Dumb People Town - Corey Forrester - Joy Rides and Joyless Walks

Episode Date: January 19, 2021

This week Corey Forrester comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a returned engagement ring. The second story is about a man who gets an epic family road trip. The final story is about a walk to remember.

Star Beans Avenue Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Man, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Tunker Down is Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town Population you Population Forrester. Corey, the buttercream dream Forrester. Our buddy. Welcome to the show. What's going on, guys? How are you?

Oh, my God. This has been a big week for you, and we're going to get into it more in depth for the Patreon fans as we're going to really talk about what going on this very heartfelt very truthful and fucking hilarious rant uh but do a truthful like you managed to make the most anger funny i i don't know how you did it in in a rant that we posted on our twitter is one of the highest you know the most the most liked thing we've ever done so we we're going to talk about it, but how are you feeling after it all? I mean, good. You asked, like, you know, how did you do that?

I really don't. I wish that I knew the secret to what I did because it was just, it was the only video that I've ever posted online where I wasn't trying to do anything. Right. Except for I was so mad and I just started screaming and I actually went downstairs and my wife was like, what, what's a, hey babe, like what's going on?

I love a good hey babe check-in. I love a good hey babe. She could like, because I, you know, I do the buttercream dream and he screams, but she could tell the difference between that and what I was doing. She goes, you okay? And I said, I i just i'm real upset i got on the internet and i screamed and she's like oh okay and i said and honestly it'll probably do pretty good because it's not really that funny and that seems to be how it goes for me i disagree

i think it was actually really insightful and really cool and like i said for our patreon fans we're going to get into the kind of the play-by-play of when you realize no oh shit this is going viral we'll talk about that later. It's super relevant though for this show. Yeah, if you haven't seen the clip or the rant, you can go to our Twitter and find it. You can go to Corey's thing and find it. It's just amazing.

But it is relevant, as Jay said, to the show because it deals with stupidity and people not confronting their own stupidity. And as we stand on this crazy moment in our country's history, this precipice that we staring off into the abyss. I ask you, do you feel like the world is now at its dumbest point that we've ever been at? I think I'm going to have to go with something. Trey Crowder, who you've had on this show before, I think multiple times. I used to think that.

And then he used to have this bit, which was basically, I don't think that people are getting dumber. I think it's just that dumb people have more of a voice now. Yeah. You know, where he's like, you know, the used to people, the dumb people couldn't even read, and now they can tweet, which is so true. It's true.

Which is like, we are, the smartest people on earth are smarter than they've ever been without a doubt. Yep. But my dipshit cousin is allowed, like he has the same kind of smartphone I do that has the same apps on it to where he can say a bunch of stuff. So like, I don't know, man. I really believed in Trey's joke that like, nah, it's just that the dumb people are loud. But those dumb people got so loud that they, look what happened. And look what we've had to deal with for four years.

So like, they're definitely more mobilized. I'll tell you that much. They're more organized. And they're prouder. And they're prouder, aka the Proud Boys. But the truth is that like, they're more mobilized. We haven't really discussed this much, how dumb has gotten organized and mobilized in a way that we've never seen it.

And that's what we do on the shows. We try and depict dumb behavior and try and understand why we pointed out is this is dumb. And then we asked the question, why did this happen? What was the fight that happened two days before that led to two people fighting with machetes in a driveway or at a Burlington code factory parking lot. And so we have stories Corey sent to us by our awesome

fans. And then, uh, the way to do it is you, uh, hashtag dumb people town and just tweet at Daniel van Kirk with a link to the story. You guys are fans. You are our outsourcing right now. That's right. We outsource it all. And then you guys bring it on into us. So, uh, let's jump into story. Corey, you want to jump into one? Yeah, yeah i do and can i ask you a question before we do this may be a question that you constantly get asked but i feel like i need to ask how many percentage wise how many of these are from florida many i would say if you're gonna really let's put a percentage on it dan for real because we've never done that well it's kind of like when like in the early 2000s when you could bet like Tiger or the field.

Yeah. So like only a third, right? But two thirds is every other state. Right. So it feels like a lot. And also, you know, no other state is even close. So because of that, it feels like even more. If we were to put it, it like, if you were to look at it as like the Raphael Warnock runoff,

there were like eight candidates in there or 15 or 17 or whatever. But in the runoff of the actual election, he still had 33% of the votes and the next closest one was like 8%. So that's kind of where we're at with Florida. Florida has a large piece of the pie. Yeah, it's them and then the field. Florida is the big swinging dick of the United States. You're damn right it is. I read a comment that said America is the Florida of the world. Well, now it is. And I was like, yeah.

Yeah. Kind of. That's why I'm so loud about my beliefs. Because I'm the guy who looks like I'm from Georgia, so I'm so loud about my beliefs because it's like, I, you know, I'm the guy who looks like, you know, I'm from Georgia, so I'm the South and all these proud boy dudes, they look like me. And so I feel like every time they go do something dumb, I have to go, Hey, you're the counterbalance. Yeah. I try. I've said it. I S I said, it's so important. And it's never been more important to have people like you speak up against it because I think that it's got to come from you it can come from us but we and we say it all the

time but it's got to come from somebody who's there being like hey we're all not like this it actually gives people who are who don't look like that and don't sound like that hope yes gives sure from other places who are like oh that whole part of the country i't. Let's get into a dumb story right now with you, Corey. Just for the record, I also am exactly what I look and sound like. Yeah, Dan. So I am all of those things. Dan, you are, but then you're also incredibly thoughtful

and incredibly calm. Well, I feel like I sound like that. Yeah, you do, but like you also are. I don't know, Dan. I'm really good at yelling, get over here. Yeah, I'm like the scorpion of Midwestern dudes. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Yeah. Sent in by Jeffrey Alberghini, a bagina. I

know at J J Alberghini find your find your G and your H in there. Woman returns engagement ring because it's too cheap. It's got a great. This is what I love doesn't. It doesn't say called off the wedding that call off. Wouldn't you feel like if someone gave you a good she returned it to the guy or the store? What were you going to say? Corey? Sorry, because I mean, I don't I don't know how much self-respect this individual has, but like I'm walking that second. Yeah, that's my point. That's a red a red flag my friend like the headline should be groom calls off wedding after bride returns ring because a woman reveals herself to be awful

there you go that could be a better headline for that story you wedding off after woman calls ring too cheap you aren't returning a shrimp scampi dish at red lobster that wasn't cooked i just wrote a tweet that is in my drafts where i used shrimp scampi like you're not you're not woman after months of dating man reveals herself to be who she is that's right that's another one of those things too about like in that that would have never been in a story in the past like that's that that's the fact the reason that we even know about that is because of the 24-hour news cycle like in 1800 do you know what important person you would have to tell that you sent your engagement back for for that to actually get in print right it'd have to be like mary todd lincoln yeah in order for us to know about it

like it had to have been that person but no it's just some lady who is the worst yep why like how do you think this woman feels right now do you think she's reading this in print just being like uh-huh and now he'll know sadly yes i do i do think she's that way she's like okay now where's every where are my people at right because it is one of those things of like what about the gesture so you think the gesture... Even Beyonce didn't have stipulations as to what type of ring you should put on it. Of course.

If you like it. If you like it, you should have put a ring on it. Not you should have put a ring that is satisfying my needs. Right. Now, I assume that Jay-Z got her a proper rock. He did. Again, this fella here, there's no avenue of his life

is he ever going to satisfy this gal. Nope. It's never going to get better. It's never going to get better. Okay, so what happens? It seems the rules for how much to spend on an engagement ring aren't dead yet, at least to some.

