Dumb People Town - Courtney and Whitney - Hey Sis Eat This

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

Courtney and Whitney from the podcast Hey Sis Eat This stop by as Randy describes how a bride's wedding dress caught on fire, Daniel lists all the strange trash left behind on New Jersey beaches, and Jason warns against asking the police to test your drugs after you've robbed someone, and so much more!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half price mail I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast band with co-hosts Armand Dan Band members, you don't be a jerk So listen to our podcast band with co-hosts Armand Dan. Members, you don't be a jerk.

Spread the music, wish the money hits, and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, Bunker Down is Dumb People Town. Hey, Toudies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population, Courtney and Wendy from Haces. Eat this podcast. Yay.

You guys, we did your awesome podcast and we'll talk about that in segment two. And how people can listen and enjoy it. Courtney and Whitney, you guys are just wonderful. I'm so happy you're here. And you know, we talk about the expansion of our audience to other people. And I feel like your audience will dig this

in so many ways because this show is about, it's just silliness. It's like, you know, you've listened to it. It's just dumb people doing dumb things and we need to make fun of it. That is how we get through this world. You guys are from Texas. You understand dumb people doing those things.

Whitney's friend told us this morning, well, you're both dumb and you're both funny. So you're gonna do fine on this show. So, you know. That's our bio. Welcome to our world. That's why you're not. You're both dumb and you're both funny, so you're gonna do fine on the show. So, you know. That's our bio. Welcome to our world. That's why you're not, you're both very smart. Best compliment ever.

Thank you. Wait, what's on the table? I keep telling myself, oh. What is this? Yeah, it's a little gift we brought you. Brought y'all some of our. For somebody named Junior D. Mama Ashley's brownies.

Oh my god. Well, when you were on our podcast, you shared your mom's favorite recipe. Well, you didn't give us the recipe. We didn't give the recipe, because mom wouldn't give it to us. But you shared the favorite dish, which is her famous Mayfair dip.

I've been secretly at home trying to make, you know, make different batches. And it is amazing, but this is our mom's. Oh my gosh. These are her brownies. These are her famous brownies. I love you guys. Do you have any?

Are you taking them out? They are dense. Crack them out. We're gonna eat them and we're gonna taste. I love you guys have your own packaging too. All right, well, so while Dan's cracking them out, I'm we're gonna crack one out. They are dense. Crack them out, we're gonna eat them and we're gonna take them. I love you guys to have your own packaging too. All right, well so while Dan's cracking them out, I'm gonna jump into a story if that's okay.

Yeah, let's do it. 17 bucks. Sent in by our dance save them. It is the densest box. It's so heavy. It's a little bit like, I ain't keep up. Do you want a brick of blonde Lebanese hash? Let's do it.

On the inside of the box it says, this box will get you through a breakup. Yeah. It will. It doesn't. Only a little bit of butter. Can I just, I think you should say, on the inside of the box it should say,

eat your feelings. Give it. Oh my God, look. The volume on this. Right. Come on, they're so tall. Those are her praline brownies too. Oh my God.

I hope nobody's allergic to that. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. I'm Praline, I'm pistachio, I'm hazelnut. That's who I am, you know that. All right, you guys ready? Wendy, you can try one when you're not doing a story. I will.

I'm so excited to bring this story to, so we hand pick our stories for our guests. You do, we were wondering about that. So some of them are just like, hey, this is just a really dumb story. Others, I'm like, I can't wait to hear what our guests have You do, we were wondering about that. So some of them are just like, hey this is just a really dumb story. Others, I'm like, I can't wait to hear what our guests have to say about this. And I'm so happy we have you guys here

because we're getting into this. Sent in by Carleen McDermid at GBCarleen. Thanks so much. Stories into us, she's amazing. We're ready for this, here we go. Here is the headline. Brides, wedding dress, and veil caught on fire from floating candles as she walked down the aisle.

Oh boy. Stupid. You can't have a floating candle in this scenario. Who is to blame you guys? Floating candles down the aisle, why is there fire near the, you know there's gonna be a train. How are they floating?

I think they're just like maybe. This is my rule for every party, wedding, bat mitzvah, if you care more about the photo, you care less about the moment. It's about the marriage. My rule for every party, wedding, bat mitzvah, if you care more about the photo, you care less about the marriage. Yeah. That's right. I mean, if there's an omen, I mean, that's a really. That'll tell you that maybe this isn't.

It's all going up in flames. It's all going up in flames. It's gonna be that passionate, you know? Oh! That's another way to look at it. True, but like, how about you get the passion with a battery operated. I mean, look, we can get a lot of things with batteries to get passion going.

We all understand that, right? Anyway, are you ready for this? Bride Lupe Jacquez wedding dress, Ann Vale went up in flames after a ceremony in a mess. The way you said it, Rand, I thought her last name was wedding dress. Lupe Jacquez wedding dress. Yes, that's her, her maiden name was Jacquez, it's hyphenated, and now her last name was wedding dress. Lube Jacquez wedding dress. Her maiden name was Jacquez, it's hyphenated.

And now her name is. I'm gonna show you the picture of, it's just like Michael Jackson. It looks like it's just a little light. Oh my God. But look at the bottom, catching a fire as she's looking at him. She doesn't even know it.

She doesn't know, it's, my love for you is burning. He's like, yeah, I smell it. I smell it. Stop, drop know it's. My love for you is burning. He's like, yeah, I smell it. Stop, drop and roll. At the reception, did the band play This Dress is on Fire? This dress is on fire. In a viral video by the pages.

