Dumb People Town - Corinne Fisher - Phantom Pill Packet

Episode Date: March 5, 2019

This week, Corinne Fisher joins the show!Story 1 is a wild crime spree in Hoboken involving Snapple, a nail salon, bare buttocks, and Hennessy!Story 2 brings us a woman who lived with a plastic pill packet in her throat for days without realizing it.Story 3 is the tale of a Pennsylvania police department looking for drunk volunteers.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Armand Dan Banders don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound.

Talk your downies. Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Fisher. Corinne Fisher. Ooh, hi. Welcome to the show

Thank you for Welcome back to the show Thank you I didn't know if I could say Population U along with everyone You can say whatever you want That was like a New York thing But I knew it

It's all in it together First of all, I love it And I love having you back And you may be one of our only friends Who's come back multiple Like three This is your third time Really?

On the show Yeah You did the live one Yeah, it is my third time You did the studio one here the live one in New York was so fun that was crazy

I know we will be back to New York that was the one where we had that guy that stretched out his penis remember that guy? he just put way too much

what a line to walk in on thank you thank you man no but the idea that what I loved and what I know that you and we knew you guys

were going to do this so we didn't really talk a ton beforehand but like we got out there and immediately you guys. Played ball. You guys just came right out and went for it. Oh I thought you were like immediately just talked dick. Yeah just talked dick. Right out of the gate.

I picked the story. Nothing wrong with that. Dan curated stories that were perfect for you guys. Yeah real dick-centric. People know. We're a one-note. People do. Listen, no.

I would call it dick-centric. You're the farthest thing from one-note. I would say if Dan picks stories about people and their kinks, that's more like in line with, because everyone's got their stuff. Everyone does have their stuff. And you have, I mean, I've had to really become more open-minded. Of course. You know,

if you want to wear a diaper and you're an adult man, that's fine. You do what you need to do. Do it. Yeah. Diaper it up. Did I tell you,

I sent this, I think this, to Hutch, I sent this picture, but I was in Palm Springs at this, like, bookstore.

I was with my family, with my kids. We were there for my daughter's gymnastics competition and we're in this, like, cool little gift store and I saw your book right there and I took a picture and I was like, yes! Oh, that's really sweet! I don't my family, with my kids. We were there for my daughter's gymnastics competition. And we're in this, like, cool little gift store. And I saw your book right there.

And I took a picture. Oh, that's really sweet. I was like, yes. I don't know why. I just like it. Tell people what it is real quick. It's a guys who fuck book. But what's it called?

It's called. It's called Fuck Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That's Screwed. And I showed it to my daughter. And I was like, see. See. Yeah, it just came out on paperback a couple weeks ago, like around Valentine's Day. Get on it. Yes. You want to do a story? Let's do a story. Let's jump into a, like around Valentine's Day. Get on it. Yes.

You want to do a story? Let's do a story. Let's jump into a story. People have their stuff. This is some of that. People have their stuff. Sent in by Nick Irvin at supermans underscore papa. Superman's underscore papa.

So this guy I don't think has ever sent in a story before. No. And I remember because you do such a good job. We have those people that send. They're like regs. Over and over. They're just. They're the regs. And the way Dan does it is if you do hashtag dumb people job. We have those people that send. They're like over and over. They're just.

And the way Dan does it is if you do hashtag dumb people town and send it and tweet at Daniel Van Kirk. First person to do it. Find the story. And Dan's on his feet all the time in the sense that he knows who's first. So he doesn't get it wrong. So this is a new person. So thank you. It helps with Twitter because they put them in time.

They time too. Thank you. Well, I don't want to get too much credit. Hoboken, New Jersey. Your neck of the woods. The pride of Frank Sinatra and Joey Pantoliano. Police say a burglar is in custody

after a wild crime spree in Hoboken Wednesday that had a number of twists and turns along the way. So a regular evening in Hoboken. Also, with a sentence like that, I'm like, don't be able to tell. Right. You got twists and turns. Did he go to Maxwell's?

Right. Do you hang out in Hoboken? What a reference. What was the last time you hung in Hoboken? Probably a couple months ago. I was at the Hoboken Comedy Festival. Ooh. That'd be fun.

Look at that. It's great. I really like the Hoboken Comedy Festival. Shout out. Sure, it was good. I'd love to do that. Yes. Well, I mean, my mom's from Jersey City, which is like, I mean, Hoboken is Jersey City basically,

but it's like the chic part. The 201. It's the part that can see Manhattan a little bit better. They're like, it's weird. It's like all the drunkenness of Manhattan, but all the class of New Jersey. There you go. Hoboken. Yes.

It all started when authorities say the man wearing a construction jacket will never come into play again in the rest of the story. No clue why he's doing it. A man wearing a construction jacket in New Jersey. That could be anybody. What is a construction jacket? One of those like reflector orange jackets with like the yellow stripes on it. Yeah, but they call it a jacket. I think these are sleeves. They do have jackets because in like winter months. reflector orange jackets with the yellow stripes on it. Yeah, but they call it a jacket.

I think these are sleeves on the shoulders. They do have jackets because in winter months. But I think it's a vest. No, it's a jacket. Instructed in the winter. You'll get to see it. What is he doing? He's wearing a construction jacket. He broke into a pizzeria through the roof.