A woman reportedly returned her engagement ring to her partner because it didn't cost 10% of his salary. I like that she knows what 10% of his salary. Also, what? I mean, I know we've already hit the sword in the head. Well, I had a friend, right? And she got engaged and she she's like, oh, we got engaged and we were like in our mid twenties and I go oh that's awesome. You didn't do an engagement ring. She's like no, I'd rather we bought a house and I'm like yeah. I mean we're in a pandemic for crass sake yeah and we were in one then just in Rochelle to

but like that's just life in Rochelle ninety eight till two thousand and nine spring like got real weird. But I was like, yeah, what a great... Now, also, if she was with a person who wanted to give her a ring and she wanted to have one, I'm not going to get into the argument of what that ring should look like. Also good for them. But I was like, yeah, it doesn't...

Well, but Corey pointed it out. Measure the love part. And you notice we're like three sentences into the story. No love at all. No. No commitment, love love part. And you notice we're like three sentences into the story. No love at all. None. No commitment, love, trust. Thank you. Partnership, being into the same type of sex.

None of all that good stuff has even come up. It's just. Yeah, everybody always says the first year of marriage is hard. I think it would be a lot easier if you didn't just spend $45,000 on a wedding and a ring and stuff like that. It doesn't really have to be that difficult. It's just that, hey, let's go have this, let's get this expensive ring that I have to be so protective of and have this party for all these people that, frankly,

we're not going to talk to anymore, and that's fine. I've been to more than one great wedding where it was on somebody's farm. They did a pig roast and a beer truck and it was a great time and they told people you don't want beer. Bring whatever you do want. We're going to have all the food, but we're

going to have the music. Let's break down what this woman is saying. She's like someone told me it has to be 10%. Well, who who direct ring ring, you know, companies will get into it ring companies tell you it should be 10%. So, who? Ring companies. We'll get into it. Ring companies tell you it should be 10%. So you're basically saying I'm

a person who only listens to what other people say. To a corporation that is trying to make up my own goddamn mind about what is important to me. Enough to the point where I'm going to risk losing this relationship. No. We haven't said anything about calling this goddamn wedding off. How are you going, Jacob? Sorry. Okay. Let's do it. No, we haven't said anything about calling this goddamn wedding off. No. Okay. Yeah. How are you going

Jacob? Sorry. Okay, let's do it. Jacob, get back here. Put the leash on him for God's sakes. Okay, the ring, which is made of white gold with diamonds and sapphire costs the man about how much money. Okay, Corey, now here's

how we're getting down. What is the level to where she went i still want you but fuck this ring white gold diamonds and sapphires how much was this 10 percent of your salary here's all right we have to think about it like this right this is clearly a woman who is very materialistic yes this is clearly a woman who money means a lot to her therefore the fact that she's even dating this guy, he's got to have a good job. I'm thinking that he makes at least $100,000 a year.

Okay. And so she's broken it down to that means that he should spend $10,000 on the ring or whatever. At least. I'm saying he spent $6,000 on it. That's a very good – I like this thinking. I think he – Jay, go ahead. You go.

I was going to say $3,000. Okay. grand okay three grand is what he spent on the ring i think he makes yeah i think he makes 80 000 a year and he and i think this is this is how much of a loser i think she is i think he makes 80 000 a year and i think this ring costs 7 five hundred dollars to her for five hundred bucks she's like if i don't stand up for it now i'll never win any argument for the rest of our marriage two things first off i want to remind everyone as four straight white males this is not a commentary on any women just this dumb person right and when we did the story about the boyfriend who threw a funeral we made fun of that dude up and down the line. What about the story that we just did about the boyfriend who proposed to

his girlfriend while she was asleep? I just want to, I just want to clear our bases. Guys are dumb. Women are dumb. We're just talking about this dumb person who happens to be a woman as far as we know how she gender identifies. Again,

we are valuing the gesture of love. Okay, sure. One of you is of love. Okay, sure one of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game. All right, Corey, who you think is right? Do you are you going to stick to your guns? Corey, you think it's yeah, okay, so you said six. I'm good at. I'm good at carnival games and stuff. I can just

always hear things. I've been to a lot of weddings in Rochelle that were also a carnival ring toss still rigged. All right, Jay, go ahead. I'm going to stick with mine, and I'm going to stick with my what I say. Thirty five hundred three thousand and you didn't say how much you said. Seventy five. I said thirty. You said six and three thousand. Okay, okay, the ring, which is made of white, golden diamonds and sapphire cost the man where we're not even halfway through this yet cost the man you're going to

hate her so much more before this done cost the man about three thousand dollars. Now, Jay, because you won that you get to have a small prize or you could play for a medium or large, two mediums get you an extra large, a large and a small and get you one extra large, as these two smalls a medium or large two mediums get you an extra large large and a small and you want extra large medium get you two largest. I'll just take the frosted ZZ top mirror and the sleeveless

shirt. Yeah, God, I love those things. We talked about that, right? Yeah, we used to have when I realized that they were all coke mirrors. Yeah, and I didn't know this who needs a mirror that is like three inches by three guns and roses, the Bon Jovi slippery, what they were all just coke mirrors,

the ZZ top eliminator car. Yeah, we got a roach clips. However, he allegedly makes enough that if he followed the ten percent rule, he would have spent one tenth of his salary on the game ring and he should have spent how much money do you think at the top end of what he makes

what he should have spent had he gone with 10%? Well, because if we go too far, then maybe this woman is not as big of a jerk as I thought. That's right. Maybe it's like,

because I mean, if this dude makes $500,000 a year, it's like, okay, look, money isn't everything. Diamonds aren't everything, but like, hey, come on. You could have spent a little bit more.

I'm not some street trollop here, fellas. I'm going to say he makes $200,000 a year and she truly expected $20,000. Jay, what do you think? $75,000 a year and she expected $70,000. I'm going to stay with $80,000.

Okay. At the top end, if he spent one tenth of his salary, it would be around fifteen thousand dollars. Oh, if we go across his right rules, I went over now. No, we just go closest to it, man. This is hard. The man posted about his

dilemma on reddit. Am I the asshole forum asking if he had done the wrong thing by spending only three thousand dollars on the engagement ring for his fiancee in the post he explained that while he does make a sizable salary sure this year has been somewhat challenging because he's been financially supporting his parents his sister and his nephew oh my god this woman all who had covet 19 oh my god he is also still supporting his sister who lost her job to make matters worse. He said his job announced that 150 people will be laid off next year.

So he wanted to be smart about his spending, though. He doesn't think he'll be getting laid off, but wanted to play it safe. Doesn't think he'll be getting laid either. And I'm back to she's the worst. That's right. We come around the cul-de-sac and we're back to where we're at. How alone is he that all this happened to him and he was just like, I guess I better post it on Reddit.

Well, he's like, am I crazy? I'm sure he's like, am I? Or he's like, I don't know if I can bring my problems to anyone else in my family that's currently battling COVID. Because they're battling COVID. Like I need to bring this to the public who I don't know. Only the neckbeards will truly know what I'm going through. I need people typing with their mouth open to tell me what to do.