Also, who do you think had the responsibility of being like, jump it out? No, they actually say this is good luck. Right, they're like, no, no, no. Like, everything that goes wrong on a wedding day is good luck. Like everything that goes wrong on a wedding day is good luck. Somebody is like, you know, actually in the parts

of like Asian cultures that only reside in America, this is good luck. This means you're gonna have a baby like next year. I don't want one next year. This marriage is gonna be on the more fire during the ceremony, the bigger the reception. Thank you. Exactly.

That's right, so it can be seen catching on fire at nuptials to Louis Quijano, floating candles that line the aisle along with paper streamers. Oh, no. They are inviting us. I think someone was out to get them. You're tempting whoever is the wedding planner. It's a very flammable situation.

This is a wedding planner. Well, we did have gasoline dipped floral bouquets. And what was the drink that they made for them Molotov cocktails? Let me stand next to you. Fireballs. Fireballs, oozo. All right, so I looked up and saw two of my friends

running toward me and I turned back to see what was going on. That's when I noticed that my veil and my dress had caught on fire. That's a rental by the way. Now they're gonna have to pay the security to buy on fire. That's a rental, by the way. Now they're gonna have to pay the security to buy it. She's so cute too, I love her.

Jacquez's, or Jacquez's brother-in-law, Albert Rodriguez, who officiated the wedding, also told Good Morning America about the scary ordeal. It was a beautiful moment, but I started to notice there was a little too much chaos going on. That's how in it this guy was. Yeah, just a little chaos. Be aware of what's happening.

You know he was nervous. I can't screw this up. Says to his brother, because it's his brother, right, who's marrying this one. This is the brother-in-law brother. Or her brother. Brother-in-law, Albert Rice.

He's like, look, you don't want this smoke. Yeah, that's right. Literally don't want this smoke. There's so much smoke coming out. I heard a scream. It didn't sound like a cheer. You guys, so we know from doing comedy, like there are certain moments along in the act when you're like, this should get a laugh.

If it doesn't get that laugh, something else is going on. Also, I guarantee you, anywhere from 60 seconds to three minutes before this happened, someone, and it would be one of us, definitely a comedian, was sitting there going, these candles are a bad idea. She is way too close to that. Like, was like, watching this happened, someone, and it would be one of us, definitely a comedian, was sitting there going, these candles are a bad idea.

She is way too close to them. Right, right, right. Was watching this unfold, but you're like, what am I gonna go up there? Do we say something? I don't wanna interrupt. Forever hold your peace. Forever hold your peace.

You're sitting there at the ceremony being like, I'm already in a fight with my wife, so I am not about to go up there. Just stand up. And start stomping on her veil. And there were times where she probably moved and faced out, they did a fucking, So I am not about to go up there and so you're like and start stomping on her veil. She probably like moved and like faced out. They did like a fucking like pass the rings around

and every time like her thing was like closed and then went away and she was like, I'm just saying it's so fucking cool. Honey, don't make a thing. They're meaning to do this. They want this to happen. Unfold like a reverse origami. Like just watch this and knew it was gonna happen.

Totally. They were Jewish, they could put the glass under there. a reverse origami, like just watch this and knew it was gonna happen. Who knew? If only they were Jewish, they could put the glass under there. And stamp on it. Yeah, the blowers were thinking of solutions. So dress can be seen trailing the New Lourdes as it makes contact with the candles on the floor and streamers are flying through the air.

Within seconds, the dress lights on fire. Of course. Artist Shana Bailey, who was live painting the wedding, captured the celebration and also posted on TikTok. Did she draw the fire? Yes! I'm so relieved that it wasn't. Wait, no, you moved, you moved.

You told me to shoot. Hold on, hold on, hold on. The screen reacts when you touch it. Hold on. This is crazy. Damn. It's touchscreen. I can't believe it.

Anyway, it's like our kids talking to us about how. I know, I know. I couldn't help it. What's all that? Like it looks like crazy string. That's the streamers. Silly string. Silly string. Silly string.

Oh, that is just gonna add. That's kindle. Okay, so it didn't sound like that. Painting your wedding is sorta cool. Although I think it would be funny to have a caricature artist for your wedding. Oh, I saw that at a, yeah. At a Bob Mitzvah.

No, no, no, at a wedding. And we have the- That's fun. So the four of us, like we have that picture. At the reception? Yeah. But not like they were. The way the person, at the reception, and the way the person-

They'll get like one person in your family exactly right, and then no one else will. Cool, the other thing. So my wife was drunk, and they got her drunk, and I was like looking over my shoulder that my kids weren't doing something weird, and they got me like in the most worried look ever. Like, I was worried.

See, a cool, if I got married and had a caricature artist, I would say put my wife and I in every drawing and then incorporate the two people who are sitting down. Because they take so much liberty anyway, it would be so fun to have four people in every photo. So her point of view is from behind the ceremony space where guests threw the streamers while the flames began to grow. She's like, I don't have orange. So her point of view was from behind the ceremony space where guests threw the streamers

while the flames began to grow. She's like, I don't have orange. I don't even have color for this. You guys are ruining the composition. I was recording for the content to go with the painting time lapse. When this happened, I actually dropped my phone and ran to get a bucket of gasoline.

No, of water, of water. I told you guys, you know the story about when I was working at a gas station ran to get a bucket of gasoline, no, of water, of water. I told you guys, you know the story about when I was working at a gas station and I saw an oil fire happening in under, I saw flames shoot out because I didn't get a funnel and poured oil in this guy's car, and then I went and got water and threw it on there and just spread it around.

Spread it, spread it. Bailey also said that the- Grease fire in the kitchen, you don't spread water. You put a wet towel on top. You guys will love this, let's talk about how great the bride is. She smiled throughout the entire thing. Go girl. She did not break it, right?

