and the journalist said yeah I'll

write about that imagine the Craigslist guy that skims this without reading the details I'll be a barbecue daddy you need a barbecue

day BBQD there are two great things to get on Craigslist handjobs and dads you can find

them both when you get a handjob from your dad that is a totally different thing Craigslist explodes on itself they also say the perfect candidate will meet the following qualifications okay a minimum 18 years

experience as a father wow so they want people who have yeah we can't qualify them yeah you guys they want someone in their they want someone in their late 50s. I get it. Yeah. A minimum of 10 years grilling experience. That is easy. Yeah. I had that when I was 12. Yeah. Right. An appreciation of cold beer on a hot summer day.

Yeah. I don't know how you've narrowed it. Harder to test that. Harder to test that. Hard to test. Hard to test. It can be done. It can be done.

He likes it. So no one in AA. No one in AA. No one will be appreciated. Can't be in the program. Can't be 12 steps. It can be done. So no one in AA. No one in AA. No one will be appreciated. Can't be in the program. Can't be 12 steps. Can't be in the program. I would say you got to have like that first sip has got to be like a big one, let out

with a hearty. I think that's the test. Well, no, that could be an AA. They could appreciate it. They just might not be able to drink. Sure. That's another quote. But they're not dumb. They just have a. They just might not be able to drink it. Sure. That's another quote. But they're not dumb.

They just have a problem. Oh, there's an asterisk. I mean, bonus points if your name is Bill, Randy, or Dave. Oh, Randy, you were so close. Couple years. Couple more years, Randy. Nice, mister. I'm ready.

Getting close. Dan Anderson says they've already been getting some dads emailing them. His name is Jerry, but he said we can call him dave or bill does not want to be called randy for the record i get it important distinction it's like i'm not an asshole there was one guy named stan who sent us a message ever since eminem a guy named stan sending messages creeps me out we couldn't help message, but he stopped replying. We couldn't help but try to see if dads would be

cool doing this. So KHQ's Andrea Olson went out on a walk around with Dane's ad from Craigslist to look for interested dads and they included

a photo. This is the picture that they included. It's kind of perfect. I know for a fact there's more important shit going on in Spokane.

There's a ton of madness. For this reporter to be taking out uh craigslist ad saying uh care to respond these are the hard-hitting stories can you meet these i'm gonna show you guys the picture that they included of what they're in their mind they wanted for barbecue dad and you're gonna see it and be like i want that bar i can't let's see it look at this uh i want that barbecue dad. I want that barbecue dad.

That guy's perfect. He's wearing, I want to say, Columbia shorts. Yep. Yep. A long sleeve Ron John t-shirt. A Patagonia flip flop. Yeah, for sure. It could be a Mr. Zog sex wax t-shirt.

I want that shirt he's wearing to be one of those shirts that dads wear and say, good Oh, for sure. It could be a Mr. Zog sex wax t-shirt. I want that shirt he's wearing to be one of those shirts that dads wear and say, like, good life. And it's just like those stick figures with smiling faces. I mean, he's got the thinnest- Like a hypercolor shirt. Hypercolor. The thinnest shoulders I've ever seen in my entire life. He kind of looks like if John Densmore from The Doors wasn't like a hippie musician.

Yeah, exactly. It was just a guy who lived in the suburbs. Or if Dennis Farina was still alive but squished in between two really fat people. That works. That's right. He really kind of looks more like, I think maybe the requirements really push this more into a barbecue granddad era. I know, but he kind of skirts the line.

Yeah, yeah. He's like 58 for sure. They want somebody in that. I don't know what this site is, but they told them that the photo they included, they found in a Google search from a site called thelittlehoneybee.com. What? Does anyone know what that is? I think this dad is looking.

I think he signed up to find a bunch of little honeybees to look at while he grills up some stranger's meat. Yep. Yeah, I don't know. That's the thing. You've got to be careful. Oh, I looked it up. Honeybee is like a health and nutritional thing that for some reason has dad's grill and food.

I trust him. Fine. This is what we're looking at. This is the general atmosphere. This is the area we'd like to operate. We want to be in this area here. With 40 people coming to his backyard party, Dane Anderson says he might step his game up and try to get three dads.

There's no way in hell Dan has got 40 people coming to his party. Everybody knows Dan's an asshole. The first untruth in this article, yeah. Dan doesn't have the social graces to have 40 people. 40 friends? And where? They can't find a grill? They can't find a guy to do the grill?

They're doing a barbecue at a parking lot? My two dads. My three dads. He wants three. He wants my three dads. Here's the most Craigslist thing about this whole story. But for now, Dane's just looking for a good time. Yep, that's where you go to Craigslist.

We're looking for a dad to come and crack a cold one with the boys, he said. He said they won't be able to pay their barbecue dad in cash, but they'll be providing him with all the food and cold beer that his heart desires. A drifter. A drifter. These guys went for a theme party and they got... If you're on Craigslist... Oh, go ahead. Sorry. They went for a theme party and they got someone who lives under an overpass.