Dan, this is a moment where he's like, babe, babe, come here. I want to show you something on Reddit. I want to show you something on Reddit. Yo, you leave it open. Babe, have you seen this? Hey, babe, have you seen this yet? Have you seen this yet have you seen this yet yeah like i spent more on my wife's engagement ring but only because me and my wife's engagement coincided with the first time i was ever financially successful

in my life so you know when you first yeah you're celebrating when you first get it you're just i paid in cash i brought it in a duffel bag to the guy. But if we had gotten engaged during all of this, then it would have been the exact same situation where I'd be like, look, I know normally, but come on, lady, we got this pandemic on here. No, we can't do that. I mean, it is really funny. You are like, when you first are financially,

and this for anybody, no matter what money you're making, I remember when we first were living in New York and I had the best job. I think I was making $35,000 a year, okay? That's huge. 22-year-old and we were in it. That's enough to buy her a ring. I felt like I had, yeah,

it's enough to buy her a $3,200 ring and I would have beat this guy. But the idea is that I felt like I had all the money in the world. I was constantly paying for drinks. I was constantly, I was like, oh, you feel like a crab fisherman after the season. You come and you're like okay here we want some yeah yeah you're on the time band you need to take when we signed our book deal it would make my my friends eventually

would get like i didn't realize that what i was doing was insulting because like i would just everybody's tab like no no it's hey i wrote a book which one of you motherfuckers wrote a book anybody no i'm about it's like i finally had book which one of you motherfuckers wrote a book anybody no i'm about like i finally had people like hey you need to just keep some of that okay and i didn't i'll never forget usher which one of you motherfuckers wrote a book i'll never forget usher was on oprah i don't know why i remember this diane diane in the afternoon watching daniel your mom watching oprah and usher was on oprah and he had like on a twenty thousand dollar watch right yeah and so she goes you spent twenty thousand dollars on that on that watch she goes yeah she's like what is wrong with you and he goes

well it's worse than that and then they cut to his entourage and they all have the same watch right and then she's like you bought all of them a watch and he goes look it it there's something he camera how he said it, but he said it really well. He's like there's something horrible. If I we go everywhere together, if I go in to get a watch and then they're just all watching me get a watch, that's true like I can't be the only guy like getting nice things. Otherwise, over time, that's just like the worst experience for

having wand it back. Yeah, so Jesus come on. That is at Sklar brothers all caps. Thank you, but I'll never feel. I was like, I guess that kind of makes sense. I mean, otherwise you just always feel like shit or take that money and give it to charity.

Yeah. I mean, it's Usher. He probably does. Or get everyone really good Apple watches. It was just pre that. Now, if you only take one guy with you to the watch store. Right. There you know, you don't have to take all 20.

How soon? How close are we? It's like The Bachelor. You're like, who's up for a one on one with Usher? All right, Corey's. How close are we to getting Apple engagement rings? Like, we've now gone from the phone to the watch. I feel like the ring is the next thing.

And it'll automatically show you where your partner is at all times. There's been a meeting about it, like, at Apple. Like, I don't know how close they are to doing it. But they've definitely discussed it. The eye ring. Yeah, it changes colors. It spies on you. Like, it's got. It spies on you like it's got everything. Tell me it tells you how many steps you've taken.

They have like towards getting a divorce. There you go. They have like Fitbit rings. I'm pretty sure. Oh my God. This is how many steps away from your wife. You are. Yeah.

How many steps away from your wife? You are at all times, even though the ring he bought was only three thousand dollars. It was designed in a way that his partner wanted. The man says he even had the sapphire custom cut into a pear shape as she preferred. He tried guys. I mean, and she

probably was like, is this the way you think I look? Oh, this is the shape of my body. I look like a really since he since she returned the ring. The man's partner is reportedly refusing to talk to him. It's over. It's over, buddy. Corey said run.

I don't have faith. I think to me, that's the greatest $3,000 investment this guy has ever made. He paid $3,000 to figure out that he didn't need to waste any more time on this lady and it saved him money in the future. So business goes money. Remember in a Bronx tale where he goes, how much that him money in the future. So business goes, money.

Corey, remember in a Bronx tale where he goes, how much did that guy owe you? And he was like, $200. And he goes, $200? You never have to talk to that guy. You have to see him again. Best advice I ever got. You spent $200 to get this guy out of your life forever.

Forever. It makes sense because the bartender that told me this was originally from the Bronx. But he told me one day, I was at the at the comedy catch in chattanooga tennessee and i'm sitting there i was like one of my buddies asked me for money and he goes do you like the guy and i was like i mean he's all right he goes give him the fucking money you'll never see him again and i was like oh that's true and it's true never seen him

again in my life so good so true it's worth it that's you paid to get him out of there you paying for distance her parents this is a quote from him, her parents are accusing me of using her and treating her like cheap trash, he wrote. So basically now we know that she can get her parents to fight for her too. Right, right. I've tried to explain my point of view, but they won't listen and are demanding at least a 10% ring. They're demanding.

The parents are demanding a ring that they'll never wear. By the way, this is not like a football-like contract negotiation. Right. The team doesn't need you. Although you should have to take a Wonderlic test before you get married. Yes. This is what Greg Fitzsimmons, great comedian, said that every marriage should be a 10-year contract.

Should be a 10-year contract. Should be a 10-year contract. And you re-up? At the end of 10 years, you guys decide if you want to re-up. You want to re-up? Are we doing this another 10 years? Let's renegotiate. Look, we had a great run. 10 years is fantastic.

I mean, I love my wife, but she'll never listen to this podcast, so I agree. Like, that should be the deal. It doesn't make sense. Like, you were talking about making, there's a lot of things that don't make sense that we just do. Like, you were talking about making $35,000 a year, which like in my twenties, that was like, whatever. That's why it's insane that, that when you're 18 years old, they ask you to pick out the thing you're going to do for the rest of your life. Cause the 18, like again, the, the, you, oh yeah, you get paid $25,000. What? You know how much cocaine I can

buy with $25,000? You don't think. You can buy at least one ounce of cocaine with that, right? Yeah, exactly. So I agree with you. Ten-year contract, I feel like I would re-up, but I think that both parties should be able to go, you know what?

I think I'm going to just go to a different city. I think it would suit me better. I'm going to take my talents to South Beach. I'm going to trade you in for two first-round draft picks and a player to be named later. I wonder how many people would amicably split. I think a lot. Very amicably. I think a lot would.

In that eight and a half, ninth year, maybe even the seventh, they start saying, if you want an early release from this contract, I agree. And all of a sudden, she's so nice. You're like, why are you being so nice? She's in a contract here, man. She's trying to do everything. He's in a contract here. He's in a contract here.

He's in a contract here. Are you? Why? Do you want out for somebody else? I want out for a player to be named later. That's right. We don't know right now. There's some potential people.

Right. So, I mean, and you know that there would start to be. I've been recruiting at a lot of colleges lately. I just want to see. That's terrible. No, but the idea is that there's brokers who come like i can get you into i can get you into a newer model what if you did meet with a mediator say like what do you want out of the next 10 years i want more vacations i want a new house so what if so what is communication with each other like

yeah so what what if he went what if this guy went to a fortune teller and was going to a fortune teller the fortune that for three thousand dollars the fortune teller said, your marriage is going to end. Right. This person is not the right person for you. No. And that's it. And he believed the fortune teller. That's essentially what he just did.

Yeah. Pretty much. Guys, I can tell you so many times- They're not married. Before they even get to the first house in an episode of House Hunters, whether or not these people are getting divorced. It's i can tell in the like well that's he never listens to me and this is why i don't like the houses he likes you're like you're why are you even on this show right well she doesn't cook well who cares you cook right well this is where

all this is where i'll send him when i don't want to look at his face anymore i'm like why are you guys wow a lot of information house hunters tells you a lot about people. It does. So the most commenter. Yeah, they said you're bad too. Most commenters on Reddit sided with the man. Of course. Yeah. With the top commenter asking how $3,000 is considered cheap.