She's already so stressed. Yeah. No, but like if that happens to either of you, like what is, if you smelled something burning in that moment, you're freaking out. Oh, I'm freaking, I'm screaming. I would be like, give me the cigarette. This is not a good night.

No. Okay, let me ask you. We're out. The people in this room have been married. Yes. How far back do you go when you're driving Give me the cigarette, this is not a good night. No. Okay, let me ask you. We're out. The people in this room have been married. Yes. How far back do you go when your dress sets on fire?

Do you go like, we just go back to where we were when it happened, or you go, I'm gonna walk in again. They walk in again. Do you try to save the dress and then like do it over? I guess it depends on how much you care about. Well, you know, most of these, I used to work in the bridal business, and I used to sell wedding dresses. And I think, you know, most of these, I used to work in the bridal business and I used to sell wedding dresses

and I think, you know, all the, most of them have these really long trains. I think you could just quickly go back, trim the train off. Cut the train off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cut off the cinch. Cut around the burnt part. And do a do-over. That's what I was thinking.

Do they tend to feel, or maybe you actually know, flammable? Yes, I mean, it depends on, you know, you've got the, they run the gamut, there's a spectrum. So if you're buying it at a cheap store, it's like polyester, you're fucked. But then if you, you know, you're buying it at Saks Fifth Avenue and it's pure silk,

you know, it would be a slower burn. It's slower. I love that. All right, so luckily the wedding guests, which included firefighters, that's it. Oh, that's a lot. In the audience. So this is an argument for always inviting

one firefighter to, or having a friend who's a firefighter. If you say, is there a doctor in the audience. So this is an argument for always inviting one firefighter to everything. Or having a friend who's a firefighter. If you say, is there a doctor in the room, they're gonna do something. If you say, is there a firefighter in the room, they're gonna be like, I don't have water. But they will know what to do. Getting a bucket of water is also bold too,

but at any wedding reception, I don't know where I would ever be like. Have a bucket of water ready. A bucket of water. I know. I think you take off your sport coat and you. Stop, drop, and roll. And yeah, you put it on top and you stomp it out.

Or if this is like at a golf course, you are, you can get water. Everywhere. Very easy. So included firefighters, they acted quickly when they saw the dress ignite and jumped into action and put out the fire to make sure everyone was okay. They tackle her.

Yeah, Haku said it made her feel really loved to have her family and friends look after her. She had it in her bag. She spun it. I love her. Yeah, Haku said it made her feel really loved to have her family and friends look after her. She had her back. She spun it. She spun it. She spun it in a good way. No one was harmed during the incident, but I don't think their marriage is gonna last.

No, that was just a lie. No. I do think though, you can spin this like, this is something that we went through this experience. Right. I mean, what a great story. Craziest wedding story ever right? It only made us stronger. It only made us stronger.

Can you imagine though the like, absolutely. The alts. I want one. The alts people made for their toasts. Oh my god. Oh yes. And we all have to be like,

it's like church jokes. Like they're like, it's like well I think we've had a lot of hot action already. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Brandon. Some people didn't want me here, but I am. And I do want to talk, actually. Wasn't supposed to get with those.

But like, every place. There's a guy going like, right. Come on. I'm Lupe's ex-boyfriend. Whoa, Brandon. Even the dad who drank a little too much for his wife, she's like, so, you know, kind of thought you'd always take care of my daughter, and she

almost died today. Like, dude, everybody would have a fire joke. There's an old dad who hasn't been around who's like, I've made mistakes, you don't need to go through the mistakes. One time, don't say one time. Yes, please. So I was the best man at my buddy Bradford's wedding. And everything was fine.

DJ, it was great. Everybody's dancing, having a great night. And I got drunk. The wedding's in Green Bay. So I mean, that's like. So you're gonna get drunk. You have to blow a.8 to get in to the wedding. You have to be DUI level just to be a guest.

And we're dancing around and the DJ is like really wanting to like talk to people, like have them talk into the mic during songs and stuff. And this better be a bit. This isn't a bot men's song. I couldn't help myself, right? And this has to be a bit. And I knew, obviously his side, I knew everybody,

but Amanda's side doesn't really know me at all or like what I do. And so the guy's like, the DJ's on the dance floor and he's like, he's like, you having a great time? And I took the mic, like I already started before I talked, like aggressively took it, and I go, I got a right to see my kids. And he's like, okay.

And I go, it's not okay. They're my kids, I have rights. She can't just take them away. And then he's like, whoa, all right, all right. And he just goes, and then Amanda tells me that later in the night she's saying goodbye to Pam. They're like, so Daniel, is he going through a real bad divorce?

Never met Mary Bob. He seems like a caring dad. Yeah, probably. Baby come back. He turned it into a Maury Povey joke. I just got a right to see my kid. And is there any way you can play WAP? I am the father.

I was hoping it was Beastie Boys. Can you play Nutshell by Alice and James? No, we can't. Name by Iris, anyway. All right, so there you go. I'm gonna ruin my makeup. I'm like, I'm so ready. Story number one, we're Artie Whitney

from the great podcast, Aces Eat This. I'm gonna grab a brownie and when we come back, we'll tell you what we have going on and tell you how you can follow and support them. This is a dump people down We are back welcome back to the show Courtney Whitney, I'm so happy you guys are here. Jane. I did your wonderful podcast We'll get to that one second. We should let people know what we have coming up, which I think this is gonna drop around New Year's So we've got.