He tried to break an ATM to steal cash but was unsuccessful. Then he went back into the back of the pizzeria and took two dozen bottles of Snapple. Oh my God, that's the most hardcore Jersey story I've ever heard. You're going to give me the Snapple and I have to take it from you. Honest to God, when's the last time you or you saw someone drinking a Snapple? Oh, me, every day. Really? You love them someone drinking a Snapple? Oh, me. Every day. Really?

You love them? I hoard Snapple. Get out. Yes, because it's- What's your flavor? What's your flavor? Kiwi strawberry. That was my jam.

Peach. Okay, so Brett Michaels makes the flavor. No. It's like a tropical tea. Speaking of Jersey. And it is my favorite flavor. Brett Michaels makes a tropical tea. Yes, he does, and I highly recommend it.

It has a white label with black on it, but then the fruits are in colors. You made me so happy. Is there a bandana on it? We always said that Brett Michaels. So in Louisville, I don't know if you've ever been to Louisville, but there's a street in Louisville where there are, there's a part of Louisville where there are, I'm not joking, six wig stores.

Oh. I was like, I've never seen one wig store in my entire life. This is the wig district. Oh, so you've got to move to Harlem. There's wigs up the wazoo there. Okay, but I didn't realize on one street there'd be six stores. Like, one store could probably handle all the wig. No. I'm like,

what does that store have that this store doesn't have? So we said, Bret Michaels, who has his own hair issues, should open up a kiosk in front of one of the wig stores that just sold bandanas and they should call it Bandana Republic. It's beautiful.

You're very proud of that. At Sklar Brothers. Send all the complaints. But I'm glad to hear you say that. It makes me so happy because I felt like I haven't seen a Snapple since 98. Since the Snapple lady. 99.

Yeah, remember that? Where is she? Not only do I remember the Snapple lady, there's a video somewhere on YouTube of me impersonating the Snapple Lady. What if someone came to you and was like, you're going to be the new Snapple Lady? Would you take it in a heartbeat? What are you talking about?

I am the Snapple Lady. You're in deep with Snapple. Any product that I love, I'm happy to promote. Twizzlers, Diet Coke, if you're at Taco Bell, if you're listening. Twizzlers. Cheesecake Factory. That's my jam. Nothing healthy that you've said in the last. No listening Chiller's Cheesehead Factory that's my jam nothing healthy

that you've said in the last no who wants to promote health that's obnoxious it feels like very Gwyneth Paltrow Snapple lady's name

Wendy Kaufman it's the name of a girl who went to did you google that because I could have just told you I don't know why you're doing that

Wendy Kaufman to me it would be so funny if you're like oh yeah we have the Snapple lady on guys we'd love to I would love to what is her thing oh god I we have the Snapple Lady on, guys. I would love to. What is her thing?

Oh, God, I don't know. Snapple it. Snapple it? Yeah, like making things pop with that popping sound. Yeah, do it, Danny. That and Gatorade bottles. All day. But they did switch Snapple bottles to plastic now,

so that upset me a little bit. They did. Same thing happened to Gatorade. Yeah, that's how he was able to even carry two dozen. I was wondering that. Forget it. So he gets a money ATM. He goes, steals two dozen bottles of Snapple. That's a haul. That's 24, Dan,

if my math serves me correct. The suspect tried using a fire extinguisher to break through the front door only to find the roll-down gate closed, so he was trapped. Part of me wishes, and I know this isn't true. There's a picture of him in the jacket. This is him in the jacket swinging a fire extinguisher at a door.

Part of me wishes that he just was trying to spray the door open with a fire extinguisher. That's how dumb he is. Put you out. He climbed back up and crawled through a common attic and dropped into the nail salon next door. So now he went back up into the roof that he came, or ceiling that he came in from, crawled until he got into another business and dropped into a nail salon. And woke up Bob Odenkirk. Then he proceeded to steal some money from the salon.

upon realizing he was trapped in that location he climbed back up into the crawl space he had created in the ceiling and went into the store next to the nail salon which happened to be jackpot a liquor store oh baby once inside the floor of the nail salon he picked up two bottles of hard candy right once inside the liquor store he walked around with his buttocks exposed with seemingly no concern that his pants had fallen down. Here he is in the liquor store. His pants are mid-thigh and he just keeps walking around. How is that comfortable to walk around? There it is up there.

How is it comfortable to walk around? Why do you have a construction jacket and not underwear? Well, I mean, those two things don't have to be. I mean, I don't know if you've ever seen the Village People perform, but one of them was a construction worker that I would assume probably never wore. His undergarments are still under construction.

More power to them. After stealing Perfect Hennessy from the store, he created a six-foot hole in the wall of the liquor store and went into the dollar store where he again was unable to escape. Look at this hole he created. Oh my god.

That doesn't even look big enough. All of this will be on the Facebook page. By the way, he is a giant rat. That's what I thought too. He's a human-sized rat. If you're going to make a hole, make it big enough for you to go through. But isn't this what a rat would normally do? It's like, I'm going to grab some of this over here, and then I'm going to get it over there.

I'm going to push through this wall. I'm going to go up into this place. Ready for a sentence you'll only hear. That's like a Speedy Gonzalez. It's the worst example. Right, sure, right. Maybe like a secret of nymph action. Rats of nymph.