I agree. It's still not cheap. It's not cheap. It's a lot of money. Other people agree it's still it's not cheap it's not cheap it's a lot of money other people say it's a lot of money that this like de beers has just decided hey we have all these things and you're going to spend this much money on i'm like it's it's a lot of money for a thing that you can barely see it's just a it's just a token of your love and i think three thousand dollars is pretty good no matter what amount of no matter what amount of money you make who cares he went to jared just not the jewelry went to the guy from subway which was the wrong call that guy for anything no don't let him come to you for anything either but like um see something i love my uncle mike and my aunt mary

lou aunt mary lou has a wedding ring that is like a speck a diamond, right? That's the wedding that they got. They got married. Their reception was at a VFW. They had ham sandwiches and two kegs of beer. Sounds so good. Been there twenty five years later on the street. No, he got her another ring for her other hand. Beautiful.

I'm going to just tell you enough to say it is a sizable difference. Okay, and it to me is beautiful, which is see both of her hands and the journey of this is where they were this is where they are and they still have so much more to go look at where i made it yeah don't start out you're not there yet like yeah nor will they ever be there no never don't ever be there cory's right as a proud this is a person wrote on the reddit thread as a proud wearer of a four hundred dollar engagement ring i cannot fathom wasting thousands on a piece of jewelry. Men's men's wedding rings traditionally are like like I have friends who spent seventy dollars. I have friends who have like the little

rubber one. I have friends like literally see yeah and I have friends to them. Oh, whenever they lose it, they just order another one. My finger bro. I should have got a rubber one because my finger broke playing back better and then I luckily quickly took it off before the swelling came. And I can't get it back on again. So I have to get it resized. But mine was about $700. But I've had it for 16 years. And I love it.

So I lost mine. And it was about $500, something like that. But I lost mine and then wound up getting one for $90 that I love. I just love it. Yeah, my original one was $100. On my honeymoon, I got out of the ocean and realized that it wasn't on my hand. And I was like, well, crap. I'm not married anymore.

Hey, I did it. About two hours later, I went back out into the ocean and was in the same place and just reached down and picked up my wedding ring out of the ocean. But then I've since lost it. Of course. Of course. But it was $100. And now, yeah, I keep these rubber ones.

You don't even know they're there. This cost, I don't know, $3. Because it's the symbol. I traded a hobo for some socks. Perfect. I hope you got good socks. What is a rubber ring on your finger just tells other people that want to flirt with you, you're a bad person because you know what's up. You're a home wrecker. Yeah, exactly. Someone else said a ring is a ring. Mine is about five hundred dollars. Another commenter even pointed out that the ten percent rule was a marketing ploy invented by the diamond is she, which is true, according to the not, which I think is also a site that perfect

propagates things. Sure, the wedding website wrote that the diamond cartel de beers. He called it folks right. He called it core, he added a marketing campaign in the nineteen thirties that convinced men that if they really love their significant others, they would spend at least a month of their salary on an engagement ring. By the 1980s, that amount increased to two months salary. And today it is three months salary. Dude, that is the most irresponsible shit I've ever heard. Who in their right mind?

Dude, why? Okay, let's say you got three months. Why wouldn't you want one month salary on the ring? And for two months salary, we can literally go live in Barcelona for a week. We'll just buy Peloton stock. Right. Yeah. Or Tesla stock.

Whatever. We'll invest in Elon Musk and Grimes' goddamn baby. That's the craziest shit I've ever... They were also behind Valentine's Day, by the way. For sure. Same. Duh. Beers. There you go. That's story number by the way. Yeah, for sure. Same. Duh. Beers.

There you go. That's story number one. Wow. That's crazy. It was a ride. Lady, if this guy's out there listening, run. You can find someone who will appreciate it, and you did the right thing,

and way to take care of your family. All right. Corey Forrester is with us. We're going to talk to him a little bit on the other side of this break, and very excited. I want to thank everyone who came to the live Dumb People Town which just happened this past

weekend and we announced to our guests are coming up for next month we'll tell you on the other side of this break if for some reason you weren't there it's Dumb People Town with Corey Forrester we'll be right back stick around make a sound there's more Dumb People Town hey guys welcome back to the show uh it's super exciting

news uh on february 27th uh it's a saturday night nowhere comic club 6 30 west coast time 9 30 eastern jack black jb love jack black he does not do many podcasts at all. We're so excited. He's going to riff with us on Dumb People Town. And our musical guest is Open Mike Eagle, who just released an unbelievable album last year. I'm so excited. I told my friend Eva, who's friend of the show, we got Jack Black at Open Mike Eagle. And she's like, oh my God, how'd you get Open Mike Eagle? I was like, well, also amazing. Incredible. But that's going to be so good. Eventbrite.com, look up Live Dumb People Town. Corey Forster, as he mentioned, he wrote a Incredible. But that's going to be, so go to eventbrite.com, look up Lifetime People Town. Corey Forrester, as he mentioned, he wrote a book.

So tell people the book and how they, you got to, I know you have a new podcast yourself. You're part of the Well Read podcast, which is on the Scalabro Country Network that we love so much. And so just tell people how they can find you and the stuff you got out there. You can find me at CoreyRyanForrester.com. I've got a new podcast

called Through the Screen Door. It's a pop culture podcast with a southern twist sort of like a variety show. And yeah, we got the Well Read podcast. It's on the Scarborough Network, wellreadcomedy.com.

And, you know, or just Google me. You'll see stuff. Oh, you will see stuff. Yeah. You'll see stuff. I wrote a book about four years ago. It was called

The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragging Dixie Out of the Dark. We wrote it right before the presidential election. And in the book, we gave some predictions that I hate to say came true.

So good stuff. I love it because Jay and I, you know, we grew up in St. Louis, Missouri, very much on the board. It's Dred Scott country, which was the court case. That told people that you go back up North and bring your slaves back.

It was a horrible thing to be known for. St. Louis was known for. So I grew up in St. Louis and, and we did a bit in our last stand up special. Yeah. We did a bit in our last stand up special about how I was at a party and I

basically chomped on a, on a date cause I was a dummy and didn't realize that dates have giant pits in them. And I cracked my tooth down to the root and I lost my tooth. And then that same week, my wife was driving our Prius and knocked the window, not the window, the mirror off the right side. And I had to get it fixed. And I went to go rent a car and the only car that they had was a Mustang convertible. So I was driving, yep, I was driving a Mustang convertible. By the way, I saw a fully electric Mustang, an ad for a fully electric Mustang last night. I'm like, God damn, I want that so badly. Mustang convertible, no tooth. I was drinking coffee.

I didn't realize how, you know, I'm driving in a Prius. I didn't realize how powerful this car would be. I lightly stepped on the gas and we just went three blocks forward, coffee all over my shirt. It was hot. It was uncomfortable. I took my shirt off. So now just went three blocks forward, coffee all over my shirt. It was hot. It was uncomfortable. I took my shirt off. So now I'm a shirtless, toothless dude in a Mustang convertible. And I was like, well, I guess just as a comedian, I got to lean into it and just become the most liberal redneck ever. So we did this whole bit about what it would be like a liberal redneck. And it's just, it's so in the like wheelhouse of, I mean, liberal hillbilly, left-wing redneck, left-house of i mean liberal hillbilly left-wing redneck left-wing redneck liberal hillbilly and it just to me it's like we did it if you've ever if you we did the

fox really if you've ever like oh yeah if if you can imagine i got tagged in that a lot on y'all's twitter page people were like dude you gotta check this out i know and it just once we realized that oh my god there are actually real people down there who are doing this you be all of you guys became our favorites just because of that. So I want everyone to check it out. Check out the book. Check out the podcast. The All Red podcast is amazing.