Make those resolutions. Yes, make resolutions. Make resolutions. And one of your resolutions. Come see us live. Come see us at the Comedy Store doing Tag It. These guys have been the next year. On the ninth.

It's all Tag It. On the ninth. It's a really fun show. Of January. Then later that month we'll be at the La Jolla Comedy Store. La Jolla Comedy Store. I'm eating this. End of January.

First time ever there. So let's sell all those shows out. It's really gonna be special down in San Diego. It's just north of San Diego. We love you guys. Townies there, please come. And then we'll be in the spring, we're going to Detroit, we're going to Minneapolis, we're going back to Denver,

and then we'll be at Moon Tower. It's a very busy spring, March and April, and then there might be a surprise date. Are we allowed to mention that or no? Don't tease it. I don't know if we're allowed. I don't think we're allowed to, but it's a really special, cool thing that's coming up on one night only on the second of.

You guys are gonna be on the reboot of Shipmates? We are, we're on to it. All right. In one of these months, as soon as we can reveal, we will. But in the meantime, thank you guys, everyone coming out to our two-man show and for supporting us there, it was really special. We're doing that in San Francisco. Doing that in San Francisco on the 1st Well, as soon as we can reveal, we will. But in the meantime, thank you guys, everyone coming out to our Two Man show

and for supporting us there, it was really special. We're doing that in San Francisco. Doing that in San Francisco on the first as part of SketchFest. Of February. The first of February. So let's talk about Hey Sis, Eat This, because phenomenal podcast.

You guys can let them know really where you go. We just talked about our mom the whole time. Yeah, yeah. And our relationship, and it was funny and stories. Yeah, it's a celebration of moms and siblings' relationships. And meals. And meals. Meals, moms, and memories.

Yeah, you guys really. How the food. But funny stuff. Well sure, and how the food connects to your relationships and what it means to you, and then spider, spider. You guys have had some chefs on. Yeah, we've had celebrity chefs, we've had actors,

we've had comedians, and it's, everybody has funny family stories. Everybody has funny stories about their moms. And we don't honor moms enough. So we like to do it in a lighthearted, fun way. And every mom has a bottle of ketchup or mustard that's been in there for five years. Amen, we just got rid of so many in our fridge.

We got it rid of. No, but they also have that one thing that when you go back to the house, you make them make it. It might not even be something that someone on the outside would be like, that's so sensational, but you're like, no one can make a turkey sandwich the way my mom can make a turkey sandwich.

Nobody can make that dip for the vegetables that our mom makes that will just sit and eat an entire head of cauliflower. Right, well, that Mayfair dip is something special. It is amazing, I'm so glad you tried it. Yeah, we get recipes from everybody. Every guest gives us a recipe. So okay, so you know what's next for you guys,

if you haven't done it already, you gotta put out a cookbook of all your recipes. Okay, we know, we'll come back on and promote the cookbook. Promote the cookbook. Yeah, that's in the works. We're trying to make Dan write a book. Dan told a great wedding story.

Dan's gotta write a wedding book. We're gonna make this happen, Dan. We're gonna talk, start hanging out. These guys are gonna help you promote it. We're gonna to make Dan. So Dan told a great wedding story. Dan's gotta write a wedding book. We're gonna make this happen, Dan. We're gonna talk. These guys are gonna help you promote it. We're gonna force you. We're gonna get a book deal going so you have a choice. We'll do the rest of it.

I will dance with your day. I'll dance with your aunt. I'll dance with your aunt how to be the best wedding guest. I love this idea. That would sell to a million people. And being that I was a bridal consultant, if you need some information, some inside tips, we can have a meeting offline. And can I just say your mother Anita is I mean Annette

Sorry, your mother Annette is the most amazing cool woman. We got to meet her She's so special and then you got to hear the story because these guys came to our like Daniel came to our two-man show So yeah, it was great. Hey sis eat this Follow it out if you love your mom. Start with our episode if you want. Dan's gonna do it at some point too. But yeah, please, please. It's a really, really wonderful podcast.

And I'm just happy you guys are here and I'm happy like this to me is I think what we all need to be doing. Like you need to be exposed to this audience because it's different people who will love your stuff and vice versa. We're exposed to your audience so it's just wonderful. Daniel, let's jump in.

Ready? Yes, ready. The headline, we'll send in from Katherine Tuck, at Katherine Lorna. Thank you, Katherine. Thank you. Headline is, bizarre New Jersey beach trash. Are we talking about people?

Yeah, that's what I was wondering. I know. New season of Jersey Shore just came out. New season of Jersey Shore coming out. Beach trash. Snooki's back! Snooki's back. J-Wow.

So we do a thing every year where there's like a medical journal, they're probably compiling it as we speak. Oh, this is weird stuff that found out that wound up on the beach. Yeah, we do a story where there's a list compiled of every orifice starting from north to south, what people get stuck in themselves.

The emergency room releases, this is what happened. It's a time honored horrible tradition. Sometimes it's like man fell on and had a shampoo bottle. It's like he didn't fall on it. He didn't fall on it. So this is from hours. My friend's dad was a colon rectal surgeon. Okay, forget it.

And yeah, we heard. We were always asking him what he found. He has seen and pulled out everything. A hockey stick. Probably. It's interesting when you talk everything. A hockey stick. Probably. It's interesting when you talk to. A menorah. Light bulbs was one of them.

Light bulbs. That's a bad idea. Yeah, that's a very bad idea. Almost any surgeon would say this, but that type of surgeon especially, there's always some sort of admiration for what the human body can endure. Can you write?

Yeah. On one hand they'll be like, man, we had one guy, and they'll tell you, what an idiot, but then they'll go, kind of a hero. He really proved it. You can, where there's a will, the body has a way. The anus is really elastic.