Miss Frisbee. Inside the dollar store, this is a sentence you'll only hear in Dumb People Town. Inside the dollar store, police say he drank the Hennessy and fell asleep on a toilet paper shelf. Look at him. Here he is up on the shelving inside this dollar store. He's kicked toilet paper everywhere. There's also money on the floor as well that's hard to see in there. A shoe?

Yes, he lost a shoe. Who crawls into a shelf to sleep? Can I just say he looks so cute? Well, the thing is, I mean, is this guy on Vaxxels? Like, what's happening? He's on Snapple right now. Yeah, that can get you. This is the worst elf on a shelf I've ever seen.

Exactly. Where is he? He's in the dollar store. Dollar store proprietor. That's the nicest way to say you're in the dollar store. Proprietor. Someone has a degree in journalism. Someone's like, you know what?

The crime was worth it in order for the paper to call me a proprietor. Found him at about 10 a.m. and called police. I would think dollar stores would be open before 10 a.m. 10 a.m. Or what if they were open for two hours before someone found them? No, they don't have to be open early because the people who shop there don't have jobs. That's why they only have a dollar. It's like at 10 a.m.?

What are you, a Brooklyn boutique? I know. Jesus. Benny Ramirez of Union City was arrested and charged with four counts of burglary, three counts of theft, and four counts of criminal mischief. Ring it up. Yes. Burglary tools and hindering apprehension.

It's illegal to have burglary tools. What were his tools? His bare hands and willpower? Snapple bottles. Snapple bottles. He broke into, what, four places in one night? Well, he did the whole through the one to get to the other. Pizza place.

Pizza place. Nail salon. He went liquor store. Ceiling into the pizza place, back up into the ceiling, down into the nail salon. Back up to the ceiling, down into the liquor store. And then through the liquor store into the dollar store. And what was his haul? It was like

two dozen Snapple, a bottle of Hennessy, some money from the nail salon, and a little money from the nail salon, which I mean... And a toilet paper bed. Which fell on the floor.

And a toilet paper bed. This to me should be the song of Christmas. Am I right? Yeah. If it's a Jew, I'm saying... One bottle of Hennessy,

thousand money from the nail salon, and a toilet paper. Made of toilet paper, too. I'll set up your guys' referencing one of your great bits. Exclusive video from Newscopter 7. The job of all. Showed police on the roof taking measurements as they investigated the case.

What are they, just perplexed? I don't know how the hell he got through here, Greg. How did he do that? What happened here? There was $10,000 in damage in the pizzeria alone. Look at what he did to the ceiling. He ran through the whole thing, breaking it all.

From the dining area to the back of the kitchen. Oh my God. Let's just play a real quick round and we'll get out of the story. How old do you think this dude was? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price Who is gonna get it right?

Guess the age, guess the age Okay, geez, you want to go first, take or third? Construction coat, loves Hennessy, sleeps on toilet paper Walks with his pants down around his ass Breaks through walls when he's sick of climbing through ceilings Tried to break out of a place with a fire extinguisher. You want to go first,

Tigger, third? 34. Okay, 34. Okay, Jay. This guy's 40. 40 from Jay. Apatow, this is 40. Nope.

I think it's 29. 29? 29. Okay. 29, 34, and 40, Dan. By the way, you have to be physically able

to go up into the roof and then back down. It's not an easy thing. Right. That's why I went only one year older than myself. 34. It's about to be over. You're about to enter a point in time in your life where you couldn't go up in the roof twice. I couldn't.

Yeah, I couldn't do that. I couldn't crawl over a pizza parlor. All right, ready? Yeah. I'm going to get out of here on this. One of you guys is one year away because the man who went on this fun spree of just, I mean, at some point he was like, I don't want to rob anymore, but if I'm going to have to keep breaking into these places, I might as well, right?

You know he blamed the stores for trapping him. Right. If you would have just let me out, then I wouldn't be stealing money from your nail salon. The man who did all this is, get your answers in now, townies, because he's 30 years old. Oh, yeah. Wow. Thank you.

Nice work. Thank you very much. We're off and running. We are. We are off and running. Corinne Fisher is with us. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere.

Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. We got names. We got names. I love the names. It's one of my favorite things. Reading your names connects us on some level to you as we feel so deeply connected. So much gratitude. So much gratitude for everyone who's donated, like Elizabeth Carty.

B. Elizabeth B. Cardi. Elizabeth, you B. Cardi. Ain't no party like Elizabeth Cardi party. Okay. Dakota French. Dakota French sounds like a style of salad dressing you can only get in the Midwest. The northern Midwest. Of course. Is there pimento

in Dakota French? Dakota French. It's Dakota French. Michael course. Is there pimento in Dakota French? Dakota French. It's Dakota French. Michael Myers. That is psycho. Oh, sorry. You combine your classic horror films. This is the time on sprockets when we dance. That's a different Michael Myers.

Okay, sorry. How about Alex Storch? Alex Storch. The white center on every Catholic school basketball team. Alex Storch? Alex Storch. The white center on every Catholic school basketball team. Alex Storch, he's 6'9". You gotta pass, Alex. Storch! You have to pass. Storch!