And the New Variety podcast is incredible. From the screen door. That's great. Through the screen door. Through the screen door, which is just such a thing. Everything's through the screen door down south. Yeah, it's a fun podcast. I open up with an opening monologue like Johnny Carson style,

and then we do some desk bits. And basically, during the pandemic, I had five TV shows that I was in some sort of development in, working on, and all of them just got shut down because of COVID. And yeah, for sure. And not that they wouldn't have got shut down anyways. I'm actually kind of fortunate that I'm able to be like, yeah, if it wasn't for COVID. So basically I was sitting there and at one point I was like, well, this pandemic's not getting over. So just do the show that you want to do it and you don't have to have anybody tell you yes or no.

So I got a producer and here we go. We have a show now. I love that so much. I just want to say there was one episode of well read where you guys were discussing how the men control the air conditioning how men control the air conditioning in corporate offices and how it is how it is super oppressive to women and you guys getting into the specifics of that was making me laugh so hard. It was just, it was everything.

It was the side you guys were coming down on. It was the, it were the observations that you guys were making. I just loved it. That was the perfect example of something that sounds like a parody of wokeness. But when you actually start learning about it, you go, oh, never. Because I remember when Trey brought it up, I was just like, dude, get the fuck out of here, man. Okay, listen, I know it's a white man's world, but God damn, really? The air conditioner?

And then you start breaking it down and you're like, huh, well, we did that too, huh? Well, it's just one of those where no matter how ridiculous something sounds, if white men are being accused of doing something, believe it, probably. We probably did that. Where there's smoke, there's white fire. That's a thing. Well, let's jump into another story. Shall we do that?

Let's do it. Okay, here we go. This was sent in by Chris. I'm going to go C-U-C-I-N-O-T-T-A. Cusanada? Cusanada.-T-A Cusanada? Cusanada. At Hoagie Face. The Hoagie Face is way easier. A boy and his younger cousin

returned home safely on Monday after they hopped in his parents' SUV and set off on a road trip that took them from their home all the way to Delaware. Maybe they want to see where I live. This has happened a bunch in the pandemic.

I know. Now, Corey, how old do you have to be? In Georgia, if you're driving a tractor, you can probably get a license when you're 12, right? You can get a hardship license, I think, at 13 or 14. That's what they call it. It might be 14. I remember that uh yeah when we

were kids like there was some people who got theirs at 14 and it was because you know they drove a tractor they drove a truck on the farm and also like i don't know if this was actually oh my god this one i'm saying this out loud now and i just realized that adults had been lying to me my whole life i think there was a special they said there was a special license you could get that if you drove a truck, you didn't have to wear your seatbelt. But now I think this is the first time I've ever said it out loud and that was totally

just Stanley answering me when I said, hey, Mr. Matthews, why aren't you wearing your seatbelt? Oh, you don't have to if you, okay. Never mind. But yeah, there's a lot of different rules where I'm from. Oh my God. It's a truck license.

But everywhere else, you know what's really interesting because I have a daughter who's about to be 16 and she hasn't been like, come on, dad, take me out and show me how to drive. I've taken her out like once or twice, but she hasn't been like, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. When we were 16 16 we were like we may oh we're 15 we're like to our friends who are a little older who had cars let's go to the

bank let's drive let's drive around in the afternoon no one's around let's drive the parking lot and we were ready and we made our parents take us to the dmv before school before school really morning of our birthday just so we could roll up in school in our car and that was like the car the car was a pontiac 6000 le but with an ste dashboard they fucked up and gave us an ste dashboard which is way better and way cooler tape deck all the stuff they had in there and then and then it became a nissan altima a black nissan that's right though the reliable car it worked but what was your first car my first car was a 2002 toyota tacoma black it was beautiful i got a dui in it after two weeks on yeah it was uh i was a bad child i was not i was just. I was very curious.

And so, yeah, two weeks, I rolled it over in a friend's yard. He had this big yard. I did like three and a half donuts. I got out of the DUI because it was on private property, and I lied because they didn't give me the breathalyzer. You were like, I have a special drinking license. Yes. My uncle Stan. That's what I told him.

No, I got the one. It's fine. You can drink. But I ended up telling the judge that they didn't give me the breathalyzer until four hours later. So obviously I told him, I was like, oh, I was sober when I wrecked. I was so distraught that I drank. And then the cops came and they couldn't do anything about it.

So then, of course, I had to just drive my papaw's old 89 GMC Sierra. Okay. That's a great car. It is a great car. And it was automatic, but the power steering leaked. So basically, my first driving experience was like, you know. Moving a cement wheel. You're like steering an old ship.

Yeah. And then that car broke down. And again, because my parents were definitely not going to buy me a vehicle because I just got drunk and wrecked them. You proved why you shouldn't have one. Yeah. I drove my mom's baby blue Volkswagen Beetle. And that was a stud machine.

That is an amazing car. So that's what my 15-year-old wants. She wants an old school Beet beat. I'm like, there's no way we're going to get that, but I love what you're thinking. I love it. Dan, you had the Chevelle? Yeah, I learned to drive on a 96 Ford Explorer that I rolled

and totaled and then I would drive my grandma's like 1991 Buick LeSabre. Oh yeah. But then my first car was a 72 Chevelle. Our dad was like our age, the way we are right now, and here are the cars. He had a Buick century and an Oldsmobile ninety eight a great car. I was like what are you eighty Jesus Christ dad. I mean he was like forty eight. Yeah, that's the same. Rosemary Van Kirk's. The Sabre was like

driving two couches trick. That's what you would you were floating on the road. You didn't even feel the road yeah, but my cheval, which I had to say I didn't get. I didn't get a car till I was eighteen because I bought it myself, but in Appleton, Wisconsin, but my cheval was that was driving. I mean that's the dream. It was a four door three fifty and dan you want to get that car again a hundred percent. So Dan has in his house a pinball machine that he bought when he was a younger adult and then had to sell for money

and stayed in touch with the people. Or you mentioned it or something. They stayed in touch with you. And then when Dan made enough money that he could buy it back, the people were so nice, they sold it to him. So I'm going to say this. I bet out of all the people who

listen to our podcast, somebody somewhere is going to find you that car. You're going to get it. I'll take it. Seventy two. All right. So what are these goddamn kids do? All right. So the boy sat behind the wheel of his family's white Range Rover and drove Range Rover. How many miles do you think this kid drove? With his little brother in the car? Cousin. No, cousin. Do we know how old they are?

Would you like to guess how old? How old do you think? So do I need to guess how old and how many miles? Sure. Do that. Okay. I'm going to say nine years old and 100 miles. And how old was the other cousin?

The little cousin? Oh, and it was his younger cousin, right? Six. Nine, six, 100. Okay. I remember the ages on this story, so I can't tell. Oh, you guys have done this?

Yeah, I've done it. You sons of bitches. I don't remember. Go for it, TJ. I'm going to say 11 and four. Okay. And how far? 200 miles. Okay. And how far? 200 miles.

Okay. One of you got one of the parts right. Exactly right. Okay. The boy, 12 years old. Okay, Jay. There you go. I was 11.

I said 11. The mileage, 100 miles. Oh, Corey. This is insane. The cousin, 7 years old. Okay. I got the cousin right. Nice. All right. 12, 7, 100 miles. Oh, Corey. This is insane. The cousin, seven years old. Okay, I got the cousin right. Nice.

All right. 12, seven, 100 miles. That's pretty nuts. 100 miles is a long way, man. I know. And also a Range Rover, like that's, you know. That's high. Maybe he's a big 12-year-old.