I don't need to hear that from you. Right, I'm like, yeah. A whole catcher's met up there. I don't need to prove this. Birth thing proves how capable we are. And how we snap back. And we're back to hisses and hisses. Okay, I did not snap back from my birth, but that's fine

All right. Here we go Thank you, Catherine. So this is beach trash Okay, did it say bizarre trap? Yes, our bizarre New Jersey beach trash, which also sounds like my favorite DJ But he's great Long branch New Jersey but he's great. He's amazing. Spin the hits. Okay, Long Branch, New Jersey.

Volunteers picked up a record amount of trash from New Jersey's beaches last year with plastic items dominating the hall, I hate plastic, and bizarre cast-offs including so many things. Let's hear it. Now I'm gonna say these because I do not think they are included in the list.

Here's some of the things they say were some bizarre cast-offs. Okay. Male enhancement pills. Of course gonna be mad He lost those. Yeah a set of braces. I assume Invisalign or forest gum style. Yeah, like braces. I don't know a glow-in-the-dark condom By its own nature, it should be concealed right? Yeah, do we glow in the dark It should be concealed. Right.

Yeah. Do we need glow in the dark? I don't know. It could be one of the fun show. Visually, how does that look? If it's an intense glow, that would look insane. Kind of cool. Right?

Yeah. You can light someone up. That's what I'm saying. Like a glow worm. Yeah, or in a black light room. I don't know, it feels like. Maybe. It's kind of like the porno Rudolph.

I'm about to say four words I've never said together. Turkish Airlines Hygiene Kit. What? Mm. So that got taken off the plane. Yeah. What is a Turkish? And brought to the beach.

Or maybe Turkish Airlines Hygiene Kit means. Istanbul feminine napkin. Like an 18 hour flight and they give you a little personal fresher up. Yeah, the first class, it's for the busiest class. It comes in a little thing. Toothpaste, breath mints. I think it'd just be a little personal fresher up. You know, the bathroom. Yeah, the first class, you got the air clasps. It comes in a little thing. Toothpaste, breath mints. I think it'd just be a big thing at Cologne.

Dupard Noir? Yeah. With some Turkish delights in there. Yes! That's what the condom that goes in the dark is called. So we were in Turkey when we were in college and we were on a 12 hour bus ride from Istanbul down to this place called Cappadocia overnight on this bus.

They would pull up to, they were by the way, windows up, they're showing loud Turkish movies and we're supposed to sleep on the TV. People are smoking. Smoking inside, in the bus. Windows up in the bus. This is when you guys went to Istanbul for your liposuction?

Yes, and so there was a steward flight attendant on the bus, bus attendant going up and down the aisle. Which by the way, there is one on the jitney out to the Hamptons. We just took that for the first time. Little flux, little Randy flux there. We took the bus to the Hamptons, 50 bucks. The bus dropping off in the Hamptons

is like your mom dropping off at a party. All right, so we, this person's coming back to wake us up after we had supposedly slept a little bit because we were stopping in a stop. And they come. He had a bottle of something and he's like, I can't answer people. And our friend woke up in a haze, grabbed the bottle,

he thought it was water and just started drinking it. It's cologne. Full on cologne. Oh, yikes. His breath smelled amazing for the rest of the trip. For weeks. Did he get a buzz? No, I don't know.

Was it Malort? Yeah, right. True carnal art? Still better than Mal I don't know. Was it Malort? Yeah, right. Tricarnular. Still better than Malort. Slightly less alcohol than Malort. That could happen easily, I think, on a Turkish bus. You know what it is. Do we pull up?

I mean, there's literally a cologne called Cool Water. I bet, I bet like there's cologne that you could put on and also drink. Right. Hopefully. We would pull up to these, these like restaurants. Structures. Structures that were dark. Totally. Hopefully we would pull up to these these like restaurants structures structures that were dark totally dark when we pulled up in the second the bus pulls in all the garage doors come up and it's completely and

it's like a full-on thing. And then we leave and they just go like a disco ball starts spinning. It just opens up. They exhaust in the distance and it goes up. The Clean Ocean Action Coastal Environmental Group released its annual report Wednesday on the result of the prior year's beach sweeps. Over 10,000 volunteers picked up over thousands and thousands of items on the state's 127 mile coastline in cleanups held in the spring and fall of 2021.

So this is a little bit old. And some of it was just head scratching, if not stomach turning. Here now are the bizarre things found at the New Jersey beach. I love it. Drones, I'm joking. No, is that a thing?

No, I don't know. I just hope everybody's ready for their aunt's new boyfriend to be like, I told ya. You see the news? I told you. I've been saying this for you, did you read my blog? I told you on Thanksgiving the day we met, aliens. Okay.

A lot of drone talk. There were definitely tank tops. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, that's the thing about drones is that someone in your family will drone on about it for about 40 minutes at this next island. Okay, first thing, weird and gross, a hunk of human hair.

No! God. You think they just got a haircut down at the beach? Yeah, the ocean isn't your shower drain. Yeah. Relax. A full set of dentures. Sure, of course. And the author wrote,

I told her. It sounds like a dentist left a, like did a dump on the beach. Braces. Yeah. So that's my thing. When you see someone with no teeth out in the world, why does it always look like they're chewing something?

They're always mouthing. I think it's an odd sensation if you're not doing it all the time. Yeah, I do too. You don't realize how much your teeth stop you from doing that stuff. Oh, for sure. OK, a thong. OK, Cisco.

Cisco was at the beach. Yeah. Or the one that goes up the other way. Both. OK. A used Narcan kit. OK. That's a party.