Get your head out! Let's go! What's wrong? What's going on at home? Storch! Storch! You wanna run laps? Come on. Storch is out here playing grab ass. Storch is out here kicking his butt up against the wall and because of him, none of you have to run the stairs. You guys are just going through the motions and Storch is out here kicking his butt up against the wall because of him. None of you have to run the stairs. You guys are just going through the motions and Storch is... Alright.

Dan, you get this next one. Kaylee Cheddar. Cheddar. Gotta get that Cheddar. I'm gonna give you some... I'm not putting Kaylee on blast. But there are nine letters in her last name. And seven of them are consonants. So now Jay and I, no one can pronounce our name correctly.

I don't help you. S-K-L- one can pronounce our name correctly. I don't know. S-K-L-A-R. It's so easy. Everybody wants to say Skyler. Skeeler. Kaylee. T-S-C-H-E-T-T-E-R. Cheddar.

Something is silent. Is it the T or the S or the C-H? I think it's Cheddar. How about Amy Weston? Thank you, Amy, for Shedder. I think it's Shedder. How about Amy Weston? Thank you, Amy, for bringing us back. I'm just thinking what Harry Carey would do with James. Kylie Shedder!

Hair from Sadal Hill! It's Kylie Shedder! He loved when people had way more constants than volumes. How about Mark McCann? Mark McCann. Mark McCann. Mark McCann. You can, Mark McCann. I know a can-can. I know a McCart- Mark McCann. Mark McCann. Mark McCann. You can, Mark McCann. I know a can can.

I know a McCart, Mark McCann can. I love when we get people who are sharing it. One name only. Stingy. Lori. Lori. Lori. Thank you, Lori.

Dennis Clark, I want to put a junior on there. Can I please put a junior on there? Yes, but also some names you look at and trust. Dennis Clark Jr. sounds like the name. The junior makes me not trust it. Dennis Clark. Dennis Clark. I'm like, that's where I get my insurance. Dennis Clark. I know I the name. The Jr. makes me not trust him. Dennis Clark. Dennis Clark. I'm like, that's where I get my insurance.

Dennis Clark. I know I could get a better rate. Good handshake. Tell me a good handshake. Good handshake. Dennis Clark is a good handshake. Dennis Clark is like a UPS driver. Junior or straight up?

Straight up. Okay. Who goes on American Idol in the UPS uniform. And kills it. And has an awful voice. Kills it. And then he has to wear the UPS. I thought you were going to say what Dennis Clark.

Dennis Clark is the UPS driver that you want to talk to longer than he wants to talk to you. I got packages to deliver. What else is going on with you, Dennis? Then you go in the house and say, babe, I like our... How about Kelly McIntyre muddled? That's a full name. I'm about to muddle this up. Kelly McIntyre muddled.

Okay, Dan, you get the next one. Only outdone by Elkie Bernal Bruton. Elkie Bernal Bruton is like... You think it's Elkie? Elk? Elk. I think it's Elkie. Elkie Summer.

You know, on other podcasts, they breeze through these. I don't care. I don't care either. I'm like, how do you do it? You just come in as a group. I'm sorry. Can I ask you, is the Elkie Bernal Bruton, how's it prepared? You can get it two ways.

Yeah. How do I get it two ways? Is it flambéed? And then what's the other thing? Deconstructed. Deconstructed Elky Bernal Bruton. Shane Demick. It's a Shane Demick.

It's a Shane Demick. We've got ourselves a Shane Demick. Let's shut this down now. Liz Robaska. I was going to go Robaska. I put Robaska sauce on everything, and it makes everything better. How about Jamie Cena? Jamie Cena.

I've seen a lot, and I ain't seen a Jamie Cena. I'm seeing Jamie as a city council member. Highest level of giving. Thank you, Jamie. Helen D. Big Lebowski. I know where we're going to go. You know where it's going. Helen Lebowski.

It's funny. If that's Chicago, though, you totally emphasize different parts of that name. Helen Lebowski. Helen Lebowski. Lebowski. All right. Thank you all, you guys. Helen, the dudette abides.

Thank you, everyone. Especially thank you, Jamie, Sina. Appreciate all you guys so much. Thanks for contributing. Can I get some more Dakota French? Yeah, sure. Can you get some more Dakota French on your Elkie Bernal Bruton shirt. All right, guys.

Let's head back to the show. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT. We're really psyched to have you on the show. People listen to her podcast. It's fantastic. Guys, we fucked. We did it.

We did it. You guys were so kind and nice. Dan, you should do their show. I'm not booking Dan on your show, but it would be great. Talk about all the guys you fucked. We did it. We did it. You guys were so kind and nice. Dan, you should do their show. I'm not booking Dan on your show, but he would be great. Tell us about all the guys you fucked. Yes! I will. Yeah?

He will. If I have any between now and then, no shame in telling. Go back and listen to them on our live episode that we did. From the Bell House. It was in Brooklyn. Just love you guys. Love what you've been able to do. Ever since we met at Moon Tower

remember Moon Tower? I do that was one of my favorite festival experiences of all time I loved hanging with you guys and we didn't really hang until that last night party but that jam was so fun

and you guys were amazing and I was like well you guys are now our friends I'm sorry whether you like it or not you're stuck with us you're stuck with these old dudes we're officially friends

yes we're in we're in and we support all that you do. What else? Tell me. We talked briefly about the cruise. Can you get into the cruise?