He's a big boy. My son's 12. When you're 12, it's called Husky. Man, my son is 12 and he's as tall as my wife. He could do it. He could drive in a car. A Range Rover. The boy sat behind the wheel of the family's Range Rover

and drove more than five hours from Queens to the border of Delaware and New Jersey with his seven-year-old cousin riding shotgun. From Queens. Have you driven in Queens, Dan? No, I was going to say, that's even more impressive. Scary. How did you get across?

There's no way this is the first time this kid drove. Wait, so this kid had to drive through the city or north of the city to then get to Jersey. Or at least over the Veranzano Bridge or something or the Whitestone Bridge. The children's joyride ended after the boy tried to buy cookies at the Delaware border with his father's credit card. They had a plan. Did he? Jesus. Look, I'm sick of this fucking house.

I'm sick of fucking COVID. What do you want to do today, cousin? I want to go out. I want to drive 100 miles away from this place and I want to get cookies. We don't have any money. We got plastic. This is his Ray Liotta. This is his May 11th, 1986 or whatever it was. He was like,

okay, we're going to get the Range Rover. Then we got to go to Delaware. We got to get the cookies. We got to call our other cousin. Put the fucking hat on when you're traveling. You know what you did, Karen? That is tremendous. They steal a car. They're driving it.

They're such adults. And cookies take them down. For sure. By the way, for a 12-year-old to get a 7-year-old to do anything for more than an hour. My kids, my kids are 12 and seven. Those are the ages of my kids.

So imagine Liev taking Noah and just driving her to Sacramento. So I guarantee you eight minutes in Noah, my daughter would be like, let me drive. No, she would start kicking the seat. She'd be behind him and kicking the seat. And then he'd be like, stop.

You're such an idiot. And she'd be like, you're an idiot. And then he'd be like, he'd make a face at her. And she's like, you're making a face. You're making a face. Then she would kick him in the head super hard from behind. They'd roll the car. So you're saying your biggest takeaway is how well these two get along.

They got along for five hours, five hours and now I know it's his cousin. I know it's not a brother, but still kids kids. Also, they didn't wreck or anything, man. No and they observe traffic. When they tried to buy the cookies that triggered an alert on the father's credit card and allowed police to move

in police in both New York and New Jersey had spent the day trying to track down the errant pair and though cops followed them with sirens, boy sped up and would not pull over i hope he's i hope his arm is out saying go around yeah let's go this is the next that's how you know their kids they don't know to pull over for cops this is they think they're in a parade this is baby driver literally it is at that point officers laid off so to prevent an accident. Authorities were able to track the cousins using the easy pass. I love that officers laid off so that they didn't get in an accident. Meanwhile, you're just going to let this kid run roughshod so that other people get in.

I mean, after a couple hours, you're like, he's doing fine. The only thing we can do is screw this up. Yeah, let's just wait until he stops. This is like the new Smokey and the Bandit. They noted that they left around 9 a.m. and drove from the belt parkway onto the verrazano bridge and into staten island before making it to new jersey according to the daily news this is not an easy drive no i was about to say i i lived in new york for a bit but i'm i'm not even trying to be funny this shit is amazing yes yes i i impressed would have to take extra cbd before i made this drive and i've been driving my whole life bridge is if you remember saturday night fever that's where

spoiler alert if you haven't seen the movie that's where the guy falls off the bridge it is super high up it's narrow it's narrow it's scary that's what i'm saying there it's long there is an uncle or aunt in this family that has this kid drive them around yeah sure that's what i'm saying there it's long there is an uncle or aunt in this family that has this kid drive them around yeah sure that's it dan no when we were kids our grandfather would let us sit on his lap because basically you could just i mean there was like a middle seat but he would let us sit on the lap and work the steering wheel here's also how i know on range rovers i know because i have one they you have to uh push a button and push a key in and have your foot on the brake to even start the car that has to be taught there's no way this 12 year old just learned how to start this vehicle youtube man

youtube i can't remember who it was i think we had on here, but they were talking about how they were teaching their daughter to drive and it was way harder for their daughter. This is what they felt and I it made sense to me. They're like it's way harder for her to learn to drive than it was for me because when I grew up all you had all you could do in the car was sit there and watch your parents drive right now. These kids have spent their whole life looking at a screen. They've never paid any attention to how I'm driving this car. Also, it's like kids don't want to learn how to drive and when Randy and I were kids in St. Louis, not in New York, it's different, but in St. Louis, not one person we knew

ever drove a cap or wrote in a cap. Never. No, not once. Did any time I wrote in a limo. It was a crazy big deal. Limo once, cab never. Only person who ran in a cab were like the guy, the woman who was divorced who lived by the airport. That's it. That's the only person who ever rode in a cab anywhere and she used it to go to the liquor store to get her alcohol and come back. We didn't do anything, Dan.

I promise you, we never did. This is amazing. Now everyone has an Uber. But like your parents, Corey, if you have kids and you're like, where's the Range Rover? Where are our kids? Like how come this didn't like 30 minutes Parents, Corey, if you have kids and you're like, where's the Range Rover? Where are our kids?

How come this didn't like 30 minutes or 15 minutes in? Yeah, we're in a pandemic, man. I know where my kids are at every second. It's a busy city, my friend. I guess so. How about the aunt and uncle that left the cousin with these people? She's going to be fine. Are you guys going to watch them? Yeah.

We'll get them cookies. The children were taken into custody in good condition around 2.15 p.m. Not great. Yeah, I'm fine. Are you guys going to watch him? Yeah, we got him cookies. The children were taken into custody in good condition around two fifteen p.m. Great. How are they doing? They're good. Are they fine? They're good. They're good. Shut up and listen to me.

Are they fine? They're good. No any scratches on them. It's good. They're good. That's good. They reportedly arrived home just after six p.m. Quote. This is from Joe Gangaram, the boy's uncle, according to outlets.

The kids are okay. They're okay. Everybody's fine. That's somebody who does not want to talk about this. That's an uncle in Queens. They're fine. Okay. They're fine.

Everybody's fine. Everybody's fine. You shut your fucking mouth about this. Everything's good. You keep talking about this. Everybody's good. Everybody's good. You keep talking about this. Everybody's good. Everybody's fine. WCBS reported

that the seven-year-old told police that she had, a good time with one caveat. Quote, she said, I wish I was driving. Well, this is what's happened now. They learned from their older cousins. What did I say?

That's my daughter. I wish I was driving. I wish I was driving is not what you want to hear your seven-year-old say after they go 100 miles from home. Right. No, you want them to be terrified so they'll never do it again.

I'll never do it again. Mommy, daddy, I'm never doing this again. We're about to see some repeat offenders. Yes. The outlet reported the children were released to their families and no charges will be filed. When reached by People Magazine, the New Jersey State Police directed questions

to the Delaware Riverport Authority Police, which did not immediately respond. I'm sorry. Can you guys hear that? That's the sound of passing the buck. Yeah. Hey, don't talk to us. Talk to Delaware.

Hey, those kids are fine. They're fine. They had a good time. Maybe he should have let her drive. That's not our problem. Shut up. You shut your stupid investigation. That story too.

Are they trying to tell us that the parents aren't going to press charges against the kid? Was that the point there? Or the uncle presses charges against the parents for negligence. That would be the only thing, but it's like you guys see how to keep it in family. That's crazy.

All right, Dan, give us a tease on story three. A guy has an argument with his wife and goes to extremes about it. All right, we'll do that. And for those of you who follow us on Patreon, we're going to have a deep interview with Corey and hear about what happened with the rant. What was the aftermath where he's at with it? Now I'm telling you guys,

for those who support us on Patreon, we cannot thank you enough for those who want to get in on really cool, extra exclusive stuff. This is a great time to jump in. All right, let's take a break and we'll see you right after this. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, Dan, let's get in some names of some people on the page.