Several marijuana bags. Empty, of course. Too wit, I go. So bags. So just simple bags. How do you know they're marijuana bags? That's course. To wit I go, so bags? So just simple bags. How do you know they're marijuana bags? That's what I wanna know. Is that a whole bag?

Yeah. Maybe a little bit of Stem and C. Well it could have been a gummy bat. Like a labeled thing from a dealer. Sure, a dealer from a store. We're seeing old school, you know, like back in the day when you guys had to, when you had to buy the bag, now it's like

a little printed Maui Waui on it. Kids these days don't understand that it used to be a guy who the bag would be very thin, they'd drop it down, it would roll down and you could see all the. Yes. Yeah. I don't get it. We actually had an interesting experience in Miami

when we went and we were staying at the Mondrian and we go sit and we're having our martinis and we found a bag of weed. Oh sure. And a bat. Yeah, and a one hitter. And we were like, thank you. Party in a bat.

Gift from the universe. You don't know what that's like. Well we say that now, this was 20 years ago. We were like, you know, we were talking about this the other day. Can you imagine doing that today? Two guys sitting from around a plant going like they took it.

They took it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, I'm John Canones. You're on 2020, whatever. Okay, a bullet casing. That's not nice. No. A fake eyeball.

What? Like a glass eye? You need to go find your eyeball. I know. That's a, we're going back. I don't care how far we've driven. Like a glass eye? You need to go find your eyeball. I know. We're going back. I don't care how far we've driven. Like a medical grade fake eyeball or like a Halloween? Okay.

I think a medical grade. There was also a parking ticket, a lottery ticket, a glue stick. This next thing to me, people do go all out at the beach, a mini refrigerator. What day are you having that you're like, let's just bring the fridge, I've got the generator. Where are you putting it?

To a Jenny. Dude, there are people who show up at the beach with their whole house. I know. There's like a lamp plugged in and you're like, you don't need a lamp, a touch lamp, daytime. What are you doing? You don't need the party lights.

Fan. A toilet brush. Sure. How does this end up at the beach? I don't know. Flushed, the party lights. Fan. A toilet brush. Sure. How does this end up at the beach? I don't know. Flushed, it flushed. You gotta clean the ocean. I should have said what I just said after the next thing.

A TV remote. What? Well, when they set up their home, they need a TV remote. Where's the remote? It's in the ocean. Can you turn the ocean up? This person wrote this, I'm gonna read it for Bantam.

A Mason jar filled with, we hope, liquor. Why do you hope it's liquor? It was urine, I was gonna say. It's a mason jar, it can be whatever it is. I think it's syrup. You don't have to be like, what is it? Mason jar, it better be liquor than. That better be either moonshine or urine.

That better be the hooch. Yeah, who cares? You better made that in a toilet. Now I know I got the toilet brush. And the mini fridge. You gotta mix the hood the hooch a plastic monkey Which is fine if we're talking about like kids toy Weird if we're talking about a life-size toy monkey. I don't know yes I could blow up. I have no idea my husband a set of rosary beads. Yeah, okay

I could go up the monkeys somebody was morning mourning their loss. Are you sure they were a rosary? Yeah, exactly. Don't, don't. Anything, give me anything. Anything, give me anything. Beads, that's what they put down. Praise the Lord. And someone found a message in a bottle. No.

Cue Sting. That's not true. That's gonna say. Was it really? Says, quote, we don't know what it read, although I hope it said, don't litter, said Cindy Zipf, Z-I-P-F. You know that's, no one has ever used her first name ever. And no, it's Zipf.

Someone reads Zipf and she's like, no, it's Zipf. Zipf. Wait. The F is not silent. What are you saying? It's not silent, Zipf. I just wanna say Zipf, and she's like, it's Zipf. So your last name is a Pixar character. Zip, and she's like, it's Zip. So your last name is a Pixar character.

Zip. You're the bully in a series of children's books. Zip. You're like a comet. Yes. Zip, Zip. Are you gonna invite Zip? Also, she might be a full name person.

Cindy Zip. Just say you're friends with the Grinch. Cindy Zipf. You live next door to the Grinch on the mountain. Exactly. They nod on your door first, because they thought it was his. Cindy Gripf Grinch.

You're a mean one. You're the who from the little. Cindy Gripf Zipf. She's like a third party. Really? Yeah, even the who's and the Grinch are like, fuck Cindy Zipf, like nobody likes her. Cindy Zimph.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Zipf. Yes. Her heart got three times smaller. She had the idea to stick it to the who's before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, I was on that a long time ago. Yeah, and Horton's like, what?

She's like, F off, Horton. Yeah, zip. You're in here, zip. She's the clean ocean actions again for director So actually Cindy I appreciate your work. Thank you for service all told the items collected last year were the most ever since the beach sweeps began In 1985 beach sweeps also sounds like an amazing when the TLC channel was the channel beach sweeps Okay, beach sweeps week. Yeah They have a celebrity that's their shark week TLC channel, Beach Sweeps. Okay. Beach Sweeps week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that in May in New York?

Yeah, that's what they have a celebrity do. That's their shark week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Beach Sweeps. It began in 1985. This was the most items ever collected. How many items, and I did say thousands and thousands, how many items do you think they collected in 124 miles of coastline?

127 miles. 127. Courtney, what do you think? I'm gonna go with 21,000. Okay, Whitney. Oh, I'm gonna go like 650,000. Okay. Whoa, that's a spread.

It's 24 miles. Yeah, I think 127. 127. I'm gonna say. Oh yeah, maybe. You can change. I'll say, I'll say 99,000. Okay.