When you say the cruise, it sounds so fancy. Yes, guys. I went on a Kesha cruise. Did you know she had one? I did not know. She does. I think it was the first one ever that she did. Is the S in cruise just a dollar sign?

Is that what happens? See, that's what someone who wouldn't go on the Kesha cruise would say. I was like, how was it fun? She hasn't had the dollar sign in like ages. Was it fun? It's sense. It was fun. It was kind of disappointing as a comedian because I wanted to get a good 15 minutes of material off of it.

It was so fucking enjoyable. Was it enjoyable? Yes. I was like, damn it. What happened? You get on this cruise. What are you expecting before you go on the Ke$ha cruise? Well, a lot of nipples,

which I did see. Did you see a lot of nip slips? A lot of nip slips. Okay. No, I mean, not slips, just full out. Full out. We're like ready to go.

They actually had, on the itinerary, you have to wear pasties because they knew how amped people would be to get their nips out on this cruise. Where did the cruise go?

So it left from Tampa. Of course. Which is the only place that a Kesha cruise would leave from. Bush Gardens. Because it couldn't leave from the pizza parlor in Hoboken. So they're like, I guess we'll pick Tampa. And then it was mostly an entertainment cruise.

So we were on the water most of the time. But we did dock one day in the Bahamas. And we went to Atlantis. And I went on these water sides where you're basically just heaving yourself. Oh yeah. Out. They're kind of fun. I mean, yes, but terrifying. Is there one that like goes way down and then launches you in the air?

It's like a, there was no launching one. I didn't see that, but it was like a, it's like a six story drop. You're just fucking full down. Oh yeah. Just going straight down. Yeah. See you later. Later.

No padding. More of a jump. More of a jump than a slide. It really is. And they were too laid back. Because you always... This is not going to sound great. When I'm out of America, I like to be a little bit less risky with just jumping out of things.

And people were very lax on the security. I'm sure. Everyone's running around willy-nilly. I've never seen such a large space with so little organization. Sure. It's great. I mean, we had to hide our goods because they ran out of lockers, but we didn't see any lockers to begin with.

And someone suggested hide it in a bush. Like someone who worked there. No. That was their suggestion. Yeah, hide it in that bush over there. It's going to be better than a locker. Let me see how you're hiding it. Hang on a second.

So, fire festival rules apply. Is that essentially what this is? Okay. Love it. It sounds dumb and beautiful. What was the craziest moment for you? And then we'll get into the next story. The craziest moment, I don't know.

The lady grabbing my ass. I danced to Girl Talk in a unicorn onesie. Yes! My daughter has one of those. Walk around with rainbows over my tits. It was a good time. That's a good time! Yeah,

I felt like, you know, my best stop. Every cruise should be, like every Norwegian cruise launch. Rainbows over my tits is my favorite thing at IHOP. That's moons over my hand.

What is it like? Baking on like pancakes? No, it's rainbow would be like fruit, different colored fruit arranged in a rainbow pancake. Over chicken breast. Over, no.

They did really try to get, well, isn't IHOP, is it back to IHOP? Because it was IHOP. People lost their minds. Yeah. Don't care. This doesn't affect your life. I cared a little bit. You did?

Yeah. She did care. There's just too much, there's too many burgers on the market. Thank you. Pancakes, they had it at the market corner. Amen. Smash burger. All right, Dan, what do you got for us?

Okay, here we go. Ready? Sent in by Benjamin at Benjamin G. Main. Here we go. A woman lived with a plastic pill packet in her throat for days without realizing it. Okay. For days. Okay.

Without realizing it. Okay. When I, one time, I forgot where I was. I had like ripped off the corner of a Fritos bag and I was eating Fritos. I bit it off. Like I was like, because I couldn't open it for whatever reason. I bit it off. And then at the exact moment, I had to suck in air for a second.

And I sucked the corner of the bag down in my throat. So I was like, I can't get this out. Is this just going to live in me forever? I don't know if it ever came out. I just couldn't even tell if it's ever come out. It hasn't. Okay, so I can understand how someone could get something stuck in them for that long. No, Dan's about to tell you how dumb it gets. Without knowing it?

You knew it, Rune. But what is a plastic pill packet? The little thing that you have to pop out the pill of, those little squares like when you're doing the whole thing. The whole thing. The whole thing. Okay, that's large. The patient who has not been named swallowed the packet of the painkiller tramadol in the middle of the night last November. The woman from Northern Ireland who's in her 40s had to make multiple hospital visits before doctors found the packet.

I'm going to show you this picture of inside her throat. Look at this. That's the whole thing. That's the square plastic foil part This is not an x-ray

by the way. Why would you put that in your throat? This is not an x-ray. This is a camera. This is from an endoscopy. Yes. Going down.

What says she swallowed in the middle of the night so she's like some kind of sleepwalker but she eats it in the middle of the night so she like a, some kind of like a sleepwalker but she eats things in her sleep? She's Irish Berbiglia.

Yeah. I was gonna say, I was like, you know like Berbiglia had to like fucking snap himself into bed. She did a one woman show called Sleep Eat With Me.