But this... You get what you pay for. And if you're on Craigslist offering free food and alcohol, look who shows up. Look who's gonna come. I like this. Do you think they had to come up with a rider for the dad? Like, here's the thing. You will have one freshly cracked cold brew right there ready for you. We will provide all of the 12 pieces of corn.

Tongues galore. Tongues galore that will be freshly cleaned. And then he'll say, ah, ah, ah, you forgot something. They'll be like What did we forget What did we forget You say Fresh lettuce Ah

Fresh lettuce Very important Deal breaker Threaded not leaf Yes Read the writer Read the writer Read the writer

I'm walking away I'm walking away He's ready to walk guys If we can't have And he's just walking away Going review the tapes Part of me hopes that Somehow this finds its way to Bill Murray. Bill Murray would show up.

Bill Murray would show up. If someone had brought this to his attention, maybe that's why Spokane journalists are doing this. They're like secretly hoping. Bill Murray shows up. Because if you ask him directly, he'll never do it. Chars the shit out of every burger. No one can complain

because they got bill murray there to a burnt crisp and you're like well you got bill murray everyone goes to tell him and he just goes listen i love that you bring up bill murray because he is a huge movie star and we are smack dab in the middle of the summer right now enjoying the summer block but by the way everything's a blockbuster there is no summer there's no small movie that ever comes out ever again everything is a blockbuster remember that small studio movie they made about relationships nope no

no that doesn't exist oh sorry I thought it was the 70s my bad that doesn't exist remember that the one just

the romantic comedy that wasn't necessarily about relationships but was speaking to greater things and greater issues that people have nope

no sorry that was the 80s 80s yep remember that just really quiet movie that didn't have a lot going on that just sort of uh meandered a little bit terrence malick no transformers uh i bring up transformers yeah because there is a new transformers i don't even know which one in the quadrilogy this is this the fourth the fifth one who knows well we'll find out uh because we were gonna have a voicemail but this guy just stopped by thank you noah for letting us know in the back uh his name is mark walberg and sometimes he drops in on the show he's one

of the greatest uh actors of our time absolutely one of the best actors to ever be in a direct tv commercial uh let's see if we can get him in our at&t i'm not sure uh there he is uh mark uh welcome to have a seat right over there, buddy. What's up, guys? How are you guys doing? You doing good? We're good. How are you?

Fucking great. What are you doing? Are you running up the five freeway? I think I should let my hair grow longer. No, it's good. I can do a little ponytail, but I can't do a full one yet. You're going to be going back to the mullet at some point. I'm going to go back to those rock star looks.

Remember that one? I let that girl from Friends be in the show? Yeah, I do remember that. I do remember that. I do remember that. Yeah. Monica or whatever her name was. Yeah, okay. Dude, Transformers.

Yeah, it came out June 21st. Are you excited? How many times have you guys seen that show? I have yet to see it. Oh, fuck. You fucking liar, Todd. I got babysittership sick. Oh, cool.

That's cool. You guys must not be American then. No, no. We are American. Okay, then I don't know why you wouldn't have seen it by this point. All right, fine. Listen, it's a huge movie and you fighting a ton of robots. How do you act with robots?

How do you act with like... Dude, I'm going to be honest with you right now. They don't say shit. Yeah, the robots don't say anything. Yeah, I had the same problem. I've talked about it before. The bear in that movie I was in didn't say shit. And then after post, they put all that stuff in.

I know. But I got to keep the gun. What? You kept the gun from Transformers 4? Yeah, dude. What do you do with it weighs 79 pounds no way yeah but with your muscles that's a fork that's easy yeah that's nothing that's not even for curls not even for one arm curls and then in november uh we got uh

daddy's home too uh-huh so you're excited daddy's back home yeah he is me and uh uh william far whatever will Ferrell is his name never met the guy never met the dude you've never met him you were in a whole movie what are you talking about you were in other guys

you were in everything you've made two movies with that man I've never like directly talked to him wait why not I've never been like hey

you have scenes together on set where you're not talking to did you see the other guys yes hilarious yes seems like it's working

doesn't it it does alright then we're not going to tell you who am I to question you shouldn't be colin who are we think you're donnie never question the you don't question a master and i look donnie does like to question you and that's the reason why he's in the dog house is he still living in your back guest house uh he's got upgraded he's mike seavering it now he's in the garage in or above with mccarthy yeah they're both in there

too when mccarthy calls you out for not getting her the food that she wants or for vaccinating your kids, do you consider that to be McCarthyism? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Running rampant in your house. Are you kidding me right now? I'm like, seriously? I'm going to go do my ninth workout of the day, and I need you to not talk to me.