200,000. Okay. 380,000. The total of items collected last year, the most ever, is 513,600. Oh, you were right! Girl. Wow, that is sad.

It's disappointing to see it increase. Zipf said, it always loses some of its punch when it's her. We keep hoping the numbers will go down and the weird stuff just keeps getting weirder. More than 82% of the total haul was plastic items, people. Think about this. They don't endorse me, but I like that Liquid Death is in a can.

Yes, I would totally. 100%. Bottle caps. Can we thank them for picking all this stuff up? Bottle caps or cup lids reached a record number of how many do you think were just bottle caps and lids? Plastic lids? 200,000. We'll do it fast. Yeah. 115,000. $69,000, nice. $69,454. $69,000. $69,454. What up, Ronnie?

And as did food and candy wrappers and bags. Those were $58,500. So people. How many thousand gold chains did they find? Yeah! You put those in your pocket. You didn't find nothing when you see them. Exactly.

Yeah, we didn't find any at all. I got nothing, that's nothing. I can't watch this. I have so many DJ headphones. What do you mean, I had these 19 St. Christopher necklaces on when I got here. You know what you're talking about. You gotta propagate about it.

There you go buddy. There you go, that's story number two. Jay, you got a little story number three, you can give us a little tease of what we're gonna hear in story number three? This is somebody who tries to enlist the cops to help him in something that he should not have enlisted. Very good, very good.

Whitney and Courtney are with us from their great podcast, Hey Sis, Eat This, that we were on. Listen to our podcast, listen to our version of that or our episode of that and then just work your way through. We'll find out what Dean has going on right after the break. Stick around, make a sound, there's more to people's town.

Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel, before we jump into story number three, let people know how they can find your dates, Make a sound, there's more to a people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel, before we jump into story number three, let people know how they can find your dates, your shows. Go to danielvancurk.com to keep up to date on everything. I'm looking into some dates. I'll be in Wisconsin, I'll be in Colorado, I will probably be in Vegas.

A whole bunch of stuff is gonna get announced, Pacific Northwest, that's all gonna be in the next few weeks from whenever this drops. DanielVancurk.com, follow me at DanielVancurk on Instagram if you don't feel like going to websites. And then listen to my podcast, The Midnight Air, it's an overnight radio podcast for people who are trying to sleep or trying to stay awake.

It's just a good general topic sort of thing. Wonderful podcast. If you have an odd job, and by that I just mean when you say you do it, people are like, never met anybody who does that. Email me, themidnightmailbag at gmail.com because I'm gonna start doing those types of interviews on that show.

It's also just a really good listen, danielvenkirk.com. Also check out his special, Rose Gold, and watch his movie, Wine Club, amazing. It's really fun. Jay, jump in. All right, so this one feels really familiar. I don't think we've done this story before. We've done a Wine Club, amazing. It's really fun. All right, so this one feels really familiar. I don't think we've done this story before.

We've done a million stories, so. Stuff like this has happened before. Sent in by Matthew Freeman at Not Your Average Matt. He isn't. Florida man asked deputy to test his, quote unquote, bad drugs after burglarizing home over barking dogs. These are good, right? Officials.

These are good, right?? These are good, right? I was hoping we'd get a Florida story. Yeah. Oh, you got one. We're going down there. Paisley, Florida. I've never been there. Paisley?

Wait, so he robs a house? Gilly, you're gonna get into it. Read the headline again. A Florida man asked deputy to test his bad drugs after burglarizing home over barking dogs, officials said. Here, try this. Try this. Is it good? You tell me if I got screwed on this said. Here, try this, try this. Is it good? You tell me if I got screwed on this.

Hey sis, try this. All right. Hey sis, eat this. A Florida man found himself behind bars after he allegedly broke into a home. Allegedly, I think they know what he did. He did it. Broken into a home and later asked a responding deputy

to test his illegal drugs. That's right. Timothy Gunter. Gunter. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm not gonna give you his age. He is his own nickname. That's right. Timothy Gunter. Gunter. I'm not going to give you his age. He is his own nickname. That's right. He's a Gunter. Was booked into the Lake County jail last week on charges of burglary and meth possession. According to all jail records on August 27th, a Lake County deputy was patrolling in the Paisley area when he was flagged down by

the burglary victim. The Lakes County Sheriff's Office. Wait, so this guy's just patrolling. Yeah. So how lucky is this guy? The robber. Wait, so this guy's just patrolling. Yeah. So how lucky is this guy? The robber is like, oh thank God, a cop. Officer. Yeah, right. Got these drugs. This is the victim.

The victim. Oh, yeah. The victim led the deputy to Gunter and told him that he burglarized his home with his family. So Gunter waited there? I guess. I mean, yeah.

He stayed right here, okay? He burglarized his own home. No, no, he burglarized someone else's home. This guy brought the deputy to Gunter who was still hanging around. Yeah, just, you know. You stay here. Yeah, or he just was like,

I'm gonna hang out for a while. Cool, I'll be right back. I took a shit, but I'm gonna hang out. When speaking to the deputy, Gunter randomly uttered that he had just received some bad narcotics and requested the deputy to test them because he thought something was wrong with him. Can you try to say that to us and tell me,

do you guys have this in your house, like a battery tester? You know, like you put it on to be like, does this have juice? That's not what the deputy does. I mean, this has to be a, I've never done cocaine, but this has to be a drug we'll do. Does this coke smell weird to you? Give it a sniff and tell me if it's.