I ask you guys, how long do you think it was in her throat? Oh, that's November, oh. Yeah, that's when it happened

but it was in there. I told you it was in there for days. So, you know, it's more than two. Okay. But without realizing that was what was in her throat. Karan, how long do you think it was in her throat? Five days. Five days. Jay? Karan? Two weeks. Two weeks. Fourteen days. I think nine days. Nine days. This packet that you can look at on the Facebook page was pill and packet. Jesus Christ. Was in her throat for 17 days. Whoa!

How are you eating with that in your throat? Doesn't it feel like something's in there? I would think so. Are you a hypochondriac or someone who's worried about, like, do you get sick easily? No, I'm not a hypochondriac. I went on a Ke$ha cruise. I'm not scared of anything. I'm fine.

You're fine. And your immune system, amazing. Yeah. Oh, I actually had laryngitis the entire time on the Ke$ha cruise. She's like, wow, your voice is so sexy. Was it a good mix of people, young and old, boys and girls? Yeah. I mean, it was like a queer cruise.

So it was like the outcast of the LGBTQ community. And I'm like, it was a lot of like that. And then like, you know, just straight girls who weren't getting fucked that weekend. Oh, okay.

Fair enough. Quote, quote, I had no idea. Who would I fuck? Myself? Maybe. Maybe. Well, I really wanted

to make outcasts, but she was pretty unavailable. Was she unavailable to get to see her at all? How much do you see her on the cruise? What about ship staff? Okay, these are all great questions, guys. We're going to get to all of them.

Come on, let's get into it. Ship staff? The purser? The ship staff, I don't know how to put this. They looked like slaves from other countries, like Asian slaves, like Cambodians. Like indentured slaves. I was actually kind of reaching out to them and being like, are you guys okay? Are you allowed to leave?

Or, like. I mean, no, no. We asked. They have six-month contracts. And then I was just getting sad. And I was like, are you happy? Like, I was trying to talk.

Like, are you guys okay? You don't want to be worrying about that on a cash request. So the best prospect for fucking would have been crew from the bands

that were on there. There was some hot-ass crew and a couple hot security for Norwegian. I love a fucking tour manager type. Grizzled hands can pick up an entire thing and move it. Oh, hold that speaker. Yes, I love that. Hold that speaker.

Hold that speaker. Grab that wire. Plug it in. And then what was your question? Oh, I don't know. That was good. Oh, Kesha. She plays two full concerts, and then she, like, hosted a couple other events.

So you see her. But, I mean, that girl can drink. So I think she was hungover on floor 14 for a while. We did drunkenly go up because my best friend's, like, very attractive. So he kind of just thinks he can do something sometimes. Can he? Can he? He can.

He can get into a lot of places. Yeah, but the Cambodian slave was like, nah. Like, we got off the elevator, and basically they were like, please go away. Like, I don't care. You're like, are you looking at how hot he is? We don't care if you're an 11. You're not getting off here.

He hot. You took your shot. Yeah, but he hot. Quote, I had no idea I swallowed this. It was a very frightening three weeks, and I couldn't believe when I saw the picture. I know. Maybe going business weeks. She added that the morning after she swallowed the packet, she felt discomfort and went to the emergency department.

The pill packet did not show up in x-rays, and the woman was described as, quote, fit and well by doctors. I'd be like, I can't breathe. There is something. I know. Doctors told her to come back if there was no improvement, and the woman was in the hospital three days later. That's three days of being like, I should go back. She spent two nights in the hospital where she was treated with steroids and painkillers until her symptoms improved and was then discharged. Guys, she still doesn't know what's in there.

It's not just about them not getting out. How the fuck do you not know what's in there? Know what you're putting in your body. Snap a lady would have known. Number one and number two. Wendy Kaufman. The hospital should have been able to see that something was in there. Am I right?

Five days later, she returned to the hospital to have a special x-ray that focuses on the back of the mouth and throat, but the results were determined to be normal. What? I know. How bad is the medical equipment there? On her fourth visit to the hospital in the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast, doctors performed a camera test and finally pinpointed the issue. Oh, yeah, that fucking thing in your throat?

Jesus Christ. And by the way, that's the point at which the doctors are like, no, no, no, we're not the idiots. You're the idiot. You don't remember doing this. You don't remember sucking this in. A whole deal. Where did it go? Everybody's dumb, Ran.

Everyone in this story is dumb. Oh, everybody's dumb. She spent two nights in the hospital, like I said. Where was I? Images taken showed the pill packet lodged in the woman's throat and it was safely removed 17 days after ingestion I wonder if she still feels it

you know you get like a phantom phantom pill packet phantom pill packet in the throat it feels like it would give you paper cuts like in your throat

she'll never deep throat again a pill packet hang spit or swallow okay that's story number two. Story number two. That's a woman.

Look, know your body. I mean, that's what we're just going to say. She knew her body. They didn't trust her. Put a camera down. Yeah, but she should know her body to know enough. To not swallow that in the middle of the night? I wonder what could be causing this right now.

How drunk are you to not know how to put that in? Do you think that was it? Well, haven't you ever been grabbing for something on your nightstand, and then you think you got one thing, and then it's another thing, and then before you know it, it's in your mouth? You put it in your mouth, and then you swallow it. You know? The answer is no.