I love when we say hi to people and screw up their name or give them the nickname they didn't know they needed. We got names. Like Michael Perez. You did a great job. I think it's Mik needed. We got names. Like Michael Perez. You did a great job. I think it's Mikael. Is it Mikael? Michael Perez. You know what I was going to say?

Michael Perez. If I could have one candy for the rest of my life? Cherry flavored Perez. No doubt about it. If you have the first name by me, it's supposed to be Perez. I have a Perez dispenser. Yes. He's a townie.

Thanks, Michael. Edward Helmer. Edward Helmer. Edward Helmers. Who's Edward Helmers? Edward Helmer. Edward Helmers. True local, this guy. Edward Helmer, I guarantee, has been to my cabin. Yes.

Now, not when I was there. No, he looked in the windows. He was an assessor. He was checking to see if the hill was the right angle. Molly Bell. Molly Bell, ringing that bell. Doesn't Molly Bell sound like a punk band in New York in 1979? I saw Molly Bell play for seven hours straight, and the sound like a punk band in New York in 1979? I saw Molly Bell play

for seven hours straight and the woman stuck a sword in her throat. Jane Hall Jane Hall sounds like that's the like that's where all the sluts live in college. No, no, yeah, she's over in Jane Hall. Jane easy over there. Yeah, it sounds like two different anchors for Saturday Night Live

News. Jane Curtin and Brad Hall. There you go. Jeremy Sudduth. Do you go Sudduth or Suduth? If it's Suduth. Suduth. Those puzzles are hard to figure out. I'm a Sudduth fan.

Will? This would be a hard one for Harry Carey. Lichty. Lichty. This guy's a pillar of the community. Pillar of the community. So is Jane Hall. Oh, thanks.

Cammy Wheeler. Cammy Wheeler. You want Cammy Wheeler at your party. Or is it Cammy Wheeler or just Cammy? All right, Cammy. If it was just Cam Wheeler, that could be a hockey player for the University of Michigan. Cam Wheeler is, yeah, two totally different people, both a good time. Cam Wheeler, little Cammy Wheeler.

Is little Cam Wheeler coming with you? cam wheeler little cammy wheeler is little cam wheelie coming with you you better take little little cammy wheeler with you she's a townie oh and playing out of university of miami ohio aaron gorham aaron gorham six foot ten and then we also want to say hello and thank you to jeff wolf jeff wolf sounds like everyone we went to camp with i love you kim huggett you know she's a realtor. Hug it. Hug it realty. And you know what she'd say to the people that she sells houses to after she closes the deal? Let's hug it out. Hug it out. Let's hug it

out. Brian Langford. Langford. Just got recruited. Just got recruited by Michigan State. That was how to cook a steak. Then somebody, just John. John. Thanks, buddy. John. Come on. I have to go to the bathroom. Here's somebody that we love. We've known this person for a long time. They've come to many a live show.

I'm almost certain that she came to the All Things Comedy Festival live show that we did. If I had to guess. I think I'm right. Holly Chapman. Holly. Holly. Miss you. Aaron R. Miller.

Oh, Aaron R. Miller. You better be an author. That's right. Tim Ellenbaum. Ellenbaum. The Ellenbaum is like. Ellenbaum. Ellenbaum.

Wasn't that the site everybody would go to my favorite thing to put into a bath i just dropped some ellenbaum in there and it feels great uh hi you've met tim and ellen nope one person jen wallace that's like people don't know that pat and oswald is just one person you know pat and oswald yes right all right jen wallace jen wallace our friend linda wallace is one of our favorite people in the world linda wallace says my daughter's name's so funny that all of our kids make fun of it how's jarja doing jarja i want jen to be like jen wallace to be like did you guys make up highway fardy fur is that a real saint lindsay every time i did a farty

far when i do my scratchers it always makes me think of you guys highway farty far okay uh marshall we said jen wallace right we said okay good marshall o'hearn marshall o'hearn marshall It always makes me think of you guys. I wait for it. You fire. Okay. Marshall. We said Jen Wallace, right? We said. Okay, good. Marshall O'Hearn. Marshall O'Hearn. Marshall O'Hearn. That guy will sell you a couch.

He's a left-handed golfer. If I've ever heard. How about this one? Larry Dupree's the third. Stop. Larry. This guy. If he's Larry Dupree's the third.

So good at highlight. Larry Dupree's the third is a point guard who wore too much jerry curl. And he also is what for a few weeks was the band leader of the New Orleans Preservation Band Society. Larry Dupree's the third is 47 and can still dunk. Larry Dupree's the third was was eliminated and actually banned from high school 5A football because he had too much stick. Larry Dupree's the third never Never lost a game of Clue. Alright, who's next here? Eric McCoy. The real McCoy.

I hope that they're old enough to know how important that song was in the 90s. Larry Dupree's the third is a true local, by the way. Another pillar of the community? Jay. Is that you? It's a freaking wheel, Jay! Just look at it, Jay. It's a wheel, Jay.

Kelsey Schultes Thank you I know Kelsey sent us some stories before Yes And then a couple more here We'll say hello to John Ketterling True Ketterling

Ketterling's Kettle Popcorn Is your number one gift choice Well, I studied Sweet, it's salty I studied at the Ketterling Institute The Ketterling Institute has done some great work How about this one? They have their own law firm.

Blake Buchanan Monroe. Yes. They got me out of a lot of trouble. But it's spelled Munro. Munro. M-U-N-R-O. Munro. One more.

One more. Ken Humphrey. Ken Humphrey. The Jerry Mumphrey of townie people. True local, dude. Oh, the Humphrey dance. True local. Yeah, the Humphrey dance is a chance to do the humph.

It's Ken Humphrey. All right. I mean, if there's podcasts having this much fun saying thank you to people for being patrons, I haven't met it. Show it to us. All right, let's get back to the show. All right, Daniel, take us home, brother. I'm going to.

Before we go, I want to remind everybody, you want to play bingo with me, do it. Go to danielvankirk.com plus live pen pals and obviously the next dumb people town. Bingo is fun because people tell secrets. Did you know that? People tell secrets. When they get bingo, fun because people tell secrets. You know that people tell secrets and bingo get bingo. They have to tell a secret in order to use the we also donate money

to no kill animal shelters. Big Brothers. Nothing comes for free in a van Kirk bingo session. We've gotten some people because I was out there drinking yeah one. I can't tell it no secret damn when that yeah when they hit cory you should join him i have comics

come on and like call bingo numbers you i would love to have you join i'm all about it okay okay good okay here we go sent in by carlene mcdermott at she be carlene thank you girl we that she sends a lot at this point it could be merch she be carlene could be assured and we just i mean she be carlene is on warp tour she be carlene but in the in the same font as toys are

us yeah that works or like that 70s like cursive font okay and then there's like their outline maybe she's born with it maybe she be carlene she'd be okay an italian man stepped outside to cool off after quarreling with his wife. Did you guys already do this one? I felt like I had a, I felt like you did after he and his wife had a fight. Yes, we did. It's a great story. Sorry.

It's a great story. It's the best. Are you just looking for dumb people? No, we're trying to do a daily show. I know. Try. Maybe COVID plays a role. This is a great story.

Okay. He stepped outside to cool off after quarreling with his wife and ended up walking way too far. Italians have nicknamed him Forrest Gump on social media. Because he's dumb. Yeah. Because he owns Apple stock. I love this.