This could be his, like, he's playing chess here. This could be his defense. If he knows playing chess here. This could be his defense. If he knows that the drug charge is less than the breaking and entering and robbing charge, so he's like, officer, I bought some drugs, I know you're gonna get me on that, but I think that they're bad and they made me do things I wouldn't. He's sort of being like, I got bad drugs, man, I don't normally act like this. I know you're gonna get me on the drug thing, but I feel like I have a defense, which you don't. But he's trying.

Is it meth or bath salts? Both. What do you think? Let's just guess. I think meth, you said meth. I didn't say meth. No, you said meth. But he was high on meth.

Oh, right. Possession of meth. He could have been doing something else. It's meth. Gunter showed the deputy a plastic bag containing a clear crystal-like substance. Later tested positive for methamphetamine, officials said.

Gunter also admitted to breaking to the victim's home because, quote, he could hear dogs barking inside. Well, that's a good reason. Yeah. That's the home you wanna break into. Yeah, exactly. If dogs are barking, it's clearly gonna be protected by barking dogs.

Let me go in there and do something. Well documented that I am sort of an insane animal person. Of course. I sort of see that logic. What? If it's a barking dog? If I'm like, those dogs sound like there's something wrong in there.

Or they're unhappy. I wouldn't do it. He broke in to get stuff though, Danny. He didn't care about the dogs. But I kind of like the like, if you'd heard these dogs, these dogs, they were crying. They're mad. I'd be like, if you walk me past the house

and I hear dogs crying in there, You're gonna wanna find what's going on. I'm at least checking the handle. I'm at least checking the handle. I know, Dan, I know. Maybe he thought that they sounded small dog. Yeah. You know, they were yippy dog. Yeah, real yappy, high pitch. you're that way. I'm with you on that. Maybe you thought that they sounded small dog. Yeah. You know?

They were yippie dog? Yeah, real yappy. High pitch. Yeah, could be. Especially if you're on the pitch of these bars. No, the victim provided the deputy with video evidence showing Gunter looking into the victim's window after the deputy said he broke down the door

to the screen porch and entered the home. So here, yeah, are we questioning whether he broke in the house or not? Because I got video. Here's video. It's only a couple chihuahuas, this is gonna be easy. Everybody's fine, they haven't eaten. One of them got stuck in the garage, that was his fault. Is he walking down the street, just doing his meth, yeah.

And then he hears dogs barking, he's like. He's on a meth walk. Yeah, just on a meth walk. In a weird way, I bet you the dogs barking did lure him to meth. He says he could understand what the dogs were saying. Yeah. Oh.

What's that, boy? Speaking dog. We've all had friends, they may be in the room, who have been on drugs where they're like, that tree's telling me something. So the dogs really are, even if the dogs are like, leave, go away, they're telling us something. We've all been around people who are like,

no, no, no, we can really communicate with them. Dogs talking to him like he's a dog, come on, Timmy. Come here, buddy, come here. Come here, come on. The back door's open. You just need to break it. Push down the screen door, you got this. Or more like get in here, buddy.

You're having a dog out there. And was he barking back? I don't know. If he's barking back, then that is bad. I want him to. Try this meth, sir. I was barking back at these dogs. What if I want him to. I'll do it today. Try this meth, sir. I was barking back at these dogs.

But what if it's like the dogs weren't understanding me? I'm using their language. If you came home. Try this crystal meth, sir. If you came home and a stranger was in your backyard playing with your dogs, would you call the cops? Yes. I don't know that I would.

One million percent. One million percent. Get out of here. I think I would first be like, tap on him, buddy. And then we would quickly be in an, I might have nine one already on the phone. Nine one. But I might be a little bit of an assessment situation.

Oh I'd be nine one one and be like, hang on one second. Hey, you good out there? What if he's like, just going through a hard time and I was like, cool, you got three more hours, where are these dogs out? Here, I'm gonna throw some more toys back there. These aren't official emotional support French Bulldogs get out of here your dogs would attract people to the house I'm sure you've opened your door be like well the dogs

are getting pet at the fence again now people love you're so cute all right Gunter is being held in jail on how much bond do two guesses to end this ten thousand I was gonna say 25. 8,000. 8,000, Dan. 5,000. He's being held for 18,000. Okay, they really don't want him to come out. He's got 18 million bucks.

And how old? We'll get out of here on this. He's got to be. The podcast is, all right, well, you guys guess. Hold on. Well, I say he's 22 years old. 27. 37. 31. 37's old years old. 27. 37.

31. 37's old for a meth head, I'm just gonna say. Hey, he has no teeth. 37 looks like 57. All right, the podcast, before I give you the answer, Hey Sis, Eat This, wonderful. Check it out. It's like a warm hug.

It's really, really so much positivity, interesting stuff and cool recipes and great stories. Yeah, if you want recipes, go to our website, interesting stuff and cool recipes. And great stories. Yeah, if you want recipes, go to our website. He says eatthis.com. Love it. Cookbook should come. Cookbook is coming.

Cookbook better be coming. With the cool pictures of you guys making all the dishes. That would be really cool. Timothy Gunter is 34 years old. Oh! Two for me! Two for me! Good job!

Dan was there on the other side, so you guys were equidistant. 31, 37. We can share it, Dan. Come on, give him some. Can you imagine what he looks like? Oh, gorgeous. 34 looks like a good lover.

Oh, that's like a wonderful, yeah, that's a dog guy. All right, you guys, what a wonderful podcast. It was so wonderful, I have a happy new year, everybody. Yeah, happy new year! I hope all your new year plans and all your new years in 2025 is a wonderful year for you. Nice way to kick it off with these ladies.

And we'll be back next week. Go snap, we gotta get back to work. Thanks, y'all. Thank you. Thank you. Stick around, make a sound. There's more to a town.