I love that she said, this is a quote I just found here. I thought I skipped one. She added that the morning after she swallowed the packet, she felt discomfort and went to sleep. So she knew she did it. Yeah. That's like how she thought she was supposed to take her pill. It's not like 17 days later she was like, this hurts.

She said the day after, oh my god, this hurts. And wouldn't she run through all the things that she did? Okay, I tried to take a pill last night. Maybe I didn't. How'd you take the pill? Oh, I just put the whole box. The whole thing dissolves, right? No, it does not dissolve. It doesn't. Alright, there you go.

Story two, down in the books. Can you tease us what's going to happen in story three? I can try to. It is a fun... Oh. The cops want the public's help, and it couldn't be for a more dumb people town reason. I love it. Corinne Fisher is with us.

One half of guys we fucked. That's right. And we'll be back with more dumb people town right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT.

Corinne Fisher, by the way, great follow on the Instagrams, on the Twitters, Philanthropy Gal. I'm a great follow. That's what it says on every bathroom wall. She's a great follow. Follow this girl. Great follow. Stalkers agree. For a good time, follow. Stalkers agree. For a good time, follow.

Stalkers agree. For a good time, follow. Four out of five stalkers agree she's a great follow. It's at philanthropygal. Yes. We do it. Thank you. We do it too.

What else? Live show's coming up. Anything coming up in the near future? Well, tonight it doesn't count. No, tonight doesn't count. Yeah, I don't know. I have another podcast also. That's what I want to promote.

Let's do it. Let's talk about it. Two Less Lonely Girls. It's an unironic podcast for adult Justin Bieber fans that I do with Rosebud Baker. Oh, yeah. Nice. It's just, you know, fun. I'm not bashing.

I love how you're just like, whatever. You love it. I love celebrity and talking about celebrities. And you like what you like. I feel like that's a much more pure life to live. People would be like, I don't want to like Justin Bieber because whatever. He does a lot of things that annoy people. But you're like, you know what?

I like him. I had a run in with Justin Bieber. What? Oh, we met him. I ran into him just on Santa Monica Boulevard. Where? How? He like wanders, right?

It was a Sunday night. He was walking around all by himself. And he was like, hey. And he gave you that hey of like somebody who wants to like engage more. He's a fan of DPT again. He was like Sunday night. He was walking around all by himself. No. And he was like, hey. And he gave you that hey of like somebody who wants to like engage more. Dude, he's a fan of DPT again. He was like, hey. And I was going to Hamburger Mary's to have a great hamburger and some fried pickles. Dynamite.

And there was that part where I was like, I feel like I said, do you want to come to Hamburger Mary's? He would have done. He was very like, hey, man. I'm like, hi. How are you? I think sometimes like maybe he kind of looked at you and was like, this is someone who probably like is, even if he does

recognize me is not going to treat me weirdly I did not at all and they're just reaching out for this human connection but he's been known

to wander and he'll go to SoulCycle he'll go to but that's what he's been doing in hotel slippers because he's been

in New York City a lot recently SoulCycle in hotel slippers no those are separate things but how great would that be if he shows up

to SoulCycle in hotel slippers? You're not allowed. You have to click in with your shoes. Come on. Click in. What if he's got the slippers

that click in? You know what? If anyone had them, it would be Biebs. Biebs would have the click-in slippers. All right, you ready for the last story?

Send it by Cindy. Yo, I got the Biebs with the click-in slippers, yo. Cindy Sack, at Mrs. Underscore Sack, S-A-K. Okay. Thank you, girl.

Kutztown, which sounds like the town next to New York. Kutztown, Pennsylvania. In there, there's a college there, I want to say. There is. Isn't it called Kutztown College? We perform there. Kutztown College. Stop bragging.

Let's tell the people. Okay, sorry to name-brag, but that's the deal. That can even be a humble brag. That's an humble brag. That's like a... A police department in Pennsylvania is looking for people who will willingly and voluntarily get drunk in front of police officers. Nope. Yes. This is a bad idea. According to the Facebook post by the Kutztown Borough Police Department, three volunteers are needed to help train officers to administer standardized field sobriety tests during a suspected DUI traffic stop.

That's a me too moment waiting to happen. That's not good. Thank you for saying that. The booze will even be provided by the police department. What do you think they're going to have? Just pucker? Oh, Jules. Boons, farms.

Guys, if you're a Don Vivo Town listener and you're anywhere near here. Anywhere near Cutsdown, please do this. Please try and sign up for this. Please do this. Sign up for this and let us know. Boone's Farms. Guys, if you're a Don't Be Bulltown listener and you're anywhere near Kutztown, please do this. Please try and sign up for this. Please do this. Sign up for this and let us know. You just get hammered with a whole bunch of cops. Corinne will do it.

Corinne, will you go there for us to Kutztown, Pennsylvania? You'll get that 15 minutes. I might. I actually probably would do something like that if a friend would go with me. If you had your friend and you're like, he hot, he gonna come here and do this with you.

I just don't want, I just would love to have not, to not get my pussy touched. That's it. You lay those ground rules down. You say, nobody touch me. This is a no-touch zone. This is a no-fly zone. Even butter boob, I would be like,

okay, just not vagina. Just say this. Here's the deal. Butter boob. You can choke me out. You just can't touch this area. You can choke me out. You just can't touch this area. There are choke me out. You just can't touch this area. There are, of course, some requirements of the volunteers. You must be between the ages of 25 and 40.