This is like almost a Greenlee after the slow-witted hero of a 1994 movie played by Tom Hanks, who runs thousands of miles across the United States. That's like get it. Everybody knows it. Even if you didn't see the movie Forrest Gump, you know who he was. Police stopped the Italians man's walk at 2 a.m. in Fano. I don't know. It's on the Adriatic Coast.

He made it all the way to the coast. He made it to the coast. He would have kept walking, Dan, if there wasn't water in his face. How many miles do you think he walked? I can't remember. You can't? I can't. Okay, you go third. We'll know that you are shaded with familiarity. I have familiarity with it, but let's let Corey go.

Corey, how far do you think this dude walked? Did they give a time period between when he left? No. I haven't given any other details other than you know he was hot. Okay, so I'm a chubby white man, and I walk about 12 miles a day, so I know that's not that big a deal um i'm gonna say oh i'm gonna how about 90 miles 90 okay jason that's a good one so i have some memory and i'm gonna guess to see if i this is really how well my memory

you guys are playing your own memory game. 285 miles. I thought it was 200 miles. Okay. None of you are exactly right. See? We can remember it. One of you is pretty close. Not me. They found him a week after he left Como

in the north. A week. A week. He walked 280 miles. Okay. I was close. Okay, dude. Let's break it down seven days 280 miles 40 miles a day dude cory you said you walked 12 bro got his steps in i mean i walk about 12 and it takes me about like two hours it's not the yeah about two and a half three sometimes i do like three sometimes i'll do 20 if it's a Saturday, but I'm booking it pretty good. That's insane.

I do 10 miles a day. I walk 10 miles a day. Let's say he was four hours mad, okay? He's four hours mad. Don't you think at that point he would start thinking, she's going to come find me? So my favorite- At what point did he decide,

I'm just going to keep going? 10 hours in is two days this is bruce springsteen hungry heart got a wife and kids in baltimore jack i went out for a ride and i never came back everybody's walking a circle like yeah that episode the office when michael scott was wanting the office to run a 5k and they finish it and toby goes where are we at and he goes i guess like five kilometers away from the office and they're like why didn't you just have us going yes why it's so brilliant because you got to go five kilometers back but he went he went out there this he's michael scott's my favorite something breast cancer fun run for kids i can't remember all those diabetes my favorite joke that we've

written recently was uh about the movie free solo i don't know if you saw the movie free so not yet it's a great movie and i would say this and you'll appreciate this when you see it dan you've seen it right no i gotta see it this will make sense to anybody who's seen the movie but it is a wonderful movie about a man who's trying to climb out of a relationship that is what i feel about this guy he is a guy trying to walk out of his current marital situation. Trying to walk it off. I mean, isn't that a Southern thing and like a Rochelle thing? And it definitely was a St. Louis thing. When you got hurt, someone was like, walk it off.

Yes. You walked that show. I've had a buddy who got arrested for walking drunk down the street from a girlfriend, but he only, I mean, he made it like seven miles before he was arrested, not 280. Like that's. A lot of things that get shrugged off. Walk it off. You just had your bell rung.

Looks like you got a stinger. It's like, no, I've damaged my spinal cord. I'm concussed. You're fighting with your wife. Walk it off. Dan, so 40 miles in, this guy's probably like not that mad anymore, but maybe mad in some ways. 80 miles in, he's like, how much do I value the life I have with this person?

Like a hundred and, right? 180 miles. And he's like, I could start a whole new life. He's not even him anymore. I feel better. Dan,

180 miles. Pants don't fit. Pants are thin. Where should I go? The beach? There's girls at the beach. Is there not, how many bars did this guy pass? That's right.

Like on his way. Like why isn't he doing any of that? 200 miles in. He got a $485 police fine for breaching curfew because he's walking at night. Yeah. The story was first reported by a newspaper that I can't pronounce, but went quickly went viral on Italian media. Some comments on social media presented the man as heroic to criticize the fine.

One said he should have been rewarded and given a new pair of shoes. Another praised him for walking off his cool anger rather than resorting to violence. Why is that the other option, though? I know several Italians from comedy and being in New York

and nothing has ever made more sense than one of his Italian buddies saying he should get a reward and a new pair of shoes. A new pair of shoes. A new pair of shoes. Hey, listen to me. But you know what? She shouldn't have given him back the engagement ring.

I'm just going to say that. Hey, boom. Hey, see, we brought it full circle. The man told police, quote, I came here on foot. I didn't use any transport, he said. Along the way, I met people who offered me food and drink. Yeah, and he's like, see, these guys treat me nice. These guys appreciate me.

They never met me before. Is this Italian Burning Man? I know. Quote, I'm okay, just a bit tired, having averaged 60 kilometers a day. God damn. Police found him wandering aimlessly and cold at night on a coastal highway. After checking his ID in their database, they found that his wife had reported him missing and her pissed. I made that

last part up. So they contacted her and she traveled to Fano to collect him. The Italian great. That's going to be a nice ride for her. She's going to be the whole way. She's like listening to the America song. It's telling me. Yeah, the Italian reports did not say how she reacted upon

learning that he had picked up the fine. I'm going to share an image with you guys before we get out of here. You can see how far he walked on this map. Yes. So those are the two look at that's the point from Como to Fano. Oh my God, that's a walk. That's Lake Como. Yes.

Holy God. Oh, dude, this guy went so far. All right, we got to wrap it up before we do. How old do you think this guy is? I cannot remember. No, I don't. I can't remember. All right, you are a guest, Corey.

Do you want to go first, Tig, or last? I would like to go first. And I would like to say that the distance traveled makes you think this is a younger man. That's right. He was able to keep up. man that's right he was able to keep up but i'm gonna say he was a lot older because only an older man is like you know what's better than being with her walking 200 and something miles that's an old man's game so i'm gonna go somewhere in the middle of someone old enough to want to do it but young enough to be able to do it i'm gonna say that this man was 58 years old. Okay. That's such a good age.

I think he was 46. 46 from Randy Jason Sklar. I'm going to say 41. 41? 41 years old. Okay, we'll get out of here on this because the guy who walked out of anger. 280 miles.

280 miles is 48 years old. Oh! I did not remember that. We're not even 48 anymore as of this week. We're 49 now. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, guys. Thank you. Hey, just appreciate you so much, Corey.

I'm so excited for all your success. And let every single person who is joining the Corey Forrester train jump on it, you guys. Check out Well Read, that podcast. Start there. Through the screen door. Through the screen door. Get the book. Check the rant out.

It'll blow your mind. It's going to, it'll weirdly make you feel hopeful, I think, too. It did, huh? That's what everybody kept saying. They're like, this was so sweet and nice to watch. And I'm like, that's the angriest I've ever been. I dropped so many F-bombs. But you know what?

It was worth it and you were justified. No, it's hopeful because it's somebody calling shit out. And it's so beautiful. It's beautiful. It was beautiful. I love it what? It was worth it and you were justified. No, it's hopeful because it's somebody calling shit out and it's so beautiful. It was beautiful. I love it. Thanks, Corey. Thanks so much, buddy. Can I say something

before I get out of here? Yes. My buddy Robbie wanted me to tell you guys and this is something he says to me all the time. It is absolute bullshit that Cheap Seats

is not still on television. I mean, come on. That'd be the greatest thing in the world if it ever came back. But it did come back without us but that's how it does. All right.

Listen to this. We've got to say, oh shit, we've got to get back to work, y'all. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum.

Dum, dum, dum, dum. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbane's Outer Air, Stick around, make a sound, calm your down, it's Dumb People Town.