Okay, I won't. And don't smoke an e-cigarette around me either. Oh, my God. JM doesn't give a shit. She doesn't give a shit. She doesn't give a shit. She doesn't care. But yeah, dude, Transformers is crushing it. All right,, JM doesn't give a shit. She doesn't give a shit. She doesn't give a shit. She doesn't care. But yeah,

Transformers is crushing it. All right, you're going to mess with him. Hey, you guys told me we have a mutual friend. Yeah, who's that?

He's friends with Will. He makes all his movies with him. Adam McKay? He said you guys had a great time in Vegas. Yeah, we did. Oh my God.

Okay, but now you need to go back. Okay. Wahlbarger's opened up right next to Flamingo. Oh shit. Whoa. If we go there,

can I get a discount okay thanks mark no dude of course you can get a fucking discount are you kidding me he's fucking with you you can get a discount quick question wall burgers what's the lettuce like fresh oh dude we go holy fresh but it's leafed but if you want to specifically why are you a shred dude well no i just know somebody or I know of somebody that's very particular about- Who has to have it fresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leaves are fresh.

Everything's got to be fresh. Everything. The freshest ingredients. Oh, my God. At my house up in the hills? Yeah. We kill all our own meat. Really?

Yeah. So coyote, you'll have coyote and deer? Yep. I have six cows just running around waiting to be killed. No, you don't. Yeah, dude. Up by your house up in the Hollywood Hills? Yes.

And sometimes if we get bored enough, we do like a throwback to surviving the game and I chase Donnie around. With a knife. That's fun. Yeah, I mean, I'm never going to eat him or anything.

No, but he's scared enough. It's good cardio. Yeah, it's great cardio. You got to get your cardio in. And if you make it real for him, he gets good cardio. Don't you have to run a 17K? Dude, I've been trying

to get 17Ks going for a while. Right? That's your thing? Yeah, I do them personally, but so many other people are pussies. I know. I'd like to see you

get it going, man. Thanks for joining the show. It was great to have you. Todd, I was happy personally, but so many other people are pussies. I know. I'd like to see you get it going, man. Thanks for joining the show. It was great to have you. Todd, I was happy to stop by here and let you guys look at me. Yep. Colin, good to see you again. Good to see you, too. Hold the town, brother.

Sklars? Yes. Whenever you want to work out and change your lives, you let me know. I'm ready to do it, man. I need it. I need it. I know. Hey, there's two people saying that.

You and the mirror. Go get Dan. Thank you, buddy. Go get Dan. Let Dan back in here. Wow. Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, dude. Off to do a 17K. Always a, buddy. Go get Daniel. Let Dan back in here. Wow. Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, dude.

Off to do a 17K. Always a nice guy. Always super sweet. He's like a shark. He just keeps moving, or if he doesn't, he's going to die. Don't sweat the technique. I got to check out Transformers, I guess. And our people have to check out All Things Must Pass.

Yeah. Which is a fantastic documentary that you did about the Tower Records. Really about the record industry on the whole, but using that as Must Pass. Yeah. Which is a fantastic documentary that you did about the Tower Records. Really about the record industry on the whole, but using that as an example. Yeah. And Colin and I have an annual festival where we sit with Nick Thune and watch the Burbs. We did it one year, three years ago,

but it's annual and it's definitely coming back. It's like tri-annual, right? Tri-annual. We'll do it for another one, right? Tri-annual. Every year before a leap year, you do it again. It's a tri-annual thing, yeah. Yeah, we gotta get that going again. That was one of the most fun things. I know I've told you that before, but... I enjoyed that. Yeah. one right every year before leap year you do it it's a tri-annual thing yeah yeah we got it we

got to get that that was one of the most fun things i know i've told you that before but it was i i enjoyed that yeah i enjoyed his whole summer as a kid just running around the houses they weren't shooting in on the set of the first i got all sorts of stories that is phenomenal one of these days what we what we really should do is i'll give you like the straight dope yeah like not like with microphones in a room full of people like i'll give you like the straight dope yeah like not like with microphones in a room full of people like I'll give you like the straight dope all the shit

Corey Feldman showed you yeah all the times he exposed himself to you alright there is that no no no he never did that no you never did that

okay fine just checking just checking for the record that did not happen that did not that didn't happen okay

I threw it out there to make sure it didn't happen it didn't it didn't it. It didn't. It in no way happened. I don't know who told you that. We believe you. The first time you said no, we got you.

The more you say no, the less we believe you. No, no, no. We definitely believe that. I just want you to know. Yeah, right. The more you're saying it. That's not a no. That was a different no.

That's a different. We got it. Okay. The more you're saying it, the less I believe it. Same place, Kyle. But Bruce Dern, huge cock. Oh, right. That's a different. We got it. Okay. Or you're saying it the less I believe it. Same place, Kyle. But Bruce Dern, huge cock. Wow. Boom.

Let's end on that. End on that. All right, guys. Got to get back to work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.