I love that it's like rental car age. With no history of drug or alcohol abuse. You have to have a clean criminal history. You also need to be willing to drink hard liquor to the point of inebriation and sign a waiver releasing the police department of any liability. This is drunk history. This is basically drunk history, the non-TV show. I do think the police maybe overstepped their bounds saying, you also need to be willing to throw it down, bitches.

Dance. You got to fucking dance. Don't even come to the party. Don't even come to the party if you're not going to fucking dance. Dude, we're going to spin records by Marshmello. It's going to be great. No beer even come to the party. Don't even come to the party if you're not going to fucking dance. Dude, we're going to spin records by Marshmello. It's going to be great. No beer, though.

Only hard liquor. They don't want to be there all day. Thank you. I don't drink beer. Give them three shots and see how he moves. If we know anything about the Kutztown police,

it's all about efficiency. And also, I feel like if you're going to get kind of mangled and aggressive, you need to be going whiskey. I mean, yeah. And like, whatever happened to butt chugging? I mean, that was a thing for a while.

Wait, you drink through your anus? Have you never heard of this? When we started, when we very first started. I'm not from Tampa. You just visit it. You just take boats out of Tampa. I'm from Tampa. Okay.

Even when we first started our podcast before this county, that was in the rage. Remember we had a story about those college kids in Tennessee who were butt chugging and one kid got way too drunk. And then one kid held a press conference to let everyone know he wasn't gay. Remember that? He was like, I'm not gay just because I butt chugged. It was a whole thing in Tennessee. I just like to drink out of my butt. Then there's a thing where some people have done where you dip tampons in vodka.

I knew about that. Yes. But butt chugging is a beer bomb. No, it's super dangerous. Is it dangerous? Why? Listen, I'm a party animal, but I'm a very responsible one. Right.

I've done a ton of hardcore drugs, but very responsibly. Yeah. I do research. What's your favorite of the hardcore drugs? Can you talk about it? Yeah. No, sure. I mean, it's all psychedelics, so it's just like,

I mean, I've done acid, but I've done DMT too, but like I studied for like two months before I did it. I mean, I like,

my favorite is probably, you went down to the DMT and got a license. She took her GED. She got a GED. She went down to DMT and got her license. No,

my favorite, my favorite's LSD, but it lasts so long that, you know, you can only do it like once a year. So that's a lot.

It's too long of a high for me. You've done mushrooms, right? I've done mushrooms. Mushrooms I can just not even prepare to do now. That's what I'm saying. What if they butt-chugged all these people just to make it happen? It's a beer bong. The problem is, much like with the tampons,

let's say that 12 ounces of liquor would get you very.20 drunk. The same amount of liquor in your butt would be insane because it goes straight into your bloodstream. I'm like, where is it even going? How far up does the tube go? Oh, because you're actually inserting it. You're inserting the tube and then it just...

Into your system like that. So there's no filtering of the drug to dissipate. It probably is a digestion of it. There's no separation of it. There's no dilution of it. It's like straight into your body. Right. And it's fucking awesome! Yeah! So it has like the same feel as

a colonic. It is like a drunken colonic. I don't know if I said this part, but lastly, you need to have a sober, responsible friend or family member to take care of you after the session.

Give me my keys. I gotta go home. So hold on one second. What are they trying to do? What they're trying to do is assess drunken behavior. Oh, okay. They want the cops.

They need real-life subjects for the cops to administer. So this is like a controlled burn. You know how the fire department does a controlled burn where they're like, we're going to burn this old thing down. This old drunk. We're going to blow this old drunk. I'll read the Facebook post really quickly. This will be our last thing from the Kutztown Borough Police Department.

If you're anywhere near Kutztown, make sure. That's probably what their rival high school team calls them, right? Kutztown Borough Police Department. If you're anywhere near Kutztown, make sure... That's probably what their rival high school team calls them, right? Here's the details, friends. If a dumb people tell me... If you're close, please get there and do this. Kutztown Police Department is looking for three volunteers to assist in the training

officers of standardized tests. The volunteers must be available on April 4th, 2019 between 2.30 p.m. and 7 p.m. That's a lot of time to get drunk on hard center. And they're really letting people know pretty far in advance. This is a good market on your calendar. Alcohol will be provided. However, you will not receive any compensation for your time.

And then it lists the eligibility requirements that I've already read. So anyone around there, come on, townies. Please go. The cops want to get drunk with you. If you do, we'll do a follow-up. We want you to get drunk with them. If you do, write to us on the Facebook page. We will read it.

We will do a follow-up. Take pictures and we'll do the follow-up. Write that story three. Look at that. That's a show. In and out. We make it happen. In and out the butt.

To the new podcast is, say it again so people know how to subscribe to it. It's Two Less Lonely Girls. And we talk about the Illuminati, Justin Bieber, et cetera. Oh, magic. Get on that. Subscribe to it. And of course, guys, we fucked.

Yes. It's going. The book that I saw, which is now out in paperback. F asterisk. Asterisk? Asterisk. Asterisk.sterisk asterisk asterisk CD C K E D

right but it is great everything you guys do are great follow you and thank you for making time for us

in your LA schedule I love seeing you out here Corinne Fisher and oh shit we gotta get back to work

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